Mentoring   Future Leaders

Mentoring   

Future Leaders

Mentoring Future Leaders Preface 

  

© Learning Link International April 2005 Page !2






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Mentoring Future Leaders 



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Module 1: 

Introduction to 

Mentoring 

Module 2: 

Focus on 

Mentors and 

Mentees 

Module 3: 

Building Trusting 

Relationships 

Module 4: 

Mentoring Skills 

Module 5: 

The Mentoring 

Process 

Module 6: 

Case Studies 

“Every day people make dozens, even hundreds, of decisions to do or not do 

certain things. The choices we make during the day, no matter how trivial 

they may seem, contribute to creating a life that is more (or less) fulfilling. 

The decisions we make move us towards better balance in our lives or they 

move us away. The choices contribute to a more effective life process or to a 

process that is less effective. Co-active coaching focuses on these three 



client principles:   

fulfilment, balance, and process.” 

(Co-active Coaching, 1998, p.4) 


Module 1


© Learning Link International  

April 2005 

Module 1 - Introduction to Mentoring Page ! 1


  


April 2005 

Introduction to 




Module 1: Introduction 

to Mentoring 

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Module 1: Introduction to Mentoring 1 

Content 1 

Outcomes 3 

Module 1: Introduction to Mentoring 3 

Learning Outcomes 3 

The History of Mentoring 4 

Ice Breaker 5 

Clarifying Expectations 5 

More Mentoring Metaphors 6 

The Contribution of My Mentor 7 

Are Mentors Made or Born? 8 

People Development in Perspective 9 

A Business Case for Mentoring 10 

Traditional Versus Mentoring-Based Organisations 11 

A Modern Leadership and Management Model 12 

Moving from Autocracy to Democracy 13 

What are the Benefits of Mentoring? 14 

Have you Considered These Benefits to the Mentee? 15 

Have you Considered These Benefits to the Mentor? 16 

Are the Following Benefits to the Company on Your List? 17 

Definitions 18 

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What is a Mentor? 18 

What is a Coach? 18 

What is Counselling? 18 

Mentoring, Coaching, Counselling and Performance Management 19 

Which of the Definitions of Mentoring do You Prefer? 20 

Focus on the Spirit of Mentoring 20 

What Exactly Do Mentors Do? 21 

What is the Difference Between a Coach and a Mentor? 21 

Chip Bell’s View on Mentors and Mentoring 22 

What is The Difference Between Mentoring and Counselling? 23 

The Difference Between the Roles of Coaches and Therapists 24 

© Performance Learning Link International  Coaching vs. Mentoring and Life Coaching 

Module 1 - Introduction to Mentoring 

April 2005 

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Page 1


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The Focus of Mentoring 25 

The Four Domains in Which Mentors Work 26 

Do Organisations Have a Right – Or a Responsibility – To Get Involved With 

Mentee’s Personal Lives? 27 

When is Mentoring the Appropriate Solution? 28 

Designing and Implementing an In-house Mentoring System 29 

The Role of a Mentoring Champion or Co-ordinator 30 

Reasons Why Mentoring Programmes Might Fail 31 

A Vision of Myself as a Mentor 32 

“To mentor is to change your life, if only in small ways. Impromptu, off-thecuff 

mentoring requires at least a heightened awareness of the needs of 

others and a willingness to pause or listen for a while. Taking on a formal 

mentoring assignment at work may mean occasional inconveniences and 

less time for other duties. Mentoring a young person as a community effort 

can conflict with family commitments and activities. Mentoring can also 

mean substantial © Learning Link International  personal change – perhaps a willingness to listen more 

and talk less, or less time for a favorite sport or recreation. 

April 2005 



Mentors also need to believe in the value of their work without worrying 

about returned favors. If you have, or can develop, a freely giving nature, 

you will probably be mentoring for all your life – probably without thinking 

much about it.” 


April 2005 

(Gordon Shea, 1997, p19) 




April 2005 

Module 1: Introduction to 


Learning Outcomes 

By the end of this module you will be able to: 

• Explain the historic roots of mentoring. 

• Explain the benefits of mentoring to the 

- mentor 

- mentee 

- organisation 

• Explain the changing roles of leaders and managers in today’s 

changing world of work. 

• Differentiate between traditional – and mentoring–based 

organisations. 

• Understand the relationship between global competitiveness and 

people development. 

• Identify attributes and skills of good mentors. 

• Explain the difference between coaching, counselling, mentoring 

and performance management. 

• Define the domains and parameters within which mentors work. 

• Design and implement a mentoring system. 

• Explain the consequences of NOT mentoring others. 

• Decide whether you meet the requirements to be a mentor. 

• Decide which of the mentoring roles you want to fulfil. 

• Identify obstacles to mentoring as well as pitfalls   

you should avoid. 

• Formulate your personal philosophy of people  

development via mentoring. 




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Outcomes 

  




April 2005 

The History of Mentoring 

Mentoring is a development process where a successful, 

experienced person shares knowledge, skills and experience 

with an inexperienced person. 

The mentor and protégé work together to identify and achieve 

the protégé’s goals. 

CEO’s of most top companies around the globe 

report that they have had the benefit of a mentor 

who took a personal interest in their 

development. 

The story of Mentor comes from the Greek mythology. When 

King Odysseus fought in the Trojan War, he left his son in the 

care of his wise friend and counsellor, Mentor, who served as 

tutor and guide to young Telemachus. 

This practice continued to be the basis on which knowledge and 

experience was transferred from experienced craftsmen, 

business people, artists and musicians to the younger 

generation. 

In history there are many examples of successful mentoring 

relationships, e.g. Socrates and Plato, Haydn and Beethoven, 

Freud and Jung. 




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Ice Breaker 

What is mentoring all about? Use 

plasticine to create an image of the 

way you see it at the moment. 

Clarifying Expectations 

1. What do you hope to get from the course? List your expectations 

below. 

• 

• 

• 

2. What can you/are you willing to contribute to the workshop? 

• 

• 

• 

3. Think about a mentor or someone who was/is a role model for you. 

Who is it and what is/was his/her contribution to you? 

• 

• 

• 

• 

4. What can you bring to the table in a mentoring relationship? 

• 

• 

• 

• 



More Mentoring Metaphors 

• A search light 

• Big ears, small mouth 

• Tuning a musical instrument 

• Being in the delivery room 

• Supporting new growth 

• An upward, widening spiral 

• A tree, with roots as deep as the branches are high 

• A laser beam 

• A hand, a book and a boot 

• A pebble in a still pond sending out ripples that 

extend in space and time 


April 2005 

“Our chief want in life is somebody who 

will make us do what we can.” 

(Ralph Waldo Emerson) 

“The coach’s job is to help clients articulate their dreams, 

desires, and aspirations, help them clarify their mission, 

purpose and goals, and help them achieve that outcome.” 

(Co-active Coaching, 1998, p.5) 




April 2005 

The Contribution of My Mentor 

In the space below, write the name(s) of a person/people who made a 

contribution to your development. 

1. Name of mentor(s) 

1. What was the person’s contribution? Tick (!) what is appropriate. 

2.1 Organisational understanding. 

2.2 Ethical/Moral development – the difference between right 

and wrong. 

2.3 Technical proficiency – how to do the job 

2.4 Personal growth – understanding and improving myself. 

2.5 Social conduct – do’s and don’ts of social interaction. 

2.6 Understanding the world around you – seeing the “bigger 

picture”. 

2.7 Understanding how to get things done in your 

organisation -power relations. 

2.8 Understanding and valuing different people and 

perspectives. 

2.9 Anything else that you learned from a role model 



2.10 What could you get from a mentoring relationship? What 

might hold you back from getting a mentor? 


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Are Mentors Made or Born? 

“Mentoring can be done by   

anyone, at any time, and in   

almost any place. Mentoring can 

be a one-shot intervention or a lifelong relationship. It can be carried 

out informally, as part of friendship, or formally, as part of a highly 

structured new employee orientation program. 

Often, mentoring is a process whereby mentor and mentee work together 

to discover and develop the mentee’s latent abilities, to provide the 

mentee with knowledge and skills as opportunities and needs arise, and 

for the mentor to serve as an effective tutor, counsellor, friend and foil who 

enables the mentee to sharpen skills and hone her or his thinking. 

Mentoring can also be almost unconscious. One person may, without 

© Learning Link 

realizing it, do 

International  

or say something which has an important effect on another 

April 2005 



person. Or the recipient may only become slowly aware of how important 

a given intervention has been in his or her life. Yet these empowering 

linkages are not just beneficial accidents. Their power springs from the 

giving nature of the mentor and the receptiveness of the mentee to 

absorb, digest and use the lessons passed to her or him.” 

Discussion 


April 2005 


If mentoring is such a natural, giving process, why should someone 

get trained and appointed to be a mentor? 



People Development in 

Perspective 

1. How can mentoring contribute to the success of 

your organisation? What is the price of not 

having such a system in place? 

2. How do you see the role of mentors in your company? 

3. How will mentoring fit into the culture of the organisation? 

4. Who is the “executive sponsor” for mentoring? What is his/her 

role? 

5. What do you hope to achieve with mentoring? 

6. Where is the best place to start with mentoring? 

7. Do you think you need a coach or a mentor? Why? Why not? 


April 2005 




April 2005 

A Business Case for Mentoring 

The business reasons for mentoring are, to: 

• Retain key staff*. 

• Overcome institutional barriers to progress for disadvantaged groups. 

• Build bridges between parts of the organisation. 

• Support a culture change, especially after mergers or restructuring. 

• Support a competency or skills development programme. 

• Optimise the development of talent. 

There is a Heightened Need for Mentoring … 

(Clutterbuck 2001, pp 63) 

• During times of rapid change, e.g. in knowledge, skills and thinking, 

or moving from a specialist to a management position. 

• In times of personal crises such as death, divorce or retrenchment. 

• With increased responsibilities, e.g. launching a new product or 

starting a new company. 

• In the case of health- or stress-related issues. 

Discussion: 

What are the reasons for your company to get involved in this initiative? 

• The cost of staff turnover is estimated at 1.5 to 2.5 times the 

incumbent’s annual salary. 




April 2005 

Traditional Versus   

Mentoring-Based 

Organisations 

Waar pas die Kerk in? 

Traditional 

Organisatio 

ns 

Hierarchical Decentralised 

Top-down management Empowered staff 

Command-and-control Collaborative 

Rigid and inflexible Innovative 

Learning is stifled Learning is encouraged 

Risk-averse Entrepreneurial 

Mentoring-  

based 

Organisations 

Annual performance appraisals Ongoing performance assessments 

Training via courses Development via coaching & mentoring 

Resists change Responds quickly to change 

Little loyalty in staff Committed and loyal staff 

Loses best people Attracts and keeps quality people 

(Source: Bolt, 2000, p.9) 

Tick (√) the items that reflect your organisation. Is the soil fertile for 

coaching/mentoring? Why? Why not? How can you “fertilise” it? 



A Modern Leadership and Management 

Model 

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April 2005 

Visionary 

Facilitator 

Plan 

Control 

How do you interpret the above model? 

(Source: Peter Drucker in Thomas Crane, 1999, p.33) 

L e a d e r 

M a n a g 

Role 

Model 

Organise 

Motivate 

Servant 

Coach 



“We lead by being human. We do not lead by being corporate, 

by being professional or by being institutional.” 


April 2005 

(Paul Hawken) 

Moving from Autocracy to Democracy 

To what extent is there a shift in leadership style in your organisation? 

From To 

Telling Listening 

Planning Consulting 

Directing 

Guiding 

Dictating Participating 

Delegating Empowering 

Competing Co-operating 

Non risk-taking Risk-taking 

Focusing on bottom line Focusing on people 



  

“Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own special 

world to bring them up in and I will guarantee to take any one at 

random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select – 

doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar man and 

thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, dependencies, abilities, 

vocations and the race of his ancestors.” 

(J B Watson) 


April 2005 



What are the Benefits of Mentoring? 

1. Benefits to the mentee/protégé? 

2. Benefits to the mentor? 

3. Benefits to the organisation? 


April 2005 

Organisation 

M e n tP or or t é g é 



Have you Considered These   

Benefits to the Mentee? 

• Understanding the culture and unwritten rules of the 

organisation. 

• Fitting into the organisational, values and norms. 

• Improved confidence that facilitates innovation and 

problem solving. 

• Getting access to an objective outsider for continuous 

feedback and new perspectives and approaches. 

• Access to knowledge, years of experience and wisdom. 

• “Success breeds success” – good self-esteem boosts performance. 

• Mastering new skills - also leadership and management skills. 

• Unleashing untapped potential by removing self-imposed limitations. 

• The opportunity to ask “naïve” questions without fear. 

• Development needs are identified and addressed. 

• The mentee feels valued, appreciated and cared for – higher levels of 

job satisfaction and lower staff turnover as a result. 

• Personal and career goals are distilled and become achievable. 

Notes: 

According to Gilley, “The benefits of the mentoring process include 

advancement of employees’ careers, solidification of relationships between 

managers and staff, a deepening of the commitment to the goals and 

values of an organisation, and the development of personal connections.” 

(1996, p40) 

Have you Considered These Benefits to the 

Mentor? 


April 2005 



• Personal satisfaction – of making a contribution to other people’s lives. 

• Discovering more about yourself –your skills, style and approach. 

• Improved understanding of “real time” issues and problems from 

mentees’ perspectives. 

• Increased credibility, impact, recognition and respect. 

• Contributing to the mental and emotional wellness of society.. 

• A secure future – long term survival of the company… and of course 

your own pension fund! 

Notes: 

The highest honours for a mentor is when a mentee exceeds the 

mentor’s highest achievements – and to know that even in a small 

way, you have contributed to his/her success! 

Why do mentors make the effort? 

“The satisfaction I receive is similar to parental pride. You have put faith in 

that person and helped them develop. When they succeed, you feel it has 

been worthwhile and you remember that you were instrumental in helping 

them to do so.” (Clutterbuck, 2001, p.104) 


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April 2005 

Are the Following Benefits to the   

Company on Your List? 

• Integration of newcomers into the organisational culture, values 

and norms. 

• Improved communication, trust and relationships. 

• Higher levels of performance, goal achievement and productivity. 

• Higher levels of competence - performance gaps are bridged. 

• Reduced staff turnover. 

• Improved customer satisfaction and financial returns. 

• Creative problem-solving, innovation and new initiatives. 

• Higher returns on the human resource 

investment. 

• Improved matching of jobs and 

people. 

• Improved skills base. 

• Achievement of the organisational 

mission, goals and strategies. 

J o b 

S a t i s f a c t i o n 

People!s 

Growth 

The workplace benefits from mentoring relationships include reaping 

“increased productivity, reduced turnover in staff, properly socialised 

employees” and a solid management team. 

(Stuart, 1993, p.144-145) 




April 2005 

Definitions 

What is a Mentor? 

“Mentors are those special people in our lives, be it personal or 

public, that help us move towards fulfilling our potential.” (ITO Focus, Winter 1997) 

What is a Coach? 

What is Counselling? 

Counselling tends to be remedial and focuses 

on personal issues that affect performance. 

Therapeutic counselling is not the domain   

of a mentor. 

Coaches help 

people to develop 

and refine jobrelated 

competencies. 




April 2005 



Mentoring, Coaching, Counselling and   

Performance Management 


A process where an experienced 

person guides someone less 

experienced, on the basis of 

mutual respect and trust, and 

the extensive wisdom, 

experience and 

reputation of the 

mentor. 

* Normally a spontaneous 

match as a result of 

!favourable chemistry! 

* Agenda determined by the 

protégé!s needs and goals 

* Mentor may be a few levels 

higher and inside or outside the 

company 


April 2005 

Counselling 

A process where a mentor, 

manager or supervisor gives 

advice and psychological 

support to an employee to 

help him/her to resolve 

personal problems that affect 

job performance. 

TRUST 

a n d 

RESPECT 

Performance Coaching 

A process where an expert 

orientates an inexperienced 

person to the workplace 

and transfers jobrelated 

skills and attitudes. 

* The expert models and 

demonstrates the skill 

* Feedback is direct and 

conducive to learning and 

improved performance. 

Performance 

Management 

This process focuses 

on the identification, 

monitoring and 

achievement of 

agreed upon performance 

outcomes, in a number of 

critical performance areas, 

within the framework of a set 

of agreed-upon behaviours. 

* The employee is a fullyfledged 

job incumbent who 

has mastered the essential job 

competencies. 



Which of the Definitions of Mentoring do 

You Prefer? 


April 2005 

(Clutterbuck, 2001, pp.4-5) quotes the following 

definitions of mentoring: 

“Help and support people to manage their own 

learning in order to maximise their potential, 

develop their skills, improve their performance, 

and become the person they want to be.” 

and 

(Eric Parsloe) 

“Mentoring is a partnership between two people built upon trust. It is a 

process in which the mentor offers ongoing support and development 

opportunities to the mentee. Addressing issues and blockages identified by 

the mentee, the mentor offers guidance, counselling and support in the 

form of pragmatic and objective assistance. Both share a common 

purpose of developing a strong two-way relationship.” 

Focus on the Spirit of Mentoring 

“Mentoring has a significant, long-term, beneficial effect 

on the life or style of another person, generally as a 

result of personal one-on-one contact. A mentor is one 

who offers knowledge, insight, perspective, or wisdom 

that is especially useful to another person.” 

(Gordon Shea, 1997, p.9) 

(Jenny Sweeney) 

Note 

Life coaching is synonymous with what Clutterbuck calls “developmental 

mentoring”. 




April 2005 




April 2005 

What Exactly Do Mentors Do? 

Gordon Shea explains the role of a mentor as follows: 

“… mentoring is part intuition, part feelings and part hunch – made up as 

you go along, and composed of whatever ingredients you have available at 

the moment. 

Even a casual remark, if it reveals a new facet of a problem, could be 

mentoring …… 

This special spark, which reveals new aspects of things in a flash, is often 

missing in today’s education and training. 

In an increasingly complex and high-tech environment, we all experience 

needs for special insight, understanding and information that are outside 

the normal channels or training programs. There may be someone around 

us who can help fill in the cracks in our comprehension of the complex 

problems we face. These special people are our mentors.” (1997, p13) 

What is the Difference Between a   

Coach and a Mentor? 

• Coaches focus on a specific, job-related skills, or the “results of the 

job”, exploring solutions and approaches the employee can use. 

• The Mentor, on the other hand, zeros in on the individual, focusing 

not only on the present, but with an eye always on the future.  

Mentors do provide some of the same services as coaches, but they 

are built into a “complex, ever-evolving synergetic relationship that is 

based on mutual respect and a friendship of sorts”. (p30) 

Note 

In the literature coaching and mentoring are sometimes used 

interchangeable. 



Chip Bell’s View on Mentors and Mentoring 

“The mentor is a teacher, a guide, a sage, and foremost a person 

acting to the best of his or her ability in a whole and compassionate 

way in plain view of the protégé. No greater helping or healing can 

occur than induced by a model of compassion and authenticity. 

Mentoring is about being real, being a catalyst, and sometimes being 

a kind of prophet. It is therefore far more art than science. It is about 

personal power, not expert or role power. The most powerful and 

most difficult part of mentoring is being who you are.” 

“The core of a mentoring relationship is more about a mutual search than 

about wisdom passage.” (1998, p x) 

Bell explains that mentoring “is about power-free facilitation of learning. It is 

about teaching through consultation and affection rather than constriction 

and assessment. It views learning as an expansive, unfolding process 

rather than an evaluative, narrowing effort.” and “success comes through 

creative adaptation and innovative breakthroughs rather than replicating 

the tried (tired) and not true (not new).” (1998, p xi) 

Wat sien jy as die belangrikste element van mentoring? 


