February 2013 - Austrian Club
February 2013 - Austrian Club
February 2013 - Austrian Club
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FEBRUARY <strong>2013</strong><br />
President:<br />
Heinz Pospech 021-7156672 082 773 8067 heinz@pouchdynamics.co.za<br />
Treasurer:<br />
Alois Kornmüller 021-6741701 083 303 6014 martyk@iafrica.com<br />
Secretary:<br />
Denise Acker 021-7611608 082 593 1362 dacker@mweb.co.za<br />
Senior Section:<br />
Juanita Schäfer 021-4485708 076 935 2145 mawensi@cybersmart.co.za<br />
Editor:<br />
Köbi Acker 021-7611608 072 749 1772 dacker@mweb.co.za<br />
Wandergruppe:<br />
Köbi Acker 021-7611608 072 749 1772 dacker@mweb.co.za<br />
Franz Gonglach 021-5591505 084 817 0135 franz@tlabs.ac.za<br />
Sepp Ratz 021-9191586 082 760 6169 ratzj@telkomsa.net<br />
Peter Perrin 021-8554342 084 923 1810 pelu@mweb.co.za<br />
Österreichische Botschaft Pretoria<br />
97 Justice Mahomed (former Charles) Street, Brooklyn, Pretoria<br />
P.O.Box 95572, Waterkloof 0145<br />
Tel.: 012.452.9155<br />
Fax: 012.460.1151<br />
Email: Pretoria-ob@bmeia.gv.at<br />
www.austrianembassy.co.za<br />
Parteienverkehr: Montag bis Donnerstag 9:00 – 12:00 Uhr<br />
Telefonische Auskünfte in Reisepass- und Staatsbürgerschaftsangelegen- heiten<br />
ausschließlich Montag bis Donnerstag 14:00 – 16:00 Uhr<br />
Die Webseite wird laufend aktualisiert und ein Großteil der notwendigen<br />
Formulare, Informationen (Staatsbürgerschaft, Reisepässe, etc.) sind darauf<br />
abrufbar.<br />
Tel No. for the Swiss/<strong>Austrian</strong> <strong>Club</strong>house is 021-434 8405<br />
e-mail catering@swissclub.co.za<br />
Martin's Cell: 079 710 5179<br />
********<br />
For queries, contributions etc. use the following e-mail:<br />
newsletter@austrianclubcapetown.co.za<br />
********<br />
or send to <strong>Austrian</strong> Social & Sports <strong>Club</strong>,<br />
P.O. Box 97, Paarden Eiland 7420
Österrreichisches Honorargeneralkonsulat<br />
Kapstadt<br />
Protea Hotel Sea Point<br />
Arthur's Road, Sea Point<br />
Tel.: 021 430 5133; Fax: 021 430 5333<br />
Email: austrianconsulcpt@gmail.com<br />
Parteienverkehr: Montag und Mittwoch von 9:00 bis 11:30 Uhr<br />
Bitte konsultieren Sie die Webseite der Österreichischen Botschaft in Pretoria für<br />
aktuelle Informationen und Formulare unter: www.austrianembassy.co.za<br />
Visa Information<br />
Österreich betreibt in Südafrika derzeit das größte Netz an Visaannahmestellen<br />
aller Schengen Mitglied Staaten. Antragsteller können wählen<br />
zwischen:<br />
den “<strong>Austrian</strong> Visa Application Centres” Durban, Johannesburg und<br />
Kapstadt: Office 504, 47 On Strand, Strand Street, Tel: 021.423.0233<br />
Öffnungszeiten Montag bis Freitag 8:00 - 12:30 und 13:30 - 15:00 Uhr.<br />
Terminvereinbarung:<br />
http://www.vfsglobal.com/austria/southafrica/index.html<br />
und der Österreichischen Botschaft Pretoria<br />
Annahme ausschließlich Montag UND Donnerstag 9:00 – 12:00 Uhr.<br />
Kein Termin nötig, first come, first serve.<br />
Telefonische Auskünfte der Botschaft in Visaangelegenheiten<br />
ausschließlich Montag bis Donnerstag 14:00 – 16:00 Uhr.<br />
AUSTRIAN CLUB WEBSITE: www.austrianclubcapetown.org
Editor's Comments<br />
The New Year has truly started now. According to all the "NEWS FLASHES"<br />
flashing around, about Concerts, a special Soccer Event and Ski-Races, the<br />
New Year seems to be becoming an interesting one. Some of these News -<br />
flashes are sometimes sent out at very short notice because we receive<br />
them from the Embassy or Consulate so late. I have a suggestion to make:<br />
When you read the Newsletter or any other message, please have paper<br />
and pen handy and DIARIZE immediately what is of interest to you, that<br />
