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Chapter Six – Part of a Session – Page 194
world that is altogether more physically, socially and sexually pleasurable. This
rejection, which I believe to be largely unconscious, is reflected in the difficulty that the
staff, unlike Paula, have in connecting with Heidi in this episode.
Managing countertransference
This is Ron’s topic, and the discussion highlights the delicate balance between the fear
of getting things wrong in disclosure of one’s countertransference, and the risk of acting
out the countertransferential experience if one is unable to voice it. The obvious
association is to ‘here’, how do we manage our countertransference here, which I read
as referring to how do we deal with the feelings evoked by case material brought by
students, those evoked by the task of integrating theory and practice, and those evoked
by our various memberships of the learning group. With regard to the concern about
acting out, I wonder what we do already act out here, i.e. in the group. I wonder about
Heidi’s subsequent ‘eruption’ in this context. Perhaps this represents a group dynamic,
in that other members of the group may feel the feeling that Heidi voices, but that they
are reticent to do so to the extent that they leave Heidi to voice it for them. A clue to this
comes in what follows: on reflection, a different response by the tutors to the material in
the next heading, which came before Heidi’s intervention, might have obviated the need
for that intervention.
This leads on to the question of my own countertransference, which has projective,
projectively identified and personal aspects. I recall a feeling of shock and surprise in
the session, and some fear, although I think I mostly felt cautiously (rather than
comfortably) numb. I felt a lot of concern for Heidi, needing to protect her by
containing her feelings and working to understand the meaning of what she was
expressing whilst helping her to limit the extent of the disclosure that she was making. I