Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes

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Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes

qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011


Jan. 8-21, 2011

Vol 25 No 18


news & features

6 News Notes: Regional Briefs

8 James touts bigotry

8 Shed a happy tear


10 Sexual safety first

12 A better you, a better community

12 Choosing you benefits everyone

13 Carry a ‘helper’s high’


14 Out in the Stars

15 Tell Trinity

19 Q events calendar

opinions & views

4 Editor’s Note

4 Guest Commentary


5 General Gayety

5 QPoll

11 T-Notes





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contributors this issue

Robbi Cohn, Matt Comer, Tyler DeVere, Darryl Hall,

Charlene Lichtenstein, Lainey Millen, Leslie Robinson,

David Stout, Trinity

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Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes


editor’s note

by matt comer


‘Don’t Ask’ vote makes for

surprising sea changes

In December, I — in my sometimes,

though not usual, Negative Nancy outlook on

life — penned a blog post for the Center for

American Progress’ CampusProgress.org in

which I said the last-minute, lame duck push

to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) might

have been too little, too late.

“There’s certainly a lesson for students in

all this mess: Procrastination never results in

a positive outcome,” I wrote.

In this instance, luckily, procrastination

didn’t give way to defeat. The Senate voted

65-31 to repeal DADT on Dec. 18 — the first

time our federal legislature has seen fit to say

LGBT Americans are equal and as deserving

as their heterosexual counterparts. Perhaps,

I was just a bit bitter, after years of watching

political games ruin progress on LGBT equality.

Fortunately, I was wrong.

Watching the vote, I was surprised to

learn eight Republicans voted to repeal the

discriminatory 1993 law. Among them was my

own senator, Richard Burr.

See, Burr and I have a long history

together (whether he knows it or not). Both

of us are natives of Winston-Salem, N.C. I

was just a kid in elementary school when

I first met Burr, then a member of the U.S.

House. I was all decked out in my Cub Scout

uniform attending an older boy’s Eagle Scout

ceremony. Burr was there to help bestow the


As I got older and more politically aware,

I’d often write Burr. I visited his Winston-

Salem office a few times. I eventually

attended and graduated from the same high

school he did. I’m a member of Wake Forest

Baptist Church, which still meets on the

campus of his alma mater.

Though we had all these things in common,

I was always infuriated with Burr’s lack

of vision on LGBTQ equality. As a member of

the House and Senate, Burr often voted for

anti-LGBTQ initiatives like a federal constitutional

amendment banning marriage for

same-sex couples or a gay adoption ban in

Washington, D.C. (Fortunately, both failed.)

So, when I heard Burr had voted for DADT

repeal, I was floored.

“This is, I think, a policy that generationally

is right,” Burr told reporters after the

vote. “A majority of Americans have grown

up at a time that they don’t think exclusion is

the right thing for the United States to do. It is

not accepted practice anywhere else in our

society and it only makes sense.”

Like DADT repeal generally, Burr’s single

vote is historic in its own right. It marks the

first time a Southern Republican has voted for

pro-equality legislation, according to advocates

with Equality North Carolina.

“His vote marks a significant first for our

state and our region, and we hope it will

encourage other fair-minded Republicans to

stand up for fairness as well,” Equality North

Carolina Executive Director Ian Palmquist

said in a message to supporters.

I don’t know if Burr’s sudden change on

DADT will extend to other matters, like employment

non-discrimination or marriage, but

I can hope. Burr’s December vote on DADT,

along with those of seven other Republicans,

should be seen as a sign of progress and

it certainly made me proud to be a North


There are positive changes taking place

all around us and all the time, even among

people we might not generally perceive

as supportive. Let this serve as a lesson to

me, to keep hope alive even in the face of


P.S. — On a slightly related note, let me

add because I just can’t help myself: I think

it is quite ironic our usually-conservative,

anti-gay, Republican U.S. senator is more

progressive on LGBT issues than Charlotte’s

entire Democratic city council. One votes

to repeal a massive piece of legislation that

discriminates against tens of thousands of

U.S. citizens. The others can’t even bring

themselves to vote on simple policy changes

meant to protect LGBT employees. Wow.

And, I’ll leave that at that. : :

guest commentary

by Darryl Hall

A call for reason, not blind faith

After reading Dr. Michael Brown’s guest

commentary, “Setting the record straight”

(Dec. 25, 2010), it is not surprising he still

clings to the notions of “lifestyles” when

espousing his convictions and judgments

against the LGBT. He does deny comparing

homosexuality to pedophiles, but goes on

to justify this comparison. Just as I wouldn’t

compare someone who uses fire to cook or

heat with an arsonist, we shouldn’t compare

homosexuals to pedophiles. Using an extreme

to enable criticism of a group is not only being

unfairly judgmental, but denies fundamental

facts of humanity that show Dr. Brown’s doctorate

is definitely not in biology.

Biologists who study sex, sexuality

and gender, have found variations in many

animals, not just humans. Evolution teaches

us we should expect such diversity. As to

pedophiles and other personality disorders,

these may well have physical traits as well as

external factors that encourage this unacceptable

behavior or action, but as a society

we continue to try to find answers to these

problems. We should not be tying together

disorders that are harmful to general society

with physical traits that are natural and a part

of biology. Unfortunately, the biggest problem

with this debate by Dr. Brown is his religion.

It is religion, over the centuries, which has

given excuse for slavery, racism, sexism and

now the current scapegoat of some religions,

people who identify as part of the LGBT. Even

though I was brought up in a fundamentalist

church, I have realized that it is all myth and

legend developed by a superstitious people

in a primitive time. One only need study the

surrounding religions to see the influences on

the stories and legends that became part of

the Bible, or better yet, read the Bible, void of

preconceptions and blind faith, but rather with

a critical eye, or as Benjamin Franklin called

it, “the eye of reason.” The contradictions,

errors and false prophecies are so abundant

as to be impossible to list in such a short

response. With studies in geology, biology and

paleontology providing a picture of how the

earth began and evolved, we are shown the

true mythic proportions of the creation story

and detrimental to most religions the fallacy of

original sin.

As to the main character of protestant

religions, Jesus, at best, was an apocalyptic

Jewish preacher. The four gospels based on

timeline should be Mark, Matthew, Luke and

John and the original Mark ended at the empty

tomb. Also, consider the 10-year discrepancy

in Jesus’ birth year, the conflicting family tree

and the conflicts in the most important element

of all — the crucifixion story. None of the

gospels agree on the details for the crucifixion

and subsequent events. As the miracles associated

with Jesus became more grandeur and

supernatural from the writings of Mark to the

later writings of John, this shows not a historical

series of events, but rather the creation of

a legend. Historically, no reliable documents

of that time period have any mention of the

events associated with Jesus as described

in the Bible. The few sentences in Josephus’

writings that mention Jesus have been shown

to be later additions of some copyist.

But, let’s step back from the particulars

of the issue and consider the big picture. Do

we really think a god who supposedly can

defy time and space itself and is supposedly

all powerful and all knowing would require a

human sacrifice or the primitive rituals of a

submissive worship Christians can not even

agree as to the character of this god, for even

the Bible is contradictory. Is he merciful and

loving or is he judgmental doling out eternal

punishments of immoral cruelty for minor

violations Can we really believe a perfect

god would create a world where his first two

humans were failures The failure as I see it is

in not recognizing how manmade our religions

are and how they divide us, allowing us to

demonize others and give support to some

of our most base prejudices. History is full of

religious wars and abuses in the name of God.

The Inquisitions, Martin Luther’s bigoted writings

against the Jews and Hitler’s subsequent

following of those writings in his holocaust

against them are a few examples.

So, Dr. Brown, I can understand how you

can hold such beliefs, but in the 21st century

it is still shocking how primitive and irrational

humans can be, especially in living with blind

faith. It is time we look to reason and understand

the diversity that is us humans and

learn to live a good life without prejudice. : :

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qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

general gayety

by leslie robinson :: qnotes contributor

Hopes for the New Year


As 2010 drew to a close, I’m was looking

ahead. Here are some of my hopes for the

LGBT community in 2011, along with a few


I hope next year the Pope will reveal a

new attitude toward gays. I predict he won’t.

Now for a bolder prediction concerning

Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of

Canterbury, who has the grinding task of

holding together the worldwide Anglican

Communion as it convulses over the gay issue

— I think poor Rowan will chuck it all. He’ll

become a pagan and, periodically, be seen

frolicking at Stonehenge wearing nothing but

a whimsical smile and un-strategically placed


Turning to another part of the planet, it is

my fond hope that the murderous anti-gay bill

still pending in Uganda’s parliament will be

quietly withdrawn. Or, loudly withdrawn — I’m

not particular.

Now that the frothing homophobe Yuri


What are your New Year’s

resolutions this year

See the options and vote:


Luzhkov has lost his job as mayor of Moscow,

let’s hope that city can finally have an open,

legal Pride. Russian LGBT folks need an

infusion of freedom. Luzhkov, married to a billionaire,

needs a soul, but he’ll probably settle

for a Piaget watch.

