The Biblical Role of the Pastor's wife - South African Theological ...

Two books of exceptional value regarding women in marriage are The
Excellent Wife by Peace (2005) and Helper by Design by Fitzpatrick (2003). 27
These books are not written specifically for pastors’ wives, but offer valuable
insight into the role a woman plays as a wife and support to her husband,
regardless of his profession. As a wife lovingly and respectfully meets the
needs of her husband, he is likely to respond in a loving and caring way
(Eggerichs 2004).
A key to supporting one’s husband is clear and honest communication.
Dobson (2004:159) encourages wives to show their husband they are “in his
corner”, and are often his only cheerleader. Wives need to be honest in
sharing their feelings without undermining or causing the husband to feel
guilty. Husbands must make the time to listen to their wives and understand
their needs. There is an art to effective communication and it is recommended
that both the pastor and his wife keep the lines of communication clearly open
(Fitzpatrick, 2003:98-100). It was expressed by many pastors’ wives that their
husband was their best friend, with whom they were able to share everything.
This is commendable and vitally important.
4.4.2. Unrealistic Expectations
Few wives in my sample population indicated that they felt pressured
by unrealistic expectations from church members or leaders. One interviewee
indicated that unrealistic expectations were not as commonly observed in her
experience as a pastor’s wife, in the South African context, as those
experienced by many American pastors’ wives. Those who did feel they were
expected to do certain things because they were the pastor’s wife felt that
pressure resided mostly with the older members of the congregation or simply
with those expecting a new wife would pick up where a previous wife left off in
relation to ministry involvement. Haggard (2004:145) expresses the
importance of not allowing unrealistic expectations to be placed on the wife:
27 See ‘Works Cited’ for full bibliographic information.
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