When your 'what its' and 'yeah, buts' turn positive - you .win

"If I start gettmg really

weIrd, really crazy, whlle

you're here, It's because of the

tnal," my fnend Franme's

VOicecame over the long distance

lme from San FranClsco

She sounded fnghtened "I

get real nervous and have an

anXlety attack Just thmkmg

about It and can't do anythmg

about It"

My first Impulse was to say

"FranDle, you can do every. '

tlung about the anXlety now,~

but I didn't Even though I

beheve 10,000 percent that we

can manage our thoughts and

energy, I didn't feel hke

Franme needed to be told by

me what to do

FranDle was talkmg about a

VISitI was plannIng that would

COinCIdeWlth a court date she

had, a court date SIX weeks

from now

Through no fault of her own,

GraB Pojnt~ N~ws

she'd been mJured m a plane

accident that caused her longterm

pam and, finally, surgery

The physical pam was compounded

by emotIOnal terror

from lawyers, depOSItions and

accusatIOns, all attackmg

Franme, saymg she was at

fault Right' As If It were

Franme, who from seat 34A,

slammed on the brakes of the

Jet wrole taxung on the runway

Thmkmg of the best way to

be Supportive, I said, "Franme,

I understand completely what

you're saYIng and feehng, and

appreciate very much your concern

about me Don't worry, 111

be Just fine "

She was clearly stressed

"Franme, do you tlunk you

might be afraid because you

might not get what you want?"

I asked

"No," she answered qUickly,

/

~ ,At; P¥-

/,q"

/rA'

.'

hd ~V

, "

#

kite is

tJOketndGod

t!~itJ

,,'

!&..

"It'S not that It's Just that the

gentleman for the alrlme, a

young attorney, said some real

hurtful thIngs"

"It sounds hke you're takIng

what he said personal"

"Well, It IS,"she answered

I explaIned that, for me, It'Sa

personal attack If I choose to

allow It It ISnot personal, however,

If I chose to beheve It'S

Just another attorney saYIng

what he's got to say to wm hIS

case, save hiS chents' money

Bard had it right 400 years ago

Having recently enjoyed the

Canadian version of "West Side '

Sto~ m Stratford, my mmd "

went back to my Bronx childhood

and awareness of gang

wars ("rumbles") They were

rare, but they were scary

Nobody seemed to ever get

lolled m those days, but people

did get hurt There was no

apparent way to prevent them.

As young boys m an Idealls-

bc New York pubhc school, we

were taught tolerance and the

evils of preJumce These prinCiples

were part of the "melting

pot, " where we were all

Amencans, first and foremost,

ChnstIans and Jews secondarily

At the tIme, there were no

blacks or HispaniCs 10 our

neIghborhood, but racial preJudice

was ublqwtous Our pnncipal

was a large woman Wlth a

boom1OgvOiceand she mSlsted

that we be CIVIlto each other

She personally would deal With

any pupil caught thrOWIng a

snowball

. DeSPite what the pnnClpal

s81d at assembly, boys were

fightmg, sometImes over turf,

somehmes Just to exert dominance

and power There were

gIrls who would go Wlth the

most aggreSSIve males, Just

hke In the rest of the arumal

kmgdom And there were boys

who Simply wanted sex for

pleasure and feehngs of power

These behaVIors were

Dal'Wlman - sUTVlvalof the

fittest, reproductIOn of the

dommant

At first, I thought "West SIde

Sto~ was more VIolent and

tragic than "Romeo and Juhet,"

but upon reflectIOn, the same

kl1hngBhappened Tony killed

Mana's brother (aCCIdentally,

after trymg to stop a rumbie),

after 'Nardo kIlled Tony's best

mend, also Wlth a kmfe Then

Mana's Intended performed a

gang revenge by kllhng Tony,

thiS time WIth a pistol The

1957 "West Side Story" brought

a gun Into the Shakespearean

drama, which may have proved

to be a prophetIc symbol

[n Shakespeare's "Romeo

and Juhet," there were bloody

and fatal sword fights between

the ~9Ung men of the Capulet

/"'/

// /

and Montague famlhes,

because of an age-old feud It

was all the pnnce of the Clty

could do to maintam peace

In Jerome Robbin's "West

Side Story,~ the talk of

weapons went from bats and

rubber hoses to bre-Irons and

kruves Tony,m love and under

the mfluence of hIgher aspIratIons,

suggested "skin," mean-

109 fists, so no one would get

badly hurt

In the mtervemng 400 years

between the two plays, all of

SOCIety'sattempts to moderate

such conflIcts have failed, lead.

mg to tragIc deaths of young

people over the centunes We

have not yet found a way to get

some adolescent boys to moderate

theIr behaVIor

ThIS analYSIS bnngs US to

Columbme High School and

Littleton They were not about

famdy feuds or gang wars.