Turning to these shores, I don’t want

2011 to bring on a case of As Maine goes, so

goes New Hampshire. You know that in 2009

Maine voters shot down the state’s same-sex

marriage law. Now conservative legislators in

New Hampshire are gearing up to repeal gay

marriage in the Granite State.

Repeal would be a dagger in the heart of

every LGBT person in the state. Plus it could

mess with my plans. My partner and I have

been considering getting hitched in New

Hampshire, my home state. If the legislators

kill same-sex marriage, the state will miss out

on all the money we planned to spend — on a

six-pack and a bag of cheese popcorn.

Regarding the Prop 8 litigation, experts tell

us that whatever the outcome in the appellate

court, the case won’t really be decided until it

reaches the U. S. Supreme Court. I’ll, nonetheless,

hope for an appellate court victory. I’m

not against being bathed in validation.

With DADT on its official way out of

Dodge, what can we expect in 2011 from Sen.

John McCain, the Obstructer-in-Chief After

fighting with such baffling intensity to keep

DADT, McCain’s passion, or bile, over the

issue of gays in the military will continue. Look

for him to chain himself to the Pentagon or

to Defense Secretary Robert Gates, causing

interesting rumors about the two of them.

By the way, if Adm. Mike Mullen,

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, is still peeved

with Gen. James Amos, head of the Marines

Corps, for his public opposition to DADT

repeal, I can guess whom Mullen will choose

to replace him: Lady Gaga.

If she can wear raw meat from head to

toe, she has the stomach for it.

Turning to other performers, country

singer Chely Wright and Christian music artist

Jennifer Knapp came out in 2010. Since both

hail from genres traditionally unfriendly to

gays, I want this fine trend to continue this

year. Hey 2011, bring us a reggae artist.

Each year I hope a male pro athlete who’s

still playing will come out, but so far nobody

has obliged me. I hope 2011 will be the year

a football, baseball or basketball player does

the deed. But, I’ll happily settle for a hockey

player. With or without teeth.

Finally, I hope that next spring I don’t have

to write another column about a gay teen’s

fight to attend his or her prom with the appropriate

date. If Constance McMillen could

triumph in 2010 in small-town Mississippi, no

place is safe from prom equality. : :


LesRobinson@aol.com . generalgayety.com

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Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes


news notes:

from the carolinas, nation and world

compiled by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com | David Stout :: david@goqnotes.com | Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com


Center receives feedback

CHARLOTTE — Members of the Lesbian &

Gay Community Center of Charlotte Board of

Trustees held a special community roundtable

on Dec. 28 to hear community members’

concerns, suggestions, feedback and other

items of interest.

The event, the first of its kind since 2007,

was billed as an opportunity for the center’s

board and staff to “[reach] out to the LGBT

Community to learn of the Community’s needs

and concerns so The Center can better address

and provide them.”

Among the many topics addressed at the

meeting was fundraising, the center’s physical

location, the annual Pride Charlotte festival’s

location, outreach to youth and communities

of color and visibility and civic engagement.

Center chair John Stotler and board

members Devlin McNeil and Roberta Dunn

moderated. Board member Bert Woodard and

other center-affiliated community leaders also

attended the event.

Center board members have invited members

of the community to attend their monthly

programming committee meetings to share

ideas and thoughts. Those meetings are held

every third Wednesday of each month.

The center’s work can’t be done without

the support of the community. Contributions

are always welcome to help sustain the many

activities it provides.

For more information, visit


— M.C.

Golden anniversary planed for UUA

CHARLOTTE — The Unitarian Universalist

Association (UUA) will hold its 50th anniversary

celebration during its 2011 General

Assembly opening ceremonies which begins

on June 22 and will be held in Charlotte.

The actual date of the anniversary is May

15, when the consolidation of the Universalist

Church of America and the American

Unitarian Association began.

The church has a ministry that addresses

justice and diversity. It is a welcoming congregational

body that supports full LGBT rights.

A specially commissioned hymn has been

created for the festivities. During the general

assembly, Rev. Debra W. Haffner will present

“Fifty Years of Sexual Justice.” Haffner is the

director of the Religious Institute.

For more information, visit uua.org.

— L.M.

Join the ‘Sissies’

CHARLOTTE — Queen City Theatre

will present the regional premiere of a Del

Shores’ production of “Southern Baptist

Sissies” from Jan. 20-Feb. 5 at 8 p.m. at the

Duke Energy Theatre at Spirit Square, 345 N.

College St. A special matinee will take place

on Jan. 30 at 3 p.m.

This award-winning comedy follows the

journey of four gay boys in the Baptist church.

It is directed by Glenn T. Griffin.

A percentage of the proceeds from ticket

sales will go to The Trevor Project, with an

qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

initial fundraising goal of $3,500.

Tickets are: general admission, $20-24;

students and seniors, $14-16. A special

discounted performance on Jan. 26 at 8 p.m.

costs $12 is available for purchase online only.

For more information or to purchase

tickets, visit queencitytheatre.com.

— L.M.

Mancini awards local orgs

CHARLOTTE — A local foundation formed

to support programming for the LGBT community

announced on Dec. 28 its 2010 grant


The Wesley Mancini Foundation will

disperse a total of $5,000 to programs meant

to students, youth and freedom of speech.

The University of North Carolina at Charlotte’s

Women’s and Gender Studies Program

will receive $2,500 toward support of the

university’s OUTspoken speakers series. The

university’s Multicultural Resource Center will

receive $1,000 for its Transgender Committee

and their “Transgender Inclusion in Charlotte

Institutions of Higher Education” program.

The Charlotte-based national organization

Campus Pride and Charlotte youth services

group Time Out Youth will jointly receive

$1,500 toward the groups’ joint “Believe in

Youth” program.

The foundation, named after its founder

Wesley Mancini, is one of a few United States

foundations dedicated solely to supporting the

LGBT community. Mancini, a longtime LGBT

philanthropist both nationally and locally,

established the foundation in 2000 in response

to heavy censorship in Charlotte by funding

resources, as well as the pervasive attitude

among major Charlotte benefactors that

gay and lesbian programs were too risky to

undertake or underwrite. Since its inception a

decade ago, the Wesley Mancini Foundation

has awarded grants to 21 organizations.

— M.C.

Youth group needs help

CHARLOTTE — In the wake of the 2010

youth suicides, Time Out Youth’s work is more

critical now than ever. Bullying has caused an

outcry for help across the nation. And, that is

no different in the Queen City.

LGBT youth require the assistance of

organizations to provide the support they

need as they move through the challenges of

coming out, living their lives from day-to-day,

as well as dealing with less-than-supportive

family and friends.

Loneliness and abandonment stand at the

top of the heap of issues that youth must encounter.

With that, their very survival is tested.

The staff of Time Out Youth are always

looking for volunteers who can share their

time helping their charges. They are also

in need of the financial means by which to

provide this necessary work.

For information about Time Out Youth

and how to contribute to them, visit


— L.M.

Studios merge

CHARLOTTE — On Dec. 19, AEBN, the

world’s largest adult VIdeo On Demand (VOD)

provider, announced the acquisition of Falcon

Studios and its merger with Raging Stallion

Studios. They, along with Naked Sword and

the Gunzblazing Affiliate Program, will be part

of AEBN’s gay division.

According to AVN Media Network, Raging

Stallion chief Chris Ward will head up the

combined studio. James Hansen, current

Falcon Studios president, will stay on as chief

financial officer. A single staff responsible for

the production of nearly 60 new titles per year

and more than 40 compilation titles, will be

comprised of employees of both studios.

The current Falcon Studios membership

site will remain in the Next Door

Entertainment network, while the current

Raging Stallion sites will remain part of

Gunzblazing. DVD distribution channels for

both companies will remain the same. All

titles from both studios are available for viewing

at Nakedsword.com, AVN reported.

“Combining the iconic libraries of both

studios will offer consumers one of the largest

and highest quality catalogs to choose

from. Putting the two companies’ incredibly

talented staffs together will bring tremendous

creativity and even higher production standards,”

Hansen said.

The combined company will become the

largest all-male erotic producer, with 12 major

DVD lines, each of which will maintain its

own branding. The main brands are Falcon,

Raging Stallion, Naked Sword’s Golden Gate,

Mustang, Jocks, Monster Bang, Twinks.com,

Fisting Central, Fetishforce and Hairyboyz.

In addition, Hard Friction, Stag Homme and

Edger Nine are affiliated brands released via

Raging Stallion.

“Our intent is to keep each of the important

Falcon and Raging Stallion brands as

individual entities, each with their own look

and feel,” commented Ward.

— L.M.


Safe place meeting slated

WILMINGTON — Wilmington Pride Youth

Meetings are scheduled for Jan. 21, Feb. 18,

March 18 and April 15, 2011, 5:30-7:30 p.m. at

Buena Space, 27th N. Front St.

Join other LGBT youth in a safe, confidential

environment. Parents are welcome.