will save you a lot of time later on looking it up again or phoning around.<br />
I would like to say thank you very much to everybody who contributed<br />
prizes towards the Tombola in Jonkershoek and also to everybody else who<br />
contributed to the smooth running of the event.<br />
The profit of the Tombola for the club was R 2330.-<br />
We have a new Member<br />
NORBERT JETZER came from Jo'burg and retired in Somerset West.<br />
Some of you may have met him already in Betty's Bay or Jonkershoek.<br />
This announcement should have been in the December issue, but at the<br />
end of the year a lot of things are going upside down, sorry. I think,<br />
Norbert will bolster the ever dwindling group of Enziane.<br />
We wish him many happy hours in the A-<strong>Club</strong>.<br />
I would like to reiterate the fact that we again and again find important e-<br />
mails in the junk-mail section. I check up daily.<br />
The Swiss are organizing on the 10. <strong>February</strong> a "Waldfest" in Jonkershoek.<br />
There is a Bring and Braai, there will be Games , Drought Beer, the<br />
Hausmusik will play, etc. etc. etc. I congratulate our Swiss friends on<br />
keeping alive the old tradition from back home. Yes, I will attend.<br />
On the next page you see our President pleading for helpers for the<br />
various <strong>Austrian</strong> stalls at the Community Chest Carnival which is from:<br />
Wednesday 27. <strong>February</strong> to Saturday 2. March<br />
It is not only work, to help at one of the stalls, it is also fun. To put your<br />
name on the roster contact either:<br />
Denise Duitsman 082 457 4973 or denised@mweb.co.za<br />
Beate Pospech 082 551 8049 or beate@autosolsouthafrica.co.za
Dear Members<br />
Community Chest Carnival <strong>2013</strong><br />
It is that time of the year again that we call on you to give us a few<br />
hours of your time by helping at the <strong>Austrian</strong> stall at the annual<br />
Community Chest Carnival.<br />
May I take this opportunity to remind you all, that all the funds raised<br />
will be donated to charity and the club will once again host the<br />
AUSTRIAN BEERGARDEN and its famous food stalls.<br />
We need helpers to man the BAR, Wurstlstand, Schnitzelbude and the<br />
Apfelstrudel & Coffee stand (Cafe’ Vienna) We urge you to invite your<br />
friends to join you and the more helpers we have the more fun it will be.<br />
Remember we will give you a free meal and entrance ticket!<br />
We kindly ask that you contact either<br />
Denise Duitsman on 082 457 4973 ( denised@mweb.co.za )<br />
or<br />
Beate Pospech on 082 551 8049 ( beate@autosolsouthafrica.co.za )<br />
The Carnival will run from the 27<strong>February</strong>’13 – 2 March’13<br />
Everyone is welcome to help so bring your friends along.<br />
Kind regards,Heinz Pospech<br />
President
COMMUNITY<br />
CHEST<br />
CARNIVAL<br />
WYNBERG<br />
LAST YEAR
FUNCTIONS<br />
1. Zürich Chamber Orchestra<br />
10. " Waldfescht" Jonkershoek (Swiss)<br />
12. Senioren Treffen<br />
14. Valentine Dinner and Pub Night<br />
17. Gipfelstürmer Hike<br />
22. Business Lunch /Pub Night<br />
24. Enzian Hike<br />
27. - 2. March Community Chest Carnival<br />
Senioren Treffen<br />
Wie immer am 2. Dienstag im Monat im Rosengarten<br />
in Durbanville<br />
Dienstag 12. Februar <strong>2013</strong><br />
13.30 Uhr - 15.30 Uhr<br />
Wir spielen Bingo<br />
Es gibt Kaffee, Kuchen und Gemütlichkeit<br />
Anfragen: Juanita Schäfer 021-4485708 cell 076 935 2145<br />
Jonkershoek 2. December 2012<br />
Profit for the club from the TOMBOLA:<br />
R 2330.-
Rückschau: Jonkershoek 2. Dez. 2012<br />
von Trude Klambauer<br />
Als wir gegen Mittag in Jonkershoek bei strahlend schönem Wetter eintrafen,<br />
