12th December (Issue 1242)

THE 

COURIER 

The Independent Voice Of Newcastle Students Est 1948 

thecourieronline.co.uk · Issue 1242 Monday December 12 2011 

Uni loses 

battle over 

animal 

testing 

• 250,000 spent on legal fees 

Christmas 

Special 

Pick the perfect present, find a festive frock and more page 13 

Hard 

Sudoku 

Easy 

Medium 

Word Perfect 

How many words o four, fi ve or six le ters can you make 

from the word TINSEL? No plurals or proper nouns a lowed, 

and no le ter may be used more than once in an individual 

word. Apart from TINSEL itself, I have found 25 different 

words, but 20 should be your aim. 

Puzzles 

THE COURIER Monday December 12 2011 

Yule Logs 

You can fi nd the 

answers to this 

week’s puzzles at 

thecourieronline. 

co.uk/puzzles 

38 

thecourieronline.co.uk/puzzles 

c2.puzzles@ncl.ac.uk 

Puzzles Editor: Laura Armitage 

Using a little LOGic (Christmas is the only acceptable time for bad jokes!), 

can you work out which number should replace the question mark in the 

grid? 

Shape Up 

Each of the different shapes below has a numerical value. The numbers 

to the right of the grid are the sum of each row and the numbers at the 

bottom are the sum of each column. Can you work ou the value of each 

shape? No shape has a value less than 1. Enter the solution into the 

empty grid. 

Plus four-page 

puzzles pullout 

Kat Bannon 

Editor 

Following a lengthy legal battle costing 

£250,000 Newcastle University 

has been ordered to release governing 

licenses on their experiments on 

primates. 

The British Union of the Abolition 

of Vivisection (BUAV) irst placed 

a Freedom of Information request 

(FOI) in June 2008, asking for details 

of the licenses held by researchers 

who conduct vivisection work on macaques. 

This was rejected by the University 

on the grounds that it would endanger 

staff and prejudice research interests. 

The University then embarked on a 

legal battle lasting over three years 

with the aim of protecting the information, 

which they claim for regulatory 

reasons is required to be kept 

conidential. 

However, the University has now 

released the details to BUAV “solely 

as a result of a Tribunal order obliging 

it to so” after it noted the “strong 

public interest in animal welfare and 

in transparency and accountability” 

in relation to the animal experiments. 

“It is simply not true that the University 

is required to keep the licences 

conidential.” said BUAV The Information 

Tribunal and Upper Tribunal 

decided that the University was free 

to do whatever it liked, including FOI 

disclosure, with the information in 

the licences. The University has now 

abandoned its appeal to the Court 

of Appeal on this point, so clearly 

recognise it is without merit. There 

never was the slightest prospect that 

the Home Ofice would prosecute the 

University for complying with a Tribunal 

order for disclosure premised 

on the fact that no criminal offence 

could be committed by the University 

by complying with a FOI request.” 

The papers BUAV requested contain 

details of two licenses granted by the 

Government to University researchers 

for projects, which required some 

work with primates. The work was 

aimed at increasing understanding of 

brain function and to potentially ind 

treatment for ADHD and other attention 

and learning disorders. 

The research has lead to over 20 papers 

being published, supporting efforts 

that could lead to new and better 

treatments in the future. 

Originally reported in The Courier 

in November 2010, BUAV logged a 

FOI after the publication of articles 

by three researchers documenting 

‘highly invasive’ brain experiments 

on macaques. 

These experiments involved implanting 

electrodes into the animals’ 

Continued on page 4 

The University’s treatment of macaque monkeys for medical research, similar to the one pictured above, has been questioned by BUAV

2 

News 

thecourieronline.co.uk/news 


News Editors: Wills Robinson and George Sandeman 

Online News Editor: Helen Lam 

courier.news@ncl.ac.uk 

Contents 

News 

Drink up 400% 

New statistics show rise 

in hospital admissions for 

alcoholic-liver illnesses 

Maximising peace 

Imprisoned Swaziland 

student leader nominated 

for student peace prize 

6 

Comment 

Tartan panda 

Scotland waits with 

bated breath as new 

additions hoped to breed 

Exec payback 

News Editors go head-tohead 

on whether the Govt 

should intervene on pay 

Sport 

All in a year 

A month by month 

round-up of 2011’s 

sporting highs and lows 

Krazy karting 

5 

9 

10 

38 

46 

Racers zoom through 

the Northern Qualiier 

and into the Championship 

£2,000 and freebies as 

unis compete for talent 

Rachael Day 

Universities across the UK are offering 

incentives worth thousands of 

pounds every year in an “arms race” 

to attract high quality students, following 

the recent government decision 

to scrap the AAB policy on university 

admissions. 

Previously, universities could only 

admit a certain proportion of students 

achieving A-Level grades of 

AAB or better. Now, with universities 

free to recruit as many high-achievers 

as they want, less prestigious institutions 

fear that good quality applicants 

will increasingly be poached by the 

higher ranking universities. 

As a result of this, at least 60 universities 

have now introduced incentive 

schemes disguised as ‘scholarships’ 

in order to attract the more gifted 

candidates to apply, a study by the 

Sunday Times has found. 

And it’s not just the lowest ranking 

universities which must now incentivise 

students to apply. Bahram 

Bekhradnia, director of the Higher 

Education Policy Institute (HEPI), 

suggested that all universities outside 

of the top ten will have to take action 

to ensure they don’t miss out on the 

top students. “Based on experience in 

America, what I expect to see in due 

course is an arms race where universities 

have to offer these inducements 

because others are doing so.” 

Since the incentives offered are nonmeans 

tested, they will be awarded 

based on grades alone, regardless of 

the individual’s level of household 

income. It may be argued that such 

large incentives should be reserved 

solely for the highest achievers from 

the least advantaged backgrounds. 

Yet with tuition fees set to rise dramatically 

from September 2012, statistics 

released by UCAS are already 

revealing a drop in university applications 

thus far. Universities therefore 

now need new ways to encourage students 

to apply in spite of the potential 

Universities across the UK are 

seemingly engaging in a ‘war 

of incentives’ to attract high 

performing students 

Photography: freefotouk (Flickr) 

£9,000 per year tuition fee cost. 

The University of Birmingham is 

one of the universities with such a 

scholarship scheme in place, offering 

£5,000 a year for academicallygifted 

applicants who take up places 

on its maths, chemistry or computing 

courses. 

Similarly, Newcastle University offers 

£2,000 a year plus a free laptop 

to high-achieving applicants who enrol 

on its electrical or electronic engineering 

degrees. 

And the University of Surrey is offering 

applicants with A-Level grades of 

two As and an A* £3,000 a year plus a 

free sports centre membership. 

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940 

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced 

by students, for students. It’s never too late 

to get involved in the paper, whether you’re 

a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit 

thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more 

information. 

Editor Kat Bannon Deputy Editor Elliot Bentley News Editors Wills Robinson and George Sandeman 

Online News Editor Helen Lam Politics Correspondent Bethany Staunton Comment Editors Sophie 

McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson 

Lifestyle Editors Olivia Mason and Ben Parkin Online Lifestyle Editor Emma Balter Fashion Editor 

Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor Rosanna Sopp Arts Editors Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor Lisa 

Bernhardt Film Editor Chris Binding Online Film Editor Hayley Hamilton Music Editors Ben Travis, 

Chris Scott Online Music Editor Graham Matthews Science Editor Mark Atwill Online Science Editor 

Shaun Butcher TV Editors Sophia Fairhead and Nicole Stevenson Sports Editors Colin Henrys, Harry 

Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Baron Online Sports Editors Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott Design Editors 

Gabe Mason and Tom O’Boyle Copy Editors Sarah Collings, Rachael Day, Dave Dodds, Grace Marconi, 

Rebecca Markham, Charley Monteith, Adam Rummens, Alice Sewell, Marleen van Os, Emily Wheeler 

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Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2DW. Tel: 

01332 253013. 

Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent 

student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle 

University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, 

and is free of charge. 

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of 

The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this 

newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission 

of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion 

pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The 

Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

THE COURIER Monday December 12 2011 3 

news 

The Sage of Sting’s heart 

Ralph Blackburn 

Tyneside native Sting will 

be the face of the Sage 

Gateshead Arches project 

which will renovate the space 

behind the iconic building 

Photography: Sam Tyson 

Tyneside born musical icon Sting has 

been named as patron of the Sage 

Gateshead Arches project. 

The project is aiming to renovate 

the space in The Arches, behind The 

Sage, in order to create a centre to aid 

disadvantaged and out of work young 

men and women. 

Currently based in temporary buildings, 

The Sage’s Foundation Learning 

Programme has run out of space. 

With youth unemployment having hit 

1 million in the last few weeks there is 

a recognisable need to provide young 

people with social and employability 

skills. 

It also focuses on creative skills, one 

reason why Sting was so enthusiastic 

to become a patron: “Having grown 

up on Tyneside, I’m pleased to support 

this appeal for the The Arches 

project and The Sage Gateshead’s ongoing 

commitment to creating opportunities 

for today’s young musicians 

and music lovers in the North East.” 

Sage General Director Anthony Sargent 

cited the importance of working 

with people, “whom for a variety 

of reasons currently feel cut off from 

much of society.” 

The Arches project would indeed 

add another dimension to South 

Shore Road, home of The Sage and 

The Baltic, which won Britain’s hippest 

street in 2011. 

Trekking the Great Wall of China for charity 

Elliot Bentley 

Deputy Editor 

While some people may run marathons 

or attempt to grow moustaches 

in the name of charity, second 

year Ancient History student Sophie 

Hunter is doing something a little bit 

unusual: she’s decided to trek along a 

portion of the Great Wall of China. 

“I’ve done the Race For Life and 

stuff, and raised a bit of money,” Hunter 

told The Courier. “But I wanted 

to do something that raised quite a 

substantial amount. And I’ve always 

wanted to go to China. So I thought it 

was quite a good way of doing it.” 

So, next April, in aid of Breast Cancer 

Research, Hunter is spending 

eight days walking the Great Wall of 

China, starting in Badaling and finishing 

in Mutianyu. 

“The route is - well, you’re advised 

not to go on it if you have vertigo. 

Which I do,” she said. “There’s sheer 

drops, and the wall is crumbling in 

places. 

And since the Wall is built on hills, 

you’re going up and down all day. It’s 

not just a nice trek.” 

Since the Wall is over 6,000 kilometres 

long, Hunter’s chosen route only 

includes a small length. Would she be 

interested in walking it in its entirety? 

“I’d be gone for about three years 

probably!” 

However, this isn’t merely a cheap 

excuse to visit China. For a start, 

Hunter is paying out of her own pocket 

for the trip, at a cost of “just under 

£1,000”. 

The choice of charity, too, is very deliberate. 

Two years ago, the mother of 

a close friend was lost to breast cancer. 

“We lived on the same road, so I 

knew his mum for years,” said Hunter. 

“She had [breast cancer] for about six 

years and defeated it once.” In celebration, 

Hunter ran the Cancer Research 

UK Race for Life. 

“And then it came back - and you 

think it’s going to be fine, don’t you? 

And then it got worse, and then one 

day my Mum just came down and told 

me she’d passed away.” 

Hunter’s trip to China, then, is not 

just an adventurous holiday, but a 

tribute to a loved one and an opportunity 

to raise money for charity in 

their name. 

It may be four months away, but 

Hunter has already begun training. “I 

wait until it goes dark,” she laughs. 

“Then me and my flatmates come 

out and run round the park where no 

The section of the Great Wall near 

Mutianyu where Sophie will be 

walking to raise money for Breast 

Cancer research 

Photography: Wikimedia Commons 

one can see us!” 

You can support Sophie by donating at 

http://www.justgiving.com/SophieElizabethHunter92

4 THE COURIER Monday December 12 2011 

news 

“This has never been about wishing to 

‘hide’ information” [...] we have been open” 

Continued from front page 

brains to record activity while they 

were repeatedly forced to undergo 

various tasks. 

A letter leaked to The Courier last 

year graphically detailed why authorities 

in Berlin refused to grant an 

unknown Newcastle University professor 

permission to carry out similar 

work in Germany in 2007. 

These experiments were deemed 

unethical because they caused “considerable 

suffering” to the macaques, 

who share “fundamental basic cognitive 

functions with humans”. 

This suffering was deemed unethical 

as it included repeated body and 

head restraints and a severe regime 

of water deprivation to motivate the 

monkeys to perform tasks. 

However, BUAV also claims that 

there is a lack of practical beneit 

from the experiments, and that the 

scientiic research papers do not 

identify any beneit for human health 

from the research. 

BUAV believes that the primates can 

be replaced by human volunteer studies 

using non-invasive imaging machines, 

such as Functional Magnetic 

Resonance Imaging Machines. 

Professor Chris Day, Pro-Vice-Chancellor 

of Faculty of Medical Sciences 

at Newcastle University explained the 

decision: “This has never been about 

wishing to ‘hide’ information, indeed 

we have been very open about our 

very limited research using primates 

and the results of that research. Our 

primary concern throughout this 

process has been a duty of care to 

our staff and adherence to the Home 

Ofice regulations, which made it potentially 

unlawful to release these licences. 

“On the one hand we were asked to 

comply with the ruling of a Tribunal, 

which stated information had to be 

released, on the other there was the 

threat of prosecution from the Home 

Ofice if we did release that information. 

We have a duty to protect the 

welfare of our staff in this matter. 

However, the Home Ofice has con- 

irmed this morning that it would 

not be in the public interest to prosecute 

the University provided that 

disclosure is conined to compliance 

with the strict terms of the Information 

Tribunal order. The University is 

grateful for that reassurance and this 

vindicates its decision not to release 

any information at an earlier stage. 

“The University has been caught in 

The primates can be 

replaced by human 

volunteer studies using 

non-invasive imaging 

machines such as 

Functional Magnetic 

Resonance Imaging 

Machines 

the middle and pursuing this through 

the proper channels has cost over 

£250,000 in legal fees. We have now 

released to BUAV an edited version 

of the project licence, complying 

with the inding by the Freedom of 

Information Tribunal. Some information 

has been redacted to protect the 

health and safety of employees and 

to protect intellectual property. We 

have a duty to protect the welfare of 

all our employees and that is why we 

have taken these steps in relation to 

this case. 

“The work being carried out in Newcastle 

is fundamental research into 

the human brain which will increase 

our understanding and may lead to 

further treatments for diseases and 

conditions in the future. 

“Like all animal research conducted 

in the UK, the work at Newcastle is 

strictly regulated. It is only allowed 

when there is no alternative, the animals 

must be properly cared for and 

each study must be fully justiied. 

It would be illegal to use animals if 

there was no potential beneit. In this 

case the project involved inding out 

what brain chemicals are involved in 

cognitive functions such as attention, 

learning and memory. The brain areas 

involved are only found in humans 

and primates and it is impossible to 

investigate brain chemicals in humans 

using non-invasive techniques 

such as FMRI. As part of the experiments 

the primates were rewarded 

with a juice drink for carrying out 

tasks.” 

Michelle Thew, BUAV Chief Executive, 

said: 

“We are delighted with this ruling. 

Once again, the courts have dismissed 

Newcastle’s attempts to hide the 

truth about its animal experiments. 

For well over three years, Newcastle 

University has tried every which way 

to avoid providing us with information. 

These are highly controversial 

and invasive experiments carried out 

on monkeys at a public institution. 

The public has a right to know what 

is happening to these poor animals 

and why”. 

BUAV are now in possession of the 

information and will be issuing a 

statement once the documents have 

been analysed. 

Want to comment on a story? Visit thecourieronline.co.uk to have your say 

“Wherever the line in the sand is 

drawn someone will be unhappy” 


Deputy Editor 

Commentary 

“Standards need to be drawn between what 

can be avoided and what is unavoidable” 

Kat Bannon 

Editor 

Commentary 

To eradicate animal testing altogether 

is at it’s worst impossible 

and at best unrealistic. 

However, it isn’t about polarising 

attitudes into yes and no, right and 

wrong. 

We need to stop blanketing out 

animal testing as acceptable under 

the banner ‘medical research’. It’s 

this ignorance and attitude of ‘well, 

I suppose that’s alright then’. Rather, 

Scientists need to be more proactively 

held to account for the work 

they do. 

Causing distress to an animal, 

whether for a short or prolonged 

period of time, can, and is, to a certain 

extent justiiable if it is of a high 

BUAV may claim that non-invasive 

methods could replace the use of 

animals - but who are they to judge? 

It doesn’t seem at all fair to assume 

that the researchers are using these 

current methods because they 

might be cheaper or more convenient. 

I can only imagine that animals 

are used in such a way because 

there is no alternative. 

Scientists are humans too, and 

like most people will feel a certain 

degree of empathy towards animals 

- and, I would hope, constantly 

looking for ways to avoid testing on 

them. Even if one rogue researcher 

lacks any concern for the welfare 

of test subjects, their peers are still 

likely to raise an objection to unnecessarily 

cruel treatment. 

Of course, the problem here is 

that the deinition of “unnecessarily 

cruel” is a subjective one. To some 

- including BUAV - no animal testing 

will ever be justiiable, no matter 

how many human lives may be 

saved as an indirect consequence. 

Regardless, it’s dificult to dispute 

the idea that the University 

has something to hide if it’s willing 

to pay hundreds of thousands of 

pounds in legal fees to protect this 

information. 

We’ll ind out soon enough. This is 

merely the latest development in a 

philosophical debate that is unlikely 

ever to end. Wherever the line in 

the sand is drawn, someone will be 

unhappy - whether that’s frustrated 

researchers or outraged animal 

right groups. 

beneicial nature to human life. 

However, that justiication needs 

to be more clearly deined. Standards 

need to be drawn between 

what can be avoided and what is 

unavoidable. 

Advancing medical research is obviously 

paramount for society, but 

other options need to be considered. 

If BUAV’s claims are correct, 

and the University is choosing to 

use animals to use animals not only 

when other options are available, 

but when these experiments are of 

not to the advantage of humans the 

spotlight will be thrown on similar 

research taking place across the 

country. 

That £250,000 probably would 

have been handy to develop alternative 

methods to depriving monkeys 

of water.


news 

Shocking spike in hospital admissions 

for alcohol-related accidents and illnesses 

The health campaign group 

‘Balance’ views the UK’s attitude 

to alcohol as irresponsible 

and wants to further regulate 

its advertising 

Photography: afagen (Flickr) 

David Hiscocks 

It was recently announced by the 

health campaign group ‘Balance’ that 

there has been a 400% increase in 

alcoholic-liver disease admissions to 

hospital from 2002 to 2010 in the 30- 

34 age group in the North East. 

In 2002, there were 37 admissions, 

compared to 189 last year. Liver disease 

specialists are calling it ‘an epidemic’. 

It is worth considering that, in 

addition to these statistics, there are 

an increasing number of alcohol related 

injuries and deaths which occur 

in household fires and car accidents. 

In 2008, there were 9031 alcohol 

related deaths according to the Office 

of National Statistics, up from 8724 in 

2007. The statistics also reveal that 

there are an increasing number of 

younger people under the age of 30 

with alcoholic-related liver disease. 

Newcastle University and Newcastle 

Hospitals liver specialist Dr Chris 

Record said: “Only a few years ago 

alcoholic liver disease was very unusual 

in this age group and, unless our 

drinking habits change, the problem 

is only set to worsen”. 

However, the Office of National Statistics 

also released figures in 2010 

revealing that the amount of alcohol 

the UK consumes has slightly fallen, a 

trend that began in 2002. 

Although there has been a 4% rise 

in people buying alcohol from supermarkets, 

there has been a 10% 

decline in people who buy from off 

licenses; which is part of the continuing 

trend for middle class professionals 

to drink more than those on a 

lower income. 

Although, according to the BBC at 

Only a few years ago 

alcoholic-liver disease 

was very unusual in this 

age group and, unless 

our drinking habits 

change, the problem is 

only set to worsen. 

least, this is a positive sign, it will be 

many years before any decline in alcohol 

consumption is seen in the health 

statistics as a result of this change. 

Alcoholism and alcohol-related diseases 

are long-term problems, which 

require long term planning to resolve. 

9021 

The number of alcohol related deaths in 

the UK in 2008 

‘Balance’ is trying to usher in a new 

attitude to alcohol, with a campaign 

to ban alcohol advertising in sports, 

cultural events and at cinemas for 

films that are not rated 18. 

This is part of the attempt to educate 

the next generation, who are already 

at risk. ‘Balance’ director Colin 

Shevills said: “Our region is drinking 

too much from an early age driven by 

alcohol which is too affordable, too 

available and too heavily promoted”. 

The North East currently has the 

highest rate of alcohol drinking 11-15 

year olds, and the highest number of 

under 18 alcohol-related admissions 

to hospital. 

If the “epidemic”, as described by 

liver disease specialists, is to be effectively 

resolved, then ‘Balance’ believes 

we must reeducate future generations. 

Rachael Moon 

Commentary 

Recent reports show that the North 

East has suffered from an almost 

400% increase in alcoholic liver 

problems, the dramatic change in 

statistics coming as no surprise to 

many. 

Binge drinking is clearly popular 

up North, as I imagine most 

students at Newcastle University 

could tell you. However, the binge 

drinking culture associated with 

such shocking statistics would be 

expected around all major universities 

with large student populations. 

Anyone that has visited The Gate 

on a Saturday night can confirm that 

this kind of excess is clearly enjoyed 

by the locals as well. 

With drinking so easily accessible 

in Newcastle, I am surprised the 

statistics are not higher. In fact I’m 

fairly sure there’s a pub, bar or club 

on every street, not to mention the 

proportion of trebles bars up North. 

Combine this with the price of 

drinks and the drinking culture only 

seems set to worsen. Even Sinners 

has seen its ridiculously cheap £2 

trebles challenged by Sam Jacks, 

costing only £1.95. 

One natively southern student 

said: “trebles would be about £7 

back home; Newcastle night life is 

amazingly cheap. Nights out can be 

done on £10 which is pretty impossible 

anywhere else.” 

Despite government reports urging 

people to curb their drinking 

habits and comply with the recommended 

2 or 3 units per day, the 

drinking culture in the North East 

seems to encourage students and 

locals alike to do the opposite. 

Newcastle night life 

is amazingly cheap. 

Nights out can be done 

on £10 which is impossible 

anywhere else. 

With bars becoming such a large 

part of social lives and drinks only 

getting cheaper up North, these statistics 

are unlikely to change. 

25 unis enact waivers to reduce fees 

Kathryn Riddell 

With the major UCAS deadline for applying 

to higher education only weeks 

away it seems that universities are 

still making changes to the controversial 

new tuition fees to attract more 

applicants. 

The Office for Fair Access (OFFA), 

the government’s watchdog of higher 

education access, has announced that 

25 institutions, one fifth of English 

universities, have slashed the cost of 

tuition. 

One reason for this is the decreasing 

investment in bursaries. Instead feewaivers, 

which have risen by £37.4 

million, are to be used to reduce the 

burden of tuition fees on the financially 

disadvantaged. 

The benefit of these changes for students 

has been doubted by President 

of the National Union of Students 

(NUS), Liam Burns. He said: “The perverse 

incentives of the government’s 

changes mean that poorer pupils are 

encouraged towards courses and universities 

that have less funding.” 

The Director of Fair Access, Sir Martin 

Harris, added: “Bursaries and 

fee-waivers are not the same thing. 

Bursaries are money in a student’s 

pocket now, whereas fee-waivers reduce 

a loan that some students may 

not need to repay in full.” 

Tuition loans will only be repaid 

when a graduate is earning a wage of 

at least £21,000. Because of this, the 

government’s expectations are that 

only 60% of graduates will pay back 

their loans in full, making fee-waivers 

essentially ineffective. 

London South Bank, Aston, Nottingham 

Trent, St Mary’s, Teesside, 

Wolverhampton, Cumbria and Southampton 

Solent Universities are all 

cutting fees to £7,500 or less when 

waivers and bursaries are accounted 

for. Other universities set to reduce 

fees include Chester, Chichester, Hertfordshire, 

Huddersfield, Leeds Trinity 

and the University of West London. 

As some university applications have 

already been sent, the institutions 

have had to let their applicants know 

of any changes. Applicants then have 

the opportunity to apply elsewhere 

before the deadline of January 15.


news 

Arts and humanities degrees to get 

a 100% cut in government funding 

Courses will have to rely 

entirely on tuition fees 

Beth Staunton 

Politics Correspondent 

The future of arts and humanities in 

British universities has been uncertain 

since government plans for higher 

education funding were fully revealed. 

80% funding cuts has meant 

that the arts, humanities and social 

sciences will suffer a 100% loss in 

funding. 

This means that these courses will 

become entirely dependent on the 

money paid by students in tuition 

fees. 

High profile critics of these developments 

have received extensive coverage 

in the national media. The Vice 

Chancellor of Cambridge University, 

Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, declared to 

The Guardian that the increasing 

emphasis on the financial value of 

degrees threatened the future of the 

“purer disciplines”. “People start asking 

what’s the monetary value of a 

degree in English here?” 

More recently, renowned Classics 

professor Edith Hall resigned from 

her post at Royal Holloway in protest 

against budget cuts to her department. 

Philosopher AC Grayling has 

set up a private university entirely 

devoted to the humanities in a controversial 

response to the lack of public 

funding the subjects receive. Meanwhile, 

numerous dedicated campaigns 

with slogans such as ‘Defend 

the Arts and Humanities’ have sprung 

up over the country. 

The government’s argument for cutting 

the funding entirely from humanities 

subjects is that they are cheaper 

to run, not requiring expensive equipment 

like science subjects. 

However, evidence shows that, despite 

the raised tuition fees designed 

to finance these subjects, courses 

across the country are suffering. The 

most remarkable example is London 

Metropolitan University where 

around 400 courses have been cancelled 

for 2012, including Philosophy, 

History and Performing Arts. 

However, what people have been 

most concerned about beyond the 

immediate financial threat to arts 

courses is the implied undervaluation 

of the arts and humanities as disciplines. 

The Browne Review, which informed 

the government on education 

£57billion 

The amount that the creative industries 

contribute to the national economy 

policy, was noted for not mentioning 

the word ‘humanities’ once while the 

word ‘business’ appeared 22 times. 

The growing emphasis on the commercial 

value of university education 

seems to disadvantage those disciplines, 

such as arts and humanities, 

not considered crucial to the economy. 

James Annesley, Head of English 

Literature at Newcastle University, 

believes this is a short-sighted approach: 

“I think what the government 

can see, probably slightly myopically, 

is a direct return – that money invested 

in STEM subjects feeds back 

into the economy in a very direct way. 

But they should be able to see a direct 

return with the arts as well. Why 

they don’t see teachers or lawyers as 

utilitarian, or people working in the 

creative industries as utilitarian, I 

don’t know. But that’s what they don’t 

seem to recognise. The amazing thing 

about it is if you look at the cabinet, 

Cameron’s got a degree in PPE, and 

the vast majority of them have degrees 

in the humanities.” 

The creative industries contribute 

an estimated £57 billion to the national 

economy, and account for over 

7% of UK companies, employing almost 

two million people. 

This is not including the financial 

revenue generated from the numerous 

careers that graduates in social 

sciences are qualified for, such as law, 

politics and media. 

However, Annesley argues that this 

purely commercial view of education 

is damaging. “This sort of money-in, 

money-out type of equation about 

education is nonsense. 

“It’s almost impossible to identify 

the limits of where social benefit lies. 

Cutting funding across the arts seems 

mad to me because one of the things 

that makes Britain a great place to 

live is the quality of our cultural life, 

and one of the reasons for this high 

quality is because we’ve got such 

great universities.” 

Matt Perry, Degree Programme Director 

for History at Newcastle, is 

concerned that prioritizing the financial 

value of degrees on an individual 

level has furthered the vocational 

trend in higher education. “One of the 

things that the media talks about is 

that people have to see a direct relationship 

between their degree and a 

job for it to be valuable to them, but 

this is based on a flawed assumption 

that you’re more likely to get a job 

if you’re doing a specialised, vocational-type 

degree than if you’re in a 

broader, discipline-wide subject like 

English or History. 

“Part of this is about trying to rob 

the function universities have of critical 

thought, developing in people a 

mature intellectual capacity to think 

about the world, to be critical of the 

world and to reflect upon the world 

in a rounded way within a particular 

discipline. 

“Vocationalisation narrows down 

what people can do, it makes it a 

purely functional relationship to the 

career that they have at the end of 

their degree. I think this robs a lot of 

the educational buzz of higher education; 

after all, people want to go to 

university to broaden their horizons.” 

Imprisoned student 

nominated for prize 

Georgie Moule 

The President of the Swaziland National 

Union of Students, who is currently 

imprisoned, has been nominated 

for a prestigious student peace 

prize. 

Maxwell Dlamini, who had previously 

enjoyed a secondment as an 

honorary President of the NUS in the 

UK, was arrested this year after organising 

the ‘April Uprising’. He led 

students in a national protest against 

a policy which prevents members of 

progressive organisations from receiving 

government scholarships to 

study in universities across Swaziland. 

The police allege that, during 

the protests, he was in possession of 

explosives. 

No evidence has been provided by 

prosecutors to prove he is guilty of 

possession of explosives, and there 

still seems to be none, adding to 

speculation that his imprisonment is 

politically motivated. 

Since then, Dlamini has been nominated 

for the 2012 Student Peace 

Prize in Norway, an award given 

every year by Norwegian students 

to students around the world who 

have done important work to promote 

democracy, peace and human 

rights. Dlamini was nominated by the 

Danish solidarity organisation ‘Africa 

Contact’ before his nomination 

was endorsed by the Free Maxwell 

Dlamini Campaign, the Swaziland 

United Democratic Front, and the All 

Africa Students Union. If he succeeds 

in winning the prize, his name will be 

included on a list of previous winners 

that features students Zimbabwe, Colombia 

and Burma. 

Dlamini has campaigned against 

rising tuition fees and cuts to scholarship 

programmes, and has called 

on the Swazi government to honour 

its constitutional commitment to introduce 

free primary education in 

the country. Currently parents must 

pay fees for education at every level, 

meaning many children miss out on 

even the most basic formal education. 

The Deputy President of the Swaziland 

National Union of Students believes 

that Dlamini is being held as a 

political prisoner in the country, due 

to his highly publicised battles with 

the government and his popularity 

amongst his fellow students. He said: 

“Former Minister of Foreign Affairs 

and International Cooperation, who 

is now the Minister of Labour and Social 

Security Lutfo Dlamini once said 

there were no political prisoners in 

Swaziland, but the Students Union believes 

he is wrong. Maxwell Dlamini is 

one living example of what political 

imprisonment is all about.” 

Although imprisoned, Dlamini still 

managed to smuggle a news camera 

crew into the prison for an interview, 

outsmarting prison officials. The interview 

was aired on national television 

in Swaziland, fuelling support for 

the campaign to free Maxwell. As well 

as this, Dlamini also finished writing 

his dissertation and sat his third 

year exams whilst in prison, and still 

achieved good marks. Unfortunately, 

he was unable to attend his graduation 

ceremony. 

The campaign to free Dlamini 

has been gathering pace in recent 

months, and the nomination for an 

international award will undoubtedly 

increase support.


news 

Tuition Fees in Scotland not as expensive as 

anticipated to avoid being “cheap option” 

Jennifer Cannon 

Figures have been released this week 

that show attending a Scottish university 

as a UK student will not be as 

expensive as first anticipated. 

The situation has been reviewed 

following the announcement that 

English fees would potentially treble 

and the Scottish government reacted 

by allowing its universities to charge 

similar amounts in order to avoid being 

a ‘cheap’ option. 

The review has also taken place 

amid fears that many English students 

will move to Scotland in order 

to escape rising tuition. 

However, it seems that Scottish 

universities have exercised moderation 

much more so than their English 

counterparts. With the exception of 

St. Andrews and Edinburgh (who will 

charge £36,000 for a degree) the average 

fee for a UK student in Scotland 

will be around £6270 - almost £600 

less than the original prediction, and 

significantly cheaper than the £7500- 

£9000 the vast majority of English 

universities will be allowed to charge. 

Despite the more moderate fee rise, 

NUS Scotland have warned the SNP 

government to ensure access to Scottish 

universities is not hindered by 

background or income, and has urged 

them to commit to firm plans to aid 

less well-off students with help such 

as means-tested bursaries. 

With these in place, fees for those 

who qualify could be as low as £4262 

per year, less than £1000 higher than 

the current English fee. 

With recent studies showing that 

four in five 16-18 year olds would 

still like to attend university without 

the fee rise, this dramatic difference 

in cost could mean that Scotland becomes 

a very attractive prospect for 

other UK students. 

