# HIV HEROES

VANGARDIST

84

the campaign

Text Philipp spiegel

when do I

tell her?

THE IMPLICATIONS OF AN

h i v - p o s i t i v e

HETERO LIFE

Being a heterosexual male with HIV is

filled with emotional contradictions. Having

been infected rather recently, my experiences

concerning the matter are rather

recent—and yet HIV has changed my life

in numerous way. Ways I cannot even fathom

just yet, for they are in constant fl ow.

The diffi culties and confrontations concerning

this new life are numerous, and a

lot of exploration is still necessary.

A new routine

My first months were the most difficult

ones. Plagued with doubt about my

actions, there were two main concerns

that dominated my life. For one, the

medical aspect. With knowledge and

research, I could deal with my initial

fears of this aspect rather quickly. Being

born in the 80s, with the deadly threat

of this disease being hammered into

me from early on, properly done research

soon alleviated my fear of a gruesome

death. I informed myself, and

still do, about therapies and medical

implications. Of course, the privilege

of living in a Western country with excellent

medical facilities and treatment

options gives comfort and has made

life almost normal. My gratefulness towards

the amazing scientific and medical

progress concerning this disease

is never-ending. At least on a medical

level, knowledge truly is power.

Knowing that this is something that will

be there for the rest of my life has a

strong impact. Death itself has become

a constant. Not a threat, but “company”.

An awareness of my own mortality,

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