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November 2014 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />

The Most Unusual Digest in America<br />

The Best<br />

Things in<br />

Life are...<br />

FREE<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

Specialty Nights at<br />

Sponsored by Federal Distributors with weekly give-a-ways!<br />

Open Mic Night<br />

Every Wednesday at 7pm<br />

Register to win a Bud Light Snowboard<br />

(drawing to be held 11.26.14)<br />

Mermaid Night<br />

Every Thursday at 7pm<br />

Register to win an iPad Mini<br />

(drawing to be held 12.4.14)<br />

Japanese Cuisine<br />

Book Your Holiday<br />

Party by Nov. 15th &<br />

Receive 10% OFF<br />

Menu items.<br />

Celebrate your<br />

Birthday at<br />

Sea 40 & Receive a<br />

FREE dessert<br />

Save the date<br />

for our<br />

New Year’s Eve<br />

BASH!!<br />

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • sea40me.com<br />

Armandsab@aol.com


Proper Name<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.<br />

Mr. Schwartz was the<br />

oldest of 7 children, so<br />

he had to quit school<br />

and work to help support<br />

his younger brothers<br />

and sisters. He<br />

never learned to read,<br />

so when he married<br />

and started a checking<br />

account, he signed his<br />

checks simply "XX".<br />

Eventually he started<br />

his own business,<br />

which immediately<br />

prospered.<br />

He soon was a very<br />

rich man. One day, he<br />

got a call from his<br />

bank. "Mr. Schwartz,"<br />

said the banker, "I<br />

need to ask you about<br />

this check. We weren't<br />

sure you had really<br />

signed it. All these<br />

years you've been<br />

signing your checks<br />

'XX', but we just got<br />

one that was signed<br />

with three XXX's..."<br />

Mr. Schwartz answered,<br />

"No problem,<br />

my friend. It's just that<br />

since I've become so<br />

wealthy, my wife<br />

thought I ought to have<br />

a middle name."<br />

When Abe Lincoln declared<br />

Thanksgiving a<br />

national holiday, it was<br />

thanks to the tireless<br />

efforts of a magazine<br />

editor named Sarah<br />

Josepha Hale. Her<br />

other claim to fame?<br />

She also wrote the<br />

nursery rhyme, "Mary<br />

had a Little Lamb."<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

2<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.


Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

Saturday, Nov 1st<br />

Sabattus KC Bean Supper<br />

4:30pm - 6pm (Chapter 14346)<br />

Parish Hall 131 High St, Sabattus<br />

$6 Member; $7 Guest<br />

Sunday, Nov 2nd<br />

Sabattus American Legion Post<br />

135 Breakfast 7:30am – 10am<br />

Island Rd, Sabattus<br />

$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />

Tuesday, Nov 4th<br />

Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm<br />

(Chapter 10589)<br />

63 Sabattus St, Lewiston<br />

$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />

Sunday, Nov 9th<br />

KC Breakfast 8am – 10am<br />

(Chapter 7938)<br />

Columbus Drive, Brunswick<br />

$5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free<br />

Wednesday, Nov 12th<br />

99 Restaurant 4pm - 7pm<br />

(Chapter 12749)<br />

650 Center St, Auburn<br />

$8 Member; $9 Guest<br />

Tuesday, Nov 18th<br />

Roy's Breakfast 7am - 10am<br />

(Chapter 8609)<br />

Washington St, Auburn<br />

$2.50 Member; $3.50 Guest<br />

Dick Courtemanche<br />

207-786-3622<br />

Lewiston<br />

Art Chamberlain<br />

207-514-7003<br />

Lewiston<br />

Paul Colasante*<br />

207-782-8823<br />

Lewiston<br />

Michael Courtemanche*<br />

207-783-8921<br />

Lewiston<br />

<strong>November</strong> 22nd - 29th<br />

Feztival of Trees<br />

(see schedule for times)<br />

Kora Shriner's Temple,<br />

11 Sabattus, Lewiston<br />

$1 Member<br />

Sunday, Nov 23rd<br />

Sabattus KC Turkey Dinner,<br />

Noon-Sharp (Chapter 12907)<br />

Our Lady of The Rosary Church,<br />

Sabattus<br />

$6.50 Member; $7 Guest<br />

Forest Cluff*<br />

207-725-4606<br />

Brunswick<br />

Ron Ouellette*<br />

207-786-3612<br />

Lewiston<br />

Kim Pelkey*<br />

207-786-2573<br />

Lewiston/Norway<br />

Deb Wagemann*<br />

207-783-8804<br />

Auburn<br />

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.<br />

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years. Getting over the hill was a workout!<br />

Tuesday, Nov 25th<br />

Pizza Hut 11:30am - 1pm<br />

(Chapter 10929)<br />

Rt 26, Oxford<br />

$5 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-<br />

TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED<br />

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If<br />

additional info is needed, please call our office,<br />

please do not call restaurants. All activities can<br />

only be attended at the times listed.<br />

*************************<br />

Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />

Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />

184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />

activities and can only be picked up the<br />

week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs<br />

9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon<br />

(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.


Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

is published by the first<br />

Friday of every month by<br />

Maine Mountain Ocean<br />

Group, Inc. with offices at<br />

9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.<br />

It is distributed free throughout<br />

Central Maine and mailed<br />

to subscribers all over the<br />

world. Subscriptions are<br />

$30/year. Send a $30 check<br />

made out to<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest to:<br />

P.O. Box 3363,<br />

Auburn, ME 04212<br />

Staff<br />

JIMBO<br />

Thankful<br />

TIM<br />

Grateful<br />

MAGGIE<br />

Appreciative<br />

THOMAS<br />

Obliged<br />

PAM<br />

Cheerful<br />

GENE-O<br />

Gratified<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

MAILING ADDRESS:<br />

PO Box 3363<br />

Auburn, ME 04212<br />

EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com<br />

PHONE: 207 783-7039<br />

FAX: 207 777-3898<br />

UncleAndys.com<br />

It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.<br />

AFFORDABLE DENTURES<br />

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired<br />

on-site, usually same-day service!<br />

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!<br />

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted<br />

We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider<br />

FREE CONSULTATIONS<br />

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />

514-0660<br />

SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

Or email us at:<br />

smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

Also see us for:<br />

• Full Dentures<br />

• Immediate Dentures<br />

• Partial Dentures<br />

• Rebases<br />

• Relines<br />

• Repairs<br />

• All work done in house,<br />

including metal frameworks<br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins,<br />

licensed<br />

denturists<br />

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to<br />

ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />

client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />

general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />

availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />

product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

4<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.


Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.<br />

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!<br />

• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily<br />

• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar<br />

• Daily Specials<br />

• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights<br />

• Live Music on Friday Nights<br />

Out ’n About with the<br />

Tri-Town Knights<br />

3rd & 4th Grade<br />

Football team<br />

These young men had one heck<br />

of a season. Representing<br />

McFalls, Minot & Poland, they<br />

went undefeated coming into<br />

the Championship game against<br />

Lisbon. A great game it was, the<br />

boys played hard - Lisbon ended<br />

up on top 14-12.<br />

64 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />

657-4714 • ColeFarms.com<br />

Holiday Craft Fair<br />

Hosted by RSU4 PTA<br />

When: Saturday, <strong>November</strong> 22<br />

9am – 3pm<br />

Where: Oak Hill Middle School<br />

40 Ballpark Rd, Sabattus<br />

Entry: Admission is FREE!<br />

Holiday gifts, baked goods, door prizes, 50/50, and our famous<br />

"Pick Your Raffle". Lunch counter serving homemade soups,<br />

chowders, chili and hotdogs. All proceeds support the students<br />

grades K-8 from Sabattus, Litchfield, and Wales.<br />

Thanksgiving Centerpieces<br />

FREE delivery in L/A<br />

777-1520<br />

Sweet Pea Designs<br />

Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe<br />

sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com<br />

"You can’t hurry love or pizza. Especially pizza." – Snoopy<br />

8’ table rentals<br />

are $ 35.<br />

Contact us at<br />

RSU4.org FMI<br />

Let’s<br />

DO this!<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

I love<br />

playing on<br />

and eating at<br />

the Grid<br />

Iron!<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 5


Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

6<br />

Labels<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Before I took the old<br />

