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Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1 - Fish Fingers and Custard Fanzine

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1 - Fish Fingers and Custard Fanzine

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16<br />

<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />

Angles in Doctor Who, but the teacher<br />

didn’t agree <strong>and</strong> threw a board duster at<br />

me. Bit harsh, considering there wasn’t<br />

a blackboard in sight. Ah the 70’s,<br />

where the corporal punishment of young<br />

children was acceptable!<br />

Lovely Karen<br />

I couldn’t really talk about the new<br />

Doctor Who series without mentioning<br />

young Karen. Isn’t she lovely? In the<br />

past, Doctor Who has been accused of<br />

casting young women just for the lads<br />

<strong>and</strong> dads. To be honest – I’m all for it.<br />

If it works for Blue Peter, it’ll work for<br />

Doctor Who.<br />

Moose Women<br />

Here in the UK we have a daytime<br />

program for women called ‘Loose<br />

Women’, I believe it’s a version of a US<br />

show, where women television<br />

personalities, who you don’t know,<br />

basically talk rubbish <strong>and</strong> interview<br />

celebrity guests, who obviously don’t<br />

want to be there, for an hour. Just like<br />

all women then! Anyway, I’m now on<br />

permanent st<strong>and</strong>-by for the show, just in<br />

case nobody’s arsed to turn up.<br />

Thankfully, Pete the doorman is never<br />

off sick, so he saves me the task of<br />

travelling down to London to hold the<br />

door open for Jane McDonald or any of<br />

the others in her coven.<br />

A Game of Singles<br />

Speaking of daft women – my 4 th wife<br />

has finally got sick of me <strong>and</strong> is filing<br />

for divorce. She got wind of the fact<br />

that I won £1000 on a scratch-card. She<br />

doesn’t know I’ve already spent it on a<br />

summer holiday to Ibiza! Some young<br />

ladies, who are heading to the Balearics<br />

this summer, are going to get very lucky<br />

indeed!<br />

Apparently, her reasons for a divorce<br />

are for ‘ab<strong>and</strong>onment <strong>and</strong> sexism’. As<br />

you can tell - I’m the last person to<br />

undertake those things!<br />

I don’t think she liked my reason for<br />

divorce being ‘because she’s a fat cow’,<br />

however!<br />

And Finally…Blood Work<br />

At the moment, I’m doing double-shifts<br />

at the club, but I’ll be heading down<br />

south to film a few episodes of Holby<br />

City this month. I’ll be playing a coma<br />

patient <strong>and</strong> I’m very excited! I played a<br />

coma patient in its parent show,<br />

Casualty, in 1987. I wonder if it’s the<br />

same role?<br />

Speaking of horrible faces, isn’t it<br />

wonderful that the UK now has David<br />

Cameron as the new Prime Minister?<br />

Personally, I think they should bring<br />

Maggie Thatcher back, as she did<br />

wonders for the working people of the<br />

UK, especially here in Northern<br />

Engl<strong>and</strong>. Remember, political parties<br />

are like lions - they never change their<br />

spots.<br />

So on that serious note, I bid you<br />

goodnight! Don’t forget to leave some<br />

feedback <strong>and</strong> send that Stephen Smithbloke<br />

letters about me appearing in the<br />

next series!<br />

All the best!<br />

Harry x

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