The Scottish government had 

initially allowed universities to 

charge a similar amount to their UK 

counterparts Photography: Flickr 

Poorer pupils behind their ‘privileged’ peers 

Anna Templeton 

New research has found that the education 

gap between the most and 

least ‘privileged’ pupils is more pronounced 

in the UK than anywhere 

else in the world. 

The study by the Sutton Trust has 

found that children from the poorest-income 

families are more than 

a year behind their more fortunate 

classmates in education and social 

terms. The study compared data from 

Britain with nine other countries, including 

the United States, Australia, 

Canada and Germany. In most categories, 

research found that statistics for 

social mobility were worse than all 

other counties, except America. 

This study coincides with Ofsted’s 

warning last week that deprivation 

continued to be a “significant factor 

influencing the quality of schools” in 

England. The conclusions also come 

as a new education think-tank is 

launched on Monday in an attempt to 

promote fresh debate on the current 

system. 

Ty Goddard, former chairman for 

education in the London Borough of 

Lambeth, and a government advisor, 

said, “There’s much to celebrate when 

it comes to education in the UK. Millions 

of learners do well at school and 

in further and higher education, preparing 

for a changing world.” 

“But as last week’s Ofsted annual report 

showed, some do not, despite the 

resources available.” 

In a blow to Labour’s ‘educational 

legacy’, it was found that schools 

catering for the poorest 20% of pupils 

were four times as likely to be 

considered ‘inadequate’ than those 

educating the wealthiest 20%. This 

inequality, therefore, is being reinforced 

by the huge differences in the 

20% 

Schools catering for this percentage of 

the poorest students are more likely to 

be considered inadequate 

standards of schools. Sir Peter Lampl, 

the chairman of the Sutton Trust, said 

the problem was likely to get worse 

in coming years as children from 

wealthier backgrounds continued to 

pull ahead. 

The worrying research comes despite 

a range of Coalition policies 

designed to tackle education, including 

the introduction of the ‘pupil premium’ 

to reward schools taking large 

numbers of children from more deprived 

backgrounds. 

Researchers also analysed the difference 

in academic standards achieved 

by pupils at the ages of 11 and 16. 

They found that gaps in attainment in 

Britain became “substantially bigger” 

at GCSE age compared with age 11. 

The study said the differences were 

driven by the “social stratification 

that exists” in secondary education, 

adding, “The widening of the education 

gap in pupil performance after 

primary school appears to be related 

to the sorting of children into secondary 

schools. Better educated parents 

have their children in better quality 

schools.” 

“These latest international comparisons 

confirm that the education gaps 

at every stage between disadvantaged 

children and privileged children are 

greater in the UK than in other developed 

countries,” said Sir Peter Lampl. 

“In this country, unlike others, the 

educational achievement gap widens 

after age 11. As education is becoming 

increasingly important in determining 

prospects in adult life, these 

findings do not bode well for future 

social mobility in the UK.” 

Scottish postgrads to receive funding 

David Hiscocks 

Recently, the Scottish Government 

announced that it would provide an 

extra 2300 postgraduates with loans 

of up to £3400. 

This brings the total number of state 

assisted post-grad places in Scotland 

up to 4000. Michael Russell, the Scottish 

Education Secretary, said, “We 

have been looking at ways in which 

we can simplify and improve student 

support, including how we fund those 

studying for postgraduate qualifications. 

This extra funding is admirable 

and timely.” 

However, this announcement has 

once again shown the funding gap between 

Scotland and England. In England, 

postgraduates receive no state 

support; instead they often have to 

rely upon commercial loans. According 

to David Matthews of The Times 

Higher Education online, the English 

post-grad system is in a state of crisis. 

Comments on the website indicate 

that some members of the public, 

such as AnonymousPlease, believe 

that postgraduate courses are becoming 

the ‘domain of the rich’. 

2300 

The number of students who will receive 

loans to help fund their studies. 

Therefore, although this latest announcement 

is welcomed, we do have 

to ask why there is not similar provision 

being made for students in the 

English University system. It appears 

to be remarkably unfair that English 

students, as well as having to pay undergraduate 

tuition fees, unlike Scottish 

students studying in Scotland, do 

not receive state assistance for doing 

a postgraduate course either. 

Postgraduates at Edinburgh 

University are among the 

two thousand students to 

benefit from the government 

funds Photography: Flickr


national student news 

Lecturer slams students’ union 

on Twitter over strikes stance 

George Sandeman 

News Editor 

A senior University and College Union 

(UCU) oficial has branded Bournemouth 

Students’ Union (SUBU) as 

‘disgraceful’ on Twitter. 

John Brissenden, the UCU’s main 

representative at the South Coast 

University, denounced the Students’ 

Union over its stance not to back the 

recent national strike over pensions. 

SUBU adopted the formal position 

because it believed most students 

were in favour of the industrial action 

attended by members of various 

trade unions including Unison, Unite 

and the TUC. 

Job Title: Customer Service Representative 

(General Insurance) 

Employer: Tesco Bank 

Closing date: 29.02.12 

Salary: £15,200 - £20,000 pro rata, + 

benefits 

Basic job description: Part Time Customer 

Service Representatives are required to 

work various shifts (evenings and weekends) 

at the General Insurance call centre in 

Newcastle. You will be there to answer a 

broad range of enquiries about our General 

Insurance products and services ensuring 

you deliver a first class customer experience. 

Person requirements: It’s important that 

you’re the kind of person who relishes 

the opportunity to make a difference for 

our customers, every day. With excellent 

communication skills and proven customer 

service experience, you’ll naturally go the 

extra mile. 

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. 

Job Title: Customer Advisor - Front End/ 

Checkouts 

Employer: B&Q 


Salary: £10,000 - £12,000 pro rata 

Basic job description: We are looking 

for a Customer Advisor to join our team 

working 16 hours per week at the store on 

Scotswood Rd, Newcastle. Your role will 

include delivering the highest standard of 

customer service and providing a great 

shopping experience that ensures our customers 

return to shop with us, time and time 

again. You will be responsible for providing 

help and advice to all of our customers in a 

friendly and efficient manner. 

Person requirements: An enthusiastic 

and energised attitude with a passion for 

delivering excellent customer service, enjoy 

working with others as a team and possess 

an ability to work effectively without direct 

supervision. 


Job Title: Kitchen Staff 

Employer: J.D Wetherspoons 


Salary: £6.25 per hour 

Basic job description: This role is available at 

The Bishops’ Mill pub in Sunderland and will 

be for 16 hours per week. As a member of 

our kitchen team, you will be responsible for 

ensuring all food and associated products 

are prepared, cooked, served and presented 

to our high standards. 

Person requirements: With excellent 

The exact tweet read: “@sububournemouth 

is a disgrace for not 

supporting striking @ucu and @unison 

members at @bournemouthuni 

today.” 

A member of the UCU said: “When 

you consider the NUS gave the strike 

its full support, it was odd that 

Bournemouth’s Students’ Union was 

sitting on its hands. 

“The sense we had was that some 

students were sympathetic, some 

were not interested. 

“But at no point was the UCU invited 

to inform SUBU or the student body 

about the background.” 

Around half of Bournemouth University’s 

580 academic staff are 

members of UCU, and Unison has 132 

customer service skills, you should be 

professional and well presented and be able 

to communicate clearly with people at all 

levels. 

Location: Durham. 

Job Title: Female Support Worker 

Employer: United Response 



Basic job description: We are looking for 

enthusiastic and creative Female Support 

Workers to join our staff team in Darlington, 

you will be involved in encouraging the people 

we support in meaningful interactions in 

a person centred way. We will offer you ongoing 

training and development and regular 

1:1’s with your line manager to enable you 

to achieve the required standard. 

Person requirements: You must be aged 

18+ and be both literate and numerate. Experience 

of working with people with physical 

and learning disabilities is an advantage. 

An NVQ2 or equivalent in social care would 

be advantageous, if not, you must be willing 

to work towards one. Current clean driving 

licence is essential. 

Location: Darlington. 

Job Title: Focus Group Participant 

Employer: Studacity Ltd. 



Basic job description: We’re looking for a 

number of students to take part in focus 

groups throughout January surrounding a 

newly launched website that provides information 

to students and young professionals 

on businesses, events and promotions 

throughout Newcastle. There will be a number 

of face-to-face group sessions, as well as 

online surveys and user feedback sessions. 

Person requirements: We are looking for 

people from all backgrounds and at all 

stages of their university degrees. The ideal 

participants will be socially connected at 

their university; they will have a wide variety 

of interests; and they will use several channels 

for seeking information on things to do. 


Job Title: Postgraduate Assessors 

Employer: Newcastle University 



Basic job description: Upon successful 

completion of training, work with a partner 

to assess Career Development module 

students by means of a simulated job 

members from the 795 professional 

and support staff. 

SUBU responded to the criticism by 

releasing a statement saying: “Whilst 

understanding the motivation of 

those groups who are engaged in ‘action’, 

SUBU cannot condone any action 

which impedes its student members 

from engaging in their studies, 

unless the majority of those student 

members decide that it is appropriate 

to do so.” 

Exercise student Kev Parshotam 

said: “We didn’t hear much about it 

from the Students’ Union, and I am 

sure most students’ would have supported 

it. 

“But we also want to get the most 

out of our money.” 

interview. With reference to the assessment 

criteria, agree provisional student marks and 

write formative feedback for each student 

assessed. Provide cover in the event of 

examiner absence and to liaise with module 

staff on specified assessment matters. This 

opportunity is available from 14/5/12 – 

1/6/12. Candidates are expected to attend 

assessor training in March as part of the 

selection process. 

Person requirements: This post is available 

to Newcastle University full time postgraduate 

students only. Applicants are expected 

to possess an undergraduate degree from a 

recognised University and can demonstrate 

current experience of assessing Undergraduate 

students. 


Job Title: Face to Face Fundraisers 

Employer: RNLI 



Basic job description: The RNLI is the charity 

that saves lives at sea. We are looking for 

people to fundraise for the RNLI, engaging in 

conversation with the public to raise awareness 

and vital finds through regular support. 

Season dates available: July-September, 30- 

40 hours per week; selected weekends from 

January to October, 14-21 hours per week. 

Person requirements: We’re looking for 

people with excellent communication skills, 

motivation, and a positive attitude. No previous 

fundraising experience is required as full 

training will be provided. 

Location: North East England. 

Job Title: Lunchtime Supervisory Assistant 

Employer: Newcastle City Council 


Salary: £12,787 - £13,589 pro rata 

Basic job description: A Lunchtime Supervisory 

Assistant is required to work 6.25 

hours per week at St Cuthbert’s RC Primary 

School, Newcastle. Duties include: Supervising 

children during lunchtimes in school 

and on the playground, maintaining general 

cleanliness of the lunch area and maintaining 

good behaviour according to the school’s 

behaviour policy. It is expected that the 

successful candidate will fully support the 

Catholic ethos and faith life of the school. 

Person requirements: The successful candidate 

will: Have experience of working with 

children, be flexible, be able to work well 

within a team and be willing to undertake 

training. 


Occupation at 

Brighton ended 

Clare Atkinson 

Brighton University 

Students at the University of Brighton 

have ended a ive day occupation of a 

building on campus. 

The occupation came as a protest 

against the government’s education 

cuts. The group of about 30 students 

began their protest on Thursday and 

left on Monday. The building they 

were occupying was an art gallery on 

campus, where an exhibition of some 

students’ work was scheduled to take 

place. 

The show would have been cancelled 

had the protestors continued 

to occupy the building. One occupier 

stated “the decision was taken after 

consulting with students whose work 

was set to be exhibited.” 

It was also made clear that they did 

not wish to cause disruption to their 

fellow peers. However, the group 

said their occupation had successfully 

drawn attention to their views 

against the white paper and other 

education cuts. 

Counterfeit 

Vodka seized 

Salford University 

Bottles of counterfeit vodka with the 

potential to cause serious harm to 

health have been seized in Salford. 

Trading Standards Oficers have 

searched 172 shops, off-licences, 

pubs and clubs. The searches came as 

a result of one resident contacting the 

council complaining the vodka tasted 

“funny”. 

The irst seizures were made on 

November 18, where a shop was 

found to possess 15 bottles of the 

vodka labelled as Drop Vodka and 74 

branded as Smirnoff Red Label. Further 

seizures have since been made, 

but there is concern that there could 

be many more bottles in circulation. 

Salford Council stated that the bottles 

contained “denatured alcohol”. 

Laboratory tests revealed the exact 

nature of the substance to be isopropyl 

alcohol, more commonly used as 

surgical spirit. 

If consumed it can lead to nausea, 

vomiting and potentially induce 

coma. The investigation is ongoing. 

Gaddai’s son 

refused place 

Oxford University 

A senior government oficial has been 

accused of attempting to secure a 

place for Colonel Gaddai’s son at Oxford 

University. 

Saif al-Islam Gaddai is alleged to 

have wanted to study for an MSc in 

Development Economics or the MPhil 

in Development Studies. Oxford University, 

however, refused the proposal. 

Professor Fitzgerald, Head of 

Oxford’s Department of International 

Development, stated: “This is not only 

as issue of professional ethics, but 

also that under-qualiied students 

struggle to keep up with the intense 

pace of Oxford postgraduate study.” 

Following refusal from Oxford, 

Gaddai turned instead to the London 

School of Economics. It was also 

found that a igure of £1.5 million 

was promised to the University upon 

completion of his PhD. 

Oxford to play 

Qudditch match 

Oxford University 

The irst intercollegiate Quidditch 

match was played at Oxford University, 

following the relaunch of the 

university-wide Harry Potter society. 

The ‘Muggle Quidditch Match’ was 

hosted by Worcester College and 

played against St Edmund’s. The 

version consisted of eight players 

per team, running with broomsticks 

between their legs and attempting 

to score points by throwing balls 

through vertical hoops. 

As in J. K. Rowling’s version, the 

match is ended when the seeker captures 

the snitch. The snitch was represented 

by a player with a tennis 

ball inside a sock tucked into their 

waistband. Organiser of the match 

and Worcester student Angus Barry, 

commented, “I formed the Worcester 

Quidditch team a couple of weeks ago 

and it was much easier to persuade 

people to join than I expected!” 

Nude calendar 

causes a stir 

University of Leeds 

A nude calendar by members of Leeds 

University’s Equestrian Society has 

caused controversy. 

Sky Presenter Colin Brazier labelled 

the calendar “porn” on his blog and 

one student claimed that the calendar 

was no more than “a convenient 

smokescreen for exhibitionism.” 

Laura Fielding, president of the society, 

has expressed her regret that 

the focus has become shifted from 

the charity, Otley and District Riding 

for the Disabled, to the nudity alone. 

Despite bad press, the calendar has so 

far raised over £1000. 

Furthermore, it was seen by a group 

of British soldiers, who contacted the 

society. The girls in the calendar have 

now agreed to become mascots for 

Company A, Fifth Battalion, 

The Riles in Afghanistan. Fielding 

stated that for the girls in the society, 

it was about showing support for the 

Otley District Riding for the Disabled 

and for the troops during their time in 

Afghanistan. 

York to invest in 

uni experience 

University of York 

The University of York has announced 

a inancial injection of £2 million to 

improve student experience. 

Among the initiatives that the cash 

will create is for the University to 

have “night-time stafing in all eight 

colleges” and to spend £100,000 on 

expanding the trial of digitally recorded 

lectures. 

York Sport will also see an increase 

in funds to spend on coaching and the 

running of the clubs themselves. 

Jane Grenville, Pro-Vice-Chancellor 

for students said she was, “very 

pleased about the additional spending 

on sport; reducing the staff-tostudent 

ratio; and on a bundle of key 

texts and reading resources. “

Comment Comment 


thecourieronline.co.uk/comment 

Editors: Sophie McCoid and Susie May Beever 

Online Comment Editor: Jack Torrance 

courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk 

Many animal welfare 

campaigners have 

dubbed the arrangement 

more commerce than 

conservation 

It’s hoped the pandas 

will breed in a battle to 

avoid their extinction 

Photography: gill_penney 

(Flickr) 

High hopes for randy pandas 

Laura Wotton 

With the introduction of 

two giant pandas this December, 

Edinburgh Zoo 

have had more than their 

fair share of premature Christmas 

revelry. 

Having boarded a specially chartered 

light, Tian Tian and Yang 

Guang, translated ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Sunshine’, 

became Edinburgh’s newest 

citizens this Sunday, the pair embracing 

the near-freezing temperatures 

before being admitted into their 

£250,000 enclosure at the zoo. 

The two have become the irst pandas 

in the UK for 17 years, a title that 

critics fear will dub the pandas as 

yet another tourist attraction for the 

thousands anxious to view these endangered 

foreigners. 

Yet behind the glaze of tourist hype, 

the objectives of this ‘panda-transition’ 

seem highly commendable. 

David Windmill, chief executive of- 

icer of the Royal Zoological Society of 

Scotland (RZSS), stated back in January 

of this year that the arrangement 

would represent, “the beginning of a 

program of research, education and 

partnership [...] both in supporting 

giant panda conservation and in enhancing 

our programs in education, 

science and conservation.” 

It is hoped that the pandas will 

eventually, successfully breed and 

produce offspring critical in supporting 

the dwindling numbers of the giant 

panda species. 

However, it is dificult to see this arrangement 

as one entirely grounded 

in conservation. The preeminent success 

of this transition seems limited; 

only one zoo-reared panda has successfully 

been restored to its natural 

habitat and even this unfortunate 

creature was dead within a year, 

prompting questions as to what will 

become of the pandas once their 10 

year ‘trial’ is up. 

A spokeswoman supporting the 

ethical treatment of animals strongly 

condemned the arrangement, in her 

assertion that “Edinburgh Zoo is putting 

the ‘con’ in conservation by trying 

to hoodwink the public into believing 

that the salvation of pandas 

lies in warehousing these sensitive 

animals.” 

Yet, judging by the dwindling numbers 

of China’s ‘national treasure’, 

housing the pandas through this 

method seems the only means of protection 

against their imminent extinction. 

With the disproportional development 

of China’s economy, the pandas’ 

natural habitat in the mountainous 

areas of South-West China is being 

increasingly threatened by transport 

links, not to mention the continuation 

of poaching in both protected 

and unprotected regions. Zoo oficials 

have high hopes for panda offspring, 

both pandas carrying familial genes 

that signal successful breeding. Indeed, 

where is more sensible to ‘cultivate’ 

the panda population than in a 

reputably ‘world-leading’ zoo with a 

universal reputation for animal conservation? 

Nevertheless, many animal welfare 

campaigners have dubbed the 

arrangement ‘more commerce than 

conservation,’ labelling the panda 

transition as a ‘primarily commercial 

deal’. An animal ethics campaigner 

outlines the supposed masked intentions 

of the deal stating that, “Over 

time, [...] we will see that this has less 

to do with conservation or education, 

and much more to do with resurrecting 

the fortunes of a fading visitor attraction.” 

Indeed, tourism oficials in Edinburgh 

see the arrival of the pandas 

as simply a catalyst for rising visitor 

numbers, set to increase by 70% in 

the pandas irst year. A spokeswoman 

for People for the Ethical Treatment 

of Animals deplored the pandas commercialised 

status asserting that, 

‘Tian Tian and Yang Guang are not 

‘lagships’, nor even diplomatic gifts, 

but commodities in a primarily commercial 

exchange.” 

Or perhaps we are inclined to see 

this primarily as a political agreement. 

Certainly China’s treasured 

‘gift’ to the UK seems an easy means 

of establishing a stable relationship 

between the two countries, His Excellency 

Mr. Liu Xiaoming, Ambassador 

of China stating that their conservational 

cooperation “will represent an 

important symbol of [their] friendship 

and will bring [their] two people 

closer together.” The project, after all, 

will be principally funded by sponsorship, 

allowing the two countries 

to embark upon a new relationship 

based on commercialisation, international 

corporation and education, 

promoting what the Scottish government 

term a ‘growing friendship’ between 

the two. 

Whether a retrograde step or genuine 

attempt at long-term protection, 

the pandas arrival has certainly 

stirred a controversy set to challenge 

the ethics of this ‘new generation’ of 

animal conservation.


comment 

Should the Govt control executive pay? 

Wills Robinson 

News Editor 

Yes 

This country has always seen a 

disparity between socio-economic 

groups. Under Thatcher, 

the problem got worse 

with the creation of the under-class, 

and with the onset of New Labour 

and its arguable continuation under 

David Cameron, the gap between the 

countries richest and poorest is getting 

bigger. 

A mere 1.5% of the country earn 

over £100,000 a year, showing that 

the majority of the wealth in the UK is 

concentrated in a select few. The pay 

of boardroom executives has been a 

prevalent topic of conversation ever 

since the start of the recession. It’s an 

issue that has only been prodded and 

poked and yet fully dealt with. 

The millions that are reportedly 

taken home by the country’s inancial 

elite is sometimes ridiculous. The fact 

that some of these individuals are key 

players in the economic problems in 

this country proves it hypocritical 

that they are still reaping inancial 

beneits. Whilst they are gallivanting 

around the south of France in their 

yachts, a far larger number of Brits 

are struggling to ind a job and pay 

their bills. This image alone suggests 

that the government need to do all 

they can to end the bonus culture that 

the fat cats need to 

be made thinner and 

this will only happen if 

some of their golden 

parachutes are shrunk 

has dominated this country so much 

in the past twenty-or-so years. 

The words of Nick Clegg can’t just be 

rhetoric, as politics seems to be these 

days; it needs to be cemented on paper. 

There may be a backlash from the 

businesses that form a key part of the 

political machine in this country but 

it is a side effect that should be taken 

with a pinch of salt. 

If we are to achieve more inancial 

equality and shrink the wealth gap 

then major steps need to be taken. 

Especially now, a lot of the bigger 

companies have gone into public 

ownership, which means that the 

boardroom salaries, or at least some 

of them, are coming out of the pockets 

of the tax-paying citizens. 

At the end of the day, the fat cats 

need to be made thinner and this will 

only happen if some of their golden 

parachutes are shrunk. 

George Sandeman 

News Editor 

No 

The idea of the Government 

dictating to individuals how 

much they can and can’t earn 

is at best draconian and at 

worst, authoritarian. 

A distinction must be made between 

those in the private sector, who 

function purely on private money, 

and those who received government 

Should Clegg take action 

against Canary Wharf 

giant paypackets? 

Photography: Julian 

Mason (Flickr) 

money in the quite recent economic 

‘bailout’. The latter are, in my opinion, 

now accountable to the taxpayer in 

light of the money they received and 

the pay given to their employees, including 

executives, should be set by 

the state. After all, without the taxpayer’s 

money, institutions like HBOS 

and Lloyds would have gone under 

and left millions of people destitute. 

Not only did the government then 

have a duty to protect people’s money 

but also to reform the industry ensuring 

the separation between high 

street retail banking and investment 

banking. 

Therefore, when Deputy Prime 

Minister Nick Clegg and Business 

Secretary Vince Cable call for curbs 

to executive pay, I believe it is only 

acceptable if the private company is 

indebted to the taxpayer. However, 

I think it is unacceptable if the government 

directly regulates the pay of 

people otherwise functioning in the 

private sector. 

These individuals are not accountable 

to the taxpayer because they 

endure the ‘risk vs. reward’ nature of 

private enterprise. If they fail, there is 

no government money to prop them 

up and they live the hardships of their 

failure. By the same token, when they 

succeed, they should be able to enjoy 

the fruits of their labour. 

The present conlict arises around 

the remuneration given to top executives 

in business, and in particular, 

those running FTSE 100 companies. 

The present system runs along 

the lines of shareholders voting on 

recommendations of pay that the 

company’s executives receive; and 

these recommendations are given 

to remuneration committees who 

then formally set the executive pay 

for that year. Often, these boards are 

comprised of executives and there 

is a perception that they abuse their 

positions of power in order to reward 

themselves. This may be true, and in 

light of this, the government wants to 

make shareholder votes binding and 

make companies more transparent to 

their shareholders. These measures, 

are to me, perfectly justiiable as it is 

the shareholders holding the company 

executives to account, rather than 

the government. 

However, the notion that there 

should be a maximum wage that an 

individual can earn infringes on the 

values of Western Democracy. 

Mental illness should be listened to, not stigmatised 

Tessa Tyler Todd 

Here’s a shocking statistic 

for you all, 75% of us know 

someone with a mental illness. 

However, we might not 

know that they are mentally ill. You 

see that’s the problem with mental 

illness, even now in our Twenty irst 

century society, the age where we 

know everything about everyone, 

where Facebook and Twitter document 

our every move; there are some 

things we still don’t talk about. One of 

those things is mental illness. 

The problem is that many see mental 

illness as a sign of weakness, in 

reality mental illness is, as the name 

suggests, an illness. The only difference 

between a mental illness and a 

physical illness is that the causes and 

cures are still relatively unknown for 

mental illness. There is not one speciic 

drug that will deinitely work, 

nor is there one type of therapy. 

However ‘Time to Change’, a charity 

devoted to removing the stigma attached 

to mental health, carried out a 

recent survey to gain a better understanding 

of our attitudes to mental 

illness. It revealed that 60% of those 

surveyed say that the stigma is as bad, 

if not worse, than the symptoms. 

This is why the suicide of Gary Speed 

could prove to be a turning point; all 

who watched his football career saw 

him as strong and capable. Possibly as 

far away from the stigma of weakness 

that is attached to mental illness as 

you can get. Hopefully many will see 

this and realise that mental illness is 

an illness, and not a sign of weakness. 

Obviously, we do not know the personal 

circumstances surrounding his 

death; he could have been mid-way 

through treatment, he could have just 

been about to seek help, or he could 

have not wanted to get help due to 

the stigma attached to mental health 

illness. 

It is, however, both surprising and 

sickening how many casual mental 

health insults are out there. Any 

behaviour not deemed within the 

boundaries of ‘normal’ leads to constant 

references to ‘psychos’ and people 

being ‘bonkers’ in the media. This 

not only leads many to believe it is 

acceptable to ridicule mental illness, 

but it also leads people to think that 

all of those with mental illness are violent, 

which of course is not the case. 

Not only that, but Boris Johnson’s 

aid, Daniel Moylan, called Ken Livingston, 

a “schizophrenic” this week. The 

problem being that schizophrenia is 

an illness, not an insult. 

It is one thing to look at the stigma 

found in society, it is another to look 

at that stigma found in law. Currently, 

those who are sectioned under the 

Mental Health Act cannot become 

MPs, even if they are fully recovered. 

Yet what is more ridiculous is that 

an MP can continue to be an MP in 

a coma, whereas if someone is sectioned 

for more than 6 months they 

must stand down even if this is not 

what their constituents want. What 

does this say to those who have a 

mental illness? Obviously not all sufferers 

are sectioned, this being an 

extreme measure. But as Parliament 

is supposed to be representative, and 

with one in four people suffering from 

mental illness, we have to ask what 

message this conveys to society? To 

be honest, it’s not a very positive one. 

Mental illness is not a weakness, 

nor are those who suffer ‘psychos’. 

Anyone and everyone could have a 

mental illness at some point in their 

lives. They shouldn’t feel ashamed 

and they should ind understanding 

in their community, not ridicule. The 

director of ‘Time to Change” said they 

aim to overturn decades of prejudice. 

Hopefully, with the funding they’ve 

secured and the fact that awareness 

about mental illness is increasing, we 

will soon see this change in ours. 

Emails in response to 

articles should be sent 

to editor.union@ncl.


comment 

Rioters united against JJB, not the police 

Sally Priddle 

When you imagine the 

uniting of people 

against a common enemy, 

it is traditionally 

an evil dictator or a corrupt country. 

Basically, a positive thing - so can we 

really class uniting against the police 

in the same category? 

Well, this is one of the conclusions 

drawn from The Guardian’s survey 

into the summer’s London Riots. Interviewing 

over 300 people, they 

were seeking a real reasons that 

caused such chaos to take hold of 

London. 

The answer, apparently, was a ‘sort 

of revenge’ on the police, a rage 

against the injustice that people have 

been suffering at the hands of the 

police over the years. I don’t know 

if this is just my naïve opinion, but I 

am unsure how looting local shops, 

setting ire to buildings and running 

people over counts as a revenge on 

the police. To me it just sounds like 

an excuse to get a new outit from JJB 

Sports. 

The hatred for the police appears to 

come from a rooted disdain for being 

caught or told how to behave, with 

two thirds of the people interviewed 

having been cautioned or charged by 

the police. However, their main issue 

with the police seems to be that 

no matter what they had done or not 

done, they were being immediately 

treated like criminals. Although this 

is obviously an unjust attitude on the 

part of the police, I feel there is a better 

way to demonstrate their upset 

and disapproval rather than use the 

façade of a peaceful protest for a dead 

man to begin riots that caused upset 

and pain to entire communities. If you 

were proving your point against the 

police that you shouldn’t be deemed a 

thug or automatically seen as a criminal, 

rioting probably is not the best 

way to go about it. 


Deputy Editor 

Last week I wrote a news article 

for The Courier on the 

“student forum”; a new open 

area to replace the derelict 

(and now demolished) Museum of 

Antiquities. The University’s press 

ofice describes the planned work as 

being “a pleasant green space, with 

landscaping and artwork”. 

Not half a bad idea, really. Even with 

the current pile of rubble standing, 

the removal of the Museum considerably 

opens up the space and gives 

a nice view of the Armstrong building. 

The focal point of the area is to 

be Generation, a work by Newcastle 

graduate Joe Hillier consisting of 

The Guardian survey asked 270 of 

those involved in the August riots 

a list of possible causes for their actions, 

and whether these were signiicant 

issues which the rest of the 

country needed to address. The two 

main reasons were poverty and policing, 

with 86% of people saying that 

the causes were either ‘important’ 

or ‘very important’. The paper also 

surveyed the general public to decide 

whether the answers corresponded. 

They asked 1,001 adults across the 

UK the same questions and 86% of 

people alluded to poor parenting 

and criminality as the leading causes 

of the riots. Although, some would 

argue that this is an in proportionate 

survey, the answers demonstrate 

what I would argue is the general 

public opinion towards the riots; they 

were unnecessary and were caused 

purely for selish personal gain rather 

than to prove a justiied point. 

I openly admit I do not truly understand 

gang culture, however the animosity 

between the police and ‘gangs’ 

appears to be a tradition that neither 

are willing to relent on. There have 

been incidents in the past where the 

police can be seen to be biased and 

unfairly treating of people, and the 

controversy surrounding Mark Duggan 

led to many people accusing the 

police of behaviour that was abusing 

their position of authority and being 

unnecessarily violent. 

I can understand the frustration 

that is suffered by people who feel 

they are often automatically judged. 

For example, when I tell people I’m a 

student I ind myself physically lifted 

into a box (cardboard, obviously), labelled 

‘tax dodger that watches too 

much Countdown’. 

However, these preconceived ideas 

that some people have are unjust and 

are often founded upon the bad examples 

that certain people have set in 

the past. I personally don’t see how rioting, 

looting and harming those that 

are not anything to do with the situation 

proves that they are above the 

police’s unjust assumptions of them. 

A ‘revenge’ on the police may have 

been required, however, in my opinion, 

rioting made whatever point they 

were trying to prove obsolete. 

three giant heads (and currently on 

display in the quadrant). 

So it all sounds pretty good, right? 

Well, that is until you hear the price of 

the development: a whopping £1.5m. 

It’s an incredible amount, especially 

when you consider it’s being spent on 

a space the size of a moderately large 

back garden. 

What could possibly justify such 

a large amount of money for such a 

simple development? It boggles the 

mind – it’s not as if complex construction 

work is being carried out, or any 

state-of-the-art computers are being 

installed. 

Then again, I suppose it’s probably 

easy for the University’s accountants 

to lose their sense of perspective. After 

all, the Uni’s total income last year 

was £382m; and as investments in 

the campus go, it’s a pretty minor one. 

The shiny King’s Gate building, for 

example, cost £35m (although plans 

for a VIP lounge, which would have 

cost an additional £850,000, were 

eventually scrapped); the uninished 

INTO block next to the Herschel 

building, set to provide accommodation 

and lecture theatres exclusively 

for international students, is costing 

another £34m. 

While, even for the University these 

are massive investments, they still 

only take up a fraction of its development 

budget. According to documents 

freely available on the University’s 

website, improvements planned 

for the campus from 2010-2015 will 

total a cool £130m. 

From that perspective, £1.5m is a 

drop in the ocean for the Uni’s budget; 

a mere 1% of its ive-year plan. 

It’s still, however, a silly amount to 

spend on a “pleasant green space”; 

the equivalent of 160 bursaries. 

And on the subject of bursaries: 

it’s interesting to note that the Uni’s 

£130m development fund is more 

than double the £55 million pledged 

in October for “bursaries, fee waivers 

and activities [to help] widen participation” 

over the next ive years. 

