Ami Magazine #91 - Jewish E-Books

JEWISH COLLEGE STUDENTS 

AT 

RISK! 

‘‘ 

How Mir 

Talmidim Saved 

the Mir Yeshiva 

’’ 

A CONVERSATION 

WITH SHLOMO YEHUDA 

RECHNITZ 

How College Is 

Hazardous to Yiddishkeit 

ISSUE 91 

OCTOBER 24, 2012 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 

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ראש ישיבה , ישיבת פנובז 

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Roundtable sessions 

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Shlita 

Address from: 

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ראש ישיבה 

ישיבה גדולה זכרו משה 

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ישיבת פנובז 

Presentation of the highlights from 

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10.24.2012 

Departments 

8 EDITORIAL 

Divine providence and human initiative 

13 LETTERS 

17 NEWS 

COMMENTARY 

RABBI AVI SHAFRAN 

NATIONAL AND 

18 INTERNATIONAL NEWS 

YOSSI KRAUSZ 

ELECTION UPDATE 

22 TURX AND YOSSI KRAUSZ 

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES’ 

28 FINAL DEBATE 

TURX 

ISRAELI ELECTION UPDATE 

30 SAMUEL SOKOL 

MISGUIDED MARKINGS 

32 RABBI AVI SHAFRAN 

33 GLEANINGS 

RABBI AVI SHAFRAN 

28 


JEWISH NEWS 

38 NYPD attack 

Daylight savings time in Israel 

NESANEL GANTZ 

JEWISH LIVING IN: 

42LVOV, UKRAINE 

JOSHUA BAINS 

44 BUSINESS 

YEDIDA WOLFE 

45 AMBASSADORS 

Teaching more than the material 

TIRTZA JOTKOWITZ, ESQ. 

46 PARNOOSA 

Choosing a logo 

MAURICE STEIN 

MY WORD! 

64 ASHER V. FINN 

66 ASK 

My changed relationship with my rabbi 

RABBI SHAIS TAUB 

THE SHUL CHRONICLES 

68 Tears and a smile 

RABBI MOSHE TAUB 

70 BRAINSTORM 

YITZY YABOK 

THE HUMAN 

72 EXPERIENCE 

Going it alone 

AS TOLD TO PERI BERGER 

78 STREETS 

OF LIFE 

Where’s Zaidy? 

RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY 

Features 

Q & A WITH SHLOMO YEHUDA 

34 RECHNITZ 

RABBI YITZCHOK FRANKFURTER 

MOVING PICTURES FROM 

50 A WICKED SOURCE 

Hitler’s photographer captured the purity 

of Jewish life. 

YOSSI KRAUSZ 

JEWISH STUDENTS AT RISK 

56 How can we make sure that Orthodox 

students on secular campuses stay 

Orthodox? 

RAFAEL BORGES 

6 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 24, 2012 // 8 CHESHVAN, 5773

RABBI YITZCHOK FRANKFURTER 

, 

One of the loftiest words in the Hebrew language is 

perhaps the word bitachon. The root batach means 

to lean or rest on someone or something. From 

this, bitachon took on the meaning of faith and 

is often used interchangeably with emunah. The 

person who has bitachon places the burden of his concerns and 

worries on G-d, trusting that things will work out for the best. 

Or, according to the Chazon Ish (Emunah U’Bitachon chapter 

2), bitachon is the realization that there are no happenstances 

and coincidences in the world, and that whatever happens is a 

function of G-d’s will. 

However, as is the case with all lofty concepts, bitachon can 

be grossly abused. Oftentimes a person invokes the concept 

of bitachon as an excuse for passivity. Usually people invoke 

bitachon in relation to things 

they don’t care too much 

about in the first instance. 

In regards to what they do 

care about, as a rule, they 

don’t rely upon G-d, but are 

careful to take matters into 

their own hands. 

Recently someone told me 

he was willing to sacrifice 

all for his convictions. 

When I asked him how 

he would support himself 

if he sacrificed his job as 

well, his response was that 

he had bitachon. Well, if he 

indeed had bitachon as he 

proclaimed, then he in fact 

wasn’t ready to sacrifice anything, since he purportedly believed 

that G-d was not going to allow him to suffer. 

The Chasam Sofer actually makes these observations in 

a teshuvah regarding the differences between our forefather 

Avraham and his older brother Haran. 

The Torah relates at the end of last week’s reading: “Terach 

lived 70 years, and begat Avram, Nachor and Haran…And 

Haran died in the presence of his father Terach in his native land, 

in Ur Kasdim” (Bereishis 11:26-28). 

The Midrash explains the circumstances surrounding Haran’s 

death as follows. When Avraham was still a young child, he 

rejected idol worship. Nimrod, a most powerful world leader at 

the time, was highly threatened by Avraham’s ideas. So Nimrod 

threw Avraham into a fiery furnace, telling him “Let your G-d 

save you now.” 

Avraham’s older brother Haran was present together with their 

father Terach and they witnessed Avraham being thrown into the 

furnace. Knowing that Nimrod could turn on him, too, and ask 

whose side he was on, Nimrod’s or Avraham’s, Haran decided that 

if Avraham would be saved from the fire by a miracle, he would 

tell Nimrod that he was on Avraham’s side. If, on the other hand, 

Avraham died, he would proclaim that he supported Nimrod. 

Immediately after making this decision, Avraham walked out 

of the fiery furnace unscathed. 

Nimrod confronted Haran, “Whose side are you on?” 

Haran responded “Avraham’s!” 

Nimrod furiously cast Haran too into the fiery pit. However, 

G-d did not save Haran as He had saved Avraham. And so Haran 

was burnt to death in the “presence of his father.” 

Why did Haran die when Avraham was miraculously saved? 

The Chasam Sofer 

offers the following 

rousing insight: “Avraham 

Avinu wasn’t a baal 

bitachon; he didn’t put his 

trust in G-d. Only Haran 

his brother was a baal 

bitachon, and trusted that 

G-d would save him from 

the fiery furnace. But 

G-d doesn’t desire those 

types, and so he was 

burnt. Avraham didn’t 

put his trust in G-d, but 

fought idol worship, and 

he was even ready to 

die for kiddush Hashem; 

therefore G-d saved him” 

(Likutei Shaalos U’teshuvos Chasam Sofer, 96). 

Bitachon, or to place one’s trust in G-d, can have two negative 

consequences. First, one can become passive when he is required 

to take an active stand. Second, one can become insincere in his 

proclamation that he is willing to sacrifice all for his values, since 

he believes that G-d will ultimately rescue him. 

Haran was guilty on both counts. He left it to G-d to fight idol 

worship, and he wasn’t ready to die for G-d’s sake. So he died as 

a result. Avraham, on the other hand, did not leave it to G-d to 

fight corruption and idolatry and was willing to sacrifice his life 

for his principles. So he lived. 

This is the living legacy of our forefather Avraham: to do all for 

the sake of G-d to the point of self-sacrifice. 

We paradoxically become G-d’s instruments when we take 

human initiative and don’t focus exclusively upon the Almighty’s 

supreme power and lovingkindness. 


150 AMI MAGAZINE // SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 / 11 TISHREI, 5773 

11 TISHREI, 5773 // SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 // AMI MAGAZINE 151 

LETTERS 

EXECUTIVE 

CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER 

Rabbi Yitzchok Frankfurter 

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD 

Chesky Kauftheil 

EDITORIAL 

EDITOR IN CHIEF 


SENIOR EDITOR 

Rechy Frankfurter 

MANAGING EDITORS 

Yossi Krausz 

Victoria Dwek 

SENIOR WRITER 

Rabbi Avi Shafran 

CONTRIBUTING EDITOR 

Sarah Shapiro 

FEATURE EDITOR 

Yitta Halberstam Mandelbaum 

FOOD EDITORS 

Esther Deutsch, Leah Schapira 

EDITORIAL COORDINATOR 

Toby Worch 

COPY EDITORS 

Basha Majerczyk, 

Dina Schreiber 

ART 

ART DIRECTORS 

David Kniazuk 

Kenneth Nadel 

ADVERTISING 

EXECUTIVE ACCOUNT MANAGER 

Zack Blumenfeld 

EXECUTIVE SALES DIRECTORS 

Surie Katz 

CORPORATE SALES DIRECTOR 

Sarah Sternstein 

ADVERTISING COORDINATOR 

Malky Friedman 

CUTTING THE 

TIES THAT BIND 

Find happiness before 

it is too late 

In reference to “Human Experience,” 

Issue 88 

As I got older I began to tentatively mother’s priorities were clear: My spiritual 

growth was more important than 

make friends, yet I was still painfully 

quiet and shy. I stopped going to the store anything. 

in the afternoon, because it wasn’t appropriate 

for a big boy to spend his time in a father figure, heard that I would not be family. 

When my rebbe, whom I considered a 

Dear Editor, 

women’s store. Instead, I went to a classmate’s 

house, after my mother made sure work behind the scenes, arranging for a 

having a typical bar mitzvah, he began to 

she approved of the family. 

seudah in cheder for all my classmates, as 

It was with great interest that 

I never invited boys over to my house, well as some rebbeim. My mother wasn’t 

though, because I was embarrassed at the told about it until the last minute because 

’ve always been Mama’s boy, the den, in and out of the hospital. He passed away right after she was married. We 

poverty that peeked out of every corner. she abhorred having to take anything 

pride and joy of her life. 

away shortly before my fourth birthday, didn’t have any relatives nearby, and my 

My mother didn’t appreciate noise, and from anyone, and would have certainly know where to go except me. 

I’ve never known it any other leaving my mother and me alone. mother wasn’t the type to reach out for 

suffered from frequent headaches. I was vetoed the plan. It would be a surprise for 

I read the “Mama’s Boy” story in 

way. 

I don’t remember much about those help. Aside from a few neighbors who 

very protective of her, and made sure to me too. 

I My mother says my father, Reb years, although later on, people who had tried to befriend my mother, we lived an 

let her know where I was. On one occasion 

I went on a class trip, and forgot to I went to shul, as always, wearing a nearly 

On the Shabbos before my bar mitzvah 

Gershon, was a big talmid chacham and a known my mother when my father was isolated existence. 

devoted father. He was a quiet man who alive told me how she changed after his We lived modestly, in a small, cramped 

tell my mother we would be home late. new suit that had been purchased at the 

didn’t make waves, working long hours in death. The light and joy that had sparkled apartment, and we had no savings. My 

She called the rebbe numerous times, but secondhand shop. I received maftir, and 

your wonderful magazine. Although 

this young man’s story is 

a factory and learning every evening. in her eyes was gone. 

mother worked full-time in a clothing 

couldn’t get through. When I got home at the olam gave me a hearty mazel tov. My 

He had always had a weak lung, which From the day my father died we were store, maintaining inventory. She would 

nine o’clock at night she was lying in bed, mother had given the shammas money for 

got worse after I was born. From the time on our own. My mother had been an only leave shortly after my bus picked me up, 

literally sick with worry and grief. It took cake and beer. To my surprise, the shul my bar mitzvah. 

I was two years old my father was bedrid- 

child and her parents had both passed and arranged for the bus to drop me off 

days for her to recover. 

participants had chipped in to make a 

very extreme, there are many families 

where a parent or parents deep down do not want their child or children to get 

married. They may not be verbal about it or even realize it themselves but their actions 

speak instead. They may nix every shidduch for their child, discourage deep friendships 

for their kids and make sure their children only go on vacation with the family and not 

friends, in order to prevent their kids from being independent. 

Even though they don’t come out and tell their children not to get married, the children 

will (whether consciously or unconsciously) feel the vibes and will either not like 

anyone suggested to them or will get anxious if they are in a serious relationship, to the 

point where they will break it off. 

If anyone knows of singles in this situation or if a single finds himself or herself in 

this predicament, it is vital to seek professional help, if he or she is to ever get married. 

The young man in the story was very fortunate to have a rebbe who was able to counsel 

and financially help him. It was just as great a nes that he was even interested in this 

girl and interested in the possibility of getting married altogether. 

To the men and women who are single and tied to the apron strings: Please seek help 

before the years go by and you regret that you never tried to change your situation. 

There are many married children who are very devoted to elderly parents and take 

them into their home if need be. Your parents got married; why should you be denied 

the same? 

Been there, got the help, and, baruch Hashem, built a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael, 

Name withheld by request 

Mama’s Boy 

MY MOTHER HAD A PATHOLOGICAL GRIP ON MY LIFE. 

AMI MAGAZINE, 1575 50th St., Brooklyn, NY 11219 

letters@amimagazine.org Phone: (718) 534-8800 Fax: (718) 484-7731 

AS TOLD TO CHAYA SILBER 

at the store. From 3:30 until closing time I never went anywhere without making more lavish spread with kugel, shnapps 

I would remain there, playing quietly on sure she was okay again. 

and p’tcha. My mother, who was upstairs 

my own. 

Time passed. Soon I was approaching in the women’s section, shepping nachas, 

I was a good, obedient child who did my bar mitzvah, the transition between did not realize that the kiddush was a huge 

what I was told and didn’t need much. childhood and adulthood. My mother upgrade, and assumed everyone’s kiddush 

Though my childhood was rather solitary scrimped and saved, hiring a tutor to was the same. I didn’t try to enlighten her; 

and routine, I felt safe and secure with my teach me a pshetl and hilchos tefillin. (In by then I already knew that would spell 

mother. In cheder I kept to myself, didn’t our circles, bar mitzvah boys didn’t lein trouble. 

speak unless I was spoken to, and went from the Torah.) 

On the morning of my bar mitzvah I 

to the rebbe whenever I needed anything. She planned a simple kiddush in the woke up early and went to shul, where 

If my mother had to go away, a rare occasion, 

she would always take me along. 

Though we didn’t have many simchos, Though most normal children would 

from time to time she would dress me 

in my threadbare Shabbos suit and take feel stifled by such an existence, 

me to weddings. I would remain at her 

side, the only boy in the women’s section, especially during their teenage 

attracting unwanted stares. 

It didn’t seem strange to me that my years, I was not an ordinary child. 

mother wouldn’t go anywhere without 

me. That was simply the way I was raised, 

the way things worked in our home. In shul in which I davened every week. There our rav would help me put on tefillin for 

the late afternoons I would help my would be no festive meal, as there was no the first time. My mother came along and 

mother prepare our main meal, and we money—and hardly any family to invite. stood in the women’s section, glowing 

would eat together. Then she would study Every last penny had gone toward my with pride as her little boy, her pride and 

with me, reviewing what I had learned tefillin, which were being written by one joy, became a man. 

that day, before putting me to bed. of the most respected sofrim in town. My Later that day I went to school, expecting 

another routine day. Yes, I was a bar 

mitzvah bochur, but there were no celebrations 

planned for me. After all, I was 

Moishy the orphan, the boy who had no 

To my surprise, when I walked into 

my classroom it was empty. There was a 

note reading, “We are in the lunchroom.” 

That was strange. Obediently, I walked 

down a flight of stairs toward the lunch 

area, wondering why everyone seemed to 

And then, as I stood at the lunchroom 

door, I heard the commotion. “He’s here! 

He’s here.” I opened the door and was met 

by a chorus of mazel tovs! My entire grade 

was gathered, along with my rebbeim, the 

menahel, the rav of my shul, plus a few 

other men from there. The cook had prepared 

a delicious, festive meal to celebrate 

I was seated at the head of the table and 

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LETTERS 

HEILMAN’S CHUTZPAH 

Ignorance and animus 

In reference to “Examining the Expert,” Issue 90 

Professor Samuel Heilman 

(And it’s also hard to imagine newspapers and more, and see what answers I could 

printing similar racial slurs about African- find. 

has been purportedly 

Americans or Italian-Americans.) 

studying us for years. 

An article last year in The Jewish Week 

about supposed gender segregation by charedim 

included this beautiful paragraph: 

The pleasant man 

Maybe it’s time we 

turned the magnifying 

“‘This is about owning the public What’s this Heilman guy like? 

glass on him. 

square,’ said Queens College sociology It wasn’t until the GPS told me to take the The 

professor Samuel Heilman, author of two Manhattan Bridge that I knew something 

books about charedi life in America. ‘These was wrong. 

Lubavitcher 

folks feel so at home in America, particularly 

in this city and state, that they are CUNY, located on Fifth Avenue in Manhat- 

Rebbe is 

I was heading to the Graduate Center at 

willing to take places that you may think tan, to interview Professor Heilman, and I 

are public and say, ‘We are going to set the only had a few minutes until our appointment. 

So the fact that my GPS was trying to 

treated to 

rules about how this public space is used. 

It’s an expression of ethnic pride and multiculturalism.’” 

It didn’t take me long to figure out my 

take me out of Manhattan was a bad sign. a great deal 

So according to Heilman’s description, error. Brooklyn also has a Fifth Avenue, and of psychoanalysis 

by 

it appears that charedim, unlike blacks, I had accidentally programmed the chirpy 

Italian-Americans and other ethnic groups, little box (“Turn left.” “Recalculating.”) to 

express ethnic pride by taking over public take me there. 

spaces, a sort of religious Occupy Wall The next 45 minutes involved me sweating 

a great deal while first driving aggres- 

Professor 

Street movement. 

Heilman. 

These are the kinds of prejudiced comments 

that have very often been attrib- 

searching desperately for an open parking 

sively to the correct Fifth Avenue, then 

uted to Professor Heilman, and his books garage and sprinting several blocks to the 

have also stirred up controversy, including 

his two most recent ones, Sliding to the To be truthful, it was more like sprinting 

Graduate Center building. 

By Yossi Krausz 

Right: The Contest for the Future of American a couple of blocks, then painfully wheezing 

Jewish Orthodoxy and The Rebbe: The Life my way through the rest. It really is time to 

and Afterlife of Menachem Mendel Schneerson 

(with Menachem Friedman), which By the time I reached Professor Heilman’s 

get in shape. 

Pretend, for a moment, that Oddly enough, though, when giving 

received strong criticism from the communities 

discussed in the books. 

bedraggled. 

office, I was over half an hour late and very 

you are a reporter for The interviews Heilman often seems to be 

New York Times. You’ve been highly prejudiced against the subjects of 

The present atmosphere in the public He turned from his computer screen to 

assigned to write a story on his research. For example, a recent New 

arena is open to bias and prejudice against greet me. Professor Heilman is a small, neat 

a topic affecting Orthodox York Times article about child abuse in the 

charedim in the media and other venues. man, with a disarming smile. 

Jews, and you need a scholarly 

source. To whom should you turn? lowing: 

Ami’s “Person of the Year” article, about probably hostile reporter, I expected some 

Orthodox community contained the fol- 

(See Nat Lewin’s comments last week in Since I was an obviously charedi and 

Chances are that you’ll pick up the “And rabbinical authorities, eager to 

the clear prejudices in the justice system.) caustic remarks from the professor about 

phone and call Professor Samuel Heilman, maintain control, worry that inviting outside 

scrutiny could erode their power, said 

ideas about charedim in the press can only cordial, though he remarked that the inter- 

To have an “expert” promoting negative my lateness. Instead, he was exceptionally 

Distinguished Professor of Sociology at 

Queens College (part of the City University Samuel Heilman, a professor of Jewish 

damage us and is therefore additionally view would have to be shortened because 

of New York, or CUNY) and holder of the studies at Queens College. ‘They are more 

inappropriate and should be considered of the late start. Throughout our conversation, 

he asked me several times if I needed 

Harold Proshansky Chair in Jewish Studies afraid of the outside world than the deviants 

within their own community,’ Dr. 

Marvin Schick once fashioned a bon a glass of water to help me recover from my 

unacceptable. 

at CUNY’s Graduate Center. 

Professor Heilman’s claim to fame is as an Heilman said. ‘The deviants threaten individuals 

here or there, but the outside world 

writer who detests much of the Orthodox That was when I learned the first impor- 

mot in criticism of Heilman: “He is a good little jog. 

expert on Jewish life, particularly Orthodox 

Jewish life. He’s written 11 books on different 

aspects of Orthodox Judaism, including of their world.’” 

Which raises a few questions: Why unlike his views, he is generally very sweet. 

threatens everyone and the entire structure 

community.” 

tant thing about Professor Samuel Heilman: 

his own religious experiences. His reputation 

as an expert has put him in the elec- 

they say? Power and control trump the 

against the subjects of his study? And what who had been involved with the Lubavitch 

So those charedim really are as bad as 

would someone detest and stir up hatred Later on, when I asked a Chabad chasid 

tronic Rolodexes of reporters, because his duty to protect innocent children? It’s hard 

leads someone to study Orthodox Jews, archives why Heilman had been given such 

name and opinions pop up in both the general 

and Jewish secular media regularly, as able making inflammatory comments of 

It seemed like a good idea to turn the interviewees in preparation for his book on 

to imagine that anyone would be comfort- 

anyway? 

extensive access to both documents and 

they have for several decades. 

that sort about any other ethnic group. 

microscope around, to ask these questions the Rebbe, one of the answers he gave me 

58 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 17, 2012 // 1 CHESHVAN, 5773 1 CHESHVAN, 5773 // OCTOBER 17, 2012 // AMI MAGAZINE 59 

Examining 

the Expert 

From his 

writings, it 

appears that 

charedim express 

ethnic pride 

by taking over 

public spaces, 

a sort of religious 

Occupy Wall 

Street movement. 

Dear Editor, 

Your scalpel-like evisceration of Professor Samuel Heilman was 

very much to the point. Not only does he harbor a deep-seated 

and glaringly obvious animus vis-a-vis the frum world, he is also 

painfully ignorant of it. Two examples reinforce the point. 

In a New York Times obituary on a prominent frum communal 

personality (whose anonymity is here preserved, out of respect for 

the kavod of the nifter), Professor Heilman was quoted as boldly 

asserting that the deceased had lost his faith during the Holocaust. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth, and in fact the 

canard was soundly quashed several decades before Professor 

Heilman made his ill-advised comment. A simple fact check, perhaps 

consisting of no more than one telephone call, would have 

set him straight. But he did not take that step, preferring instead 

to defame a frum personality—and one, moreover, who was no 

longer among the living. (To its credit, the Times published a letter 

setting out the true situation, in the interests of historical accuracy, 

but of course the damage had been done.) 

I saw an interview with Professor Heilman, in which he was 

discussing what he regarded as the Americanization of a young 

chasidish salesman who, upon completing a transaction in the 

store in which he worked, wished the departing customer, 

“Have a nice day.” In this way, said Professor Heilman, the 

yungerman had adopted a quintessentially American custom. 

Had he had even a rudimentary familiarity with the culture 

of the frum community and its social mores, and of the Yiddish 

language, Professor Heilman would have known that the 

salesman’s words were virtually an exact translation of precisely 

what he would have said had the customer spoken Yiddish: 

Hob a gitt’n tuhg. This was no evidence of acculturation; it was 

a case of simple translation. 

These examples, especially when added to those in Yossi 

Krausz’s well-researched article, trigger concerns going beyond 

Professor Heilman’s seriously troubled personal relationship with 

the frum world. (Case in point: After making the bizarre and sickening 

comparison between yeshivos and fundamentalist Muslim 

schools, Professor Heilman softens the blow, so to speak, by acknowledging 

that “So far we don’t have bombers [in Yeshivas]....” 

“SO FAR”??? What on earth is this man getting at?) When a senior 

academic displays such sloppiness in his work, is so lackadaisical, 

even cavalier, about checking his facts, and persists in pontificating 

about an area in which he has such a patently shallow grasp, 

despite being touted as an expert in it, this raises serious questions 

about his whole academic oeuvre. Everything he writes and says 

must have a question mark hanging over it. 

I have, for a long time, wondered why Professor Heilman continues 

to be described and quoted as an “expert” on the frum world, 

when he is so clearly out of his depth. Hopefully, your article will 

have a positive effect in alerting media outlets to the problems associated 

with relying on him for expert comments. 

(Prof.) Moishe Zvi Reicher 

Brooklyn, NY 

Ed. note: Moishe Zvi Reicher, Professor, University of Pennsylvania 

Law School and former Agudath Israel World Organization (AIWO) 

Director of International Affairs, was Agudath Israel’s representative to 

the UN from 1995 to 2004. 


NEWS 

NEWS COMMENTARY 

AVI SHAFRAN 

Women of the Wile 

SERIAL ARRESTEE STILL TRYING TO “LIBERATE” THE KOSEL 

In the latest of a series of social 

activism stunts employing women’s 

prayer services, the long-time leader 

of the Israeli feminist group “Women 

of the Wall” led some 200 American 

women, who were in Yerushalayim for a 

Hadassah conference, in loud chanting at 

the Kosel Maaravi last Tuesday night—and 

was promptly arrested. 

“I was saying Sh’ma Israel and arrested 

for it,” a doleful Anat Hoffman lamented 

to a blogger for The Forward as she nursed 

what she told the blogger were “limbs 

bruised from being dragged by handcuffs 

across the police station floor.” She admitted, 

though, that her forceful transfer from 

one chair to another occurred only when 

she defiantly refused the police’s instructions 

to walk there herself. 

Ms. Hoffman couldn’t have been very 

surprised at her arrest for flouting a 2003 

Israeli High Court decision ordering vocal 

women prayer groups to confine their services 

to Robinson’s Arch, an area of the 

Kosel adjacent to the main plaza. The site 

has hosted services by Reform and Conservative 

groups, as well as those of the 

Women of the Wall group. 

The latter, though, has also repeatedly 

ignored the Court ruling, and Ms. Hoffman, 

who serves too as executive director 

of the Reform movement’s Israel Religious 

Action Center, is well known to police, as 

she has been detained by them at the Kosel 

six times before. But she claimed unusually 

rough treatment this time around. “It 

was awful,” she said about her most recent 

arrest. “I’m a tough cookie, but I was just 

so miserable.” 

So miserable, in fact, that she agreed to 

a judge’s condition that she not go to the 

Kosel for 30 days (or be fined 5,000 shekels), 

after which she was released from custody. 

Ms. Hoffman’s seventh arrest and claims 

of mistreatment comprised another successful 

Women of the Wall media campaign, 

as Reform groups rushed in to 

present the activist, as usual, as a proud 

defender of disenfranchised Jewish women 

and stalwart opponent of the Israeli rabbinate 

and court system, which she accuses 

of being in thrall to the charedi community. 

Reform Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president 

of the Union for Reform Judaism, called 

Ms. Hoffman “a courageous champion of 

social justice,” and her treatment by police 

“deplorable and degrading.” He called on 

the authorities to “ensure that the right of 

women to pray at the Wall is protected.” 

Rabbi David Saperstein, director of 

the Religious Action Center for Reform 

Judaism, declared it “intolerable that any 

woman should be arrested for praying at 

one of Judaism’s most cherished sites.” 

Barbara Kavadias, of the Association of 

Reform Zionists of America said, “Anat 

Hoffman has been arrested for doing what 

Jewish women all over the world do on a 

regular basis: pray as Jews.” 

It isn’t praying as Jews, however, that is at 

issue. It is whether one group of Jews with 

a particular social agenda should have the 

right to promote it at a venerated Jewish 

site where it causes pain to other Jews. 

Contemporary Jewish congregations 

may have chosen to jettison traditional 

Jewish prayer norms, where men’s voices 

are those heard and tznius, or Jewish modesty, 

informs, and hallows, less “front-andcenter” 

but no less valued women’s prayer. 

But that the choice is in fact a rejection 

of millennia-old Jewish practice is not in 

question. 

Should what Judaism considers the holiest 

spot on earth be a place where traditional 

Jewish norms apply? In fact, it isn’t. 

Any Jewish man or woman who wishes to 

pray quietly in a “contemporary” fashion— 

whether changing the content or the form 

of prayer—can do so; many do and no one 

protests the fact. For that matter, Christians 

regularly pray at the Kosel. It’s only when 

media-hungry Jewish provocateurs insist 

on being loudly in the faces of other Jews 

committed to the Jewish religious tradition 

that ill will and worse ensues. 

“We need to liberate the wall again,” Ms. 

Hoffman grandiloquently declares. “What 

is the function of arresting the chairman of 

Women of the Wall?” she fumes. “The purpose 

is harassment of the group.” 

Or, perhaps, to prevent it from gratuitously 

offending the feelings of the overwhelming 

majority of Jews who frequent 

the Kosel plaza, not to mention the Jewish 

mesorah itself. 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 // OCTOBER 24, 2012 // AMI MAGAZINE 17

NEWS 

NATIONAL AND WORLD 

A Weekly Look at the Existential Threat 

That Is Iran’s Nuclear Program 

Did They or Didn’t They? 

IRANIAN NEGOTIATIONS AND EGYPTIAN SUPPORT 

It’s a hard choice to 

make. Who would 

you rather trust, a New 

York Times reporter or 

government officials from 

the US and Iran? 

The Times reported last 

week that the US and Iran 

had agreed to bilateral talks 

on Iran’s nuclear program. 

Finally, the story said, Iran 

had been pushed to the 

negotiating table by the 

international sanctions 

being leveraged against it. 

There was speculation that 

news of such talks had been 

A motorcycle burned in central 

Tehran after a protest sparked 

by a currency devaluation 

deliberately leaked to influence the presidential elections in the 

US. 

But both American and Iranian officials denied that any 

bilateral talks were set to take place. White House spokesman 

Tommy Vietor said, “It’s not true that the United States and 

Iran have agreed to one-on-one talks or any meeting after 

the American elections.” He said that the US continues to 

approach talks with Iran through the P5+1 multilateral talks, 

which have stalled so far. 

Iranian Foreign Minister Ali Akbar Salehi said in a news 

conference, “We don’t have any discussions or negotiations with 

America. The talks are ongoing with the P5+1 group of nations. 

Other than that, we have no discussions with the United States.” 

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reacted to the news 

of talks by saying that he was unaware of any such negotiations 

taking place, though he could not rule them out. And he said that 

he believed that Iran would simply use any talks to continue the 

process of refining uranium. 

“In the last year alone,” Netanyahu said, “in the course of these 

talks [with the P5+1], Iran has enriched thousands of kilograms 

of uranium in its nuclear program. And I don’t see any reason 

why they wouldn’t continue in that same way if they open up 

talks with the US.” 

The European Union has 

imposed new sanctions 

on Iran, affecting several 

industries. The Europeans 

have even attempted to 

hold back the equipment 

necessary for Iran to print 

new rials, its currency, in an 

attempt by the Iranians to 

mask the effects of inflation. 

One European official in 

Washington told reporters, 

on condition of anonymity, 

that Western countries were 

predicting government 

collapse in Tehran by next 

year because of the worsening economic situation. By next year, 

he said, Iran would no longer be able to maintain necessary 

exports and imports to keep its economy above water. 

Iran is receiving new support from a formerly hostile source, 

according to a new poll. Sixty-one percent of Egyptians 

approve of Iranian nuclear ambitions, a jump of 20 percent 

from 2009. Sixty-two percent also saw Iran and its leaders 

as Egyptian allies, though 68 percent had a negative view 

of Shiite Muslims. Iran’s populace is Shiite; like most Arab 

countries, Egypt is Sunni-dominated. 

A Lebanese newspaper report stated that the drone that 

overflew Israel two weeks ago, apparently under the control 

of Hezbollah, was manufactured in Germany and purchased 

by a front company for the Iranian Revolutionary Guards. 

A Hezbollah spokesman claimed that the drone had been 

manufactured in Iran. 

This week, Iranian hackers continued their attacks against 

US firms, including the Capital One bank. While US officials 

confirmed that the attacks were ordered by the Iranian 

government, it remained unclear at which point such attacks 

would be grounds for a US government counterattack, which had 

previously been threatened. 


BY YOSSI KRAUSZ 

Putin Fires ‘Em Up 

WHAT LIES BEHIND RUSSIAN MISSILE TESTS? 

The Russians have launched the nuclear missiles. 

Are you in the bomb shelter? Well, you don’t have to 

run yet. The launches in question were part of tests of 

Russia’s strategic nuclear arsenal, the largest and most 

comprehensive since the fall of the Soviet Union more than 20 

years ago. 

The tests, which took place last Friday, involved missiles 

launched from missile sites and submarines, as well as strategic 

bombers firing mock nuclear missiles. 

The Russians reported that all systems worked correctly and 

that Putin gave the nuke crews a “high evaluation.” 

The number of weapons tested was limited by the New START 

treaty signed in 2010, but Putin has held off on further cuts, 

claiming that they will depend on the state of the US anti-ballistic 

system, of which he has been critical. Even though nuclear war 

between the US and Russia is seen as unthinkable by officials on 

both sides (and was it ever not unthinkable, guys?), Putin says 

that the missile shield will make Russia vulnerable to attack. (The 

US has stated that the shield is intended to defend against North 

Korea and other rogue states.) 

Is Putin serious about a threat? Should we expect the mushroom 

clouds sometime soon? 

Right now, experts see Putin’s exercise of Russian power 

as a move designed for domestic consumption rather than 

international belligerence. He’s been facing rising tides of 

opposition at home, with protests against the government gaining 

strength over the last two years. Recent arrests of activists caused 

outrage among opposition groups. Posing as Russia’s savior, 

Supporters unveil 

a giant poster of 

Vladimir Putin across 

from the Kremlin 

strong on foreign policy, is a tactic that’s worked to solidify his 

support in the past. 

Phew! Mushroom clouds are sort of pretty and all, but they’re 

not as fun as they look. 

Lebanon Unleashed 

A CAR BOMB IGNITES STRIFE 

Lebanon has this problem: 

Half of its citizenry wants 

to kill the other half at any 

given time. 

That sort of unpleasant atmosphere 

was behind clashes over the weekend 

between armed groups, which came 

in the wake of a car bomb that killed 

the head of intelligence at Lebanon’s 

Internal Security Forces. General 

Wissam al-Hassan was a Sunni 

Muslim and an opponent of Syrian 

President Bashar al-Assad in his fight 

against Syrian rebels. Assad is backed 

by some Lebanese Shiites. Syria has 

been blamed by some for the killing. 

Hassan was involved in the 

investigation into the car bomb that 

killed the Lebanese politician Rafik 

Hariri, which has been blamed on 

Syria, and he took part in stopping 

a recent Syrian-backed bombing 

campaign in Lebanon. 

Two children were killed in Tripoli 

on Sunday, after Hassan’s burial, as 

gunmen fired at one another. The 

US has pledged to help with the 

investigation into Hassan’s murder. 

General 

Wissam 

al-Hassan’s 

funeral 


NEWS 

NATIONAL AND WORLD 


Unwelcome 

Visitors 

ISRAELIS BOARD 

GAZA-BOUND SHIP 

Those pesky activists are at it again. 

The Israeli Navy intercepted 

another boatload of bleeding 

hearts trying to break the 

“blockade” of Gaza and bring sustenance to 

the poor terrorists of the Strip. 

The activists were onboard the boat 

Estelle, which had been chartered by a 

Swedish group and had headed out of 

port in Naples, Italy, on October 7. Five 

European parliamentarians were aboard, 

from Spain, Sweden, Norway and Greece, 

as well as a former Canadian lawmaker. 

LIFE IN NUMBERS 

Is Bigger Always Better? 

An international team of scientists just released a map of the genome 

of the barley plant. Barley is the world’s fourth most cultivated crop. 

It’s also an essential ingredient in beer, and the money behind the 

study came from the Carlsberg Group, a Danish beer company. 

NUMBER OF 

GENES IN A… 

E. coli bacterium 

4,149 

Chicken 

16,736 

Grape 

30,434 

Human 

22,333 

The boat was boarded and diverted to 

Ashdod. 

The activists claimed that they had been 

tasered, but an Israeli navy spokesperson 

said that no violence was used in detaining 

the vessel. The spokesperson also said that 

claims by the activists that they had been 

transporting humanitarian goods (including 

30 doves to be released as a show of peace— 

nice touch!) was a fabrication. The army had 

found only wooden chairs, bathing suits, 

books, two wheelchairs and two sacks of 

concrete, as well as a number of balls. (Release 

the sacks of concrete as a show of peace!) 

“There was no humanitarian equipment 

on board,” said the spokesperson, 

“excepting maybe the wheelchairs.” 

Unless the Gazans are starving for bathing 

suits. 

Flu virus 

11 

Fruit fly 

14,889 

Barley plant 

32,000 

UPDATES 

We’ve previously reported on the 

findings by several studies that the 

practice of fracking, in which highpressure 

water is used to extract 

natural gas from hard-to-reach 

deposits, has caused earthquakes in 

several places. A new study in Spain 

has found that a deadly earthquake 

in the city of Lorca in 2011 may 

have been caused by almost the 

opposite process, in which too much 

groundwater was removed from 

around the fault lying under the city. 

Scientists believe that the earthquake 

would have eventually occurred 

anyway, but that the removal of the 

groundwater triggered the event. 

Last week, we reported on the rise 

in religiously unaffiliated Americans. A 

new poll by the Public Religion Research 

Institute shows that religious affiliation is 

associated with higher rates of voting. 

Seventy-three percent of those who 

call themselves religiously affiliated say 

they will vote in the upcoming election, 

as opposed to 61 percent of those 

unaffiliated. Unfortunately for Obama, 

it’s the unaffiliated who are most likely to 

support him. (You could have guessed 

that, right?) 

We’ve reported on the ballyhoo 

surrounding recent mass shootings in 

the US and the question of gun control. 

The shooting last week of several 

people in Brookfield, Wisconsin, has 

reignited the debate. The shooter had 

been under a temporary restraining 

order with firearm restrictions, so he 

wasn’t supposed to have any guns. 

Now activists on both sides will be 

pointing to the facts of this case to 

claim that gun control needs to be 

stronger or lighter. 


BY TURX 

Fed Up; 

Terrorists Down 

DO FIFTEEN STING 

OPERATIONS MAKE 

A SAFE CITY? 

Alright, New York, it’s time 

to celebrate! Get ready to 

pop open your champagne 

bottles—under 16oz, of 

course—because New York City has 

just thwarted its 15th terror attack since 

September 11, 2001! Yeah…the 9/11 

attacks themselves are not included in 

those 15… 

Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan 

Nafis, a 21-year-old student from Bangladesh, 

was caught trying to detonate a 

1,000-lb. bomb near the Federal Reserve 

Bank in New York. We can easily understand 

what al-Qaeda was thinking when 

they recruited him, because, after all, 

anyone smart enough to memorize all five 

names plus the spelling of “Bangladesh” at 

the age of 21 must be a genius! Right? Ah, 

but he got caught. So what on earth went 

wrong? Why didn’t the bomb go off? How 

was the guy caught? And how could his 

al-Qaeda recruiters have been so wrong 

about him? Well, I can answer every single 

one of those questions in just one sentence. 

It turns out it wasn’t al-Qaeda who 

had recruited him; the FBI did. 

When a few undercover FBI agents 

approached Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul 

Ahsan Nafis (henceforth referred 

to as QMRAN) about a possible one-way 

ticket to paradise, the young extremist 

was ecstatic. He agreed to detonate a van 

full of explosives and destroy the Federal 

Reserve because if he can’t have all that 

money, no one else will either. His “fellow 

jihadists” gave him half a ton of explosives 

with which to get the job done, or so he 

thought. Of course, the FBI never gave 

him a real bomb, you know, with the terrible 

shape the economy is in... 

I’m sure there was that awkward 

moment as he kept clicking the completely 

useless hunk of plastic labeled 

“detonator” while sunglass-bespectacled 

federal agents surrounded his vehicle. 

No paradise for him for a while, it would 

seem.… So to sum it up, the FBI fooled 

a college student that they were terrorist 

recruiters, they supplied him with sacks 

full of useless wires. As a result of that, the 

bomb was not there and as a result of that, 

the bank still is. Now why would the government 

feel it necessary to pull off such 

stunt? Uh, because it’s a few weeks before 

the elections…? 

And then, there is the problem of 

entrapment. Spoiler alert: The folks at 

the FBI are not your friends. See, when a 

group of tough-looking Middle Easterners 

approach a 21-year-old and offer him 

to martyr himself for Allah, it’s basically 

“an offer he can’t refuse.” Imagine he says 

“no,” they’ll probably just kill him and 

he won’t even get his paradise out of the 

whole deal. Okay, so the FBI would probably 

not have killed QMRAN right away, 

but they would have made him think that 

they would. Because otherwise he’d know 

they’re federal agents, right? Imagine this 

scenario: 

FBI undercover agent: “Hey Mohammed, 

how about you teach those infidels a 

lesson or two for not putting our beloved 

prophet on their currency. Are you in, or 

what?” 

Mohammed: “Oh gee, I don’t know you 

guys. I’d rather be a moderate Muslim, 

raise a nice family and fast every Ramadan 

instead. Would that work for you guys?” 

Okay, what do you think those undercover 

agents will say if he refuses? “Nah, 

just kidding, we’re really agents. Hey kid, 

stay in school and say no to drugs, eh?” 

Or, would they just threaten him until 

his life becomes so miserable that he 

finally accepts? Very often, as defense lawyers 

in previous cases similar to this one 

have claimed, the agents approach their 

“recruit” in such an aggressive way that 

leaves them little choice. Why would the 

government do that? Because, once again, 

it’s an election year…. 

So before you continue with your celebrating, 

just realize that an FBI sting operation 

is not the same as a thwarted attack. 

In FBI sting operations, there is never 

really any danger. In real attacks, there’s 

never really any FBI. 

I imagine the guy right now. He’s probably 

sitting in some high-security prison, 

carefully trying to memorize his long list 

of rights. And suddenly his creaky door 

opens and another lawbreaker is violently 

shoved into his cell. His offense? Drinking 

a celebratory bottle of champagne that 

exceeded the 16oz limit! 

That’s one more guy you can bet does 

not New York! 


ELECTION2012 

ELECTION 

COUNTDOWN 

DAYS 

 

22 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 24, 2012 // 8 CHESHVAN, 5773 

UNTIL THE ELECTION 

ELECTION 

UPDATE 

SOURCE: NBC NEWS/WALL 

STREET JOURNAL 

MOST REC 

47% 

MITT ROMNEY


The Numbers Game 

IT LOOKS LIKE IT WILL BE DOWN TO THE WIRE. 

This week, the horse race continued neck-andneck 

in the aftermath of the second presidential 

debate, in which President Obama managed 

to respond when debating Governor Romney, 

 

a Gallup poll that came out after the debate 

must have worried Obama; it showed Romney 

with a seven-point lead, with 52% percent for 

 

immediately jumped on the methodology of 

the Gallup poll, but even if Romney is not 

ahead, polls now indicate that he is even with 

 

ENT POLL 

47% 

BARACK OBAMA 

Choosing Their Battlegrounds 

The fight over swing states is coming to a head, and each campaign is making a stand 

in those it thinks are most competitive. 

North Carolina, for example, looks to be swinging red now, and the Obama campaign 

curtailed appearances there. The multiple-destination trip Obama began right after the 

second debate did not include any North Carolina stops. 

For Romney, on the other hand, Pennsylvania has basically been abandoned. Only his 

running mate, Paul Ryan, will be making a stop there at the moment, and that will be 

in an area close to the Ohio border. Ohio is still being contested heavily, as are Florida, 

Iowa, Wisconsin, Colorado, New Hampshire and Virginia. 


ELECTION2012 

Winning the Women? 

What would happen if women just decided not to vote this year? Well, Mitt Romney would 

be sitting pretty. He’d win in a near landslide, according to polls. What about if it was only 

women voting? According to most polls, the race would go decisively to Obama. 

