Mind Chatter #165 (October, 2006) (PDF) - Centerpoint Research ...

INCLUDES: 

THIS MONTH’S 

MINDQUOTES 

GLOWING 

TESTIMONIAL 

OF THE MONTH 

SPECIAL 

ANNOUNCEMENTS 

ISSUE #165 OCTOBER 2006 

FEATURE ARTICLE 

HOW TO END 

SUFFERING 

BY BILL HARRIS 

BOOK REVIEW 

GAMES PEOPLE PLAY 

BY ERIC BERNE, M.D. 

REVIEW BY MARC GILSON

OCTOBER 2006 

Welcome to Issue #165 of MIND CHATTER 

Mind Chatter is published once a month, 

on or about the 16th of each month. 

Please send Mind Chatter to a friend, and please send us 

your questions, comments, and suggestions. 

03 MINDQUOTES 

Short quotes from various sources 

offering succinct nuggets of wisdom 

04 RECOMMENDATIONS 

A few recommendations to benefit you 

07 ANNOUNCEMENTS 

Important Centerpointe Announcements 

08 HOW TO END SUFFERING 

By Bill Harris, Director 

15 Q&A SECTION 

Bill answers participant questions! 

17 BOOK REVIEW 

Games People Play 

by Eric Berne, M.D. 

Review by Marc Gilson 

MIND CHATTER contains articles about: 

2 MINDCHATTER October 2006 

» 

» 

» 

» 

» 

How you create your life—and how you 

can stop unconsciously creating 

experiences and outcomes you do not 

want, and instead begin to create 

exactly what you do want 

Personal and spiritual growth in general 

Meditation (high- and low-tech) 

Recovery from emotional trauma 

Pretty much any other subject I get 

excited about and want to write about. 

After all, it’s my company and my 

newsletter, and I can do whatever 

I want with it. So there.

MINDQUOTES 

One does evil enough when 

one does nothing good. 

Your vision will become clear 

only when you look into your 

heart. Who looks outside, 

dreams. Who looks inside, 

awakens. 

—Carl Jung 

—German Proverb 

There are times when a man 

should be content with what 

he has but never with what 

he is. 

When a man finds no peace 

within himself, it is useless to 

seek it elsewhere. 

—William George Jordan 

—L. A. Rouchefolicauld 

MINDCHATTER October 2006 

3

Recommendations that may benefit you 

» BY BILL HARRIS 

Live long and prosper! 

Unless youve been living in a cave lately, 

you must have seen some of the recent news about 

the health benefits of meditation. 

IT’S EVERYWHERE... 

An article published in the American Heart Association 

journal, Stroke, recently reported that meditation can 

reduce cholesterol buildup and the associated risk of heart 

attack and stroke. 

And another study of the elderly found that meditation 

actually added years to their lives. 

The National Institutes of Health reports that regular 

meditation reduces chronic pain, anxiety, high blood pressure, 

cholesterol, and cortisol (sometimes called the “stress 

hormone”) production. 

A University of Wisconsin-Madison study discovered 

meditation boosts brain function and the immune system. 

A recent issue of the American Journal of Hypertension 

featured the results of a study showing a significant lowering 

of blood pressure in a group of meditators compared 

to a control group of people who didn’t meditate. The 

study also reported a 23% decrease in usage of antihypertensive 

drugs between the group of meditators and the 

other group. 

A Harvard study also concluded that regular meditation 

can reduce pain, lower blood pressure, and cut production 

of the stress hormone, cortisol. 

The most recent study by The American Heart Association 

shows heart and artery health improved 69 percent in 

test groups practicing meditation. 

AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. 

Practically every time you turn around there’s another 

study documenting and supporting fantastic health and 

wellness benefits of meditation. 

So, what’s the quickest way to actually achieve these 

amazing benefits 

If there’s a downside to meditation it’s this... Traditional 

meditation can take years, even decades to master. 

THE HOLOSYNC SOLUTION CHANGES ALL THAT. 

Holosync uses advanced scientific technology to induce 

deep states of meditation virtually at the push of a button. 

Most regular users of Holosync report fabulous results in 

weeks rather than years. 

Try Holosync for yourself—for FREE! 

Visit http://www.centerpointe.com/ to get a FREE 

Holosync demo CD so you can see for yourself how this 

powerful technology can improve your life. 

Here’s an even better idea. Go ahead and order Awakening 

Prologue (the first level of The Holosync Solution) and 

get started with the real thing. 

With our One-Year 100% Iron-Clad Guarantee, you 

can do so with no risk whatsoever. 

Use Holosync for up to a full year and enjoy all the powerful 

and lasting benefits this kind of meditation brings 

you. And if you decide that Holosync isn’t everything we 

promise, simply let us know and you can return it for a 

full refund. It’s just that simple. 

If you have any interest at all in increased health and 

vigor, increased longevity, lower blood pressure, peace of 

mind, and all the other great benefits of meditation, at 

least give Holosync a try. 

Remember you can get a FREE demo CD by going to 

http://www.centerpointe.com/ 

And to learn all about the science behind Holosync, 

check out our extensive articles section here: 

http://www.centerpointe.com/about/articles.php 

4 MINDCHATTER October 2006



Would you have lunch 

with me next week 

I’d like you to join me in Boulder, Colorado next week 

for an amazing learning experience. In addition to what 

you’ll learn, I want to meet you in person...and even have 

a meal with you. 

But the real benefit of joining me in Boulder will be 

what you’ll learn about yourself and other people, about 

your own development as a human being, and about how 

the world works. 

You’ll learn an elegant and effective new way of seeing 

society, the craziness of the world situation... 

...AND, YOUR OWN GROWTH PROCESS 

This “new way” of seeing things will give you an incredible 

clarity about where you are, how and why you’re creating 

your life the way you are, and what to do next. 

When I learned this information, and began to apply it 

to my life, it changed everything. 

I know it will do the same for you. 

You’ll learn WHY people behave the way they do (in 

fact, why YOU behave the way you do). You’ll learn why 

certain things are crucially important to you, while at the 

same time, for some inexplicable reason... 

...SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SEEMS 

TO BE IMPORTANT TO OTHER PEOPLE! 

Bottom line, you’ll learn what many people believe to 

be the most clear and elegant model of human development 

ever conceived. I know that when I learned this 

model, it completely changed the way I see everything in 

my life, inside and out. 

I’ve written before about Spiral Dynamics, a developmental 

theory of values that explains so much about life, 

both societal and personal. I know you will benefit by 

knowing about Spiral Dynamics and understanding how it 

affects your life. In fact, a lot of what the great philosopher 

and writer Ken Wilber teaches is based on Spiral Dynamics 

and other similar developmental models. 