It speaks volumes that more money 

‘Revenge’ on police was 

just an excuse? 

Photography: Chris 

Brown (Flickr) 

Uni’s ‘pleasant green space’ just a waste? 

is being spent on artfully landscaped 

plazas and shiny administrative ofices 

than making the University as open 

as possible. 

What use is this Student Forum, 

anyway? When was the last time you 

saw anyone sitting around outside 

on campus, other than the couple of 

weeks in May when the sun comes 

out? A cynic might accuse the University 

of building this “student forum” 

merely to impress visitors on open 

days, rather than genuinely improve 

the campus for existing students in a 

practical way. 

Who knows, perhaps I’ll be proven 

wrong next year when the “student 

forum” becomes a cornerstone of 

student life. Even if it does, however, 

I still doubt it will be worth the exorbitant 

cost; and I fear that Newcastle 

University is placing too much importance 

on impressing wealthy prospective 

students than enticing those 

who wouldn’t consider it in the irst 

place. 

This week 

I’ve learnt... 

Becky 

Orwin 

... when in a 

train crisis, call 

your mum. 

Once again, I spent Friday afternoon 

travelling; this time going home for 

my mum’s birthday. This required 

getting a train from Newcastle to 

York, stopping to see a friend, then 

another train from York to Shefield 

(my hometown). Simple. Right? Well, 

er, no. 

Part One: So, the irst part of this 

disastrous story begins with me, 

loaded up with four bags (I igured 

I might as well take some Christmas 

stuff home), spinning around in my 

room, repeating: “Do I have everything?” 

Thinking the answer was 

yes, I got down to the train station, 

looked at the ticket barriers and an 

explosion of swearwords went off in 

my head as I realised I had forgotten 

my train tickets. Yes folks, that’s right, 

my train tickets. After wasting two or 

three minutes breathing deeply and 

trying not to panic, I called a taxi to 

Ricky Road and back. I’d originally arrived 

very early (irony’s a bitch), and 

my train was delayed, meaning that I 

eventually only missed it by about a 

minute and actually watched it pull 

away before spending £15 on a replacement 

ticket to York. 

Anyway, I did eventually get to York 

and still had time for tea with my 

friend before, little did I know I had 

a disaster travel sequel on the cards. 

Part Two: Being as my train to Shef- 

ield was supposed to leave at 17.44 

from platform 5, I assumed that the 

train standing on platform 5 at 17.41 

was the right train. Sigh. I ended up 

in Newark. I don’t know where that 

is, either. The point of realisation was 

made especially painful by the exceptionally 

helpful train ticket man, who 

answered my panicked question of 

‘Does this train go to Shefield?’ with 

a highly informative ‘No.’ The situation 

was complicated with my arrival 

in the mysterious Newark, when I 

was told I couldn’t get a direct train to 

Shefield, but would have to go back to 

Doncaster and change there. Thankfully, 

at this point I rang my mum on 

the verge of tears, and she took pity 

on me and said she’d pick me up from 

Doncaster. 

Though I was in no mood to ind 

the whole situation funny, the fact 

that my best friend’s reaction (when 

I rang her in an effort to keep myself 

from bursting into tears on Newark 

platform) was to wet herself laughing 

did actually alert me to the fact that 

the whole situation would, in retrospect, 

make quite an amusing story, if 

nothing else. 

Now Part One, I acknowledge was 

entirely my own fault. But Part Two 

could have been very easily prevented, 

if the board on platform 5 had 

been altered to say that this train 

had in fact been delayed and went to 

Newark, not Shefield. Or if the train 

had not been delayed in the irst 

place, and the train I should actually 

have been on had been allowed to be 

on time. But no, National Rail (once 

again) screwed me over. Oh well; at 

least I got a story out of it.

12 

comment 


Best of this week’s online responses 

Re: Clegg looks to help the young jobless 

Robin Macfarlane: 

At last clegg is doing something 

worthwhile,promoting young people. This fund 

sould be used to forward permanent aprentshps 

in building skills. To build social housing in 

unemployment areas,together with ind.&comml 

sites to bring in more jobs. I fear a fund without 

direction will just be spent on non permanent 

advances to companies wanting cheap labour. 

Re:From graduation to the grocery store 

Liz Johnson: 

In response to the article above, I am writing to 

let you know that the Careers Service has just 

launched a Graduate Apprentices scheme to 

support graduate employment in the north east. 

Based on the success of the 2009-2011 Graduate 

Apprentices scheme which saw 134 placements 

allocated between June 2009 and January 

2011, the Careers Service has recently 

obtained some additional funding to run it 

again, offering graduates the opportunity to gain 

graduate level work in the North East. 92% of 

graduates from the 2009-2011 scheme were 

retained in longer term employment. 

Graduates can register their interest in the 

scheme by completing the Graduate Interest 

Form (see weblink below) – by doing so, they’ll 

be kept up to date with opportunities as they’re 

released and advertised on Vacancies Online. 

You can fi nd out more on the Careers Service 

website. 

http://www.ncl.ac.uk/careers/jobs/finding/ 

northeast/gradapprentices.php 

Re: Students pay uni £32,000 damages 

Rachel: 

Just another case of Richardson road residents 

being penalised unfairly. When I was living there 

almost every fl at I knew had been charged a ridiculous 

amount for only minimal damage. Yes 

Ricky Road is the ‘party block’ but surely residents 

of other halls must cause more damage 

than these fi gures suggest. 

Re: History lessons should be balanced not just 

British 

Jason: 

Its good to see an article bringing this issue to 

light. I agree that there should be more focus on 

teaching British history but it shouldn’t be only 

the bits that make us look good. The fact that 

a leading politician suggests it should is highly 

worrying, I’m all for patriotism but not at the expense 

of the truth. 

Re: Should children be exposed to the ‘truth’? 

Alexander Fenton: 

In my personal opinion, children should be 

taught sexual education at Primary school as 

children in cases are already having sex by the 

time reach secondary and need to know all the 

ins and outs 

Results of this week’s online poll 

Yes 

No 

To respond to this week’s articles visit 

thecourieronline.co.uk 

Are children too 

often exposed to 

themes like drugs 

and sex? 

No - Shielding them from 

the real world is ultimately 

pointless. 43% 

Yes - a child’s 

innocence should be 

protected. 57%

“ 

Where to go 

on NYE p34 

Cook a delicious 

dinner p17 

Best of 

2011 

starts p28 

Christmas 

Special 

Find the 

perfect gift 

p14 

Tune in to 

Xmas TV p20 

Party 

frocks 

p18 

Sudoku 

Easy 

Puzzles 


Yule Logs 





co.uk/puzzles 

38 




Using a little LOGic (Christmas is the only acceptable time for bad jokes!), 

can you work out which number should replace the question mark in the 

grid? 

Medium 

Hard 

Shape Up 

Each of the different shapes below has a numerical value. The numbers 

to the right of the grid are the sum of each row and the numbers at the 

bottom are the sum of each column. Can you work out the value of each 

shape? No shape has a value less than 1. Enter the solution into the 

empty grid. 

Four-page 

puzzles 

special 

starts p23 

Word Perfect 

How many words of four, fi ve or six letters can you make 

from the word TINSEL? No plurals or proper nouns allowed, 

and no letter may be used more than once in an individual 

word. Apart from TINSEL itself, I have found 25 different 

words, but 20 should be your aim. 

lifestyle fashion 

music film arts science tv


thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle 

c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk 

The only Christmas G 

Under 

£5 

Brother 

Call of Duty poster, 

£4, HMV 

Sister 

Hat, 

£4, Primark 

Barry M Nail Polish, 

£2.99, Boots 

Mum 

Magic Wand, £4.95 

Lush 

Bath bombs, 

£2.50 

Lush 

Under 

£10 

Boxers, £5 

Primark 

Superman socks, 

£2, Primark 

One Direction CD, 

£8.99, HMV 

Cosy Ballet Slippers 

£10, Marks & Spencers 

Sonic the Hedgehog PJs, 

£9, Primark 

Bag, £10 

Primark 

Rose Fine Leather Gloves 


Under 

£20 

Inbetweeners box set 

£18, HMV 

Purse, £17 

River Island 

Under 

£30 

Santa Onesie, 

£12 Primark 

Cardigan, £24.99 

New Look 

Bridesmaids, 

£12.99 HMV 

Atonement & Mamma Mia, 

£5, That’s Entertainment 

Family Photoshoot £25 

www.buyagift.com 

Splash 

out 

Speakers, £29 

HMV 

Hoody,£24.95 

H&M 

Angry Bird iPod 

dock, 

£55.99, HMV 

Vera Wang Perfume, 

£60, Debenhams 

Vineyard Tour 

£49,www.buyagift.com 

Emily Rae Jessica Timms Lauren Cordell


Lifestyle Editors: Olivia Mason and Ben Parkin 

Online Editor: Emma Balter 

ift Guide you’ll need 

Dad 

Socks, 

£3.99 

Clinton Cards 

Grandparents Boyfriend Flatmate 

Sucker Stand, 

£3.99, Discovery Store 

Snow Globe, 

£5, Paperchase 

Socks, £3.50 

Marks & Spencers 

Teabag/spoon holder, 

£5 Past Times 

Cocktail Book, 

£6, Marks & Spencer 

Punk Legend book, 

£3 

HMV 

Watch, 

£5, Primark 

Handkerchiefs, 


3 Classic DVDs, 

£5, That’s Entertainment 

Grinch DVD, 

£3, HMV 

Shower Gel Gift Set, 

£9.95 

Officers Club 

Joke Gift, 

£10, Fenwicks 

Bob Dylan CD, 

£7.99, HMV 

Biscuits, £8.99 


Bag, £15.95, 

Officers Club 

Giant Sweet Jar, 

£16.50, Debenhams 

Mobile Phone Case, £15 


Photo Frame, 

£12.50, Past Times 

Jumper, 

£12, Primark 

CHAV Board game, 

£20, WHSmith 

Belt, £25 


Mug, £7.50, 

Waterstones 

Dressing Gown, £49.50 


Cleaning voucher, 

Sweat and tears 

Your house 

Shea Butter Set, 

£25, The Body Shop 

Gift card for a 

romantic night, 

Priceless 

Gig Tickets, 

Around £60 for 2 

Ticketmaster.com 

Michelle Janetschek Georgina Moule Evelina Malteson Rosie Devonshire


xmasspecial 

Coping with Christmas 

Sometimes it isn’t always all carolling out in the snow. Here’s what to do when 

festive spirit runs low, reality takes a bite and there isn’t a treble close at hand... 

family single life exam stress 

Some of you will be oozing with festive excitement as the end 

of term is nigh: you just can’t wait to see your family again, 

decorate the Christmas tree, stuff the stockings, and have family 

bonding time over a log ire... Well good for you, you lucky bastards. 

Others dread impending doom: close proximity with family 

members, parents who can’t stand one another and throw 

the term divorce around like nobody’s business, siblings who 

argue over Christmas presents, cousins whose names you can’t 

recall, uncles and aunts who want to know why you don’t have a 

job/ why you study English Literature, grandparents who want 

to know why you aren’t married yet. Aside from celebrating 

Jesus’ birth, Christmas is simply a catalyst for an almighty row! 

But is Christmas a time to be merry? Yes, so much so that 

families are forced into a two-week binge on alcohol, chocolate 

and Daddy’s credit card in a futile attempt to be merry. However 

once the chocolate and booze are exhausted, Boxing Day brings 

a god-awful come-down and a realisation that we have spent, 

eaten and drank far too much. Our thoughts become cloudedwhy 

do I never get to choose the movie? Why did my big brother 

get the Iphone 4s and I got his old 3g? Why don’t I it into my 

party dress for New Year? We begin to move slowly to the dark 

side and abracadabra, the family squabbles begin. 

A survey conducted last year showed that while 69% were looking 

forward to spending Christmas with their family, a surprising 

22% were expecting a family row over the festive season. A 

similar study asked 2000 people to explain the reasons behind 

these altercations. It would appear that the most common cause 

was the TV remote. Also high on the list was the use of mobile 

phones over the dinner table and the parental units indulging in 

one too many “eggnogs”. No surprises there then. You may laugh, 

but unfortunately this Christmas tradition has serious implications 

for many people and I’m not talking about burnt turkeys. 

The police forces are saying that this year they expect the 

number of domestic violence incidents to increase for the fourth 

year in a row! As a result specialist staff will be on duty over 

Christmas and New Year to deal with the reported incidents. So 

what can we do to avoid confrontations this season? Here are 

some helpful tips on how to survive this Christmas. 

You may think that the Christmas scene was designs for couples, 

for them to parade their cosiness and remind you of the fact that 

you are deinitely still single. On the contrary; despite what you 

may think, singletons should be counting their blessings at this 

frenzied time of the year. Your irst cause for celebration is the 

gift situation. You can look at this one of two ways: either make 

yourself feel miserable by thinking of the fact that there will be 

no perfect present waiting under your tree from that special 

someone. Alternatively you can thank your lucky stars that you 

get to avoid the ‘Aw thanks darling this is perfect, you know me 

so well’ as you wonder whether the gift you have received is the 

result of some awful mix up and his gran is currently sporting 

that gorgeous Topshop necklace you pointed out every time 

you were in town together. Secondly, being single is good for 

the pocket and for the soul; you don’t have the stress or the 

crippling debt that goes with trying to ind your other half the 

perfect gift that will just scream ‘Look how much I love you’ or 

at least beat whatever they’ve got you. Thirdly, there is opportunity. 

The Christmas party season is the perfect time to put 

yourself out there and meet new people. Also, with the copious 

amount of alcohol consumed over the next few weeks, there 

is no excuse not to go over and talk to that person you’ve had 

your eye on for the last 11 months of the year. With the perfect 

combination of mistletoe and wine, how can it go wrong? However, 

remember, ‘putting yourself out there’ after a few drinks 

must not be confused with just plain putting out. Regardless 

of the above you must admit that at Christmas, you can’t ignore 

how cosy the concept of coupleness looks. Yet there’s no point 

dwelling, whether you are single by default or through a positive 

choice to be so, celebrate the fact that you are completely in 

charge of what you do this Christmas. Whether you are newly 

single or feel like you have been ‘single since the dawn of time’, 

whatever you do this Christmas be careful not to go to the two 

extremes of singleness. You don’t want to be the one forcing 

people under the mistletoe, but neither do you want to be the 

sad kid in the corner singing ‘Last Christmas’ into an empty 

glass of mulled wine. 

Shanna Lennon 

Whether you’re one of those people who works a lot during the 

holiday or just leaves everything to the last minute, here you’ll 

ind all the tricks to cope with the stress before January exams 

without giving up a good Christmas holiday. 

First of all, if you still have hundreds of books to read, essays to 

write and notes to study, start planning now! It’s the only way 

to avoid dying of stress during those weeks and make sure you 

don’t miss out on anything you friends are doing. 

Second, remember that you need to sleep. Late night cramming 

sessions are never successful: your brain needs those sleeping 

hours to process all the information you’ve read. 

Third, you are the person that knows yourself best. If your brain 

says ‘Stop working now’, you know how useless it is to read that 

page again. Switch your mind off for a while with a ilm or a chat 

with friends. This will help you to keep going. 

Did I say that you need to sleep? Ok, but not on the books. Coffee, 

coke, or whatever you think works with you will be your 

second best friend during the exams period. But forget about 

having caffeine pills or stupid things like that. 

Making separate notes, cards or diagrams is always great. It’s 

not just because the amount of paper is considerably less, which 

always makes you feel much better, but because it makes it 

easier for you to remember huge amounts of information if you 

have them in a more visual way. For this, using different colours 

to write and highlighters always helps. 

Next, try to calm your nerves before an exam. Being hysterical 

doesn’t help anybody. After all, if you know that you haven’t 

studied enough and it’s your fault, it’s too late to cry about it 

and the only thing you can do is pray that you´re lucky. If you 

have studied, don’t worry, the information will come to you as 

soon as you start relaxing. 

And inally, reward yourself for all your hard work. Go out for a 

meal with friends, waste a little time on your sofa or eat tons of 

chocolate. After all, you deserve it! 

Naiara Reig 

1. Be generous. Always offer to help 

with shopping/cooking and make 

sure you get everyone a present 

they will actually like. 

2. Keep your cool: if someone provokes 

you, take deep breaths and 

remember- just a few more days! 

3. Try to keep busy. I don’t mean 

do your holiday reading/revision. 

You have January for that. Just try 

and see friends, go for brisk walks, 

whatever works. 

4. Don’t drink too much. Inebriation 

does not equal tolerance nor 

does it make you good company. 

For more information please visit 

drinkaware.co.uk 

5. Avoid controversial topics of conversation. 

6. Don’t hide in your room, anti-social behaviour will not 

endear you to your family. 

7. Try to suggest things you can do as a family. 

8. Monopoly = No 

9. God gave us Catch-Up. Do not hog the television. 

10. Go to Heathrow Airport. That’s what Hugh Grant does. 

Realise that love, actually, is, all around. 

Madeleine Rodgers


specialxmas 

Making 

the perfect 

Christmas 

dinner 

(or as perfect as it 

can get on a student 

budget) 

Prep 

Peel and cut all the vegetables before you start and put them 

in pans full of water so they stay fresh. 

If you are having caulilower cheese make the dish up and put 

it in the fridge 

Be prepared: laying out your stufing and sausages earlier on 

will prevent any panic later on when you’re trying to juggle 

four sets of over boiling vegetables. 

Puddings 

To make life simpler and cheaper buying puddings is the best 

way to end your Christmas meal. 

Chocolate Log: Asda £1.50, Tesco £1.15 

Small Christmas Cake: Asda £5, Tesco £3 

Mince Pies (6): Asda £1.50, Tesco £1 

After Eights: Asda £1, 

Tesco £1 

Meat 

Turkey may be the traditional Christmas offering, but, 

let’s be honest - if the parents aren’t buying it’s not going 

to happen (and it probably wont it in the oven anyway). 

You can grab two medium chickens in Asda for £7, or, if 

Gosforth is a bit too far, Tesco’s are only £4 anyway. 

Pigs in blankets are essential, obviously. Prewrapped 

sausages often provide a cheaper (and yet easier) option. 

Asda 15 sausages wrapped in bacon £2.50 or Tesco 12 

sausages wrapped in bacon for £2 

Stufing: Personal choice between balls and squares 

Asda’s own Sage and Onion stufing £0.60 or Tesco’s own 

Sage and Onion stufing £0.60 

Given the student living oven practicalities it’s inevitable 

you’re going to have to cook this meal in shifts. Cook the 

meat earlier as you can always warm it up in the micro- 

wave - although if your gravy 

is hot enough you probably 

wont notice anyway. 

Gravy 

When all your veg are boiling away nicely and potatoes 

crisping it is time to begin the gravy (one of the most important 

parts of the meal). 

Drain the chicken fat out of the roast tin into a smaller pan, 

add in 3 chicken cubes and cheat a little bit by adding in 

some chicken gravy granules. 

For a festive treat (only if you can save some) pour in some 

white wine, mix all these ingredients together with a good 

helping of boiled water. 

Perfect 

Roast 

Potatoes 

Perfect roast potatoes aren’t as hard as you think. 

1. Part boil the spuds for 10 minutes while you heat up oil on 

some baking trays in the oven. 

2. After draining the potatoes give them a bash about in the 

colander to give them luffy edges. Sprinkle on some plain 

lour or semolina powder to give them an added crisp. 

3. Tip the potatoes into your trays, be careful as the oil will 

spit. Then roast them in the oven turning occasionally to 

make sure they are nice and brown for around an hour to an 

hour and a half 

Veg 

Grainger market is your one stop shop for all vegetable bargains, 

but if you can’t cope with the trek home, then all your 

favourite supermarkets are doing great offers on whatever 

veg you could wish for. 

Veg is easy but it is all about timings, to make your own life 

easier peel and cut the veg before you begin. 

Caulilower Cheese: When the potatoes have been in for 

around 50 minutes- an hour, put your caulilower cheese in 

the oven 

Carrots: At the same point turn on your carrots, due to the 

quantity all of the veg will take a bit longer than normal 

Broccoli: After having the carrots on for 5-10 minutes put 

the broccoli onto boil 

Drinks 

With the festive season upon us there 

are drinks offers everywhere. 

Wine: Asda: 3 bottles for £10 

Tesco: 3 bottles for £12 

Mulled Wine: Asda £2. 48 

Tesco £3.09 

Baileys: Asda £10 

Tesco £15


fashionstyling 

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion 

c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk 

Party the year away 

Katie Mcraith, 19, Warrington, 

2nd Year English Literature and 

French 

Emma Balter, 20, 

Paris, 

3rd Year English Literature 

Katie Robertson, 21, Worcester, 

3rd Year History 

Leah Wilson, 19, Manchester, 

2nd Year Biomedical Sciences 

Tall 

Dress, £25, 

Dorothy Perkins 

Petite 

Dress, £46, 

Topshop 

Dress, £70, 

River Island 

Bust enhancer 

Curvy 

Dress, £46, 

Topshop 

Earrings, £5, 

Topshop 

Necklace, £14, 

Topshop 

Necklace, £6.99, 

New Look 

Why wear 

more? 

These dresses speak for 

themselves, so you don’t 

need to overcomplicate 

things with masses of 

jewellery. 

Ring, £7.50, 

Topshop 

Tights, £10, 

River Island 

Earrings, £10, 

Topshop 

Ring, £12.50, 

Topshop 

Shoes, £25, 


If you have height on your side, it’s sometimes 

hard to ind dresses that are long enough. 

This red number from Dorothy Perkins is the 

perfect length - it’s not so short it looks like it 

shrunk in the wash, but it still shows off your 

enviable pins. It also keeps your proportions 

even, something many tall girls have problems 

with. Girls as tall as Katie might not want to 

wear stilettos, so these are a vintage-looking 

alternative. 

If you’re petite, it’s important to ind a party 

dress that doesn’t drown you- this Topshop 

number is perfect. Furthermore, the bright 

colour makes you stand out without being 

overwhelming. Too much fussy detailing should 

be steered clear of - a small amount of drapery, 

like here, is just enough, and looks extremely 

glamorous. A long pendant, such as this one, 

gives the illusion of an elongated frame. 

For those wanting to gain a few cup sizes without 

going under the knife, look no further. This 

River Island dress has fussy, feathered detailing 

on the bust, giving the illusion of a larger chest. 

Dresses or tops with a busy top half are always 

best for ladies wanting to enhance their bust, 

and luckily for them, the high street is full of 

such designs. This dress is so busy, a chunky 

ring is all that’s needed to complete the look. 

For curvy girls, skater dresses are the way 

forward. They nip you in at the waist and skirt 

latteringly latteringly over your hips, creating the perfect 

hourglass igure. igure. This dress is the perfect party 

dress, as the black is endlessly lattering, and 

the sequins catch the light, making you twinkle 

like the star on top of your Christmas tree. 

Team with suspender tights to make your legs 

look sky-high.


Fashion Editor: Victoria Mole 

stylingfashion 

Online Fashion Editor: Rosanna Sopp 

Bring in 2012 in style with our guide to the best fancy 

frocks to fit your figure. Don’t forget to team with sophisticated 

heels and some season must-have bling and you’ll 

be guaranteed a kiss before midnight even strikes... 

Rosanna Sopp, 20, 

Buckinghamshire, 3rd Year 

Classical Studies 

Katie Robertson, 21, Worcester, 

3rd Year History 

Chevonne Bryan, 20, 

Lincolnshire, 3rd Year 

Physiology 

Accessorize 

The essentials 

Online Fashion Editor Rosanna 

Sopp brings you the ultimate guide 

to choosing a festive dress for 

Christmas and New Year’s Eve 2011 

Mary Janes, £19.99, 

New Look 

These two pairs of 

shoes can be added to 

any of the outits; outits; nude 

heels instantly make your legs 

look longer, and black T-bars 

with a chunky heel are a modern 

and extremely fashionable 

twist on the tradi- 

tional black heel. 

Wedges, £24.99 (reduced 

to £10), New Look 

Dress, £39.99, 

New Look 

Big Bust 

Dress, £20, 

New Look 

Creating curves 

Dress, £65, 

Miss Selfridge 

Lengthen legs 

Don’t 

forget! 

Bangles, £15, 

River Island 

Regal gift 

These bangles are 

fit for any Queen - 

which is why they’re 

top of our list of 

stocking fillers 

Bracelet, £12.50, 


Necklace, £12.50, 


Bangle, £4.50, New Look 

Earrings, £4.99, 

New Look 

A black clutch is the icing on the 

cake for a perfect party outit. outit. 

This crocodile skin clutch 

from River Island is a perfect 

option 

Clutch, £25, River Island 

Finding a party dress that its its a large bust is 

tricky. This dress has a low waistband to allow 

for the most buxom bosom and the neckline 

is extremely lattering, lattering, despite the fact that 

many with large chests shy away from cuts this 

high. For those with bigger busts, dresses with 

a nipped-in waist are a must - they minimise 

your waist, instead of something baggy which 

hangs off your chest and drowns your curves. 

Dresses with a full, pufball or tulip skirt are 

perfect for creating curves - they show off 

your naturally small waist, whilst giving the 

illusion of curvier hips. This little number is 

particularly festive; the sparkled waistband 

adds a glamorous touch. These accessories are 

perfect - they include the colour of the dress, as 

well as adding other splashes of colour to the 

ensemble. 

This dress from Miss Selfridge is perfect if you 

don’t feel conident enough to bare your pins. It 

skims a few inches past your knees, and when 

teemed with high heels, shows off the slimmest 

part of your legs. The gorgeous embellishment 

on the chest draws attention away from your 

bottom half. If you’re looking for something 

longer, both Miss Selfridge and New Look do 

super-lattering metallic maxi dresses.


tvxmas 

thecourieronline.co.uk/tvandradio 

c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk 

TV Editors: Sophia Fairhead and Nicole Stevenson 

Holiday Highlights 

Great Expectations 

The BBC has undertaken a new three-part adaptation of his classic 

Great Expectations to celebrate the bicentenary of Dicken’s birth. 

BBC1, December 27, 28 and 29th, 9pm 

Make sure you’re armed with a full stomach and a roaring ire before you sink into the terrifying and gritty 

opening scene: a dark, cold and terrifying graveyard. 

The plot follows the life of Pip (Oscar Kennedy), whose early destiny is to follow his brother-in-law as a 

blacksmith’s apprentice. However, a chance encounter with Magwitch, an escaped convict, changes his life 

and his prospects forever. 

Pip irst strays from the path of his humble life as he is invited to Satis House, the residence of terrifying 

Miss Havisham (Gillian Anderson), a jilted spinster who surrounds herself in the decaying remnants of her 

wedding day, as well as her charge, the beautiful but cold Estella. He promptly falls in love with Estella but, 

for the irst time, feels the shame in his humble upbringing. Salvation seems to be offered when he inherits 

a large fortune from an anonymous benefactor which will allow him to fulil his ‘Great Expectations’ in life 

and to rise up to a class more suitable for marriage to Estella. However, the protagonist’s path does not run 

as smoothly as he would hope as Dickens’ plot reveals complex twists and obstacles to be overcome.W 

Playing the iconic character of Magwitch is Ray Winstone, who admits to having been scared as a child 

by Finlay Currie’s Magwitch in the 1946 adaptation of the novel. To him the opening scene represents a 

child’s fear of “someone coming out of the dark, the kind of thing you have nightmares about”. Admittedly, 

the plot isn’t exactly ‘feel-good’, but it is undoubtedly dramatic, exciting and complex. Viewers this Christmas 

can expect to sink their teeth into escape scenes, shunned love, social ambition, and violence - all from 

the comfort of your sofa. 

Midsomer Murders 

Boxing Day, 3.55pm, ITV3 

It’s amazing that there are any inhabitants 

left in Midsomer after almost 14 

years of murders, suicide and revenge. 

However, this year is no exception and 

DCI Tom Barnaby (John Nettles) will 

be back on the scene to investigate 

a Christmas-themed mystery in the 

Villiers household. It starts with a 

prediction in a cracker that two people 

will die before midnight on Boxing Day 

and, sure enough, Lydia Villiers falls 

down the stairs - or was she pushed? 

The family is haunted by the suicide of 

their relative Ferdy Villiers, a magician, 

and as the murder investigation 

begins, Barnaby will have to uproot 

the past and overcome some magic 

sleights of hand to help him solve the 

case. 

Made in Chelsea 

December 19, Channel 4 

It seems a long time to wait until January 

for our Monday nights to be once 

again dazzled with the haute couture, 

haute credit and haute catastrophe of 

the glamorous goings-on in Chelsea. 

That’s why they have brought us 

Christmas. From the comfort of our 

living rooms (and a safe distance from 

Millie Mackintosh’s drink-throwing 

hand), we will be watching the lives 

of people having far wilder and more 

decadent festivities than our own. 

They even stray as far from their 

homeland as Lapland, but no doubt 

scandal runs as high in Santa’s grotto 

as it does in SW1. Come on Spaggie! 

The Only Way is Essexmas 

December 20, 10pm, ITV2 

Since the release of the cast’s charity rendition of 

‘Last Christmas’, our appetites have been whet for a 

delightfully tacky TOWIE Christmas. Doubtless the 

Champagne will match the frosty winter temperatures, 

but a little sunshine will come through our 

screens as we are relieved to see that the girls’ stubborn 

tans have miraculously not faded since Marbs. 

We can’t wait to see the repercussions of Joey and 

Jess’s kiss, Arg’s upcoming regal birthday party and 

even a trip to see Father Christmas. Reem. If we can’t 

make it to Sugar Hut for a glass of Crystal, we will 

certainly be putting fake nails and eyelashes on our 

stocking iller list. 

Maybe they will bump into their Chelsea counterparts 

while wandering in a winter wonderland! 

A Royal Year to Remember. 

December 30, 9pm ITV 

Do we want to see that dress again? Always. 

This is why we’ll be watching A Royal Year to 

Remember, which documents the two royal 

weddings of 2011: Waity Katey and Wills, 

and Zara Philips and rugby ex-captain Mike 

Tindall. Alan Titchmarsh goes behind the 

scenes of the Queen’s state visit to Ireland 

to see how preparations are going for the 

Agatha Christie’s Poirot 

Boxing Day, 9pm, ITV1 

Whether it’s Human Cluedo, real Cluedo, 

iPad Cluedo, or wink murder round the 

table after a boozy meal, everyone loves a 

good murder mystery around Christmas 

time. It just wouldn’t be complete without 

David Suchet in your living room. In the 

brand new adaptation of Agatha Christie’s 

The Clocks, he returns as Hercule Poirot, 

the infamous Belgian detective, to solve 

the mystery of two dead navy oficials, 

and the murder of a middle-aged man 

killed in his sitting room surrounded by 

four clocks, frozen on the same time. The 

plot thickens as yet another innocent 

victim is taken and Poirot has to coolhandedly 

extricate the murderer from 

a web of emotional women, misguided 

Lieutenants, burgeoning attachments 

and German moles. What more could one 

want from a Christmas Murder Mystery? 

Sports Personality of the 

Year 2011 

December 22nd, BBC1, 8pm 

Sue Barker, Gary Lineker and Jake Humphrey 

help the nation choose from the following 

nominees: Mark Cavendish, Luke 

Donald, Amir Khan, Andrew Strauss, Darren 

Clarke, Mo Farah, Rory McIlroy, Andy 

Murray, Dai Greene and Alastair Cooke. 

The Borrowers 

Boxing Day 7.30pm BBC1 

Don’t 

miss! 

This Christmas, BBC1 brings us the return of a much-loved 

children’s classic. A twenty-irst century adaptation of 

Mary Norton’s fantasy novels sees a fresh take on the little 

people’s world beneath our loorboards, and their quest to 

‘borrow’ items whilst remaining anonymous. The plot follows 

the curious teenage Borrower Arriety Clock (Aisling 

Loftus), whose determination to discover the upstairs 

‘human beans’ leads her parents Pod (Chris Eccleston) and 

Homily (Sharon Horgan) Clock to despair. Arriety’s decision 

to venture beyond her enclosed habitat, and develop 

a friendship with James who lives in the house above, soon 

becomes dangerous for the Borrowers, when their world 

is discovered by James’ grandmother. Hereafter, the Clocks’ 

lives are turned upside down as they endeavour to escape 

the dangers which they will have to confront - in particular, 

the evil Professor Mildeye, played by the infamous Stephen 

Fry. Once a highly academic scientist, Professor Mildeye, 

who, like James’ grandmother knows about the Borrowers’ 

existence, has his soul set on capturing and unveiling 

their true identity. When he does capture Homily and Pod 

Clock, the question is, who will go that extra mile to rescue 

them and become Arriety’s protagonist? Will it be James 

the ‘human bean’ or Spiller, the leather-jacketed tearaway 

who has a soft spot for Arriety? Or will they both be heroic 

in returning the Clock family to their home before Christmas? 