The tendency has been, at least since the early 1970s, for women to favor Democratic candidates 

and men to favor Republicans. The only exception was for Ronald Reagan’s elections, where even the women 

turned red, though quite a bit less than men. 

Several polls have indicated that Romney had eliminated the gap between him and Obama among women 

voters. Most other polls still show Obama well ahead of Romney among women. But Romney is surging 

among women voters, and he is still ahead of where other Republican presidential hopefuls have been in the 

women’s vote. 

Among Women 

Year 

Among Men 

GENDER 

GAP 

1972 

1976 

1980 

1984 

1988 

1992 

1996 

2000 

2004 

2008 

2012 

Nixon +14 

Carter +2 

Reagan +2 

Reagan +12 

Bush +1 

Clinton +8 

Clinton +10 

Gore +11 

Kerry +3 

Obama +13 

Obama +9 

Nixon +16 

Carter +2 

Reagan +19 

Reagan +25 

Bush +16 

Clinton +3 

Dole +1 

Bush +9 

Bush +11 

Obama +1 

Romney +9 

2 

0 

17 

13 

15 

5 

17 

20 

14 

12 

18 

Foreign Policy 

and Domestic 

Opinion 

With foreign policy in the news and 

the last debate focusing on it, how 

do voters look at the 

issues? 

A survey from 

the 

Belfer 

Center for 

Science 

and 

International Affairs at the Harvard 

Kennedy School looked at the opinions 

of voters in the swing states of Florida 

and Ohio. Most voters said that they were 

very interested in hearing the candidates’ 

opinions on terrorism (Ohio 64%; 

Florida 69%) and on Iran’s attempts to 

get nuclear weapons (Ohio 61%; Florida 

72%), as opposed to non-security issues, 

where interest was lower. 

In Florida, more voters want the US 

to reduce its involvement overseas than 

increase it, 48% to 45%. In Ohio, the 

situation is the opposite: 51% want 

increased action, while 42% want less 

action. 

With all the interest in foreign affairs, 

voters still had a much easier time recognizing 

the name of foreign celebrities 

than the names of foreign ruling officials. 

A foreign policy debate is seen as favoring 

a sitting president, especially one with 

high-profile successes like the killing of 

Osama bin Laden and similar achievements. 

But recent events have shaken the 

air of success that the Obama campaign 

enjoyed, so that Romney may still land a 

race-changing punch with some voters. 

One recent foreign policy issue that 

came up involved sparring between Rep. 

Paul Ryan and Kofi Annan. The Republican 

vice-presidential hopeful blamed 

the Obama administration for relying 

on Annan to bring peace to Syria rather 

than using allies to change the balance 

of power inside the country. Annan shot 

back, “It is a piece of unmitigated nonsense, 

in effect, saying, ‘Don’t even try to 

resolve it peacefully, don’t give the Syrians 

hope. Give weapons and let’s kill each 

other.’” But Ryan’s comments may still be 

able to rally people at home.


ELECTORAL MAP ELECTION 2012 

217 

Strongly 

Obama 

271 191 

54 

Leans 

Obama 

76 

Tossup 

191 

Strongly 

Romney 

Studying at the 

Electoral College 

Could this be another year splitting the popular 

vote from the electoral vote? Or even 

worse, could there be an electoral college tie? 

Votes where one candidate won the popular 

vote and the other won the electoral college are 

not all that rare. Analysts point to George W. 

Bush’s win over Al Gore in the 2000 elections, 

where Bush won narrowly by getting Florida’s 

votes; in fact, out of 56 elections, only 53 

had such a split. Polls indicate that a similar 

scenario is possible for either candidate here, 

but more likely for Obama. 

If Obama and Romney would both win 

exactly 269 votes in the electoral college, 

which could happen in a number of ways, the 

House of Representatives would choose the 

President, while the Senate would choose the 

Vice President. In the House, each state only 

gets one vote for President, but there are more 

Republican-leaning states than Democratleaning 

ones (though populations are about 

even). The Senate is expected to remain with 

a Democrat majority, however. That means 

Romney would be elected President and Biden 

would become Vice President. 

Romney-Biden 2012! 

270 TO WIN 

The Perilous Ride of the 

Romney Blimp 

It’s a bird, it’s a plane…no, it’s a crashing Romney blimp! 

On Sunday night, people in the town of Davie in Broward County, a Democratic 

stronghold, saw a strange sight descending near a local housing complex. It 

was a blimp-like airship, with a huge picture of Mitt Romney and the slogan 

“America Needs Romney” on the side. 

The pilot had headed out earlier from Boca Raton (where the third and final 

presidential debate was held Monday night), heading for another airport in the 

town of Pembroke Pines. But at about 7:15 p.m., strong winds began pushing 

the craft so strongly that the pilot realized he needed to land, and he found a 

large enough area near the housing complex. 

There were no indications that the airship had been shot down by the Obama 

loyalists of the county. The Romney campaign denied that the landing was a 

stunt arranged by the campaign. 


ELECTION2012 

Done with De 

THE CANDIDATES SPARRED IN THEIR SECOND AND THIRD MEETINGS. WHO WON? 

Okay, I’m concerned. Why 

was bin Laden’s death only 

mentioned twice during the 

second debate? Has anything 

changed? Did something happen that I don’t 

know about?! And if bin Laden is now alive, 

does that mean General Motors became 

dead all over again? And if that’s the case, 

why hasn’t General Motors been demoted 

to Colonel or Major, or something? If anything, 

I think Corporal Motors has a nice, 

solid ring to it.… 

This debate was different from the 

first one because it was conducted in a 

“Town Hall” format, meaning, instead 

of questions being snored by a sleeping 

moderator they were asked by ordinary 

Americans, who were reading their questions 

straight off papers, as if they were 

some kind of hostage note, or something. 

The second presidential debate, hosted 

by Hofstra University in Long Island, was 

moderated by both Candy Crowley from 

CNN and Barack Obama from the White 

House. 

So, the candidates took their positions. 

The first question was asked by 

an undecided voter, and the candidates 

immediately switched their positions 

(ideologically as well as location-wise). 

The “undecided voters” asking the questions 

were in essence decided voters who 

only claimed to be undecided to get 

into the debate. Which is what any of us 

would have done, and I’m sure some of us 

actually did do. And everyone watching 

the debate had also already made up their 

minds because as it turns out, all the real 

undecided voters were watching the Yankees/Tigers 

game that night. Metaphorically 

speaking, watching debates to figure 

out who you’re going to vote for is just 

like watching the World Series to figure 

out who you were going to root for. 

So if the questions were asked by regular 

folks, what on earth was the moderator’s 

job? Well, her job was to follow up 

on the candidates’ answers and to help 

out President Obama whenever things 

started looking bad.… 

Middle Class vs. Middle East 

Yeah, the Middle Class is kind of like 

the Middle East. They’re both under constant 

attack by the big oil companies, and 

most of them wish the US government 

had less power. And also, they’re both 

more sensitive than people think. 

The topics were a bit more advanced 

than in the first debate, but the candidates 

made sure to fall back to their original 

talking points anyway. This debate 

included two things that had been missing 

at its predecessor: a foreign policy segment 

and President Barack Obama. But 

other than that, not only were the points 

the same points; the spin and propaganda 

were basically the same as well. 

Romney’s main point on the economy 

suggested this: “I can help create millions 

of jobs if you elect me to run the government, 

which by the way, does not create 

jobs.” 

There was not a single question about 

education because there was no need 

to ask, really. And just because no one 

asked about the wretched education 

system doesn’t mean no one answered 

about it. President Obama mentioned it 

at great length as his way of sidestepping 

a question on the 

Second Amendment. 

The President 

changed the 

topic from gun 

control to education 

faster than 

Paul Ryan didn’t 

run that marathon.… 

Mitt Romney 

did a great job 

of explaining 

how his policies 

are different 

from those 

of George Bush. 

Mitt Romney did 

an even better job 

of explaining how 

his policies are 

different from those of Mitt Romney. 

In what can be declared the real “October 

Surprise,” Obama blamed the Libya 

disaster on, you’ll never guess, Barack 

Obama, instead of charging it to the usual 

suspects: Bush, Clinton or algae. 

The President’s biggest lie was saying 

he believes that “Mitt Romney is a good 

man.” Mitt Romney used the same exact 

lie, but instead of saying it about Mitt 

Romney he said it about Barack Obama. 

Romney complained that the EPA 

ordered a halt to oil drilling in parts of 

North Dakota because they believe it had 

killed 25 birds. Hey, at least in his first 

debate Romney only talked about killing 

one bird.… 

I know exactly what I would’ve asked 

had I been there. It would have gone 


BY TURX 

bates 

The second debate at 

Hofstra University 

something like this: 

Turx: “What is 2+2?” 

Romney: “Look, I’m a businessman. 

I’ve been in business for 25 years. I ran 

companies. I ran the Olympics. I’ve done 

lots of math throughout my career and if 

you vote for me I’m going to get the math 

done. Besides, Obama once ate dog meat.” 

Obama: “Uh.… Well, let me be clear… 

um…. Candy? Candy?! Can you help me 

out of this one, please?” 

Tied or Tide? 

While some surveys gave Obama a 

narrow win (CNN poll: Obama 46 percent, 

Romney 39 percent) others called it 

a tie, and here’s why: When surveys asked 

about specific issues like jobs, the economy, 

energy, etc., Romney won easily. And 

as national polls indicate, momentum is 

still swinging in Romney’s direction. Still, 

this debate brought out the worst in everyone 

and many people were turned off. 

While both candidates lost, the biggest 

loser is CNN. See, when Romney brought 

up the fact that Obama spent two weeks 

proclaiming the Benghazi attack as a “spontaneous” 

and “senseless act,” caused by an 

obscure video, the moderator threw her 

weight into the fight, claiming that Obama 

did call it an act of terror the very next day. 

However, many pundits claim that Obama’s 

reference to “act of terror” could have been 

referring to the original 9/11 attacks in 

2001, not those on 9/11/12! Because the 

actual phrase is up for interpretation, this 

makes Crowley’s “instant fact check” seem 

horribly partisan to the Republicans watching. 

Crowley took one of Romney’s strongest 

moments and made it look like a gaffe. 

That, plus Crowley helped Obama 

change the subject in times of trouble— 

like when asked about possible investments 

he has in China, and when Obama 

was challenged on the Fast and Furious 

scandal, and when asked to explain why 

his staff refused to label the Benghazi attack 

as an act of terror for two full weeks—and 

in the end Obama got to speak three full 

minutes longer than his opponent! 

Republicans are crying foul and are 

dismissing CNN as just another example 

of pro-Obama bias in the media. This is 

unfortunate for CNN because they have 

taken more steps than any of the other networks 

(like ABC, CBS and NBC) to appear 

“fair” and “balanced.” Crowley’s siding 


ELECTION2012 

BY TURX 

At the third debate held 

in Boca Raton, Florida. 

Moderator Bob Schieffer looks on. 

with Obama on Libya may very 

well have set CNN back a couple of 

years.… 

I discussed all this with Professor 

Ari Goldman, my professor muvhak 

at Columbia University, and he 

assured me that Crowley did nothing 

wrong in correcting Romney. 

And while he’s a Democrat and an 

avid Obama supporter, he claims 

that had the moderator corrected the 

record in a way that helped Romney 

he’d have been okay with that too. 

The only problem is, while Obama 

lied just as incessantly as Romney, 

Crowley never seized any opportunity 

to correct him. 

At the end of the day, you can 

always tell which side lost a debate 

by which side complains the most 

about the moderator. The good 

news? There’s just one more debate, 

which is followed closely by the 

elections. And immediately thereafter, 

everyone can start focusing on 

the next election. 

Finale, Finally! 

The analysts are at war and it’s all 

about war. Pundits broke down 

the results of Monday’s third and 

final debate along predictable 

party lines, with everyone on Fox giving 

Romney the win, everyone on MSNBC 

declaring Obama the victor, and most 

people at CNN—especially Candy Crowley—suggesting 

that Obama prevailed. 

CNN’s flash poll among likely voters called 

Obama the winner by a slight margin of 48 

percent to 40 percent. Among undecided 

voters, 25 percent said they were swayed to 

join Romney’s camp, with 24 percent pledging 

their vote to Obama. But it’s not all good 

for the President: When asked which candidate 

was nastier, Barack Obama’s numbers 

more than tripled those of Mitt Romney, by 

a score of 68 percent to 21 percent! Romney 

sounded calm, presidential; he seemed like 

he knew what he was talking about without 

being too aggressive. And if previous 

debates are any indicator, aggression is what 

people look for when choosing a winner. 

Romney praised Obama a few times, especially 

when it came to his handling of Libya 

and the killing of Osama Bin Laden. 

A big criticism leveled against 

Romney was that he had failed to 

hit hard on Benghazi and Iran while 

not offering much on Syria. Still, 

over 60 percent of those surveyed 

said they feel comfortable with 

Romney as Commander-in-Chief, 

which should come as great news 

for Republicans. 

While Obama did win the flash 

poll (there will be many more surveys 

in the coming hours and days) 

the fact he won by such a small 

margin is somewhat bittersweet. 

Until five weeks ago, foreign policy 

was supposed to be his strongest 

point. In fact the entire Democratic 

Convention was built around 

Obama’s foreign policy credentials 

and the assertion that Romney and 

Ryan had no foreign policy experience. 

Obama received scattered laughter 

when advising Romney to stop 

looking at world as if we were still 

in middle of the Cold War. When 

Romney suggested that, due to 

budget cuts our Navy is smaller 

than it’s been at any time since 1917, Obama 

retorted that we also have “fewer horses and 

bayonets” since that time. He also pointed 

out that the Navy is not a game of “Battleship, 

where we count ships.” 

Arguably one of Obama’s lowest points 

came after Romney criticized one of his foreign 

trips to the Middle East as an “apology 

tour,” and Obama called that the “biggest 

whopper of the campaign.” 

While agreeing with Obama’s policy of 

bumping off terrorists, Romney warned that 

we need a more comprehensive strategy 

when it comes to dealing with the Middle 

East, after stating, “We can’t kill our way out 

of this mess.” 

While Bob Schieffer seems to have done 

a much better job as moderator than Lehrer 

or Crowley, he did have the regrettable luck 

of letting slip an “Obama bin Laden” blooper 

when talking about Pakistan. 

Everyone is happy the debates are over, 

and somewhere, many miles away, Jim 

Lehrer sits in a musty basement. He watches 

Bob Schieffer and he says to himself “Oh, so 

that’s what I was supposed to do.…” 


ELECTIONISRAEL 

Elections 

Are Coming 

MEET THE NEW BOSS, SAME 

AS THE OLD BOSS 

Center Harav Ovadia 

Yosef, Eli Yishai, left, and 

Aryeh Deri, right 

Deri is slated to head Shas’ election 

campaign but Yishai will lead the 

party’s list, with any top ministerial 

positions that go to the party being 

given to him. 

Israel is entering its election season, 

timed so that the various parties’ 

campaigns will coincide with the 

run-up to polling in the United States. 

The election at this time is broadly being 

seen by Israelis as a referendum on Prime 

Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s policies 

regarding the Iranian nuclear program and 

his strained relations with US President 

Barack Obama. 

While Israeli politics used to be pretty 

stable, with either the dominant Labor 

party on the left or the hegemonic Likud 

party on the right swapping turns at 

running the country, and smaller religious 

and ideological parties representing the 

charedi, national-religious, ultra-secular 

and settler camps coming on board to form 

coalitions, this is no longer strictly the 

case. The late twentieth and early twentyfirst 

centuries have seen the shrinking of 

the once massive ruling parties and the rise 

of several new parties that have changed 

the political landscape. 

During the Knesset session that ended— 

the eighteenth since the founding of the 

parliamentary body—the once-dominant 

Labor party split when former PM and 

current Defense Minister Ehud Barak 

left, with several of his MKs, to found the 

Atzmaut (Independence) faction. Now, 

it is not even sure if Atzmaut can reach 

the election threshold of 2 percent of the 

vote in order to qualify for inclusion in the 

legislature. 

Another party that may not make it into 

the Knesset, according to recent polls, 

is the Balad party, an Arab nationalist 

movement whose most infamous member, 

MK Haneen Zouabi, made waves with 

statements in support of Iran’s nuclear 

program (made to this correspondent), 

her association with members of Hamas in 

the West Bank and her presence on the illfated 

ship Mavi Marmara during the Gaza 

flotilla incident. 

Balad’s ill fortune may have something 

to do with its refusal to consider banding 

together with the other Arab parties, 

the Arab Democratic Party and Hadash, 

the last of which, strictly speaking, is a 

communist party dominated by Israeli 

Arabs. 

Moreover, David Rotem, a religious MK 

from the far-right Israel Beiteinu party, has 

announced his intention to file an appeal 

with the Central Elections Committee 

to have Balad banned from running in 

elections because the party, he alleges, is a 

“supporter of terrorism.” 

According to media reports, Arab voting 

is projected to be quite low this year, 

with only 56 percent of Arab and Druze 

students stating that they plan on voting. 

The damage to the Arab parties will be 

compounded by the draw that Labor has 

on the Arab vote as well. 

Meanwhile, despite rumors to the 

contrary, the United Torah Judaism party, 

which combines both the chasidic Agudat 

Yisrael faction and the Litvish Degel 

HaTorah, is still a united party, entering the 

elections as a single bloc representing the 

Ashkenazi charedi community. 

Agudath Yisrael’s list is generally headed 

by a representative of Gerrer chasidim, then 

30 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 24, 17, 2012 // 81 CHESHVAN, 5773

BY SAMUEL SOKOL 

by the Shlomei Emunim confederation of 

chasidic groups and afterwards a Vizhnitz 

candidate. 

Despite speculation in both the secular 

Israeli press and charedi news outlets, it 

seems that thus far UTJ is going forward 

with a Knesset list not far removed 

in composition from that of previous 

elections. 

Speaking of shakeups in Israeli politics, 

the media is fawning over former journalist 

Yair Lapid and his Yesh Atid party. While 

claiming not be anti-religious like his father 

Tommy Lapid, a staunch secularist, the 

younger Lapid has promoted civil marriage 

and universal conscription that would 

include yeshivah students, angering many 

religious voters. However, it remains to be 

seen how well Lapid will do in elections 

and how much of the talk surrounding him 

is media hype. 

According to a Haaretz survey, if former 

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert would join 

with Tzipi Livni and Lapid to form a 

center-left bloc, they would win 25 seats, 

as opposed to 24 for the Likud. However, 

since Lapid has stated that he will not be 

joining such a mega-party, it seems unlikely 

that the Likud will be unseated, even in 

the event of the return of the surprisingly 

popular Ehud Olmert. 

Of course, should he return to Kadima, 

Olmert may be able to salvage the party, 

but things still are unclear on that front. 

Although the former premier is staying 

mum, he did say on Monday that “the 

government under my leadership took 

action, unlike this government, which is all 

talk.” Interpret as you will. 

According to a poll conducted for Israeli 

business newspaper Globes, the Labor party, 

minus Atzmaut, may garner 18 seats, while 

Yesh Atid could gain as many as 14, one 

less than the increasingly popular Yisrael 

Beiteinu. Kadima, headed by Shaul Mofaz, 

would only garner 3 seats, an ignominious 

end for a party previously expected to 

become a dominant force in Israeli politics. 

Yisrael Beiteinu, which enjoys 

tremendous support among Russian 

immigrants and members of the secular 

right, may lose a seat, going down to 14 

mandates itself, according to another poll 

conducted on behalf of the Jerusalem Post. 

That party’s head, Foreign Minister 

Avigdor Lieberman, has said that his party 

will only join a coalition if it is formed by the 

“national camp.” It doesn’t seem likely that 

he will be disappointed, as most polls that 

do not include a massive, and hypothetical, 

center-left bloc show the Likud as slated to 

win at the polls and gain the opportunity to 

form the next government. 

Israelis are unlikely to “abandon” the 

Likud and depose Netanyahu, due to the 

likelihood of a conflict with Iran, which 

would make a transition dangerous in the 

view of many Israelis. This is a fact upon 

which Netanyahu is banking, as can be 

seen by his continued emphasis on the 

Iranian issue. 

More big news is Aryeh Deri’s return to 

Shas. Deri, the founder of the Shas party 

was sentenced to a prison term in 2000. 

Following his release, Deri was embargoed 

from running for public office for a term 

of seven years. At that time, Harav Ovadia 

Yosef said that Eli Yishai, the current party 

chairman, was only being installed to keep 

Deri’s place warm, so to speak. 

However, now that Deri is back, he and 

Yishai, the current Interior Minister, are 

jockeying for position, according to Shas 

insiders. Both men are reported to be 

seeking Harav Ovadia Yosef’s favor and, in 

the interim at least, a “triumvirate” of Deri, 

Yishai and housing minister Ariel Attias will 

be sharing power within the party. 

Deri is slated to head Shas’ election 

campaign but Yishai will lead the party’s 

list, with any top ministerial positions that 

go to the party being given to him. The 

issue of the chairmanship itself has been 

put in abeyance until after elections, on the 

orders of Harav Yosef. 

According to one poll, Deri’s return could 

bring Shas three extra mandates. 

Meanwhile, Shas renegade MK Haim 

Amsalem has announced the formation 

of his own Sephardic-religious party, Am 

Shalem, a move that made little headway in 

the media against breaking news regarding 

Olmert, Shas and Yesh Atid. Amsalem also 

came out strongly against Deri’s return, 

though it is unlikely that his comments will 

have any effect on potential Shas voters. 

If recent media reports are to be believed, 

it seems that 13 out of 18 factions currently 

represented in Knesset are “in the red,” 

according to a news report on Arutz 7. 

According to the online news-site 

affiliated with the right-wing settlement 

movement, Kadima, Labor, Bayit Yehudi 

and Likud are all “basically broke.” 

New parties are forming, old ones 

are falling and Israel is as fractious as 

ever. However, at the end of the day, the 

composition of the next government (with 

the exception of the fall of both Kadima 

and Atzmaut, with its leader Ehud Barak, 

and the concomitant rise of Yesh Atid in its 

place) will probably not be all that different 

from the coalition currently in place. 



Misguided Markings 

IDEALISTIC INKERS UNDERMINE THEIR INTENTIONS 

In slow but clear Hebrew and with an endearingly wry 

smile, the elderly Jewish lady recalls a trip to America 

one summer with her sister. At a bank, she recounts, 

the teller, a young woman, said to her. “Oh, you have 

numbers on your arms! Yours ends with a ‘4’ and hers 

with a ‘5’! That’s cool!” 

The bubbeh’s smile widens and her eyes seem to twinkle as she 

recounts her response to the girl. “You’re right,” she quietly told 

her in English. “It’s cool.… It’s from another epoch of our life. 

It’s cool.” 

The testimony is offered in a documentary film, “Numbered,” 

whose US premiere is scheduled for later this month at a Chicago 

film festival. The film’s focus, 

however, is not so much on the 

cluelessness of young Americans, 

but rather on the attitudes 

of different tattooed survivors 

to the memory-marks they 

carry day-in, day-out on their 

arms. And on the recent trend 

among some young Israelis 

who seek to perpetuate a connection 

to the Holocaust and 

the Jewish people by tattooing 

their own arms with numbers 

borne by concentration camp 

inmates. 

According to the US Holocaust 

Memorial Museum’s 

Grandson of Holocaust 

Survivor Gets Tattoo 

Encyclopedia of the Holocaust, such tattooing was introduced at 

Auschwitz in the autumn of 1941 and in Birkenau the following 

March. After the war, some survivors whose arms bore the inked 

record of their ordeals sought to remove the reminders. Others 

wore them with pride. 

A well-known teshuvah, or responsum, by Rav Ephraim Oshry 

(She’eilos Uteshuvos Mima’amakim, 4:22) advised a woman who 

wished to have her concentration camp tattoo surgically removed 

to regard it instead as a badge of honor. It is told that Rav Yoel 

Teitelbaum, zt”l, the Satmar Rav, once counseled a follower seeking 

a blessing to go into a shul and find a man with numbers 

inked into his skin; such a person, the Rav explained, is worthy 

of providing a meaningful brachah. 

But the thought of Jews today electing to subject their bodies 

to markings like those the Nazis and their collaborators used to 

dehumanize their forebears grates—or should grate—like a knife 

run across the edge of a glass. 

And indeed, there has been no dearth of criticism of the newly 

number-tattooed. Their actions have been labeled a fashionstatement 

hijacking of the Holocaust, characterized as an effort 

to usurp others’ identities, and condemned as a trivialization of 

the horrific. 

The contemporary Holocaust remembrance enterprise is, to 

be sure, deeply inappropriate, but—in the manner of the Berditchever’s 

spirit of seeing good in all Jews—it, or at least the 

motivation behind it, might be regarded more generously. 

Ten young number-tattooed Jews interviewed by The New York 

Times last month, in the reporter’s words “echoed one another’s 

motivations: they wanted to be 

intimately, eternally bonded 

to their survivor-relative. And 

they wanted to live the mantra 

‘Never forget’ with something 

that would constantly provoke 

questions and conversation.” 

Worthy goals, if misguided 

means. What is mostly missing, 

though, from all the 

criticism is what should be the 

most fundamental one: that 

a tattoo—even a well-intentioned 

one—is forbidden by 

the Torah. 

“You shall not make a cut 

in your flesh for the dead,” it 

states, “and a tattoo you shall not place upon yourselves—I am 

Hashem” (Vayikra 19:28). And that prohibition remains even— 

one might argue especially—if one’s intentions are sublime. For 

the opinion of R. Shimon ben Yehudah in the name of R. Shimon 

(Makkos 21a) is that the phrase “I am Hashem” implies that the 

prohibition specifically refers to a tattoo of Hashem’s name! 

And so an irony practically screams out here. Klal Yisrael is 

only a nation by virtue of the Torah. Throughout all of the vicissitudes 

of our history and all the challenges our people have faced, 

what has always ensured our survival, indeed, our eternal nature, 

is that which bonds us to our Creator: the study and practice of 

Torah. Those are the keys to Jewish unity and Jewish eternity. 

Pity the newly number-tattooed. Not only are they 

unintentionally punishing their Jewish souls by their actions, 

they are undermining the very things—memory, their historical 

heritage, Jewish peoplehood—that they seek to preserve. 



GLEANINGS 

Synopses of, and excerpts from, interesting items that have recently appeared here and there— 

and sometimes way over there—in the media 

REPRESENTATIVE 

RANKLES 

No forgiveness on 

Day of Atonement 

On October 4 the Jewish Telegraphic 

Agency reported how 

congregants at a Conservative 

synagogue in Chicago walked 

out of Yom Kippur services 

when Anshe Emet’s spiritual 

leader, following the congregation’s 

usual practice, officially 

recognized the presence of a 

government official. 

The offending official was 

staunchly Republican US Representative 

Michele Bachmann. 

Conservative rabbi Michael 

Siegel told the Chicago Tribune 

that “we regret deeply” 

the “pain to some members of 

our community” caused by his 

noting Ms. Bachmann’s presence 

at the service. 

But she’s a conservative, 

no? 

“MISCREANT” 

MICHELLE 

First spouse violates 

applause clause 

Politico reported on October 

17 how “some conservative 

bloggers are up in arms over a 

video showing that the first lady 

clapped” during the second 

presidential debate—“in violation 

of a rule agreed upon by 

both campaigns” that no applause 

should come from those 

seated close to the debaters. 

The crime occurred when 

Mrs. Obama’s husband was 

accused by his opponent Mr. 

Romney of not labeling the 

September 11 attack on the 

US embassy in Libya an act 

of terrorism until two weeks 

had passed. The debate 

moderator, however, corrected 

Mr. Romney, noting 

that the president had indeed 

called the attack a terrorist 

act in his first public reaction 

to it. It was at that point that 

the first lady clapped. One 

conservative commentator 

called her the “lone miscreant” 

and others roundly condemned 

her for her violation 

of the rules. 

We WARNED you she was a 

radical threat to the republic! 

EAST IS EAST 

AND WESTERN IS 

WESTERN 

Size, in the end, isn’t what 

counts 

The Atlantic of October 17 featured 

a photo essay about the 

Great Wall of China, the ancient 

series of massive defensive 

fortifications constructed 

along China’s northern border. 

The walls cover thousands of 

miles, many joining together 

to become the Great Wall of 

China. “Over several centuries,” 

the feature notes, “the 

wall and thousands of supporting 

structures were built across 

mountains, deserts, and rivers, 

eventually stretching more than 

20,000 kilometers in length” 

and coming to be known as 

the “Great Wall.” 

Well, we know of an even 

greater one. 

HATRED WITH 

A SMILE 

The Salafi smells funny 

A lengthy account in the October 

25 The New Republic by 

the magazine’s contributing 

editor Graeme Wood is entitled 

“Preacher, Tailor, Zealot, Spy: 

Conversations with a Salafi 

harvester of souls.” It describes 

the writer’s interactions with 

Hesham El Ashry, a middleaged 

Cairo Islamist preacher 

who specializes in trying to 

convert non-Muslims (and 

non-Salafi Muslims, whom he 

considers to be infidels) to his 

Salafi version of Islam. 

Mr. Wood was introduced to 

Mr. El Ashry by Omar Abdel- 

Rahman, “the 74-year-old 

spiritual capo of the Egyptian 

Salafis,” and recounts how 

Mr. El Ashry tried to convince 

the Westerner of the terrible 

tortures awaiting him in the 

next world if he didn’t declare 

the Islamic credo. Mr. Wood 

politely declined, and tried 

to assist a terrified Japanese 

woman who, as he tells it, was 

duped by Islamists to convert 

and was effectively being 

imprisoned to prevent her 

return to her former life. 

“Eventually,” Mr. Wood 

reports, “we achieved a sort 

of unconventional friendship. 

‘I hate you,’ [Mr. El Ashry] told 

me in August, with a smile. 

But, the preacher hastened to 

add, ‘I hate all Jews and Christians, 

anyone who is not a 

Muslim’.” 

Guess you could say he 

loves all people the same. 

CHERCHEZ LE JUIF 

Egyptian lawyer offers the… 

rest of the story 

The Middle East Media 

Research Institute (MEMRI) 

reported on October 15 that 

an Egyptian international arbitration 

attorney, Tareq Hamed, 

was interviewed on Saudi television 

station Al-Khalijiyya TV 

on September 19, and made 

some surprising claims. Among 

them was the revelation, as 

he characterized it, that “The 

killing of U.S. ambassador to 

Libya was done at the urging of 

the Jews. They sent people to 

kill him.” 

It wasn’t film protesters OR 

Al Qaeda? Quick! 

Somebody, tell the 

presidential candidates! 


Q&A 

WITH SHLOMO YEHU 

ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH RAV NOSSON 

Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz speaking with Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel. 

Background, Rav Aharon Chodosh. 

SHLOMO YEHUDA RECHNITZ, a talmid and benefactor of Yeshivas Mir, is a cofounder of 

TwinMed, LLC, one of the largest full-line medical supplies distributors in the United States 

today. He resides with his family in Los Angeles, California. He spoke to Rabbi Frankfurter 

this week about his relationship with the Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel, zt”l, whose 

yahrtzeit is on 11 Cheshvan, which falls out this year on Shabbos Lech Lecha, October 27. 


DA RECHNITZ 

TZVI FINKEL, ZT”L 

BY RABBI YITZCHOK FRANKFURTER 

QCan you tell me a little about your 

relationship with Rav Nosson Tzvi? 

AWhen I came to Mirrer Yeshiva in 

Yerushalayim from the yeshivah in 

Long Beach, Rav Beinish Finkel, his fatherin-law, 

was the rosh yeshivah. Rav Nosson 

Tzvi was a magid shiur. But because Rav 

Nosson Tzvi spoke English, it was easier 

to have a shaychus (relationship) with him. 

He was in general someone who was easy 

to have a shaychus with and also someone 

who understood American boys very well 

because he was an American boy himself. 

QWhen did you come to Mir? 

AI came to Mir 23 years ago. I stayed 

for about six years, first as a bachur 

and then as a yungerman. The first year 

was with Rav Beinish. After that was Rav 

Nosson Tzvi. I went over to his house 

to eat on Shabbos sometimes. I spoke to 

him in learning. I also spoke to him about 

regular, everyday issues and hashkafos. He 

was very warm, very nonjudgmental. 

QWhat stands out to you about Rav 

Nosson Tzvi when you reflect upon 

your relationship with him? 

AI would say two things: First of all, 

the fact that he was extremely warm 

to everybody. Some rebbeim and roshei yeshivah 

are sometimes hard to get a shaychus 

with. His personality was very nice. He 

always had a smile on his face. He always 

had a very optimistic view of things. He 

was a father figure to almost the whole yeshivah. 

It was very interesting that everybody 

thought that they were the closest 

with him. But he had a different relationship 

with everybody. 

The other thing that stands out was that 

there were no excuses by him. He always 

demanded from the bachurim and yungerleit 

to learn more. Anytime anyone felt 

tired or had other excuses not to learn, 

they just had to look at him and see what 

he was going through and how he just 

kept learning through it all…giving shiurim, 

supporting Torah. It was just amazing. 

There were a lot of gedolim in the past, 

but I don’t know of anyone who was suffering 

like that—and it was terrible suffering—but 

always with a smile on his face, 

always making sure that he never missed 

one shiur. His wife told me numerous 

times that she begged him to take a certain 

medication that would reduce the suffering 

and shaking. But when he tried those 

pills, they clogged up his mind or made 

him tired and not as clear. He didn’t want 

to take anything that would possibly interrupt 

his learning and giving shiurim. 

He was at my house when he came to 

Los Angeles to fundraise. He was very 

proud. He didn’t want help from other 

people…maybe one of five spoonfuls 

made it to his mouth. But for learning, he 

just pushed and pushed and never gave 

up. To see it with your eyes was just amazing. 

QWas Rav Nosson Tzvi ill at the time 

you learned in yeshivah? 

AHe was ill at the time, but it wasn’t noticeable 

yet unless someone told you. 

People knew, though. His rebbetzin told me 

that he was 40 when he was diagnosed, but 

it was definitely not outwardly noticeable. 

I was there until the sickness took more of 

a hold. Every few months it got worse and 

worse. It probably got very bad about two 

years before I left the yeshivah. 

QDid you keep up with him after you 

left yeshivah? 

AVery much. After I left yeshivah I 

probably spoke to him about once a 

month. If I had any big questions or decisions 

in life, I would ask his advice and 

for a brachah. I made sure never to go 

into Yom Kippur without a brachah from 

him. This was unfortunately the first Yom 

Kippur that I wasn’t able to get this sense 

of security and comfort of going into Yom 

Kippur knowing I had a brachah from such 

a holy person. 

QTwenty-three years ago, was he responsible 

for the finances of the yeshivah? 

ANo. The yeshivah was much smaller at 

the time. Rav Beinish was basically in 

charge of the finances and he was very secretive. 

No one really knew who the main 

supporters of the yeshivah were, which 

made it a lot harder after he was niftar to 

start going to contributors. As Rav Nosson 

Tzvi built up the yeshivah, the expenses 

really grew and he just looked at it as he 

wanted—a place where the door is open to 

anyone who wants to learn. That was his 

chiyus, his life. He had nothing else in life 

that he enjoyed. His only chiyus was the fact 

that he was building so many bnei Torah. 

QWas your relationship with him also 

as a donor to the yeshivah? 

AI probably started as a contributor 

about five years after I left the yeshivah, 

once I started making a parnassah. 

What’s interesting is that the relationship 

didn’t change after I became a contributor. 

If he asked you how much time a day you 

learn and it wasn’t enough, he didn’t care 

how much money you gave the yeshivah. 


Q&A 

Vort of Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz: Rav Yisrael Belsky (l), his father-in-law; Rav Nosson 

Tzvi Finkel (r). 

He’d tell you off if he felt he needed to tell 

you off. He didn’t just tell people what they 

wanted to hear. 

QI understand that you helped when the 

yeshivah was in crisis after he passed 

away? 

yeshivah was burdened with debt. 

AThe The poor economy wasn’t helping. It 

wasn’t the only yeshivah that was having 

money problems. But this was a yeshivah that, 

at the time, wasn’t collecting tuition and didn’t have other sources 

of income besides government money and donations. The yeshivah 

was continuing to grow. There was no such thing as not accepting 

a talmid. A lot of people in the real-estate market were 

very big contributors. They started failing and had to stop giving 

money; there was a lot of pressure. 

I’ll tell you an interesting story. When he came to Los Angeles, 

he came via El Al. I and a few other talmidim arranged to meet 

him on the tarmac to pick him up. We had a wheelchair waiting 

to take him straight to the car. When the plane door opened, he 

was let out first. He was already in some type of chair and wheels 

that they had brought with him. He came out with a big smile on 

his face and kissed everyone who was there. A stewardess walked 

out. She literally had tears in her eyes and she said very emotionally, 

“Before he goes, promise me that you’ll never make him 

come again.” She was watching him throughout the flight, how 

he literally couldn’t sit still for a second. It was hard for her to understand 

why people wouldn’t give money without him coming. 

It gave us a realization that she had a point: Why are we making 

him travel? 

QHe traveled constantly, though. 

AUnfortunately, the yeshivah needed money, and he knew that 

it had to be him. People responded to him more than to 

anyone else. I was with him on a few trips to different houses of 

baalei batim. As uncomfortable as he was—and as embarrassing 

as his contortions looked—you would have thought that bushah 

(shame) would hold him back. He put it all aside and just thought 

about the yeshivah and what was needed. 

QWho approached you to help the yeshivah upon his passing? 

ANobody approached me. I had spoken to him the night 

before he was niftar. He was supposed to come to Los Angeles 

two weeks later. I was trying to convince him not to come. I 

just thought there weren’t enough people and not enough money 

to collect. He was determined. He said, “Whatever I get will help 

me because I’m in such dire straits.” The next day, when I heard 

he was niftar, we all looked at it as almost a direct result of us not 

coming through for him. 

Hashem controls the world, but clearly the reason that he was 

so ill was because of the pressure. When he would walk in the 

yeshivah, he’d say, “I’m not embarrassed of my condition. I’m embarrassed 

of the yungeleit that I owe them money.” He couldn’t 

take that. 

QHow much was raised after the petirah? 

much, we put together about $15 million. Ralph 

APretty Hertzka and Dovid Bodner put together a board and people 

really came through in a very strong way. The board literally 

worked day and night to get to every alumnus to raise the money. 

It was a tremendous simchah to be able to pay yungeleit whom 

they were six, seven, eight months behind. People were very nervous 

when Rav Nosson Tzvi was niftar; they thought, what’s going 

to be now? Who can take the yoke? It was such a boost of morale 

when they saw that America was behind them. I was scared that 

after that original collection, people wouldn’t give money to the 

yeshivah again for a long period of time. But I was just in Eretz 

Yisrael on Sukkos and I was with the rosh yeshivah, and he told me 

that even though people gave that large amount of money, they 

are continuing to give. 

QIs this a long-term plan to help set up a system to help the 

yeshivah? 

AThe board of the yeshivah hired a CEO. He’s an accountant 

named Adrian Garbaz. He’s starting to gather all the 

alumni—you can imagine Mir Yeshiva has a tremendous amount 

of alumni who were basically untouched all these years—and he’s 

starting to put in tuition programs and is doing different things to 

make it easier for the yeshivah to survive financially. 

One thing they didn’t stop doing is that they knew it was 

Rav Nosson Tzvi’s will that anyone who wants to come learn 

in yeshivah be allowed in. The only thing they became more 

strict about is bachurim who aren’t able to learn all day. They 

were careful about how many bachurim like that they took 

every zman. On Sukkos, Rav Leizer Yudel told me that since 


WITH SHLOMO YEHUDA RECHNITZ 

his father’s petirah, they grew by another 1,000 bachurim. So 

the growth is still there. 

QHow big is the student body now? 

ABetween yungeleit and bachurim, it’s approaching 8,000. It’s 

definitely the biggest yeshivah in the world. Rabbi Aaron 

Kotler just told me that Lakewood has 6,000. 

QDid most of the money go to pay off old chovos (debts)? 

AThat money was to pay off the chovos. Most of the chovos 

were to the yungeleit. After that, people got seven to eight 

months’ payment at one time. 

QDo you think the yeshivah is now more stable financially? 

AI think the yeshivah is more stable now. I’m watching cautiously 

what’s going to happen once the initial shock of 

losing Rav Nosson Tzvi goes away, because it’s a tremendous 

budget. The amount of money they have to collect is staggering. 

They have to collect double the amount as Lakewood. Meanwhile, 

baruch Hashem, people are coming through and looking at 

it as something they have to do annually. They know that if they 

don’t help the yeshivah, it’s not going to happen. 

QAny final thoughts on the Rosh Yeshiva? 

think that when the Rosh Yeshiva was niftar, it was a very 

AI big shock just because there was never anything that was 

insurmountable to him. There was no disease, pain or pressure 

that he wouldn’t take on with a smile. I think that the people who 

were in the yeshivah at the time, who actually experienced that, 

saw how he never let anything or anyone pull him off course. It 

was a tremendous lesson in mussar. It was a tremendous lesson in 

life altogether. What made it even harder was that he was literally 

looked at as a second father to everyone in the yeshivah. When he 

was niftar, people really felt like they lost their father. He somehow 

managed to have that relationship with 7,000 people at the 

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Blowout

JEWISHNEWS 

Assault Charges Dropped 

AMI SPEAKS TO RABBI MOSHE FEIGLIN, DIRECTOR OF THE A.L.I.Y.A. YOUTH CENTER 

WHERE POLICE-LED ATTACK TOOK PLACE OVER YOM TOV 

boys who have passed through A.L.I.Y.A. 

come back and teach the younger generation 

these new skills. The young men 

feel safe here, and with Hashem’s help, 

we have had great success in setting 

them on the right path for their future.” 

Rabbi Moshe Feiglin learning 

with one of the residents 

The video tells only part of the story. 

The recent news that all charges 

against a young man who was 

recently assaulted by police at a youth 

center in Crown Heights were being 

dropped brought an air of relief to the 

entire Jewish community. But the assault 

still raises questions about police behavior. 

We spoke with Rabbi Moshe Feiglin, director 

of A.L.I.Y.A. (the Alternative Learning 

Center for Young Adults), where the attack 

took place. 

A.L.I.Y.A. was founded 11 years ago 

with the intention of helping young adults 

who need a place to go where they are 

welcomed with open arms in a nonjudgmental, 

accepting environment. Mostly 

intended for young men aged 18 and 

older, A.L.I.Y.A. has become a safe haven 

where troubled youth can receive a listening 

ear in a healthy and productive atmosphere. 

It is important to understand the 

role that the center plays in the lives of 

these young men to understand the extent 

of the damage that the beating incident has 

caused. 

Rabbi Feiglin explained where the idea 

to start A.L.I.Y.A. came from. “Honestly,” 

he said, “I was looking to go into shlichus 

somewhere in the world when I realized 

something. We have children who need 

kiruv in our own community. Why would 

we run to other communities throughout 

the world when we have these problems 

here?” 

A.L.I.Y.A. took off from there. Rabbi 

Feiglin explained, “Over 50 kids come 

through our doors every day. A.L.I.Y.A. 

is housed in a three-story building. On 

the main floor there is a shul on one side 

and a lounge on the other side, [which 

is] where the incident took place. In 

the basement there is a sound studio as 

well as a video editing studio where the 

young men can learn how to play instruments 

and how to edit videos professionally. 

