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1. To secure adequate patent rights is an im-
portant purpose of this book. Only properly
kept records will assure The Dow Chemical
Company of such protection. When starting
a project or experiment, write in precise language
your purpose and general plan of procedure.
Record your work as you progress,
giving sufficient details. Handwrite directly
in the book. Do not make notes on loose
paper to be copied later.
2. All entries should be in permanent, black
ink. Do not use pencil.
3. The subject or title of the experiment and
the book number should be accurately recorded
at the top of each page. The date
should be recorded at the beginning of each
day's work. Note all absences such as trips,
vacation, illness, etc.
4. The various acts or experiments completing
one or more projects may be recorded exactly
chronologically, thus possibly mixing references
to one subject with those to another, or
PITTSBURG, CALI FORUM*
INSTRUCTIONS
space may be reserved for the complete recording
of one experiment in one place over
several days, as you prefer. If the latter
course is adopted, indicate at the start of the
next experiment how many pages were reserved
for the one before it. Give a complete
accurate account of what you did and what
resulted. Enterallresultsgood or bad. Incase
of error draw a line through the incorrect
words. Then continue with the correct wording.
Copious descriptions with elaborate details
are preferable. Do not use private abbreviations
or Company nicknames without
frequently denning what they mean. Always
keep in mind the necessity of original data
to prove any new discoveries. If any portion
of a page of more than two lines is left blank
when that page is finally completed, draw a
diagonal line through the space and write
your initials and the date on the line. If it is
necessary to insert graphs, etc., in the book,
SCIENTIFIC BINDERY PRODUCTIONS CHICAGO S. ILL.
attach the insert along one edge only and
use the page under it in the usual manner.
Names of witnesses who are present during
the work should be recorded. Also the names
of people with whom the work was discussed
or to whom samples were given for analysis
or testing. The dates of these acts should be
recorded. It is also most desirable to keep
a file of other papers relating to your work,
e.g., analysis sheets, test request sheets,
purchase orders, test results, etc., One or
more scientifically trained witnesses should
read and understand the pages covering each
week's work and sign and date your book
at least once a week. The witness form provided
in the book every twenty pages also
should be filled in. The witnesses must not
be those who are co-discoverers with you of
any of the work recorded.
New concepts, new solutions to problems and
new ideas, plans or procedures and sketches
should be recorded immediately in this book
at the time they occur. When they are believed
to be patentably important or when
experiments show results of possible patentable
importance, they should be disclosed
to and understood by your co-workers. The
best possible proof of your discovery is to
have someone who is scientifically trained
repeat the work and record it in his own
book. Whenever possible, have one of your
co-workers repeat your work and note this
fact in your book. In particular, when an
experiment shows results of possible patentable
importance and especially when no witnesses
were present, have someone else repeat
the experiment as promptly as possible.
This notebook and all information recorded
therein are the exclusive property of the
Company. All contents are strictly confidential.
You must take every precaution to
safeguard this book against loss or damage
by fire, water, etc.

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-IE DOW CHEMICAL COM PAN
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA MEDICAL CENTER
SAN FRANCISCO 22, CALIFORNIA
5EARCH AND DEVELOPMENT LABORATORY 29 AugUSt 1962
Doctor Sasha Shulgin
Dow Chemical Company
Walnut Creek, Calif.
Dear Sasha:
JAY & myself tried the MMDA on Sunday, 26 of August.
Our log follows: (taken by (cAR£M up to 11:30)
10:21* 100 mg orally
10:55 felt reaction, saw slight green tinge in shadows
of faces. Pupillary dilitation CC. No dilitation
for W. L., but he felt "layback."
11:05 Volluble, constant movement of hands & feet (as per
usual for me) ¥. L. experienced the "floats."
11:10 CC felt warmth & muscle "tone" (almost quivering)
11:30 Departed for Marin country with U£>V
1 (originator of tjjr Y v^S-)
about 0.8g.
Shopped in supermarket at
12:30 Arrived at home of WAIZTY

