November 2014 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 

The Most Unusual Digest in America 

The Best 

Things in 

Life are... 

FREE 

November 2014 

Specialty Nights at 

Sponsored by Federal Distributors with weekly give-a-ways! 

Open Mic Night 

Every Wednesday at 7pm 

Register to win a Bud Light Snowboard 

(drawing to be held 11.26.14) 

Mermaid Night 

Every Thursday at 7pm 

Register to win an iPad Mini 

(drawing to be held 12.4.14) 

Japanese Cuisine 

Book Your Holiday 

Party by Nov. 15th & 

Receive 10% OFF 

Menu items. 

Celebrate your 

Birthday at 

Sea 40 & Receive a 

FREE dessert 

Save the date 

for our 

New Year’s Eve 

BASH!! 

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • sea40me.com 

Armandsab@aol.com

Proper Name 

Submitted by Jimbo 

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. 

Mr. Schwartz was the 

oldest of 7 children, so 

he had to quit school 

and work to help support 

his younger brothers 

and sisters. He 

never learned to read, 

so when he married 

and started a checking 

account, he signed his 

checks simply "XX". 

Eventually he started 

his own business, 

which immediately 

prospered. 

He soon was a very 

rich man. One day, he 

got a call from his 

bank. "Mr. Schwartz," 

said the banker, "I 

need to ask you about 

this check. We weren't 

sure you had really 

signed it. All these 

years you've been 

signing your checks 

'XX', but we just got 

one that was signed 

with three XXX's..." 

Mr. Schwartz answered, 

"No problem, 

my friend. It's just that 

since I've become so 

wealthy, my wife 

thought I ought to have 

a middle name." 

When Abe Lincoln declared 

Thanksgiving a 

national holiday, it was 

thanks to the tireless 

efforts of a magazine 

editor named Sarah 

Josepha Hale. Her 

other claim to fame? 

She also wrote the 

nursery rhyme, "Mary 

had a Little Lamb." 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

2 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate. 

MODERN WOODMEN 

OF AMERICA 


Saturday, Nov 1st 

Sabattus KC Bean Supper 

4:30pm - 6pm (Chapter 14346) 

Parish Hall 131 High St, Sabattus 

$6 Member; $7 Guest 

Sunday, Nov 2nd 

Sabattus American Legion Post 

135 Breakfast 7:30am – 10am 

Island Rd, Sabattus 


Tuesday, Nov 4th 

Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm 

(Chapter 10589) 

63 Sabattus St, Lewiston 

$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest 

Sunday, Nov 9th 

KC Breakfast 8am – 10am 


Columbus Drive, Brunswick 

$5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free 

Wednesday, Nov 12th 

99 Restaurant 4pm - 7pm 


650 Center St, Auburn 



Roy's Breakfast 7am - 10am 


Washington St, Auburn 

$2.50 Member; $3.50 Guest 

Dick Courtemanche 

207-786-3622 

Lewiston 

Art Chamberlain 

207-514-7003 

Lewiston 

Paul Colasante* 

207-782-8823 

Lewiston 

Michael Courtemanche* 

207-783-8921 

Lewiston 

November 22nd - 29th 

Feztival of Trees 

(see schedule for times) 

Kora Shriner's Temple, 

11 Sabattus, Lewiston 

$1 Member 

Sunday, Nov 23rd 

Sabattus KC Turkey Dinner, 

Noon-Sharp (Chapter 12907) 

Our Lady of The Rosary Church, 

Sabattus 

$6.50 Member; $7 Guest 

Forest Cluff* 

207-725-4606 

Brunswick 

Ron Ouellette* 

207-786-3612 

Lewiston 

Kim Pelkey* 

207-786-2573 

Lewiston/Norway 

Deb Wagemann* 

207-783-8804 

Auburn 

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC. 

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years. Getting over the hill was a workout! 


Pizza Hut 11:30am - 1pm 


Rt 26, Oxford 

$5 Member; $5.50 Guest 

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE- 

TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED 

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If 

additional info is needed, please call our office, 

please do not call restaurants. All activities can 

only be attended at the times listed. 

************************* 

Tickets need to be purchased at the 

Modern Woodmen District Office, 

184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all 

activities and can only be picked up the 

week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 

9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon 

(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.


is published by the first 

Friday of every month by 

Maine Mountain Ocean 

Group, Inc. with offices at 

9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. 

It is distributed free throughout 

Central Maine and mailed 

to subscribers all over the 

world. Subscriptions are 

$30/year. Send a $30 check 

made out to 

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: 

P.O. Box 3363, 

Auburn, ME 04212 

Staff 

JIMBO 

Thankful 

TIM 

Grateful 

MAGGIE 

Appreciative 

THOMAS 

Obliged 

PAM 

Cheerful 

GENE-O 

Gratified 


MAILING ADDRESS: 

PO Box 3363 

Auburn, ME 04212 

EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com 

PHONE: 207 783-7039 

FAX: 207 777-3898 

UncleAndys.com 

It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds. 

AFFORDABLE DENTURES 

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired 

on-site, usually same-day service! 

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! 

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted 

We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider 

FREE CONSULTATIONS 

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston 

514-0660 

SmileAgainDentures.com 

Or email us at: 

smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

Also see us for: 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

• All work done in house, 

including metal frameworks 

Mike & Joe 

Adkins, 

licensed 

denturists 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to 

ensure the accuracy of the information in our 

client’s advertisements and our publication in 

general, we are not responsible for vendor 

availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, 

product pricing errors, or omissions. 


4 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. 

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! 

• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 

• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar 

• Daily Specials 

• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights 

• Live Music on Friday Nights 

Out ’n About with the 

Tri-Town Knights 

3rd & 4th Grade 

Football team 

These young men had one heck 

of a season. Representing 

McFalls, Minot & Poland, they 

went undefeated coming into 

the Championship game against 

Lisbon. A great game it was, the 

boys played hard - Lisbon ended 

up on top 14-12. 

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 

657-4714 • ColeFarms.com 

Holiday Craft Fair 

Hosted by RSU4 PTA 

When: Saturday, November 22 

9am – 3pm 

Where: Oak Hill Middle School 

40 Ballpark Rd, Sabattus 

Entry: Admission is FREE! 

Holiday gifts, baked goods, door prizes, 50/50, and our famous 

"Pick Your Raffle". Lunch counter serving homemade soups, 

chowders, chili and hotdogs. All proceeds support the students 

grades K-8 from Sabattus, Litchfield, and Wales. 

Thanksgiving Centerpieces 

FREE delivery in L/A 

777-1520 

Sweet Pea Designs 

Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe 

sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com 

"You can’t hurry love or pizza. Especially pizza." – Snoopy 

8’ table rentals 

are $ 35. 

Contact us at 

RSU4.org FMI 

Let’s 

DO this! 


I love 

playing on 

and eating at 

the Grid 

Iron! 

...with 

Jimbo 

November 2014 UncleAndys.com 5


6 

Labels 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

Before I took the old 

family car to college, 

my father loaded the 

trunk with soda pop 

bottles filled with oil, 

coolant and transmission 

fluid. Sure 

enough, my car overheated. 

