406 NOTES 3. Dame Cicely Saunders, "Spiritual Pain," a paper presented at St. Christopher's Hospice Fourth International Conference, London 1987, published in Hospital Chaplain (March 1988). 4. Kübler-Ross, On Death andDying, 36. 5. I strongly recommend her detailed book on how to care for the dying, Facing Death and Finding Hope (Doubleday, 1997). 12. COMPASSION: THE WISH-FULFILLING JEWEL 1. Often people have asked me: "Does this mean that it is somehow wrong to look after ourselves, and care for our own needs?" It cannot be said too often that the self-cherishing which is destroyed by compassion is the grasping and cherishing of a false self as we saw in Chapter 8. To say that self-cherishing is the root of all harm should never be misunderstood as meaning either that it is selfish, or wrong, to be kind to ourselves or that by simply thinking of others our problems will dissolve of their own accord. As I have explained in Chapter 5, being generous to ourselves, making friends with ourselves, and uncovering our own kindness and confidence, are central to, and implicit in, the teachings. We uncover our own Good Heart, our fundamental goodness, and that is the aspect of ourselves that we identify with and encourage. We shall see later in this chapter, in the "Tonglen" practice, how important it is to begin by working on ourselves, strengthening our love and compassion, before going on to help others. Otherwise our "help" could ultimately be motivated by a subtle selfishness; it could become just a burden to others; it could even make them dependent on us, so robbing them of the opportunity to take responsibility for themselves, and obstructing their development. Psychotherapists say too that one of the core tasks for their clients is to develop self-respect and "positive self-regard," to heal their feelings of lack and inner impoverishment, and to allow them the experience of well-being that is an essential part of our development as human beings. 2. Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life (Bodhicaryavatara), translated by Stephen Batchelor (Dharamsala: Library ofTibetan Works and Archives, 1979), 120-21. 3. The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology of Writings by and about the Dalai Lama (Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, 1990), 53. 4. Quoted in Acquainted with the Night: A Year on the Frontiers of Death, Allegra Taylor (London: Fontana, 1989), 145. 5. Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life, 34. 6. The teachings define these four "immeasurable qualities" with great precision: loving kindness is the wish to bring happiness to those who lack happiness; compassion is the desire to free those who are suffering from their suffering; joy is the wish that the happiness people have found will never desert them; and equanimity is to see
NOTES 407 and treat all without bias, attachment, or aversion, but with boundless love and compassion. 7. Bodhichitta is categorized in a number of ways. The distinction between "Bodhichitta in aspiration" and "Bodhichitta in action" is portrayed by Shantideva as being like the difference between deciding to go somewhere and making the voyage. Bodhichitta is also categorized into "relative," or "conventional Bodhichitta," and "ultimate Bodhichitta." Relative Bodhichitta entails the compassionate wish to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all living beings, and the training outlined here. Ultimate Bodhichitta is the direct insight into the ultimate nature of things. 8. In Chapter 13, "Spiritual Help for the Dying," I shall explain how the dying person can practice Tonglen. 9. Shantideva, A Guide, to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life, 119. 13. SPIRITUAL HELP FOR THE DYING 1. Dame Cicely Saunders, "Spiritual Pain," a paper presented at St. Christopher's Hospice Fourth International Conference, London 1987, published in Hospital Chaplain (March 1988). 2. Stephen Levine, interviewed by Peggy Roggenbuck, New Age Magazine, September 1979, 50. 3. Jamyang Khyentse Chökyi Lodrö wrote this in his Heart Advice for my great-aunt Ani Pelu (London: Rigpa Publications, 1981). 4. An audio cassette of readings from the TibetanBookofLivingandDying is available to help people who are dying. 5. "Son/daughter of an enlightened family": All sentient beings are at one stage or another of purifying and revealing their inherent buddha nature and are therefore collectively known as "the enlightened family." 6. The Sanskrit word Dharma has many meanings. Here it means the Buddhist teaching as a whole. As Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche says: "The expression of the Buddha's wisdom for the sake of all sentient beings." Dharma can mean Truth or ultimate reality; dharma also signifies any phenomenon or mental object. 7. Lama Norlha in Kalu Rinpoche, The Dharma (Albany: State Univ. of New York Press, 1986), 155. 8. Marion L. Matics, Entering the Path of Enlightenment: The Bodhicaryavatara of the Buddhist Poet Shantideva (London: George, Allen and Unwin, 1971), 154; Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life (Bodhicaryavatara), translated by Stephen Batchelor (Dharamsala: Library ofTibetan Works and Archives, 1979), 30-32. 14. THE PRACTICES FOR DYING 1. Lati Rinbochay and Jeffrey Hopkins, Death, Intermediate State and Rebirth in Tibetan Buddhism (Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, 1985), 9.