Special classes are held where they 

learn how to play and make music, and 

we have a gym on the third floor as well. 

In fact, we have the older generation of 

THE BUILDUP TO THE ATTACK 

“I like to give the boys responsibility,” said 

Rabbi Feiglin. “Therefore, I give some of 

the boys keys to the building to lock up. 

We give the guys achrayus (responsibility) 

to make them feel good about themselves. 

I had given responsibility to one of 

the few guys I trust to watch over the place 

at night, although he hadn’t been to the 

center in a while. On Shemini Atzeres evening, 

at 4:40 in the morning, after hakafos, 

the monitor noticed someone sleeping on 

the couch whom he did not recognize. The 

young man, Ehud Halevy, had in actuality 

been sleeping on the couch for a month, 

but the monitor had not been to A.L.I.Y.A. 

that recently. Upset at the way Ehud 

was dressed while sleeping, the monitor 

approached him and a heated verbal 

exchange ensued, which led to the monitor 

calling the police—an action he soon 

significantly regretted.” 

THE ATTACK 

The police soon arrived and, as one can 

imagine, the boys who still remained in 

the center in the wee hours of the morning 

fled at the mention of the police arriving. 

For all intents and purposes, there was 

no one around as the police approached 

the sleeping Ehud Halevy; no one, that 

is, except the surveillance camera. The 

video, which has since been made public 

and has “gone viral” on the Web, shows 

two police officers, one male and one 

female, approaching Ehud as he stands 

there speaking to them (the sound is inaudible 

in the video). The male officer then 

approached Ehud as if in a boxing match 

and knocked Ehud down with a vicious- 


BY NESANEL GANTZ 

looking punch. He then proceeded to 

pummel Ehud, who was not fighting 

back, with multiple strong blows. Later, 

the female officer used her baton to inflict 

further damage on Ehud, who did not at 

any time in the video appear to be fighting 

with the police or threatening them in 

any way. As more police filed in, he was 

brought to the ground, handcuffed and led 

out of the center. Ehud was charged with 

assaulting a police officer, in addition to 

other charges that generally carry a multiple-year 

sentence at the minimum. 

Rabbi Feiglin went down to the police 

station on Yom Tov, but they would not 

let him see Ehud. In fact, by the time the 

police gave him Ehud’s case number, he 

was already transferred from central booking 

to Rikers Island. Rabbi Tzvi Gluck from 

the Our Place organization in Flatbush 

assisted Rabbi Feiglin in navigating the ins 

and outs of the police department. On Isru 

Chag, Rabbi Feiglin, along with members 

of Shmira, picked up Ehud’s mother and 

paid the bail to have him released, but he 

was not released for another 24 hours. 

THE AFTERMATH AND IMPACT 

OF THE ATTACK 

Rabbi Feiglin explained that the young 

man who called the police feels devastated 

and embarrassed at the result of his mistake 

and rash decision. He has been reluctant 

to leave his house since the incident. 

Ehud is doing surprisingly well and is in 

good spirits considering what he’s been 

through. 

“Obviously, the effect it had on us is 

disastrous,” said Rabbi Feiglin. “A.L.I.Y.A. 

is a place for young people to go to have 

a safe haven. We now have to recreate the 

safe feeling that we once had; it is a setback 

for our mission.” 

Several days after the incident, A.L.I.Y.A. 

posted this statement on its website: “Following 

the recent incident at the A.L.I.Y.A. 

Institute, I would like to say that we are 

[and] always have been committed to 

the physical and spiritual well-being and 

safety of its members. A.L.I.Y.A. is committed 

to ensuring that its center will 

always remain a safe haven for young 

adults who need a place to go. A.L.I.Y.A. 

will stand behind its members and provide 

them with whatever resources are available 

to ensure their safety and well-being, 

no matter what.” 

I mentioned the fact that it is fortunate 

that A.L.I.Y.A. had video cameras installed, 

a feature that unfortunately many mosdos 

do not have despite their importance. 

“Baruch Hashem, we had the video cameras,” 

agreed Rabbi Feiglin. “They literally 

saved him (Ehud) five years in jail at least. 

He would have had no way to disprove the 

charges. We hooked him up with a lawyer 

and the charges will be dropped, iy”H.” 

Rabbi Feiglin spoke to me a short while 

after he took part in a demonstration organized 

by friends of Ehud, in which they 

called for the charges to be dropped and 

for the firing of the two officers involved. 

Significant outrage and heated emotions 

have been generated by the video, which 

shows the excessive force clearly used on 

Ehud. 

An online petition, calling for all charges 

against Ehud to be dropped, had generated 

close to 10,000 signatures in less than 

three days, and was no doubt responsible 

for the decision by the DA to drop the 

charges. In addition, A.L.I.Y.A. has started 

a fundraising campaign to build a supervised 

dormitory in its center so that the 

young men who need it will have a safe 

place to stay. 

The DST Controversy: Israeli 

Government Bows to Secular Protests 

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS, DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME 

WILL BE EXTENDED PAST YOM KIPPUR 

Almost every year, the Israeli government has agreed to end Daylight Saving Time 

(DST) in accordance with the Jewish calendar. It always ends before Yom Kippur. 

While the length of the fast obviously remains the same, the fast ends earlier, and 

this is welcomed by the Orthodox in Eretz Yisrael. Every year hundreds of secular Israelis 

protest this move, claiming that their right to party in the summer takes precedence 

over Yom Kippur. As the Israeli DST is based on Yom Kippur, it can often end more than 

two months earlier than it does in other parts of the world, including the US. 

It seems that the partiers got their wish. The Knesset voted to extend DST by 11 days 

next year to October 6, 2013, which will take place after Yom Kippur. In late September, 

the Meretz Party led protests in Tel Aviv and in front of Interior Minister Eli Yishai’s 

Jerusalem home to protest the lack of progress in extending DST. Secular members of 

Knesset are now satisfied that DST will be based on the civil calendar, unrelated to the 

Jewish holidays. 

The legislation is expected to become law before the new elections set to take place 

in January, which could theoretically relegate all non-important legislation to the back 

burner. 

Evidently, some members of the Knesset 

feel that Yom Kippur is not an important 

enough consideration. “I understand 

the difficulty of having an extra hour 

of daylight for those fasting on Yom 

Kippur, but there is a population that 

fasts for a whole month during DST,” 

MK Dov Khenin (Hadash) said, referring 

to Muslims on Ramadan, who fast 

only during daylight hours and feast each 

night. 

While it seems bleak at this point, in the ever-changing 

world of Israeli politics, who knows what the law will be when 

DST is set to end next year. 

OCTOBER 24, 2012 // 8 CHESHVAN, 5773 // AMI MAGAZINE 39

Annual 

FallLuncheon 

 

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Mrs. Kayla Brailofsky - Brooklyn, NY 

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Rebbetzin Sara Bressler - Scranton, PA 

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Rebbetzin Chana Dicker - Belle Harbor, NY 

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Rebbetzin Malkie Goldberg - New York, NY 

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Mrs. Sara (Sally) Green - Lakewood, NJ 

Mrs. Rochel Brocha Hartstein - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Miriam Heinemann - Baltimore, MD 

Rebbetzin Arlene Hershkowitz - Stamford, CT 

Mrs. Elka Hirsch - Monsey, NY 

Mrs. Sara Hirschfeld - Lawrence, NY 

Rebbetzin Channy Hirschmann - Toronto, ON 

Mrs. Hadassah Hoffman - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Esther Kagan - Pittsburgh, PA 

Rebbetzin Leah Kagan - Denver, CO 

Rebbetzin Temi Kamenetsky - Philadelphia, PA 

Mrs. Lif Katz - Monsey, NY 

Mrs. Chaya Svei Katzburg - Yerushalayim 

Mrs. Sarah Kaufman - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Fay Klein - Monsey, NY 

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Mrs. Esther Kuperman - Lakewood, NJ 

Mrs. Sora Kushner - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Devorah Leifer - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Esty Lesin – Lakewood, NJ 

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Mrs. Edith Lieberman - Lakewood, NJ 

Mrs. Charlotte Liechtung – Lawrence, NY 

Mrs. Frumit Luria - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Baila Mandelbaum - Philadelphia, PA 

Mrs. Chaya Mendlowitz - Monsey, NY 

Rebbetzin Miriam Miller - Lakewood, NJ 

Rebbetzin Chaya Mintz - Lakewood, NJ 

Rebbetzin Shprintza Pearlman - Baltimore, MD 

Rebbetzin Chava Pechter - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Channie Penstein - Scranton, PA 

Rebbetzin Rochel Perl - Brooklyn, NY 

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Mrs. Frumie Perr - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Shoshana Perr - Far Rockaway, NY 

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Rebbetzin Trani Rosenblatt -Flushing, NY 

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Mrs. Caila Rosenhan - Yerushalayim 

Mrs. Malka Licht-Rubin - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Miriam Rubinstein - Monsey, NY 

Rebbetzin Pearl Schnaidman - Scranton, PA 

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Mrs. Bryna Selengut - Brooklyn, NY 

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Mrs. Bernice Silberberg - Monsey, NY 

Rebbetzin Chaya Walkin Small - Chicago, IL 

Mrs. Sara Snyder - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Chaya Nevenansky Soloff - New York, NY 

Rebbetzin Chana Spiegel - New York, NY 

Rebbetzin Devora Spiegel - Cedarhurst, NY 

Mrs. Rochel Lea Stefansky - Lakewood, NJ 

Mrs. Frieda Stein - Lakewood, NJ 

Mrs. Lieba Sturman - Philadelphia, PA 

Mrs. Golda Susna - Brooklyn, NY 

Rebbetzin Devorah Svei - Philadelphia, PA 

Mrs. Esther Tendler - Baltimore, MD 

Mrs. Renee Tenenbaum - Monsey, NY 

Mrs. Edie Tesser - Lakewood, NJ 08701 

Rebbetzin Rivka Tikotzky - Lakewood, NJ 

Rebbetzin Feige Twerski - Milwaukee, WI 

Rebbetzin Reva Wasserman - Denver, CO 

Rebbetzin Caila Weintraub - Brooklyn, NY 

Mrs. Libby (Nosson Karpel z”l) Weiss - Lakewood, NJ 

Rebbetzin Esther Weissman - Lakewood, NJ 

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Mrs. Chaya Winter - Brooklyn, NY 

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Rebbetzin Yetta Zelikovitz - Belle Harbor, NY 

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JEWISHLIVING IN 

BY JOSHUA 

BAINS 

Lvov, 

A city with a fabled Jewish history 

and potential for revival 

The modern Ukrainian city of 

Lvov (Lviv in Ukrainian) has 

had a rocky 800-year history. 

Named for Lev, the son of 

King Daniel of Galicia, over 

the course of its existence it 

has been sacked by Mongols; conquered 

by Poland; invaded by Swedes, Hungarians, 

Turks, Russians and Cossacks; annexed 

by Austria; overtaken by the Red 

Army; enveloped by Germany and salvaged 

by the Soviets, among other events. 

Generally considered to be the cultural 

center of Ukraine, most of the city’s conquerors 

fortunately added to its beauty 

rather than detracted from it. Lvov is said 

to be the first European city that installed 

street lamps. 

For almost a thousand years Lvov (or 

Lemberg, when it was part of the Austrian 

Empire) was a microcosm of Eastern 

European Jewry. Prominent among its 

famous rabbinical figures was Rabbi David 

ben Shmuel Halevi (known as the Taz, 

from the initials of his famous commentary 

on the Shulchan Aruch, Turei Zahav), 

born in 1586. He was recognized as a gaon 

and studied under Rabbi Yoel Sirkes (the 

Bach), whose daughter he later married. 

Other notables include the Chacham Tzvi, 

Pnei Yehoshua and Shoal U’meishiv. 

In more recent times, one of the city’s 

most famous residents was the humorist 

Shalom Aleichem, described by many as 

“the Yiddish Mark Twain,” after his famous 

American contemporary. It is said that 

when Mark Twain learned of this appellation 

he commented, “Tell him that I’m the 

American Shalom Aleichem!” 

By 1939, Jews were practically one-third 

of the population, numbering 140,000. 

When WWII began, many Jews fleeing 

Poland headed for Lvov, which was in 

the Soviet occupation zone. This influx of 

refugees increased the total Jewish population 

to almost a quarter million. Unfortunately, 

when the Nazis attacked the 

Soviets in 1941, almost all of these Jews 

were killed, both by the Germans and 

Ukrainian nationalists. Many were sent to 

WEATHER 

Summers are mild with an average July 

temperature of 65 °F. Winters are cold, 

with an average January temperature of 

26 °F. 

Janowska, the infamous death camp located 

near the city border (whose inmates 

at one point included Elie Wiesel). 

After the war, a new Jewish community 

was formed from the hundreds of thousands 

of Russians and Ukrainians who 

migrated to the city. The postwar Jewish 

population peaked at 30,000 in the 1970s, 

but due to emigration (mostly to Israel and 

the United States) there are only around 

5,000 living there today, out of a general 

population of 1.5 million. Nonetheless, 

it is probable that there are many others 

who are Jewish but aren’t aware of it, as 

well as some who are afraid to admit they 

are Jews. Lvov is a very nationalistic city, 


Ukraine 

Rabbi Bald with Jewish children of Lvov 

and unfortunately, nationalism is usually 

accompanied by anti-Semitism, although 

residents claim it is no worse than many 

other European locations. The presence of 

several anti-Semitic-themed restaurants in 

the city may indicate, however, that there 

is open acceptance of anti-Jewish behavior. 

(There are also Arabs, three of whom 

reportedly killed a Jewish college professor 

this week.) 

Prior to World War II, there were 97 

active synagogues in Lvov. Today there is 

one: Bais Aron V’Yisroel. The shul was used 

as a stable by the Nazis and a warehouse 

by the Soviets, and was finally returned to 

the Jewish community in 1989. 

Since 1993 the community has been 

led by Rabbi Mordechai Shlomo Bald, a 

Stoliner chasid who was sent as a shliach 

by the Karlin-Stolin Rebbe. As Rebbetzin 

Sara Bald explains, “The Rebbe asked him 

to go for three months and then another 

three. Things were hard at first. We didn’t 

know the language or the mentality, so we 

learned on the job. Being part of a kiruv 

project was something we had a passion 

for. But the more you give, the more you 

feel fulfillment from what you’re doing. It 

gives you the stamina to go on. We take 

every day as it comes. We definitely see it 

as a privilege to be here in Lvov, and to do 

what we’re doing here.” 

Rabbi Bald is originally 

from Brooklyn; Rebbetzin 

Bald is from South 

Fallsburg in the Catskills. 

Today the shul has an 

active daily minyan and 

shiurim, bris milah for all 

ages (many community 

members are newcomers 

to Jewish practice), 

and Hebrew naming for 

women. Weddings, bar 

mitzvahs and burials are 

conducted there, and the 

shul offers welfare and 

medical assistance. There 

is also a soup kitchen. 

The Lvov Gymnasium Acheinu Lauder, 

located on Dovzhenka Street, has a student 

body of approximately 60. The 

school was started by Rebbetzin Bald, 

who serves as its principal. It is funded 

by the Ronald S. Lauder Foundation, the 

Hampstead Garden Suburb Synagogue of 

London, and Rabbi Mendel of Toronto. 

“We are the only Jewish school and 

full-day preschool in Lvov, and our aim 

is to rekindle the neshamah.” says Rebbetzin 

Bald. “As a government-licensed 

school our students receive a full secular 

education, and are also taught the values 

and principles of Torah. Extracurricular 

activities, after school programs, Shabbatons, 

and summer and winter camps are 

all part of our kiruv work. Hundreds of 

students have walked through our doors 

and had their lives transformed. After so 

many years of communism and assimilation, 

many children had absolutely no 

knowledge or feelings for their rich heritage. 

Many had never even heard the word 

‘Jewish’ before.” 

Kosher food is available through Bais 

Aron V’Yisroel and Rabbi Bald. Additionally, 

UkrKosher in Donetsk, eastern 

Ukraine, offers frozen kosher foods via its 

e-commerce website. Kosher food is also 

obtained from Kiev and Dnepropetrovsk. 

Real Estate 

RENT 

Three-bedroom apartment in the city 

center: 410 euros ($512) per year 

HOME SALES 

Price per square meter to buy an apartment 

in the city center: 1,306 euros ($1,633— 

compare to over $5,000 in Manhattan) 

Cost of Living 

MEDIAN MONTHLY SALARY AFTER 

TAXES 

236 euros ($295) 

A GALLON OF GASOLINE 

3.70 euros ($4.62) 

1/3 LITER BOTTLE OF COKE OR PEPSI 

0.40 euros ($0.50) 

HEALTH INSURANCE 

is state-sponsored, but doctors aren’t well 

paid and may ask for compensation. 

A PAIR OF LEVIS JEANS 

90.2 euros ($113) 

Getting There 

 

Approximately 13 hours from New 

York and three hours from Israel. A 

new terminal at the nearby international 

airport handles 1,000 passengers 

per hour. 

Five hours from Krakow 

A one-way marshrutka (minibus) ride 

inside city limits costs 2 UAH, about 

25 cents 

According to the Rebbetzin, delicious 

kosher catering is available for simchas and 

guests passing through the city can get 

kosher food from the community. “Kosher 

food can be a challenge,” says Rebbetzin 

Bald. “Living in Lvov, you get to become 

creative and learn to live without many 

luxuries. In a way, maybe it’s a good thing 

that we can focus on the more important 

things in life.” 


BUSINESS 

BYYEDIDA WOLFE 

7 WAYS TO 

KEEP CASH 

FLOWING 

THEY’RE NOT 

COMING BACK 

CAN A PRESIDENT BRING 

BACK MANUFACTURING? 

American manufacturing jobs have 

decreased in every administration 

since Ronald Reagan’s. This downward 

trend results from “long-running, 

irreversible, and historical factors,” like 

technology and globalization. Not presidential 

politics. 

Yet nostalgia puts manufacturing jobs 

in the spotlight of the presidential 

debate. After World War II it was 

possible to walk into a factory floor 

and find work that would provide 

a middle class lifestyle. Now only 9 

percent of Americans work in manufacturing. 

Cristina Romer, former chairwoman 

of Obama’s Council of Economic 

Advisers argues that education will 

give workers more opportunities 

than manufacturing jobs. Health 

care and professional services are the 

new industries of the middle class. 

(Source: NPR) 

Can Charm Do You Harm? 

CHARISMA AND BUSINESS SUCCESS 

Despite their prominence in business and political circles—think Richard Branson, Bill 

Clinton, Steve Jobs—are charismatic leaders good for business? The upside of these 

personalities is their great communication skills. They can express genuine feelings on the 

spot, listen carefully, read others’ emotions and turn on the charm as needed. 

Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts, argues that charming extroverts 

tend to get all the prizes yet can be narcissistic and rude. While charisma can influence 

success, a new study from the University of Buffalo found humble bosses who admit 

their mistakes and recognize “their followers’ strengths,” create stronger companies and 

careers of substance. 

Charm doesn’t figure into billionaire investor Warren Buffett’s top three leadership qualities: 

integrity, intelligence and energy. The Sage of Omaha adds a caveat, “If you don’t 

have the first, the other two will kill you.” 

(Source: Daily Mail) 

44 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 24, 2012 // 8 CHESHVAN, 5773 

Cash flow can make the difference between 

a great opportunity and a missed one 

$ 

Know where you stand—Cash flow statements 

show the movement of money in 

and out of your business over a specific time 

period, which can explain whether you’re building 

or draining capital. 

$ 

Streamline expenses—Be creative about 

cutting expenses: avoid hiring additional 

staff for peak times by outsourcing or using 

temps, reassess monthly expenses like cell 

phone plans, and take advantage of vendor discounts 

for early payment terms. 

$ 

Actively manage accounts payable—Delay 

payments without paying late and barter 

for goods and services with points or miles from 

credit card reward programs. 

$ 

Stay on top of receivables—Create clear 

payment terms and stick to them, offer early-pay 

discounts or ask for partial payment up 

front. 

$ 

Offer a variety of payment options—Encourage 

customers to use charge or credit 

cards, to avoid dealing with overdrawn accounts 

or waiting for a check in the mail. 

$ 

Outsource receivables—Prevent bad customers 

from ruining your good credit by 

keeping a reliable bookkeeper or accountant 

on a contract basis to handle accounts receivables 

like approving credit, and making collection 

calls. 

$ 

Create a Plan B—Plan ahead by arranging 

more than one source of financing before 

you’re cash-strapped, including special lending 

programs for woman-owned businesses. 

(Source: OpenForum)

During the 1997-1998 school 

year, I taught English grammar 

to grades 9 through 12 

at the Bais Rochel School for 

Girls in Monsey, NY. Before 

the school year began, Rabbi Bresslauer, 

the rav of Bais Tefillah in Monsey, gave an 

orientation speech to the limudei kodesh 

and limudei chol teachers, together. I have 

never forgotten the words he used and 

their implication: 

“It makes no difference which subject 

you are teaching. Always use it as a springboard 

to impart Torah values. Whether you 

are giving a lesson in halachah or teaching 

science, there’s always an opportunity. 

For instance, when giving a math lesson, 

you can count cows or mitzvos.” I kept this 

message in the forefront of my mind and 

tried to incorporate it into my repertoire of 

skills, even when teaching non-Orthodox 

students in secular colleges. 

I taught business law at Rockland Community 

College, where there were hardly 

any frum Jews in my classes; 50% of the 

students were probably not even Jewish. 

I tried utilizing Rabbi Bresslauer’s advice 

as much as possible without making it 

obvious that I was an Orthodox Jew. His 

message was significantly relevant when 

I taught the section on ethical relativism. 

This concept posits that there are no 

ethical absolutes; instead, they are based 

on social norms. For example, different 

groups might have the same basic ethical 

AMBASSADORS 

KIDDUSH HASHEM IN THE WORKPLACE 

Teaching More Than the Material 

 

Yeshuas 

Hachaim 

SHE ENCOURAGED HER STUDENTS TO USE THEIR MINDS 

The famed mekubal, Rabbi Chaim Palagi 

BY TIRTZA JOTKOWITZ, ESQ. 

principle but apply it in radically different 

situations. If we take the standard of “the 

greatest good for the greatest number” as 

an instance, then this utilitarian principle 

could be applied both in the present-day 

custom of caring for the aged/infirm and 

in the historical custom of their going off 

to die rather than endanger the tribe as it 

moves to winter quarters. 

One semester, I presented a hypothetical 

case where an apartment building was 

located next door to a grocery store. Every 

night after business hours, the father of a 

very poor family in that building would 

see from his window how the owner of 

the store left perishable grocery items outside 

the back door for someone to collect; 

who that someone was, he had no idea. 

The leftovers were not put in garbage bins 

on the sidewalk in front of the store, which 

would obviously mean they were left for 

the garbage man to take away. I asked the 

class to ponder the following: Did he have 

a right to take the items to feed his family 

without asking the store owner? 

Another time that semester, I gave a 

hypothetical example of an attorney who 

knew that another attorney, who had been 

promoted to the position of senior attorney, 

did not have the required credentials. 

She knew this because a few years before, 

he had confided in her that he never kept 

up his certification. She was in a dilemma 

about what to do because—aside from her 

having to comply with the rules of professional 

conduct and report him—he 

was now signing off on judicial decisions. 

These might have to be reversed, at great 

expense to the government and great 

heartache to the claimant if, years later, his 

misrepresentation was discovered. Should 

one employee “rat” on another? 

Finally, another example I offered as an 

application of the theory of ethical relativism 

was a situation in which a company 

had been operating at an unsustainable 

deficit. The business owner must 

decide whether to lower everyone’s salary 

(which would force some very productive 

employees to look for a better-paying job) 

or to fire those who are the least productive 

(this could leave them with no job). 

Should all the employees be forced to 

take a cut in salary so that everyone has 

a chance of remaining on the job? Maybe 

all bonuses should be frozen? However, 

this might result in less productivity and, 

hence, possibly more losses. What should 

the employer do? 

I used to encourage classroom discussions 

among my students, always adding 

the Torah’s point of view, as subtly as 

possible. At the end of the semester, two 

non-Jewish students came up to my desk 

and thanked me for a most enlightening 

course. However, what made my teaching 

more meaningful is what they added at the 

end. They said, “Professor, you taught us 

far more than just the course material. You 

left us with a lot to think about.” 

says that when a person is ill, you should donate meat to families of poor talmidei chachomim. 

The meat will redeem the sick person, and in the merit of charity the person will recover. 

You should sponsor meat in the same amount as the weight of the 

person needing a Yeshuah and with Hashem’s help, you will merit a Yeshuas Hachaim. 

for example: A person weighing 100lb. 

should donate 100lb. of meat, for poor families. 

Cost per Lb. is $6.00l 

as illustrated in the gemarah in Eiruchin 19, “The mother weighed her sick, dying daughter, and 

distributed the equivalent amount of her sick daughter’s weight to the poor in Jerusalem, and she miraculously recovered.” 

Mesamche Lev distributes 

meat to families of poor talmidei chachomim, 

widows, and orphans before Shabbos and Yom Tov. 

We can distribute your 

Yeshuas Hachaim contribution! 

Call us 718.506.1400 

Call 718. 506 .1400 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 // OCTOBER 24, 2012 A // project 

Or visit us online 

AMI of Mesamche MAGAZINE Lev 45 

www.mesamchelev.org

EMBROIDEX 

Company name: 

EMBROIDEX 

Established: 

2002 

Base: 

UPSTATE NY 

Employees: 1 

Challenge: Mismanaged.... 

Losing sales to competitor 

BY MAURICE STEIN 

Follow Maurice Stein as he coaches reader-nominated company Embroidex in reaching new customers, 

becoming more efficient and growing its business 

Choosing a Logo 

WHAT KIND OF IMAGE DO YOU WANT TO CONVEY? 

Afew weeks ago we asked for input on a new 

logo for Embroidex and received 21 design 

concepts sent in by readers of this column. 

I was surprised and delighted that people 

had taken the time to sit down and put 

their creative ideas on paper (on screen, actually, but that 

doesn’t sound as good, so we’ll just leave it that way). 

Choosing a logo is not an easy task, since there are 

no official “rules” about what make a logo good or bad. 

Sometimes even the experts disagree, some insisting that 

a logo is great and others saying that it’s awful. 

One way to judge a logo is to ask the following question: 

“If your logo were a live person hired to represent your 

business to the world, would you be satisfied with the 

image he or she projects?” 

The idea is that in order to build a successful brand you 

need a logo that successfully communicates the message 

and emotion behind it to your target audience. 

The guy who came up with the GEICO gecko didn’t 

like any of the voices the company hired to do the 

commercials; in his mind they didn’t match the gecko’s 

personality, so he decided to do the commercials himself 

in a Cockney accent. It was obviously a good idea, 

because as soon as you think of GEICO you start hearing 

that voice in your head. 

After receiving all of the submissions, I reached out 

to my friend Eli Kaufman, a partner at KZ Creative, to 

help choose which one best matched the essence of the 

company. Eli and his team chose Number 14, sent by 

Brandit, because the fonts are strong but give a friendly 

feel. The red stitch is just right, giving it a clear and 

memorable uniqueness. 



EMBROIDEX 

Now let’s look at the other logos and see why we 

felt they weren’t perfect, using the five important 

elements a logo should have in order to analyze their 

efficiency. 

1) A logo has to match the culture of the 

particular business. For example, a business that’s 

about fun, like an amusement park, should have a 

fun logo, while a business that’s relaxed and laidback, 

like a spa, should convey a relaxing image. 

Product manufacturers want to show that theirs is a 

reliable brand that can be trusted. 

Logos number 3, 6, 8, 9, 17, 19, 20, 22 and 23 

are trying to communicate playfulness and arts and 

crafts, but Embroidex products are for mature, older 

adults who take their hobby very seriously and want 

reliability. A logo that is too multicolored would turn 

them off. 

Number 14 communicates a brand that is strong 

and stable and whose quality is great. 

2) A logo must be legible in all forms of 

production. Delicate fonts will be hard to read 

in small type, while wider ones will be difficult to 

reproduce as a small image without losing readability. 

Logos number 1, 3, 5, 7, 12, 13, 16, 18, 19 and 

21 do not have a strong font that would stand out 

in both large and small formats. Some would not be 

readable if made small, while others would lose their 

look and feel if enlarged. 

Number 14 uses a font that will look sharp when 

small and strong when big. 

3) A logo must be simple and clean. If the 

design is too complex and has too many elements it 

becomes visually dense, hard for the eye to process 

and remember. 

Logos number 5, 16, 17, 19, 21, 22, 23 and 24 are 

too complicated. 

Number 14 has only two elements, the black font 

and the small red X. 

4) A logo must stand the test of time. A good 

logo should incorporate classic lines and elements 

rather than symbols representing current trends or 

fads. 

Number 14 feels the most safe; it will still look 

great ten years from now. 

5) Colors are very important in a logo, as 

different colors convey different emotions (see 

chart). Most successful logos are only one or two 

colors. 

The black font in number 14 conveys stability, 

while the red projects strength and power. The red 

also brings the whole thing out and makes it more 

striking. 

RED 

Red is the color of fire and blood, so it 

is associated with energy, war, danger, 

strength, power and determination, as well 

as passion and love. 

 

signs, stoplights and fire equipment are 

usually red. 

 

 

to make quick decisions; it’s the perfect color for “Buy Now” 

or “Click Here” buttons on Internet banners and websites. 

 

you can use it when promoting energy drinks, games and 

cars, or items related to sports and physical activities. 

ORANGE 

 

the happiness of yellow. It is associated 

with joy, sunshine and the tropics. 

 

enthusiasm, determination and success, 

creativity and encouragement. 

 

as a very hot color, so it gives the sensation of heat. 

 

stimulates the appetite. 

 

people’s attention and highlight the most important elements 

of your design. 

 

and toys. 

YELLOW 

 

associated with joy, happiness, intellect 

and energy. 

 

arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental 

activity and generates muscle energy. 

 

 

 

 

against a black background; this combination is often used 

to issue a warning. 

 


highlight the most important elements of your design. 

 

it if you want to suggest stability and safety. 

 

a darker color to highlight it. 

 

pealing, as they lose their cheerfulness and become dingy. 

 

GREEN 

growth, harmony and freshness. 

 

correspondence to safety. 

 

associated with money, the financial world, 

banking and Wall Street. 

 

human eyes, and can improve vision. 

 

 

passage in road traffic. 

 

medical products. 

 

promote “green” products. 

BLUE 

 

often associated with depth and stability. 

 

confidence, faith, truth and heaven. 

 

to the mind and body. It slows human 

metabolism and produces a calming effect. 

 

cleanliness (water purification filters, cleaning liquids), air and 

sky (airlines, airports, air conditioners), or water and sea (ocean 

voyages, mineral water). 

 

 

pleasing to males. 

 

blue suppresses appetite. 

 

 

 

PURPLE 

 

the energy of red. 

 

 

 

 

 

independence, creativity, mystery and magic. 

 

WHITE 

 

innocence and purity. 

 

perfection. 

 

and usually has a positive connotation. 

 

beginning. 

 

cleanliness because it’s the color of snow. 

 

products. 

 

 

you can use it to suggest safety when promoting medical 

products. 

 

products. 

BLACK 

 

and formality. 

 

mystery and fear of the unknown (black 

holes) and other negative connotations 

(blacklist, black humor, “black death”). 

 

is considered to be very prestigious (black tie, black Mercedes). 

 

background diminishes readability. 

 

 

aggressive color scheme. 


MOVING PHOTOS 

A father with sons in 

the Kutno Ghetto 


A NAZI 

SYMPATHIZER’S 

SNAPSHOTS 

OF JEWISH 

LIFE DURING 

WORLD WAR II 


FROM A WICKED SOURCE

Two men in the 

Kutno Ghetto 


One photograph shows a Jewish man happily 

speaking with German officers. 

“In connection with the 72nd anniversary 

of the establishment of the Warsaw 

Ghetto, the largest of all the Jewish ghettos 

in Nazi-occupied Europe during World 

War II, Life Magazine has rereleased photos 

taken by one of the personal photographers 

of Hitler, Hugo Jaeger. These photos 

depict the life of the Jews of Warsaw and 

Kutno, a Polish city 75 miles to the west of 

Warsaw, during 1939 and 1940. 

Jaeger’s photos show the stark humanity 

of our people under the Nazi regime. It 

has been deemed very strange that Jaeger, 

a Nazi sympathizer and one of Hitler’s two 

personal photographers, captured such 

sympathetic images of the Jews. 

The bulk of Jaeger’s work is of Hitler, including 

photos inside Hitler’s apartments 

and in his mountaintop house in Bavaria; 

scenes of Hitler happily waving from onboard 

a cruise ship; and a series on the 

50th birthday party thrown in 1939 for 

the Nazi leader, with color images of the 

celebration, including the martial parades 

and gaudy presents, including a solid gold 

model of a famous German museum given 

to him by Hermann Goering. Jaeger traveled 

extensively alongside Hitler, recording 

his rule. 

The medium makes these photos entirely 

unlike any other photos of the war. 

The German army employed photographers 

as part of the Propagandakompanie, 

the propaganda unit. But Jaeger was one 

of the few photographers at that time who 

used color film, and his images are unique 

and all the more striking for it. Color film 

and its processing were developed by Kodak 

and the German firm Agfa in the mid- 

1930s. 

Unlike the photographers of the Propagandakompanie, 

Jaeger captured not the 

atrocities that the Germans carried out 

against the Jews but the daily life of those 

Jews. 

The Jews of Warsaw and Kutno would 

eventually be forced into ghettos and then 

later sent to concentration camps, when 

the ghettos were liquidated. The Germans 

treated the Jews of these cities, as they did 

all Jews, with the utmost degradation and 

cruelty. But Jaeger, despite his ardent Nazism, 

framed his subjects at work in their 

daily life, as well as posing with smiles for 

portraits. 

It appears that the subjects of the photos 

were not coerced into appearing in the 

photos, and they seem to show no fear of 

the photographer. Their faces are expressive 

and open. One photograph shows a 

Jewish man happily speaking with German 

officers. 

And yet they are doomed, we know, 

looking at their photos. Soon after the 

photos were taken, in June 1940, the Kutno 

Ghetto was erected and the 8,000 Jews 

of the city were forced inside, all in one 

day. The Warsaw Ghetto was established 

later that year, between October 16 and 

November 16. At its largest, it held about 

400,000 Jews crammed into a 1.3-squaremile 

area. Over 100,000 Jews died in the 

ghetto: murdered, sickened and starved. 

In 1942, the Germans began Operation 

Reinhardt to eliminate Polish Jewry, and 

the liquidation of the ghettos began. The 

regime that Jaeger adored had begun the 

destruction of the people he had so carefully 

portrayed. In spring of 1942, the 

Jews of Kutno were taken to Chelmno and 

gassed. The Warsaw Jews were depleted 

until April of 1943, when the Warsaw 

Ghetto Uprising was crushed by the Germans 

starting on the first night of Pesach. 

The Great Synagogue of Warsaw was destroyed 

on May 16, as a final stroke. Over 

200,000 Jews had been transported to 

Treblinka to be killed. 

After the war, Jaeger remained at large 

inside Germany. One day during 1945, a 

small group of American soldiers entered 

the house he was staying in. They opened 

the satchel in which he carried his photos. 

Jaeger later said that he was afraid that 

they would arrest him if they saw the evidence 

of his close relationship with Hitler. 

But the soldiers ignored the photos; there 

was a bottle of liquor inside and a spinning 

top used in a gambling game, known 

as a “put-and-take,” which they removed 

and began using. The photos remained in 

the satchel, undiscovered. 

REAL DEALS. BIG SAVINGS.

German soldiers in 

the Kutno Ghetto 

Jaeger buried the slides of the photos 

around town in metal canisters for 10 

years, with notes and a map recording 

the placement of the canisters. He periodically 

dug the slides up and dried them 

out before reburying them. In 1955, he 

took them out of the ground for good, 

placing them in a Swiss vault, and in 

1965, he sold them to Life Magazine. The 

collection included approximately 2,000 

photographs, encompassing images of 

oppressors and the oppressed. Despite 

their decade of burial, they were still in 

good condition. 

Life published the photos of Hitler in 

1970, and they astonished and troubled 

the magazine’s readership. The editors 

wrote in a note introducing the photo 

essay, “We do not usually give so much 

space to the work of men we admire so 

little.” Yet, despite their origin, the photos 

give life, in living color, to a world 

that was eradicated years ago. 

It has been deemed very 

strange that Jaeger, a 

Nazi sympathizer and 

one of Hitler’s two 

personal photographers, 

captured such 

sympathetic 

images of 

the Jews. 


In Warsaw after a 

German bombing 


JEWISH 

STUDENTS 

AT 

RISK! 

With a large number of Orthodox 

kids on college campuses, 

how are we making sure they stay 

on the path of Yiddishkeit? 

BY R AFAEL BORGES 


Harvard 

University

B Y 1922, 

HARVARD UNIVERSITY WAS IN 

TROUBLE. THE PROBLEM? THE 

JEWS. The number of Jews admitted 

to Harvard had been steadily 

increasing. In 1905, the university 

had accepted a standardized entrance 

exam as the basis for acceptance, 

which meant that intellectually 

capable students, regardless of their 

family’s wealth or prestige, had an 

increased chance of getting in. 

By 1908, the Jewish population of 

Harvard had risen to seven percent 

of the total. In 1922, Jews already 

made up a fifth of the freshman class. 

Professors, students, and supporters 

were dismayed. The Jews? 

(Catholics and public-school attendees 

were two other formerly underrepresented 

groups whose numbers 

had grown due to the new rules, also 

leading to consternation.) 

Harvard, as well as other Ivy League schools like Yale and 

Princeton, ended up instituting a new admissions process that 

looked at enough details of an applicant’s life to figure out if 

they were Jewish or not. The move worked, at first: By 1933, 

the percentage of Jews had moved back down to 15 percent. 

The admissions process has basically remained the same, but 

there’s no longer an attempt to keep the number of Jews low in 

universities. Jews are, instead, ubiquitous on college campuses. 

For most students, college comes at a time when they are 

questioning their identity. For Jewish students, that can pose a 

danger to their Jewish identity, too. 

For nonreligious Jewish students, there has been outreach on 

campuses since 1969, when the first Chabad House at a college 

campus opened in Los Angeles. Other organizations involved in 

outreach have expanded over the last decade, including MEOR 

and Aish HaTorah. 

But it is not just nonreligious students who need people reaching 

out to them on college campuses; there are plenty of Orthodox 

students in college who need help maintaining their Yiddishkeit 

at the highest levels possible while they study. 


Lunchtime study 

group at Brooklyn 

College’s Hillel 

Center 

The charedi world (at least the men) has largely been insulated 

from the effects of college because of the efforts of gedolim like 

Rav Aharon Kotler, zt”l, and others. Rav Aharon made college offlimits 

and therefore generally a non-issue for charedim. 

Even among those charedim who do end up in college classes, 

a high percentage attend institutions where there is a Jewish atmosphere, 

with separate classes for men and women at the undergraduate 

level, like in Touro College or (to a smaller extent) 

Yeshiva College. At Yeshiva College and at the Lander College 

program at Touro College, the students spend part of their day in 

yeshivah, and even when they are in secular studies they are never 

far from the beis midrash. 

But in the Modern Orthodox world, attending college is practically 

a given, and Orthodox colleges are not the only choice. The 

total number of Modern Orthodox students in college is several 

times as large as the total enrollment of Yeshiva University and 

Touro; most Modern Orthodox students are in secular programs. 

But what does it mean to be a frum kid on a secular campus? 

In 2006, a study by the Avi Chai Foundation found that Jewish 

students on campus were twice as likely to become less observant 

than to become more observant. How is that danger being dealt 

with among Orthodox students? 

Having never attended college, I wouldn’t know first-hand. So 

recently I clambered onboard buses and trains to get a feel for the 

places where Orthodox students take shelter, within the immoral 

and alien world of the college campus. 

INREACH 

At one point in history, colleges were thought of as places of pure 

study. 

John Henry Newman, in a famous essay on the idea of the 

university, rattles off a series of beautiful descriptions of what he 

thinks such an institution should be like: 

“[A] place of concourse, whither students come from every 

quarter for every kind of knowledge.” 


“The place to which a thousand schools make contributions; in 

which the intellect may safely range and speculate.…” 

“[A] place where inquiry is pushed forward, and discoveries 

verified and perfected, and rashness rendered innocuous, and error 

exposed, by the collision of mind with mind, and knowledge 

with knowledge.” 

John Donne summed up the idea: “The university is a paradise. 

Rivers of knowledge are there. Arts and sciences flow from 

thence.” 

Whether these lofty ideas were true in their days is debatable. 

But in the modern age, rivers of alcohol are just as likely as rivers 

of knowledge to flow on campus. An Australian study that 

came out earlier this year found that more than a third of Aussie 

college students were drinking at hazardous levels. Various other 

problems, including drug-abuse and depravities of all sorts, are 

present in abundance on college campuses, as well. 

To get a feel for how the Orthodox community is handling 

these problems, I recently headed to Manhattan, to the fourteenth 

floor of the office building at 11 Broadway, to meet with 

Rabbi Steven Burg, the managing director of the OU, and Rabbi 

David Felsenthal, who is now in charge of the OU’s NextGen and 

was previously alumni director of NCSY, the OU’s program for 

high school students. 

NextGen is the overarching division within the OU that includes 

the Taglit Birthright Israel program, which brings Jewish 

kids on a tour to Israel; an NCSY alumni follow-up program; 

Heart to Heart, a grassroots program where Orthodox students 

reach out to their peers on campus; a young professionals program; 

and the program that I was there to talk to them about: 

the Seif Jewish Learning Initiative on Campus, or JLIC, which 

puts Jewish couples on college campuses to help the Orthodox 

students with their Yiddishkeit needs. 

In the past, universities were seen as dangerous to Yiddishkeit 

because of the heretical ideas espoused there. I asked the rabbis 

whether that was still true: Is the major problem the intellectual 

challenges to frumkeit, or the hedonism on campus? 

Rabbi Burg was clear. “I think that the intellectual issues, in 

today’s generation, are much less. College today is about getting a 

job. You don’t find people wandering off because of hashkafic reasons. 

You find people wandering off because of taavah reasons. 

Shemiras hamitzvos is difficult; sedarim are difficult. A lot is going 

on around you.” 

He said that parents aren’t well educated about what is happening 

on college campuses. For example, while intermarriage 

may not be a common problem, interdating is. Drugs, including 

the newest recreational drugs, are another. 

“We often will have a student from a regular Jewish day school 

background come in for the Shabbos meal on Friday night,” Rabbi 

Felsenthal said, “and we’ll ask him to make Kiddush, and he’ll 

say, ‘You don’t want me to make Kiddush. I’m going to a bar right 

afterwards.’ And we’ll say, ‘Yes, we b’davka want you to make Kiddush.’” 

He grimaces at the idea. 

To give that type of student help in fighting off the environment, 

as well as provide an environment fostering further growth for 

students who are maintaining their Yiddishkeit, JLIC was formed 

in 2000. Since then, the organization has expanded greatly. 

“We have couples on 16 campuses,” Rabbi Felsenthal (who is 

affectionately known in the halls of the OU as “Rabbi Dave”) told 

me, “where we’re servicing about 4,000 Modern Orthodox kids, 

as well as all of the NCSY alumni, which is about 10,000 kids on 

just those 16 campuses. We’re expanding next year to Queens 

[College] and [the University of] Guelph, and we’ll probably 

have similar growth the next year. We have 30,000 NCSY alumni 

on college campuses altogether. 