April 2005 




April 2005 

What is The Difference Between   

Mentoring and Counselling? 

James Canon (Cameron Associates) explains the difference between 

mentoring, coaching and counselling as follows: 

“Mentoring is a relationship where an individual helps another 

reflect on their experience and make sense of it, to explore options 

for the future and think through the alternatives, to wrestle with a 

problem in a safe environment where admissions of ignorance, 

failure or bewilderment are acceptable. 

There is often confusion with coaching, 

which is more goal-focused, though 

using many of the same skills as 

mentoring and indeed counselling. 

Counselling is more directed at the 

person’s issues and in non-directive 

counselling seeks to help the individual 

to help themselves with their issues 

towards the outcome that is 

appropriate for them.” 

(Clutterbuck & Megginson, 2000, p.60) 

The “Aha” factor – seeing something from a different perspective – enables 

mentors to facilitate a breakthrough in thinking, because the mentee starts 

to see a problem, a relationship or the world in a different way. 

The Difference Between the Roles of  

Coaches and Therapists 

Max Landsberg (1996, pp.84-85) explains it as follows: distinction between the 

role of a coach and a therapist. 



“When helping to build skills, great coaches – in contrast to great psychologists – 

typically do not delve deeply into the coachee’s psyche. They work with, and 

provide feedback on, perceived behaviours and actions.” (p.84) 


April 2005 

Do …. Don’t …. 

• Focus on helping the coachee with 

specific tasks. 

• Be business-like and frank. 

• Focus on work issues. 

• Moderate the amount and depth of 

coaching. 

• Refer people with major personal 

problems to a qualified counsellor. 

Performance Coaching vs.   

Mentoring and Life Coaching 

Do you agree with David Clutterbuck’s viewpoint? 

“While coaching and mentoring share some tools and approaches, 

coaching is primarily focused on performance within the current job and 

emphasises the development of skills. Mentoring is primarily focused on 

longer term goals and on developing capability.” (2001, p26) 

The Focus of Mentoring 

Change and 

transition 

• Uncover underlying problems. 

• Try to be too accommodating. 

• Look for deep, unconscious motives. 

• Delve into the core of the psyche. 

• Bite off more than you can chew. 




April 2005 

Personal 

growth 

Frequently addressed topics: 

Sounding 

board 

Job-related 

Matters (Clutterbuck, 2000, p25) 

• Issues around work and home life 

• How to cope with stress and change 

• Career choices, direction and development 

• Setting goals and achieving them 

• Own and/or colleagues’ behaviour and the dynamics 

between them 

• Personal fears and doubts 

• Reassurance that they are doing the right thing/confirmation of 

decisions 

• Best practices 

• Alternative options and perspectives 

• Taking responsibility, and 

• How to take control of their lives which ”slip away like a run-away 

train”. 

Tick (!) the ones that you feel comfortable to deal with. 

The Four Domains in Which Mentors Work 

• Spiritual, e.g. addressing life purpose, mission and vision 

• Professional, which relates directly to work or career 

• Technical, which leans more toward on-the-job, performance coaching 

• Relational, which is the “staple diet of many mentoring partnerships”. 

(Clutterbuck & Megginson, p.147) 



Discussion 

1. In which one of the four domains do you believe you can add the 

most value? 

2. Where do you think is the greatest need? 

3. How are you going to communicate to those who need your 

service, what you can offer? Prepare your own introduction and 

try to convince the other delegates of the value you can add. 

Mentoring often gets to the edge of spiritual issues when it addresses   

life purpose. This is a popular topic in mentoring relationships. 

Relational matters are often on the list of benefits reported by mentees. 

Professional issues are being dealt with by many business mentors,   

who focus primarily on matters of direct relevance to the business. 

Technical matters are hardly ever the focus of mentoring. 


April 2005 



Do Organisations Have a Right – Or a 

Responsibility – To Get Involved With 

Mentee’s Personal Lives? 

“The fact is, personal aspects of our lives do not stay out of 

the business arena. Everyone brings to work their entire 

array of his or her personality – thoughts, attitudes, 

behaviours, habits, needs, wants, fears, desires, roles, and 

conditioning. Transformational Coaching does not bring the 

personal into work situations. It simply acknowledges that 

the personal element is a part of work and provides a 

framework – heart of the coach – for dealing effectively 

with the whole human being.” 


April 2005 

and 

(Thomas Crane, 1999, p117) 

“Preserving the soul means that we come out of hiding 

at last and bring more of ourselves into the workplace. 

Especially the parts that do not belong to the company.” 

Module 1 - Introduction (David to Mentoring Whyte, The Heart Aroused) 

Page ! 1



April 2005 

and 

“At the heart of any good business is a CEO with one.” 

(Malcolm Forbes) 

Discussion 

• Read the above quotes and discuss to what extent the old business 

model of “work is work and home is home and never the two shall 

meet” still holds. 

• What is your personal view on the above? 

When is Mentoring the Appropriate 

Solution? 

Tick (!) only if you feel mentoring will be appropriate when someone 

reports the following: 

1. I’m not performing as well as I can 

2. 80% of my day is spent on things I don’t like 

My personal life is in a mess 

I often doubt myself and my ability 

I don’t have the skills required by my work 

My academic foundation is insufficient 

My stress levels are affecting my performance 

I find it hard to relate and talk to people 

I’m constantly under pressure and I don’t know where the hours go 



I don’t feel equipped to meet the requirements of my day-to-day 

responsibilities 

I sometimes feel I don’t fit into the structure and culture of the 

organisation 

My thoughts and beliefs are sometimes causing unnecessary 

emotional strain 

I struggle to understand the unspoken rules –do’s and don’ts – of  

the organisation 

I feel there must be more to life than what I currently have 

I don’t have clarity about my life and career goals 

My personal problems drain my energy 

Application 

a. Discuss other possible applications of mentoring and decide where you 

would personally have liked to make use of a mentor if you had the 

opportunity. 

b. Decide what else you would recommend if mentoring was not the 

solution – the items you have not marked. 

Note: You can use this page to match your own and your mentee’s 

expectations. 

Designing and Implementing an   

In-house Mentoring System 

Phase 1: Planning 


April 2005 

Phase 2: Preparation 




April 2005 

Phase 3: Selection and Training of 

Mentors 

Phase 4: Orientation of   

Mentees 

Phase 5: Growth and Performance 

Phase 6: Evaluation, Termination and 

Adaptation 

Phase 7 : Independence 



The Role of a   

Mentoring Champion or Co-ordinator 

Key activities include: 


April 2005 

One of the most common reasons why mentoring 

programmes fail, is because nobody drives them. It is 

estimated that a co-ordinator has to spend one day 

per week for every 20 mentoring pairs. The coordinator 

is the cog in the wheel who does the 

troubleshooting for strained relationships, establish and 

keep the support systems operative, and who keeps the 

show on the road. 

• Managing the publicity for the scheme and the recruitment of mentors 

and mentees. 

• Arranging initial training and follow-up. 

• Maintaining the website. 

• Administering the matching process and any reassignments that are 

needed. 

• Ensuring that evaluation and review processes take place when they 

are supposed to. 

• Managing the budgets and quality control processes. 

• Being the public face of the programme to audiences inside and 

outside the organisation. 

Discussion 

(Clutterbuck, 2001, p.97) 

• Do you have a mentoring co-ordinator? Yes No 

• Which other functions do you believe the co-ordinator should take 

care of? 

• In the absence of such a person, who takes care of the programme? 

• Where do you think you can still improve? 

Notes: 




April 2005 



Reasons Why Mentoring Programmes Might 

Fail 

• Poor planning, preparation and follow 

through. 

• Punting mentoring is the answer to every 

development need. 

• Role conflict, especially between line 

manager and mentor. 

• Failure to set and measure outcomes. 

• Too much paper work and other formalities. 

• Hesitance to confront, or give and receive honest feedback. 

• Earmarking mentoring just for high-flyers – this is regarded as “elitist”. 

• Being problem-focused instead of development-focused. 

• Unrealistic expectations – “a free ticket to the top”. 

• Time constraints as a result of changed priorities. 

• Unhealthy protégé dependency. 

• Problems with “significant others” or colleagues who become jealous 

or feel left out. 

Read through the above. 

Which problems do you anticipate and how can you prevent them? 

Exercise: 


April 2005 

A Vision of Myself as a Mentor 



1. Project yourself into the future, to the point where you are 

successful as a mentor. How are you spending your time? List 

specific ideas. 

2. What are the values and beliefs that will guide your approach? List 

them. 

3. How would you describe your relationship with those you mentor? 

4. How would those you mentor describe you? 

5. What is your impact in the workplace? At home? Write down your 

ideas. 

6. Explain to a colleague what special qualities makes your 

relationship with mentees successful. 

7. List 5 prerequisites for effective relationships. 


April 2005 




April 2005 

Module 2 

Module 2 - Focus on Mentors and 

Mentees 

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April 2005 


Mentees 

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Focus on Mentors & 


April 2005 

Mentees 


Mentees 

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Module 2: Focus on Mentors 

and Mentees 


April 2005 

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Module 2: Focus on Mentors and Mentees 

Content 

2 

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Module 2: Focus on Mentors and Mentees: Learning Outcomes 4 

The “Ideal” Mentor 5 

Qualities of Successful Mentors 6 

Qualities Mentors Should Rather NOT Have 7 

Is This Your Reason For Mentoring Others? 8 

What Do You “Bring To The Table” As A Mentor? 9 

Who Can Benefit From Mentoring? 10 

Protégés’ Fears, Anxieties and Concerns … 11 

What (most) Protégés Want From Mentors 12 

What Mentees Look for in Mentors 13 

Areas Where Mentees Might Need Help 14 

To Become Successful at Work and in Life, Mentees Need Enabling Skills 16 

Adult Learning Needs 18 

I feel… 18 

Matching Options for Mentors and Mentees 21 

Mentoring Communication Style Assessment 23 

Assess Your Strengths and Weaknesses 25 

Joint Planning and Goal Setting 26 

Appendix A: Information Brochure for Mentees 27 

Appendix B: Example of a Contract Between Mentors and Mentees 

30 

Appendix C: Mentoring Skills Self Assessment 31 

Appendix D: Interview Guide for Career Development Planning 35 

Creating a Personal Development Plan 38 

Creating a Personal Development Plan 39 

Appendix E: Mentoring Session Report 40 

Appendix F: Evaluation by Mentee (after session 3) 41 


Mentees 

Page !1


“A solid mentor-mentee relationship is rooted in trust. A mentor is aware of 

this important bond and is constantly on guard to maintain this trust. A 

mentor knows that the foundation of trust can take months to build, but only 

a moment to destroy.” 

(Nigro, 2003, p.43) 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Module 2: Focus on Mentors and 

Mentees: Learning Outcomes 

By the end of this module, you will: 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


• Be able to explain why you want to be a mentor and what you 

have to offer. 

• Know your strengths and weaknesses as a mentor and how to 

grow your skills. 

• Know how to facilitate the successful matching of the needs   

and expectations of mentors and mentees, by using tools   

and checklists. 

• Be able to help mentees to determine their personal objectives 

and learning agendas. 

• Be able to identify the learning styles and preferences of 

mentees. 

• Match the communication styles of mentors and mentees. 

• Mentor with sensitivity across cultural and gender boundaries. 

• Help mentees to develop personal development plans (PDP’s). 

• Match your own expectations with that of a prospective mentee. 

• Draw up a mentoring information brochure. 

• Negotiate the terms of reference of the mentoring process with 

mentees. 

• Be able to use assessment and report forms 

to document progress. 

“An expert is someone who knows some of the 

worst mistakes that can be made in his subject 

and how to avoid them. “ 

(Werner Heisenberg) 


April 2005 

The “Ideal” Mentor 

1. Imagine you were looking for a mentor. What qualities would be   

important in an ideal mentor? Why? 


Mentees 

Page !1


2. What qualities did your previous mentors have? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Qualities of Successful Mentors 

Choose the five most important qualities by (!) next 

to the description. 

• Trustworthy/Have integrity. 

- Do what they promise. 

- Practise what they preach. 

- Keep confidences. 

• Caring/empathetic/encouraging/understanding. 

• Set high standards/have high expectations. 

• Firm, fair and flexible. 

• Good listening and feedback skills. 

• Readily share information with others. 

• Prepared to be questioned and to explain reasons for actions. 

• Transfer knowledge and skills. 

• Give credit where credit is due. 

• Build people’s self-esteem. 

• Positive and enthusiastic. 

• Reassure people when they feel insecure – “you can do it!”. 

• Encourage others to make their own decisions. 

• Have patience with people. 

• Feel good about themselves. 

• Have a sense of humour. 

• Committed to development. 

• Set challenges according to the task maturity of the person – do 

not set people up for failure by throwing them in at the deep end. 

• Available when needed – make time for protégé’s. 

• Good reputation inside and outside the company. 

Do you meet the above criteria? Why did you choose the five items? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1



April 2005 

Qualities Mentors Should 

Rather NOT Have 

• The need to go on an ego trip or to impress others. 

• The need to create dependency. 

• The title without the commitment. 

• “Baggage” or unresolved issues (it gets projected on the mentee). 

• Being overly sensitive to criticism. 

• Outdated worldviews and beliefs. 

• Being overbearing, domineering or a “control freak”. 

• Being a resentful victim. 

• Excessive competitiveness – regarding every other successful person 

as competition. 

• Ineffective communication skills. 

• Sharing confidential matters with third parties. 

What else will disqualify a person as a mentor? 


Mentees 

Page !1


Is This Your Reason For Mentoring Others? 

Mentors need to ask themselves, "Why do I do what I do?" The following 

are some thoughts on teaching and learning from the Danish philosopher, 

Soren Kierkegaard. 


April 2005 

Look at yourself,   

what is your motivation for being a mentor? 

If we wish to succeed in helping someone to 

reach a particular goal   

we must first find out where he is now   

and start from there.   

If we cannot do this,   

we merely delude ourselves   

into believing that we can help others.   

Before we can help someone,   

we must know more than he does,   

but most of all,   

we must understand what he understands.   

If we cannot do that,   

our knowing more will not help.   

If we nonetheless wish to show   

how much we know,   

it is only because we are vain and arrogant,   

and our true goal is to be admired,   

not to help others.   

All genuine helpfulness starts with   

humility before those we wish to help,   

so we must understand   

that helping is Not A Wish To Dominate   

But a wish to serve.   

If we cannot do this, neither can we help anyone. 


Mentees 

Page !1


What Do You “Bring To The Table” As A 

Mentor? 

A mentee needs information to be able to choose the right mentor. What 

value can you add to mentees? List one or more items per category. 

1. My work experience, namely 

2. My style/approach to issues, which is 

3. My life experience, especially 

4. My skills and knowledge 

5. My values and passion 

6. What else? 

Who Can Benefit From Mentoring? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


1. A mentee who tends to make good use of mentoring opportunities, 

is a person who: 

• Is willing and able to learn and to grow 

• Is receptive to reinforcing and corrective feedback 

• Has an internal locus of control – who believes “if it’s going to be,  

it’s up to me” 

• Takes initiative to schedule sessions and put real issues on the 

agenda 

• Has realistic expectations about what the relationship can and   

can’t do 

• Is willing to challenge and to be challenged 

• Approaches the relationship with an open mind 

• Interacts with others in a respectful way 

• Can enjoy the lighter moments/has a sense of humour 

• Does his/her part to get the maximum benefit from the relationship 

and to ensure a good return on the mentoring investment (results). 

2. Why do you think someone might be hesitant to make use of an 

opportunity to be mentored? 

Prospective protégé’s might 

• Fear that others might think they can’t cope - want to be seen as 

independent and self-sufficient. 

• Not trust that the mentor has his/her best interest at heart. 

• Doubt the credibility of a prospective mentor – what does he/she they 

have to offer? 

3. What could disqualify someone from being mentored? 

Protégés’ Fears, Anxieties and Concerns … 

Some protégés might be nervous and apprehensive about getting 

mentored. Acknowledge it and deal with it in a sensitive manner. 

Gareth Lewis highlights the following four fears: 


April 2005 


(2000, pp137-138) 

Mentees 

Page !1


1. Fear of the unknown, or just nervousness or “butterflies in the 

stomach”. Slight discomfort will soon pass as participants become 

more at ease. 

2. Fear of scrutiny. “Learners may well come into a situation or 

relationship thinking that their deeper selves, their performance and 

their personality may be put under the microscope, the focus of 

discussions may well reach some fairly deep levels for learners quite 

quickly. They will be receiving feedback on their behaviour, how they 

are perceived by others, and their motives, values and capabilities may 

well be exposed. 

In order to cope with this, they will need a high level of trust and 

reassurance that they will be treated respectfully and sensitively. It is 

often important for learners that they are not judged harshly – in fact a 

heavy judgemental approach is rarely helpful or appreciated.” 

3. Fear of failure. Most people might wonder, “will I make it?” This 

needs to be confronted with a great deal of sensitivity. 

4. Fears about the relationship. The protégé (and mentor) will wonder 

how the relationship will work out. This is a normal reaction to new 

circumstances. Think about the last time you started a new job, and 

the thoughts you had just before you met your new boss, or colleagues 

or team. 

To deal with fears, Lewis suggests the following 

strategy: 

• Anticipate fears 

• Check / verify / probe about concerns 

• Acknowledge / legitimise the fears 

• Adjust approach accordingly 

• Reassure 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


What (most) Protégés Want   

From Mentors 

Gareth Lewis’ years of experience,   

indicate that protégés are looking for the 

following: 


April 2005 

(2000, pp 34-36) 

1. A mentor with good interpersonal and 

communication skills. 

2. Mutual respect and adult-adult interaction. 

3. A mentoring style that is an “uncanny mix between the comfortable and 

personal on the one hand and professional and business on the other.” 

4. A worthy role model/example. 

5. Availability and punctuality. 

6. A wide repertoire and range of experience. 

7. A ‘soft focus’. Either explicitly or, more usually, implicitly, it seems that 

learners are seeking ‘softer’ skills, together with the ‘harder’ skills or 

objectives. 

8. Inspiration and motivation. 

9. Unexpected spin-offs which are not part of the main agenda, e.g. 

becoming “streetwise” in life. 

Which of the above can you offer? 


Mentees 

Page !1


What Mentees Look for in Mentors 

Mentors Qualities 

particular © Learning Link area. International  

April 2005 

(Research by Brian O’Neill quoted by Gareth Lewis, 2000, p.32) 

1. Management perspective. Someone who has experience of, and 

competence in management. Alternatively, through experience working 

with managers in organisations, someone who has had widespread 

exposure to and understands management practice and pressures. 

2. Organisational know-how. Someone who knows how to get things 

done within the organisational system in which the learner works. 

3. Credibility. Someone who enjoys personal and professional credibility 

either in his/her own right or with the members of the organisation in 

which the learner works. 

4. Accessibility. Someone who is able to make him/herself available to 

others when they need it. 

5. Communication. Someone who has a wide range of interpersonal 

skills and can tune into others’ ideas, views and feelings. 

6. Empowering orientation. Someone who creates a climate and the 

conditions in which it is safe for individuals to try out different ways of 

doing things, to contribute more fully, and to have a greater share in 

what is going on in their organisation. 