waren wir erstaunt, wie viele <strong>Club</strong>-Mitglieder sich bereits häuslich niedergelassen<br />
und Tische und Stühle für die zu erwartenden Wanderer reserviert<br />
hatten. Köbi war mit der Tombola beschäftigt und hoffte , alle Preise los zu<br />
werden.Doch plötzlich war viel Bewegung auf dem Gelände. Die Wanderer<br />
trafen ein. Sie erzählten begeistert von der Runde durch den Botanik, begrüssten<br />
alle, die sich noch nicht gesehen hatten und machten sich auf die Suche nach<br />
ihren Plätzen auf der Terasse oder unter den Bäumen . Auch andere Familien<br />
und Freunde kamen, um mit uns allen die letzte Zusammenkunft in diesem Jahr<br />
zu zelebrieren. Bald danach durften wir unser vom <strong>Club</strong> spendiertes Fleisch<br />
grillen und essen.<br />
Selbstverständlich war das Verkaufen der Lose für die Tombola wieder<br />
mit viel Aufregung, Freude und Gelächter einher gegangen. Doch wiederum<br />
blieben einige Preise zurück. Nun gut, dann ist das eben ein Anfang für das<br />
nächste Jahr.<br />
Jonkershoek 2. Dezember2012<br />
Bild: Trude Klambauer
DEUKOM<br />
DEUKOM<br />
hat uns<br />
hat uns<br />
ein Jahr<br />
ein Jahr<br />
FREIES<br />
FREIES<br />
Fernsehen Fernsehen gegeben.<br />
gegeben<br />
----------------------------<br />
----------------------------<br />
Ein gutes<br />
Ein gutes deutsches<br />
deutsches<br />
DANKE SCHÖN !!!<br />
DANKE SCHÖN !!!<br />
Das Feuer ist bald fertig.<br />
Bild: Köbi
Jonkershoek 2. Dezember 2012 A "Happy Trudi" Bild: Köbi
Wanderprogramm<br />
Gipfelstürmer<br />
In <strong>February</strong> we will have a not too<br />
strenuous<br />
hike in the Vlakkenberg area.<br />
Sunday 17. Febr. <strong>2013</strong>.<br />
We meet at Constantia Nek at:<br />
9.00 AM<br />
Köbi: 021-7611601 072 749 1772<br />
................................................................................................................................................................................<br />
Enziane<br />
The Enziane will have a ramble in the<br />
Tygerberg area and afterwards there<br />
is a Bring and Braai at Ratz's place.<br />
Sunday 24. Febr. (4th Sunday)<br />
We meet at Mc Donalds in<br />
Durbanville at:<br />
9.30 AM<br />
Sepp: 021-9191586 082 760 6169<br />
A Reminder !!!<br />
This hike is on the 4th Sunday -------- 24. <strong>February</strong>
TOKAI PLANTATION-MOUNTAINBIKING<br />
Rules of the Trail<br />
Permits must be kept available at all times whilst utilizing the trail.<br />
Bikers will only be allowed on existing trails as indicated on the<br />
map and will not be allowed to utilize ecologically sensitive areas,<br />
footpaths or any other area.<br />
Do not take short cut at bends or zig - zags.<br />
Smoking and the making of fires is prohibited, except at<br />
designated facilities.<br />
Littering is not allowed.<br />
Pets or other animals are not allowed on the trails.<br />
All fauna, flora and other elements of nature are protected -<br />
please do not remove, damage or disturb.<br />
It is illegal to interfere with infrastructure along the trails, e.g.<br />
weather stations, stream flow monitoring equipment, sign boards,<br />
directional arrows etc.<br />
Night Riding<br />
Night rides are allowed at the Upper Tokai plantation (not in the<br />
Silvermine section) on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays as per<br />
the code below:<br />
Night Riding Code of Conduct<br />
1. Be in possession of a valid permit.<br />
2. Sign the register upon entering the gate.<br />
3. Minimum 3 riders per group.<br />
4. Minimum 2 cell phones per group.<br />
5. Each rider have own light & helmet.<br />
6. Post ride: Sign the register upon exiting the gate.<br />
7. No entry after 20.00<br />