family car to college,<br />

my father loaded the<br />

trunk with soda pop<br />

bottles filled with oil,<br />

coolant and transmission<br />

fluid. Sure<br />

enough, my car overheated.<br />

Scolding myself for not<br />

listening to my father’s<br />

instructions, I looked at<br />

the engine and saw<br />

how well he knew me.<br />

The oil cap was labeled<br />

Dr Pepper, the<br />

transmission stick,<br />

Coke, and the empty<br />

coolant container, Diet<br />

Pepsi. I finished the trip<br />

safely.<br />

Day Trip<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

When I bought my new<br />

Lexus Sport Coupe,<br />

my two sons asked me<br />

who would inherit it if I<br />

met my demise. I pondered<br />

the question,<br />

then told them if I<br />

passed away on an<br />

even day, the son born<br />

on an even day would<br />

get it. If it happened on<br />

an odd day, the one<br />

born on the odd day<br />

would get it.<br />

A few weekends later,<br />

while river rafting with<br />

one of my sons, I was<br />

tossed out of the boat.<br />

As I floated in the<br />

rapids, I heard my son<br />

yelling, "It’s the wrong<br />

day!"<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

WE CARRY:<br />

• All Dab Accessories & rigs<br />

• Glasspipes, Metalpipes,<br />

Hookahs, Woodpipes<br />

• Detox - Vaporizers<br />

• E-Hookahs & E-Liquid<br />

• Butane, Papers, Shisha<br />

& Incense<br />

• Seedless Clothing<br />

• Posters<br />

• Bags<br />

• Pipe Cases<br />

It takes 75-80 pounds of feed to raise a 30 pound tom turkey.<br />

AFTER HOURS HAS WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR!<br />

Open Mon - Sat<br />

10am - 8pm<br />

25 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 795-7600<br />

Commercially raised turkeys cannot fly.<br />

We’re a<br />

FULL Service<br />

Vaporizer<br />

Shop.<br />

We have vaporizers for<br />

all uses as well as e-cigs,<br />

e-hookahs (refillable &<br />

disposeable). And many<br />

flavors of premium<br />

American made e-juice<br />

from 0-24mg nicotine<br />

levels.<br />

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash<br />

Lucky me... I got<br />

to spend an evening with<br />

Dumb & Dumber.<br />

Matthew Simard, Terri Cook & Ryan Cook<br />

Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clucking noise.


In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed.<br />

Out ’n About with the<br />

Tri-Town Knights<br />

3rd & 4th Grade<br />

Football team<br />

We Would Like To Thank Our Community<br />

for 27 Great Years With These Great Offers!<br />

ALL NOVEMBER!<br />

Schan, Kim &<br />

Brady Martin<br />

The Grid Iron gang<br />

Holiday Spa Package Special!<br />

PURCHASE ANY ARTESIAN SPA & RECEIVE<br />

Spa Cover * Cover Lift * Steps<br />

Light Package * Chemical Package<br />

FREE!<br />

Want to Earn $200?<br />

Refer A Friend Who Purchases a Spa or Pool and Get $200!<br />

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com<br />

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0<br />

Parker & Ben Hackett<br />

There’s no<br />

half-way. It’s all or<br />

nothing, don’t you<br />

agree?<br />

Ian MacEachen<br />

A fired up fan<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 7


Out ’n About with the<br />

Tri-Town Knights<br />

3rd & 4th Grade<br />

Football team<br />

I had a life once... now I have a computer with Facebook.<br />

Brady Lawrence<br />

The boys<br />

of Fall... We’re<br />

super proud of<br />

everyone of them!<br />

Great season,<br />

boys!!<br />

Mason & Jim<br />

Brousseau<br />

What do Black Friday<br />

shoppers and the<br />

Thanksgiving turkey<br />

have in common?<br />

They know what it’s<br />

like to be stuffed and<br />

then jammed into<br />

a small place.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

8<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!


Book Your Christmas<br />

Party NOW!<br />

Business • Family<br />

We do it all!!<br />

Professional service at an affordable price<br />

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!<br />

Dad’s Place<br />

Catering Division<br />

345-9009 DadsPlace.info<br />

Call Diana or<br />

Larry for<br />

more info<br />

and pricing!<br />

FREE<br />

COFFEE FRIDAY!<br />

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase<br />

of Breakfast Sandwich<br />

every Friday.<br />

Expires 11.30.14<br />

ONLY<br />

$5<br />

There’s NO PLACE like...<br />

Dad’s Place<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info


Sage Advice<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

While on a flight cross<br />

country, A woman was<br />

sitting across the aisle<br />

from another woman<br />

and her eight-year-old<br />

son.<br />

She couldn’t help<br />

laughing as they<br />

neared their destination<br />

and she heard the<br />

mother say to the boy,<br />

“Now remember... Run<br />

to Dad first, then the<br />

dog.”<br />

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?<br />

The Chick Has Got it Going On!<br />

Time to book your Christmas Party with us!<br />

Our back room holds up to 75 people.<br />

We accommodate for small parties, too. Dates are filling fast!<br />

We’ll be all decorated for Christmas on Friday, <strong>November</strong> 28th.<br />

You’re gonna<br />

love it!<br />

of Lewiston<br />

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com<br />

Thanksgiving<br />

Roasted Turkey Breast Dinner<br />

- at home or work!<br />

with Gravy, Homemade Stuffing, Mashed Potato,<br />

Fresh Butternut Squash, Buttered Peas, Cranberry<br />

Sauce, Dinner Rolls & Pumpkin Pie.<br />

Only $10.95<br />

Pick up 11-4 on Wed. 11.26 • Order soon!<br />

Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights<br />

3rd & 4th Grade Football team<br />

Storybook<br />

Diet<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

After listening to some<br />

bedtime stories, young<br />

Eli said to his father,<br />

“Snow White was poisoned<br />

by an apple,<br />

Jack found a giant on a<br />

beanstalk, and just<br />

look what happened to<br />

Alice when she ate the<br />

mushroom.”<br />

Confucius Says: Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.<br />

Open 7 Days a week<br />

Mon - Fri 10 - 5 • Sat & Sun 10 - 4<br />

9 Rooms filled with EVERYTHING<br />

You need to decorate your home<br />

AND SO MUCH MORE!<br />

CHRISTMAS<br />

OPEN HOUSE<br />

<strong>November</strong> 12 – 16<br />

20% OFF<br />

Your total<br />

purchase<br />

*Some exclusions<br />

“You wonder why I<br />

won't eat fruits and<br />

vegetables.”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

10<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how<br />

I lost my mind." – Steve Allen


“You know you’re a bad cook when your family wants leftover pizza for Thanksgiving.” – Melanie White<br />

HUGE DISCOUNTS<br />

Is Your<br />

Home<br />

Ready for<br />

Thanksgiving?<br />

on<br />

Kitchen Cabinets<br />

and Flooring<br />

Our Gift Cards make perfect<br />

Christmas Gifts!<br />

675 Main Street, Lewiston<br />

Mon – Sat 8am - 6pm<br />

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com • 782-0831<br />

“Last Thanksgiving my new dessert really hit the spot: Pepto-Bismol pie.”<br />

– Melanie White<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 11


Slim Picking<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

“I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members<br />

of my own family.” – Damien Fahey<br />

My 16-year-old brother,<br />

Ryan, was out late with<br />

friends one night. Suddenly<br />

he realized it was<br />

Father’s Day and he<br />

had neglected to buy a<br />

card for our dad. After<br />

much searching, Ryan<br />

located an open store,<br />

but was disappointed<br />

to find only two cards<br />

left on a picked-over<br />

rack. Selecting one, he<br />

brought it home and,<br />

somewhat sheepishly,<br />

presented it to our<br />

father.<br />

Upon opening it, Dad<br />

read this message:<br />

“You’ve been like a father<br />

to me.” He looked<br />

at Ryan, puzzled.<br />

“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried<br />

to explain, “it was either<br />

that or the card<br />

that said, ‘Now that I’m<br />

a father too!’”<br />

Stuffing<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Michael was sitting in<br />

his grandmother’s<br />

kitchen, watching her<br />

prepare the Thanksgiving<br />

meal.<br />

“What are you doing?”<br />

Michael inquired.<br />

“Oh, I’m just stuffing<br />

the turkey,” his grandmother<br />

replied.<br />

“Wow, that’s cool.”<br />

Michael remarked.<br />

“Are you going to hang<br />

it next to the deer?”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

12<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Opening in <strong>November</strong>!<br />