This family classic is not one to be missed, so shotgun 

the best sofa in the house for an undoubtedly entertaining 

90-minute adventure, which will leave you wanting more! 

Kirstina Gordon-Macleod

Somethin 


xmastv 

Christmas Day crackers 

Downton Abbey, 

Christmas Day, 9pm, ITV1 

Absolutely Fabulous 

Christmas Day, 10pm, BBC1 

Patsy and Eddy are back and it’s bound to be fabulous, dahling. 

Celebrating their 20th anniversary, the BBC will show 

three 30-minute episodes, with the irst set to lighten up our 

Christmas evening. 

Bringing with them the 90s, we get a fashion-proof, recession-proof 

time warp. Credit crunch darling? What 

credit crunch? However, Eddy is not going to miss out 

on the latest fads: a short preview shows Eddy, 

(clad in double-denim) and new assistant 

Bubble (over 60) clued-up on ‘tweeting’ and 

‘blogging’ on an iPad. All is not lost. 

As if Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders 

weren’t enough of a gruesome twosome to 

entertain us, it seems it’s turning into a bit of a 

celeb party with appearances from Stella McCartney 

and Emma Bunton. Get ready for this 

sweetie. 

Doctor Who: The Doctor, 

the Widow and the 

Wardrobe 

Christmas Day, 7pm, BBC1 

Avid fans of the yearly Doctor Who 

Christmas Special will be anticipating 

writer Stephen Moffat’s latest 

idea as he takes on C.S. Lewis’s The 

Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe 

and transforms it into a sci-i winter 

wonderland set in the Second World 

War. Madge Arwell (Claire Skinner) 

and her two children are evacuated 

to a decrepit country house where 

they are met by an eccentric caretaker 

and shown a mysterious blue present 

awaiting them under the Christmas 

tree. They are transported into a 

magical new world where Madge 

learns that wishes really do come true 

at Christmas. 

We can’t wait for one of Maggie Smith’s 

frosty lines to warm us up this winter! 

Set in 1919, we can indulge our fantasies 

in a very aristocratic Christmas: 

shooting parties in the frosted parkland, 

gowns for all occasions, a servant’s ball, 

a lavish Christmas party. However, this is 

Downton, and with its (slightly unrealistic) 

upstairs/downstairs relationships, 

the arrest of Mr Bates and the unspoken 

magnetism between Mary and Cousin 

Matthews, we can anticipate a gripping 

evening fraught with tension and drama. 

If you liked this, you will also like Downton 

Abbey: Behind the Drama, featuring 

the actors discussing their parts, and behind 

the scene views of Hichclere Castle. 

Wednesday December 21, 7.30pm 

Strictly Come Dancing 

Christmas Special 

Christmas Day, BBC1 

Expect a star-spangled Christmas day as 5 

celebrities don their dancing shoes and hit 

the danceloor: Blue’s Simon Webbe; comedienne 

Debra Stephenson; Hi-De-Ho’s Su 

Pollard; Eastenders actress Charlie Brook; 

and heavyweight boxer Barry McGuigan. 

Films 

for the 

festive 

period 

About a Boy: Comedy in which Hugh 

Grant strikes up an unlikely friendship 

with a geeky schoolboy. 

ITV1, December 17, 1.15pm 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: 

For those who didn’t receive the 

boxset for Christmas. 


Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Break-up 

comedy starring Mila Kunis, Russell 

Brand and Jason Segel. 

ITV2 Saturday 17, 9pm 

The Boat That Rocked: Comedy set on a 

pirate radio station stars hilarious Bill 

Nighy. 

ITV1, Saturday 20, 10.05pm 

Tomorrow Never Dies: 007 has less than 

48 hours to prevent World War III, 

where for the irst time, the Bond Girl, 

Wai Lin, is his partner. 


Ice Age 2: The Meltdown: adventure of the 

mismatched loyal trio, Manny, Sid and 

Diego. 

ITV2 December 23, 6.15pm 

Spartacus: an epic ilm documenting the 

battle following the Slave revolt of Pre- 

Imperial Rome 

ITV1, Christmas Eve, 2.10am 

Miracle on 34th Street: Old children’s festive 

classic for a trip down memory lane. 

ITV1, Christmas Day, 11am 

The Towering Inferno: Classic drama, 

victims at a Christmas party escape a ire 

in a skyscraper. 

ITV1, Christmas Day, 1.35am 

Gladiator: oscar-winning legend of the 

Roman Emperor’s revenge and brutal 

battles. 

ITV1, Boxing Day, 10.15pm 

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: 

J.K.R.’s second adeventure in the sequel 

about the boy who lived. 

ITV1, Boxing Day, 3.30pm 

American Gangster: Denzel Washington 

and Russell Crowe star in this tough 

crime drama. 

ITV4, December 27, 11pm 

Scarface: Al Pacino stars in this crime 

thriller about drugs and violence. 

ITV1, December 29, 2.35am 

Notting Hill: Classic Hugh. 

ITV1, December 29, 10.15pm


thecourieronline.co.uk/listings 

c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk 

listings 

listings12th-18thDec 

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 

University Carol 

Concert 

5.30-6.30pm 

St Thomas’ Church, Haymarket 

A seasonal selection of carols and readings organised 

by the Chaplaincy, with a student choir 

and the University Wind Band. 

www.ncl.ac.uk/students/chaplaincy 

Legally Blonde 

7.30pm (December 6-31) 

Sunderland Empire 

For the irst time ever, the West End and 

Broadway sensation, 2011 Olivier Award winner 

(Best New Musical) and winner of Best 

New Musical at the Whatsonstage.com awards, 

Legally Blonde The Musical goes on tour. Based 

on the hit movie starring Reese Witherspoon. 

www.sunderlandempire.org.uk 

Itchy Feet @ WHQ 

11pm 

World Headquarters 

Once again World Headquarters will be shaking 

with the sounds of the Itchy Feet DJs in both 

rooms. As always, there will be an abundance 

of Itchy Feet tunes to jump and jive to, along 

with the usual distinctive mix of Jump Blues, 

Rock n’ Roll, Soul, Swing, Reggae and Ska. 

www.welovewhq.com 

Student Performance 

7pm (Wed/Thurs) 

The Sage, Gateshead 

Here is your chance to enjoy a range of truly 

inspiring live performances by some of the 

top student musicians in the region - all three 

year groups of the BMus (Hons) Jazz Popular 

and Commercial Music degree - delivered at 

The Sage Gateshead. Ten student ensembles 

perform both original and covered material, 

including pop, rock and jazz, over two nights in 

our intimate 450-seat Hall Two venue. 

www.thesagegateshead.org 

What Would Jesus 

Buy? 

7pm 

Culture Lab, Newcastle University 

Christmas special event: Dr Matt Davies and 

free mince pies! From producer Morgan Spurlock 

(Supersize Me) and director Rob VanAlkemade 

comes a serious docu-comedy about the 

commercialization of Christmas. Bill Talen (aka 

Reverend Billy) was a lost idealist who hitchhiked 

to New York City only to ind that Times 

Square was becoming a mall. Spurred on by the 

loss of his neighbourhood and inspired by the 

sidewalk preachers around him, Bill bought 

a collar to match his white caterer’s jacket, 

bleached his hair and became the Reverend 

Billy of the Church of Stop Shopping. Guest 

speaker: Dr Matt Davies. Doors open: 18:00. 

Admission: Free, but suggested donation £1. 

Street Nativity 

5.30pm 

Northumberland Street 

There will be a 

Street Nativity on 

Northumberland 

Street at 5.30pm 

on Thursday 

15th December 

2011, starting 

at Newcastle 

Civic Centre. The 

Street Nativity is 

organised by the 

Central Deanery 

of Newcastle 

Diocese. 

The Stand 

Christmas Special 

7.30pm 

The Stand Comedy Club 

It’s time to get in the Christmas spirit. Forget 

wearing paper hats and eating over-priced 

turkey – instead come and get some Christmas 

cheer from the very best comics from the 

UK and beyond. With Michael Smiley, Simon 

Donald, and Paul McCaffrey. Hosted by Susan 

Morrison. Tickets £10. 

www.thestand.co.uk


Puzzles 






co.uk/puzzles 

23 

Christmas Toys Wordsearch 

The predictions for this year’s most desirable toys have been released by the 

Toy Retailers Association. They are all shown here on Santa’s list and your job 

is to fi nd them all in the grid below. 

12 Days of Christmas 

Do you know the 12 days of Christmas? Test your knowledge with 

this quiz by arranging the list into the correct order. 

12 

11 

10 

9 

8 

7 

6 

5 

4 

3 

2 

And a 

Maids a milking 

Calling Birds 

Drummers drumming 

Ladies dancing 

French Hens 

Gold Rings 

Swans a Swimming 

Pipers Piping 

Turtle Doves 

Geese a laying 

Lords a Leaping 

Partridge in a Pear Tree 

Complete these common catchphrases to fi ll in the crossword- good luck! 

Catchword 

Across 

1. Agony ___ (4) 

3. Aided and ___ (7) 

8. ___ charge (5) 

9. Light as a ___ (7) 

11. As a last ___ (6) 

12. Devil-may- ___ (4) 

14. Full of ___ (5) 

16. Straight from the horses’s ___ (5) 

20. A pack of ___ (4) 

21. ___ - songwriter (6) 

24. ___ - clear (7) 

25. ___ and tested (5) 

26. Drown your ___ (7) 

27. Bright- ___ and bushy-tailed (4) 

Down 

1. The ___ circle (6) 

2. Better late than ___ (5) 

4. ___ and after (6) 

5. Wear and ___ (4) 

6. Past, ___ and future (7) 

7. ___ with envy (5) 

10. Home is where the ___ is (5) 

13. An elephant never ___ (7) 

15. Public ___ No1 (5) 

17. A chip off the old ___ (5) 

18. ___ - fi ght (6) 

19. ___ camera (6) 

22. Save it for a ___ day (5) 

23. ___ - spangled banner (4)

24 

puzzles 





Sudoku 

Easy 

Yule Logs 

Using a little LOGic (Christmas is the only acceptable time for bad jokes!), can you work 

out which number should replace the question mark in the grid? 

Medium 

Hard 

Shape Up 

Each of the different shapes below has a numerical value. The numbers to the right of 

the grid are the sum of each row and the numbers at the bottom are the sum of each 

column. Can you work out the value of each shape? No shape has a value less than 1. 

Enter the solution into the empty grid. 

value less than 1. Enter the solution into the empty grid. 

Logic Puzzle 

Four angels sat on the Christmas tree amidst other ornaments. 

Two had blue halos and two had yellow. However, 

none of them could see above his head. Angel A sat on 

the top branch and could see Angels B and C, who sat 

below him. Angel B, could see Angel C who sat on the 

lower branch. And Angel D stood at the base of the tree 

obscured from view by a thicket of branches, so no one 

could see him and he could not see anyone either. Which 

one of them could be the fi rst to guess the colour of his 

halo and speak it out loud for all the other angels to hear?


puzzles 

25 

Christmas Quiz 

1. Who got to Number 2 in 1984 with ‘Last Christmas’? 

2. What did Band Aid’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ ask us to 

do this Christmas time? 

3. Who sang the Christmas classic ‘Stop the Cavalry’? 

4. What was Bing Crosby ‘dreaming of’ in 1942? 

5. What is the name of the song released in 1987 by The 

Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl? 

6. Name the artist - ‘Are you hanging up your stocking on the 

wall? It’s the time that every Santa has a ball’ 

7. Gary Glitter said we were going to have ‘Another _ _ _ _/_ _ 

_/_ _ _ _ Christmas’ 

8. In 2004, ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ was re-released to 

raise money for Darfur. Three of the original artists contributed 

their vocals to the single: Bono, Paul McCartney and who else? 

9. How did Chris Rea get home for Christmas in 1988? 

10. Who was ‘Lonely This Christmas’? 

11. Cliff Richard sung of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ and wine in 1988 

12. Which spoof band, originating from a children’s TV programme, 

wished us a Merry Christmas in 1974? 

13. Aled Jones’ ‘Walking in the Air’ became the song featured in 

the animated fi lm of which children’s book? 

14. What did Mariah Carey want for Christmas in 1994? 

15. David Essex said it was ‘Only a Winter’s _ _ _ _’ in 1982 

16. What did Mel and Kim ‘rock around’ in 1987? 

17. Whose ‘day’ did Cliff Richard sing about in 1990? 

18. What was Bo Selecta’s Christmas hit of 2003? 

19. Who wished it could be Christmas ‘everyday’? 

20. Which Christmas song has been sung by Madonna? 

Sudoku 

Same concept 

as a 

traditional 

Sudoku, but 

with a Christmas 

twist! 

Solve this 

puzzle to 

ensure that 

each square, 

horizontal 

and vertical 

row contains 

each letter 

from the 

seasonal 

phrase FIRST 

NOEL. Good 

luck! 

Crossword 

Across 

1. Agony ___ (4) 

3. Aided and ___ (7) 

8. ___ charge (5) 

9. Light as a ___ (7) 

11. As a last ___ (6) 

12. Devil-may- ___ (4) 

14. Full of ___ (5) 

16. Straight from the horse’s 

___ (5) 

20. A pack of ___ (4) 

21. ___ - songwriter (6) 

24. ___ - clear (7) 

25. ___ and tested (5) 

26. Drown your ___ (7) 

27. Bright- ___ and bushytailed 

(4) 

Down 

1. The ___ circle (6) 

2. Better late than ___ (5) 

4. ___ and after (6) 

5. Wear and ___ (4) 

6. Past, ___ and future (7) 

7. ___ with envy (5) 

10. Home is where the ___ is (5) 

13. An elephant never ___ (7) 

15. Public ___ No1 (5) 

17. A chip off the old ___ (5) 

18. ___ - fi ght (6) 

19. ___ camera (6) 

22. Save it for a ___ day (5) 

23. ___ - spangled banner (4) 

Find a word that connects the three words shown below: 

Lever Head Top 

Citizen Partner Service 

Target Room Baby 

Night Name Aid 

Word Link 

Word Perfect 

How many words of four, fi ve or six letters can you make from the word TINSEL? No plurals 

or proper nouns allowed, and no letter may be used more than once in an individual word. 

Apart from TINSEL itself, I have found 25 different words, but 20 should be your aim.

26 

Puzzles 






co.uk/puzzles 

Logic Puzzle: The Trophy Cabinet 

Fielding College has a fi ne history of sporting achievement and a number of its major trophies are 

proudly displayed in the cabinet below. Can you match the position of each trophy (1-9) with the 

sport it was awarded for and the year it was won? 

YOU NEED TO RECORD THE POSITION OF THE TROPHY, ITS SPORT AND ITS DATE TO COMPLETE 

THE PUZZLE. 

Christmas Films Quiz 

Years: 1982 1984 1986 1987 1992 1994 1995 

1996 1999 

1. The rowing trophy was won ten years earlier than 

the football trophy and both are in opposite 

diagonal corners. 

2. The tennis trophy is right of and immediately next 

to the trophy won in 1995 which is directly above the 

trophy won for athletics in 1996. 

3. The rugby trophy is immediately next to and left of 

the cricket trophy which is in the opposite diagonal 

corner to the trophy won ten years later. 

4. The hockey trophy was won four years later than 

the swimming trophy and both are on the same shelf 

but not immediately next to each other. 

5. The gymnastics trophy (won fi ve years earlier than 

the one immediately above it) is immediately next to 

the trophy won two years later. 

1. What happened on 34th street in 1947? 

2. The 2006 Christmas fi lm ‘The Holiday’ stars Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and 

who else? 

3. Which 1946 fi lm, starring James Stewart and Donna Reed, has become a Christmas 

classic? 

4. Which horror/comedy fi lm sees an inventor’s present of a pet to his son go horribly 

wrong? 

5. Which actor played the starring role in ‘Elf’ in 2003? 

6. What is the name of the elf Dudley Moore played in ‘Santa Claus: The Movie’? 

7. What is 2011’s Christmas release that exposes Santa’s high tech operations at the 

North Pole? 

8. Which fi lm saw a young boy’s father reincarnated as a snowman after dying in a car 

crash? 

9. What is the name of the detective played by Bruce Willis in ‘Die Hard’? 

10. Who played Scrooge in ‘A Muppets Christmas Carol’? 

11. Who stole Christmas? 

12. Which rom-com follows the lives of eight couples in the month before Christmas? 

13. What is the name of Santa Claus’ bitter older brother played by Vince Vaughn? 

14. What is the name of the main character in the 1990 comedy ‘Home Alone’? 

15. Who is the main character in Tim Burton’s ‘A Nightmare Before Christmas’? 

16. What is the name of the magical train heading for the North Pole on Christmas Eve? 

17. Which 2003 Christmas fi lm saw Billy Bob Thornton as the title character? 

18. Whose ‘Christmas Vacation’ was it in 1989? 

19. Which holiday fi lm tells the story of Ralphie Parker pulling out all the stops to obtain 

the ultimate Christmas present? 

20. What is the name of the fi lm starring Bill Murray that offers a modern retelling of 

Charles Dicken’s ‘A Christmas Carol’? 

Riddle 

You will know that I am coming 

From the jingle of my bell, 

But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell. 

Children, they adore me 

for they fi nd me jolly, 

but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly. 

My job often leaves me frozen, 

I am a man that all should know, 

But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow. 

I travel much on business, 

But no reindeer haul me around, 

I do all my travelling fi rmly on the ground. 

I love the time of Christmas, 

But that’s not my vocational season, 

And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason. 

Anagrams 

Unscramble these letters to fi nd 10 traditional Christmas carols. 

YEAMAIWANGAN (2 words) 

TINSLIGEHNT (2 words) 

CLMOYLAOFUTAEFELH (5 words) 

ROCDVCYIYANIOLITSAND (5 words) 

GNMRLDOIHGIONDRNIHG (5 words) 

KGWODCNSAOGNIELE (3 words) 

LDEKTCHSALEH (3 words) 

YNTEHLHIYHOLDTVEA (5 words) 

ENTILEDYKOLT (2 words) 

DWYJOHTROELTO (4 words) 

Christmas Cracker 

Each letter A-Z is represented by a random number between 1 and 26. 

Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the 

alphabet is used at least once. .


C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson 

12th-18thDeclistings 

Friday 

Seminar: Mitigating 

the impacts of offshore 

renewables 

on vertebrates 

12-2pm 

Research Beehive, Room 2.21 

marineNewcastle invite you to a lunchtime 

seminar and discussion exploring offshore 

renewables and marine mammals and 

birds, exploring the potential impacts and 

mitigation of those impacts. There will be 

introductory talks covering some of the 

main issues associated with assessing and 

mitigating impacts of offshore renewables 

on vertebrates presented by: Dr Mark Whittingham 

(Biology): Effects of wind turbines 

on terrestrial birds, Dr Richard Bevan (Biology): 

Potential impacts of wind turbines 

and tidal power schemes on seabirds, Dr 

Per Bergren (Marine Science and Technology): 

Marine mammals and offshore renewables 

– potential impacts and mitigation, 

Professor Guiyun Tian (Electrical, Electronic 

and Computer Engineering): Electromagnetic 

Sensors and Monitoring for Offshore 

Energy Applications. The seminar session 

will be followed by a buffet lunch. 

www.ncl.ac.uk/marinenewcastle 

Quo Festive 

7.30pm 

Metro Radio Arena 

Quo Festive featuring Status Quo, Roy Wood 

and Kim Wilde. The Status Quo ‘QuoFest’ set 

will feature the irst airings of some of the new 

material, but of course the band will blast out 

a slew of massive hits from that amazing catalogue 

of classics. 

www.metroradioarena.com 

Beamish Christmas 

Evenings 

4-9pm 

An extra-special evening in the Edwardian 

Town and Pit Village offering the chance to 

experience Georgian twelfth night celebrations 

at Pockerley Old Hall. Indulge yourself with 

roasted chestnuts, mulled wine and traditional 

entertainment. Take a turn on the Ice Rink and 

visit Father Christmas in his magical ireside ireside 

grotto. 

www.beamish.org.uk 

Do you want your 

event in listings? 

Email c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk 

with all the details and any 

photos you have by Monday 

12pm of the week before the 

issue you want to feature in. 

Something for the weekend 

Bootleg Beatles 

Sat 8pm 

Newcastle City Hall 

The most successful and longest-running 

Beatles tribute band The Bootleg Beatles are 

hitting Newcastle City Hall this weekend. If 

you’re a big fan, this is an opportunity not to 

be missed! Tickets from £16. 

www.newcastlecityhall.co.uk 

Duran Duran 

Sat 6.30pm 

Metro Radio Arena 

Simon Le Bon has recovered from his ‘vocal 

problems’ and the band are ready to grace 

us with their prescence! Tickets are available 

online or from the box ofice from £30. 

www.metroradioarena.com 

The Revolutionaries 

Sun 3pm 

The Tyne Bar 

Free gig at Newcastle’s best-kept secret gig 

venue, The Tyne Bar. Warm up with some 

real ales and some ‘Tyne Bites’ including 

sarnies, toasties, salads and burgers. 

www.thetyne.com 

Xmas Eve’s Eve Party 

December 23, 11pm 

World Headquarters 

WHQ’s weekend resident Tom will be dropping 

all his festive favourites in the last big 

show before Boxing Day & New Year’s Eve. 

Playing the best selection of rare Xmas tunes 

from artists like James Brown, Aretha, BB 

King - not a cheesy Slade record in sight. 

www.welovewhq.com 

Christmas Movies at 

Monument 

Monument, Newcastle 

The movies on show on the outdoor screen 

are getting Christmassy! Check out these 

ilms: 

Thursday December 15 

12 Noon White Christmas (U) 

3pm White Christmas (U) 

5:30pm Elf (PG) 

Tuesday December 20 

12 Noon A Christmas Carol (PG) 

3pm A Christmas Carol (PG) 

5:30pm National Lampoon’s Christmas 

Vacation (PG) 

Thursday December 22 

12 Noon Miracle on 34th Street (U) (1947) 

3pm Miracle on 34th Street (U) (1947) 

5:30pm The Snowman (U) 

Friendly Fires 

Sun 7pm 

O2 Academy Newcastle 

After releaseing their second album, Pala, 

the calypso indie dance band return to Newcastle 

this month. Grab your Hawaiian shirts 

and maracas! 

Tickets from £16. 

www.o2academynewcastle.co.uk 

Something for Christmas 

The Star And 

Shadow Cinema’s 

Christmas Live 

Music ‘All Dayer’ 

December 23 5pm-12am 

Star and Shadow Cinema 

The Star & Shadow Cinema presents a 

Christmas ‘all dayer’ of live music (5 pm - 12 

midnight) featuring: Richard Dawson, Pale 

Man Made, Blacklower, Beauty Pageant, 

Retriever, Waskerley Way and Cath & Phil 

Tyler. £6 advance / £7 pounds on the door. 

Advance tickets: www.wegottickets.com/ 

event/143753 

www.starandshadowcinema.org 

The Big Christmas 

Night Out 

December 19-23 

7.30pm 

The Stand Comedy Club 

It’s time to get in the Christmas spirit and 

laugh your way into the holiday season at 

Newcastle’s favourite comedy club. With 

Gavin Webster, Damian Clark and Biscuitz. 

Hosted by Anvil Springstein. Arrive a bit 

earlier to try our fab pre-theatre menu in 

the upstairs bistro. 

www.thestand.co.uk 

The Hootchy 

Kootchy Roadshow 

Sat 7pm 

Gateshead Old Town Hall 

Betty D’light and Chaz Royal, the renowned 

producer of the London Burlesque Festival 

bring you a night of saucy antics, sexy sideshows 

and stunts and Vaudeville Variety. 

Tickets £12.50. 

Special Night of 

Good Cheer 

December 23 

8pm 

Tyneside Cinema 

Watch It’s A Wonderful Life in the Classic 

Circle, then enjoy live music from the Maine 

Street Trio in the Tyneside Bar into the 

night. Look out for festive food and drink 

offers in the Tyneside Bar on the night too! 

Tickets: £16/£15 concessions. 

www.tynesidecinema.co.uk 

Rare Exports: A 

Christmas Tale 

December 21 

8.45pm 

Tyneside Cinema 

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is the perfect 

alternative Christmas movie for those of 

you who have had your ill of Home Alones, 

Christmas Carols and Wonderful Lives. It’s 

the eve of Christmas in Northern Finland, 

and an ‘archaeological’ dig has just unearthed 

the real Santa Claus. But this particular 

Santa isn’t one you want coming to 

town, and when children begin to mysteriously 

disappear, it’s up to young Poetari and 

his father Rauno, a reindeer hunter by trade, 

to stop this evil St. Nick. 

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is a re-imagining 

of the most classic of all childhood 

fantasies, a darkly comic gem soon to be 

required perennial holiday viewing 

www.tynesidecinema.co.uk


bestof2011 

the big co 

Top 10 albums 

10 

Nicola Roberts 

Radiohead 

Cinderella’s Eyes 9) The King of Limbs 

Most surprising after the release 

of Cinderella’s Eyes was 

the wave of reviews citing the 

album as a surprising source 

of original and gripping pop. 

Logically, this breakthrough 

was not a surprise coming 

from Miss Roberts who combines 

two great elements: 

receiving the Oxbridgeequivalent 

education in making a perfect pop song while being 

quirky (by quirky, I mean ginger). On top of this, Roberts has 

lived - unlike the various pixies who fly out of the woods into 

Simon Cowell’s office and sing about their new curly-toed pair 

of shoes. Roberts is a pop star with a story to sing about. The 

chilling ‘Sticks and Stones’ is the track that makes this album. 

It’s the tale we know: Nicola Roberts, 17, victimized by the press 

for being quirky (by quirky, I mean, you know, ginger). This 

song liberates oppressed redheads everywhere, but don’t blame 

Roberts for the rise of Ed Sheeran, or if Simply Red returns; she 

is the revolutionary and, like so many great leaders before her, 

she cannot help the chaos which follows revolution. This is the 

album Diana Vickers is kicking herself for not producing, and 

the album Cheryl probably doesn’t ‘get’. 

Mallory McDonald 

Although only being released 

just over a month ago, 

Coldplay’s fifth album Mylo 

Xyloto has secured its place 

amongst the best albums of 

the year. The heady, happy 

feeling created by listening to 

this album on repeat cements 

it as yet another achievement 

for this epic band. Featuring 

songs such as ‘Major Minus’ 

with its electronic feeling and a catchy duet with Rihanna on 

‘Princess of China’, Coldplay have really developed their style 

and brought something new to the table, whilst of course not 

forgetting what made them famous in the first place with tracks 

like ‘Up In Flames’, which is more reminiscent of their ‘Parachute’ 

days. The first single released from this album ‘Every 

Teardrop is a Waterfall’ and the more recent ‘Paradise’ conjure 

up that holiday feeling (and the surrealist video of elephants 

probably adds to the magic of it all). For me Mylo Xyloto shows 

Coldplay going from strength to strength and it seems they have 

yet to put a foot wrong. And as one of the lucky thousands that 

have tickets to next year’s tour I can tell you I cannot wait to 

hear ‘Charlie Brown’ along with the best of them 

Ċassie Lawrence 

In a return to form after the 

more experimental nature of 

2009’s Humbug, the Sheffield 

boys released their fourth 

album in June. Following the 

huge success of their first 

two LPs, Alex Turner and co. 

have obviously been looking 

for a new direction. While 

Humbug was intermittently 

inspirational, it also often 

failed to impress, a flaw only highlighted by the consistency of 

Suck It And See. Still featuring the darker, more moody elements 

of the Arctic Monkeys’ newer sound, Suck It And See also weaves 

in sing-along, radio-friendly hooks. Lead single ‘Don’t Sit Down 

’Cause I Moved Your Chair’ is a fine example, which takes a 

catchy chorus, some semi-comprehensible lyrics (“go into business 

with a grizzly bear”?!) and attaches one of the filthiest riffs 

of the year. Grizzly bears aside, Turner’s lyrical contribution is 

fantastic, as always. It’s a quality that sets the band apart from 

most other British rock acts. Never generic, always thoughtprovoking, 

the lead singer has an enviable ability to conjure up 

something insightful. It appears they’ve settled on a new winning 

formula - bring on album numero cinco! 

Tom Belcher 

9 8 

The King of Limbs marked another 

change in direction for 

a band well known for them. 

Shifting away from conventional 

instrumentation, The 

King of Limbs saw a return to 

more experimental sounds, 

influenced by electronica 

(as seen in the subsequent 

remix album), as well as 

maintaining that distinctive 

Radiohead sound. Phil Selway’s drumming powers the first half 

of the album, but it is Thom Yorke’s haunting vocals that are the 

album’s most defining feature. The mix of percussion with rich 

melodies gives the album its signature sound, driven by a sense 

of urgency, yet at the same time instilling a sense of calm. The 

second half of the album, featuring more piano and acoustic 

guitar, has a slower, more mournful sound, but is still infused 

with the tension and worry that is the band’s trademark theme. 

There have been few albums this year which have sounded as 

original, and The King of Limbs manages to do this whilst staying 

true to its roots. So, whilst maybe not as accessible as the wildly 

popular In Rainbows, The King of Limbs is still a great album, 

well worthy of inclusion on any end of year list. 

Ben Partridge 

6) 

Normally I’m sceptical of 

things that have been hyped 

past the point of rationality, 

but I can say that Florence + 

the Machine’s second album, 

Ceremonials, is genuinely fantastic. 

Florence’s versatility 

and power stretches across 

all the sounds covered in 

Ceremonials, from the theatrically 

spooky ‘Seven Devils’ to 

the more lighthearted and soul-coated ‘Lover to Lover’, then to 

the tremendously uplifting sing-along anthem ‘Shake It Out’. And 

of course, since it wouldn’t be a proper Florence + the Machine 

album without a song for the playlist designated for heartbreak 

and self-pity (no? That’s just me?), the band delivers with the 

chilling ‘No Light, No Light’. Ceremonials is heavy-handed on the 

drama, but it’s fitting. With lyrics that seem more literary and 

abound with vivid imagery, it’s only right to provide an accompanying 

soundtrack. Rich with explosive orchestral breakdowns, 

drumbeats you can feel in your rib cage, and the ever-understated 

use of the harp, it’s evident that the Machine isn’t that at all 

but rather a fluid entity, perfectly accommodating the verdant 

world Florence Welch created for this album. 

Maggie McBride 

Second time around there 

was no girl, no sentimentalised 

recording in a log cabin 

in the woods in the middle 

of nowhere; this album was 

created in the less romantic 

setting of a refurbished veterinary 

clinic in Wisconsin. 

Whilst For Emma, Forever 

Ago was full of moody, postbreakup 

angst, Bon Iver’s second self-titled album retains the 

intense depth, just with less of an emo backstory. Justin Vernon 

employs a collection of horns, synths, strings, percussion, organs 

and emaciated electric guitars to accompany his haunting 

vocals. The lyrics are still poetically raw and heart breaking, yet 

their real allure is the difficulty in comprehending them. Vernon’s 

virtuosity has rightly earned Bon Iver four Grammy nominations 

including, bizarrely, ‘Best New Artist’, despite the fact 

they have been around since 2007. These are however, the same 

idiots that gave Bruno ‘willing to kill myself for a fit girl’ Mars 

six! Grammy politics aside, it is undeniable that Bon Iver showcases 

a sound that is most definitely deserving of its place in one 

of the top ten albums of the year, and Justin Vernon doesn’t need 

any shiny gramophones on his mantelpiece to prove it. 

Sophie Coletta 

Foo Fighters 

8) Wasting Light 

Widely described by critics 

as their best since 1997’s The 

Colour and the Shape, Foo 

Fighters returned with a bang 

in 2011 with their seventh 

studio album, Wasting Light. 

Working with esteemed 

producer Butch Vig for the 

first time since Nirvana’s 

iconic Nevermind, there was 

never any doubt that Grohl 

and co. would produce anything short of a masterpiece. Indeed 

it is arguably their heaviest record to date with album tracks 

such as ‘Bridge Burning’ and ‘White Limo’ signalling a different 

approach in comparison to 2007’s slightly more experimental 

Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace. Guest appearances from 

Bob Mould and Krist Novoselic result in solid collaborations 

on album tracks ‘Dear Rosemary’ and ‘I Should Have Known’. 

However, anthemic singles ‘Rope’ and ‘Walk’ are likely to be the 

most memorable compositions, with their big melodic choruses 

suggesting they will be live set staples for years to come. Simply 

put, Wasting Light represents another successful phase in the 

career of the Foos, helping them to firmly establish themselves 

as one of the biggest and best rock bands in the world today. 