For more information, email youth@out

wilmington.com or visit outwilmington.com.

— L.M.


B-I-N-G-O time

GREENSBORO — The Guilford Green

Foundation will host “Once Upon a Bingo!”

on Jan. 21 at 6 p.m. at the Empire Room, 203

S. Elm St.

On board will be the Dancing Queens and

a raffle for various goodies.

Funds raised go to support local LGBT

initiatives in the Triad community.

Sponsors are The Q, Custom Jewelers

Gallery, Triad Boot Camp/Heart In Sol, Lincoln

Green and Goodwill.

Tickets are $15/adults, $10/students and


To secure a spot, visit ggfnc.org/bingo.

— L.M.


Gay man elected prez

RALEIGH — Retired IBM executive Stan

Kimer (pictured), has recently been elected

as the president of the North Carolina Council

of Churches. He is the first openly gay person

to do so in the south, The (Raleigh) News &

Observer reported.

As a lay leader within the Metropolitan

Community Church (MCC) fellowship, the Dec.

2010 vote was not one that was political, but

rather about who he was as an individual. He

is only the second nationally to have been

elected by one of the 33 other similar councils

as an openly gay person. The state council is

a coalition of eight individual churches and 17

Christian denominations that address social


His election breaks ground in the conservative

south where there has been few

instances of overwhelming support of the

LGBT community. MCC joined the council 20

years ago. Soon after MCC’s inclusion, Kimer

stepped up to serve as a board representative

of St. John’s MCC where he serves as the

stewardship ministry chair and a lay delegate.

In recent years, mainline Protestant

church groups have become more accepting,

however, ones such as the Southern Baptist

Convention has not. In fact, it is not a member

of the council. Churches may be more open

to its LGBT members, but they may not be

with regard to sexuality, the News & Observer

stated. It also added that some friction may

arise. However, since the council’s objectives

only require that members have a belief in

Jesus Christ. They do not require “theological


“As much as he wants his tenure to be

devoted to the issues raised by the council,

though, Kimer said he’s aware he’ll be looked

at as a representative of gays in general,” the

Raleigh newspaper said. Kimer says he wants

to be a good LGBT community representative.

Former Methodist minister Jimmy Creech

told the News & Observer that “Stan’s getting

elected president is not a referendum on gay

individuals.…It’s about Stan’s leadership.”

They also reported that the council’s executive

director, Rev. George Reed, stated that Kimer

being a gay man “was not a disqualifying

factor.” Member denominations have “internal

battles” with LGBT issues, but that did not

prevent Kimer’s election for a one-year term.

— L.M.

Center seeks renewed support

RALEIGH — The LGBT Center of Raleigh

has announced that it had a successful 2010

year serving the community.

Strides were made. it opened its offices in

downtown, as well as expanded its programs

and services.

A wide range of expanded program

and services offered to the community,

includes LGBT Helpline; A Safer Place Youth

Network (ASPYN); M Club; First Friday events;

Healthworks; Raleigh NightFest; Raleigh is

Coming Out; OutRaleigh; Q-Nights; Gay’n’Gray;

youth leadership organizations; and confidential

HIV testing.

To sustain itself in 2011 and beyond, they

are diligently searching to obtain corporate

sponsorships and grants, but donations from

individuals are the financial backbone of the


On-going needs for funding to pay for rent,

hardware and software, printed materials,

electricity, water, telephone, internet, etc.,

stay on the front burner.

Join the monthly recurring donation program.

Here are some samples of how it can

be used: $10 will cover one month’s telephone

and internet charges; $25 will pay for about

three months of printed materials; $100 will

help cover the cost of one month’s rent, hardware,

software for the office.

Not able to provide financial support Then

how about volunteering time and talent instead.

To make a tax-deductible contribution or

to lend a hand, send checks to 316 W.

Cabarrus St., Raleigh, NC 27601 or visit


— L.M.

Members wanted

RALEIGH — He wants a few good people

to join him. He’s sent out a “straight-forward

pitch for you to become a member.” He’s

Gaston Williams, president, and he is looking

to add to the roster of members of the Raleigh

Business & Professional Network.

The Network holds two monthly events —

a dinner meeting on the second Wednesday

of the month and a casual mid-monthly social

on the fourth Wednesday.

The group’s website includes an online

business directory and easy registration and

payment options for its events.

To join, visit raleighnetwork.org.

— L.M.


ALFA successes continue

HICKORY — With the help of its volunteers,

board of directors and staff of ALFA, 2010 saw

several milestones for the two-decades-plus

organization whose mission it is to serve an

eight-county area for HIV/AIDS support.

It received a $47,000 grant from NC Care

Branch, providing the resources required to

train 10 volunteer HIV testers.

ALFA’s medical case management program

added new services to increase availability of

support in the northwestern NC mountains.

Two special awareness and fundraising

events, Hike for Hope and Not Your Mama’s

Bingo, were added. Combined dollars raised

was $150,000.

To learn about more ways to contribute

or for more information, call Rodney Tucker,

executive director, at 828-322-1447 ext. 244,

email alfadirect@alfainfo.org or visit


— L.M.


Task force tackles LGBT suicides

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National

Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention has

added three new task forces to address

suicide prevention efforts within high-risk

populations: LGBT youth; American Indians/

Alaska Natives (AI/AN); and military service

members and veterans. This brings to six the

number of task forces formed by the Action

Alliance, the public-private partnership

forged in September to advance the National

Strategy for Suicide Prevention.

In the U.S., suicide claims over 34,000 lives

annually — the equivalent of 94 suicides per

day, or one suicide every 15 minutes. Studies

show that LGBT youth are from 1.5 to seven

times more likely to report having attempted

suicide than their non-LGBT peers.

Co-leading the LGBT Youth Task Force are

Kevin Jennings, assistant deputy secretary,

Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools,

U.S. Department of Education, and Charles

Robbins, executive director of The Trevor

Project, the leading national organization focused

on crisis and suicide prevention efforts

among LGBT youth.

“This task force will bring together the

best minds in the country to combat suicide

and make sure that every LGBT youth has

the opportunity to grow up in a supportive,

accepting community and to enter adulthood

safely,” Robbins said.

For more information, visit actionalliance


— D.S.

HRC criticized for ‘Milk’ money

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — The Human

Rights Campaign has drawn fire for their plan

to set up a store selling HRC-branded gifts and

merchandise in the Castro St. camera shop

originally owned by assassinated gay rights

icon Harvey Milk.

Dustin Lance Black, Oscar-winning

screenwriter of the biopic “Milk,” said,

“Harvey Milk spent the last years of his life

fighting not only for rights for gays and lesbians

across the nation, but also against the idea

that the only way to achieve those rights is to

lobby the government and financially support

so-called ‘straight allies’. Harvey believed the

best way to secure our rights was through

grassroots action, coalition building and the

election of LGBT people to office at all levels of

government. He encouraged people to come

out of the closet and be vocal about who they

were and why they deserved full equality,

not partial equality or crumbs. For the HRC

leadership, which still advocates a piecemeal,

wait-and-see approach to try and co-opt and

profit from Harvey’s legacy is an outrage.”

“HRC has proven time and again that its

main goal is not to advance rights for LGBT

Americans but to raise funds amongst the

LGBT community for Democratic candidates,”

stated Log Cabin Republicans President Dan

Brown. “If HRC, as the largest LGBT rights

organization by funding, took a page from

Harvey’s book rather than relying on empty

promises from elected officials that rarely

materialize, then we would be much closer to

full equality than we currently are.”

— D.S.

Senate OKs Feldblum for EEOC

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Senate

has confirmed Chai Feldblum to a full term as

a commissioner of the U.S. Equal Employment

Opportunity Commission (EEOC). Republican

senators had previously blocked Feldblum’s

nomination, leading President Obama to use a

recess appointment to make her, temporarily,

a commissioner in March 2010. That temporary

appointment would have expired at the

see News Notes on 17

Meeting Date: Tuesday, January 18, 2010

Program: ASC President Scott Provancher

Crowne Plaza, 201 S. McDowell St.

Time: Cash Bar Social/Heavy Hor d’oeuvres @ 5:30 pm

Program starts @ 6:45 pm

Cost: $20

To Reserve: Call 704.565.5075 by 12 pm

Friday, January 14, 2010

or email businessguild@yahoo.com

to request tickets for this event


Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes

Shed a happy tear

qnotes editor Matt Comer reflects on his visit to the president’s ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal signing

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

It was as normal a workday as any other

— a little cold outside, yes, but full with all

the usual expectations and daily to-dos. So,

imagine my surprise when I opened my inbox

and saw an email from the White House

— an invitation to attend President Barack

Obama’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal signing

ceremony on Dec. 22.

I immediately called my mother. After all,

she’s had to listen to my political rants and

raves since I was young. My childhood stint in

the Boy Scouts only made it worse, instilling

a strong sense of patriotism. Years later, I still

choke back tears when I hear the national

anthem played or watch Independence Day

fireworks shows. On top of it all, I’m a history

geek. I love it and live it. I studied it in college

and the History Channel has kept some of my

favorite TV programming streaming into my

home for years.