~ Booth Rentals Available ~<br />

Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm<br />

232 Center Street, Auburn • 753-9368<br />

(next to Play It Again Sports)<br />

Real Estate Rockettes<br />

Mon-Sat 7am-9pm<br />

Sun 10am-8pm<br />

Lynn Norris & Michelle Higgins<br />

Celebrating 7 Years<br />

in Business!<br />

...to our community<br />

for all of the support!<br />

Stop by to enter our weekly<br />

drawings during <strong>November</strong>!<br />

• Skate passes to Norway Savings Bank Ice Arena<br />

• Heidi’s Gift Cards<br />

Grand Prize<br />

• Photo Finish Mini Studio Session<br />

Heidi’s Party Platter<br />

• $25 Gift Card to Ann’s Flowers<br />

Out ’n About at the<br />

United Way’s<br />

Run Like Hell 5K<br />

and Halloween Bash<br />

Angie Larochelle,<br />

Melissa Field &<br />

Beth Favreau<br />

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com<br />

“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.”<br />

– Melanie White<br />

Locally Owned<br />

& Operated


Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we<br />

could have a day off work.<br />

Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.<br />

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!<br />

Ask About Home Visits!<br />

We specialize in:<br />

Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters,<br />

Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning<br />

& Court-Appointed matters.<br />

The Law Offices of<br />

Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.<br />

207-440-2130<br />

87 Essex Street,<br />

Lewiston<br />

Call for your FREE<br />

consultation!<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

March of Dime’s<br />

Signature<br />

Chefs Auction<br />

at the Hilton Garden Inn<br />

in Auburn<br />

I love my<br />

(4) job(s)!<br />

Matt Shaw<br />

Happy Turkey Day, America! Don’t forget to name the turkey<br />

and make everyone uncomfortable.<br />

Kay Richardson &<br />

Jonathon Knight<br />

CMCC Culinary Club<br />

Cecile Asselin<br />

& Sue Blais<br />

Mother & Daughter<br />

Airline pilots make many friends in high places.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 13


Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

14<br />

Pay Scale<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

Old ranch owner John<br />

farmed a small ranch in<br />

Montana. The Montana<br />

Wage and Hour Department<br />

claimed he<br />

was not paying proper<br />

wages to his workers<br />

and sent an agent out<br />

to interview him.<br />

“I need a list of your<br />

employees and how<br />

much you pay them,”<br />

demanded the agent.<br />

“Well,” replied old<br />

John, “There's my<br />

ranch hand who's been<br />

with me for 3 years. I<br />

pay him $600 a week<br />

plus free room and<br />

board. The cook has<br />

been here for 18<br />

months, and I pay her<br />

$500 a week plus free<br />

room and board. Then<br />

there's the half-wit who<br />

works about 18 hours<br />

every day and does<br />

about 90% of all the<br />

work around here. He<br />

makes about $10 per<br />

week, pays his own<br />

room and board and I<br />

buy him a bottle of<br />

bourbon every Saturday<br />

night.”<br />

“That's the guy I want<br />

to talk to, the half-wit,”<br />

says the agent.<br />

“That would be me,”<br />

replied old rancher<br />

John.<br />

I used to love the<br />

candy Nerds, but I<br />

stopped eating them<br />

when I realized that for<br />

me, it was basically<br />

cannibalism.<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

I hear that exercise kills germs. But how do you get the little buggers to exercise?<br />

Pick a Proven Winner<br />

Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.<br />

Rollie Heckethorn<br />

Choose one with a proven track record!<br />

Office: 729-7297<br />

Cell: 344-0007<br />

The Hannaford Hotties!<br />

Rollie Heckethorn:<br />

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988<br />

• Past President of the Androscoggin<br />

Board of Realtors<br />

• <strong>2014</strong> AVBOR Realtor of the Year<br />

• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential,<br />

commercial & investment properties all<br />

over the state of Maine<br />

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction<br />

Trina Bedard, Chris “Sassy” Moore,<br />

Ben Convery, Tanya Belanger & Brent Hamel<br />

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building<br />

soundeffectsmaine.com<br />

I wish for your life to be like toilet paper. Long and useful.<br />

777-3339<br />

REMOTE STARTERS


As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me<br />

in many ways to keep me quiet.<br />

WOW! Don’t spend $18+ at the<br />

beauty salon, get your...<br />

Mens & Boys CUTS for<br />

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts<br />

Marcel’s<br />

Barber Shop<br />

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />

Bar & Grille<br />

Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool<br />

Celebrating 60 Years in Business!<br />

Rollodrome<br />

FALL SCHEDULE<br />

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm<br />

Available for private parties<br />

Lunch for $ 3.99!<br />

Mon.-Fri. 11am - 3pm<br />

Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock<br />

or Home-Made Chicken Tenders<br />

Served with one side:<br />

Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly<br />

seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans,<br />

Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.<br />

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com<br />

Where<br />

Good Skaters<br />

Meet<br />

$<br />

12<br />

Streakers repant, your end is in sight.<br />

Now taking<br />

reservations<br />

for Holiday<br />

Parties!<br />

Since 1954<br />

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />

www.rollodrome.com<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

March of Dime’s<br />

Signature<br />

Chefs Auction<br />

at the Hilton Garden Inn<br />

in Auburn<br />

Jill & Joe Drew<br />

The Winery Baker<br />

Chef Kevin<br />

Cunningham<br />

Marché Kitchen & Wine Bar<br />

Chef Jon<br />

Cunningham<br />

Gritty McDuff’s of Auburn<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 15


Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

For the Second Chances<br />

Foundation Fundraiser for<br />

Aimee Driscoll.<br />

Aimee is an<br />

amazing young lady<br />

recovering from a<br />

double lung transplant.<br />

To donate and learn<br />

more, visit<br />

aimeescause.org<br />

Turkeys will have 3,500 feathers at maturity.<br />

Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms<br />

Snow is right<br />

around the corner...<br />

come see us for your<br />

winter fun loans!<br />

Rachel Potvin<br />

Call Dane,<br />

Michele or<br />

Ken today!<br />

Shelby Rucker<br />

Great Falls<br />

Federal Credit Union<br />

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192<br />

760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500<br />

*Restrictions & qualification apply<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

16<br />

Deniege<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

www.GreatFallsfcu.com<br />

Turkey has more protein than chicken or beef.


A 15 pound turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat.<br />

Family Friendly Dentist<br />

~ Right in Your Backyard ~<br />

Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997<br />

Accepting<br />

New Patients!<br />

James F. Weigand, DDS<br />

General Dentistry<br />

364 Maine Street<br />

Poland Spring • 998-4587<br />

(Located at the Poland Community Health Center<br />

at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122)<br />

Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm<br />

Most Insurances Accepted<br />

New Talent<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A doctor has come to<br />

see one of his patients<br />

in a hospital. The patient<br />

has had major<br />

surgery to both of his<br />

hands.<br />

“Doctor,” says the man<br />

excitedly, and dramatically<br />

holds up his heavily<br />

bandaged hands.<br />

“Will I be able to play<br />

the piano when these<br />

bandages come off?”<br />

“I don’t see why not,”<br />

replies the doctor.<br />

“That’s funny,” says the<br />

man. “I wasn’t able to<br />

play it before.”<br />

Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.<br />

Confucius Says: House without bathroom is uncanny<br />

A Full Service Salon<br />

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave,<br />

Auburn<br />

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />

AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />

Those who build roofs are so inclined.<br />

1117 Center St., Auburn<br />

(behind Met Life) • 784-3522<br />

I can't believe it happened. The other day I jogged backward and put on eight pounds!<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 17


When I went to the dentist for some root canal work, I lost my nerve.<br />

GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC!<br />

Authorized<br />

Service<br />

Center<br />

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE!<br />

Offering lessons in:<br />

Instrument<br />

Sales &<br />

Service<br />

• Guitar • Piano • Electric Bass<br />

• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin<br />

• Violin • Upright Bass • Brass & Woodwinds<br />

Main St. Music Lessons<br />

& Instrument Repair<br />

376-3376<br />

134 Main Street, Auburn<br />

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />

Little Known<br />

Fact<br />

TV dinners have<br />

Thanksgiving to thank.<br />

In 1953, someone at<br />

Swanson misjudged<br />

the number of frozen<br />

turkeys it would sell<br />

that Thanksgiving -- by<br />

26 TONS! Some industrious<br />

soul came up<br />

with a brilliant plan:<br />

Why not slice up the<br />

meat and repackage it<br />

with some trimmings<br />

on the side? Thus, the<br />

first TV dinner was<br />

born!<br />

A bath is something you take when you find yourself in hot water.<br />

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION!<br />

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...<br />

ANY PROBLEM...<br />

NO PROBLEM!<br />

• Appointments required<br />

• Fully warranteed & certified<br />

• $60/hr labor rate<br />

Brad’s Precision Auto<br />

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn<br />

333-0364<br />

Come<br />

join the<br />

family!<br />

Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan<br />

Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin<br />

Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve<br />

Upon removing his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell defeat.<br />

Come see us<br />

at our<br />

NEW Location!<br />

We’re now at<br />

61 Mill Street in Auburn<br />

(in the old Pontbriand<br />

Hardware building)<br />

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706<br />

Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

18<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat.<br />

It's watching what other people eat.