Matty Aston 

Coldplay 

7) 7 

Florence + The 

Mylo Xyloto 6 Machine 5 

Ceremonials 

5) 

Jay-Z & 

Kanye West 

Watch The Throne 

With Kanye putting his ego 

(mostly) to one side for a 

change and Jay-Z delivering 

high quality, if slightly 

commercialised, beats and 

production values, Watch 

The Throne easily made its 

way onto many people’s top 

ten lists this year. The title 

may be a slap in the face 

to many other rap artists, 

both established and emerging, which might explain the mixed 

response given by other rappers in the industry. Here, the duo 

are simply saying:‘‘This is how you do it’’. If any two rappers 

could pull that off, it could only be these two. On the surface, the 

album seems to talk down to you, remaining cocky in both its 

delivery and lyrical content, but look deeper and the intention 

isn’t to aggravate, but more to rally and motivate the listener. 

The whole album is solid, cohesive and concise. It doesn’t try to 

be glitzy and in your face because these guys don’t need to do 

that anymore. It doesn’t sound like a mix tape either - it sounds 

like a properly put-together album should, and that’s why this 

effortlessly-sounding masterpiece can nestle so comfortably 

amongst this top ten list. 

Chris Scott 

Arctic Suck It And Monkeys 

Bon Iver 

Metronomy 

4) 3) See 

Bon Iver 

2) The English Riviera 

4 3 2 

After 2008’s hedonistic 

electro-pop winner Nights 

Out, not many people might 

have expected Metronomy’s 

third LP to be a concept-album 

based around frontman 

Joe Mount’s hometown of 

Devon. But with The English 

Riviera they did exactly that, 

evolving into a sleek, funky 

alternative-pop group. With 

a change of line-up, including drumming super-babe Anna Prior, 

the band emerged more focused, and more mature than ever 

before. The English Riviera is the musical equivalent of a breezy 

summer’s day - a warm, hazy blur, full of sunny moments but 

with a slightly subdued chill. ‘The Look’ and ‘The Bay’ (two of 

the best songs this year) are catchy and immediate, but there’s 

enough depth here that renders this album completely addictive 

- before you know it, the charms of the Devonshire coast work 

their way under your skin in a way that’s difficult to shake. The 

English Riviera is, for me, at the forefront of 2011’s releases, and 

will stand the test of time as a simply brilliant pop album which 

makes its ‘70s and ‘80s rock influences (from Fleetwood Mac to 

Prince) sound utterly modern and fresh. 

Ben Travis


untdown 

bestof2011 

Top 5 books 

5 

Have A Little Faith- 

Mitch Alborn 

5 

I don’t want to misrepresent this book for all those who are immediately 

repulsed when they see the word faith. This is an enchanting story that shows 

you how beautiful humanity really can be: incorporating humour with learning, 

all contrasted against the lowest points in people’s lives and how through 

the support and at times undeserved love of others people can get themselves 

back on their feet. 

The story revolves around Mitch himself, who has agreed to do the eulogy for his old 

Rabbi, and meets with him to find out more about his life. However, at the same time, closer to 

home Mitch discovers the drug dealer come Pastor Henry who is doing good Christian work in 

an inner city area where poverty, drugs and drink are running havoc. 

Mitch observes how both men use their faith to support themselves through their lives and how 

it allows them to help those who others would deem lost causes. Discussing how God can even 

be a possibility for the modern man, this book challenges religion in a way that allows beliefs to 

be seen as not only reasonable but necessary. It provides the reader with a journey to not only 

follow and enjoy but be a part of and learn from. 

Sally Priddle 

4 4 

We Need To Talk About Kevin - 

Lionel Shrivers 

Although published in 2003, Lionel Shrivers’ We Need to Talk About 

Kevin was committed to the silver screen this year, upping its readership 

and lending the twisted thriller some disturbing visuals. Set in the 

context of modern America, it tells the story of the aftermath of a fiction- 

al 

Columbine-style school shooting. The narrative is delivered in the form of 

a string of letters written by Eva, the mother of incarcerated Kevin, to her 

estranged husband Franklin. 

Shrivers’ gripping psychological thriller is a minefield of provocative controversies, 

tackling the difficult issues of criminal and parental accountability, whilst posing the dangerous 

question of nature versus nurture. Eva, as the narrator, takes the reader on a journey from her 

son’s birth up until two years after the day, where her wayward son used his fellow classmates 

as target practice. She documents Kevin’s earlier misdemeanours, searching for an early warning 

sign of his final atrocity. 

Darkly atmospheric and almost uncomfortably frank, We Need to Talk About Kevin is victorious in 

delivering a truly believable account of one of the most unthinkable subjects. 

Alice Fairholme 

3 

The Tiger’s Wife - Tea Obreht 

3 

Téa Obreht the youngest author ever to win the Orange Prize for Fiction 

with her book The Tiger’s Wife, which successfully combines warfare and love 

with a sense of childish charm. The Tiger’s Wife tells us the story of what happened 

to the tiger and the people of Galina; narrated by the voice of Natalia who 

is coming to terms with the loss of her Grandfather. 

It all begins with a tiger escaping from a zoo and exploring streets filled with 

wreck and ruin, although to many the tiger was a thing to fear for one boy 

he was a magical creature. This young boy was Natalia’s Grandfather, and 

after finding out about his mysterious death, she goes in search for answers. 

Obreht manages to combine a plot that at sometimes can be gruelling and 

require immense amounts of concentration with a sense of enchantment that allows 

the reader to be drawn in and won over by the story, that allows warfare to have a sense 

of childish charm that is too easily lost in adulthood. The book incorporates violence, personality, 

politics and all set against the traditional and relatable story of a Granddaughter’s love for her 

Grandfather. 

Sally Priddle 

2 

One Day - David Nicholl 

2 

This ideal sun lounger paperback has been flying off the shelves of 

Blackwells, Waterstones and Asda alike ever since Jim Strugress’ cheeky chops 

and floppy locks hit the big screen in the Summer. And that was despite Anne 

Hathaway’s dire attempt at a Yorkshire accent. 

A destined-to-be-together romance of bad timings it’s the kind of novel that 

you find glued to your left hand while your right threatens to jab you in the 

side of the head until you drop it. 

Emma and Dex are perfect for each other. Meeting on their graduation 

night the fireworks bang, whizz and spin around their heads in a movie 

moment of perfect fusion. There’s one problem though; Dex is a bit of a prick. Sex, 

drugs and rock ‘n’ roll ravenous he’s like a dog on heat that’s surrounded by a million canine 

equivilants of Rihanna. He’s a rich puppy too, so he can afford to pamper any favoured poodle 

while boarding the magic carpet to an enchanted career in the media. Emma, meanwhile, is left 

behind, her first class degree proving useless to wipe tables with. 

They get together in the end of course, presenting the idea that, yeah, if you think you have 

found the one, and you wait around for 20 years, it might eventually happen. Or, alterntaively, 

you could read how Nicholls has her knocked off her bike and killed in the end as punishment 

for her stupidity. 

Kat Bannon 

Top 5 films 

Black Swan 

A good film tells a good story. A great film integrates an (unexpected) 

ambiguity into the plot to make it thrive. An outstanding film does all of that 

while using a well-chosen popular motif as a metaphor to represent the ambiguity 

which is why Black Swan belongs to the best movies released this year. 

Sounds too complicated? As even the most unobservant viewer must have 

realised by now, Black Swan is not merely about two dancers competing for a 

role; director Darren Aronofsky‘s most succesful film to date deals with the psychological 

identity disorder of the aspiring ballerina Nina, portrayed by Natalie Portman, illustrated by 

the binary of the innocent White Swan and sensual Black Swan from Tschaikowsky‘s ballet Swan 

Lake. Despite the perplexing high density of symbolism, you don‘t have to be a ballet enthusiast 

or significantly knowledgeable to enjoy the film. The story is intriguing and full of twists, scenes 

of beauty and horror, giving the film its dynamic and the cast does an excellent job embodying the 

intense and somewhat difficult characters. Particular credit has to be given to the magnificient 

Natalie Portman who has finally won her first and more than deserved Oscar for starring as the 

mentally torn main role. If Black Swan’s hype has put you off watching it, be assured that is that 

good. But beware: It is NOT Billy Elliot! 

Lisa Bernhardt 

Tree of Life 

It really says something about a film when it is both a contender for film 

of the year and a point of division between those who have seen it. The Tree of 

Life could so easily be criticised as just an aimless collection of barely comprehensible 

scenes, but for this fragmented semi-narrative to win the Palme d’Or at 

Cannes really highlights its appeal to some people. This film is less a story than 

it is an experience. A half-hour sequence depicting what can only be imagined 

as the beginning of the universe epitomises this. Essentially a collection of images 

of matter in space, then the barren origins of a planet, simple organisms 

and so on, a description hardly justifies a scene that feels so engrossing while 

it’s on. 

To look at only the mystical aspect of The Tree of Life, however, would fail to do justice to its 

more technical brilliance. Brad Pitt as the domineering father, Mr. O’Brien, is one of the performances 

of the year and cements Pitt’s shift from movie star to quality actor, while the ethereally 

beautiful Jessica Chastain far from detracts from the experience. The cinematography is subtle, yet 

at the same time noticeably fresh and precise, while the music is one of the best collections seen in 

film in a long time. With all this considered, it’s not hard to see why a film that is so dull to some, 

can at the same time be considered one of the finest of the year. 

Patrick Mchugh 

Drive 

Drive sort of slipped under the radar of many people in the UK. It may 

have recieved a standing ovation at Cannes, but despite being one of the more 

interesting films to be overlooked this year, it seemed to slide in and out of UK 

cinemas like an expert getaway driver. 

It’s yet another vehicle (no pun intended) from the man who has been everywhere 

in 2011, Ryan Gosling. He plays a Hollywood stunt driver who moonlights 

as a very strict getaway driver but, after meeting his neighbour (Carey 

Mulligan) and taking on a job on behalf of her husband, things start to go very 

pear shaped with a lot of blood and fast driving. 

But Drive isn’t your typical action movie with car chases and huge shoot outs. 

Instead it’s very methodical and, to some people, could be seen as dull and slow. It focuses 

more on the slow burning emotions of the characters and a lot of tension to really give you the 

punches to the guts rather than a billion cars exploding at once. But this is standard of director 

Nicolas Winding Refn. With an 80s style sound track, an excellent supporting cast and some great 

moments, it’s one of this year’s greatest injustices seeing as it got looked over in the UK. 

Chris Taylor 

X-Men: First Class 

There’s no denying after we reached the new millennium superheroes 

became the dominating force in cinema. The genres popularity explosion exposed 

the inner geek hidden in everyone. However, only a handful ever really truly 

achieves critical acclimation. The X-men franchise is no exception. The entire 

franchise is a maelstrom of hit and miss attempts. The first two were fantastic, 

the next two (one a prequel) I would rather have Professor X wipe from 

my mind. But First Class was a delightful return to the franchise (if you can 

forgive the continuity faults) and one of the surprising hits of the year. What 

we are given is something that fans have been curious about for years, the 

prologue story of Charles Xavier and Eric Lensherr. Played by James McAvoy 

and Michael Fassbender with excellent ease, they manage to show the tropes and faults that 

each character possess that the previous films tended to neglect. This was before they were 

Professor X and Magneto, back when they were close friends. They enlist a heard of other mutants 

in order to prevent a sinister dictator (Kevin Bacon) starting world war three. The film runs with 

great energy, doesn’t rely too heavily on thrills but runs more on character interaction, and has a 

very likeable ensemble of characters. It’s not a perfect film, but in comparison to the other comic 

book adaptations this year had to offer, First Class by far surpassed them all. 

Luke Hearfield 

Turn the page for the #1 album, film and book of 2011 as voted by The Courier writers!

30 

bestof2011 


And the winners are... 

1 

Adele - 21 

Where to begin? 18 weeks at the top of the UK charts, 

#1 in 19 countries, over 12 million sales worldwide and 6 

Grammy nominations. 21 has been a triumph in so many 

ways, but fundamentally it’s an album that can connect with 

any audience. The lyrical depth Adele brings surpasses her 

age, baring her broken heart for all to see. Her distinctive 

voice is instantly recognisable, and her no-frills performances 

show that some artists just don’t need a theatrical stage show 

to wow an audience. 21 has been the sound of 2011 and will 

remain one of those rare special albums that all others will be 

compared to. Over the past decade or so there are probably 

a handful of records that have made the kind of impact 21 

has, and it is these few that will be remembered long into the 

future. The ‘dificult second album’ has proven to be anything 

but for Adele. An album of musical and lyrical perfection, I 

can’t recommend it highly enough. 

Alex Brophy 

When God Was a Rabbit - 

Sarah Winman 

1 

A Sunday Times Bestseller, When God Was A Rabbit is Sarah 

Winman’s debut novel. The story is divided into two parts, 

1968 and 1995, and details the life of our narrator Elly 

Portman, initially as a 10 year old girl and then as a grown 

up. 

From the outset, Winman’s writing style is incredibly 

convincing as she conveys Elly’s childlike and unassuming 

voice with magical clarity. The reader is drawn into 

a unique and well-observed world full of endearingly 

eccentric and idiosyncratic characters. This is a book about 

family and at its heart is the relationship between Elly and 

her brother Joe. In the beginning they are allies in their 

adventures and as they grow into adulthood, they come 

to depend on one another. Although there are elements of 

fairytale, When God Was A Rabbit doesn’t shy away from 

darker themes as the shadow of a 

childhood secret begins to haunt 

Elly’s adult life. Episodes of comedy, 

particularly one chapter involving a 

school nativity play, are laugh-outloud 

funny but equally, in parts, this 

novel can be uncompromisingly sad. 

Winman manages to create the 

perfect balance between describing the 

unique nature of each character and 

allowing the reader to imagine the rest, 

allowing each reader to have a personal 

connection with the book. This is a great, 

compelling coming-of-age tale. It’s quirky, 

original and deinitely worth adding to 

this year’s Christmas list. 

Lauren Stafford 

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 

1 Cold War spy thriller Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy was one 

of this year’s most hotly-anticipated ilms for numerous reasons. 

A stellar cast including Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Benedict Cumberbatch 

and Mark Strong was one, as was the adoration it received 

at Cannes, but there was also the thorny issue of whether a two 

hour ilm could do justice to both the original John le Carré novel 

and the seminal BBC television adaptation starring Alec Guinness. 

It didn’t disappoint, delivering a brilliantly evocative depiction 

of a paranoia-saturated Cold War world. The condensation 

of le Carré’s delicately poised, intricate plotting is extremely 

well-managed, and a welcome reminder that thrillers can be 

thrilling and successful without kinetic explosions every eight 

seconds or so. However, towering over all these achievements is 

a superlative lead performance from Gary Oldman as Smiley. He 

disappears into the role, investing Smiley with as much intellect, 

authority and vulnerability as Guinness did, but also bringing a 

wiry intensity and tension which provides a mesmerising centre 

for the complex plot and the other excellent performances to 

revolve around. Above all, it’s brilliantly immersing, involving 

you in the mystery of inding the Soviet spy in the British Secret 

Service, and, come the climax, makes you kick yourself that you 

didn’t work it out sooner. 

Tom Nicholson 

Top of the pops... 

4) One 

Direction – What 

Makes You 

Beautiful 

The boys from 1D (sorry) 

surmounted incredible obstacles 

on the road to recording a 

Good Pop Song. They’re a boy band! Off of the X Factor! 

And one of them is a horrible smarmy douchebag! 

(I’m looking at you, Second Verse). Any one of 

these would be enough to cripple most acts, but not 

One Direction. All that is good about this track, and 

pop music in general, is summed up in three seconds 

of audio: 2:33-2:36. Look it up, you’ll thank me later. 

2) Rihanna ft. 

Drake – What’s 

My Name? 

I’ve memorised a lot of raps 

in my time, and I’m proud 

of almost all of them. Many 

an evening have I wasted 

painstakingly rewinding Nicki 

Minaj’s verse in ‘Monster’, and it was worth every 

second. The exception is the limp word-slop laid 

down by Drake on this otherwise-incredible Rihanna 

track, which I feel obliged to roll off whenever I hear 

it, to the embarrassment of myself and my peers. It is 

really rather pants. On a more positive note, the rest 

of this song absolutely kills: blissed-out chillgasm pop 

at its coolest. 

3) DJ Fresh ft. 

Sian Evans – 

Louder 

Confession time – I have no 

idea what dubstep is. It’s 

bangy loudy clubby stuff 

right? That’s what I thought, 

until DJ Fresh dropped 

‘Louder’, which has been dubbed (ha) the genre’s irst 

Number One Hit. It’s... it’s basically a pop song. An 

incredible, thumping pop song that pounds its way 

into your heart like a gorilla caving in your chest with 

a mallet, but a pop song nonetheless. Are the Dubstep 

Kids getting up in arms about DJ Fresh selling out? 

Are the Dubstep Kids even a thing? I don’t care. Excellent 

song. 

1) Nicole 

Scherzinger – 

Don’t Hold Your 

Breath 

Reformed Pussycat Doll 

Scherzinger delivers the 

Greatest Number One of 2011 

in the shape of this gut-wrenching, ist-pumping 

Banger. That’s right – this song is a Banger, pure and 

simple. It Bangs. It practically Sonic Booms. There’s 

only one way to enjoy tracks like this, and that’s on 

your own in the middle of a crowded danceloor, 

arms stretched towards the ground, head in the air, 

tunelessly screaming the chorus into the unforgiving 

night sky. Glorious. 

... and top of the flops! 

Music columnist Sam Summers casts a critical eye over the best and worst #1 singles of 2011 

4) Professor 

Green ft. Emili 

Sandé – Read All 

About It 

Oh god, Emili Sandé. You 

deserve so much better 

than this. After the blinding 

beatsplosion of ‘Heaven’, you could not have 

landed a worse guest spot than this. Professor Green 

sounds like the bastard child of Eminem and one of 

Donald Duck’s nephews. If I had a hilarious voice I’d 

stay as far away as possible from rapping about my 

estranged and deceased father. When I hear your 

voice I laugh, Professor. I laugh hard. Don’t make me 

feel guilty. 

2) Dappy – No 

Regrets 

This is actually quite a decent 

tune, with one problem: 

Dappy is a bell end. Dappy is 

the Fresh Prince of Bell End. 

The man is an absolute buffoon, 

peppering his lyrics with 

everything from Chris Brown-sympathising to Pippa 

Middleton sex fantasies. Ok, we’ve all been there, but 

that’s not the point. Dappy takes in the sights and 

sounds of the world, mashes them up into juvenile 

nonsense, and spits them out indiscriminately. He’s 

like a Play-Doh Fun Factory with all the holes shaped 

like dongs. 

3) Jason Derulo – 

Don’t Wanna Go 

Home 

One of a slew of recent tracks 

which take a classic chorus 

and turns it into horrendous 

auto-tuned dirge (see also: 

Black Eyed Peas – The Time, 

our #1 abomination), Derulo makes a robotic monstrosity 

of Harry Belafonte’s legendary ‘Day-O’. When 

he’s not dropping the most moronic rhymes in pop 

he’s hanging out in ‘the club’, illing his choruses with 

ridiculous football chants and, of course, screeching 

his own name like a spluttering, useless Pokémon. 

Probably a Magikarp. Dire. 

1) Cher Lloyd – 

Swagger Jagger 

I’ve spent a good chunk of my 

time at The Courier making 

fun of Cher Lloyd, and I 

think I’m starting to see my 

problem. I’m nothing but a 

no-good, rotten hater. I’m just 

jealous of her inimitable swagger, and I can’t for the 

life of me stop trying to ‘jag’ it. It has nothing at all to 

do with this disgusting mess of a song, which strings 

together an awful chorus, a lazy ‘club’ synth riff and a 

noxious rap and mercilessly pumps the shit from one 

to the other like a Human Centipede of Pop. I should 

just let it go.


bestof2011 

31 

Top 5 trends of 2011 

5 

Coloured jeans 

5 

In 2011 we said goodbye to the classic blue jean 

and embraced denim in an array of luorescent colours. The 

resurgence of the trend began in the runway shows , then, this 

spring the trend iltered rapidly into our all of our favourite 

high-street stores in every colour imaginable. Bright jeans are a 

bold and brave fashion statement as they instantly scream con- 

idence. They can transform a dull outit into one that will grab 

attention and make sure that you stand out from the crowd. No 

matter what your style anyone can pull off this trend and your 

one pair of jeans can be used for any occasion. Pair with lats, 

a plain t-shirt and a jacket for a day at uni, or killer heels, a 

dressy top and a blazer for drinks with friends! 

Christina Calver 

Elbow patches 

Cut-out dresses 

4 Elegant, daring and sexy all at the same time, yes you 

said it - it’s the item we couldn’t live without – the cut-out dress. 

This effortless piece is an essential to the party girl’s wardrobe. 

Whether it’s side cut-outs, cleavage-baring cut-outs or back 

cut-outs, this dress certainly puts you in that market which just 

screams ‘look-at-me’. The icing on the cake is that this look caters 

for all – covered up with subtle peek-a-boo cut-outs, or full- 

on all-over-body cut-outs for the more conident. conident. No designer 

wanted to miss this sizzling statement and top trend of 2011. 

The cut-out is so highly lusted-after that it’s also taken over the 

swimwear market giving us super-hot Ibiza style unikinis (one 

piece bikinis). This style of dress allows you to bare more in a 

classy way and show off those gorgeous feminine curves. What 

could be better? 

Emily Symington 

3 3 

No longer are elbow patches solely related to old, boring, 

dusty professors; designers such as Ralph Lauren and 

Burberry have incorporated them into their Autumn/Winter 

2011 collections. Originally used to cover holes in old clothing, 

the stylish elbow patch now adds a touch of quirkiness 

to everyone’s favourite slouchy jumpers or classic blazer. If 

you still can’t ind ind the perfect colour/texture combination, 

then you can get out the sewing kit and create your own. For 

sophistication, look out for Tweed jackets and itted itted blazers 

embellished with the elbow patch in suede or leather. Or 

go casual with cosy, oversized, knitted jumpers or cardigans 

with either knitted or suede elbow patches. Matching 

the elbow patch colour to your top is a subtle but effective way 

to co-ordinate. 

Emma Hill 

2 

Sheer blouses 

In the Spring/Summer 2012 fashion shows, sheer 

blouses have yet again dominated. This versatile piece of 

clothing made a breakthrough in the Spring/Summer shows 

of 2009, with designers opting for risqué textured items. But 

even before this look was taken up by the catwalks, our very 

own Kate Middleton wore THAT infamous sheer dress by 

Charlotte Todd in 2002, showing that this style is powerful 

enough to catch even a prince’s eye. Since its irst irst appearance 

on the catwalks, the consumer and the high street 

have fallen for it, as sheer blouses never fail to add 

style and a touch of glamour to even the blandest of 

outits. If you haven’t already worn this style yourself, 

try layering sheer garments with skinnies for an effortless 

evening look or a buttoned-up sheer blouse under a thick cardigan 

for during the day. 

Sally Greenwood 

1 

Embellishment 

1 

Embellishment is a technique that has been around for centuries, but over the last few years 

there has been a surge in the embellished offerings from both designers and high street brands. It 

was during 2011 that embellishment as a trend really took off. Jason Wu’s Autumn 2011 collection 

was illed illed to the brim with elegant beaded dresses and blouses, and shortly after stars such as Chloe 

Sevigny, Eva Mendes and even Kelly Osbourne were seen sporting the trend on red carpets at various 

glamorous events. High street brands caught onto the trend, releasing more affordable pieces 

inspired by the catwalk; beautiful dresses adorned with beads and 

sequins are now a reality for those of us with champagnetaste 

but beer-money. Those with a more sequin-shy 

sense of style aren’t left out either: you can 

add a touch of embellishment to outits outits with 

accessories such as clutch bags and Peter 

Pan collar necklaces. Now, as 2011 draws to 

a close, we can’t walk into any of our favourite 

high street stores without being dazzled by 

embellished pieces perfect for the festive season. 

It seems that embellishment is a trend that’s set to 

see us through the New Year and beyond. 

Elissa Hudson 

Top 5 gadgets of 2011 

Nintendo 3DS 

The latest foray into the games market from the allconquering 

innovators at Nintendo brings the irst irst ever 3D 

handheld games console to the table. While at irst irst glance 

it appears much the same as its 2D brothers, its big draw 

is the full stereoscopic 3D screen - that’s 3D without the 

glasses. It’s also the irst time since the N64 where a 

Nintendo console has outclassed its competition in 

tech specs. This is a device that’s going to grab everyone 

who picks it up, but at the same time has plenty 

to offer the gaming hardcore as well and that’s just as 

big a step forward as the specless 3D visuals. With the price 

recently shashed to £120, it’s well worth writing to Santa for. 

Mark Atwill 

Blackberry Playbook 

4 Since the launch of the iPad, every reputable elec- 

tronics company has been beavering away to get their own 

version of this innovative technology on the market. While 

there are literally hundreds to choose from, the Blackberry 

Playbook stands out with a really excellently clear and 

responsive screen, is light and neat and performs very well 

with multiple windows and tasks. The target market may be 

is the briefcase and pinstripe brigade, the product is nothing 

but perfect for note-taking in lectures, watching movies 

on the train and sending emails and messages on the bus. 

Priced at between £200-250, it’s not going to break the bank, 

and being so light and compact, it won’t break Rudolph’s back either should you want one in your 

stocking. 

Samsung Galaxy S2 

Samsung, Apple and HTC have been battling it out all year for the 

crown of ‘the best phone of 2011’. Almost everyone seems to like iPhones, 

but I won’t be spending £600 on a phone any time soon. 

So what’s the alternative? Just about topping the HTC Sensation, reviewers 

have gone mad for the dual core powerhouse that is the Samsung Galaxy S2, 

touted as the ultimate media mobile, with a superb camera and web browsing 

technology. Indeed it would seem this guy has not only set a new benchmark 

for smartphones in 2011; it’s smashed the bench, marked it with its own heady 

scent and placed it atop a big greasy pole at which competitors lounder for 

a foothold. At around £400, it’s a still pricey for a sim-free, but contracts start 

from as little as £20 a month, so it’s still an option for the savvy student. Then 

again, maybe you’ve just been very good this year, and I’m underestimating 

Santa’s magnanimity. 

Mark Atwill 

Mark Atwill 

2 

Amazon Kindle 

The Amazon Kindle has truly revolutionised the way we 

read books. Instant gratiication can be achieved because downloading 

ebooks doesn’t take long and if you ever come across a word you 

don’t know the meaning of, you can use the device to ind the deinition. 

You can read books, magazines and newspapers anywhere with 

this very light and portable device. The popularity of ebooks is growing 

and publishers are beginning to realise the grass-root demand due 

to paper-lovers ditching their environmentally unfriendly craving for 

mental sustenance so more ebooks will soon be made available. You 

can pick these ereaders up fairly cheaply because the price is heavily 

subsidised due to Amazon being the biggest ebook provider - if you 

have one, you’ll probably buy your ebooks from them. 

Xbox 360 Kinect 

The Xbox Kinect is another revolutionary piece of technology and although 

it isn’t actually new - some might remember the EyeToy for PS2 - Microsoft have 

knocked their competitors out of the park. However, it still provides a genuinely 

new gaming experience due to the fact that the Kinect completely removes the need 

for a controller; you use your voice and movements to play the games, as the 3D 

camera tracks your movements. You can also use it with the DVD functions of the 

Xbox and your hand movements can fast forward and rewind the ilm. 

Few games are out at the moment that properly take ad- 

vantage of the technology, but that is soon to 

change. This is a great addition to the Xbox 

software and will bring your friends and 

family together. 

Shaun Butcher 

Shaun Butcher

32 

bestof2011 


The moments that defin 

Beyoncé 

glammed up 

Glastonbury 

The announcement that Beyoncé 

would close the Pyramid Stage 

at this year’s Glastonbury as the 

Sunday headliner caused a bit 

of a furore. ‘An R&B pop star at 

Glastonbury?! Not on my watch!’ 

came shouts from many Glasto 

purists. But did they learn nothing 

from Jay-Z a few years ago? They 

have enough pizazz to headline 

and cause U2 to weep in a corner 

at how poor they were in comparison. 

Sure, Noel Gallagher may have had a 

problem, but he’s an idiot. 

So when Beyoncé arrived on stage to fireworks, a perfectly choreographed 

dance, belting out ‘Crazy In Love’, you could hear the Eavis 

family high fiving each other in the background in celebration at their 

fantastic signing. Flying through all the hits, a Destiny’s Child medley 

(sans the other members much to my dismay) and versions of Etta 

James, Kings of Leon and Eurythmics tracks, she showed no sign of 

slowing down, never mind stopping. 

Compared to the other two headliners, Beyoncé actually seemed 

humbled to be there and, as a result, engaged with the audience. 

For those two hours, despite her being an international superstar, 

everyone felt like they were on the same level as her. This is how you 

headline Glastonbury, this is what Glastonbury is all about and this 

set will go down in history as one of the festival’s most triumphant 

and defining moments. 

Chris Taylor 

The Turner 

Prize travelled 

to the Tyne 

This year saw Newcastle climb a 

little higher up the cultural ladder 

as the exclusive art circle was 

extended up to the North East, 

bringing the Turner Prize with it. 

For the first time, this prestigious 

and highly publicized award was 

dragged from its southern roots 

and brought to the Baltic; open to 

speculation and criticism by the 

minds of Newcastle. However the 

former Baltic flourmill provided the 

perfect environment for the artists to 

display their work. 

The Turner Prize has generated huge interest with thousands of 

people queuing to enter the exhibition every week. The reaction 

to this prize being in Newcastle does not, however, seem to be as 

dramatic as the reactions of the community to the art itself. Public 

opinion is strong; displayed in the ‘Turner Prize Café’ memos arranged 

abstractly on a board describe people’s views towards the art. 

Each artist has a supportive following. Enthusiastic posts explain why 

one artist must win and why another doesn’t deserve the award, while 

others honestly summarize the art or even the prize itself as being 

a waste of time, or ‘rubbish’. For the first time, Newcastle has been 

given the limelight of the art world, cementing its increasing reputation 

as an alluring hive of culture. 

On December 5 Martin Boyce was announced this year’s winner of 

the £40,000 prize. 

Amy Bolton 

A right Royal 

fairytale 

wedding 

On Friday April 29 the British people 

and millions from across the globe 

came together to witness the wedding 

celebrations of Prince William 

and Catherine Middleton as the 

young couple took part in what was 

described as ‘the wedding of the 

century’. 

An ‘intimate’ gathering of 2,000 

friends, family and dignitaries 

flocked to Westminster Abbey with 

celebrity appearances from the likes 

of the Beckhams, Elton John and the nations 

favourite ‘Mr Bean’ to be part of the young couple’s wedding nuptials. 

Those of us not fortunate enough to gain an invite to the most 

exclusive event of the year, took our tea parties to the streets and had 

cupcake celebrations with friends and family alike as we toasted to the 

pride of Britain and its most attractive future yet. 

Kate exceeded all expectations stepping out in a stunning ivory 

lace dress designed by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen. Acting 

as the Maid of honour and following shortly behind Kate was her 

younger sister Pippa Middleton, who has since been thrown into 

the limelight with the simple elegance of her dress and shall we say, 

rather cheeky appearance. 

The highlight of the day, however, was undoubtedly the locking of 

the royal lips not once but twice on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, 

reigniting the nation’s childhood dreams of Disney weddings and 

‘happily ever afters’, making it a truly seminal moment for 2011. 

Katie Roberston 

Amy 

Winehouse 

RIP: 1983-2011 

Misfortunes tend to come in droves 

at the same time. On the day before 

Amy Winehouse died, 77 people 

were killed in an attack by a rightwing 

extremist in Norway. Both 

stories dominated the news for the 

next two weeks. Whether one story 

took precedence or not is another 

issue - the fact is: Amy Winehouse‘s 

death is a tragic moment 

for the world of music. 

I used to jokingly say “I want 

to see her live in concert at least 

once before she dies!” But, like 

many others, I didn‘t quite believe that her lifestyle, i.e. the booze 

and the drugs, would eventually be her end. It just seemed to be part 

of her, not necessarily a flattering detail, but at least she was authentic, 

real rock ‘n’ roll‘ if you like. 

She wasn‘t yet another polished, artificial female singer; she was 

edgy against all odds and not all about a pleasing feel-good image, 

but her music. She died while producing her third album, on the road 

of recovery from her health problems, which was promising to be a 

great comeback for her and her ‘voice of the century’. 

No matter if you like Amy and her music or not and no matter what 

you think of her death‘s cause, you simply can’t deny her outstanding 

talent and potential. She might be gone, but her timeless music is 

bound to live on. Rest in Peace, Amy. 