8. All riders to vacate Plantation before 22.00<br />
9. Parking in Arboretum area at own risk.<br />
10. Cyclists may not enter Silvermine<br />
Day Permit Rides 07: 00-18: 00 October - March Exit at 20:30<br />
08:00 - 17:00 April - September Exit at 18:00<br />
TMNP 021-7122337 e-mail: tablemountain@sanparks.org<br />
website: www.tmnp.co.za
Drink Pause<br />
Having fun on the run
Letzte Wanderung im Jahr in Stellenbosch<br />
2. Dezember 2012 Photos: Peter Perrin<br />
...................................................................................................................................................................................<br />
SPONSOR A CHAIR<br />
New Chair with cowhide seat and a plaque<br />
with your own choice of name - R750<br />
Refurbishment of an old chair<br />
- R250<br />
All the work is done free of charge and is meant to<br />
be a fundraiser for the joint clubs.<br />
Contact: Ernst Tobler 021 531 5779, 083 508 7906<br />
.......................................................................................................................
www.techienews.co.za <strong>February</strong> <strong>2013</strong><br />
Dear Members and friends!<br />
Welcome to one and all in <strong>2013</strong>. Glad you made it past the 21 st December 2012,<br />
the day the world was meant to end. Gosh, and some folk actually believed this<br />
nonsense. Goes to show how vulnerable some people out there are.<br />
So, here we are again, new year, new article heading, same topic – techie stuff –<br />
you know, the stuff that makes the world go ‘round. Let’s see what the specialists<br />
will grace us with this year. You can be sure that many new items will be offered<br />
once again, from cameras to TV’s, computers, laptops, notebooks, ultra-books,<br />
smart phones and the new ‘animals’ on the block, the phablets, the abbreviation<br />
for a combination of a phone and tablet such as e.g. the Samsung Galaxy Note II,<br />
a masterpiece of technology. It’s a gadget that just about does anything, short of<br />
making coffee for you, and you can probably do that too with it, I just haven’t<br />
learnt how as yet ☺.<br />
You can of course also combine other gadgets with each other such as the dude<br />
in the picture below did. By the way, this is not a mock-up This guy got pulled<br />
over by a traffic officer who took the pic and published it.<br />
One other interesting stat that I read over Xmas was that<br />
YouTube is the third biggest TV channel in the UK? I must<br />
confess that I watch a fair number of videos on that<br />
channel as well as some of the clips are truly hilarious<br />
and highly entertaining.<br />
At the time of writing this article, one of the most important<br />
computer fairs just ended in Las Vegas, Nevada, the<br />
CES, short for Consumer Electronics Show, a spectacle<br />
run for 4 days where just about every company of note<br />
exhibits and showcases their newbies – in other words, a<br />
techie’s dream show, subject to having a wad of high<br />
value currency in your back pocket !!!<br />
One interesting, although not so new idea anymore, but becoming more and more<br />
affordable, is Corning’s bendable glass called Willow Glass which shall be used in<br />
the future for phones and other displays. Corning is also well known for its Gorilla<br />
Glass which is used extensively these days by the likes of Apple, Samsung etc.<br />
for near scratchproof cell phone displays on the iPhones and Galaxy’s. The<br />
Willow Glass is as thin as a business card (about 0.1 mm) and can be curved into<br />
a serious arc without breaking. Displays can literally be ‘wrapped around corners.<br />
The first commercial products are expected to enter the markets in 2014.