It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.<br />

*Holiday Special*<br />

Ship Any Bakery Item to Family & Friends<br />

& Receive 20% OFF Your Online Orders!<br />

Take Home For<br />

The Holidays Our Famous<br />

Mini Pastry Platters<br />

Must<br />

Use Code:<br />

“UncleAndys”<br />

Every Friday<br />

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ( $ 7.50)<br />

and get the 2nd dozen at half price!<br />

$<br />

11.25 for both<br />

$<br />

17/2 dozen<br />

$<br />

39/5 dozen<br />

Mon.<br />

6am-noon<br />

Tues-Fri<br />

6am-3pm<br />

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston<br />

784-7042<br />

LabadiesBakery.com<br />

An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and dessert.<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

For the Second Chances<br />

Foundation Fundraiser for<br />

Aimee Driscoll.<br />

I have an<br />

awesome<br />

family!<br />

A fresh perspective for Lewiston!<br />

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!<br />

Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.com<br />

Paid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer<br />

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."<br />

Aimee Driscoll<br />

with her dad,<br />

Dan Brooks<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 19


SHOP LOCAL<br />

THINK LOCAL<br />

Main Street Market<br />

in Sabattus is not your ordinary<br />

convenience store. Walk<br />

in and you’re greeted by smiling,<br />

friendly people who obviously<br />

enjoy what they do.<br />

You’ll find an extensive takeout<br />

menu, groceries, ice cold<br />

beer, fresh meats and a whole<br />

lot more!<br />

Meet the owner operator,<br />

Brad Veilleux, and you’ll<br />

sense a caring attitude who<br />

aims to please his customers<br />

and listens to their needs.<br />

Spend any amount of time<br />

inside Main Street Market<br />

and you might think Norm<br />

from Cheers is going to walk<br />

through the door at any<br />

minute. “We have lots of regulars<br />

who stop here daily. It’s<br />

a destination,” says Brad. “A<br />

number of customers come<br />

here even when it might be<br />

out of their way.”<br />

Our neighborhoods are defined<br />

by the businesses that<br />

thrive within them. Small<br />

business owners are people<br />

who live locally and are more<br />

invested in our future. Now,<br />

more than ever, it’s important<br />

to think local and shop local.<br />

Make Main Street Market<br />

your regular stop. You won’t<br />

be disappointed!<br />

~Customer Testimonials~<br />

Nice little convenient store,<br />

friendly workers. Owner is always<br />

willing to order products<br />

that customers ask for. Wide<br />

beer selection, and it is always<br />

very cold. Delicious food, hot<br />

and cold sandwiches, fresh<br />

dough pizza and a large fried<br />

food selection. Salad sandwiches<br />

are all homemade fresh<br />

daily, and are so good, especially<br />

the chicken salad. This<br />

store has many goods, always<br />

has what you need at fair<br />

prices. – Dana in Sabattus<br />

Great price on coffee!! Only<br />

$.99 for a large I'll make this<br />

my only stop before work.<br />

– Brandon in Litchfield<br />

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.<br />

SHOPPING LOCAL<br />

Means Everything to Us!<br />

Try anything<br />

on our huge menu,<br />

you won’t be<br />

disappointed!<br />

We L OVE<br />

supporting our local:<br />

• Sports Teams<br />

• Athletic Clubs<br />

• Schools<br />

• Fundraisers<br />

“Try us once, you’ll be a regular!”<br />

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET<br />

For take-out, groceries, fresh meats,<br />

cold beer & more!<br />

2 Main Street, Sabattus<br />

375-8502<br />

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm<br />

We have<br />

fun, I’m not gonna<br />

lie! Come check<br />

us out.<br />

$<br />

3 OFF<br />

ANY LARGE PIZZA!<br />

Limit one per customer<br />

(UAD) Expires 11.30.14<br />

"Life is like an ice-cream cone: You have to learn to lick it!" – Charlie Brown


Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the United States.<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

For the Second Chances<br />

Foundation Fundraiser for<br />

Aimee Driscoll.<br />

Lewiston Middle School<br />

Parent-Teacher Organization is collecting Box Tops this year.<br />

If YOU have Box Tops that you’d like to donate to our school please<br />

mail them to: Lewiston Middle School, 75 Central Ave., Lewiston,<br />

ME, 04240 or drop them off at the school office.<br />

We Appreciate Your Support!<br />

740-6316<br />

Hours:Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4<br />

Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12<br />

Walk-Ins<br />

Welcome!<br />

Your Hometown Barber<br />

$<br />

10 .00 CUTS<br />

184 Turner St. Auburn (Parking in the Back)<br />

*Next to Coastal T-shirts<br />

The average weight of a turkey purchased at Thanksgiving is 15 pounds.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 21


Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.<br />

Celebrating 60 Years<br />

in Business!<br />

Since 1953<br />

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />

SUNDAY<br />

Baked Ziti<br />

$<br />

6.00<br />

MONDAY<br />

The Fergy<br />

sm $<br />

2.50<br />

lg $<br />

5.00<br />

TUESDAY<br />

Meatball Subs<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Spaghetti Dinners<br />

1 meatball, salad,<br />

sm $<br />

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />

garlic bread, drink<br />

lg $<br />

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />

5.25<br />

Julie Girard<br />

We live in an<br />

absolutely amazing<br />

community!<br />

THURSDAY<br />

Mini Pizza<br />

1 topping $<br />

2.99<br />

2 toppings $<br />

3.99<br />

FRIDAY<br />

$1.00 OFF<br />

Any Large Pizza<br />

SATURDAY<br />

2 Ham or Salami<br />

Italians<br />

$<br />

7.99<br />

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 1, 1968: The movie ratings system is first implemented by Hollywood.<br />

Patti Gagne<br />

SUMMER BODIES<br />

ARE MADE IN THE WINTER<br />

Check us out... It’s PRiME Time!<br />

Group Classes • One-on-One Training • Nutrition Services • Team Training<br />

Thanksgiving Morning<br />

Join us for KYAC Class at 8:00am,<br />

then enjoy a guilt free Thanksgiving meal!<br />

Deniege<br />

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls<br />

Prime360Training.com • 577-5979<br />

BJ Grondin, CSCS<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

22<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Each year, the average American eats somewhere between 16 - 18 pounds of turkey.