Lisa Bernhardt 

Harry Potter 

disapparates 

from cinemas 

Harry Potter has officially ended. 

The Deathly Hallows Part Two 

saw Emma Watson almost act 

without her eyebrows and Daniel 

Radcliffe almost act. Ignoring a 

few artistic licenses this was a great 

film, and even improves on second 

viewing where you see it in a different 

light: changing the word wand 

with another phallic word turns 

Deathly Hallows into a substantial 

comedy. 

Casting our heroes and heroines 

pre-adolescent could have made the whole 

franchise a disaster: yes Daniel Radcliffe stopped growing after the 

age of 12, Mathew Lewis (Neville) became uncharacteristically and 

unprecedentedly fit and Ginny’s role unfortunately became integral, 

meaning Bonnie Wright’s complete lack of acting ability had to be endured. 

Most successfully, the series has remained most triumphantly 

British. 

The main question at the moment is whether the franchise will be 

recognised by the Oscars. 

The only problem with Harry Potter receiving a nomination is 

Stephanie Meyer seems to be under some mad delusion that she is on 

the same level as J.K Rowling. If a ‘for your consideration’ film pledging 

Twilight for an Oscar is released I will have no choice but to either 

laugh hysterically or die. 

Mallory McDonald 

Great Britain’s 

not-so-quiet 

riots 

The world turned its attention to 

a few of the UK’s urban centres 

in August as the ‘youth and 

unemployed’ of Britain took to 

the streets for what have become 

infamous riots. 

Every newspaper and television 

channel reported looting, 

theft and violence alongside 

pictures of burning city centres 

and armies of riot police. The UK 

came to a standstill, London and 

Birmingham became designated 

warzones and people didn’t leave 

their homes in fear of their own safety. 

Even sporting events were disrupted, as football matches were postponed 

and uncertainty was placed over the playing of the test match 

between England and India. Tourists even pondered over the thought 

of not travelling to the UK because of the situation. 

Some would say it was the release of months, even years of built up 

tension from the countries youth and their economic situation. Others 

would see it as unreasonable, mob-like behavior that would never 

previously had been characterized as part of this countries culture. 

All in all, it the British summer was marred by these days in August 

and truly revealed the potential of some of this country to fight back 

with a vengeance. The riots really were a sobering and potent wake 

up call as to how dire the economic climate and social attitudes are in 

this country. 

Wills Robinson


bestof2011 

33 

ed 2011 

The King’s 

Speech ruled 

the Oscars 

We British are a conservative 

people, begrudgingly facing wars 

and social strife with an admirable 

propriety and ‘stiff upper lip’. A 

tired stereotype yes, but as the 2011 

Oscars proved, a very endearing 

one; as undeniable ‘heritage film’ 

The King’s Speech fought valiantly 

against the shortlisted competition. 

The King’s Speech, following 

the personal account of reluctant 

King George VI battling a speech 

impediment, was a film with its eyes 

on Oscar gold from the beginning, recruiting some of Britain’s finest 

and acclaimed director Tom Hooper. Originally stepping up at the 

Baftas, The King’s Speech was nominated for 14 categories, winning 

seven including Best Film and Best British Film. When the Oscars 

came round all eyes were on Britain - in the depressing context of the 

UK Film Council dissolution the Oscar success became an incredible 

national and economic boost to the British film industry. 

Despite strong competition from Black Swan and the Coen brothers’ 

True Grit, The King’s Speech led the nominations with 12 in it’s 

pocket, winning 4 including Best Picture and Colin Firth for Best 

Actor. Tapping into the global Anglo/American love for British monarchy, 

the film took over 230 million worldwide, becoming more than 

a film but a cultural phenomenon, transcending typical demographics 

and emerging as a cinematic and national success just in time for the 

Royal wedding. 

Chris Binding 

Pulp, Sabbath 

and Roses 

reform 

After 15 years apart, Pulp reunited 

to play a number of headline slots 

during festival season. With Blur 

having pulled off a similar feat a 

few years prior and Oasis at least 

momentarily canned, the other bighitters 

of the Britpop era came back 

and dazzled the muddy crowds. 

In what could either prove to be a 

masterstroke or a total train wreck, 

Heavy metal gods Black Sabbath 

have announced they are coming 

back to headline Download Festival 

in 2012. We haven’t seen much of frontman Ozzy 

Osbourne for a while, but if he has truly ditched his gimmicky reality 

TV personality to return to what made him so iconic in the first place, 

this will be one to keep an eye on. 

Perhaps the biggest story of the year, or at least the one that has 

attracted the most widespread attention, is the Stone Roses reunion. 

After years of endless speculation and denial, the Manchester legends 

have announced two homecoming gigs and a subsequent world tour. 

The last show they played is well documented as one of the worst in 

history, so this news has obviously been met with as much cynicism 

as it has euphoria. But when it comes to the ability to mesmerize effortlessly, 

the Roses are peerless, so fingers crossed this reunion turns 

out to be as mind-blowingly amazing as it deserves to be. They want 

to be adored…again 

Oh yeah, and apparently Steps are back together. 

Matt Tate 

Top 5 boxsets of 2011 

5 

Romantic Comedy Boxset 2011 

One for the girls, or couples with compromising men, this box set will warm you up like no other. 

Christmas-themed and set in England, the subject of love could not be more relevant. 

Bridget Jones Diary and sequel The Edge Of Reason should be watched religiously every Christmas/New 

Year, and this year is no exception. If you need any help with your New Year’s resolutions, 

just remember: “Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: 

will ind nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, 

workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts”. 

Perfect for: Girly girls and loved-up doves 

Curb Your Enthusiasm - 

Seasons 1-7 

Co-Creator of Seinfeld, Larry David writes fantastic comedy, in the role of… himself – semiretired 

television writer and producer in America. The balding, rude grumpy and dysfunctional 

ageing man endures excruciating mishaps but remains surprisingly likeable, becoming more 

so throughout the series. 

The unique quality of this series is that the majority of the episodes are ilmed spontaneously, 

thus, viewers appreciate the humour and Larry himself far more. Every 30-minute-long 

episode of this epic sitcom will leave you in creases and, accompanied by a glass of red wine, 

will put you in the festive spirit. 

Perfect for: Parents and eccentric comedy-lovers 

3 The Planet Collection 

This amazing box set includes David Attenborough’s three most breath-taking documentary 

series. 

The Emmy and BAFTA award-winning Blue Planet, focuses on underwater life, capturing seacreatures 

never before ilmed. Next, the most expensive nature documentary series ever commissioned 

by the BBC: Planet Earth. It includes footage from over 200 different locations over 

a period of 5 years, where months of exhaustive ilming is cut down to mere, precious minutes. 

Finally, feast your eyes on the white wilderness of the Arctic and Antarctic in Frozen Planet. 

The changing landscape of glaciers, ice shelves and sea ice tests the survival skills of polar 

bears, arctic wolves, adelie penguins and snowy albatrosses. 

The Planet Collection is a real eye-opener; undeniably educational, it is also captivating 

viewing. 

Perfect for: science and nature enthusiasts/friends 

1 

2 Downton Abbey - Seasons 1-2 

There’s no denying that this period drama should be amongst the Top 5 Christmas DVD Box 

Sets. Downton Abbey exposes the life behind the doors of the titular country manor in Yorkshire, 

the beauty and comfort of which is threatened in the second series set in 1916, during the First 

World War. The Crawley family, their servants and of course their majestic dresses suffer as they 

undergo desperate times that will change them forever. 

A favourite of the latest Royal couple, Prince William and Kate, make it your New Year’s resolu- 

tion to taste the true Englishness and get through the box set drinking Earls Grey tea with your 

mobile switched off. 

Perfect for: lovers of the true elite 

Harry Potter - The Complete 

Collection 

This Christmas is the time to celebrate those 10 magical years that made our childhood worth 

it – again and again, until you’re spellbound. Follow Harry and his loyal friends Ron and Hermione 

on his magical journey at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen all of the ilms – shame on you – but those who 

have will know what a great investment this boxset is. Little did we know that 10 years later 

girls would be drooling over Rupert Grint (Ron) and boys, well, admiring Emma Watson 

(Hermione) on their wall-poster. 

Perfect for: all the family 

4 

Nicole Stevenson


Photo: Katy MacDougall (Flickr) 

Photo: Richard Milnes (Flickr) 

Thames Fireworks 

If you are going to spend 

New Year’s Eve beside a 

clock, which for timing 

purposes is highly advised, 

you might as well 

pick the grandfather of 

all clocks – Big Ben himself. 

This year the mayor 

of London himself is 

hosting ireworks and 

New Year’s celebrations 

right beside the River 

Thames where anyone 

and everyone is invited. 

So if you’re looking 

for a free, different 

and exciting option for 

your night this could 

be perfect. There will 

be a ireworks display, 

which they boast 

to be the biggest in 

the UK, as well as an 

exclusive soundtrack 

to go alongside for 

those who want a 

dance. Then you get to 

hear the actual bells 

themselves, as you 

will be right beside 

Big Ben’s ‘bongs’ as 

midnight strikes. If 

you think this couldn’t 

get any better you’d 

be mistaken, as Radio 

1 DJ Nihal will be 

playing sets before 

and after. Think this sounds 

good? No tickets are required but make sure you get down there early as 

250, 000 people are expected, and it ills up early. You can bring your own 

alcohol in plastic containers as well saving a few more quid. But make sure 

you meet your friends beforehand (needle in a haystack springs to mind) 

and wrap up extra warm. If you don’t manage to get inside the designated 

area though you can see the ireworks wherever in the city you can see the 

London Eye and the BBC will be broadcasting the whole event live on TV. 

So New Year’s Eve on the Thames sorted! 

Photo: cnbattson (Flickr) 

Bringing 

in New 

Year with 

a bang 

Newquay Fancy 

Dress Carnival 

Who says fancy dress outits can’t be 

reused? If you’re going to be around the 

south coast this New Year, keep those festive 

outits out just a little longer so you can 

take part in one of the biggest fancy dress 

carnivals in the country. Located in the 

heart of Cornwall, the streets of Newquay 

are illed with reindeer, snowmen and even 

teenage mutant hero turtles (but obviously 

still donn 

annual ge 

tracting m 

every yea 

the surro 

the numerous pubs 

6pm and then meet 

the countdown, whi 

tacular irework dis 

And if you and your 

one piece after all th 

welcome to head alo 

for a midnight disco 

wine soaked costum


ing Santa hats) for the 

t together that is atore 

and more people 

r. Everyone spills into 

unding after sampling 

and bars from around 

in the town centre for 

ch is followed by a specplay 

over the harbour. 

costume are still in 

at, you’re more than 

ng to the Hotel Victoria 

(where the beer and 

es are optional by this 

Hogmanay 

Possibly the most well-known of New Year celebrations 

in the UK is the annual Hogmanay festival that 

takes place up in Edinburgh city centre. With a regular 

attendance of 80,000 people, you’d think there would 

be little space remaining to it in any of the live acts! 

For those of you who were quick enough to snap up 

tickets this years to the ‘Concert in the Gardens’ you’re 

in for a night of epic proportions; Bombay Bicycle Club 

and Sons & Daughters will be performing live and 

supporting Scotland’s own Primal Scream who will be 

playing the entirety of their album Screamadelica and 

other greatest hits, all with the backdrop of the iconic 

Edinburgh Castle. 

However, all’s not lost for those of you who missed 

out on tickets to the Garden Party; the evening of festivities 

also contains a street party spanning the length 

of the capital and has one of the best line up of bands 

and artists of the year. Friendly Fires, The Vaccines, 

Wild Beasts and many more will be making an appearance 

throughout the night, as well as Mark Ronson who 

will be performing a DJ set later on the evening. And if 

all that wasn’t enough to be make you run to the nearest 

computer and get tickets, there will be a traditional 

Kelidh starting at 9pm for those who have the energy, 

as well as a torchlight procession from 6.30pm inishing 

with a fantastic irework display. This event has 

deservedly become the undisputed champion of New 

Year’s Eve celebrations, so why not get yourselves up 

there with latmates and see what all the fuss is about! 

point) for the towns oficial after party that 

goes on well into the night, including the 

UK’s biggest UV bubble party and fancy 

dress night all in one. And the best thing 

about all this for us cash strapped students? 

If you head along to the Victoria Hotel 

website, you can register for a free ticket! 

So booze and grub aside, this night won’t 

cost you a penny as long as you keep hold 

of your festive onesies! The town also offers 

alternative end points for party goers; from 

the more chilled out Berties bar and family 

friendly The Fort Inn, to the reopened Tall 

Trees nightclub and Chy bar. 

Counting down in the toon 

Seeing in a New Year is meant to be one 

of the highlights of the festive season; 

saying a fond farewell to one year and 

seeing in the next, being surrounded by 

family and friends and having a cheeky 

glass of champagne all seems ideal until 

you’re having to decide which event 

to go to! But fear not, The Courier has 

compiled the deinitive list of New Year’s 

Eve events to cater for your every need; 

whether you intend on seeing in the new 

year with a quiet night in surrounded by 

family, or whether you’re holding back a 

housemate’s hair from their face in Digital 

during the countdown. 

Photo: drew | DROWNEDeffect (Flickr) 

Koosyear 2011 

featuring guest appearance from Chris Brown. £30, 6pm- 

This year will mark the third successive New Year’s Eve party at Tiger Tiger, and 

this time around they hope to outdo themselves again by making the night bigger 

and better than ever before. Tickets for this night are selling out very fast and with 

the line-up, you can really see what all the fuss is about. The countdown will be accompanied 

by plenty of glitz and glam and promises full red carpet treatment for all 

guests. And if that wasn’t enough, they’ve got a very special guest lying over from 

the States; Chris Brown will be present for the evening and will be there to see in the 

New Year with you all. 

Digital ‘Love NYE’ club night. 

£10, 10pm-5am 

Based in one of the biggest clubs in Newcastle, you better not 

be hoping for a quiet night in with this one! Spread over ive 

rooms; expect mainly electro and house music from DJs Felix 

Leiter, Tom Higham and a whole host of guest vocalists who 

will be performing live. But if electro isn’t your thing, don’t 

worry; there are also generous helpings of R&B and dub step 

in the adjoining venue the Other Rooms. Also, if you need a 

breather during the night, the indie terrace bar and shisha 

terrace offer a slightly quieter refuge from the intensity of the 

evening before the big countdown. 

WHQ New Year’s eve party. 

£15, 10pm-6am 

Split between two loors which you can lit between throughout the night, WHQ offers 

a more alternative and quirky option to celebrate the New Year. The organisers 

are setting aside an entire week to deck the club out, and the evening itself will offer 

an eight hour, uninterrupted set by their regular 

weekend DJ, as well as special guests DJs Paul 

Sullivan and Tim Shaw who will be performing 

downstairs in the venue. The club promises to 

keep drink prices the same too, so you won’t 

get stung at the bar either! It may be slightly 

smaller than some of the other venues in town, 

but what it lacks in space, it certainly makes up 

for in character, and the underground nature of 

the club means this will truly be a unique experience 

and is deinitely one to consider if you’re 

still undecided about where to head out to on 

New Year’s Eve. As an added bonus, the club 

have agreed to give everyone at the New Year’s 

party a pass for free admission to the club on 

January 6 and January 7 as a little thank you for heading along and seeing the New 

Year in with them as well.

Sport 

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport 


Sport Editors: Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin 

and Rory Brigstock-Barron 

Online Sport Editors: Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott 

courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk 

Queens Park Mangers: Xmas XI 

Online Sports Editor Charlie Scott picks his festive eleven; yule struggle to ind a side with more Christmas spirit 

Coach: Jose Myrrhinho 

GK: Edwin van der Star 

RCB: Johan Djourousalem CB: Sledley King LCB: Benoit Wentto-Agrotto 

RM: Evander Snow CM: Jason Yule CM: Fabian Elf LM: Kevin-Mince Piateng 

RF: Chris Musonda CF: Ruudolph van Nistelrooy LF: David Scroogent 

Coach- Jose Myrrhinho. 

Who better to lead this festive team 

than the self-proclaimed ‘Chosen 

One’. Myrrhinho has proved himself 

one of the best in the business. 

GK: Edwin van der Star 

Edwin has been tempted out of 

retirement by the quality of the 

players involved at the club, and 

was particularly happy to be linking 

up with Ruudolph van Nistelrooy 

again. 

RCB: Johan Djourousalem 

Afforded little playing time by 

Arsene Wenger, Myrrhinho was 

happy to overlook any defensive 

frailties Johan may have, such is the 

brilliance of the Swiss centre-back’s 

surname. 

CB: Sledley King 

One of the most talented English 

centre-backs of his generation, 

sadly injury has thwarted Sledley’s 

career. When it, one of the irst 

names on the teamsheet for Myrrinho. 

LCB: Benoit Wento-Agrotto 

The footballer that openly dislikes 

football, Benoit is the model professional. 

His consistency at the back 

as part of our three-man defence 

allows the likes of Elf and Snow to 

push forward from midield. 

RM: Evander Snow 

Known more for his name than 

his actual ability, the journeyman 

midielder, as snow so often does, 

has failed to settle at any of the six 

clubs he has appeared for. 

CM: Jason Yule 

The former Wimbledon and Charlton 

legend reinvented himself as a 

central midielder in the twilight of 

his career. 

CM: Fabian Elf 

Snapped up by Aston Villa for 

£6million from Leeds in 2009, the 

slight midielder has been given 

few opportunities to break into the 

irst-team, as the managerial conveyor 

belt continued to roll at Villa 

Park, but is a key part of this side. 

LM: Kevin-Mince Piateng 

Just as the ingredients in a mince 

pie have changed and evolved 

over time, so too has Kevin-Mince 

Boateng’s career. 

RF: Chris Mosunda 

The former Newcastle University 

striker is a headline-writer’s dream. 

Three consecutive hat-tricks in 

the weeks before Christmas in the 

2009-10 season lead to some cracking 

Courier headlines including: 

‘Once, Twice, Three times Mosunda’ 

and ‘an early Chrismosunda present’. 

Journalistic gold. 

CF: Ruudolph van Nistelrooy 

One of the most clinical players to 

grace the Premier League, Ruudolph 

showed during his time at 

PSV, Manchester United and Real 

Madrid, that regardless of the 

reindeer around him, he will score 

goals. 

LF: David Scroogent 

Scroogent lived up to his miserly 

name on his one and only England 

performance by stealing a goal 

from Jermaine Defoe, when the ball 

was clearly going to cross the line 

without Scroogent’s emphatic inish 

from less than a yard out.

38 

sportfeature 


The year that was: month-by 

From England winning The Ashes to Spain’s success in the Davis Cup earlier this 

January 

The year started with England retaining 

the Ashes in the fifth and final test 

in Sydney. Their victory by an innings 

and 83 runs was aided by another 

mesmerising display of batting from 

Man of the Series Alistair Cook. It was 

England’s first win Down Under for 

more than two decades and proved 

their credentials as they challenged 

for top spot in the ICC Test Rankings. 

Lance Armstrong rode his last 

ever professional cycling race as he 

brought to the end to a glittering 19 

year career, which included a record 

seven consecutive Tour de France 

wins, with a performance at the Tour 

of Down Under. 

In Tennis, Novak Djokovic won the 

Australian open beating Andy Murray 

in straight sets in the first Major final 

February 

February 2011 was certainly a memorable 

month for Newcastle United fans 

as the magpies took part in perhaps 

one of the greatest Premier League 

comebacks of all time. 4-0 down at 

half time against the high-flying Gunners, 

Newcastle fans would have been 

forgiven for retreating home on a cold 

winters afternoon. Those who stayed 

saw a stunning turnaround, Cheick 

Tiote’s 87th minute wonder strike 

delighting the home fans. 

This game was simply the crescendo 

in an orchestra of great games that 

weekend as Wolves ended Manchester 

United’s unbeaten run whilst 

Wigan beat Blackburn 4-3 and Everton 

overcame Blackpool 5-3. 

February also saw some impressive 

March 

March was a month to savour for the 

Uni sportsmen as they romped to 

their fourth consecutive Stan Calvert 

Cup victory. A resounding 96.25- 

60.75 points split, capped by a victory 

in the showpiece rugby union 

match at Gateshead Stadium, ensured 

that Newcastle retained the bragging 

rights of the city. 

Elsewhere, the Cricket World Cup 

played out throughout the month and 

by the end it had been confirmed that 

the final would be played between India 

and Sri Lanka, who had knocked 

England out in the quarter finals. 

There were some memorable moments 

in the group stage with Ireland 

and Bangladesh both upsetting Andrew 

Strauss’ side along with an unbelievable 

tie between England and 

India. 

April 

The Grand National saw a two and 

a quarter length win for Ballabriggs 

around the four and a half miles of 

Aintree. 

The race was tight throughout, with 

Oscar Time close behind up to The 

Elbow, where jockey Jason Maguire 

pulled clear and took the race. 

These two horses were in a class 

of their own, with Tony McCoy 12 

lengths further back on Don’t Push 

It. What made this win all the more 

special, was that it marked the first 

National victory for Donald McCain 

Jr; whose father Ginger McCain is arguably 

the greatest trainer in Grand 

for three years not to feature Rafael 

Nadal or Roger Federer to begin the 

start of an incredible year for the Serbian. 

Football was gripped with controversy 

as Sky Sports stalwarts Richard 

Keys and Andy Gray became embroiled 

in a sexism row over remarks 

made about a female linesman, which 

ended in the pair losing their jobs. 

The winter transfer window ended 

with big money moves for Luis Suarez, 

Andy Carroll and Fernando Torres, 

who went for a British record 

transfer of £50 million. Lionel Messi 

won the Ballon d’Or for the second 

time in a row confirming his status as 

one of the greatest players of all time. 

Miles Reah 

performances from England in the Six 

Nations as they beat Wales, Italy and 

then France as they dominated the 

competition they would eventually go 

on to win in March. 

The years shortest month saw some 

disappointing news as Manchester 

United legend Gary Neville retired 

from football, bringing to an end a career 

that showed, if nothing else, that 

great heights can be achieved with 

next to no talent. 

Not all was lost though as the former 

England defender now graces the Sky 

Sports studio with his elegant turn of 

phrase and dazzling good looks. 

Rory Brigstock-Barron 

Sports Editor 

The fourth and fifth round of games 

in the Six Nations saw England complete 

the Championship win against 

Scotland before being conclusively 

beaten by Ireland in Dublin to deny 

them the Grand Slam. Nevertheless it 

was seen as an excellent platform for 

their World Cup campaign later in the 

year. 

The F1 calendar was scheduled to 

start in Bahrain on March 13 but civil 

unrest caused its postponement and 

the season therefore began in Australia 

two weeks later, Sebastian Vettel 

set the tone for the whole by taking 

the chequered flag. 

Pre-race favourite Long Run ridden 

by Sam Waley-Cohen romped to the 

Cheltenham Gold Cup ahead of three 

previous champions. 

Mike Fuller 

National History. 

For those who don’t know, Ginger 

was the trainer of perennial pub quiz 

answer Red Rum, who won the race 

three times in the 1970’s. He also had 

a fourth winner in 2004 with Amberleigh 

House, making him one of only 

two people to have trained four winners 

of the race. 

McCain Sr had made his hopes of 

seeing his son train a National winner 

before he died public, and this race 

gave him that opportunity as sadly he 

died just a few months later. 

James Docherty 

May 

It took 35 years, during which time 

their supporters had endured the 

heartache of a spectacular fall from 

grace. 12 years earlier they had been 

preparing for the play-offs in the third 

tier of English football but on 14 May 

2011, Manchester City secured their 

first major trophy since 1976 when 

Ivorian midfielder Yaya Toure scored 

at Wembley to win the FA Cup. 

While their Wembley hero may have 

only been in Manchester for a season, 

his cup-winning strike was certainly 

powered by the pain that the club and 

its supporters had suffered in the preceding 

35 years. 

Earlier in the day Man United had 

secured a record-breaking 19th 

league title, but this day belonged to 

Manchester City, just four days after 

June 

Clockwise from top left: Jason 

Maguire and Ballabriggs clear 

the fourth fence on their way 

to victory in the Grand National 

in April; Manchester City club 

captain Carlos Tevez lifts the FA 

Cup at Wembley in May, their 

first major trophy since 1976; 

Rory McIlroy and Darren Clarke 

proudly show off their US Open 

and Open trophies that they 

won in June and July respectively; 

Lancashire captain 

Glenn Chapple proudly shows 

off the County Championship 

trophy after a dramatic climax 

to the domestic cricket season 

in September. 

All photos: Getty Images 

City had booked their place in the 

Champions League for the first time. 

It was the Champions League that 

closed the month too as Barcelona 

followed City in securing a Wembley 

victory, beating United 3-1 in the final 

with a performance that cemented 

their place as one of the finest football 

teams in the world. 

Prior to that England’s cricketers 

got their season underway with a 

sensational last-session victory in the 

first test match of the summer against 

Sri Lanka. With the game heading for 

a draw, England bowled the tourists 

out for 82 to snatch an unlikely win. 

Colin Henrys 

Sports Editor 

Rory McIlroy leapt onto the world 

stage in June, when he won the US 

Open with considerable style. 

The first Masters win of his career 

proved to be a lesson in golf for the 

other contenders as McIlroy surged 

to a record breaking win. The victory 

was made ever sweeter because of his 

previous collapse at the 2011 Masters 

tournament. 

McIlroy was expected to win the 

Masters after waltzing into the final 

day of the tournament with a four 

stroke lead, but the fairytale was ended 

when he crumbled to defeat after a 

torrid final performance. 

On 19 June however, McIlroy proved 

his extraordinary golfing talent to the 

world by winning the US Open in Maryland 

by eight shots, and breaking a 

number of records in the process. His 

final score of 16-under par was the 

lowest ever achieved. 

The victory was made even better 

by the fantastic performance of McIlroy 

throughout, as he drove his way 

through the competition with some 

incredible golf, wowing the crowd 

with fantastic shot after fantastic 

shot. 

The performance put McIlroy, and 

Northern Ireland on the world map 

as a golfing nation. The competition 

has to rate as one of sports highlights 

in 2011, thanks to McIlroy’s fantastic 

performance. 

Owen Evans 

July 

Novak Djokovic’s incredible season 

continued as he and Petra Kvitova 

sealed their maiden Wimbledon titles 

over Rafael Nadal and Maria Sharapova 

respectively. 

Cadel Evans triumphed over Andy 

Schleck in the Tour de France whilst 

Mark Cavendish sprinted to another 

remarkable five stage wins gaining 

the green jersey in the process. 

In perhaps the biggest fight of the 

year, David Haye promised big things 

against Wladimir Klitschko but the 

bout was unlikely to live up to its considerable 

hype, Haye lost tamely by a 

unanimous decision and afterwards 

blamed a broken toe for his disappointing 

showing. 

Rebecca Adlington, Kerri-Anne 

Payne and Liam Tancock all brought


featuresport 

-month review of 2011 

month, The Courier looks back at the year’s sporting highlights 

gold medals back from the World 

Aquatics Championships in Shanghai. 

Payne became the first British athlete 

to secure a place at the 2012 Olympics 

in the process. 

European football may have been 

ruing the absence of a major tournament 

during the summer break but 

the Copa America provided the usual 

dose of South American flair with a 

Luis Suarez inspired Uruguay reigning 

supreme. 

The 2011 Open was held at Royal St. 

George’s and provided an extremely 

popular winner in Darren Clarke. The 

Northern Irishman had lead from the 

second round onward and played superbly 

to finish 5 shots under when 

only 4 players finished under par. 

Mike Fuller 

August 

August was a big month for football 

as the transfer window heated up before 

it closed on the 31st. 

Joey Barton was released from Newcastle 

as people began to question 

Mike Ashley’s agenda. 

Premier League legend Robbie Keane 

joined David Beckham across the Atlantic 

at LA Glaxay to help form what 

would be a title winning side. 

Peter Crouch left Spurs to join Stoke 

at the Britannia, Craig Bellamy joined 

Liverpool and Tom Bender moved 

from Colchester to Accrington Stanley. 

Despite transfer excitement the 

start of the Premier League season 

was overshadowed by the riots, 

which led to the postponement of 

Tottenham v Everton. 

English cricket also received a boost 

as Andrew Strauss led the test team 

to the top of the world rankings after 

beating India in the third test. While 

the world waited for Sachin Tendulker 

to score his 100th century, England’s 

solid performance and India’s 

under par performance meant that 

there was a convincing home series 

win. 

Martin Johnson’s build up to the 

world cup was also hampered as 

Wales defeated England 19-9, with a 

dislocated right wrist ending Gavin 

Henson’s hopes of securing a place in 

the world cup. 

In America, the relatively unknown 

Keegan Bradley won his first major 

at the PGA Championships in Georgia 

after a three-hole play-off with Jason 

Dufner. 

Wills Robinson 

September 

With the football season back underway, 

Novak Djokovic having secured 

his third Grand Slam of the tennis 

season and the 2011 Rugby World 

Cup having kicked-off, you could have 

been forgiven for missing the last 

round of County Championship fixtures. 

However it was on the final day of 

the season for English cricket’s premier 

domestic competition that one 

of the sporting stories of the year 

played out. 

Short of money due to ground redevelopments 

and without an outright 

Championship win in 77 years, Lancashire 

had defied expectations to 

mount a title challenge. As the final 

day of the season began however, the 

odds were stacked against them with 

Warwickshire, playing in Hampshire, 

October 

November 

November was a solemn month in 

sport with the death of boxing great 

Joe Fraser at the age of 67 and the 

tragic loss of footballing legend Gary 

Speed at just 42. Tributes from fellow 

professionals as well as the sporting 

world on mass poured out for the 

two, and we were reminded of the 

good that can be done through the 

medium of sport. 

In tennis the Finals of the ATP tour 

came to London’s O2 arena and the 

rankings were turned on their head 

as the top worlds top three were all 

ousted by the semi-finals. Britain’s 

Andy Murray retired with injury after 

a hard fought defeat against Spaniard 

David Ferrer, whilst the worlds top 

December 

December saw the England football 

team drawn in to Group D of next 

summer’s Euro 2012 tournament 

alongside France, Ukraine and Sweden. 

In the football, jokes circulate of a 

new fragrance doing the Christmas 

rounds in Manchester: Channel No. 5 

after Manchester United are knocked 

out of the Carling Cup and Champions 

League in the space of just seven 

days, while their neighbours Manchester 

City also fail to progress from 

the Champions League group stages, 

meaning both will drop down to the 

less-illustrious Europa League, with 

Thursday night Channel Five matches 

to look forward to. 

favourites to win instead. 

What followed however was the 

stuff of legend. Struggling with a 

hamstring injury, club captain Glenn 

Chapple broke through the pain barrier 

to take two early wickets of their 

hosts Somerset. Warwickshire meanwhile 

were being thwarted by Hampshire’s 

batsmen. Somerset resisted 

valiantly too, but Lancashire finally 

bowled them out before hitting 213 

runs from just 175 balls to win, as 

news filtered in that Warwickshire 

had had to settle for a draw at Hampshire. 

In front of a large crowd of travelling 

supporters Lancashire were left 

to celebrate a most unlikely title win. 

Colin Henrys 

Sports Editor 

The Super League Grand Final kicked 

off the sporting action in October 

when Leeds beat St. Helens 32-16 to 

claim their fifth Super League crown. 

It was also the month when England 

secured a place at the 2012 European 

Championships despite letting slip a 

two goal lead in another uninspiring 

performance in Montenegro; Wayne 

Rooney grabbed unwanted headlines 

after being sent off for kicking out 

at Miodrag Džudović to put his own 

Euro 2012 campaign in doubt. 

Of the four teams from the British 

Isles it was Wales who progressed the 

furthest at the Rugby Union World 

Cup, eventually losing to France in a 

closely contested semi-final and finishing 

fourth overall. England’s campaign 

was marred by off-pitch controversy 

including dwarves, drinks, 

blondes and ferries. 

Elsewhere, Andy Murray won three 

consecutive ATP tour titles, including 

a majestic 3–6, 6–2, 6–0 victory over 

Nadal, temporarily rising to third in 

the rankings. 

In the Premier League, Manchester 

City proved their title credentials with 

a resounding 6-1 win at Old Trafford 

and the England cricket team managed 

to put an excellent summer behind 

them and succumb to a 5-0 ODI 

series whitewash in India, although 

the women did beat South Africa. 

Josh Duffield 

two Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal 

faded out after an exhausting season. 

This did not take anything away from 

the dominant champion Roger Federer 

who rolled back the years to win 

the title for the sixth time. 