“We firmly believe in the highest quality model possible. We 

place a married couple on campus because we find that there 

are very few female role models. Any Jewish females on campus 

are usually not a very traditional, family-type of role model. Our 

couples are very intellectual, very capable of giving very powerful 

shiurim. The women are not just staying home; they’re out 

there giving classes, interacting one-on-one, counseling, making 

connections, and spending a significant amount of their time on 

campus. On some campuses, the female is the lead staff, and is 

full-time, while the husband is three-quarter-time, but usually 

it is the husband that is full-time and the wife is three-quartertime.” 

The program is based in the Hillel Houses on campus. The 

JLIC program is a partnership with Hillel, which allows the OU 

to avoid duplicating the infrastructure that Hillel already has in 

place. 

Widespread Jewish programs on campus don’t go back much 

farther than 2000. Kesharim, a program founded by Rabbi Sholom 

Axelrod to provide Torah lectures for Orthodox students on 

campus—now present on nine campuses—dates back only a 

little before JLIC, to 1998. So the work has really only just begun. 

IN THE ’HOOD 

I have to admit: the shwarma looked good. 

I was sitting in the Hillel at Brooklyn College, listening to Rabbi 

Reuven Boshnack give a shiur. An ideal way to attract college 

students is through food, and about ten young men were having 

a free fleishig lunch while listening to Rabbi Boshnack explain a 

dispute in the poskim about the proper pronunciation of the word 

“L’haneach” in the brachah before putting on tefillin. (Rabbi Boshnack, 

who has written a translation of the Sfas Emes on Chumash 

and a sefer on the Maharal, eventually tied in some kabbalistic 

ideas, suitably translated for the students, into the question of 

whether a kamatz or pasach should appear in the brachah.) Obviously 

he was trying to appeal to a broad group of students, some 

more serious than others. 

The rabbi had offered me lunch as well. But I felt that munching 

and trying to cover the story were somehow incompatible. 

Still, it looked good. 

Brooklyn College is different from many other campuses in the 

JLIC network. You turn off the vibrantly ethnic bustle of Flatbush 

Avenue and approach the college complex: The Hillel House lies in 

between that bustle and the actual campus on the corner of Campus 


Brooklyn 

College 

Road and the eponymous Hillel Place. 

The college is located in the center 

of one of the largest Jewish communities 

in the world, just two blocks from 

the Avenue J shopping district. It also 

is a commuter campus; no frum students 

are in a dorm there. The students 

at Brooklyn College are in the middle of an 

area that is heavily Jewish. 

But the Boshnacks, who are starting their sixth 

year at Brooklyn College, have found a need to 

develop their own miniature community for the 

students, who often need chizuk even in the middle 

of the New York Jewish world. 

Both give shiurim (she’s given on halachos of 

hair-covering this year; he gives several, including 

one he describes as a combination of lomdus and 

fleishigs) and bring in other speakers, but their 

work goes well beyond that. 

They run an assortment of different social 

events, with separate ones geared for students 

from different backgrounds. Fifteen couples 

have gotten married because of events where 

men and women can meet, but the Boshnacks 

also serve as shadchanim for more traditional 

students. They have given many chosson and 

kallah classes (somewhere around 40 by Rebbetzin 

Boshnack and 20 by the rabbi) and 

answer shailos after marriage. And, although 

Brooklyn is a commuter college, the Boshnacks 

have created a Shabbos minyan for students, 

including many married students, in 

the Kingsway Jewish Center, which includes a 

kiddush (“Sushi,” said Rebbetzin Boshnack. “You always have 

to feed them.”) as well as invitations to Shabbos meals at the 

Boshnacks’ house. 

The Shabbos before my recent visit, 100 students packed into 

the Boshnacks’ house for an Oneg Shabbos—the Boshnacks 

‘apartment, actually. The students that I speak to about this seem 

to have had a blast, despite the crowd size. 

All of these activities have created a community in the middle 

of Brooklyn for students who otherwise might feel lost. A young 

man named Hillel who I meet in the Hillel dining room/rec hall 

I 

n 

the modern 

era, rivers 

of alcohol 

are just as 

likely as 

rivers of 

knowledge 

to flow on 

campus. 

tells me that even though two of his sisters 

attended Brooklyn College, he had 

no idea that he would find the sense 

of community that he has found there. 

Other students I spoke to were also 

enthusiastic about the community that 

they have found on campus with other 

Jewish students. 

Still, even that community is a matter of 

concern. It is, after all, a mixed campus, with 

both young men and women using the facilities 

of the Hillel House together, though the Boshnacks 

maintain separate shiurim for men and 

women. 

The Boshnacks also keep a connection with 

students who have left Brooklyn College, in 

myriad ways. (The number of simchos they go 

to is staggering. “I had my first sandakaos last 

year,” said Rabbi Boshnack, laughing.) 

A large part of what the Boshnacks see 

themselves doing is acting as role models. 

Both are college trained themselves (he attended 

Yeshiva College and she attended 

Stern College for undergraduate school, 

staying in frum environments) and hold 

masters degrees (she in education, he both 

in education and mental health counseling), 

so frum students can’t tell them that they 

don’t understand the college world. Yet they 

are advanced in Yiddishkeit, as well. 

Rabbi Boshnack says that they have a message 

for the students they meet: “There’s a way to be a 

ben Torah and go to college and make it through. 

It’s possible to be an ehrlich Jew, even aspire for gadlus, though 

you are going to college. Don’t give up.” 

(Rabbi Boshnack also works as a mental health counselor, including 

in private practice, which has obvious relevance to dealing 

with college students.) 

He and his wife said that the biggest problem for frum college 

students at Brooklyn College is yi’ush, or apathy. 

“‘Whatever’ is a prevalent attitude,” said Rebbetzin Boshnack. 

“We try to show them that Yiddishkeit is not ‘whatever.’” 

Rabbi Boshnack said that many students feel that the yeshivos 

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they attended before lost interest in them when they went to college, 

and they feel like failures. He and his wife are there to help 

them see themselves in a different light. 

He’s also interested in making sure that rebbeim from yeshivos 

know that he is available for their talmidim who are in 

Brooklyn College. 

“If they know that they have students who are going to college, 

even if they l’chatchila don’t approve, they should be prepared. 

“I just met a rebbe last week who told me, ‘I have a couple 

of talmidim there. They could really use someone for hadrachah 

[guidance].’ He took my business card.” 

Rabbi Jonathan 

Shulman at Penn 

DROPPING OUT 

But yi’ush is not the extent of the problems that young Orthodox 

men and women are having on campus. 

Rabbi Meir Goldberg is the rabbi for the MEOR kiruv program 

at Rutgers University. His task is to bring unaffiliated students 

closer to Torah observance. But he says that he has seen a need 

for kiruv professionals to reach out to estranged frum students. 

He told me that there are both a JLIC rabbi and a Chabad rabbi 

at Rutgers who are involved 

with Orthodox students. 

“They do a great job. But 

they can only deal with a certain 

number of students,” he 

said. “Usually the ones who 

are going to take up their 

time are the ones who are 

more interested in getting involved. 

Those end up getting 

taken care of by the rabbis. 

“But a number of the students 

who come in from 

Modern Orthodox high 

schools are looking to fall out 

and leave. So those kids aren’t 

looking to get involved.” 

Not only do they not get 

involved, their shmiras hamitzvos 

falls away. 

Rabbi Felsenthal of the 

OU explained that a parent 

may have no idea about their 

child’s behavior. 

“When the kid only has to come home a few times a year, it’s 

easy to put the yarmulke on and shuckle.” 

He said, “When the kids come home, the parents have no idea. 

They act like they always did. But when they go back to campus, 

they chose to go to a campus away from home because they really 

don’t want to keep anything. There are really many of those kids 

who, on campus, are nowhere to be seen in any of the Jewish programming. 

They come home and put the yarmulke on and go to shul, 

and their parents don’t know what’s going on.” 

Rabbi Goldberg has suggested that it may be kiruv rabbis, using 

the tools of kiruv, who may have the most effect on these 

students. But there is a catch: These students can’t be placed together 

with secular students in the kiruv programs that are being 

run. The secular students are moving towards Yiddishkeit; these 

Orthodox students are moving away from it. One kiruv rabbi 

even told me that this type of Orthodox student will actively attempt 

to keep people from becoming frum. That problem is why 

many of the kiruv programs have shied away from dealing with 

this type of student. 

Rabbi Goldberg suggested that the overwhelming majority of 

the time slots in the schedule of a kiruv rabbi be spent with the 

secular students, but that something like ten percent of the time 

be spent with formerly Orthodox students. 

“I’m talking about spending a half an hour a week, or a half an 

hour every two weeks, with a student from a Modern Orthodox 

background. You won’t have him all the time when the secular 

kids are there. You’ll invite him once every two months or once 

every three months.” 

The OU’s Rabbi Burg said that some of the work has to be done 

before the student arrives in college. 

“I used to think that college would take these kids and make 

them not frum. I began to sense that a lot of these kids weren’t internalizing 

Yiddishkeit in high school. It’s what I’d call the plague 

of being socially Orthodox. You’re Orthodox because your friends 

are Orthodox, and your family is Orthodox, but when you can 

step out of that and go to campus, you can shed that. 

“So in certain ways, it’s not actually the campus; it’s not having 

given the student the foundation before that.” 

Rabbi Goldberg told me that many of the students who are 

falling away come from homes in which shmiras hamitzvos is not 

being treated seriously by the parents, either. He said that while 

most segments of the Orthodox world are very strong in their 

Yiddishkeit, some communities have been hit by a plague of laxness 

in halachah. Students from households like that will naturally 

develop problems with their Yiddishkeit in college. 

THE RISK 

To visit a campus removed from Jewish population centers, I 

took a train from New York to Philadelphia and made my way 

to the University of Pennsylvania. 

Much of the urban center of Philadelphia has a burned-out 

look, but the university is located in an airy, green part of downtown, 

just over the river from Center City. 

Penn, as the Ivy League university is often called, is located in 

a quintessentially American city. But when I arrived at the Hillel 

House, the British had arrived, in the person of Rabbi Jonathan 

Sacks, the current chief rabbi of the UK. As I later found out, 

Rabbi Sacks had been contacted a number of years before by a 

student leader at the school, who requested that he visit. Though 

the student in question had already moved on, Chief Rabbi Sacks 

was finally visiting. 

The crowd he was speaking to, which numbered somewhere 


around 150, was obviously a mix, with 

many of the male attendees wearing 

knitted yarmulkas, a few wearing 

black velvet, and quite a few without 

any yarmulkas at all. The women were 

similarly diverse. Still, Rabbi Sacks gave 

a strongly Orthodox speech to the group. 

Several students challenged him on his 

talk during the subsequent Q & A period, and 

it was clear that some had a less-than-Orthodox 

viewpoint. But being a chief rabbi, a frequent 

media interviewee, and a member of the House 

of Lords gives you a good deal of experience in 

parrying antagonists, and Rabbi Sacks answered 

diplomatically. 

I had come to meet the JLIC rabbi at Penn, Rabbi 

Jonathan Shulman. He needed to drive Rabbi 

Sacks back to his hotel after the speech, but when 

he returned, we spoke while Rabbi Shulman had 

a late lunch in the Hillel cafeteria. 

Rabbi Shulman described his various tasks to 

me. One major object of his was to maintain the 

sense of community for all the students. That 

had included getting involved when the apartment 

building dorm that most of the Orthodox 

students lived in (he indicated it out the window, 

across the lawn in front of the Hillel) was 

threatening to change its housing rules in a way 

that would have broken up the Orthodox group. 

At the same time, he was adamant that the 

students themselves were vigorously involved in 

organizing the community. He said that students 

viewed negatively the idea that the JLIC rabbi 

was there to keep them from “falling away.” Instead, 

he said, they saw him as a necessary ingredient 

in a community, in the same way any 

community would require a rabbi. 

Rabbi Shulman told me that out of 10,000 undergraduates at 

Penn, a quarter were Jewish, with around 250 of those Orthodox. 

He said that parents and students would specifically choose 

Penn because of the strong Jewish nature of the school, and he 

claimed that because Penn was being chosen specifically for its 

Jewishness, there were fewer students who dropped out of Yiddishkeit 

at Penn than there might be at a state school. 

He told me that he had to appeal to both very serious students 

who would come to a regular shiur, as well as those who needed 

to be connected to via a basketball game several times a week. 

All in all, Rabbi Shulman was one of the least pessimistic rabbis 

about the experience of students on campus. He said that if 

a student was trying to choose between YU and Penn, he would 

definitely not counsel against choosing YU. But he said that he 

has seen some students benefit from the need for independence 

in their Yiddishkeit that they have at Penn. “I’m definitely not pessimistic 

about the spiritual state of the students at Penn,” he told 

University of 

Pennsylvania 

Astudy 

found 

that Jewish 

college 

students 

were twice 

as likely to 

become less 

observant 

than more 

observant. 

me, though he acknowledged possible 

dangers. 

However, most of the rabbis I spoke 

to were less sanguine. One told me 

that if his child would attend a secular 

campus, he would be shaking the entire 

time. Another, involved in kiruv, told me 

angrily that I should demand from those 

involved with Orthodox students what they 

were doing to keep their hashkafos straight in the 

atmosphere of moral relativity on college campuses. 

All rabbis agreed that commuter schools like 

Brooklyn College or Queens College, where students 

go home every night, have the lowest potential 

for danger of any secular college. (Of course, 

they are less prestigious than colleges like Penn or 

other Ivy League schools.) 

Rabbi Felsenthal told me a story about an NCSY 

alumnus to illustrate the difficulties that could 

be faced, even by a committed student. 

“She was a public school student from 

Manalapan—extremely bright. She went 

through NCSY, and then went straight from 

public school to Michlalah [a seminary in 

Yerushalayim]. Then she went to University 

of Pennsylvania this fall, to the engineering 

school. When she got to campus, as prepared 

as she was, she was blown away. She was having 

issues with her dorm and her roommates 

and what was going on around her, and she 

just started floundering. The JLIC couple was 

the rock she could hold onto, so that when I 

visited, there she was, doing great, going to 

shiurim, learning, happy. And then she told 

me, ‘Rabbi Dave, if not for this JLIC couple....’” 

Not all parents are well-informed about the 

Jewish facilities on campus. All of the rabbis that I spoke to said 

that they are happy to be resources for parents; Rabbi Boshnack 

speaks at yeshivos every year where he believes there will be students 

coming to Brooklyn College, to inform them of the options 

for the students once they are on campus. 

Certainly, there is an absolute condemnation of any sort of college 

from most gedolim. And everyone must recognize that to enter 

a secular college in these hedonistic times is a clear hazard to 

a student’s ruchniyus, a sort of Russian roulette with their Yiddishkeit. 

All Jewish parents need to be cognizant of the risks they are 

taking with their children’s lives. The students, too, should educate 

themselves about more than just trigonometry and grammar 

before they head to a college. They first need to learn about the 

dangers they are subjecting themselves to. 


my 

word! 

ASHER V. FINN 

Each week, “My Word!”—penned by the esteemed president of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty 

to English—highlights often-misused or misspelled phrases or words, common grammatical challenges, 

unusual expressions or neologisms. Or it just calls attention to curious or interesting locutions. 

So if you want to learn some new things about English—or are already expert in the language and 

want to prove it to yourself—you’ve come to the right place. 

Mazel Tov! 

It’s Triplicates! 

English, a strange language to begin with, may be 

near its strangest when it decides to pick three 

small words and string them together into a 

weird one-word chain. 

Which it does more often than you may 

realize. Consider: 

Insofar as Zlata was concerned, whosoever among the girls 

behind the counter could fill her ice cream order was fine, as long 

as the employee got it straight. Notwithstanding that Zlata had 

theretofore always ordered vanilla (with wet walnuts), today she 

fancied a chocolate cone (sans walnuts, albeit with sprinkles). 

Nonetheless, and regrettably, she was destined to have neither 

maichel, inasmuch as she lacked the wherewithal to pay for it. 

Sobeit, she consoled herself. 

Catch all nine triplets? (You had better; if you miss any, 

you’ll have one tired, angry kimpeturen on your hands!) You 

didn’t know one could have nine triplets? Well, actually, one 

can’t (but a paragraph can). 

“Insofar”—“To the degree or extent.” In one of his wiser 

aphorisms, the philosopher Bertrand Russell once said that 

“One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to 

avoid starvation and keep out of prison.” 

“Whosoever”—This means essentially the same thing as 

“whoever.” As to why someone thought to add a “so” to that 

already perfectly fine word, I have no idea…whatsoever. 

“Notwithstanding”—To withstand something is to endure 

or overcome it. To notwithstand something (although 

there’s no such verb) is to, well, sort of ignore it. So that 

“notwithstanding” means “in spite of” or “all the same.” 

“Theretofore”—This word means “up until that time.” Or 

it could be the answer to the question “Wheretofore?” (Just a 

little joke—no letters please!) 

“Albeit”— This is essentially a contraction of “although it 

be.” Less fancy but just as efficient is the simple “although.” 

“Albeit” can also be used to describe unadulterated borscht. 

“Nonetheless”—Now this is a pretty simple contraction of 

“none the less,” meaning “no less for the fact” or, as a less 

pretentious person might say, “despite it all.” 

“Inasmuch”—What a funny word! Just imagine a “smuch,” 

which probably involves mud or whipped cream or some 

combination of the two, and a poor fellow who wasn’t 

watching where he was going trying to extricate himself 

from it. But, believe it or not, the word actually means “in 

view of the fact.” Like in the sentence: “Inasmuch as this is 

a 500-word column, it will not even touch upon the words 

‘hereinunder,’ ‘aforementioned,’ or ‘counterclockwise’.” 

“Wherewithal”—There is actually a word “withal,” and it 

doesn’t mean what someone with a lisp does to summon his 

dog. It means “with it all” or “nevertheless.” “Wherewithal,” 

however, means “that which is necessary to do something.” 

Like money to buy an ice cream cone. 

And, finally, “sobeit”—This odd word is a contraction of— 

you guessed it!—“so be it.” 

Congratulations! You won a free word! Just send me a 

stamped, self-addressed envelope along with five dollars 

shipping and handling and I’ll send you your word. 

In the meantime, watch out for smuches. 


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R A B B I 

ASK 

S H A I S 

T A U B 

Time for Baalei Teshuvah 

to Stand on Their Own? 

? 

Dear Rabbi Taub, 

I feel like I am betraying my rabbi by 

asking you this, but that is precisely 

my problem. My relationship with 

my rabbi has become dysfunctional. 

My wife and I are baalei teshuvah 

and we owe our Yiddishkeit to our 

rabbi and rebbetzin who basically acted as parents 

to us (even though they are younger than us). But 

now I feel like what was once a beautiful relationship 

has become a source of bitterness. My wife and I 

feel like our rabbi and rebbetzin have abandoned 

us. I understand the fact that they don’t give us 

tons of attention like they used to, but they treat us 

almost like undesirables. When they want something 

from us, we are the first people they run to, but on 

an everyday basis, they give us the cold shoulder. 

Other times, they get way too involved in our lives; 

they lecture us and try to make decisions for us as 

if we are not also competent adults who are Torah 

observant. 

I have considered going to another shul, even 

though this would be considered an act of all-out 

rebellion. The city we live in is small enough that 

anytime someone “defects” from one shul to the 

other, it sends shockwaves through the community. 

I would even consider moving to a new city—it 

would certainly be easier than the 90-minute a day 

commute for our kids to yeshivah—but we love our 

little community and have such fond memories of 

discovering Yiddishkeit here. At this point, however, 

fond memories are about all we have. Can you help? 

Signed, 

A Frustrated Baal Teshuvah 

Dear Frustrated, 

Let me begin by saying 

that, baruch Hashem, in 

this generation there has 

been an unprecedented rate 

of return to Torah observance. Among 

all the thousands of newly observant 

families, there are many with stories 

such as yours. Maybe it will comfort you 

a little just to know that your situation is 

not unique. This itself may be something 

worth reflecting on. If you visit large 

Jewish communities all over the world, 

you will meet plenty of people who found 

Yiddishkeit in a smaller community and 

then moved on to a larger community. 

And this brings me to my next point. 

It is very clear to me that you and 


your family have outgrown your present 

situation. You only make it more difficult 

by fighting to cling to your past. But don’t 

worry. These are classic growing pains. 

In many ways, it’s like a little child who’s 

going through the terrible twos. On one 

hand, the little two-year-old wants to do 

everything by herself. On the other hand, 

she cries for her parents to heed her every 

beck and call. The two-year-old is figuring 

out how to become her own person. It’s 

scary for her, but it’s a process she needs 

to go through. Eventually, the two-yearold 

becomes more secure in her autonomy 

and feels less of a need to assert her 

independence in unproductive ways. That 

is, until she becomes a teenager, and then 

the same dynamic rears its head again. 

The 16-year-old rolls her eyes at you for 

suggesting that she needs to call if she 

won’t be home by 10:00 p.m. And then, 

this same 16-year-old “adult” calls you 

from school, telling you that she forgot her 

lunch and expects you to drop everything 

to drive over and bring her some food (and 

maybe you can stop at the pizza shop). 

Thank G-d, the terrible twos and the 

teenage years don’t last forever (for most 

people). We learn how to adjust at each 

new level and become comfortable with 

our responsibilities as well as our limits. 

So, getting back to your situation, there 

probably was a time when you really did 

need your rabbi and rebbetzin to give you 

a lot of help. But at some point, you and 

your wife became able to handle the dayto-day 

operation of a Jewish household 

on your own. Congratulations! That’s a 

good thing. Understand, please, that I don’t 

mean that you outgrew needing to ask 

a shailah from a rav. That’s a normal and 

vital part of Yiddishkeit. What I mean is 

that you got to a point in your knowledge 

of Jewish practice where you went from 

being a child to being a grown-up. If you 

were more comfortable in your new role 

as a competent and informed Jewish adult, 

you would realize that you don’t need to be 

engaged in a power struggle with the rabbi. 

What you really need to do is thank him for 

helping you get to where you are today and 

with that, promptly cut the apron strings. 

You mention that you live in a small 

community that has few Jewish resources. 

From your description it sounds like there 

are only two minyanim in the whole city. 

You also mention that you have to drive 90 

minutes for chinuch. I know you say that 

you have fond memories of discovering 

Yiddishkeit in this place, but at this point, 

this city is not meeting your needs. The fact 

that your rabbi and rebbetzin came to this 

place should be lauded. Give them credit for 

their mesiras nefesh, of which you directly 

benefited. But why should you have mesiras 

nefesh? Your rabbi and rebbetzin are there 

to help the next family, but they’ve already 

done all they can do for you. The greatest 

tribute you could pay to their mesiras nefesh 

is to show them that you have grown up. 

Going to the other shul in town would not 

be a good idea. It would be a slap in the face 

to people who have given you their utmost 

attention and care. In truth, it wouldn’t fix 

your problem anyway. The fact that the 

relationship is strained now is a sign that 

it’s time to continue to the next level on the 

path that your rabbi and rebbetzin helped 

start you on. 

Can you sit down with your rabbi and 

have a heart-to-heart conversation? Tell 

him how grateful you are to have had 

him in your life. And tell him that you 

and your wife realize that what is right 

for your family now is to move on to the 

next level. I think you might be surprised 

by how much nachas he will actually have 

from you if you tell him this. Maybe he 

can even be involved in the process of 

looking into the right Jewish community 

for you to move to. I’m sure it will be 

painful for him to help you leave, but it 

will also be incredibly satisfying for him to 

see how you have grown as a Jew. When 

the Torah speaks of how Aharon would 

light the menorah in the mishkan, it says 

that Hashem told him “B’haalos’cha es 

haneiros—when you lift up the lights.” The 

normal expression would be “hadlakah,” 

meaning kindling, not “halaah”— 

uplifting. Rashi explains that uplifting a 

flame means to make sure that it is lit well 

enough that you can leave it alone and 

it will rise of its own accord. This is the 

AND THEN, THIS SAME 16-YEAR-OLD 

“ADULT” CALLS YOU FROM SCHOOL, 

TELLING YOU THAT SHE FORGOT HER 

LUNCH AND EXPECTS YOU TO DROP 

EVERYTHING TO DRIVE OVER AND 

BRING HER SOME FOOD 

goal in chinuch. I am sure you will be very, 

very pleased when your own children no 

longer need you to teach them and they 

become independent from you in their 

growth as people. 

Congratulations on reaching this 

new level! May you continue to go from 

strength to strength. 

Rabbi Taub 

Questions to Rabbi Shais Taub should be 

sent to Ask@Amimagazine.org. 

Rabbi Shais Taub is a noted expert on 

Jewish spirituality and addiction. His 2011 

book, G-d of Our Understanding: Jewish 

Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction, 

has just gone into its tenth printing. He 

recently delivered the keynote address “G-d 

and Recovery” to a national conference on 

addiction treatment. 


To Become a Jew, Part 4 

A WOMAN’S TEARS, REB MOSHE’S SMILE 

There is no such thing as a 

cynic—only a failed optimist. 

When one is a rabbi “out of 

town,” he receives many calls 

from people in “big cities” who 

need help or advice, such as parents of 

children who are incarcerated nearby or 

runaway husbands (remember my story 

from last year, about the detective who 

dressed up as a frum Jew for Yom Kippur 

to find such a man in my shul). 

Sometimes these calls become complicated. 

Such was the case, I first thought, 

recently. Several weeks ago, during the 

recent Yom Tov season, I received a call 

from Mrs. Juravel of Monsey, New York. A 

baalas chesed par excellence, she is also the 

wife of the famed Rabbi Juravel, whose 

divrei Torah grace my Shabbos table each 

week through his highly popular tapes 

and children’s books on the parshios. 

She informed me that there was a 

woman, a giores, who had just moved to 

Buffalo, far from the frum community, 

who could use some assistance. I have 

been through this type of thing before 

and feared—wrongly thinking that Mrs. 

Juravel had never met this woman—the 

possibility that Mrs. Juravel’s remarkable 

sincerity may have gotten the better of 

her. I would not be surprised if this woman 

in Buffalo will be found to not even be halachically 

Jewish, I thought to myself. 

My experience had made me a cynic. 

Things were busy then and it was not 

until Erev Shemini Atzeres that I was able 

to go over to meet this woman. 

Clearly a bright and sweet lady, I still 

was not sure how to broach the topic of 

her purported conversion. 

This was until she said, “My children 

are wonderful. This is what a brachah 

from Reb Moshe can do.” 

“Excuse me?” I responded, “What did 

you mean by Reb Moshe? Reb Moshe 

who?” 

She proceeded to explain that she was 

in fact referring to Rav Moshe Feinstein, 

who had signed her ksav geirus! In fact, 

she had even worked at the MTJ office. 

She also had contact with Rabbi Soleveichik 

at Stern College. 

If we want to learn how careful one 

must be in treating gerim, there is no 

better place to start than Reb Moshe and 

Reb Yosha Ber, two gedolei middos. 

She went on to tell me the following: 

So frightened was she of Reb Moshe that 

she vowed never to bump into him in the 

halls of the yeshivah or even to see him— 

she had no idea what he even looked like. 

This proved to be a challenge, being that 

she worked near his office. 

Upon receiving her first paycheck she 

was surprised and asked her supervisor 

why she had been paid for a full week’s 

labor when she often came in 5 to 10 

minutes late. They told her that they 

are not so precise in these matters and 

she need not worry about it. Yet she, 

in the process of learning to become 

Jewish and—as is often the case with 

such individuals—being most sincere, 

would have none of it. She calculated 

her “missed time” at about one-and-ahalf 

hours and decided that she would 

come in early one day to make it up. So, 

early one morning, this young lady in 


BY RABBI MOSHE TAUB 

the process of becoming a Jewess arrived 

at MTJ. Not wanting to go through the 

main hall where the bochurim were still 

coming in and out of davening, she went 

through a back-door entrance—one 

she had never used before—thinking 

that it would lead her to the main 

office. As she entered, the door behind 

her slammed shut and she found herself 

in a private office. From behind the 

desk in this office sat a little old man. 

He slowly looked up to see who had just 

“broken in.” She paused and looked at 

that man, with his kind smile and white 

beard. At first, she related, she froze, but 

then she…ran. Realizing she had just 

walked into Reb Moshe’s office and “disturbed 

the rosh yeshivah’s learning,” she 

bolted from the office area, locked herself 

inside a closet…and began to cry. 

Any of us would be in awe of Reb 

Moshe, but imagine being a young girl 

who chooses Yiddishkeit, who desires 

Torah above all else, and who understands 

what Reb Moshe represents, that he personifies 

everything she believes and chose 

as Truth, and then to have her introduction 

to this man, this giant, in such a way! 

Sitting alone in the dark closet for a few 

minutes, she contemplated her shame, 

thinking that she would have to find 

another job as she could never bring herself 

to show her face in the MTJ office again. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

It was Rabbi Bluth, the director of MTJ and 

close confidant of Reb Moshe. 

From behind the door she could hear 

him say, “The rosh yeshivah wants to talk 

to the young lady that he caused to cry.” 

“And that is how I first met Reb Moshe; 

I was close with him after that. Even at 

his own family’s simchos he always made 

a point to call me over to him and talk. 

Before my wedding he gave me a brachah 

that my children will give me nachas, and 

Who knows what Reb Moshe was 

working on before this young lady 

“broke in” to his office. It was of 

no matter, because everything 

stopped when her tears started. 

that is what I first referred to.” 

It is hard to imagine a man as busy, 

as urgently needed, and—most staggeringly—as 

easily accessible to all as a litvisha 

gadol and posek is. Who knows what Reb 

Moshe was working on before this young 

lady “broke in” to his office? It was of no 

matter, because everything stopped when 

her tears started. 

How fortunate are those who convert to 

Yiddishkeit having seen the best our faith 

has to offer! 

Perhaps we will return to the topic of 

conversion soon. For now, however, I will 

leave the reader with a halachic question: 

We know that in order to become a ger, 

one has to accept all of the Torah as Divine 

and accept the yoke of all the mitzvos and 

halachah, even rabbinical law (see Bechoros 

30b in the name of R’ Yosi bar R’ Yehuda; 

cf. Rambam who omits this final point, see 

Rogatchover in Tzaphnas Paneach). Some 

hold that this requirement extends to 

accepting even some of our minhagim (see 

Kuzari 1:115 with Kol Yehudah; see also 

Rus Rabba that Naomi warned Rus against 

going to theaters and circuses—which 

may have been a reference to gladiatorstyle 

events), which implies a ger having to 

take on das Yehudis as determined in each 

generation (Mishnas HaGer, p. 353). 

The question: What if a potential convert 

says, “I accept all of the Torah and all 

of the mitzvos; however, you need to know 

that I am a yenta and, while I will try my 

best, I am almost certain to fall victim to 

my yetzer hara and speak lashon hara”? 

What makes this question so interesting 

is the fact that many of us are imperfect in 

this same mitzvah! 

We can simplify the example. What if 

the potential ger says, “I love bacon, and 

while I accept the laws of kashrus, I fear I 

will cheat from time to time.” 

Can we accept such a conversion, a conversion 

where the Torah is accepted, but 

together with the caveat of eventual sin? It 

is an interesting question for the Shabbos 

table, for it opens up the question of what 

is acceptance of Torah exactly, and how we 

too, those born as Yidden, may have room 

for improvement in this area. 

See Achiezer 3:26, Shu’t Beis Yitzchak 

2:100, and Shu’t L’Horos Nasan 3:84, 

where a similar case is discussed and 

where they, depending on how the words 

were spoken by the potential convert, 

accept the conversion for “…these are 

things that reside in the heart, and, indeed, in 

the hearts of all…” 

See also Igros Moshe y’d 3:108, where he 

discusses a case in which a potential convert 

says, “Although I know and accept 

this law, I don’t think I would be able to 

give my life for the three cardinal sins.” 

May we all learn to accept the Torah 

anew, in a way that we too would be 

accepted as converts. 

Rabbi Moshe Taub has served as the 

rabbi of the Young Israel of Greater Buffalo 

since September 2003, and also serves 

as the rav hamachshir of the Buffalo Vaad 

HaKashrut. 


YITZY YABOK is the pen name of a young man 

who shares his life-altering experience in Ami’s 

exclusive serial. His story, which began almost 

12 years ago and traverses several continents, has 

touched the hearts of people all over the world and been an 

inspiration to many who face challenges. He has lectured 

before all kinds of audiences, from medical doctors to kollel 

a serial 

yungeleit, about his nisyonos and salvation. He is 

currently a rebbe in the Midwest and a candidate 

for a license in clinical mental health counseling. 

With the blessings of gedolei Torah and tzaddikei 

Yisrael, he now shares the chasdei Hashem that were 

bestowed upon him as both chizzuk and guide for all those 

who may be dealing with traumatic illness. 

CHAPTER IV 

On Thursday, January 18, 2001, we heard the sad 

news of the petirah of Rav Mordechai Gifter, zt”l. Although 

Rav Gifter had been sick and unable to communicate for a 

long time, his influence on the bachurim in the yeshivah 

world was powerful. The hashkafah he imparted not only to 

his own talmidim but to thousands of young bnei Torah like 

me all across America was profound. Whoever picked up his 

Pirkei Torah or Pirkei Moed couldn’t help but be swayed by his 

words. And who could listen to the tapes of his speeches and 

fail to be spellbound by the masterful way he wove through 

modern-day issues utilizing the timeless words of Chazal? 

What was truly wonderful was that he was probably one of the 

few European-educated gedolim who did not hesitate to speak 

in English, and flawless English at that. 

In fact, when I was in the first grade in our yeshivah, Rav 

Gifter came to speak to us. The rosh yeshivah of the school 

actually had the zechus of learning in the Telshe Yeshiva in 

Lithuania at the same time as Rav Gifter. He learned in the 

yeshivah ketanah and Rav Gifter in the yeshivah gedolah, but 

they did have something in common. They were both what 

we would call “out-of-towners.” Although the rosh yeshivah 

was born and bred in Lithuania, the yeshivah was far from his 

home and did not provide food. In those days there was a 

system called “essen teg,” whereby a group of bachurim would 

eat all their meals at a particular balebus’s house. He had the 

zechus of eating together with Rav Gifter. 

Well, the American-born Rav Gifter did not particularly 

enjoy the European maachal called p’tcha, a concoction made 

by cooking the bones of a cow into a gel. This particular 

balebus was the menahel of the Telshe Yeshiva—and he served 

p’tcha as the staple delicacy every Shabbos. My rosh yeshivah 

had to get the message across to Rav Gifter that this was all 

he was going to get to eat in this particular home. Eventually 

Rav Gifter learned to like p’tcha, and even to enjoy it. In the 

speech he made in our school, he went on to draw an analogy 

between his experience in Telz to us little yeshivah boys. 

Though I might not have understood it fully at the time, he 

compared his experience with the p’tcha to us learning Torah. 

“Your rosh yeshivah taught me that even though at first it may 

seem hard, if you begin to eat, digest and then eat more, soon 

you will savor it! And the same is true regarding Torah study!” 

I don’t think too many children remember a shmuz they heard 

from a gadol when they were in first grade. It’s not a testament 

to me, and it’s surely not a testament to p’tcha. It’s a testament 

to a great man who could impart a message to a six-year-old 

child and have it reverberate in his mind some 25 years later. 

Now, however, he was gone. A new reality had set in, and 

the levayah was scheduled for Sunday. 

Even though we were normally in yeshivah for Shabbos, 

which would have made it tough for me to attend the 

levayah, that week we had an “off-Shabbos.” I don’t remember 

the specific reason why we had the weekend off, because 


A PERSONAL JOURNAL 

BY YITZY YABOK 

Chanukah was three weeks earlier and most yeshivos send 

their bachurim home for Shabbos Chanukah, but for whatever 

reason I was at home that week. I was fortunate to live not 

far from Yeshiva Darchei Torah in Far Rockaway, where the 

levayah was to be held, so I would be able to attend it. 

Additionally, an off-Shabbos was a great time to take care of 

appointments and other personal matters. 

It is common knowledge that when the weather gets colder, 

people are generally less active, and when people move around 

less, they gain weight. I was certainly not at an unhealthy 

weight, but let’s just say that that’s where I was headed. My 

mother, of course, was a tad concerned and, inspired by 

a friend’s success, had hired a certified nutritionist to work 

with me. I had recently switched yeshivos, from Philadelphia 

to Yesodei Hatorah, and the knowledge that I was now 

an hour closer to home was the impetus for my mother to 

implement her plan. I was very apprehensive at the prospect 

of working with a nutritionist because, well, it’s not the type 

of thing that we yeshivah guys are used to. But mother knows 

best, and she won me over with the argument that 

a certain rav had gone to this nutritionist 

and now felt better than he had in 25 

years. As uncomfortable as I was 

in the beginning, I followed my 

personal plan and began to 

see success. That did not 

ease my discomfort, but 

at least it was worth it 

because I had already 

lost 11 pounds. Be it 

as it may, that Friday, 

Erev Parshas Shemos 

5761, January 19, 

2001, I had an 

appointment with 

the nutritionist. 

I always felt a bit 

queasy before going to 

doctors, or whenever 

I thought that someone 

was being too intrusive, and this time was no different. Except 

that it was different. Usually—and I always wonder if this 

happens to anybody else—there’s a feeling of “butterflies in 

the stomach.” This time, though, along with that typical pre– 

doctor’s appointment feeling, I had a stuffy head. I chalked 

it up to a cold I thought I might be coming down with. After 

all, it was the middle of the winter. I really wasn’t in the mood 

for the nutritionist, so I cancelled my appointment. Shabbos 

came and went with the same stuffy, clogged feeling in my 

head. It wasn’t painful, but it was an ever-present nuisance. 

After Shabbos I tried to arrange a ride from the levayah back 

to yeshivah, and on my first call managed to find a ride with a 

friend. I don’t know if it’s a bachur thing, but I also used my cell 

phone as an alarm clock. Back in the day, cell phones were just… 

phones. Although some were capable of sending and receiving 

text messages for a fee, my phone wasn’t. I just had a plain old 

cell phone. When it rang to wake me up on Sunday morning, I 

noticed the universal envelope symbol flashing, notifying me that 

I had a voicemail. (Yes, voicemail was a feature that my phone 

did have, along with an alarm.) I opened the phone and 

saw that I had missed a call from the friend with 

whom I was supposed to get the ride. He 

was from Brooklyn, and as his message 

on my voicemail revealed, he needed 

I don’t think too 

many children remember 

a shmuz they heard in the 

first grade. It’s a testament to 

a great man who could impart a 

message to a six-year-old child 

and have it reverberate in his 

mind some 25 years later. 

directions to, as he termed it, “your 

end of the world” for the levayah. 

I knew he meant a physical 

location, like “your neck 

of the woods,” as if 

woods have necks, but 

the doubt, on-and-off 

headaches and stuffyheaded 

feeling that I 

was experiencing made 

the words “end of the 

world” seem a bit like 

reality to me. 

To be continued.... 


Going It Alone 

MY FAMILY WAS HORRIFIED BY MY DECISION TO 

ADOPT A CHILD—AFTER MY HUSBAND DIED 

My name is Leah—I guess 

we don’t use our last 

names when we tell our 

stories in public—and 

I am 49 years old. Five 

years ago my husband Michoel was killed 

in a car accident. We had been married for 

seven years before he was niftar. 

The fact that I’m named Leah is 

noteworthy because I was named after 

my grandmother. She was a Holocaust 

survivor, but not the usual kind. She was 

a nurse, and had survived the war by 

working in the same old-age home where 

she’d been employed since completing 

her training. The way my mother used 

to tell it, it was the town that time forgot. 

As hard as it is to imagine, as even 

today we continue to uncover the Nazis’ 

unspeakable acts and the steel-hearted 

thoroughness of their brutality, my mother 

reported that it had given my grandmother 

a strange satisfaction to be able to point at 

herself and say, “I’m living proof that Hitler 

missed a spot.” 

Although the way my mother relayed 

the story was matter-of-fact, I took it very 

much to heart as I grew older, because 

I too felt as if I had been forgotten. As I 

watched my friends marry one by one, I 

would sometimes stand in the darkness at 

their chuppahs with tears pouring down my 

face. I would pinch myself and wonder if I 

was really here, or if somehow I’d become 

invisible. I am the oldest of seven children, 

and for years I held up the marriage-works 

in my family until finally my parents 

asked me, in the nicest, gentlest way, if my 

younger siblings could begin to date even 

though I remained single. 

It was a painful blow, but of course, it was 

only a formality. My time had obviously 

run out, and requesting my permission 

was little more than a thoughtful gesture 

of etiquette. The words of my reply stuck 

to my tongue, and I could only nod my 

head in resigned agreement. Had I been 

able to speak, however, my message would 

have been clear: “What is wrong with me?” 

I would have asked. “Why have I been 

passed over? Why have I been forgotten?” 

And then, one day, the clouds that 

seemed to hang perpetually over my head 

simply cleared—and there was Michoel. 

He was almost pathologically imperfect. 

He stuttered, he wasn’t the best learner. He 

had a million little things wrong with him, 

but I enjoyed his company, he enjoyed 

mine and our goals were the same. My 

parents were horrified when I mentioned 

him for the first time, because by now 

the shadchanim were phoning me directly, 

but when I asked them which option 

they would prefer—me and Michoel, or 

me, myself and I—they were forced to 

acquiesce. They were ultimately won over 

by his essential goodness, but it took time. 

I know they were embarrassed, but at age 

37 it wasn’t something I could take into 

account, as much as I loved and respected 

them. Luckily, he was first and foremost a 

yarei shamayim. I don’t think I could have 

married him if he wasn’t, and it went a 

long way in helping my parents come to 

appreciate him. 

The reason I’m going into so much 

detail here about Michoel is to point out 

that I was not a stranger to people looking 

askance at me, first as a sort of nebbish, 

then as an older single, then as the wife of 

a man who definitely did not fit into my 

family or lifestyle, and then as one half of a 

childless couple. 

It looked as though having children 

wasn’t in the cards for us. After exhausting 

many of the usual possibilities, we had 

just begun looking into the possibility of 

adoption. I wasn’t so keen on the idea, but 

Michoel seemed very excited about it. He 

felt that if we adopted, it would take the 

pressure off of us, remove the stigma and 

give us some breathing space. He didn’t 

see it as an ideal solution, and he didn’t 

give up hope that one day we would have 

children of our own, but he felt strongly 

that it was the next step in our journey, 

and it would be a good one. 

But I had heard so many horror stories 

about adoptions! I knew it would be 

difficult to adopt a Jewish baby, and if 

we couldn’t get a Jewish one there would 

be problems with conversion and being 

accepted into the community. “I’m already 

such an outcast,” I told him. 

He would laugh when I said that. “Far 

from it,” he’d say. “You are an iconoclast—a 

trailblazer. If anyone can do this, it’s you.” 

I would do my best to push him off, but 

every few weeks he would come home 

with some new piece of information on 

the adoption process. I was starting to 

get really nervous that we would actually 

go through with it, and I stepped up my 

tefillos for Hashem to bring us a child of 

our own. 

And then Michoel died. 

