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Rhubarb<br />
Winter 2008, Issue Number 20<br />
In the moment<br />
letters 2<br />
editorial by David Elias 3<br />
t w o p o e m s by Christopher Barnes 4<br />
fiction by Shannah-Lee Vidal 5<br />
t w o p o e m s by Jean Janzen 8<br />
fiction by Hedy Heppenstall 9<br />
t h r e e p o e m s by Brenda Sciberras 10, 11<br />
p o e m by Jarrett Storey 12<br />
fiction by Valerie Stelck 13<br />
fiction by Rudy Wiebe 15<br />
fiction by John Goossen 20, 21<br />
p o e m by J.L. Bond 22<br />
fiction by Marcia Lee Laycock 23<br />
t h r e e p o e m s by Jeff Gundy 25, 26, 27<br />
p o e m by K. Manning Enns 28<br />
fiction by Dora Dueck 29<br />
t w o p o e m s by M. Travis Lane 35<br />
p o e m by Susan Plett 36<br />
fiction by Paul Krahn 37<br />
p o e m by Bill Fast 39<br />
r e c i p e 40<br />
reviews 41<br />
l a s t w o r d by Armin Wiebe 48<br />
p h o t o g r a p h s by Federico Buchbinder<br />
c o v e r painting, Hockey night, by Ray Dirks<br />
c a n a d a p o s t m a i l sales p r o d u c t agreement n o. 40032695<br />
r e t u r n undeliverable c a n a d i a n addresses to: rh u b a r b ma g a z i n e, 606-100 ar t h u r street, wi n n i p e g, mb r3b 1h3<br />
p r i n t e d in c a n a d a<br />
Winter 2008 1
Rhubarb<br />
Editor Emeritus<br />
Victor Enns<br />
Editors<br />
David Elias (this issue),<br />
Lois Braun, Sarah Klassen,<br />
Paul Krahn<br />
Publisher<br />
The Mennonite Literary Society<br />
Charitable Registration<br />
#111924 4986 RR0001<br />
Advisory Board<br />
Garry Enns, Aganetha Dyck, Hildi<br />
Froese Tiessen, Julia Kasdorf,<br />
Rudy Wiebe<br />
Board of Directors<br />
Lois Braun, David Elias, Garry Enns<br />
(President), John Goossen, Paul<br />
Krahn, Ken Reddig, Armin Wiebe<br />
The views expressed by writers in<br />
the <strong>magazine</strong> are not necessarily<br />
those of the publisher. Copyright<br />
remains with the writers and artists.<br />
Rhubarb (ISSN: 1481-4153)<br />
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***<br />
Thanks to our supporters, in particular<br />
the Manitoba Arts Council, and<br />
organizations and individual donors<br />
who have provided support for this<br />
issue.<br />
si m p l y v e r y g o o d<br />
The packet with the five copies<br />
of Rhubarb arrived several days ago,<br />
and I read it almost through without<br />
stopping. I had known about it, but<br />
had not seen it before. The physical,<br />
as well as the literary, quality are<br />
simply very good. Congratulations.<br />
You are obviously putting a lot of<br />
time, resources and energy into the<br />
<strong>magazine</strong>.<br />
The issue you sent was especially<br />
meaningful to me since much of<br />
the contents deals with the envi-<br />
Letters<br />
Rhubarb is an independent <strong>magazine</strong> designed to provide an outlet<br />
for the (loosely defined) Mennonite voice, reflect the changing face<br />
of the Mennonite community, promote dialogue, and encourage<br />
the Anabaptist tradition of reformation and protest.<br />
Rhubarb is looking for contemporary art and writing of excellence.<br />
Writing should be clear, stimulating and persuasive without being<br />
didactic. Rhubarb publishes poetry, drama, creative non-fiction and<br />
short fiction (generally, 2,000 - 2,500 words or less), and black<br />
and white artwork and high-contrast photographs that reproduce<br />
well. Rhubarb also publishes humour, book reviews, commentary<br />
and articles related to theme.<br />
Send submissions electronically or by surface mail to:<br />
Rhubarb Magazine<br />
606 - 100 Arthur St.<br />
Winnipeg, MB R3B 1H3<br />
submit@<strong>rhubarb</strong>mag.com<br />
ronment. Since I am not a literary<br />
writer I see now why you asked me<br />
for a contribution. The articles are<br />
very thoughtful and persuasive. I<br />
will not lift any out for special mention.<br />
They were all substantive.<br />
Best wishes to the staff as you<br />
keep producing a substantive publication.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
Cal Redekop<br />
Harrisonburg, Virginia
I’ve always, frankly, been a little uncomfortable<br />
with the term, Mennonite writer.<br />
Having said that, I realize that growing<br />
up in the heart of the West Reserve, surrounded<br />
by villages founded by my predecessors<br />
in the 1800s, really doesn’t leave<br />
me much choice in the matter. Indeed, my<br />
first language was not English but Plaut<br />
Dietsch, which I still try to speak from<br />
time to time. One of the things I’ve always<br />
strived for, though, is to be included in a<br />
larger milieu of creative artists. I wanted<br />
to bring that sense of inclusiveness to this<br />
issue of Rhubarb, and so I have chosen<br />
work by new writers as well as seasoned<br />
authors, local contributors as well as<br />
those from different parts of the country,<br />
indeed even from beyond our borders. I<br />
was also interested in work created out<br />
of a variety of cultures and backgrounds.<br />
What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t<br />
worry too much about the Mennonite<br />
part. Expect a goodly number of writers<br />
who are not from that background<br />
(although if you read their contributor’s<br />
notes you’ll see that some of them are<br />
most creative in discovering a connection<br />
of some kind!). This is an eclectic mix of<br />
nationalities and cultures, of voices both<br />
familiar and new.<br />
Someone said that any given moment<br />
contains within it every other moment—<br />
or maybe I just made that up!—but<br />
because the theme for this issue was “In<br />
The Moment” I worked my way through<br />
the submissions looking for variations<br />
on the idea of the universal as singular,<br />
the particular as general. There was also<br />
the fact that I’ve always had a weakness<br />
for the tender and tough moments of the<br />
human condition. That, and I’ve always<br />
believed that the familiar and easily accessible<br />
need to be balanced by the more<br />
complex in structure, the more difficult to<br />
nail down. I hope these ideas are reflected<br />
in the work I’ve chosen.<br />
Sometimes it was a moment of im-<br />
Any given moment<br />
By David Elias<br />
agery that struck me. Like the kitchen<br />
table in Valerie Stelk’s “Neglect,” or the<br />
lakeshore in Brenda Sciberras’ “Watching<br />
My Muse Pass By.” Other times it might<br />
have been a moment of language. “The<br />
long tongue’s languid flick and flash” in<br />
Jarret Story’s “come on medea,” or the<br />
rain soaked poet’s “soggy pants and glum<br />
shorts” in Jeff Gundy’s “Damp Ode.” And<br />
sometimes the moment was less tangible,<br />
like the feeling of disorientation in Christopher<br />
Barnes’ “System Controls” or the<br />
undercurrent of uncertainty in Heddy<br />
Heppenstall’s “Him And Me And The<br />
Moon.” In addition, there was the opportunity<br />
to present new work by Rudy<br />
Wiebe that takes the notion of “in the<br />
moment” to another level. “…That You<br />
May Awaken” not only serves the theme<br />
of this issue, but the literary context from<br />
which it emerges presents us with another<br />
way to think about the notion of “now.”<br />
In the end, what I most hope for is that<br />
somewhere, within these offerings, the<br />
reader may discover a moment, small and<br />
mighty, that speaks to the possibility in all<br />
of us for something I’ve come to refer to<br />
as “inner bigness.” R
System Controls<br />
By Christopher Barnes<br />
It’s the Power-Bee phone-in<br />
Radar dishing<br />
Disinformation until z hour<br />
Three past it flings<br />
A pulsed signal,<br />
Monkey trick codes<br />
(A bullet-headed org. in Columbia).<br />
A derv and steel utterance<br />
At last says ‘Manana’.<br />
I spend a shift de-coding<br />
In anticipation<br />
Of dodging beachcombing cameras.<br />
Morning—a cannonball plunge<br />
Into public baths.<br />
As with all resistance,<br />
Water clears.<br />
4 Rhubarb<br />
Switched On<br />
By Christopher Barnes<br />
Dionne Warwick is the spark<br />
Suspended on the frequency of the transistor. We grow<br />
Make-it-easy-on-yourself ears, drip New Jersey soul<br />
From sandaled feet, forecasting the 45<br />
Which will make this tingle eternal,<br />
A diamond on black disc.<br />
Crimplene hipsters, billow-sleeved shirt,<br />
Cravatted v-neck. Primrose buds and my yellowish hair,<br />
The rockery is sage-damp, sunbeamed.<br />
Cousin Brenda is romping me out<br />
And this infers Rose Cottage, Day-Glo sweets,<br />
Funny-faces on a stick,<br />
Time away from the flour of pinny strings.<br />
We inspire daisy chains by polluted water.<br />
The park is defectively wide-open, and as she shrugs<br />
To hully-gully the remodelling of singer<br />
To Miss Bessie Banks,<br />
The orlon skirt is impudently short,<br />
Bare puffy legs goosebumped.
Belinda rearranged the porcelain figurines<br />
so that the princess was next to the<br />
cowboy, but somehow the scene didn’t<br />
look right to her. The princess was supposed<br />
to be matched up with the knight,<br />
but a misadventure had interfered with the<br />
pairing. Belinda had dropped the knight<br />
on the floor earlier that morning. He now<br />
rested in the kitchen drawer, hidden behind<br />
the cutlery, next to the arm that had<br />
broken off in the fall. She couldn’t bring<br />
herself to trash the figurine. It would have<br />
to stay in the drawer until she could get<br />
the right glue to repair it. The princess<br />
figurine seemed lonely now. The pair had<br />
been bought as a set. This was Belinda’s<br />
collection. She had taken them out of the<br />
small china cabinet and placed them on<br />
the windowsill above the kitchen sink.<br />
Because today was different, she thought.<br />
Everything must be perfect.<br />
The woman looked out the window<br />
onto the backyard. It was August, and<br />
leaves were yellow and orange. Soon the<br />
trees would be crippled by the cold, until<br />
they could start anew. There was a crabapple<br />
tree that belonged to the house across<br />
the back lane. Clumps of fruit always<br />
spilled out into the lane and got squished<br />
by passing cars. How lovely it would be to<br />
make jelly from those crabapples, Belinda<br />
thought sometimes when she was washing<br />
dishes.<br />
She had spent her whole life living<br />
across the lane from that red and white<br />
house with the crabapple tree. Mr. and<br />
Mrs. McLeod moved in when she was in<br />
third grade. They had a son named Joseph<br />
who ended up in the same homeroom as<br />
Belinda. They walked to school almost<br />
every day that first year. The next year<br />
Joseph decided that he didn’t want to take<br />
a chance with the yucky girl cooties, and<br />
ran from her while clumps of surrounding<br />
children laughed. To Belinda, Joseph had<br />
turned out to be loud, and even mean, at<br />
Belinda Waits<br />
By Shannah-Lee Vidal<br />
times. Once when he had a friend over,<br />
the boys took turns pelting her with the<br />
bitter crabapples, particularly the rotten<br />
ones. She walked quickly away, eyes<br />
forward, never acknowledging the attack.<br />
That was how she was, one of the quiet<br />
ones, eating her peanut butter sandwich<br />
and chocolate pudding cup in silence, not<br />
daring to look at the other children. She<br />
didn’t want to attract their attention. It was<br />
better to fade into the background. From<br />
then on, she pretended that there wasn’t a<br />
boy named Joseph who went to the same<br />
school as her. But she still thought of him.<br />
Someday, she imagined, he would walk up<br />
to her, after admiring her and her womanly<br />
body (which was on order from Sears in<br />
the form of a black padded bra that she<br />
wondered if she would ever have the nerve<br />
to dash around in). He would smile and say<br />
hi. And she would say “I’m sorry, Joseph<br />
who?” But it didn’t end up happening like<br />
that, after all.<br />
W h e n J o s e p h<br />
went away to college,<br />
Belinda stayed<br />
at home with her<br />
aging mother who<br />
was on permanent<br />
disability after a car<br />
accident. The woman wasn’t near death,<br />
but she couldn’t move around very well.<br />
Depression set in, and she gradually took<br />
to her bedroom. The room was a sanctuary<br />
filled with the smell of antiseptic rub<br />
and stale air. The television was on most of<br />
the time. As she slept, the channel stayed<br />
on the station that gave the time and<br />
weather. It you looked closely you could<br />
see that the test had burned its impression<br />
permanently on the screen: June 9th 8:53,<br />
high of 23.<br />
That was Belinda’s main job: her<br />
mother. Her other job was working from<br />
the house as a seamstress. She did alterations<br />
on dresses and pants. Occasionally<br />
she h a d t a k e n t h e m o u t o f t h e<br />
s m a l l c h i n a c a b i n e t a n d p l a c e d<br />
t h e m o n t h e windowsill a b o v e<br />
t h e k i t c h e n s i n k.<br />
Winter 2008 5
e l i n d a w a t c h e d t h e m e a t d i n n e r<br />
t h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w w h i l e s h e<br />
p r e p a r e d c o n c o c t i o n s o f m e a l s<br />
a n d medications t h a t s h e w o u l d<br />
t a k e u p s t a i r s to h e r m o t h e r.<br />
6 Rhubarb<br />
she even sewed bridesmaid dresses. Particularly<br />
during the spring, the house was<br />
strewn with piles of satin and taffeta, and<br />
chipper young women who weren’t the<br />
least bit shy about having their measurements<br />
taken.<br />
Joseph’s mother came by a handful of<br />
times to have some of her nicer outfits<br />
fixed. She had lost weight, leaving the fabric<br />
to hang a bit more than was flattering.<br />
The younger woman never charged full<br />
price, keeping her<br />
lips sealed about<br />
that part. Belinda<br />
enjoyed the chatting.<br />
Here and there<br />
Mrs. McLeod would<br />
spit out tiny crumbs<br />
about how her son<br />
was doing in his<br />
various endeavors.<br />
It was business school, and then work. Finally,<br />
one day Mrs. McLeod gushed about<br />
Joseph’s wedding to some lawyer. Belinda<br />
just smiled when Mrs. McLeod rambled on<br />
about the couple, pretending Belinda had a<br />
membership in this inner circle. When the<br />
grandchildren finally came along, Belinda<br />
found herself intrigued to see the photos<br />
Mrs. McLeod carried around in her purse.<br />
Belinda liked the visits; she felt like she<br />
had a connection with the picture-perfect<br />
family in the photographs. Sometimes<br />
while Belinda was tending to her garden<br />
she would see the grandchildren running<br />
around in Mrs. McLeod’s backyard. She<br />
considered those days lucky.<br />
Mrs. McLeod stopped seeing Belinda<br />
for alterations after her Mr. McLeod died<br />
from a heart attack. The old woman followed<br />
her husband into the earth only<br />
months later. At her funeral, Belinda<br />
signed the guestbook and followed her<br />
way through the line so she could offer<br />
condolences to the family. There were the<br />
two children and the pale-skinned wife of<br />
Joseph, and a few people she didn’t know.<br />
She greeted Joseph last. She told him<br />
she was sorry. He clasped her hand and<br />
squeezed it tightly. He didn’t say anything,<br />
only nodding slightly as he looked on<br />
her face. Self-conscious, she brought her<br />
fingertips to the patches of dry skin that<br />
had developed on her cheeks last winter<br />
and still lingered no matter how much<br />
lotion she used.<br />
The seamstress didn’t stay for the food.<br />
She didn’t care for being in a room of<br />
people she didn’t know. As she was leaving,<br />
a tap on her on the shoulder startled<br />
her. When she turned around she noticed<br />
how Joseph’s body had swollen with the<br />
years. He told her that he was moving to<br />
his parent’s house. It’s bigger house, and<br />
he said they needed the space. Then he<br />
surprised her by putting his arms around<br />
her and hugging her tightly. She felt her<br />
cheeks heat up.<br />
In the months that followed, she<br />
watched Joseph’s family take over the<br />
old house. Curtains changed, so did the<br />
furniture in the kitchen. Belinda watched<br />
them eat dinner through the window while<br />
she prepared concoctions of meals and<br />
medications that she would take upstairs<br />
to her mother. As the days went on, Belinda<br />
studied the red and white house with that<br />
crabapple tree, and the family who lived<br />
there. More than once she witnessed the<br />
two kids shaking that tree and grabbing<br />
fistsfull of the tart fruit. She figured the boy<br />
was about eleven. The girl was probably<br />
eight. Belinda thought the girl looked like<br />
the little princess figurine, with her wavy<br />
blonde hair and pale skin. Belinda always<br />
thought that maybe she would give it to<br />
her someday. But as the days went on, she<br />
didn’t see the kids anymore. She didn’t<br />
even see the family eating dinner. All was<br />
quiet. She knew they were home because<br />
lights would periodically come on and go<br />
off again hours later.<br />
It was when she was uprooting some<br />
carrots that she found out Joseph’s wife<br />
had left him. He called over to her and<br />
made small talk about the harvest, saying<br />
nothing ever grew for him. Belinda<br />
felt him stare, and she looked at him, and<br />
found that his eyes met hers. Joseph told<br />
her he was leaving tomorrow until next<br />
Thursday. It was a business meeting in<br />
Toronto. He asked her to keep an eye on<br />
the house for him. “Of course,” she said.<br />
“You don’t have to worry about anything.”<br />
She gently rubbed the sleeve of this sweatshirt.<br />
“One more thing. Do you want to get
together sometime? Maybe we could have<br />
dinner when I get back?” She smiled and<br />
said yes, holding her breath as his lips<br />
grazed her cheek to deliver a tiny peck.<br />
“I think you’ll have to show me your<br />
gardening secret,” he told her as he walked<br />
away.<br />
Belinda pushed a few loose wisps of hair<br />
behind her ears. It was light brown, with<br />
a scattering of silver. Today was Thursday,<br />
and she had carefully tied it back in a neat<br />
chignon, just like the woman on the soap<br />
opera she used to watch with her mother.<br />
She practiced walking gracefully across<br />
the room just like she saw that actress do<br />
with confidence as she captivated the male<br />
lead before even saying a word. She had<br />
to be ready.<br />
After she took off her peach cotton<br />
apron and slung it languidly on the back<br />
of one of the dining room chairs, Belinda<br />