Another innovation addresses the fairer sex out there with long fingernails who<br />
will soon be able to turn their fashion statement into a functional touch-screen<br />
stylus.In the world of printers a lot has happened as well such as units to print out<br />
pictures from your smart phone using Zink technology and NFC communication.<br />
“Now what is that NFC all about again?” I hear you say. Well, NFC stands for<br />
Near Field Communication and is a new short range wireless technology which<br />
has been introduced into the mobile phone market. It’s basically an alternative to<br />
Bluetooth, difference being that the phone has to either touch or be within<br />
centimetres of the other electronic device so that info can be transferred. So,<br />
where would you use it? a) You can tap your phone and Bluetooth headset<br />
together and link them instantly b) You can tap you phone on to a hotspot on an<br />
advertisement and get a phone number of even be directed to the advertiser’s<br />
website immediately<br />
c) You can exchange business cards with another phone without typing<br />
everything<br />
d) You can ultimately make payments with your phone – enter the amount you<br />
need to pay, then tap the electronic device in the restaurant and presto, your<br />
Penne Arrabiata is paid for, voila – how cool is that?<br />
Then you now get 3D printers that can no doubt come in very handy in business<br />
and marketing, but I would imagine the ink to still cost a fortune, so you better<br />
make some money with what you have printed out, otherwise it really is money<br />
down the drain.The watch lovers amongst you will enjoy the fact that a new smart<br />
watch has been developed by Martian. Users can view text, emails, tweets and<br />
make phone calls with it. It’s called the Passport – what next! Imagine though how<br />
environmentally challenged you look if you are seen talking into a watch, then<br />
holding it up to your ear to listen to the other party – you’ll look as dumb as Mr.<br />
Bean. All you still need is a teddy bear in your other hand – aikona, hakuna ma<br />
tata.<br />
In the world of camcorders, JVC and Kenwood have joined forces and launched<br />
their Everio range of cameras, some really high-end units to suit everyone’s<br />
needs, right up to their top model, the GZ-VX815 which is worth googling for its<br />
specifications. So, as can be seen, lots and lots to look forward to this year – we<br />
await with gaping months, big eyes and open wallets !<br />
And to end my contribution for the month, let me share some advice with the<br />
aspiring youngsters out there who have just matriculated or completed their<br />
university studies and are now ready to enter the complex world of business:<br />
“To succeed in business you don't need the brains of Einstein, the muscles of<br />
Hercules, or the reflexes of Michael Schumacher. You just need to know what to<br />
do next.” If you know that, you’re already half way there.With that I bid you all<br />
farewell for yet another month, and as ever, stay focused, stay sharp, look after<br />
yourselves and your loved ones,<br />
Mike Hartmann – Techie<br />
The Swiss & <strong>Austrian</strong> Social <strong>Club</strong> – Your <strong>Club</strong>
Unser herzlichstes Beileid an seine<br />
Frau Lily und Tochter Eva.<br />
Waldemar kam aus Wien. Er war<br />
ein langjähriges Mitglied von<br />
unserem Klub<br />
In früheren Jahren war Waldemar<br />
ein aktives Mitglied unserer<br />
Wandergruppe.<br />
Er war auch ein Geschäftsmann.<br />
Wir vermissen seine exclusiven<br />
Leder-Kreationen.<br />
Waldemar hat in der Apartheits-Zeit<br />
als evangelischer "Lay-Preacher"<br />
die politischen Gefangenen im<br />
Robben Eiland Gefängnis besucht,<br />
um ihnenTrost und Hoffnung zu<br />
bringen.<br />
Ruhe in Frieden<br />
Polishes & Protects<br />
33 Lakeshore Drive<br />
Capricorn Business Park<br />
- Cars Muizenberg. 7945<br />
- Motorbikes<br />
- Boats P.O. Box 223<br />
- Plastic Plumstead, 7801<br />
- Metal<br />
- Jewellery Tel/Fax: 021 709 0379<br />
- Leather Beate Pospech Cell: 082 551 8049<br />
- Food Equipment E-Mail: beate@techno-autosol.co.za
ALLERLEI im ALLTAG<br />
Yes, I'm a Senior Citizen!!!<br />
I'm the life of the party.........even if it lasts until 8 p.m.<br />
I'm very good at opening childproof caps ...........with a hammer!<br />
I'm awake hours before my body allows me to get up.<br />
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.<br />
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.<br />
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.<br />
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.<br />
Yes, I'm a Senior Citicen and think I am having the time of my life.<br />
Alt ist man, wenn man auf immer mehr Ersatzteile zurück greifen<br />
muss, aber man wird dadurch auch von Jahr zu Jahr wertvoller: nicht<br />
nur das Edelmetall in den Zähnen, auch ein Platin-Hüftgelenk sind<br />
teure investitionen.<br />
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being<br />
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly<br />
gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet,<br />
who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.<br />
After a chat about rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.<br />
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know", he<br />
said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."<br />
An elderly lady was invited to an old friend's home one evening.<br />
She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with<br />
endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.<br />
The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were still very much in<br />
love. While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess<br />
to say,"I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your husband all those<br />
loving names". The elderly lady hung her head."I have to tell you the truth," she said, his<br />
name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old<br />
bastard what his name is."