Luckily, I was able to find some last-minute

deals on flights to and from D.C. I left the

office, packed my bags and made it to the

Charlotte airport just in time. The excitement

of this historic moment in time was nearly too

much to bear once I finally got to Washington

and met up with a friend who was nice

enough to lend his couch for the evening. We

stayed up half the night waiting on another

friend to arrive and when we finally settled

down to sleep — at a dangerously late 2:30

a.m. — I knew I’d have only anticipation and

adrenaline to keep me awake the next day.

We awoke from our short nap at 6 a.m.,

hurriedly showered and dressed and made

our way to the Department of Interior where

qnotes editor Matt Comer with other LGBT advocates at the ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal signing in Washington, D.C.

Photo Credit: Shannon Cuttle

the ceremony was to take place. Once we

arrived, we balked: the line to get into the ceremony

wrapped around the building. Though

it was cold, we and everyone else gathered

were all smiles.

Inside the auditorium, I noticed a veritable

who’s who of the LGBT movement, Congress

and federal government. Former servicemembers,

who’ve been forced to carry the burden

of this unjust law for far too long, were gathered

everywhere. Some were dressed in their

uniforms, ready to serve their country again:

“Sign us up today!” one would later call out

as the president signed the bill into law.

As the ceremony began, with a prayer, the

Pledge of Allegiance and national anthem,

I could feel the tears welling up inside. Oh,

happy tears they were! Though I’ve never

served in the armed forces, it was once

a dream of mine. Military service in my

family stretches back generations, all

the way back to the Revolutionary War.

My grandfather and his brother, former

Marines, both served during the tail-end

of World War II and in Korea. And, when I

signed up for JROTC as a freshman in high

school, only one thing stood in the way of

my service: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” It didn’t

take me long to learn I’d never have the opportunity

to serve my nation. After just one

year in JROTC, I dropped it and my dreams

for service.

Years later, I’d be among dozens of

LGBT young people across the country

who would attempt to enlist in the armed

forces, though doing so openly, honestly

and with integrity. The action, Soulforce’s

2006 Right to Serve Campaign, returned

the same results in each of the 30 cities

where young, able-bodied and patriotic

American citizens said, “Sign me up! I will

serve!” — we were all turned away.

I thought of that moment — the disappointment

and sadness and oppression — as

President Obama spoke on Dec. 22. This is a

speech to remember, I thought to myself as

he began.

As the president finished I nearly lost myself:

“For we are not a nation that says, ‘don’t

ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says, ‘Out

of many, we are one,’” the president said.

“We are a nation that welcomes the service

of every patriot. We are a nation that believes

that all men and women are created equal.

Those are the ideals that generations have

fought for. Those are the ideals that we uphold

today. And now, it is my honor to sign this bill

into law.”

The opportunity to attend the signing ceremony

was a unique one, for sure an historic

moment to be treasured and cherished for

the rest of my life. Years from now, I can see

myself watching the History Channel as a special

on civil rights in America comes on and

a portion of Obama’s speech at the signing

ceremony is broadcast.

“I was there,” I’ll say to myself.

Undoubtedly, I’ll cry. But these tears, I’ll gladly

take now and in the future. What a great

moment in history we’re in — when some of

the final legal hurdles and obstacles blocking

the full citizenship and participation of LGBT

Americans are being lifted. We should all shed

a tear in this moment and keep it in memory

of all the heroes — men and women, black

and white, slave and free, gay and straight

— who, to borrow from Katharine Lee Bates,

“more than self their country loved and mercy

more than life;” those who lived and died for

that most glorious of patriot dreams and gave

to their nation their ultimate sacrifice to see

that days like this are even possible. : :


Meck commissioner calls gays ‘sexual

predators’ in email to colleagues

GOP’s Bill James balks at letter on ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

CHARLOTTE — Anti-gay, Republican

Mecklenburg County Commissioner Bill James

on Dec. 27 said gays are “sexual predators” in

an email to his colleagues on the board.

James’ remarks were made in response to

County Commissioner Chair Jennifer Roberts’

request to send a letter thanking some members

of the Charlotte-area congressional delegation

for their “yes” votes on “Don’t Ask, Don’t

Tell” (DADT) repeal in December 2010. Roberts

was to send the letter to U.S. Reps. Larry Kissell

and Mel Watt and U.S. Sens. Richard Burr and

Kay Hagan. President Barack Obama signed

the repeal act into law on Dec. 22.

“Homosexuals are sexual predators,”

James wrote in one email from a string of

several between county board members,

Roberts and County Manager Harry Jones,

and provided by James to qnotes. “Allowing

homosexuals to serve in the US military

with the endorsement of the Mecklenburg

County Commission ignores a host of serious

problems related to maintaining US military

readiness and effectiveness not the least of

qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

which is the current Democrat plan to allow

homosexuals (male and female) to share

showers with those they are attracted to.”

James added, “The US Government would

not allow Hetero men and women to share

showers and other personal facilities yet the

leading homosexual in Congress (Barney

Frank) thinks it is OK for homosexuals to do so

allowing enlisted men and women to fall prey

to higher ranking or more powerful homosexuals

who ogle them (or worse).”

Other county commissioners also objected

to sending the letter, according to other emails

also received by James. In one, Republican

Vice Chair Jim Pendergraph says he is against

the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and

relates a story of his encounter with a gay servicemember

following his enlistmen in 1969.

“I don’t think the timing is right for this,”

Pendergraph wrote, “and as a 19 year old

enlistee from Steele Creek in the U.S. Army in

1969, the first homosexual I ever encountered

was in basic training. He was the company

clerk. It was a bad scene and this individual

exerted his authority on young impressionable


Pendergraph added, “Whatever you send,

don’t put my name on it. I don’t see this as anything

to be proud of.”

This month’s DADT

repeal came after a

months-long Pentagon

report found there

would be minimal unit

cohesion or disruption

problems resulting from

an orderly policy repeal

and implementation. Of

the thousands of servicemembers


during the Pentagon’s

report, 70 percent said

DADT repeal would

have no or very little

Bill James

impact on troop morale or readiness.

Roberts, a Democrat, also specifically

asked Republicans on the board about their

thoughts on the letter, as DADT was not an

issue on the county’s legislative agenda.

Roberts especially sought to thank Burr, the

only Republican senator in the Southeast to

vote for repeal and the first such senator ever

to vote positively on pro-

LGBT legislation.

James said he would not

congratulate Burr: “I suspect

Richard Burr will pay a

high electoral price for his

actions but whether it boots

him from office next time is

unknown,” James wrote. “I

know I won’t be supporting

him even if he does have an

R after his name.”

Fellow GOP

Commissioner Karen Bentley

also objected to the letter

and voiced her opposition to

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal, saying she was

“highly disappointed” by Republican Burr’s

see James on 9

James balks at letter

continued from page 8

MeckPAC Statement on County Commissioner

Bill James’ recent homophobic statements:

MeckPAC commends Commissioner Roberts on her initiative to thank local members

of Congress who voted yes on repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” MeckPAC also commends

those members themselves, which include Reps. Larry Kissel and Mel Watt, and Sens.

Richard Burr and Kay Hagan. Ending that discriminatory policy was long overdue and is a

major step toward equality for LGBT Americans.

Unfortunately, County Commissioner Bill James made comments in an email regarding

DADT that homosexuals are “sexual predators.” These remarks are shocking, though not

surprising considering his past rhetoric. Near the same time last year, Commissioner James

called fellow Commissioner Vilma Leake’s deceased son a “homo.” Commissioner James

has also said that black Americans live in a “moral sewer.” Such statements continue to be

well over the line of decency and civility, and should be called out as the ignorant bigotry

they are.

These personal attacks against fellow American citizens are unacceptable, and

Commissioner James should be held accountable for his remarks as a leader. Other County

Commissioners should ensure James’ comments are not allowed to appear as the voice of

the overall board. It’s time for the Board to take a stand publicly against such speech. The

community needs to hear loudly where each board member stands. LGBT and questioning

youth — many of whom have been victims of bully suicides encouraged by Commissioner

James’ attitude — should know there’s nothing wrong with them and they should not feel

ashamed of who they are. LGBT people are of course not sexual predators or anything of the

sort, despite the mythology that preaches otherwise.

affirmative vote on the issue on Dec. 18.

Burr won’t face another election until 2016.

Commissioner Harold Cogdell, Jr., a

Democrat, also opposed the letter though he

did so because the matter was not an item on

the county’s legislative agenda.

James also said he’d undertaken his

own communication to the new Republican

leaders of North Carolinas state legislature.