Though I will speak extensively (info below) this is 

your chance to learn about Spiral Dynamics from Dr. 

Don Beck, the master of Spiral Dynamics. After Dr. Beck 

teaches you the basics, I will speak about the connection 

between Spiral Dynamics and Holosync, enlightenment, 

mastery of your mind and what you create with it, and... 

...THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL 

DEVELOPMENT IN GENERAL 

What Dr. Beck and I will say will give you a new clarity 

about yourself and what you are going through in your 

growth. You’ll see things in a whole new way, and will 

develop a new clarity about your life, what it means, where 

you’re going, and what to do next. 

Best of all, I’ve convinced Dr. Beck to give anyone from 

Centerpointe a HUGE discount for this training. But first, 

let me tell you a little bit about what you’ll learn: 

UNDERSTANDING SPIRAL DYNAMICS 

WILL ALLOW YOU TO: 

* Determine the most highly valued criteria of an individual 

or social group (if you know what is important 

to others, you can better connect with them, persuade 

them, or help them,)... 

* Know what drives their thinking and behavior (again, 

allowing you to be more effective in dealing with them)... 

* Know how to communicate with other people, 

manage them, help them, or defend yourself from them 

* Understand your own motives, actions, and personal 


5

Have lunch with me continued... 

evolution (the more you are 

aware of why you are doing 

things, the faster you will grow, 

and the more you will be in 

charge of creating what you 

want)... 

* Understand the real driving 

force between national 

and international conflicts 

that seem to be about religion, 

class, gender, politics, economics, 

nationalism, and other common distinctions 

(suddenly the muddled and complex world 

situation will make perfect sense to you)... 

* Understand why current attempts to solve these 

problems don’t work and what really needs to be 

done to resolve them. 

The Spiral Dynamics Integral Level One Certification 

Course, taught by Dr. Beck, is October 23-25. That will be 

followed by my part of the program, The Spiral Dynamics 

Level Two Personal Emergence Certification Course, of 

which I will teach one and a half days (there will be at least 

one other presenter). 

There’s more to tell than I have room for here, but I will 

tell you this: this training will blow your mind. 

Please, if you have any interest in Spiral Dynamics, or 

any interest in hearing how Spiral Dynamics and Holosync 

fit together, please... 

There’s much more I could tell you about what you’ll 

learn, but the Spiral Dynamics people have put it all in a 

web site for you. You can find out more by going to 

http://www.spiraldynamics.net/SDiBoulder/index.shtml 

Go check it out, and then sign up. Once you decide to 

attend, just download the registration 

form on the web page above, and return 

it to any of the addresses on the form 

(email attachment, fax, or regular mail). 

Be sure to write on the form that you 

are with Centerpointe... 

...SO YOU CAN GET YOUR 

DISCOUNT 

When I arrive, we’ll get together and 

decide when and where we can meet as a 

group and have a meal together. 

This is going to be a very exciting event, and I look 

forward to seeing you there. Please, right now, while you’re 

thinking about it, check out the web site and register. The 

number of seats is limited, especially at this price, so please 

sign up today. 

I look forward to our lunch together. 

Be well. 

...FIGURE OUT A WAY TO BE THERE 

So, how big is the discount Dr. Beck is offering, you ask 

Other attendees will be paying $995 for the first 3-days of 

the training, and $850.00 for the second 3 days--$1845.00 

total. If these other people attend both parts, they pay 

$1,600.00--a bit of a discount. 

You, however, as a Centerpointe participant, receive a 

much better deal. If you attend both the Level One Certification 

and the Level Two Emergence Certification, you 

can attend both parts... 

...FOR JUST $1200! 

And, as I said, while you’re there, I was thinking that 

we’d get all the Centerpointe attendees together and go out 

to lunch or dinner together so we can talk about what WE 

like to talk about, and get to know each other better. 

PS: Even if you don’t think you can go, please go check 

out the link: http://www.spiraldynamics.net/SDiBoulder/ 

index.shtml 

Find out more: 

http://www.spiraldynamics.net/ 

SDiBoulder/index.shtml 




Michael Stillwater Launches 

International Power of Song Tour 

Award-winning singer/songwriter Michael Stillwater (winner of the John Lennon songwriting contest) is a key staff member 

for Centerpointe’s twice-yearly retreats and one of the most talented songwriters and performers on the planet (really). This 

month, Michael launches his Power of Song Tour as an opportunity to inspire individuals and communities in the healing 

power of music and spirit. 

Because I’ve seen Michael in action for the past twelve years at Centerpointe retreats, I can tell you that his music is 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The P o w e r 

of S o n g Tour 

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn/Winter Schedule 

Oct. 15 Asheville, NC Jubilee Community 

Oct. 22 Asheville, NC Unity Center 

Nov. 1 Seattle, WA Unity of Seattle 

Nov. 5 Portland, OR (see website) 

Nov. 10-12 Santa Cruz, CA Pacific Cultural Center 

Nov. 17-18 Auburn, CA Ahmbiance Center 

Nov 19 Petaluma, CA The Barn 

Nov. 24 Encinitas, CA (see website) 

Nov. 25-26 San Diego, CA MidTown Community 

Dec. 3 Ojai, CA SoulCenter 

Dec. 9-10 Pasadena, CA Celebration of Oneness 

Dec. 12 Zurich Grossmunster Cathedral 

 

 

 

 

spellbinging (not to mention 

entrancing, heart-opening, and 

awe-inspiring). In fact, at the retreats 

he composes songs on the spot that 

sound as if they took months to 

create. He has the ability to help 

people touch the deepest parts of 

themselves with his music and his 

presence. Ram Dass called Michael’s 

music “a touch of grace.” 

Tour dates span October to 

December 2006 and hit locations 

including North Carolina, 

Washington, Oregon, Northern and 

Southern California, and Switzerland. 

Hightlights of the tour include 

“ChantWave,” “SoulVoice: Release 

the Power of Your Voice,” and “The 

Art of Presence.” 

One notable stop along Michael’s 

tour is the Oceans of Gratitude 

Carribean Cruise sponsored by the 

group Go Gratitude. Other speakers 

include Dr. Masaru Emoto (Hidden 

Messages in Water) and Mary Manin 

Morrissey (Building Your Field of 

Dreams). 

For a detailed look at when Michael 

will bring the healing power of song 

to your neighborhood, go to: 

http://www.innerharmony.com/ 

schedule.htm. 