THE DOW C-H-E-M-I-GA-fe—COM PAN^y
BOOK NO.
Observations on. FsychoouuW £f foots of Methoxy "ethylene ,ioxy
Amphetamine
11:20 a.m., Saturday, September 1, 1962 - 210 mg. MMDA orally
?vi^6\
TC MMDA tastes awful. The bitter alkaloid taste is followed by a
5? distinctly chemical laboratory flavor as it' from old rubber tubin
J This is easily dissipated by a drink cf fruit juice and cookies.
J» othing ^eems Co happen for about kS minutes when rather suddenly
an anvil seems to lower itself over -"our head; you feel disoriented,
/ and tend to withdraw from socia t a little. In an hour you
^ feel like wandering ofi into the hills e alone. This drug gives
U» less feeling of being ill than mescaline. feet definitely
•^ reaches a climax with a pleasant afterglow following. rarently
there is no profound motor coordinati or • . Although I didn't
^2 feel too steady, I could run down hill at full speed without falling.
^ Would probably have trouble jugglinc thou
j?P 200 mg. yMDA yields that "Sunday afternoon" feeling of desiring to
lie down and enjoy life; a luxurious feeling of "layback."
No enhancement of colors in visual scene (except some greenish tinge
in faces) but on closing eyes hallucinations appear to be quite
real in 3-D; like watching a movie. hirst these dreams appear in
black and white but later color starts a; In.-. Chartreuse and
magenta first aopear, then blue and finally red. First had visions
tinued on pa»re 2)
1 1 j i_j

T~irE"T>l AL COMPffNT
BOOK
larere numbers on garni
brin ? oetween the a
he per s]
US „
heat - just a comfortable wt
peac
on.
ful, 3D and a
Le down ana su ,
3
t be
or a more e , enjoyin .elds rees
more than beinp- in
Commentary on e:
""
f had a affed iave SWOrn it
fuscia and chart 7her the re
st Then marv ie trans
sphere chartreuse, blue, ..
icn cascaded
down a gla 9g<
There is
the wor] I don't remember the
time ago.
visions. The Dig tendency is s . ck,
etely
not necessarll
»nta
J 1 L A
25

THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
enjoy this feelJ oua lor.-or. 'i an: pre
I feel just i
Here, 1 Ju
relaxed by
and just
with the world and
incoherent,
itly atoxic
° ee ' ^pletely
' h111
' '
among the fields , U ' But t:;6n * littl6
later Iwa
and visions.
state comes
,ts start we, *els w
the aals as tne "a
lie down wit
' The euphonic
I think •He-nt **
i
mscious without goin
feeling
o i aall.atio
feet were detached fr
3ub -
» a 1 i 1 1 1 e
side; an illusion somewhat akin causing the
light-,
of a cigarette%ppear to detach !
f the c -tte when waved in a semi -Oar.
Just now Loain- my eyes, ""! -'liant
regal purple velvet encrusted w
back-round. The scene changes to a rid n effulgent light
pervading every t
!lo "' J toWe S
However, he eyes, the cene becomes drenched in
brilliant .b
as the
ie
wnite
warmth usness pervaded me

ecently expert "pA^ 1
DOW CHEMICAL COM P,
'
r iis me"< es te
is riru Ld sell slaxan Lant. The ulysts
shr it i fact it proves to be as
Tie a conscious acious. It ^eems
dreams a rfhile awak real appear!'
scenes fill in the movies. 1 nave never felt rofoundly
It fin -.' . ted
J

