Controversial Cover Angers Roaches, Old People p.1 - The Beast
Controversial Cover Angers Roaches, Old People p.1 - The Beast
Controversial Cover Angers Roaches, Old People p.1 - The Beast
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BEAST EATS<br />
Key (for one entree, side dish and drink per person)<br />
$ = UP TO $15.00 • $$ = $15.00 - $30.00 • $$$ = $30.00 - $50.00 • $$$$ = $50.00 - ∞<br />
Diners<br />
ZJ’s<br />
$<br />
Cheers: This is a former “Your Host” restaurant that hasn’t changed<br />
much over the years. <strong>The</strong> atmosphere has stayed the same—big<br />
tables, lots of booths, a lunch counter. <strong>The</strong> food, however, has made<br />
leaps into the future. <strong>The</strong>re’s something to be said for a restaurant<br />
that lets you look into their kitchen. Every souvlaki lover has his own<br />
idea of the best, and this is ours. Loaded with onions and feta, served<br />
with a crisp grilled pita, it gets topped with a dressing we have tried<br />
to duplicate at home with depressing results. A full menu of pies and<br />
desserts that you must save room for.<br />
Jeers: With a dozen bars within a mile radius surrounding it, one<br />
would hope ZJ’s would stay open for that 4 a.m. bar crowd. No such<br />
luck. Walls are adorned with framed prints by local artist/mogul<br />
<strong>The</strong>lma Winter. Sort of homey, until you realize they’re for sale.<br />
Address: Hamburg Village Square, 140 Pine Street<br />
Phone: 646-5950<br />
Lake Effect Diner<br />
$<br />
Cheers: We all stumbled into this ‘50s style diner, half drunk and<br />
half expecting to get hosed or attacked by dogs. That didn’t happen<br />
for a couple of reasons. <strong>The</strong> milkshakes more than make up for the<br />
trailer architecture, which echoes a cold war bomb shelter, and the<br />
waitress made us feel at home. <strong>The</strong> menu offers a great deal to<br />
choose from in appetizers, entrees and deserts. A great place to take<br />
a dame out after a picture, especially if she likes stainless steel and<br />
you’re broke. <strong>The</strong> Lake Effect Diner is a swell place to get a decent<br />
late night meal that won’t break the bank.<br />
Jeers: <strong>The</strong> damn thing is made of stainless steel. We know that<br />
shouldn’t really affect us that much, but it does! After a while, we<br />
began to reason that the building would scramble the GPS in our cell<br />
phones, and if we left in different clothes we could elude JonBenet<br />
Ramsey’s ghost. She was bound to find us again, we keep blowing her<br />
off. <strong>The</strong> booths were a little too cozy for our rotund modern asses.<br />
Not a good place to do angel dust.<br />
Address: 3165 Main St<br />
Phone: 831-0443<br />
‘Nice’<br />
Left Bank<br />
$$$$<br />
Cheers: Sometimes you need to dine in style. Plenty of atmosphere<br />
in this trendy joint. <strong>The</strong> help was courteous and efficient, with<br />
impressive knowledge of the specials. Tasty sauce reductions at every<br />
turn. Menu packed with flavor and know-how by great chefs. Large<br />
fenced patio for death-stick consumption, nice for romantic chatter<br />
and dinner under the stars—when it’s not totally fucking freezing.<br />
Right across street from Essex Pub and Craig's house. Waitresses were<br />
all hot enough to convince you to trade nuclear secrets to China.<br />
Jeers: Better get reservations about a month in advance...and<br />
make sure there's room on the ol' credit card. Bar full of rich, snobby<br />
fucks who haven’t lived an honest day in their sniveling, insignificant<br />
lives.<br />
Address: 501 Rhode Island St.<br />
Phone: 882-3509<br />
Water Valley Inn<br />
$<br />
Cheers: Prototypical of the small, homey roadside restaurants that<br />
once populated Western New York, then disappeared to make way for<br />
the "neighborhood grill" chains. Small bar in front attracts a genial,<br />
more mature, meet-the-guys-on-the-way-home crowd. <strong>The</strong> old photos<br />
and bric-a-brac tacked to walls may remind one of, say, Applebee’s,<br />
but try to remember that places like this gave THEM the idea.<br />
Too few stray from the safe and outstanding fish fries (the air is heavy<br />
with the aroma of oil, though the fried entrees are surprisingly light<br />
and crisp), but the adventurous will be rewarded with creative dishes<br />
full of flavors, and in portions one human could conceivably consume.<br />
Jeers: With Route 62, Water Valley Nursery, a homestead and Eighteen<br />
Mile Creek boxing it in on all sides, they can't expand their lot,<br />
