Eulogy Guidelines

Gates Catholic Community
Holy Ghost, St. Helen & St. Jude
Office (585) 247-4322 4100 Lyell Rd., Rochester, NY 14606-4399 Fax (585) 429-5111
POLICY ON “WORDS OF REMEMBERANCE”
1.) Based on experience we normally allow only one person (in the name of all) to share
“words of remembrance” at the funeral Mass.
2.) The length of the sharing should not be longer than 3-4 minutes.
3.) So the speaker will be able to time it, we encourage the person giving the “words of
remembrance” to have the reflection written down (a single type-written page).
4.) When you arrive at the church the speaker should introduce himself or herself to a
member of the parish staff. The staff person can show the speaker where to stand and
tell you when you will be speaking so he or she can get the “feel” of the place (if possible
even say a few words into the microphone to make sure the sound can be heard by the
assembly).
Our experiences have shown us that normally when this policy is followed it increases the
quality of the “words of remembrance” for everyone (see the other side for further guidance).
So we ask your complete cooperation with this policy.
Please keep one copy of this policy and give the other copy to the person who will be
doing the “words of remembrance” at Mass.

GATES CATHOLIC COMMUNITY POLICY ON “WORDS OF REMEMBERANCE”
When we lose a loved one it is a very difficult time for family members and friends. Words
can’t adequately capture or express who this person was or all the feelings that surround our loved
one’s passing from our lives. The “words of remembrance” are a chance to try to express from our
faith how a core aspect of this person’s life reflected the values of Gospel living (sometimes this is
inadvertently referred to as a eulogy which is really the story of a whole person’s life and can be very
lengthy).
It is also important to remember that the “words of remembrance” are not an essential part of
the Church’s funeral liturgy. In fact there are dioceses in our country that do not have a place for
“word of remembrance” at any of their Funeral Masses. If the family and friends would like to have
more opportunities to speak, those dioceses recommend that in place of doing this presentation at
the funeral Mass that instead a sharing be done at the funeral home at the end of calling hours or at
the committal service at the cemetery (weather permitting) or at the reception after the cemetery or
even placed as a written printed page inserted in a funeral booklet (example available). If there are
younger members of the family that want to share about their loved one, these informal and smaller
settings makes it much easier for them to speak. Also more people can share and do it in a more
leisurely way at the reception. In addition, those who come to the funeral Mass have often made a
sacrifice to be at this liturgy and have to get back to work or to some other appointment. If these
guidelines are followed they will be able to fulfill their commitments in a timely manner, as well as
those cemetery workers waiting at the cemetery or those waiting to serve the family at the reception
will not be unnecessarily inconvenienced. Reasonable brevity is one of the kindest and most
appreciated considerations that you can give them.
Encourage the person who is going to speak (because of the time limitation) not tell a long
story or several short stories. Experience shows that long stories are often best saved for later in a
setting like at the funeral reception. Please let the speaker know that he/she doesn’t have to tell
everything there is to know about the person; rather encourage the presenter to pick one theme or
quality and focus on it. Stress the importance of being tactful. Please let the speaker know that for
this communal gathering in Church it is not suitable either to tell inside jokes that will not be
understood by some or off color ones that are not appropriate to this sacred occasion. A touch of
humor may be helpful if done with respect and sensitivity.
Hopefully the person will ask God for help in what to say at this sacred occasion. On a practical
level, encourage the person giving the “words of remembrance” to have the entire reflection written
down (so you will be able to time it). This allows the person to organize his or her thoughts, rehearse
it before others, and if desired, give a copy to the family and friends.
Finally, realizing that this family member or friend who might be chosen to give the “words of
remembrance” is also dealing with their own grief let your loved one or friend know that they don’t
have to accept this responsibility, if they do not feel emotionally or otherwise able to deliver the
“words of remembrance.” If they do choose to undertake this, encourage them to follow these
guidelines.