7. Developmental orientation. Someone who has experience of and 

takes a keen and active interest in others’ development 

8. Inventiveness. Someone who is open to new ideas and to different 

ways of doing things; someone who perceives different and useful 

connections and patterns, and is a good, creative problem-solver in his/ 

her own right. 

Quick Test : My Qualities as a Mentor 

• Prioritise the above from 1 to 8. 

• Give yourself marks out of ten for each category of skills. 

• Identify one or two areas that you would like to improve. 

1. _____________________________________________ 

2. _____________________________________________ 

Decide how you are going to develop your knowledge/skills in this 


Mentees 

Pri 

ori 

ty 

Per 

for 

- 

ma 

nc 

e 

Page !1


1 

2 

Areas Where Mentees   

Might Need Help 

1. How to perform better at work 

The focus is on how to perform specific tasks and accomplish work related 

goals. Mentors can teach by example, explanation, discussion, and giving 

information and feedback. 

2. Understanding Organisational Dynamics 

The mentor helps the mentee to understand the behaviours of others, how 

to avoid pitfalls, and how to work with the informal system to accomplish 

goals. 

3. Taking on Challenging Assignments 

The focus is on stretching and challenging the protégé by encouraging him/ 

her to take initiative, and take on tasks that he/she hasn’t done before. 

4. Counselling 

Counselling includes psychological support as well as career counselling, 

and encouraging the mentee to develop a career plan. The mentor also 

contributes to the mentee’s personal development, and serves as a 

resource when he/she is faced with difficult situations or people. 

5. Career Advancement 

The mentor creates opportunities for “showcasing” the protégé and helps 

the mentee to achieve career goals, by creating opportunities for visibility, 

introductions and recommendations to key people. 


April 2005 

Action Plan Target Date 


Mentees 

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April 2005 


Mentees 

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6. Demonstrated Trust 

It refers to behaviours that demonstrate trust and confidence in the 

protégé, including trusting him/her with sensitive information. The protégé 

is guided to judge when to trust others and with what to trust them. 

7. Enhancing Self-esteem and Identity 

The mentor shows appreciation for and gives support to the protégé’s 

initiative. It includes highlighting the mentee’s strengths, and praising the 

mentee in the presence of others. The mentor instils confidence in the 

mentee that he/she will succeed with challenging assignment. 

8. Sponsoring the Mentee 

The mentor supports the protégé’s initiative, and publicly acknowledges 

his/her performance. 

9. Creating a “Safe Space” 

The mentor provides a “safe space” for the mentee to try out new ideas 

without the fear of being ridiculed. It shows that the mentor is prepared to 

stand up for the protégé in his/her absence. 

10. A Relationship of Trust 

A special bond develops between mentor and protégé that indicates that 

they like each other, have similar values, and are concerned about each 

other. 

Note: 

The above list can be used to discuss the expectations of mentees. 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


To Become Successful at Work and in Life, 

Mentees Need Enabling Skills 

III 

Job- 

related 

II 

Functional 

I 

Adaptive/Enabling 

© Learning Link International  (Based on Scherer Module in Pfeiffer 2 - Focus & Co on Library Mentors 3: p341) and 

April 2005 

Mentees 

Page !1


I Adaptive/Enabling skills are coping skills, centering around one’s 

interaction with and adaptation in the world. 

II Functional skills are applicable to a variety of work situations, e.g. 

reading, writing, arithmetic, and thinking and learning skills. 

III Job-related skills focus on technical, specialist expertise. 

Examples of Adaptive/Enabling Skills 

• Awareness of own and other people’s emotions 

• Ability to give and receive feedback 

• Self-esteem: accurate self-assessment 

• Awareness of own impact 

• Consistency in what one says and does 

• Conflict management 

• Resilience and optimism 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Personal and Interpersonal Skills 

Which Personal and Interpersonal Skills do you 

want to focus on? (Examples) 

• Self awareness 

• How to motivate myself and others 

• Active listening 

• Giving feedback 

• Assertiveness 

• Conflict management 

• Receiving feedback, non-defensively 

• Stress management 

• Time management 

• Cross-cultural communication 

• Managing money 

• Dealing with own and others’ emotions 

• Change resilience 

Management Skills 

Which Management Skills do you want to develop? 

• Planning and prioritising 

• Delegating 

© Learning • Monitoring Link International  progress 

April 2005 


Mentees 

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• Doing performance assessments 

• Developing others 

• Motivating people 

• Project management 

• Budgeting 

• Negotiating 

• People management 

• Teamwork 


April 2005 

Adult Learning Needs 

Check whether your positive learning experiences match the following adult 

learning needs. Adults want … 

A mentor who is interested in 

person as a unique human 

and who gives support and 

I think… the 

being I 

involves the learner as an equal adult; 

To learn according to his/her preferred learning style and 

at his/her own pace; 


Mentees 

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Co-operation rather than competition; 


April 2005 


Mentees 

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To take responsibility for his/her own learning, to get involved and 

participate actively; 

A supportive, informal learning climate where he/she is accepted 

and feels safe to take risks; 

To have a choice between alternatives, therefore the learning 

process should be flexible, yet organised and logical; 

Recognition for his/her past experience. The experience should be 

used as another resource; 

To relate the learning content to day-to-day 

problems. To see the relevance of what has 

to be learnt; 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


A trusting relationship with open and honest 

communication; 

Consideration for his/her physical needs (comfort, 

regular breaks, lighting, ventilation); 

To get regular, specific feedback on his/her performance; 

A learning process that recognises both emotional and intellectual 

dimensions, so that he/she enjoys the learning and uses it as an 

opportunity for growth. 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Matching Options for   

Mentors and Mentees 

Some options for matching are: 

• Unassigned – it evolves naturally 

• Brokering by a third party 

• Mutual selection 

• Random assignments 

Discussion 

1. What are the pros and cons of the 

above options? 

2. Would you prefer a mentor who is very similar or very different 

to you? What are the benefits of similarities and differences? 

3. How do you suggest mentors and mentees should be matched? 

A mentor in Clutterbuck’s study suggested: 

“There are no rules about whether mentor and mentee should be 

similar or different. They could be either, as long as you know which 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


it is. As with so much about executive mentoring, consciousness of 

the issues, and readiness to address them in partnership, are what 

matters most.” 


April 2005 


Mentees 

(Clutterbuck & Megginson, 2000, p.158) 

In the final analysis the “chemistry” between the partners must be right, 

which can only be established in a one-on-one relationship. 

Page !1


4. What are your views on the following statement?  

”Age, culture and gender are only barriers when one party or both 

parties feel uncomfortable with it.” 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Mentoring Communication 

Style Assessment 

A. Instructions to mentors 

Indicate how often you use the following words or phrases. 

B. Instructions to mentees 

Indicate how often you hear your mentor using the following 

words or phrases. 

1. Always – Never – Should – Ought to – Don’t 5 4 3 2 1 

2. It will be all right – Don’t worry – Take care – Can I 

help? 

3. What happened – Why do you think so – Who was 

involved – What’s the position now – When will we 

know? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Al 

mo 

st 

alw 

ay 

s 

Of 

te 

n 

S 

o 

m 

eti 

m 

e 

R 

ar 

el 

y 

N 

ev 

er 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

4. Terrific – Yes, let’s go for it – Go ahead! 5 4 3 2 1 

5. I’m scared – I’d rather not talk about it – I’d rather 

not go – I can’t handle it – No one cares – (silence). 

6. I don’t care – Go and jump – you ... I’ve had 

enough! – Who the . . . do you think you are? 

7. That is ridiculous – Don’t be stupid – What’s wrong 

with you – If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all – 

Didn’t I ask you to do it? 

8. Isn’t that awful – That’s good – Well done – Aren’t 

you proud - Nice! 

9. I need to know more – Perhaps you can help –   

I think that’s the answer – This is how I feel –   

I understand your argument. 

10. Didn’t I do well – I’m joining you – I love it – We sure 

make a good team. We must do this again some 

time. 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

Page !1


11. I’m sorry – Please leave me alone – I didn’t mean to 

– If only - I couldn’t help it. 

12. I won’t – Over my dead body – That’s what you think 

– I’m mad at you – Mind your own business! 

Note: It is interesting to get the same feedback from your kids or anyone 

who reports to you at work. 


April 2005 


Mentees 

5 4 3 2 1 

5 4 3 2 1 

Page !1



April 2005 

Assess Your Strengths and 

Weaknesses 

Mentees: Please list your own and your mentor’s 

strengths and weaknesses and share your views. 

Mentors: Do the same as above and compare notes afterwards. 

My mentor is good at … My mentor can do better by ... 

What I (the mentee) do well is ... What I can do better, is ... 

Note: Mentors and mentees do similar assessments independently and 

compare notes with their each other. 


Mentees 

Page !1


Joint Planning and Goal Setting 

Mentor’s 

assessment 

Appendix A:   

Information Brochure for Mentees 

Create an information leaflet to brief prospective mentees about the 

mentoring process. 

1. What is mentoring? Give your definition of mentoring. 

2. What is your area of specialisation? What can you offer a mentee? 

The outcomes you will achieve. 

3. Who can benefit from your mentoring? Why would someone 


consider April 2005 a mentor? 

Interact 

Set Goals 

Develop Action Plans 


Mentees 

Mentee’s 

assessment 

Review Regularly • Plan 

• Action 

• Feedback 

Page !1


4. What can you expect from me (as a mentor)? 

1. Code of conduct/ethics 

2. The process 

• An exploratory discussion (1-3 sessions). 

• Depending on the results of the exploratory discussion, 

discontinuation, or 

• A short term relationship (up to 8 sessions) 

• A medium term relationship (up to 2 years) 

• A long term relationship (indefinitely) 

3. Confidentiality and what it means in your book. Should you be 

supervised by a more experienced mentor, ask for permission 

to get professional support and supervision from outside. 

Explain that this is to maintain the quality of your work and for 

the protection of the mentee. 

4. Duration and frequency of the sessions 

“I undertake to be on time and cancel appointments at least 48 

hours before the time and only when absolutely necessary.” 

The same is expected of mentees e.g. 

“If you wish to cancel or change the time of a session, please let 

me know 2 working days in advance. Another appointment will 

be offered unless you decide to end the mentoring process. I 

would appreciate the opportunity to have a final session with 

you if this is the case”. 

5. Duration and termination 

e.g. “Once I agree to see you, my commitment to you is openended. 

I will see you as long as you wish and we agree that the 

mentoring is useful. You may, of course, discontinue seeing me 

at any time. A minimum of one session notice is required when 

you decide to stop. It is generally better to plan the ending in 

advance as this final session allows for a degree of closure”. 

6. Records 

“Any written/recorded notes are kept secure and anonymous. 

Notes are usually destroyed 24 months after your last session”. 


April 2005 

5. What I expect of you 


Mentees 

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7. Late or missed sessions, e.g. 

“If you do not arrive on time and have not cancelled by the 

beginning of the session, I will assume you are coming. Please 

respect my time as I will respect yours.” 

8. Mentoring is about you and your success 

The responsibility to schedule sessions regularly is yours. 

9. Evaluation and feedback 

1. I will expect you to give me open and honest feedback about 

your experience of the sessions and make suggestions on how 

you can benefit even more from them. 

2. Assessment – In order to evaluate and continuously improve, I 

may ask you from time to time to complete an assessment 

questionnaire. To do this we ask for a contact name and 

address, which will be kept separately from your records. 

6. How will you explain to a mentee what happens during the 

mentoring session? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Appendix B: Example of a Contract   

Between Mentors and Mentees 

• The focus of mentoring is on the mentee’s needs and goals. 

• The mentee sets the agenda and schedules sessions. 

• The content of discussions will only be revealed with mutual consent   

(even to the company). 

• Issues will be discussed as they happen – communication is open   

and honest. 

• The mentee’s readiness to discuss sensitive issues will be respected. 

• The mentor has the protégé’s best interest at heart. 

• No hidden agendas from either side. 

• Feedback is regarded as a gift that can help people to grow. 

• Mentors won’t go beyond the limits of their competence, but they   

will keep on learning and improving themselves. 

• The mentor won’t do anything for the mentee that he/she can do   

© Learning Link 

for him/herself. 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


• Both parties will respect each other’s time and will not make 

unreasonable demands. 

• When the relationship has served its purpose, both parties will   

indicate so and take responsibility for the smooth winding down of it. 

Application 

Check (!) the ground rules you agree with and add any additional 

ones you feel strongly about. Agree with the mentee on the terms of 

reference. 

Which behaviours can destroy relationships, e.g. insensitivity to 

racial or gender issues? What’s OK to discuss? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

Page !1


Appendix C: Mentoring Skills Self 

Assessment 

Use the following instrument to determine your current skills as a mentor as 

well as your development needs. Tick (!) how often you display the 

described behaviour, by using the scale below. 

4 

SCORING KEY: Seldom   

= 1 Sometimes   

= 2 More often than not = 3 Almost always 

= 4 

BEHAVIOUR 1 2 3 

1. I get mentees to talk openly about all aspects of their life 

experiences – whether their feelings are positive or 

negative. 

2. Books and journal articles can provide valuable learning 

material. I encourage mentees to think about and discuss 

what they read. 

3.I suggest to those who experience psychological problems 

that they seek professional help. 

4. When someone at work is upset, I try to find the right 

words to comfort him/her. 

5. When people’s arguments are illogical, I point these out 

and help the person to examine his or her thinking. 

6. I get people to see their own and someone else’s side of 

a situation. 

7. In getting people to talk openly about the balance 

between their work and personal lives, I share my own 

difficulties. 

8. When I believe that others base assumptions or make 

decisions on incorrect information, I point this out to 

them. 

9. I help people to set goals and develop practical action 

plans to ensure they achieve them. 

10.If I have learned from experience that a proposed course   

© Learning of action Link is International  likely to fail, I readily Module share 2 - Focus that experience. 

on Mentors and 

April 2005 

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4 




= 4 


11.I encourage others by using examples and personal   

stories to point out unrealistic expectations. 

12.When others are not resolving work or personal 

problems,   

I address this directly and try to get them to see the 

future   

negative consequences. 

13.When I think lack of effort contributes directly to 

someone   

not achieving his/her work or personal potential, I give   

constructive feedback on it. 

14.Meetings with mentees are properly planned to avoid   

unnecessary interruptions. 

15.When someone makes rash decisions, I question the   

reasoning and logic behind these actions. 

16.I give honest and constructive criticism to get people to  

review their actions and decisions. 

17.I encourage others to verbally express what their body  

language is saying. 

18.I believe that different people handle criticism differently  

and that “one size doesn’t fit all”. 

19.When I am directly involved in helping someone to grow, 

I  

make sure that the person knows how the knowledge or  

skills fit into his/her job as well as the organisation. 

20.When assisting someone to learn a new skill, I explain   

what I am going to do before I start demonstrating the 

skill   

or knowledge. 

21.I help others to identify their own development needs and 

draw up a personal development plan to help them 

© Learning achieve Link their International  personal and career Module goals. 2 - Focus on Mentors and 

April 2005 

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4 




= 4 


22.I get people to identify successful strategies that they use   

in their personal lives to help them in their working   

environment. 

23.I use open questions to get others to discuss issues in 

more depth. 

24.I encourage others to talk about their career goals and   

most importantly, how they intend to achieve them. 

25.I encourage others to find out what will be required of  

them when making career changes, in order to prepare  

them for it. 

26.I ask learners to consider the impact that their career and   

study choices will have on their personal lives. 

27.I encourage others to learn new skills and gain new   

knowledge which are directly related to and which will   

assist them in achieving their career or learning goals. 

28.If someone confides in me about something of a personal   

nature, I won’t pass that information on to anyone else. 

29.If I strongly disagree with something someone has said, I   

will verbalise my disagreement in a non-confronting way. 

30.I verbally reassure others that when applying a new skill  

or knowledge, they might not get it right the first time, 

and  

that that is okay. 

31.I give praise when praise is due. 

32.I try to get others to find information and solutions for   

themselves by pointing them in the right direction. 

33.I ask mentees to find information and discover alternative   

ways of achieving their goals and I follow up on this   

through discussion. 

34.I don’t feel the need to immediately defend the company,   

© Learning management Link International  or policies, when Module employees 2 - Focus criticise on Mentors them. and 

April 2005 

Mentees 

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4 

35.I put people at ease that discussion of emotive issues 

and   

self-doubts is okay. 

36.By posing alternative views and playing devil’s advocate, 

I  

help others to analyse why they are following a certain   

course of action or have made a particular decision. 

37.I try to introduce relevant facts into discussions so that   

plans and goals can be realistic and achievable. 

38.I put people in contact with the right resources in order to   

find the information they need. 

39.When someone is enthusiastic about embarking on a 

new   

course of action which does not appear to further his/her   

goals, I encourage him/her to remain focused. 

40.When others learn and implement new skills or   

knowledge, I ensure that I give them feedback on an  

ongoing basis. 

41.When someone tries out a new skill or applies new   

knowledge, I allow them to do so without interfering in  

their actions. 

42.I discuss both the confidence and the doubts people 

have   

about their ability to do well in the work environment. 

43.The way in which people go about pursuing goals is   

important and I try to guide them in the process as well 

as   

the outcome. 

44.I give verbal feedback and check the accuracy of my   

understanding during discussions. 

45.I encourage others to verbally acknowledge their own  

© Learning achievements Link International  and skills. 

April 2005 




= 4 



Mentees 

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4 

Interpretation 

Identify the items where your score was below 2 and decide how you can 

improve in that area. 

Appendix D: Interview Guide for 

Career Development Planning 

The following framework can be used to give structure to a discussion of 

career development needs. 

Goals and Objectives 


April 2005 




= 4 


46.To build confidence, I remind others of examples and   

stories from their own conversations and comments,  

which highlights past successes. 

47.I acknowledge and use people’s past experience as a   

foundation for building new skills. 

48.I help people to get in touch with their passion and the 20   

percent that they can do the best. 

• What are your career goals? 

• What are the steps that will lead to the achievement of your 

overall career goals? 

• How does this fit in with the vision, the mission and the strategic 

objectives of the organisation? 


Mentees 

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• How can you align your goals with the organisation’s objectives 

to be able to achieve both? 

Obstacles 

• What prevents you from achieving your 

career objectives? 

• Which of your beliefs or habits might hold 

you back from achieving your goals? 

• Which individuals, or groups of people, are 

standing in your way and why? 

• What skills, training, knowledge, 

experience or education do you need? 

• What external forces could derail your plans? 


April 2005 


Mentees 

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April 2005 

Resources / Support 

•Which resources/strengths do you have that 

you can build on? 

•How can I (your mentor) be a resource for 

you? 

•Which other people/departments can you count on to 

give you support? 

•What skills, training, education, experience or   

knowledge are you looking for? 

•What material resources are necessary for the   

achievement of your career goals? 

•Which opportunities can you take advantage of –  

now and in the future? 

Focus 

Now that you know 

-What your career goals are; and 

-how much resistance you are likely to   

encounter; and 

-what resources you have to work with to   

achieve your career objectives. 

•Where do you need to focus your efforts in order to make the best 

use of the resources and overcome any resistance? 

•What is the 20 percent you can do that will make 80 percent 

difference? 

Strategy 


Mentees 

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Now that you have decided where to focus, 

•How are you going to make sure that you achieve your   

career goals? 

•What concrete steps or ACTION PLANS will lead to the successful 

achievement of your career goals? 


April 2005 

Keeping Momentum 

•How do you plan to keep yourself motivated to achieve your career 

goals? 