and parking is tight even when sober. If your parking brake works<br />
and you don’t mind a short walk, you can park on the street. <strong>The</strong>re’s<br />
nothing they can do about it, but the dumpster in the parking lot<br />
takes the edge off your appetite in the summer months.<br />
Address: 6656 Gowanda State Road (Route 62), Hamburg-<br />
Phone: 649-9691<br />
Kentucky Greg’s Hickory Pit<br />
NEW!!<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: <strong>The</strong> only impression we ever had of this place before we<br />
tried it was from a former coworker who would come waddling back<br />
to work, bloated, bleary-eyed and with the pacified half-grin of the<br />
Buddha. We now know that joy. Head-sized sandwiches overflowing<br />
with spicy pork or chicken, choices of beans or greens, or whatever<br />
else should be good for you but is definitely, definitely not. Life is<br />
about quality, not longevity, so get the cheese fries- shoestring fried<br />
potatoes smothered (it’s a cliche, but this time we mean it) in real<br />
shredded cheese—not that goo other places soak your spuds in—<br />
and, in a sort of bad-ass culinary nose-thumbing, a healthy dollop of<br />
sour cream. Watching your diet? Bring a friend and share.<br />
Jeers: We guess one way of becoming a slow-burning legend is to put<br />
your business way the hell out in East Cupcake. We always drive by<br />
twice, then, somehow, end up in the parking lot of the ice cream<br />
stand next door. Waitress laughed at us when we asked for Texas toast<br />
with my sandwich, which was served on...Texas Toast. Okay, we’re<br />
idiots. We were distracted by the cheese fries.<br />
Address: 2186 George Urban Blvd, Depew<br />
Phone: 685-6599<br />
Betty’s<br />
$<br />
Cheers: Cybele’s mourners in Allentown have a new place to go with<br />
half the wait and half the attitude. Betty’s is full of familiar faces<br />
from Cybele’s and some near-identical dishes, but is an altogether<br />
brighter and more conventional affair. Jamaican jerk chicken sandwich<br />
is reportedly delicious. Plantains and salsa is tasty and unusual.<br />
Service is casual and friendly without being slovenly. This place<br />
has a really good feel to it, charming decor, a familiar clientele and<br />
staff, and a neatly tucked-away location that’s just a block from Allen<br />
St. Definitely recommended.<br />
Jeers: Dour Cybele’s regulars may experience discomfort in sunny<br />
dining room. No bar. Dinner portions not gigantic. Upon further<br />
review, the steak sandwiches are actually quite excellent. Not<br />
enough plantains per order. Coffee is high-octane, but with a hint of<br />
truck stop.<br />
Address: 370 Virginia St<br />
Phone: 362-0633<br />
<strong>The</strong> Rendevous<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: One of the most interesting and enjoyable places to have a<br />
meal in the area. <strong>The</strong> large patio is very cool. It'll make you feel like<br />
you're eating in New Orleans or somewhere in South America (yeah,<br />
right). <strong>The</strong> gumbo is a must, but watch out—it will fill you up fast.<br />
<strong>The</strong> crab cakes and jambalaya are spicy and delicious and great as<br />
an appetizer or entree. You can't go wrong with their many seafood<br />
selections, or the wide selection of poorboy sandwiches made with<br />
fresh Italian bread. Indoor dining booths still sport the carvings of<br />
an ancient people that used to inhabit the region in the first half of<br />
the last century.<br />
Jeers: Patio bar not open when we visited, causing our alcoholic<br />
selves to attempt actual conversation while waiting the few extra<br />
seconds it took to get more drinks. While outdoor seating is eclectic,<br />
it would be nice if the seats were dried before you sat down.<br />
Jukebox filled with great tunes taunts us with its inoperability.<br />
Address: 520 Niagara Street<br />
Phone:856-3309<br />
Century Grill<br />
$<br />
Cheers: Man, are we relieved. We thought we’d have to suck up to<br />
this new advertiser and lie about how great the place is, but it turns<br />
out to be legitimately great. <strong>The</strong> Century Grill is, to begin with, an<br />
awesome space—huge and old, with giant beams and brickwork (the<br />
place was actually built by freemasons). <strong>The</strong>y have a great selection<br />
of beers, including local brews—try the oatmeal stout, it’s amazing.<br />
But the real story is the top notch menu, with not one item that doesn’t<br />
sound absolutely delicious. Though the salads look good, it’s<br />