He says he’s asked them to take up a variety

of anti-gay social cause, like banning gay

adoptions, prohibiting domestic partner benefits

and placing on the ballot an anti-LGBT,

anti-family marriage amendment to the state


James’ anti-gay comments following

the Christmas holiday are not the first time

the public official has spoken out strongly

on LGBT issues. He often uses derogatory

language or slurs to describe LGBT people in

debates or communication with fellow public

officials and constituents. During debate last

December on domestic partner benefits for

county employees, James leaned over to

his Democratic colleague, Vilma Leake, and

called her son a “homo.” Leake’s son died

from AIDS in the 1990s.

James has been in office for nearly

two decades and was one of the “Gang of

Five” who voted to strip public arts funding

in the 1990s during the county’s “Angels in

America” controversy.

The Mecklenburg Gay and Lesbian

Political Action Committe (MeckPAC) released

a statement condemning James’ remarks,

which was followed by rounds of condemnation

from LGBT bloggers and organizations like

GLAAD. MeckPAC’s statement is reprinted in

full above. : :

more: For the most up-to-date news and

politics, visit goqnotes.com.

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes


Sexual safety first

Having a good time doesn’t have to come at the cost of

your or your lover’s health

As the New Year rolls in and each of us prepare

for the coming warmth of spring, perhaps it’s wise

to stop and take a moment to reflect on our sexual

health and wellness. After all, with the warmth of

spring and summer comes all sorts of sensuous

temptations; don’t get caught off-guard when Mr.

Right (or Ms. Right Now) comes a knocking.


As you see yourself through the rest of these

cold, wintry days don’t forget to protect yourself and

your lovers. It’s easy to hop online, “order in” and

have a treat come to your warm and toasty home,

and it’s just as easy to keep condoms, lube and other

personal items handy.

Most sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV/AIDS

can be prevented with the simple and proper use of condoms,

though you’ll still want to be careful when it comes to herpes

and syphilis which can be spread through skin-to-skin contact

in places where condoms and other latex barriers can’t protect.

For more on safe, effective and proper condom use, visit



Make yourself a new ritual and tradition this New Year

and keep your sexual, as well as physical health, in check. In

January, head to your physician or other healthcare provider

and schedule an annual physical. Oftentimes, physicians include

STI and HIV/AIDS testing as a part of routine treatment,

though if your doctor doesn’t consider asking her to perform

these easy tests. If you aren’t able to see a private physician,

there are plenty of public and private resources to help you

gain access to STI and HIV/AIDS testing. Knowing your HIV

status, as well as your status regarding other STIs, is often

the most important step in preventing transmission. Check

qnotes’ online QGuide at goqnotes.com/qguide for links

and contact information for AIDS service organizations

in your area, most of which offer free and confidential

STI and HIV/AIDS testing.

Hepatitis vaccination

Ah! The wonders of medicine. Among some of the

most commonly-transmitted STIs are Hepatitis A and B.

In fact, some people might already be infected with either

of the virus strains and not even know it. Be sure to ask

your doctor about vaccinations for Hep A and B, which

are recommended for most young people under 18 and

those adults who are most at risk.

Both vaccinations for Hep A and B require some

time and effort, though the payoff is well worth it. Hep A

vaccinations require a round of two or three doses and

adults need a booster dose six months-to-one year after

the initial dose. The vaccine is effective for 15-20 years or

more and start providing protection as early as two-tofour

weeks after the vaccination process is complete.

Hep B vaccinations require three separate injections

over a period ranging from six months to one year. Like

that for Hep A, this vaccination will protect against Hep B

infection for 15 years or longer.

Hep A and B prevention is also easy, and includes

commonsense solutions like practicing safer sex, washing

hands with soap and warm water following restroom

use or before food preparation, never sharing drug use-related

items (like needles, straws, etc.) or body-care items like toothbrushes,

razors and nail clippers.

Note: There is no vaccine to prevent Hepatitis C.

HPV vaccination

A few years ago, the gay male community got into a bit of

a tizzy when news broke of a new HPV vaccine. Though approved

for girls and women, no tests had been done to gauge

Photo Credit: See-ming Lee, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

its effectiveness for use in boys and men. Now, men, too, can

be protected from HPV transmission.

HPV, which causes genital warts, can also cause cervical

cancer in women and anal cancer in men.

Girls and women can choose from two vaccines, Cervarix

and Gardisil. Men can be vaccinated with Gardisil, which is recommended

for both men and women through 26 years of age.

For more information, visit cdc.gov/hpv/. : :

qnotes staff

10 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011


by robbi cohn :: qnotes contributor

What’s going on, North Carolina

I hate that it’s so easy to get source material

exposing the bigotry still alive and well in

this state. Within a span of 12 days, three stories

made news, right here in North Carolina.

Another appeared on their heels. They’re indicative

of how much animus, intolerance and

downright hate still exists in this state vis-à-vis

trans and LGB issues. I sometimes have to

wonder if we’ve made much headway in the

court of public opinion. Given that real change

is usually a grassroots kind of thing, watching

how social mores evolve gives us insights into

how tolerance and diversity evolve. Judging

by these letters and articles, it would seem

that we’re still living in the dark ages.

The first item appeared just before

Thanksgiving. Someone living in Davidson

County wrote a homophobic letter to

The (Lexington, N.C.) Dispatch entitled

“Homosexual Threat.”

The letter was chock full of the kind of

lies and innuendo we hope to see a new

generation of Americans repudiate; you know:

predator myths, mental illness allegations, as

well as the “it’s a lifestyle” meme. You can

respond to this kind of nonsense (we did), but

there’s always some wingnut ready to step up.

My letter was followed by the classic “God

chastens America.” This one trotted out the

“America is a second rate power, thanks to all

you perverts and the Anti Christ” diatribe. Just

to make sure we comprehend how hateful this

writer is, he throws in the following gem “You

can be homosexual, bisexual, murderer, rapist

or whatever because there’s no moral law

against it.” Sheeessshhh!

You can find both letters at The Dispatch’s

website, as well as the replies: the-dispatch.


A few days after Thanksgiving, I heard

about the G105 incident. If you aren’t familiar

with this Raleigh radio station, G105 airs one

of those comedy-in-the-morning shows. This

one originally aired on Nov. 12, 2010. See

this column online to hear the broadcast:


The gist of the conversation with the caller

detailed his experience in a nightclub with a

trans-identied woman whom he claims had

deceived him. Amongst the banter were copious

pronoun mis-pronunications including

references to “it” and “she-him.” These were

tame compared to the tack the conversation

eventually took. After the caller described a

kiss, one of the moderators asked how many

times he (the caller) had showered after learning,

to his disgust, that the person he kissed

was trans. But, most heinous and disturbing

was the remark to which GLAAD responded.

From the GLAAD blog, “One of the hosts even

went as far as to advocate violence against

her and likened her to a sexually transmitted


On Dec. 5, Raleigh’s News and Observer

ran a story on an incarcerated trans woman.

Shawn McDaniels has since been released,

but the experiences related to us about life

in prison for a trans woman are enough to

scare the crap out of anyone. As if it weren’t

frightening enough to be victimized by other

inmates, the heinous stories of alleged sexual

abuse at the hands of prison guards are

downright alarming. One officer has been

charged and is now awaiting trial.

“Penitentiary is a different world,”

McDaniels, who was released on parole Oct.

1, told The News & Observer. “A sergeant

with three stripes, his word is gold. If I didn’t

do as he said, he could have written me up

for nothing, had me thrown into the hole. He

could have said I hit him and had me arrested.

Nobody’s going to take my word over his.”

This is the kind of dark-ages behavior still

being perpetrated against trans individuals.

Lastly, there is the case of Mike Adams,

a professor at UNC-Wilmington. Adams is a

well-known trans-phobe who writes a column

for TownHall.com and other commentary sites.

Recently, Greensboro’s News & Record ran an

article, eventually picked up by The Associated

Press, about a voice clinic for trans-identified

women at UNC-Greensboro. Mike Adams just

couldn’t resist. On Dec. 8, he let forth a tirade

with the kind of hateful vitriol we have come to

expect from this out-and-out bigot.

“According to the AP,” Adams wrote,

“’Nicole’ actually spent over $100,000 on an

attempted transition from male to female,

including flying to, of all places, Thailand, for

sexual reassignment surgery. (Please, no dirty

Bangkok jokes.) After spending a whopping

$20,000 on facial hair removal Nicole still had

a problem: His voice still gave him away as a

male (because he was and still is a male).”

Adams added, “Despite the deep budget

crisis, North Carolina taxpayers pay UNCG

speech pathologists to teach transgender

people how to speak like the people of the

sex they are trying unsuccessfully to become.

Does that make sense Of course it doesn’t.

We’re talking about UNC-Gomorrah.”

Many have expressed their dismay to

UNC-Wilmington, but, to our best knowledge,

Adams has been an independent agent and

Town Hall has no apparent connection to

UNCW. Fair-minded individuals recognize that

Adams certainly has a constitutional right to

spout obnoxious vitriol; fair-minded individuals

can make their voices heard, as well, and

let the public know about Adams’ and others’

despicable behavior.