•In order to achieve your overall career goals, what can you start to 

do immediately to work towards your goals? 

•How can I (your mentor) support you in the process? 

Remember: 

The longest ladder starts 

with one step. Make sure 

that step is in the right 

direction! 

SO … 

Make sure your ladder is 

up against the right wall! 


Mentees 

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Creating a Personal Development Plan 

GOALS AND 

OBJECTIVES 

- What is your overall 

career goal? 

- What are your interim 

objectives? 

- How does this fit in 

with the 

organisation’s: 

• Vision 

• Mission 

• Strategic goals 

- How can you align 

your goals with the 

organisation’s goals? 


April 2005 

OBSTACLES SUPPORT 

- Which 

individuals or 

groups of 

people can 

prevent you 

from 

achieving 

your goals? 

- What potential 

obstacles do you 

need to be aware of? 

- What beliefs/ habits 

do you need to 

change to achieve 

your career 

objectives? 

- Which resources do 

you need to achieve 

your career objectives 

i.e. suitable 

equipment, finances, 

promotional 

opportunities? 

- Who and 

which 

departments 

can help you 

to achieve 

your career 

goals? 

- What skills, training, 

education, experience 

or knowledge do you 

need? 

- What opportunities 

can you take 

advantage of? 

FOCUS STRATEGY KEEPING 

MOMENTUM 

Focus on Mentors and Mentees


- Who do you 

need to work 

with to 

achieve your 

career goals? 

- What is the 20 

percent that will 

make 80 percent 

difference? 


April 2005 

- How are you going to 

achieve your career 

goals? 

- What steps do you 

need to take to ensure 

your success? 

- Who will be involved? 

- What will they need to 

do? 

- W h e n i s y o u r 

deadline? 

- What will you regard 

as “success”? 

(specific criteria) 

- How do you plan to 

keep yourself 

interested and 

motivated? 

- How do you 

plan to 

review your 

career 

goals to 

ensure their 

future 

relevance? 

- What do 

you want to 

do once you 

have 

achieved 

your career 

goals? 



Creating a Personal Development Plan 

GOALS AND 

OBJECTIVES 


April 2005 

OBSTACLES SUPPORT 

FOCUS STRATEGY KEEPING 

MOMENTUM 



Appendix E: Mentoring 

Session Report 

Topics discussed: 

Key Points: 

Next Actions: 

Next Session: 

Date: © Learning Link International  

April 2005 

(Downey, 1999, p99) 

Client Ref number 

Mentor 

Meeting number 

Date 

Focus on Mentors and Mentees Page !1


Time: 

Location: 

Notes: 

i. It is suggested that the client gets a reference number to protect his/ 

her identity. 

ii. The report can be done by either the mentor or the mentee. 

iii. Both parties should keep copies to ensure continuity. 


April 2005 



Appendix F: Evaluation by Mentee 

(after session 3) 

1. Introduction: 

I will greatly appreciate your help in evaluating the mentoring process 

by completing this questionnaire. All replies are confidential. Please 

tick (!) or circle the answer. Your name is not required. 

2. Questions around mentors in general: 

3. 

1. When visiting the mentor for the first time were you 

• Keen 

• Reluctant 

• Hesitant 

• Other? (please be specific) 

2. How did you feel about subsequent sessions? 

• Keen 

• Reluctant 

• Unsure 

• Other? (please be specific) 

3. Did getting the mentor’s input help? 

• Yes, a lot 

• Yes a little 

• Made no difference 

• Made things worse 

4. I would have liked: 

• More sessions 

• Fewer sessions 

• The same number 


April 2005 



4. Please assess on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is very poor and 10 

excellent) by making a (√) in the appropriate space. 

3.1 How would you rate the quality of the 

mentoring you received? 

3.2 To what extent did it meet your 

expectations? 

3.3 How satisfied are you with your own 

contribution? 

5. Questions about the mentor 

On a scale of 1-10 (1 = strongly disagree, 5 = not sure, 10 = strongly 

agree) answer the following: 

4.1 I feel I can trust my mentor to be 

open and honest with me 

4.2 The mentor understands my 

problems 

4.3 My mentor helped me to see things 

from a different perspective 

4.4 My mentor and I established a good 

working relationship 

4.5 My mentor is sufficiently challenging 

4.6 My mentor seemed comfortable 

when I spoke about sensitive issues 

4.7 My mentor helped me to develop 

skills to deal more creatively with 

issues 

4.8 My mentor was friendly and at ease 

4.9 My mentor was concerned about me 

4.10 My mentor helped me handle issues 

better as a result of being with him/ 

her 


April 2005 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 



4.11 I am pleased I had the opportunity 

to be with this mentor 


April 2005 



6. What impact did mentoring have on your life? 

Please (!) the number which best reflects your opinion, using the 

scale below: 

5 = a very positive effect 

4 = some positive effect 

3 = no effect 

2 = a slightly negative effect 

1 = a very negative effect 

The areas where mentoring had a positive effect: 

5.1 Relationship with colleagues 

5.2 Relationship with superiors 

5.3 Relationship with equals/peers 

5.4 Your self-confidence 

5.5 Your job performance 

5.6 Your quality of life 

5.7 Your decision-making 

7. Any further comments you have on the mentoring experience? 


April 2005 

Area 1 2 3 4 5 

5.8 Relationship with family members or 

friends 

5.9 Your personal well-being (stress level) 

5.10 Your job satisfaction 




April 2005 


  

Module 3 


Relationships


Module 3:   


Relationships 


March 2005 

Content 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

! 

Module 3: Building Trusting Relationships 2 

Module 3: Building Trusting Relationships 3 


Introduction 4 

Self Assessment 5 

The Mentoring Relationship 6 

Interpersonal Behaviour That is Conducive To Trust 7 

Can Your Mentor Be Your Friend? 9 

Critical Elements of Effective Mentor-Mentee Relationships 10 

1. Trust 11 

2. Acceptance and Care 11 

3. Honesty and Openness 12 

4. Transparency 13 

5. Respect and Warmth 14 

6. Genuineness/ Congruence/ Authenticity 15 

Self-Awareness Model 15 

7. Empathy and Understanding 16 

How to Get in Tune With a Mentee’s Preferred Processing Mode 17 

8. Flexibility and Resourcefulness 18 

Module 3 - Building Trusting   

Relationships 

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Building Trusting Relationships 


March 2005 


By the end of this module, participants will 

• Know how to build trusting relationships with mentees 

• Refrain from using language that can be viewed as insensitive 

• Know the boundaries within which a mentor – mentee   

relationship operates 

• Be able to explain the moral, emotional and rational sides of 

mentor – mentee relationships 

• Exhibit the qualities and skills that build effective relationships 


Relationships 

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March 2005 

Mentor Wanted … 

“Must be both warm and wise 

Must have credibility and make people feel 

safe to explore 

Must be able to challenge and also guide 

people to finding creative solutions 

Must be both sage-like and street-wise 

Must encourage me to act and support me 

when I fail” 

(Based on Mike Pegg, 1999, pp.17-18) 


Relationships 

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March 2005 

Introduction 

The quality of mentoring is largely dependent on the quality of the 

relationship between the mentor and the mentee, as well as the quality of 

the mentor’s mentoring skills. Although mentors are not counsellors, they 

use counselling skills such as listening, probing and reflecting. 

By not only knowing about mentoring 

skills, but mastering the skills through 

practising them, you will enlarge your 

repertoire of mentoring 

communication skills, to be able to 

use the appropriate skill at the right 

moment in the mentoring process. You 

might be more comfortable with some 

skills than with others. Will you please 

be so kind to move into a coaching 

role and assist others who are not yet 

competent in those particular skills? In 

this way you’ll all get the full benefit of 

each other’s knowledge, experience 

and understanding. 


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“A coach’s fundamental job is to 


March 2005 

listen, pay attention, probe, rather 

than conduct an inquisition. Don’t 

judge,” and “help people learn and 

grow through experience rather than 

direction or advice giving”. 

(The Odyssey Group, Supervision, 1997, p4) 


Relationships 

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2. 


March 2005 

Self Assessment 

Answer the following questions and/or ask someone else to assess you. 

In the last week did I … 

1. Unconditionally accept everybody? 

2. Give timely effective, feedback to others? 

3. Motivate or inspire others? 

4. Challenge conventional thinking? 

5. Invite feedback on myself or my behaviour? 

6. Demonstrate empathy? 

7. Invite a junior person or a child’s input? 

8. Confront a difficult issue? 

9. Check someone’s feelings about an issue? 

10. Invite others’ input to resolve difficulties? 

TOTAL 

Totals: 

1 – 3 You need to invest time to study and practise most mentoring 

skills 

4 – 6 You can significantly increase your effectiveness by mastering and 

applying just a few more skills 

7 – 8 You are becoming good at mentoring 

9 – 10 You are at the level where you can develop other mentors 

Priority areas for me to work on (also refer back to previous 

assessments): 

1. 


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Self Other 

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3. 

The Mentoring Relationship 

The relationship is the primary vehicle to elicit, understand and handle the 

content and feelings involved in mentoring. 

As Miles Downey explains, “The relationship has to be sufficiently strong for 

the mentee to trust in the mentor and feel safe – to feel safe enough to say 

whatever is on his or her mind, to own up to mistakes and weaknesses, to 

suggest the absurd or the impossible; in a word, to be vulnerable. In fact, it 

is considerably more than that. The mentee must feel free to challenge the 

mentor and to give feedback – to say ‘This isn’t working’, or ‘I don’t 

understand the question,’ or ‘No, I don’t want to consider that option yet. 

This one is more interesting’.” (1999, p.88-89) 


March 2005 

The Relationship Bridge 

Mentor Mentee 

Discussion 

• How did you manage to build lasting relationships in the past? 

• What kinds of behaviours have damaged some of your cherished 

relationships in the past? 


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• What can you learn from the above? 


March 2005 

Interpersonal Behaviour   

That is Conducive To Trust 

• Eye contact. 

• Clear communication – not beating around the bush. 

• Giving and receiving honest feedback. 

• Listening empathetically, to both content and feelings. 

• Expressing feelings openly. 

• Accepting the feelings of others. 

• Using “I” messages – taking responsibility 

for your own feelings. 

• Building other people’s self-esteem. 

• Staying focused, “present” and involved, 

even if the person gets longwinded. 

• Acting consistently and predictably. 

• Being dependable – not letting people 

down. 


Relationships 

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Behaviours that can damage relationships … 

1. Asking prying questions to satisfy your own curiosity. 

2. Asking “why” questions indiscriminately – which can sound like 

an interrogation and tend to put people on the defensive, or make 

them feel as if they have to justify their actions. 

3. Asking leading questions – for example: ‘Wouldn’t you agree 

that your behaviour was …?’ 

4. Making judgements – for example: ‘Surely with your vast 

experience, you could have …’, ‘Obviously, you could have …’ 

Listen to yourself when you hear yourself saying ‘surely’ or 

‘obviously’. These two words are often used to pass judgement. 

5. Giving uncalled for advice – for example: ‘If I were you,   

I would …’, ‘What you should do is …’ 

Discussion 

1. What are the “not-negotiables” in a mentor-mentee relationship? 

2. If different protégés prefer different mentoring styles, how can 

you accommodate everybody? What are the limits of your 

flexibility? 

3. To what extent can you/are you willing to adapt your own style to 

© Learning meet Link the International  needs of a particular protégé? 

March 2005 


Relationships 

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4. Can your mentor be your friend? 

5. If mentoring is a kind of friendship, where are the professional 

boundaries? What are the risks involved? How do you define the 

boundaries of the respective roles? 


March 2005 


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March 2005 

Can Your Mentor Be Your Friend? 

Some mentoring relationships develop 

progressively into friendship. Once two people 

have connected at a deep emotional level, they 

tend to have a special bond that lasts beyond 

their official contract. 

Outsiders who are not familiar with the dynamics 

of the mentor-mentee relationships might frown 

upon it, especially if the relationship is between a 

male and female. 

If the relationship is friendship, both parties have to give and take from it 

without an expectation of a reward. 

Clutterbuck and Megginson conclude: 

Richard Field, a respondent in Clutterbuck’s study, is 

not ambivalent about the matter. For him “A mentor is 

a friend, a coach, a judge and an encourager. You 

have got to have enormous trust and a long-term 

relationship which can be created in moments. To 

do this you have to be prepared to be totally 

vulnerable – when I have given trust, I don’t think I 

have ever been let down.” (2000, p.163) 

“On the one hand there is a keeping of professional boundaries, on 

the other a modelling of single-minded commitment. Those of us who 

mentor are faced with a choice in this matter and, as in so much about 

this engaging subject, there are no easy right answers. The way 

forward is to do what you do to be your kind of mentor, with 

conscious awareness, and with the humility to check that it is working 

for the others involved.” (p.163) 


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March 2005 


Relationships 

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! 

Critical Elements of Effective 

Mentor-Mentee Relationships 


March 2005 

9. Communication 

8. Flexibility 

7. Empathy 

1. Trust 

Relationship 

6. Genuineness 

Application 

Discuss the critical elements and arrange them in priority order. Motivate 

your viewpoint. You are welcome to add anything else that you regard as 

critical. What does it look like when you demonstrate the above? 


Relationships 

2. Acceptance 

5. Respect 

3. Honesty 

4. Transparency 

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March 2005 


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1. Trust 

The mentee needs to trust that 

• The mentor will not repeat what is said to 

anyone else; 

• His/her thoughts, beliefs, fears and ideas will 

be respected and not critised; 

• The mentor has the mentee’s best interest at heart; and 

• What is discussed will not be used to the mentee’s disadvantage. 

How can you earn the trust of a mentee? Explain to a mentee why you 

decided to become a mentor and why you regard yourself as 

trustworthy. 


March 2005 

2. Acceptance and Care 

Unless a mentee experiences 

unconditional acceptance and care, 

he/she might be hesitant to open 

up. There should be no doubt in the 

mentee’s mind that the mentor has 

his/her best interest at heart. 

The assumptions underlying 

acceptance are that the mentee: 

• Has worth and dignity as a human being; 

• Has a right to make his/her own decisions; 

• Has the creativity and capacity to make the right choices for his/ 

her life; 

• Is responsible for the decisions he/she makes. 

When the mentee experiences the above as true, he/she is ready to 

engage in the mentoring process without fear of rejection. 


Relationships 

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1. How important are the abovementioned assumptions to 

demonstrate acceptance? 

2. How can your words and body language convey your acceptance 

of someone else? 

3. What does “unconditional acceptance” mean to you? 


March 2005 

3. Honesty and Openness 

The mentee needs to feel safe enough to openly tell you how he/she really 

sees something or believes it to be. The mentor sometimes also needs to 

admit his/her bad judgement or wrong approach. When the mentees ask for 

feedback, the mentor has to be honest, but needs to understand the 

reasons behind the request. 

By asking for the mentee’s evaluation first, it becomes easier for the mentor 

to remain non-judgemental. Miles Downey’s view on the issue is as 

follows: 


Relationships 

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“I am usually quite willing to express a point of view or a plan of 

action, an idea or behaviour. I would resist responding to a question 

such as ‘What do you think of me?’ and challenge why the coachee 

wanted to know. After all, it is just my ‘stuff’ and I am not there to 

pass judgement. My judgement has no real validity or currency in 

the relationship.” (1999, p.89) 

Openness should be appropriate to the situation. If the mentee promised 

to keep something confidential, this has to be respected. By sharing some 

of his/her own mistakes and vulnerabilities, the mentor becomes more 

human and approachable to the mentee. 

Application 

How much should mentors and mentees share with each other? 

Where should you draw the line? Is it appropriate to stop a mentee 

from sharing something with the mentor? 

March 2005 

4. Transparency 

Transparency means that one’s intention is completely clear to the other 

party. It also means being realistic about what you can or can’t do and to 

refer the mentee to someone else when you are out of your depth. 

Recording of mentoring sessions and any kind of feedback to the 

organisation has to be discussed beforehand with the mentee. 

Transparency in a mentoring session is demonstrated by using phrases 

such as the following: 

• “My intention in giving you this feedback is to broaden your 

understanding.” 

• “I am really sorry, I lost concentration.” 

• “I’d like you to try this visioning exercise. I believe it will help clarify what 

© Learning you really Link want.” 



Relationships 

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• “I have a suggestion for you. Do you want it?” 

Mentees have a right to ask about the mentor’s style, approach and 

philosophy and it is important to get clarity on the above before engaging in 

a mentoring relationship. 

Feedback Exercise 

What is your impact on people? 

Do people lighten up and smile, or frown and look 

stressed when you enter a room? Ask someone 

you trust to give you honest feedback about 

the way you relate to others. If you like what 

you hear, continue the way you have done before. If not, decide to change 

and ask someone to be your “conscience” to remind you when you fall back 

to your old ways. You may find if you do this exercise with a person at 

home, one at work, a friend, a relative, that you get different answers. 

Discuss the discrepancies with your learning partner or mentor. 

5. Respect and 

Warmth 

Showing respect makes people feel 

accepted, heard, valued and important. A 

friendly smile, welcoming voice, kind words, 

or words of praise and encouragement, help 

to put people at ease. Touch is an extremely powerful form of 

communication, but should be used with care, as it doesn’t work for 

everybody. 

The mentor should be comfortable to deal with his/her own and other 

people’s emotions and deal with it in a respectful manner. Although the 

mentor connects with the mentee at an emotional level, he/she needs to 

remain objective enough, not to get drawn into an emotional spiral. 


March 2005 


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The mentor and mentee work together towards the same objectives, but 

both remain responsible for their own feelings and behaviour. 

How much warmth is enough or too much or too little? 

6. Genuineness/ Congruence/ 

Authenticity 

The ability to be yourself – to be real and genuine, communicates 

sincerity and encourages other people to be more open and honest in their 

communication with you. It requires a high level of emotional honesty and 

integrity to be who you are without pretence, rather than how others 

expect you to be. 


March 2005 

How Important is Self-Awareness for Mentors? 

1. Why do you think self-awareness is important for mentors? 

2. How much or how little do you believe a mentor can/should reveal 

about him/herself? Can you be too open about yourself? 

3. By using the following framework, discuss with a learning partner how 

you see yourself, in particular also in your role as mentor. 

Self-Awareness Model 

(Source: Clutterbuck, 2001, p52) 

Strengths 


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March 2005 

Which qualities will   

make you succeed? 

Complete the graph with reference to yourself. 

Reflection 

• Which of the above can be changed and which are part and parcel of 

who you are? 

• How can you apply the same model to find out how your protégé sees 

him/herself? What is the value of knowing it? 

7. Empathy and Understanding 

The ability to empathise means being able to understand things from the 

other © Learning person’s Link International  perspective – to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, to 


Relationships 

What might prevent you  

from succeeding? 

Drives Fears 

What would you like   

to be better at? 

Weaknesses 

Strengths 

What do you lack the   

confidence to tackle? 

Drives Fears 

Weaknesses 

Page !1


listen sensitively to their experiences without condemning or criticising, to 

choose the right time to respond, and to respond with the appropriate 

words, voice tone and body language. Empathy also means being willing 

to put your own views aside in an effort to see things from the mentee’s 

map of the world. 

How can you get onto someone else’s “wavelength” and walk in his/ 

her shoes? 


March 2005 

How to Get in Tune With a Mentee’s   

Preferred Processing Mode 

Identify whether your mentee’s dominant processing mode is visual, 

auditory or kenisthetic. 