Scolding myself for not 

listening to my father’s 

instructions, I looked at 

the engine and saw 

how well he knew me. 

The oil cap was labeled 

Dr Pepper, the 

transmission stick, 

Coke, and the empty 

coolant container, Diet 

Pepsi. I finished the trip 

safely. 

Day Trip 


When I bought my new 

Lexus Sport Coupe, 

my two sons asked me 

who would inherit it if I 

met my demise. I pondered 

the question, 

then told them if I 

passed away on an 

even day, the son born 

on an even day would 

get it. If it happened on 

an odd day, the one 

born on the odd day 

would get it. 

A few weekends later, 

while river rafting with 

one of my sons, I was 

tossed out of the boat. 

As I floated in the 

rapids, I heard my son 

yelling, "It’s the wrong 

day!" 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

WE CARRY: 

• All Dab Accessories & rigs 

• Glasspipes, Metalpipes, 

Hookahs, Woodpipes 

• Detox - Vaporizers 

• E-Hookahs & E-Liquid 

• Butane, Papers, Shisha 

& Incense 

• Seedless Clothing 

• Posters 

• Bags 

• Pipe Cases 

It takes 75-80 pounds of feed to raise a 30 pound tom turkey. 

AFTER HOURS HAS WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR! 

Open Mon - Sat 

10am - 8pm 

25 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 795-7600 

Commercially raised turkeys cannot fly. 

We’re a 

FULL Service 

Vaporizer 

Shop. 

We have vaporizers for 

all uses as well as e-cigs, 

e-hookahs (refillable & 

disposeable). And many 

flavors of premium 

American made e-juice 

from 0-24mg nicotine 

levels. 

Out ’n About at the United Way’s Run Like Hell 5K & Halloween Bash 

Lucky me... I got 

to spend an evening with 

Dumb & Dumber. 

Matthew Simard, Terri Cook & Ryan Cook 

Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clucking noise.

In my next life I'm going to have more memory installed. 




Football team 

We Would Like To Thank Our Community 

for 27 Great Years With These Great Offers! 

ALL NOVEMBER! 

Schan, Kim & 

Brady Martin 

The Grid Iron gang 

Holiday Spa Package Special! 

PURCHASE ANY ARTESIAN SPA & RECEIVE 

Spa Cover * Cover Lift * Steps 

Light Package * Chemical Package 

FREE! 

Want to Earn $200? 

Refer A Friend Who Purchases a Spa or Pool and Get $200! 

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com 

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 

Parker & Ben Hackett 

There’s no 

half-way. It’s all or 

nothing, don’t you 

agree? 

Ian MacEachen 

A fired up fan 


...with 

Jimbo 





Football team 

I had a life once... now I have a computer with Facebook. 

Brady Lawrence 

The boys 

of Fall... We’re 

super proud of 

everyone of them! 

Great season, 

boys!! 

Mason & Jim 

Brousseau 

What do Black Friday 

shoppers and the 

Thanksgiving turkey 

have in common? 

They know what it’s 

like to be stuffed and 

then jammed into 

a small place. 


8 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!

Book Your Christmas 

Party NOW! 

Business • Family 

We do it all!! 

Professional service at an affordable price 

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!! 

Dad’s Place 

Catering Division 

345-9009 DadsPlace.info 

Call Diana or 

Larry for 

more info 

and pricing! 

FREE 

COFFEE FRIDAY! 

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase 

of Breakfast Sandwich 

every Friday. 

Expires 11.30.14 

ONLY 

$5 

There’s NO PLACE like... 

Dad’s Place 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Sage Advice 


While on a flight cross 

country, A woman was 

sitting across the aisle 

from another woman 

and her eight-year-old 

son. 

She couldn’t help 

laughing as they 

neared their destination 

and she heard the 

mother say to the boy, 

“Now remember... Run 

to Dad first, then the 

dog.” 

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? 

The Chick Has Got it Going On! 

Time to book your Christmas Party with us! 

Our back room holds up to 75 people. 

We accommodate for small parties, too. Dates are filling fast! 

We’ll be all decorated for Christmas on Friday, November 28th. 

You’re gonna 

love it! 

of Lewiston 

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com 

Thanksgiving 

Roasted Turkey Breast Dinner 

- at home or work! 

with Gravy, Homemade Stuffing, Mashed Potato, 

Fresh Butternut Squash, Buttered Peas, Cranberry 

Sauce, Dinner Rolls & Pumpkin Pie. 

Only $10.95 

Pick up 11-4 on Wed. 11.26 • Order soon! 

Out ’n About with the Tri-Town Knights 

3rd & 4th Grade Football team 

Storybook 

Diet 


After listening to some 

bedtime stories, young 

Eli said to his father, 

“Snow White was poisoned 

by an apple, 

Jack found a giant on a 

beanstalk, and just 

look what happened to 

Alice when she ate the 

mushroom.” 

Confucius Says: Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy. 

Open 7 Days a week 

Mon - Fri 10 - 5 • Sat & Sun 10 - 4 

9 Rooms filled with EVERYTHING 

You need to decorate your home 

AND SO MUCH MORE! 

CHRISTMAS 

OPEN HOUSE 

November 12 – 16 

20% OFF 

Your total 

purchase 

*Some exclusions 

“You wonder why I 

won't eat fruits and 

vegetables.” 


10 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how 

I lost my mind." – Steve Allen

“You know you’re a bad cook when your family wants leftover pizza for Thanksgiving.” – Melanie White 

HUGE DISCOUNTS 

Is Your 

Home 

Ready for 

Thanksgiving? 

on 

Kitchen Cabinets 

and Flooring 

Our Gift Cards make perfect 

Christmas Gifts! 

675 Main Street, Lewiston 

Mon – Sat 8am - 6pm 

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com • 782-0831 

“Last Thanksgiving my new dessert really hit the spot: Pepto-Bismol pie.” 

– Melanie White 


...with 

Jimbo 


Slim Picking 


“I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members 

of my own family.” – Damien Fahey 

My 16-year-old brother, 

Ryan, was out late with 

friends one night. Suddenly 

he realized it was 

Father’s Day and he 

had neglected to buy a 

card for our dad. After 

much searching, Ryan 

located an open store, 

but was disappointed 

to find only two cards 

left on a picked-over 

rack. Selecting one, he 

brought it home and, 

somewhat sheepishly, 

presented it to our 

father. 

Upon opening it, Dad 

read this message: 

“You’ve been like a father 

to me.” He looked 

at Ryan, puzzled. 

“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried 

to explain, “it was either 

that or the card 

that said, ‘Now that I’m 

a father too!’” 

Stuffing 


Michael was sitting in 

his grandmother’s 

kitchen, watching her 

prepare the Thanksgiving 

meal. 

“What are you doing?” 

Michael inquired. 

“Oh, I’m just stuffing 

the turkey,” his grandmother 

replied. 

“Wow, that’s cool.” 

Michael remarked. 

“Are you going to hang 

it next to the deer?” 


12 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Opening in November! 

~ Booth Rentals Available ~ 

Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm 

232 Center Street, Auburn • 753-9368 

(next to Play It Again Sports) 

Real Estate Rockettes 

Mon-Sat 7am-9pm 

Sun 10am-8pm 

Lynn Norris & Michelle Higgins 

Celebrating 7 Years 

in Business! 

...to our community 

for all of the support! 

Stop by to enter our weekly 

drawings during November! 

• Skate passes to Norway Savings Bank Ice Arena 

• Heidi’s Gift Cards 

Grand Prize 

• Photo Finish Mini Studio Session 

Heidi’s Party Platter 

• $25 Gift Card to Ann’s Flowers 

Out ’n About at the 

United Way’s 

Run Like Hell 5K 

and Halloween Bash 

Angie Larochelle, 

Melissa Field & 

Beth Favreau 

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com 

“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.” 

– Melanie White 

Locally Owned 

& Operated

Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we 

could have a day off work. 

Honesty. Tenacity. Courage. 

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs! 

Ask About Home Visits! 

We specialize in: 

Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, 

Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning 

& Court-Appointed matters. 

The Law Offices of 

Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq. 

207-440-2130 

87 Essex Street, 

Lewiston 

Call for your FREE 

consultation! 

Out ’n About at 

March of Dime’s 

Signature 

Chefs Auction 

at the Hilton Garden Inn 

in Auburn 

I love my 

(4) job(s)! 

Matt Shaw 

Happy Turkey Day, America! Don’t forget to name the turkey 

and make everyone uncomfortable. 

Kay Richardson & 

Jonathon Knight 

CMCC Culinary Club 

Cecile Asselin 

& Sue Blais 

Mother & Daughter 

Airline pilots make many friends in high places. 


...with 

Jimbo 



14 

Pay Scale 


Old ranch owner John 

farmed a small ranch in 

Montana. The Montana 

Wage and Hour Department 

claimed he 

was not paying proper 

wages to his workers 

and sent an agent out 

to interview him. 

“I need a list of your 

employees and how 

much you pay them,” 

demanded the agent. 

“Well,” replied old 

John, “There's my 

ranch hand who's been 

with me for 3 years. I 

pay him $600 a week 

plus free room and 

board. The cook has 

been here for 18 

months, and I pay her 

$500 a week plus free 

room and board. Then 

there's the half-wit who 

works about 18 hours 

every day and does 

about 90% of all the 

work around here. He 

makes about $10 per 

week, pays his own 

room and board and I 

buy him a bottle of 

bourbon every Saturday 

night.” 

“That's the guy I want 

to talk to, the half-wit,” 

says the agent. 

“That would be me,” 

replied old rancher 

John. 

I used to love the 

candy Nerds, but I 

stopped eating them 

when I realized that for 

me, it was basically 

cannibalism. 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I hear that exercise kills germs. But how do you get the little buggers to exercise? 

Pick a Proven Winner 

Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult. 

Rollie Heckethorn 

Choose one with a proven track record! 

Office: 729-7297 

Cell: 344-0007 

The Hannaford Hotties! 

Rollie Heckethorn: 

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988 

• Past President of the Androscoggin 

Board of Realtors 

• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year 

• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential, 

commercial & investment properties all 

over the state of Maine 

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature Chefs Auction 

Trina Bedard, Chris “Sassy” Moore, 

Ben Convery, Tanya Belanger & Brent Hamel 

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building 

soundeffectsmaine.com 

I wish for your life to be like toilet paper. Long and useful. 

777-3339 

REMOTE STARTERS

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me 

in many ways to keep me quiet. 

WOW! Don’t spend $18+ at the 

beauty salon, get your... 

Mens & Boys CUTS for 

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome. 

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts 

Marcel’s 

Barber Shop 

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444 

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm 

Bar & Grille 

Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool 

Celebrating 60 Years in Business! 

Rollodrome 

FALL SCHEDULE 

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm 

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00 

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm 

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm 

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm 

Available for private parties 

Lunch for $ 3.99! 

Mon.-Fri. 11am - 3pm 

Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock 

or Home-Made Chicken Tenders 

Served with one side: 

Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly 

seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans, 

Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day. 

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com 

Where 

Good Skaters 

Meet 

$ 

12 

Streakers repant, your end is in sight. 

Now taking 

reservations 

for Holiday 

Parties! 

Since 1954 

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 

www.rollodrome.com 



Signature 

Chefs Auction 


in Auburn 

Jill & Joe Drew 

The Winery Baker 

Chef Kevin 

Cunningham 

Marché Kitchen & Wine Bar 

Chef Jon 

Cunningham 

Gritty McDuff’s of Auburn 


...with 

Jimbo 



the Rollodrome 

For the Second Chances 

Foundation Fundraiser for 

Aimee Driscoll. 

Aimee is an 

amazing young lady 

recovering from a 

double lung transplant. 

To donate and learn 

more, visit 

aimeescause.org 

Turkeys will have 3,500 feathers at maturity. 

Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms 

Snow is right 

around the corner... 

come see us for your 

winter fun loans! 

Rachel Potvin 

Call Dane, 

Michele or 

Ken today! 

Shelby Rucker 

Great Falls 

Federal Credit Union 

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 

760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 

*Restrictions & qualification apply 


16 

Deniege 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

www.GreatFallsfcu.com 

Turkey has more protein than chicken or beef.

A 15 pound turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat. 

Family Friendly Dentist 

~ Right in Your Backyard ~ 

Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997 

Accepting 

New Patients! 

James F. Weigand, DDS 

General Dentistry 

364 Maine Street 

Poland Spring • 998-4587 

(Located at the Poland Community Health Center 

at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122) 

Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm 

Most Insurances Accepted 

New Talent 


A doctor has come to 

see one of his patients 

in a hospital. The patient 

has had major 

surgery to both of his 

hands. 

“Doctor,” says the man 

excitedly, and dramatically 

holds up his heavily 

bandaged hands. 

“Will I be able to play 

the piano when these 

bandages come off?” 

“I don’t see why not,” 

replies the doctor. 

“That’s funny,” says the 

man. “I wasn’t able to 

play it before.” 

Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time. 

Confucius Says: House without bathroom is uncanny 

A Full Service Salon 

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS 

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, 

Auburn 

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801 

AndroscogginOrtho.com 

Those who build roofs are so inclined. 

1117 Center St., Auburn 

(behind Met Life) • 784-3522 

I can't believe it happened. The other day I jogged backward and put on eight pounds! 


...with 

Jimbo 


When I went to the dentist for some root canal work, I lost my nerve. 

GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC! 

Authorized 

Service 

Center 

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE! 

Offering lessons in: 

Instrument 

Sales & 

Service 

• Guitar • Piano • Electric Bass 

• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin 

• Violin • Upright Bass • Brass & Woodwinds 

Main St. Music Lessons 

& Instrument Repair 

376-3376 

134 Main Street, Auburn 

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

Little Known 

Fact 

TV dinners have 

Thanksgiving to thank. 

In 1953, someone at 

Swanson misjudged 

the number of frozen 

turkeys it would sell 

that Thanksgiving -- by 

26 TONS! Some industrious 

soul came up 

with a brilliant plan: 

Why not slice up the 

meat and repackage it 

with some trimmings 

on the side? Thus, the 

first TV dinner was 

born! 

A bath is something you take when you find yourself in hot water. 

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION! 

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... 

ANY PROBLEM... 

NO PROBLEM! 

• Appointments required 

• Fully warranteed & certified 

• $60/hr labor rate 

Brad’s Precision Auto 

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn 

333-0364 

Come 

join the 

family! 

Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan 

Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin 

Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve 

Upon removing his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell defeat. 

Come see us 

at our 

NEW Location! 

We’re now at 

61 Mill Street in Auburn 

(in the old Pontbriand 

Hardware building) 

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 

Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com 


18 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. 

It's watching what other people eat.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 

*Holiday Special* 

Ship Any Bakery Item to Family & Friends 

& Receive 20% OFF Your Online Orders! 

Take Home For 

The Holidays Our Famous 

Mini Pastry Platters 

Must 

Use Code: 

“UncleAndys” 

Every Friday 

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ( $ 7.50) 

and get the 2nd dozen at half price! 

$ 

11.25 for both 

$ 

17/2 dozen 

$ 

39/5 dozen 

Mon. 

6am-noon 

Tues-Fri 

6am-3pm 

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston 

784-7042 

LabadiesBakery.com 

An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and dessert. 






I have an 

awesome 

family! 

A fresh perspective for Lewiston! 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! 

Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.com 

Paid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer 

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." 

Aimee Driscoll 

with her dad, 

Dan Brooks 


...with 

Jimbo 


SHOP LOCAL 

THINK LOCAL 

Main Street Market 

in Sabattus is not your ordinary 

convenience store. Walk 

in and you’re greeted by smiling, 

friendly people who obviously 

enjoy what they do. 

You’ll find an extensive takeout 

menu, groceries, ice cold 

beer, fresh meats and a whole 

lot more! 

Meet the owner operator, 

Brad Veilleux, and you’ll 

sense a caring attitude who 

aims to please his customers 

and listens to their needs. 

Spend any amount of time 

inside Main Street Market 

and you might think Norm 

from Cheers is going to walk 

through the door at any 

minute. “We have lots of regulars 

who stop here daily. It’s 

a destination,” says Brad. “A 

number of customers come 

here even when it might be 

out of their way.” 

Our neighborhoods are defined 

by the businesses that 

thrive within them. Small 

business owners are people 

who live locally and are more 

invested in our future. Now, 

more than ever, it’s important 

to think local and shop local. 

Make Main Street Market 

your regular stop. You won’t 

be disappointed! 

~Customer Testimonials~ 

Nice little convenient store, 

friendly workers. Owner is always 

willing to order products 

that customers ask for. Wide 

beer selection, and it is always 

very cold. Delicious food, hot 

and cold sandwiches, fresh 

dough pizza and a large fried 

food selection. Salad sandwiches 

are all homemade fresh 

daily, and are so good, especially 

the chicken salad. This 

store has many goods, always 

has what you need at fair 

prices. – Dana in Sabattus 

Great price on coffee!! Only 

$.99 for a large I'll make this 

my only stop before work. 

– Brandon in Litchfield 

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. 

SHOPPING LOCAL 

Means Everything to Us! 

Try anything 

on our huge menu, 

you won’t be 

disappointed! 

We L OVE 

supporting our local: 

• Sports Teams 

• Athletic Clubs 

• Schools 

• Fundraisers 

“Try us once, you’ll be a regular!” 

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 

For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, 

cold beer & more! 

2 Main Street, Sabattus 

375-8502 

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm 

We have 

fun, I’m not gonna 

lie! Come check 

us out. 

$ 

3 OFF 

ANY LARGE PIZZA! 

Limit one per customer 

(UAD) Expires 11.30.14 

"Life is like an ice-cream cone: You have to learn to lick it!" – Charlie Brown

Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the United States. 






Lewiston Middle School 

Parent-Teacher Organization is collecting Box Tops this year. 

If YOU have Box Tops that you’d like to donate to our school please 

mail them to: Lewiston Middle School, 75 Central Ave., Lewiston, 

ME, 04240 or drop them off at the school office. 

We Appreciate Your Support! 

740-6316 

Hours:Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4 

Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12 

Walk-Ins 

Welcome! 

Your Hometown Barber 

$ 

10 .00 CUTS 

184 Turner St. Auburn (Parking in the Back) 

*Next to Coastal T-shirts 

The average weight of a turkey purchased at Thanksgiving is 15 pounds. 


...with 

Jimbo 




The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog. 


in Business! 

Since 1953 

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com 

SUNDAY 

Baked Ziti 

$ 

6.00 

MONDAY 

The Fergy 

sm $ 

2.50 

lg $ 

5.00 

TUESDAY 

Meatball Subs 

WEDNESDAY 

Spaghetti Dinners 

1 meatball, salad, 

sm $ 

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99 

garlic bread, drink 

lg $ 

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $ 

5.25 

Julie Girard 

We live in an 

absolutely amazing 

community! 

THURSDAY 

Mini Pizza 

1 topping $ 

2.99 

2 toppings $ 

3.99 

FRIDAY 

$1.00 OFF 

Any Large Pizza 

SATURDAY 

2 Ham or Salami 

Italians 

$ 

7.99 

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50 

On November 1, 1968: The movie ratings system is first implemented by Hollywood. 

Patti Gagne 

SUMMER BODIES 

ARE MADE IN THE WINTER 

Check us out... It’s PRiME Time! 

Group Classes • One-on-One Training • Nutrition Services • Team Training 

Thanksgiving Morning 

Join us for KYAC Class at 8:00am, 

then enjoy a guilt free Thanksgiving meal! 

Deniege 

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls 

Prime360Training.com • 577-5979 

BJ Grondin, CSCS 


22 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Each year, the average American eats somewhere between 16 - 18 pounds of turkey.

Prince played 27 different instruments on his debut album For You. 

Local Bands Every Friday 4-5pm 

and L/A’s Got Talent... Sign Up at LAAlerts.com for schedule 



Signature 

Chefs Auction 


in Auburn 

with Jacob & Danny 

of The Dapper Gents 

Duo 

The Dean of Maine Radio... Dave Dean 

Jacob McCurdy 

Photos courtesy of 

Haines Photography 

Turn the page for the November band line-up! 

To see our full schedule, sign up at LAAlerts.com. 

Also, check our Facebook page: Z1055 

Brought to you by: 

Hear it on: 

Remove 

the center 

spread and hang 

on your wall! 

Watch for more local 

bands coming each 

month in Uncle Andy’s 

Digest!! 

Danny Rand 

Listening to music while 

working out measurably 

improves physical 

performance. 

David Bowie has a lizard tattooed on his ankle. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Lunch Break 


An American manufacturer 

is showing his 

machine factory to a 

potential customer 

from Albania. 

At noon, when the 

lunch whistle blows, 

two thousand men and 

women immediately 

stop work and leave 

the building. 

“Your workers, they’re 

escaping!” cries the 

visitor. “You’ve got to 

stop them.” 

“Don’t worry, they’ll be 

back,” says the American. 

And indeed, at exactly 

one o’clock the 

whistle blows again, 

and all the workers return 

from their break. 

You don't like the original version of a song because it's better. You like it 

because it's the one you heard first. 

A place where family & friends 

gather for good food & cheer 

at great prices! 

Every Sunday: 12” Cheese Pizza - only $ 5.99 

$ 

5 well Bloody Mary’s! 

Stop in and try one of our 

Daily Specials!! 

Out ’n About at the Rollodrome 

For the Second Chances Foundation Fundraiser 

for Aimee Driscoll. 

782-2135 

Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm 

Sun. 11am - 5pm 

Monaco's orchestra is bigger than its army. 

When the tour is over, 

the manufacturer turns 

to his guest and says, 

“Well, now, which of 

these machines would 

you like to order?” 

“Forget the machines,” 

says the visitor. “How 

much do you want for 

that whistle?” 

The Helicopter 

Dan Brooks, Aimee Driscoll, 

Patti Gagne & Dan Larrivee 

Your heartbeat changes and mimics the music you listen to. 

Ron Chicoine, MD 

for County Commissioner 

Thank You for Your 

Support! 

Paid for and authorized by the candidate. 

312-5478 9 Acadia Ave. Lewiston 

New Clients $ave 

$ 

10.00 

on All Color Services 

Tues./Thurs./Fri. 9-5 • Sat. 8-12noon 

Sun./Mon./Wed. Closed 

Gift Certificates Available 


26 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Axl Rose used to earn $8 an hour for smoking cigarettes, 

for a science experiment at California's UCLA.

On November 2, 1920: The first crew arrives at the International Space Station. 

Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations 

Full Service 

Drug 

Testing 

Company & Private 

Investigator 

577-6000 • www.MMDrugScreening.com 

You 

don’t 

know... 

unless you check. ck. 

ena 

nt Screeninn 

g Pre-Employment 

State & National Criminal History Local, State, National and Federal 

includes: 

Criminal History includes: 

• SSN verification/Address Verification 

• SSN Verification/Address Verification 

• InstaNational Criminal History 

• InstaNational Criminal History 

• Maine SBI 

criminal history 

• Federal Criminal History 

• Terrorist Watch List 

• Maine SBI Criminal History 

• Interpol / FBI Most Wanted 

• Terrorist Watch List 

• Sex Offender/Violent Offender Search 

• Sex Offender/ 

All States 

Violent Offender Search All States 

• Trans Unionn Credit Report w/ credit score 

• National Eviction Check 

(Civil courts, all states) $ 

49 • Interpol / FBI Most Wanted 

Only 

Te 

• Drug & Alcohol Testing 

• Hair Folicle Testing 

• DNA/Paternity Testing 

• Private Investigations 

9.99 

each 

Other 

Services 

• Pre-probation Drug Testing 

• Instant Drug Test Kits & Supplies 

• Trial Preparation 

Online Orders for Background checks 

Run a backgorund check right from your own computer! 

Pain Mangement Clinics 

• Private Practices - Rehab Centers 

Property Management Companies • Hospitals 

Call us for more information @ 577-6000 

Ask about 

quantity 

discounts! 

On November 3, 1913: An income tax is first introduced in the USA. 



Signature 

Chefs Auction 


in Auburn 

The 

March of Dimes is 

superfantabulous! 

Jill Teeters with 

her son, Aidan 

National Ambassador Family 

from Manchester, NH. 

Aidan was born 12 weeks 

early and weighed 3 lbs. He 

spent seven weeks in the 

NICU. Today, he’s doing 

great and loves to volunteer 

with his parents (for the 

March of Dimes), Jill & Dave. 

Follow Aidan on Facebook: 

facebook.com/marchofdimesnationalambassador 

When I’m not 

washing my car or 

watching my son on 

channel 8, I enjoy 

reading Uncle Andy’s 

Digest. 

Matt Zidle 

WMTW News 8 

& Lew Zidle 


...with 

Jimbo 


“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” – Andy Borowitz 

Out ’n About at March of Dime’s Signature 

Chefs Auction 

Great job 

big sister! 

WHEN 

YOU’RE 

TIRED OF 

THIS... 

Victoria, Catherine & Christine Tanous 

Catherine is the Community Director for the March of Dimes 

Maine and was the point person for the event. 

GIVE US 

A CALL! 

Fully Insured 

Free Quotes 

Did I mention 

I’m a huge Tom 

Brady fan? 

Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasante 

Silent Auction connoisseurs 

Paul won an authentic autographed Tom Brady Football. 

Servicing the Mechanic Falls, 

Minot & Poland areas. 

JMAR 

PLOWING 

Reasonable Rates 

576-4844 


28 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

On November 3, 1924: Nellie Ross of Wyoming becomes the first 

woman governor in the U.S.

The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working. 

Did You Hear? 




in Business! 

Has Made the List! 

Pauline & Don 

Larrivee 

Why Join Carbonite’s Contact Center? 

Selected as one of Maine’s Best places to Work 2014! 

Technical Support begins at $13 per hour 

BENEFITS BEGIN YOUR FIRST DAY OF WORK 

Lots of growth opportunities once you master your job 

On-site game room and Canteen Micro Market 

NOW HIRING TECHNICAL SUPPORT REPRESENTATIVES IN LEWISTON 

As a Support Representative, you will be helping our customers become familiar with our products 

and services while increasing their confidence in our brand. You will be responsible for responding 

to incoming support requests via email, chat and telephone. 

SOUND LIKE YOU? 

• You love new technologies, and are usually one of the first to try new gadgets 

• You are a self-learner, able to figure out problems and prioritize customer needs 

• You truly enjoy helping people, and can easily build customer rapport 

• You have outstanding organizational abilities with strong attention to details 

• You navigate through ability to toggle and / or manipulate several programs 

• Should be comfortable interacting with customers via phone, email or chat 

• Technical aptitude with willingness and ability to learn all aspects of our product 

DO YOU HAVE? 

• Customer service experience with excellent oral & written communications skills 

• Strong technical aptitude required with the desire to learn all you can about our product 

• High school diploma or GED required 

• Ability to problem solve and think critically 

• Professional phone demeanor 

• Must be able to type at least 25-30 words per minute 

• We are open 7 days a week, 8:30am to 9:30 pm. 

• Schedules will include at least one day on the weekend - Must be able to 

support hours of operation 

APPLY ONLINE: 

www.carbonite.com/jobs 

Did you hear about the unruly circus driver? He refused to tow the lion. 

Pauline & Dan 

Larrivee 


...with 

Jimbo 


Assisted Home 

Care II 

“Our Family Assisting Your Family” 

Now expanding our services to the 

Midcoast Region! 

See page 44 to learn more about 

the services we offer. 

CALL THE PROS 

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org 

We Furnish Solutions! 

Need a Desk? An Office Chair? 

Or maybe a new Filing Cabinet? 

AFFORDABLE OFFICE 

SOLUTIONS 

Maine’s OFUSA Dealer 

All that and a whole lot more. 

Come see us at our NEW 

location in the Pepperell Mill. 

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 

CubiclesinMaine.com • 207-783-4820 or 1-866-464-CUBE 

• Driveways 

• Patios 

• Walkways 

• Porches 

• Steps 

• Poolscapes 

Blackie’s Farm 

Fresh Produce 

Open Year Round 

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 

Hours: 6am - 8pm 

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356 

GIVE YOUR WARDROBE 

A MAKEOVER 

with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie 

Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc. 

61 Albert Street, Lewiston 

333-2763 

jackiesbraceletsetc.com 

Join us for some Affordable FUN! 

$ 

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100 

Sunday at 6:00PM 

Wed., Thurs, & Friday 

at 6:30PM 

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 

A rough day 

on the job. 

Remote Starters - A Great Christmas gift! 

$ 

149 99 

Basic model starting at 

installed 

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston 754-7873 

Each starter comes 

with: 

• 1,000’ Range 

• Lifetime Guarantee 

• 2 Remotes 

• Expert Installation 

Many other 

models available 

CALL 

TODAY! 

The first Thanksgiving celebration lasted three days.

CALL THE PROS 

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad 

Carla & Co. 

Paul Mitchell Focus Salon 

Come In & Celebrate Our 

Our 1 Year Anniversary 

BRING A FRIEND SPECIAL 

Color & Cut for Only $90.00 (both) 

Some exclusions apply 

954 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 207.241.0205 • Carla Martin (Owner) 

No Separating 

Required! 

Now serving 

Lewiston & Auburn! 

Call us for a FREE quote. 

Serving: Norway • West Paris 

Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford 

& NOW Lewiston/Auburn! 

743-3891 

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com 

Bookkeeping 

Plus 

QuickBooks Classes Offered 

Bookkeeping Services 

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124 

Rolly’s Diner 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

Breakfast & Lunch 

Specials Daily 

Randy “Pinky D” Smith 

I love 

Rolly’s Diner! 

Great food at 

reasonable 

prices, every 

day!! 

Happy 

Thanksgiving! 

• Unusual Omelettes 

• Crepes 

• Breakfast All Day 

• Extensive Menu 

87 Mill St. 

New Auburn 

753-0171 

(for take-out) 

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm 

Sunday 7 am – noon 

“Thanksgiving is the home version of an “all-you-can-eat” buffet.” – Melanie White 

Pride and Joy 


The family was viewing 

old slides and one 

flashed on the screen 

that caught everyone’s 

attention. My father, 

wearing his favorite 

golf shirt, was holding 

me at the tender age of 

three weeks. 

The look on his face 

told all. “There’s my 

prize possession,” my 

father said. 

Touched, I smiled at 

him as he continued, “I 

wonder whatever happened 

to that golf 

shirt?” 


...with 

Jimbo 





in Business! 

If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now. 

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing 

Commercial & Residential 

SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING 

FREE 

QUOTES 

SNOW REMOVAL 

Morin 

excavating 

Inc. 

Andy Morin 

207.784.8293 

cell: 207.576.4714 

amorinexc@roadrunner.com 

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving. 

Karen Shaw, Northeast Bank; 

Katie Currie, Bates College & 

Greg Begin, K&K Excavation 

Trevor, Kyle, Aimee & Dan 

Kyle, Carole, Aimee & Trevor 


32 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner 

at the same moment... halftime.

Mom’s Thanksgiving diet tip: Don’t be a turkey and eat like such a pig. 




in Business! 

The perfect way to get back at a man for forgetting Valentine’s Day 

is to forget to cook Thanksgiving dinner. 

Don Larrivee 

Christine, Rachel 

& Deniege 

4 Generations of the Larrivee’s: 

Alice, Don, Rachel & Christine 

On November 6, 1860: Abraham Lincoln is elected the 16th President 

of the United States 

Masen Hinson 


...with 

Jimbo 


Do You Have 

The Time? 


Paula had been driving 

all night and was still at 

least six hours away 

from her destination. It 

was almost ten o'clock 

in the morning and she 

was extremely fatigued. 

After dozing off 

and nearly crashing 

into a telephone pole, 

she decided to pull into 

a rest area. Paula 

switched off the engine 

and closed her eyes 

and drifted off to sleep. 

As she did an old man 

in a bright yellow jogging 

tracksuit knocked 

on her window, scaring 

her half to death. 

“Sorry to wake you, 

ma'am,” he huffed, jogging 

on the spot, “But 

can you tell me what 

time it is?” 

On November 7, 1965: The "Pillsbury Dough Boy" debuted in television commercials. 

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE 

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 

Scooter 

60 Minot Ave • Auburn 

782-6666 or 783-2026 

$10 off for 

ANY Service 

with Coupon! 

We can do it: 

• Wheel alignment 

& balancing 

• Complete brake work 

• Engine tune-up 

• Lube-oil-filter 

• State Inspections 

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE 

NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM 

OUR TIRES 

In the U.S., about 280 million turkeys are sold for the Thanksgiving celebrations. 

Paula glanced at her 

watch. “10:00,” she answered 

through the 

window. 

The old man thanked 

her, then left. 

“Just my luck,” she 

muttered. “I'm parked 

on someone's jogging 

route.” With a sigh, she 

settled back into her 

seat and tried again to 

fall asleep. 

Two male joggers in 

their thirties knocked 

on her window. If she 

hadn't been so dead 

tired, she may have 

found them attractive. 

(continued on page 36) 

Sarah & Jane 

Now offering BOOTH RENTALS 

Call For More Information 

Sarah Jeanne’s 

Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental 

Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning 

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 

SarahJeannes.com 

795-6778 

Celebrating 

20 YEARS! 

~ Thank You L/A ~ 

TUX RENTALS 

Check Out 

Our Showroom 

$ 

10 COUPON 

Use for any Hair Service, 

Product or Tanning 



34 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The Pilgrim leader, Governor William Bradford, had organized 

the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621. 

✃

Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store 

5 Locations for Your Convenience 

ROOPERS 

LISBON ST. 

Now Selling 

Liquor! 

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks! 

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn 

Minot Ave, Auburn 

WHAT’S BREWING 

AND ALWAYS NEW 

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS 

Since 1992 

Main Street, Lewiston 

Beer Specials 

Bud/Bud Light 24 pk 16oz. cans . . . . .$16.99 

Coors Light 15pk 12oz . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 

Coors/Miller 9pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 

Corona/Heineken 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 

Sam Adams/Shipyard/Geary’s/Seadog12pk$13.99 

Wine Specials 

Jewel Box 3 Liter . . . . . . . . .$9.99 SAVE $13 

Cooks Champagne 750ml . . . . . . . .2 for $11 

Fish Eye/FlipFlop 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $9 

Twisted 750mll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10 

Robert Mondavi 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 

Holiday Gift Packs 

Pinnacle/DeKuyper Candy Canes . . . .$3.99 

Jack Daniels Honey 750ml w/Flask . .$23.99 

Firefly 4-Packs 200ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$19.99 

AND MORE!!! 

Absolut 

1.75ml 

$29.99 

Save $5 

Hendricks Gin 

750ml 

$24.99 

Save $10 

Captain Morgan 

750ml 

$14.99 

Save $4 

Cown Royal 

750ml 

$19.99 

Save $6 

Jameson 

750ml 

$21.99 

Save $5 

Black 

Friday 

Bud & Bud Light 

6 pack pounders 

for $3.99 

Black Friday only 

694 Main St. 

Lewiston • 782-1482 

794 Sabattus St. 


1420 Lisbon St. 


545 Minot Ave. 

Auburn • 783-2047 

303-311 Main St. 

Auburn • 783-9098

(continued from page 34) 

Now, they were just 

annoying. 

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming 

my parents. 

“Hi,” said the first. 

“Do you have the 

time?” his fair-haired 

friend asked. 

Paula let out a big sigh 

and said, looking at her 

watch. “10:08.” 

“Thanks,” they smiled 

as they jogged off. 

Paula looked down the 

road and saw more 

joggers coming her 

way. Now irritated, she 

found a pen from the 

glove box and 

scrawled: “I DO NOT 

KNOW THE TIME” on 

the back of a magazine. 

She put the 

hastily constructed sign 

in the window and settled 

back to sleep. 

Soon a thin, pale jogger 

knocked on the 

window just as she had 

started dozing off. 

Paula pointed at the 

sign and shouted, “For 

goodness sake, can't 

you read?” 

To which he replied, 

“Sure I can, ma'am. I 

just wanted to let you 

know: It's 10:15.” 

My parents used to 

stuff me with candy 

when I was a kid. 

M&M’s, Jujubes, 

SweeTarts. I don’t think 

they wanted a child; I 

think they wanted a 

piñata. 


36 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Murphy was an optimist.

Put Us on Your Christmas List 

Get a FREE $ 10 bonus card with 

every $ 50 Gift Card Purchased 

during the month of December! 

Book Your 

Holiday Event 

in our 

NEW Party 

Room! 

Come watch 

FOOTBALL with 

Us Every Sunday! 

1/2 Priced Appetizers 

(Eat In Only) 

Bud Light Drafts 

Sm. $ 2 Lg. $ 4 

Hey partner, 

stop in and wet 

that whistle. 

We’re 

rustling up some 

mouth-watering 

steaks just for 

you. 

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Franco Center Open 

House 

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 

This Holiday Season 

We’re thankful for You, our customers! 

Best Seafood Restaurant 

Ten years in a row. 

Simonne Paul 

Award Winning Chowder 

Family Owned 

for 3 Generations 

Gift cards 

make a great gift! 

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 

Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com 

Confucius Says: Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key. 

Lorraine Ouellette 


Past Board Chair, 

Ray Lagueux & Diane 

Marquis Monaghan 

Camden National Bank - Auburn 

Connie Hitchcock 

Maine Music Society 

A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.

Service 

Rental 

Sales 

G.A. DOWNING 

CO., INC. 

111 Woodman Hill RD 

Minot, ME 04258 

207.782.4508 

800.924.4500 

I am at one with my duality. 

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities 

Do not neglect 

your Septic System 

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically. 

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT 

We carry risers, covers, 

baffle replacements, septic additives. 

A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead. 

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. 

Antiquing 


Claire, after retiring 

from a busy life in 

business, travels 

around the country 

visiting antique 

shops trying to find 

bargains. 

One day she goes 

to an antique shop 

just outside Boston. 

Here, Claire speaks 

to Victoria, the 

shop's owner: 

“When I was in 

here last week I 

saw a big mug with 

a flat head that 

holds a lot of beer. 

I'd like to buy it.” 

“Sorry,” replied Victoria, 

“but I can't 

possibly sell you 

that.” 

“Oh, what a pity, 

but why not?” inquired 

Claire. 

“Because,” said the 

owner, “that's my 

husband.” 





Angie Snow 

Call Today & Book Your 

Appointment For The Holidays 

Before It’s Too Late! 

777-1611 

Jen & Christopher - Welcome to the Team! 

10% OFF 

Gift Certificates 

on Black Friday 

Jen Darcy Kelley Amanda Christopher 

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 

Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it. 


...with 

Jimbo 






For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill. 

Richelle Wallace 

& Laura Peterson 

What a lot 

of fun to go along 

with some amazing 

food! 

Can we 

come back for my 

birthday? 

The Sea 40 Experience 

Chris, Johannah, Kayleigh & Madisyn Oberg 

Their first visit to Sea 40 as they celebrated Johannah’s birthday. 

There is no problem a good miracle can’t solve. 

Susan Lindkvist 

Inner Peace 


Jimbo’s therapist told 

him that the way to 

achieve true inner 

peace was to remember 

to always finish 

what he started. 

PROTECTING 

What You Love. 

What You Do. 

What You Cherish.. 

Jimbo has finished two 

bags of potato chips, a 

gallon of ice-cream, 

two buckets of chicken, 

and a chocolate cake. 

He feels much better 

already. 


40 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Kerrie Robbins 

Commercial Insurance 

Specialist 

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health 

If everything seems to go right, check your zipper. 

232 Center St., Auburn 

786-0417 

VarneyAgency.com 

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year. 

Happy Thanksgiving 

from all of us at 

New Auburn Social 

Club! 

New Auburn Social Club 

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039 

New Auburn Social 

Election November 11th 

THANKSGIVING DINNER 

(Local Charity) Open to the Public 

November 22nd 4 – 5:30pm 

Turkey, Ham, Baked Potato & all the fixings! 

Mark Your Calendar! 

Join us at the United New Auburn Association monthly meeting, 

the last Tuesday of the month at Rolly’s Diner with special guest speakers. 

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics. 

The one that didn’t 

get away... 

Daddy, 

I think this should be 

the dress code for 

all Roopers 

employees. 

Devin Carrier 

takes a great selfie at the Hoover Dam 

Jim Mathon on Cochnewagon Lake in Monmouth, 

shows off his catch which was 4.2 lbs. 

“He who angers you conquers you.” – Elizabeth Kenny 

Isaak St. Laurent 

is the son of Jesse St. Laurent, 

who works at Roopers


42 

Cassiel’s 

Adds Stylist 

Alison Darling 

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa is expanding 

its staff again. They are 

pleased to announce that Alison 

Darling has joined their dynamic 

team of hair stylists. 

Most recently Alison worked 

for the J.C. Penny’s Salon. Like 

so many of our talented stylists, 

Miss Darling graduated from Mr. 

Bernards School of hair fashion. 

Alison is a well-rounded stylist 

specializes in men’s and 

women’s cuts, facial waxing, 

manicures and pedicures. 

In addition her hard work at 

the Spa, Alison is active in continuing 

her education attending 

classes locally. “Another great 

addition to our staff,” says 

Owner Diane Dubois. “Come 

make an appointment with Alison 

and enjoy not only a great 

hair cut but also a relaxing spa 

experience.” 

Cassiel’s which opened in 

1994 is a full service Salon 

noted for its beautiful, warm and 

inviting atmosphere and it’s 

broad range of expert services. 

Alison is now available for appointments 

and invites her 

friends, family and former 

clients to join her at Lewiston 

Auburn’s loveliest location – 

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71 

East Ave, in Lewiston. See their 

ad on page 45. 

Turkeys are doomed 

from birth, they don't 

stand a chance. Just 

look at the name we 

gave them. A turkey 

less than 12-weeks-old 

is called a fryer-roaster. 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Goethe 

Christmas is Coming 

& Winter is Coming! 

So Come On Down & Let Us Help You with Both! 

2010 Chevrolet LT 4x4 

Colorado Crew Cab 

$19,895 

We Install Everything We Sell! 

Not Sure What to get that car or truck enthusiast? 

Everyone loves Gift Cards! 

Quality Pre-owned Vehicles 

Shop Our Complete Inventory @ AutoCityofMaine.com 

5.3L 

Leather Seats 

Z-71 Off Road package 

Remote Car Starters 

Car Audio & Electronics 

Window Tinting 

62k 

2.5L 

Auto 

Leather Seats 

Heated Seats 

Satellite Radio 

Auto Accessories 

Trailer Hitches 

A.R.E. Truck Caps 

Tonneau Covers 

Spray-on Truck Bed liners 

2011 Ford Fusion 2010 Chrysler 

Town & Country LX 

3.8L 

Auto 

$12,995 49K 

$14,895 

We Are Now Offering Auto Detailing 

Buff & Wax • Interior Shampooing • Touch-up & Scratch Removal 

1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com 

Maine’s Premier Performance Head Quarters! 

There’s a professional boxer at my office. He works in shipping.

For Brakes, Tires, 

Exhaust, Oil Changes, 

Batteries, Tune-ups 

& more visit 

Maine Auto Service! 

Your complete car & light 

truck service center. 

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” – Socrates 

Your Road To Maine Value TM 

Welcomes New Manager, Chad Paradis! 

Technician, Rocky Voss; Assistant Manager, Chris Fournier; 

Shop Manager, Chad Paradis; Company Owner, Steve Shaver 

510 Canal Street, Lewiston • 333-6000 • maineautoservice.com 

Chad & his crew invite you to 

stop by for a 

FREE 

STATE 

INSPECTION 

in November with this ✃ 

ad 



Hammer Time 


A judge tells the defendant, 

“You’re charged 

with threatening to attack 

your boss with a 

hammer.” 

“You jerk!” yells a voice 

from the back of the 

courtroom. 

“You’re also charged 

with threatening to attack 

a bartender with a 

hammer,” says the 

judge. 

“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows 

the same man. 

“Sir,” says the judge, 

“one more outburst, 

and I’ll charge you with 

contempt.” 

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” 

says the man. “But I’ve 

been this jerk’s neighbor 

for ten years, and 

every time I asked to 

borrow a hammer, he 

said he didn’t have 

one.” 

Katye Vachon 

Loren Lachapelle 

& Matthew Shaw 

Peoplebusters 

Pushy 


For All Your Custom 

Upholstery Needs 

Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle Seats 

Tonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More! 

300 Cressey Road, Monmouth 

Just past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm 

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY 

Things are more like today than they ever were before. 

782-3822 

Call Before 

Coming! 

Tired of waiting in the 

back of the line to get 

on Noah’s Ark, a flea 

jumps from one animal 

to another as she 

moves closer to the 

front. She leaps and 

leaps until she lands 

on the back of an 

elephant. 

The pachyderm turns 

to its mate and says 

testily, “I knew it! Here 

they go with the pushing 

and shoving!” 


...with 

Jimbo 


Cassiel’s 

Adds Massage 

Therapist 

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb 

Assisted Home Care II 

“Our Family 

Assisting Your Family” 

Now expanding 

our services to the 

Midcoast Region! 

Assisting Families since 1997. 

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency 

• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 

• 24 hour Personal Care and Response 

• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers 

• Assist with Independent Living at Home 

Heather Kern 

Heather M. Kern has joined 

the growing team of massage 

therapists at Cassiel’s Salon and 

Spa. Formerly Miss Kern worked 

with HealthQuest, Lake Mary & 

the Bixon Chiropractic Center. 

Heather is a very experienced 

and highly skilled massage therapist 

with training in five distinct 

areas of massage; Swedish, 

Neuromuscular, Deep Tissue, 

Myofascial, and Sports Massage. 

She also practices the 

Adams – Strain/counterstrain 

technique. 

Following the Cassiel’s employee 

development standard 

Heather is constantly active in 

continuing her education. “We 

are lucky to have this experienced 

woman on our staff,” 

says Owner Diane Dubois. 

“Come make an appointment 

with Heather and enjoy either a 

relaxing, healing or invigorating 

massage.” 

Cassiel’s which opened in 

1994 is a full service Salon 

noted for its beautiful, warm and 

inviting atmosphere and it’s 

broad range of expert services. 

Heather is now available for appointments 

and invites her 

friends, family and former 

clients to join her at Lewiston 

Auburn’s loveliest location – 

Cassiel’s Salon and Spa, at 71 

East Ave. in Lewiston. See their 

ad on page 45. 

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org 


Emily Harris 

Grayson Landry 

Joan Churchill 

If flattery gets you 

nowhere, try bribery. 


44 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

On November 8, 1960: John F. Kennedy is elected as the youngest 

U.S. President in history.

When the shoe salesman offered me Velcro shoes, I said, "Sure, why knot?" 

Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing is fluffy and when you're done 

eating you'll be nice and stuffy. 

Pamper Your 

Loved One This 

Holiday Season! 

❧ Hair 

❧ Body Waxing 

❧ Facials 

❧ Pedicures 

❧ Spa Packages 

❧ Massage 

❧ Body Treatments 

❧ Manicures 

❧ Bridal Packages 

❧ Permanent Make-up 

71 East Avenue, Lewiston 

(207) 783-3321 

cassiels.com 

Gift Cards available 24/7 

at cassiels.com! 

Happy 

Holidays 

from all 

of us! 

Exclusively Sold 

to see our Daily Specials 

On November 9, 1887: The United States receives rights to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. 

Anxious 


Poodle: “My life is a 

mess. My owner is 

mean, my girlfriend is 

leaving me for a German 

shepherd, and I’m 

nervous as a cat.” 

Collie: “Why don’t you 

go see a psychiatrist?” 

Poodle: “I can’t. I’m 

not allowed on the 

couch.” 

A dog goes into a bar 

and orders a martini. 

The bartender says, 

“You don’t see a dog in 

here drinking a martini 

very often.” 

The dog says, “At 

these prices, I’m not 

surprised.” 


...with 

Jimbo 


I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) 

Bottle Drives 

Welcome! 

MORE FOR 

YOUR $$ 

Get more for your 

returns at Dad’s! 

✃ 

Dad’s Redemption 

6¢ 

on all 5¢ returns 

with this coupon. 

(must present coupon at 

Redemption Center prior to counting) 

UAD expires 11.30.14 

The divers had to be careful, the octopus was heavily armed. 

Out ’n About at the United Way’s 





Signature Chefs Auction 

Hey honey, 

let’s go to 

Jamaica... 

(again) 

Stephanie, Sophia & Rich Asselin 

Local Ambassador Family 


46 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I'm not very versed in writing songs, so I refrain from doing it.

I was overruled at the measuring competition. 

Gift 

Certificates 

Make Great 

Stocking 

Stuffers! 

Summer is gone... better get your wax on! 

If your car’s paint should fear, 

It’s because winter is almost here 

Book a Wax Appointment in November and get 10% OFF 

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm 

Fri. by appointment 

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. 

Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit 

with results that you will be proud to show off. 

Visit us at our state of the art office at: 

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza 

783-1351 

Same Day Emergency Care 

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider 

LIQUID SUNSHINE 

CAR WASH & DETAIL 

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004 

Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm 

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com 

WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM

November 2014 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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