The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

realjannaweiss

The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

186 THE TIBETAN BOOK OF LIVING AND DYING

resolve the problem between you. Visualize vividly the person

in this new state of openness. This will also help you feel

more open toward him or her. Then really feel, deep in your

heart, what it is you most need to say to the person. Tell him

or her what the problem is, tell the person all your feelings,

your difficulties, your hurt, your regret. Tell him or her what

you haven't felt safe, or comfortable enough, to say before.

Now take a piece of paper and write what you would say,

all of it. Then, when you have finished, immediately begin to

write what he or she might say in response to you. Don't stop

to think about what the person used to say: Remember that

now, as you have visualized, he or she has truly heard you

and is more open. So just write, see what comes spontaneously;

and allow the person, in your mind, to express completely

his or her side of the problem as well.

Search yourself and see if there is anything else you need

to say to the person—any other hurt feelings or regrets from

the past that you have been holding back or have never aired.

Again, each time after you have stated your feelings, write a

response by the other person, writing down just whatever

comes into your mind. Continue this dialogue until you really

feel there is nothing more you are holding back, and nothing

more that needs to be said.

To see if you are truly ready to conclude the dialogue, ask

yourself deeply if you are now able to let go of the past

wholeheartedly, really able, satisfied by the insight and healing

that this written dialogue has given you, to forgive this person,

or to feel that he or she would forgive you. When you

feel you have accomplished this, remember to express any last

feelings of love or appreciation you may have been holding

back, and say goodbye. Visualize the person turning away and

leaving now; and even though you must let go of him or her,

remember that you can keep his or her love, and the warm

memories of the best aspects of your relationship, always in

your heart.

To come to an even clearer reconciliation with the past,

find a friend to whom you can read your written dialogue, or

read it out loud by yourself at home. Once you have read this

dialogue aloud, you will be surprised to notice a change in

yourself, as though you have actually communicated with the

other person, and actually cleared with them all the problems

you have been having. Afterward you will find it far easier to

let go, to speak directly with the other person about your difficulties.

And when you have really let go, a subtle shift in the

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