took a look at herself in front of the fulllength<br />
mirror that decorated the entrance<br />
to the hall closet. She smoothed out the<br />
forest green polyester dress she had on.<br />
It was made from a Butterick pattern<br />
she’d found years ago at a second hand<br />
shop. Holding her breath, Belinda turned<br />
around and looked backward in the mirror<br />
to inspect the back view. After all this time,<br />
the zipper still bore her weight, and Belinda<br />
was thankful. It was the prettiest dress<br />
she owned. As she stood in front of the<br />
mirror, the woman thought of something.<br />
She opened the mirrored closet door and<br />
poked around until she found what she<br />
was looking for between a box of Christmas<br />
tree ornaments and a pile of scarves.<br />
With the tip of her fingers she lured the<br />
box into her palm. After she slipped on<br />
the three-inch high black pumps, Belinda<br />
did a little twirl in front of the full-length<br />
mirror. Perfect, she thought. In her head,<br />
she snapped a freeze frame of the image<br />
of herself, airbrushing the scuff marks on<br />
her shoes along with the obvious flaws in<br />
her pear-shaped body.<br />
Everything was now coming together for<br />
dinner. Belinda set the table and checked<br />
on the roast that was simmering in the<br />
oven. It was something she remembered<br />
her mother serving on Sundays. While the<br />
roast was fine, Belinda frowned at the table<br />
setting. She used her nice dishes with the<br />
small blue flowers, but the table still looked<br />
too ordinary. It should have a centerpiece.<br />
There were still some pink lilies blooming<br />
in the backyard. Those would look great on<br />
the table, she thought. Feeling impulsive,<br />
Belinda grabbed a steak knife and went<br />
outside.<br />
There, bent over the lilies, Belinda heard<br />
the car pull up. She kept her head down but<br />
stole a look as the cab pulled away. Joseph<br />
was standing there in the back lane. He had<br />
on a dark blue suit. She couldn’t tell, but<br />
she guessed his shoes were immaculate.<br />
Along with his big black suitcase, he had<br />
a bouquet of yellow flowers. Belinda felt<br />
dabs of perspiration under her arms, praying<br />
she would be safe from the horrific embarrassment<br />
of sweat stains. While she was<br />
standing in front of her garden wearing her<br />
best dress and highest heels she caught his<br />
eye. Joseph gave her a gleaming smile. He<br />
was the kind of man who took good care<br />
of his teeth. Belinda felt her head for stray<br />
hairs and discreetly brushed them back.<br />
Her chignon was starting to unravel. Carrying<br />
her lilies, she walked over to Joseph.<br />
“Welcome back,” she told him.<br />
“Thanks.” He was still smiling.<br />
“How was the trip?”<br />
“About as lively as you’d expect from a<br />
bunch of stuffed shirts.”<br />
“What about you, have I missed anything<br />
in the neighbourhood?” He winked.<br />
“Any new gossip I should be aware of?”<br />
She opened her mouth, but he cut her<br />
off. “Now, you look rather lovely today. Is<br />
Winter 2008 7
sh e t h e n b e g a n to g e t h e r<br />
k i t c h e n b a c k in o r d e r a f t e r<br />
t h e c u l i n a r y c h a o s.<br />
8 Rhubarb<br />
it a special occasion? Or maybe you got<br />
all dressed up for me?” She laughed nervously.<br />
They both heard the car coming<br />
and moved to opposite sides of the lane<br />
to give it space to pass.<br />
“You brought flowers.”<br />
“That’s right.” He gave<br />
her a wide smile, revealing<br />
the crinkles of time etched<br />
around his eyes. “My wife<br />
and I have decided to try<br />
and put things back together.”<br />
“Those flowers are for her?”<br />
“Yep. Makes her happy. Daisies.”<br />
“I see.”<br />
“I’m just ecstatic,” he confessed. “I feel<br />
positively giddy.”<br />
“Good for you.” She turned away and<br />
walked toward her own house, but he said<br />
one last thing.<br />
“You know, I prefer lilies, myself,” he<br />
“Jesu, Priceless Treasure”<br />
in Tango<br />
By Jean Janzen<br />
—after Richard Stoltzman and Jeremy Wall<br />
Seventy years I have known this chorale,<br />
the rich four-part harmony like a ship<br />
plowing, full-throttle through heavy swell<br />
as the melody’s intervals lift and dip,<br />
opening a chasm of longing. The poem seeks<br />
to fill the space—“source of purest pleasure”—<br />
now to the rhythm of tango: cheek against cheek,<br />
forsaking all others, we lean into the beat,<br />
clarinet wailing the vow over piano and guitar,<br />
hands clasped, arms extended, our feet<br />
in tandem. The ship strives toward a far<br />
land I’ve never seen, Bach and I, in sweet<br />
rehearsal on the deck of the universe, for<br />
the time we arrive, breathless, at the double-bar.<br />
said. And with that he gave her a respectful<br />
nod and opened the wooden gate that<br />
led to the red and white house with the<br />
crabapple tree.<br />
That night Belinda didn’t eat the roast.<br />
She put it in the fridge and made herself<br />
a cheese sandwich and opened a bottle<br />
of wine. The lilies she put on the table<br />
in tall glass. She then began to get her<br />
kitchen back in order after the culinary<br />
chaos. While Belinda was scrubbing the<br />
roasting pan, she drew the curtains to the<br />
window over the sink, no longer craving<br />
the scenery provided by the house across<br />
the lane. A little later, as she was putting<br />
away the steak knife she had used to cut<br />
the flowers, Belinda came upon the broken<br />
knight figurine in the drawer and threw it<br />
in the garbage. R<br />
What we are given<br />
By Jean Janzen<br />
In the photo I am crouched and listening<br />
to three chickens—Rhode Island Reds<br />
explaining the mysteries. They had almost<br />
given up, they say, on anyone hearing,<br />
what with the scream of fighter jets<br />
overhead, and the hawks circling.<br />
Here at the western edge of the continent<br />
the ocean’s glare reminds us, it’s either<br />
fly, swim, or build a mound like<br />
my tribal ancestors. Here, last chance<br />
to learn the secrets of the egg, the hens say:<br />
beauty, fertility, and nourishment,<br />
what we are given to give away.<br />
They cluck and shift their plump<br />
weight from claw to claw until I feed<br />
them, sisters at the edge, softly crowing.
Me and Him and the Moon<br />
It’s 3 am, and I’m awake and feeding<br />
my baby boy when everyone else in the<br />
flippin’ block is asleep. I sit up in our<br />
favorite chair. The orange flowers on the<br />
armrests are rubbed thin and the springs<br />
are gone, but we sink into it perfectly,<br />
me and Dwayne. We sit here, me half<br />
asleep, him filling his belly with my milk,<br />
and then it hits me, that bonding mother<br />
load, a surge, like a head rush but instead<br />
I feel it coming into my arms, my<br />
chest. I take Dwayne and bring his big<br />
loopy head to my nose, breathe in real<br />
deep, like I used to when I’d be inhaling<br />
the sweet stuff. I suck in the milky smell<br />
of him. My lips, a heavy-duty magnet to<br />
his head, my bones pushing deep into<br />
his little bones. The harder I kiss, the<br />
better it feels.<br />
It feels like I’m addicted to holding<br />
Dwayne—but not quite, because addiction<br />
makes you do bad things, like<br />
my last high, over a year ago now, at the<br />
Western with Jimmy. We were still together<br />
then. I blacked out for an hour or<br />
so, and woke up, my back to the garbage<br />
bin in the lane, fully clothed, except for<br />
my underwear. No sight of Jimmy anywhere.<br />
I have no idea how I got home<br />
and can only guess what happened<br />
behind that bin. I finally got a hold of<br />
Jimmy the next day. He said he left on<br />
his own around midnight because he<br />
wanted to get some sleep before his<br />
morning shift. That freaked me out and<br />
I haven’t touched the stuff since then.<br />
Instead of bad things like that, I feel like<br />
this kind of addiction—me craving my<br />
baby boy—his touch, his smell, pushes<br />
me to the ends of the earth to do good<br />
things.<br />
So I hold him and feed him, feed him<br />
and hold him, until he’s soft and heavy<br />
with sleep. I look up and see the moon,<br />
a big fat moon, and it feels like me and<br />
him and the moon are the only things<br />
that matter.<br />
By Hedy Heppenstall<br />
I put Dwayne back in his crib and<br />
walk to the open window. I run my<br />
hands along the worn window ledge<br />
and stare at the moon. All of a sudden<br />
I smell cigarette smoke—just a stream<br />
of it coming into my open window<br />
from some insomniac below. I wave my<br />
nose towards the smoke.<br />
It smells so good. When I<br />
was pregnant I quit smoking<br />
and it was easy to stay<br />
away because I’d get a weird<br />
aftertaste. But now, it smells<br />
heavenly. I make myself<br />
turn away from the window and back to<br />
Dwayne. I stand over his crib and stare<br />
at him, watch his eyelids twitch, his lips<br />
move like he’s dreaming of the boob.<br />
After months of him floating around<br />
inside of me, it’s finally sinking in that<br />
he’s here with me for the long run. I<br />
worked hard to turn things around so I<br />
could keep this baby. I went to prenatal<br />
classes on my own. I took my vitamins,<br />
except for a few weeks here and there,<br />
when swallowing the big pink pill made<br />
me nauseous. I’ve been going to Narcotics<br />
Anonymous every week, though every<br />
once in awhile I bump into someone<br />
that I used to party with. It’s weird to be<br />
straight together especially when the last<br />
time we saw each other was over a crack<br />
pipe. Seems dangerous, getting a bunch<br />
of former users together. But the stories,<br />
hearing all the bad things that came<br />
from our addictions, that helps to keep<br />
me straight. All for my precious boy.<br />
My precious boy. I lean over the crib<br />
rail and kiss his head, breathe in his<br />
smell, but it hurts my back to stay there.<br />
I stand up and walk back to the window.<br />
I can’t see for the life of me who’s<br />
down there having that smoke. They<br />
must be right up against the building<br />
and I can’t lean out to see because of the<br />
screen. I try to hoist the screen open but<br />
it won’t budge. Maybe it’s my cousin,<br />
i m a k e myself t u r n a w a y<br />
f r o m t h e w i n d o w a n d<br />
b a c k to dw a y n e .<br />
Winter 2008 9
10 Rhubarb<br />
Camille, who lives on Two. She’s never<br />
been a good sleeper, and if it’s her, I can<br />
yell down and tell her to come up for a<br />
cup of coffee, decaf, of course. Maybe it’s<br />
Jimmy, working up the nerve to show<br />
up on our doorstep and finally meet his<br />
son. I want to shove through the screen<br />
but I’m afraid it’ll bend or pop out and<br />
I’ll lose my damage deposit.<br />
I scan the room. I catch a glimmer on<br />
the shelf above the change table. I walk<br />
over and pick up the baby grooming kit,<br />
find the tiny scissors next to the baby<br />
blue brush and the rainbow-colored<br />
Q-Tips. I reach for the scissors and open<br />
them. These are the most beautiful scissors<br />
I’ve ever seen, curved and dainty.<br />
Sharp. I get another whiff of smoke, the<br />
smell of honey. I lunge the scissor blade<br />
across the screen.<br />
They’re gone. Whoever was out there<br />
is gone. The coolness of the night air<br />
August<br />
By Brenda Sciberras<br />
We are zombies of the beach<br />
sifting through sand, broken shells<br />
& pebbles for washed up storm<br />
glass. Misshapen fragments of cobalt<br />
blue, emerald green, & frosty<br />
white to add to the cottage collection.<br />
Displayed in tin boxes & on wooden<br />
shelves, pieces of coloured glass as<br />
precious as the remaining heat-filled<br />
days of August. The haze & high<br />
humidity of the dying day, rising<br />
as our breath becomes laboured,<br />
hits me and I take in the picture: my<br />
head stuffed through a window screen,<br />
my baby, sleeping. I don’t even have<br />
to look at him and I see his eyeballs<br />
rolling under those lids. Then I look at<br />
the moon. No streaked windowpane<br />
between us now. Just me, the cool night<br />
air, the screen curled against my neck,<br />
and the moon. If I squint a little I can<br />
see Dwayne, Dwayne’s face in the moon,<br />
looking at me, that little smirk on his<br />
face like he can’t believe what he’s seeing,<br />
and he doesn’t know whether to let out<br />
a nervous laugh or to turn away, embarrassed,<br />
and pretend like nothing happened.<br />
I pull myself back into the room,<br />
smooth down my hair and bring the<br />
backs of my warm hands to the coolness<br />
of my cheeks. I’ll just sew this screen up<br />
tomorrow and it’ll be good as new, as<br />
if nothing happened. Because nothing<br />
happened. R<br />
stagnant, almost non-existent. Our minds<br />
become lethargic, bodies numb<br />
to a crawl. Cool lake water refreshes<br />
our verve as waves lap the shoreline<br />
& we immerse our slathered<br />
bodies in the aqua of summer.
Moonlit macadam<br />
By Brenda Sciberras<br />
In the middle of a moon<br />
lit night I watch shadows<br />
reverberate across<br />
a silvery moist lawn.<br />
Lightening is in the sky & I hear<br />
rain drops through the open<br />
windowpane, as they fall<br />
upon autumn leaves.<br />
Trees begin to rustle<br />
for an instant I see<br />
what I believe to be a sasquatch,<br />
looming in the moon<br />
light. Lean & large, with matted<br />
moose like hair long arms<br />
dangle & sway as he strides<br />
down the stone path stopping<br />
gazing toward the darkened cottage.<br />
My squinting eyes search<br />
for more movement. I see his moon<br />
lit nostrils sniffing<br />
as he takes my scent & toys<br />
with it, baring his teeth toward<br />
me as if laughing. I know he’s been<br />
waiting to get caught<br />
creeping around a tree. He runs<br />
down the path, glides across<br />
the macadam with a dash & jumps<br />
upward to treetops & out of sight.<br />
I crawl back under the covers,<br />
dream of hairy creatures<br />
dancing in my head.<br />
co m i n g u p in Rh u b a R b<br />
Watching my<br />
muse pass by<br />
By Brenda Sciberras<br />
#21 de s i g n i n g me n n o n i t e s ii—Spring 2009<br />
#22 wa r & pe a c e —Summer 2009<br />
Guest Editor: Victor Enns<br />
general submissions a l s o w e l c o m e .<br />
When submitting work by email, please include<br />
name & contact information on attachments.<br />
For further submission information, see pages 2 & 22.<br />
The pelican silently soars over<br />
head, above the lake & leafy<br />
birch & poplar shoreline.<br />
She is almost heavenly—mystical.<br />
I don’t know what made me<br />
glance upward may—<br />
be the shadow moving<br />
across my bleached-white<br />
page empty of words.<br />
I’m amazed at what I can see<br />
with my new eyeglasses.<br />
Her orange bill & pouch,<br />
wings stretched out straight,<br />
seven feet across, black-edged<br />
jagged feathers—oily<br />
ready for water. Can she<br />
see me down here watching<br />
her graceful gliding—her<br />
majestic matinee? I am swallowed<br />
up in thoughts of having vision.<br />
The clarity of the universe—<br />
of the words I can see<br />
upon the page. The pelican’s<br />
slow decent from my sight<br />
keeps me wanting more.<br />
Winter 2008 11
12 Rhubarb<br />
come on medea<br />
By Jarrett Storey<br />
come on, medea<br />
calm yrself, young sundaughter<br />
test yr exactness<br />
at my worn shoulder<br />
careful not to touch much<br />
I want you to come<br />
undressed &plotting long<br />
in the teeth<br />
without firebreathers,<br />
narcoticless & hypnotizable<br />
I want to outlive this veinlong feeling;<br />
I want like you want:<br />
to give & ungive<br />
in fell through<br />
time swoops<br />
sweep like rain<br />
rust out time<br />
’s long night<br />
I want our mouth<br />
muscles to remember<br />
the taste<br />
of metal before language<br />
at the long tongue’s languid<br />
flick & lash<br />
after all, aren’t we argonauts<br />
too? creeping with the criminal’s<br />
urge to see<br />
our done damage redone<br />
but we’re careful tragedi<br />
ans mindful enough<br />
not to sing too strong<br />
in a clean island murder key<br />
lest our crowsong plays<br />
to long our flightlessness:<br />
never to unrest our resting<br />
giants’ rest
They had each entered the kitchen<br />
through opposing doorways. He descended<br />
the twelve stairs from the second<br />
storey of the house with duffle bag<br />
in hand. She entered from the basement<br />
with a basket full of anemic, threadbare<br />
towels. Their heated redolent aura was<br />
impalpable.<br />
She set the wicker basket on the floor<br />
and shuffled to the sink. Her old green<br />
flip-flops, which she wore year round,<br />
made a whishing sound as they connected<br />
with the floor. The cheerless<br />
beige kitchen surrounded her with an<br />
indifferent aspect. A wallpaper border of<br />
Canada geese circled the top of the room<br />
in endless flight. She glanced through<br />
the window above the sink. The view<br />
was hazy, obscured by moisture, because<br />
the seal had dried out years ago. The<br />
distorted vision of their small backyard<br />
irritated her and caused her to look<br />
away. She reached over to the stove for<br />
the stainless steel kettle. It mirrored her<br />
wrinkled, sallow skin.<br />
Weariness had embraced her face,<br />
drawn out its length, and altered the skin<br />
below her eyes into deep purple depressions.<br />
She was dog-tired. The living<br />
room couch, where she slept, had been<br />
uncooperative last night. Her neck ached<br />
and muscle spasms shot up and down<br />
her spine. She sat down for a moment,<br />
easing herself into one of the wobbly<br />
kitchen chairs.<br />
He was seated at the opposite end of<br />
the table from her but turned slightly to<br />
his right. Last year’s calendar was tacked<br />
to the wall behind him. Its length shadowed<br />
the top of his head, an errant halo.<br />
Her eyes took in, and then dismissed, the<br />
duffle bag on the floor by his side. He<br />
was dressed for the day, his hair carefully<br />
styled, face ruddy. She could tell that<br />
he’d already had his morning shower<br />
Neglect<br />
By Valerie Stelck<br />
and shave. She couldn’t remember the<br />
name of his aftershave but there was a<br />
trace of its musky scent in the air.<br />
She had allowed herself to melt into<br />
the essence of the house; a mute eidolon<br />
moving through its walls. The house<br />
in which she had spent twenty years of<br />
marriage. She was more married to it<br />