1. Visual processors think in pictures and as a result, tend to speak 

rapidly, but with very little facial expression. If you watch their eyes, 

they might look up before they answer your questions, 

or stare straight ahead. They like to see pamphlets, 

charts, graphs and pictures. You can help them to 

identify with your product by encouragement such as 

“picture this …” or “let’s see what you can do …” The 

layout of your office tends to be very important for 

“visuals”. 

2. Auditory processors want you to talk. They are very sensitive to 

the sound of your voice and will pick up the slightest irritation. They 

prefer your oral description to pamphlets and written 

proposals. Their eyes tend to move sideways or down. 

Words such as “sounds good to me”, or “let’s hear what 

they say” are often used. 

3.Kinesthetic processors are sensitive, intuitive, touchyfeeling 

people. They are quick to decide whether they like you or not 

and can pick up your mood instantly. They are not afraid to touch 

others. Pamphlets are not for looking but rather to be fondled. They 

tend often to look down. They might respond by saying,   

“I feel in agreement”, or “stay in touch”, or “I want to get 

a handle on it”. If the person says something like   

“I really feel you can help us”, respond in the same 


Relationships 

Page !1


mode by saying something such as “I’m sure once we get close to the 

problem, we’ll get our arms around it.” 

What is the value of identifying a mentee’s dominant processing 

mode? 


March 2005 


Relationships 

Page !1



March 2005 

8. Flexibility and 

Resourcefulness 

The mentor should be flexible enough to move skilfully from one role and 

approach to another, depending on what the situation calls for. 

He/she sometimes needs to be more objective and sometimes more 

subjective. At times he/she clarifies a situation and at other times the 

answers are left to the mentee. 

The art of mentoring depends on both the spontaneous inner 

resourcefulness of the mentor and the techniques and experience he/she 

has acquired with effort. 

As there is no rigid, recipe-like formula for 

mentoring, the mentor should be free to shift 

flexibly, quick to think and feel with the mentee, in 

order to adapt to the subtle nuances of the 

mentoring interaction. 

This is often called “dancing in the moment”. 

Application 

1. How can one cultivate flexibility and resourcefulness? 

2. What does the opposite of flexibility and resourcefulness look like? 

How will it affect the mentoring relationship and process? 


Relationships 

Page !1

Module 4  

Mentoring Skills





April 2005 

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Mentoring Communication Skills 4 

A Directive and Non-directive Approach: The Ask-Tell Continuum 5 

Directive and Non-directive Skills 6 

Directive Mentoring Skills 7 

What is Feedback? 7 

Elements of Feedback 8 

Helpful Hints for Giving Feedback 9 

Making Suggestions and Giving Advice 10 

The ICF’s View on Advice and Requests 11 

Terminating Skills 13 

Terminating the Relationship to Encourage Independence 14 

Non-directive Mentoring Skills 15 

Asking Open-ended Questions to Raise Awareness 15 

Powerful Questions 16 

Repeating, Summarising and Paraphrasing 16 

Active Listening and Effective Responding 19 

Three Levels of Listening 20 

Guidelines for Active Listening 21 

Listening Exercises 22 

Undivided Attention 23 

Use Silence - its Not Hazardous to Your Health! 24 

Reassurance 24 

It is Time to Take Stock! 25 

Appendix A: Advanced Mentoring Skills 26 

Technique B: Helping Mentees to Deal With Change 26 

Technique C: Supporting Mentees in Times of Crises 28 

Technique D: A “Quick-Fix” Problem-solving Model 30 

Technique F: How to Challenge The Mentee’s Thought Patterns 32 

Technique G: Using Edward De Bono’s Six Thinking Hats 33 

Module 4 - Mentoring Skills Page ! 1



April 2005 




April 2005 




By the end of the module you will: 

Be able to apply the following mentoring communication skills: 

• Active listening. 

• Giving feedback. 

• Giving and receiving information, guidelines and suggestions. 

• Asking questions. 

• Paraphrasing, testing and showing empathy and understanding. 

• Analysing, interpreting and exploring alternatives. 

• Advising and evaluating. 

• “Telling” and instructing 

• Summarising, reinforcing and reassuring. 

• Using silence effectively 

• Structuring and termination. 

Your mentoring skills will be consistent with the guidelines and principles: 

• Appropriate to the situation (time and place). 

• Relevant to the issues at hand. 

• Suitable to the needs of a mentee. 

• Conducive to an open climate of appropriate sharing, debating   

and supporting. 

Try this for a challenge: 

• Adjust and apply your mentoring skills to cater for 

• Culturally diverse individuals. 

• So-called “difficult” individuals. 

• Create “Personal Reflective Space” 



Mentoring Communication Skills 


April 2005 

Mentor Mentee 

• Message 

• Interpretation 

• Response/  

Acknowledgement 

Application 

1. Discuss your interpretation of the 

above model. 

2. Make a list of communication skills that you regard as essential 

for mentors. Then rate yourself (out of ten) on each of the skills. 



A Directive and Non-directive 

Approach: The Ask-Tell 

Continuum 

(Source: Landsberg, 1996, p.9) 

Ask questions 

and paraphrase 

Non-directive 

Higher, if mentee has basic 

skills and creativity 

Deeper understanding 

Higher in most cases 


April 2005 

More 

Empowering 

Slightly more, depending on 

rate of mentee’s learning 

Potentially high 

Make 

suggestions 

More 

Controlling 

Demonstrate Give advice Tell what   

and how 

Benefit 

Quality of   

task completion 

Learning by 

mentee 

Motivation of 

mentee 

Initial time from 

mentee 

Learning by 

mentor 

Directive 

Lower, unless the mentee 

has to repeat a relatively 

simple task with little scope 

for initiative 

Deep understanding, but only 

if the mentee is a true expert 

Lower, unless mentee feels 

completely lost 

Slightly less, assuming that 

the task is easy to teach, and 

that the mentee understands 

and follows the instructions 

Very little 



Tasks which the mentee 

needs to do repeatedly When to use 

Discuss how, when and where each approach will be relevant. 

Directive 

Approach 

Range of Mentoring Skills 

Directive and Non-directive Skills 

(Source: Downey, 1999, pp.15-19) 

The skills a mentor uses depend largely on the objectives and the mentor’s 

approach, as indicated by Downey’s adapted model below. 

! 

‘Mission critical’ tasks where 

failure would lead to disaster; 

very simple tasks 

Non-directive 

Approach 

↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ 

Term 

inatin 

g 

Tellin 

g 

Instru 

c-ting 

Givin 

g 

Advic 

e 

Sugg 

estions 

PUSH 

solving someone's 

problem for them 

Telling 

Terminating 

DIRECTIVE 

Fee 

dback 

Giving advice 

Instructing 

Open 

Question 

s 

Summ 

arising 

Asking questions to 

raise awareness 

Giving feedback 

Making suggestions 

Check 

Understanding 

Reflectin 

g 

Active listening 

Reflecting feelings 

Checking Understanding 

Summarising/Paraphrasing 

Active 

Listen 

-ing 

Attentio 

n/ 

Presen 

ce 

NON-DIRECTIVE 

Silence 

Reassurance 

Undivided attention 

PULL 

helping someone 

solve their 

own problem 

Non-directive mentoring is a facilitative process, based on the 

assumption © Learning Link that International  the mentee has the capacity to find his/her own solutions. 

Module 4 - Mentoring Skills Page ! 1 

April 2005 

Silen 

ce


The role of a mentor is to “enable the mentee to explore, to gain a better 

understanding, to become more aware and from that place to make a 

better decision than they would have made anyway.” (p.15) 

The complete repertoire of mentoring skills should be mastered and 

integrated with the mentor’s intelligence, intuition and imagination, in such 

a way that the process becomes a “dance between two people, 

conversationally moving in harmony and partnership, with no 

conscious attention to structure or technique, but resembling a work 

of art.” Like anything else which can be called art, “there are no rules, 

but you’ve got to know them”. 

“Coaching (mentoring) requires a relationship of great trust, where it is 

safe for the coachee to be vulnerable, safe to acknowledge weaknesses 

and mistakes, and safe to simply not know something. It is only in such 

an environment that learning can happen, that a coachee can test out new 

ideas.” (Downey, 1999, p.22) 


April 2005 




April 2005 

Directive Mentoring Skills 

The following directive mentoring skills are covered: 

• Giving feedback 

• Making suggestions 

• Giving advice 

• Instructing 

• Telling 

• Terminating 

What is Feedback? 

Definition 

Feedback is giving information to someone else   

that helps him/her to see him/herself   

in a “mirror” 

• Feedback is the only indication that the message you sent was 

perceived correctly. 

OK  

??? 

NOT OK  

??? 



• Feedback is essential to let a person know how he/she is doing. 

Feedback can focus on: 

• Performance of tasks 

• Behaviour patterns 

• Perceptions 

• Issues such as trust, impact or rapport 

• Motivating / acknowledging / reinforcing / affirming 


April 2005 



Elements of Feedback 

Feedback has the following main elements: 

A. Data, which is objective, factual information or observations. 

B. Intent, which refers to the reason for giving feedback. In the case of 

mentoring the intent is to raise awareness. 

C. Emotional charge or the way you feel about the facts, need to be 

acknowledged and managed by the mentor. 

D. In the case of a non-directive mentoring, the mentor needs to: 

1. Connect with the mentee to determine if, when and where he/she 

wants the feedback. 

2. Suggest actions the mentee might wish or not wish to take as a 

result of the feedback. 

What is the difference between positive, 

constructive and negative feedback? 

Max Landsberg explains the difference as follows:   

(1996, p 24) 

• Positive feedback applies to situations where the 

mentee did something particularly well. It can be 

simply praise or the mentor can specifically highlight 

why or how the mentee did a good job. 

• Constructive feedback highlights how the mentee could do better next 

time. It needs to be delivered with sensitivity. 

• When describing the mentee’s actions, it is important to focus on 

specific observable acts (‘In the last presentation you did not fully 

address some of the follow-up questions’), not assumed traits (‘You tend 

to be evasive’). 

• Negative feedback – i.e. merely replaying something that went wrong – 

is essentially destructive. It describes a perceived negative behaviour, 

without proposing a resolution (‘You’re always complaining’). 

The mentor holds up a mirror for the mentee to see what he/she did and 

what the impact was. It normally includes a discussion of how similar 

situations can be handled in future. 

Give examples of each of the three kinds of feedback. 


April 2005 



Helpful Hints for Giving Feedback 


April 2005 

(Landsberg, 1996, p.25) 

Exercise: Pairs 

1. Look at your learning partner and give a “camera shot” description of 

what you see. Then tell the person what you think (based on what you 

saw) as well as how you feel (as a result of your thoughts). 

• I see 

• I think 

• I feel 

Destructive 

Feedback 

Creates defensiveness; 

focuses on blame 

Constructive 

Feedback 

Creates trust and cooperation; 

focuses on 

improvements – 

possible or achieved 

How to Give 

Quality Feedback 

• Contract to discuss issues 

• Acknowledge mentee’s feelings 

Does not improve skill Increases skill • Focus on ‘skills’ not ’person’ 

• Be specific about desired 

behaviour 

• Suggest practical steps 

Undermines confidence 

and self-esteem 

Leaves person in the 

dark 

Leaves person feeling 

being ‘judged’ 

Improves confidence in 

ability and potential 

Clarifies ‘exactly where I 

stand’ and ‘what to do 

next’ 

Leaves person feeling 

‘helped’ 

• Position as need to ‘build’ or 

‘demonstrate’ vs. ‘don’t have’ or 

‘must prove’ 

• Balance negatives and positives; 

provide constructive actions 

• Verify with questions; ask mentee 

to recap 

• Jointly arrive at plan 

• Invite mentee to assess own 

performance first 

• Offer support for future 

2. Refer to the feedback guidelines on the next page and plan feedback 

you want to give to someone else in the room. Give feedback to the 

person according to the guidelines. 



Making Suggestions and Giving Advice 

What are the pros and cons of making suggestions and giving 

advice? 

Advice and Suggestions 

Many first time mentors are tempted to   

give advice and make suggestions 

instead of facilitating the mentee’s own 

discovery of new insights 

Persuasion and advice of the kind “this is 

what I think you ought to do” lacks the 

emotional buy-in that leads to ownership 

and commitment. 

Suggestions and opinions might be proposed in the case of minor 

decisions where there is little risk involved. However, the final decision 

always remains with the mentee. In the case of life changing decisions, 

the mentor cannot afford to give advice, as he/she might be held 

responsible for the consequences of following the advice. 

In an emergency situation the mentor might be pressed for advice and 

could consider making some suggestions to facilitate the mentee’s rate of 

decision-making. Shifting the responsibility for decision-making to the 

mentor might create dependency and diminish the problem-solving skills 

and confidence of the mentee. Well-meant advice might eventually cause 

resistance, which could jeopardise relationships. 

Suggestions and ideas arise in the mentor’s mind as a function of his or 

her experience, intelligence, intuition or imagination. They are 

occasionally valid and occasionally acceptable to the mentee. The 

mentee should have a genuine choice as to whether or not to accept them. 

As in the case of feedback: 


April 2005 



• Always present your suggestions as an offer (‘I’ve got a suggestion. 

Would you like to hear it?’) 

• When the suggestion has been heard, return to the non-directive 

approach (‘Does that work for you?’ or ‘We’ve identified a number of 

suggestions, namely w, x, y and the one I threw in, z. Which of those is 

the most promising?’) 

When giving advice, the guidelines are the same as for any time you 

move from a non-directive to a directive mode. Make an offer and, if the 

advice is wanted, give it. Once it has been heard, return to the nondirective 

mentoring mode so the mentee is left with a choice. 

The ICF’s View on Advice and Requests 

A. Advice 


April 2005 

(Source: International Coach Federation Website) 

Advice, opinions, or suggestions can occasionally be offered in mentoring. 

The client is free to accept or decline what is offered and takes the ultimate 

responsibility for action. The mentor is not discouraged from offering 

advice, opinions or suggestions on occasion. 

B. Requesting 

A mentor makes a request of the client to promote action toward the client's 

desired outcome. A mentor does not make such requests in order to fix the 

client's problem or understand the client's past. 

Instructing 

Instructions might be appropriate: 

• When the mentee is tired; 

• When there is significant time pressure; 

• When the mentee is upset or panicking; 

• When a skill is complex (but known to the 

mentor). 



Telling 

The same principles that apply to feedback, advice and instructions, apply 

to telling. The reality, of course, is that you can tell anyone to do anything, 

but they may just not do it. 

Some people may sometimes do what you want, either because they have 

surrendered their power to you or if they are unwilling to challenge your 

right to tell. In either case this is not mentoring. 

Occasionally, mentors might tell mentees what to do, but always with 

explicit permission. It might be considered if the mentee is so 

overwhelmed that he/she needs another to take control for a short while. 

And that is OK as long as the mentor does not then create some kind of 

dependency relationship. In general “telling” is only appropriate when the 

mentor is absolutely convinced that there is one right answer, which is very 

seldom the case. 

Application 

Give examples of situations where advice, suggestions, instructing or 

telling might be appropriate. 


April 2005 



Remember: The NINJA Principle: 

“Never Interfere, Never Judge or Advise.” 


April 2005 

(Sir Christopher Ball) 

Terminating Skills 

It is important to discuss the total duration of the 

process as well as the expected duration of each 

mentoring session right from the start. An hour should 

normally be sufficient to warm up, pick up from the 

previous session, work on the particular issues or 

objectives, and wrap up at the end. 

A summary at the end of a session is essential to tie 

the loose ends together and for both parties to leave 

with a feeling of progress and closure. Either or both parties can do the 

summary. A summary can be initiated by words such as “Tell me how you 

think about the situation after our discussion”, or “Let’s look at what we’ve 

done today. As I see it …” 

Reference to the next meeting is a polite way of ending a session, as 

well as standing up or glancing at a watch or getting your notes together. 

One can also recap what the mentee has committed him/herself to do 

before the next session. 

Sometimes the most significant issues are shared towards the end of a 

session. If time allows, a few extra minutes can be granted, as long as 

this doesn’t become the norm. 

Mentoring sessions should be tapered off towards the end, leaving both 

parties feeling satisfied and looking forward to the next session. 

Respect for personal issues is crucial. Should a mentee want to explore 

issues beyond the ethical boundaries of mentoring, the mentor should 

indicate that this is beyond the boundaries of the relationship and offer 

to assist with a referral to an appropriate professional therapist. 

Towards the end of the agreed upon mentoring term, both mentor and 

mentee have to take stock and decide on outstanding issues and 

decide where to go to from there. The opportunity for feedback or followup 

meetings should always be left open. Over staying one’s welcome 

rarely adds value to the mentoring relationship. 



Application 

1. If you have another appointment, how will you terminate a session 

without offending the mentee? 

2. What will be indications that you need to consider termination of your 

mentoring sessions? 


April 2005 




April 2005 

Terminating the Relationship to  

Encourage Independence 

David Clutterbuck explains the need for independence as follows: 

“We feel that after a couple of years the role loses its importance and may 

become a more negative element than a positive one. That is, after a few 

years in the business it is more important that an individual be achieving on 

his own rather than with the special help from a senior-management-level 

mentor.” (2001, p.139) Remember … 

• It should be explained right from the start, that mentoring 

relationships have clear beginning and end point. 

• Once medium-term objectives have been achieved, termination of 

the relationship should be considered. 

• “Over-staying one’s welcome” can spoil a good relationship, leading 

to recrimination and bad feelings. Protégés normally experience 

mixed feelings of wanting to fly solo, yet being scared to leave the 

safety net behind. 

• Preparation for separation includes: 

• Stocktaking of the benefits derived from the relationship, e.g. 

personal growth, newly acquired skills and behaviours or 

confidence. 

• Identification of what has not yet achieved and where and how to 

find it. 

• Elements of the relationship that might continue for years to come, 

e.g. mutual support and friendship. 

• It is normal for both parties to have intense, mixed feelings, such as 

joy, sadness, separation anxiety, pride, loss, confidence and fear, all 

at the same time. 

• The relationship is now one of equal peers – more like a friendship 

where there is give-and-take, rather than where the one party is 

being put on a pedestal. 



• The protégé ceases to identify with the mentor, being well aware of 

the mentor’s strengths and weaknesses. He/she might even become 

hyper critical of the mentor, like a teenager leaving home! 

• The separation sometimes brings about hostility and resentment 

between the two parties. The protégé tends to behave aggressively 

to escape from former feelings of dependency, while the mentor 

might feel somewhat rejected, not being needed any longer. 

• The protégé finds a new, independent identity. 

• Contact becomes informal, less frequent and less intimate. 

• Manage this phase in a mature way, otherwise it can harm the 

reputations of both parties. 


April 2005 

Non-directive Mentoring Skills 

The following non-directive skills are covered: 

• Asking open-ended questions to raise awareness 

• Repeating, summarising and 

paraphrasing 

• Reflecting feelings 

• Active listening 

• Undivided attention and focus 

• Silence 

• Reassurance 

Asking Open-ended Questions to Raise 

Awareness 

Open questions which facilitate the flow of communication and encourage 

the speaker to elaborate or be more specific. Closed questions on the 

other hand tend to shut communication down. Closed questions are those 

that can be answered with a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. For example: “Did you …” “Do 

you think that …” “Are you going to …?” The latter are useful for seeking 

factual information. 



Open-ended questions begin with: 

• What? for example: ‘What exactly happened?’ 

• How? for example: ‘How do you feel about what’s happened?’ 