From the Horses mouth<br />
Sunday Times 13. January <strong>2013</strong><br />
An interesting article from Matthew Lester.<br />
Lester is a professor at Rhodes University<br />
Taxpayers plan to retire in poverty<br />
How many South Africans will be able to afford to retire? Here are some<br />
numbers based on the recently released SA Revenue Service statistics for 2012.<br />
There are 13 million registered taxpayers in South Africa. Roughly half of that<br />
number are unemployed or economically inactive. Some 4.5 million people<br />
have submitted their tax return for 2011 so far. The bulk of the remainder fall<br />
below the tax threshold, which is roughly R 5 000 a month. So, about one in 11<br />
of South<br />
Africa's total population of 52 million is a taxpayer, and there are five times as<br />
many unemployed people as there are taxpayers. Of the 4.5 million taxpayers,<br />
only 1.9 million claimed deductions for pension fund contributions -<br />
totalling R 24 billion - and 1.2 million claimed deductions for retirement annuity<br />
fund contributions,which totalled R 12 billion. Put simply,the bad news is<br />
that only three million South Africans are planning for retirement - about half of<br />
those who file tax returns, or one in 10, compared with the number of people<br />
who are unemployed. To compound this fewer than one in 100 taxpayers -<br />
a mere 440 000 people - earn more than R 400 000 a year. Of the 440 000,<br />
a healthy 352 000 are contributing to pension funds and 155 000 to retirement<br />
annuities. They truly have an incentive, because their marginal tax rates exceed<br />
35%. But even with these contributions - and their tax deductions - many of<br />
those earning more than R 400 000 a year are substantially underfunded for<br />
retirement. The number of South Africans who can afford to retire<br />
comfortably<br />
is statistically insignificant. And the state cannot afford to do much about it,<br />
especially if National Health Insurance Implementation is a priority.<br />
So I hope you handed out family savings plans instead of cellphones this Christ -<br />
mas - and made a New Year's resolution to work until you're 70 and then spend<br />
the children's inheritance while waiting for god.<br />
For more, go to www.criticalthought.co.za
Liebe nur, wenn deine Liebe<br />
erwiedert wird, sonst hat es keinen<br />
Sinn.<br />
Was du liebst, lass es frei. Kommt es<br />
zurück, gehört es dir f ür immer.<br />
(Konfuzius)<br />
14. FEBRUARY<br />
.......................................................................................................................<br />
Regenfall in Plumstead in 2012<br />
Im Jahr 2012 hatten wir 778 mm<br />
" 2011 " 384 mm<br />
" 2010 " 511 mm<br />
" 2009 " 722 mm<br />
Durchschnittlicher jährlicher Regenfall für Plumstead is 500 mm.<br />
Letztes Jahr war gut, die Zahl 384 von 2011 wollen wir nicht wieder sehen.<br />
.......................................................................................................................<br />
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you<br />
didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away<br />
from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.<br />
Dream. Discover.<br />
Mark Twain<br />
We could learn a lot from Crayons: Some are sharp, some are pretty, some<br />
are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours......but they all<br />
exist very nicely in the same box.<br />
Tough times never last, tough people do.<br />
Dem Wagemutigen hilft das Glück, der Faule steht sich selbst im Wege.<br />
Die Erfahrung ist wie eine Laterne im Rücken: sie beleuchtet stets nur das<br />
Stück Weg, das wir bereits hinter uns haben.