than to him. She knew that they had<br />
both done only enough maintenance to<br />
sustain their existence. Her eyes swept<br />
over to the stove, the kettle whistled<br />
impatiently. She got up and poured the<br />
boiling water into an old brown teapot.<br />
She peered through the window,<br />
again. Her eyes were fixed, trance-like,<br />
upon the gloomy spring sky, a gray<br />
formless canvas. She dropped her eyes<br />
to the dirty melting snow pile in the far<br />
west corner of the yard, a silent reminder<br />
of the difficult winter that had just<br />
passed. That corner of the yard had been<br />
a fertile garden ten years ago.<br />
She remembered him entering the<br />
yard that day, through the gate that was<br />
adjacent to the one-car garage. His tall<br />
slender frame embraced a large black<br />
and white teddy bear. “For the baby!”<br />
Winter 2008 13
th e o d o r o f neglec t<br />
w a f t e d t h r o u g h h e r<br />
n o s t r i l s.<br />
14 Rhubarb<br />
he cheerfully called out to her and with<br />
a goofy gait walked up to the house. He<br />
had known that she was watching him,<br />
could see his brilliant blue eyes bursting<br />
with the future.<br />
She took the bear from him gently.<br />
She brought it to bed that night and laid<br />
it in the space between them. The next<br />
morning she buried the bear, with its<br />
permanent smile, face down in a corner<br />
of the garden. Later that day,<br />
she told him, “There’s no<br />
baby.”<br />
As she stood at the sink, a<br />
frozen statue, she saw his hazy<br />
reflection move to the fridge.<br />
He opened it and the light inside flickered.<br />
She turned. He reached into the<br />
back of the fridge with his narrow arm,<br />
slender fingers and tightened the bulb. It<br />
still flickered. She looked into the fridge<br />
from where she stood, saw what he saw:<br />
open, uncovered tins of food scattered<br />
on its shelves. A half eaten tin of mango,<br />
from a snack she had last night, and a<br />
tin of ravioli she tried to eat for supper<br />
a few nights ago. The scent of sour milk<br />
and spoiled apples reached out to her.<br />
She couldn’t remember the last meal she<br />
had eaten. There was no joy in eating,<br />
her throat constricted with every mouthful.<br />
He slammed the door in disgust.<br />
“Why don’t you clean this fridge out?<br />
There’s nothing in here worth keeping,”<br />
he angrily complained.<br />
“Why haven’t you left?” she snapped<br />
impatiently.<br />
“I just wanted to say good-bye. I<br />
should have left while you were in the<br />
basement.”<br />
“You should have. You and your<br />
duffle bag. You’ve been moving out for<br />
months. Oh, at first I wasn’t supposed<br />
to know, right? Like when you told me<br />
you had sold your tools because you<br />
didn’t need them. Mind you, that’s probably<br />
true because you never used them<br />
around here.”<br />
“That’s a lie.” He stared at her, his face<br />
slightly red, body rigid.<br />
“Then you moved out all of your office<br />
furniture. I know you’re storing that<br />
at your brother’s house. How stupid do<br />
you think I am?” She stood facing him,<br />
felt like smacking him.<br />
The odor of neglect wafted through<br />
her nostrils. It permeated through each<br />
and every pore of the house; the fridge<br />
was just the tip of the iceberg. She made<br />
a mental list that started with the leaking<br />
faucet at the kitchen sink. Its base<br />
was coated with a crusty, white deposit<br />
of calcium. She stared at the curled-up<br />
strips of linoleum flooring. His left foot<br />
exerted enough weight on one strip<br />
to hold it down. The main floor bathroom<br />
toilet no longer worked. He had<br />
complained about it but never fixed it.<br />
She swept her arm around and up into<br />
the air, the palm of her hand facing the<br />
stained kitchen ceiling. “Look at this<br />
dump! You ignored me. You ignored the<br />
house. I’m glad we didn’t have the baby.”<br />
She took a deep breath, shifted her<br />
eyes, and locked them with his. “It wasn’t<br />
a miscarriage,” turning away from him<br />
she whispered, “and it wasn’t yours.”<br />
Her words knocked him out of the<br />
kitchen. “I don’t know why I married<br />
you,” he said, in a low measured voice<br />
as he left the room. She dropped to the<br />
floor and crossed her legs, could see him<br />
hesitate at the front entrance. He opened<br />
the solid oak door and rubbed his hand<br />
along its face. The varnish finish was<br />
almost gone, it’s surface rough. A small<br />
splinter of wood caught the tip of his index<br />
finger eliciting a tiny drop of blood.<br />
Her face held no expression. She<br />
watched as he opened and closed his<br />
mouth, no words escaped. He divorced<br />
himself from the house, firmly closing<br />
the door.<br />
A slim beam of sunlight had poked<br />
through the kitchen window and rested<br />
at an angle along the top of her thighs.<br />
She shifted her body over and laid stomach<br />
down, sobbing, her tears washing the<br />
tired linoleum floor. Her arms and legs<br />
were spread out, forming imperfect vees.<br />
She drew them in and out, in and out,<br />
like an inverted snow angel, wishing she<br />
could just melt into the floor. R
Author’s Note: Unlike a novel, in life no story ever ends. Occasionally I’ve been<br />
tempted by the possible continuing lives of people I have imagined in my fiction.<br />
Three years ago, after another journey to Russia and Ukraine, I yielded to the temptation<br />
of The Blue Mountains of China and wrote a possible Chapter 14 called “The<br />
Unknown.” It has never been published, and this part, “That You May Awaken,” the<br />
first of three, is woven from strands in the original Chapters 2, 4, 5, and 13; it takes<br />
place 33 years after the novel ends.<br />
THE UNKNOWN—<br />
part 1<br />
... That You May Awaken<br />
By Rudy Wiebe<br />
“And in this room, that desk,” the guide declares in his mellifluous English,<br />
“Anton Chekhov in January to October he wrote The Cherry Orchard, 1903.<br />
Writing slowly, for him slowly, he was only forty-three here but by thirty years<br />
he had written over five hundred stories, novellas, and three tremendous plays,<br />
and already a doctor too, before thirty, but at this desk, The Cherry Orchard, his<br />
masterpiece, he was spitting blood and could not go to Moscow for rehearsal. His<br />
masterpiece, he died with TB on July 2, 1904.”<br />
Not here in the white Dacha, Liesel thinks, he died in Badenweiler, Germany.<br />
She watches the guide’s elegant hand gesture over the table and its untouchable<br />
inkbottles, like the profound Orthodox blessing of an eight-part chorale sounding<br />
through a cathedral, and she is certain he will not mention that fact as her mind<br />
slips aside to her own small triangle of Germany a lifetime ago: Universitaetstadt<br />
Tuebingen on the green Neckar for study and Baden Baden for Dostoevski pilgrimage<br />
and Badenweiler for Chekhov, sulphur vapours prickling in your nostrils<br />
like feeble ghosts sifting up from the pools, and castle crags on immense, forested<br />
cliffs—she always imagined Chekhov’s Yalta studio must face the sun and the<br />
open sea, but now that she is here at last she finds only a rectangle of sky and low<br />
vine terraces covering hills.<br />
Du gehst, dass du kommst.<br />
Du schlaefst, dass du erwachst.<br />
Du—<br />
What was the third line? A natural triad,<br />
‘You go, that you may come,<br />
You sleep, that you may awaken,<br />
You ....’<br />
That could have been written by Chekhov but wasn’t, it is an Egyptian sarcophagus<br />
text from 2000 BC , there in the museum that occupies Tuebingen Castle now,<br />
not when she was a student half a century ago; then the Castle was headquarters<br />
for the French Army soldiers who stared at you over sub-machine guns when<br />
you arrived at the train station, now gnomic translations between emptied stone<br />
sarcophagi—the third line:<br />
Winter 2008 15
16 Rhubarb<br />
Du atst, daut du—waut?—schitst?<br />
You eat, that you may—<br />
Ever a dirty old Lowgerman woman. She is alone, back in the other room with the<br />
piano where the young man said Feodor Chaliapin once sang “Boris Godunov.”<br />
Was he accompanied by Rachmaninov, who escaped the Bolsheviks in 1918 and<br />
died exiled forever in the desert of California? The young man had not said who<br />
played, though Liesel thinks she knows, oh, if she could only have heard that voice,<br />
alive, singing words believed so utterly as only a Russian basso can.<br />
1938. She was eighteen, come to Buenos Aires the year Chaliapin died, it was<br />
possible he could have given a concert—the year he died?—oh sure, and she an<br />
empty Mennonite girl but too book-smart for the miserable Paraguayan Chaco<br />
would have had the money to buy a ticket, the brains to do it—she’d have done it<br />
if he’d sung Mephistophiles! Russian and that word alone would have lured her.<br />
She is laughing at herself; her ridiculous, invented memories of a childhood, as<br />
if she wasn’t crammed full of enough actual ones. Schluffing about in this empty<br />
room, looking at the felt schlorre they made you wear over your shoes to save<br />
the floor. She feels her body trying to register details the way she always does on<br />
tours, automatic life-long research, a learned paper can sound so evocative if you<br />
have an exact image—“Anton Chekhov’s Yalta Studio: The Crack in the Floor,”<br />
where is there a crack?<br />
From the other room: “... Chekhov wanted his actress wife to act Charlotta<br />
Ivanovna, the German governess, she comes on the first scene leading a small<br />
dog and goes off again in the end leading it ....”<br />
And suddenly Liesel feels herself overwhelmed with a feeling of ... hollow ... as<br />
if in this high, empty room a cave were opening into the belly of her life, a hollow<br />
of longing at all her years so often and forever with nothing—face it!—no<br />
one to fill her with anything but relentless working texts and facts and minutiae<br />
of endless ridiculous—dear god five quick years of Jose Cereno when she was a<br />
child—listen, here, in this empty room packed with voices and music and laughing<br />
and Anton Chekhov talking with Olga who certainly loved him, Maxim Gorki<br />
bringing “The Lower Depths” and Stanislavski who would play The Cherry Orchard<br />
lead at the Moscow Art Theatre with his vivid hands, Chekhov trying simply to<br />
breathe, gagging, spitting out his genius—and Liesel feels the eight decades of<br />
her single life stuffed with relentless gathering like some peasant woman hording<br />
every kernel of corn against a famine that will never come, a banquet no one will<br />
ever eat: what are you doing here? Hollow old woman. Go home to your Calgary<br />
penthouse and shut down. Die.<br />
That was the sarcophagus triad line:<br />
Du stirbst, dass du lebst.<br />
You die, that you may live.<br />
Tell me, o Tuebingen Egyptian: how?<br />
-----<br />
Liesel is walking along the Yalta promenade towards the sun half gone behind<br />
the western headland of the Black Sea. She walks the edge bordering the stones<br />
and black water, her deaf right side can easily ignore the noisy restaurants, the bars,<br />
in her long life she has eaten and drunk enough, she need never bother with that<br />
again; though she might, tomorrow, if the young guide appeared for breakfast and<br />
she could speak properly to him, watch his long jaw shift into his own language.
The reddish-blond hair he was always sweeping back with his quick hand would<br />
hide the side of his face as he dipped down to his coffee cup.<br />
But he won’t be there. He’s a day guide and gone now to wherever he lives, some<br />
tiny cubicle in one of the enormous concrete apartment slabs built by Krushchev<br />
forty-five years ago and crumbling everywhere you look, he will sleep on a lumpy<br />
couch in the kitchen-eating-living space of his grandmother’s flat—who will be<br />
ten years younger than Liesel and certainly have no natural teeth.<br />
The endless racket of bars lining the promenade; Liesel concentrates on her<br />
steady footfall along the quay, the white lappings of the sea she watches at the<br />
edge of the stony beach; his voice in the other room: “She comes on the first scene<br />
leading a small dog and goes off again in the end leading it ....”<br />
The play—the superb short story. She stops, facing the darkening sea. She,<br />
Elizabeth Driediger Cereno at eighty years of age, is walking on the promenade<br />
at the Black Sea resort of all the czars and the Communist comrades that destroyed<br />
them, walking alone, but unlike Chekhov’s heroine Anna Sergeyevna she<br />
is neither young nor blond nor wearing a hat and she is certainly unaccompanied<br />
by any dog—endless translators played around with that little dog, trying to be<br />
distinctive: “The Lady with the Toy Dog,” or “The Lady with the Dog,” or “The<br />
Lady with the Pet Dog,” “The Lady with the Lapdog”—perhaps Chekhov met his<br />
beautiful wife here, on this quay with a white<br />
Pomeranian trundling at her heel, that was<br />
why he wanted her to play the small, vivid<br />
role of governess in The Cherry Orchard. See<br />
her enter and cross the stage with the tiny<br />
dog, which would not again be seen until the<br />
very end when she would lead it across in the<br />
opposite direction and leave the sister and<br />
brother to weep guietly in each others’ arms,<br />
and then the stage would be empty. Silent,<br />
except for the sounds of axes chopping at the<br />
beautiful trees in the orchard.<br />
And their ancient servant Feers coming<br />
on, alone in the deserted house:<br />
They’ve gone. They’ve forgotten me.<br />
An old man. After the elegant lady and her dog are gone, the sister and brother<br />
weeping, an old, old man dares to say to himself:<br />
Your life’s slipped past ... you haven’t got any strength left, nothing’s<br />
left, nothing ... Oh you ... you old nyedotyopa.<br />
Liesel thinks, I should lie down here, turn the noise of the quay into a distant<br />
knocking, lie down as if this promenade were a lumpy couch left behind. A<br />
superb word, nyedotyopa, a word Chekhov invented because there wasn’t one<br />
good enough in all Russian. You old good-for-nothing dim-wit, you Lowgerman<br />
Schlosaewendoot, literally ‘beat seven dead’, where did that—<br />
“Madame Cereno,” said a voice behind her. “Good evening.”<br />
She knew him; after a moment she turned slowly and quoted in Russian:<br />
“‘A new person, it was said, had appeared on the promanade: a lady with a<br />
pet dog.’”<br />
His long jaw sagged in astonishment, but he responded without hesitation,<br />
“‘Gurov thought, if she is here alone without her husband or a friend, it wouldn’t<br />
be a bad idea to make her acquaintance.’”<br />
Winter 2008 17
18 Rhubarb<br />
They laughed together. Liesel said, “One of the greatest stories ever written.”<br />
He bowed to her; they walked; she could feel him shorten his stride to fit hers.<br />
She thought, there is a strange light coming over the sea, and beside her he said<br />
Chekhov’s next words aloud:<br />
“‘The water is warm, deepening lilac, and soon the moonlight will lie on it<br />
like a golden path.’”<br />
“A hundred years ago this promenade was certainly quieter.”<br />
“There were crowds when the steamer arrived. They took a carriage to Oreander.”<br />
Liesel said, in her most cynical tone, “Do you also remember, the lace on her<br />
lingerie reminded Gurov of fish scales?”<br />
But he continued, unrufflable, “Oreander is there still, even<br />
the church building, high above the sea.”<br />
“And also the bench where they sat?”<br />
“No,” the young man said. “Long ago the wood was used<br />
for firewood. You speak Russian so perfectly.”<br />
“Perfected at my father’s knee, in Paraguay.”<br />
“Paraguay!” Surprise: an emotion at last.<br />
“I went to school three years in Russia, I was born north<br />
of here in a village on the Molotchnaya River.” She hesitated;<br />
he was too polite to look at her but she could feel his tension<br />
now, so she added, “I was born in 1920.”<br />
“Ahhhh,” he said softly. “Your family fled the Revolution.”<br />
“Fled Stalin, in 1929. But Canada would not accept us, so<br />
we landed in Paraguay.”<br />
“Canada.” After a moment he said, “My grandfather was<br />
born in 1930 and he says that they never .... “He stopped, as if<br />
the growing eagerness of his voice betrayed him; he continued<br />
in his usual tone, “My grandfather never saw his father, and<br />
his mother died very young, she was a worker on a collective<br />
farm. So ... how many languages did your father teach you, so perfectly?”<br />
“Russian, High German, Lowgerman, the others I learned on my own.”<br />
“What is that, ‘Lowgerman?”<br />
“The Mennonites spoke that, here in Russia. A good home language.”<br />
“Mennonites?” he said, turning the word on his tongue. “My grandfather says<br />
there were Mennonites near where he was born.”<br />
“Yes, many they lived in the Ukraine, before they fled,” Liesel said. “Did he say<br />
any names?”<br />
“He once said his mother worked for Mennonites, a little while ... before Stalin’s<br />
Big Change.”<br />
“The Five Year Plan in 1928? When he collectivized the land?”<br />
“Perhaps ...” he said apologetically. “I’m too young, we learn very little in school<br />
now of Soviets, nothing at all about Stalin.”<br />
“I have often thought,” Liesel said, “all history teaching should be stopped,<br />
completely, for good. Oppression, war, horror—all history teaches children is<br />
whom to hate, how to hunger for revenge.”<br />
“Or ... perhaps ... how to hate revenge?”<br />
“You are very clever.” Liesel stopped and looked at him until he turned his<br />
head to face her. The last light from the sun glancing up from the obsidian sea lit<br />
his long face framed by red-gold hair. “You are excellent with languages. Why do<br />
you stay here, spend your good talk on passing tourists?”<br />
“My grandfather lives up there,” he gestured to the lights on the darkening<br />
hills of the city.<br />
“In America, if they saw your face and beautiful hair, they’d straighten your
teeth and a hundred cameras would be in your face, you’d be an instant model, a<br />
star to be stared at by thin girls in advertisements, or draped on their arms, you’d<br />
make thousands of dollars a ....”<br />
She stopped herself; eighty years old and still like this ... yet there was something<br />
so strangely true in the beauty of his face, and his voice—she could not<br />
understand her own silliness, true ... true?<br />
“I live with my grandfather,” he said, as if he had not heard her.<br />
“He is very fortunate.”<br />