7

Important Announcements 


Centerpointe Returns to Glen Ivy 

for Spring 2007 Retreat 

Though spaces filled quickly for Centerpointes Fall retreat, 

there are still spots open for the Spring retreat at Glen Ivy 

Hot Springs and Spa in Corona, California 

If you have a big issue you’d like to 

resolve, if you’re in a transition period 

in your life and you just can’t seem to 

complete it, or if you just want to take 

things to a higher level—one where you 

understand more completely how you’re 

creating your life—please, do yourself a 

favor and come spend a week with me 

at Glen Ivy Hot Springs and Spa. 

I promise that you’ll have an 

incredible experience you’ll never 

forget. 

I tell people they’ll receive six months 

of growth in just 5 days at these 

retreats, but they keep improving every 

time, and people now tell me they’ve 

received much more than that. 

I tailor each retreat to the needs of 

the specific people who attend (which 

means YOU). My goal is to help you 

see the ways you may be unconsciously 

and unintentionally creating your 

internal and external reality, and how 

easy it actually is to consciously and 

intentionally create the life you want, 

both inside and out. 

This is your chance to make a 

big change, and to work with me 

personally. 

So visit this URL for more 

information: 

www.centerpointe.com/retreats 

And, I guarantee results! Here’s the 

guarantee: Attend the entire retreat. 

If by the end of the retreat you don’t 

think it was the most incredible growth 

experience you’ve ever had, just see me 

before you leave, and I’ll refund your 

tuition. 

You do not need to be a program 

participant to attend (though most 

people who attend are). (And if you’re 

not a program participant, why the 

heck aren’t you Quit procrastinating 

and join.) 

Visit this URL for more information: 

www.centerpointe.com/retreats 

Or, you can call retreat coordinator 

Katie Sparks at 503-906-6027 to learn 

more about Centerpointe’s retreats. 

“So much more than I expected...Clear, concise, well-planned. Exceptionally 

qualified leaders and staff. The greatest investment I have ever made. I have 

attended many retreats and self-help studies. For 30 years I have studied 

human behavior. I have never received this much information and this 

amount of personal change in my life.” 

—Kerry 


Feature Article 

HOW TO END 

SUFFERING 

BY BILL HARRIS, DIRECTOR 

Over the last few months I’ve talked a lot 

about the question of who you really are. I’ve 

made a case that the separate self you’ve always 

thought of as being you is an illusion, and that 

the real you is nothing less than the entire going 

on of it all, that it’s all one big process, and 

you’re it. The separate self is a handy creation of 

the mind, but when you forget that you made 

it up and begin to think it’s real, there are a 

number of consequences, most of which are 

unpleasant. 

As long as you have a mind, it’s going to do what minds 

do. It’s going to create a map for you, and that map 

includes a map of who you are. In making that map, your 

mind is going to create thoughts and feelings and it’s going 

to arbitrarily divide the world into separate events and 

separate things. It’s also going to name those supposedly 

separate things and events, or create symbols of abstract 

ideas that represent them. Then, unfortunately, we forget 

that those names and symbols are not the same as what 

they represent. 

Your mind, then, creates an alternate reality, what’s 

really a map of reality. If you forget that it’s just a map, 

you become lost in it, lost in this alternate reality—made 

up of ideas, concepts, and symbols—created by the mind. 

Now that you do know about it, however, you have some 

choices to make. So, assuming you’re willing to do the 

work to get to the point where you can see the mind 

and what it creates for what it really is, and tap into the 

no-mind world, where you see the world, and yourself, 

without seeing it through the filter of the mind—what can 

you do 

A great deal of what I teach is about how to operate 

in the world of the mind and how to direct what the 

mind creates, instead of just experiencing what the mind 

automatically creates. Once you have some facility in 

directing the mind, it’s time to consider the bigger reality 

beyond that created by the mind—and to explore how to 

operate in both arenas simultaneously. 

In Eastern philosophy, there are whole schools of yoga 

dedicated to developing what are called sidhis, or powers. 

These powers are the result of learning how to direct the 

power of the mind—which is a quite substantial power— 

and in a sense this is what my first online course, The 


9

How to End Suffering continued... 

Internal Map of Reality Expander, is about. 

Once you learn how to direct the mind, and clearly see 

how the mind creates your reality, it hits you that if the 

mind can be directed in such a way that it can create an 

infinite number of possible realities, then what is being 

created can’t be THE reality. What, then, is THE reality 

What, you begin to wonder, is behind, and fundamental 

to, all the possible realities created by the mind 

At this point you might begin to realize that if you 

could get the mind out of the way, perhaps you could see 

what is behind it. My method for this is meditation, and 

particularly Holosync® meditation, but this is, of course, 

not the only way to accomplish this. Personally, having 

tried most of them, I think Holosync is more powerful 

and also faster, but that’s just me. 

In addition, most of these methods, including Holosync, 

have many other benefits that affect the world created by 

the mind, such as improved mental health, better mental 

abilities, greater well-being, and so on. 

If you haven’t done the work involved to find out how 

your mind creates your reality, or the work involved 

to quiet the mind so as to look beyond it, then a lot of 

this is just theory. But as you do the work, you begin to 

understand, on an experiential level, the truth of what I’m 

saying. 

(By the way, as you study spiritual principles, please 

don’t believe anything anyone else tells you. Instead, FIND 

OUT for yourself by doing the necessary spiritual practice. 

Knowing intellectually does you no good. You must eat 

the strawberry to know how it tastes.) 

This leads me to what I call my Nine Principles for 

Conscious Living, a description of how to live in the world 

of the mind, while also being aware of the no-mind reality. 

For the next several articles, I’m going to take you through 

these Nine Principles in great depth. 

These principles are, in a way, like different facets of 

the same diamond, different ways of coming at the same 

thing from different perspectives. You’ll see how each 

principle seems to flow into the next one, and how they’re 

simultaneously the same principle, yet also different. Those 

of you who’ve been to a Centerpointe retreat, or who have 

heard my talks on CD from a Centerpointe retreat have 

had an introduction to these principles, but now we’re 

going to go into them much more deeply. 

The first principle is Let Whatever Happens Be 

Okay. If you can get this one, pretty much everything 

falls into place. However, there are a lot of ways people 

misunderstand Let Whatever Happens Be Okay, and most 

of them have to do with not understanding what I’ve been 

telling you over the last several articles—one reason why 

I’ve given you so much background before actually getting 

to these principles. 

THE THREE RULES 

There are three main rules that govern the world 

created by the mind. (Remember that the world created 

by the mind is a map of the “real” world, and as such it 

is a conceptual skeleton of the real world. Still, if used 

properly, this map can be very powerful and very useful.) 

The first rule is that all things created by the mind exist in 

time and therefore change and eventually pass away. In the 

world of the mind, even if you get what you want, you 

can’t hang onto it, because everything is always changing, 

coming into being and passing away. 

