Viper Pilot_ A Memoi..

“When Yesterday”
“No sir. The day before.” This was actually true, but he obviously thought I was
being a wiseass. My buddies helped me out by chortling loudly, and this did not
amuse the colonel.
He leaned forward and said, very softly, “Get your feet together when you
speak to me.” It was much more menacing than a shouted command, and I sort of
shuffled my heels toward each other.
The colonel looked around at his audience, and I noticed that he was wearing
the star and wreath of a command pilot on his chest. He was also wearing a U.S.
Air Forces in Europe shield and, most significant, a gray-and-black Fighter
Weapons School patch on his left shoulder. I swallowed and, for the first time, felt
uneasy. Whoever this man was, he was no rear-echelon staff puke.
Looking back at me like a cat about to eat a canary, he calmly asked, “Didn’t
somebody once teach you that captains can’t tell majors to take a hike”
“That’s not what I said, sir.”
He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. “No”
“I told him to fuck off.”
“Sir.”
“I told him to fuck off, sir.”
“So did I, Colonel,” Lips chimed in helpfully, and the older man glanced at him.
“Major, you’ll know when I want your opinion, ’cause I’ll kick you in the
balls.”
“Be hard to miss those . . . sir.”
The colonel’s eyes went sort of flinty and shifted long enough to make Lips melt
back into the crowd. It occurred to me that I might actually be in some trouble
here. Nevertheless, I felt a little thrill of anger shoot through me.
“And why did you tell him that”
Because he’s a pussy and a toady and he was hiding under a table. Because he
sat here in his creased uniform 900 miles behind the lines while I got shot at today.
Because he’s got a smug smirk on his fat face, and I’d enjoy tearing his throat out.
These were all good answers but what I really said was, “He wanted my weapon,
sir.”
“Is that so”
Apparently, that was news to him, and he shot the major a brief look that wasn’t
good. He stared at the Crud game and the dancers like he’d seen it a thousand
times before. Actually, I thought he was listening to the music. It was “Viva Las
Vegas” again, by the way.