Slowly they began to walk again. Soon the promenade lights would come on,<br />
but for the moment they were moving into the comfort of darkness.<br />
“Where did you learn your English?”<br />
“A technical school, in Terwoj Rog. Not a very good school, but two years we<br />
had a Canadian volunteer, she taught us.”<br />
“Trewoj Rog?”<br />
“A city four hundred kilometers north from here. But my grandfather was<br />
here, alone ...”<br />
She felt him glance at her quickly, but it was too dark to read his expression.<br />
“You are probably wondering,” he said, “how my grandfather could get a pension<br />
apartment in beautiful Yalta. What he did for the Party.”<br />
“I wasn’t really thinking of that.”<br />
He insisted, “Of course he was a member of the Party, all his life, and he always<br />
worked for it, but he has never told me what, not exactly what he ....”<br />
Liesel said gently, “I was thinking that once before 1930 there was a Mennonite<br />
colony near Trewoj Rog, with many villages, it was called Karatov.”<br />
“Yes, yes, that’s a name my grandfather said. He was born there.”<br />
“Born in Karatov!”<br />
“Maybe not born,” he was apologetic again. “But that’s a name he says. Would<br />
you like to meet him?”<br />
“Could I?”<br />
“We’re walking in the right direction—but the street is very steep.”<br />
“Perhaps we could hire a carriage?”<br />
He glanced at her, and then they both laughed, thinking of the Chekhov story<br />
over a century ago and the car drivers that now swarmed everywhere in Yalta,<br />
offering ancient Volgas, offering Mercedes.<br />
She said, “We could find a taxi. But it is very late.”<br />
“My grandfather is blind and cannot walk, but he hears everything. I don’t<br />
know if he ever sleeps. He is always awake when I am—to hear you speak would<br />
make him very happy.”<br />
“Perhaps, he knows Lowgerman?”<br />
“He ... he has never said a word to me.”<br />
Liesel was trying to imagine herself blind, unable to move, always awake. And<br />
with a grandson with such a voice to bring the world into your tiny space of<br />
apartment. Sitting or lying forever, awake with memories.<br />
And she remembered Gurov, his thought when he left his small daughter at<br />
school and walked on to his rendevous with Anna Sergeyena:<br />
The only interesting life of every individual goes on as under the cover<br />
of night, secretly. Every individual existence revolves around a mystery.<br />
The cover of night. A mystery.<br />
The sun was gone now, and there was as yet no moon over the black sheen of<br />
the water, the dense cliff of land ahead rising out of it.<br />
The young man beside her asked in English, “Should I find a taxi?”<br />
“Yes,” she said. “Tell me, what is your name?” R<br />
Winter 2008 19
20 Rhubarb<br />
A Quick Stop<br />
By John Goossen<br />
A warm June evening, two weeks to grad. I end up in Harry’s car<br />
after Youth. Ten minutes later he parks his Rambler behind the white<br />
stucco house. A quick stop, then we’ll meet the guys at Denny’s. The<br />
basement door is open. Someone hands me an Extra Old Stock. My<br />
brand. This is Harry’s high school crowd. We’re in different zones. The<br />
rec room, in black light, is hot and hazy and full with In-A-Gadda-Da-<br />
Vida. I grab some pretzels and disappear into a corner armchair. The<br />
beer done, I lean my head back; eyes closed I focus on the drum solo.<br />
The chair bumps and someone tugs on my hair. A girl on either side<br />
of me. Introductions. Kim, parents own the house, and Janet, fuzzy<br />
tight sweater and red and black tartan pants. I-I-I’m Jake, Harry’s<br />
friend. Damn. Kim disappears. Janet wants to dance. I don’t really<br />
dance. It’s the Mennonite in me. The music turns Creedence. Fine, I<br />
don’t know anyone anyway. Four songs later, I break for a beer. Another<br />
song begins.<br />
Janet grabs my hand and we’re outside. The lawn is dry and slopes<br />
toward the alley. I sit and she leans against me. I hear Oye Como Va.<br />
She turns and says nice t-shirt. Then we kiss. It just happens. I don’t<br />
know who made the first move. We explore each other’s mouths. Our<br />
teeth clink. We start again. There is no law of diminishing returns. Our<br />
embrace tightens. Strangers drift past us and make comments. It’s just<br />
noise. My eyes are shut and we are on full ignore. My pants get uncomfortably<br />
tight. I suggest another beer and head for the washroom. This<br />
is a bit fast. On the way back to the rec room, some girl stops me in the<br />
hall. Janet shows up. She slips my arm around her shoulder and leads<br />
me toward a slow dance. Beach Boys In My Room. More grinding. I<br />
move her to the armchair and we talk between kissing. Janet’s in grade<br />
twelve as well. She’s planning to work after bumming around for the<br />
summer. I’m off to UBC. I’m thinking another beer. Harry walks by,<br />
kicks my foot and says it’s time to go. I’m glad.<br />
In the Rambler Harry says, “You were getting kinda friendly.”<br />
“Couldn’t get away,” I say.<br />
“Janet’s a bit of geek,” he says. “Not a lotta friends.” I’m quiet.<br />
The next day Kim calls. Says Janet wants to talk. I wonder how she<br />
found my number. I don’t want to go to the beach. I’m busy later too.<br />
No. I don’t want talk. Yeah, I’ll call you. R
Not a Chicken<br />
By John Goossen<br />
Jack books an afternoon dinner cruise and hopes for a waterfront walk to<br />
fill the day. He wants a retirement that doesn’t look back. Instead, he trails Lily<br />
darting through antique stores in a seaside town dressed up for tourists. Old<br />
items that fill space and gather dust hold no attraction.<br />
The Olde Treasure Store window features a large metal rooster. Jack stares at<br />
the burgundy crown and red wattle. No one would have cut up tin and wasted<br />
it like that. Especially not on his parents’ farm, once known as the estate of<br />
Abram and Annette Peters. Jack could still hear the auctioneer’s gavel hit the<br />
table. He will not buy someone else’s life.<br />
“Oh, look at the chicken, Jack. Let’s check this place out.”<br />
“Okay,” Jack concedes, “but that’s not a chicken, it’s a rooster.” Holding the<br />
door open for Lily, he catches the scent of roses, not the usual musty store<br />
aroma that makes his nose itch.<br />
A wooden woman, roughly chiseled but smoothly finished, greets them.<br />
“We never carved people from wood either,” says Jack as he studies the life<br />
size figure.<br />
Lily is well into the store by now and beckons to Jack with a cupped hand<br />
digging the air, held high to get his attention. A pole lamp wobbles as he hurries<br />
by it to catch up. She points to a homemade pine bench with a pullout bed.<br />
“Didn’t you sleep in one of these?”<br />
“How would I remember?” Jack counters. A mattress of straw<br />
in the corner of his room is the only rest Jack recalls. His parents’<br />
farm conjures up memories of dry dust and suppers fried in a<br />
black pan. Jack and Abram laboured to make the land productive<br />
after his mother died. Jack was twelve when the bank took charge.<br />
They moved to a boarding house, repairing fences to survive.<br />
Lily moves through the store like a hummingbird, not stopping<br />
for long but examining any piece of interest along the way. She<br />
turns over the bottom plate.<br />
“Jack, look at this butter dish.”<br />
“Hmmm.”<br />
“It’s called Reminiscent Rose,” Lily announces as she hovers.<br />
“Would you really use that?” Jack’s lips barely move. The colour evokes a<br />
handkerchief, in a lighter shade, that his father carried but never used. It belonged<br />
to his mother Annette.<br />
“I’m getting it,” Lily announces, heading toward the till.<br />
At the counter Jack’s eyes return to the wooden woman. He touches the<br />
shoulder of her dress and his fingers glide down her arm. The pinkness of her<br />
outfit creates a lump in his throat.<br />
Jack steadies himself and stares down into the glass display case as Lily heads<br />
toward the door. Regaining focus, he scans a mosaic of pocket watches, tie clips,<br />
penknives and other metal memorabilia. Jack calls the clerk over.<br />
Outside, Lily notices Jack carrying a small paper bag.<br />
“What’s that?”<br />
“A spoon. My mother’s name was on it.”<br />
Jack takes Lily’s hand and sets the pace for the next store. R<br />
Winter 2008 21
22 Rhubarb<br />
A twenty-something daughter<br />
tells her fifty-something mother<br />
By J.L. Bond<br />
A woman locking her condo door lifts her face to the clouds. She<br />
tugs open the wrought iron gate which swings like jazz. Her<br />
high heels click by pools of gleaming water. There’s a new<br />
colour in her hair, and a new length to her skirt.<br />
But she carries with her, like tiny bells on a bracelet,<br />
the worries of the brother who won’t return her phone calls, and<br />
the friend who plans to leave husband and church.<br />
And her daughter’s been coaching her not to forget, Mother,<br />
your fifties are almost history. Doll Face and Babe date from<br />
the era of black and white movies. Men won’t amble behind you<br />
and wolf whistle. And they probably won’t honk from their<br />
convertibles and wink at you.<br />
Even if this were to happen, her daughter tells her, don’t<br />
turn around at the men, keep walking, Mother. And don’t slow<br />
down to look at yourself in the shop windows.<br />
Yet this woman swirls these thoughts out of her head like wine<br />
from a carafe. Why? Because she is on her way to have lunch<br />
with a high school acquaintance who’s in town on business again,<br />
the once-nerd-now-widower, the one with the whiskey husky voice.<br />
She is thinking the day is full of possibilities; there will be<br />
no more rain. As she reaches for the bistro door, she looks up<br />
at the blue belt of sky, and shakes her fiery hair.<br />
The Mennonite Literary Society declares:<br />
yo u a r e a me n n o n i t e if...<br />
...y o u t h i n k y o u a r e<br />
...y o u w a n t to b e<br />
...y o u r f r i e n d s t h i n k y o u a r e, even if y o u d o n’t<br />
...y o u’r e fighting it t o o t h-a n d-n a i l, b u t c a n’t q u i t e s h a k e it<br />
if t h i s m e a n s y o u, please send Rh u b a R b y o u r w o r k . t h a n k y o u.<br />
See Submissions (p. 2) and Coming Up (p. 11) for what’s new in Rhubarb.
It was an out of season thing, snow in<br />
August.<br />
We were just below Dawson, on the<br />
Yukon River. If we’d known how close<br />
we were, we would have pressed on,<br />
though when we’d camped it was already<br />
grey, showing signs of night that would<br />
not come yet for another few weeks. I<br />
woke in my orange tent, in a strange<br />
light and a strange silence. My senses<br />
knew it, in that vague half-asleep, just<br />
before the mind computes: snow. I<br />
pushed out of my sleeping bag, pulled<br />
back the tent flap and smiled.<br />
Brent and Gloria weren’t smiling.<br />
They were as damp and gloomy as the<br />
day. But that was nothing unusual.<br />
Gloria had refused to let Brent share her<br />
tent the first night out and the battle had<br />
been going on all the way down the river.<br />
At first Brent had been like a whiskeyjack<br />
in his approach, dashing in to grab<br />
what he could get, until we’d left Carmacks,<br />
until the river veered away from<br />
the road and there was no way to change<br />
what we had begun, but to finish it. Then<br />
he acted more like a wolf that follows after<br />
the caribou, waiting for a sick animal<br />
to lie down and give its body up.<br />
We’d been told it would take ten<br />
days to reach Dawson from Whitehorse.<br />
Maybe it would have, if we’d paddled<br />
constantly against the wind that smelled<br />
of ice thickening at the river’s end.<br />
Maybe, if we hadn’t spent three days<br />
camped on the stones of Lake Laberge,<br />
waiting for white-capped waves to sink<br />
into calm, if we’d ignored the shifting<br />
rain that swept out at us from high rifts<br />
in the hills, billowing down through willow<br />
and sweet-smelling poplar and dark<br />
spruce. Maybe, if we hadn’t spent so long<br />
in Carmacks, drying out, and again at<br />
Burian’s Landing, where the cabins were<br />
warm and the beds comfortable. It took<br />
us three weeks.<br />
Thou Shalt<br />
By Marcia Lee Laycock<br />
We ran out of food and ate Sunny-<br />
Boy cereal for the last week, with a<br />
handful of raisins thrown in for taste.<br />
We added extra sugar to our tea and<br />
studied the river map. The chart had the<br />
advantage of an aerial view. Our perspective<br />
was near-sighted, hindered by<br />
curve and bend, by islands that followed<br />
one on another<br />
like a procession of<br />
floats in a parade,<br />
all decorated in<br />
the same green, all<br />
rimmed with stone<br />
and sand. It seemed<br />
we had been swept<br />
into the mouth of a<br />
great and powerful<br />
country, swallowed<br />
and carried along<br />
the arterial flow of<br />
it seemed w e h a d been swept<br />
i n t o t h e m o u t h o f a g r e a t<br />
a n d p o w e r f u l c o u n t r y,<br />
swallowed a n d c a r r i e d<br />
a l o n g t h e a r t e r i a l f l o w o f<br />
something so h u g e, so en-<br />
compassing t h e r e w o u l d b e<br />
n o e n d to it.<br />
something so huge, so encompassing<br />
there would be no end to it. We would<br />
go on. Though we could paddle we could<br />
not control the one who carried us.<br />
Perhaps that’s why, when we left the<br />
river at Dawson, I felt I had betrayed<br />
something sacred, as though I were<br />
denying my identity, like an emigrant<br />
child refusing to speak the language of<br />
the land where it was born. I wanted<br />
to put the canoe back into the river.<br />
No. I wanted to put myself into it. But<br />
it was snowing. In August. So I took a<br />
hotel room where the door would not<br />
stay closed without a chair propped<br />
against it, where the mattress sagged and<br />
smelled of beer, where deep angry voices<br />
moaned through the walls and the floor<br />
muffled coarse liquored laughter.<br />
That night I joined Brent and Gloria<br />
for a drink, out of courtesy to travelling<br />
companions, smiled when I saw<br />
his arm around her. The whiskey-jack<br />
had returned. I wondered if someday<br />
they would marry. Said no to their offer<br />
Winter 2008 23
th e r e h a v e been t i m e s w h e n w e<br />
c o u l d n o t see w h e r e w e w e r e .<br />
24 Rhubarb<br />
of a ride to Whitehorse the next day, left<br />
half my drink on the table and walked<br />
out, driven away by jarring music and the<br />
games being played. When I slept I dreamt<br />
the rain was sweeping toward me on the<br />
river. I saw it come, stretched out my arms<br />
and waited. But the<br />
rain did not fall.<br />
Snow blew, but did<br />
not touch me.<br />
I was married in August. It was a month<br />
when I remembered that out of season<br />
snow. My marriage has lasted longer than<br />
I thought it would.There have been times<br />
of rain and wind and rough water. There<br />
have been hillsides of billowing green and<br />
long streams of islands all looking the<br />
same. There have been times when we<br />
could not see where we were. There have<br />
been whiskey-jacks and wolves and sick<br />
animals. There has been hunger.<br />
And sometimes I have thought of leaving.<br />
I see myself stepping out, putting one<br />
foot on the shore, trying to turn away. But<br />
the river holds me. I am part of the rain<br />
and wind and rough water. I could not<br />
live without the arterial flow beneath me.<br />
I have chosen it, chosen to remain, and in<br />
the choosing, found love.<br />
To leave would mean I would be left;<br />
left with games played to jarring music, a<br />
stale smell covering laughter; left dreaming<br />
about rain that does not fall, and snow, out<br />
of season. R
Afternoon Walk with Mosquitos and<br />
Commentary via Simone Weil<br />
and Mike Edmiston<br />
By Jeff Gundy<br />
The flood left a skim-coat of muck on leaves and branches,<br />
windrows of sticks and drift here and there, and newly hatched<br />
mosquitos in scary abundance—I tried to sit in the woods<br />
by the creek but had a cloud around me whining and nipping<br />
before I even got settled. The beauty of the world is the mouth<br />
of a labyrinth. . . . And there God is waiting to eat you, Simone proclaimed,<br />
so I walked some more, chased a squirrel from two logs drifted<br />
across the lower path. Only two or three mosquitos at a time there.<br />
Very few all summer, the creek bone-dry for weeks, then downpours<br />
all night and brown water roaring all around by morning. If we can<br />
build up the levee, stock up on sandbags, and put a shut-off valve<br />
on the sewer, Mike said just this morning, we can keep the building dry<br />
next time. I wandered on along the creek—it’s down to a trickle again—<br />
and crossed the bridge that was under water two weeks ago.<br />
The day was lovely, sunny, green. I wished for a stiff breeze, or a smudge<br />
pot, or a hide of thick leather. The great trouble in life, Simone whispered,<br />
is that looking and eating are two different operations. Nettles flowered<br />
in the beds by the art building. With a long handle, we can close that valve<br />
no matter how high the water gets, Mike said. There are people who try to raise<br />
their souls like a man continually taking standing jumps, Simone muttered,<br />
in the hopes that he will go right up to the sky. Where was the white butterfly<br />
going, low and straight along the sidewalk? All week the monarchs<br />
had been fluttering in the trees. All summer the turkey vultures have<br />
been soaring past my top-floor window, roosting on the high lantern.<br />
It was a glorious day, if only I didn’t mind the insects, if only<br />
I could look and not be eaten. It was impossible not to mind.<br />
Winter 2008 25
26 Rhubarb<br />
Green Field in Salzburg<br />
with Eye and Two Crows<br />
By Jeff Gundy<br />
“A little, but thoroughly.”<br />
—Robert Walser, Jacob von Gunten<br />
But the eye has no patience<br />
and no interest in completion—<br />
it gathers reams and miles of data,<br />
heaps it up with no hope<br />
of mastery or knowledge.<br />
Beyond this meadow, the houses<br />
of Alpenstrasse and Aigenstrasse,<br />
the Salzach between them making<br />
its cold rush toward the ocean,<br />
then the woods and high meadows<br />
of the Gaisberg, then everything else.<br />
Crow in the mown grass, shiny<br />
and patient, another, and suddenly<br />
they’re mating or fighting,<br />
then spooked by the tractor<br />
they break apart. One flies off<br />
with something—a nut?—in its beak.<br />
Something small in a green field<br />
just after first mowing,<br />
green wet heaps of new grass<br />
fragrant in the shining afternoon.
