The Campaigner

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The Campaigner

46

screamed, "I want to die"....Phillip: "I hate _ leave untwisting of both physical and emotional neurotic

me alone. Mommy. I hate you all, you fuckers." I choked defenses occurred. Sweat poured Over me, as I was overand

gagged, trying to keep'my feelings down to control come by the power of my body, and my brain was

them. They kept coming up anyway. My body hurt. The powerless to dictate how it thought I should be. I'knew

lump in my throat wouldn't go away. I opened Qp and then that my brain dictated what my parents wanted me

screamed out, "Love me." I shut off .... I was afraid I to think and to be, but my body rebelled, and would no

wasn't loved and that I wasn't capable of living. I felt longer "act" or "perform" according to any dictates

worthless. My mother had left me, and I asked, "'Why other than what was correct for it. For the first time in my

me?" I didn't know if she wanted me, and I resented her. life I was free a_td knew what freedom was .... (52)

I wanted to kill -- to kill me. I felt unlike other people. I

screamed out. I screamed some more, but I kept Phillip has gone from being a sick "psychopath" to an

blocking. I was afraid to let go. Afraid I'd flail around, even sicker psychotic. At the very point that a competent

out of control. Afraid if I let go I'd want to hit. I hit the therapist would have helped PhiUip to self-consciously

couch and screamed; out came "I hate me".'...Janov

said, "Tell them; tell Mommy andDaddy. You've got to understand his demons, Janov forced him to retreat

tell them you're suffering." I could only choke, gag, and entirely into his demons. Phillip's "body" (demons) was

hold on. The pain was too great. Janov: !'Don't be silent forced to take over his "brain" (potential consciousness).

anymore. Get it out; call for help.' "Daddy, Mommy." I

screamed out the pain and screamed it out again. Then The Attack Group: Group dynamics has become big

there was quiet .... business. Labeled as the encounter group, the t-group,

This was my Primal Scene' and the first connection I sensitivity training, the leaderless group, the attack

made... My body felt the split, the pulling apart .... I group, psychodrama, etc., this trendy phenomenon has

had three lumps now. One in my throat, one in my become an important tool of capitalist courtdiaphragm,

and one in my lower chest.' I screamed, terinsurgency.

"Mommy_ Mommy," and I could see her hand reach Encounter-style groups are used for everything from

down and pull my balls out and up through me.. :.My

cockwent up and down in my throat as I breathed, and it training management as Krupp-style slavedrivers to

was masturbating. The phlegm became semen in my turning potential revolutionaries into fascist stormmouth,

and I gagged. I screamed out, still distorting and troopers. Thousands of workers have been forced into t-

disguising the word "cock" that I was so afraid of. grouping "coparticipation sessions" aimed at completely

"Cock, cock, cock." What did it mean? Maybe I 'was

homosexual. I panicked .... routing the trade-union movement. Key ghetto leaders,

including most Welfare Rights Organization leaders,

On the way to Janov's, I had my throat choke up, and I were turned into Kapos through Alinsky-style sensitivity

wanted to cry. I felt I was a little boy going to my room sessions. In fact, the Human Potential Movement, which

where it was all right to be a little boy. I lay on the couch,

and the feeling came up. I peed; and "Daddy" came out. led to the establishment of encounter-group-oriented

I began to cry, and call, and call, "Daddy, Daddy, love centers in most major cities throughout the U.S., plays a

me!" .... I sank into my feelings, and a picti_re flashed major role in the mid- and late-1960'S by funneling the

before my eyes. I was standing in the middle of'a circle of' New Left into anarchistic "life-style" forms.

people, who were staring at me, with my middle finger

giving the "fuck you" sign to them all, and laughing. All Encounter-style group dynamics has little in common

of a sudden the picture changed, 'and I was stripped with legitimate group therapy. Group therapy, if led by a

naked, and the faces were staring at me. Mocking faces, competent therapist, is an important clinical technique

leering, ugly. The ugly reflection of me. I became scared, in which the supportive group interaction itself provides

and all alone, trying to cover myself with my hands. I

couldn't see who the faces were. J'anov said, "See it, a socialized setting for eliciting self-consciousness

stay with it." I looked close. My head wanted to turn amongst participants. Encounter-style group situations

.... I looked hard and screamed in anguish. It was my start from the opposite premise. The power of the group

famiis, .... dynamic is wielded, as in the Primal Therapy, to

During the time in between Primal phases, 'my body destructively attack the participants. Anyone ever

seemed to rest, to checkout the newly formed featUres, participating in a t-group must know all too well the

and to prepare for the next phase. I became aware that induced feelings of impotence and despair.

my body was taking over as my brain was losing its Such techniques can only annihilate the personality.

control over my body. I was sitting in group, and the

sensation that had been'with me for several' sessions wa_ They play upon the vulnerable person's guilt, shame and

present .... I lay down in the group, thinking I would be regret with both sledge hammer and scalpel.

done in a few minutes, when I_felt afraid and could feel Reminiscent of the Communist Chinese "truth session"

my body wanting to flail and twist free. l'yeUed. "'I'm

afraid." Janov said, "Let it happen.'" My body began to used in the prison camps of North Korea, attack-group

move in various uncanny positions that defied _any therapy, particularly when it occurs in marathon groups

control on my part and brought screams of pain as the (one of its commonest forms), creates a state of extreme

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