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trillions of brown-silver blades blended together into a vast
wavering fur. *'' ar below was the nanorama of foggy Berkeley and
Oakland and the bay. --It all began to loom 5n tlmeles^nesa
and beauty. --1 thought I was going to °nt. a r the Olympian
Universe. I WAS NOT P EPARiD FOR
'
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:
had been expecting something like mari.1uana A
OLYMPIAN \WA I --I
1 realized that
if I sneered the Olympian that I hadn't yet recovered aufflc-
ientlyjfrom my last high to hold myself together.
Heat swelled in my genitals and rose to my stomach. --I
felt ^Uv agonizing ££$ ^FgfyfB&f 3 ar . I wanted to a* the others
to go back so 1 could rake thorazine. i couldn't talk. The car
swerved around a hair in oend in the road giving me another
view o^ the silverbrown g^ass-fur and the vast unwar ted dearness
of the ?>w.
Suddenly I was fighting with 'Obtain Zero 1 -- I mean the
whole disor^ ~ed and et or, ni ty-se^king consciousness that is no
longer mammalian in mature but belongs to the order of molecules
and in^rt matter 1
. I decided th - 1 a 1
1 i could do wasto go with it
-- to let ^ero take over, put then 1 was su'-e that T would not
come back. *iian I tried to hold back the high but 4^ realized
I would do mvself dcjnage that way. Then I tried to get on top
of the whole high and control it. -ill in all. I tried perhaps
iJ., y L-v- almost
fifteen or twenty mx*m±±*1mxxm± unrecnllable -aori undescrioabl*
means to /Jdih4^ control or escane the high.
Ehirnlgfe this time I believed that I was goine to nieces
and I would possibly never be with the human-world again. V?
insides were eoing wild and my conscious mind s^em~d to be the
only force ho ding me together. At one ooint I managed to ask
29

30 how the 'oaaj J b oo n figured. --I was "°as°n"^d by com aring
-
dosage to masculine dosage -
; ro? a moment I grasned the fact
that I could go through three hours of the f -ar . ±hen my insides
and mind vent wilder. o esus y
I could not ^nt^r Olvmnia again'. '.
When the car sto "ed I was in co.^rol and the aroused mol-
ecular consciousness had dis~i aced. ihe number of exits and
ratiKRJt ordinary animal no.ers that I {*£& tried had giv^n me con-
trol, l account the sudden g ng of ?ur^n-s? to »4de ex-
neri nc^ with p(jy lucinog^r.s . 1 don't think my of the methods
that I tried worked -- b\it the number of ooss ioilitles pave me
an as'urflno" i^st I could control me even in Olyirria.
1 told the others what had ha rened fc ftinv and felt I could
-n.loy somo rf ;
h* day.
'
'» « ' '
/ -
In ^r^stinsly none of th , ,j oth^r oart ici-ants got tc the
Olvmrian Universe iurine the hitfh. I accent th^ fact that I
'
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touched ^pf^os^am &&
-
. {LvJ i»ii.-^>- v wpeyote and osllocybin.
£*
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As wp w". k r -d ijc the fr tcath ov°r ffolden brown dust I saw
ftfttls footprints of birds, tennis* sho Q s,
frightening
'
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f
and bare feet. The
nature of tracks and artifacts beirar to quchxxjiIixji
ov°rwh^lm me. \3 T walked T tri d to insulate myself from the
sipbt. To my right wasthe d^eam ranor .ma of hundreds of smare
mil-s of enchanted cities and dr- mreality fog "ouring uoon
th-m from the hay.
1 wisnot interested and oniv cared about
k^oinp- myself together and not slicing back to m et Captain
Z^ro .
The dnort, et-rnal. urhill walk exhausted us nnd we fell
on the ground in a tiny stand of tr es . I still wanted the ex-
I

THt-DOW- C
i end
and return to the me nines
and realMies.^6% I had adjusted enough to make it through
the high. My companions closed -ye 3 and t having
brain
movies,
my eyes
(^arlier sqoquu had b ^n forced shut many times oy
the -u'horlc hallucinogen :' asure.) Now
hied mv ?yes o"»m
not wanting in movies or visions. '.Yhen I clos d ny s ex-
perimentally I saw on] y .s and -inp blackness.
We talked desu^.tor and dozefully and I real iz~-d that
I was aMe to s- a through the 'yes o r my corrnanions . Th p y were
3 o, \np stark reality exactly
t. S
it . I talk
r^&bO Vrft ^\s-\1\Lf*^0f I found t Iking too
and r ~e.
'
t . V.y toe: ion
Vh=n I icaret 4 «s 1 c Lnd ray lira well and they
were numbed. Matches kent ut in a wind that was not
strong enough
We stayed
to blow them out. '/