mainly carnivorous fare—the “Century Burger,” a half-pound of<br />
ground beef on a bologna steak with cheddar, Swiss, provolone &<br />
bacon, sounds like something you could go to hell for eating, but<br />
might be worth it. Great sandwiches are only $6.50 for lunch—screw<br />
the Mainplace Mall food court already. <strong>The</strong> filet mignon dinner special<br />
was fucking great, as well as the garlic mashed potatoes. <strong>The</strong> fish<br />
fry is worth the cardiovascular hit—and it’s available every day!<br />
Apparently, this place gets pretty raucous on the weekends, especially<br />
when there’s a fight on TV. A really great place to eat, especially<br />
when you’re hungry.<br />
Jeers: Jeers: Waitress brought the wrong appetizer—but, to be fair,<br />
the shrimp quesadilla was damn good anyway. Cole slaw was a little<br />
weird. We could barely move after eating all that food and drinking<br />
numerous oatmeal stouts, which would have been a decent lunch by<br />
themselves. No lunch Saturday and Sunday.<br />
Address: 320 Pearl Street<br />
Phone: 853-6322<br />
Asian<br />
Ichi Shogun<br />
NEW!!<br />
$$$<br />
Cheers: God Damn it's good. Wanna melt those panties right off<br />
your date? Sit down with eight of your chums and get ready for<br />
some crazy-ass Iron Chef-style deliciousness. <strong>Beast</strong> reviewers<br />
charmed by Morimoto look-alike chef. He actually said "sesame<br />
disco" as crazy strobe lights came on. <strong>The</strong>n the egg catching began:<br />
this guy started spinning eggs for the fried rice on the grill, tossed<br />
'em around like a Jujitsu king and then caught them on the edge of<br />
his spatula, crackin' those baby chickens onto the grill. Nice. <strong>The</strong><br />
sushi list was long and diverse, a nice counterpoint to the Hibachi<br />
meats we ordered. Get the Emperor's feast with steak and lobster if<br />
you want to be a real man.<br />
Jeers: High sitting-next-to-teens-from-Lockport factor; for a<br />
minute we thought we were at a Chucky Cheese birthday party. Fried<br />
rice debris occasionally blasted off grill into our drinks by onion<br />
volcanoes. Retarded “700 Club” rerun on TV in background.<br />
Address: 7590 Transit Road, Williamsville<br />
Phone: 631-8899<br />
New Manchurian House<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: As the Chinese buffets bloom in the South towns, it’s hard<br />
to believe this simple, unassuming restaurant has held its ground.<br />
We know people who speak of the Manchurian House like others<br />
speak of their alma maters. Located at the busy intersection of<br />
Routes 62, 75 and 391, the inside is surprisingly quiet and tastefully<br />
under-decorated. <strong>The</strong> friendly service is fast and attentive. <strong>The</strong><br />
menu holds all of your favorites (the lemon chicken is ethereal).<br />
<strong>The</strong>y have plenty of lunch specials and gourmet dinner packages.<br />
Take-out is available and speedy.<br />
Jeers: Big picture windows look out upon intersection and Wilson<br />
farms parking lot, but in the right frame of mind, you can pretend<br />
it’s a parking lot in Hong Kong. Located in a well-cared-for plaza, it<br />
is still nondescript, and you may want to blindfold your date ‘til you<br />
get inside.<br />
Address: 16 Pierce Avenue, Hamburg<br />
Phone: 648-7173<br />
Falafel Bar<br />
$<br />
Cheers: Not the most inventive name, but this place is a worthy<br />
successor to the location of the original Pano’s and Edrito’s as a<br />
cheap and tasty chow haven. In addition to pretty great falafel, this<br />
place has all the usual Mediterranean appetizers and wraps, including<br />
souvlaki and impressively non-soggy grape leaves. Finish off<br />
with some authentic baklava if you’ve got the room. We’ve been<br />
waiting for a place like this; it almost makes up for the loss of Edrito’s<br />
from the Elmwood strip.<br />
Jeers: <strong>The</strong> lady who owns this building is prone to ousting successful<br />
businesses for unknown reasons, so don’t get too attached.<br />
Asked for coffee 3 times; never got it. A little sand in the tabouleh<br />
made for one or two distressing bites, but hey, it happens.<br />
Address: 1009 Elmwood Ave<br />
Phone: 884-0444<br />
India Gate<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: Lamb Madrasi and Chicken Masala tried and approved.<br />
Service so nice, you’ll feel ashamed to be a cynic; they stayed<br />
open late just for us. $5.95 lunch buffet special might be the best<br />
lunch deal of any restaurant on Elmwood. Kick-ass Pakoras, excellent<br />