Additionally, North Carolinians still have

no statewide protections against discrimination

aimed at LGBT citizens. While 13 states

and hundreds of jurisdictions nationwide have

enacted laws, only three local jurisdictions

in North Carolina have followed suit. And, as

noted, the human rights of those who have

been incarcerated are tragically in jeopardy.

It is not the case that efforts to educate

have been lacking. Many trans individuals

have spent countless hours talking, writing

and speaking. We are not unaware of the

mechanisms that induce change, but where

our efforts to inform others regarding discriminatory

behavior end, we feel it is incumbent

upon citizens who believe in equal rights to

pick up the torch and educate themselves,

their families, friends and coworkers. The

fight for equality belongs to everyone. To

paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr., no one

will truly enjoy equal rights until we all have a

share in equality. : :

— Comments and corrections can

be sent to editor@goqnotes.com.

To contact Robbi Cohn,

email robbi_cohn108@yahoo.com..

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes 11


A better you, a better community

Community members across the Carolinas share their New Year’s resolutions for themselves and their communities

Akil Campbell


Shades of Pride/Triangle Black



Reflecting on 2010 I must say

there are a number of things I

could have done differently, a few

things I could have attempted and

a few opportunities that I may have

missed. The year also granted me

the opportunity to meet a number of great

people, to network with community leaders

and true representatives and to give back in

the little minuscule way that I was able to.

A victim of the recession’s lay offs, I was

blessed with the time to get to know the community

of which I am a part, to finally meet my

neighbors, my LGBTQ sisters and brothers,

to realize the value of friendships and the

pleasure which comes with servitude.

For 2011, I vow to give more of myself to

my community, to better understand its needs

and to deliver effective solutions based on this

understanding. I must contribute more.

Bruce Converse

Executive Producer/Writer/

Weekly Co-host

Rainbow Radio-The Real Gay Agenda (WXRY

99.3 FM)


First, for the big picture, I resolve to

continue doing whatever it takes to keep the

ball rolling forward towards Total Equality

everywhere. Whether it is putting my name

on email petitions or calling senators and

representatives in Washington, D.C., I will

pledge to continue to do that. This past year

has shown that progress, as painfully slow as

it has been for some, continues to happen but

only if we all work together towards that goal

of Total Equality. If we ever let that ball stop

its forward progress or take too many steps

backward, those who are working just as

hard to keep LGBT people from ever reaching

Total Equality, will never let us ever get that

ball rolling ever again.

Personally, I will continue putting

together the Rainbow Radio Shows every

week. I have been fortunate to have been

part of this groundbreaking and history-making

program since its inception. Every show

we do (I say “we” because it is a group

effort, as small as that group is) continues

to make LGBT history, not only here in the

Midlands of South Carolina but because of

the internet, everywhere in the world. For a

half hour each week, I want our shows to

continue shining the light of truth as to who

LGBT people really are, as well as spotlight

our straight allies.

Roberta Dunn

Board member


Lesbian & Gay Community Center


Let me get the easy one over first: Lose

some weight, say 12 pounds. One pound a

month or less than 4 ounces a week. That’s

less than one potato (I’m Irish) or a few cookies

a week. Sounds easy, so why didn’t it work

last year LOL.

Now some real things to get done for

2011: I want to continue to work with the

Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department on

training on LGBT issues. I hope this outreach

to them will spark someone or something to

bring in new information to help solve the

murder of Toni Alston. To continue working

with MeckPAC to get the City Council to take

positive action on LGBT equality in Charlotte

this New Year, especially employment nondiscrimination

for transgender people. This is

long overdue.

Dan Mauney

Takeover Friday


Looking back over the past year and the

past decade of success with Gay Bingo,

Takeover Friday, BRIEF! and Step, I want the

next decade to be a time of more personal

growth with family, friends and to really give

more to the charities that matter to me. May

Takeover Friday continue to connect our

community in ways that we have never been

connected making everyone feel a part of

the greater picture. May our community unify

together to make a bigger difference in the

world we live and extend our hand further

across the aisle to impact the lives of our

straight allies and community. May I personally

be a better son, brother and relative to

my family who mean the world to me. May

I be a better friend to my close friends and

acquaintances. May I continue to maintain my

sense of humor in life and never let the daily

challenges tarnish my light. And, may I hold

onto the little hair that I have left on my head

or at least wear hats better. Here’s to 2011 and

the incredible adventures that lay ahead.

Addison Ore

Executive Director

Triad Health Project


I’m using the word intentions vs. resolutions

as we head into 2011.

I’ll keep my personal ones private (as

to only disappoint myself) but for our community

at large, I would wish that we all be

more intentional in our communications going

forward whether that is in person, online or in

print. Civility and kindness seem to have been

relegated to the “out” list of late.

I will admit to being called “Miss

Manners” by a few friends but as we head into

a new year of challenging conversations with

folks who may not identify as LGBT friendly, it

seems as if a cocktail of civility with a splash

of common sense would serve us well.

Now please don’t misunderstand me, I’m

still always ready to take my white gloves off

in a spirited fight for LGBT rights.


Steven Petrow


“Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay &

Lesbian Manners”

Chapel Hill

A young man posted his New Year’s

resolution on my site www.gaymanners.com:

“Just to be me no matter what. Always be real

no matter who thinks what about me! Love

hard, learn to forgive always, and remember

that life is short. Live it to the fullest with no

regrets!” I couldn’t say it better myself.

Brett Webb-Mitchell

qnotes contributor


“On Being A Gay Parent”


My New Year’s resolution is to continue

to write, speak out, and reveal publicly

places, situations, and relationships where

LGBTQ parents in particular are treated

as second class citizens, and to celebrate

where there is a breakthrough in ways that

we are related to as equals with non-LGBTQ

parents. This resolution is spurred on by

being and becoming more tuned in to how

the changing of federal and state laws (for

good or ill) affects our families; discovering

organizations where discrimination against

LGBTQ parents is still firmly in place, like the

Boy Scouts of America; and being constantly

surprised in the moments where a note of

grace has sounded in an otherwise acrimonious

relationship. : :


How choosing you benefits everyone

New Year, New You: Physical fitness

Can putting yourself first be considered an

unselfish decision When it comes to your health, the

answer is yes. By putting your health first, you’re not

only staying well for you, but also for your loved ones.

One in three women will develop cancer in her

lifetime, but about 50 percent of cancer deaths

could be prevented if women maintained a healthy

weight through diet and regular exercise, avoided

tobacco products and got recommended cancer

screenings, according to the American Cancer Society. Yet,

women are often so busy taking care of others that they

struggle to make their own health a priority. In fact, a recent

survey by the American Cancer Society showed that while

95 percent of women feel the need to improve their health,

approximately three out of five admit they put others’ health

before their own.

In the constant struggle between family, work and self, how

can you put yourself first Whether sticking to your New Year’s

resolution, preparing for swimsuit season or simply wanting

to live a healthier lifestyle, here are six tips to help reach your

wellness goals:

Eat right. Healthy eating is difficult in today’s busy world.

To help you meet your goals, take time to record your intake in

a food journal. A diet that is low in fat, high in fiber, with lots of

fruits and vegetables, has been shown to help reduce the risk

of developing cancer.

Get active. Exercise often gets neglected, but just 30 minutes

of moderate physical activity five days a week can reduce

12 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

your risk of cancer, heart disease, even diabetes. If possible,

exercise before work or during lunch, so you can spend time

with your family or indulge in “me-time” once you get home.

Get recommended health screenings. Prevention and early

detection are two of the most powerful tools you have for your

health. Make visiting a doctor for preventative care a regular

part of your health regimen, and set reminders

to schedule important appointments and


Quit smoking. Smoking causes one in

five deaths in the United States, and a myriad

of health problems. There are many tools

and resources available online that can help

distract you from your cravings and show you

just how much those packs of cigarettes cost

you over time.

Protect your skin. A majority of skin

cancer cases diagnosed in the U.S. are considered

to be sun-related. When in the sun,

wear protective clothing, sunscreen with an

SPF rating of 15 or higher and sunglasses that

block UV rays.

Choose you. Commit to making healthy living

and early detection a priority by making a

Choose You Commitment, a movement developed

by the American Cancer Society to help

women put their health first to help reduce

cancer risk. This online program provides

tools and support to enable women to commit to, and achieve

their personal health and wellness goals.

For more information on how to make your personal health a

priority, visit chooseyou.com. : :

— ARAContent

Photo Credit: familymwr, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.


Carry a ‘helper’s high’ into

New Year

Doing good deeds, service to others has positive emotional benefits

by Tyler DeVere :: tdevere@goqnotes.com

Research shows that helping

others can make us feel enormously

better about ourselves. It’s

called “helper’s high.” Being there

for others in their times of need

makes us feel more a part of a

community that watches out for its

own members.

Photo Credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto, via Flickr.

Licensed under Creative Commons.

For more than a decade, psychological

studies have shown the significance of this

phenomenon. It’s been linked to the release

of brain chemicals, such as endorphins, that

uplift our mood and attitude. Some research

has even shown that this can strengthen the

immune system or relieve aches and pains in

the body.