Damp Ode<br />
By Jeff Gundy<br />
Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.<br />
—John Berryman, “Dream Song #14”<br />
The poet in exile sits alone at a table for six, the only one<br />
empty when he stepped into the room with his plate<br />
and bottle of water. He eats some sort of ham loaf,<br />
potato salad, shredded carrots, things he could point at.<br />
There’s no menu, just food of various sorts behind the glass counters,<br />
most of it not labeled, and the women serving seem unaware<br />
that there are languages other than German. He’s not here<br />
because he’s poor. He’s here because he’s cheap, and he forgot<br />
his lunch again, and his wife isn’t answering her phone.<br />
It’s crowded with locals eating fast as he is, in pairs or alone,<br />
and one stocky older man settled firmly behind a tall beer,<br />
determined to make it last an hour if not two. Go, go, go,<br />
says the poet’s inner voice. The plate is bare. He’s still hungry,<br />
but his body wants to be elsewhere, even if it’s out in the rain,<br />
halfway up one of the little Salzburg mountains, lost in a cold mist.<br />
Everyone in the room is quiet, though the voices and clatter<br />
of cooks and servers seeps in warm and loud from the other room.<br />
Go, go, said the bird.<br />
I’ll go, feeling like the third or fourth man,<br />
walk in the chilly rain back to my drab office filled with clouds<br />
and self-pity, wishing for two big mugs of black American coffee.<br />
I’ll buy two little bottles of schnapps on the way out<br />
as the man before me did, climb the Nonnberg and drink<br />
them both straight down in the graveyard by the chapel.<br />
Yes, life is boring, here and everywhere, but why should we<br />
say so, even today, when the morning ride through<br />
the wet snow left me chilled and damp for hours, soggy pants<br />
and glum shorts. I could have taken the bus, or taken<br />
the umbrella and walked. The clouds swirl and billow<br />
around the Untersberg like skirts, like smoke, like clouds,<br />
like the foggy breath of time, and how can I ask for more?<br />
Winter 2008 27
28 Rhubarb<br />
Elk Velvet<br />
By K. Manning Enns<br />
I am elk velvet, a pulse<br />
in every spot, beating<br />
the pussy willow soft<br />
temper of my heart: return<br />
to me, return each measure<br />
of soft memory,<br />
that fragile light.<br />
Place a finger here<br />
at the bony tip where<br />
self and phrasing<br />
should begin.<br />
Here you can find<br />
a version of solitude,<br />
find evidence of the green<br />
shoots and leaves I nibbled,<br />
restless, wanting and tasting<br />
springtime on my tongue.<br />
Know that I raised my hooves<br />
and I ran out of the night and<br />
into the morning’s hour.<br />
Anyone could see each mark<br />
made in the soil as I ran.<br />
If you were watching you’d sense<br />
the thrum of my lifeblood<br />
as I leapt over pine needles and the deadfall<br />
on the forest floor:<br />
now I am afraid of nothing,<br />
now it is more than I can ever bear.
Liese is ten years old, and she’s hiding<br />
in a thicket of mulberry bushes, spying on<br />
the children of the English-speaking family<br />
next door. It’s not the first time. She’s<br />
been watching them on and off since they<br />
arrived in the colony center a week ago.<br />
She’s new to Filadelfia too, but Liese<br />
hasn’t come from far away. She’s always<br />
lived in the Paraguayan Chaco, in the<br />
Mennonite settlement. She’s never been<br />
anywhere else. Her father got a job in<br />
the peanut processing plant, so they left<br />
their farm in the village and moved into<br />
town. She’ll miss her village friends but<br />
Liese knows the town is more important;<br />
which the presence of these foreigners<br />
confirms.<br />
There are two boys and a girl. Liese<br />
thinks they’re younger than she is, though<br />
the oldest—a boy—may be close to her<br />
age. He bosses the play. On this particular<br />
day the children burst from their house<br />
with an assortment of boxes, dolls, cars,<br />
and trucks, and arrange them on the yard.<br />
Each has a property of their own, it seems,<br />
and they meet at other sites as well. The<br />
girl takes care of the dolls and the boys<br />
manage the vehicles.<br />
The children range without caution<br />
between sun and shade, as if oblivious to<br />
the difference between them, and Liese<br />
nearly calls, “Stay out of the boiling sun,”<br />
as her mother does during the hottest<br />
season of the year—just beginning now,<br />
in November, the summer holiday—but<br />
then she remembers this will give her away,<br />
and besides, the children won’t understand<br />
her German. But perhaps their skin won’t<br />
burn as hers—pale and freckled—does.<br />
Their hair is dark and hers is blond, heavily<br />
tinged with red.<br />
Liese knows the children come from<br />
America. The adults around her speak<br />
often of America or Canada, found (as it’s<br />
been explained to her) on the top half of the<br />
White<br />
By Dora Dueck<br />
earth ball, where Russia also lies, though<br />
further around it, over the ocean. Canada<br />
and America are overlapping places to her,<br />
full of Mennonites too, but luckier, richer<br />
ones who seem cheerful when they happen<br />
to visit the Chaco, though their faces<br />
sometimes glimmer with astonishment<br />
Liese can’t quite trust. She fears they’re as<br />
pessimistic about the prospects of Mennonites<br />
here, in this hot and difficult place, as<br />
the Chaco Mennonites are themselves.<br />
Liese’s father<br />
says their neighbors<br />
moved to Paraguay<br />
so the man can<br />
help the farmers<br />
with their problems<br />
concerning cattle<br />
and crops. Liese as-<br />
sh e feels t h a t s h e’s l o o s e l y c o nstruc<br />
ted a n d vulnerable, l i k e<br />
a spider’s w e b , instead o f r e a l<br />
a n d s u b s t a n t i a l a s t h e am e r i c a n<br />
c h i l d r e n.<br />
sumes that when the problems are solved,<br />
the family will return to their home. She<br />
expects, coming from America, the man<br />
will have many answers already.<br />
Her mouth may be hanging open.<br />
(“Close your mouth,” her oldest sister<br />
Tina, impatient as a broom, often hisses at<br />
her, even when Liese is sure it’s closed.) But<br />
she’s mesmerized by the strange sounds<br />
of the children playing in English, comprehensible<br />
to one another, amiable too it<br />
seems, but a great provocation to her, like<br />
a shrieking tree-full of wild parrots.<br />
Then the children’s voices grow angry<br />
and there’s a skirmish over one of the<br />
boxes. The girl breaks away and dashes to<br />
the house, yelling “Mom-my! Mom-my!”<br />
as if injured. When she reaches the door,<br />
the children’s mother steps through it.<br />
Then Liese realizes “Mommy” is the English<br />
word for Mama.<br />
How clever she considers herself this<br />
morning, deciphering a piece of their<br />
speech! But hard on the back of that<br />
pleasure, like an unexpected shiver in the<br />
heat, is her consciousness of being alone,<br />
Winter 2008 29
30 Rhubarb<br />
hidden, as uneasy as a secret. She feels that<br />
she’s loosely constructed and vulnerable,<br />
like a spider’s web, instead of real and<br />
substantial as the American children. Her<br />
desire to know them increases; it swells as<br />
she watches them disappear into the house<br />
behind their mother, minus the scattered<br />
signs of their make-believe habitation—<br />
their boxes and dolls, cars and trucks. Liese<br />
wants their language, their strangeness,<br />
their confidence. She heard the mother<br />
soothe the girl and then the boys who<br />
shuffled near, heads down and anxious,<br />
and she wants that same consolation, that<br />
same brave humility. She wants everything<br />
about them.<br />
In the days that follow, Liese studies<br />
the American family as much as she can,<br />
whenever her mother or Tina haven’t discovered<br />
a chore for her to do. She stares<br />
from the verandah, or from her perch in<br />
the mulberry hedge. She sees that while<br />
at home, the children’s mother wears<br />
pretty dresses with narrow waists and full<br />
skirts, but dressing up—for the store, or<br />
a meeting perhaps—she puts on one of<br />
two sleek outfits with narrow skirts and<br />
straight lines, the one a light brown color<br />
like the soil of their garden but clean and<br />
cool-looking, the other a dark blue, almost<br />
grey, like storm clouds but not noisy or<br />
threatening.<br />
On her dressed-up occasions the<br />
woman’s face is bright and her lips redder<br />
than the lips of any other woman Liese<br />
knows. She feels this is probably the sheen<br />
of worldliness against which the preachers<br />
warn and it troubles her on behalf of<br />
the woman and her entire family, because<br />
she’s beautiful and seems so kind. Even<br />
spotting the foreign family in the town’s<br />
church the next Sunday doesn’t alleviate<br />
her apprehension.<br />
Liese approaches her father under the<br />
algorroba tree after the service. He’s peeling<br />
a grapefruit with his pocket-knife. He<br />
cuts the peel away in one continuous strip<br />
that drops onto the hard earth in a cheerful<br />
coil of white and yellow.<br />
“Papa,” she says, “will the American<br />
lady beside us go to heaven? I think she<br />
wears lipstick.”<br />
Liese’s father doesn’t look up. He tugs<br />
off a segment of the grapefruit. “Why<br />
not?” he says.<br />
Why not? Startling. Room to maneuver<br />
then. Liese won’t probe further lest he’d<br />
made a mistake, lest she squander its possibilities.<br />
She drops to the ground beside<br />
her father’s low three-legged stool, takes<br />
the grapefruit wedges he offers her, slurps<br />
their sweet juiciness. Many years later she’ll<br />
recollect that this was the moment her<br />
dream to move to Canada or America, was<br />
conceived. As far as she’s concerned, her<br />
father gave her permission. To be someone<br />
else.<br />
Liese hangs on to the dream long after<br />
the English-speaking family returns to<br />
their own country. She hangs on in spite<br />
of Mama’s resistance to any mention of<br />
it. Working in the local Co-op and then a<br />
German pension in Asuncion, the capital,<br />
in the years after high school, Liese mentions<br />
it often. Mama’s unhappiness over<br />
the notion grows. Mama isn’t so fond of<br />
the primitive, dusty Chaco herself—she<br />
admits as much—but her loyalty is fierce<br />
by now, her stories of hardships endured<br />
on its behalf irrefutable, and all this<br />
achieved through a dogged submission<br />
to her husband Jakob, Liese’s father, who<br />
believes it was God and not the Mennonite<br />
Central Committee that brought them<br />
to Paraguay. Mama thinks Liese’s desire<br />
to emigrate is a criticism directed at her.
She argues against it and sometimes she<br />
cries.<br />
But when she gets it into her head that<br />
Liese is attached to Alberto, a Paraguayan<br />
of the Spanish-speaking variety, not Mennonite,<br />
whom Liese mentioned in a letter<br />
from Asuncion—attached and likely to<br />
marry him—Mama panics.<br />
“I was thinking,” she writes, “why don’t<br />
you go to Canada for a while? Stay with the<br />
cousins. You need a change.”<br />
Liese understands the reason for her<br />
mother’s reversal and says it’s ridiculous.<br />
Can’t a person go for an ice cream with<br />
someone without wanting to marry him?<br />
“You have no idea about Paraguayan<br />
men,” Mama retorts by return mail.<br />
Mama’s letters prod, poke, push. They<br />
arrive in the capital like volleys, and then<br />
one day the source of them, Mama herself,<br />
is getting off the bus, is standing outside<br />
Liese’s door. “All your life you talk big<br />
about leaving,” she says. “Now I agree with<br />
you, so you better get going. I’ve already<br />
written the cousins.” She takes Liese to<br />
MennoTour to get her papers and tickets;<br />
she says that she and Papa will pay.<br />
Mama’s unexpected arrival disarms<br />
Liese, stirs her love for her mother. Mama’s<br />
right, of course. It’s what she’s wanted for<br />
a long time. She wants it still.<br />
So Liese leaves her homeland. It’s 1972;<br />
she’s nearly twenty-two.<br />
When Liese thinks back now about<br />
coming to Canada, she remembers white.<br />
That continuous vista of clouds beneath<br />
the flight. Thick, sun-catching cumulus,<br />
as if the entire cotton harvest of Paraguay,<br />
which she was leaving behind forever, had<br />
been spilled in farewell along the path she<br />
had to follow to leave. Not directly from<br />
the field, of course, but washed and dried,<br />
all the seeds and grime picked out of it.<br />
And the cousins’ small white house,<br />
and how she wondered, when they first<br />
stopped in front of it, whether it was<br />
freshly painted. Wondered, but didn’t ask.<br />
Had never asked.<br />
And the ironed white sheets of her<br />
bed in their basement, like an envelope<br />
she slipped into, exhausted, and slept in<br />
soundly until late the next morning. Almost<br />
until noon.<br />
She has come to associate white with<br />
a kind of happiness, even, perhaps, with<br />
perfect peace. The sense of infinite potential,<br />
for example, that fog suggests,<br />
pressing its pearly bulk against the kitchen<br />
window, wrapping the yard away from<br />
her and breathing quietly, closely, until<br />
the sun dissolves it.<br />
Or the radiance of<br />
the bedroom some<br />
Saturday mornings<br />
when she sits in<br />
bed in her bathrobe,<br />
reading, the<br />
daylight filtered<br />
through the white<br />
sheers of the window,<br />
the outside<br />
ma n y y e a r s l a t e r s h e’ll r e c o ll<br />
e c t t h a t t h i s w a s t h e m o m e n t<br />
h e r d r e a m to m o v e to ca n a d a<br />
o r am e r i c a, w a s c o n c e i v e d. as<br />
f a r a s s h e’s c o n c e r n e d, h e r fa-<br />
t h e r g a v e h e r per mission. to b e<br />
s o m e o n e else.<br />
world a blur through that veil and the<br />
inside sweet with silence, with time alone<br />
for a book or the newspaper, Johnnie out<br />
for breakfast or golf with his friends, when<br />
it seems that the past and the future can<br />
be grasped as a whole, the way an entire<br />
life can be grasped, they say, just before<br />
drowning or dying in an accident. Simply<br />
seeing it and knowing without fear that<br />
it’s fine; it’s okay.<br />
On the flight from Toronto, where<br />
she’d landed from Asuncion via Buenos<br />
Aires, she had the seat by the window<br />
and a woman travelling with her small<br />
daughter sat next to her. The child was<br />
restless and clamored over Liese with<br />
sharp, bony elbows and knees to press<br />
her nose against the window. She saw the<br />
clouds and squealed, “Mommy, Mommy,<br />
Mommy!”<br />
It seemed a good omen, the kind of<br />
omen Liese liked to collect. Something<br />
others would think inconsequential and<br />
she found remarkable: her first English<br />
word—“Mommy!”—re-appearing on<br />
her way to Canada like the end mark of<br />
a parenthesis opened more than a decade<br />
ago. She said “No speak English” to the<br />
woman, and grinned at the girl, grinned<br />
at her until her jaw ached while the child<br />
Winter 2008 31
32 Rhubarb<br />
crawled back and forth over her lap.<br />
Neither Liese nor her parents had<br />
ever seen Mama’s cousins Nettie and Alvina<br />
who lived in Winnipeg—the cousins<br />
Liese would stay with—but they had a<br />
photograph, a studio portrait of them<br />
together, wearing white blouses with collars<br />
of crocheted lace, their partial smiles<br />
nearly identical. They seemed old to Liese,<br />
looking at the photo, and she said so, but<br />
Mama told her they weren’t that old at all,<br />
she believed they were only a few years<br />
older than she was. Late fifties, early sixties<br />
perhaps.<br />
Mama explained what she knew. Her<br />
eldest brother—their father—fled Russia,<br />
just as Liese’s parents’ families had, but<br />
since he saw “the writing on the wall,” as it<br />
were, before they did, he got into Canada<br />
during an opening in the 1920s. Instead of<br />
being sent to Paraguay, as the later refugees<br />
were. Mama’s brother found a wife<br />
in Canada. They were both long dead but<br />
they’d had the two daughters, Nettie and<br />
Alvina. One of them married, Mama said,<br />
only to have her husband die suddenly of<br />
a stroke half a year later. The short-lived<br />
bride moved back home to her sister and<br />
they’d lived together ever since, in the<br />
house where they grew up.<br />
When Liese arrived in the Winnipeg<br />
terminal, she recognized the cousins immediately<br />
but she couldn’t recall which<br />
one was the tragic widow; she couldn’t<br />
even remember which name went with<br />
which woman. She must have been anticipating<br />
them as one, Nettie and Alvina,<br />
linked without further thought like the<br />
sing-song syllables of a nursery rhyme.<br />
Nettie and Alvina introduced themselves,<br />
but in the surrounding noise of arrivals<br />
and greetings, and the awkwardness<br />
of their own hurried mutual appraisals,<br />
Liese couldn’t focus and so she lost that opportunity<br />
to fix their separate identities as<br />
well. She was looking for signs of grief on<br />
one of the faces and they, she felt, seemed<br />
surprised at her—that she was so modern<br />
perhaps? She wore her reddish-blond hair<br />
long and straight and parted in the middle,<br />
and she had clunky shoes and a short skirt<br />
as was seventies fashion, though her skirt<br />
wasn’t nearly as short as it soon would be,<br />
after she re-hemmed it in the privacy of<br />
her migration lodgings, far from Mama’s<br />
piercing disapproval.<br />
Both women wore glasses, and had<br />
comfortable, similar faces, though one was<br />
plumper than the other. Their hair was<br />
grayish brown and tightly curled. Liese<br />
smelled fresh hair-perming solution as she<br />
received their embraces of welcome. Flattered,<br />
she wondered if they rose early that<br />
morning to give each other permanents<br />
or if they patronized a beauty salon. They<br />
spoke German to her but Liese noticed it<br />
had suffered; it was thoroughly infected<br />
with English, of course. She was pleased to<br />
hear it, however, and felt herself leaning towards<br />
their clumsy cadences as if linguistic<br />
loss were contagious. She was planning to<br />
be fluent in English in no time at all.<br />
She was ashamed, though, not knowing<br />
their names, not recalling enough about<br />
them to keep them apart. Mama insisted<br />
Liese would owe the cousins a huge debt of<br />
gratitude for letting her live with them and<br />
her predicament seemed a hint of what being<br />
an immigrant might entail, obligations<br />
she was likely to fail at but could never<br />
forget. And without her parents near to<br />
assist. But the cousins seemed warm and<br />
genuinely glad to see her, even deferential,<br />
so perhaps she could find a way out of her<br />
stupidity without them discovering it.