32
THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
BOOK NO.
SUBJECT
DATE
gr^ylsh-clear
It was a g^od feeling.
affective nictures
-1 1—i 1 1 1—i 1 1—i r
The crystal clear air gave bright gr^en sharnness to th"
ev=rgr«°ne. Look Tig at tr-es of leaves or olants whs like a
mild mescaline high. Fir tr es b»cam-- living, gr°»n, modern
3ci)lDtur°s o f'
'
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strange Indian rococo blasts -- is If th sculotor
Linschitz worked at th e ir trimming.
/ w i th it.
Th" malals'llke feeling b°pn to "nd tic 5
the dozeful feeling
I walked to a r°dw-nd corse wh°re oth"r members of th* 1
were sitting. I was struck by th" absolute and superb fcraix
beauty and clarity o :' the peonle and the trees and air and the
music that played over the por' .ble ^adlo. I felt close to the
children and admired their beauty,
fct this noint I realized
that 1 was sim-ly sitting and n joying a Sunday noon tXx in
its*~t\)ll nle-.s ntness. Ordinarily
narty
I would nave been bored with
out more to do. r he next couc 1 - of ho rs became a pleasant and ^
beautiful nicnic. x he come-down was abru-t but «*t unr 1 "asant .
^ime mssed with swift rapidity for the rest of theday. Two
hour -eriods would flash by. Lat.p -hat night
glPPt) ^nr half an hour by brain movies — 11
' tie
I was kept from
crocodiles
running across dusty roads through spotlights in the da-kness, *
magic eve~gre"n
and «juut±ata*xx anecdotal sequel
tr"es fading into and out of u*±±? reality,
***

THE DOW CHEMICA
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Chronology, of Intoxication and Description
of Effects
All times in the following are stated as times from the first
vtJL^ Qj? lOS^
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Chronology of Intoxication and Description
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All times in the following are stated as times from the first
ingestion. Observers' notes have been interwoven when appropriate.
0:00
Ingestion of 12. 5 mg (as hydrochloride) or 140 (j.g/Kg
as the free
base. (There had been no food consumed during the previous 12
hours. )
1:00
Ingestion of a second 12. 5 mg. (TMA-2 has a very slight
alkaloid-like bitter taste - neither unpleasant nor lingering.)
1:20
Pupils show slight dilation, light muscular tremor, initial nausea,
and an onset of diarrhea.
1:30
Cholinergic effects moderately severe. Teeth are chattering and
vibrate when rubbed together. Pulse 80.
1:40
Only a moderately severe nausea is left. As has been observed
with LSD-25 intoxication, the symptoms of nausea are complete,
except for the desire to vomit. This phase receded over the
following 20 minutes. Pulse unchanged.
2:00 to 3:15
During this hour, the complete syndrome, except for intense color
effects, of severe mescaline intoxication developed. There was
essentially no nausea, and the world was filled with distorted,
moving things, all quite humorous. Peoples' faces were grossly
distorted, and there was very little thought or worry of personal
safety. Muscular coordination quite good. Time passed slowly.
Conversation both coherent and clear.
3: 15 to 4:30
At about 3: 15 the first indications of still further mental and
physical capitulation to the drug became evident. A numbness of
the fifth, and part of the fourth, finger of the left hand was
frightening, and the recovery of this "asleepness" constituted a
mechanism of preventing further inundation. Compulsive massage
controlled this physical dissociation although asleepness of the