This New Year, improve

your health by giving to

friends, family or even

strangers. There are

many things you can do to

achieve this “helper’s high”

that comes from selfless


First, consider showing

some poignant gratitude

to those who have helped

you already. Hand-written

thank you notes are

much more personal than

an email, phone call or

a casual “thank you.” A

sincere message of thanks

is special to the recipient

who might deeply appreciate

the sentiment. Plus,

the good feeling he or she

gets from being thanked

in a meaningful way will

karmatically make you feel

good about yourself as

well. This can also make us feel grateful for

what we’ve been given, which is important for

putting our lives into perspective.

Another great way to attain that warm

feeling of altruism is through volunteering with

community organizations or projects. Whether

it’s political activism, working at a soup

kitchen, building for Habitat for Humanity, or

any number of other activities, community service

is a fulfilling endeavor that will be its own

reward. Not only are non-profit organizations

often severely under-staffed, meaning infinite

appreciation for volunteers, but it’s extremely

satisfying to see the tangible results of our

efforts given freely to aid our fellow people.

Christmas and birthdays are not the only

times of the year we can give each other gifts.

In fact, a random present to a spouse or friend

can bring us a wonderful feeling in return.

Keep in mind, gifts come in many different

forms and are not always bought at a store. A

special night out, a helping hand with regular

mundane chores or pursuing someone else’s

hobbies or interests can all be terrific demonstrations

of love. The faces of our loved ones

lit up with joy can be the greatest gift of all.

Just remember that if you want good for

yourself, the direct path isn’t always the most

effective path. “What goes around comes

around.” Giving something of yourself — time,

financial contributions, energy, etc. — to

those around you can ultimately come back to

you in even bigger and better ways. : :

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes 13

14 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

out in the stars

by charlene lichtenstein :: qnotes contributor

January 8-21

Personal circumstances

can change. Or,

maybe, what changes

is our perception of

them. The way we communicate

(Mercury) our

love (Venus) gets us certain results (Mars). Will

you remain tight lipped or will you open up wide

CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) Your world is buzzing

with anticipation. Get the gossip mill going full

steam and control it from behind the curtain.

Being mysterious pays off for you especially if

you can populate the stream with some personal

good press. Pink Caps yearn to be admired. Why

stop at mere admiration Work towards making

some of this buzz into money, honey.

AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) Friends support you

in any crazy enterprise that you can conjure

up. So, aim for the bleachers and swing hard.

Aqueerians have been percolating some great

ideas for a while. Now is the time to reveal them

and see how the public drinks it up. You will find

yourself in the center of all the activity. Meet,

greet and see who you can impress…with your

ideas not your hands. Unless

PISCES (02.20-03.20) You impress the higher ups

and can get away with almost anything at work.

So, glide on your charm and see what else you

can achieve while you are in their good graces.

But, hurry with your professional plots. Soon

you will find it more entertaining to dabble in the

occult or something spiritual. And, that does not

mix with corporate politics. Unless it is voodoo.

ARIES (03.21-04.20) Proud Rams are most effective

if they can keep their thoughts on the job,

even though they dream of faraway romantic

places. You are busy, busy. How can you do what

you want when you want Try enlisting a group

of colleagues to give you a helping hand. If that

doesn’t work, maybe you can get bosses to talk

to the hand. Of course, you can always just offer

the finger.

TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Love is not only in the air,

it is all over the darn place. Spread your steam

internationally and see who answers your siren

call. It will be hard to concentrate on material

things. Your heart and mind are wrapped up in

the moment. Of course, too much sex and not

enough thought behind it can lead to wasted

efforts and a dissipated lifestyle. Or, maybe that

is the hope

GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Focus on all different types

of relationships from love to office to posse. Pink

Twins often relate to people on a very informal

level which works well for some but not all.

Here’s my advice: Put a little more salty and

sweet oomph in all one-to-ones and see how

folks respond. You will have some eating out of

your hand. Better wash your hands frequently.

CANCER (06.22-07.23) Gay Crabs seem to really

enjoy their jobs. And, why not You are successfully

building bridges with co-workers and

even have a few plans to expand your power

into new areas of domination. Heh, heh. So take

your time and deeply concentrate on anything

that requires attention to detail, strategy and

stealth. Any loose ends could spell trobble…


LEO (07.24-08.23) Party your pants off and be

especially charming and delightful. Proud Lions

need a work breather and there is plenty of

opportunity to lead you off-track. But, there is

a method to this party madness. You do a little

work within the boundaries of fun. Bolster your

contacts so you can tap them later for important

work-related initiatives. Errr, corporate retreats

VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Home entertaining becomes

the be-all and end-all. Gather the troops and plan

some festive get-togethers. Queer Virgins also

benefit from the exercise derived from home

improvement projects whether remodeling or

restructuring. Of course, a few able bodied pals

should always be made to feel welcome and

useful in these circumstances. Why should you

buff up alone

LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Proud Libras know just what

to say to make others feel warm and fuzzy. How

is this different from usual This time you may

have an ulterior motive to your charm. Certain

people can help you re-establish links to lost

family members. Why now Because there is

something inside of you that hankers for connection…even

if only to satisfy your morbid


SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) You feel like treating

yourself to something frivolous and decadent. Go

for it. Queer Scorps obviously need some spoiling.

Perhaps, that is because you have been in

the refrigerator too long Freshen up your dance

card by planning some block parties or other

ways to bring the neighbors together. Pretty

soon they will beat a path to your door. Uh, oh.

SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) The fates work behind

the scenes for you. With a little forethought

and some astute questioning, gay Archers can

make inroads into any sticky and prickly financial

issue. Put your mind to it. You can emerge,

if not more solvent, at least more stable. Then

you can go the next step in any extravagant

personal project you like. And, even some that

you don’t like. : :

© 2011 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights

Reserved. Entertainment.

info: Visit www.TheStarryEye.com for

e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My

book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For

Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is

available at bookstores and major booksites.

tell trinity

by trinity :: qnotes contributor

Can love at 40 be like it

was at 20

Hello Trinity,

When I was 20 I fell in love so easily.

Now I’m 40 and I have trouble letting

myself fall in love. Why is it so hard

at 40

Lost Love, Jacksonville, FL

Hello Lost Love,

Sure at 20, love meant long make out

sessions to Bee Gees

albums, but now at 40

love has to compete

with long workdays,

internet malfunctions

and the aging process! So, honey,

if you want love at 40, simply make time to

find it instead of wasting time complaining

about it. Go out more, make more “moves”

on people you’re interested in and, lastly,

make more dates. Simply make more

time to find love and feeling it will follow, I


Hey Trinity,

Don’t you think therapy is a waste of time

and money Don’t you think we can get

though our problems alone

Skeptical, Denver, CO

Hey Skeptical,

Sure, sometimes you’re better off alone, but at other times you

really do need more than one mind to get you through traumas,

tragedies and men. Solving your own problems is

sweet, sweetie, but often it’s better to hire a trained

professional to help me, I mean you, deal with those

no-good, lying, cheating men. Now didn’t letting that

out feel good (Get a bit of good counsel from my


Dearest Trinity,

I try to work up the courage to talk to guys that I find attractive,

but I always say the wrong thing or nothing at all, plus that

overwhelming fear of rejection. How can I get past my own

shyness to tell someone I like them

Too Shy For Words, Austin, TX

Dearest To Shy For Words,

To get over my shyness,

my fear of rejection and my

fear of saying the wrong

thing, I took acting classes,

Insight ® Seminars and

pushed myself to just say

“Hello.” Start by a) breathing

a few times before

approaching someone,

b) letting your shyness

be natural, it’s often more

cute than you think, and c)

start your night off with a

martini. God made martinis

for a reason, baby!

Hey Trinity,

I frequently go to bars and

chat online, but still no

bites. What more can I do

without spending every day and night looking for a date/mate

Enough’s Enough, Detroit, MI

Dear, Enough’s Enough

It’s not enough to hit the bars or chat online hoping. Pumpkin,

dating is work and a commitment to yourself by following:

Trinity’s Practical Dating Declarations

1. Practice: I promise to date even if “I think” it won’t work out,

simply because it builds my character analysis and intuition.

2. Consistency: I promise to get right back on the dating horse

even when I have more than two bad dates in a row.

3. Help: I promise to ask friends, relatives and coworkers to

set me up on dates even if it’s blind dates.

4. Packaging: I promise to look and act my best and keep my

problems to myself, at least until the fourth date.

5. Timing: I promise to be on time, be clear if I have to be late

and be open to changing times if someone has to.

6. Honesty: I promise to be as honest as I can about my feelings

even if it means telling someone what they don’t want

to hear.

7. Obsessing: I promise not to call more than once a day or

leave more than a few text messages in one day’s time!

8. Self-Respect: I promise to date people who treat me with

respect and kindness and to do the same to them.