By then he had become so beloved to 

72 AMI MAGAZINE // OCTOBER 24, 2012 / 8 CHESHVAN, 5773


my entire family that it felt like we would 

never stop crying. He had made himself 

so essential to every one of us that living 

without him seemed impossible. The 

fact that he left no children behind was 

excruciatingly painful, and it didn’t help 

that my husband had a younger brother, 

so I needed chalitzah. After it was over, 

I felt like I had been both widowed and 

divorced simultaneously, and that again I 

had somehow become a public spectacle 

through no fault of my own. 

After my husband’s petirah, I was 

uncertain what to do. I remember the sigh 

of relief my parents had breathed when 

they married me off the first time, and I 

didn’t think they had the strength to do 

it again. I debated moving back in with 

them, but after much soul-searching, I 

opted to remain in the house Michoel and 

I had rented. I kept my job as an English 

teacher at the same Bais Yaakov I had 

attended as a girl. 

I know I sound like a real nebech, and 

in certain respects I was—I am. But if 

you take away the parts involving public 

opinion, I was a regular girl. I always had 

good friends—not many, but a strong 

circle. My students liked me, and my 

parents and siblings depended on me. 

Also, I have a wicked sense of humor that 

has gotten me into trouble more than 

once. 

But when Michoel died I felt like a 

shell, scooped out from the inside. Even 

though I had a lot of support from my 

family, friends and even coworkers, in my 

opinion, nothing and no one could ever 

take the place of a husband. He’s the one 

who “gets” you, the one you can never 

hide from, who sees everything and simply 

accepts it as part of the scenery instead of 

making a big deal out of it. When Michoel 

realized that I preferred when he bought 

me Jordan almonds lekavod Shabbos 

instead of flowers, he just did it instead of 

getting insulted. A husband fills in your 

missing pieces without ever having to say 

a word. To lose that validation when once 

you reveled in it is a crushing blow from 

which it is very difficult to recover. 

For a while I pretended I wasn’t lonely. 

I went out to events whenever I was 

invited. But after a time I stopped, because 

keeping up the pretense was too difficult. 

It wasn’t long before the loneliness began 

to eat into me bite by bite, like a tiny, 

invisible-to-the-eye worm, feasting on my 

sadness. So when I received a large and 

heavy envelope addressed to Michoel from 

an adoption agency, it seemed like the 

convergence of the universe. 

I opened up the package with the sharp 

fish knife I used to open mail, one of our 

many repurposed wedding gifts, and read 

the information with renewed interest. I 

felt a surge of energy whirl up somewhere 

inside of me. Could I do this? Wouldn’t 

it be great if I could fulfill my husband’s 

dearest wish, even if he couldn’t be here 

by my side? 

I almost laughed out loud as soon as 

the thought formed in my mind. First of 

all, what would be the point of having 

children if I didn’t have a husband? 

Secondly, because we had kept our 

adoption plans to ourselves, nobody 

would believe me when I said it was what 

both of us had wanted. I put the envelope 

in a drawer and tried to forget about it. 

My parents were so lovely and caring, 


inging me meals from time to time, 

taking me on vacations for just the three 

of us to nice hotels and even foreign 

countries. Shabbos was too painful, 

surrounded by the joyful noise of my 

siblings and their families, so they found 

other ways to reach out to me. Never 

once did they bring up the subject of 

remarriage, although it stood sentry on the 

tip of their tongues at every moment. The 

sight of me alone aged them greatly and 

caused them suffering. It was this, I think, 

that sent me back to the drawer where 

the adoption application had been slowly 

gathering dust. 

Before I could change my mind, I sat 

down and filled in every single box of the 

lengthy form. I left the space for references 

blank, telling myself that I would cross 

that bridge when I came to it. I enclosed a 

check for the fee and dropped it off in the 

mailbox the following morning on my way 

to work. Three months later, long enough 

that I had almost convinced myself that I 

hadn’t really sent it, I heard back from the 

adoption agency. 

Once I recovered from the initial shock, 

something happened to me. I found 

myself being propelled by an inner force 

that had stepped outside the control of my 

intellect and simply raced forward ahead 

of me. For the first time in my entire life, 

I didn’t care what people thought of me. 

The fire had been lit, and once it began to 

burn there was no stopping it. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one who 

found the issue incendiary. Once word got 

out that I was adopting a child by myself, 

I may as well have taken a match in my 

hand and set my community aflame. If I 

am ever given the opportunity to “unsee” 

anything, it would be the look on the faces 

of my dear parents after I told them what 

I was planning to do. The combination of 

shock, horror and dismay will remain with 

me forever. 

“You can’t do that!” my father responded 

instantaneously. 

“Why not?” I said. 

“First of all, it’s illegal,” he said. 

“No, it’s not. I checked. It’s fine.” I had 

never spoken to my father this way, and I 

think we were both shocked at my resolve. 

He tried another tack as my mother 

sat weeping. “Leah’le,” he said, “we 

understand that you’re hurting, but that’s 

not the answer. A woman alone cannot 

raise a child. You should be focusing on 

your future.” 

“What future?” I shouted. “I don’t have a 

future. Can’t you see that?” 

“You’re wrong,” he said, but he looked 

so defeated that there was no point in 

continuing the conversation. Of all people, 

he knew how hard it had been for me to 

find Michoel. Trying to convince me that 

I would find another husband was beyond 

either of us. 

After that, my personal life once again 

became public property. I had never been 

as popular with my siblings as I was after 

making my announcement. When they 

weren’t giving it to me for upsetting my 

parents, they were incredulous that I 

would even think of doing something so 

absurd. 

“Leah,” my brother said, “it’s just not 

done. You’re embarrassing Tatty and 

Mommy.” 

“Leah,” said my sister-in-law, who 

was only, after all, a relative by marriage. 

“You’re crazy. It’s bad enough that there are 

people who are forced to raise their kids 

alone, but why go out and choose it? It’s 

not fair, not to you and not to the child.” 

She felt perfectly comfortable weighing in, 

despite the fact that she was several years 

younger than me. 

I listened to each one of them politely, 

trying not to respond too harshly. Perhaps 

because of my age and my childlessness 

they forgot that I was a widow, and that 

it’s a special mitzvah to guard my feelings. 

Once I made my decision to adopt— 

with no plans to marry—it was like my 

widowhood was cancelled. My feelings 

were no longer an issue. If I was stupid 

enough to do something like this then I 

deserved what I got, no holds barred. 

If it hadn’t been so painful, it might have 

been funny. 

At one point, when my family saw that 

I wasn’t going to change my mind, they 

staged an “intervention.” My sister invited 

me to her house under false pretenses, and 

when I arrived, all my siblings and their 

spouses were waiting for me, along with 

Perhaps because of my age and my 

childlessness they forgot that I was a 

widow, and that it’s a special mitzvah 

to guard my feelings. 

many of my cousins. Each one of them had 

prepared a little speech, stating their point 

of view, laying out their argument about 

the error of my ways. I thanked Hashem 

that He had not given me a bad temper, 

because I’m sure my anger would have 

flared up, particularly when my younger 

sister informed me that I was being selfish 

to them and to any child I’d adopt. The 

worst part was that I understood them. 

They wanted me to trot along the ring 

like a good little pony, to be the devoted 

daughter and widowed aunt of the family 

with no life of her own. I had no way 

to get it through to them that I needed 

my own life, and in order for me to stay 

healthy I had to have someone—my 

own someone—to give to. How could I 

describe how I was being slowly devoured 

by loneliness? In the end, they told me 

that if I went through with this insanity, 

they would not help me. And, to my great 

sorrow, they were true to their word. 

The one person who stood beside me 



was Michoel’s mother. She alone knew 

how much he had wanted children, and 

in her own way she understood what I was 

doing. She spoke to me softly and kindly, 

asking me questions about how I would 

manage, how could she help, what could 

she do to make it easier for me. 

After nearly a year of back-and-forth 

interviews, home visits, more applications, 

false hopes and many more tearful 

discussions (their tears, not mine) with 

my parents and other relatives, I returned 

home alone on a Monday afternoon from 

an orphanage in California with a baby in 

my arms. 

Was it a perfect baby? No. Her parents 

were illegal immigrants from India, and 

when they were deported they asked 

to leave the baby behind, knowing that 

the life she would have in an orphanage 

would no doubt be better than the life 

they could give her in the slums of 

Mumbai. That was all the information I 

received, other than that she was “about” 

nine months old. She was skinny as a twig, 

severely underweight even though she had 

been well treated, and she seemed utterly 

foreign. I wasn’t filled with an immediate 

outpouring of love and purpose. I have 

never been dramatic or overly emotional, 

and the adoption wasn’t either. It simply 

felt right. 

Although their feelings had been the 

impetus for my decision to adopt a child, 

my parents were beside themselves. 

No longer able to hold back, their true 

feelings finally emerged. “How will you 

remarry?” they asked me over and over 

again. “Who is going to take you with this 

dark-skinned baby in your arms?” Mindy 

was darker-skinned than I, but I hadn’t 

given it much thought until my parents so 

plainly pointed it out to me. 

I had nothing to say in reply. I needed 

Mindy, and she certainly needed me. 

Sometimes I felt more like a doting aunt 

than her mother, but even that was all 

right. I had never paid much attention 

to my nieces and nephews, and I was 

fascinated by Mindy’s growth. It was 

amazing to watch her transform from an 

ugly duckling into a lovely swan. 

Unfortunately, I was the only one who 

found her fascinating. My family didn’t 

work very hard to accept her as one of 

their own. It was difficult when they made 

comments about how she looked, or when 

they asked me how I was managing—on my 

own. They wouldn’t say her name, wouldn’t Top Signs You 

hold her on their laps, and barely included 

Have a Bed Bug 

her when we came for Shabbos. My father 

wouldn’t bentch her before Kiddush. 

Infestation: 

“She’s not Jewish,” my mother would Bite Marks 

hiss at me. 

“She will be,” I’d say, but it didn’t help. 

This is one sure fire way to find out if 

They were cold to her. In the same way 

your place is infested with bed bugs. 

that I couldn’t stop myself from finding 

One bite, although quite gross for 

her, they couldn’t stop themselves from 

many, doesn’t signify an infestation 

just yet. However, if you have multiple 

pushing her away. 

red welts along your exposed skin 

When Mindy was nearly three and 

when you wake up, it is a guarantee 

about to start nursery, I was called into my 

that you have an infestation. 

principal’s office for a meeting. As it wasn’t 

such an unusual occurrence, I didn’t think 

twice about it until I saw that the office 

was filled with several members of the 

school board along with the principal. I 

was unprepared when they told me that 

they were facing a dilemma. 

“We were thrilled to have you as a 

teacher in our school,” the principal 

Concerned You May Have Bed Bugs? 

began. My skin prickled when I realized 

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he was speaking the past tense. “And 

K9 Inspection 

until now, we have kept quiet about your 

situation.” 

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I was bewildered. What were they 

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talking about? 

“We received your application for your 

‘little girl’ to attend school here next year, Hassle-Free 

and I’m afraid that we are going to have to Total Bed Bug 

decline.” 

“Decline?” I asked. “Why?” 

Eradication 

They looked at me with such pity that 

Through 

for a moment they reminded me of the 

faces at Michoel’s levaya. 

Heat 

All I could do was stand up and walk, 

wordlessly, out of the room. I have not Treatment 

returned since. I enrolled Mindy in a more 

open-minded nursery, and she did fine 

there with most of the teachers and the 

other children. Some parents, however, 

were a different story. Even though I had 

known many of them since childhood, 

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and the administration had deemed it 

acceptable for Mindy to attend the school, 

these parents made sure their children 

kept their distance. She was never invited 

over for a play date, and our offers were 

politely refused. 

It was interesting to observe how 

Mindy’s personality developed around 

the rejections of her. Despite the people 

who shied away, ignored her and were 

occasionally incredibly disrespectful, a 

child is programmed to grow no matter 

the obstacles standing in the way. She 

accepted the rejection as part of her life 

and simply moved on. I was so in awe 

of her behavior that I forced myself to 

emulate it rather than become beaten 

down, and in fact, I found myself wishing 

I had known her when I was her age, so I 

would have known how to react all those 

times I felt invisible. 

Because both she and I were quiet by 

nature, Mindy never developed any cute 

shtick that would have helped win my 

family members over. She was a small, 

dark presence in their lives, a fleck they 

couldn’t remove no matter how hard they 

tried. She was respectful and helpful, 

and catered to my parents’ every need, 

but they could not warm up to her. They 

truly believed that she was the hindrance 

to my getting remarried and leading what 

was in their eyes a normal life. We never 

spoke about it, but Mindy understood 

intuitively—and persevered. She never 

tried to charm them or worm her way into 

their hearts. She waited for them to find 

her and, miraculously, one day they did. 

One Erev Shabbos I had finished 

preparing the house, and as was our habit, 

Mindy and I went over to my parents to 

help them get ready, even though we 

tended to eat our meals at home. A short 

while after we arrived, I realized I had 

forgotten to pick up my father’s Shabbos 

suit from the dry cleaners. I had never 

left Mindy alone with my parents but it 

was getting late, and she really was a big 

help to my mother in her own quiet way. I 

was torn between bringing her along and 

leaving her there, but after a little dithering 

I decided it would be quicker to go myself. 

I told her where I was going and when I’d 

be back, and Mindy, a solemn girl of six, 

nodded in agreement. 

At one point, when my family saw that 

I wasn’t going to change my mind, 

they staged an “intervention.” 

By the time I got back, two police cars 

and an ambulance were flashing in front of 

my parents’ house. I ran inside and found 

my mother on the kitchen floor, conscious 

but extremely weak, being tended to by a 

paramedic. 

“What happened?” I cried. 

The paramedic looked up at me and 

shrugged. “This is your mother?” he asked. 

“Yes! What’s going on?” 

“She’s had a mild heart attack. She’ll be 

all right.” 

“Who called you?” I asked. 

He pointed vaguely in Mindy’s direction. 

“The cleaning lady’s kid.” 

My eyes widened in horror. I didn’t 

know whether to be terrified for my 

mother or incensed by the paramedic’s 

comment. It was then that my mother 

raised herself up slightly and removed 

the oxygen mask covering her face so she 

could speak. 

“I beg your pardon,” she said. “That’s my 

granddaughter.” 

Mindy came and sat down on the floor 

beside my mother, holding her hand as the 

EMT inserted an IV. 

“Whatever you say,” he replied. 

But the sun had come out on Mindy’s 

face, and my mother held tightly to 

her hand as they loaded her into the 

ambulance. 

“I’ll meet you at the hospital,” I told her, 

as I gave her one last kiss. 

“Bring Mindy,” she managed to whisper. 

Then they closed the ambulance doors 

and she was gone. 

“What happened?” I asked Mindy on the 

way over. 

“Babba fell down,” she said simply. 

“You told me what to do if someone gets 

hurt and you need help, so I called the 

ambulance and they came. I could tell 

Babba was scared so I held her hand and 

sang to her while we were waiting, and I 

washed her forehead with a towel like you 

do to me when I have a temperature.” 

“Really?” I said. 

“I thought Babba would be mad, 

because she’s always mad at me, but she 

wasn’t this time.” 

Mindy stayed quiet for the rest of the 

ride to the hospital. I can’t say that she and 

my mother became the best of friends, but 

their souls had finally intertwined. From 

that day on, they understood each other. 

Sometimes I wish that Mindy could 

call the ambulance for the world, and 

hold its hand while they are waiting for 

it to arrive. Although she was formally 

converted as a child, when she is 12 she 

will be halachically obligated to decide for 

herself whether or not to accept the yoke 

of mitzvos. I know that until that happens, 

she’s floating between two worlds, not 

this and not that, not here and not there, 

with only me to anchor her. For whatever 

reason, she was called to join me and 

us, and a place must be made for her 

and others like her. Plenty of people fall 

between the cracks. I was one of those, 

and Mindy pulled and still pulls me out 

of my dark hole, and I am here to pull her 

up when she falls—but what about the 

others? Who will care for them? 


Where’s Zaidy? 

SHMUEL KUNDA HAS LEFT US, AND A WORLD OF JOYFUL FANTASY IS GONE 

Iam a zaidy. I think of myself as a 

young zaidy. But today, this zaidy 

no longer feels young. Today, I’m 

thinking about When Zaidy Was 

Young. 

Because the creator of 

the original “Zaidy that 

was young” is gone. 

The beloved Zaidy, 

Hymie Himmelstein, 

who made all of us cry 

with laughter, together 

with myriad other beloved 

characters, “poisinalities” 

and evil villains, all created 

by Rabbi Shmuel Kunda, have gone with 

him. 

The creator of such colorful characters 

and wonderful tales, of lively parodies and 

stories of tzaddikim, has gone to meet his 

Creator. He is surrounded by the angels 

who now listen eagerly to the songs and 

stories that made (and still make) Jewish 

children love Yiddishkeit and adults laugh 

and sing along in secret harmony. The 

songs are now played in Heaven, and we in 

this world are that much sadder and have 

a hole in our hearts—a piece of our youth 

has, alas, left us. 

My travels on the Streets of Life were spent 

with Shmuel Kunda, at least in the greater 

part of the 1980s and 1990s. Reb Shmuel 

joined us—on the highways that connect 

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to Monsey, New 

York and to Woodmere, Long Island—as 

our family made the long drives from the 

apartment in which we spent our out-oftown 

kollel years to visit our in-laws and 

parents. His characters Cousin Lemel and 

Mr. Genuckshoin came with us as we drove 

with the younger ones to visit their older 

siblings 

on the 

country roads that 

weave up and down 

and in and out of the 

Catskill Mountains. We rolled down our 

car windows driving on those hot, sticky 

summer days just as Mrs. Himmelstein 

rolled down hers, shouting across the 

alleyway to Mrs. Pitkin! 

And on those long trips, all you needed 

to quiet 10 kids who were screaming in 

the backseat of an old station wagon was 

to pop in a cassette and hear the tales of 

Sidney’s Supernatural Sparkling Seltzer. 

No longer would we be asked repeatedly, 

“When are we going to be there?” 

Suddenly, the only question they would 

ask was, “Who is Hymie Himmelstein?” 

Shmuel’s stories, his songs and his 

charm have become part of our family. His 

expressions have seamlessly integrated 

themselves into our family vernacular. Our 

bechor would learn his brachos together 

with Shmuel’s Boruch, and together they 

would forever remember that there is no 

such thing as a “watermelon tree.” 

I must apologize to all the members of 

congregations 

across the fruited 

plain whose name 

includes the title 

“Anshei.” Our clan 

can never mention 

your names, not 

Anshei Sholom, 

not Anshei Chesed, not Anshei Emes, 

without somehow first mistakenly 

metamorphosing it into Anshei Kartofel. 

And though my 

beard is whiter than 

it is gray, when I meet 

someone named 

Yehuda, I must 

control myself from 

inexplicably blurting out in a singsong, 

“Shalom to you Yehuda/How do ya do ya 

do ya?” 

In the days before cassette tapes, 

the animated excitement of American 

childhood was relegated to Bugs Bunny 

and Mickey Mouse. There was hardly a 

fun, catchy tune that we frum kids could 

call our own. 

Enter Shmuel Kunda. 

From his work with 613 Torah Avenue, to 

Boruch Learns His Brochos, and then Shabbos 

and then Pesach, characters, children and 

adults came alive in songs and scenarios 

that were wonderful parodies with subtle 

yet powerful messages for young and old 

alike. 

The age-old stories of The Longest Pesach 

and the Nodeh B’Yehuda sprung to life as 

the Yekkisher Zaidy related the tale of Rav 

Yechezka LandOOOWWW and the evil 

Simon and his bakery that was full of tricks 

and fakery. 

And all of you who buy the Yated 


RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY 

Ne’eman probably know by now that I love 

poetry as well. And I have always had such 

an appreciation for Shmuel’s perfect poetic 

meter and timing. Its perfection rings in 

my memory every time I look up at an 

aron kodesh and think of the description 

of the aron kodesh in Congregation Anshei 

Kartofel… . 

And a nice old Yid 

Gave the ner tamid 

In 1874 

When one of my sons went to the 

Scranton Yeshiva, it was impossible to 

drive up to northern Pennsylvania without 

thinking about Zaidy again. Suddenly the 

signs on PA Highway 81 no longer pointed 

to Wilkes Barre; they now read Wikkle- 

Berry and Huckle-Berry and all the other 

wonderful berries that were part of Zaidy’s 

malapropisms. 

He enhanced our lives with fact, fun 

and history. We no longer fly out of any 

old airport off the Grand Central Parkway; 

we all know that it is named after Mayor 

Fiarelli LaGardenhose! 

I have tears in my eyes reminiscing about 

my brother and I—who each have now 

passed a yovel of years—laughing together 

like children when we both looked at an old 

plaque in a shul that said it was dedicated in 

memory of a man named Isidore. Almost in 

unison we turned to each other and asked, 

“Your uncle is a door?” 

Not one of my five bar mitzvah boys 

could ever start learning the laining without 

letting us know that “Ma PaPa, he eata’ 

pasta!” 

And no one could be called up to the 

Torah without thinking of Cousin Lemel’s 

boisterous “Ya’amod.” 

Every stuffy inspector morphs into 

Mr. Osborn, repeating his name and 

position with the pompous alacrity of the 

pretentious character who dared to knock 

down our beloved Anshei Kartofel. 

I had never had met Shmuel Kunda 

in real life until the day the man that my 

children call their own Zaidy was no longer 

young. Three years ago, on Rosh Chodesh 

Marcheshvan, the exact date of Reb 

To quiet ten kids who 

were screaming in the back seat of 

an old station wagon was to 

pop in a cassette and hear the 

tales of Sidney’s Supernatural 

Sparkling Seltzer. 

Shmuel’s petirah, my father 

suffered a brain injury after 

falling down a flight of 

steps. 

Indeed my father, 

a zaide to bli ayin hara 

beautiful generations of 

grandchildren and greatgrandchildren, 

was ill. After 

some time recuperating at the 

Kessler Institute, he went to Lakewood’s 

Leisure Chateau for rehabilitation. 

Reb Shmuel Kunda, who had r”l suffered 

a stroke, was also there. When we would 

visit my father, we would gather around 

Shmuel as, together with him, my children 

and I sang the songs and talked the tales of 

the wonderful worlds that he created. 

Indeed, Shmuel struck up a wonderful 

friendship with my father and, like he did 

for everyone young and old, he infused him 

with a sense of vigor and the spirit of youth. 

At the shiva, the Kunda children related 

to me how, when visiting their father, they 

used to see my father, who was close to 90 

years old, pushing their father, 30 years his 

junior, all around in a wheelchair. 

He not only wrote and sang the story; 

he lived it. And indeed he made sure that 

“Zaidy was young.” 

Goodbye, Reb Shmuel. 

Goodbye Mr. Himmelstein. Goodbye 

Mr. Genuckshoin. Good bye Mr. Osborn. 

Goodbye Cousin Lemel and Feitel von 

Zaidel. 

Goodbye to the magical places like Oogie 

Oogie Street in Hancock (or 

Bangkok?). Goodbye to the 

beloved cities like Prague 

that everybody loved. 

Goodbye to the 

wonderful world of 

innocence and bliss where 

eviction notices become 

vacation notices, and mayors 

really do come to bar mitzvahs, 

and magical menorahs and yarmulkes make 

heroes out of everyday people. 

I’ll no longer hear the shouts in the 

marketplace of, “Here ya’ go! Onions! 

Onions! Onions!” And Officer Lonnigan, or 

was that Hooligan, will no longer boss us 

around. 

Goodbye Shmuel. We all love you and all 

your beautiful children, real and imagined. 

I know that it is embarrassing for a 

man my age to tell the world that I still 

remember the pills that Zaidy got from 

Dr. Krenkenstein, and the business deals 

between Mrs. Himmelstein and Mr. 

Galamoochie. 

But if I cried a few hours ago together with 

the yesomim in the bais avel, I want them 

to know that mixed in with those tears, I 

will continue to laugh with them as well. 

Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky is the rosh 

yeshivah of Yeshiva Toras Chaim at South Shore, 

a weekly columnist in Yated Ne’eman, and the 

author of the Parsha Parable series. He can share 

your story through the “Streets of Life,” and can 

be reached at editorial@amimagazine.org. 


VISIT ESTHER DEUTSCH AT HOME AND ENJOY PENNE ALLA VODKA AND CHEESECAKE 

FROM CHIC MADE SIMPLE 

OCTOBER 24, 2012 8 CHESHVAN, 5773 

ISSUE 91 

Mommy ' s Not Home 

IS IT HURTING OUR CHILDREN? 

COOK THE SEASONS: SAVOR THE BURSTING FLAVOR OF MUSHROOMS IN SHAINDY AUSCH’S PURSES 

ISSUE 91 



At Home 

with Esther Deutsch 

Whisk Columnist and Author of Chic Made Simple 

MINDING YOUR MIND. MODESTY MUST ALSO BE IN MODERATION. >>> 

BYTES. ”BROKEN TELEPHONE” IS NOT JUST A GAME. >>> THE CLEAN BILL. 

MY BABY HAS CATARACTS: ARE CONTACT LENSES THE SOLUTION? >>> 

MEDICAL MINUTES. SHOCK TREATMENT FOR SORES? >>> OUR DAYS. I 

WASN’T TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.>>> I DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE 

FOR A DIFFERENT MARATHON. >>> COOK THE SEASONS. SHAINDY’S 

MUSHROOM PURSES. >>> LEAH’S FAVORITES. PECAN LUKSHIN KUGEL. 

>>> THE KITCHEN SPY. SARAH VISITS A YERUSHALMI KITCHEN.

COOK THE SEASONS: SAVOR THE BURSTING FLAVOR OF MUSHROOMS IN SHAINDY AUSCH’S PURSES 

ISSUE 91 



CONTENTS 

8 Cheshvan, 5773 

October 24, 2012 

Features 

16 Are We Risking the 

Next Generation? 

Does working outside 

your home mean you 

are shortchanging your 

children and yourself? 

by Racheli Sofer 

28 The Clean Bill 

Contact lenses for her 

baby? She thought the 

doctor was kidding. 

by Ruchi Schreiber 

28 

Departments 

4 Editorial 

By Rechy Frankfurter 

6 Letters 

8 Parsha 

By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky 

9 Golden Nuggets 

By Basha Majerczyk 

10 Bytes 

By Chaya Silber 

12 Minding Your Mind 

By Dr. Lisa Aiken 

34 The Narrow Bridge 

By Peri Berger 

36 The Group 

By Ruthie Pearlman 

38 Our Days 

A Literary Compilation 

14 

in Whisk 

38 

Inside 

Whisk 

4 Esther at Home 

Upon the debut of her new 

cookbook, Chic Made Simple, 

I visited Esther in her own 

kitchen to learn where the 

creativity begins. 

By Victoria Dwek 

Recipes by Esther Deutsch 

12 Cook the Season 

This month: mushrooms. 

 

mushroom purses. 

By Shaindy Ausch 

14 Leah’s Favorites 

For a guest that wants the 

classics: Pecan Lukshen Kugel. 

By Leah Schapira 

16 The Kitchen Spy 

The bread is rising in a 

Yerushalmi kitchen. 

By Sarah Pachter 

18 Girl on a Diet 

By Chavy Hersh 

At Home 


Whisk Columnist and Author of Chic Made Simple 

2 | | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | 8 CHESHVAN, 5773

Esther Deutsch’s simple yet sophisticated 

recipes will make you want to cook.

DearReaders, 

Some articles take you by surprise. 

Editor in Chief 


Editorial 

Senior Editor 


 

Victoria Dwek 

Yossi Krausz 

Feature Editor 

Yitta Halberstam 

Mandelbaum 

 

Toby Worch 

Copy Editors 

Basha Majerczyk 

Dina Schreiber 

Sarah Shapiro 

Art 

Art Directors 

David Kniazuk 

Kenneth Nadel 

Food 

Food Editors 

Esther Deutsch 

Leah Schapira 

Advertising 

 

Zack Blumenfeld 

Executive Sales Directors 

Surie Katz 

Corporate Sales Director 

Sarah Sternstein 

 

Malky Friedman 

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P: 718-534-8800 

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info@amimagazine.org 

In this week’s cover story, we follow the thread of a “conversation” that is now 

being conducted in the secular world. As the old saying goes, “Vi es kristelt zich, es 

Yiddisht zich 

world. Certainly, the trend of frum 

large part to the fact that this is the current sociological norm in the world at large. 

But is it actually a new trend? Is the phenomenon of women working outside the 

 

working on this article and decided to ask the experts (as well 

as mothers themselves) whether they felt that the children of working mothers were 

somehow “damaged,” there was no doubt in my mind that they would say yes, that 

working outside the home was undoubtedly harmful. I was also sure that the women 

we interviewed would talk about their guilt and how they were failing their kids. 

Although we present to you only three experts and three mothers, we spoke to many, 

 

values we impart is by far the most important part of chinuch and child rearing. 

This should not really come as a surprise. Haven’t we all heard the story of the 

big talmid chacham who had spent his whole life in beis midrash, who once came 

to his Rebbe to complain that none of his children had turned out right? Even more 

puzzling was that the children of his neighbor, a businessman who spent most of 

his waking hours at work, were talmidei chachamim and roshei yeshivah. How was it 

possible for such a thing to happen? 

The Rebbe explained to him that the neighbor, despite not being immersed in 

Torah all day, had nonetheless sent the message to his children that Torah is what he 

valued. His children knew that his heroes were those who learned Torah, rather than 

those who amassed millions. In your case, the Rebbe said, your children saw that 

you are impressed by wealth, always talking about who donated which building and 

generally being in awe of rich people. 

 

 

as longtime activist and educator Ronnie Greenwald put it, a child needs to feel that 

even if his mother is not physically present, she is always with him. 

For our children to believe that this is so, it must really be. Children cannot be 

fooled, as illustrated in the popular fable about the Emperor’s new clothes. The only 

ones we can fool are ourselves.… 

Ami Magazine. Published by Mezoogmag LLC. All 

rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part 

in any form without prior written permission from 

the publisher is prohibited. The publisher reserves 

the right to edit all articles for clarity, space, and 

editorial sensitivities. Ami Magazine assumes no 

responsibility for the content of advertisements in 

the publication, nor for the contents of books that 

are referred to or excerpted herein. 


rechy@amimagazine.org 


A D V E R T O R I A L 

Rebbetzin Batsheva Kanievsky: A Legacy is Forever 

H 

aving just marked Rebbetzin 

Batsheva Kanievsky’s first 

yahrtzeit, the Jewish world is still 

trying to come to terms with the 

passing of a woman who loomed so 

large, who towered so high, and who remains so 

patently irreplaceable. Although her legacy lives on 

forever, the void of her presence amongst us will be 

keenly felt for a long, long time by all those who 

were fortunate to know her and be inspired by her. 

In Rebbetzin Kanievsky, the Jewish people 

found the ultimate woman of valor, a woman who 

was larger than life, who straddled the ethereal 

worlds of angels and the earthly world of plebeians 

along with the attendant challenges of the daily 

grind of life, so gracefully, naturally and seemingly 

effortlessly, that she made ‘real greatness’ look ‘real 

simple’. As a matter of fact, she managed to conceal 

and downplay the bulk of her achievements and 

maasim tovim so that most people never knew or 

comprehended the extent of her greatness. Indeed, 

I’d hazard a wager that not a single mortal, other 

than perhaps her illustrious husband Rav Chaim, 

ever has or ever will. 

A full year after her passing, the stories are still 

pouring in. 

The Rebbetzin ‘lived’ life – fully, actively, and 

dynamically. She fashioned every day into a shining 

gem that she could proudly add to her brilliant 

collection. She made every moment count by 

reaching out and touching so many souls, providing 

each person with exactly what he or she needed. 

With needs such as emotional nourishment and 

physical sustenance, home remedies to complex 

interpersonal guidance, from bread and cheese 

for the physically starving to lofty spiritual fodder 

for inquisitive minds. Every waking moment (and 

there were plenty of those in each day, with her bed 

being vacated daily at the crack of dawn), was a 

moment of reaching out and touching others in a 

simple, unassuming matter-of-fact, way that in true 

Rebbetzin Kanievsky form, inspired awe - not by 

its grandeur, but rather by its awesome simplicity. 

As thousands of people thronged to see her 

illustrious husband with requests for tefillos and 

for personal yeshuas that spanned the gamut of 

human tzaros, the Rebbetzin’s sensitively tuned 

‘empathy radar’ was always on high alert, quickly 

discerned which of the requests were for parnassa 

that required more than a heartfelt bracha – namely, 

emergency intervention in the form of tactfully 

disbursed monetary support to help put bread on 

the family’s table – immediately. 

In fact, Rav Chaim was known to ask people 

who sought to give him money for tzedaka to direct 

all funds towards his Rebbetzin. He knew she 

would know exactly how to make each and every 

dollar find the most worthy address. 

In addition to her position as Rav Chaim’s ezer 

k’negdo when she would sit with her venerable 

husband at the dining room table reading aloud the 

mountains of personal requests written on scraps 

of paper, there were also the multitudes of women 

who flocked to her personally and confided their 

deepest secrets of sudden reversals of previous 

fortunes, or of long-standing deprivation and dayto-day 

hunger which they could no longer bear to 

suffer. 

Take the woman who described the emotional 

pain she suffered as her little girl frequently and 

innocently asked “Mommy, can we have some 

‘real food’ today? Like chicken? Just this once, just 

today?” The woman had to choke back her tears as 

she once again had no choice but to reply “Here, 

have another piece of bread, sweetie.” 

Like her saintly husband, the Rebbetzin first 

prayed for them, and then she carefully and 

methodically went about making sure the destitute 

and the hungry among them, many of whom were 

respected members of their community, whose 

pride would not let them knock on the doors of 

soup kitchens and tzedaka organizations, were 

taken care of. That regardless of how desperate 

the financial situation, there was always sufficient 

food on the table, so that hunger pangs be reserved 

for public fasting days and fleeting pre-breakfast 

moments. To be sure, chicken is still a delicacy to 

that four-year-old - but no longer a far-off dream. 

And warm, nutritious chicken soup is served almost 

daily by her resourceful mother who manages to 

coax several weeks’ worth of hearty soup out of a 

single whole chicken. 

To the rest of us, the Rebbetzin was a mentor, 

an inspiration, a shining light. To these women and 

their families, she was a virtual lifeline. With her 

passing, these families suddenly found themselves 

back where they never wanted to be found again 

– denying their precious kinderlach the very basic 

needs that no human being should have to ration, 

or hold back. 

The Rebbetzin’s closest admirers have stepped 

in to identify and sustain those who had been 

left so utterly desolate and without their lifeline 

of support. These wonderful folks are scrambling 

to find the funds that seem to have dried up with 

the Rebbetzin’s passing. Indeed, Rav Chaim often 

expressed pain and concern regarding the lack of 

funds for disbursement to the families so lovingly 

cared for by the Rebbetzin during her lifetime. It 

simply grieves him so intensely. And so, during 

a weighty consultation with close and caring 

individuals, Rav Chaim Kanievsky instructed the 

establishment of a charity organization which will 

not only enable the continuity of the charity and 

chesed to families previously supported by the 

Rebbetzin, but will broaden its original limited 

scope and now provide a lifeline to all of Eretz 

Yisroel’s needy. Thus, SHAVAH was begun as the 

official continuity of Rebbetzin Kanievsky’s legacy. 

By creating an organization dedicated to 

reinstating the tzedaka fund Rebbetzin Kanievsky 

established and lovingly tended to, under the 

auspices of SHAVAH, this newly reinstated and 

soon to be expanded fund will carry on Rebbetzin 

Kanievsky’s sacred legacy. Undoubtedly her holy 

neshama will soar ever higher each and every time 

distributions from the fund are made to Eretz 

Yisroel’s needy. 

But there was more than tzedaka that personified 

this extraordinary woman, which is why Rav Chaim 

Kanievsky ardently supports the dual mission of 

SHAVAH – to also be the sacred medium that 

posthumously inspires unity and growth, in much 

the same way the holy Rebbetzin, during her 

lifetime, inspired countless women from all walks 

of life, as all barriers fell to the wayside within the 

spiritually soaked walls of her humble home. 

To this end, SHAVAH will soon unveil a 

tremendous initiative that will help each and 

every one of us eternalize the Rebbetzin and her 

legacy - as we reach out to our brothers and sisters; 

simply, lovingly, and meaningfully, in the very same 

all-embracing manner that the Rebbetzin aleha 

hasholom reached out and touched us all. 

Yehi Zichra Baruch. 

For more information about Shavah, 

call 718-513-2205

11 TISHREI, 5773 | SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 

LETTERS 

Medical Minute 

Misdiagnosis 

It’s not acupuncture that isn’t 

reliable and safe 

In reference to “The Clean Bill,” Issue 88 

IWas An 

Oisgeklapteh 

Hoshanah 

We may pride ourselves on the amount of 

knowledge we think we’ve amassed, but how 

much do we really know? 

36 | | SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 | 11 TISHREI, 5773 

This is the chest-thumping, humble-pie-eating saga of 

someone who regularly rails against the iniquities of the 

pharmaceutical companies, fiercely campaigns for patient 

self-education and makes impassioned speeches about 

the importance of hyper-vigilantism to guard against doctor to go find a to 

specialist immediately 

doctor’s mistakes—but ignored every bit of her own 

but naive GP: “Top” s 

anyone immediately, 

advice when it came to her own personal health. Baruch president of the Unit 

Hashem, the saga ends happily (my editor warned me 

When I called the 

was referred the next 

that for Yom Tov, all medical stories must be upbeat), (a veritable Rottweile 

protecting her employ 

but I would like to take the reader along with me on my patient load and cram 

told me that he was n 

journey so that the sins of omission to which I plead new patients. I begge 

guilty need never be repeated by others. 

and finally...cried. I la 

the receptionist really 

gold, but had to act to 

ate one night a year ago, I was suddenly stricken to safeguard the doctor’s health (he was a soft 

with dangerously high levels of blood pressure overbooked). The crying, however, clinched it, 

(225/125). Fortuitously, my kind-hearted an appointment for a month later. I was ecstat 

neighbor, Yossi Weinberger, is a member of know. 

Jewry’s beloved emergency corps, and with the The icon was the nicest, most attentive and 

swift haste that is the hallmark of Hatzalah, physician I have ever met in my life. His first 

he bounded up my front steps at my husband’s behest. I had for more than two hours. He told me that bef 

visited the emergency room too many times before with my decisions regarding treatment, he would take 

mother, a”h, and could still conjure up at will the chaos that ran and enzyme tests to determine my current sta 

rampant, the antiseptic smell mixed with blood and death that well as which type of medication would be be 

malingered in the halls, the cacophony of beeping monitors and chemistry. When I returned the following we 

groaning invalids, and the supreme indifference of the nurses to the tests indicated that the popular blood pres 

the suffering patients who lay stacked up on gurneys, waiting for Benicar, which my GP had temporarily put m 

help. In other words: I stubbornly refused to go. 

the specialist), would not really work in my pa 

However, as my mother’s daughter (she had the distinction try Chlorthalidone,” he suggested. “It’s a very 

of founding The Alternative Healing Center of Boro Park long might also lose weight on it.” I practically seiz 

before holistic remedies were popular), I also remembered that “Come back in two weeks and let’s see how it 

eating raw garlic is supposed to bring blood pressure down I returned, the blood pressure had dropped sig 

immediately, so I kept popping pieces into my mouth with great side effects?” he asked, as he peered at my cha 

heroism and chewing vigorously while an increasing number “Nope,” I said happily, having already dropped 

of Hatzalah members gathered in my home. (I say “with great “Okay, great,” he said. “Continue and come ba 

heroism” because have you ever tasted—and swallowed—huge for a check-up.” I didn’t. 

amounts of raw garlic? To be fair, the people around me were I possess an unmerited reputation for being 

equally heroic, because have you ever been in the company of a May I digress for a moment and point out to 

person who has just swallowed 35 cloves of it?) 

meaning friends and relatives that when I com 

Yossi Weinberger was on the phone with my doctor as they “pricking sensation” in my kidney area (which 

debated back and forth whether I should be forced into the with exaggerated eye rolls), I ended up with k 

waiting ambulance. But as the minutes passed the blood pressure once, but twice. When I aired my concerns ab 

started to go down (which of course I attributed to the healing nausea, which they sagely insisted was “psycho 

powers of the odiferous bulbs). It was agreed that I could bypass up with a condition called hyperparathyroidis 

the emergency room this time around, but I was warned by my operation on my neck to remove one of my pa 

L 

Dear Editor, 

The article in “The Clean Bill,” describing a nearly lifethreatening 

fiasco (while admittedly exacerbated—but 

not caused—by “patient negligence”) experienced by Mrs. 

Mandelbaum, was, sadly, hardly surprising. I too was “helped” 

(with the kind of help we can all do without!) by a “top doctor,” 

the “best in his field,” to whom I was referred for hip pain. He 

sent me home with a “prescription” for copious amounts of 

ibuprofen, three times a day, indefinitely. I was young, naïve, 

desperate for relief and extremely compliant, and after all, he 

was renowned for his brilliance and expertise. 

Before long, my digestive system was ripped to shreds, and 

I was suffering clinical depression I “chanced” upon an article 

that tangentially mentioned that extensive and extended use of 

ibuprofen can cause, among other things, clinical depression. 

Did the venerable doctor mention this to me as something to be 

cautious about? Did he even know? 

After reading this, I immediately stopped the ibuprofen. It 

took months for me to get back to myself. But it happened, 

B”H; it took even longer for my gut to begin to heal. 

I know of far too many other medically induced tragedies: 

the friend’s mother who died of a prescribed overdose of 

medication; the neighbor who had a fatal reaction to a drug; the 

dear friend who could have died had she not been the vigilant 

and informed patient that she was, aware that a medication 

she was on for a chronic condition was fatal when combined 

with the medication the doctor prescribed for her. May we 

all be blessed with abundant good health; competent, humble 

and worthy shlichim for refuah if/when, G-d forbid, we need 

it; and more than that, may Hashem send Moshiach tzidkeynu 

bimheyra veyameynu, and put an end to these and all the 

confusion and tragedies that are so heartrendingly prevalent in 

our galus. 

L.J. 

Too Much Tuna 

Beware of mercury poisoning 

 

Dear Chavy, 

I just wanted to caution you about 

the dangers of eating tuna fish more 

than the FDA recommendation, which 

is once a week. [Editor’s note: See “The 

Clean Bill,” in AmiLiving, Issue 85, 

which discussed mercury in fish.] 

An acquaintance of mine was eating 

too much tuna and after a short while 

he had to be hospitalized for mercury 

poisoning. It happens to people who 

eat sushi regularly as well. You could try 

canned wild salmon, sardines, or herring, 

which are much lower in mercury. 

Chavy, please research the dangers of 

 

to Another 

Your daughter is hurting too 

 

Dear Editor, 

I just got my weekly Ami subscription, and was reading 

the “Letters” page with the intention of saving the rest 

of the magazine for Shabbos. I can’t wait until Motzei 

Shabbos though to respond to one of the letters titled 

“Please Talk To Me,” and I hope that you print it so that 

the letter writer reads my response. 

To the Mother Who Is Hurting, I want to tell you that 

your daughter is hurting even more. As someone who 

experienced infertility for many years, you cannot begin to 

even imagine what she is going through, unless, and forgive 

me if this really is the case, you went through this nisayon too. 

