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A D V E N T I S T L I F E
Family relationships—particularly
those between spouses and their
children—are the closest, most
intimate bonds we have. Therefore, it is
natural for conflict to easily emerge
within the familial structure. Conflict
can flare up over simple things such as
a towel left on the floor, to something
as complex as finances. Whatever the
origin, there is potential for a disagreement
to escalate to explosive levels.
Conflict, while sometimes a precursor
to family dysfunction, separation,
and even divorce, is also an inevitable
part of human existence. Therefore,
it is hard to believe individuals
who say, “We never argue—we agree
on everything.” Those who make this
claim present cause for concern as one
or both parties could be suppressing
their true feelings for the sake of
“keeping the peace.” The danger in
that is that when individuals continually
bottle up their emotions, the end
result is far worse than if problems
were appropriately addressed at the
time they occurred.
We often view conflict as a negative
thing, thus we make every attempt to
avoid it at all costs. However, there are
some positive aspects to conflict, and, if
approached in the right way, these
“bumps in the road” can strengthen
relationships.
Positive Aspects of Conflicts
1. Conflicts present more than
one view of a situation, which can lead
to better solutions.
2. Conflicts can provide insight
into the feelings of a spouse and other
family members, thus creating a better
understanding of each other.
3. Conflicts build self-confidence
and self-awareness, if you are able to
formulate and freely express your
point of view.
4. Conflicts, if addressed properly,
can demonstrate appropriate
ways to resolve problems and can
By Karen Birkett Green
Speaking
Your Mind
Without
Losing It
communicate the normalcy of it
being “OK” to disagree.
5. When conflicts are addressed
and resolved, they provide a sense of
accomplishment, mutual understanding,
and peace. We are able to move
ahead without constantly dwelling on
unresolved issues.
Unhealthy Approaches to
Conflict Resolution
When faced with disagreements, it
is very easy to engage in unhealthy
practices in our attempts to resolve
our issues. Instead of trying to resolve
them, we usually attempt to prove that
our point of view is the only solution,
and it is this attitude that causes us
easily to fall prey to unhealthy meth-
Resolving family confl icts in
a Christ-centered way
ods of resolution. Consider the following
unhealthy and unhelpful
approaches:
1. Name-calling
This transforms the discussion
into a personal attack on an individual
rather than a mature attempt to
address and resolve issues.
2. Becoming hysterical
Instead of calmly discussing the
problem, the individual who becomes
hysterical engages in such destructive
behavior as threatening, blaming, yelling,
nagging, and being overly defensive.
This only serves to alienate the
other party and escalate the situation.
3. Becoming historical
Bringing up past grievances only
serves to elevate tension and can take
14 Adventist World | August 2012