HUMOR<br />
HUMOR !! && @@ %% > ** ++<br />
Beamtenhumor<br />
Beamtenhumor (gibt es das?)<br />
Die Strafabteilung der Bezirkshauptmannschaft Amstetten erhielt<br />
folgendes Gedicht von einem Verkehrssünder.<br />
Mit Interesse hab ich Ihr Schreiben gelesen und streite nicht ab, ich bin es<br />
gewesen. Wie es kam liebe Leut, ich sag es Euch genau, in Kamaten war<br />
ich bei einer reizenden Frau. Und hab dann, sonst hätt ich etwas<br />
versäumt, von diesen schönen Tagen ein wenig geträumt. Auf einmal<br />
ging's bergab, ich war ganz verwundert, wurde immer schneller und am<br />
Tacho stand "Hundert". Und plötzlich glaub ich, es klingt wie ein Witz. Es<br />
kommt ein Gewitter, denn da sah ich ein Blitz. Nach Ihrem Schreiben ist's<br />
mir nun klar, dass es das nicht, sondern Eure Kontrolle war. Auf die Strafe<br />
dafür warte ich nun geduldig. Mit einem Wort, ich bekenne mich schuldig.<br />
21 Std.kilometer zu schnell, leicht zu berechnen, ich sehe es ein, es war<br />
ein Verbrechen. Bitte trotzdem um Freispruch, ich sag's ganz banal,<br />
ein Mann der glücklich ist, fährt nicht normal.<br />
Antwort in Poesie des Sachbearbeiter im Strafbescheid von Amstetten<br />
Ist der Reim auch so gelungen, zum Bussgeld seh ich mich gezwungen.<br />
Kommen's wieder mal von dieser Frau, nehmen's den Zug, seien Sie so<br />
schlau.<br />
Sex is now classified as a misdemeaner.........<br />
The more you miss, the meaner ya get!<br />
*<br />
Nie aber nie während des Fahrens trinken,<br />
Du könntest das Bier verschütten!<br />
*<br />
Teacher: Why are you late?<br />
Jonny:<br />
Class started before I got here.<br />
Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?<br />
Simon: No, Sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
Teacher: " Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"<br />
Glenn: "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L-"<br />
Teacher: No, that' s wrong.<br />
Glenn: "Maybe it is wrong ,but you asked me how I spell it".<br />
Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when<br />
people are no longer interested?<br />
Harold: A Teacher<br />
The South African Government is going to impose a 40% tax on ASPIRIN.<br />
Why do you ask?<br />
Well, primarily because it's white and it works.<br />
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER<br />
* Memory was something that you lost with age<br />
* An application was for employment<br />
* A program was a TV show<br />
* A curser used profanity<br />
* A keyboard was a piano<br />
* A web was a spider's home<br />
* A virus was the flu<br />
* A CD was a bank account<br />
* A hard drive was a long trip on the road<br />
* A mouse pad was where a mouse lived<br />
* And if you had a 3½ inch floppy<br />
....you just hoped nobody found out<br />
Every wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband.<br />
"Miss" for one hour and "stress" for the rest 23 hours.<br />
Regter: "Waar is jy gebore?"<br />
Gatiep: " Djou Honour, ek is gebore innie Kaap!"<br />
Regter: "Watter deel?"<br />
Gatief: "My hele lyf is daar gebore, djou Honour, net die tanne is van Jo'burg<br />
af!"<br />
Gatiep and Maraai steel'n snoek, en sien toe 'n Polisie man.<br />
Gatiep se: "Sit die snoek onder djou rok!"<br />
Maraai se: " Dit gaan stink Gatiep!"<br />
Gatiep se vir Maraai: "Drukkie snoek se nies toe!"
Dear!<br />
"Optimist, Pessimist and Realist.<br />
While you guys were busy arguing whether the glass of water is<br />
½ full or ½ empty: "I drank it!<br />
Sincerely<br />
the Opportunist<br />
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding<br />
in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and<br />
then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have<br />
you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then<br />
why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord !<br />
He's done it again!'<br />
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good<br />
ending: and have the two as close together as possible.<br />
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read<br />
in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best<br />
friend, Finny. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. They say I died!"<br />
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. Where are ye calling from?"
Albert,<br />
the doctor says<br />
I need more exercise,<br />
I want you<br />
to start jogging<br />
for me<br />
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