Similar dominance was shown by 

Phil ‘the power’ Taylor who won the 

World Grand Slam of Darts for the 

fifth time. Taylor dominated his opponent 

Gary Anderson in the final, 

taking it 16-4 with an almost superhuman 

average in this final game of 

109.04. 

Rory Brigstock-Barron 

Sports Editor 

Spain won Tennis’s Davis Cup after 

Rafael Nadal produced a marvellous 

performance to defeat Juan Martin del 

Potro and Wales’ all-time leading tryscorer 

Shane Williams retired from 

international rugby, after his side’s 

24-18 loss to Australia. Elsewhere, 

Tiger Woods won his first tournament 

in 749 days, and although talk 

of a return to his best form may be 

premature, a birdie-birdie on the final 

two holes at the Chevron World Classic 

hints that the former World No. 1 

could be a force to be reckoned with 

in 2012. 

Charlie Scott 

5 things 

we’d like 

to see in 

2012 

Harry Slavin 

Sports Editor 

The year begins with The Australian 

Open signalling the start of the new 

tennis season and British number 

one Andrew Murray courses his way 

through the first few rounds before 

the Brit wins a marathon semi-final in 

stunning fashion against Novak Djokovic. 

This sets up a final with Rafael 

Nadal but unfortunately the British 

public can only watch on in disgust as 

a bad-tempered, foul-mouthed Scotsman 

loses in straight sets. 

February sees the start of the Rugby 

Union Six Nations Championships and 

despite high hopes, England struggle 

in their early encounters. Preparations 

for the Scotland game are disturbed 

as the players are allowed to 

hire out Jet Ski’s on Loch Ness to hunt 

down the ‘Loch Ness Monster’. The 

players once again come under heavy 

criticism when Mike Tindall leads the 

squad on a wine tasting tour the night 

before their match in Italy. Stuart 

Lancaster resigns in the aftermath of 

England’s first ever defeat to Italy and 

after some more soul searching, Rob 

Andrews decides it is in the RFU’s 

best interest to give himself a pay rise 

and poach Andy Robinson back from 

Scotland. 

Ronny O’Sullivan causes a stir at 

the Snooker World Championships 

in April after turning up at the arena 

despite failing to qualify. O’Sullivan, 

who threatens to quit the sport for 

the 127th time after slipping out of 

the world’s top 100, claims he is not 

bothered by his absence from the 

draw because there is much more to 

life than snooker. He is later escorted 

from the arena after attempting to 

highjack the entrances of three fellow 

professionals. 

FA Cup Final fever grips the entire 

country in May as Mike Ashley puts 

Newcastle United’s berth in the final 

up for auction after a hard fought 

semi-final victory over Chelsea. The 

news is met with utter disbelief from 

the Geordie faithful but Managing 

Director Derek Llambias releases a 

statement to reassure fans that all income 

generated from the auction will 

be put to good use by the club, suggesting 

that enough money may even 

be generated to provide Mike Ashley 

with a new sound proof booth at the 

recently renamed MoonPig.com Stadium. 

The London Olympics in August 

go off without a hitch thanks to the 

heavy-handed tactics employed by 

the 10,000 imported US security 

personnel on the local protestors 

and miscreants. Inside the stadium, 

the fans are treated to a spectacle of 

sensational performances from athletes 

across the world as records are 

smashed all over the place. Suspicion 

is only aroused when Usain Bolt wins 

his 100m final by only one second 

and, after a lengthy investigation, all 

competitors are found to have failed 

drug testing. London Mayor Boris 

Johnson takes full credit/blame for 

the spectacular games by admitting 

to having given the order to contaminate 

London’s water supply with 

performance enhancing drugs, sheepishly 

claiming he thought only the 

British athletes would benefit from 

drinking British water.

40 

sportfeature 

Back of the net - Christmas Special 

On the 12th day of Christmas, Youtube gave to me: 

12 drummers 

drumming 

11 pipers 

piping 

10 Lords-aleaping 

Tweet(s) of the week 

-@Sammy_Ameobi 


“Ahhh mannn I’ve just discovered a gaping hole around 

the private area of my one piece...back to primark it is!” 

(2 December 2011) 

“Really bad situation when you’re bursting for the loo 

and your one piece zip is jammed...yikes!” 

(6 December 2011) 

Brazil’s Samba music 

http://www.youtube.com/ 

watch?v=fRHtq2DTdhk 

A clip of Brazil’s footballers when 

they were at their very best, culminating 

in a great goal. 

9 ladies dancing 

Joe Hart’s dancing feet 


watch?v=LWonUEEoVYc 

Hart shows off his dance moves to 

his roommate and consequently the 

world, moves which can frequently 

be found in a Sinners near you. 

6 geese-alaying 

ITV miss Gosling’s goal 


watch?v=PXp9wPgZVOM 

Dan Gosling’s deining moment in 

an Everton shirt was missed by the 

viewing public thanks to a perfectly 

timed technical glitch. 

3 French hens 

Motty’s World Cup ‘98 


watch?v=tjuihw2q_Ts 

Everyone loves a montage and Motson’s 

poignant poem could make anyone 

want to watch the beautiful game. 

The Barry Horns 


watch?v=LWonUEEoVYc 

Not strictly pipers but still worth a 

watch, as the iconic Welsh supporters’ 

band celebrate their third and 

fourth goals against Norway. 

8 maids-amilking 

Pedersen milking it 


watch?v=ICPyr0q0doY 

The most shameful tumble to grace 

the Premier League, Pedersen does 

his soft reputation no favours here. 

5 gold rings 

Steve Redgrave wins his 

ifth Olympic Gold. 


watch?v=8Zzz37IsRUU 

A tribute to one of Great Britain’s 

Olympic greats, after he won his ifth 

gold medal. 

2 turtle doves 

FIFA’s dream match 


watch?v=WT-pNYPYE4g 

The most bizarre glitch ever to have 

surfaced from the EA Sports franchise 

sees Carroll and Fabianski getting a 

little closer than usual 

Colly’s corker at Lord’s 


watch?v=1AVs8ywsTTM 

The Durham and former England 

man has taken some sensational 

catches in his career, and this must 

rank amongst the best of them. 

7 swans-aswimming 

Eric the Eel 


watch?v=3sZp0Bhmq9o 

Never had the Olympics seen such a 

display of perseverance before Eric 

wowed the crowd in Sydney... 

4 Colly birds 

(sic) 

Stan Collymore’s screamer 


watch?v=WN2F6WQk8zk 

A goal that still gives Tim Flowers 

nightmares as the ‘keeper gifts Collymore 

a goal for the Reds. 

and Alan Partridge 

in a pear tree 

World Cup countdown 


watch?v=rG0UACzqW3Y 

“Twat! That was liquid football!” 

Ever wondered what football would 

be like if Alan Partridge was a commentator? 

Wonder no more. 

Newcastle United’s answer to Mario Balotelli experiences problems with his 

unconventional choice of outit. 

Testing times 

1.) Who is the only footballer to 

have played for his country’s irst 

team over four different decades? 

2.) Who held the record for fastest 

champions league hat-trick before 

B. Gomez’s effort last week? 

3.) Who ended Pete Sampras’s 31 

match winning streak at Wimbledon 

in 2001? 

4.) Where did Sky Sports legend 

Chris Kamara begin his playing career? 

5.) Who is the only player to score 

in a Manchester, Merseyside and 

Glasgow derby? 

6.) Who did Roy Jones Junior defeat 

in his irst ever word title ight in 

1993? 

7.) Who scored the most test runs 

in the 1990’s? 

8.) What was the last title won by 

Tiger woods before his recent victory 

in the Chevron World Challenge? 

9.) Along with LeBron James, which 

two new signings did Miami Heat 

unveil to fans in July 2010? 

10.) How many tries did Jonah 

Lomu score in the 1995 Rugby 

World Cup semi-inal against England? 

11.) Who is the oldest ever Premier 

League goal scorer? 

12.) Who holds the record for the 

longest distance goal in the Premier 

League? 

1) Jari Litmanen; 2) Mike Newell; 3) 

Roger Federer; 4) Portsmouth; 5) Andrei 

Kanchelskis; 6) Bernard Hopkins; 7) 

Alec Stewart; 8) The JBWere Masters; 9) 

Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh; 10) four; 

11.)Teddy Sheringham (40); 12; Paul 

Robinson. 

Birthday Week 

14 Dec 1979- Michael Owen 

Forever remembered for his burst 

and inish against Argentina in 

1998, Owen’s career never perhaps 

reached the heights it might of, yet 

he is still part of Manchester United’s 

squad. 

16 Dec 1962- William Perry 

Kindly nicknamed ‘The Fridge’ due 

to his considerable size, Perry was 

one of the most effective defensive 

linesman in American Football of all 

time. 

17 Dec 1978- Manny Pacquiao 

Voted 2000s Fighter of the Decade 

by the Boxing Writers Association 

of America, and is still regarded by 

many as the best pound for pound 

boxer in the world. 

The festive period 

in sport 

Christmas Eve: 1889 - Daniel Stover 

& William Hance patent bicycle 

with back pedal brake 

Christmas day 1972 - England beat 

India by six wickets in the 1st Test 

Cricket at Delhi, Geoff Arnold taking 

an impressive nine wickets in the 

match. 

Boxing Day 1963 - An amazing 66 

goals were scored in the old football 

First Division, Fulham beating Ipswich 

10-1 and Blackburn beating 

West Ham 8-2 away from home just 

some of the most bizarre of the results 

of the 10 games played.. 

New Years Eve 1963 - Dutch master 

and architect of that marvellous 

turn, Johan Cruyff won European 

Footballer of the year. 

Born on Christmas 

day 

25 Dec 1957- Chris Kamara (The 

Second Coming) - One of the most 

important men in the sporting 

world, Kammy’s words of wisdom 

will be keeping us warm on boxing 

day. 

25 Dec 1964 - Gary Mcallister 

- Undoubtedly one of the most tallented 

bald players to grace the Premier 

League, Gary Mac is a legend at 

Leeds and Liverpool. 

25 Dec 1984 - Alistair Cook - A 

contender for this years BBC Sports 

Personality of the Year Award. Cook 

has been England’s outstanding 

player in the rise to the world number 

one test ranking, raise a glass 

for him on Christmas day. 

The Longshot 

Given the recent freezing temperatures, 

back there to be snow falling 

on the hallowed turf at Longbenton 

to make Christmas Day that bit more 

enjoyable. Coral are offering marvellous 

odds of 11/2 for snow to fall in 

Newcastle on Christmas Day. 

(Odds from 

Coral) 

11/2


IntraMuralsport 

Henderson hold their nerve 

Carr nets deciding penalty as Hall gain revenge for last year’s cup inal defeat 

Intra Mural Football 

Wednesday Cup 2nd Rnd. 

Henderson Hall 1 

Newcastle Medics 1sts 1 

Daniel Carnie 

at Cochrane Park 

Henderson’s Armani 

Zafar torments the 

Medics defence 

at Cochrane Park. 

Photography: 

Hubert Lam 

The Secret 

Intra Mural 

Footballer 

#9 Cups, 

crowds and the 

winter break 

Lokomotiv were in scintillating form 

against their lower league opponents 

and crowned a professional performance 

with some superb individual 

goals. Speaking after the match, the 

Lokomotiv players said they’d be disappointed 

not to reach the inal with 

one going as far as saying their hands 

will be on that trophy at the end of the 

season. Speculation aside, this result 

against a formidable Roman Villa out- 

it will certainly make rivals aware of 

their attacking prowess and on this 

evidence they’d be a test for any side. 

With Christmas fast-approaching, 

Newcastle’s unforgiving winter is 

well underway and it took no prisoners 

here; fans, reporters and substitutes 

alike suffered from the bitter 

cold with only the on-pitch action to 

keep them warm and thankfully the 

Lokomotiv team was on ire. It was 

Roman Villa who glowed irst; frontman 

Ollie Grifiths beat both the onrushing 

goalkeeper and chasing defender 

to a loose ball in the box before 

prodding home. The Roman candle 

was burning brightly but sadly their 

wick burnt out as Lokomotiv stepped 

up the pace, with Tom Bamford’s disallowed 

goal for a clear handball a 

sign of intent from the second division 

side. 

Lokomotiv were soon back in the 

game courtesy of their skipper Sam 

Turnock. Finding himself in far too 

much space in the Villa penalty box, 

Having been defeated 5-4 by Henderson 

Hall only two weeks ago in the 

Wednesday League, the Medics were 

keen to exact revenge in this second 

round cup match at Cochrane Park, 

in what was a rematch of last year’s 

inal. However, it was Henderson who 

took the spoils again by holding their 

nerve in a tense penalty shoot-out. 

The match itself could hardly have 

been more balanced between the two 

sides and it was going to take something 

like penalties to separate them 

on the day. Despite the bitterly cold 

conditions, both teams did their part 

to make it an entertaining game with 

the prize of a place in the next round 

at stake. 

It was the Medics who made the 

brighter start, keeping possession 

and spraying the ball around well 

while also creating one or two chances. 

Despite their promising opening, 

however, it was Henderson who took 

the lead with their irst real attack after 

ten minutes. 

With the wind playing no small part, 

the ball came over from a corner and 

it seemed to cause havoc in the Medics 

defence before being hacked out 

to Armani Zafar who blasted home a 

left-footed volley from the edge of the 

box. 

The goal seemed to give Henderson 

a real lift and they had a glorious opportunity 

to go two up – Liam McAllister 

appeared to have the simplest 

of tasks to score, having rounded the 

keeper, but instead of using his left 

foot he pivoted 360 degrees to use his 

right and the chance was gone. 

The Medics needed a response in 

the second half and they got exactly 

that. Joel English missed an opportunity 

from a tight angle after rounding 

the keeper, but their goal eventually 

came on the hour mark. The two 

Henderson Hall centre halves made a 

hash of a simple ball over the top and 

Theo Adjeti was allowed to stroke the 

ball past the helpless keeper. 

The Medics then went close to going 

ahead themselves. Josh Davison 

was unlucky not to score from a viscous 

free-kick but Rory Davies made 

a good save to tip it on to the crossbar. 

With only 10 minutes left, the most 

contentious moment of the match 

came. Having made a few somewhat 

dubious calls throughout the match, 

the referee was very harsh to disallow 

a Henderson goal for a foul on the 

keeper from a free kick. 

If anything, it appeared to be his 

own man who knocked him over. 

Henderson continued to press and 

Captain Matty Allsop’s crossing was 

now causing the Medics all sorts of 

problems, nearly setting up Liam 

McAllister with the winner, but his 

header went just past the post. 1-1 it 

inished and the match went straight 

to penalties to decide the winner. 

Having progressed to this round 

by beating Ecosoccer on penalties, 

the practice seemed to give Henderson 

the upper hand as they scored 

Turnock curled the ball over ‘keeper 

Sean Ibson in emphatic fashion to 

bring the tie level. When questioned 

after the match, Turnock said his shot 

was what he likes to refer to as the 

‘FIFA inesse inish’. Lone striker Scott 

Bowman showed his exceptional pace 

when he latched onto a long ball over 

the top and inished past Ibson to 

send his team into the break leading 

2-1. At this point the Villa team were 

very unlucky to be behind having 

controlled large sections of the game 

in part thanks to an excellent midield 

display from captain Rob Grady. 

The second period was a different 

matter, however, as Lokomotiv ran 

riot and scored six unanswered goals 

to put the tie beyond their opponents. 

Whilst the scoreline relects the quality 

of the Lokomotiv inishing, this 

Roman Villa side who have swept all 

before them in the league this season 

will not be on the end of a thrashing 

like this for some time. Scott Bowman 

completed his hat-trick with two 

their irst three. On the other hand, 

Davidson and Adjeti missed both of 

the Medics opening two before Joel 

English pulled one back. That meant 

that Toby Carr was left with the responsibility 

for Henderson Hall and 

he didn’t disappoint, smashing his 

penalty just under the crossbar. 

Henderson will be very pleased with 

their current form and they take their 

place in the draw for the next round 

while the Medics will have to pick 

themselves up and face up to what is 

increasingly looking like a trophy-less 

Wednesday campaign. 

Villa crash out to Lokomotiv 



Roman Villa 

Lokomotiv 

Josh Dufield 


1 

8 

headed goals before being substituted 

and Josh Robinson found himself 

on the end of another lofted ball 

to put his team ahead 5-1. The sixth 

goal was without question the inest 

of the glut; midielder Jamie Bishop 

played a one-two on the edge of the 

box before scooping the ball over the 

unfortunate Ibson with a inish that 

was reminicsent of Karel Poborsky’s 

goal against Portugal at Euro ’96. 

If Bishop’s goal was the icing on the 

cake, impact sub Ollie Shipley supplied 

not one but two cherries for 

good measure, bagging a late brace to 

all but end the game as a contest. 

The Villa supporters had seen 

enough and their entourage traipsed 

off to ind warmth and to forget about 

their team’s dismantling. The game 

was highly forgettable for Villa who 

will be left hoping their irst choice 

defensive duo return quickly so they 

can continue their promotion march 

when they resume their league campaign 

against Jesmondino next week. 

Do Intra Mural managers care about 

cup competitions? 

That’s the question on everybody’s 

lips this week, be it in bars, clubs, 

dressing rooms or the Robinson Library. 

Every year we see Premier League 

managers ‘forfeiting’ - as the Blackburn 

manager Steve Kean so tactfully 

put it - cup games in order to focus on 

their performances in the league. 

The latest round of IM cup ixtures 

yielded few ‘cupsets’, suggesting that 

managers at Newcastle have begun 

to feel the same as the under-ire 

Kean, resting players before their inal 

league games, or possibly at the 

player’s request, with some eyeing a 

lucrative move in the upcoming January 

transfer window. 

Fans seemed to predict their manager’s 

behaviour with attendance 

igures halved to just two people for 

a mid-week game, the hoards of fans 

choosing to stay indoors rather than 

tackle the ferocious weather. 

Fingers crossed that, despite the 

freezing temperatures, the last round 

of Intra Mural games will go ahead 

this week. We’re playing one of the 

few (and by few I really mean few) 

teams that we have actually beaten 

this season, and have high hopes of 

clinching the double over them. 

Unlike The FA, fortunately Newcastle 

Uni have acknowledged the 

value of a winter break and managers 

across the divisions have high yet 

deluded hopes that their stars will return 

after Christmas both invigorated 

and in shape. Realistically, the chances 

of them being either, let alone both, 

are stacked against them. 

Free accommodation, food, and alcohol 

are all far too appealing for Intra 

Mural players to make any kind of effort 

to stay in shape. I’m contemplating 

getting in touch with Kolo Toure 

to see where his wife gets her diet 

pills, as, despite resulting in a lengthy 

ban, I imagine they’ll do the job for a 

student (especially as drug-testing at 

Intra Mural level is non-existent as far 

as I know). 

The board have promised the manager 

horrendously limited funds for 

the transfer window in January, with 

our not-so-lucrative sponsor failing 

to stump up the cash. Therefore our 

squad will look the same in January, 

albeit much fatter. We’ve found ourselves 

caught up in the thick of a relegation 

battle, and it’s up to us to get 

ourselves out of there and back into 

the safe, uncomplicated world of midtable 

obscurity.


sportIntraMural 

Untied put Combined in a tangle 



Dyslexic Untied 

Combined Honours 

Simon Schoield 

at Longbenton 3G 

It took all of 48 seconds for Dyslexic 

to breach Honours’ defence as they 

romped their way to comfortable cup 

win on the Longbenton 3G. 

Simon Schoield snaked inside 

from the right after a lovely lick-on 

header by Dominic Robson put him 

through on goal and he inished with 

aplomb into the bottom left corner 

for his fourth Wednesday cup goal 

of the season. The low sun in the sky 

wreaked havoc for both teams with 

many passes failing to simply ind a 

team mate, a period of unsightly and 

ungainly football ensued until the sun 

ducked behind a cloud and Dyslexic 

could continue with their assault. 

Another brisk passing move saw 

‘Torres’ Windle thread through an 

inch perfect pass for Ben Wheelhouse 

who tucked home the second. 

Dyslexic could sense a big win and a 

chance for several players to get off 

the mark for the season but chances 

8 

0 

were being spurned on a regular basis. 

Robson was one such player who 

was guilty of missing several good 

opportunities and along with Wheelhouse 

and Loz Jackson started trying 

to force the issue with numerous, 

speculative long range shots. The enjoyment 

was sapped out of the game 

for Dyslexic however when a recklessly 

poor timed tackle by Honours 

centre half Chris Gill shackled Untied’s 

Windle, who had to be carried 

off in severe discomfort. The presence 

of their captain, who has only 

just recently returned from injury, 

will be sorely missed for the upcoming 

league match against Henderson 

Hall next week. 

Untied were left dismayed at only 

inding themselves two goals to the 

good at half time after dominating 

possession and territory for effectively 

the whole half. 

Robson was to steal the show in the 

second half with a four goal haul and 

extend his impressive goal scoring record 

to ten in his last nine games. His 

irst came courtesy of a horror show 

from the Honours ‘keeper, Robson’s 

tame effort wasn’t dealt with by the 

goalkeeper, who watched on in embarrassment 

as the ball bobbled into 

the back of the net. Dyslexic were 

into the grove now with even standin 

captain Chris Smith taking his foot 

off the pedal and encouraging some 

free-lowing football. Robson’s second 

was a classy affair; receiving the 

ball inside after good work by winger 

Freddie Rose, the centre forward proceeded 

to cleverly turn and chip the 

keeper from 20 yards out. 

At 4-0 Untied continued to lay siege 

on Combined Honours’ box and Robson 

added his third and fourth midway 

in the second half slamming the 

ball home from six yards after an 

inch perfect cross from Rose and an 

easy poacher’s goal when the keeper 

spilled Wheelhouse’s shot. 

At 6-0 Honours decided to go down 

swinging and attempted to be more 

adventurous in their play. A Guy shot 

being the pick of the bunch of their 

attacking ventures, which went wildly 

over to round off a dismally disappointing 

day. There was still time for 

Rose to get on the score sheet with 

yet more woeful keeping to blame. 

Receiving the ball out wide on the 

right by-line, Rose, who was running 

out of space, swung his right 

foot and the ball dribbled to the near 

post with the keeper falling over the 

ball. It is most likely to be his one and 

only right foot goal in his career and 

also his most fortuitous. So often an 

option out wide Rose again collected 

the ball from Schoield and advanced 

from the right to whip in his second 

into the bottom left to round off an 

8-0 win. 

There was to be no giant killing this 

time with Dyslexic proceeding to the 

quarter-inals and will have to be at 

their impeccable best to make it to 

the inal. For Combined Honours the 

score line served as a reminder of the 

gulf in class between the First and 

Third Division. Some solid performances 

exempliied the gulf in class, 

Dyslexic players 

resorted to showboating 

during 

their emphatic win 

Photography: Moises 

Bedrossain 

Untied’s Will Southall put in a mature, 

stalwart performance at centre 

back, but the day belonged to Robson, 

who once again underlined his 

class in front of goal.


IntraMuralsport 

Shagther romp to Quarter Final place 

New 



Shagther Senseless 

Newhist FC 

Robbie Cachia 


The old-fashioned centre half has 

died with likes of David Luiz, Phil 

Jones and Daniel Agger showing you 

have to be skilled on the ball, not 

only in the tackle. You can now add 

Shaghter’s Daniel ‘Marauder’ Sleath 

to the list after a performance centre 

halves could only dream of. Two goals 

in a man-of-the-match performance 

saw Sleath justify his forward ventures 

with a goal in each half. 

Senseless came with an appetite for 

victory against Division Two strugglers 

Newhist, who have only managed 

one win this season, and they 

started the match positively, playing 

decent football on a narrow pitch, 

Montgomery and Mcclune once again 

proving to be the go-to-men down the 

lanks. However, Senseless failed to 

take their chances and found themselves 

behind against the run of play; 

an error from skipper Cachia led to 

the opener as a neat one-two created 

time in the area for Jacob Murphy to 

sweep home and put Newhist a goal 

up. 

A cold afternoon turned into a freezing 

evening as the eagerly awaited Intra 

Mural 7-a-side irst semester inals 

day got underway with FC Jagerbomb 

taking on Smegma on Longbenton’s 

3G pitch. Jagerbomb were looking to 

win a third title in four years while 

their opponents were making their 

debut at the competition’s climax. 

Both teams had remained unbeaten 

throughout the regular season but 

one of the teams was destined to lose 

their excellent record in the knockout 

phase. 

The format of the game allows for 

fast-paced attacking football, something 

the Jagerbomb players exhibited 

in ine style, racing into a 4-0 

lead in the irst half; Oliver Hilton 

scored twice with team-mates Phil 

Leddington-Hill and Sanj Pugal claiming 

the other two goals. Hilton was 

allowed too much space and inished 

well from close range for both of his 

goals whilst Phil Leddington-Hill inished 

off a swift attack with a smart 

left foot inish. Pugal had earlier hit 

the post and twice tested Smegma 

stopper Will Anderson before he inally 

got the goal his performance deserved. 

Jagerbomb were on top but it 

wasn’t all plain-sailing for the team in 

the tightest of tight blue tops because 

Smegma were creating opportunities, 

but ‘keeper Dan Parnaby proved 

5 

2 

equal to their efforts until Sam Alliss 

grabbed a late consolation with a de- 

lected strike. There was still time for 

Dave “The Ballerina” Morrison to luff 

his lines with a fresh air kick when he 

seemed destined to score but the Jagerbomb 

players were able to see out 

the game, conserving their energy for 

the inal after their impressive irst 

half display. 

After a 1-0 win over Eleventh Heaven, 

courtesy of an Alex Auld goal, Not 

In Your Mum’s Forest provided the 

opposition for FC Jagerbomb in the 

much anticipated inal. The teams 

had to put aside issues of fatigue and 

pre-match burgers as they prepared 

for their second match and the conclusion 

of the tournament. Forest 

provided stiffer competition for the 

much-fancied Jagerbomb as both 

teams vied for an early advantage 

and put in some overzealous tackles 

which required charismatic veteran 

referee Steve Catchpole to use all his 

cheerful experience to defuse the 

situation and calm down the laring 

tempers. The star quality that was 

evidently plentiful in both teams was 

demonstrated by Forest skipper Jess 

Walklin midway through a cagey irst 

period when he scored a wondergoal; 

Walklin glided past the opposition 

defence before cutting in from 

the left and placing a curling shot past 

the outstanding Parnaby. Forest then 

controlled the game through to the 

half-time whistle showing precisely 

why they topped their league with 

robust defending and proliic chance 

creation leaving their frustrated opponents 

to take pot-shots from range. 

The second half was all about the 

Unfazed, Shagther continued to 

dominate and the equaliser inevitably 

arrived. Patrick Woods found himself 

with time and space in the box, 

poking the ball home to level things 

up. Woods’ goal provided the catalyst 

Senseless needed as belief that 

a ‘cupset’ was on the cards surged 

through the team. Minutes later they 

found themselves 2-1 ahead, from 

one centre half to the other, Cachia 

whipped in a corner that was sweetly 

met by the on rushing Sleath to score 

his irst ever goal in Intra Mural football. 

Ten minutes before half-time the 

score went to 3-1. The ever-impressive 

Garrood in midield, took a shot 

that was too hot for James Thornton 

to handle as he parried the ball into 

the net. The game went into the break 

with Shagther in control, Newhist 

looking like the side in the league below. 

In the second half Newhist had the 

wind and the sun in their favour and 

that showed as they controlled the 

game. Shagther looked solid until a 

mix up from Garrood and Sleath led 

to a one-on-one with the keeper; Lamont’s 

outstretched hand held the 

ball up enough for Sleath to miraculously 

clear it off the line with some 

great athleticism. However, from 

the resulting corner, Newhist found 

themselves right back in it. Luke Krumin’s 

corner, catching the wind, went 

directly into the net, leaving right 

back Holland helpless to deal with the 

ball on the goal line. 

The goal spurred Shagther on to kill 

the game off, which eventually happened 

20 minutes from time. A goalkeeping 

error from a Montgomery 

cross allowed substitute Declan Ferry 

to get his name on the scoresheet, 

touching the ball over the line on his 

return from an ankle injury to score 

his fourth in as many matches. 

The best of the goals was yet to 

Brotherly love puts Forest to bed as 

Jagerbomb FC claim seven-a-side title 


7-a-side 

Josh Dufield 

at Longbenton 3G 

hist FC suffer upset as Thornton’s chocolate ingers gift wrap Senseless progress to next 

brotherly combination of Phil and 

Matt Leddington-Hill, however, as 

Jagerbomb swept aside their talented 

adversaries to claim the trophy. It 

was Phil who started the scoring by 

exchanging passes with Matt on the 

edge of the box before smashing an 

unstoppable shot into the roof of the 

net. Not to be outshone by his brother, 

team captain Matt put away his 

side’s second goal, converting the rebound 

after James Chadwick stormed 

through the opposition defenders 

only to see his shot hit the underside 

of the crossbar. As the Forest team 

pushed forward for an equaliser, 

Chadwick released Phil Leddington- 

Hill who inished low into the bottom 

right corner to put the win beyond 

doubt. His brother spoke proudly after 

the match and his irst 7-a-side 

title, saying “the best team won, the 

boys done well.” Jagerbomb deserved 

their win but Not In Your Mum’s Forest 

will hope that they can ind that 

extra scoring touch when the second 

semester inals day comes round. 

Smegma put the disappointment 

of their season’s irst defeat behind 

them to run out 6-4 winners in the 

3rd place play-off, although the game 

itself was played with a carnival atmosphere 

and more than the regulation 

7 players per team. With extra 

players came extra goals as Tom 

Conroy, Jamie Hine, Ross Towers and 

Tom Fishball were on the scoresheet 

for Amit Tauro’s team. Arran Parsons 

also bagged a hat-trick and Roddy 

Biggs scored the other goal for an 

Eleventh Heaven side who felt unlucky 

not to be in the inal after their 

closely fought semi-inal. 

come as Sleath had the inal say on 

what was a dream performance from 

the centre back. Marauding forward 

to the anger of his fellow centre half 

and skipper Cachia, Sleath ired home 

from 25 yards out after Ferry’s ine 

ball. The celebration matched the 

performance, with complete shock on 

Top Bagger: Senseless fi nd the 

net once again during their 

last sixteen tie with Newhist FC 

Photography: Hubert Lam 

his face; Sleath revelled in a great performance 

for himself and the team. 

Across on the Cochrane Park pitch 

two, Shagther’s players watched on 

anxiously to see Henderson Hall win 

on penalties, their opponents in the 

quarter inals. Surely another giant 

killing is not on the cards. 

Player of the Month 

Zack Goddard 

Ecosoccer 

Zack Goddard has been awarded 

The Courier Intra Mural player of 

the month award for November after 

a series of impressive displays 

for his club Ecosoccer. 

The winger lit up the Second Division 

with some breathtaking runs 

and clinical inishing for the promotion 

chasers, Goddard inding the 

back of the net on no less than eight 

occasions in four matches, including 

a hat-trick in a 7-1 win over Boca 

Seniors. 

Goddard gave The 

Courier s o m e 

emotional 

words as 

he accepted his award, claiming this 

was the perfect way to cap off his regrettably 

brief Intra Mural Season. 

“I am now going on placement 

for four months so wont be able to 

play for Ecosoccer again this year so 

it has been an honour to wear the 

Ecosoccer jersey.” 

Goddard will now be entitled to 

complimentary drinks in Sam Jacks 

and our sponsor will also include 

one free shot in the dentist chair. 

Goddard’s teammate Josh Batham 

was a close second to the award, 

with Tom Islip of Third Division Roman 

Villa completing the top three.


sportIntraMural 

Intra Mural 

Hockey round-up 

Loyalty is obviously paramount to 

good team ethos. However, if it’s a 

toss up between a wasted trip and 

making dragging yourself out of bed 

on a Sunday morning worthwhile, it 

rather diminishes in value. So, when 

NUSSC came up against Black Panthers 

last Sunday and the slinky big 

cats found themselves short on numbers 

it didn’t take much persuasion to 

see two NUSSC players up sticks and 

change camps. 

These shufled sides produced an 

excitingly evenly matched display. To 

the Panthers advantage NUSSC Captain 

Sam ‘sinbin’ Harris Wright found 

himself pushed back into defence, 

keeping his winding, ball greedy runs 

to a minimum. However, not happy to 

remain out of the spotlight the whole 

game, one lawless dash up the pitch 

found him with space in the ‘D’, if only 

to hammer the ball over the cross bar. 

Deinite improvement on last game’s 

topping the ball at least. 

Good defensive tracking back from 

fresher Tobey Hughes kept the Panthers 

at bay, whilst quick midield 

work from Lucy Russell, Christian 

Davies and Floss Kirk opened more 

chances up front. 