9. Survival: I promise to end all bad, self-destructive and/ordangerous

situations even if it means leaving town for a


10. Lastly, Risk: I promise to give each date a chance even if

it means being less: self-righteous, self-loathing or selfindulgent.

: :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was

host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,

and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com

Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307

Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild

800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes 15

16 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

News Notes

continued from page 7

end of 2011; Feldblum will now serve through

July 2013.

“We commend the Senate for finally

setting aside pointless partisanship and

confirming this highly qualified candidate for

a full term on the EEOC,” said Human Rights

Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Chai

Feldblum has spent decades working to

protect those most ignored and maligned by

our society. The civil rights of all Americans

will be in good hands with Chai Feldblum’s

continued service on the EEOC.”

Prior to her recess appointment, Feldblum

served as a professor of law at Georgetown

University Law Center. Throughout her career,

she has worked to enact protections for

some of the most stigmatized populations

in America. As legislative counsel for the

American Civil Liberties Union in the 1980s,

she worked to secure legal protections for

people with AIDS at a time when the disease

was vilified and poorly understood. Professor

Feldblum also played a leading role in the

drafting and negotiation of the Americans

with Disabilities Act of 1990.

— D.S.

Wingers boycott wingers over gays

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Several right-wing

groups including two conservative power

players say they will boycott the annual

Conservative Political Action Conference this

year due to the inclusion of a gay Republican

group. The high-profile event brings thousands

of conservatives to the nation’s capital

each February. Many groups are upset that

GOProud, a gay group that participated in the

conference last year, is being allowed to return.

The angered parties argue that allowing

a gay group to officially participate violates

conservative ideals of faith and family.

The American Principles Project started

the flap when it announced its intention to skip

CPAC because of GOProud. A number of organizations

followed suit culminating with boycott

announcements from both the Family Research

Council and Concerned Women for America.

In an interview with Salon.com, GOProud

Executive Director Jimmy LaSalvia declined

to respond directly to the groups boycotting

the conference, saying only that “CPAC is an

important event and I hope that all conservatives

will join in participating. We’re very

proud of our record, and we’ll put our conservative

credentials up against anyone.”

— D.S.


Israeli gay couples can adopt

A precedent-setting ruling last month

in the Jerusalem Family Court has blazed

a path for gays to officially adopt their

partner’s or spouse’s child, The Jerusalem

Post reports. The child in question in the

landmark case was born two years go to a

man via a surrogate mother in India. About a

year ago, the man’s partner initiated action

to adopt the child.

The two men pursued the usual adoption

process – including passing a review from a

social worker who submitted a positive recommendation

to the Jerusalem Family Court.

However, the court was hesitant to rule since

there was no precedent for this type of adoption.

After an attorney presented the men’s

case to the court, the adoption was granted.

“This is a big step for the gay, lesbian, bisexual

and transgender community in Israel,”

commented lawyer Irit Rosenblum, executive

director of New Family, an organization that

champions the rights of Israelis to marry and

build families outside the traditional system.

“However, there is still a long road to the desired

recognition, since each issue pertaining

to gay rights is decided by the courts, and not

by the legislature.”

— D.S.

info: Have news or other information Send

your press releases and updates for inclusion

in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

qomunity qonexions u

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes 17

18 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

Arts & Science Council chief speaks

Guild welcomes members, guests

Jan. 18 • Charlotte

Guild: Scott Provancher

The Charlotte Business Guild hosts Arts & Science Council President Scott Provancher. Crowne Plaza Hotel,

201 S. McDowell St. 5:30-8 p.m. $20. Includes dinner, tea, coffee and dessert. Cash bar available. For reservations

call 704-565-5075 or emailbusinessguild@yahoo.com. For more information, visit charlottebusinessguild.org.

Thru Jan. 22 • Charlotte

‘Pageant: The Musical’

Stuart Williams Productions and Theatre650,

the twisted little sister of Actor’s Theatre of

Charlotte, present “Pageant: The Musical,”

a campy musical comedy about the pitfalls

of beauty pageants. Performances held Jan.

6-22, various times and prices. For more information

or to buy tickets call 704-342-2251, ext.

21, or visit, actorstheatrecharlotte.org.

Jan. 8 • Charlotte

Hot Chocolate Social

The Charlotte Pride Band will hold a hot chocolate

social. Meet members of the band as they

kick off the second half of their 2010-11 season.

Enjoy a warm beverage, baked goodies and

mix and mingle. Lesbian & Gay Community

Center of Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11.

5:30-7 p.m. charlotteprideband.org.

On the horizon

March 5 • Charlotte

Amazing Race Bar Crawl

The Regional AIDS Interfaith Network

(RAIN) hosts their annual Amazing Race

Bar Crawl. Teams compete through a

series of bars to complete the race and

race money for RAIN and its services.


Jan. 8 • Winston-Salem

Film screening: ‘Maybe…Maybe Not’

OUT at the Movies, Winston-Salem’s GLBT

Film Series, will screen “Maybe…Maybe

Not” at the UNC School of the Arts’ ACE

Theatre Complex, 1533 S. Main St. 7 p.m. For

more information and to see the trailer, visit


Jan. 11 • Durham

TGMC open auditions

The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open

auditions for new members. The selection

process is relaxed and no prepared pieces

are required. Participants must be 18 years

old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris

St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email

membership@tgmchorus.org or visit


Jan. 14 • Durham

TASA meet and greet

TASA will hold its first meet and greet for the

Spring 2011 Season. Join in to find out about

the league and how you can become part

of TASA’s LGBT softball family. The captains

and players will be there to talk and answer

questions. The league includes co-ed, men’s

and women’s divisions; all skill levels are

welcome. Club Steel Blue, 711 Rigsbee Ave. 7

p.m. Free. trianglesoftball.com.

old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris

St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email

membership@tgmchorus.org or visit


Jan. 20-23 • Boone

NC Gay Ski Weekend

NC Mountain Boys and JustTwirl.com present

the 2011 NC Gay Ski Weekend at Blowing

Rock’s Crestwood Resort and Spa, including

JustTwirl’s SnowBall 2011 with DJ Seth Cooper.

For more information and to register or purchase

tickets visitncgayskiweekend.com.

Jan. 21 • Greensboro

One Upon a Bingo

Join Guilford Green Foundation for their first

Green Queen Bingo of 2011. The Empire Room,

203 S. Elm St. Doors open at 6 p.m. Games

begin at 7 :30 p.m. $15/general. $1-0/student or

military. ggfnc.org.

Jan. 22 • Charlotte

TOY community service

Time Out Youth hosts a community service

volunteer opportunity for youth, staff and

volunteers at Second Harvest Food Bank of

Metrolina from 9 a.m. to noon. Transportation

from the TOY offices will be available at 8:30

a.m. For more information contact Sherika

Jackson at sjackson@timeoutyouth.org.

Qqnotes events


arts. entertainment. news. views.

at 6:30 p.m. Games begin at 7:30 p.m. $20/general.

$10/students. equalitywinstonsalem.org.

Feb. 11 • Charlotte


Temple Beth El rededicates their sanctuary

during a special Shabbat service. Join the

congregation, elected officials, community

members and area religious leaders for this

special occasion at one of Charlotte’s many

LGBT-friendly religious institutions. Temple

Beth El, 5101 Providence Rd. 6:50 p.m.


Feb. 26 • Raleigh

HRC Gala

The Human Rights Campaign hosts their

North Carolina Gala at the Raleigh Convention

Center. For more information, including ticket

prices, accommodations, advertising and

sponsorship opportunities, volunteer sign-up

or awards nominations, visit hrccarolina.org.

March 25-27 • Charlotte

GayCharlotte Film Festival

The Lesbian & Gay Community Center of

Charlotte hosts its annual GayCharlotte

Film Festival. gaycharlotte.com.

May 7 • Charlotte


RAIN hosts its annual AIDS Walk.


May 14 • Raleigh


The LGBT Center of Raleigh presents its

first OutRaleigh festival at City Plaza and

Fayetteville St. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

Jan. 18 • Charlotte

Open auditions: ‘Love Labours’

Open auditions will be held for the world

premiere of “Love Labours,” an original romantic

comedy written by Edward L. Malone.

Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte,

820 Hamilton St., Suite B11. 6 p.m. For more

information on the auditions process, visit


Jan. 18 • Durham

TGMC open auditions

The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open

auditions for new members. The selection

process is relaxed and no prepared pieces

are required. Participants must be 18 years

Jan. 25 • Durham

TGMC open auditions

The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open

auditions for new members. The selection

process is relaxed and no prepared pieces

are required. Participants must be 18 years

old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris

St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email

membership@tgmchorus.org or visit


Feb. 4 • Winston-Salem

Gay Bingo

Equality Winston-Salem presents their first

gay bingo, “For the Love of Gay Bingo.”

YWCA-Gateway, 1300 S. Main St. Doors open

Jan. 8-21 . 2011 qnotes 19

20 qnotes Jan. 8-21 . 2011

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