divine-mercy-in-my-soul

107 O my God, I have come to know that I am not of this earth; You, O Lord, have poured this
profound awareness into my soul. My communion is more with heaven than with earth,
though I in no way neglect my duties.
108 During those times, I had no spiritual director; I was without any kind of guidance
whatever. I begged the Lord, but He did not give me a director. Jesus Himself has been
my Master from the days of my infancy up to the present moment. He accompanied me
across all the deserts and through all dangers. I see clearly that God alone could have
led me through such great perils unharmed, with my soul untarnished and passing
victoriously through all difficulties, immense though they were. Going out [….] Later on,
the Lord did give me a director.
109 After such sufferings the soul finds itself in a state of great purity of spirit and very close to
God. But I should add that during these spiritual torments it is close to God, but it is blind.
The soul‟s vision is plunged into darkness, and though God is nearer than ever to the soul
which is suffering, the whole secret consists in the fact that it knows nothing of this. The
soul in fact declares that, not only has God abandoned it, but it is the object of His hatred.
How grave is the malady of the eyes of the soul which, struck by divine light, claims that
there is no light, whereas, it is so intense that it blinds her. Yet despite all, I learned later
that God is closer to a soul at such moments than at others, because it would not be able
to endure these trials with the help of ordinary grace alone. God‟s omnipotence and an
extraordinary grace must be active here, for otherwise the soul would succumb at the first
blow.
110 O Divine Master, what happens in my soul is Your work alone! You, O Lord, are not
afraid to place the soul on the edge of a terrible precipice where it stands, alarmed and
filled with fright, and then You call it back again to Yourself. These are Your
imponderable mysteries.
111 (51) When, in the midst of these interior torments, I tried to accuse myself in confession of
the smallest trifles, the priest was surprised that I had not committed graver faults, and he
said to me, “If you are as faithful as this to God during these sufferings, this in itself is
evidence to me that God is sustaining you, Sister, with a special grace, and it is a good
thing that you do not understand this.” It is a strange thing, nevertheless, that confessors
could neither understand me nor set my mind at peace concerning these matters, until I
met Father Andrasz and, later on, Father Sopocko.
112 + A few words about confession and confessors. I shall speak only of what I have
experienced and gone through within my own soul. There are three things which hinder
the soul from drawing profit from confession in these exceptional moments.
The first thing: when the confessor has little knowledge of extraordinary ways and shows
surprise if a soul discloses to him the great mysteries worked in it by God. Such surprise
frightens a sensitive soul, and it notices that the confessor hesitates to give his opinion;
and if it does notice this, it will not be set at peace, but will have even more doubts after
confession than before, because it will sense that the confessor is trying to set it at peace
while he himself is uncertain. Or else, as has happened to me, a confessor, unable to
penetrate some of the soul‟s mysteries, refuses to hear the confession, showing a certain
fear when the soul approaches the confessional.
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