The Campaigner

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The Campaigner

24

6:30 a.m.), the two people who were caring for me that he said that, my state of mind changed again. I broke

night thought I was asleep. Except for one moment at out of my physical trance and yelled, "Lyn we've done it.

about 3:00 a.m. when I insisted that "Hans," a final year We've defeated that unholy alliance between man and

German medical student, hold my hand. At that point I goat -- the popular front."

was convinced that I would die that night, and I wanted Samuelly was amazed and frightened by this abrupt

to establish contact with a fellow human before I did so. change, seeing in it confirmation of everything he said.

Fortunately he did not fall for that, even though I could He could not tolerate for one moment the idea that what

not speak, and told me to concentrate on the music that was being said to him could be true -- even though he

was playing, just like Marcus had told me to do. had assisted the deprogramming of Konstantin George.

That was what saved me. For that whole night I tried to convince him by saying that he was turning

Beethoven was played: symphonies, concertos, string down the chance to make a breakthrough in the

quartets, piano sonatas. It was not the music per se that psychoanalytical profession. This case was of obvious

did it. Rather, it was the effort to concentrate on the world-historical importance. But coming from me that

music. That effort took my mind away from its morbid kind of remark did not help too much!

fascination with a pain-wracked body it could not We left and headed on back to yet another apartment.

control. That effort to keep open to what was going on, Once back in the car I again began living out the

even though my body seemed to the two people present to phantasy of the film. This time I was convinced that

be sleeping, as they now report, kept me alive, when we got to where we were going "they" would

As the sun began to rise my symptomology changed contact me, to give me poison capsules, one for Marcus,

once more. With the light of day another manic state set one for myself. If they did not do that, then, so I

in. Spooks, I argued somewhat irrationally, are creatures thought, I was supposed to commit the assassination

of the night, and therefore can't get you by daylight. My myself. I was deluded enough at that point to imagine

body was no longer spooked. We therefore began a that I had the capability and technique to do it!

euphoric Beethoven cycle, listening to especially the That night we talked at length. I no longer had my

"Pastoral" Symphony ('the world is young' is its subject) glasses. Intelligence staff thought they could have

and to the "Grosse Fugue, " in which Beethoven explores something to do with the "program," and as my right eye

his own ability to create, is far stronger than my left, I was giving everyone one-

Later that day, the 1st of January, we proceeded to sided stares as I struggled to see them. But to give you

Brooklyn to see a psychiatrist, Dr. Samuelly. The car another example of the state of my mind at that point,

ride there set me back into a depressive state of when I was asked why I was doing that, I immediately

paranoia. I was convinced that, at that moment, I was picked up an imaginary rifle, sighted it, and said,

living out the film I had seen on the flight from London. "Because I'm a trained marksman." I then reassured

I was convinced that my wife was going to be shot on the Lyn that no harm would come to him, because at that

way, and forced myself to respond in what I thought was point it could only come from me, and I wasn't about to

the appropriate fashion. These feelings were heightened do anything to him.

by our difficulties in finding the doctor's apartment. The session that evening, January lst-2nd, was

Every stop for directions was, I thought, a check-in point initially set up so that I would begin to actively consider

with "them." Though if anyone had asked who "they" the emotional states of others. By early in the morning

were, I would not have been able to answer, we began to consider the keys and codes I had produced

In this state I naturally considered that poor Dr. in the first session and this one. Starting from the word

Samuelly was one of "them," too. So when he began to "rat" we went via sewer rats, water rats, operators, and

talk about hypnosis, I lapsed into a kind of non- apparats to more permutations involving other words,

hypnotised catatonic state. ! would not respond to and we arrived at the phrase "no sell can rat," i.e. "rat

questions, would not move except to stroke my chin cancel on" reversed, near enough. My head began to feel

with the index finger of my right hand. Dr. Samuelly as if it was being encased in cast iron. We had discovered

began to talk to Marcus in the other room..I con- the key which completely screwed up the programme.

centrated intently on what I could hear them saying. He At that point I began to assure people that I was

considered that I should be hospitalised. I was a deprogrammed. If that was the case, they wanted to

potentially dangerous psychotic, a paranoid know, then I would be able totellthem who did it, where

schizophrenic, I could break out of that state at any it was done, and what they wanted me to do. I couldn't.

moment and attack someone. He would not credit Lyn's The cast iron cap descended ever tighter on my brain.

argument that I had been brainwashed. And, in ad- Ideas would not come. I felt stupid, ignorant, desperate

dition, he held out no hope that I could get remission. As -- if I could not come up with something then who knew

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