(ugly but nice)

melbourne barsSTORY & photography andrew harrisBrutti Ma Buoni(ugly but nice)Amazing wall decoration @ Animal OrchestraAnimal OrchestraIt’s not the menu alone that brings peopleto Animal Orchestra, but it does help. Thecafe’s opening movement is a breakfast ofSpanish-style baked eggs (go for the numberseven, with sardines), muesli and toast. Itthen serves up a symphonic compositionof paninis, soups and hearty mains (thinkcontinental sausages and mash) alongsidea short, considered wine list, and a rangeof imported and local beers. At any timeof day, the coffee is excellent, as are theBrutti Ma Buoni, ‘ugly but nice’, bikkies.A group of four walks off Grattan Streetinto Animal Orchestra and takes atable next to ours. “I told you this placeis like Montmartre,” one of the groupsays, referring to the inner-city Parisiansuburb cluttered with creative types andvibrant cafes, open well into the night.I’d have to agree. I’ve been eating,drinking and caffeinating at the two-yearold cafe-cum bar almost since it opened,in which short time it’s become aMelbourne institution, complete witha committed clutch of regulars.Animal Orchestra is in Parkville, oppositeMelbourne University, in an otherwisecool-free vacuum a few blocks from LygonStreet. It occupies a grand, convertedterrace house that previously hosted aposh French restaurant that failed to findfavour with the local student population.In glorious contrast, warm weather packsout Animal Orchestra’s outdoor tables andcourtyard; cool weather draws peoplein to its intimate interior, furnished withan inspired collection of antiques.We arrive at about eight in the evening.Lately, Animal Orchestra has turned intoan excellent place to start a night out.We’ve ordered some tapas: sharp, tangysaganaki with lemon and marinated olives;and lightly fried, moist tuna balls with aoli,both served with toasted crusty bread; ahouse red and an Argentinian Quilmes beer.

Our food arrives and the plush cornersettee I’ve had my eye on becomesavailable. We settle in, watch the crowdand visually pick through the thousands ofmagazine photos jostling for attention onthe central wall, opposite us: an Africanman sitting on a milk crate outside abutcher, a dolls-house view of a Japanesecapsule hotel, grinning red-kerchiefedchildren with hoes over their shoulders.John Tummino, who runs the place alongwith his older brother Marcelo, tells us thateach square metre of wall took about fivehours, not including cutting it all out. It’sa fair effort, especially given there are atleast twenty square metres, but it’s that levelof care and attention to detail that bringspeople to Animal Orchestra, and keeps itthrumming through daylight and dusk.Il Duce Si DiventaIl Duce Si Diventa is three blocksfurther north-west of Animal Orchestra,in Carlton. I’ve been attracted,like a moth, to its pink glow.A giant, paint-flaking Buddha greets usand gestures to an oil-painted nude onthe ceiling. Above the mid-level bar anarch-backed blonde swings like a languidfan. I don’t know where to look, I don’tknow where to go. From the entrance,stairs lead down to two lower rooms,and up to the mid-level. From there morestairs lead up to the long main bar.The unsettling, amusing psychotropicclutter is everywhere. The main bar is litwith marshmallow-shaped lamps thatthrow a pink cast along the spine of alife-size porcelain great dane; ornatelycarved gold-framed mirrors reflect thelined up spirits, the singular sign we’reactually in a bar, on planet Earth.It’s a bar; I’m sure it’s a bar when I sipthe sweet orange cocktail in my hand.Downstairs, cherubic busts gaze uponpiled encyclopaedias; ultraviolet-litmannequins smile through perspex froma small room below Drummond Street.I’m by no means drunk, but I can see thatintoxication at Il Duce could land you in apsych ward. It’s not only the decor that playson my mind – precisely what sort of personcreates something like this?Possibly the same kind that wants tokeep it in good nick: near the toilets, aworkshop is kitted out for the re-applicationof lippie to the various helplessfemale, and the fixing of broken kitsch.While we’ve been here, each personwho’s walked in has remarked on thestartling weirdness before ordering adrink and finding some secluded nookto wind down. In function, Il Duce ismuch the same as any other Carltonwatering hole. In form, it’s like a journeyinside the head of a mentally derangedItalian art historian with lady troubles.Italianate style in the heart of Carlton- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- At a Glance -Animal Orchestra163 Grattan Street, CarltonPhone: 9349 4944Il DuceCorner Faraday & Drummond Streets,CarltonPhone: 9347 1811www.ilduce.com.au- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Animal Orchestra and Il Duce Si Diventa are only fewblocks apart, but they sing to very different tunes.