Prince played 27 different instruments on his debut album For You.<br />

Local Bands Every Friday 4-5pm<br />

and L/A’s Got Talent... Sign Up at LAAlerts.com for schedule<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

March of Dime’s<br />

Signature<br />

Chefs Auction<br />

at the Hilton Garden Inn<br />

in Auburn<br />

with Jacob & Danny<br />

of The Dapper Gents<br />

Duo<br />

The Dean of Maine Radio... Dave Dean<br />

Jacob McCurdy<br />

Photos courtesy of<br />

Haines Photography<br />

Turn the page for the <strong>November</strong> band line-up!<br />

To see our full schedule, sign up at LAAlerts.com.<br />

Also, check our Facebook page: Z1055<br />

Brought to you by:<br />

Hear it on:<br />

Remove<br />

the center<br />

spread and hang<br />

on your wall!<br />

Watch for more local<br />

bands coming each<br />

month in Uncle Andy’s<br />

Digest!!<br />

Danny Rand<br />

Listening to music while<br />

working out measurably<br />

improves physical<br />

performance.<br />

David Bowie has a lizard tattooed on his ankle.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 23


Lunch Break<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

An American manufacturer<br />

is showing his<br />

machine factory to a<br />

potential customer<br />

from Albania.<br />

At noon, when the<br />

lunch whistle blows,<br />

two thousand men and<br />

women immediately<br />

stop work and leave<br />

the building.<br />

“Your workers, they’re<br />

escaping!” cries the<br />

visitor. “You’ve got to<br />

stop them.”<br />

“Don’t worry, they’ll be<br />

back,” says the American.<br />

And indeed, at exactly<br />

one o’clock the<br />

whistle blows again,<br />

and all the workers return<br />

from their break.<br />

You don't like the original version of a song because it's better. You like it<br />

because it's the one you heard first.<br />

A place where family & friends<br />

gather for good food & cheer<br />

at great prices!<br />

Every Sunday: 12” Cheese Pizza - only $ 5.99<br />

$<br />

5 well Bloody Mary’s!<br />

Stop in and try one of our<br />

Daily Specials!!<br />

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome<br />

For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser<br />

for Aimee Driscoll.<br />

782-2135<br />

Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm<br />

Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />

Monaco's orchestra is bigger than its army.<br />

When the tour is over,<br />

the manufacturer turns<br />

to his guest and says,<br />

“Well, now, which of<br />

these machines would<br />

you like to order?”<br />

“Forget the machines,”<br />

says the visitor. “How<br />

much do you want for<br />

that whistle?”<br />

The Helicopter<br />

Dan Brooks, Aimee Driscoll,<br />

Patti Gagne & Dan Larrivee<br />

Your heartbeat changes and mimics the music you listen to.<br />

Ron Chicoine, MD<br />

for County Commissioner<br />

Thank You for Your<br />

Support!<br />

Paid for and authorized by the candidate.<br />

312-5478 9 Acadia Ave. Lewiston<br />

New Clients $ave<br />

$<br />

10.00<br />

on All Color Services<br />

Tues./Thurs./Fri. 9-5 • Sat. 8-12noon<br />

Sun./Mon./Wed. Closed<br />

Gift Certificates Available<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

26<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Axl Rose used to earn $8 an hour for smoking cigarettes,<br />

for a science experiment at California's UCLA.


On <strong>November</strong> 2, 1920: The first crew arrives at the International Space Station.<br />

Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations<br />

Full Service<br />

Drug<br />

Testing<br />

Company & Private<br />

Investigator<br />

577-6000 • www.MMDrugScreening.com<br />

You<br />

don’t<br />

know...<br />

unless you check. ck.<br />

ena<br />

nt Screeninn<br />

g Pre-Employment<br />

State & National Criminal History Local, State, National and Federal<br />

includes:<br />

Criminal History includes:<br />

• SSN verification/Address Verification<br />

• SSN Verification/Address Verification<br />

• InstaNational Criminal History<br />

• InstaNational Criminal History<br />

• Maine SBI<br />

criminal history<br />

• Federal Criminal History<br />

• Terrorist Watch List<br />

• Maine SBI Criminal History<br />

• Interpol / FBI Most Wanted<br />

• Terrorist Watch List<br />

• Sex Offender/Violent Offender Search<br />

• Sex Offender/<br />

All States<br />

Violent Offender Search All States<br />

• Trans Unionn Credit Report w/ credit score<br />

• National Eviction Check<br />

(Civil courts, all states) $<br />

49 • Interpol / FBI Most Wanted<br />

Only<br />

Te<br />

• Drug & Alcohol Testing<br />

• Hair Folicle Testing<br />

• DNA/Paternity Testing<br />

• Private Investigations<br />

9.99<br />

each<br />

Other<br />

Services<br />

• Pre-probation Drug Testing<br />

• Instant Drug Test Kits & Supplies<br />

• Trial Preparation<br />

Online Orders for Background checks<br />

Run a backgorund check right from your own computer!<br />

Pain Mangement Clinics<br />

• Private Practices - Rehab Centers<br />

Property Management Companies • Hospitals<br />

Call us for more information @ 577-6000<br />

Ask about<br />

quantity<br />

discounts!<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 3, 1913: An income tax is first introduced in the USA.<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

March of Dime’s<br />

Signature<br />

Chefs Auction<br />

at the Hilton Garden Inn<br />

in Auburn<br />

The<br />

March of Dimes is<br />

superfantabulous!<br />

Jill Teeters with<br />

her son, Aidan<br />

National Ambassador Family<br />

from Manchester, NH.<br />

Aidan was born 12 weeks<br />

early and weighed 3 lbs. He<br />

spent seven weeks in the<br />

NICU. Today, he’s doing<br />

great and loves to volunteer<br />

with his parents (for the<br />

March of Dimes), Jill & Dave.<br />

Follow Aidan on Facebook:<br />

facebook.com/marchofdimesnationalambassador<br />

When I’m not<br />

washing my car or<br />

watching my son on<br />

channel 8, I enjoy<br />

reading Uncle Andy’s<br />

Digest.<br />

Matt Zidle<br />

WMTW News 8<br />

& Lew Zidle<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 27


“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” – Andy Borowitz<br />

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature<br />

Chefs Auction<br />

Great job<br />

big sister!<br />

WHEN<br />

YOU’RE<br />

TIRED OF<br />

THIS...<br />

Victoria, Catherine & Christine Tanous<br />

Catherine is the Community Director for the March of Dimes<br />

Maine and was the point person for the event.<br />

GIVE US<br />

A CALL!<br />

Fully Insured<br />

Free Quotes<br />

Did I mention<br />

I’m a huge Tom<br />

Brady fan?<br />

Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasante<br />

Silent Auction connoisseurs<br />

Paul won an authentic autographed Tom Brady Football.<br />

Servicing the Mechanic Falls,<br />

Minot & Poland areas.<br />

JMAR<br />

PLOWING<br />

Reasonable Rates<br />

576-4844<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

28<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 3, 1924: Nellie Ross of Wyoming becomes the first<br />

woman governor in the U.S.


The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.<br />

Did You Hear?<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

Celebrating 60 Years<br />

in Business!<br />

Has Made the List!<br />

Pauline & Don<br />

Larrivee<br />

Why Join Carbonite’s Contact Center?<br />

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BENEFITS BEGIN YOUR FIRST DAY OF WORK<br />

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On-site game room and Canteen Micro Market<br />

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• Professional phone demeanor<br />

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APPLY ONLINE:<br />

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Did you hear about the unruly circus driver? He refused to tow the lion.<br />

Pauline & Dan<br />

Larrivee<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 29


Assisted Home<br />

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Now expanding our services to the<br />

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See page 44 to learn more about<br />

the services we offer.<br />

CALL THE PROS<br />

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We Furnish Solutions!<br />

Need a Desk? An Office Chair?<br />

Or maybe a new Filing Cabinet?<br />

AFFORDABLE OFFICE<br />

SOLUTIONS<br />

Maine’s OFUSA Dealer<br />

All that and a whole lot more.<br />

Come see us at our NEW<br />

location in the Pepperell Mill.<br />

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />

CubiclesinMaine.com • 207-783-4820 or 1-866-464-CUBE<br />

• Driveways<br />

• Patios<br />

• Walkways<br />

• Porches<br />

• Steps<br />

• Poolscapes<br />

Blackie’s Farm<br />

Fresh Produce<br />

Open Year Round<br />

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005<br />

Hours: 6am - 8pm<br />

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356<br />

GIVE YOUR WARDROBE<br />

A MAKEOVER<br />

with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie<br />

Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc.<br />

61 Albert Street, Lewiston<br />

333-2763<br />

jackiesbraceletsetc.com<br />

Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />

$<br />

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />

Sunday at 6:00PM<br />

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Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />

A rough day<br />

on the job.<br />

Remote Starters - A Great Christmas gift!<br />

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Basic model starting at<br />

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• Expert Installation<br />

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The first Thanksgiving celebration lasted three days.