The second rule is that sometimes you don’t get what you 

want. And the third rule is that sometimes you get what you 

don’t want. 

These three rules are behind all suffering you create for 

yourself. They are another way of saying something I’ve 

said before—that there are consequences to creating a 

reality that denies the interconnectedness of everything 

and, instead, arbitrarily divides everything into separate 

things and events. 

Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is one of two 

possible ways to approach these rules. Let’s look at the 

other way first. The other way is to resist these three rules, 

to fight against them. In previous articles I’ve called this 

way The Game of Black and White. Approaching life in this 

way means that when things change, as they always do in 

the world of the mind, or, when you get what you don’t 

want or don’t get what you do want, you don’t like it, and 

you resist. 

Of course if you knew that you were making up all those 

separate things and events, and that you were already the 

entire universe, the entire going on of it all, none of this 

would be necessary. 

But because you make up a world of separation, and 

because you resist what happens in that kind of world, you 

experience certain unpleasant emotions, and sometimes 

certain unpleasant physical symptoms. 

Sometimes you feel pushed to behave in certain ways, 

often with unpleasant consequences. You get angry, you 

become stressed, you become anxious, you become fearful. 

In some way, you’re attached to things being different 

than they really are, and you show it. This is like beating 

your head against a wall. Some aspect of the reality you’re 

creating is a certain way, but you want it to be different 



than it is, and you fume and fuss and suffer over the fact 

that it is what it is. 

The second method is to Let Whatever Happens Be 

Okay. In this method, you may prefer that things not 

change and pass away. You may prefer that you not get 

what you don’t want. You may prefer that you don’t fail to 

get what you do want. But when one of these three things 

happens (and they will) you don’t emotionally resist. You 

might take action to change what’s happening, or to keep 

it the same, if that’s possible, but you’re unattached to the 

outcome. 

INNER DIRECTED, OR OUTER DIRECTED 

In the first method, your internal feeling state, your 

happiness, your inner peace, are dependent on the 

outcome turning out a certain way. When you let 

whatever happens be okay, however, your internal state, 

your happiness and inner peace, are independent of the 

outcome, even though you may be taking action in order 

to create the outcome you want. 

One key to letting whatever happens be okay, then, is 

the decision that your state be inner-directed versus outerdirected, 

that you be in charge of whether or not your 

happiness and inner peace are tied to outer circumstances, 

or you decide to remain solidly peaceful and happy, 

regardless of what happens. 

This decision is independent of whether you do 

something to try to make things go the way you want, or 

just passively sit back and don’t do anything to influence 

events. Either way, you’ve already decided, “whatever 

happens, I remain happy and peaceful.” 

Buddhists have an interesting way of conveying this 

same idea. It’s said that when Buddha sat under the Bodhi 

tree and became enlightened, he then went to the Deer 

Park near Beneres and began to teach what he’d learned to 

the other ascetics he’d previously been hanging out with. 

These ascetics were serious meditators who were part of a 

tradition of detaching from the world of the mind through 

a process of asceticism, of depriving the body of food, 

shelter, sleep, or much of anything else, and the mind of 

any sort of stimulation. Buddha, after his enlightenment 

experience, thought there was an easier way, and began 

to teach them what have come to be known as The Four 

Noble Truths. 

WHY YOU SUFFER 

The first Noble Truth is a good one: all life is suffering— 

that is, when lived in a certain way. In fact, I already told 

you about the first Noble Truth when I told you the three 

rules of the world created by the mind: that all things are 

in time and eventually pass away, that you sometimes don’t 

get what you want, and that you sometimes get what you 

don’t want. 

These are the reasons why people who are caught in 

the world of the mind suffer. If you don’t get what you 

want, and you resist that this has happened, you suffer. If 

you get what you don’t want, and resist it, you also suffer. 

And even if you do get what you want, since everything 

changes and ultimately passes away, you suffer over 

that—if you resist. 

So what exactly is resistance Since resistance is 

something you do, what exactly are you doing when you 

resist Resistance is nothing more than making internal 

representations of what you do not want. This is the “how” 

of resistance. When you resist, you make internal pictures 

of, have internal dialog about, or in some other way make 

a mental representation of what you do not want. 

And, whenever you do this, you feel bad in some 

way—in other words, you suffer. 

So the first Noble Truth is an encapsulated description 

of why humans suffer. If you don’t get Employee of the 

Month (i.e., you don’t get what you want), and you resist, 

you suffer. If you get fired as an employee (you get what 

you don’t want), and you resist that, you suffer. And even 

if you get Employee of the Month and lunch with the 

boss, next month it will be over, and if you resist that this, 

like all things, will pass away, you also suffer. 

The second Noble Truth speaks to the cause of 

suffering—that suffering is caused by clinging, or 

attachment. The other side of the coin is true, as well, 

that resistance or aversion causes suffering. In other 

words, wanting something you can’t have or not wanting 

something you do have are both the same thing, and both 

lead to suffering. 

Either way, you’re making internal representations of 

what you do not want. (Notice, by the way, that you must 

adopt the perspective of being separate in order to either 

cling to or not want something that seems to be outside of 

you.) 

ACT WITHOUT ATTACHMENT 

Again, clinging, resistance, and attachment are all 

descriptions of the emotional response you create and 

experience when you make internal representations of 

what you don’t want—what the Buddhists describe as 

clinging (or it’s polar opposite, aversion). 

You can, however, take action without clinging to, or 

being resistant to, the outcome. Having a preference might 


11


motivate you to act, but to do so in a way that doesn’t 

involve suffering (in other words, that doesn’t involve 

making internal representations of what you don’t want). 

I’ll make this distinction more clear in a moment. The 

second Noble Truth, then, is that the cause of suffering is 

attachment, clinging, resistance. 

The third Noble Truth states that suffering can be 

ended by giving up attachment. In a way, the principle of 

Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is a statement of the 

third Noble Truth: if you let whatever happens be okay, 

if you are not attached to the outcome (or averse to the 

outcome), you don’t suffer. 

Let’s look at this third Noble Truth a little more closely. 

The third Noble Truth very clearly implies that suffering 

does not come from your circumstances; it comes from 

your clinging to circumstances being a certain way. 

This is a very weird idea to most people, because it 

really does look as if circumstances cause your feelings and 

reactions. Recall, however, my discussion of your Internal 

Map of Reality, where information comes in through 

your senses (i.e., you have an experience), you filter it in 

various ways (deleting, distorting, and generalizing what 

comes in), and then make an internal representation with 

whatever is left over. 

These internal representations directly lead to your 

internal states and your behaviors, and these lead to 

your results in life. Most people are aware of the original 

sensory experience, and then the resulting internal state or 

behavior. Everything in between (the filtering, the making 

of internal representations, and the resulting generation of 

internal states and external behaviors) happens out of most 

people’s awareness. 

Since this entire creative process is invisible to most 

people, it looks as if the outside event causes the state or 

behavior. In reality, how the brain processes the outside event 

creates your internal states and your behaviors. If your 

processing involves clinging or resistance (making internal 

representations of what you don’t want), you create 

suffering. 

IT’S NOT THE CIRCUMSTANCES, 

IT’S THE PROCESS 

Let’s say we have a factory. The raw materials—wood 

for instance—go in one door, and later, the completed 

products—let’s say, picnic tables—come out the other end. 

You’re watching from a hill overlooking the factory, and you 

see the wood going in one end, and the picnic tables coming 

out the other. The actual factory, however, is hidden by 

trees and what happens inside is invisible to you. You might 

think, then, that the wood somehow caused the picnic 

tables, even though it’s what went on inside the factory that 

caused the wood to become picnic tables. If the process 

inside the factory had been different the wood might have 

become doors, or porch swings, or baseball bats. 

So it’s how circumstances are processed in your mind that 

creates how you feel and behave in each moment. If you 

process experiences by clinging or resisting, you create 

suffering. If, like most people, the processing going on 

in your Internal Map of Reality is unconscious, if your 

internal processes are invisible to you, you’ll create the 

impression that circumstances caused your suffering (called 

“being a victim”). 

When Buddha says that suffering is caused by 

attachment, clinging (or resistance), he’s saying that when 

you process outside events in a certain way, you suffer. 

When you process outside events by resisting the fact that 

what is will eventually pass away, or by not wanting things 

to be the way they are, you suffer. 

Furthermore, if you give up clinging, attachment, and 

resistance, if you process what comes in through your 

senses in a different way, you end suffering. 

Be very clear, though, that suffering does not come from 

what is being resisted or by what you are attached to or 

resist—even though it might look that way—but rather 

from the resistance or the attachment itself. 

This is a key point. It means that no matter what the 

situation, you can process what is going on in a way that 

avoids suffering. 

“BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE!” 

Most people, though, make the assumption that certain 

situations are inherently suffering-inducing, and that there’s 

nothing you can do about it. If you have physical pain, 

they say, you have no choice but to resist it, and no choice 

but to suffer. If your child dies, you have no choice but to 

be attached to your child remaining alive, and no choice 

but to suffer. When you come to the end of your own 

life, you have no choice but to be attached to life, to resist 

death, and to suffer over the fact that death is coming. 

Please do not misunderstand. I’m not saying that it 

isn’t normal to grieve when a loved one dies, or that it 

isn’t “okay” to do so. Of course it is. What I am saying, 

however, is that whatever suffering you experience in such 

a situation is a choice, and that choice is created by what 

you do inside, not by the situation itself. 

You certainly might choose (assuming you are choosing, 

rather than just responding automatically) to grieve and 

feel bad. If one of my children died, I suspect I would 



grieve and feel bad for a time. However, I would also 

acknowledge that I am choosing to do this, and that 

another choice is available. And perhaps it’s possible to 

grieve without resistance, without attachment. 

Let’s look at this more closely. If you have physical pain, 

you have a choice. You can resist it, or let it be okay. The 

sensation of pain will be there either way, but the suffering 

is there only if you resist. 

THREE KINDS OF INTENSITY 

Pain is a type of kinesthetic intensity. But there are three 

kinds of intensity: positive intensity, the kind you like, as 

with an orgasm, for instance; negative intensity, the kind 

you don’t like, as with physical pain; and neutral intensity, 

where the experience is intense, but you don’t see it as 

either positive or negative (remember that the dividing line 

between all polar opposites, including positive or negative, 

is arbitrary, and that nothing is intrinsically positive or 

negative). 

So what is neutral intensity It’s what happens when 

something is intense and you neither cling to it nor resist 

it. Instead you take the perspective of the neutral watcher, 

what I call witnessing—something we’ll look at in great 

depth in a later article. 

There is, then, a tendency to cling to things that 

the mind sees as having positive intensity—to cling to 

pleasure—and to resist things that the mind sees as having 

negative intensity—to resist pain. In both cases, there 

could be suffering. With positive intensity, we might 

mourn the fact that the pleasure eventually ends. We make 

internal representations of what we don’t want (losing the 

pleasure), and this generates an unpleasant internal state. 

With negative intensity, we suffer because we resist it, 

again by making internal representations of what we don’t 

want, which again generates an unpleasant internal state. 

Try this the next time you’re in pain: watch the pain, 

without any agenda to make it stop, but just allowing it 

and being curious about the sensation. Instead of resisting, 

just watch. You will find that it will still be intense, but the 

intensity will not be the same as when you were resisting 

it. To the degree you can do this, suffering diminishes. 

You may not believe that this is possible, but it is. There 

was a very famous saint named Sri Ramakrishna, who 

died in about 1880. He was a wonderful, amazing being, 

but he’s probably remembered mostly because one of his 

followers, Swami Vivekananda, was the first Easterner to 

bring yoga and Eastern spirituality to the West. 

What’s interesting about Sri Ramakrishna in terms 

of this discussion is that he died of throat cancer. This 

was before the age of pain medication and modern 

medical care, and he was in India, too, where the level 

of medical care, even at 1880 standards probably wasn’t 

very advanced. As he reached the last stages of his illness, 

his followers noted that he was, as usual, blissed-out and 

happy—in fact, radiantly so. 

Ramakrishna was asked a number of times if there was 

pain, and he said that, yes, there certainly was, and that, in 

fact, it was very intense pain, as you might imagine. But 

he was not resisting it. He was established in the watcher 

state, this state of unity consciousness, where he was seeing 

everything as a play. The throat cancer was what was 

happening to his character, but the actor, however, the real 

Ramakrishna, was the one energy of the entire universe. 

That Ramakrishna was much more than his human body, 

and nothing could harm that Ramakrishna. 

So I offer this as an example of making pain into a 

neutral thing. And the secret to this is how you process 

what happens through your Internal Map of Reality, 

whether when you have pain you focus on what you want 

or what you don’t want. 

You might say, “Well, yes, he was an enlightened saint. 

I’m just an average person.” I have used this same method 

myself, though, and it works. I have used it at the dentist, 

and the more I watched the pain sensation with awareness 

and curiosity, the more the suffering dissolved. 