I’ve been in contact for many years with many other 

women experiencing the same torturous journey, and 

although there are couples who are very open with their 

families about their experience, for some the decision to 

maintain privacy is absolutely necessary—for a variety of 

reasons, one of which might be that the couple finds it too 

unbearably painful to discuss. My family respected our 

choice to remain silent, and we are forever grateful for that. 

Baruch Hashem, I’ve been blessed with children, and 

that’s why, as a mother, I can empathize with your pain 

too. But for your daughter’s sake, don’t exacerbate her 

enormous pain. Offer her support, stand behind her, daven, 

but don’t pry. 

May Hashem answer all of our tefilos, 

A Mother Who Feels Your Pain 

mercury poisoning. It can cause severe 

and lasting physical, psychological and 

neurological symptoms. Eat or juice a lot 

of cilantro. It can help detox mercury. 

I’m sure your diet coach can give you 

some more ideas of other lean protein 

options for your diet. 

Good luck, 

A concerned reader 


Serve healthy foods all year long 

In reference to Whisk 

Dear Editor, 

I enjoyed your “annual” Whisk on a diet 

issue and look forward to trying many of 

the recipes. I would like to stress, however, 

that the notion of an “annual” post-chag 

diet may be where the problem lies for 

so many people. The key to successful 

weight loss and maintenance often occurs 

when a person switches from temporary 

diet mode to long-term lifestyle changes. 

Furthermore, when it becomes a lifestyle 

change, the whole family can get involved 

and together reap the benefits. This means that whether or not we need to lose 

weight, heavy cream, puff pastry dough and calorie-laden kugels should not be 

the centerpiece at our Shabbos and Yom Tov tables. Rather, fill the table with 

more salads, vegetables, whole grain side dishes and healthier desserts. And what 

better venue to give us ideas for these dishes than Whisk... weekly. 

Shoshana Genack, MS, RD 

WRITE TO US: 

 

ISSUE 89 


24 TISHREI, 5773 

Leah Schapira 

Gives Tons 

of Flavor to 

Diet-Friendly 

Dishes 

AMI MAGAZINE, 1575 50th St., Brooklyn, NY 

letters@amimagazine.org 

Miriam Pascal’s 

Guilt-Free 

Desserts 

Professor Betty 

Gadeloff-Mizrahi 

Brings Excitement to 

Losing Weight 

Mazel Tov to Mr. and Mrs. Joseph 

and Ruthie Pearlman upon the 

birth of their grandson. May they 

see lots of nachas. 

encore 

Sounds 

of the 

Future 

The world’s first 3D printed 

acoustic guitar is making 

sound waves—and waves 

around the world 

Scott Summit dreamed 

of owning a fancy guitar 

all his childhood. His wish 

came true this month when, 

instead of spending $3,000 

to purchase the instrument 

of his dreams, he printed it. 

Summit works as one of the 

world’s leading 3D printing 

and design experts, designing 

custom body parts and prosthetics 

that are printed out, as 

described in Issue 57, using a 

3D printer. His latest invention 

though, created in his 

spare time, raises the possibility 

that custom instruments 

could be printed to meet the 

exact specifications of a musician 

in terms of the types of 

sounds it can produce. Music 

to my ears….

PARSHAS LECH LECHA 

Lech Lecha 

Titles and Totals 

BY RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY 

The progenitor of our People, 

Avraham Avinu, begins his saga 

this week in Parshas Lech Lecha 

after a brief appearance in last 

week’s Torah portion in a passage that 

introduces him by discussing his birth, 

marriage and travels. Even in this week’s 

parshah, when we are really introduced 

to Avraham, we find no descriptive 

accolades. It just tells stories. Many 

stories. Lech Lecha begins: “And Hashem 

said unto Avram: ‘Get yourself out of 

your country, and from your kindred, 

and from your father’s house, unto the 

land that I will show you’” (Genesis 12:1). 

The next two and a half Torah portions 

are filled with the many experiences 

and adventures of Avraham. Each story 

embodies self-sacrifice, faith, kindness, 

bravery and the amazing character traits 

that are a model for all his descendants. 

The Torah never calls him a tzaddik; 

it does not describe him as a genius, 

maverick or pioneer. Why not? Noach, 

in the first few verses of his emergence, 

is highly praised: “Noach found grace 

in the eyes of Hashem” (Genesis 6:8). In 

the next verse, Noach is called a “tzaddik, 

perfect in his generations” (ibid v. 9). I 

simply do not understand. Why is Noach 

introduced with honorable titles while 

Avraham only gets stories? 

A number of years ago, I attempted to 

raise some tzedakah from an unaffiliated 

Jew who I did not know. In fact, my only 

reason to call him was the ostensibly 

Jewish name boldly painted on the large 

sign that described his mammoth factory. 

I assumed he was proud of his heritage, 

seeing as he did not invent a name for 

his manufacturing company or rename 

it McGillicuddy’s Tool Factory; thus I 

called him. 

“Hello, this is Mordechai Kamenetzky, 

and I’d like to meet you about helping 

perpetuate our Jewish 

heritage.” In my mind 

it was as pareve as an 

introduction could get, 

coaching my initial request 

for a meeting with a plea 

for Jewish continuity. 

But the fellow must 

have been down that road 

before. He did not say 

“I’m busy.” He did not 

ask me for details. Instead 

he asked one simple question. And he 

asked it loudly and angrily: “Are you 

Orthodox?” 

I was stunned. I thought about the 

question for about 30 seconds, and those 

30 seconds helped me formulate an 

answer that I still believe today. 

“Well,” he barked. “I asked you a 

question. Are you Orthodox?” 

“You know what.” I said. “I really 

have no idea what I am!” I paused. “But 

I’ll tell you what. I have a book. I try to 

follow this book. In the book there are 

big lettered instructions and on its sides 

there are small lettered instructions. I try 

to follow the instructions. Sometimes, I 

succeed. Sometimes, I fail. I don’t know 

what I am; I just know what I do or, at 

least, try to do. So, I’ll tell you what. Why 

don’t you come down to my yeshivah, 

follow me around and then you can call 

me any name you like.” 

I think he liked the answer. Because he 

did come, and we became good friends. 

I think there is a great difference 

between Noach and Avraham. Noach, 

as hard as he worked, did not impart 

his greatness to others; thus the story of 

Noach is very self-contained. Of course, 

he must have fed the animals on the 

ark and dealt with the wood suppliers; 

however, we really do not see him 

speaking or interacting with anyone. In 

fact, I do not think that in the Torah, 

Noach ever spoke to anyone! There are 

no words, “Vayomer Noach—Noach said.” 

Thus the Torah had to label him. The 

Torah had to tell us that he was a tzaddik. 

Avraham, however, did not need a label. 

Just follow him around. Travel with him 

to a land that only G-d knows. Leave 

that land during a famine. Accompany 

him when he fights for the life of his 

nephew. Share his faith as he and his 

wife wait decades for children. Walk 

up Mount Moriah as he unflinchingly 

responds to Hashem’s request: “Take 

now your son, your only son, who you 

love, and offer him for an olah” (Genesis 

22:2). Then you will call him the name he 

eventually earns for eternity—Avraham 

Avinu, Our Father Abraham. 

In Talmud Yerushalmi, Rabban Shimon 

ben Gamliel states: “We do not make 

monuments for the righteous; their words 

are their memories.” Perhaps there is a 

lesson. If you can learn from actions, one 

need not be defined by titles. Perhaps 

the Torah need not bestow titles if it 

describes actions. The actions and the 

stories are the greatest titles that our 

Patriarchs have. 

Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky is the 

rosh yeshivah of Yeshiva Toras Chaim at 

South Shore, a weekly columnist for Yated 

Ne’eman and Ami Magazine, and the 

author of the Parsha Parable series. 


GOLDEN NUGGETS // by Basha Majerczyk 

A TALE OF MERIT 

AND MUD 

There was once a Poilisher rebbe who 

traveled quite frequently. Wherever 

he went, he would stay in the home of 

one of his wealthier chasidim. 

In one city lived a rich chasid who owned 

a huge mansion. But whenever he heard that 

the Rebbe was coming he would invent an 

excuse—“pressing business commitments and 

so forth”—and immediately leave town. This 

continued until one time the Rebbe arrived 

in the city without advance notice. With no 

alternative, the chasid was embarrassed into 

acting as host. 

A few days later the Rebbe asked the chasid 

directly what was troubling him. “Tell me the 

truth,” he said. “Do you really resent my being 

here?” 

“G-d forbid!” the man replied. “I’m honored 

to have the Rebbe as my guest. It’s just that 

whenever you visit, all the chasidim come here 

to see you—and they track mud all over my 

beautiful house! That’s why I was always out 

of town. But G-d forbid you should think 

that I was avoiding you. The real reason is the 

mud.” 

The Rebbe responded with a story: 

“There was once an apothecary who had 

committed every sin a person is capable of,” 

he began. “After he died, all the accusing 

angels created by his actions came before the 

Heavenly Court and demanded retribution. 

The call went out: Did anyone have anything 

favorable to say in the man’s favor? 

“A single angel stepped forward to say 

something in his defense. ‘Many years ago,’ 

the angel declared, ‘this man helped right 

a heavily laden wagon that had 

overturned on the road. Not only did 

he stop to pull the horse and wagon 

out of the mud, but he also helped the 

driver retrieve the cargo that tumbled 

out.’ 

“The man’s verdict hung in the 

balance. On one side of the scale 

were his numerous transgressions; 

on the other side were the horse, the 

wagon and the whole load of cargo 

he helped pick up. The scale stood 

lopsided, as the total of sins was much 

heavier than the total of merits. The 

defending angels then suggested that 

the mud that adhered to the horse 

and wagon be added to the weight of 

the merits, but the prosecuting angels 

rose up in protest. 

“It was ultimately decided to 

reserve judgment until the man’s soul 

returned to Earth one more time; the 

Heavenly Court would wait and see 

what significance mud played during 

this second lifetime. If it was indeed 

important they would add it to the 

weight of his merits; if not, then the 

man was clearly guilty. 

“Know,” the Rebbe concluded his 

words, “that you possess the soul of 

that apothecary, and that is why your 

yetzer hara alarms you at the thought 

of mud in your house. But it is to your 

own detriment that you listen to its 

voice.” 

The Rebbe’s words were well taken 

and he immediately amended his ways. 

“Come right in and visit the Rebbe!” 

the chasid urged his fellow chasidim 

from that day on. “And don’t worry 

about bringing your muddy boots into 

the house!”

BYTES // Morsels of Wisdom, Wit and Practical Advice By Chaya Silber 

The Working 

Woman’s S.O.S. 

Five steps to a calmer, more 

productive workday 

1. It’s not always your problem. Natural problem 

solvers, many women in managerial positions tend 

to micromanage others. If you routinely stay late or 

become frustrated because you are “doing everyone’s 

work,” you’re headed to a slow but steady burnout. In 

addition, the extra burden will divert your attention 

from the work only you can do and bog you down with 

irrelevant details. Stay focused on your real job and you 

will be less hassled at the end of the day. 

P.S. Micromanaging your team cripples employees 

from developing their skills and makes them dependent 

on you. It becomes a non-ending, vicious cycle. 

2. Time is money. Yes, really. How much time in an 

average workday do you spend shmoozing, answering 

emails, reading junk mail, or giving instructions to the 

babysitter? Figure out what your hourly rate is, and 

then ask yourself whether the time you spend on such 

activities are worthwhile. 

Caution: you might be unpleasantly surprised by 

how much time you actually waste. Rolf Nelson in The 

Rational Entrepreneur puts it best: “Putting an explicit 

monetary value on your time has the advantage of 

ironing out certain irrational habits.” 

3. Think before you dial. A step in time saves nine. 

Important phone calls to clients and suppliers, 

especially those with whom you don’t have the best 

relationship, require preparation. Before picking up the 

phone, write down the key points you want to discuss, 

so that you don’t have to call back and feel like a fool. 

Always have the facts on hand before you begin to 

speak; end the call with a quick summary of what was 

decided. One salient point: Decide in advance what 

message you will leave if you reach voicemail. 

4. Don’t drown in research. In Stop Talking, Start Doing: 

A Kick in the Pants in Six Parts, author Shaa Wasmund 

discusses the epidemic of too much research, which 

 

As Wasmund states, “hundreds of millions of us 

 

information; on seeking ever more fascinating, and 

entertaining research.” Do your relevant research, make 

a decision, and move on. 

We can’t 

stress this enough. Unless there’s a dire emergency, 

work-related chores must be left at work. Your children 

and your spouse (and yourself) deserve no less. 

SOFT SPOT IN OUR HEARTS 

WHAT BAD NEWS MIGHT MEAN FOR WOMEN 

It’s really and truly official: women are (drum roll, 

please) more empathetic than men. A new study published 

in the journal PLOS ONE proves that women become 

more stressed by negative news reports than their male 

counterparts. 

In the Montreal-based study, 60 participants were divided 

into four groups. They were asked to read either neutral 

stories or negative stories about crime or violence. Each 

participant’s reaction was determined through tests that 

showed levels of the stress hormone cortisol. They were also 

asked to perform memory tests to see how they functioned 

in stressful situations. The more cortisol found in their saliva, 

the more stressed they were. 

A day later, the subjects were called in and asked 

about what they had read. While reading the stories 

did not drastically increase stress levels, the women 

who read negative news had higher stress levels after 

memory and intellect experiments compared to the 

women who read the neutral news. 

“It is interesting to note that we did not observe 

this phenomenon amongst the male participants,” said 

study author Marie-France Marin, a PhD candidate in 

neuroscience. 


NOT-SO-MAGICAL SHOE 

SNEAKER COMPANY SLAPPED WITH 

LAWSUIT OVER CLAIMS 

 

the last time you tied 

the laces on your running shoes? 

They didn’t? Well, there might be a 

payout waiting for you. 

On August 20, a 

Massachusetts judge ordered New Balance 

to pay $2.3 million to settle false advertising 

 

loving athletes will get up to $5,000 each. 

New Balance’s original line, which 

 

shoes that looked like regular sneakers. New Balance brazenly 

claimed its TrueBalance and Rock & Tone lines “activated” certain lower-body 

muscles with soles that made it hard to stay balanced, as if the wearer was running 

on sand. They even called the shoes a “hidden beauty secret,” promising that they 

helped the wearer burn eight percent more calories than regular sneakers. 

each bought the shoes, and realized they’d been 

scammed. Instead of taking it sitting down, they hired a lawyer and went running 

after the company for damages. 

provides no additional activation to the gluteus, 

hamstring or calf muscles, and does not burn any additional calories,” their lawyers 

wrote. “Moreover, scientists are concerned that wearing the Toning Shoes may lead to 

injury, a fact which New Balance deceptively omits from its advertising.” 

 

BROKEN TELEPHONE 

HUMAN MEMORY RECALL COULD RESEMBLE THE AGE-OLD CHILDREN’S GAME 

As kids, we enjoyed playing the game “broken telephone,” a party favorite that’s been 

popular for generations. The way it works is simple: Someone starts by saying a sentence 

to the person nearest them. That person then turns to a third person and whispers what 

they heard. Somehow, by the time the sentence gets to the last person in line, it barely 

resembles the original. 

Here’s a shocker: It seems our memories operate the same way. 

A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience views how we retrieve 

memories. It’s well known that retrieval is good for memory. The more 

times you remember something, the longer you’ll remember it for. 

Yet there’s one catch: each time you retrieve a memory, you 

forget or add small things to it. The next time you recall the 

information, you’ll remember it a little bit garbled. 

“Our memories aren’t like a photograph,” says lead study author 

Donna Bridge. “We mix up details, we forget things. We’re likely 

to remember this incorrect information just as much as we are 

the correct (memory).” 

In other words, the more you recall an event, the more 

inaccurate your memory may become. Here’s hoping we get 

rid of the unpleasant details and focus only on the wonderful 

experiences we had. 

 

 

the 

 

WHAT OUR 

MOTHERS 

TOLD US 

WE’VE ALL HEARD SOME OF 

THESE OLD WIVES’ TALES, WHICH 

WERE PASSED FROM MOTHER TO 

DAUGHTER THROUGH SEVERAL 

GENERATIONS. HERE ARE SOME 

ESPECIALLY LUDICROUS ONES. 

WARNING: TAKE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. 

 

Laundry should never be done on 

Sundays, for there will surely be 

a terrible tear or ugly stain in the 

week ahead. 

 

If onions dug from the garden at 

harvest time have thin skins, there’s 

a mild winter ahead. 

 

Any woman who desires to have 

order in her home must allow sage 

 

 

Stir cake away from you and you 

will stir your troubles away. Also, 

pastry must be rolled an uneven 

number of times—otherwise it will 

be tough. 

 

Cold hands and a warm heart make 

the best pastry. 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | | 11

MINDING YOUR MIND // Why do we act this way? Psychology in real life. 

Self-Effacement 

Why excessive modesty amounts to putting yourself down 

BY DR. LISA AIKEN 

12 | | OCTOBER 10, 2012 | 24 TISHREI, 5773

Natan was an unmarried 28-year-old 

man whom a neighbor had sent 

 

impression of him was that he was painfully 

shy. No one ever noticed him because he 

didn’t talk about himself. When women 

would ask him what he did for a living 

he would invariably answer, “I do ads.” 

Then, because he apparently didn’t have 

a lucrative profession, they would usually 

move to another, hopefully richer, eligible 

 

that he had his own video company, 

that he was extremely innovative and 

creative, and that his talent was very much 

in demand by those who had made the 

 

 

him very frustrating. Humble to a fault, it 

took a long time to discover his strengths. 

When asked, “Did you ever learn in 

yeshivah?” he responded, “A little bit.” 

In fact, he had studied in an intensive Israeli 

yeshivah for two years after becoming a 

baal teshuvah, and continued to learn 

every day no matter how busy his work 

schedule was. 

On the Thursday evening before the 

Shabbos he would be our guest, he came 

 

he walked into the kitchen he could hear 

the strains of a music CD that was playing 

and commented on how beautiful it was. 

“Chopin, isn’t it?” he inquired. 

“Yes,” I replied. “My favorite. Do you play 

an instrument?” 

“I play a little piano,” he answered 

sheepishly. “Actually, I should say that I 

used to play. I took piano lessons as a child 

but I haven’t actually had access to a piano 

in several years.” 

“You’re welcome to play my piano 

 

to play but don’t have much time for it 

anymore. You can even play now, if you 

 

bench.” 

With that, I rearranged the mess in my 

living room and made a place for Natan to 

sit down at the piano. “Please excuse me,” 

I told him. “I have a lot of cooking to do. 

Make yourself at home.” 

 

my CD player, and anticipated hearing 

 

Instead, I was shocked to hear a medley of 

Chopin sonatas and waltzes, all played with 

considerable expertise and emotion. I stood 

in the doorway, astounded, as I watched his 

 

the most beautiful music. He played one 

 

minutes as I enjoyed a private concert. 

And he told me that he only plays a little, 

I thought to myself. It’s too bad that he is so 

. 

People who 

are modest in 

a healthy way 

believe that 

Hashem gave 

them a unique 

purpose for being 

here, and that 

they are doing 

their best to live 

up to those goals. 

What Is Self-Effacement? 

Self-effacement is the attempt to draw into the background 

and make oneself inconspicuous by being overly modest. 

Modesty, of course, is a positive virtue. Pirkei Avos tells us that 

Jews have three characteristics: We are compassionate and 

bashful, and we perform kind deeds. From Malachi (6:8) we 

learn that one of the three prerequisites for being close to G-d 

is modesty. Moshe was the greatest Jew who ever lived, and 

his hallmark was humility. Yet sometimes people express their 

modesty in a way that negates their uniqueness and appreciation 

for their talents. People who believe they are but “dust and ashes” 

without the counteracting conviction that “the world was created 

for my sake” sometimes end up being overly self-effacing, with 

a faulty, lopsided understanding of their place in the world. This 

can sometimes be attributed to depression, poor self-esteem, lack 

of a proper sense of self and/or being excessively self-critical. 

Some people act in a self-effacing manner as a means of 

getting others to give them extra reassurance, attention or 

validation. We have all had the experience of complimenting a 

woman on the delicious food she has prepared, only to have her 

say, “I think the chicken was a little underdone, and I burned the 

kugel on the bottom,” or of telling her how beautiful she looks, 

only to have her respond, “Really? I just put on five pounds.” 

Sometimes the self-effacing person is terribly insecure, and is 

fishing for compliments by downplaying her positive qualities. If 

her response to a compliment is simply, “Thank you,” that might 

end the discussion about her good points. If, instead, she says, “I 

think this dress makes me look fat,” or insists that the gorgeous 

spread she has put out for a parlor meeting was “nothing,” the 

other person is more likely to go on and on about how stunning 

she looks, how hard she worked, or what an amazing job she did. 


MINDING YOUR MIND // Why do we act this way? Psychology in real life. 

Good or Bad? 

Whether self-effacement is healthy or not depends upon its 

motivation, and whether or not it is balanced out by a positive 

self-image. Depressed people tend to see themselves as much 

worse than others, even when objectively they are not. People 

who are modest in a healthy way believe that Hashem gave 

them a unique purpose for being here, and that they are doing 

their best to live up to those goals. Recognizing that of course, 

compared to Hashem, their achievements and assets pale by 

comparison, they believe that they have contributed to their 

success by making the appropriate efforts, but that the final 

results are really due to Hashem’s blessing. 

Self-effacement that is due to false modesty, in an attempt to 

garner more compliments and attention, can actually backfire. 

When someone repeatedly engages in such behavior, these 

thinly veiled pleas for endless compliments can become tiresome 

as others become weary of trying to bolster the person’s ego. 

One way for overly self-effacing people to avoid this trap is to 

try to internalize the nice things about themselves they know 

to be true, so as not to be so dependent on a steady stream of 

compliments from others. 

Another danger of self-effacement is that others often take 

you at face value and believe what you say—to your detriment! 

In Natan’s case, his self-effacement made it extremely difficult for 

him to get married, and also cost him some jobs. Unfortunately, 

there are many people like him. 

Esti suffered from poor self-esteem and was very dependent 

on her husband Faivel for her sense of self. Invariably, she would 

respond to his compliments with self-effacing remarks. After 

they had children, he wanted to make her feel good about being 

a wife and mother, so he would praise her in these areas. If she 

made a nice dinner, he would tell her how delicious the food 

tasted. She would usually reply, “Anybody could have made this, 

it was so simple.” When he pointed out how nicely she took care 

of the baby she would say, “My sister is so much calmer with 

her children. She always does exactly the right thing.” When 

Faivel would give her a compliment about how she looks, she 

would retort, “I have such terrible bags under my eyes from not 

sleeping. I don’t know how you can even look at me.” Her selfeffacement 

took a terrible toll on their marriage. Her husband 

felt so deflated by her constant rejection of his compliments that 

he stopped giving them altogether. Worse, he came to see her as 

she described herself—as a mediocre wife and mother, and a lessthan-attractive 

woman—and wondered why he had married her. 

Someone who is tempted to make self-effacing comments 

should recall the famous story about the Chofetz Chaim, who 

was once traveling on a train to Radin. On the train was a fellow 

Jewish passenger, who didn’t recognize him. The other Jew kept 

extolling the Chofetz Chaim’s virtues, to which the rabbi kept 

responding, “I know him very well. He’s not so great.” In the 

end, the man actually struck the Chofetz Chaim for his negative 

comments about the gadol hador. 

When the train arrived in Radin, a throng of people was 

waiting at the station. The Jew asked them which dignitary they 

were awaiting, and was stunned when they told him they were 

expecting the Chofetz Chaim, who turned out to be the very 

man he had assaulted. 

When the Jew asked for the Chofetz Chaim’s forgiveness he 

granted it, adding that the man had taught him an important 

lesson: Not only is it forbidden to speak badly about others, it is 

also forbidden to speak lashon hara about oneself. 

Lisa Aiken, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with more than 30 

years’ experience working with individuals and couples. She lives in 

Jerusalem. Dr. Aiken has also given lectures in over 200 cities on a 

wide variety of Jewish topics and is the author of 11 books, including 

To Be a Jewish Woman and The Baal Teshuva Survival Guide. 

 

T F 

1. I don’t like to toot my own horn, even when it is important for others to know about my accomplishments. 

2. People have told me that I sell myself short. 

3. When people compliment me, I typically downplay my achievements or assets. 

4. I don’t believe I have done much, if anything, that is worthy of note, even though others tell me that I have 

special talents or abilities. 

 


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Are We Putting 

the Next 

Generation at 

Risk? 

As social 

paradigms shift 

in both the 

secular and frum 

worlds, Jewish 

mothers continue 

to grapple with 

the idea of 

working outside 

the home 

BY RACHELI SOFER 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | WHISK | 17

When 

Anne- 

Marie 

Slaughter 

made 

her 

public 

confession 

in 

last 

month’s 

The 

Atlantic, 

it positively rocked the secular world. 

Expressed in a whopping 12-page 

article, her confession can basically be 

summarized in a single sentence: Ladies, 

you really can’t have it all. 

The 53-year-old former State 

Department official and dean of 

Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School 

of Public and International Affairs, 

Slaughter was the quintessential 

high-powered working mother. 

Bouncing back and forth between her 

Washington, DC office and suburban 

home and mothering two sons while 

climbing the corporate ladder, Slaughter 

appeared to be balancing her highprofile 

career and family seamlessly. 

However, when her The Atlantic cover 

story, “Can Women Really Have It 

All?” hit newsstands this past month, 

it went viral, generating a firestorm of 

comments, criticism and conversations. 

The article explains her decision to 

step down from her position in order 

to spend more time with her family, 

and women around the country were 

shocked by her “conclusion that juggling 

high-level government work with the 

needs of two teenage boys was not 

possible.” 

The Atlantic claimed that the article 

almost immediately attracted nearly 

725,000 readers to its website, and by 

the weekend it had been recommended 

on Facebook 119,000 times, making it 

the most “liked” Atlantic piece ever. 

The article undoubtedly caused such 

an uproar because of its implications, 

negating the essential feminist beliefs 

of secular society. In her words: “I 

could not figure out how to combine 

professional success and satisfaction with 

a real commitment to family.… From 

years of conversations and observations, 

I’ve come to believe that men and 

women respond quite differently 

when problems at home force them to 

recognize that their absence is hurting 

a child, or at least that their presence 

would likely help.” 

It’s more than that though; Slaughter’s 

admission is the ultimate irony. She 

herself used to lecture women across 

America, preaching about how feasible 

it is to achieve the perfect work/life 

balance and encouraging women to 


follow her example. But her son’s recent 

rebellious stage caused her to reevaluate 

her stance and the effect her constant 

absence was having on him. 

In contrast to her earlier advice, 

she is presently urging American 

women: “Now is the time to revisit 

the assumption that women must rush 

to adapt to the ‘man’s world’ that our 

mothers and mentors warned us about.” 

Slaughter laments that parenting isn’t 

a valued pursuit today. She feels that 

the pioneering generation of feminists, 

who kept their personal lives out of their 

offices so that their commitment to their 

careers would go unquestioned, did a 

disservice to today’s working mothers. 

Because of this attitude, she asserts, 

parenting continues to be considered 

inferior to other pursuits, and our 

children need to come first. 

It seems that even in an age when 

most mothers work, “as dual incomes 

have become indispensable,” in 

Slaughter’s words, she isn’t alone in 

fearing for the future of the next 

generation. 

“Many women of my generation have 

found themselves, in the prime of their 

careers, saying no to opportunities they 

once would have jumped at and hoping 

those chances come around again later. 

Many others who have decided to step 

back for a while, taking on consultant 

positions or part-time work that lets 

them spend more time with their 

children (or aging parents), are worrying 

about how long they can ‘stay out’ before 

they lose the competitive edge they 

worked so hard to acquire,” she says. 

The Market Value of a Mother 

Looking to make $180,000 a year? You may already have the credentials. 

 

in The New York Times 

 

that elusive Mary Poppins. 

 

meals, top nannies are also occasionally called upon to groom a horse, manage an 

 

loads of laundry each day and tucking preschoolers into bed. 

Of course, not all housekeepers earn more than the average pediatrician, but 

 

 

itself as a “leading provider of on-demand compensation, payroll and 

talent management solutions,” issues an annual 

 

of “mother.” 

 

 

functions such as laundry machine operator, van driver, 

 

others added up to an annual 

cash compensation of 

$122,611 for a stayat-home 

mom. 

Which means that 

 

you stay at home or 

 

 

more than you think.

From US Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics 2011 report (most recent, dated December of last year): 

CHANGING NUMBERS 

71.3% 

of women with children are in 

the labor force 

58.6% 

of all women 16 years of age 

and older either work or are 

seeking employment 

46.8% 

of the total labor force is 

women 

73% 

of working women 

work full time 

27% 

work part time 

MOTHERS WHO AGREE 

THAT TOO MANY 

CHILDREN ARE BEING 

RAISED IN DAY CARE 

1987 

2003 2012 

68% 72% 74% 

In her article, Slaughter makes 

reference to other high-profile working 

mothers who have come to the same 

conclusion: 

“In Midlife Crisis at 30, Mary Matalin 

recalls her days working as President 

Bush’s assistant and Vice President 

Cheney’s counselor: ‘Even when the 

stress was overwhelming—those days 

when I’d cry in the car on the way to 

work, asking myself “Why am I doing 

this??”—I always knew the answer to 

that question: I believe in this president.’ 

“But Matalin goes on to describe her 

choice to leave in words that are again 

uncannily similar to the explanation 

I have given so many people since 

leaving the State Department: ‘I 

finally asked myself, “Who needs me 

more?” And that’s when I realized, it’s 

somebody else’s turn to do this job. I’m 

indispensable to my kids, but I’m not 

close to indispensable to the White 

House.’” 

Slaughter also compares herself 

to Michelle Obama, who she says 

has repeatedly made personal career 

decisions based on the needs of her 

daughters. “She has spoken publicly and 

often about her initial concerns that her 

husband’s entry into politics would be 

bad for their family life, and about her 

determination to limit her participation 

in the presidential election campaign to 

have more time at home. Even as first 

lady, she has been adamant that she be 

able to balance her official duties with 

family time. We should celebrate her not 

only as a wife, mother and champion of 

healthy eating, but also as a woman who 

has had the courage and judgment to 

invest in her daughters when they need 

her most.” 

The Yiddishe Mama 

It’s obvious that Michelle Obama, as 

well as Slaughter and her colleagues, 

cannot be compared to the average frum 

Jewish mother in innumerable respects, 

especially given the fact that so many 

frum women today have no choice but to 

work outside the home. But that doesn’t 

mean that this discussion doesn’t 

go on in the frum world too. 

As Slaughter recently 

declared in an interview, 

“My kids will only 

be 13 to 18 once.” Surely 

that resonates in our world 

as well. 

In one fascinating section of 

her The Atlantic piece, Slaughter compares 

the concept of balancing work and 

family to the separation between work 

and Shabbos: 

“I have worked with many Orthodox 

Jewish men who observed the Sabbath 

from sundown on Friday until sundown 

on Saturday. Jack Lew, the two-time 

director of the Office of Management 

and Budget, former deputy Secretary 

of State for management and resources, 

and now White House chief of staff, 

is a case in point. Jack’s wife lived in 

New York when he worked in the State 

Department, so he would leave the office 

early enough on Friday afternoon to take 

the shuttle to New York and a taxi to his 

apartment before sundown. He would 

not work on Friday after sundown or all 

day Saturday. Everyone who knew him, 

including me, admired his commitment 


“Mothers who 

are busy with 

technology 

when the kids 

are home from 

school are 

certainly harming 

them.” 

to his faith and his ability to carve out 

the time for it, even with an enormously 

demanding job. 

“It is hard to imagine, however, that 

we would have the same response if a 

mother told us she was blocking out 

mid-Friday afternoon through the end 

of the day on Saturday, every week, to 

spend time with her children. I suspect 

this would be seen as unprofessional, 

an imposition of unnecessary costs on 

coworkers. In fact, of course, one of the 

great values of the Sabbath—whether 

Jewish or Christian—is precisely that 

it carves out a family oasis, with rituals 

and a mandatory setting-aside of work.” 

Baruch Hashem, in this day and age 

most frum people don’t need to sacrifice 

their employment for Shabbos, but 

what about sacrificing in terms of our 

children? With so many young children 

spending most of their waking hours 

away from parents in day-care centers or 

with babysitters, and with so many teens 

coming home to an empty house after 

school, is it having an effect? What does 

this discussion mean in our world? Are 

we risking the next generation?

Working Mommies Respond 

Rivky F., 54, Boro Park, 

mother of seven 

When I was growing up, my mother 

worked. My parents were Holocaust 

survivors and had no parental or other 

support. I don’t know if government 

subsidies were available then, but for sure 

there was a pride in being independent and 

not rely on anyone. So my parents both 

worked, as did a lot of my friends’ parents. 

It never occurred to us to be resentful. 

We actually felt bad for our mothers who 

were working so hard. I don’t know if 

my mother felt any guilt; she never told 

us anything. I never worked when my 

children were small and only began to 

work once they were all in school. We 

had started to marry off our children, and 

there was no way we could do that on one 

income. Even though I know that I am 

working to help my children, I do have 

regrets, which is different than feeling 

guilty. I think that married children need 

you as well, and I’m sorry that I am unable 

to be there for them in many ways. I can’t 

babysit or help shop for the kids. I also 

miss spending more time with them. So 

in that sense I feel that I am not the best 

mother I could be. Would I really have the 

patience to do that if I weren’t working? 

I’m not sure, but the regret is always there. 

My teenage children are probably more 

independent because I work. 

I do fear that we can pay a price for 

our children being raised in child care. 

Everything has a repercussion; the question 

is how much of a price. It’s probably very 

individual, depending on the child and the 

type of mothering the child otherwise gets. 

I feel bad for the young mothers who don’t 

get the chance to spend time exclusively 

with their babies. It’s a very special 

time. There’s a type of bonding that isn’t 

replaceable by quality time. You need that 

24/7 kind of being together. 

But even if there’s guilt, it’s important 

for women my age to do something. There 

has to be a focus outside the home. I know 

many women who don’t work and end up 

being way too involved in their children’s 

lives, and that creates a lot of problems. 

At the end of the day, I feel that if a 

mother of any age is working not because 

she is looking to be fulfilled but because 

she has to, her children will ultimately 

understand. That’s the way we felt 

about our mothers. Though my mother 

worked, she was a terrific mother because 

we felt her strong love and devotion. 

She lived for us. 

Batsheva B., Queens, age 31, 

mother of four 

In my case, the fact that I work is a good 

thing for my children. Once, when my two 

older kids were in preschool, the director 

of the school approached me and said, 

“You’d never know that you’re a working 

mother. Your children are so secure and 

well adjusted.” At the time I was working 

five days a week, full time. I’m a lawyer, and 

although I only go into the office two days 

a week since my youngest was born, I work 

nearly full-time hours from home the rest 

of the week. 

The fact that I work gives my children a 

different perspective and a certain maturity. 

I think it’s good for them to see parents 

in more than one dimension. My boys 

see my capacity to be involved in a broad 

spectrum of activities, and for my daughter 

in particular, I think it is important for her 

to learn that she has options. It also helps 

teach my children that not everything 

revolves around them; their parents have 

other responsibilities. For example, my 

children know that if I’m on a work call, 

they need to wait if they want to ask 

me something (unless of course it’s an 

emergency) and I will talk to them soon. 

And, there are times when things work 

out less than ideally, such as when we had 

to leave an outing to the zoo because of a 

work emergency, but that’s life. I also teach 

kallah classes, and my children know that 

that’s another dimension. Being exposed to 

the multiple dimensions adds a richness to 

their lives. Because of my background I am 

better able to teach them how to do certain 

things, such as speak in public. I am baruch 

Hashem lucky enough to have an excellent 

work/life balance. When I work from 

home we can spend quality time together. 

My daughter can color next to me while 

I’m working, and I can give her attention by 

commenting on her artwork. I don’t need 

to be sitting on the floor with her. 

I work because I choose to. I have no 

guilt at all (most of the time!). Every 

mother has stress, so perhaps I have an 

added layer. But there is no such thing as a 

stress-free household. 

I don’t think I am sacrificing my kids 

by working; I think I am broadening their 

horizons and life experience and giving 

them a more complete mother. 

Ruchi B., 62, Israel, 

mother of 12 

Do I feel that my kids are missing out on 

something? Yes and no. I used to be a stayat-home 

mom for my older children (now 


all married, ka”h) but when my youngest 

were small I went back to school (six days 

a week, leaving at 6 a.m. and returning 12 

hours later) and then began working, which 

made me an absentee mother during much 

of the week. 

This affected each child differently. For 

some of them I regret not “being there” at 

critical stages of their lives, while others 

gained from the experience because they 

were more independent-natured. This 

allowed them to develop more freely, which 

wouldn’t have happened under Mom’s 

constant supervision. 

I worked hard to stay in touch with 

my kids on an emotional level, but now 

in hindsight I realize I should have been 

there on a material level far more than 

I was. I never knew until my kids grew 

old enough to tell me (when they were 

married themselves!) how much children 

associate physical care with love. I was 

shocked when some of them told me they 

felt I didn’t love them because I didn’t 

fix them sandwiches (there was someone 

to do that, but it wasn’t me), and no hot 

lunch was waiting for them when they 

came home from school like their friends 

had (they had to heat it up themselves). 

My protests of love after the fact met with 

understanding, but I will probably always 

feel very guilty about causing them pain 

without knowing it. It would have been 

easy to be more involved on a caretaker 

level, but I thought it was enough to be 

engaged without interfering. Now I think 

that was a mistake. Still, they all grew up 

and are building Torah homes, which was 

always the goal. The married ones are all 

good parents (some work, some don’t) and 

my unmarried daughters have the best of 

both worlds because they have a mother 

who indulges them like a grandmother, 

but when they want mothering and she 

isn’t available there are many older sisters 

and brothers happy to fill that role when 

needed. Their nieces and nephews adore 

them, but they can always come home to 

their own rooms when they want peace 

and quiet. 

There is no question that I have 

developed my own potential through my 

learning and work, and this has made me 

much more than the limited person I was 

as a stay-at-home mother. Actually, I’m 

sorry I didn’t go out to work earlier because 

I think it made me a better person, more 

able to express myself and accept others. I 

believe it made me more interesting and 

intellectually stimulating, but for those who 

interpreted love as food and laundry, it was 

a loss. 

In general, I think my working was 

positive. My time with the kids became 

more qualitative, chosen and invested in. I 

have a large family, and there was always 

an older sibling to provide the comfort a 

mother usually gives. I tried to find time for 

each one over the course of the month (two 

hours doing whatever the child wanted, 

just the two of us together) to make up for 

the time I wasn’t home. It was easier with 

the older ones, because they liked being 

“on their own” with less supervision, while 

the littlest just accepted the reality without 

question. Actually, it was the middle one 

who took my going to work hard, and we 

had a difficult few years. But now she’s 

married and a mother herself! 

My husband retired 12 years ago, so I’m 

the breadwinner. Before then he worked 

and supported the family while I stayed 

at home. My mother went to work when 

I was a preteen. Perhaps it made the 

transition for me feel more natural. 

I think I’m a very special case, because 

I’m a senior nurse in the newborn nursery 

at the hospital where the vast majority of 

my grandchildren are born. This means 

that I get the honor of bringing them 

from the delivery room to the nursery, 

washing, weighing and dressing them, 

supervising their care during the first 

hours and days, and my name is in their 

inoculation booklet! All of the smaller 

grandchildren think I am responsible for 

handing out babies to mommies (I’ve 

been asked to bring home a few), and the 

older granddaughters occasionally come as 

volunteers during my shifts, which makes 

for a wonderful relationship—they feel 

special, and I am so proud of them! All the 

einiklach love stories about the hospital, and 

at Purim time nurse costumes are in high 

demand—along with all the accessories 

only Bubby can bring.

“Not everything 

has to be perfect. 

We used to say 

in my generation, 

‘That’s why they 

put erasers on 

pencils.’” 

The 

Experts 

weigh in 

Hannah Parnes, licensed 

social worker, in practice 

for over 30 years: 

see a lot of people, and I can’t tell you 

“I that pathology is greater or lesser when 

kids are raised by working mothers. What 

matters is your attitude. Are you showing the 

children ‘You are my primary concern and I 

work because I have to, or even if I want to’? 

Is ‘Your best interests are important to me’ 

being communicated? The question isn’t 

whether or not mothers should work or stay 

home but rather can you give your children 

what they really need, as opposed to giving 

them what you think they should need. It’s 

the quality of the parenting that matters. I 

don’t come across whether or not a mother 

works being a factor. It’s the quality of the 

mothering that’s important. It has to do 

with who the mother is. If you’re frazzled 

because you’re a stay-at-home mother, 

that isn’t good. And it’s not good if you’re 

frazzled because you’re working. 

“If your job follows you home, 

it is about how to say to your work 

that you aren’t available 24/7. 

Some of this has to do with 

personality—that is crucial. A 

perfectionist is more susceptible 

to this problem. Not everything 

has to be perfect. We used to say 

in my generation, ‘That’s why they 

put erasers on pencils.’ 

“Someone who needs to please 

everyone is always torn between trying 

to please her children, her husband and 

her boss. If someone is a people pleaser she 

will get caught. What you need is an inner 

voice that comes from your value system 

that tells you what is right. You should be 

sensitive that your only criteria aren’t to 

make everyone happy. You must have a 

sense of self and a vision that is larger than 

pleasing everyone. 

“I come across many mothers who feel 

 

staying at home. I tell them they need to 

weigh all their needs and take them into 

consideration. I remember when I started to 

work full time, my youngest was going into 

kindergarten and my older daughter said to 

me, ‘Why do you need an excuse? Because 

you feel guilty?!’ when my kindergartener 

asked for something that I normally wouldn’t 

give in on. She really captured it! A lot of 

working mothers function out of guilt. They 

‘overgive’ in order to compensate for not 

being around. But if you feel guilty, you’re 

in trouble. Guilt is the biggest killer. Today’s 

 

and because parents are overcompensating. 

“When working mothers tell me they feel 


guilty for depriving their kids I respond, ‘Who 

ever said that kids always have to have their 

mothers available to them? There was an 

entire generation of ‘latchkey kids.’ Pathology 

doesn’t have to do with whether or not you 

work. The question is: Are you tuned into the 

kids’ needs or is it about your ego? 

“I don’t see it as ‘risking the next 

generation.’ I treat adults, and my adult 

population is mostly from a generation that 

was brought up by stay-at-home mothers or 

mothers who worked part time, and those 

kids still had issues. They resented other 

things! 

“You have to know what works for you and 

your family. My message is, be honest with 

what you want and need. There are always 

pros and cons. I once had a woman tell me, 

‘I was one of the unlucky ones. My husband 

made so much money. I wanted to work, but 

couldn’t justify it.’ She felt she was trapped 

because she wasn’t honest with herself 

about what she needed. 

“Some factors just aren’t in your control. 

Nowadays, most families need two incomes. 

But nothing is simplistic. It’s a lifelong 

 

 

quality is what kids are looking for, not 

quantity. It’s not that quantity doesn’t mean 

anything, but quality implies more than that.” 

Rosh Yeshivah/Menahel 

of Yeshiva Darchei Torah 

for over 30 years: 

“I 

between the children of working and 

 

for working mothers, but the ones who are 

organized and planned and do what has to 

be done—they’re ‘superladies.’ 