• When? for example: ‘When you said … I wasn’t quite sure what you 

meant exactly. Tell me a bit more?’ 

• Where? for example: ‘Who else is involved in the situation?’ 

• Tell me more … 

• “Why” is a word that needs to be used with good judgement. 

Understanding why people do things in a specific way is important, but 

can be established without necessarily using the word “why”. 

Rather ask a more specific question, such as: 

• ‘What is your purpose in that?” 

• ‘What were the reasons behind that decision?” 

• ‘What is it that makes that important to you?” 

Powerful Questions 

“A particular kind of curiosity takes the form of what we call powerful 

questions … Think of questions as caves and tunnels. Asking a 

powerful question is like sending the client into a vast and intricate 

tunnel system that leads to other tunnels, discoveries, and mysteries. 

A powerful question is expansive and opens up further vistas for the 

client. The closed-ended question creates a narrow tunnel that 

usually dead-ends abruptly with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ or with data – there’s 

no © Learning depth Link for International  further exploration” 

Module 4 - Mentoring Skills Page ! 1 

April 2005



April 2005 

(Whitworth, et al, 1998, p. 69). 

Repeating, Summarising and Paraphrasing 

Powerful listening is demonstrated by 

techniques such as, repeating verbatim, 

summarising and paraphrasing what has 

been discussed. 

Repeating Verbatim 

gives a clear signal to the mentee that you have 

listened. But repetition does not signal that you have fully understood. It is 

appropriate when a particular set of words, or word, has significance for the 

mentee. That you have picked up on that significance is a demonstration 

of your understanding. 

Summarising 

Presenting in shortened form or extracting the essence is another 

demonstration of your understanding. In mentoring it can also be used to 

check whether you in fact understand correctly. Summarising involves 

pulling the threads of the speaker’s communication together, ‘Let me check 

whether I have got things straight’. 

You can also let the mentee summarise or paraphrase. It can also 

emphasize what is truly important to him or her. It is also a good recovery 

technique if you have lost the thread and either don’t have the courage to 

own up or feel it is inappropriate: ‘There was a lot there. Could you 

summarise it for me?’ 

Paraphrasing Content 

This involves feeding back the significant points to ensure that one’s 

understanding is correct. Paraphrasing communicates respect, builds trust 

and reduces distortion. Paraphrases need only be brief, and tentative – in 

case you have misunderstood. For example: ‘What you seem to be saying 

…’ or ‘It sounds as if …’ When you have finished paraphrasing, return to 

active listening. The speaker will correct any information you may have 

misinterpreted. 



Reflecting Feelings 

• Helps the mentee to feel understood 

by the mentor; 

• Makes it easier to accept the feelings 

as normal; 

• Helps the mentee to take control of 

the feelings; 

• Helps the mentee to see a situation 

more objectively. 

Reflecting feelings involves feeding back in your own words the underlying 

attitudes and significant feelings expressed by the mentee, to demonstrate 

that you understand how the person is feeling. Reflecting feelings 

encourages the speaker to clarify the reasons for the feelings, conveys 

acceptance, builds trust and facilitates deeper understanding. Make your 

responses brief and tentative. For example: ‘I seem to be picking up   

a feeling of …’ ‘So you feel as if …’, ‘You feel … because …’ 

Because most people don’t trust their feelings and are not used to express 

how they feel, they often say what they think, even when asked how they 

feel! By learning to express feelings, the mentee gets the fog out of the 

way and can see a situation more clearly. Thus, clarifying feelings leads to 

the clarification of the underlying ideas and experience. 

The mentor can also share his/her own feelings to model how to express 

feelings, e.g. ‘I get angry when you allow people to walk over you’. 

Application 

Work in pairs: Person A tells person B about something where there was 

strong feelings (his/her own) involved. Person B has to reflect the feelings 

he/she picks up. Reverse roles afterwards. 


April 2005 



Active Listening and   

Effective Responding 

What the experts say about listening: 


April 2005 

“It is the province of knowledge to speak 

and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” 

(Oliver Wendell Holmes) 

“Good listening is the key to skilful communication. 

It is one of the most priceless gifts we can offer other people. 

When a person feels listened to they feel accepted, valued, 

respected, heard and understood.” 

(Sutton, 1998, p.126) 

“To be listened to is a striking experience – partly because it is so 

rare. When another person is totally with you, leaning in, 

interested in every word, eager to empathize, you feel known and 

understood. People get bigger when they know they’re listened 

to; they have more presence. They feel safer and more secure, 

as well, and can begin to trust. It is why listening is so important 

to coaching …” 




“Most people do not listen at a very deep level. Their day-to-day 

occupations and preoccupations don’t require more than a minimum level 

of listening – just as most of us never acquire more than an average level 

of physical fitness. We don’t need the muscles because we are not worldclass 

athletes.” 


April 2005 





April 2005 

Three Levels of Listening 

Level 1: ME 

Level 2: YOU 

Level 3: 360 o 

Level 1: “At level 1 o u r f o c u s i s o n 

ourselves. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on 

what it means to us. At level 1 the spotlight is on me: my thoughts, my 

judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others … At level 

one there is only one question: What does this mean to me?” (Whitworth, et 

al, 1998, p. 34). 

Level 2: “At level two there is a sharp focus on the other person. You can 

see it in people’s posture when they are communicating. At level 2 they 

are probably both leaning forward, looking intently at each other. There is a 

great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the 

outside world …As a coach listening at level 2 you hear the client speak: 

the tone, the pace, the feeling expressed. You notice all that is coming to 

you in the form of information. Then you choose what to respond to and 

how you will respond. Then you notice the impact of your response on the 

client and receive that information as well.” (Whitworth, et al, 1998, p. 36). 

Level 3: “At level 3 you listen at 360 degrees. In fact, you listen as though 

you and the client were at the centre of the universe receiving information 

from everywhere at once. It’s as though you’re surrounded by a force field 

that contains you, the client, and a space of knowing. Level 3 includes 

everything you can observe with your senses: what you see, hear, smell 

and feel – the tactile sensations as well as the emotional sensations. Level 

3 includes the action and the inaction and the interaction … To listen at 

level 3 the coach must be open and softly focused, sensitive to tiny stimuli, 

ready to receive information from all the senses – in your own sphere, in 

the world around you, in the world around your client” 





April 2005 



Guidelines for Active Listening 

1. Give the speaker your undivided time and attention. 

2. Listen with sensitivity and without interrupting the speaker. 

3. Listen with an open mind and suspend judgement. 

4. Listen to the meaning – what is possibly being felt but is not openly 

being expressed. This entails listening with our senses: 

• Our ears to hear the words spoken, the rate of speech, the 

tone of voice, the volume, the pitch; 

• Our eyes to note the speaker’s body-language, the 

gestures, facial expressions, posture, movements; 

• Our minds to reflect on the meaning and to decide how to 

respond; 

• Our hearts – that show how we might feel if we were in the 

speaker’s shoes. 

5. Resist the temptation to break the speaker’s silences, which allows the 

speaker time to collect their thoughts. 

6. Ask questions to facilitate the flow of communication. 

7. Remember what the speaker has said (the better you listen – the better 

you hear – the more you remember – the better you understand). 

8. Remain cool, calm and collected, even though you may not feel like it. 

9. Respond appropriately. 

Application: 

1. Which of the guidelines do you find the most challenging? Why? 

How can you master them? 

2. Make a list of things that can interfere with the listening process. 


April 2005 



Exercise A: 


April 2005 

Listening Exercises 

Ask a partner to describe a recent trip, including details about things that 

went well and things that didn’t go so well. As your partner tells you about 

the trip, you have to listen to the words and interpret the story in terms of 

your own experience. Comment frequently by giving your own opinion. 

How would you have done the trip differently? What does this story remind 

you of in your own life? What advice would you give your partner? How can 

you improve on their story? 

After 3 minutes, tell each other person what it was like to listen at level 1 

and what it was like to be listened to at level 1. Reverse roles. 

Exercise B: 

Work with the same partner – and the same story – again for about 3 

minutes, but his time make a point of being curious. Ask questions, clarify, 

and articulate what you hear. Be alert for your partner’s values as they are 

expressed in the story. Stay completely focused on the partner by listening 

and responding at level 2. 

Again tell each other what the experience was like and how it was different 

from the level 1 listening. 

Exercise C: 

Choose another participant that you don’t know well. This time share 

something emotional with each other. Learning partners should regularly 

indicate to each other which feelings they have observed in each other. 

Test the accuracy of the observations. Spend at least 10 minutes on each 

person’s story. Discuss how this experience differed from the previous two. 

Notes 




April 2005 

Undivided Attention 

Attention and focus involves: 

• Maintaining appropriate eye contact. 

• Adopting an open posture – facing the speaker, standing or sitting at a 

comfortable distance, leaning towards the speaker occasionally, 

mirroring the speaker’s body language, tilting one’s head to one side to 

express interest and remaining relaxed. 

• Appropriate facial expressions that acknowledge the speaker’s 

feelings. 

• Speaking at an appropriate volume and using a suitable tone. 

• Not hiding behind barriers – such as desks or tables, or folding our 

arms and crossing our legs. 

• Not fidgeting – for example, tapping fingers on the arms of the chair, 

twisting a strand of hair, fiddling with items of clothing, shuffling a chair 

about, or glancing at our watches. 

• Making sounds such as ‘Uh-huh’ or ‘Umm-hmmm’, to encourage the 

speaker to continue talking. 

Exercise 

1. Person A tells person B about something exciting while person B’s body 

language has to indicate disinterest, not listening. Then reverse the 

roles and discuss how it felt. 

2. Repeat the same exercise, but indicate with your words and body 

language that you are 100 percent focused on what the other person 

says. 

3. Sit directly across the other person. Keep the time and see how long 

you can look each other in the eye without wavering. Debrief afterwards 

by telling the other person what you think he/she was thinking about. 

Use Silence - its Not Hazardous to Your 

Health! 



Silence can be useful to: 

• Encourage mentees to talk. 

• Convey acceptance to more introverted mentees - it’s OK to sit back 

and think. 

• Show respect for the mentee’s depth of feelings or the weight of his/ 

her decisions. 

• Slow down the pace of the session so that the mentee becomes more 

relaxed. 

New mentors are often afraid of silence and tend to jump in with more 

speech or perhaps another question. A valuable opportunity for 

reflection can be lost when this happens. Silence is truly golden in a 

mentoring session. It often means that the mentee is busy thinking or 

processing something internally. When they are ready to respond 

again, they will. 

Another kind of silence occurs. When the mentee is uncomfortable to 

respond, move the session on. Look for the visual signals that someone 

is engaged with their thoughts. 


April 2005 

Reassurance 

(Downey, 1999, p.46) 

Reassurance is a supportive technique that can be used to: 

• Encourage exploration of new ideas and behaviour. 

• Reinforce new behaviour patterns. 

• Keep anxiety under control. 

• Indicate that the mentee has nothing to fear or be ashamed of. 

But reassurance should be sincere. The over-use of reassurance can 

create dependency and resentment when things don’t go as expected. 

Discuss when reassurance is appropriate and when it is 

inappropriate. 



It is Time to Take Stock! 

1. Which of the mentoring skills have you 

mastered to your satisfaction? 

2. Which ones do you still want to work on? (Choose 3) What level 

of skill do you want to acquire? 

3. How, when and where will you practise your mentoring skills? 

4. Would you trust someone with your level of skill to mentor you? 

Why? Why not? 

! 

If you are really serious about mentoring, consider using the Advanced 

Skills © Learning in the Link Appendices. 


Module 4 - Mentoring Skills Page 1 

April 2005



April 2005 




April 2005 

Appendix A:   

Advanced Mentoring Skills 

Technique B: Helping Mentees to Deal With 

Change 

Mentees who go through major personal or organisational change and 

need special assistance to stay on top of the emotional roller coaster. 

In times of change …….. 

“There is bound to be a sense of loss   

from giving up familiar and comfortable beliefs,   

behaviours, and sometimes even relationships.   

There is fear of the unknown and of possible failure, even   



when those feelings are wilfully suppressed. Ironically, there is   

even anxiety when success is achieved – we fear we may not   

measure up to the expectations placed on us by ourselves   

and others. 

Often a part of the mentor’s role is simply to be   

there for his/her mentee, to listen, to comfort,   

to be a friend.” (Gordon Shea, 1997, p31) 

Application 

How can you assist a protégé with personal, organisational or career 

changes? What are the “do’s and don’ts”? 


April 2005 

Gordon Shea’s Guidelines for   

Managing Change 

The following will go a long way in helping mentees to deal with change: 

• A vision of how things will be once the change has happened. 

• Time to come to terms with the change. 

• An opportunity to change behaviour/learn new skills 

• Coping mechanisms to manage the stress of change. 

• Time to consider the meaning of the change, and to internalise and 

own the change. 

Context shifting is an important technique to help people to embrace 

change. This mental adjustment needs to be positive, instead of 

anticipating a catastrophe. Helping the mentee shift his/her mental context 

from today’s problems to tomorrow’s success, can be very productive. 



Change is often so stressful that people prefer to remain in their comfort 

zones. Mentors can help mentees to make changes in small steps and to 

expand their range of healthy coping mechanisms. 

Example: 

A retrenched person who continues to think of himself as a victim, may 

block other options, get discouraged, or turn to alcohol or drugs for comfort. 

A mentor can help the mentee envision and become comfortable with a 

different future, such as for instance becoming a computer expert. 

However, professional help may sometimes be required. 

Application 

Think of an uncomfortable change that you recently experienced. 

How did you come to terms with it – or maybe you didn’t yet? What 

was the impact? 


April 2005 



Technique C:   

Supporting Mentees in Times of Crises 

It is inevitable that people will experience crises either in their work or 

personal lives. Unexpected events such as restructuring, retrenchment, 

death and divorce are uncomfortable but part of life. 

Clutterbuck & Megginson’s, (2000, p.153) believe that: 

• Mentoring can help protégé’s to deal with crises. 

• It should normally be seen as a long-term intervention. 

• Within the framework of an existing relationship of trust, a mentor can 

provide valuable support and perspective in a crisis. 

• It is crucial that mentors know when and how to refer mentees to 

others with specialised skills. Mentors need a list of professionals 

who deal with particular problems. 

Discussion 

Share with each other the details of people in the helping professions that 

you prefer to refer protégé’s to. What kinds of problems would you refer to 

whom? 

Name Tel. No. Focus Area 

Make sure you have the details, - you might soon need it! 


April 2005 



How to Preserve Protégés’ Self-esteem   

in Times of Setbacks 

“We all have a need for confidence and a positive self-image. How we 

respond to our problems almost always reflects our feelings about ourself 

at that time or our general perception of self. Research indicates that twothirds 

of our population suffers from generalized low self-esteem. They also 

tend to have negative feelings about specific aspects of themselves or 

about attributes they possess. 

This focus on one’s deficiencies makes it difficult for a person to generate 

the energy, to be motivated, or to make positive changes. A primary role of 

a mentor is to provide genuine confidence-building insights and 

experiences.” 


April 2005 


Setbacks often trigger a series of insecurities and self sabotaging 

thoughts, focusing on failures and shortcomings, instead of our 

strengths. 

1. Allowing and encouraging a person to talk through negative feelings 

enables him/her to put those feelings behind him/her. How can you keep 

the ball in the mentee’s court in a tactful manner? 



2. Your mentee just phoned you to tell you that he/she will probably get 

retrenched. Identify three things you might offer your mentee to expand 

his/her horizons and/or build his/her personal confidence. 

3. Explain how you can challenge negative self-talk with logical arguments. 

(Refer to technique F) 


April 2005 



Technique D: A “Quick-Fix” Problem-solving 

Model 


April 2005 

(Source: Landsberg, 1996, p.49) 

The following problem-solving model can help you to get “unstuck” in as 

little as 5 minutes. 

! 

1. Problem 

3. Blocks 

Mentee 

Others 

! Describe the issue or problem. 

! Describe the desired outcome – paint as specific a ‘picture’ as 

possible of how things would be once the problem is sorted out. 

! List all the obstacles/blocks that lie between 1 and 2. Sort them into 

three groups: 

• Blocks in the mentee (lack of skill/knowledge, low motivation, 

attitude, etc.); 

• Blocks in others (anxious customer, stressed manager and 

personal anxiety, etc.); 

• Blocks in the situation (inadequate resources, tight deadlines, 

etc.). 

! Jointly brainstorm ways around these blocks, and possible next 

steps. Agree on an approach, actions and time frames. 

! Implement the strategy. 

Situation 

4. Brainstorm 

2. Ideal outcome 



Application 

1. Write down an issue, concern or problem that you are currently faced 

with. 

2. What will it be like once the problem is solved? 

3. What are the obstacles to get from 1 to 2: 

! In yourself? 

! Others? 

! The situation? 

4. Can you remove them? Yes No 

5. Brainstorm how the obstacles can either be removed or how you   

can work around them. 

6. Get someone else to give you an objective outsider’s input. 


April 2005 



Technique F: How to Challenge The 

Mentee’s  

Thought Patterns 

You might discover some limiting beliefs by asking the mentee to 

complete the following sentences: 

I have to____________________________________________________ 

I can’t______________________________________________________ 

I should ____________________________________________________ 

I shouldn’t__________________________________________________ 

I must _____________________________________________________ 

People should _______________________________________________ 

People 

shouldn’t__________________________________________ 

____ 

They can’t 

__________________________________________________ 


April 2005 

Man is not disturbed by events,   

but by the view he takes of them. 

(Epictetus) 

“Almost every minute of our lives we are busy with self-talk. 

If the self-talk is accurate and in touch with reality, we 



function well. If it is irrational and untrue, then we experience 

stress and emotional disturbance. The following is an 

example of irrational self-talk: “I can’t bear to be alone.” No 

physically healthy person has ever died merely from being 

alone. Being alone may be uncomfortable and lonely, but you 

can live through it.” 

Technique G: Using Edward De Bono’s   

Six Thinking Hats 

When faced with a tough challenge: 

• Acknowledge emotions 

• Anticipate difficulties 

• Look for possibilities 

• Generate alternatives and creative ideas 

• Collect neutral information – facts and figures 

• Map the whole situation, taking an overview and making plans 

Acknowledging emotions involves being objective and honest about the 

way you feel. We lie the loudest if we lie to ourselves. Emotions are 

neither positive nor negative and are part of the set of facts we should 

consider – therefore we need to see them as not more or less valid than 

any other information. Ask yourself how you feel about the situation. 

Anticipating difficulties or possible problem areas, based on past 

experience, enables one to identify gaps and anticipating what can go 

wrong – not to be negative, but to prevent surprises. 

Looking for possibilities involves a constructive process of developing a 

vision of how things could be and how to make it possible. 

Generating alternatives and creative ideas involves going beyond the 

obvious or even the possible. This kind of thinking requires the willingness 

to turn things upside down, to start from the other end, to build on ideas in 

a creative way, 


generating new and unexpected possibilities. It is a style of 

thinking that needs to be free of judgements, free of reasons why “it 

April 2005 



couldn’t work”. This style, or this moment in the process, is the hardest to 

do when under pressure or when feeling stressed. 


April 2005 



Collecting neutral information refers to facts and figures. Change sets 

the imagination and the grapevine alight like a veld fire. To determine the 

facts, ask questions such as how many, how often, under what 

circumstances, which outcomes. It can be difficult to move into the 

neutral frame of mind that is required, because so often we are required to 

use “facts” to defend a position, or to take an adversarial approach. 