However, the only true opportunity 

of the game fell to the Panthers when 

a hard cross found a big cats stick on 

the P spot for a one touch delection 

into the bottom left corner. Unluckily 

in was in that moment that ‘keeper 

Drew Johnston choose to pull out of 

the bag a career deining save that to 

label sensational would be deemed 

derogatory. Some say he has feline 

blood, others that he is always whole 

split second faster at life. Either way, 

surely this boy cannot have anything 

more to offer? 

Due to a cancellation the only other 

game seen that Sunday was between 

The Gunners and Toon Raiders. The 

overall far more dominating side, a 

strong Uni presence from the Raiders 

in the form of Ben Gowing, Clare 

Shepherd and Jenna Watt amongst 

others found them with a comfortable 

3-0 win in their pocket. 

Intra Mural 

Netball round-up 

Still unbeaten Uni Hockey continue 

their fantastic run at the top of the 

league after annihilating RRB1 22-1 

who still remain rock-bottom of the 

league, and at the close of 2011 have 

conceded 125 goals yet continue to 

persevere with beaming smiles and a 

commendable spirit. 

Mansoc who are now six points behind 

Uni Hockey and move in to second 

place, after a 15-11 victory over 

Net Assets who now sit close third 

in the table with 18 points after being 

leap frogged by last weeks opponents. 

Biology Netball lie in fourth following 

a tough 10-10 draw with CHS 

who remain in sixth place. 

The draw between Biology and CHS 

prevented Leazes ladies from moving 

up the table after their dominant 16-5 

victory over seventh place Agrics B 

Holding their position as top of the 

later league, Netball Ninjas are eight 

points clear of Agrics after a 15-6 victory 

over CHS who sit in fourth with 

12 points. 

Polly’s Dollies secured a comfortable 

20-8 win against NUSSC and 

are now four points clear of CHS after 

their loss. NUSSC lie in sixth, four 

points adrift of Chem Eng 

Chem Eng obtained the four point 

advantage with a 12-5 victory over 

The History Girls who fought hard for 

their irst victory of the season but 

still sit at the foot of the table, yet to 

score any points. 

Football 

Wednesday 11-a-side 

Division 1 

Team Pld W D L F A Pts 

1 Barca Law Na 7 6 0 1 33 5 18 

2 Henderson Hall 7 5 0 2 20 15 15 

3 Dyslexic Untied 6 3 1 2 16 9 10 

4 Newcastle Medics 1sts 5 2 2 1 17 8 8 

5 Crayola 6 2 0 4 7 13 6 

6 Aftermath 7 2 0 5 9 31 6 

7 Castle Leazes 6 0 1 5 7 28 1 

Top Goalscorers 

11: Jamie Hurworth (Barca) 

9: Chris McKee (Barca) 

Division 2 


1 Newcastle Medics 2nds 8 7 1 0 29 6 22 

2 Boroussia Forsyth 8 6 0 2 21 13 18 

3 Lokomotiv 7 5 1 1 35 19 16 

4 Ecosoccer 7 4 0 3 29 22 12 

5 The Hurricanes 7 3 1 3 24 20 10 

6 Newhist FC 7 1 1 5 11 28 4 

7 Boca Seniors 8 1 0 7 15 31 3 

8 Ar U Shavin A Laugh 8 1 0 7 12 37 3 


12: Zack Goddard (Ecosoccer) 

10: Josh Batham (Ecosoccer) 

Division 3 


1 Roman Villa FC 7 7 0 0 29 4 21 

2 Politic Thistle 7 5 0 2 18 14 15 

3 Shagther Senseless 8 4 1 3 15 11 13 

4 Brown Magic FC 7 3 1 3 20 10 10 

5 Jesmondino FC 6 3 0 3 13 13 9 

6 NCL Galacticos 6 3 0 3 13 20 9 

7 Combined Honours 8 2 0 6 11 21 6 

8 Newcastle Dynamos 7 0 0 7 5 31 0 


9: James Dunn (P Thistle) 

8: Ollie Griffi ths (Roman Villa) 

Cup Round Two 

Aftermath 

Newcastle Dynamos 

Boca Seniors 

NCL Galacticos 

Brown Magic FC 

Politic Thistle 

Combined Honours 

Dyslexic Untied 

5 

0 

10 

1 

4 

(p) 4 

0 

8 

7: Dave Eccles (Aftermath) 

5: Dave Edwards (Medics) 

4: Chris Kay (Medics) 

10: Archie Norman (Forsyth) 

8: Adam Duckworth (H’canes) 

8: Alex Foster (Lokomotiv) 

7: Lewis Cockerill (B Magic) 

6: Rob Grady (Roman Villa) 

6: Tom Islip (Roman Villa) 

Lokomotiv 

Roman Villa FC 

8 

1 

Newcastle Medics 1sts 1 

Henderson Hall (p) 1 

Shagther Senseless 

Newhist FC 

5 

2 

Netball 

4pm-5pm 

Intra Mural 


BUCSsport 

Mixed bag for Motorsport Soc 

Paul Abson 

On a cold and dark morning in late 

November four members of the Motorsport 

Society represented Newcastle 

University at Warden Law near 

Sunderland for the British Universities 

Karting Championship Northern 

Qualifier. 

The day started early in the morning, 

arriving at the course whilst still 

dark, and after signing on for the day 

it was time to learn the track, this 

involved walking around the 1200m 

former British Championship circuit 

carefully inspecting each corner for 

the perfect line and any imperfections 

that may unsettle the driver, as 

well as taking clear notes of overtaking 

places and reference points for 

braking. 

After a drivers’ briefing it was time 

to collect the kart and head out on 

track for the two hours scheduled 

practice session, with the track still 

being damp, greasy and cold, many 

of the drivers struggled to stay on the 

track, culminating in many spins and 

crashes as drivers found the limit of 

what was possible. 

The qualifier consisted of six races, 

four individual 25 minute sprint races 

and two shared one hour endurance 

races requiring two fuel stops with 

driver changes. The first race had 

the honour of being tackled by Newcastle’s 

former captain Aidan Spink, 

starting the rolling grid from 14th; he 

unfortunately suffered a rocky start 

and dropped several places, resulting 

in starting the third lap in 23rd, however 

he managed to fight and scrap 

with the other drivers throughout 

the entire race, at one point climbing 

into 19th place, but eventually finished 

the race in a solid 20th position, 

above the qualifying cut off of 24th. 

Only seven minutes after the end of 

the race it was time to start the second 

race. This time it was the turn 

of the captain Paul Abson, who after 

initially having being allocated the 

fourth grid position, benefitted from 

the absence of York to start the race 

at the front of the grid. 

After a tricky start to the race, having 

a lost a place going into the first 

corner avoiding a new driver making 

a daring attempt up the wet inside 

and nearly taking out the front row, 

the position was quickly retaken by 

the second corner in a cutback. 

The next target was first spot and 

the chance of a win and after several 

laps of catching and following the 

leader (Oxford Brookes), a lunge up 

the inside of the last corner on the 

third lap resulted in Newcastle taking 

the lead, although this was not 

to last and by the ninth lap the lead 

had been retaken by Oxford Brookes. 

They managed to clear the lapped 

traffic much more effectively than 

Newcastle who eventually finished in 

second place, seven seconds behind 

the winning driver, but over 30 seconds 

ahead of the next placed driver. 

Next in line to drive were the two 

newcomers to the team Joe Bargh, 

and Dimitrios Chaniotis who competed 

in the third and fourth races 

respectively, unfortunately they were 

not able to repeat the previous success 

but still managed to finish ahead 

of several other drivers, which is respectable 

considering their limited 

experience. 

In the endurance race mistakes in 

the pit stops, and the change of a kart 

meant that the team suffered and only 

managed to achieve 21st and 26th respectively. 

Overall this was still good 

enough to place Newcastle 21st out 

of 29 teams, finishing above both 

teams from Nottingham as well as 

teams from Leeds, Herriot Watt and 

Birmingham Universities. The next 

event will be a championship race at 

Teesside Autodrome in late February, 

where we are hoping to achieve a win, 

and improve upon our performance. 

The Championship uses Club 100 

karts, the most powerful arrive and 

drive karts in the country, capable of 

accelerating from 5 to 60mph in 4.5s 

seconds and can achieve top speeds 

of 70mph. There are nine rounds between 

February and April at tracks 

throughout the country, in which the 

Newcastle team is now eligible to 

compete. 

The championship includes drivers 

from various motorsports backgrounds 

including Super 1, MSA level 

Newcastle’s Paul Abson 

(44) on his way to earning 

second place 

Photography: 

Stu Stretton Photography 

(www.stustretton.com) 

karting and Formula 3 and the tracks 

in this year’s calendar include Buckmore 

Park and Clay Pigeon; where 

drivers such as Anthony Davidson, 

Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton 

raced in their karting years. 

If you think you have what it takes 

to compete then don’t hesitate to 

contact the team captain Paul Abson 

at his university email address 

p.abson@newcastle.ac.uk. 

Rowing machines: NUBC 

impress in Indoor Champs 

Mac’s men Manup 

and dominate 

Indoor Rowing 

Lizzie White 

in Durham 

Making the cut into Newcastle’s most 

successful club after a vigorous trial 

period, 20 girls began this term training 

for NUBC Novice Women. 

With rowing being the ultimate 

strength and endurance sport, there 

is no doubt that the intense training 

schedule came as a rude awakening 

to all our systems. Southern skins 

had to quickly acclimatise to the cold 

northerly winds that sweep across 

the unforgiving Tyne River! 

Additionally, taking on eight or nine 

training sessions a week including 

water training, early morning weights 

and numerous ergs meant our bodies 

were soon suffering from the dreaded 

“loading process.” 

However, as a squad, our strength 

and stamina have developed and we 

have come together both on and off 

the water as a team. Due to the determination 

and commitment every girl 

has shown so far, we found ourselves 

embarking on our first challenge of 

the season - The North East Indoor 

Rowing Championships, held at Maiden 

Head Sports centre in Durham. 

We were joined by the other three 

squads from NUBC- both senior 

Kathryn Boyd 

impressed for 

NUBC 

Photography: 

Michael Hughes 

squads and our fellow novice boys’ 

squad. Faced with 16 ergs patiently 

waiting for us to attack the 2km and 

with crowds gathering, the daunting 

competition began. 

With fierce rival Durham University 

at our side , NUBC attacked the ergs 

with great intent and consequently 

pulled some impressive performances 

out of the bag. Sam Arnot dominated 

the Mens’heavy weight categroy 

with a winning performance of 6.00.5 

seconds. 

Powerful performances were demonstrated 

by many of the senior women 

scoring personal bests over 2km, 

however Gemma Hall led the way in 

the lightweight category with a new 

P.B of 7.19.4 seconds. 

An exciting battle ensued between 

beginner men Alex Winter and Danny 

Tyler who scored 6.44.9seconds and 

6.45.2 seconds respectively. However 

it was Ronan Mellows who stood out 

on his debut performance with a time 

of 6.40s. 

Finally Kathryn Boyd of the beginner 

women also deserves credit for 

an outstanding time of 7.43.0 seconds 

on her first rowing challenge. 

Congratulations to all who represented 

the club. Undoubtedly it was 

a tough start to the season, however 

all squads showed that we are fierce 

competition for our neighbouring rivals 

this year. The boat club’s attention 

is now focused upon dominating 

performances on the water in the 

New Year and for the Novice girls the 

next challenge is BUCS beginner head. 

I am certain we will drive together as 

a team building on the solid foundations 

we have formed to achieve some 

impressive results this year. 

Men’s Waterpolo 

Tom Connolly 

at Sports Central 

The Men’s Waterpolo team hosted St 

Andrews and Lancaster in the first 

round of their BUCS campaign on Saturday. 

The Royals were wary of the 

ability of the recently relegated St Andrews 

and, having narrowly missed 

out on promotion last season, knew 

that they needed a top performance. 

The competition kicked off with a 

comprehensive victory for the Scots 

beating Lancaster 22-3, after the 

losing side’s keeper took a blow and 

had to leave the pool injured with a 

bloody eye and broken nose. 

Losing their first choice keeper left 

the Lancashire team vulnerable going 

into their game with the home side 

and the Royals started brightly with 

captain Stuart Mac Manus scoring a 

hat-trick within the first three minutes 

of play. Cypriot BUCS debutant 

Alexis Georgiou then added two more 

to the tally. 

The visitors hit back however as 

they capitalised on Gordon Pearson’s 

sin binning leaving the score 7-1 at 

the end of the first quarter. 

A flurry of well worked counter attacks 

opened up a 15 goal advantage 

to Newcastle going into the final quarter, 

including a couple of goal keeping 

howlers giving Ralph Baker two. 

Luke Watkins and former GB international 

Michael Grantham both added 

a pair in the final quarter and the 

game was sealed with a superb assist 

from Pearson leaving Tom Connolly 

to find the top corner and wrap up a 

24-5 win. 

Confidence was high for Newcastle 

entering the final game against the 

rested St Andrews, however an early 

man down for the home team allowed 

the Scots to edge in front, the Royals 

got swiftly back on top with timely 

collaborations from national league 

duo Mac Manus and Georgiou to finish 

the first quarter 2-1 up. Newcastle 

remained on top with further goals 

from Clarke, Grantham, Georgiou, 

Mac Manus and Northumbria signing 

Mark Gabrielle. 

The visitors, struggling to beat Newcastle 

keeper James Hillmen, only 

managed one goal per quarter in first 

three leaving the home side 8-3 up 

going into the fourth and final phase. 

The Royals onslaught continued, 

winning the final quarter 3-1 which 

perhaps should have been 3-2 as 

Pearson found himself in the sin bin 

once more however the Scot’s failed 

to capitalise. The 11-4 win was a great 

result for Newcastle, leaving them top 

of their group with a game to play. 

MVP was awarded to goalkeeper 

Hillmen for a fine display between 

the posts.


sportBUCS 

Howatson hat-trick gifts Royals victory in 

a close Christmas cracker at Longbenton 

Ladies Hockey 

Newcastle 1sts 

Manchester 2nds 

Alice Hogg 

at Longbenton 

5 

4 

On the seventh day of Christmas, 

NULHC were handed a 5-4 victory 

over Manchester Seconds at Longbenton, 

a long deserved early gift to 

mark the season halfway point. Despite 

the lack of snow, spirits were 

no less festive, especially those of Liz 

Shedden, still high off her success in a 

hard fought mince pie-eating competition 

the previous night. 

A start reminiscent of the sluggishness 

experienced post-Christmas 

dinner, the Firsts took time to defrost 

into the match, allowing King Herod 

and his Manc minions a chance to attack 

the inn. The defence dispersed, 

leaving goalkeeper Rachel Wilson as 

defenceless as baby Jesus. The Royals 

were proving themselves worthy of 

little more than a few lumps of coal 

this year. 

However, blessed by the arrival of 

the three wise men on the sideline to 

offer their support, Newcastle were 

spurred on to regain an even score 

line. Nicki Mollison nailed a right 

Christmas cracker, her powerful shot 

placed mid backboard with the precision 

one would have when placing the 

angel on top of the tree. 

Erika Coakley and Suzanne Hill, a 

pairing reminiscent of Dancer and 

Prancer, worked well up the right 

hand side to find Alice Hogg. However, 

she ,as out of place in midfield as 

the Easter bunny at Christmas time, 

couldn’t quite find the Manchester 

goal. 

Gold, Frankincense and Myer running 

low, Manchester once again 

found the inn unguarded by angels 

and slipped the ball over the Royals’ 

goal line. As with every Christmas, 

this match was one of give and 

take and for none was this truer than 

Charlotte Howatson, stealing as many 

goals as the Grinch does Christmas 

presents. Not long were the Royals 

behind before she fired a rebounding 

ball back into the visitor’s goal to 

even the scoreline at 2-2. 

Like King Herod, having heard 

prophesies of a god-like presence 

Manchester intensified their fight 

and went on a tyrannous attack in 

the closing minutes of the half, wining 

a short corner. This was successfully 

converted, leaving Newcastle 

as shocked as Mary was with her 

immaculate conception when they 

flocked like shepherds to the half time 

benediction. 

The second half started with Newcastle 

being almost blinded by the 

Star of Bethlehem, yet it guided them 

to victory in the end. Further goal 

stealing by ‘The Grinch’ Howatson 

turned the game around and had the 

Royals ahead for the first time, securing 

herself the joy of a hat trick. 

Yet Manchester were not going to 

go down without a fight. Newcastle 

appeared as stuck as the snowman 

before the clock strikes midnight, 

and allowed Manchester once again 

to walk into the D and nab their presents 

from the grotto. 

Newcastle’s festive spirit, spurred 

on by the thought of mulled wine 

later that evening, wouldn’t even let 

the Scrooge of an umpire upset them 

as he handed ‘The Grinch’ her comeuppance 

in the final minutes of the 

game, sending her to the igloo-like sin 

bin. With 10 men, like Santa and his 

reindeer, Newcastle continued with 

their quest to have all the presents 

delivered by dawn. Relief came when 

Rachel ‘clemclem’ Clements, clearly 

spurred on by her whiskey and carrots, 

supplied the goods with a last 

minute finisher. The closing minutes 

passed with the anticipation of 

the night before Christmas, the final 

whistle coming with the elation of the 

bells on Christmas morning. 

Wrapping up the half season with a 

jubilant win, has Newcastle wishing 

not only for a white Christmas, but a 

flurry of successful results to come. 

In a close battle Newcastle 

managed to edge 

past Manchester 2nds 

Photography: 

Moises Bedrossian 

NWR run riot in Bradford 

Women’s Rugby 

Newcastle 2nds 

Bradford 1sts 

Sophie Raine 

at Bradford 

45 

0 

On December 7 NWR Seconds finally 

got their first BUCS game against 

Bradford, due to others being cancelled 

to bad weather. 

As the teams kicked off, the hail 

stopped but the wind was hazardous 

for Bradford whose kick off was gusted 

backwards and didn’t make the 

mark. However, due to the conditions 

this was not surprising and few of 

the kicks obtained the distance they 

would normally have done. 

This gave NWR procession, which 

allowed the forward pod of Danni 

Shield and Rachel O’Neill to start the 

counter attack although the amount 

of mud on the pitch made gripping 

and running slow as studs were ineffective. 

The referee didn’t show so the coach 

from Bradford stepped up. A fair 

game was promised, however some of 

the decisions were harsh on the NWR 

pack. With imaginary knock-ons, a lot 

of minor error and Bradfords’ faults 

going unnoticed it was disheartening 

for the team. However relief came 

in the form of a good scrum from 

hooker Katie McEvoy who used her 

experience from the previous warmup 

friendly to hook back every single 

ball. The ball popped out at flanker 

Pat Lapierre’s feet and she kicked up 

the pitch, demonstrating her football 

skills and scored the first try. 

The restart kick went in to second 

row Rhian Hockey’s hands, giving her 

space to sprint up with the ball and 

attack the solid wall of Bradford defence. 

This attack caused a very high 

tackle by Bradford’s tall captain who 

somehow managed to have both feet 

off the ground, but by this point the 

ball was with Newcastle flanker Ami. 

Excellent ground was made, and NWR 

were close to the try line again, with a 

scrum down and fantastic pick and go 

from number eight, Jen ‘the machine’ 

Richards, the next phase allowed 

McEvoy to drive the ball over the 

try line. However the referee asked 

for the ball to be released not noticing 

she was over due to lack of clear 

markings on the pitch. 

Number five, Sally Hall got the next 

restart but soon after Bradford were 

rewarded a penalty which resulted 

in a scrum. With the scrum being 

won again and excellent ball protection 

from Richards, the ball went securely 

out to winger Julia, who ate up 

the ground with a two on one attack, 

and a pass back inside to number 12, 

Amanda Dalby for her first try for 

NWR. 

By this point the ball was covered 

in mud, making kicking and catching 

extremely difficult. Bradford rucked 

over to obtain the ball and kept procession 

to over half way with good 

breaks from the back line. When the 

ball came loose from a tackle NWR 

dived on it and secured it for an attack 

up the pitch. A lot of forward 

balls were used and the ball landed in 

the hands of number one, O’Neill for 

the last try of the first half leaving the 

score at 20-0. 

Hoping to improve in the second 

half, Bradford attacked and tested 

the defence of NWR. After a strong 

scrum down, number 13, Lauren 

Wallace, got the ball and ate up the 

muddy ground with surprising ease 

to score the first try of the second 

half. Bradford were under pressure 

again straight after the kick off when 

Newcastle hooker, McEvoy stole the 

ball and ran down the pitch to score 

another try. 

The dominance of NWR was clear 

and Bradford seemed to have lost the 

fight they came out with at the beginning 

of the second half. With scrums 

getting sloppy, the away side’s number 

three didn’t bind correctly and 

was naturally hurting O’Neill in the 

scrum. This almost led to a fight with 

the Bradford prop taking a swing before 

Captain Livvy intervened and 

asked the referee to double check the 

props binding. 

With another Bradford scrum being 

expertly stolen by McEvoy, the ball 

popped out at flanker Lapierre’s feet 

who managed to snake diagonally 

across the pitch to find the hole in 

the defence. Lapierre then passed to 

winger Natasha who seemed to want 

to get her white shirt dirty and took 

the ball in to tackle allowing a reset of 

the attacking line. A quick ball out to 

the backs in the 10 meter line allowed 

Wallace to dive over the try line. Playing 

into the wind had no effect on 

NWR’s pace or passing abilities. 

Bradford were punished at the restart 

again when their kick-off went 

straight into the arms of Livvy, who 

ran the ball up the touch line from 

halfway to the posts, leaving the competition 

behind like Usain Bolt. 

This wasn’t the last try of game and 

with only 10 minutes left in the game 

and a break from McEvoy led to a perfectly 

placed inside pop to Amanda 

Dalby who scored her second try of 

the game. With the weather turning 

again the Bradford captain decided 

to end the game with 10 minutes remaining 

and the final score at 45-0.


BUCSsport 

Pushing the boat out 

Canoe Club put BUCS points up on the board in Yorkshire 

Canoe Club 

Sam Desbruslais 

at River Washburn 

The weekend of November 26 probably 

lew by relatively unnoticed for 

most. However, for Newcastle University 

Canoe Club, it played host to 

the annual BUCS Wild Water Racing 

competition. 

Located on the river Washburn near 

Harrogate, the loodgates were quite 

literally opened as the huge dam release 

sent water crashing down the 

course, ready for racing. 

After a night of last minute boat 

adjustments, only made possible by 

Gavin Thompson and his dab hand 

with power tools, the paddlers awoke 

rearing to go. 

First up was the ‘classic race’, with 

2.5 km of river ahead, the paddler 

must race top to bottom as fast as 

possible, avoiding rocks and traversing 

drops. 

Newcastle got off to a lying start 

with good performances all round, 

notably; Christoph Gemassmer taking 

individual gold in the C1 (kneeling, 

single paddle); Tori Park taking 

bronze in the women’s K1 (kayak); 

and Baker, Gemassmer and Mitchell 

taking Gold in the men’s K1 team. 

The rest of the club, while not 

medalling, also placed highly and 

racked up more all important BUCS 

points. However, the morning’s exuberance 

quickly began to fade as 

Loughborough proceeded to pick up 

points across all disciplines, leading 

to a tense afternoon’s paddling. 

It was therefore with some relief 

that Newcastle struck back in the 

form of the C2 category, (two people, 

each with one paddle, in the same 

boat). A total whitewash of the podium 

saw Gemassmer/Clough taking 

Gold, Kirk/Wild silver and Baker/ 

Clarke bronze, whilst the other teams 

looked on. The girls’ team of Park, 

MacDougall and Speight then took 

bronze in the mixed team race further 

adding to the medal tally. 

The Sunday saw host to the sprint 

event – 90 seconds (if you’re quick) 

of lat out speed, whilst navigating 

twists, turns, rocks, trees and anything 

else that hasn’t been submerged 

by the dam release. Newcastle impressed 

again, taking ive of the top 

10 men’s K1 spots; gold and silver 

(Gemassmer and Baker) in the C1; 

along with another gold and silver 

(Kirk/Wild and Baker/Clarke) in the 

C2. Newcastle inished the weekend 

in irst place by a considerable margin 

scoring 159 BUCS points, taking 

the title of BUCS Wildwater Racing 

Champions (a title which Loughborough 

had previously held for seven 

years). 

It is a brilliant relection of the hard 

work everyone has put in this year. 

Special thanks must go to the committee 

who have worked hard to secure 

new boats, coaching and the inancial 

backing of the CPRS and Vice 

Chancellor which were all integral to 

this success. 

President Jonny Clough told The 

Courier, “Our members put in a lot of 

effort this year, but the hard work has 

paid off and we’re all ecstatic with the 

result. With the continued support 

of the University we can only look to 

continue our success come February 

at BUCS Slalom.” 

Go to BUCS.org.uk to see 

which University sports 

sides are helping Newcastle 

climb the rankings. 

9 

Won 

Newcastle Canoe 

club racking up the 

BUCS points 

Photography: 

Canoe Club 

BUCS League Table 

10 Oxford 1166 

11 Bristol 1095.5 

12 Leeds 1049 

13 Newcastle 1042 

14 Cardiff 925 

15 Northumbria 909 

16 Warwick 877 

Narrow 

cup wins 

for netball 

1s and 2s 

Netball 

Katie Rimmer 

Sheffield Hallam 1sts 

Newcastle 2nds 

Wednesdays clash against Shefield 

Hallam Firsts was a must-win for the 

Newcastle Seconds with a place in the 

last 16 of the Conference Cup awaiting 

the winner. 

Despite their opposition competing 

in the league above, the girls started 

out strongly gaining a four goal advantage 

straight from the offset. The 

girls fought hard to maintain their 

lead constantly sustaining pressure 

down the court, never letting Hallam 

close the gap. 

Although they did not respond to 

the rather physical approach adopted 

by Hallam they continued to effortlessly 

convert goals, helped by wing 

attack Harriet Humphries, and player 

of the match, Steph Blain, successfully 

outsmarting their defence. Interceptions 

from Newcastle’s strong 

defensive unit added to a multitude of 

turnovers the whole way down court, 

resulting in a win of 36-32; putting 

the Seconds through in what must be 

considered a cup upset. 

Newcastle 3rds 

Sheffield 1sts 

32 

36 

43 

42 

The Royals’ Third team was also in 

cup action, facing Shefield’s First 

team at Newcastle’s Sports Centre. 

Shefield currently sit at the top of 

the league above the Thirds, which 

resulted in a negative outlook at the 

beginning. However, the girls eagerly 

rose to the challenge in one of their 

most tightly fought matches this season. 

The team pulled together from 

the outset, responding to Shefield’s 

strengths and weaknesses, and used 

them effectively to their advantage. 

Louisa Sorenson excelled at wing attack, 

providing perfect feeds to Laura 

Wilson and Anna Rosenberg, who 

converted goal after goal perfectly. 

The ball moved smoothly down court 

in spite of Shefield’s defence, thanks 

to Rachel Brown who secured herself 

player of the match, whilst eficiently 

utilising the permanent back up of 

Lucy Greenwood. 

Basketball 

W1 v Leeds 1sts 72 - 69 

Lacrosse 

W2 v York 1sts 16 - 6 

Rugby League 

M2 v Teesside 1sts 20 - 28 

Results 

Fencing 

W1 v Leeds Met 1sts 129 - 104 

Hockey 

M2 v Leeds 2nds 0 - 2 

(Conference Cup) 

M3 v Northumbria 3rds 8 - 1 


W1 v Manchester 2nds 5 - 4 

Netball 

W2 v S’fi eld Hallam 1sts 36 - 32 


W3 v Sheffi eld 1sts 43 - 42 


Rugby 

M1 v Leeds 1sts 3 - 24 

M2 v Bishop Burton 1sts 5 - 52 

M3 v Durham 3rds 21 - 36 

M4 v Northumbria 2nds 19 - 24 

W2 v Bradford 1sts 45 - 0 

Squash 

M1 v Durham 1sts 5 - 0 

W1 v Northumbria 2nds 1 -2 

W2 v Durham 1sts 3 - 1 

Waterpolo 

M1 v Lancaster 1sts 24 - 5 

M1 v St Andrews 1sts 11 - 5

Sport 


48 


Ladies’ Hockey: Early 

Christmas present 

gifted to Royals 

page 46 

IM: All the results, 

all the action 

page 41-44 


Tangerine Dream: Shagther Senseless stun Newhist FC in Intra Mural Cup Round Two 

Cochrane Park played host to a shock Intra Mural cup result on Wednesday as Third Division Shagther Senseless beat Newhist FC 5-2 to book a quarter-fi nal berth and a match against Henderson Hall Photography: Hubert Lam 

Knights’ last minute joust 

Women’s Basketball 

Newcastle 1sts 

Leeds 1sts 

Rosie Wowk 

at Newcastle Sports Centre 

72 

68 

Last week saw Newcastle Women’s 

Basketball 1st team play a spine-tingling 

match against Leeds in a battle 

to reach the top of the table. 

Having lost the corresponding ixture 

in Leeds due to a few too many 

naps on the bus, the Knights were 

determined to parade their talent on 

their home turf. 

Leeds, who were unbeaten in the 

league up to this point, were desperate 

to maintain their record. 

The focussed home team started the 

irst quarter with immediate points 

in the bag with underground rapper, 

Eglė Duleckytė, swishing a three and 

making a smooth lay-up. Their reliable 

press was set in and forced errors 

were made by Leeds allowing the ball 

to be easily stolen. 

The away team’s poor defence and 

lack of knowledge of the rules saw 

the opposition getting called up for 

three seconds after deciding to pitch 

up a tent in the key. Newcastle used 

this opportunity to set up their offence 

with motivational speaker of 

the year, Jacquelyn Fisher, shooting 

a irst-class jump shot off a screen. 

Excellent communication and hard 

work on defence helped the Knights 

end the quarter with a ive point lead. 

The second quarter proved to be 

tough for the hosts, as Leeds only 

shooting player knocked some unchallenged 

shots down. 

With two giants on court, rebounding 

was not a problem. AU oficer, 

Alice ‘Access’ Holloway surged up 

the court every time the ball boomeranged 

off the backboard. 

Eficient new strategies were put in 

place to mark Leeds’ best shooters 

out of the game and to help stop the 

bumbling weaklings drive through 

the key. At the other end of the court 

serial frowner, Inga Vareikaitė, broke 

through the oppositions defence to 

score several carefree lay-ups ending 

the half on a high. 

Leeds were in deep disciplinary 

water at the start of the second half, 

which made penetration into the key 

easy as pie for the Newcastle Knights. 

Some snappy passes into the post allowed 

the whopper Tass Von Streng 

to lick up a few hook shots. Meanwhile 

persistence under the basket 

helped tap queen, Leonie Smith, sink 

a bank shot, taking it to the line for an 

extra one. 

Desperation from opposition didn’t 

help their fouling record, giving away 

shots to Frenchie, Corinne Vaughan, 

who held a nearly perfect free-throw 

record throughout the game. 

The score was at 53-48 to the home 

side as they stepped out on court for 

what they thought would be the inal 

time that evening. 

Fouls were still being called on the 

opposition leading to frustration and 

poor shot selection for Leeds. A double 

check from team giants, helped 

get the ball back down to the home 

basket for a back door look for horse 

breeder, Emily Jackson. 

Pressured defence from the Knights 

helped Von Streng dive for the ball, 

achieving a swift interception and 

fast break for Lithuanian Vareikaitė. 

The tension could be cut with a knife 

with 40 seconds on the clock and the 

hosts being just three points up. 

A few turnovers later, time was up 

with a level score of 66-66 meaning 

another nerve-racking ive minutes 

was added to the clock for extra time. 

With both teams desperate to win, 

the heat of the game could be felt a 

mile off. With some big blocks from 

the humble Rosie Wowk, possession 

was transferred to allow Eggy 

Duleckytė to drop a triple through the 

hoop. Disaster struck as a Leeds cronie 

wrestled the three-point shooter 

to the loor, leaving Eggy crippled in 

pain. 

Composure was hard to keep but 

the Knights managed to gain a sweet 

victory in extra time with a score of 

72-68. Showing off his new cane, 

Coach Bunten stated “The girls put up 

a great ight today, even though there 

are areas that we still need to work 

on, we were the better team out on 

the court.” The Knights now sit top of 

the pile over the Christmas break and 

will be tough to beat in the New Year. 

Remaining fixtures 

01 Feb Glasgow 1sts 

08 Feb Liverpool 1sts 

15 Feb MMU Chesire 1sts 

29 Feb Manchester 1sts 

07 Mar Leeds Met 2nds 

For all fixtures, results 

and detailed tables, go to 

http://www.bucs.org.uk

12th December (Issue 1242) - The Courier

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