CALL THE PROS<br />

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad<br />

Carla & Co.<br />

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Come In & Celebrate Our<br />

Our 1 Year Anniversary<br />

BRING A FRIEND SPECIAL<br />

Color & Cut for Only $90.00 (both)<br />

Some exclusions apply<br />

954 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 207.241.0205 • Carla Martin (Owner)<br />

No Separating<br />

Required!<br />

Now serving<br />

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Call us for a FREE quote.<br />

Serving: Norway • West Paris<br />

Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford<br />

& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!<br />

743-3891<br />

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com<br />

Bookkeeping<br />

Plus<br />

QuickBooks Classes Offered<br />

Bookkeeping Services<br />

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124<br />

Rolly’s Diner<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

Breakfast & Lunch<br />

Specials Daily<br />

Randy “Pinky D” Smith<br />

I love<br />

Rolly’s Diner!<br />

Great food at<br />

reasonable<br />

prices, every<br />

day!!<br />

Happy<br />

Thanksgiving!<br />

• Unusual Omelettes<br />

• Crepes<br />

• Breakfast All Day<br />

• Extensive Menu<br />

87 Mill St.<br />

New Auburn<br />

753-0171<br />

(for take-out)<br />

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />

Sunday 7 am – noon<br />

“Thanksgiving is the home version of an “all-you-can-eat” buffet.” – Melanie White<br />

Pride and Joy<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

The family was viewing<br />

old slides and one<br />

flashed on the screen<br />

that caught everyone’s<br />

attention. My father,<br />

wearing his favorite<br />

golf shirt, was holding<br />

me at the tender age of<br />

three weeks.<br />

The look on his face<br />

told all. “There’s my<br />

prize possession,” my<br />

father said.<br />

Touched, I smiled at<br />

him as he continued, “I<br />

wonder whatever happened<br />

to that golf<br />

shirt?”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 31


Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

Celebrating 60 Years<br />

in Business!<br />

If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.<br />

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing<br />

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SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING<br />

FREE<br />

QUOTES<br />

SNOW REMOVAL<br />

Morin<br />

excavating<br />

Inc.<br />

Andy Morin<br />

207.784.8293<br />

cell: 207.576.4714<br />

amorinexc@roadrunner.com<br />

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.<br />

Karen Shaw, Northeast Bank;<br />

Katie Currie, Bates College &<br />

Greg Begin, K&K Excavation<br />

Trevor, Kyle, Aimee & Dan<br />

Kyle, Carole, Aimee & Trevor<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

32<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner<br />

at the same moment... halftime.


Mom’s Thanksgiving diet tip: Don’t be a turkey and eat like such a pig.<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

the Rollodrome<br />

Celebrating 60 Years<br />

in Business!<br />

The perfect way to get back at a man for forgetting Valentine’s Day<br />

is to forget to cook Thanksgiving dinner.<br />

Don Larrivee<br />

Christine, Rachel<br />

& Deniege<br />

4 Generations of the Larrivee’s:<br />

Alice, Don, Rachel & Christine<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 6, 1860: Abraham Lincoln is elected the 16th President<br />

of the United States<br />

Masen Hinson<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 33


Do You Have<br />

The Time?<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Paula had been driving<br />

all night and was still at<br />

least six hours away<br />

from her destination. It<br />

was almost ten o'clock<br />

in the morning and she<br />

was extremely fatigued.<br />

After dozing off<br />

and nearly crashing<br />

into a telephone pole,<br />

she decided to pull into<br />

a rest area. Paula<br />

switched off the engine<br />

and closed her eyes<br />

and drifted off to sleep.<br />

As she did an old man<br />

in a bright yellow jogging<br />

tracksuit knocked<br />

on her window, scaring<br />

her half to death.<br />

“Sorry to wake you,<br />

ma'am,” he huffed, jogging<br />

on the spot, “But<br />

can you tell me what<br />

time it is?”<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 7, 1965: The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials.<br />

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE<br />

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983<br />

Scooter<br />

60 Minot Ave • Auburn<br />

782-6666 or 783-2026<br />

$10 off for<br />

ANY Service<br />

with Coupon!<br />

We can do it:<br />

• Wheel alignment<br />

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• Complete brake work<br />

• Engine tune-up<br />

• Lube-oil-filter<br />

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A PROUD MEMBER OF THE<br />

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OUR TIRES<br />

In the U.S., about 280 million turkeys are sold for the Thanksgiving celebrations.<br />

Paula glanced at her<br />

watch. “10:00,” she answered<br />

through the<br />

window.<br />

The old man thanked<br />

her, then left.<br />

“Just my luck,” she<br />

muttered. “I'm parked<br />

on someone's jogging<br />

route.” With a sigh, she<br />

settled back into her<br />

seat and tried again to<br />

fall asleep.<br />

Two male joggers in<br />

their thirties knocked<br />

on her window. If she<br />

hadn't been so dead<br />

tired, she may have<br />

found them attractive.<br />

(continued on page 36)<br />

Sarah & Jane<br />

Now offering BOOTH RENTALS<br />

Call For More Information<br />

Sarah Jeanne’s<br />

Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental<br />

Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning<br />

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston<br />

SarahJeannes.com<br />

795-6778<br />

Celebrating<br />

20 YEARS!<br />

~ Thank You L/A ~<br />

TUX RENTALS<br />

Check Out<br />

Our Showroom<br />

$<br />

10 COUPON<br />

Use for any Hair Service,<br />

Product or Tanning<br />

Expires 12.1.14<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

34<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

The Pilgrim leader, Governor William Bradford, had organized<br />

the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621.<br />


Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store<br />

5 Locations for Your Convenience<br />

ROOPERS<br />

LISBON ST.<br />

Now Selling<br />

Liquor!<br />

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!<br />

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn<br />

Minot Ave, Auburn<br />

WHAT’S BREWING<br />

AND ALWAYS NEW<br />

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS<br />

Since 1992<br />

Main Street, Lewiston<br />

Beer Specials<br />

Bud/Bud Light 24 pk 16oz. cans . . . . .$16.99<br />

Coors Light 15pk 12oz . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99<br />

Coors/Miller 9pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99<br />

Corona/Heineken 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99<br />

Sam Adams/Shipyard/Geary’s/Seadog12pk$13.99<br />

Wine Specials<br />

Jewel Box 3 Liter . . . . . . . . .$9.99 SAVE $13<br />

Cooks Champagne 750ml . . . . . . . .2 for $11<br />

Fish Eye/FlipFlop 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $9<br />

Twisted 750mll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10<br />

Robert Mondavi 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99<br />

Holiday Gift Packs<br />

Pinnacle/DeKuyper Candy Canes . . . .$3.99<br />

Jack Daniels Honey 750ml w/Flask . .$23.99<br />

Firefly 4-Packs 200ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$19.99<br />

AND MORE!!!<br />

Absolut<br />

1.75ml<br />

$29.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Hendricks Gin<br />

750ml<br />

$24.99<br />

Save $10<br />

Captain Morgan<br />

750ml<br />

$14.99<br />

Save $4<br />

Cown Royal<br />

750ml<br />

$19.99<br />

Save $6<br />

Jameson<br />

750ml<br />

$21.99<br />

Save $5<br />

Black<br />

Friday<br />

Bud & Bud Light<br />

6 pack pounders<br />

for $3.99<br />

Black Friday only<br />

694 Main St.<br />

Lewiston • 782-1482<br />

794 Sabattus St.<br />

Lewiston • 783-6353<br />

1420 Lisbon St.<br />

Lewiston • 333-3095<br />

545 Minot Ave.<br />

Auburn • 783-2047<br />

303-311 Main St.<br />

Auburn • 783-9098


(continued from page 34)<br />

Now, they were just<br />

annoying.<br />

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming<br />

my parents.<br />

“Hi,” said the first.<br />

“Do you have the<br />

time?” his fair-haired<br />

friend asked.<br />

Paula let out a big sigh<br />

and said, looking at her<br />

watch. “10:08.”<br />

“Thanks,” they smiled<br />

as they jogged off.<br />

Paula looked down the<br />

road and saw more<br />

joggers coming her<br />

way. Now irritated, she<br />

found a pen from the<br />

glove box and<br />

scrawled: “I DO NOT<br />

KNOW THE TIME” on<br />

the back of a magazine.<br />

She put the<br />

hastily constructed sign<br />

in the window and settled<br />

back to sleep.<br />

Soon a thin, pale jogger<br />

knocked on the<br />

window just as she had<br />

started dozing off.<br />

Paula pointed at the<br />

sign and shouted, “For<br />

goodness sake, can't<br />

you read?”<br />

To which he replied,<br />

“Sure I can, ma'am. I<br />

just wanted to let you<br />

know: It's 10:15.”<br />

My parents used to<br />

stuff me with candy<br />

when I was a kid.<br />

M&M’s, Jujubes,<br />

SweeTarts. I don’t think<br />

they wanted a child; I<br />

think they wanted a<br />

piñata.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

36<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Murphy was an optimist.