Thinking in this way, freed of the emotional implications, can have a 

calming effect. This can be true even in situations where the facts are 

themselves horrific. The calming effect is partly due to our ability to use the 

facts to develop a strategy. 

Mapping and planning focuses on the necessary steps to achieve the 

overall purpose. In order to develop a strategy, one takes an overview of 

the problem, reflect on what’s required and articulate and clarify the 

questions to be asked. This is a disciplined kind of thinking that with an 

element of control over the way others fit into the plan. In this moment of 

thinking you have to create a “map” of the situation, while focusing on the 

overall purpose. 

Individual Exercise 

Use the frame on the next page to structure your 

thinking. Then reflect on which style of thinking 

you are more likely to engage in, and which ones 

you tend to overlook. Find a way to widen your 

thinking repertoire to include all six perspectives. 

Group Exercise 

Choose the “thinking hat” that resembles your 

preferred way of thinking. Share your thoughts 

with the rest of the group. 


April 2005 



De Bono’s Six Approaches 

Describe the situation or problem. 

What are my emotions about this? What are the difficulties and risks 

in the situation? 

What are the possibilities and 

opportunities? 


April 2005 

What creative alternatives can I 

generate? 

What are the basic facts? What is the overall purpose and 

what steps need to be taken? 


Module 5 

The Mentoring 

Process

  



April 2005 

Module 5 - The Mentoring Process Page ! 1


Module 5: The 

Mentoring Process 


April 2005 

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Content 2 


Key Mentoring Principles and Beliefs 5 

A Six Step Mentoring Model 6 

David Clutterbuck’s Version of Structure and Process 7 

Step 5: Strategise, Observe, Take Action and Give Feedback 8 

Step 6 : Evaluate, Redefine or Terminate the Relationship 10 

Mentoring Challenges 11 

Lessons From Experienced Mentors 14 

A Few Reminders 15 

Take a Look Into the Crystal Ball … 16 

Appendix A: 17 

Option 1: Guidelines for Getting Started 17 

Option 2: Setting the Tone for the First Session 19 

Option 3: Clutterbuck’s Checklist for a First Session 21 

Option 4: Role Play Exercise: Taking Stock 23 

The Lifestyle Wheel 24 

Appendix B: Finding Direction 25 

Option 1: “Determine the Focus” Checklist 25 

Option 2: Formulating Outcomes 27 

Option 3: Setting Objectives 28 

Option 4: Facilitating a “Best Fit” Position 29 

Option 6: Boyatzis’ Self-directed Development Model 31 

Appendix C: The Process 33 

Model 1: COPER: The Body of a Mentoring Session 33 

Model 2: Gareth Lewis’ 3D Mentoring Model 33 

Model 3: Recurring Patterns in Mentoring Sessions 34 

Example B: Self-observation of Planning and Scheduling 35 

Designing Practices 36 

Method 3: Working With Meaning Structures 37 

The Cycle of Growth 38 

Appendix E: Mentor’s Self-observation Sheet 39 




April 2005 




April 2005 


By the end of this module mentors will: 

• Have identified the mentoring principles they want to practise. 

• Have developed a mentoring process that suits their personal   

style and approach. 

• Be able to mentor in a way that leads to meaningful results for   

the individual and organisation. 

• Be able to engage in effective mentoring conversations with   

mentees. 

• Be able to design practices and activities that will lead to   

enhanced mentee performance. 

“In a chaotic, high-speed world of schedules, commitments,   

stress, demands on time and energy, there is a yearning   

for something called balance. But balance is not a state   

we can get to or arrive at because it is always in motion.   

Balance is dynamic; it only exists in the midst of action.” 

(Whitworth et al, 1998, p127)   



Key Mentoring Principles and Beliefs 

Tick (!) the mentoring principles and beliefs you can identify with. 

1. Every person holds the answers to his/her own challenges 

2. The agenda for mentoring discussions should come from the 

mentees 

3. A mentoring relationship is an “adult to adult” relationship 

4. Confidentiality is the cornerstone of the mentoring process 

5. It is better for the mentees to plan their own journeys than for 

mentors to “drive” them to a destination 

6. Every mentee is unique and should be mentored in a different 

way 

7. If individuals become better, the whole gets better 

8. There is enough for all of us (abundance vs scarcity) 

9. To build trust the mentor can to show his/her own vulnerability 

10. Fear, shame and guilt are obstacles to personal and professional 

growth 

11. Self love and self acceptance are prerequisites for loving and 

accepting others 

12. People will only change if they want to 

13. A relationship of mutual trust, respect and openness is the 

cornerstone of mentoring 

14. The mentee has the answers, the mentor has the questions 

15. Judgement destroys relationships 

16. Learning (therefore change) occurs through action – the hand is 

the cutting edge of the mind 

17. Effective mentoring depends as much on the skills of the mentor 

as on appropriate tools, techniques and processes 

18. The aim of mentoring is to move performance to a next level 


April 2005 



Which of the above poses the greatest challenge to you as a mentor? 

Mentoring is a creative art rather than a science. There are no recipes 

for mentors – only principles! 

Step 1: 

A Six Step Mentoring Model 

Prepare the 

Organisation, Mentors 

and Protégés. 

Step 3: 

Take Stock and 

Determine Direction 

Step 5: 

Give Feedback, 

Strategise, Observe and 

Take Action 


April 2005 

Step 2: 

Build Rapport and a 

Trusting Relationship 

Step 4: 

Create Structure and 

Climate 

Step 6: 

Evaluate, Redefine or 

Terminate 




April 2005 



David Clutterbuck’s Version of Structure 

and Process 

• A relationship of trust, friendship and intimacy is cultivated. 

• The mentee’s increased clarity of purpose and identity enhances his/her 

self-esteem. 

• The mentor helps the protégé to get connected in the organisation and 

business world. 

• The mentor suggests learning opportunities such as project work and 

recommended reading. 

• Progress is monitored continually and the new learning gets reinforced. 

• The relationship is safe enough to explore sensitive and difficult issues. 

Challenge, probing and analysis shift the protégé’s paradigms. 

• A recurring pattern starts to form, which creates a safe space for the 

mentee to explore options. 

• Listening and probing for feelings create “Personal Reflective Space”. 

(See previous module’s appendices.) 

• Once there is common understanding, one can start to challenge, probe 

and analyse, to find alternative ways of thinking and doing. 

• The protégé commits to activate the most appropriate lever for change. 

• The protégé summarises his/her commitment to take action by a certain 

date. Should the issue not be completely resolved, he/she is welcome 

to return for further exploration. 

Application: 

Work in groups of three. Person A tables a problem situation that he/she 

has/had to cope with. Person B uses model 1 (Appendix C) to mentor 

person A and person C observes, gives feedback and mentors person B. 

Rotate roles until different models (also in the appendices) have been tried 

out and decide on one, or a combination, that works best for you. 

Notes: 


April 2005 



Step 5: Strategise, Observe, Take Action   

and Give Feedback 

“We have to understand that the world can only be grasped by action, 

not by contemplation. The hand is more important than the eye … The 

hand is the cutting edge of the mind.” 

What represents good feedback? 


April 2005 

(Jacob Bronowski) 

Feedback is a vital part of the learning process. It enables mentees to get 

quality information about their progress, thus enabling them to adjust and 

improve. The following are a few reminders: 

• Focus on the behaviour not the person. 

• Focus on observation rather than inference, intuition or guesses. 

• Focus on description rather than judgement. 

• Be specific rather than general 

• Balance negative with positive. 

• Create opportunities for structured 

reflection 

• Gather critical incidents (preferably first 

hand observation) 

• Be specific 

• Give examples (with permission) 

• Probe for reasons in areas   

of improvement 

• Get permission to speak to a mix of people 

in mentee’s immediate network, or to send them a questionnaire 

about the mentee. 

• Give feedback with empathy – elicit a response to the feedback 

– expect possible defensiveness. 

• Stimulate insight and willingness to take action. 

• Highlight both strengths and development areas. 



• Decide what can be gained and what to tackle first – opt for early 

successes/ quick wins, the “low hanging fruit”. 

• Encourage, support and celebrate progress. 

Note: Feedback principles and techniques have been discussed and 

practised in the mentoring skills module. Refer back to your notes. 


April 2005 

Strategise and Take Action 

The biggest avalanche is caused by the last snowflake. 

List plans for improvements and determine leverage points - 

strategies with the most potential impact 

o Let the mentee suggest action plans and deadlines for high leverage. 

o Make suggestions very cautiously, even when invited to. 

o Suggest resources such as courses, colleagues and external experts 

o Document commitment, e.g. What? When? How? Who? Where? 

o Determine possible obstacles, (e.g. skills, knowledge, confidence, 

people, workload, time, money) and how to overcome them. 

o Role-play difficult interactions before hand. 

Review continuously to decide when to conclude mentoring 

relationships 

o Learn from mistakes 

o Continue best practices 

o Invite feedback on your performance as a mentor 

o Highlight support systems and own continued interest. 

o Monitor progress and celebrate success. 

Tasks 

• Focus on protégé’s needs 

• Give and invite / receive feedback 

• Determine best practices, options and   

alternatives 

• Establish own methodology and rhythm 

• Document highlights 

Challenges 

• Guard against the urge to rule out possibilities / options prematurely 

• Dealing with unexpected change 

• Redefining the focus and relationship 




April 2005 




April 2005 

Step 6 : Evaluate, Redefine or   

Terminate the Relationship 

It is essential to assess the relationship from time to time as 

well as the benefits and the continued need for mentoring. It 

is suggested that assessments be done once every six 

meetings. Some mentors do it once a year, as one of the   

respondents in Clutterbuck’s study indicated: 

“At the end of the year each of us, separately, evaluated the period. I did 

this in writing. I was not given a form and this was not imposed but I 

wanted to reflect on the year and I thought that writing was the best way to 

do so. So I wrote down what I thought the relationship had given me, 

whether it met my expectations, and if so, whether this person would be 

able to help me in what I hoped to achieve, or in the programme I had set 

myself for the following year.” (2000, p.161) 

An initial fixed period provides both parties the opportunity to 

terminate the relationship without having to explain too much. But 

some relationships become deeper and stronger as time goes by, such as 

Julie Essex in Clutterbuck’s study explains: 

“You get the greatest benefit from a long-term relationship because 

this becomes increasingly effective as you do not have to keep reexplaining 

things.” (2000, p.161) 

Being more of an introvert, it takes her a long 

time to open up on emotional issues. She 

feels safe enough in the relationship to show 

her vulnerability and get emotional issues off 

her chest. 



April 2005 

Mentoring Challenges 

?? ?? 

(Gareth Lewis,2000) 

Newly trained mentors might experience the following challenges: 

1. How do I show I am interested? 

• Listen more and talk less. 

• Ask open questions. 

• Watch for body language clues. Acknowledge and respond 

appropriately. 

• Talk about protégés – their interests and problems. 

• Show sensitivity. 

• Don’t rush - slow down. 

• Be flexible – don’t just stick to business issues. 

2. How do I deal with a failing or unproductive relationship? 

• Check how the protégé feels about it. 

• Reflect on and record your own doubts. 

• Describe the problems in a detailed and specific way. 

• Get input from another mentor. 

• Plan for improvement or recovery, and then monitor that it happens. 

• If it doesn’t work out, terminate the relationship and part in peace. 

3. How do I make sure the process meets the protégés’ needs? 

© Learning • Establish Link International  the requirements of current job roles. 



• Ask about the protégés’ future career aspirations. 

• Get them to state their strengths and weaknesses. 

• Get them to analyse their achievements and experiences at work. 

• Get them to describe critical incidents to identify things they do well 

and those that they do less well. 

4. How do I bring the relationship to an end? 

• Is there an agreed-upon period for the relationship? 

• Is the relationship tied to specific achievements or outcomes? 

• Monitor progress and the lifecycle of the relationship. 

• Define signposts or outcomes that will signify end points. 

• Give notice of and discuss termination early on. 

• You may need to re-define the relationship continuously – for 

instance you may wish to continue seeing each other as friends, or 

on some other basis. 

5. How do I ensure my mentoring is of a high quality? 

• How do you define a high quality mentor? Are there any objective 

ways of measuring success? 

• What does your protégé expect of a “high quality mentor”? 

• Prepare for sessions, and set goals and objectives. 

• Keep yourself up to date, learn where you can. 

• Monitor progress – both your own and that of your learner. Mark 

achievements and celebrate success. 

• Take stock every once in a while. 

6. How do I check that we are on track? 

How can you ensure things are going well with your protégés? 

• Ask them! 


• Are they engaged, responsive, spontaneous? 

April 2005 



• Use your intuition – watch for signs of discomfort, hesitation. 

• Use goals and signposts, or other objective measures of progress. 

• Set objectives so that you both know you are making progress. 

• Do they come to you voluntarily? 

7. How do I give quality feedback? 

• Focus on the behaviour not the person. 

• Focus on observation rather than inference, intuition or guesses. 

• Focus on description rather than judgement. 

• Be specific rather than general 

• Balance negative with positive. 

8. How do I motivate protégé? 

• Create a vision of what the world looks like at the other end of the 

rainbow. 

• Find out what makes them tick – what do they need? 

• Encourage them. 

• Give praise where it is due. 

• Keep a positive frame of mind. 

• Celebrate success! 

Application 

Make notes of how you expect the mentoring process will unfold. 


April 2005 

Lessons From Experienced Mentors 

(Clutterbuck & Megginson, 2000, pp.125,133) 

• Contrasts in style may add strength and synergy to the relationship. 



• A balance between structure and purpose on the one hand, and 

informality on the other, works well. 

• The mentee needs to be the driving force in the relationship. 

• Mentoring is a “whole-life” process. 

• The mentor stands to gain as much as the mentee from a 

successful relationship. 

• Reappraisal of the relationship at intervals is important and may 

focus everybody’s mind on the objectives and benefits. 

• Mentoring should form part of organisational development. 

• Top management commitment and modelling is crucial. 

• The business – not HR – should own the scheme. 

• Mentoring should not stand alone. It should be integrated with other 

organisational processes, e.g. equity or performance management. 

• Start with a scheme of modest scope and let it grow organically. 

• Don’t assume everybody wants to be or have a coach or mentor. 

• Mentoring is not a panacea – some problems need different 

solutions. 

• Like any other new initiative, mentoring need a credible and wise 

champion to make it work. 


April 2005 

“Everything you say, and do,   

as well as everything you fail to say will 

communicate a message. You cannot NOT influence 

people!” 

(Jack Mackey) 



A Few Reminders 

Avoid Pitfalls Such As …. 

• Being careless about confidential matters. 

• Talking rather than listening most of the 

time. 

• Interrupting or doing “mind reading”. 

• Setting the agenda yourself. 

• Imposing your own goals and values. 

• Advising, e.g. “you should …” 

• Jumping to conclusions without sufficient facts. 

• Pacing - either too fast or too slow. 

• Continuing mentoring without adding value. 

• Having unrealistic expectations. 

• Becoming impatient. 

• Becoming defensive about feedback. 

• Coaching to boost your own ego. 

• Which of the “do not’s” might be a trap for you? How can you prevent 

stepping into it? 


April 2005 



Take a Look Into the Crystal Ball … 

1. How do you see the roles of mentors and coaches five years from now? 

What is your dream for the evolving profession? 

2. To what extent will mentoring and coaching become the primary vehicle 

to transfer learning? Motivate your viewpoint. 

3. Will peer mentoring and team mentoring move into the mainstream of 

mentoring and coaching in the next few years? 

4. What will the future roles of internal and external coaches and mentors 

be? 

5. Should each employee have a budget for his/her own development, 

what percentage do you expect they would spend on coaches and 

mentors? 

6. Would you pay for the service of a mentor? Why/Why not? 

7. Will coaching and mentoring relationships last longer than employment 

relationships? For how long? Motivate your views. 


April 2005 



Appendix A: 

Option 1: Guidelines for Getting Started 


April 2005 

(Source: Gareth Lewis, Mentoring Manager, 2000, pp.159-168) 

1. Prepare yourself by taking stock 

• Do you have the will, the skill and the time to mentor? 

• Is the time you have during work or after work? 

• Does the time come in one-hour slots? 

• What about time on the phone? 

• What is in it for you to get involved? 

• What are the consequences if you don’t? 

2. Get to know the mentee 

• Find out the bare minimum biographical information about the 

person, his/her job role, age and so on. A CV would be useful. 

• If you do know the person, find out at least one thing that you didn’t 

already know. 

• Did the person choose to come on the programme? 

• Did he/she choose you as a mentor? If not, and he/she knows you – 

is he/she happy with the assignment? 

• Why is the person seeking mentoring support? 

• What is expected? 

• How do both of you see the boundaries of the relationship? 

3. Relating to the line manager 

The line manager should be informed and supportive of the relationship. 

• Who is the line manager of your mentee? Has he/she been 

consulted? Does he/she approve? 

• What does he/she know about the purpose of the mentoring 

relationship? 

• Can you arrange a tri-partite meeting to discuss the issues? 

• Will the person give the learner scope for development activities at 

work? 

• What do you think he/she wants to know – at the outset, or during the 

course of the relationship? 

• What should you share with the line manager and what not? 

• Discuss where your primary responsibility lie and what the rights of 

the mentee are. 

Application 



Draw up your own checklist for a first session on a separate piece of paper 

by referring to Appendices A to D. Be prepared to do a role play with 

another delegate when you come back. You can use a highlighter to 

identify some critical points you wish to include. 

“The individual coaching (mentoring) client is 

someone who wants to reach one or more of 

the following: a higher level of performance, 

learning, or satisfaction. The client is not 

seeking emotional healing or relief from 

psychological pain. 

The coaching client can take action to move towards a goal with the 

support of the coach. The successful client is not excessively limited in the 

ability to take action or overly hesitant to make this kind of progress.” 


April 2005 

(ICF Website) 



Option 2: Setting the Tone for the First 

Session 

The first time you meet each other can be a time of nervousness on both 

sides. As this may set the mood and the ethos for the future of the 

relationship, it is important to think about the following. 

• Who takes the initiative – you or them? 

• Where do you meet – at work or away from work? Do you go to them 

or do they come to you? 

• Agree how long the first meeting will be in advance. It is good 

discipline to show that you are going to manage the time of meetings 

productively from the start. 

• Prepare a list of three or four things to talk about to get the 

conversation going. Make these fairly neutral to break the ice, and 

make the learner comfortable. 

• Prepare a short introduction of yourself – tell them a few things about 

yourself. Anticipate what they might want to know. 

• You need to listen more than talk. 

• Remember that they may be more nervous than you. 

Reminders 

The Agenda 

It is good to get some broad agreement about the basic agenda of the 

session. 

• Decide on the broad areas. 

• Are your sessions going to be free-flowing, or are they going to be 

more structured? (Start initially with more structure) 

• Get agreement on what each session is going to be about at the 

outset. 

• Who takes charge, or takes the lead in setting the agenda? 

• Should I keep records? 

• Will I have to make assessments or decisions about the performance 

of the mentee in any way? 


April 2005 



Style 

• Will the sessions be formal or informal? 

• Does the learner need a directive or a non-directive? 

• What about your own style or approach? Do you “tell” or interpret 

strongly, or are you naturally more facilitative? 

• How much responsibility or initiative will the coachee take? 

• What are your responsibilities in the process? 

Learning 

• Familiarise yourself with the adult learning principles. 

• What are your protégé’s learning preferences? 

• How long is it since he/she has done any systematic learning? 