56
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THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
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knees, muscular and abdominal cramping also began to occur. In
cycles there would be periods
periods pf nausea which could
of
be
relative simplicity followed by
relieved in part by attempted (but
unsuccessful) vomiting.
Simultaneously with the physical cycling occurred a mental, intellectual
occulation that, fortunately, possessed a different period. From
the beginning of this hyper-mescaline stage (about 3:30), waves of
near-unconsciousness occurred. The hallucinatory motion-of-real-
objects became unavoidable and overpowering. Periodically, at the
crests of cycles, an impression of fainting would occur, and it was
felt certain that to lose the thread of return would mean never to
recover mental integrity.
Fortunately times of mental and physical stresses did not correspond.
Subjective time was badly distorted. A short visit to a dark room
was unbearable due to the active and frightening hallucinations.
4:30 to 5:35
At about 4:30 a return to a recognizable "mescaline-intoxication'
was the first believable indication that there would be an eventual
recovery. A drive through the countryside proved to be extremely
humorous and enjoyable, comparable to peak effect at about 500 mg
mescaline.
5:50
Rapid recovery from the above effect. Increasing periods of
lucidity. Completely unable to eat anything.
7:00
Able to drive a car without misadventure. A mild stomach ache
was the only remaining physical symptom. Occasional touches of
unreality did still occur but were completely controllable.
12:00
No remaining effects. Appetite good. Sleep normal.
Conclusions
This drug, TMA-2, has an apparent potency of 20 to 25 times
that of mescaline, and of perhaps 10 times' that of its structural
. isomer, 3, 4, 5-trimethoxyamphetamine If more complete studies
show no increased toxicity for TMA-2 (all amphetamines
so far
have been similar to one-another) , the improved therapeutic index
(x20) would warrant the consideration of this chemical as a substitute
for mescaline in psychotherapy and in clinical uses.

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mmda 'lifSfiitiTf"
It seemed to take 45 minutes to work and then came on very suddenly and 'hit 'me
almost like a blow on the head;as if my eyebjalls were being pulled out and my whole
head expending; Soon a COLD feeling set in and shivvering;this was not unpleasant
but was in marked contrast to the Ritalin which gave a warm feeling of activity and
verbalization entirely different that this
The cold was as if I was in carbonated water(tis occurred as I was having the vision
of a carbanated pool of water or nearly at the same time in retrospect)
there was no anxiety ;then the lite seemed to dim in the room-this a retinal phen&m
or having to do with the eclipse? in the pacific at about 3 pm;
My state in about 2 hrs seemed to be one of empathy and passivity ,compassion of an
impersonal sort;the music sounded artificial and canned and tinny in contrast to
the voices which sounded rich full and finely precisely articulated and melodious
Also I had the impression there was a lotof stuff in my head I was not talking
about;
Later when left alone the hallucinations occurred ;as clear as any
I have had on ot> p
hallucinogens ; ( c )
these were not kaleido scopic or assembly line or oriental patterns ,but life like
with vast open spaces(typical of her paintings and essence person patterns )with
people moving slowly and liesurly much realism; I could conjure up monsters when asked
but these had an artificial quality-they were eating something;
other visions of much food preparation and skinning and prepareing of annimal
skind. drying scraping etc;many wild flowers and WIND- streams which were already
part of the ocean;I regertted its wearing off;it did so very slowly;I was in a
paradise concerned with externals and conforming to the structure we had set up and
perfectly satisfied to be all available and all out there with youjthe internal
things and hallucin later were interesting but the real^vi ness and n ness?not
nearness i think— of reality was very gratifying ;a similar outerness with ritalin
but it was more warm and dramatic nat so etherial;
no profound philos thoughts but direct sensations which started with physical then
emotional;no thoughts or judgements of people or things ;no facial distortions(she gets
visaal and auditory hallucin-sounds of water running, creating 'music' of squeeks etc)
POSSIBLE USES
good for one with a lot of anxiety which shuts him off from experience ;those who are full
of "I like, or "I dont like" they are so preoccupied that they dont see the things
out there that are really going on, but project and shut off etc. I had a detached feeling
while the ritalin seemed more personal and closely empathetic;sort of chummy and talky
and pink tissue, /mmda was more like clear mountain air
with lsd my thoughts go sircularly,i get cought up in flippant philos ideation
brain storms almost a mental masturbation
s
I was so preoccupied by Ko^
thev caused in my mind caused me to be almost physically removed;feel this way
see^d "to 'work' to overcome the
Kft"Z_ passivity this dmmda induced
andwers to my questions that(with ritalin) the images

