The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

realjannaweiss

The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

TWO STORIES 391

You don't have to feel like you have the buddha nature. That's not

the point. The point is trust, which is faith. The point is devotion,

which is surrender. That, for me, is the essence. If you can trust what

the master is saying, and study and try to bring the teaching back to

yourself in difficult times, and train your mind not to fall into its

habitual patterns, if you can just be with what is happening, with

bare attention, after a while you notice that nothing stays around

very long. Not even negative thoughts. Especially not our bodies.

Everything changes. If you leave it in its place, it will liberate itself.

In a situation like mine, when fear becomes so obvious to you,

and so predominant, and you feel like you are being swallowed by

the fear, you must take your mind in hand. I have realized that fear

is not going to kill me. This is just something that is passing through

my mind. This is a thought and I know that thoughts will liberate

themselves if I just keep my hands off. I also realize that's what happens

in the bardos, when and if you see a vision coming at you that

might be frightening; it's not coming anywhere other than from you!

All those energies we have kept damped down into our bodies are

being released.

I also discovered, early on, when I was training my mind, there is

a certain point, a certain line you must draw, and beyond that point

you cannot let your mind go. If you do, you risk mental problems,

you risk moroseness, you risk being a real downer for everybody

around you: that would be the least. But you could flip out. People

do flip out, get unbalanced by believing what their minds are telling

them about reality. We all do it, but there is a certain line beyond

which you cannot go... I used to have panic attacks. I thought there

was a big black hole in the ground in front of me. Since I have

allowed myself the privilege, and the grace of being happy, all the

time, I don't see black holes any more.

Some of you have been dearer to me than my family. Because

you allow Padmasambhava to come to me in just another way,

through your care and your concern and your love. You don't seem

to care that I have AIDS. No one has ever asked me: "Well, how did

you get it?" No one has ever intimated that this might be a curse on

me; except one old friend of mine who called me a week or so ago

and said, "Aren't you afraid that this is God's curse on you?" After I

stopped laughing, I said, "You believe that God has cursed the earth

and the human body is impure. I, on the other hand, believe that

blessing is the original starting point, not a curse." From beginningless

time, everything has already been accomplished, pure and perfect.

So what I do now is just rest in the radiance. It's everywhere. You

can't get away from it. It is so intoxicating that sometimes I feel like I

am just floating in the radiance. I am letting Padmasambhava, as he

flies through the sky of the mind, just let me tag along.

Now if I were sitting out there listening to this, I would say,

"Okay then, why aren't you healed?" People have asked me that. It's

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