The women took turns telling Liese<br />
things or asking questions about her trip<br />
and her parents and siblings back in Paraguay<br />
until they’d exited the building and<br />
packed her two bags in the trunk of their<br />
tan-colored car. Then both of them—Nettie<br />
and Alvina, driver and passenger, whoever<br />
was which—concentrated on driving<br />
and Liese was left to her first impressions<br />
of Winnipeg, a city surprisingly calm and<br />
empty-looking, full of trees and lawns of<br />
an unassuming, dignified green, not the<br />
lush and steamy green of Asuncion, which<br />
seemed inferior now, and where, contrary<br />
to what she’d claimed to her mother, she<br />
was falling in love with Alberto because<br />
she was bored. He professed his passionate,<br />
undying love for her the night before<br />
she left, trying to kiss her at the gate of the<br />
MennoHeim, but she laughed at him and<br />
pulled away. She didn’t believe his avowals<br />
but no longer needed to hear him making<br />
them either.<br />
Before Liese had time to reach more<br />
conclusions about the city where she’d<br />
landed, they were pulling into the driveway<br />
of a small, square, and very white house. Its<br />
foundation was rimmed with a profusion<br />
of flowers in various shades of pink. The<br />
effect seemed too sentimental for Liese’s<br />
vision of Canada, but it seemed generous<br />
too, which surely boded well, she thought,<br />
for the work of becoming herself that lay<br />
before her.<br />
One sister said to the other, opening the<br />
car trunk, “Well Nettie, why don’t you take<br />
Liese down to her room?”<br />
The woman who led Liese down the<br />
stairs into the basement had a mole on the<br />
far edge of her jaw and Liese told herself<br />
firmly, Nettie is the sister with the mole.<br />
Nettie took Liese into a tiny room beside<br />
the stairs. She showed her the bed, a narrow<br />
closet with five empty hangers, the<br />
three-drawer dresser. She pointed to the<br />
hangers on the closet rod. Then she was<br />
still and silent for a moment, as if considering<br />
what else she could show their guest.<br />
“Ah!” she said, as if she’d finally remembered.<br />
She opened the top drawer<br />
of the dresser. They’d collected some<br />
things for her, Nettie said: small samples<br />
of soap and shampoo and flat perfume<br />
strips inside clear paper wrappers—the<br />
kind that come in bills from department<br />
stores. Nettie picked up one of the perfume<br />
packets and told Liese that if she opened<br />
it and rubbed the fragrance strip on her<br />
wrists, it was like putting on that expensive<br />
perfume the stores wanted people to<br />
buy, the one named<br />
and pictured on the<br />
paper. “You stick<br />
one in your purse,”<br />
she said, “and you<br />
use it on a special<br />
evening, just before you go into the room.<br />
Make yourself smell pretty.”<br />
Nettie went on to say, sympathetically<br />
it seemed, that Liese would probably not<br />
be able to afford real perfume for a while.<br />
Not that buying perfume was urgent in any<br />
case, she said, but Liese was young and so<br />
perhaps it mattered more than to someone<br />
of her and Alvina’s age. That’s why they’d<br />
been saving the packets for her, ever since<br />
they learned she was coming, instead of<br />
opening them as they generally did for<br />
their own curiosity.<br />
“Canada,” Nettie added, “is a good<br />
country.”<br />
Liese had a small bottle of scent along<br />
but she didn’t mention it to Nettie, supposing<br />
it cheap and inappropriate here.<br />
“Thank you Nettie,” she said. “Thank you<br />
very much.” In the light of arriving in Canada<br />
and Liese’s relief at securing the name<br />
of this relative with the mole-marked<br />
face, the sacrifice of the samples seemed<br />
remarkable, more than she deserved. Saying<br />
those thank yous, her voice began to<br />
break. Nettie patted Liese’s arm and said<br />
she would leave her alone to unpack but<br />
would soon call her for supper.<br />
There wasn’t much in Liese’s two leather<br />
cases to put away and she had everything<br />
hung or placed into drawers before she<br />
was summoned to eat. People in the Chaco<br />
who knew about life in Canada or America<br />
had advised her not to take much along;<br />
everything would be far nicer up there,<br />
they said, and easy enough to get as soon<br />
wh e n liese t h i n k s b a c k n o w<br />
a b o u t c o m i n g to ca n a d a, s h e<br />
remembers w h i t e.<br />
Winter 2008 33
34 Rhubarb<br />
as she had a job, and money.<br />
Liese drew one of the perfume packets<br />
out of the drawer. She opened it. She<br />
slipped the paper out of its sheath, held it<br />
to her nose. It gave off a whiff of sophistication.<br />
She waited, contented, sitting on<br />
the bed, hands in her lap, her eyes assessing<br />
the low-ceilinged room. She liked its<br />
simplicity, its coolness, its dimness. They<br />
didn’t have many basements in the Chaco.<br />
A basement, she thought now, was like a<br />
cave, like a cocoon, in which to rest and<br />
gain strength to foray in a long-awaited<br />
world.<br />
She heard Nettie’s eager voice—the<br />
call for supper. Liese rubbed the scent<br />
of the paper onto<br />
her wrists and ran<br />
upstairs, arriving at<br />
the table breathless<br />
and smiling. The<br />
cousins smiled back<br />
at her. Their hands<br />
were already folded<br />
for the table prayer.<br />
If they told her she<br />
smelled nice or<br />
questioned her for<br />
wasting a packet,<br />
she’d decided, she’d<br />
compliment them<br />
by declaring this was one of those special<br />
evenings Nettie had mentioned. Her first<br />
in their house.<br />
Neither remarked on the perfume,<br />
however. The dose available on paper must<br />
have been too weak to last.<br />
It didn’t matter. The sensation of the<br />
strip against her skin, the brief aroma of a<br />
new Canadian ritual lingered with her as if<br />
it rendered her more exotic than ever, even<br />
to herself. She was hungry and agreeable to<br />
everything. The homemade tomato soup<br />
and bread were delicious.<br />
After supper, Liese helped with the<br />
dishes, then admitted, to Alvina’s persistent<br />
inquiries, that yes, she was tired.<br />
The cousins’ voices wove around her like<br />
a lullaby, sung in duet, suggesting she get<br />
her night clothes, take a bath, go to bed.<br />
The women showed her the bathroom.<br />
Nettie asked Liese if she knew how to turn<br />
on the taps and Liese said, yes, she did. Of<br />
course, she did, she added, though she kept<br />
her tone light and gracious; they certainly<br />
had taps in the Chaco, she said. She didn’t<br />
mention that they’d installed a water line<br />
into the kitchen just a few months ago,<br />
such a help to her mother, who had always<br />
drawn from a tap on the porch, but she did<br />
say that water was generally scarce in the<br />
Chaco, so they showered instead of bathed,<br />
using a pail of water overhead—a pail with<br />
holes in it. Nettie and Alvina seemed to<br />
find this interesting.<br />
Then the cousins withdrew, pulling the<br />
bathroom door closed behind them like a<br />
final caring cluck. Liese secured her hair in<br />
two loose braids. She took off her clothes.<br />
She drew an inch or two of tepid water and<br />
knelt in it, dabbing the water to her body<br />
until every part of it was moistened. Then<br />
she got out and dried herself and pulled<br />
on her thin summer nightgown. She padded<br />
downstairs and crawled between the<br />
starched and flawless white sheets of her<br />
basement bed. There she lost the last of her<br />
vivid daydream of the future.<br />
It had begun to disappear the moment<br />
she landed—she knows this now—but<br />
the last of it disappeared in that prim Canadian<br />
bed. What was she thinking as her<br />
eyes closed? What did she release with a<br />
satisfied sigh, just before falling away—so<br />
carelessly—from everything, new and old<br />
colliding, into slumber?<br />
She can’t remember.<br />
She should have written something<br />
down. She should have had a notebook<br />
on the flight , blocked that pesky girl from<br />
her lap, set down what she visualized ahead<br />
of her as her gaze and dreams locked into<br />
the clouds. On the airplane, suspended in<br />
that space between ending and beginning,<br />
she must have known—in that clear way<br />
one sees what one wants before one has<br />
it—what she hoped for, what she expected.<br />
She was starting life over in a way more<br />
definite, more decisive, than people usually<br />
attempted. Not escaping, but choosing.<br />
Switching countries. Separating destiny<br />
from origin.<br />
If she’d recorded this, she thinks now,<br />
she could decide whether anything came<br />
true in the manner she hoped. She reminds<br />
herself the landscape of her former desires<br />
can never be fully recovered. It still adheres<br />
to a girl who hid, who watched, who envied,<br />
and then a young woman wrapped in<br />
memories of white. Liese no longer thinks<br />
of herself as an immigrant and her reasons<br />
for coming are thin. As good as gone. She<br />
may never know, at this distance, if they<br />
were good enough. R
Children alone in<br />
the hospitals<br />
By M. Travis Lane<br />
“I Would Have Told You” (John 14:2)<br />
Children alone in the hospitals<br />
watching machines tick time away,<br />
a world of closed doors closing—<br />
each empty day holds emptiness<br />
like a last cup.<br />
At the nursing station stands<br />
an artificial Christmas tree<br />
with loops of caterpillar foil.<br />
Outside the drowsy snowflakes fall.<br />
Does sleep, which comes, at last,<br />
unwanted or desired<br />
bring only another hospital,<br />
grander perhaps?<br />
Keeper of all things<br />
keep the now. The screens<br />
that mark their passage, their ebb tides,<br />
malfunction, show us snow.<br />
Sleep dear child<br />
By M. Travis Lane<br />
Sleep dear child, the night is warm<br />
and you may not be lost.<br />
Let the green curtains of the trees<br />
hang over you, and moss<br />
raise its soft feathers around your head.<br />
No noises now, the wind<br />
won’t startle branches into aches,<br />
no birds cry out, the gnats<br />
will flicker out.<br />
Even the moon can’t find you here<br />
dense, as this dream forest is,<br />
nor stars nor mapping fireflies or<br />
the phosphorous reachings of old logs.<br />
You have gone under blankets of green sleep.<br />
Clouds cover you.<br />
The weathers pass you by.<br />
You are not lost, not yet, not yet<br />
or not unfindable, or lost<br />
but only from our sight.<br />
Another house<br />
has called for you, a parent,<br />
a wild home.<br />
Winter 2008 35
36 Rhubarb<br />
Peter’s father didn’t die<br />
By Susan Plett<br />
yesterday but he was pretty sure he was having a heart attack and after all the poking and<br />
prodding no heart attack this time, let’s run some tests and Peter’s voice breaks and if he<br />
hadn’t been short of breath they never would have found it and what a close call and<br />
isn’t God good and I think of my own father healthy as a horse on Monday and DOA:<br />
heart attack on Wednesday no angiograms or close calls and sure He’s good and heaven<br />
knows I don’t want a predictable God, but what I do want is to sit across a Scrabble board<br />
and watch my father get all frowny and fussy when he’s losing and maybe he could tease<br />
my mother until she rolls her eyes and sticks out her tongue and would it be too much to<br />
ask for him to meet the grandson who carries his name but yes let’s thank God that<br />
Peter’s mother won’t grow old alone in a nursing home where noone knows what she<br />
meant to anyone except maybe a daughter a thousand miles away who just for the<br />
moment has no idea what to say to someone who can’t believe how blessed we all are
What you need the least<br />
Ike hasn’t been at breakfast for five days.<br />
About a week ago Viola told him to leave<br />
the house. That’s the word. Everyone’s<br />
noticed his pickup parked in front of the<br />
three storey green-shutter-place apartments,<br />
not just the widows watching from<br />
their windows.<br />
Ten years ago that was me. One Saturday<br />
night that stretched into a Sunday<br />
morning I come home and Helen meets<br />
me at the door. It’s the church or the bar,<br />
she says. It doesn’t matter that the farming<br />
gets done, she says, or that there’s<br />
enough to eat and the roof doesn’t leak. I<br />
hear people talking at church, she says. I<br />
won’t have it. The kids and I won’t be at<br />
church anymore with you at home sleeping<br />
it off. You either come to church with<br />
us on Sunday, or leave. It’s us or the bar.<br />
Not both.<br />
Some decisions come faster than others,<br />
so while she and the kids went to church<br />
that Sunday, I stayed home and packed two<br />
bags for the week. I thought that leaving<br />
right then might change some things for<br />
her, or for me, or both. It did. Within a<br />
month I had moved my whole closet out,<br />
along with a few boxes of paperbacks.<br />
Ike Dyck’s decision would have been<br />
about women rather than booze. There’d<br />
been talk like that about Ike and Viola for<br />
years already. Often he’d say he was going<br />
to some conference or other in Winnipeg<br />
and then he’d stay the weekend. People<br />
noticed and they got used to it. You’d hear<br />
some guys saying that Viola was too easy<br />
on Ike. But I guess a woman is not likely<br />
to go to church alone for too long if she<br />
hears people talking.<br />
I pick up one book a week from the<br />
MCC thrift store—crime story or mystery<br />
if I can find it—but today I see Ike Dyck<br />
shopping for kitchen appliances across<br />
the racks of men’s wear, so I stop to watch<br />
By Paul Krahn<br />
him. What I really want to do is walk over<br />
there and hit him. Ike farms 15,000 acres<br />
with his brother, Norm. Most of that land<br />
they’ve bought from smaller farmers like<br />
me who decide that the risk’s not worth<br />
it anymore. Watching Ike shop in a thrift<br />
store has a certain beauty to it. Hands<br />
grimy from some repair work, he picks up,<br />
turns over, peers into, and shakes things—<br />
a toaster, a coffee maker, an electric frying<br />
pan, and a countertop deep fryer with a<br />
cracked and yellowed<br />
plastic lid.<br />
Ike’s here because<br />
he’d rather<br />
be seen by the Mexicans<br />
and immigrant<br />
mothers than<br />
shop at the CO-OP hardware. That’s the<br />
second reason why I want to hit him. By<br />
now everyone in town has heard anyway.<br />
Everybody’ll notice what Ike says and does<br />
these days. They’ll talk about it at home, in<br />
coffee shops, at church. To me that seems<br />
fair. It’s been everybody’s business so far,<br />
why not now? That’s the price you pay for<br />
taking that kind of freedom.<br />
His hands shake for a cigarette as he<br />
fumbles through a shelf of mugs and<br />
glassware. Tanned and silver-grey, his face<br />
is obvious. He’s a guy you notice. A guy<br />
people say hello to. They want him to say<br />
hello to them. Women want to dance with<br />
him at socials, and a lot of guys who aren’t<br />
like him, want to hit him. That’d be reason<br />
number three. Instead it crosses my mind<br />
to offer him a cigarette.<br />
Ike walks over to the checkout to pay.<br />
He dumps the stuff on the counter and<br />
then asks if he can buy the shopping basket<br />
too. He says, I won’t do big loads of laundry,<br />
see? He smiles. This is just the right<br />
size too. The woman at the counter points<br />
out to him that it’s a shopping basket.<br />
I know it’s a shopping basket, he says,<br />
640 a c r e s u s e d t o b e a f a r m o f<br />
s u b s t a n c e. yo u u s e d t o b e a b l e t o<br />
l i v e o f f o f t h a t m u c h l a n d. fe e d<br />
y o u r f a m i l y a n d t h e n s o m e .<br />
Winter 2008 37
38 Rhubarb<br />
but I’ll pay you for it. Can I give you 10<br />
bucks? The woman at the counter yields<br />
and smiles and takes his money.<br />
For my whole life I’ve despised what he<br />
does. At breakfast at the Sunrise Café Ike<br />
and his brother Norm would sit away from<br />
us, at the window. They’d order and sip<br />
and eat in silence, while the rest of us sat<br />
and talked at the big middle table. They’d<br />
get up and leave before we’re done. The<br />
most they’d do is nod.<br />
640 acres used to be a farm of substance.<br />
You used to be able to live off of that much<br />
land. Feed your family and then some.<br />
Today they’ll tell you to buy more, or sell<br />
out, because you can’t afford the risk. The<br />
banks and ag-dealers tell you to expect<br />
one bad year for every two good ones,<br />
and everyone knows that if you get two<br />
bad years in a row, you could be finished.<br />
Next to no credit at the bank to seed the<br />
next year, so you look to sell. You hope you<br />
get what the land’s worth. That’s when Ike<br />
and Norm show up.<br />
One morning a couple of years ago—a<br />
wet year—everything looked bad. Ike and<br />
Norm get up ahead of us as usual, but this<br />
time Ike walks over to us, looks at me and<br />
says, So, wet enough yet for ya? He waits.<br />
People keep eating. Then he says, If you<br />
think maybe this’ll be the last year, let me<br />
know. I’ve got a fair price in mind. Then<br />
he smiles, adjusts his cap and walks out. A<br />
few weeks later I get an offer to purchase<br />
in the mail for the 320 acre piece that’s<br />
sandwiched between two of his pieces, for<br />
$1200 an acre. My best piece. I don’t sell<br />
though. I couldn’t after that and I hated<br />
him for asking.<br />
Ike heads down the aisle toward the<br />
exit, his arms full. I grab Agatha Christie’s<br />
Sad Cypress and walk to the cashier, drop a<br />
quarter on the counter and follow him out.<br />
I push through the first set of doors in time<br />
to open the second one for him. Thanks, he<br />
says. He doesn’t see me though. He walks<br />
out and heads for his truck, parked just up<br />
ahead. I follow him. I want to say something<br />
to him. At his truck I cut in front of<br />
him again so that he sees me.<br />
Unlocked? I say. He stiffens and hesitates.<br />
I reach for the passenger door anyway<br />
and open it. He lifts the bags too quick<br />
and one catches, tears, and spills mugs and<br />
glasses onto the curbside.<br />
Goddammit, he says. What. The. Hell.<br />
He crouches and starts picking up pieces,<br />
using what’s left of the bag to collect them<br />
in one hand. What the hell, Andy? he says,<br />
not looking up. What do you want eh?<br />
Viola’s phone number? Check the phone<br />
book, under my name.<br />
Thanks for the offer, I say. Maybe I<br />
should, since you aren’t known for your<br />
generosity.<br />
Asshole, he says, straightening, one hand<br />
filled with glass and ceramic shards.<br />
Yeah, I say. You’re in good company.<br />
Ike turns to face me. Can I help you?<br />
he says.<br />
Without stepping back I pull out my<br />
smokes. Cigarette? I say.<br />
Huh?<br />
Smoke?<br />
Oh, uh, sure, he says. Thanks. He pulls<br />
one out of the pack and reaches back to<br />
put the bag of shards in his truck.<br />
Sorry ‘bout that, I say offering him my<br />
lighter. So how’s it going, really?<br />
Better now, he says, exhaling. I hope the<br />
rest of this shit works, he says.<br />
They usually check it all, I say. At least<br />
if it doesn’t, you didn’t pay much.<br />
There is that.