Reoort of JAY on /mmda 6/2/65 i «**?>». a. // / •
about 1/2 dosage
I found this drug not at all like any other ;in the first place there were no
appreciable distortions hallucinations or eyes closed imagry ;second the mind
was quiet ;no words explanations comments theorys and rational thought subsided; third I
was fully aware in present time especially during the forst few hours
fourth; despite the seeming short action of the substance there is a time disorientation
which lasts over six hours which undermines ones judgement in driving a car;so at least 12
hours should elapse before drining is undertaken;
in use of 02-C02 to potentiate the action of the drug there was a most remarkable effect
As though a floor of some sort was dropped frmm beneath me and yet I was still supported
and with this floor dropped a general feeling of anxiety of a free floatiDg type
which has been plagueing me for several months; later on a half hour or so later ;when I
was i explor^nig the area newely empth of anxiety I felt it again for a few moments
and then it dropped away for good;I was completely without tention or pressure
of any sort;I expect that the effects are similar to that of a tranquilizer
or an
ophiate( although I have experienced neither) except that there has been a long term
change as a result;
J.IMDA J'AY co2 and o2 used to set it off
I felt as if a floor of some sorb dropped from beneath me and yet I was
still supported ;v/ith this flood dropped a sens of free floating anxiety
v/hich had been plagueing me for several months
30 min later
when I was exploreing the area newly empty of nnxiety I felt it again for a
few minutes and then it dropped away for good aid I was completely without
tension or pressure of a ny sort; like being tranquillized or morphine
but ive never taken either j there has been a long term ohange as a result
6/2/65
this drug was like none I have ever taken; no hallucin noted and no
distortions of what I looked at (I aggree with the lack of distortion of
outer objects or faces)
second; the mind was quiet no words explanations comments theories or ration!
thoughts ...
fully aware in the present tim© especially in the first 3 hours
there is a time distortion ;6 hours' later WHICH UNDERMINES ONES 'JUDGEMENT IN
DRIVING i misjudged the traffic, lites duration etc

MMDA reports
THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
#1 49 yr old male; set relaxed to very slight anxiety over personal emotional
matters. SETTING! De Martin be ach off Falce-klamath rock 8/29/65 11:45 AM
11:45 150 mg
_
12:00 slight nausea and methedrine/ritalin like effects
The 3 of us are at the falce river mouth drying seaweed . on split redwood
>r he fire burning preparatory to cooking the rock cr ab just caught takes on
a fantastic appear ance
12:10 I withdraw ,the talk of the others is too much; she puts on sunburn oil
WOW
12:15 the tiny fairy feet of the flies slight cramp like slight nausea and
my visual field starts lighting up
12:20 some vertigo and heaviness and time streches outjnumbness in the chest
as when an opiate is taken;
Still study geometric patterns; excess lite on closed lids interfers with
(retinal ) visualization, vertigo only with eyes open
dance of the glittering diamond studded sea waves; increasing motion and beauty
No t a ste,just passive introversion with l arge time lag
12:30 people appear on the beach and talk to my oompanions;I have no par anoia
this surprises me;
12:35 trembling after images are very brite and last long; I see a long
corridor and faces upside doun 3D corridors that bend and recieve me
basket likew with visions at the bottom;
the man will drive and the woman provide; two beauties and or ab
thirsty a nd mouth slightly dry; much less than with rit alin or LSD etc
green to rose after image
NEED A SEMI SLEEP STATE FOR NEUROTICS /FLUS THIS DRIG /so they can let go to
Its effects better
Increasing landscapes appear inside; inw ardly I told her of her beauty and
the outward she also responded by looking up at me.
(this is a good introductory drug to the drugs of this class)
to become familiar with the drug state in as gentle as possible a fashion
L ater; ± see my mother In animated conversation with another woman
this wa s at 1:30
12:50 to give self res and to cut off the trash and 'worry' so as to enter
the semi dream state where you are protected; not as noisy(many) dreams
?as in live? or more?
music or sea
as a structured backdrop against which to go in
bold kneeded wrestler geni probably on waves Like LSD nook Darred woman
sits up m an upside doun facD; fabuluous kiss bitter crab and people
million fingered dance of the sea; green apple crunch
I hallucnnate lists hungarian rapsody
aid then waltzes
then see at 1:30 my mother as above.
Remarks: this substance seems to have a much genteler action than
there is
others
little
of this class jperhaps more like Cannahis or psylocybine;
paranoia reported by anyone ii^w ^fi»
I noted the hallucinations of two types :one, those which were strictly rotia
retinal and more minute and small and Influenced by lite and evoked by foe*
using' on the 'lite' ahead on the retina or lids, and the other those deeper
in the visual tract end occiput which are larger and more global dream like
end when solid are quite dramatic and unforgettable as in meditation.
There is less adrenergic or alerting effect per hallucinatory unit of this
drug as well ;
'

JOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
REPORT ON MMDA TAKEN September 5, 1965
Since in my walwus type floundering about since
notes made at the time, I'll try
then, l*ve managed to lose all
to do it by recall and then will undoubtedly find
them.
Drug produced light nausea and slight dizziness within about kS minutes and
shortly after began to feel "psychedelic" effect. For awhile felt like mild dose
LSD with slight disorientation and visual imagry at closing eyes. Imagry wasn't the
vivid,
smoke.
shapp-colors
Reminded me
type
of a
however, but like a kalaidescope filled with
gadget seen in New York museum of modern art
pastel colored
in which con=
stantly changing swirling colors were projected on a screeen.
across this field floated an unidentifiable black shape/blob.
Every now and then
Overall general effect
sort of like Rorschach ink blots.
I
I
Within an hour
a lasar beam. Felt
felt my mind snap into advanced gear and attention focus like
KNEW what I was about and was thinking with unusual confidence
and clarity. Total focus on fs£iL altho my response to him was less involved
emotionally than it usually is in sessions. Was unable to cry for him or for self
yet felt no hostility towards him or fear--just intellectual sort of endeavor and desire
to do something effectual and positive. Was unable to account for some of his
behavior and was very curious as to what diagnostic lables it would earn. Had an
excess of energy and large overest imat ion of own strength-felt fully confident that
I could hold down my Ifialf of Ncli- with no trouble until I recalled that this wouldn't
be my normal realistic appraisal and then began to force a bit more caution. Could
la feel my own emotional state being blocked as almost with a physical barrier - knew
there was great upset underneath and that it would leak out as drug wore off but was
unable to feel it totally.
Time sense was slowed-kept looking at my watch and thinking more time must h< 'e
passed than actually had, but wasn't disturbed by this. WhenfOGiu began walking
a

THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
CtU^o^S came down, wanting attention and to sing and play the guitar. I
was
happy to
see him and we began to sing a song but (5>"Z- tore out and jerked him away like a shot/
I understood
how she felt and her worry about his contamination, but I felt resentful at
being considered a contaminating agent so decided it must be pA-JL she was worried about
and rationalized it that way.
Spent time talking tofgtftfV about her feelings since separation f rom $ufciri£R. and
watching her way with her child. All along was playing one song after another and
my attention was sort of i spl t . ?&6£rf ;ame on strong about dislike forSuWSR. but didn't
realize she was saying it and by way of attonment m immediately began telling me a' ut
n • t*F£ — '
tried
how neurotically she operates - but i
s terms and sounding like a parrot. ,
to be subtte and gently get her to see what she'd done, but it somehow didn't seem improtant
compared to fAo'U wandering around painfully and looking at me like a sick and I talked about the things that made him
a few things
puppy. So ?no\-
nauseous and he went and leaned over the fence w
but explained that while these things would have upset him six months ago,
they don't any more. Things such as "penis" and "breast" and "hand" and "hang".
gegan trying to a lonesome
play Tom Dooley and noticed
got to "rnis time tomorrow weckon where l"ll be. Down in
canyon, hanging from a white oak tree" Also on "Poor boy you're bound to die"
on than was hep to and quit immediately.
I
I
,1 wonder if his mother hanged herself}
'AcfU swallowing hard when
Began to worry that there was more going I
^wes^K- came and ^&a\ left. Felt warm even toward S^EPS.^. - allowed him to play big
brother thing with me wh.ich is his wewest button to push. He showed me things on the
guitar and I 4jave it to him and began playing with J"AV . Not i ced VA^u- watching me
play withiX/vV with tears in his eyes - he kept looking away. Felt some sort of vi-
brations emanating f rom r"A JL- - like he was
for something. Didn't know exactly what I
silently begging, pleading, entreating me
could produce that would provide it. He
was hungry and wanted a pear -
i told him to pick a peach instead. He did, showed it
to me like a little kid and ate it like one, leaving most of it all over his face. So
I put ^AV on^vitf^'s lap and began singing nursury rhymes. Pawl_ came and finally sat
down but with that damn shit eating grin on his face. I didn t know what to make of it
'
so d idn t .
Physical effect of drug most outstanding. Full of energy and coordination. Lost
fumbling, clumsey feeling altho I did manage to whack my shin on the water pipe and trip
in a hole twice. But that's par for any course. Knew this was the same stuff j>V had
and I kept wondering why wasn^t getting the same euphoric, limp happy eeaction. It was
a physical and psychic energizer for me but without the emotion emphasizing effects of
dexadrine. Went home and to sleep with 3 pills finally at 2 am. Kept self curling in
sleeping bag womb all next day and night and didn't want to come,, to face the world on
Tuesday. It isn't a nice world these aela days and it deteriorates steadily.
J k
I have read pages
notebook atncl unTl
There are im
to in thi