If your body is in pain, and you focus on “I’ve got 

to make this pain stop,” you have to make internal 

representations of “pain.” By focusing on pain, you 

create more pain, or at least more intensity of pain. If 

you focus on feeling good, your brain figures out a way 

to help you get it, which might be more pain-relieving 

neurochemicals, or it might be something else. 

Remember that the key here is that your brain cannot 

tell what your intention is. If you are focusing on 

something—which, remember, means making an internal 

representation of it—you brain always assumes you want it 

and that it should figure out how to create it. 

With a little practice, you can develop the ability to 

watch what is happening from the perspective of the 

witness, to watch without any agenda, to just watch with 

curiosity. When we have an unpleasant sensation, whether 

physical or emotional, we generally leap right to “I’ve 

got to make this stop.” We instantly begin to resist. This 

intensifies whatever it is we’re feeling. 

CURIOSITY IS YOUR FRIEND 

But what if you really were curious about what was 

happening You’ve probably never really watched yourself 


13


be angry, for instance, or watched yourself be anxious, 

or watched any other unpleasant state, in order to really 

notice what happens. Instead, you become lost in the 

feeling. 

Aren’t you just a little bit curious to know what is going 

on when you have these feelings 

When I was about 30, I had a girlfriend who used to 

spend the night from time to time. We once got into 

a ridiculous fight in the middle of the night over the 

blankets and who had more of them. The whole thing 

was very childish and we both ended up extremely angry. 

I finally went and sat in the living room all by myself, at 

about 3 AM, fuming. 

I’d been learning about what I now call witnessing, 

and after 20 minutes of sitting there consumed by my 

anger, I decided I would watch the anger instead of being 

immersed in resisting it. I tuned into my body, and 

noticed where I was feeling it, and just paid attention to 

the sensation. 

I also noticed the thoughts going through my mind. 

Emotions are really nothing more than sensations in your 

body, accompanied by certain thoughts, but I’d never 

really thought about it that way until that moment. 

This time, I allowed a part of me to sit back and notice 

all of this from an outside perspective. I notice how the 

thoughts happened, how they changed, and how that 

affected the way I felt. I noticed how the feelings in my 

body happened, where they were in my body, and how 

they changed and moved. To my surprise, I became 

fascinated by the whole thing. And, the next thing I knew, 

I noticed that the discomfort, the anger—everything—was 

gone. 

It was very obvious to me that the suffering I was 

experiencing was caused by my resistance, my clinging to 

my girlfriend being a certain way. And, I discovered that I 

couldn’t resist and watch at the same time. When I shifted 

to the perspective of the watcher, the resistance, and the 

suffering that it caused, fell away. 

YOU CAN’T WATCH AND RESIST 

AT THE SAME TIME 

There are a number of things at work here. One is what 

I just said: you can’t watch and resist at the same time. You 

can either watch or be attached, but not both. If you start 

to watch yourself being attached, to the degree that you 

really adopt the watcher perspective, the attachment falls 

away. 

Why does this happen Because resistance doesn’t serve 

you. It isn’t resourceful, and you can only do something 

that doesn’t serve you if you do it unconsciously. Watching 

is being conscious, so when you do something that doesn’t 

serve you consciously, with awareness, you find you can’t 

keep doing it. 

When I teach the principle of Let Whatever Happens Be 

Okay, the most typical response I get is that certain things 

are impossible to let be okay. If a person is dying, or their 

child is dying, or if a person is going deaf, or something 

“really bad” is happening, it isn’t reasonable to expect a 

person to let that be okay. 

My response is that I’m not telling anyone what to 

do, or what is reasonable to do, or what is easy to do. 

I’m simply saying that in any situation, to the degree 

you are able to emotionally let what is happening, or has 

happened, be okay, you avoid suffering. 

To the degree you’re attached to things being different 

than they are, to the degree that you make internal 

representations at such times of what you don’t want, you 

suffer. This is simply a natural law. Suffering is caused 

by clinging or resistance, and if you stop clinging and 

resisting, you end suffering. With practice, with intention, 

and with increased conscious awareness, you can do this. 

It’s a choice. 

If your child is dying, which has to be one of the most 

dreadful situations anyone could face, you may lose your 

child. That this consequence exists is part of the situation, 

and there’s no getting around it. If you add your resistance 

to the situation, though, you compound the consequences, 

because now you are adding the consequences of resistance 

to the consequences already built in to the situation. In 

any situation, there are consequences, and when you 

cling to that situation being a certain way, you add more 

consequences, and these consequences almost always 

involve suffering. 

Even in what you might consider a “good” situation, if 

you’re attached to it lasting forever, you’ll add suffering to 

the situation. In my book, Thresholds of the Mind, I told a 

story about my first ice cream cone. I was three years old, 

and I was in heaven until I had finished about half the 

ice cream, at which point I realized that it would soon be 

gone. I resisted this fact and focused on what I didn’t want, 

which caused me to suffer—and to enjoy the last half of 

the ice cream much less than I’d enjoyed the first half. I 

was noticing for the first time that all things are in time 

and pass away, and that resisting this fact causes suffering. 

I’m not saying that you should let whatever happens be 

okay. I’m saying that to the degree that you don’t, you will 

suffer. You are in charge of what you focus on, and you can 



decide to take the reins of your mind and focus on what 

you want, or adopt the witness perspective, or both. If you 

do, you’ll avoid suffering. 

DO I HAVE TO BE PASSIVE 

Sometimes people assume that I’m saying they should 

be detached, that they should numb themselves to what 

is happening, or ignore what’s happening—the equivalent 

of plugging your ears while you sing “La la la la la la 

la,” as loudly as you can. This, however, isn’t at all what 

I’m saying. The aware person is more alive, not less. She 

feels everything, and plays her part to the hilt. She plays, 

however, from the perspective of the watcher, without 

attachment to the outcome. The type of detachment 

that happens in psychosis, or schizophrenia, or multiple 

personality disorders, or even with more simple 

dissociation, is a way of being less aware, less conscious. 

The person who is letting whatever happens be okay is 

very conscious, and is feeling and experiencing everything. 

They’re just not attached to certain outcomes, they are not 

buying into the idea that to be happy and peaceful things 

have to happen a certain way. 

I’m also not saying that you should passively let 

whatever happens just roll over you. By all means, be 

proactive. Take action. I’m one of the most proactive, 

make-it-happen people you’ll ever meet. Certainly the 

Dalai Lama is a very proactive, action-oriented person. 

The truth is, you can have an outcome in mind, take 

action to do whatever you can to make it happen, and still 

be unattached to the outcome. You can prefer the outcome 

without being attached to it. 