What we have now are person.

al vendettas camed out by

mentally disturbed lugh school

boys In real hfe, there were no

gang leaders smgIng, "play It

cool, boy" at the recent high

school shootmgs One can only

guess how many potential

shootmgs were actually avert.

ed by teenage leaders who

exercised some reason1Og

power and exerted control

The t.lJrust of my reahzatIon

comes as rather a shock - that

teenage boys have been out of

control for millennia The

anCient Greeks and Romans

decned the Wlldness and ura.

tlOnahty of youth, seemg It as

regressIve, pnmltlve and

unc1V1hzed (What's the world

commg to?)

Shakespeare's play pomts

out clearly that no matter what

the proscnptlOns - coupled

WIth threats - VOicedby the

,

and help them aVOIdresponslblhty

A key tool used by attorneys

m sItuation!> hke thiS IS to

Imply, sugge!>t, even flat out

accuse Why not Just say,

"Shame on you! You bad personl"

Glmme a break GIVe yourself

a break

Today, I absolutely refuse to

allow anyone to shame me,

blame me, use me, In their

attempt to aVOId acceptmg

The surprise? Followmg

speeches hononng those present

and an equal number who

were unable to attend, School

Supenntendent Suzanne

Klein's secretary/receptlODlst

Denise Stamatakis stood up

and wowed the audience Wlth

her sung renditIon of "May

YouAlways "

After her secretanal dutIes

are over, the talented Ms

Starnatakis usually slOgs as

Demse Stevens for the Mel

Stander Orchestra "The

song IS an old McGUIre sisters

favonte from the '50s," says

Demse

Making light of

a serious subject

In their quest to serve and

protect, nothmg's too good for

Park pubhc safety officers

That 10eludes the latest m

flashhght technology being

Installed m Park patrol cars,

the Black Kmght Senes M.ll

Pehcan brand rechargeable

profeSSIOnalflashlIght

Boastmg a super-brIght

"prefocused Xenon beam,"

"hfetlme pressure SWItch"and

"rubber sure-gnp sheath," the

profeSSIOnal-grade hght looks

and remedial action taken

Dr Bloom IS clInical aSSOCI'

ate professor, department of

psychiatry, Wayne State

UnIVersity School of MediCine

He IS a rrwmbcr of the American

Academy of PsychoanalysIs

and on the editorial board of

the Wayne County Medical

Society He welcomes comments

and questions at hIS e.mall

address

vbloom@compu.~erve com and

ViSitS to hiS webSite www fac

totem com / vbloom

,

responslblllty for their actIOns

Thl!>ISa big part of my respon-,

Slblhty m takIng care of me, 10

changIng old way!>of thmkmg

that made me a vIctim

Today, when fear, anxiety

and pamc come., knockmg on

my door, the very first thmg I

con!>clOuslythink of ,IS, "I'm

Just afraid I am not go~g to .~et

what I want" That's It, the bottom

Ime We all want what we

want - when we want It •

If I want to stay peaceful and

fear free, I Immedllitely

remember the Rolhng Stbnes

refram "You can't always get

what vou want, but If vou try

sometimes you Just might find

you get what you need"

"Try" for me means trust,

trust m the umverse, trust 10

God

When I chose to replace the

fear WIth trust and the behef

that what happens Will be

ready to do the Job under all

tough conditIons

- Well, maybe

On the box, under "The

PelIcan UnconditIOnal LifetIme

Guarantee of Excellence~

which assures the flashhght

Wlll be replaced or the purchase

pnce refunded "for a hfetime"

agamst breakage or

defects In workmanship, IS the

followmg proVIso

"The above guarantee does

not cover shark bite, bear

attack or children under 5 "

"We were recently up north

With our young grandklds,"

Park Deputy Pubhc Safety

DIrector Bill Furtaw tells

FYI "I thInk I know what they

mean there ~

You can't get

there from here

The scene IS a busy day In

the Village, With yellow tape

strung between posts, orange

traffic cones dottmg the landscape,

open ditches, pIles of

dIrt and broken concrete, long

rows of sewer pipe where the

curb used to be, cut-up tree

trunks and bulldozers, backhoes

and dump trucks rumblmg

around everywhere

A mom, carrymg a httle boy

who looked about 2 years old,

stops at the corner of St Clair

and Kercheval, looks dazedly

at the mess and says to no one

m partICular "How are we

gomg to get where we want to

go?"