THE DOW CHEMICAL C
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THE DOW CHEMICAL COMPANY
BOOK NO.
tient is a 58 f* old aale 225 Kg a taken
I had a stran je of ray h-ndo to about 20 minutes; not a fecli.
so riuch as just that 1 was attracted to them soothe*
i • few minutes Z began to get
fo rful-of V lcnlincoo of the acute
orience of olononess.I did not want to go in.
I laid face doun (often a depressed position for iae)Iiext I remember I
»tal tag to the kids at school (an image) or to ether teachers; this v/as
Very vivid; the sceens at school were BBsre vivid than tnose in .ho office
ore 1 actually .
. I people more real than YOU.I tried to'come b-ck'
by getti hysically close to foU.but still drifted off to sc.:ool
I was very sleepy throughout (not the lortinc effect of L I )
rour tours later went immediately to sleep (I never did with L )
I vas bothered by the tte}ity of reproduction
at first
of MSie fro
nutes after dru kon-t o crouded small office bothered me
of any experience
I avo ha4 tis Was most like a serios of -ire.
ly remembered (this dru- is most sought after by our helpers in drug
ork- r fundi n best on it as he others)! felt after it v:as
over d after a lor • ~' J- oxm to bod and
i a series of dream li itates very vivid and colorful :md re 1
L
5

here •
THE DOW CH AL CO
M^ Gvav> Ty\/ r> Iv/.ojb^
CWrs ;
'ts verfcr brief beaaus re is little to
co .. y keep as I have another
please jee that K^z. be one of these copies and I gues iha is
sting so he should have the other onej
(££> 190 ttsgfto ng
an experienced person ir he an f drugs:
conplete neurological done 1 hr prior to testnig pletely neg»c-.:.re
fu
• for
was nysta mus-he ol nys in extremes
of lateral gaze»l£t hra after t ?
-js drug he •
t ^owt the a nount
ar kiioe of the neurol te 10 dlJ of
hra er
his b b 14 /90 to start was ur ;ed
he only icneed a bit of tingling in his arms and leg! and a B i
sense that hla LI ,thio was not objectively confirmed
during the nourol testl
he had no hallucin etc
ect \ r o is s ivo to a 'h as 8 mcgm of 3 de
within i of inje t.ion of 20 rag of
— f lie
'
a sense of tentlon Ir bhe chestnot tinpleas znt»l '
•
t- *ct with •ome eryin a ->te tr the oeeaeion« The enlarge
third dl Lonality
Lty
of enisle and slight unsteadiness i locomet - iso
- -
; usual »rt and eiti draw .
t ese effects seemed to be the equivalent ef bout lo to 15 ...
and lasted v or " hour* wit) the : pea at l.' to g hours.
11 be publishin taper with H£A:££Y on vitalin and LS end 002 gas soon
t my part of it writt n

124
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