curries, about nine thousand varieties of naan. Distribution<br />
of socialist literature in the doorway hints at hidden, deeply-held<br />
passions under all that obsequious service. Unlike other Indian<br />
lunch buffets, theirs includes dessert, including a fantastic kheer<br />
(rice pudding). Pleasant atmosphere and comfy booth seating.We<br />
frequently see Sabi playing the role of good citizen, sweeping up<br />
refuse on the street outside.<br />
Jeers: Unpopular Ghandi-looking customer seen fasting here on<br />
weekends. Elmwood street traffic tends to lure too many SUVowner<br />
types in here. Somehow we think this place would be<br />
improved by a huge octagonal fishtank.<br />
Address: 1116 Elmwood Avenue<br />
Phone: 886-4000<br />
Indian Clay Oven Restaurant<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: Clay Oven has been serving authentic Indian food for some<br />
20 years. <strong>The</strong> current location is a small and well-lit with a homey<br />
atmosphere. <strong>The</strong> menu is varied and interesting. <strong>The</strong> Chicken Curry<br />
and Beef Vindaloo are delicious and spicy (or mild if you prefer). For<br />
you meatheads that think veggie food is for pussies try the Vegetable<br />
Jalaffrazi. It will knock your socks off and make you wonder why<br />
you’ve wasted so many years clogging your arteries with chunks of<br />
charred barnyard flesh. Friendly and efficient staff often throw in a<br />
little somethin-somethin extra to enhance you dining pleasure.<br />
Excellent Indian beer selection.<br />
Jeers: Cheesy Bus. Mgt. 101 menu introduction is a hilarious bit of<br />
tortured Abu English with the topper being their “flagrant” spices.<br />
Two words to stay away from “homemade cheese.” Near the door there<br />
is a non-functioning display case and counter behind which they<br />
seem to throw all their junk. No hard liquor for you serious drunks.<br />
Address: 3689 Sheridan Drive, Amherst<br />
Phone: 832-1030<br />
Mexican<br />
El Canelo<br />
NEW!!<br />
$<br />
Cheers: BEAST ALERT! <strong>The</strong> ONLY authentic Mexican place in town.<br />
Special "La Casa" dinner was so good we almost shit ourselves, and<br />
not in the bad Mexican restaurant way. Menu absolutely jam-packed<br />
with all kinds of down-home Yucatan yummies, including cheese<br />
enchiladas with actual Mexican cheeses and smothered with stewed<br />
beef tips. Salsa tasted like a kiss from a beautiful Spanish mamasita.<br />
$2 Molson bottles every night. Crazy cooks spew food orders<br />
out in about 5 minutes max. Fun to watch giant boobies and zany<br />
antics from Telemundo shows on TV in corner. Right by the Thruway.<br />
Bottles of hot sauce make Dave's Insanity seem like baby food.<br />
Jeers: Not open 24 hours. Lots of complaining trash from Kaisertown<br />
eating here. If you fear authentic experiences, go get a super<br />
mighty and hurry home before someone talks to you.<br />
Address: 431 Dingens St. (Ogden St. Exit 53), Cheektowaga<br />
Phone: 897-1195<br />
Coyote Cafe<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: When this restaurant first popped up, it was a simple<br />
eatery that made its reputation on great authentic Mexican food.<br />
In recent years, it has expanded to include a bar, which has<br />
expanded itself. After annexing the vacant building next door, the<br />
Coyote Cafe will soon be in the banquet business. For all this attention<br />
to expansion, one might expect the food to suffer. It hasn’t. A<br />
favorite is the flautas: chicken, cheese and spices rolled in tortillas,<br />
fried crisp and served with lettuce and tomato, sour cream and guacamole.<br />
If your entree gets two sides, you can double up on the<br />
house specialty, Sopa de Fideo, billed as “Mexican spaghetti.” No<br />
problemo. Lots of free chips and salsa to ensure you take half your<br />
meal home in a box. Lines out the door most evenings, so reservations<br />
will shave an hour off your wait time.<br />
Jeers: While we’re tempted to use the words “obnoxious,” “irritating,”<br />
and “insane,” we will instead refer to the hostess as “brassy,”<br />
because a lot of people like being cackled at while they eat. Decorations<br />
are getting a little bit “Chi Chi’s”, and I’m not sure why this<br />
place has a gift shop by the front door, while the bar, “Carlos’ Cantina,”<br />
languishes in the rear behind a wall.<br />
Address: 36 Main Street, Hamburg<br />
Phone: 649-1837<br />
Pizza etc.<br />
Jim’s Steakout<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: Unlike other lame-ass greasebucket joints like Mister Pizza,<br />