• Talk to them explicitly about their past learning experiences, 

preferences and style. 

Support 

Mentors should expect to learn from the experience themselves. 

• Who mentors you? Identify at least one other person to whom you 

can turn for advice. 

• Network. Get to know other mentors and talk to them – either about 

past experience, or to share ideas about the current situation. 

• Find out if there are set procedures or arrangements. 

• If you are working within a set programme, talk to someone who has 

been mentored on the programme. What was their experience, and 

what did they need? 

• Keep a note of problems, queries or questions that you need to deal 

with. 


April 2005 



Option 3: Clutterbuck’s 

Checklist   

for a First Session 


April 2005 

(2001, pp.102-103) 

The checklist is a useful tool for both coaches/mentors and protégés to 

ensure that everybody’s well prepared for the first session. Use it as a 

starting point and add your own reminders 

1. Where shall we meet and for how long? 

2. What do we want/need to know about each other? You might wish 

to consider the following aspects: 

• Career history 

• Domestic circumstances 

• Interests outside work 

• What the person enjoys/ 

dislikes about working in this 

industry 

• Where he/she wants to be in 

five years’ time 

• Greatest achievements/ 

failures 

• Their definition of success 

• Career goals? 

• What the person wants to 

improve in/learn: 

- for the current job 



- in preparation for future 

jobs 

- where the mentee would 

value guidance or a 

sounding board 


April 2005 



3. What will make this a rewarding and valuable relationship for both 

of us? 

4. What obligations do we have to each other (ground rules and 

verbal contract)? 

5. What are our priorities? 

6. How do we want to set an agenda for our next meeting? 

7. Which issues should we work on first? 

8. How will progress be measured/evaluated? 


April 2005 



Option 4: Role Play Exercise: Taking Stock 

Role play a session with a mentee (another delegate) where you try to 

get a better understanding of the way the person functions. Focus amongst 

others on the following areas: 

• Short-, medium-, long term goals. 

• What will help the person to achieve the above? 

• What can hold him/her back? The one thing that would be priceless if 

they can change it. 

• What does the person’s work processes look like, eg. what does his 

day-to-day, weekly and monthly activities entail? 

• What is the 20% that the person likes most about the work and the 20% 

he/she doesn’t like at all? 

• Which activities are urgent and which are important? 

• Which other options does he/she have? 

• How and when does he/she plan? 

• How are the paperwork and administrative tasks handled? 

• How are crises managed? 

• How does the person feel about the quality of work produced? 

• How does the person look after his/her mental and physical health? 

• What are his/her main concerns? (complete “worry list”) 

• How balanced are the different aspects of the person’s life? (complete 

lifestyle wheel) 

• Identify any obvious levers for change (“low hanging fruit”). 

Note: 

Try not to jump to your own conclusions. Instead, help the person to see 

him/herself in your mirror by stimulating insight through an effective 

questioning process (who? what? where? when? how and if necessary 

why?). Remember to ask for permission to explore sensitive issues, eg. 

“may I ask you about….?” 


April 2005 




April 2005 

The Lifestyle Wheel 

The Lifestyle Wheel helps you to determine if there is balance in your 

life. The eight dimensions Mental, Social, Spiritual, Physical, Family, 

Financial, Professional and Community Support should create a 

round wheel. 

Interpretation: 

What makes your wheel ‘wobbly”? What (if anything) will you do 

about it? 




April 2005 



Appendix B: Finding Direction 

Option 1: “Determine the Focus” Checklist 


April 2005 

(Megginson & Clutterbuck, 1999, pp.34-46) 

Talking through this checklist the focus, decided on with the mentee: 

Organisational Strategy and Process 

• The organisation’s vision and strategy 

• Key structures and processes 

• The way we manage, e.g. quality issues, corporate responsibility, 

customer/supplier relations 

• The way we communicate in the organisation 

• The way we work together and the performance of teams and 

individuals 

• The environment we are working in and the competition we face 

Role 

• The difference between my new role and my previous role 

• The possibilities of what I can do/my impact/visibility 

• Role conflict 

• Balancing work and private life 

Challenging Task or Project 

• The benefits of a task/project 

• The formal and informal relationships required in a major project 

• Testing my ideas for a major project 

• Contribution to a major project 

Skills 

• Strengths and weaknesses 

• Skills that will be in demand in the future 

• Specific skills the mentee wants to refine, e.g. communication, 

decision-making, presentation 



Development Needs and Career 

• What gives me job satisfaction? 

• A plan for my own development. 

• What’s beyond my current role? 

• Purpose, vision and mission. 

• How I can learn from experience. 

• Learning from own and other people’s successes and failures. 

Open Space 

• A sounding board. 

• Time for me, which I don’t have otherwise. 

Note 

The focus can change over the lifespan of a mentoring relationship. The 

framework can help mentors and learners to keep an eye on the way the 

relationship is evolving. 

Reminders 


April 2005 




April 2005 

Option 2: Formulating Outcomes 

1. What do you want? (stated in the positive) 

2. What will having that do for you? 

3. How will you know when you have it? 

4. How will I know when you have it? 

5. What stops you from having it already? 

6. How will the desired outcome affect other areas of your life? 

7. What resources do you already have that will contribute to your 

goal? 

8. What additional resources do you need to get to your goal? 

9. What actions will you take to get there? 

10. Is what you specified in the first step achievable? Is there more 

than one way to get there? 

Adapted from Robert Knowlton at www.successoptions.com ,   

See his newsletter “Dedicated to Purpose!” 




April 2005 

Option 3: Setting Objectives 

• Familiarise yourself with the mentoring programme objectives 

• Decide on specific objectives based on the mentee’s: 

- Strengths and weaknesses 

- Long-term goals 

- Current challenges: 

* business 

* job 

* relationships 

- Experience, skills and competencies that are lacking 

- Networks needed for progress 

- Formal studies and career goals 

• Set networking objectives 

Identify and plan how to introduce the mentee to the informal network in 

the organisation: 

- decide which other departments the protégé needs to visit to 

understand the bigger picture and different career paths 

- discuss how the mentee can enhance his/her visibility, both inside 

and outside the organisation 

• List and prioritise goals and objectives, and decide on a time scale. 

Note: Presented and real issues might be different. Therefore 

objectives need to be renegotiated as the process unfolds. 

• Decide how to monitor that the process remains on track. 

• If both parties feel after 1 – 3 sessions that the relationship is not 

working, terminate it in a good spirit. 

In Clutterbuck’s experience, it is not important to have a signed and sealed 

contract. The main issue is that mentor and mentee should have a 

common understanding of the objectives, the do’s and don’ts and how they 

will operate. (2001, p.96) 

“It’s a funny thing about life; 

if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” 

(Somerset Maugham) 



Option 4: Facilitating a “Best Fit” Position 

It is important to realise that for sustainability of effort, achievement and 

motivation, it is essential that there is an optimal fit between the mentee,, 

the organisation and the specific job demands that face the mentee on a 

day to day basis. 


April 2005 

A. Individual 

Best 

fit 

C. Job demands 




April 2005 

B. Organisation 

According to Richard Boyatzis it “… is important to notice that the zone 

of best fit is not the area in which people feel most satisfied. That is 

why ‘job satisfaction’ does not lead to maximum performance. The 

zone of best fit, where the individual’s values, the requirements of the 

job and the organisational environment are in sync, is the area in 

which they are most excited.” (Boyatzis, 2000, p.1) This “best fit” is 

basically an overlap between the values and competence of the individual, 

the values and culture of the organisation and also the job-specific tasks, 

functions and roles of the individual. 



A. Individual 

With reference to the individual, consider the following: 

- Values 

- Talents 

- Interests 

- Skills 

- Experience 

B. Organisation 

Reflect on your organisation’s: 

- Culture 

- Values 

- Structure (individual vs. team, hierarchy vs. flat structure, etc.) 

- Life stage (success curve) 

- Strategic focus 

What are the demands that are being made on people? What may you 

need to work on in order to fit better into the organisation? 

C. Job demands 

The framework within which this can be approached is : 

- Tasks/outputs/deliverables 

- Function 

- Role 

In the context of “best fit” it may also be useful to take note of the 

following: 

- Knowledge gaps 

- Skills gaps 

- Attitude gaps 

- Aptitude gaps 


April 2005 



! 


April 2005 

Option 6: Boyatzis’ Self-directed 

Development Model 

(Boyatzis in Goleman et al, 2002, p.110) 

Develop a personal development plan by completing the following: 

1. My ideal self (vision) – how you would like to be. 

2. My real self – who I am 



2(a) Your strengths 

2(b) Your weaknesses 

3. My learning agenda (action plan) 

4. Where will it be “safe” to experiment with the new behaviour? 

5. What opportunities are available – at work and at home – to practise 

the new behaviour? 

6. Who do you trust enough to give you support and feedback on this 

journey, e.g. a mentor, a colleague or a partner? 


April 2005 



Appendix C: The Process 

The following three models provide options for the structuring of individual 

mentoring sessions. 

Model 1: COPER: The Body of a Mentoring 

Session 


April 2005 

! 

The “COPER” model is an adaptation of Myles Downey’s GROW model 

(1996, p.30). 

Model 2: Gareth Lewis’ 3D Mentoring Model 

Define: 

R o u t e M a p 

* What, when, 

how, who? 

* Next step 

Describe: 

Decide: 

Connect 

urrent situation 

riteria for success 

ommon understanding 

Outcomes 

bjectives 

E v a l u a t e 

* Skill / will 

* Causes / obstacles 

* Options 

(brainstorm) 

“What do you want?” 

(Goals and objectives) 

P r o b 

Who, what, where, 

when, how? 

(Why) 

* Paraphrase 

“What is happening?” 

(Facts, figures, incidents, processes, 

attributes) 

(2000, pp.93-95) 

“What are you going to do about it?” 

(Wait for protégé’s decision – challenge for 

feasibility and appropriateness) 




April 2005 



Model 3: Recurring Patterns in Mentoring 

Sessions 


April 2005 

Clarify and 

elucidate 

Build 

confidence/ 

motivation 

Create a relaxed yet business-like atmosphere (rapport) 

Confirm purpose of session 

Explore issues from mentee’s perspective 

Challenge 

assumptions 

Agree options 

for action/ 

consideration 

(eg. learning 

tasks) 

Summarise 

Stimulate 

analysis 

Agree 

actions by 

both parties 

(Source: Clutterbuck, 2001, p.106) 

Draw on own 

experience 

Agree on 

milestones 



The mentoring process consists broadly of the following steps: 

1. Build 

Rapport 

! 

Example B: Self-observation of Planning 

and Scheduling 


April 2005 

2. Take Stock 

and 

Strategise 

Outline agenda for next session 

3. Implement 

and Monitor 

Progress 

4. Reinforce 

Real Life 

Applications 

Objective: Improved planning, scheduling and debriefing 

5. Evaluate 

Results 

(Flaherty, 1999, p. 183) 

Weekly overview 

Make a list of everything you want to achieve by the end of the week by 

referring to the “domains of concern” list that follows. 

Domains of concern 

* Health/body 

* Finances 

* Relaxation/leisure 

* Work/current projects 

* Social and relational 

* Reading, studying 

* Maintenance: diet, education, domestic chores, community, work 

vehicle, clothing, family, equipment, money, friends, other 



Weekly scheduling 

1. List your weekly goals. Be sure they can be done in a week’s time. 

2. Tick off, or draw a line through items when completed. 

3. Add additional items as necessary throughout the week. 

Weekly debriefing 

Ask yourself what you actually achieved, even if you didn’t initially have it 

on your list. Follow the daily debriefing procedure for transferring 

incomplete items. 

Daily overview 

Every day, read: 

• List of weekly achievements 

• List of domains of concern 

Daily scheduling 

1. List activities and appointments for the day. 

2. List actions required to complete weekly objectives. 

3. Assign times to all activities. 

4. Tick off or draw a line through the items completed. 

5. Add items as necessary throughout the day. 

Daily debriefing 

Transfer items to the future if necessary. After transferring any item three 

times, drop it from your activities list unless it is of vital importance. If vital, 

ask for support in completing the item. 


April 2005 



Designing Practices 

“Practices naturally flow from self-observation. A practice is a 

behaviour that we do again and again with the intention of improving 

a quality or competence. In order to improve, we must be able to 

observe whether or not we are doing the behaviour competently and 

correct accordingly. Self-observation then becomes part of every 

practice that we do. … A practice fades into the background when a 

person has done it enough times to be able to competently perform 

the action effortlessly and seamlessly.” 

(Flaherty , 1999, p. 173). 

Method 3: Working With Meaning Structures 

What we achieve in life is the result of certain behaviours and those 

behaviours again are the result of how we interpret ourselves and the world 

at any given moment. This personal or subjective “interpretation” can be 

called a meaning structure, a term that is used by Nancy Dixon in her 

book, The Organizational Learning Cycle. Let’s consider Nancy’s 

behavioural model: 

A Behavioural Model for Mentoring 

! 

Client’s Experience Client’s ”Reality” Mentor’s  


April 2005 

Observation 

Module 5 - The Mentoring Process 

Explicit Meaning 

Structures 

Page 1


Engage the 

World 


April 2005 

Give 

Meaning 

(interpret) 

Surface Line 

Tacit Meaning 

Structures 

Language 

and 

Behaviour 

A mentor has first to become aware of a client’s meaning structures (the 

underlying drivers of behaviour) and then (s)he has to help the client to 

become aware of them. According to James Flaherty, there is no use in 

the client merely being told by the mentor what his meaning structures are 

– he has to become aware of them by means of the subtlety of the 

mentoring process and the skills of the mentor. 

“Our job as coaches (mentors) will be to understand the client’s 

structure of interpretation, then in partnership alter this structure so 

that the actions that follow bring about the intended outcome.” 

(Flaherty, 1999, p. 8). 

A major obstacle to change, growth and increased competence, is that 

people tend to “hear” only that which supports their existing viewpoints. 



(Inner & External) 

Acknowledgement 

© Learning of her administrative 

Link International  

April competence 

2005 

The Cycle of Growth 

Awareness 

Enhanced Practise 

Competence (do ↔ reflect) 

Mentors facilitate increased awareness to bring about change and growth. 

Example A 

Jane is an assistant to a private client portfolio manager at a financial 

institution. The portfolio manager often gets complaints from clients that 

she comes across as unfriendly and irritated when they make inquiries. 

Experience Meaning Structure Actions 



Time pressures and 

tight deadlines 


April 2005 

“The 

telephone 

wastes time” 

• Irritated 

• Impolite 

• Abrupt 

• Rude 



Appendix E:  

Mentor’s Self-observation Sheet 

Name: Date: 

What am I learning about myself and others in the mentoring process? 

What makes my mentoring effective? Where can I improve? 

What makes me insecure or uncomfortable? 

As a result of my mentoring, what intrigues me more about people? 

What surprises me? 

What am I discovering about the way I relate to people? 

Which of my ideas or assumptions are continuously challenged in 

mentoring discussions? Where am I flexible and where am I rigid? 

What kind of mood seems to work best in my mentoring work? How 

can I prepare myself emotionally for mentoring sessions? 

What don’t I understand about specific mentees? What does this 

highlight about myself? 

Am I practising what I preach? If not, how am I justifying this? 


April 2005 




April 2005 


Module 6 

Case Studies & Role 

Plays



April 2005 

Module 6 - Case Studies & Role 

Plays 

Page ! 1


Module 6: Case Studies 

& Role Plays 


April 2005 

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made   

from something they have deep inside them – a desire,   

a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina,   

they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill   

and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” 

(Muhammad Ali) 


Plays 

Page ! 1


Dominee Deon Doen-Sit-Self 

Deon is ses maande gelede bevestig in die amp van leraar by ‘n tradisievaste 

NG gemeente in ‘n voorstad van Johannesburg. Sy voorganger was 

besig met doktorale studies en het die gemeente op ‘n lassaise faire wyse 

bestuur. Alhoewel hy baie geliefd was het die gemeentegetalle begin kwyn. 

In die afwesigheid van rigtinggewende leierskap het informele leiers na 

vore getree en die leisels van die verskillende kommissies oorgeneem om 

sake te probeer red. 

Deon het pas ‘n Meestersgraad in kerkreg voltooi en is op ‘n missie om die 

gemeente reg te ruk sodat dit binne die amptelik voorgeskrewe strukture 

funksioneer. Sy vrou Estelle – ‘n spraakterapeut met haar eie praktyk – het 

pas geboorte geskenk aan hulle eersteling, wat boonop ‘n kroep-baba is. 

Omdat Deon van nature ‘n perfeksionis is, probeer hy om alles self te doen 

en sodoende kritiek vry te spring. Nadat ‘n paar van hulle geroskam is 

omdat hulle kommissies nie volgens die letter van die wet funksioneer nie, 

het die gemeente- leiers een vir een begin onttrek. 

Deon se hoë stresvlak en min slaap maak hom ge-irriteerd en minder hoflik 

as normaalweg teenoor almal. Hy voel ook skuldig dat hy vir Estelle so min 

ondersteun, veral omdat sy ooglopend nie die hoë standaard haal wat aan 

“mevrou dominee” gestel word nie. 

‘n Ander bron van bekommernis is sy ouer-wordende ouers wat sukkel om 

finansieel kop bo water te hou. Hy het boonop per ongeluk ‘n gesprek 

tussen twee gemeentesusters gehoor wat sy preke gekritiseer het en hulle 

uitgespreek het teen die feit dat Estelle die gemeente-aktiwiteite 

ondergeskik stel aan haar beroep en baba. Hy kon hom nouliks bedwing 

om hulle tromp-op te konfronteer. 

Vir Deon – ‘n toppresteerder sy lewe lank – is dit ‘n bitter pil om hierdie tipe 

kritiek te verduur. Hy begin moedeloos voel en wonder soms of hy regtig 

uitgeknip is vir die bediening. Was dit nie vir sy geestelike passie nie, het 

hy waarskynlik lankal eerder polisse gaan probeer verkoop. Dit voel vir 

hom asof hy in ‘n maalkolk is waar hy besig is om heeltemal beheer te 

verloor. 


April 2005 


Plays 

Page ! 1


Aktiwiteit 

Jy is onlangs benoem as Deon se mentor en is op pad na hom vir julle 

eerste afspraak. Deon weet nie presies wat jou rol as mentor behels nie en 

is skepties oor presies hoe dit hom kan help. 

Berei voor vir julle eerste onderhoud en doen daarna ‘n rollespel met Deon 

om die verloop van die gesprek te simuleer. Onthou om oop vrae (wie? 

wat? waar? wanneer? hoe? vertel my meer…) te vra. Wees versigtig om dit 

nie soos ‘n kruisverhoor te laat oorkom nie. Onthou om deurentyd op te 

som en seker te maak dat jy ‘n punt reg verstaan. Probeer om jouself 

daarvan te weerhou om advies te gee óf gevolgtrekkings te maak sonder 

voldoende feite. Indien jy meer oor ‘n sensitiewe saak wil weet, vra eers 

Deon se toestemming om hom daaroor uit te vra. Probeer ook vasstel wat 

Deon se definisie van die perfekte leraarspaar is. Besluit wat die fokus van 

julle gesprekke sal wees en wat die 20% is wat die 80% verskil t.o.v. sy 

effektiwiteit en lewenskwaliteit sal maak. Vra hom ook om ‘n lys te maak 

van al sy bekommernisse en dit na die volgende mentorskapsessie saam 

te bring. 


April 2005 


Plays 

Page ! 1

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