Warm day, I say. Still too wet to seed,<br />
eh?<br />
Yeah, probably. I guess it’ll be TV time<br />
again tonight.<br />
I’ve got a few beers back at my place,<br />
I say. No better time for a cold one then<br />
Friday.<br />
He looks me in the eye. You sure about<br />
that, he says.<br />
Whatever, I say. It’s your call. I’ll be out<br />
on my back deck with a beer in a few minutes.<br />
I’ll put a few burgers on the grill.<br />
I’ve gotta get rid of this first, though,<br />
he says.<br />
No problem, I say. Won’t change my<br />
day. You know where I live. So maybe I’ll<br />
see’ya.<br />
Ike nods and walks around the front of<br />
the truck, I’ll think about it, he says as he<br />
gets in and closes the door. As he drives off<br />
I watch and ask myself what the hell I’m<br />
doing. I think I know the answer though.<br />
Helen and the kids stayed in the bigger<br />
house on the farm, while you bought a<br />
two-bedroom bungalow in town. That<br />
first Spring was tough. You’d go back to<br />
the yard to work. You’d pull the drill out<br />
of the quanset, fill it with seed, and watch<br />
the windows of your own house. You’d<br />
look for the kids to come running out to<br />
watch or beg for a ride. Before you’d have<br />
been annoyed, and now you wait for it. But<br />
they don’t come, and you drive the tractor<br />
and drill off of the yard alone.<br />
It’s like that for Ike now too. Tomorrow<br />
morning it’ll take him 15 minutes to find<br />
a one-inch socket in the machine shed on<br />
his own yard, because the whole time he’ll<br />
wonder what his wife and kids are doing<br />
inside his own house.<br />
Today though Ike, you know, I know,<br />
what’s waiting. Dirty dishes. The hint of<br />
socks and stale smoke. A toilet bowl that<br />
needs to be scrubbed. Beer in the fridge<br />
and an open potato chips bag on the<br />
counter.<br />
Time could change it all. I could worry<br />
about what people’ll think. But I’m trying<br />
to live better today. Trying to make the best<br />
of these things that I like the least, and<br />
need the most. R<br />
That lizard on a shelf<br />
of stone<br />
By Bill Fast<br />
That lizard on a shelf of stone<br />
might be the stone itself<br />
but for a lifting eye.<br />
Unmoving in the blazing air<br />
he slants his staring gaze<br />
into an endless sky.<br />
A million years encrust his side<br />
but cannot hide the thrust<br />
of life that yearns to fly.<br />
Secure in armorplated skin<br />
he thus seals in his fate;<br />
and so, I fear, do I.<br />
Winter 2008 39
l a c k pu d d i n g a n d Rhubarb pastr ies<br />
These little pastries make good canapes or starters. The mixture sounds bizarre but is delicious.<br />
Ingredients<br />
1 small onion, chopped<br />
200 g <strong>rhubarb</strong> (about 1 stick) cut into 1 cm slices<br />
8 slices black pudding about 4 cm diameter and 1 cm thick<br />
16 sheets filo pastry about 15 cm square<br />
100 ml dry cider or white wine or water<br />
Olive oil for frying<br />
Black pepper, nutmeg.<br />
A good quality black pudding is needed.<br />
Procedure<br />
Fry the skinned black pudding slices in a little olive oil using a heavy frying pan until they are lightly<br />
crisped on the outside. Reserve. Add the onion to the pan (with a little extra oil if<br />
necessary) and soften without browning. Add the <strong>rhubarb</strong> and stir for a minute or so. Add the cider and<br />
simmer gently until the <strong>rhubarb</strong> has disintegrated to form a thick sauce. Season with black pepper and a<br />
little grated nutmeg.<br />
Place two squares of pastry on top of each other; place a teaspoon of the sauce in the middle and put<br />
a slice of black pudding on top. Moisten the edges of the pastry and fold over the contents, pinching the<br />
edges together to form a seal.<br />
Bake in a moderate oven (160 C) on a greased baking tray for about 20 -30 minutes (until the pastry is<br />
golden).<br />
Eat while warm. This quantity suffices for a canape for four or a good starter for two.<br />
Serves 4<br />
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40 Rhubarb<br />
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An unfriendly takeover<br />
Mierau, Maurice. Fear Not. Turnstone Press, 2008.<br />
Reviewed by Leonard Neufeldt<br />
A full-canter gospel song<br />
begins, “Sweet are the promises,/<br />
kind is the word.” Not so<br />
the counter words of Maurice<br />
Mierau’s new and very important<br />
book of poems, Fear Not,<br />
dedicated to Mierau’s father, “a<br />
strong and skeptical reader of<br />
the Bible.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer declared the time of<br />
words over, and both his martyrdom and the silencing<br />
it delivered personally confirmed his statement.<br />
Yet words have continued, most of them in the<br />
service of unquestioned religious and cultural conventions<br />
(including belief and interpretive systems,<br />
unexamined norms and new generic universals<br />
already dead). Mierau’s title, which appears in the<br />
Bible 80 times, is a parody of itself in that it asks us<br />
not to fear the fearful—the wholesale contesting of<br />
such words and the deeply inscribed habits of mind<br />
and feeling they minister to even while his resistance<br />
takes seriously the forms these words have taken and<br />
even though their deconstruction offers only itself<br />
as counter words.<br />
One can’t deal with the daring quixotry of<br />
Mierau’s poems apart from their multiple planes<br />
of parody. “Parody,” a term passed down to us by<br />
the ancient Greeks, literally means “another way”<br />
or the road alongside the usual one; in classical<br />
literature it meant “a song sung beside.” Over the<br />
centuries parody has usually been parasitic and<br />
imitative—it depends on the host text and imitates<br />
it in distorted forms such as caricature, burlesque<br />
or satirical palimpsest in order to mock, censure or<br />
perhaps reform. Fear Not offers numerous examples<br />
of this kind of parody. “Desperate (at Your Wits<br />
End),” mimics the psalmist’s desperate prayer for<br />
help to mock today’s religion of self-absorption and<br />
desperate self-gratification: “I whine and complain<br />
and you/ have a lot of time for that, which/is great<br />
Reviews<br />
oh God” (p. 52). “Needing Peace” re-writes the<br />
many cries for peace in the Bible with an imitation<br />
of Colonel John McCrae’s wearisome “In Flanders<br />
Field”: “1 In Afghanistan the poppies grow/ 2 beside<br />
roadside bombs, row on/row” (p. 71).<br />
But, in the spirit of a much more complicated<br />
and unsettling post-modern parody, Mierau’s mimicking<br />
of passages in the New Testament gospels<br />
and epistles and Old Testament psalms often ends<br />
up imitating the independent-nugget progression<br />
of Proverbs. Consider, to begin with, chapter and<br />
verse divisions in the Bible, which have been with us<br />
since the tenth century. Mierau’s poems are written<br />
as biblical chapters comprised of numbered verses.<br />
And whether the first stanza of a poem flashes a<br />
verse in the gospels, epistles or psalms, many of the<br />
poems take on the features of the separate, discontinuous<br />
sayings of Proverbs. The narrative impulse<br />
of the former books is disrupted, giving way to the<br />
aphoristic impulse of wisdom literature such as<br />
found in Proverbs. When the story-telling form of<br />
the gospels is retained, the narrative undoes itself:<br />
2 And my grandfather would not<br />
stop singing Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. . .<br />
3 And he would not stop, not<br />
run, sign the confession. He<br />
practically shot himself.<br />
4 And courage is rational as long<br />
as you float.<br />
5 He sank.<br />
6 He sank with the bullet in his<br />
head on February 2nd, 1938.<br />
7 And the wind died down and it<br />
Became perfectly calm. (p. 16)<br />
But Mierau’s poems often take an additional,<br />
for him crucial, step: the so-called wise saying or<br />
redeeming moment becomes the wisdom of unsaying<br />
and nay-saying. Relentlessly so. For instance, in<br />
“Doubt” (p. 32), a poem opening with the stupefaction<br />
of a blind man given sight by Jesus, the last four<br />
stanzas offer the following parodic turns:<br />
3 And the officer was willing to<br />
believe anything, another great<br />
example.<br />
4 “Enjoy your exotic moment<br />
responsibly,” he said.<br />
5 Jesus would have talked to<br />
Winter 2008 41
Katrina, quietly. Anything is<br />
possible.<br />
6 To doubt, Ludwig said, you must<br />
spend many years not doubting.<br />
“Doubt,” like the majority of poems in this<br />
collection, exposes to parody both texts and conventions<br />
associated with them, almost signals an<br />
unfriendly takeover of them (the consolation of<br />
rescuing and revitalizing something worth saving<br />
in them or a substitution of antinomianism in their<br />
stead), only to parody itself in its very parodic maneuvers<br />
against text and conventions. This is parody<br />
as hard-boiled deconstruction on behalf of integrity.<br />
The poems survey once assuring and still haunting<br />
but worn-out conventions as well as inanities<br />
and profanities of contemporary pop culture—to<br />
wit, the modern prodigal son writing his father a<br />
somewhat unreliable confession to which his father<br />
frames a response that indicts him as worse than the<br />
son. (pp. 7-8).<br />
The title of each section of Fear Not ends with<br />
an ellipsis whose ambiguity invites puzzlement<br />
and wariness (e.g., “Troubled By Language And . .<br />
.”). “And what?” we ask. The answer soon becomes<br />
apparent: “follow the parody; be careful.” As careful,<br />
I might add, as Mierau is about the danger that his<br />
parody of a world of unquestioned habitude and<br />
hollow gratifications itself becomes a played-out<br />
habit. Fear Not is a tough act and, for the author, a<br />
tough act to follow.<br />
A Teen Novel for Adults<br />
Toews, Miriam. The Flying Troutmans.Alfred A<br />
Knopf, 2008.<br />
Reviewed by Edna Froese<br />
Despair “recycled into dark<br />
comedy”—this is how The Flying<br />
Troutmans by Miriam Toews<br />
aptly summarizes itself. Narrator<br />
Hattie Troutman, sister to<br />
mentally ill Min whose latest<br />
descent into suicidal despair sets<br />
the plot in motion, has learned<br />
her mother’s trick of thinking<br />
in dark comedy, but, unlike her<br />
mother, cannot “absorb Min’s despair.” When Min’s<br />
11-year-old daughter Thebes calls Hattie in Paris<br />
42 Rhubarb<br />
with an SOS, Hattie flies home immediately, yet<br />
can’t face the responsibility of taking care of Thebes<br />
and her 15-year-old brother Logan. Her panicked<br />
response to Min’s plea to “help [her] die” is to pack<br />
up the children in the van and take to the road in<br />
search of the children’s father Cherkis, long since<br />
out of the picture and without any known recent<br />
address, presuming that he will be a willing and/or<br />
capable parent.<br />
The road trip is a familiar plot device that depends<br />
on a successful balance of the inevitable and<br />
the surprising. Of course, their beat-up van will<br />
have enough mechanical problems to provide comedy<br />
and suspense, both of which are increased when<br />
Logan drives—without a license. And, of course, the<br />
travellers will meet many strangers, some of whom<br />
will offer direction, whether geographic or psychological.<br />
For such journeys are almost never solely<br />
about the proposed destination. What’s crucial is the<br />
interaction of the travellers as each journeys back<br />
through memory and simultaneously acts as guide,<br />
overtly or otherwise, for his or her fellow travellers.<br />
There’s black material sufficient here for a grim<br />
sojourn in the underworld of mental illness: sibling<br />
rivalry (Min seems to have had a prolonged desire<br />
to kill her younger sister), abandoned children, and<br />
faithless lovers, not to mention various self-destructive<br />
efforts to escape the pain. Thebes is a compulsive<br />
talker, throwing words against an unbearable<br />
silence and adopting personae of all sorts. Logan<br />
hides, ad nauseam, in his black hoodie and his music,<br />
and prefers shooting baskets to speaking. Hattie<br />
drinks and smokes pot, occasionally phoning her<br />
ex-boyfriend in Paris. All of them consistently resist<br />
reasonable action, common sense, and anything<br />
remotely conventional, perhaps because the agony<br />
of living with Min has made common sense itself<br />
nonsensical.<br />
Because of the sustained zaniness of both plot<br />
and characters, the atmosphere comes dangerously<br />
close to sitcom, despite the bleakness of the human<br />
situation. The road trip itself creates the episodic<br />
temporality of a sitcom. There seems to be no necessary<br />
order to the incidents except as determined by<br />
the city of departure (Winnipeg) and the increasing<br />
nearness of the destination, i.e. Cherkis, the children’s<br />
father. Each character the Troutmans meet is<br />
as unconventional and marginal as they are themselves—except<br />
the authority figures such as the high<br />
school principal or the doctor and nurses at Min’s<br />
hospital ward. Caricatured as ridiculous, stupid,
and possibly mean, they can’t be trusted, a default<br />
attitude position for teens “jacked up on rebellion.”<br />
In reality, Hattie’s sharing of a joint with her teenage<br />
nephew is a serious dereliction of duty; in a sitcom<br />
world, all such indiscretions are funny, of a piece<br />
with the mechanic named Freak and a latter-day<br />
hippie named Adam who advises Hattie, after some<br />
brief necking, to live in a “love direction.”<br />
For some readers, particularly those comfortable<br />
with the multitude of cultural references (mostly<br />
aimed at twenty- and thirty-somethings) and a<br />
heavy reliance on script-like dialogue (some of it<br />
almost Beckett-like in its pointlessness), the novel<br />
will work as good comedy, a wide-ranging road<br />
trip farce. But this novel is not sustained farce. The<br />
conversations in the enforced intimacy of the van<br />
and seedy motel rooms include painful revelations<br />
and agonizing helplessness in the face of a hopeless<br />
situation. As Hattie’s lies come undone—and indeed<br />
Logan was never deceived about her motives for<br />
looking for Cherkis—the farce dissolves in Logan’s<br />
despairing tears.<br />
In one way, this blurring of tone and genre is<br />
Toews’ strength, as it was in her Giller Prize-winning<br />
A Complicated Kindness, which likewise focused on<br />
mental illness in the family. Turning despair into<br />
dark comedy makes the pain bearable, and otherwise<br />
marginal people are made warmly human and<br />
loveable. The teen predilection for melodrama and<br />
uncertain selfhood is accurately portrayed in Thebes<br />
and Logan, as well as in Hattie, the adult adolescent.<br />
On the other hand, the indeterminate tone is also<br />
the novel’s weakness. A sitcom world can tolerate<br />
one outrageous coincidence after another—how<br />
nice that Hattie’s boyfriend dumps her just in time<br />
to set her free to rescue her sister’s family, or that<br />
Cherkis is so wonderfully trackable from South<br />
Dakota to the Mexican border—but the reality of<br />
the dysfunctional family is only mocked by such<br />
coincidences, and the ending of the novel remains<br />
unconvincing. Somehow the novel’s recurring motif<br />
of escape (at least two people that the Troutmans<br />
meet are about to abandon their jobs, for very dubious<br />
reasons and in pursuit of even more dubious<br />
goals) turns in on itself, until the novel itself seems<br />
an attempt at escape. That may not be undesirable,<br />
of course, but readers should be prepared.<br />
Like A Complicated Kindness, The Flying Troutmans<br />
will either charm completely or disappoint<br />
and annoy. Like Min herself, a character who is never<br />
developed enough to explain everyone’s devotion<br />
to her (even Cherkis didn’t really abandon her but<br />
was driven away), the novel travels “in two opposite<br />
directions at once.” Fortunately, both directions—<br />
the farcical and the tragic—seem headed in a “love<br />
direction.”<br />
the ordinary, the numinous<br />
Neufeldt, Leonard. The Coat is Thin. Cascadia Publishing<br />
House, 2008.<br />
Reviewed by Melanie Siebert<br />
Our coats too thin; we sing and the wind<br />
stronger now seeks our skin,<br />
and through the skin our bones.<br />
(from “Passing”)<br />
In his newest collection of<br />
poetry, The Coat is Thin,<br />
Leonard Neufeldt “hears<br />
in his bones, descendant<br />
bones.” These poems are<br />
rooted in the extended<br />
history of the writer’s<br />
Dutch-Russian Mennonite<br />
heritage, but also in the<br />
writer’s personal migrations,<br />
between this place<br />
and that, between investigation<br />
and contemplation,<br />
between faith and a fecund uncertainty.<br />
Neufeldt was born and raised in Yarrow, B.C. His<br />
grandparents and his own father had fled the perils<br />
of Stalinism to establish a life of peace and religious<br />
freedom in Canada. Some of the poems in this collection<br />
retrieve the stories of the old country, such<br />
as the prose poem that recounts an uncle praying<br />
before he is shot by Bolshevik recruiters. Some of<br />
the poems, such as “Yarrow was Once a Mennonite<br />
Town” and “A Mennonite Short Story Writer on the<br />
Second Anniversary of His Death,” probe a more<br />
recent and muddied take on cultural identity.<br />
One strength here is that the writing doesn’t fall<br />
prey to the clichéd Mennonite history. There is no<br />
quaint and simple past. Neufeldt is interested in the<br />
particularities of time and place—but the specificity<br />
of here is always impinged upon by both his<br />
own narrative lineage and the other narratives he<br />
encounters in his far-and-wide travels. His poetry<br />
Winter 2008 43
ecognizes that the world is “large enough” for us “to<br />
lose everything we know and say by heart.”<br />
In his essay “Notes on the Author: Where are<br />
We? Who are We?” (Mennonite Life, vol. 59 no.2)<br />
Neufeldt says, “There is a world of difference between<br />
being rooted and root-bound. The rootedness<br />
I esteem is strong yet tenuous; it does not<br />
hold us back from growth and change. Indeed, it<br />
welcomes negotiations with a world well beyond the<br />
local and particular.”<br />
This negotiation is what makes this book compelling.<br />
The poet here is witness to the past and<br />
present, to the ordinary and the numinous. The<br />
coat truly is thin. Our identity, personal and cultural,<br />
is never enough to protect us against the elements.<br />
We remain permeable; we are changed.<br />
“Mojo Magic and Short Wave” is an example of<br />
a poem that enacts a complicated negotiation. The<br />
speaker in the poem sits in his car outside a football<br />
stadium in Odessa, Texas. Waiting for his daughters<br />
who are at the game, he pans the wide world<br />
of shortwave radio stations. Weaving together the<br />
smell of Texan refineries, the stadium antics, the<br />
cold war realities and a neighbor who is dying, the<br />
author examines power dynamics and the intersections<br />
of the personal and the political.<br />
This is an ambitious and sweeping poem that<br />
comes to a poignant close. However, this poem<br />
also exemplifies some of the book’s weaknesses.<br />
At times, the poems lack narrative clarity. Using<br />
secondary information to delay primary information<br />
can be used as a device to create tension and<br />
vary the pacing of the poem, but diversions that are<br />
lengthy or tonally inconsistent risk throwing the<br />
reader out of the poem. In “Mojo Magic and Short<br />
Wave” some basic questions about the narrative<br />
premise lead to reader confusion. While the poems<br />
throughout the book are thematically strong, technical<br />
missteps—confusing line breaks, pronouns<br />
without clear antecedents, meaning obscured by<br />
missing articles or other parts of speech—conspire<br />
to keep the reader out of the work. This could have<br />
been easily fixed with a careful edit.<br />
The strongest section in the book is the first<br />
one, titled “West of Time is Place.” Many of these<br />
poems achieve a lyric intensity as they log the poet’s<br />
location in time and place. Never indulgent or excessive,<br />
the emotions are finely modulated through<br />
image. Here the poet is not relaying answers, but is<br />
seeking them.<br />
In “Stars West of Williams Lake,” the speaker’s in-<br />
44 Rhubarb<br />
timate knowledge of the immense night sky perfectly<br />
match his unknowing as the steep, dark mountain<br />
“refers to itself” and the “prints and the night [keep]<br />
on going.” Images like “skeins fine as gulls’ spittle”<br />
are as startling as wolf howl. They avoid simple<br />
conclusions or categorizations by letting the lyric<br />
moment simply exist. Here the poet lives up to the<br />
epigraph by William Stafford, locating himself “by<br />
the real things [he] live[s] by.”<br />
The Coat is Thin is marked by a restlessness in<br />
mind, body and spirit—and perhaps more importantly,<br />
a commitment to permeability. As this book<br />
ranges around the block and across the world, it<br />
weaves together friends and neighbours, family<br />
and community, geographies and galaxies, cultural<br />
loss and acquisition. Never wallowing in nostalgia,<br />
Neufeldt roves the past, and hauls back the weight<br />
of memory.<br />
He seems to have taken to heart Thoreau’s adage:<br />
“Know your own bone: gnaw at it, bury it, unearth<br />
it, and gnaw at it still.”<br />
As real people do<br />
Braun, Lois. The Penance Drummer and Other Stories.<br />
Turnstone Press, 2007.<br />
Reviewed by Dora Dueck<br />
“I still do not know,” mused<br />
Mavis Gallant in her preface to<br />
The Collected Stories of Mavis<br />
Gallant (Random House, 1996)<br />
“what impels anyone sound<br />
of mind to leave dry land and<br />
spend a lifetime describing<br />
people who do not exist. If it<br />
is child’s play, an extension of<br />
make-believe … how to account<br />
for the overriding wish to do that…?”<br />
And what impels readers, one story after the<br />
next, into watching the lives of people created and<br />
described for them—watching to see how they’ll<br />
behave with what comes their way? Isn’t it the<br />
same child-like compulsion, love of “pretend,” and<br />
need? So mused I, reading with pleasure the various<br />
people Lois Braun brings to life in her fourth collection,<br />
The Penance Drummer and Other Stories.<br />
Braun has made the short story her play and<br />
work, and character her particular focus.