if the Jim’s Steakout open sign is lit- it’s open! Jim’s for the late<br />
night party crowd is like death and taxes, something you can count<br />
on. Its open until 5am, for God’s sake (and yours!). Many a night<br />
have we closed the bar and stumbled into a nearby location to be<br />
delighted by the smell of food, the look of desperate anticipation in<br />
the eyes of people holding their receipts, and of course the wellmaintained<br />
asses of late night party girls. Sure it’s packed, but where<br />
else are you gonna go?<br />
Jeers: Why isn’t Jim’s Steakout advertising in <strong>The</strong> <strong>Beast</strong>? Where is<br />
the love? And why are their ads so goddamn bad? <strong>The</strong> television<br />
commercials are even worse than their print ads; have you seen this<br />
shit? Lots of grainy, shaky and blurred footage of dilapidated hoagies,<br />
fries, neon signs and questionably hot chicks run over a track of ‘80s<br />
style break beats. Talk about low production values; they seem to<br />
have been conceived by a film student’s stool sample. This reviewer’s<br />
heart would be significantly softened by cash.<br />
Address: Wherever drunks need tacos to drive home with<br />
Phone: <strong>The</strong>re’s 4 of them; look it up or ask a local fatty<br />
Louie’s<br />
$<br />
Cheers: Louie’s delivers. It’s not pizza, and it’s not Chinese, and it<br />
delivers. That alone makes them a great boon to the homebody in<br />
search of variety. Milkshakes, curly-q fries, burgers, dogs, and<br />
sausage sandwiches delivered? Thank you. Broccoli-cheddar poppers<br />
make us happy. Sweet potato fries are more like a dessert than<br />
a side. “Healthy” selections abound, like the portabella sandwich,<br />
grilled chicken, and a tempeh burger which is really pretty good. All<br />
in all, a great place to get food you know you’ll like.<br />
Jeers: BBQ pork rib sandwich is of identical quality to those awful<br />
“McRib”-style truck stop sandwiches. Breaded deepfried zucchini<br />
sticks with Ranch dressing must be the single most unhealthy way<br />
to eat vegetables yet devised—plus they’re mushy.<br />
Address: 470 Elmwood Ave<br />
Phone: 884-0382<br />
Avenue Pizza<br />
$$<br />
Cheers: Easily memorized phone number.<br />
Jeers: Ordered pizza from this place late one night a couple of<br />
weeks ago at the office, because La Nova burned down (we hope<br />
they made a lot of money), and it was tragically undercooked and<br />
mushy. Like idiots, we ordered from them again the next night, and<br />
paid dearly: the subs were just crappy, old and smelly, but edible.<br />
<strong>The</strong> wings, on the other hand, tasted like they’d been basted in piss.<br />
Seriously, we all tried to eat them, but after a couple each we were<br />
just looking at each other like, “what’s wrong with these fucking<br />
wings?” Maybe they were rancid, maybe undercooked, or maybe the<br />
piss thing we mentioned earlier, but it was just wrong. Probably the<br />
only food ever to get thrown out at the <strong>Beast</strong> office. And they forgot<br />
our Coke. Last time we get from this hole; now if only we could<br />
forget the damn phone number. Also largely responsible for the<br />
double-parking nightmare on Elmwood and Utica. Note: this review<br />
only applies to their Elmwood location; we got a really good pie<br />
from the place on Hertel and Delaware the other day and the delivery<br />
guy was a peach.<br />
Address: 502 Elmwood Ave.<br />
Phone: 883-3355<br />
Bruno’s Market Pizzeria<br />
NEW!!<br />
$<br />
Cheers: After long-time casual favorite Giacobbi's Trattoria committed<br />
hare kiri by transforming into the eccentric Eggertsville<br />
Grille, a solid replacement turned up across the street. Bruno's has<br />
quality pizza and pasta, served in a small but clean and bright dining<br />
area. <strong>The</strong> pizza is every bit as good as the over-priced La Nova<br />
fare. Specialty choices include a killer stuffed pepper pizza. <strong>The</strong>y<br />
serve a good assortment of pasta dishes and appetizers that are<br />
primo and ample. Eggplant parmesan and stuffed peppers are two<br />
BEAST favorites.<br />
Jeers: By default a take-out joint because they don't serve alcohol.<br />
Desserts seem kind of an afterthought. <strong>The</strong>y have an ice-cream bar<br />
freezer near the door that shamelessly preys on the underdeveloped<br />
impulse control facility of children, including our publisher’s son.<br />
Address: 1274 Eggert Rd.<br />
Phone: 833-6800<br />
<strong>The</strong> BEAST, January 26-February 9, 2005 21