If this doesn’t seem possible for you right now, don’t let 

that bother you. As you practice, and as you continue to 

use Holosync, it will get easier. Right now, you may be 

reacting to what happens around you unconsciously and 

automatically. The first step is to begin to notice those 

reactions, and at those times to step back and watch, 

and to focus on what you want, rather than just reacting 

automatically. 

As you begin to notice the consequences of your 

resistance, you’ll begin to that neither resistance nor 

focusing on what you don’t want serves you. As you 

become aware of this, you’ll find it more and more difficult 

to do. There are consequences to everything, and if you 

can consciously notice these consequences, you’ll naturally 

begin to choose the path with the better consequences. 

WHAT ABOUT MOTIVATION 

Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is not about giving 

up, or losing your motivation. You do not have to be 

attached to an outcome to be motivated. In fact, being 

attached to an outcome often generates fear, which kills 

motivation. 

One of the main reasons people procrastinate or lose 

their motivation is that they picture a negative outcome, 

or they picture the negative part of getting the outcome— 

the work involved, for instance. Letting Whatever 

Happens Be Okay actually increases motivation, because 

you’re now doing whatever you’re doing for the fun of it. 

You picture having fun doing it, and getting it. You know 

right at the outset that it doesn’t matter, in terms of your 

happiness and inner peace, what happens. 

Ironically, when you Let Whatever Happens Be Okay, 

you’re much more likely to get what you want. This is one 

of the real ironies of personal and spiritual growth: The 

less attached you are, the more likely you are to get what 

you want. 

In the beginning years of Centerpointe, I really wanted 

people to respect what I was doing. At Centerpointe 

retreats I was very attached to wanting participants to like 

me and to think that I was helping them. Of course, being 

attached, I suffered whenever someone didn’t like me or 

didn’t think that I was helping them. 

As the years went by, and I became more conscious, I 

stopped being attached. Ironically, the less attached I was, 

the more positive feedback I received. But at the same 

time, I no longer needed it. I no longer cared, at least for 

myself. I was grateful that I was helping people, but on a 

personal level I didn’t need the adulation. And the less I 

needed it, the more I got. 

This is the way life works. The more you let what 

happens be okay, the more the universe lines up behind 

you to help you create whatever it is you want to create. 

On the other hand, the more attached you are, the more 

likely you are to find a way to screw things up. 

Every day you have many opportunities to let whatever 

happens be okay. So practice, and you will get better. At a 

certain point, you’ll find that letting whatever happens be 

okay has become a habit. At that point, everything will fall 

into place. 

Be Well. 


15

Q&A Section 

Q: 

Hi Bill 

I read your first article on [The Law of Attraction] and 

have been meaning to write for a while. I understand your 

position on compensation and that’s how you see the world 

- you have to give or invest yourself before receiving back. 

But there was no mention of morals in what you said. Is 

your view of compensation morally neutral So for example 

if a person was making money exploiting people, say people 

trafficking where the people are sold into prostitution - the 

traffickers are making an effort and being rewarded but 

their morals are at best questionable. But they might make 

a lot of money doing this so the Universe is morally neutral 

regarding compensation 

My second question is how much is possible. So if I take 

myself, as a 38-year-old, if I decided to put a lot of effort 

into remodelling my golf swing and developing myself 

physically and mentally, using Holosync among other 

things, eating as healthy a diet as possible, getting support 

where needed along with whatever else it takes, is it possible 

that I could reach the professional touring ranks at the top 

level 

Look forward to your reply. 

Regards, 

Steve 

A: 

Steve, 

Morals take care of themselves. In this, too, the 

universe’s books are always balanced. 

First of all, if you provide something that someone 

else thinks is valuable, they will pay you for it--even 

if it is bad for someone else. I’m not endorsing this. 

It’s just a fact. If you decided to kill people for money, 

some people might think your sevice is valuable and 

pay you for it. The person who is trading the money 

for the goods or services gets to decide whether or not 

it is valuable to them. If they think it is, they will trade 

money for it. 

However, there are consequences to everything. If 

you do something that lacks integrity--or worse--those 

consequences, in one way or another, will come back to 

you. 

I’m not saying you should do whatever you want, 

regardless of whether it is hurtful or dishonest, or 

whatever. I’m just saying that to get something you have 

to focus on it, take action, and provide value. While you 

do this, other consequences may also come into play, 

and certainly if you are creating suffering in some way, 

you will create suffering for yourself, along with other 

potential consequences. You may not know what they 

are, and to observe someone who is creating suffering 

you might not think they are paying, but I assure you, 

they are. Ultimately everything is balanced, and every 

action creates an equal reaction. 

Be well. 

Q: 

Hi Bill, 

Some Eastern philosophies bang the drum that we are 

all one, that everything is the same thing etc and you 

very much say the same thing. This to me is a matter of 

conception and comprehension. The Bhagavad Gita 

clearly states that each individual has always existed and 

will continue to exist as an individual. Any object is made 

up of atoms etc but each of these atoms are individuals. 

You could say that all the atoms are one....because they 

are the very makeup of the chair but yet they retain their 

individuality. 

It is the same with us, yes we are part of the very makeup 


Q&A Section 

of the universe but yet we are still individuals. 

God is the same, he is both the force and intelligence 

underpinning everything, including our own individuality 

and at the same time has both a form and personality. It’s 

like the two sides of the same coin. Some say that, the 

form and person of God is a creation of the intelligence or 

mind of God, but actually this isn’t so. God has always 

understood himself as an individual person and form, 

therefore the person and form is equal to the force and 

consciousness of God and are non different. 

We ourselves are also eternal conceptions in the “mind” 

of God and therefore we are individual souls eternally. 

Ultimately one could say that Time, Distance and 

Action are illusions and unreal but this is incorrect and 

meaningless because Eternal Time, Distance (dimension) 

and Action are Eternal realities of the consciousness of God 

and therefore are the only reality. Even this world often 

rejected as unreal is actually real. Of course it depends 

on what you mean by Unreal. This world and universe 

is temporary and not of the same nature as the Eternal 

Realms (being part of the marginal enery of God) but it is 

real. That which exists directly from the mind of God is 

Real; unless you ascribe the term “Unreal” to any temperory 

thing. Ultimately that which is unreal does not exist. 

Everything “unreal” exists in some way, even if this way is 

imagined. The term Unreal is not very helpful and has 

negative connotations to most people. Perhaps we should 

simply say that things are not as they seem. 

When I have finished my book on these matters, I will 

send you a copy. 

experience, while you are geting yours from what 

someone else has said, in this case in the Gita. 

I would suggest that instead of making this an 

intellectual issue, where references are cited, you go 

inside and do the work to find out whether or not what 

I am saying is really so. 