lIVE

TOLL FREE

• FORMERLY -

~TlR$

MT,CLEMENS

absolutely the very best for me,

Iwm

When I change my negatIve,

old "what Ifs~and "yeah, buts"

to posItive "what Ifs" and

"yeah, buts," I wm

Instead of a day filled Wlth

fear, worry, anger, resentment,

self-pity, shame, ete, my day,

whIch IS all I really have,

becomes a day of play

It's all very easy to say, but

for me, It IS sometimes very,

very hard to execute But I

have proven over and over that

surrender to trust and faIth IS

not losmg. not failure. but

absolute JOYousVictOry

Veteran Journallst Jerry

Staneckl, who made a name for

hImself as The Newshawk on

WXYZ.TV, IS a regular colum.

nlSt for the Grosse Pomte News

HIS e-mail address IS stanec.

kl@wwnet com

The Op-Ed Page .1

authontles and parents, many

adolescents dIsregard them

They are feehng theIr oats,

wantIng to bust loose, needing

to assert themselves agamst

all the rules and authontles It

IS the call of the Wlld They

want to demonstrate theIr

power and freedom to determme

the course of their own

lives, 10 opposItion to the rules

of socIety and parents'

attempts to control them

PsycholOgIcally, gIven the

sum total of adolescent boys, it

can be expected that some Will

go off the deep end The teen

years are tImes of great turmod

and torment for some, so

much so that they feel they

cannot elldure the world as It IS

and commit sUlClde The recent

trend ISto take others along so

that the SUICIdalperson IS not

alone. He wants company

What IS even more scary IS

Kubnck's VISionof the future,

"A Clockwork Orange," 10

which young men are wantonly

gettmg sex and bemg destructive

Their parents are pictured as

hapless, weak, meffectIve

adults, who have no control, let

alone knowledge, of what their

offspnng are domg Their

heads are m the sand They

have relInquished any parental

responslblhty In that claSSIC

mOVIe, CIVIlizedsOCIety IS at

bay, tfYlng to stem the tide of

lawlessness, and erect" a dlabohcal

scheme to rehablhtate

offenders

There seems to be no effec-

tive means of combatmg the

potential power of ragIng hormones

PsycholOgIcalknowl.

edge pomts to the channehng

of emotIOns and creatiVIty mto

the humamtles, the arts and

sports It makes sense for parents

to CIVIlizethe child from

the earhest age on, to contain

emotIOns and restram from

destructIVe behaVIor,to be

able to postpone and delay

Most teenagers from a good

home, are CIVIl,pohte, reasonable

and fnendly, assummg a

neurochemical balance to

begin WIth But there always

WIllbe some who are mstmctlvely

warhke and dangerous

They have to be spotted early

,fx_i _

She sang for

thei r supper

A total of 280 years of servIce

to the Grosse Pomte schools

was represented last month at

a receptIon for

1998-99

retIrees, and

at the end of

the festlVltles

there was a

"golden oldie"

surprIse for

dessert

On hand to

enJoy the War

Memonal's

memorable dmner-hour

munchIes and punch May 26

were Linda Banovetz (South

Enghsh, 26 years serVice),

Karen Bromley (RIchard

magIlet, four years),

Geraldine Deutschel (North

hall momtor, 20 years), Ann

Eatherly (South SOCialstud-

Ies, 30 years), Christine Hea

(Richard, 32 years); Richard

Hensley (South custodian, 18

years); Dorothy Lilly (North

hbrary, 23 yaars), Linda

Mitchell (North Spamsh, 32

years), BiII Mitchell (North

Enghsh, 35 years), Gordon

Morlan (North SCience, 33

years) and Margaret Rogers

(North secretary, 27 years)

Take heart, shoppers The

maIO part of the Improvement

project IS supposed to be fin-

Ished by fall

Napiorkowskis

say E-hello

Fnends of John

Napiorkowski, who graduated

from Grosse Pomte North

High m 1975 and went on to

serve m the U S Army, Wlllbe

pleased to learn he's now

retired and hvmg Wlth Ius Wlfe

10 Oroo

John's WIfe, Shawn, whose

cyber-ID IS

Shawnee59@aol com, found the

onhne versIOn of the Grosse

Pamte News at grossepomtenews

corn and was thnlled at

the chance to get reconnected

"We are very happy that you

have your paper onhne," she emalls

"It's Dicekeepmg 10 tune

WIth what's go1Og on at

home ..

John lIved on Allard 10 the

Farms for many years, Shawn

says, and most recently served

m OperatIOn Desert Storm

before attammg the rank of

major He recently retired from

the Army Reserves m Mlclugan

and would love to hear from old

fnends

Got an FYI tip? Call Ken

Eatherly at (313) 822-4091,

or e-mail him at

kenfyi@home.com

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