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an age she fell into her husband‘s arms and sobbed so hard that I also
started to cry. For many nurses this would have seemed unprofessional to
show my distress in front of those requiring my help. (Don‘t wear your
heart on your sleeve, toughen up; be strong!)
Then in the time honoured tradition of caring through action, I made them
a cup of tea! It seemed even at the time a futile gesture of caring but it
gave me an excuse to let them be alone with Victor which I guessed at this
stage would be important for them. By the time I came back with the tea,
Victor‘s parents were sobbing and I quietly slipped out of the room.
I can‘t remember how long they stayed with Victor; I remember it being
quite some time. When I emerged from the room I then wanted to focus on
my distressed staff nurse. We talked the incident through and I remember
reminding her the anger wasn‘t personally directed at her. Instead, she
had been on the receiving end of overwhelming grief and for Victor‘s
parents she was seen as representing ‘the hospital‘ which, in their eyes,
had let them down. I called a brief meeting with the rest of the staff before
sending the staff nurse home. All this while, I was convinced I had done
nothing for the parents. I interpreted what I had done as merely ‗being with
them‘ and criticised myself for not actively doing anything that really
helped them. Instead, I was challenged in this assumption because
Victor‘s parents sent a lovely letter thanking us for our support which they
had greatly appreciated sending gifts for the staff on the ward.
All the staff were very upset by Victor‘s death as we had grown fond of
him. He had been a patient for 10 days and was due to go home the day
after the arrest. It was 1987, and reflection was not part of my nursing
vernacular then. I would like to think I was influenced by my experience
with John, although I am not sure I was really aware of the influence of
that experience on my practice until during this inquiry. Perhaps the real
driving force was that I wanted to support my staff. Therefore, I arranged
for another ward meeting a few days later with a clinical psychologist to
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