Quite a number of the characters in this collection<br />
are recently bereaved, others long for different<br />
lives or struggle over situations beyond their<br />
control. Some respond with small determinations<br />
of their own, as in “Broken Angels,” where Della,<br />
who lied to her mother, removes and then returns<br />
the broken pieces of a “sightless” yet accusing stone<br />
angel on a monument beside her mother’s grave.<br />
Toots, in “Laundry Day,” washes and hangs her<br />
late husband’s twenty pairs of socks on the line as<br />
a gesture of new beginnings, yet the “row of black<br />
commas bob[bing] in the afternoon breeze” underlines<br />
a poignant afternoon adventure with a younger<br />
friend, Doreen, that brings Toots other challenges as<br />
well as the knowledge that she’ll “survive and laugh<br />
and move on” in her life.<br />
Sometimes it’s other people, life’s vagaries, or<br />
even a “miracle” such as the strangers Dana and<br />
Johnny experience when they survive a vehicle<br />
accident (in “A Private Paradise”) that make the<br />
characters behave, as it were, and the story happen.<br />
Recently widowed Bill (in “Bill’s Girls”), for example,<br />
out for a drive in his red Plymouth convertible,<br />
is startled by apples hitting the car hood. This leads<br />
him to the Sawatzky farm, where we feel with him<br />
his vague sense of trespass, his loneliness, and his<br />
fantasies, then gratitude too, for the practical Mrs.<br />
Sawatzky and the realities of children and farm that<br />
seem to ground her—and ultimately, Bill. He sees<br />
“a giant, mystic ruby” in a jar of apple jelly and a<br />
coach pulled by unicorns in a convertible. The spell<br />
is broken by what he finds on his car at the end of<br />
the visit.<br />
Garry Enns Associates<br />
Community and Organizational Development<br />
Project Planning and Management<br />
Research and Writing<br />
You are invited to help him support writers, artists and performers<br />
by contributing generously to the MLS and Rhubarb. If<br />
you want to find out more about the Mennonite Literary Society<br />
and Rhubarb, contact Garry by calling him at (204) 882-2481 or<br />
emailing him at .<br />
Garry Enns Associates brings this Stewardship issue of<br />
Rhubarb to the 2008 NAAEE Conference—EE on the<br />
Prairie: Pioneering new Strategies<br />
As in previous work, Braun often uses her own<br />
southern Manitoba landscape and ethos as setting.<br />
These shape the characters, and yield up the gentle<br />
or amusing ironies that dance through her work.<br />
“The Half-Town Folly” unfolds the worries and<br />
dreams of freedom of Willis as he waits in the getaway<br />
car for his brother and buddy to rob the small<br />
credit union of Half-Town. Thinking this “itty-bitty<br />
little village” in “the middle of nowhere” will be<br />
easy pickings, the thieves encounter a line of seniors<br />
cashing their pension cheques and snowmobilers<br />
gathering at the store across the street. Willis, waiting<br />
anxiously on the road, finds himself approached<br />
in turn by three local folks, who don’t pass by but<br />
are all would-be Good Samaritans, seeking to help.<br />
Braun gets the details of the winter landscape, small<br />
town, and the hapless Willis—who doesn’t want<br />
so very much, just a “lesser girl” and a Boler—just<br />
right; it’s a story whose parts as well as cumulative<br />
effect linger in the mind.<br />
Braun’s voice has a quiet, commonplace feel<br />
on the surface, but there’s a great deal of precision<br />
within it. Occasionally, as in “Assassins,” characters<br />
may veer a little too close to stereotype to feel<br />
entirely credible, and occasionally too, even in a layered<br />
and detail-rich piece like “Goldie,” important<br />
bits seem missing—not details that would resolve<br />
or explain the story necessarily, but those rather to<br />
sharpen our sense of the characters themselves.<br />
Mostly though, Braun’s work holds up strongly to<br />
scrutiny and curiosity. Like children we troop after<br />
her creations because they compel us. They baffle<br />
and interest and affect us, exactly as “real” people do.<br />
Roy, Johnston & Co.<br />
Barristers and Solicitors<br />
Jacob P. Janzen<br />
b.a., m.a., ll.b.<br />
363 – 10 th Street<br />
Brandon, Manitoba<br />
R7A 4E9<br />
Phone: (204) 727-0761<br />
Fax: (204) 726-1339<br />
Winter 2008 45
Christopher Barnes won a Northern Arts writers<br />
award. In July 2001 he read at Waterstones bookshop<br />
to promote the anthology Titles Are Bitches. Christmas<br />
2001 he debuted at Newcastle’s famous Morden Tower,<br />
reading his poems. Each year he reads for Proudwords<br />
lesbian and gay writing festival and partakes in<br />
workshops. 2005 saw the publication of his collection<br />
LOVEBITES, published by Chanticleer Press, 6/1 Jamaica<br />
Mews, Edinburgh.<br />
J. L. Bond resides on the prairies where she writes<br />
poetry and paints in watercolour. She has published<br />
in literary journals, church periodicals, and local<br />
newspapers. She was selected as an apprentice in the<br />
Sheldon Oberman Emerging Writers Mentor Program<br />
in 2008.<br />
Federico Buchbinder, a photo enthusiast who lives<br />
in Winnipeg, grabs his camera and goes out on short<br />
road trips to capture unstaged moments. His main<br />
focus are everyday, mundane objects; he tries to look<br />
at them from different angles, breathing them into a<br />
life of their own.<br />
Ray Dirks is a Winnipeg artist and curator who<br />
has worked in 30 countries. Solo exhibitions of his<br />
internationally themed watercolours have taken place<br />
in Canada, the US (including at Yale University where<br />
he was a research fellow in 2002), Cuba, and Ethiopia.<br />
In January 2009 he has a show in Jaipur, India. Dirks<br />
has been curator at the Mennonite Heritage Centre<br />
Gallery since 1998.<br />
Dora Dueck is the author of two books, and many<br />
articles, stories, poems, essay and reviews. She currently<br />
lives in Winnipeg. Besides writing, Dueck also works as<br />
an editor, and is currently the associate editor of the MB<br />
Herald, a Mennonite <strong>magazine</strong>. She writes historical<br />
and general fiction, as well as non-fiction.<br />
K. Enns participated in the inaugural School of<br />
Writing workshops at Canadian Mennonite University<br />
in 2007. She has three children, the last one born in<br />
March 2008. She lives in Ladner, BC, and is in the first<br />
year of the Masters of Fine Arts program at Pacific<br />
Lutheran University.<br />
Bill (Willard) Fast was born in 1922 in Mountain<br />
Lake, Minnesota. After graduation from Mountain<br />
Lake High School he briefly attended Mankato State<br />
Teachers College before enlisting in the US Navy in<br />
1942. He served in the Pacific Fleet as a Pharmacist<br />
Mate and was discharged in 1946. He received his BM<br />
and MM degrees (Music Theory and Composition)<br />
46 Rhubarb<br />
Contributors<br />
from James Millikin University in 1949 and 1951.<br />
Between 1949 and 1961 he worked as High School<br />
Choral Director in several Michigan cities, and from<br />
1962 until his retirement in 1982 he was Choral Director<br />
and Instructor of Music Theory at Charles Steward<br />
Mott Community College in Flint, Michigan.<br />
John W. Goossen lives in Ladner, BC with his wife<br />
and four of his five daughters. He spends some of his<br />
time writing short stories and poetry and has had<br />
pieces published in Rhubarb, Geez, and the Vancouver<br />
Downtown Memory Project.<br />
Jeff Gundy teaches at Bluffton University and spent<br />
spring 2008 as a Fulbright lecturer at the University of<br />
Salzburg. His most recent books are Spoken Among the<br />
Trees (poems) and Walker in the Fog: On Mennonite<br />
Writing.<br />
Hedy Heppenstall lives in Winnipeg and works as a<br />
nurse and a writer. Her work has been published in A/<br />
Cross Sections: New Manitoba Writing and The Prairie<br />
Journal of Canadian Literature. She has been inspired<br />
and mentored by several local writers of Mennonite<br />
ancestry and recently attended the Canadian Mennonite<br />
School of Writing. Her full name is Hedwig,<br />
and since notice of publication in this journal, a few<br />
of her friends have been calling her Hed-Wiebe. She<br />
takes this as a compliment.<br />
Jean Janzen lives in Fresno, California, where she<br />
has taught at Fresno Pacific University. Her most recent<br />
collection of poems is Paper House, Good Books,<br />
2008. Born in Saskatchewan, she was moved at age<br />
five to Minnesota and other points in the midwestern<br />
United States. Most of her married life has been in<br />
California where she raised four children with her<br />
doctor husband, and eventually found language for<br />
the wonder and mysteries of being human.<br />
Paul Krahn lives in Neubergthal, MB. He teaches<br />
High School English, blows the mouth organ, and<br />
writes when he finds the time.<br />
M. Travis Lane lives in Fredericton, N.B. and has<br />
won numerous honours and prizes for her poetry,<br />
among them the Pat Lowther, the Alden Nowlan, and<br />
the Bliss Carman. Her most recent publications are<br />
Touch Earth, 2006; The Crisp Day Closing on my Hand,<br />
2007; and, forthcoming, The All-Nighter’s Radio.<br />
Marcia Lee Laycock lives in central Alberta with<br />
her husband, two golden retrievers, and a six-toed cat.<br />
Her work has appeared in newspapers and <strong>magazine</strong>s<br />
across Canada and the U.S., and been broadcast on
CBC radio. Her novel, One Smooth Stone won her the<br />
Best New Canadian Christian Author Award from<br />
Castle Quay Books in 2006.<br />
Susan Plett writes from the home in Calgary that<br />
she shares with a small dog, two medium-sized children<br />
and an adult-sized husband. Her clearest writing<br />
mandate, at this particular moment, is to try to tell<br />
the truth.<br />
Brenda Sciberras was raised in rural Manitoba,<br />
and now lives and writes in Winnipeg. She earned her<br />
Bachelor of Arts from the University of Manitoba and<br />
is an alumni of the Sage Hill Writing Experience in Saskatchewan.<br />
Her poetry has appeared in The Collective<br />
Consciousness, Room of One’s Own, Contemporary Verse<br />
2 and in the anthology A/Cross Sections: New Manitoba<br />
Writing. Although not technically a Mennonite she is<br />
married to one and has eaten rollkuchen while sitting<br />
on a schlopebank.<br />
Valerie Stelck lives and writes in the Interlake. Two<br />
of her stories have been published in anthologies. She<br />
Continued from page 48<br />
dent, these truths.<br />
What maybe seemed so de’dwäa was<br />
that that self-evident all was a lot bigger<br />
than some and that all went deeper than<br />
skin, and that it was one thing to be equal<br />
with people who sported a variety of skin<br />
pigmentations as long as they pursued<br />
happiness in the same way we did and allowed<br />
their scarlet sins to be washed as<br />
white as snow; but it was quite another<br />
when it started to sink in that if all were<br />
to pursue and obtain the same amount of<br />
happiness as we were used to having, then<br />
it could well be that there might just not<br />
be enough tar in the sandbox to provide<br />
happiness for all.<br />
So the comfortable thing seemed to be<br />
to slip back into the cosmologies of the<br />
Monopoly game and the sand-covered<br />
oil fields of the world’s meddel-linje there<br />
between the Mediterranean Sea, the Nile<br />
River, and the Red Sea to let us off the<br />
hook. After all, the whole Monopoly game<br />
is currently revising her first novel.<br />
Jarrett Storey is a catfishing troglodyte from North<br />
End Winnipeg. He writes poetry for dixie-whistlers,<br />
winos, criminals and cowgirls.<br />
Shannah-Lee Vidal is a recent graduate of Red River<br />
College’s Creative Communications program. She also<br />
holds a BA in English from the University of Winnipeg.<br />
Shannah-Lee is excited for her work to be published<br />
in Rhubarb. She lives in Winnipeg.<br />
Rudy Wiebe is one of Canada’s most cherished and<br />
acclaimed writers. He is widely published internationally<br />
and is the winner of numerous awards, including<br />
two Governor General’s Literary Awards for the<br />
novels The Temptations of Big Bear and A Discovery of<br />
Strangers. His most recent books are Of This Earth: A<br />
Mennonite Boyhood in the Boreal Forest, the biography<br />
“Big Bear” in The Extraordinary Canadians series, and<br />
a Landmark Edition of Playing Dead: A Contemplation<br />
Concerning the Arctic. Rudy Wiebe is an Officer of the<br />
Order of Canada and lives in Edmonton.<br />
was based on exploiting inequalities—the<br />
poor would always be with us, we could<br />
make sure of that.<br />
But there was something about äwaschrots<br />
that wouldn’t leave us alone, and<br />
we wondered if maybe flying over the<br />
Middle East like the raven flies might help<br />
us see that the Holy Land so imbedded in<br />
our souls and psyches has no oil.<br />
So was it then, not as always, only still<br />
the same, but we came past the fourth day<br />
of the eleventh month 232 years after the<br />
self-evident truth, even though the <strong>rhubarb</strong><br />
was red on the outside, at least the<br />
stalks, and the leaves were still green, and<br />
poisonous too. Knowing this may feel a<br />
little bit linjsh and a little bit rajcht, even<br />
de’dwäa—but I think it feels mostly äwaschrots.<br />
R<br />
Armin Wiebe is not Mrs. Corny Cornie Reimer<br />
and writes from the middle, not the<br />
edge.<br />
Rhubarb 47
Linjsch, Rajcht,<br />
De’dwäa, and Äwaschrots<br />
By Armin Wiebe<br />
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed<br />
by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the<br />
pursuit of Happiness.<br />
—The Declaration of Independence, 1776<br />
So was it then, not as always, no it<br />
was different, only still the same too.<br />
The <strong>rhubarb</strong> was red on the outside, at<br />
least the stalks, but the leaves were still<br />
green, and poisonous too. Giftig, if you<br />
want still German to use. Jeftijch, if you<br />
use Plautdietsch, which is interesting because<br />
it brings giving and poison together,<br />
sugar-coated poison pills good for fending<br />
off corporate takeovers or orphaned<br />
widowers. More blessed to give than to receive.<br />
The French would give you poisson,<br />
a whole other kettle of fish, with or without<br />
legs. But the <strong>rhubarb</strong> was red, still,<br />
with green leaves, growing at the edge of<br />
the garden almost in the row of willows<br />
there that grew between the neighbour’s<br />
field and the yard. So it was then, but not<br />
as always.<br />
Some thought things had gone too linjsch,<br />
too left-wing; others thought things<br />
were far too rajcht, so much weight on the<br />
right wing that even angels couldn’t fly;<br />
and there were those who thought it was<br />
all äwaschrots, and for sure you can’t run<br />
a business as the raven flies—raven stories<br />
have no scientific validity. A few even said<br />
things were just de’dwäa, like a Model A<br />
slipping out of control on a muddy meddel-linje,<br />
the field road dividing a section<br />
of land down the middle into equal parts.<br />
Of course the southpaw linjsche<br />
tongues said that the self-righteous rajchte<br />
had been cultivating away at that middle<br />
road so that the centre, the middle-line,<br />
had been moved over so far that even a<br />
person who buckled up his seatbelt and<br />
used his turn signal lights before making<br />
a turn was now considered to be a Marxist<br />
or at least a socialist fellow traveler.<br />
And as at least one publi-<br />
Linjsch<br />
can and sinner said, “This is no<br />
Rajcht<br />
time to be expeerimenting with<br />
socialism—or Social Credit for<br />
that matter.”<br />
For sure, the rackering rajchte<br />
railed that the linjsche were just<br />
Äwaschrots<br />
tax and spend liberals who were<br />
too dupsijch to run a business<br />
without subsidy from the taxpayer,<br />
and for sure the rajchte<br />
><br />
were the only true critiques of<br />
De’dwäa<br />
poor reason and so would use<br />
taxpayers’ money to schtiepa<br />
up the rotting scaffolding of the<br />
hallowed worldwide Monopoly game.<br />
Meanwhile the kitty-cornered äwaschrotse<br />
thought that both the linjsche<br />
and the rajchte were leading the world<br />
down the slippery slope of poor reason,<br />
and that really the Monopoly game was<br />
no longer viable—not even Viagra would<br />
bring back Henry Ford—and that even<br />
Adam Smith wouldn’t approve of using<br />
one credit card to make payments on another<br />
credit card.<br />
And those who said that things were<br />
just de’dwäa, if they saw anything at all<br />
to make them change their minds, would<br />
only give in that things for sure were like<br />
a stomach after a day of rackering on<br />
the steppe with nothing to eat—hanging<br />
downright scheef.<br />
So it was then, not as always, only still<br />
the same too, because it had been this way<br />
for 232 years at least, self-evident some<br />
said, and some even said that it was only<br />
now after 232 years that it was self-evi-<br />
< ><br />
Continued on page 47<br />
><br />
< ><br />