“It’s a big problem when you come home 

late at night. It’s crucial for a mother to be 

home in the evening to talk to the children 

about school, give them a snack or supper 

and put them to bed. If the mother isn’t 

there, things can fall apart very quickly. 

“But if you work in the morning and come 

home before the kids, working around 

 

 

working mothers. 

“I’ve done many informal studies in our 

yeshivah 

of our mothers work, some shorter and some 

longer hours. It’s more common that it was 

in the past. Thirty-three years ago, I think 

the percentage of working mothers was 

 

women are more interested in going out and 

contributing to their families, which isn’t 

necessarily a bad thing. Some mothers need 

to get out and also need to grow, but it must 

 

your main priority. The main reason, though, 

why so many mothers work today is for the 

second income. A frum home needs a lot of 

money for tuition and kosher food. 

“My own mother worked her entire life. 

My father passed away at a young age and 

she needed to work—and we all grew up 

normal. 

“Are we risking the next generation? 

Absolutely not. I don’t see a pattern. It all 

depends on your sense of responsibility. The 

mother is the akeres habayis—you raise the 

children. 

“Your BlackBerry/smartphone should not 

go beyond the front door. It’s ridiculous! In 

the same way that you hangs up your keys, 

so too you should hang up your cell phone 

when you comes home. Cell phones are 

an addiction. Mothers who are busy with 

technology when the kids are home from 

school are certainly harming them. It should 

 

with a phone it’s a chisaron. Kids need our 

complete attention, no doubt about that.” 

Community activist, founder/ 

director of Camp Sternberg, 

and cofounder of Monsey 

Academy for Girls: 

“I 

mother worked because there was 

 

that quality and not quantity of time was 

most important. The truth is that even some 

mothers who don’t work aren’t always 

spending time with their kids. 

“My general view is that kids can be 

brought up by working mothers. Being a 

working mother doesn’t mean that you 

don’t spend time with your kids. If you help 

support the family because otherwise you 

can’t put food on the table—you are raising 

your child! The reality is that because of 

tuition and other expenses a lot of mothers 

have to work. If there’s a choice between 

working and not working, is it better not 

to? Absolutely! But if you need to work you 

have to make sure the kids feels secure, 

have good self-esteem and are happy with 

life. 

“If a mother has to have a job, it’s best 

 

school. But if you are away, that doesn’t 

mean that the kids won’t grow up right! 

The important thing is to build up the kids’ 

security. This is critical in our society. 

 

for camp, so we knew if the mother was 

working or not, and I can’t say I saw a 

 

and stay-at-home mothers. It’s also crucial 

for the mother or father to be there to give 

the kid breakfast and put him on the bus or 

 

“If you have to work, you need to make 

 

and self-esteem so that a child feels that 

even if you are not physically there, you are 

always with him. 

“It’s also important that when a husband 

comes home from work he should not be 

talking on the phone. This is also true for a 

 

your husband comes home so that both 

parents have time with the kids. Making 

sure that everyone is greeted properly is a 

component of ‘quality time.’ Mothers should 

try to avoid a job where the work follows 

you home and you’re attached to your 

BlackBerry, with people calling all the time. 

When that happens, there’s no quality of 

time.” 


But Didn’t Mommies 

Slaughter’s article definitely bucks the trend of the past 

few decades—women being encouraged to pursue 

careers and compete with men in the workforce in an 

attempt to break through “the glass ceiling.” Historically, 

however, this is a fairly recent development. 

In the early 19th century, women in America typically played 

the role of homemaker. Those who were employed generally 

labored in factories or worked as domestics. Women were 

employed in textiles and other trades as far back as 1880, but not 

in heavy industries and other positions. The only professional 

roles they filled were as teachers and midwives. 

In the 1840s “day nurseries”—precursors of today’s day-care 

centers—began to be established. These grew out of the welfare 

movement, as there was a great need to care for immigrant and 

working-class children whose mothers had to work to put bread 

on the table. It was considered a social service to provide care to 

these children who would otherwise roam the streets during their 

parents’ long workday. 

Thing changed during the World Wars, when many more 

women joined the workforce. As men left their jobs to serve in 

the military overseas they were replaced by women, who also 

filled many of the jobs that were brought into existence by the 

war. But when millions of men returned home after World 

War II, the prevailing belief was that there would be another 

depression once the wartime economy shut down, and women 

were asked to leave the job market. In fact, many women were 

fired so that the returning veterans could have their jobs back. 

The concept of 

a stay-at-home 

mother was only 

possible in an 

economy that 

permitted it, and 

frum European Jews 

did not have that 

luxury for most of 

history. 

The popular image of the perky, Tupperware-toting 1950s 

housewife who kept busy polishing her kitchen appliances and 

tending to her young children was a result of a cultural emphasis 

on security and family life after the horrific experiences of 

World War II and the fact that women were pushed out of the 

workforce. In short, it was a relatively new phenomenon. The 

ideal of the American family was upheld as women’s employment 

opportunities shrank, and women started to infuse the job of 

homemaking with professional virtues. The message was that 

a successful homemaker wasn’t just a woman who cleaned the 

house and took care of her babies, but someone who nurtured 

and educated her children while managing her household. 

But that mindset slowly changed as women reentered the 

workforce. For the working and middle class, the new demands of 

a consumerist lifestyle began to necessitate two incomes in order 

to afford all the frills. 

As a result, the percentage of women working or actively 

seeking employment grew steadily from the 1950s onward, 

peaking in 2000. Of course, the feminist movement also played a 

large role in this shift, as women were encouraged to “pursue their 

dreams.” 

It’s not as though the concept of working mothers is foreign 

to the frum world. As described in the Eishes Chayil we sing on 

Friday night, a woman of valor was one who worked, according to 

most historians. The simple fact was that most Eastern European 

Jewish women needed to work out of economic necessity. 

There was even a small percentage of women who worked 


Always Work? 

to support men who sat and learned all day, according to Dr. 

Gershon D. Hundert, Professor of History and Jewish Studies at 

McGill University, although “it was only the elite.” 

Rabbi Berel Wein, a well-known expert on Jewish history, also 

told me that “ninety-nine per cent weren’t learning husbands. 

That was very rare.” 

“In most households, men and women collaborated in many 

different industries,” says Dr. Hundert. For example, many 

Jews worked as artisans in textiles and in commerce. It was 

also fairly common for Jews to be identified with the liquor 

trade—brewing, distilling and keeping taverns, although this 

phenomenon began to diminish in the 19th century. “Although 

the men were visible, the women were definitely helping. Many 

women also worked as domestic servants.” 

What about stay-at-home mothers? “Homemaking didn’t 

exist in the 18th century. There may have been a few but it was 

unlikely,” Dr. Hundert says. 

The concept of a stay-at-home mother was only possible in 

an economy that permitted it, and frum European Jews did not 

have that luxury for most of history. According to the YIVO 

Encylopedia of Jews in Eastern Europe, prior to the 19th century 

there were almost no Jewish doctors or lawyers. Jews were 

excluded from schools and couldn’t obtain degrees in Christian 

society. Most therefore worked as businessmen, and if mothers 

didn’t work, there would be no food. 

Even in the 20th century, most women worked to survive 

in the major European cities, engaging in a wide range of 

occupations. Many Jewish women were peddlers or ran shops. 

The Chazon Ish never worked, but his wife ran a carpet store so 

he could become who he was! 

And let us not forget the many widows who were forced to 

work out of necessity. In her autobiography written at the end 

of the 17th century, Gluckel of Hamelin describes being a major 

business magnate, having taken over for her husband after he 

passed away. 

Says noted author and lecturer Rabbi Ken Spiro, “My greatgrandmother 

was the biggest manufacturer of porcelain in 

Eastern Europe. It was a family business, but she was the one 

who ran it. She may have been an exception, but there were 

definitely women who were doing that.” 

In the 18th and 19th centuries, many women were involved 

in farms or in running a “kretchme” (inn) throughout Poland and 

Ukraine. The way it worked was that Polish magnates would 

hire Jews to tend their lands, and the inns provided them with 

income to pay the rent. Both husbands and wives ran these inns 

together. 

Nonetheless, according to Rabbi Wein, “Inns and taverns run 

by Jews were usually in the foyer of the house. This trend was 

not encouraged by rabbis. It was seen as a lack of tzniyus for a 

woman to be involved.” 

In fact, Rabbi Wein has a different view of how things worked 

in the shtetlach of yesteryear. “The type of working woman 

we have today never existed before. Gluckel of Hamelin and 

Beatrice Mendez were exceptions.” 

Rabbi Wein says that while some women were shopkeepers, 

domestic servants and cooks when money was scarce, women 

did not have occupations or careers. “Most women kept the 

house. The Chofetz Chaim’s wife owned a store, but he worked 

there too. There were never ‘superwomen’ like today. All mothers 

were full-time mothers. You have to realize that there were no 

appliances like fridges and stoves. Taking care of the house was a 

full-time occupation. You had to kasher meat yourself. If we didn’t 

have these devices today, career women wouldn’t exist either. It’s 

a new concept, certainly in these numbers! There were always 

exceptions, but historically mothers were at home from the 

time of the Talmud until recently. I don’t remember any woman 

working in the 1940s and ’50s in Chicago. My own wife didn’t 

work in the 1970s. The standard of living is different today; when 

I grew up, no families owned an automobile, and none of the 

kids went to camp. Day-school tuition was free—they begged 

you to come! It’s a different world today. I’m not saying which is 

better, but things aren’t the way they used to be. “ 


Real People on the Quest for Health 

SYMPTOMS OF CATARACTS 

These are the most common 

symptoms of cataracts, although 

individuals may experience 

 

 

examination 

 

 

the eyes back and forth, up and down, 

around, or mixed (a condition known 

as nystagmus) 

 

 

CONTACT LENSES 

ARE NO LONGER 

ONLY FOR TEENS 

AND ADULTS 

 

present a glare or a surrounding halo 

28 | | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | 8 TISHREI, CHESHVAN, 5773 5773

AS TOLD TO 

 


Cataracts that impair vision by blocking the light from 

reaching the retina are usually something we associate with 

getting older. But it’s actually not as uncommon among babies 

as one might think. Three out of every 10,000 infants under the 

 

Congenital cataracts occur in newborn babies for many 

reasons including inherited tendencies; infections like measles, 

 

metabolic disorders; chromosomal abnormalities; diabetes; 

poisoning and certain drug reactions. For example, tetracycline 

antibiotics used to treat infections in expectant mothers have 

been shown to cause cataracts in their newborns. Cataracts 

in babies can also occur as a result of other eye diseases like 

glaucoma. 

In older children, trauma, such as a blow to the eye, is the 

underlying cause in 40 percent of cases. 

Not all congenital cataracts need surgical removal, but many 

do. Cataracts that cloud only the peripheral portion of the 

lens don’t necessarily need to be removed because central 

 

 

Without early intervention, congenital cataracts can cause 

amblyopia. Amblyopia can then lead to other 

eye problems such as nystagmus, a condition of voluntary or 

involuntary eye movement that can cause reduced or limited 

vision; strabismus, a condition in which the eyes are not 

 

 

These problems, as one might imagine, can profoundly impact 

learning ability, personality and even the child’s appearance, 

 

parents are urged to have their children’s eyes examined as 

soon as possible after birth, and regularly as recommended. 

Nowadays, more infants are being diagnosed with eye 

problems due to better screening. Astoundingly, in 33% 

of pediatric cataracts cases the children were born with 

the condition and it was overlooked. That’s why California 

has passed a law mandating that all babies have their eyes 

dilated and their vision checked at two months of age to catch 

problems—the sooner the better. 

I thought the doctor was kidding me. Contact lenses for my 

six-week-old baby? But he was serious. 

I didn’t think I could do it. When the doctor told me I’d 

have to put the lenses in my baby’s eyes myself, I didn’t believe 

it was possible. How was I going to hold down a squirming 

newborn, forcibly pry open his eyelids and pop in a wet, flimsy 

lens—something that even adults have difficulty doing? And 

even if I somehow managed to succeed (by way of miracle), I 

would still have the other eye to contend with! Not to mention 

just how horrifying the thought was to begin with. I mean, 

poking around a newborn’s eyes?! I could still remember the 

first time I put contact lenses in my own eyes and it was no 

picnic—and I was 17! And anyway, didn’t you have to be 

a grownup in order to wear lenses? It was almost a rite of 

passage, the morphing of a child into young adulthood. 

The pediatric ophthalmologist nodded along sympathetically, 

listening patiently as I expressed my disbelief and terror, 

waiting for me to finish my protestations. But when my 

diatribe came to an end he dropped his bombshell: I had no 

choice—unless I wanted baby Sam to go blind. I simply had to 

get on board. 

It’s not as though my husband and I were strangers to the 

pediatric ophthalmologist’s office. Our baby had been born 

with inherited congenital cataracts, meaning that the natural 

lenses of his eyes that are used for focusing were cloudy. 

Baby Sam had already undergone an operation to remove his 

clouded lenses at just four weeks of age; now he needed contact 

lenses to correct his vision. As the doctor explained it, this was 

necessary so that the visual pathway to the brain would develop 

properly. This pathway doesn’t fully mature until approximately 

age eight, so it’s critical for a growing child to experience 

focused vision. 

When a cataract is surgically removed from an adult, it’s 

often replaced with a lens implant. But doctors have found that 

this procedure doesn’t work so well for young children, whose 

eyes are constantly growing and changing. The ophthalmologist 

insisted that contact lenses were the way to go, as they would 

provide our baby with more natural vision than any lopsided 

cataract glasses could. 

In fact, these contact lenses would help our newborn see for 

the rest of his life. And so, baby Sam was fitted for his first pair 

of lenses at the ripe old age of six weeks. 

The doctor gave us a lot of support and armed us with a great 

deal of knowledge. He also told us that it was easier for such 

a young child to adapt to lenses than an older person. “Just 

think,” he said. “By the time he hits the terrible twos he’ll think 

it’s totally normal.” Still, it hasn’t been easy. The first time I 

tried to get the lenses in it took hours; by the end of the session 

we were both in tears. But I knew I couldn’t give up; I just 

kept trying. Sam’s life practically depended on it—something 

I would remind myself of every time I had to get those pesky 

contact lenses in and out of his eyes. 

It took a while for me to master the procedure. A 


We all know that we’re supposed to protect our children’s skin 

from the sun’s harmful UV rays, but what about their eyes? 

Studies show that half of American parents do not regularly provide 

their children with sunglasses for eye protection. 

However, it’s not something they should neglect. The sun’s rays can 

cause sunburned corneas, cancer of the eyelid, macular degeneration 

and other problems—like cataracts. Children’s eyes are more 

susceptible because their lenses do not block as much UV as adult 

lenses do. Your little ones also probably spend more time outdoors 

than Mommy and Daddy, and most UV eye damage is cumulative. 

Make sure your kids wear a wide-brimmed hat that shades the face 

and sunglasses that block both kinds of UV rays, UVA and UVB. 

few months have now passed since that fateful day in the 

ophthalmologist’s office, and Sam and I are practically pros: I can 

get the lenses into his eyes in under 30 minutes—which is not 

to say that it’s been a walk in the park. Sam needs to be soothed 

while I attempt to put them in every single morning. And while 

he stops crying as soon as they’re in (which tells me that they 

don’t bother him), he clearly finds it uncomfortable to have 

me poking around. The lenses have also fallen out a few times. 

I’ve found them more than once in his car seat and crib. Baby 

Sam, like all of his contact-wearing peers, will have to be fitted 

frequently for new lenses because his eyes are changing all the 

time. And infant eye exams aren’t so much fun… 

I know my baby will most likely need to wear contact lenses 

for the rest of his life, but it’s a small price to pay for the gift of 

vision that he will hopefully enjoy for many years to come. 

A Visionary Idea 

Baby Sam isn’t the only youngster sporting contact lenses in 

his crib. At the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, one of the 

institutions where infant contact lenses were pioneered, Dr. 

Natalia Uribe says she treats approximately 700 young patients 

every year. As director of the Vision Center’s contact lens 

program, she runs the largest pediatric ophthalmology program 

in the country. 

Contact lenses aren’t only recommended for babies with 

cataracts; they’re also sometimes prescribed for premature 

infants. Studies have shown that roughly 20% of all preemies 

will develop some form of strabismus (crossed eyes), amblyopia 

(lazy eye), or serious refractive error by the time they reach the 

age of three. As the survival rate among extremely premature 

infants keeps rising, there are increasingly more preemies out 

there requiring such intervention. Pediatricians are now taught to 

examine the eyes of preemies more frequently. 

Dr. Uribe says she sees children suffering from medical 

conditions affecting only one eye, as well as those with radically 

different prescriptions in the right and the left. In situations 

like those, it’s better for the child to wear a contact lens in the 

affected eye rather than glasses with one especially thick lens, 

which would cause a great discrepancy in the size of the image 

each eye receives. That, in turn, would cause the brain to “turn 

off ” one of the images, leading to even worse vision in the 

affected eye. Again, proper development is the goal here. 

Penina Y.’s son was three months old when he had cataract 

surgery on one eye and subsequently needed to wear a single 

contact lens. “I’ve never worn contacts, so it was a new experience 

for me. We immediately lost two lenses because I was putting 

them in so inexpertly that they would fall out. Every time I 

inserted a lens he screamed, and when he got a little older I had 

to put my whole body over him so he wouldn’t move around. 

Someone showed me how to do it at the place where I got the 

lenses, but I still had a lot of trouble, and after a few months 

the doctor told me to stop. Then my son was supposed to wear 

a patch over the good eye, but he screamed constantly about it, 

and when he got a little older he started pulling it off, and that 

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was the end of that. Now he’s almost five 

years old, and he’s been wearing glasses for 

a little over a year. The bad eye has a very 

strong prescription.” 

Children with other eye issues such 

as kerataconus (a degenerative disorder 

in which structural changes in 

the cornea cause it to change to a 

more conical shape), astigmatism (a 

defect in the eye’s curvature that results 

in distorted images), malignancies of 

the eye and those with extremely high 

prescriptions also find their way towards 

centers like Dr. Uribe’s for contact lenses, 

in addition to younger kids who wear 

contact lenses for sports and those who 

wish to avoid glasses that subject them to 

teasing. 

Miriam K. says her son started wearing 

contact lenses at the age of four, “after 

an eye specialist said that contact lenses 

could improve his vision 40% better than 

glasses.” Her son had worn glasses since 

the age of one and a half. “He’s practically 

blind in one eye and the other has very 

poor vision.” After wearing contact lenses 

for seven years, “we still clean them for 

him, and put them in and take them out. 

He’s getting to an age where he could 

learn to do it for himself, but he’s a bit 

immature so we will probably continue 

until we see him gaining in personal 

responsibility,” she says. 

As doctors and researchers learn more 

about the use of contact lenses to help 

their youngest patients, new kinds of 

lenses are being manufactured. Some 

clinics are now using a special lens that 

blocks the light instead of an adhesive 

patch in patching therapy. 

Contact lenses for young children 

cost approximately $90 to $300 per lens, 

depending on the prescription. Because 

of the huge changes that occur in the 

eye during a baby’s first year of life, 

infants may require up to six different 

prescriptions. These contact lenses are 

considered medically necessary though, so 

insurance companies will generally cover 

at least some of the costs associated with 

them. 

There’s nothing as priceless as a lifetime 

of vision. 

Shock Your 

Pants 

TO STOP BED SORES 

Bedridden patients have more than their 

diseases to worry about: just lying in one 

position in bed can cause dangerous wounds 

known as pressure ulcers, or bedsores. The UK 

health system, for example, recently tallied 

its total costs from bedsores and found that 

they are nearly 2 billion pounds (more than 

$3 billion American). But researchers at the 

 

method of keeping bedsores at bay: pants that 

give the patient light electric shocks. 

They tested the pants on 37 patients with 

spinal cord injuries, giving them shocks every 

10 minutes for 10 seconds for 12 hours a 

 

positions. None of the patients developed 

bedsores. 

Researcher Robyn Rogers says, “Our hope is 

that this innovative, clinically friendly system 

 

millions of people.” 

medical 

minute 

Latest Health News 

and Research from 

Around the World 

FISH AGAINST FIDGETS 

But Moms need to aim for low mercury 

 

pregnancy because of the possibility of health consequences for their unborn 

 

But scientists at Brigham and Woman’s Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts have 

 

the incidence of ADHD in their children. 

 

levels in their hair after they gave birth, in the 1990s. Eight years later, they gave 

the children born a series of behavioral and IQ tests. Women with high levels of 

mercury at birth had a higher chance of having children who exhibited signs of 

 

 

a child with ADHD. 

The researchers didn’t examine 

 

women ate, but they did point 

to studies that say that while 

tuna has high levels of mercury, 

salmon and cod contain 

relatively low levels of the metal. 


THE 

NARROW 

BRIDGE 

B Y P E R I B E R G E R 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN 

LAST WEEK: SHULI IS SURPRISED BY A FLOOD OF POSITIVE MEMORIES. 

An Unexpected Discovery 

After the fourth call from as 

many shadchanim wanting 

to know “what was doing,” 

it finally hit me that it was 

time for Shuli and me to 

get the show on the road. 

The last thing I wanted was to give 

her a divorce, but I knew from the 

experience of others that if you put 

up even a small amount of resistance 

they start yelling “agunah,” and then 

you’re in a whole lot of trouble. To 

be truthful, part of me doesn’t care 

and would love to put up a fuss just 

to spite her, but I know in my heart I 

can’t do that to her and the children. 

The worst thing of all is that it 

doesn’t have to happen. I could go 

to her tomorrow and tell her that I’ll 

take the money from her parents and 

buy her the most beautiful house. 

The two of us would live happily 

ever after, and she would never want 

for anything again. But as much as 

I want to save my marriage and my 

family, I can’t bring myself to sell my 

soul in order to do it. 

I finally work up the nerve to call 

Shuli. I tell her we need to talk and 

hear her sigh into the phone, as if 

merely talking to me is exhausting. 

“What is it now, Shraga?” she says. 

“We have to finish this,” I say. “We 

need to move on.” 

“You are so selfish,” she tells me. 

“All you ever think about is yourself 

and what you want.” 

Listening to her, I wonder what 

other people would do in my 

situation. You know the joke about 

the guy who isn’t so smart who says, 

“When Hashem was handing out 

brains, He forgot about me”? Well, 

I feel like that a lot of the time—as 

if I’m missing an important piece 

that everyone else seems to have. I 

know a lot of guys who are a lot less 

successful than I am, or not as smart 

or as nice, and they manage to make 

their wives happy and live together 

just fine. I know that being married 

takes a lot of work, but most people 

seem to be able to do it. I can’t say 

for sure that if I had taken the money 

from Shuli’s parents we’d still be 

together, but I think so. Maybe I’m 

missing the capacity to make myself 

battel to other people. I think that 

a lot of men in my position would 

have probably taken the money 

and run, but I couldn’t do it, and 

now I’m losing my family over this 

stubbornness of mine. In any case, it’s 

probably too late for me to backtrack. 

Any good feeling my shver had for me 

has probably been erased by Shuli’s 

suffering. 

Even though Shuli sounds upset 

on the phone, I persist. I tell her we 

need to meet with the rav and start 

working on the get, and after awhile 

she agrees with me. She reminds me 

to start gathering up all the papers 

we’ll need, our kesubah and whatever 

else they require, and I ask her where 


we keep them. I wonder if I’ll still 

be calling her up even after we’re 

divorced, asking her questions like 

where did she put the shoe polish 

and when does the warranty on the 

refrigerator expire. She was in charge 

of so many areas of my life that 

I’m afraid I will only be half alive 

without her. I can’t even imagine 

what living without her will be like. 

For all our faults, we did take care of 

each other in our own clumsy ways. 

The apartment feels so empty 

without her and the children. Maybe 

if she had spent some time here on 

her own she would have seen that 

it’s not as bad as she thought. I pour 

myself a big glass of Diet Coke (Shuli 

used to complain that I drank too 

much of it; now I drink as much as I 

want) and pull out all the files from 

the old filing cabinet we keep in the 

storage closet off the second upstairs 

bedroom. I bring them down to the 

living room and spread everything 

out on the coffee table. 

I find the kesubah right away, and 

after I put it to the side. Having 

nothing better to do, I start looking 

IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER I 

WOULD HAVE THOUGHT MY WIFE 

WAS LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE. 

through all the different file folders 

and documents. It’s amazing how 

much paperwork even a smallish 

family like ours can accumulate. 

Shuli was definitely the bigger 

packrat of the two of us, and I can 

see that she saved everything—all 

the kids’ birth certificates, records of 

their shots, report cards, and, judging 

by the size of the pile, every single 

goofy drawing they ever made from 

the first day they picked up a crayon. 

Inside a file with my name on it 

I find my birth certificate, Social 

Security card and, to my surprise, 

various teudos from cheder and 

mesivta. I wonder if Shuli asked my 

mother for them or just found them 

among my things and packed them 

away with everything else. 

Looking through papers is 

addictive, and I was finding it hard 

to stop. It was like watching a movie 

of your life slipping by on little bits 

and pieces of paper. Shuli is nothing 

if not organized, and it made me feel 

close to her as I went through all 

the things she felt were important 

enough to keep and file away so 

meticulously. 

But my eyes were growing heavy 

and I was getting really tired, despite 

my overindulgence in Diet Coke. I 

was just starting to gather everything 

up when my eyes noticed a file at the 

very bottom of the pile. I opened it 

up, expecting it to contain more of 

the flotsam and jetsam of our life 

together. 

But I was deeply mistaken. 

Instead of another collection of 

mazel tov cards from our chasunah, 

I found myself staring at things that 

made no sense to me. If I didn’t 

know better—and I hoped that 

I did know better—I would have 

thought my wife was living some 

sort of double life I knew absolutely 

nothing about. 

…to be continued 


y Ruthie Pearlman 

 

 

 

 

 

Graham Coleman clapped his 

hands, thrilled. 

“Excellent! Bravo! Two new 

recruits! Come and meet your 

ladies now!” 

For David, it was a weird feeling to 

experience for himself what Atara must 

have been subjected to. On the one hand, 

he had all his faculties. He could think. He 

could reason. He knew that what they had 

done to him was morally wrong. Yet he 

couldn’t do a thing about it, or even summon 

up the courage to voice his feelings. 

It was as if his will had been squished into 

a small box that was firmly locked so it 

couldn’t escape. The whole thing was odd; 

he knew he was being programmed to 

perform in a certain way, but his thoughts 

and feelings were still his own. 

He looked at Nochum and read in his 

eyes that he was feeling the same way. 

Like robots, the two men followed 

Graham Coleman out of the cinema and 

into another corridor. Another thumb 

print of Coleman’s opened yet another set 

of double doors into a large, welcoming 

reception area, brilliantly illuminated by 

chandeliers and spotlights that made it 

look like an elegant ballroom. 

The hall was laid out with tables set 

against the walls, buffet style, piled with 

endless amount of food. Huge silver 

salvers, covered dishes and trays displayed 

virtual mountains of it. It was like a 

highly overdone smorgasbord at a wealthy 

American wedding, not exactly the basic, 

bare-boards receptions that David and 

Nochum were used to. 

Graham Coleman caught their 

astonished looks and laughed. “It’s all 

kosher, don’t worry!” he cackled. “Coleman 

and Staten hasn’t yet cracked the problem 

of how to get you religious Jews to eat 

non-kosher food. It seems too deeply 

ingrained to conquer. But we will. Never 

fear, we will.” Another maniacal laugh. 

“Once we’ve solved the problem our 

client, Iran, will be only too happy to 

engage our services, because if we can get 

all the Israelis to eat treif, they’ve already 

conquered them without a drop of blood 

being spilled. Genius, no?” 

The huge room was empty. 

“Why is all this food here? Who is it 

for?” Nochum asked. To his own ears, 

his voice seemed to be coming from the 

bottom of a well. It bubbled up in his 

head and didn’t sound realistic. 

“Why, it’s to celebrate another 

successful phase of our experiment!” 

Graham Coleman said enthusiastically. 

“What, all of this?” 

Coleman laughed again. “It’s not just 

for you! It’s for everyone involved in the 

project! But first we’ll reunite you with 

your wives. After you eat, we’ll invite the 

others in.” 

David’s inner voice kept saying, “This is 

a nightmare. I want to wake up,” but his 

outer self just smiled and nodded. From 

the corner of his eye he saw Nochum 

doing the same, and when they shared 


a secret glance he could detect the other 

man’s panic. 

At that moment they saw their wives 

enter the room. Atara and Liebe were 

dressed beautifully, perfectly coiffed and 

made up, groomed as if for a date. The 

two women came towards them, smiling. 

David and Nochum stared at them in 

disbelief. 

“Why do you look so puzzled and 

gobsmacked?” Liebe asked in a quizzical 

tone. “We’re here, we’re safe, and 

everything is so lovely! So very, very 

lovely!” 

“Yes!” agreed Atara. “It’s good to see you 

again. Now you know why I loved going 

to the Group so much! Isn’t it wonderful 

here, David?” 

David heard his own voice saying, 

“Yes, yes it is! Really lovely! Sorry I ever 

doubted you, Atara!” while his insides 

screamed, “Let’s get out of here and 

get you cured before it’s too late!” But 

somehow he couldn’t articulate his real 

thoughts, which were effectively and 

completely silenced. 

The four of them began to help 

themselves to the delicious fare. Each dish 

had its own printed hechsher next to it; 

David found it interesting that even their 

controlled selves were still very aware of 

kashrus. While on some level he still didn’t 

trust Graham Coleman, he recognized the 

foodstuffs as coming from strictly kosher 

local caterers. It had the right look, smell 

and taste, so he dug in. 

They took their platefuls and found 

chairs and small tables to sit at. Each 

couple sat separately, as all there seemed 

to be were tables for two. But that was 

fine, as they wanted to be with their 

spouses. 

As they ate, Coleman hovered nearby, 

smiling and taking notes. They were 

only dimly aware of his presence, and 

even more dimly aware that his interest 

probably meant that the food, delicious 

and kosher as it was, was laced with 

something sinister. But there was nothing 

they could do about it, and at the moment 

they didn’t even care. 

The coherent part of David wanted 

to find out how Atara really was and 

what she’d been up to, but that part of 

him seemed to be oddly vestigial now. 

It was like the old song, “Don’t Worry, 

Be Happy,” that used to be played 

everywhere. He was beginning to feel 

that whatever was in the stuff they’d been 

given wasn’t so bad. After all, what could 

be wrong with a life that was carefree and 

without worries? 

Yet the tiny, rational corner that 

remained in his brain managed to squeak 

out, “But you’re a Torah Jew! How can 

you not care about anything? You have to 

care!” 

He looked over at Atara smiling so 

beatifically at him, pleased to see him 

again. Everything seemed so simple. They 

sat. They ate. They smiled. It was all so 

appealing. 

The next time he looked up he noticed 

that Natalie had joined her husband in 

the room. The two of them just stood 

there, watching them eat and smiling at 

each other in satisfaction. Then Natalie 

turned to Graham and said, “It’s time.” 

Graham looked at her anxiously. “Are 

you sure? It might be a bit premature.” 

Natalie shook her head. “If we don’t act 

now the opportunity might be lost. Carpe 

diem.” 

Graham frowned. “Personally, I have 

more confidence in the women.…” 

“The whole group has been programmed, 

and in my opinion they’re 

all ready,” Natalie said firmly. “We must 

take action before it’s too late.” Her tone 

brooked no argument. 

David observed this exchange from the 

last remnant within that was unaffected. 

He noted how the powerful and 

dangerous Graham Coleman crumpled in 

the face of his wife’s determination. Why, 

he was just as henpecked as some men, he 

thought with amusement. He wondered 

what it was all about. 

Graham Coleman nodded at his wife 

but his expression still held doubt. “If you 

 

 

 

 

say so, dear,” he mumbled. 

“I do,” said Natalie with confidence. 

“Make that call. I want them here in ten.” 

Graham pulled out his cell phone and 

pressed a speed dial number. 

Nochum seemed to be more under the 

influence than David, oblivious to the 

goings-on around him. He and Liebe 

were enjoying the food and each other’s 

company complacently. 

David fought against the rising tide of 

whatever was trying to take over his body. 

He had to fight back! He davened silently 

to be able to retain a small part of himself 

as an independent being, not some programmed 

droid they were trying to create. 

Graham spoke into his cell. “Ahmed? 

Yes, it’s Graham. I think the exhibition 

is ready for viewing, if you can get here 

within ten minutes. We’d be happy to 

show you our merchandise.” He replaced 

the phone in his pocket and turned to 

Natalie, smiling. 

“The clients are on their way.” 

To be continued.... 


days 

Keep Your Eyes on the Goal 

It’s never too late to make a dream come true. 

By Tirtza Jotkowitz 

I’ve been told that I have been 

articulate, outspoken and opinionated 

since childhood. This, coupled with 

my being the oldest of five children, 

probably accounts for my having a 

“Type A” personality. As far back as I 

can remember, people whispered, “You 

should become a lawyer.” That’s why I 

told my father in 1967, during my junior 

year in college, that I planned to apply to 

law school. But he had other ideas and 

warned me, “As a lawyer, no frum boy will 

marry you, so become a teacher instead.” 

In those days, we listened to our 

parents. Furthermore, my father was 

right, because my husband, whom 

I married during my senior year in 

college, disclosed that he never would 

have listened to the shidduch proposal 

if he had heard about my original 

plan. Dutifully, I became a French 

and English teacher in the Beth Jacob 

school system. While I loved this work, 

I continued to retain nagging thoughts 

about going to law school. 

In the meantime, my husband and 

I, with two children in a one-bedroom 

apartment, needed larger living quarters. 

We asked the Skverer Rebbe where to 

move and he said, “If you can’t move to 

Yerushalayim, move to Monsey.” Never 

considering Yerushalayim, we bought 

a house in Monsey. Each year, while 

raising our four children, I boarded the 

Monsey bus and spent a day sitting in on 

classes at The Cardozo School of Law to 

see if I was still interested. Each time I 

did so, my husband davened a bit harder 

that I would forget this dream. 

Nevertheless, I continued dreaming 

while raising my family and broadening 

my options. In 1985, the Rockland 

Community Development Council 

asked another frum woman and me to 

start a newspaper for the Orthodox 

Jewish community. I knew nothing 

about the newspaper business other 

than how to write and edit, but she had 

been a noted journalist. Together, we 

started the newspaper, The Advocate. 

Three years later, I noticed an ad placed 

by Equitable Life Insurance, which was 

looking to hire and train life-insurance 

agents. I thought of my father who had 

died at age 47, leaving my mother a 

young widow with children to support. 

I realized that his foresight regarding 

insurance had saved my mother 

financially, and I decided to apply for 

this job. This was advantageous because, 

besides learning financial and estate 

planning, this further whetted my 

appetite for going to law school and gave 

me the focus I needed. 

In 1990, when I was 44 years old, 

our “empty nest” syndrome began. Our 

oldest daughter married, our second 

daughter went to seminary in Israel, 

our son was attending a mesivta that 

required sleeping in a dormitory, and our 

younger son had to make a 7:15 a.m. bus 

for minyan. I realized that if I did not 

seize the opportunity to go to law school 

now, I would probably no longer fulfill 

my dream. The only problem was that 

my husband still did not want me to go. 

Nevertheless, at this stage in my life, I 

was not giving in so easily. I said to him, 

“Take me to any rav of your choosing 

and let’s get a psak.” He took me to 

Rabbi Avrohom Pessin, z”tl, a litvishe 

rav; Rabbi Asher Leifer, a chasidishe 

rebbe; and Rabbi Maimon, an Israeli 

mekubal. None of them could see any 

problem with my plans as they pertained 

to me in particular. They wished me good 

luck, assuring my husband that I would 


still find the time to cook for Shabbos. 

Thankfully, with the haskamah of Daas 

Torah, my husband relented and became 

supportive of my plans, which included 

never scheduling a class on Friday. 

I took a preparatory course for 

the LSAT exams and applied only 

to Cardozo because it followed the 

Orthodox Jewish calendar. I did not 

want to have to take off more days 

than necessary to maintain my previous 

balebatishe lifestyle. There was also a 

kosher cafeteria where I would have 

easy access to food while spending the 

majority of my day in school. More 

importantly, Cardozo offered an earlyentry 

program, enabling me to graduate 

in two and a half years; after all, at my 

age, I had no time to lose! Added to 

the bargain was that the Monsey bus 

provided door-to-door service. 

Off I went to Cardozo for orientation 

day, looking forward to fulfilling my 

dream. As I sat in the auditorium, one 

among about 300 nervous students, 

the speaker at the podium gave us the 

following introduction: “Look to your 

right and look to your left. One of you 

will not graduate!” The young man on my 

right turned to me and, in all seriousness, 

asked, “What are you doing here at your 

age? Your life is half over!” 

I responded, “Who are you? G-d? 

Don’t tell me whose life is half over. 

You may walk out of this building and 

be hit by a bus; then, your life could be 

totally over! The way I see it, I have three 

choices: in three years, I will be either 

47 years old with a law degree, 47 years 

old without one, or dead. I prefer choice 

#1.” Ominously, this young man never 

graduated! 

Law school provided me with many 

challenges, the biggest one being able 

to compete with students who were 

half my age yet twice as computer 

knowledgeable; but I was determined to 

succeed. I will never forget the first day 


days 

of my legal writing course, which should 

have been a breeze for me with my finely 

honed writing skills. 

However, this course involved doing 

research on the computer. At the end 

of my first class, during which I sat 

immobilized with tears in my eyes, 

the professor approached and 

questioned me: “Why didn’t you do 

any work this hour?” 

I self-consciously responded, “You 

never told us how to turn on the 

computer!” I quickly hired someone to 

give me a crash course on its use and 

picked everyone’s brain on how to do 

legal research online; but they picked 

mine as to how to do research the good 

old-fashioned way: by scavenging the 

library on foot! 

After the first year of law school, 

the top 5% of the class can “gradeon” 

to Law Review. This prestigious 

achievement looks very good on a 

resume. I knew I had no chance to 

do so well because I had many more 

responsibilities than unmarried students 

did, but I had a very good chance to 

“write-on.” This entails each participant 

getting, during winter break, a package 

of already researched material on a 

specific topic. The student has a week 

to take a position “for” or “against” the 

issue involved, and to write a defensible 

argument. I eagerly took my package 

home, planning to work on it during 

my “vacation.” However, when I started 

reading the material on this First 

Amendment issue, concerning “freedom 

of expression,” my stomach turned. 

How could I bring such shmutz into 

my home and write on such a topic? I 

quickly dumped the whole package into 

the garbage, along with my chances of 

making Law Review. 

On my first day back, I marched 

into the office of the dean, an Italian 

gentile, and explained what I had done. 

He asked me, “Why didn’t you come 

right away and I would have given you a 

different topic? Now it’s too late.” 

I was disappointed, but I knew that 

I had done the right thing. So did 

Hashem, because, a few months later, a 

student wearing a yarmulke asked me, 

“Aren’t you the lady from Monsey who 

writes for The Advocate newspaper?” 

When I responded affirmatively, he 

continued, “I love your writing and my 

mother saves it for me to read when 

I come home for Shabbos. I’m Senior 

Articles Editor for the Jewish National 

Law Review Journal and graduating 

soon. Would you like to take over my 

position?” Providentially, I acquired an 

impressive addition to my resume! 

While in school, I made sure to 

take every course on Estate Planning 

and Taxation. By now, I knew that 

I wanted to practice in the area of 

Trusts and Estates. I also knew that I 

wanted to limit my practice to halachic 

estate planning, having grown up in a 

rabbinic home and recognizing a void 

in the frum community regarding this 

subject. I asked Rabbi Abraham Pessin, 

zt”l, a posek in Monsey, to teach me the 

halachos, and he graciously complied. 

This served me well on a final-exam 

essay. The professor, who did not appear 

to be an Orthodox Jew, was especially 

interested in the novel information I 

provided, comparing the requirements 

of secular and halachic estate planning. I 

did not understand his interest until he 

told me that he was an observant Jew. 

How ironic it is that while he taught me 

secular Estate Planning, I taught him 

Hilchos Yerushah. 

After graduation, during the months 

before the bar exam, I took a preparatory 

course. For this I spent the morning 

hours in class away from home and 

the rest of the day studying at home. 

The night before the exam, I slept in 

Manhattan because I was afraid of 

coming late. The next morning, I woke 

up with an excruciating toothache but 

had no choice other than to ignore 

it. I went to the exam on strong pain 

medication, which muddled my mind. I 

could barely concentrate on answering 

the questions, let alone write the essays. 

The next day, I underwent root canal 

surgery; two months later, I found 

out that I had failed the exam. In the 

ensuing months, I signed up for another 

preparatory course and took the bar 

exam again. This time I passed. 

Around that time, I noticed an ad 

in the Cardozo employment journal 

seeking a first-year associate in Trusts 

and Estates. The senior partner’s name 

was obviously Jewish, so I called and got 

an interview, based on my assertion that 

hiring a frum attorney with knowledge 

of halachic estate planning would bring 

in an Orthodox clientele. It turned out 


AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE, I WAS NOT GIVING IN 

SO EASILY. I SAID TO HIM, “TAKE ME TO ANY RAV 

OF YOUR CHOOSING AND LET’S GET A PSAK.” 

that he was a Conservative Jew who 

was so intrigued by this topic that I got 

the job. About a year later, I attended a 

chasunah and met a woman whose son 

had graduated Cardozo two years before 

me and was working for a Trusts and 

Estates attorney. Her son was looking to 

open a firm specializing in halachic estate 

planning. Two days later, I resigned from 

my job and started practicing with him. 

Our working relationship continued for 

a number of years until 1998, when I was 

offered a job I just could not refuse. 

Concurrently, while working my way 

up to becoming Senior Attorney at my 

new job, I began to nurture another 

dream. In 2002, my husband and I were 

visiting Eretz Yisrael, and someone 

mentioned that a new burial area had 

just opened up on Har Hamenuchos. 

I never really wanted to be buried in 

America, and kevarim were being sold at 

a very reasonable price. We went to Har 

Hamenuchos, where I carefully selected 

gravesites that look directly toward Har 

Habayis. I have never been so excited 

about a purchase! 

Since we now owned “property” in 

Eretz Yisrael, I began to reflect on the 

course of our lives and its future: Did 

we just want to be buried there, or should 

we also live there? By paying careful 

attention to my tefillos, I realized that I 

had just been paying lip service to them. 

How many times during the course of 

davening does one mention yearning 

for Yerushalayim? I remembered what 

the Skverer Rebbe had said and began 

to think about the mitzvah of living in 

Eretz Yisrael. When presented with a 

rare opportunity to buy an apartment 

in a yet-to-be-built building in 

Yerushalayim, we went for it. Luckily, 

little did we see or understand the 

complexities involved; but this was 

fortuitous because, if one would know 

what lies ahead when about to be 

born, one would cry even harder when 

entering this world. 

As I sit on my porch in Yerushalayim, 

contemplating from where I have come 

to where I am, I can’t help but appreciate 

what siyata dishmaya and keeping my 

eyes on goals has yielded. I’m now 

consulting worldwide on Hilchos Yerushah 

and writing articles on various topics, 

while living in the land where Moshe 

Rabbeinu desired to live but was denied 

entry. I often wonder: In whose zechus 

am I here? 


days 

The Race 

Since my child became my world, 

I no longer have the need to compete. 

