FREE Download - Jan Johnson

WHERE WE LEARN THESE REACTIONS
We learned denial, blame, isolation and acting out anger from several sources. First, as we
have seen, it seems to be part of the way humanity responds to life, a part of man's natural
tendency to sin. No one taught Adam, Eve or Cain to deny, blame, isolate or act out anger.
Since the Fall, we have inherited the handicap of the sin nature that needs to be retrained to
follow a path of union with God.
As if that weren't enough, nearly every culture, promotes denial, blame, isolation and angry
reactions. Our culture, the second influence, pushes these reactions foward in these ways.
Denial
Seminars and books urge us to impress others with little regard of our inner selves. We're
told to put our best foot forward even if the other is bruised and bleeding.
Blame
Our culture teaches us that no issue is settled until we have assessed blame. The true
deviant in school yard squabbles (as if there were just one) must be found out and punished.
When a plane crash occurs, the public is obsessed with knowing who was at fault. While the
airline industry assesses blame in order to avoid more crashes, the public longs for a scapegoat.
Isolation
With society's increased mobility, many feel lonely and lack roots. We don't have a
history with neighbors or fellow church members. Instead of relying on the people next door, we
don't know them. Even people who have many friends and belong to several groups can
discover they're not truly close to anyone.
Acting out anger in harsh and hateful ways
Our culture says that the way to feel better about having been cut off on the freeway is to
cut off the offending driver, even if it means risking our lives and an expensive car. Working
through anger with the time-proven methods of journaling, prayer or talking with a friend are not
what we see portrayed and glorified in the movies.
The third influence besides our human tendency to sin and our culture is the family in
which we've grown up. This makes sense as we understand that the family is a microcosm of our
culture and also a private enough setting to allow our tendency to sin to reveal itself fully. It may
be difficult to accept the flaws in our parents' behavior, but they are normally flawed human
beings who, even though they may have done the best they could, did not nurture us adequately.
And if we become parents, we will not be adequately nurturing parents either. For example,
even parents with the best intentions become distracted by illness or divorce and do not give
children the love and attention they need. Or they may pass on cultural notions of God as a
shaming and manipulating parent or as a distant, uninvolved parent. If we grew up in such a
family, we now have a skewed view of God and find it difficult to relate to Him. Since nearly
every family needs more work in relationship skills, most of us lack some of the necessary skills
to build loving, committed relationships with others.
David Seamands describes this chain reaction in his book Healing for Damaged Emotions: