May 2007 •
CONTENTS AND STAFF
Pittsburgh Cultural Trust
Presnts - Altar Boyz
Pages 6-7 Wine and Brew
Page 8 Predictions
Page 10 Relationships
Page 11 Entertainment
Page 12-13 Dining Review - Seviche
Pages 16-17 Music - Boogie Hustlers
Pages 20-21 Travel - Utah
Page 22 Night Tech
Pages 24-37 Humor and Jokes
Page 38 Horoscopes
Publisher: Joyce Campisi
Editor-in-Chief: Joyce Campisi
Executive Editor: Joseph P. Campisi, III
Production Manager: Rob Hoffman
Photography: Todd Brunozzi
Photographer: Jennifer Campisi
Graphic Designer: Donnie Garber
Account Executive: Timothy Dady
Executive VP Sales: John Palmer
Feature Writers: Suz Pisano, Kara
Czerniak, Uriel Markovitz, Trish Imbrogno
Contributing Writers: Bill Mace
Webmaster: Benjamin Auman
Distribution: Take One USA
622 Second Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA. 15219
Copyright ®, SX publications, Nightwire. All rights reserved. SX Publications, Nightwire owns the copyrights of the photographs and contents of this publication. No part of this
publication may be reproduced, modified, retransmitted or published in any part of copyrighted material without the expressed written permission of the publisher. The articles
and editorials are meant for entertainment purposes only, and do not necessarily represent opinions of SX Publications, Nightwire, they are those of the writers and advertisers
and may not necessarily represent those of SX Publications, Nightwire. SX Publications, Nightwire in no way offers any recommendations, endorsements or guarantees of any
kind with regard to any service, product or person in any way for the actions ensuing from advertising. This publication contains elements adult in nature and may not be suitable
for minors. Some of the products and services available through advertisements are not for purchase by minors. SX Publications, Nightwire cannot be held responsible for
photos submitted by advertisers and photography supplied by advertisers or vendors without a release from the model(s). SX Publications, Nightwire will assume no liability for
misprints, typos, ad print quality, ad placement or incorrect ad copy.
ALTAR BOYZ, the acclaimed musical
comedy now in its third year Off-
Broadway at New World Stages, is the
winner of the coveted Outer Critics Circle
Award for Best Musical Off-Broadway and
the longest running new musical comedy
to open in New York in years. It was also
recently awarded the Audience Award for
Favorite Long Running Musical from
Broadway.com. Full of sharp parody,
sinfully spectacular dancing, and irreverent
humor, this spoof about a heavenly guygroup
is adored by audiences and critics
alike. With an extraordinary mix of sidesplitting
songs “convincing enough to be
played on MTV,” uncontrollable laughs and lighthearted fun,
this award-winning and totally original new musical is 90
minutes of pure delight that's suitable for all ages and will
have the whole family laughing and singing along.
Among the devoted fans of ALTAR BOYZ, known as
Altarholics, are such bold-faced names as Anna Maria
Alberghetti, Ann Rutherford (Gone With the Wind), Ana
Gasteyer (“Saturday Night Live”), Anne Jeffreys, Anthony Rapp
and Rosario Dawson (Rent film), Armando Valdes-Kennedy
(“CSI: Miami”), Christine Ebersole, Frances Sternhagen
(“Cheers”, “Sex & The City”), Cynthia Nixon, David Hyde
Pierce, Dick Gautier, Donna Mills, Doris Roberts, Ellen Greene
(Little Shop of Horrors), Esther Williams, Jai Rodriquez (“Queer
Eye”), Jason Kidd (NJ Nets), Jeff Timmons (98 Degrees),
Jennifer Ferrin (“As The World Turns”), Joan Rivers, John
Kander (Cabaret, Chicago), John Savage, Kandice Pelletier
(Miss New York), Kathy Bates, Kevin Bacon, Laura Benanti,
Marcia Wallace (“Newhart”), Mario Cantone, Michael Cerveris
(Sweeney Todd), Michelle Lee, Mike Stoller, Mr. Blackwell,
Ricky Paull Goldin (“Guiding Light”), Rosie O'Donnell, Simon
Russell Beale, Stella Stevens, Stephen Flaherty (Ragtime),
Stephen Schwartz (Wicked), Stephen Sondheim, Tommy Tune,
Trevor Penick (O-Town), Twyla Tharp and countless others who
have seen the show over and over. For all the gossip on the
BOYZ, visit www.altarholics.com
Critics are spreading the word coast to coast: “Finally, an
Off Broadway musical that actually works!” (Jason Zinoman,
The New York Times); “Sly and funny subversion, terrific
voices, soothing harmonies, and deliciously funny numbers. It
sends you home with a smile! Made up of five potential Teen
People cover boys.” (Charles Isherwood, The New York Times);
“Thank Heaven for Altar Boyz! It keeps you laughing all
evening long. If laughter is a form of salvation, my soul is
clean!” (Howard Kissel, Daily News); “Hilarious! This
sweet and sassy, witty and completely unpretentious
show sends everybody out on a cloud of mirth - and we
mean everybody! Finally, a show to unite the
country!”(Jacques Le Sourd, Journal News); “Ninety
minutes of heavenly hilarity!” (The Boston Globe); “You’ll
laugh your socks off!” (The Chicago Tribune); “Hallelujah
brothers and sisters! Altar Boyz is in town. Funny songand-dance
numbers that never stop and a talented cast
of five handsome men keep Fort Lauderdale jumpin'
from beginning to end. It's top-notch musical theater!”
ALTAR BOYZ is directed by Stafford Arima and
choreographed by Christopher Gattelli. ALTAR BOYZ has
music and lyrics by Gary Adler and Michael Patrick
Walker with book by Kevin Del Aguila, based on a
concept by Marc Kessler and Ken Davenport. Casting
for the ALTAR BOYZ includes Matthew Buckner (as
Matthew), Ryan J Ratliff (Mark), Jesse JP Johnson
(Luke), Jay Garcia (Juan) and Ryan Strand (Abraham –
ALTAR BOYZ will begin performances at the Byham
Theater on Tuesday, April 24, and continue running
through Sunday, May 6, as part of the PNC Broadway
Across America – Pittsburgh series. The performance
schedule for each week is as follows: Tuesday –
Thursday, 7:30 p.m.; Friday at 8 p.m.; Saturday at 2 p.m.
and 8 p.m.; and Sunday at 1 p.m. (ASL-interpreted
performance on May 6) and 6:30 p.m. Tickets (
$19.50 - $54.50) may be purchased at the
Box Office at Theater Square, online at
www.pgharts.org or by calling 412-456-6666.
May 2007 •
WINE AND BREW
Sunset Wheat Hits the Burgh
Miller Brewing Co. subsidiary Jacob Leinenkugel
Brewing Co. introduced Sunset Wheat in Midwestern
markets last spring, and rolled it out here in Pittsburgh
early this year. After purchasing the Jacob Leinenkugel
Brewing Company, a 140 year old family brewery, Miller
promised them that they would allow this craft brewery
to continue their family tradition of brewing craft beer.
The brewery is located in Chippewa Falls, WI and they
are the leading craft brewer in the Midwest.
Today, fifth-generation Leinenkugel brothers Jake and
Dick have continued their great-great grandfather’s
dedication to brewing great beer. In an exclusive
interview with Dick, Nightwire gained some insight into
this family and their brewery.
When asked about the Miller acquisition, Dick stated
that he felt the acquisition of the brewery was a very
positive move – “it’s the best of both worlds”, because
Miller agreed to leave the brewery to do what it does
best – brew craft beers. In addition, Miller provides the
brewery with all the resources to succeed - from
marketing and promotion, to raw market prices on
things such as glass, grains, hops and malt, thereby
giving a smaller brewery the leverage and clout of a
large company. With the Miller support this brewery will
When asked what it was like growing up in a family
of brewers, Dick said that “it’s in your blood!” On
weekends as a young boy he would explore the
brewery, and by age 17 was giving tours. He learned
about the brewing process from the ground up. In his
freshman year of college, he started at the bottom, all
summer he worked stapling returnable cases. He grew
up in a family rich with pride and tradition. He was told
by his grandfather, “just because your last name is
Leinenkugel, that means that you’ll have to work
harder.” And so he did, his next summer he worked as
an assistant on the delivery trucks and in his third year
he worked online in the bottling department. Jake, his
older brother, did the same learning the family business
from the bottom up.
Inspired by the golden sunsets or a relaxing getaway,
Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat is a year-round beer that
features a slightly fruity and citrus character
complemented by the gentle spiciness of coriander. It is
brewed and balanced with a combination of malted
wheat and pale barley malt, cluster hops and other
natural flavors. An orange garnish adds extra
Continued on Page 7
6 • May 2007
Breathing - Does the Wine Need Air
By: Uriel Marcovitz
As a general rule, I consider the practice of giving wine
time to “breathe” before it’s served to be somewhat
The idea behind it is simple: Wines that need aging may
be shy on aroma and flavor when they’re first opened, a
characteristic that’s sometimes described in wine speak as
“closed” or “tight.” Give them a little exposure to air, the
theory goes, and you’re providing a rough-and-ready
substitute for the more gentle oxidation that occurs with
fine wines as they age in the cellar.
While there’s some truth in this, it’s worth remembering
that it only applies to certain wines. Most wines are fresh
and fruity and ready to go as soon as they’re put in the
bottle, and letting these wines breathe risks missing out on
their first blush of freshness. Worse still is the risk you take
in breathing an older wine that's fully mature, as some
older wines - like some older people - become fragile with
age and may give up their spirit very quickly after the cork
So, I recommend breathing only for young, tannic
wines, typically reds as a way to ease the initial "closed"
quality or harshness from tannins. But, if you do it at all,
don't simply pull the cork, which exposes only a tiny circle
of wine the size of a dime in the bottleneck to the air.
Rather, pour a glass, and do it briskly so the wine gets a
WINE AND BREW
good exposure to the atmosphere. Then leave it for an
hour or two, and you may find that the wine “opens up”
Another approach, of course, is simply to open the wine
at the time you serve it, take it as it comes, but if you find
it shy, harsh and astringent, push back your glass and
enjoy it after dinner, when it's had time to breathe.
These wines are available at Sonoma Grille, 947 Penn
Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15222 (412) 697-1336 and at PA State
Franciscan Cabernet - A tasty treat, a consistently
excellent wine with great tannins and delicious mouthfeel.
A truly great value.
Stags Leap Winery Merlot - A firmly structured wine
with strong character, A truly classic merlot in the
Bordeaux style. Absolutely a winner.
Flowers Perrenial Pinot Noir -Fruit aromas such as red
currant, cherry, raspberry, and plum are at the core of this
wine. Hints of clove, mineral and perfume contribute to the
most seamless Perennial to date. Mouth filling flavors of
earth and plum, a smooth texture, followed by a wellbalanced
tannin and acidity profile. Delicious !!!
~Uriel Marcovitz is the Sommelier and General Manager, Sonoma Grille
continued from page 6
refreshment and a chance to “get away to a better
place” in every bottle.
Last April, Sunset Wheat was awarded a bronze
medal in the herb and spice beer category at the
World Beer Cup, the world’s largest and most
diverse international beer competition for
commercial breweries. In October, they took home
the silver at the Great American Beer Festival which
featured 2,410 beers from more than 450 brewers
from across the U.S.
Leinekugel’s Sunset Wheat is making quite an
impact on the Pittsburgh market. The Nightwire staff
was invited to sample and taste test Sunset Wheat
against Blue Moon. We all agreed that this craft
wheat beer was a far superior beer when compared
head to head. If you like Blue Moon we think you are
going to “love” Sunset Wheat. You can try Sunset
Wheat at the following locations
Harold’s Inn, Aliquippa – Shenanigans, Babcock
Blvd, North Hills – Lil Melius, Beaver – Sals, Beaver
Falls – Pittsburgh Bottle Shop, Bridgeville – South
Hills Roadhouse, Brownsville Road – Sunny Jim’s,
Camp Horne Road – Zander’s, Frankstown Road –
Star Lite Lounge, Blawnox - Middle Road Inn,
Glenshaw - Buffalo Wild Wings, Greensburg – Large
Hotel, Large – Coyote Café, Bloomfield – Buffalo
Wild Wings, Monroeville – Pugliano’s Italian Grill,
Monroeville – Tolerico’s, Monroeville – Bella Luna,
Monroeville – Zooky’s, New Brighton – Long Branch
Saloon, New Brighton – Fox & Hound, North Hills –
Rivertown Pub, North Huntingdon – McFadden’s,
North Shore – Ugly, North Shore – Finnegan’s Wake,
North Shore – Bootleggers, Oakland – Hemingways,
Oakland – Peter’s Pub, Oakland – Buffalo Wild
Wings, Robinson – North Park Lounge Clubhouse,
Robinson – Jabby Joe’s, Robinson – Buffalo Blues,
Shady Side – Harris Grill, Shady Side – Pittsburgh
Deli Co, Shady Side – Dee’s Café, South Side – The
Library, South Side – Smokin Joe’s, South Side –
Buckhead Saloon, Station Square – Hard Rock,
Station Square – Back Room, Head Stones,
May 2007 •
These true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from
a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist
ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with.
Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves
relationships, Addictive. Loud.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to
give a good fight for what they want. Extremely
outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good
kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person.
One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most
attractive people on earth!
GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in
the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still
knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud.
Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make
out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST
CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one
of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will
ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and
proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes
down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back.
Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost
anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down
to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to
find. Good when found.
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right
now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud.
Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy
to please. The one and only.
LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly,
fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person
you will ever meet! however not the kind of person you
wanna mess with ... u might end up crying...
SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good
sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser.
Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves
being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.
SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.
Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not
one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to
everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun
and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you
will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the
kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up
CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker.
Always gets what he or she wants. Cool Loves to own
Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.
AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves
being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic.
Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter,
But will Knock your lights out.
PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal.
Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be
around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of
Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants.
Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
8 • May 2007
Y O G A
T R I B A L
B E L L Y
D A N C E
D A N C E
YOGA1113 East Carson Street
Historic South Side
The Martian’s Guide to Intimacy
By: Kara Czerniak
Some couples don’t have a clue as to what is missing
in their relationship or what intimacy looks like to either
one of them. When it comes to real long-term intimacy
between couples, there seem to be some general
guidelines they follow. The “Martian’s Guide to Intimacy”
answers the question: What would a Martian who came
to Earth to study
find them doing
First, our martian
would notice that
people who are
intimate spend time
luxury of time to talk
and interact is often
more available at
work than at home.
Think, even when in
the same room, how
much time do you
notice that people
who are intimate
hopes, and dreams.
Men do not typically
share their vulnerable feelings such as fear, hurt, or
embarrassment as readily as women do. Many men
seem to specialize in showing only one emotion: anger. If
you are a man, here is an experiment for you: Try saying
one thing a week about something that has worried you,
frightened you, or hurt you that week. If your partner
responds well, maybe you should make a habit of telling
her or him your vulnerable feelings. Talking about
vulnerable feelings can be a good litmus test of the
potential for intimacy in a relationship. How does your
partner react to your intimate admissions Vulnerability
means just that -- the person who is doing the revealing
is vulnerable to being hurt -- so take care to respond
nonjudgmentally when your partner is so exposed.
The third observation that our Martian anthropologist
would make is that people who are intimate touch each
other a fair amount. Maybe they hug or hold hands;
maybe they put their arms around each other and sit
close enough so that their bodies touch. If the Martian
gains access to bedrooms, he would observe touching.
The next observation that our Martian scientist would make
is that intimacy is usually different for men and women. For
women, intimacy involves discussing the nature of your
relationship, your intentions in the relationship, and your
feelings of affection for the other person. For men, no
discussion is necessary. For men, intimacy is usually implied, If
I am spending time with
you, then I obviously like
you. If we are friends for
years and have spent
lots of time together, we
are close friends.
Whatever the reason,
men rarely discuss their
relationships with their
One other action that
we think our Martian
friend would observe is
that people who are
intimate do thoughtful
actions for each other --
grants of daily loving
behaviors. We call them
grants, not loans,
because loans need to
be paid back, but grants
are given freely. A grant
has no contingencies. “I’ll
cook tonight, if you cook
tomorrow night” is not a
grant. Things like
bringing coffee to your spouse in bed, going outside to get the
paper for him or her, getting something repaired that your
partner is supposed to handle -- these are the grants of
kindness that a Martian would observe when studying intimate
Many couples neglect the ongoing maintenance of the
closeness in their relationship. They assume that, once they
have developed a sense of intimacy, they can count on it
being there in the future. That’s like planting a garden and then
never weeding or watering it. It may survive, but usually a
garden needs regular tending to keep it growing. Give your
relationship ongoing attention and a little “intimacy food” every
now and then, and watch it flourish!
~Kara Czerniak is a romance consultant with UndercoverWear, Inc., a company dedicated to
educating women of all ages how to enhance their sexuality and femininity, and empower their
relationships. She can be contacted for home parties and individual questions at
412-719-7003 or by email at email@example.com.
10 • May 2007
“Kill Pit” in Pittsburgh
Spike TV began production March 28 in Pittsburgh –
filming in Market Square and Lawrenceville on the fastpaced,
thrilling original scripted eight-hour dramatic event
“The Kill Pit”. Steve Shill (“The Sopranos,” “The Wire,”
“Rome” and the upcoming series “The Tudors”) has been
signed to direct the eight-hour series and will serve as a
co-executive producer with Mandeville and Lions Gate.
The series revolves around a downtown bank robbery
by a team of American Iraqi-War veterans that goes
terribly awry and the hostage negotiations that ensue.
Amphitheatre at Sandcastle
Sandcastle Waterpark and Live Nation have made the
decision to postpone the opening of the Amphitheatre at
Sandcastle until the spring of 2008.
Tom Mendenhall, SVP with Live Nation, stated that “An
aggressive construction schedule and delays in obtaining
necessary permits led us to the conclusion that it was in
everyone’s best interest to delay the opening until 2008.”
Live Nation is still considering producing festivals
including the Pittsburgh Irish Festival at Riverplex adjacent
More than a dozen hostages from all walks of life are
taken, ranging from the daughter of a business tycoon to
co-workers in a heated relationship. Throughout the eighthour
event, viewers will follow the escalating action as the
volatile soldiers plot their way out, the negotiator
anticipates their moves and the hostages desperately try
to survive. Time is critical and the game intensifies with
surprising twists at every turn.
“The Kill Pit” is slated to premiere on Spike TV on
Sunday, July 22.
to Sandcastle this season. Construction for the overall
amphitheatre project will begin this fall.
Peter J. McAneny, President of Kennywood
Entertainment who operates Sandcastle Waterpark, stated
that “Although disappointed that we have to delay the
opening we firmly believe that it is the correct decision.
We continue to be excited about the opportunity to work
with Live Nation and to bring this new venue to life in
May 2007 •
By: Suz Pisano
Miami’s South Beach has landed
in Pittsburgh! Seviche located at 930
Penn Avenue, brings, hip, hot and
absolutely beautiful cuisine right to
the heart of the Cultural District.
Seviche means marinated fresh
seafood that “cooks” in citrus fruit
acids. The results are delicious tapas
served by friendly outgoing staff in a
welcoming atmosphere, alive with
the hot colors reminiscent of Latin
America. Seviche definitely serves
raw with a twist! Plus, the extensive
bar menu will most definitely delight.
Look forward to offerings of different
Mojitos, (yes, there are more than
the basic!), Martinis, Frozen Drinks,
Imported Beers, Rums, and Wines
by the glass and bottle.
Immediately upon entering this
new bar and restaurant, you’ll feel
live you’ve been transported to the
lounge you’ve always wanted to be
at in the ‘burgh. Small, tall tables
surround the bar, while couches in the window allow for the
perfect spot to be seen. This will be a beautiful people place,
without the pretention. Owner, Albert Torchia planned the
location, selection of staff, and mood of Seviche very
carefully. He likes that the staff like not only the restaurant,
but each other as well. Everyone gets along here and the
attitude is certainly contagious. You’ll definitely get the feeling
that everyone is welcome here. Seviche prides itself on
being very friendly and that seems to go hand-in-hand with
the sharing of small plates – tapas.
Now let’s get down to the food- ahhh, the tapas...we
tasted so many with each different than the next. We were
greeted by Chef Curiel Bame who explained that most of the
recipes were derived from his mother’s native Mexican
cuisine. At Seviche, he was given the opportunity to refine
each tapas and make them his own. The first round
presented to our table were - Steamed Mussels ($8) served
with green curry, coconut milk and fennel brunoise. The
mussels were perfectly steamed, plump and tender. Ancho
Dusted Camarones ($10) grilled Venezuelan prawns served
skewered, spicy and with pineapple, quince chutney. This
was a wonderful complement of sweet, with nice and spicy.
The Fire and Ice Seviche ($8) was served on single serving
spoons and we were directed to eat them like a “shooter”.
The traditional seviche recipe is made a little spicier in this
version with habanero peppers, red onion and topped with a
prickly pear granita. Very different but great with a mojito!
We’ve never had anything like it - but would definitely
recommend it & try it again. The next dish we were served
was Filet Mignon A La Plancha ($12). Melt in your mouth filet
12 • May 2007
served with saffron alioli, confit of wild mushrooms
and a tempranillo reduction. Not one bite of this dish
remained! Chef Curiel’s mix of flavor is both daring
and diverse. His plating and presentation of every
dish is meticulous, and you’ll really appreciate the
beauty of each offering. It’s so nice to be served such
beautiful food, it will really give you an appreciation
for the preparation and ingredients. Tiradito ($8) a
Peruvian style sashimi was next and if you’re a fan of
sashimi tuna - this is the tapas for you. It’s prepared
with lemon juice, cilantro oil, red chili and sea salt. So
fresh and tender served with jicama and calabaza
slaw. I highly recommend this tapas. Next we were
served a Bocadillo (meaning little sandwich), Grilled
Pulled Pork Cuban ($9). These little sandwiches had
Manchego cheese and a very tender pork filling. I
think I’ll order these every time I come to Seviche,
they were that good. We also sampled the Pork
Empenada ($7), which quickly became one of our favorites.
We were not expecting a spicy filling in fried bread dough.
These are served with a house salsa that makes it extra
delicious and tangy. Salmon Croquettas ($6) were presented
with Latin American sweet potato and we loved these as well.
Delicate and crispy, another perfect tapas. Our last tapas was
the Asian Tartare. This was almost too delicious to eat - Tuna
Tartare served on sushi rice and nori rolls with white truffle oil
wasabi mayonnaise and Tobiko caviar. This will change your
thoughts on sushi forever, it was so delicious that I wanted to
scoop up the mayonnaise with my finger. Everyone at the
table, even some not sushi fans, loved this. Asian Tartare is
another highly recommended dish.
On the menu at Seviche, you can order single plates for $8
or three tapas for $18. The Chef’s Table consists of seven
courses of assorted Seviche and tapas tastings for $35 per
person. If you’re not sure what to order - this may be the way
to go. Following all of the plates we were served, of course
dessert was to follow. We couldn’t imagine what Chef Curiel
was about to serve - his desserts change frequently. This night
the offerings were Tres Leche Cake which is marinated in three
types of milk and plated with chocolate sauce & strawberries.
This is a delicate in texture yet creamy sweet
concoction. I’ve never had anything like it & we all loved
it. Two different kinds of Mexican Ice Cream Sandwiches
were filled with homemade chocolate and homemade
quince and cinnamon ice creams. The cookie part of the
sandwich reminded me of a flourless chocolate cake
dense, decadent & delicious. The last dessert we tried
were the Banana Fritters topped with pineapple and an
interesting red pepper. The warm fritter with the sweet
pineapple was accentuated nicely with the red pepper. It
not only looked gorgeous but really expanded the flavor,
not too hot but definitely a twist on an old favorite.
It’s rare that a new restaurant opens to be an instant
success but with a young and vibrant chef, excellent
décor, good music, great service, fine food, drinks and
dessert. Seviche has arrived and will be around for a
long, long time. Check out Monday nights for Salsa
dancing! Seviche is open Monday through Saturday from
5pm until 1am. It’s going to be my first choice in town
for late night bites. Get there soon - I foresee a line out
the door in no time. Congratulations Seviche!
May 2007 •
May 2007 •
Peace, Love and Boogie
By: Trish Imbrogno
Photos by Todd Brunozzi
What do you get when you combine the smooth sounds of Marvin
Gaye and Curtis Mayfield, some hot James Brown funk, and the classic
jazz of Herbie Hancock and Marcus Miller A unique blend of music and
voice with a whole lot of soul…
Since 2003, the Boogie Hustlers have been spreading peace, love and
boogie in the Pittsburgh area. The 8-piece band began playing small
venues around the area, and premiered as a “festival” band at Spring
Fest, an intimate weekend of music, in 2004.
Backed by a mob of talent, lead men Sean “Rigs” Reiger and Vince
Wylie watched the Band’s popularity explode after the release of their
debut album “122 Ellsworth” in early 2006. Since that time, the Boogie
Hustlers have expanded from a local band to a nationally touring act,
playing festivals and venues from Kansas to Vermont, Georgia to Illinois,
and regularly touring I-95 from DC to the Big Apple. They have shared
the stage with The Black Crowes, Robert Randolph, Les Claypool and
Tea Leaf Green.
The Boogie Hustlers’ music reflects their personal sacrifice to make
16 • May 2007
the music they all love. The majority of the members of the
group support themselves through other means, making the
ultimate sacrifice of time away from loved ones, and
occasionally monetary hemorrhaging to make their musical
aspirations a reality. Often time, the band makes a long drive
home in the early morning on Sunday so trumpet player,
Shaun Bell, can continue to play for his church. Ryan Meals is
a substitute teacher when not tearing it up on rhythm guitar for
the band. Bandleader Sean Rigs has a painting company he
runs to support his wife and four year old daughter, Kaia.
Keyboardist, Greg Barbone is so eager to get this band to the
top that he’s forfeiting his commencement ceremonies at
Duquesne University’s Mary Pappert School of Music to play a
festival in Ohio.
The Boogie Hustlers have a sound that will grab a hold and
make you move. From Darnell Anderson laying down sax lines
to the groove from drummer Dave Jamison, they are a mustsee
band! You can see for yourself on May 18 and 19, when
they headline two nights at Spring Fest in Fairchance, PA
(www.kindshows.com), the very festival at which they made
their debut in 2004. Another Pittsburgh favorite, No Bad JuJu
will also share the stage at Spring Fest this year! Forth of July
weekend at Nelsons Ledges in Garrettsville, OH (only a short
dive from Pittsburgh), the Hustlers will open for Ekoostik
Hookah at one of the largest festivals of the summer, Grateful
Fest. They will also release a new album on June 29 with a
party at the REX Theater on the Southside.
In addition to seeing the Hustlers live, you can hear them
locally on WYEP (91.3 FM). “122 Ellsworth” is available for
download on iTunes, or you can purchase it (and much more
Hustler gear) on their website, www.boogiehustlers.com.
Don’t forget to make them your friend on Myspace,
May 2007 •
18 • May 2007
May 2007 •
Photography by Todd Brunozzi
Moonrise Over Mesa
Road to Monument Valley
May 2007 •
A new generation of remote controls: a bunch of
different cushions each having its own function: one for
the channels, one for the power, one for the volume and
so on. These remote controls can be thrown around,
transforming the fights over “who has the remote” into
playful cushion fights.
22 • May 2007
JOKES JOKES JOKES
Stuff To Make You Laugh
At one point during a game, the coach called one of
his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do
you understand what cooperation is What a team is"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we
win or lose together as a team" The little boy nodded
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when
an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the
umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I take you out of the game
so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good
sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb butt' is it"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and
explain all that to your grandmother"!
Why Sentence Structure Is So
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it
down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an
impossible decision because they were both super
workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would
fire the first one who used the water cooler the next
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible
hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler
to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've
never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off" she says. "I feel like crap."
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas.
In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers
in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he
performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young
man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I
reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in
track and field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several
years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and
she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an
hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair
and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now
she's a Senator from New York who may be our next president
A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but
about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly
squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says,
"you won't believe the wonders that modern education is
coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at
Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get
him in that program"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll
get him into the course. So, his father sends the dog and the
$1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs
out. The boy calls his father again.
"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this
program that they've implemented a new one to teach the
animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do
to get him in that program"
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class. His father sends
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his
father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So
he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is
all excited. "Where's Ole Blue I just can't wait to see him talk
and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the
living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street
Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked,
'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead
who lives in town'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch
before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer......)
24 • May 2007
One Question Test
This test only has one question, but it's a very important
one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where
you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional
situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet
Please read slowly and give due consideration
to each line.
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos
all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photojournalist
working for a major newspaper, and you're
caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There
are houses and people swirling around you, some
disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all
of its destructive fury.
Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for
her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You
move closer. Somehow the woman looks familiar. You
suddenly realize who it is.
It's Hillary Clinton!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are
about to take her under forever. You have two options: You
can save the life of Hillary Clinton or you can shoot a
dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the
death of one of the world's most powerful women (in her
mind, at least).
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...
1. Would you select high contrast color film, or
2. Would you go with the classic simplicity of black and
Women Are Smarter Than Men
Three men and three women are traveling by train to the
Super Bowl. At the station, the three women each buy a
ticket and watch as the three men buy just one ticket. "How
are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket" asks
one of the women. "Watch and learn," answers one of the
They all board the train. The three women take their
respective seats but all three men cram into a toilet together
and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
toilet door and says, "Ticket, please.”
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges
with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on. The women see this
happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the
game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip
and save some money. When they get to the station
they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to
their astonishment, that the three men don't buy any
ticket at all!!
How are you going to travel without a ticket" says
one perplexed woman.
"Watch and learn," answer the men.
When they board the train, the three women cram
themselves into a toilet, and the three men cram into
another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train
is on its way, one of the men leaves her toilet and
walks over to the toilet in which the women are hiding.
The man knocks on their door and says, "Ticket,
I'm still trying to figure out why women ever think
they are smarter than men.
May 2007 •
26 • May 2007
May 2007 •
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like
he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut
and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you" asks Sean, the bartender. "
Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't
do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand"
That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and
a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Another Irish Joke
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the city one night and, of course, his
car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,
where have ya been"
Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few to drink this evening."
I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car"
Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
Brenda, may I come in" he asks. "I've somethin'
to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're
always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband" "That's what I'm here to be
telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must,
Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim"
It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he
at least go quickly"
Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday
morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down
that damn gun...'
And The Best For Last
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a
confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the
drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper
on this side either!"
28 • May 2007
Larry The Accountant
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says,
"Where in the hell have you been"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get"
I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking" she said, shaking her
head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a
hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a
while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money
feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out
shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred
bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 232 at John Hopkins Hospital.
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer "yes".
He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click'.
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site !
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night. Sigh
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy. Just put
yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink.
Come talk to me three times a week, and we should
be able to get rid of those fears. How much do you
charge eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor
I'll sleep on it," said Bubba. Six months later the
doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you
ever come to see me about those fears you were
having" asked the psychiatrist. Eighty dollars a
week for a year is an awful lot of money! A
bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have
saved all that money that I went and bought me a
new pickup"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a
bartender cure you He told me to cut the legs off
the bed! Ain't nobody under there now !!
Heaven or Hell
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting
it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a
sudden she hears the most awful blood curdling
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only
someone having the holes put into her shoulder
blades for wings." The old lady looks a little
uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling
"Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is
happening" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's
just having her head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't
do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You
can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got
the holes drilled for that."
Quote of the Month
I LOVE MY COMPUTER BECAUSE MY FRIENDS
LIVE IN IT!!
May 2007 •
JOKES, JOKES, JOKES
Living In the South
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying
an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some
mathematical help. He called her into his office and
said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee
and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000,
minus 14%, how much would you take off" The
secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
"Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and
paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the
hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of
an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry" the others
asked.." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple
of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer
back" they inquired. " A tough call," nodded the hunter.
"But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
A senior at Louisiana State was overheard saying...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in
Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be
in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana
20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Mississippi came running into the
store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just
stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba
replied, "Did you see who it was "The young man
answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-
65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID" The driver replied,
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the
side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of
flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got
back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he
drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back.
He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I
have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the
flowers" The man responded, "When you break down they
tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never
did understand it neither."
And our favorite:
You can say what you want about the South, but you never
hear of anyone retiring and moving North!
White Wedding Dress
Son asked his mother the following question:
Mom, why are wedding dresses white"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows
your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this
with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white" The
father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all
household appliances come in white.
Catholic heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open
heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of
nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun
asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for
She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy
"No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are
not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my
30 • May 2007
Things to Think About
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are
our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T! "
"Don't what "
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
We have forbidden fruit
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! "
" No Way! " "Yes way! " "Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.
"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple
break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit " God asked. "Uh huh,"
Adam replied. "Then why did you " said the Father. "I don't
know," said Eve. "She started it! " Adam said. "Did not! ""Did
too! " "DID NOT! "Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have
children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed..
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed
all the tests so far, there is only one test left.
Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of
America. Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green,
and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works
at a Verizon help desk.
I talked to him yesterday.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children
wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If
God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it
would be a piece of cake for you...
May 2007 •
THINK ABOUT THIS
Here are some more thoughts
for the Month
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious
differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2... I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every
minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal
to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to
Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want
Fries With That
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses
up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a
lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background
29.. The original point and click interface was a
Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is
Advice For The Day
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day.
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO
ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
32 • May 2007
The Wisdom of Larry
the Cable Guy...
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
"What the heck happened"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of
jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow
The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis Raise
Read this question, come up with an answer.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother,
met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy
was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so
much, that she fell in love with him right there but never
asked for his number and could not find him. A few
days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister
Answer to Psychopath Test:
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to
test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested
serial killers took part in the test and answered the question
correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good
for you. If you did, it was good to knowing you.
Give this some thought before reading the next column
34 • May 2007
First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big
event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she
would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells
the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the
boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to
know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist
asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,
10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is
taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.A
minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the
boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no
idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers
back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
There Were Two Nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes I wonder what he
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do At this rate he will reach us in
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that
way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't
follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his
SM: Oh, no! What happened then
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister A nun with her dress up can
run faster than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
Say two Hail Mary’s…
May 2007 •
Italian Boy’s Confession
Things Found Only in America
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a
loose girl". The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny
Parisi" "Yes, Father, it is."And who was the girl you were
with" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her
reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name
sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina
Minetti" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Volpe" "I'll never
tell." "Was it Nina Capelli" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name
her." "Was it Cathy Piriano" "My lips are sealed." "Was it
Rosa Di Angelo, then" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped,
Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides
over and whispers,"What'd you get" "4 months vacation
and five good leads."
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the wimpiest.
The first one says," My dad is so scared that when lightning
strikes, he slides underneath our bed."
The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared
that when my mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the
woman next door."
Water or Wine
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have
demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at
the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1
kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In
other words, we are consuming 1 kilo ofPoop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or
rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go
through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese
burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the
vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages
of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning
'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with Braille lettering.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to
drink water and be full of poop. There is no need to thank
me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public
36 • May 2007
No Pun intended
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you"!
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it
common" "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy
says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true," says Daisy. "No
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids are
nothing to look at.
10. Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who sits up night
after night wondering if there really is a Dog
11. I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I
couldn't find any.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse."But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, was a great spiritual
leader. He walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him rather frail and thin.
And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good). A supercalloused,
fragile, mystic hexed by halitosis.
12. A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The
bartender says, "What is this, a joke"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week and got hurt. The
doctor says I pulled a mussel.
20 And finally, there was the person who told ten
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
May 2007 •
By: Kris Brandt Riske
ARIES: THE RAM (March 20 to April 19) Family
relationships benefit from the Sun, Venus and Mercury as
this trio travels in Gemini, your communication sign and
Cancer which guides your domestic life. Couples delight
in time together at home, being lazy and working on
home improvements. Home is also the best place to
socialize, so consider hosting a holiday get-together for
friends and neighbors at month’s end.
TAURUS: THE BULL (April 19 to May 20) You’re on the
go seeing friends and socializing the first two weeks of
May as Mars travels in Pisces, your friendship sign. After
that, the pace slows and you’ll enjoy quiet, quality time
with your closest pals and partner. If you’re searching for
love, someone fascinating could appear as if by magic
after Venus enters Cancer on May 8. Introduce yourself to
neighbors and be alert as you run errands and go about
your daily activities.
GEMINI: THE TWINS (May 20 to June 21) Mars, your
friendship planet, zips into Aries, your friendship sign,
May 15. That’s a terrific influence for your social life, as
warmer temperatures encourage outdoor activities with
friends. Fill your calendar with dates, events, and outings
the next six weeks. A positive financial trend begins this
month with the May 8 arrival of Venus in Cancer, your
solar Second House of personal resources.
CANCER: THE CRAB (June 21 to July 22) May brings
you may opportunities for love, romance, and carefree
days with friends. TLC and intimate moments link hearts,
minds and passions for couples the week of the May 3
Full Moon in Scorpio as Venus completes its Gemini
transit. The same time frame brings a new romantic
interest to some singles. If you’re debating the merits of a
dating relationship, finances may be the deciding factor.
LEO: THE LION (July 22 to August 22) You can choose
to socialize with friends any time you wish this month.
There will be plenty of opportunities with Mercury, your
friendship planet, in Gemini, your friendship sign, May 11-
27. Ask a pal to arrange a date around the time the Sun
enters Gemini, may 22. The setup could be the start of a
whirlwind romance with the soul mate you’re searching
for. If you’re committed, surprise your mate with a
weekend or evening adventure and a dazzling gift.
VIRGO: THE VIRGIN (August 22 to September 22)
Your social life begins to take off May 8 when Venus
enters Cancer, your friendship sign. It’s joined by Mercury
on May 28, just in time for a holiday weekend get
together. Make a few calls, get things started, and set
your sights on meeting new people all month. Venus also
increases the odds for a new romance (thanks to a friend)
while traveling or involved in a club or organization.
LIBRA: THE BALANCE (September 22 to October 23)
Love sizzles as Mars stirs passions during its six-week
trip through Aries, which begins May 15, and has you at
your most impulsive in matters of the heart. That’s great
for spontaneous TLC with your partner, but stop short if
you even think about eloping. The fiery planet also can
spark impatience, so go easy on yourself and others,
especially loved ones.
SCORPIO: THE SCORPION (October 23 to November
22) The May 2 Full Moon in Scorpio could trigger
temporary stress and strain in a close personal
relationship when ideas, needs, and desires clash. Open
the lines of communication and try to view things from
the other person’s perspective. With a little compromise
you’ll be ready for a fresh start at the New Moon in
Taurus, your partnership sign, May 16.
SAGITTARIUS: THE ARCHER (November 22 to
December 21) Romance, togetherness, and social
events fill many of your May evenings and weekends,
with the Sun, Mercury, and Venus visiting Gemini, your
partnership sign, and Mars arriving in Aries, your solar
Fifth House of romance and recreation, May 15. The
influence peaks around the time the Sun enters Gemini
on May 22 when the spotlight is on new relationships and
cozy, intimate, TLC-filled hours for couples.
CAPRICORN: THE GOAT (December 21 to January
19) May’s New and Full Moons in your solar Fifth and
Eleventh Houses light up your social life and invite
romantic opportunities for couples and singles alike.
With Venus in Cancer, your partnership sign after May 7,
and Mercury in the same sign the last four days of May,
you’ll delight in memorable hours with your mate and
loved ones. You also can expect workplace relationships
to be congenial, supportive, and at times pleasantly
surprising. Teamwork is the way to go this month.
AQUARIUS: THE WATER BEARER (January 19 to
February 18) May is one of your best months of the year
for romance and socializing. With at least one, and at
times two, planets in Gemini your solar Fifth House of
pleasure and recreation, this month, you’ll have plenty of
opportunities for both, as well as quality time with your
children, if you’re a parent. Target the fourth week of May
to surprise your partner with memorable TLC-filled
moments. If you’re single, get things started with
someone who interests you, or ask a friend to arrange a
PISCES: THE FISH (February 18 to March 20) Family
ties are in focus again this month, with Venus in Taurus
the first week. Mercury travels in the same sign May 11-
27, and is joined by the Sun on May 22. Enjoy life
together and also promote communication. Listen closely
to what your favorite people say. Chances are, they’ll
trigger new insights into current challenges, which will
cause a shift in your personal views. Get out and about
and socialize after Venus enters Cancer, your solar Fifth
House of pleasure, May 8.
38 • May 2007
WANTED: Female Models
724-463-7145 or 724-463-0648
Servers - Hostess’s - Bartenders
APPLY IN PERSON – ASAP
8600 McKnight Road
Across from Olive Garden-McIntyre Square
Pittsburgh, PA 15237
Professional Personal Masseuse
Please call: 724-223-0939
Leave a message – All calls returned!
40 • May 2007