divine-mercy-in-my-soul

Himself. No matter what judgment he would pass on me, all I wanted was the truth and a
decisive answer to certain questions. I put myself completely in god‟s hands, and [all] my
soul desired was the truth. I could not go on living in doubt any longer although, in the
depths of my soul, I was so very sure that these things came from God, that I would lay
down my life for this. However, I placed the confessor‟s opinion above all, and I made up
my mind to do as he thought best and to act according to the advice that he would give
me. I looked forward to that moment which would decide the course of my actions for the
rest of my life. I knew that everything would depend on this. It mattered little whether
what he would say to me would be in accord with my inspirations or quite the contrary;
this no longer mattered to me. I wanted to know the truth and follow it.
Jesus, You can help me! From this moment, I have begun anew. I conceal all the graces
within my soul and await whosoever the Lord will send me. With no doubt in my heart, I
asked the Lord himself to deign to help me during these moments, and a courage of sorts
entered my soul.
132 (62) I must again mention that there are some confessors who seem to be true spiritual
fathers, but only as long as things go well. When the soul finds itself in greater need, they
become perplexed, and either cannot or will not understand the soul. They try to get rid
of the person as soon as possible. But if the soul is humble, it will always profit in some
little way or other. God Himself will sometimes cast a shaft of light into the depths of the
soul, because of its humility and faith. The confessor will sometimes say something he
had never intended to say, without even realizing it himself. Oh, let the soul believe that
such words are the words of the Lord Himself! Though indeed we ought to believe that
every word spoken in the confessional is God‟s, what I have referred to above is
something that comes directly from God. And the soul perceives that the priest is not
master of himself, that he is saying things that he would rather not say. This is how God
rewards faith.
I have experienced this many times myself. A certain very learned and respected priest
[probably Father Wilkowski, the sisters‟ confessor at Plock], to whom I sometimes
happened to go to confession, was always severe and opposed to these matters [which I
brought up to him]. But on one occasion he replied to me, “Bear in mind, Sister, that if
God is asking this of you, you should not oppose Him. God sometimes wants to be
praised in just this way. Be at peace; what God has started, He will finish. But I say this
to you: faithfulness to God and humility. And once again: humility. Bear well in mind
what I have told you today.” I was delighted, and I thought that perhaps this priest had
understood me. But it so turned out that I never went to confession to him again.
133 + Once, one of the older Mothers [probably Mother Jane 43 ] summoned me, and it was as
if fiery bolts from the blue were coming down upon me head, so much so that I could not
even discover what it was all about. But after a while I understood that it was about a
matter over which I had no control whatsoever. She said to me, “Get it out of your head,
Sister, that the Lord Jesus might be communing in such an intimate way with such a
miserable bundle of imperfections as you! Bear in mind that it is only with holy souls that
the Lord Jesus communes in this way!” I acknowledged that she was right, because I am
indeed a wretched person, but still I trust in God‟s mercy. When I met the Lord I humbled
myself and said, “Jesus, it seems that You do not associate intimately with such wretched
people as I.” Be at peace, My daughter, it is precisely through such misery that I
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