Put Us on Your Christmas List<br />

Get a FREE $ 10 bonus card with<br />

every $ 50 Gift Card Purchased<br />

during the month of December!<br />

Book Your<br />

Holiday Event<br />

in our<br />

NEW Party<br />

Room!<br />

Come watch<br />

FOOTBALL with<br />

Us Every Sunday!<br />

1/2 Priced Appetizers<br />

(Eat In Only)<br />

Bud Light Drafts<br />

Sm. $ 2 Lg. $ 4<br />

Hey partner,<br />

stop in and wet<br />

that whistle.<br />

We’re<br />

rustling up some<br />

mouth-watering<br />

steaks just for<br />

you.<br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Out ’n About at the<br />

Franco Center Open<br />

House<br />

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.<br />

This Holiday Season<br />

We’re thankful for You, our customers!<br />

Best Seafood Restaurant<br />

Ten years in a row.<br />

Simonne Paul<br />

Award Winning Chowder<br />

Family Owned<br />

for 3 Generations<br />

Gift cards<br />

make a great gift!<br />

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796<br />

Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com<br />

Confucius Says: Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key.<br />

Lorraine Ouellette<br />

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash<br />

Past Board Chair,<br />

Ray Lagueux & Diane<br />

Marquis Monaghan<br />

Camden National Bank - Auburn<br />

Connie Hitchcock<br />

Maine Music Society<br />

A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.


Service<br />

Rental<br />

Sales<br />

G.A. DOWNING<br />

CO., INC.<br />

111 Woodman Hill RD<br />

Minot, ME 04258<br />

207.782.4508<br />

800.924.4500<br />

I am at one with my duality.<br />

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities<br />

Do not neglect<br />

your Septic System<br />

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.<br />

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT<br />

We carry risers, covers,<br />

baffle replacements, septic additives.<br />

A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.<br />

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.<br />

Antiquing<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

Claire, after retiring<br />

from a busy life in<br />

business, travels<br />

around the country<br />

visiting antique<br />

shops trying to find<br />

bargains.<br />

One day she goes<br />

to an antique shop<br />

just outside Boston.<br />

Here, Claire speaks<br />

to Victoria, the<br />

shop's owner:<br />

“When I was in<br />

here last week I<br />

saw a big mug with<br />

a flat head that<br />

holds a lot of beer.<br />

I'd like to buy it.”<br />

“Sorry,” replied Victoria,<br />

“but I can't<br />

possibly sell you<br />

that.”<br />

“Oh, what a pity,<br />

but why not?” inquired<br />

Claire.<br />

“Because,” said the<br />

owner, “that's my<br />

husband.”<br />

Out ’n About at the<br />

United Way’s<br />

Run Like Hell 5K<br />

and Halloween Bash<br />

Angie Snow<br />

Call Today & Book Your<br />

Appointment For The Holidays<br />

Before It’s Too Late!<br />

777-1611<br />

Jen & Christopher - Welcome to the Team!<br />

10% OFF<br />

Gift Certificates<br />

on Black Friday<br />

Jen Darcy Kelley Amanda Christopher<br />

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611<br />

Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 39


Out ’n About at the<br />

United Way’s<br />

Run Like Hell 5K<br />

and Halloween Bash<br />

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.<br />

Richelle Wallace<br />

& Laura Peterson<br />

What a lot<br />

of fun to go along<br />

with some amazing<br />

food!<br />

Can we<br />

come back for my<br />

birthday?<br />

The Sea 40 Experience<br />

Chris, Johannah, Kayleigh & Madisyn Oberg<br />

Their first visit to Sea 40 as they celebrated Johannah’s birthday.<br />

There is no problem a good miracle can’t solve.<br />

Susan Lindkvist<br />

Inner Peace<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Jimbo’s therapist told<br />

him that the way to<br />

achieve true inner<br />

peace was to remember<br />

to always finish<br />

what he started.<br />

PROTECTING<br />

What You Love.<br />

What You Do.<br />

What You Cherish..<br />

Jimbo has finished two<br />

bags of potato chips, a<br />

gallon of ice-cream,<br />

two buckets of chicken,<br />

and a chocolate cake.<br />

He feels much better<br />

already.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

40<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Kerrie Robbins<br />

Commercial Insurance<br />

Specialist<br />

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health<br />

If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.<br />

232 Center St., Auburn<br />

786-0417<br />

VarneyAgency.com<br />

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm


I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.<br />

Happy Thanksgiving<br />

from all of us at<br />

New Auburn Social<br />

Club!<br />

New Auburn Social Club<br />

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039<br />

New Auburn Social<br />

Election <strong>November</strong> 11th<br />

THANKSGIVING DINNER<br />

(Local Charity) Open to the Public<br />

<strong>November</strong> 22nd 4 – 5:30pm<br />

Turkey, Ham, Baked Potato & all the fixings!<br />

Mark Your Calendar!<br />

Join us at the United New Auburn Association monthly meeting,<br />

the last Tuesday of the month at Rolly’s Diner with special guest speakers.<br />

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.<br />

The one that didn’t<br />

get away...<br />

Daddy,<br />

I think this should be<br />

the dress code for<br />

all Roopers<br />

employees.<br />

Devin Carrier<br />

takes a great selfie at the Hoover Dam<br />

Jim Mathon on Cochnewagon Lake in Monmouth,<br />

shows off his catch which was 4.2 lbs.<br />

“He who angers you conquers you.” – Elizabeth Kenny<br />

Isaak St. Laurent<br />

is the son of Jesse St. Laurent,<br />

who works at Roopers


Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

42<br />

Cassiel’s<br />

Adds Stylist<br />

Alison Darling<br />

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa is expanding<br />

its staff again. They are<br />

pleased to announce that Alison<br />

Darling has joined their dynamic<br />

team of hair stylists.<br />

Most recently Alison worked<br />

for the J.C. Penny’s Salon. Like<br />

so many of our talented stylists,<br />

Miss Darling graduated from Mr.<br />

Bernards School of hair fashion.<br />

Alison is a well-rounded stylist<br />

specializes in men’s and<br />

women’s cuts, facial waxing,<br />

manicures and pedicures.<br />

In addition her hard work at<br />

the Spa, Alison is active in continuing<br />

her education attending<br />

classes locally. “Another great<br />

addition to our staff,” says<br />

Owner Diane Dubois. “Come<br />

make an appointment with Alison<br />

and enjoy not only a great<br />

hair cut but also a relaxing spa<br />

experience.”<br />

Cassiel’s which opened in<br />

1994 is a full service Salon<br />

noted for its beautiful, warm and<br />

inviting atmosphere and it’s<br />

broad range of expert services.<br />

Alison is now available for appointments<br />

and invites her<br />

friends, family and former<br />

clients to join her at Lewiston<br />

Auburn’s loveliest location –<br />

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71<br />

East Ave, in Lewiston. See their<br />

ad on page 45.<br />

Turkeys are doomed<br />

from birth, they don't<br />

stand a chance. Just<br />

look at the name we<br />

gave them. A turkey<br />

less than 12-weeks-old<br />

is called a fryer-roaster.<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Goethe<br />

Christmas is Coming<br />

& Winter is Coming!<br />

So Come On Down & Let Us Help You with Both!<br />

2010 Chevrolet LT 4x4<br />

Colorado Crew Cab<br />

$19,895<br />

We Install Everything We Sell!<br />

Not Sure What to get that car or truck enthusiast?<br />

Everyone loves Gift Cards!<br />

Quality Pre-owned Vehicles<br />

Shop Our Complete Inventory @ AutoCityofMaine.com<br />

5.3L<br />

Leather Seats<br />

Z-71 Off Road package<br />

Remote Car Starters<br />

Car Audio & Electronics<br />

Window Tinting<br />

62k<br />

2.5L<br />

Auto<br />

Leather Seats<br />

Heated Seats<br />

Satellite Radio<br />

Auto Accessories<br />

Trailer Hitches<br />

A.R.E. Truck Caps<br />

Tonneau Covers<br />

Spray-on Truck Bed liners<br />

2011 Ford Fusion 2010 Chrysler<br />

Town & Country LX<br />

3.8L<br />

Auto<br />

$12,995 49K<br />

$14,895<br />

We Are Now Offering Auto Detailing<br />

Buff & Wax • Interior Shampooing • Touch-up & Scratch Removal<br />

1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com<br />

Maine’s Premier Performance Head Quarters!<br />

There’s a professional boxer at my office. He works in shipping.


