May 26-June 8 . 2012 qnotes

VIEWSeditor’s noteby o’neale atkinsononeale@goqnotes.comBreaking the habit, sort ofFinding a compromise I can live withVIEWSgeneral gayetyby leslie robinsonqnotes contributorEmotions after a lesbian court battleI love to smoke. The whole ritual of smokinga cigarette has always been incredible tome. From packing a fresh pack of cigarettesand peeling away the cellophane to sparkingthe lighter and taking that first glorious inhale;for years there really has been nothing betterto me. Smoking has been a part of my dailyroutine for over a decade and one I literallythought I would take to the grave.Sure I know all of the negative side effectsof smoking and I still choose to do itdaily. Frankly, I always get annoyed whenpeople take the time to tell me that smokingis bad for my health. Anyone with an ounceof common sense should not need to be toldthat lighting something on fire near your faceand inhaling the smoke from it is a bad ideafor your health. We all have vices and theyall have consequences. Like everyone else, Iconsidered the consequences and chose toroll the dice.Despite all of the many reasons I lovesmoking, I will admit there is plenty that I don’tlike. The fact that my clothes, my home andmy vehicle always smell like smoke isn’t aproblem so long as you are a smoker and hangout with people who smoke, but for anyonewith a sense of smell it can be overpowering.Ashtrays are always annoying to keep cleanedout and there is always the risk of collateraldamage when a cigarette rolls out of theashtray and onto the coffee table (or into thefloorboard of your truck while driving). Not tomention the fabulous breath most smokerswake up with no matter how much you brushyour teeth and rinse. Seriously, if you don’tknow what I am talking about, be grateful!With all of that said, I want to say that Iam so proud of me right now! Actually, I amproud of my boyfriend, my roommate andmyself. All three of us have recently donesomething that I honestly never thought Iwould be able to do. We all decided to giveup smoking, well sort of. Smoking in thetraditional sense at least.For a while I have seen e-cigarettes beingsold in gas stations and I never once gavethem a second glance. Surely the taste wouldbe inferior or it wouldn’t have the oomph! Iwas looking for. Being the tobacco purist thatI thought I was, I simply had no interest intrying them.I came home two weeks ago to find myboyfriend using one of these clunky disposablee-cigarettes and was surprised to hear himspeaking so favorably of them. Our mutual loveof smoking is one of the many little reasons Iadore him. We had both talked about quittingsmoking for our health when we first starteddating, but neither of us really wanted to so wehad not made much progress. I decided thatthe next day when my current pack of cigarettesran out I would get one myself and see ifI could go all day without a real smoke.I didn’t even wait for my pack to run outbefore I went to the store and picked up amenthol e-cigarette of my own. It kind of feltlike sucking on a hi-lighter because of theawkward size of the device, but it completelydid the trick. Not once the entire day did Iconsider going for one of my real cigarettestucked away in the center console of mytruck. When I got home that night I found thatmy roommate also decided to join in on thee-cigarette experience.After trying out the disposables for afew days, we all ended up purchasing reale-cigarettes that recharge and resemble amore traditional cigarette in size and weight.Despite a sizeable initial investment, theopportunity for financial savings alone in thelong run is reason enough for me to never lookback. Not to mention, I can now enjoy many ofthe aspects I love about smoking and not haveto deal with some of the less attractive sidesof being a smoker.Sure, I am still taking in nicotine, but Iam not ingesting smoke, tar and the carcinogensfound in traditional cigarettes. Thesmoke I blow out now is a water vapor, so itdoesn’t offend anyone around me nor doesit produce some of the harms caused bysecond-hand smoke, although you will getsome funny looks the first time you exhale ina restaurant or bar.I just wanted to share this experience tomy fellow smokers out there, not to tell youwhat to do or that you should quit. If you arelike me that would just make you smoke twiceas much! I have found a way to have my cakeand eat it too, so to speak, and wanted toshare this alternative. Having smoked roughlya pack a day for 10 years I have made theswitch and I don’t plan on looking back! : :News item: When two Canadian lesbiansbroke up in 2006 they divided all their assets,but forgot about the 13 tubes of sperm theyhad stored in a sperm bank. Later one ofthe women re-partnered and asked to usethe leftover sperm, but her ex wanted itdestroyed.The first woman went to court to fight forsperm ownership and recently a judge ruledthe women should divide the sperm, just asthey had everything else.Let’s listen in as two figures directlyinvolved in the case react to the decision.Ernie: Finally.Harold: Yes, all this waiting around wasgetting me down. I think I was even losing mywill to swim.Ernie: Don’t worry, boy. Soon as theyunfreeze us, you’ll be off like a shot.Harold: I do hope so. I hope my tail feathersremember which way to go.Ernie: They will, but I gotta tell you, oncewe’re let loose, it’s every gamete for himself.I’m on a mission.Harold: Roger that, Rambo. Isn’t it amazing,Ernie, the path we’ve traveled? Why, wewere brought into this world during the lastmillennium!Ernie: By a guy with a dirty magazine.Harold: Oh, I don’t like to think of it thatway. A nice, sterile environment. A goodcause.Ernie: A decent check for him.Harold: Well, it beat landing on hissheets. Death by Clorox.Ernie: Yeah.Harold: We were transported in regalstyle, moved from the U.S. to Canada. We’reworld travelers, Ernie!Ernie: I suppose.Harold: Set up in lovely Vancouver. Thenthe moment of truth. Our brethren got one ofthose women pregnant. Two years later, herqpollpartner was pregnant, too. We’re small, butmighty. And, then…Ernie: …they forgot us. That’s gratitudefor you. Left us here to freeze our flagella off.Harold: It is kind of hard to figure outhow they forgot about 13 tubes of us. But,the whole drama brought us before — metaphoricallyspeaking — a British ColumbiaSupreme Court justice, so I feel prettyspecial.Ernie: You won’t feel special if we windup with the gal who wants to flush us downthe john.Harold: I choose to believe we’re goingwith the other woman, the one who wants toget pregnant again. And, for her I promise toswim like Mark Spitz.Ernie: She sure as heck went through alot to get us back. You know why, don’t you?Harold: Because we make childrenwho are smart, beautiful and not allergic topeanuts?Ernie: Because she wants the biologicalconnection to her other child and our guyisn’t making any more donations.Harold: He’s retired?Ernie: If I know him, his hand won’t stoptill his heart does, but he’s not doing it for payanymore.Harold: Wow. We really are special. Thelast in a glorious line. At the very least, afertile one.Ernie: Some people, you know, say thejudge is whacky to think of us as propertyand divide us. They say there’s a moral issue.I say I don’t freaking care. Just get me outof this sperm bank! Get me unfrozen! I haveplaces to go and people to impregnate!Harold: Right, Ernie! Absolutely! Get usout of this vial and into a turkey baster likenature intended! : :info:lesarobinson@gmail.com . generalgayety.comHow often do you attend a drag show or event?See the options and vote: goqnotes.com/to/qpollSUBSCRIBE!These rates only cover a portion of our true cost,however, our goal is to serve our communityMailed 1st class from Charlotte, NC, in sealed envelope.Subscription Rates: ☐ 1 yr - 26 issues = $48 ☐ 1/2 yr - 13 issues = $34Mail to: P.O. 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