You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
Hey, my Presidential friend of the <strong>Marathon</strong><strong>Maniacs</strong>, I need your crucial help at this critical time in our<br />
country’s history, but we have to keep it quiet just a little bit longer.<br />
I have figured out … hooboy, I need to take a deep breath here … that I have … all the qualifications…no, not<br />
for the Maniac Hall of Fame, that is Engle-Thiessen-Pigtails-Macon-TC-TP territory; get serious, will you?<br />
I have been watching the conventions, and it seems that I have all the credentials “both sides of the aisle”<br />
want! Stevie boy, right after the election, at the NYC marathon, on a bridge to Brooklyn, we will announce the start<br />
of my 2012 run to be the next “next President of the USA!”<br />
Qualified? Sure! See, first of all, in case you missed it, the operative word is “run.” Do I have that part<br />
down or what, huh? Yes, yes, I am sure the media will speculate endlessly that all I do is jog. Pay them no<br />
attention.<br />
Next, demographics are everything. By 2012 the great need will be to find candidates of the most intriguing<br />
minority-type to nominate, and by then that minority-type will be? White males! I am in!<br />
And having you, my Oriental Omniscient Oracle, as my V.P., together we will be over the top in the diversity<br />
category! As a bonus, you already ARE a President, so together we have already answered the “experience”<br />
question, eh?<br />
Get Pigtails to manage the campaign. She is already famous in the northwest, for running! (There’s a theme<br />
here, kid, pay attention.)<br />
Next: Strength of character, by biography. The secret there? Tonight they touted the strength of character of<br />
one candidate by stating simply: “she runs marathons!” Shazaam!<br />
We take it a step further. If a Hollywood chimpanzee was part of President Reagan’s background, then<br />
having completed the Disney marathon clearly strengthens our case for the White House!<br />
They will scrutinize my life, but what would they find? 1) I have never once lied about my times. Besides, if<br />
the race clock was already turned off, who would know? 2) Only once did I ever run as a bandit, but hey! They<br />
ALLOW that in Boston. They allow a lot of things in Boston. 3) I don’t think we have to worry about that whole<br />
16
Change language