By Nechi Fried 

Ilive in a world of races. There’s the race to finish school, 

the race to get a job, the race to get married, the race to 

have kids and the race to have more kids. And each race is 

made up of races—the race of the brilliant, the race of the 

smart and the race of the talented. And then there’s the race 

of the perfect people who are all three. I have always won the 

races. 

I landed the first job; I was the first of my friends to get 

married and the first to have a kid. And then all the races 

ground to a halt. Because the race to have a kid manifested 

itself in a special, perfect human being, an entity apart from 

myself who I can’t push, can’t race. He was born different, 

and by association, now, so was I. I couldn’t wrap my mind 

around the fact that his physical impairment now set me apart 

and removed me from the vision I had entertained, of the 

perfect family. 

After a long time I came to accept his loss as a gain, as 

something that makes him—and me by extension—whole. 

His physical loss is the vehicle that helps me grow, that will 

enable him to be the winner of all the races, more races 

than I even knew existed. I now urge him on in the race to 

understand, to hear and to speak. But the race has changed, 

because I no longer see the competition; no more do I look 

back to see how far they are behind me or how I am gaining a 

distance in the lead. 

You can tell he’s a part of me because he excels at the race, 

surpassing neighborhood children who don’t even share 

his impairment. So now that I’ve come to accept all that 

he signifies, it’s time to reenter the race. But suddenly, I no 

longer care to race. 

All I want now is time to sit on the sidelines as the other 

I LANDED THE FIRST JOB; 

I WAS THE FIRST OF MY 

FRIENDS TO GET MARRIED 

AND THE FIRST TO HAVE 

A KID. AND THEN ALL THE 

RACES GROUND TO A HALT. 

competitors fly by—time to spend with my child, reveling in 

his achievements and helping him over the obstacles. I want 

to devote myself more to him: to sit through every therapy 

session, to play peekaboo, and to put a band-aid—that he 

promptly tries to remove—over his skinned knee. I want time 

to delight in the fact that he has worked the band-aid free. 

I can’t believe it’s me saying this, but I no longer want to 

race. 

To submit your story for this column or to have your story 

featured here, please contact us at submissions@amimagazine.org. 


Cook the Seasons: Savor the Bursting Flavor of Mushrooms in Shaindy Ausch’s Purses 

Issue 91 

october 24, 2012 

8 cheshvan, 5773 

At Home 


Whisk Columnist and Author of Chic Made Simple

HELLOSend your Whisk 

Cooks, 

In my article on the following page, where I interview Esther cook and plate 

Deutsch upon the debut of her cookbook Chic Made Simple, I perhaps more 

mention my amazement at the concentration of style and talent often than fulltime 

stylists. 

in the Jewish community. In the cookbook world at large, there 

are chefs, recipe developers, food writers, prop stylists, food Esther Deutsch, 

stylists and photographers, and they all work together to create a Leah Schapira, 

book. In non-kosher food magazines, there are even more people Zehava Krohn, 

involved. If you’ve ever looked at the masthead of a secular Renee Muller 

publication and seen the hundreds of names listed there, you and Miriam 

know what I mean. 

Pascal all style 

The women I work with, though, can do it all. They come up their own 

with great recipe ideas. They get to work, testing and tweaking recipes. I pitch 

the recipes. They shop for props, prepare the food for photo in when we have 

shoots, style, garnish and determine the composition of the guest columnists, 

photos. Yes, professional photographers will be take the final or when we need 

shots (Miriam Pascal even shoots her own), but lots of these 

women have still taught themselves photography. Nowadays, 

almost everyone in food owns a big chunky SLR camera (I stole 

mine from my mom). 

I was once speaking to a photographer, trying to determine 

why a certain photograph of a poultry dish didn’t come out well. 

“They might be good cooks,” he said. “But these girls aren’t 

stylists. And they want to serve the food later that night to 

their families, which keeps them from styling it correctly. Any 

professional food stylist knows that you need to make a chicken 

treif by polishing it with glycerin for it to come out shiny in the 

photograph.” 

I think he’s wrong. 

We don’t always eat the food in the photo, because sometimes 

it’s been handled too much. Other times, the lettuces or herbs 

are fresh and not checked (no need to check it if it’s just for a 

photo!), so we don’t eat the salads either. But—all the food is real 

and edible. We simply use a sprinkling of olive oil if we need a 

little shine. We give you the real deal. 

And—these girls are stylists. Where else do women cook so 

often, serve guests so often, with so much taste and class? We 

photos for other features or columns. And I know there are girls 

out there, among you, who can do it too. 

Esther’s goals in the culinary world were realized through the 

pages of Whisk. And I encourage you to come shine here too and 

enter our annual Whisk Cooking Whiz contest. Last year, we 

were privileged to welcome winner Renee Muller—a real natural 

culinary talent and wonderful writer—to our team. 

Since it feels like Yom Tov has just ended, I’ll continue to 

accept entries until the end of the month, October 31. On 

November 1, I’ll print them out and enjoy reading your columns 

and cooking your recipes. 

I remember, last year, spreading all your sample columns out 

on the white conference table in the Ami offices and expressing, 

“There is so much talent out there!” 

Enjoy reading about Esther’s journey, and continue to turn the 

pages, where the talent continues with Shaindy and Leah, then 

Sarah Pachter seeks it out through The Kitchen Spy. 

Best always, 

Victoria Dwek 

victoria@amimagazine.org 

contest entries through 

October 31st to 

whisk@amimagazine.org. 

Be the Next 

Cooking Whiz 

Do you love to cook and innovate 

in the kitchen? 

Think your recipes deserve to be recreated 

in the homes of thousands? 

EnTEr ThE Whisk Cooking Whiz 

ChallEngE for a ChanCE To bE Whisk’s 

nExT fooD ColumnisT. 

Four finalists will have their recipes professionally 

photographed to appear in a Whisk feature. 

One of the finalists will be the winner. 

To enTer, submiT: 

1) a 200-300-word summary of your kitchen personality. Tell us why and what you love to cook. 

2) One sample food column that shows off your style. The sample food column 

should include three recipes and one introduction. 

To submit your entry, email whisk@amimagazine.org 

16 | whisk | june 1, 2011 | 28 iyar, 5771 

2 

second 

annual 

DeaDline: ocTober 24, 2012 

2 | whisk | october 24, 2012 | 8 cheshvan, 5773

2 

Be the Next 

Cooking Whiz 

second 

annual 

Do you love to cook and innovate 

in the kitchen? 

Think your recipes deserve to be recreated 

in the homes of thousands? 

Enter the Whisk Cooking Whiz 

challenge for a chance to be Whisk’s 

next food columnist. 

Four finalists will have their recipes professionally 

photographed to appear in a Whisk feature. 

One of the finalists will be the winner. 

To enter, submit: 

1) A 200-300-word summary of your kitchen personality. Tell us why and what you love to cook. 

2) One sample food column that shows off your style. The sample food column 

should include three recipes and one introduction. 

16 | whisk | june 1, 2011 | 28 iyar, 5771 

To submit your entry, email whisk@amimagazine.org 

Deadline: October 31, 2012

Esther at 

Behind the picture-perfect images 

and sublime recipes, there’s a home 

cook looking to inspire us all. I visited 

Esther Deutsch, Whisk columnist and 

author of the now debuting cookbook, 

Chic Made Simple, on her own turf to 

see where the creativity begins. 

By Victoria Dwek 

delicious 

Creating these berry cups is easier 

than it looks! Read on to learn 

Esther’s styling and flavor secrets. 

4 | whisk | October 24, 2012 | 8 cheshvan, 5773

Home 

8 cheshvan, 5773 | october 24, 2012 | whisk | 5

at home 

I 

first met Esther Deutsch at a Whisk 

meeting in August 2010. You 

first met her on these pages the 

following November, when her Filet 

Mignon Au Poivre graced the cover 

of Whisk in Ami’s inaugural issue. 

This was something different 

and fresh. It was the type of food 

we hadn’t seen before in the kosher 

world, and yet, it was exactly what 

we wanted to replicate for our own tables. 

Esther was modern before modernity 

and minimalism was a trend. 

While as an editor, I got to 

know Esther Deutsch through our 

correspondence and, like you, through the 

candid introductions to each recipe in her 

column, today we are all invited into her 

kitchen, where it all begins, to learn more. 

I pull up to Esther’s house on a warm 

Monday morning in October. Once 

inside, I follow her to the back—and 

heart—of her home. Bar stools wrap 

about the peninsula in her kitchen. I can 

tell that that’s where her children will be 

in a few hours, sitting on the stools and 

acting as an audience while Mom cooks. 

(“Sometimes my children ask me to put 

on a cooking show for them,” Esther 

admits.) There’s a plush sofa and some 

comfy chairs beyond the peninsula. This 

is the coziest spot in the house. 

“We just got back from a family 

vacation to Israel for Sukkos. Every 

restaurant we went to had a drink called 

Limonana on its beverage menu. It’s 

a staple there. We tried the drink in 

different places. Some were okay, some 

were really good. When we got home my 

children told me, ‘We want a Limonana!’ 

So I experimented.” 

Esther pulls a blender jar from the 

fridge with an icy, green drink inside. 

The recipe, she says, is easy to remember 

because each ingredient is simply a 

half-quantity of the previous one: 2 cups 

of ice; 1 cup of lemon juice (“I put the 

lemons in a bowl of warm water before 

squeezing. It makes it easier to get the 

juice out”); ½ cup of mint leaves (“They 

should be slightly packed”); and ¼ cup of 

sugar. 

In some Israeli restaurants, Esther tells 

me, simple syrup is served on the side in 

a tiny mug in case someone prefers their 

drink a little sweeter. That’s because the 

liquefied sugar is already dissolved and 

can do a better job of sweetening. 

“What role do your children play in 

the kitchen?” I ask her. 

“My daughter, who’s 10, recently 

decided that she’s baking on her own. No 

one else is allowed to be in the kitchen 

because she wants to surprise us. She 

used to bake with me, so she knows how 

to be precise.” 

“Does she use your recipes?” 

Esther nods. “This week, for Shabbos, 

she baked a recipe from my book called 

Cointreau Mocha Cake. It came out 

great and she was really proud of herself. 

And the cake was completely devoured. 

Her friends came over on Shabbos day 

and were all oohing and aahing over it.” 

There are 185 recipes in Chic Made 

Simple. Of those, 55 are dessert recipes. 

We share a preference for the same 

course. “I have an uncontrollable sweet 

tooth. There’s no such thing as a meal 

without dessert. While we were in Israel, 

I saw they sell tubs of dulce de leche. 

It’s amazing, high-quality caramel that 

I haven’t seen here. We enjoyed hot 

croissants with the caramel for breakfast.” 

Time to Cook 

Today, Esther is going to prepare her 

version of Penne alla Vodka, and a light 

and creamy—but not dense—cheesecake 

that she worked hard to perfect. 

“You might ask why I chose to include 

a Penne alla Vodka recipe in my book,” 

Esther says. “After all, everyone makes it. 

But every recipe that I saw was missing 

specific steps in the instructions—the 

sauce wasn’t cooking long enough. The 

vodka is supposed to caramelize the taste 

of the tomatoes, but I found that when it 

didn’t cook long enough, the sauce often 

ended up bitter.” 

Esther already has her pasta prepared 

al dente, as the ingredients for the sauce 

are pulled together in a large sauté pan. 

“Why a sauté pan and not a saucepan?”

in the 

studio 

I ask her. 

She explains that the sauté pan will 

cook the sauce more thoroughly. I nod. 

Of course; there’s more surface area. 

But there’s another reason why a sauté 

pan works well for vodka sauce. Esther 

explains, “Did you know that you’re 

supposed to toss the pasta into the sauce 

instead of the other way around?” 

She shows me what she means. Instead 

of pouring sauce over the pasta, Esther 

puts the cooked pasta into the sauté pan, 

using a spoon to mix it with the sauce 

until it’s thoroughly coated. Her sauce is a 

thick and chunky version that begins with 

whole canned tomatoes. That’s the way 

her children like it. Prefer a smooth sauce? 

Prior to cooking, puree the tomatoes with 

the sauce in a blender. 

A Place on the Shelf 

On the northern wall of Esther’s 

kitchen is a bookcase that goes from 

floor to ceiling. The cookbooks that pack 

its shelves were originally organized by 

height, but then Yali, an interior designer 

friend, suggested that she color-code the 

shelves. Now there’s a red shelf, a blue 

shelf, a yellow shelf, a white shelf, a green 

shelf...and this week, another book will be 

added to the blue shelf: Esther’s own. 

She tells me, “I’ve been a collector of 

cookbooks for years now....I have even 

managed to find several vintage out-ofprint 

cookbooks on eBay...It’s incredible 

to see how cookbooks have evolved over 

the years.” 

Esther knew, perhaps since she got 

married, that writing a cookbook was one 

of her dreams and goals. “It’s interesting 

how G-d brings things to you. If you 

really want something, you just have to 

put in a little bit of effort. I wanted to do 

a test run before writing my book, so I 

prepared some of my recipes for a photo 

shoot just to see how it would go. I told 

myself, ‘I’ll give it a shot and see if they’re 

cookbook-worthy.’” 

And they were. Esther’s earliest 

photographs, including a picture of 

Chocolate Won Tons with Caramel 

Dipping Sauce, clearly show her vision 

even in that “test run.” 

Esther is a stylist as much as a cook— 

she believes that the appearance of food 

greatly contributes to our enjoyment of it. 

She’s also a photography enthusiast. 

Photos she has taken of her children 


at 

home 

2. 

1. 

3. 

4. 

1. Time to style. Working with a cold sauce 

enables Esther to have more control while 

piping dots onto a plate. 2. It’s pomegranate 

season. Not just a dessert garnish, 

these become an anti-oxidant-filled afterschool 

snack. The arils from 10 pomegranates 

fill this container. 3. and 4. Create a 

sparkled rim. Esther presses her shot glass 

into a soaked paper towel, and then presses 

it into the colored sugars. 5. Herbs as the 

finishing touch. Choose the prettiest mint 

leaves from the bunch to complete the styling. 

(Previous page) Another one for the 

blue This week, Chic Made Simple, will find 

its spot on the blue shelf in Esther’s kitchen 

5.

in the 

studio 

decorate the walls of her home. But also 

in her photostream are lots and lots of 

pictures of the dishes she prepares in 

her kitchen. Before each shoot, she tells 

me, she would test shoot everything 

with her own camera. And even without 

appropriate lighting, Esther is able to 

determine what composition she would 

like for the photo. 

“Composition is something that comes 

natural to me. Lighting is very important, 

but the right angle makes a big difference. 

This glass, for example—if I shoot it from 

above, it will look smaller. If I shoot it 

head on, it will look taller. I learned how 

to do different tricks with my camera and 

practiced the styling on my own, in my 

own kitchen.” 

For every photo shoot, Esther would 

prepare and style about 12—or sometimes 

more—dishes. Because things move so 

fast (there’s no sitting down or downtime 

during a shoot), she’d have to know ahead 

of time exactly what she wants to do 

with each shot. And instead of having 

a photographer come to her, Esther 

would pack up every prop, ingredient, 

and utensil, and bring them to the 

photographer’s studio. It’s a science to 

determine exactly which steps in the 

preparation of a dish can be done in 

advance and which have to be prepared 

fresh in the studio. 

“Each shoot requires two weeks of 

advance planning,” Esther says. 

“Did you ever forget anything at home?” 

She laughs. The answer is yes. “But 

luckily, there’s a huge supermarket right 

near John Uher’s studio.” 

Esther would pack up seven boxes for 

a shoot whether she was going to John 

Uher’s studio in midtown Manhattan or 

down the block to Menachem Adelman’s 

Flatbush studio. And whenever you see 

a food photograph, it doesn’t mean the 

author just styled that one plate. We often 

create multiple plates and choose the one 

that comes out the best. So when you see 

Esther’s slice of cheesecake, it means that 

that was the dish that was deemed the 

prettiest. There are most likely a few other 

plated slices that were not chosen. And 

desserts are the easiest, because they can 

be made in advance and are inherently 

pretty. 

Like desserts, it doesn’t require a lot 

of work to plate soup, but the details 


For every photo 

shoot, Esther 

would prepare 

and style about 

12—or sometimes 

more—dishes. 

That’s seven 

boxes of props, 

ingredients and 

utensils to pack up 

and bring over to 

the photographer’s 

studio. 

still matter. “I once worked with Israeli 

food stylist Nir Adar on a shoot for 

Campbell’s. When soup is cold in 

a photograph, you can tell. It won’t 

photograph well. Nir taught me that soup 

is the most photogenic at 69ºF. He would 

use a thermometer to tell him when the 

bowl was ready to be shot. So now I also 

heat the soup to 69ºF.” 

Other types of dishes, especially meat, 

are significantly harder to beautify. 

“I remember one time I was shooting 

a turkey roast. I had originally imagined 

showing the whole roast with a few cut 

slices, but it wasn’t working. So I ended 

up showing one slice on a plate. I topped 

it with radish sprouts, but it still looked 

like nothing. Then I added dots of sauce 

around the slice. We were finally getting 

somewhere. Finally, after finishing it off 

with some cracked black pepper it all 

came together.” 

It’s work. But Esther loves this part. 

I’ve met many food writers and recipe 

developers, not only in kosher circles but 

in the food world at large. I learned that 

when you see non-kosher cookbooks 

on the shelves in bookstores, it could 

very well be that a chef developed the 

recipe concepts, a food writer made the 

recipes practicable for the home chef and 

determined the correct measurements, a 

prop stylist collected all the dishes for the 

photographs, and a food stylist prepared 

the food for the photographs. And yes 

while there are some people out there 

who can play more than one role, women 

who do everything themselves are rare. 

Esther is one of those rare talents. 

A Lesson in Styling 

Esther removes the cheesecake from 

the refrigerator. She’s going to plate it 

now and show us some styling tricks. 

“This recipe makes three pie-size cakes. It 

sounds like a lot, but we’re actually down 

to our last half.” 

Esther puts a slice of cheesecake on the 

plate. Now it’s time for the dots. 

“How do you get them to go from big 

to small?” I ask. 

She takes the squeeze bottle of 

strawberry sauce from her refrigerator 

and demonstrates. When the sauce is 

cold, it’s thicker and easier to control; the 

dots won’t run together like they would 

when using room-temperature or hot 

sauce. She pipes dots onto the plate as the 

sauce oozes slowly out of the bottle. The 

berry sauce that accompanies 

Esther’s cheesecake is made simply from 

melted sorbet. And it doesn’t matter 

what kind of berries are thrown into it. 

It depends on the season. Right now 

we’re in the midst of pomegranate season. 

Esther removes a big plastic container 

full of pomegranate seeds from her 

refrigerator. 

“How many pomegranates did it take 

to fill that up?” 

“About 10. During the winter, it’s 

a staple in my fridge. My kids come 

home and eat pomegranate seeds as 

a snack. This will be gone in three 

or four days. That’s a lot of antioxidants,” 

she says. 

As a favorite winter fruit, Esther’s 

family goes through 20 pomegranates a 

week. In the summertime, the after-camp 

snack in Esther’s kitchen is a blended 

fruit shake. “I’ll blend pomegranate 

juice with a banana, blueberries, and 

strawberries. I only use the POM 

Wonderful brand. I’ve tried others and 

found them to be bitter. The kids think 

they’re having a treat, but they’re really 

enjoying something that’s very healthy.” 

Right now, though, the pomegranates 

will be going into the berry sauce that 

accompanies the cheesecake. 

Esther now shows me how she 

decorates the berry cups with a rim of 

colored sugar. She places two plates on 

the counter. 

“Take a paper towel and fold it in half 

and in half again. Make it wet and put 

it down on the plate,” she instructs. The 

second plate contains the colored sugar, 

in a deep red hue that she found at The 

Peppermill. Esther then takes a shot glass, 

presses it down into the wet paper towel, 

and then into the colored sugar. 

“I use a paper towel rather than a dish 

of water because it controls how much 

water is applied to the rim of the glass. 

Otherwise, there will be too much and 

the sugar won’t be as neat.” 

Now for a taste of cheesecake and berry 

sauce. As expected it was sublime. 

I think I have a new go-to cheesecake. 

Not Just for the Photo 

Before I go, I tell Esther that I want to 

see her prop closet. There are two closets 

in her kitchen, each filled with dishes 

(there’s more in the basement). I notice 

that there are complete sets of some 

dishes. That’s because she doesn’t save 

the pretty plating for the photographs. 

When she’s having guests for Shabbos, 

each plate is artfully arranged and 

garnished before it’s brought to the table. 

Some of her fish plates have different 

compartments for individual servings of 

a main fish dish, some gefilte fish, and 

other dips and salads. 

Esther ends, “What’s really nice about 

my book is that the option for beautiful 

presentation is there, but if you choose to 

skip it, you’re still left with great-tasting 

dishes that you’ll prepare again and 

again.” 

There’s a time to be creative, and a time 

to step back. I don’t think any of us needs 

tips on how to keep things casual. But 

when we want to add a little more flair, 

whether in honor of Shabbos, Yom Tov, 

a celebration, or even just to enhance our 

family’s enjoyment of a weeknight meal, 

we can certainly garner a few tips and 

ideas emerging from an inspired kitchen 

in the heart of Flatbush. • 

10 | whisk | October 24, 2012 | 8 cheshvan, 5773

Easy Cheesecake 

with Berry Cups 

It took me a while to get this cheesecake 

just right, but after batch number six, this 

cheesecake was spectacular—the best I’ve 

ever had. The texture was exactly what I 

wanted: creamy, fluffy and “doesn’t stick-toyour-mouth” 

smooth. 

It doesn’t take much to transform the 

easiest cheesecake into a sophisticated 

dessert—just add a berry cup. Add your 

choice of fresh berries to melted sorbet and 

serve in mini shot glasses with a mint leaf. 

For an added touch, you can also crust the 

top of the shot glass with colored sugar. 

For this cheesecake, I prefer to use 

light whipped cream cheese—it yields a 

cheesecake that’s rich and creamy but not 

too dense. I’m a cheesecake purist and prefer 

no frills, but if you want added decadence, 

melt seven ounces of white chocolate into 

the heavy cream over a double boiler before 

adding the cream to the filling. 

The trick to this cheesecake is to leave it to 

cool in the oven for one hour after turning off 

the heat. This allows for uniform cooling and 

a moister cake. The recipe yields three 9-inch 

pies. No worries—regardless of the number 

of people you are serving, there won’t be 

much left over. 

Cheesecake 

3 graham cracker crusts 

3 containers (8oz. each) light whipped 

cream cheese 

1 pkg. (7.5 oz.) farmer cheese 

1 container (16 oz.) sour cream 

1 1/2 cups sugar 

5 eggs 

1 cup heavy cream 

1 Tbsp. lemon juice 

1 Tbsp. vanilla sugar 

Topping 

1 container (16 oz.) sour cream 

2 Tbsp. sugar 

1 tsp. vanilla sugar 

1. Preheat the oven to 350° F. In the bowl 

of an electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, 

cream together the cream cheese, farmer 

cheese, sour cream and sugar. Beat in the 

eggs, one at a time. Add the heavy cream, 

lemon juice and vanilla sugar and mix until 

well combined. 

2. Divide the mixture evenly among the 3 

graham cracker pie crusts and bake for 50 

minutes. Turn off the heat and leave the 

pies in the oven to cool for 1 hour. 

3. To prepare the topping: In a bowl, 

combine the sour cream, sugar, and vanilla 

sugar. Spread over the top of the 3 cooled 

cheesecakes. Refrigerate for at least 5 

hours before serving. Serve with berry cups. 

Berry Cups 

Melt 1 pint of store-bought berry 

sorbet at room temperature or in the 

refrigerator. Stir in fresh berries of 

your choice and/or pomegranate arils. 

Keep tightly covered and refrigerated 

until ready to serve. 

Penne Vodka 

“Too generic” was my initial thought 

when I contemplated including this 

recipe. But, although there are many 

recipes for penne vodka, finding a good 

one is tricky. The preparation process 

is as important as the ingredient list. 

Vodka is mostly odorless and flavorless, 

but the cooking process provides the 

catalyst that brings out the caramel-like 

taste of the tomatoes. The trick is to cook it 

for at least 30 minutes, so you don’t have an 

overwhelming, bitter aftertase, but rather a 

slight undertone that gives the cream sauce 

its character. 

Some authentic Italian recipes call for 

the sauce to be simmered for hours, but 

I find that 30 minutes of cooking out the 

vodka is long enough to deem this recipe 

restaurant worthy. 

note: If you prefer a smooth vodka sauce 

without small chunks, puree the peeled 

tomatoes and liquid together in a food 

processor or use a 28-ounce can of your 

favorite marinara sauce. 

1 medium onion, chopped small 

¼ cup (1/2 stick) butter 

5 cloves garlic, minced 

1 can (28 oz.) whole peeled tomatoes, 

with the juice 

1 tsp. kosher salt 

¼ tsp. fresh black pepper 

½ tsp. red pepper flakes 

¼ cup vodka 

1 ¼ cup heavy cream 

1/2 cup parmesan cheese 

¼ cup fresh basil, chopped (optional) 

1 lb. penne pasta, prepared according to 

package directions 

1. In a large skillet, sauté the onion in the 

butter over medium heat until cooked 

through, 7–8 minutes. Add the garlic and 

cook for another minute. 

2. Add the tomatoes with the juice, salt, 

black pepper, red pepper flakes and vodka 

and cook for 20 minutes, starting to break 

up the whole tomatoes into small pieces 

with a spoon after about 10 minutes. 

3. Stir in the heavy cream and cook for 8 

minutes longer. Add the parmesan and 

fresh basil and cook for another minute 

until combined. Add the penne pasta and 

toss with the sauce until well combined. 

Cook for another minute. Serve warm. 

Serves 4. 

Recipes from Chic Made 

Simple, by Esther Deutsch 


Cook 

the 

Seasons 

with Shaindy 

Ausch 

Button 

Mushrooms 

Nutrition Factor 

Mushrooms contain two important Vitamin Bs– 

Niacin and Riboflavin. Although the breakdown 

varies according to each type, all mushrooms are 

extremely low in calories and are a great source 

of protein and fiber. The shiitake mushroom 

is a particularly healthy variety as it contains 

Lentinan, an important agent in boosting your 

immune system and fighting cancer. And let’s not 

forget about the portobello, which contains more 

potassium in a serving than one banana. 

Never pick your own mushrooms, as many 

found in the wild can be highly poisonous. 

This month: 

mushrooms 

The deep woodsy flavors of mushrooms are particularly 

welcome as the air takes on a chill and the red and orange 

leaves decorate the streets. They are full of flavor and add 

heartiness to any dish. There are over 200 edible varieties 

out there, but as unique as their individual flavors and 

appearances are, they can be used in many of the same ways. 

I personally love including different types of mushrooms in 

my weekly dinner menu. 

In general, look for firm, evenly colored mushrooms. 

Avoid mushrooms that are broken, damaged or have soft 

spots. The smell of mildew is also an indication that their 

prime has passed. Fresh mushrooms can be stored in the 

refrigerator, unwashed, for up to three weeks. They will last 

longer dry and uncovered. Prior to eating or cooking, wash 

well with cold water and dry with paper towel. Prepared 

mushrooms are best consumed immediately or they will 

darken. Mushrooms are best cooked over high heat so that 

the liquid that is released is cooked off quickly and leaves the 

mushroom with intense flavor. 

So many ways of the mushroom and so little pen space, 

but here are my favorites: 

Brush with a mixture of olive oil and seasoning. Grill. 

Spoon over your chicken or fish. 

Roast your mushrooms. Toss with romaine lettuce, 

cherry tomatoes, and your favorite vinaigrette dressing. 

Top with some cheese and pizza spice for a low calorie 

pizza snack. 

Add to your soup for an extra flavor kick. 

BUG FACTOR 

Mushrooms should be gently washed. 

The gills of certain mushroom may need to 

be removed. Ask your posek. 

King Trumpet 

Mushrooms 

Chanterelles 

mushroom facts 

Mushrooms are edible fungi, meaning spores are 

produced instead of seeds. 

When mushrooms were first cultivated, they were 

considered a food for royalty. 

The vitamin content in mushrooms is parallel to 

the vitamin content found in meat. 

Photo by MOrris 

Antebi 

12 | whisk | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | 8 cheshvan, 5773

Mushroom Purses 

I sometimes get hooked on one successful 

dish and anyone asking for a recipe gets an 

earful (and a mouthful) of it. Simply prepare 

the dish in advance and rewarm it in the oven 

or on the hotplate for several minutes prior to 

serving. The purses will freeze beautifully. 

I’ve also used egg roll wrappers multiple 

times with this recipe, but the thin phyllo 

dough lets the flavors burst through so much 

better. Simply stack a few of the thin phyllo 

sheets on top of each other and cut out 

squares that are about the same size as egg 

roll wrappers. 

1/4 cup olive oil 

1/4 cup red wine vinegar 

6 garlic cloves, crushed 

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 

1/2 teaspoon basil 

2 bay leaves 

16 ounces Baby Bella mushrooms, 

cleaned and diced 

Dash crushed red pepper 

Salt to taste 

10 to 12 5-x 5-inch phyllo squares (each 

a few layers thick) 

Oil for brushing 

1. In a large skillet over medium heat, 

bring the olive oil, red wine vinegar, garlic, 

herbs, and bay leaves to a boil. Lower heat 

and add mushrooms. Cook for 10 minutes. 

Season with red pepper and salt. Cool. 

2. Preheat the oven to 400º F. Grease 

a muffin pan. Place one eggroll/phyllo 

wrapper over a muffin cup and fit into the 

center. Remove bay leaves from mushroom 

mixture. Spoon 2 tablespoons of the 

mushroom mixture inside and pinch the 

wrapper together at the top to form a purse. 

Brush the dough generously with oil. Repeat 

with the remaining wrappers. Do not worry, 

they will not open. Bake until 

tops are beginning to turn 

golden at the edges, about 

10 minutes. Serve warm. 

Yield: 10 to 12 purses 

Shiitake 

Mushrooms 


Leah 

Schapira's 

Fav 

ori 

tes 

A Whisk Exclusive 

The great ideas don’t always 

have to be mine. You have 

great ideas too, and I’m on 

the hunt for the best of your 

recipes. I’ll be collecting my 

favorites from recipes you 

have posted on CookKosher. 

com, my recipe sharing 

website. Then I'll get to 

work testing, tweaking to 

perfection, and having them 

styled and photographed 

exclusively for Whisk readers. 

In this column you’ll 

learn about all my favorite 

recipes—they just happen to 

be yours. 

Pecan Lukshin 

(Noodle) Kugel 

One Shavous, I went on a kugel 

strike. Aside from one kugel that 

must make an appearance (the potato 

kugel), I decided that the rest of my 

side dishes would be less traditional. 

Lots of veggies and some starches, but 

no other kugels. 

I’m not one to mess with tradition, 

and my menu every Shabbos is quite 

traditional, but I figured, for one Yom 

Tov I can get away with kugel-less 

meals. 

One of my guests wasn’t too pleased. 

At every meal, he took a look at all 

the sides I prepared and innocently 

asked, “No lukshin kugel?” By the time 

the fourth meal came around, I had 

pity and was tempted to make him a 

noodle kugel. Luck wasn’t on his side, 

as I had no egg noodles in the house. 

The next time this guest came for a 

Shabbos, I knew I owed him. 

When searching for a noodle kugel 

recipe, I remembered my aunt had a 

great one with pecans, which add a 

great crunch and a wonderful change 

to the classic version. I searched on 

CookKosher.com and found it posted 

by a cousin of mine, who is a fabulous 

cook. She has posted some really great 

recipes (that’s a hint to share some 

more). 

I made it in a loaf pan, as lately I 

have been using rectangular-shaped 

pans instead of round ones. Why, you 

ask? Round containers take up extra 

space in the refrigerator. Rectangular 

kugels use that space more efficiently. 

Some say kugel is traditionally eaten 

as a reminder of the manna. Kugels 

have a top and bottom crispy layer 

to remind us of the dew layer that 

was under and over the manna as a 

protection in the desert. 

One of the greatest things about 

kugels are that most of them freeze 

beautifully. And with many dishes to 

prepare each week, it’s always nice to 

have some things prepared in advance. 

½ cup (1 stick) margarine 

½ cup brown sugar 

1 cup pecans, chopped 

1 (12-ounce) bag medium egg 

noodles 

3 eggs 

½ teaspoon cinnamon 

½ cup sugar 

½ teaspoon salt 

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF. In a saute 

pan over medium-low heat, melt the 

margarine. Add the brown sugar and 

chopped nuts and mix. Place nut mixture 

on the bottom of 2 9-inch round pans or 

2 loaf pans and set aside. 

2. Cook the noodles according to 

package directions and drain. Let cool. 

Place noodles in a mixing bowl and add 

eggs, cinnamon, sugar, and salt. Stir to 

thoroughly combine. Pour mixture on 

top of nuts and bake for 1 hour. 

3. To serve, invert the kugel so pecans 

are on top. 

Yield: 2 medium kugels 

14 | whisk | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | 8 CHESHVAN, 5773

Pecan Lukshin (Noodle) 

Kugel 

CookKosher Member: 

Lea 

Yield: 2 (9-inch) round 

or 2 loaves 

Prep time: 25 minutes 

Cook time: 1 hour 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | whisk | 15

Kitchen Spy 

The Dough 

Rises in the 

East 

BY SARAH PACHTER 

Brienchi is my friendly 

Yerushalmi neighbor and 

you’ll often find us in each 

other’s kitchens, which 

means that today’s recipe 

needed no pre-planning 

or scheduling. Thursday, though, is 

Brienchi’s special baking day, and it’s 

on Thursdays that I usually try to make 

a point of visiting her, even if just for a 

closer whiff of the aroma that fills the 

stairwell. 

Truth be told, in sync with her giving 

personality, I know Brienchi will offer 

me a fresh piece of yeast cake, still 

warm from the oven, and wrap up a 

log of cake for me to take home for the 

family. (See, it’s not what you know, but 

who you know, that counts in life.…) 

I don’t even try to emulate her; I 

know in advance that I don’t stand 

a chance. She’s a blue-blooded, 

thoroughbred Yerushalmi, raised 

somewhere in the back alleys of Geula, 

the youngest daughter in a family of 17. 

“Even though I was the youngest 

in a large family I was far from 

spoiled. Having 16 older siblings 

meant that there was always someone 

who needed help with their children 

and I would trek from one home to 

another, babysitting, bathing and 

giving my nieces and nephews supper. 

But Thursday was special,” Brienchi 

says wistfully. “It was the day that I 

wanted to be home. That was when 

Shabbos preparations began. We’d 

start by hosing down the courtyard, 

and until today, the smell of detergent 

mixed with gravel and sand reminds 

me of Shabbos. Once that chore was 

done we’d go inside to the kitchen. 

My grandmother, who lived in the 

next courtyard, would join us and 

we’d start baking and cooking. 

We’d stand side by side, mixing and 

kneading dough for challos and cake 

while my grandmother minced raw 

carp for gefilte fish.” 

The Yerushalmi kitchen has a distinct 

old-world style of its own. As the 

product of a war-torn, half-starved 

city, practicality and frugality are its 

trademark. Accordingly, old-timers 

can boast vast expertise in pickling an 

array of vegetables and producing the 

tastiest of fruit preserves. In addition, 

since spices were a scarce commodity, 

most of their recipes only call for a dash 

of salt, pepper and lots of patience. The 

longer food is left to soak, marinate, 

or rise, the better it tastes. And time 

is a commodity that Yerushalayim has 

always had in abundance. 

I.D. 

Name: 

Brienchi Eckstein. 

Profession: I give private 

sewing and art classes. 

Kitchen: Yerushalmi 

Hours spent in the kitchen: No 

fixed hours…all the time…. 

Meals: Breakfast is a snack 

of crackers or cake with 

either hot or cold chocolate 

milk. Lunch is always a hot 

cooked meal. The menu 

might include chicken soup 

with chicken and vegetables, 

mashed potatoes with 

schnitzel, or green beans 

with moussaka. Supper is 

a bread-based meal served 

with fresh vegetables and 

either tuna salad, egg salad, 

scrambled eggs, or yogurt. 

Margarine: As much as I 

don’t like to use it, I can’t 

manage without it. 

Takeout: Only for simchas, 

when I need very large 

quantities. 

Whole-wheat flour: Now 

that ready-sifted, insect-free 

brands are available, I allow 

myself to use it. 

Children in the kitchen: Is 

there any other way…? 

Clean kitchen: Clean— 

always! Tidy—only l’kovod 

Shabbos. 

Most important kitchen 

ingredient: A ready smile. As 

a mother of children I use 

this generously. 

Invaluable: The baking 

tin I inherited from my 

mother-in-law, who was a 

particularly holy woman. 

16 | whisk | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | 8 CHESHVAN, 5773

BrieNchI on 

Braiding 

Challos 

If you intend to bake 

your challos inside a 

baking pan, grease the 

pan with oil before 

braiding and allow the 

braided loaf to rise 

inside the pan. 

For the perfect look, 

braid the challah from 

the middle downwards 

and then turn the loaf 

around and braid the 

top half. 

To make a challah from 

two braids in the shape 

of a screw, lay the two 

rolls one on top of the 

other to form a + sign 

then take the bottom 

leg and twist it over the 

horizontal arm at its 

right. After that, take 

the upper vertical log 

and twist it over the 

arm at its left. 

Rye and Apple Rolls with 

Honey and Cinnamon 

Apple Chips: 

3 large green apples 

⅔ cup (200 grams) honey, plus 

additional for drizzling 

20 cinnamon sticks (optional) 

Dough: 

¼ cup (300 ml) apple cider 

1 ¼ teaspoons (1/2 cube or packet) 

yeast 

2 cups (300 grams) flour 

1 ½ cups (200 grams) rye flour (or 

whole wheat flour) 

1 level tablespoon (10 grams) salt 

¼ cup (50 ml) oil 

3 medium apples, cut into matchsticks 

Prepare the apple chips. Preheat oven to 200⁰F. Line a baking 

sheet with parchment paper. Slice apples thinly and lay flat on 

prepared baking tray. Bake 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let 

cool. Drizzle honey over apples and let sit for 15 minutes. 

Prepare the dough. In the bowl of an electric mixer, dissolve 

yeast in cider. Add flours and slowly pour in salt and oil. Mix on 

low speed for 4 minutes, then raise speed to medium and mix 

for an additional 6 minutes. The dough should be smooth. Fold in 

apple matchsticks. Let dough sit for 10 minutes. 

Shape dough into balls. You may need to work on a floured 

surface. Allow balls to rise for 1 hour. 

Preheat oven to 350⁰F. Press 3 apple chips and a cinnamon 

stick (optional) into the top. Bake for 10 minutes. Raise heat to 

375⁰F. Bake an additional 5 minutes. Before serving, drizzle with 

additional honey. 

Yield: 20 rolls 

8 CHESHVAN, 5773 | OCTOBER 24, 2012 | whisk | 17

GIRL 

On a 

Diet 

Weigh-In 

A Whisk Serial By Chavy Hersh 

Last week: After a rocky Yom Tov, 

Chavy resolves to start over. 

Week 19 

Another 

Tomorrow 

starting weight 

192 

current weight 

171 

goal 

145 

pounds lost 

this week 

1.5 

total pounds 

lost so far 

21 

0 

1 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

7 

8 

9 

0 

IWednesday: 

thought I was ready. It’s Isru 

Chag, and earlier today, after a 

Yom Tov where 40 I felt like my former 

noshing and not-in-control self, I 

thought that today, things would change. 

But I learned that if you wait until 

“tomorrow,” they don’t. When I started this 

diet, it was right before Shavuos. I could have waited until 

after Shavuos, but I knew that I had to take resolve when 

it came and that “tomorrows” could never arrive. Well, 

today was one of those tomorrows. My brother walked 

into the house with danishes from the bakery. I had a few 

bites. And a cookie. Tomorrow is another tomorrow. 

Thursday: 

Work starts again today, and I’m hoping that structure 

will give me what commitment to start over couldn’t. I made 

a healthy breakfast. I ate the lunch I had packed. But then, 

when I came home and prepared an apple pie for Shabbos, I 

had to taste it. It was good, but not as good as I wanted it to 

taste. 

Why do I bake? Why am I always sabotaging myself? I 

need a new hobby. 

18 | AMi•Living | october 24, 2012 | 8 cheshvan, 5773 

on the menu 

Wednesday: Breakfast: whole-wheat roll, eggs, grapes. 

Lunch: salad, ½ danish*, cookie*. Dinner: fish, salad. 

Thursday: Breakfast: cereal (Puffins) and milk, apple. 

Lunch: whole-wheat bread, tuna. Dinner: chicken, salad, 

apple pie.* 

Friday: Breakfast: cereal and milk, apple. Lunch: wholewheat 

bread, cheese, grapes. Later in day: chicken. Dinner: 

whole-wheat roll, fish, soup, chicken, string beans. 

Shabbos: Lunch: whole-wheat roll, turkey, eggs, salad, 

coleslaw, cholent. Snack: melon, nectarine. Shalosh Seudos: 

whole-wheat roll, fish, salad. 

Sunday: Breakfast: whole-wheat roll, eggs. Lunch: ½ 

whole-wheat baguette, avocado, vegetables, melon. 

Dinner: chicken, hummus, coleslaw. 

*Not on the plan. 

Friday: 

After work today, I didn’t bake. But my sister did, and I didn’t 

look at it. I need that confidence for Shabbos.

From the 

Coach 

Life is all about ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. Chavy, you’re not 

alone in this roller coaster called life. There are times when we are so powered 

up we don’t recognize ourselves, like being perfect on a diet for weeks in a row, 

and sometimes we can’t seem to get through the hour! When your resolve is 

weak, that’s exactly when you have to focus on just getting through each hour. 

Breaking down the day into segments is much less overwhelming trying to get 

through the entire day. 

Start by eating a good breakfast. As soon as you finish tell yourself, “I just 

need to get to lunch time.” It’s not going to overwhelm you; you will be able to 

succeed and go on from there, as success breeds success. Get to snack time, get 

to dinner and then get to bed! Then, tomorrow will be the second day and not 

the first. 

Making deals with the calendar is never beneficial to a real lifestyle change. 

If your diet becomes about a cousin’s wedding and not about yourself, it will 

not last in the long run. Nobody at the wedding will be able to tell if you’re 

up a pound or two. You go with your head held high, even if you’re slightly 

disappointed with yourself. After all, you’ve accomplished a lot. 

—Rivky Herskovits, 

weight-loss coach 

Shabbos: 

I am back in control. 

Sunday: 

My cousin’s wedding is in one week, and I’m heavier than I 

was at the vort. Ugh. I thought that I’d be able to buy another 

size smaller by now. And when I started this diet, I thought 

that I’d almost be at my goal by November. And that’s when 

I would really start to pursue shidduchim. Now, it’s almost 

November, and I’m not even close. I’m not going to get into 

this again without my confidence. 

We went shopping today to find something for me to wear 

to the wedding, and I made sure to eat lunch before we left, 

and brought fruit with me. When we got home, my mother 

made fried chicken for the rest of the family and cutlets for 

me. The fried looked good...but no. I already know how bad I 

feel after I give in to impulses. 

Monday: 

After work, while running a bunch of errands, I stopped off 

to purchase a bowl of low-calorie soup. It filled me up, and I 

didn’t come home starving and reckless. I think I’m back. •

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