To find out that everything really is one big process, 

and that all divisions that create individual things and 

events are really made in the mind, but are found 

nowhere in the real word, all you need to do is look 

around. Name one “thing” that is not intimately 

in inextricabley connected to everything else in the 

universe. For the wave to think it is separate from the 

ocean is an illusion. 

Your description contains many premises, but 

throughout you assume separation. You are, of course, 

welcome to see things in any way you want. All I ask is 

that you find out what is real by doing the same work 

mystics have done, rather than reading their words, 

which can be misinterpreted--especially those that were 

written thousands of years ago, in another culture, and 

in another language. 

Be well. 

Regards 

Allan 

A: 

Allen, 

The difference between your way of figuring out what 

is so, and my way, is that mine comes from personal 


17

Book Review 

» BY MARC GILSON 

Games People Play 

By Eric Berne, M.D. 

Grove Press, 1964 

THIS MONTH’S REVIEW IS OF A CLASSIC 

and influential book on human interaction and 

psychology by Dr. Eric Berne. First published 

in 1964, Games People Play has sold over 5 

million copies and continues to spark a great deal of 

discussion, both by psychologists and lay people, about 

the nature of human communication and how even 

routine conversations reveal much about the underlying 

complexities of the human psyche. 

Berne’s premise is simple enough: life can be seen as a 

series of “transactions” between individuals and groups 

played out as games, with the stakes being what has become 

popularly termed “positive strokes.” 

There are literally dozens of games people play with one 

another. In Berne’s use of the term, a “game” is neither 

good or bad, fun or bothersome (though most of the 

games described do produce problematic or dysfunctional 

results). It is simply a model for understanding what we 

already intuitively know: that human communication is 

amazingly intricate and often rife with subtle reflections of 

our internal programming. 

Berne’s own definition: 

“A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior 

transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. 

Descriptively, it is a recurring set of transactions... with a 

concealed motivation... or gimmick.” 

The more we can develop an understanding of the covert 

meanings behind these games, according to Berne, the 

better equipped we are to play healthier games, rather than 

those that keep us stuck in dysfunction. 

Games People Play has its basis in a psychoanalytic 

theory developed earlier by Berne called Transactional 

Analysis. Commonly called “TA,” it is a refined, though 

perhaps even more pragmatic, version of Freud’s triadic 

composition of the “Id,” “Ego,” and “Superego,” using 

instead three ego states called “The Parent,” “The Adult,” 

and “The Child.” The dynamics of communication are 

diagrammed in TA according to the various possible 

P 

A 

C 

PARENT EGO STATE 

Behaviours, thoughts and feelings 

copied from parents or 

parent figures 

ADULT EGO STATE 


which are direct responses to 

the here and now 

CHILD EGO STATE 


replayed from childhood 

FIGURE SHOWS THE THREE STATES 

REPRESENTED IN TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS 

configurations. For example, in certain circumstances, 

Bob’s “Parent” may be communicating to Jim’s “Child.” 

Or, Mary’s “Adult” may be attempting to communicate to 

Carol’s “Parent.” The theory itself is far more sophisticated 


Book Review continued... 

than can be described here, but it serves as a solid backbone 

for the ideas presented in Games People Play. (Those of you 

who have taken Life Principles Integration course #3 “The 

Success Solution,” will note that Bill Harris uses aspects 

of Berne’s Transactional Analysis in the course lesson 

materials. For more info, visit www.centerpointe.com/life/ 

preview) 

Roughly the first third of Games People Play is devoted to 

an introduction to Transactional Analysis and other aspects 

that serve as a backdrop to understanding how these games 

work. The remainder of the book focuses on the games 

themselves -- over thirty of them 

-- and on a deeper analysis of 

the significance of the games 

and those who play them. (It 

should be mentioned that while 

a thorough understanding of TA 

is not completely necessary to 

understand the meanings of the 

games, Berne does present each 

game within the context of the 

TA model.) 

With allowances for the rather 

dated language of the book, 

Berne communicates his ideas 

lucidly, and most readers will find 

the material easy to read and digest. Games are presented 

with social scenarios as examples of how each one plays out. 

Reading the descriptions of the games is not only 

fascinating, but for many readers, challenging, as virtually 

everyone will notice various renditions of games they’ve 

managed to become good at playing in their own lives; 

games that may cause one to become sharply aware that 

their seemingly direct communication style really harbors 

a world of information about their internal agendas, 

programming, and even their upbringing. So although 

Games People Play is not a true “self-help” book by most 

conventional standards, it can serve as a powerful tool (or 

mirror) in the hands of those willing to explore their own 

relationships and sense of self through the games Berne 

presents. 

An example of one of the games Berne discusses is “I Am 

Only Trying To Help You.” This game is sometimes played 

between a therapist and client (but can be applied to other 

kinds of transactions as well). With “I Am Only Trying 

To Help You,” the underlying belief of the therapist is that 

people are ultimately ungrateful or disappointing. So as he 

or she offers advice or suggestions, the client returns with 

the news that the feedback was unhelpful or failed to result 

in the desired outcome. The therapist may offer another 

suggestion (while holding to the underlying belief), with 

the same result. As the therapist recognizes his or her 

own frustration and bewilderment arising (the “payoff,” 

according to Berne) the game is completed with the spoken 

or unspoken idea that, “I am only trying to help you.” 

Interestingly, many of the games are actually defined 

not so much by what is expressed or withheld but by what 

the individual playing the 

game is truly focused on. 

If you are a Centerpointe 

If you would like to Participant you’ll likely 

read more about or notice that one thing most 

games have in common 

order this book visit: 

is that they’re engendered 

HTTP://WWW.AMAZON. on an unconscious level 

COM/EXEC/OBIDOS/ 

and can only really 

ASIN/0345410033/CENTERmanifest 

when we remain 

POINTER-20 

unconscious of them. 

Berne has been criticized 

on occasion for presenting 

what, on the surface, might 

look like a rather cynical 

view of the human condition. That all our “transactions” 

are ultimately nothing more than clever attempts at 

manipulating or controlling circumstances, often at the 

expense of others, makes for an unsavory picture of who we 

really are and are striving to be. But Berne’s message allows 

for optimism: 

“For certain fortunate people there is something which 

transcends all classifications of behavior, and that is 

awareness; something which rises above the programming 

of the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is 

more rewarding that games, and that is intimacy.” 

Readers will find Games People Play to be an original, 

insightful, and eye-opening discourse on the deeper 

dynamics of human communication. A must-read for any 

student of human nature. 

(For another fascinating book on Transactional Analysis, 

consider “Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life 

Scripts” by Claude M. Steiner) 


19

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