For Brakes, Tires,<br />

Exhaust, Oil Changes,<br />

Batteries, Tune-ups<br />

& more visit<br />

Maine Auto Service!<br />

Your complete car & light<br />

truck service center.<br />

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” – Socrates<br />

Your Road To Maine Value TM<br />

Welcomes New Manager, Chad Paradis!<br />

Technician, Rocky Voss; Assistant Manager, Chris Fournier;<br />

Shop Manager, Chad Paradis; Company Owner, Steve Shaver<br />

510 Canal Street, Lewiston • 333-6000 • maineautoservice.com<br />

Chad & his crew invite you to<br />

stop by for a<br />

FREE<br />

STATE<br />

INSPECTION<br />

in <strong>November</strong> with this ✃<br />

ad<br />

Expires 11.30.14<br />

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash<br />

Hammer Time<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

A judge tells the defendant,<br />

“You’re charged<br />

with threatening to attack<br />

your boss with a<br />

hammer.”<br />

“You jerk!” yells a voice<br />

from the back of the<br />

courtroom.<br />

“You’re also charged<br />

with threatening to attack<br />

a bartender with a<br />

hammer,” says the<br />

judge.<br />

“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows<br />

the same man.<br />

“Sir,” says the judge,<br />

“one more outburst,<br />

and I’ll charge you with<br />

contempt.”<br />

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,”<br />

says the man. “But I’ve<br />

been this jerk’s neighbor<br />

for ten years, and<br />

every time I asked to<br />

borrow a hammer, he<br />

said he didn’t have<br />

one.”<br />

Katye Vachon<br />

Loren Lachapelle<br />

& Matthew Shaw<br />

Peoplebusters<br />

Pushy<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

For All Your Custom<br />

Upholstery Needs<br />

Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle Seats<br />

Tonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More!<br />

300 Cressey Road, Monmouth<br />

Just past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm<br />

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY<br />

Things are more like today than they ever were before.<br />

782-3822<br />

Call Before<br />

Coming!<br />

Tired of waiting in the<br />

back of the line to get<br />

on Noah’s Ark, a flea<br />

jumps from one animal<br />

to another as she<br />

moves closer to the<br />

front. She leaps and<br />

leaps until she lands<br />

on the back of an<br />

elephant.<br />

The pachyderm turns<br />

to its mate and says<br />

testily, “I knew it! Here<br />

they go with the pushing<br />

and shoving!”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 43


Cassiel’s<br />

Adds Massage<br />

Therapist<br />

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb<br />

Assisted Home Care II<br />

“Our Family<br />

Assisting Your Family”<br />

Now expanding<br />

our services to the<br />

Midcoast Region!<br />

Assisting Families since 1997.<br />

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency<br />

• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief<br />

• 24 hour Personal Care and Response<br />

• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers<br />

• Assist with Independent Living at Home<br />

Heather Kern<br />

Heather M. Kern has joined<br />

the growing team of massage<br />

therapists at Cassiel’s Salon and<br />

Spa. Formerly Miss Kern worked<br />

with HealthQuest, Lake Mary &<br />

the Bixon Chiropractic Center.<br />

Heather is a very experienced<br />

and highly skilled massage therapist<br />

with training in five distinct<br />

areas of massage; Swedish,<br />

Neuromuscular, Deep Tissue,<br />

Myofascial, and Sports Massage.<br />

She also practices the<br />

Adams – Strain/counterstrain<br />

technique.<br />

Following the Cassiel’s employee<br />

development standard<br />

Heather is constantly active in<br />

continuing her education. “We<br />

are lucky to have this experienced<br />

woman on our staff,”<br />

says Owner Diane Dubois.<br />

“Come make an appointment<br />

with Heather and enjoy either a<br />

relaxing, healing or invigorating<br />

massage.”<br />

Cassiel’s which opened in<br />

1994 is a full service Salon<br />

noted for its beautiful, warm and<br />

inviting atmosphere and it’s<br />

broad range of expert services.<br />

Heather is now available for appointments<br />

and invites her<br />

friends, family and former<br />

clients to join her at Lewiston<br />

Auburn’s loveliest location –<br />

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71<br />

East Ave. in Lewiston. See their<br />

ad on page 45.<br />

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash<br />

Emily Harris<br />

Grayson Landry<br />

Joan Churchill<br />

If flattery gets you<br />

nowhere, try bribery.<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

44<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 8, 1960: John F. Kennedy is elected as the youngest<br />

U.S. President in history.


When the shoe salesman offered me Velcro shoes, I said, "Sure, why knot?"<br />

Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing is fluffy and when you're done<br />

eating you'll be nice and stuffy.<br />

Pamper Your<br />

Loved One This<br />

Holiday Season!<br />

❧ Hair<br />

❧ Body Waxing<br />

❧ Facials<br />

❧ Pedicures<br />

❧ Spa Packages<br />

❧ Massage<br />

❧ Body Treatments<br />

❧ Manicures<br />

❧ Bridal Packages<br />

❧ Permanent Make-up<br />

71 East Avenue, Lewiston<br />

(207) 783-3321<br />

cassiels.com<br />

Gift Cards available 24/7<br />

at cassiels.com!<br />

Happy<br />

Holidays<br />

from all<br />

of us!<br />

Exclusively Sold<br />

to see our Daily Specials<br />

On <strong>November</strong> 9, 1887: The United States receives rights to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.<br />

Anxious<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Poodle: “My life is a<br />

mess. My owner is<br />

mean, my girlfriend is<br />

leaving me for a German<br />

shepherd, and I’m<br />

nervous as a cat.”<br />

Collie: “Why don’t you<br />

go see a psychiatrist?”<br />

Poodle: “I can’t. I’m<br />

not allowed on the<br />

couch.”<br />

A dog goes into a bar<br />

and orders a martini.<br />

The bartender says,<br />

“You don’t see a dog in<br />

here drinking a martini<br />

very often.”<br />

The dog says, “At<br />

these prices, I’m not<br />

surprised.”<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong> UncleAndys.com 45


I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.<br />

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION<br />

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />

Bottle Drives<br />

Welcome!<br />

MORE FOR<br />

YOUR $$<br />

Get more for your<br />

returns at Dad’s!<br />

✃<br />

Dad’s Redemption<br />

6¢<br />

on all 5¢ returns<br />

with this coupon.<br />

(must present coupon at<br />

Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />

UAD expires 11.30.14<br />

The divers had to be careful, the octopus was heavily armed.<br />

Out ’n About at the United Way’s<br />

Run Like Hell 5K<br />

and Halloween Bash<br />

Out ’n About at<br />

March of Dime’s<br />

Signature Chefs Auction<br />

Hey honey,<br />

let’s go to<br />

Jamaica...<br />

(again)<br />

Stephanie, Sophia & Rich Asselin<br />

Local Ambassador Family<br />

Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />

46<br />

<strong>November</strong> <strong>2014</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

783-7039<br />

I'm not very versed in writing songs, so I refrain from doing it.


I was overruled at the measuring competition.<br />

Gift<br />

Certificates<br />

Make Great<br />

Stocking<br />

Stuffers!<br />

Summer is gone... better get your wax on!<br />

If your car’s paint should fear,<br />

It’s because winter is almost here<br />

Book a Wax Appointment in <strong>November</strong> and get 10% OFF<br />

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm<br />

Fri. by appointment<br />

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.<br />

Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit<br />

with results that you will be proud to show off.<br />

Visit us at our state of the art office at:<br />

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />

783-1351<br />

Same Day Emergency Care<br />

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider<br />

LIQUID SUNSHINE<br />

CAR WASH & DETAIL<br />

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />

Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm<br />

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com<br />

WWW.<strong>UNCLE</strong>ANDYS<strong>DIGEST</strong>.COM

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