Facial Hair - Woodstock School

I don’t care to belong to a club thataccepts people like me as members.The staff lunch line at Woodstockis starting to resemble a down-andoutsoup kitchen or a 1930’s freightcar. Growing facial hair for agood cause is a fun idea, butsome of the works-in-progressare looking pretty scruffy.Let’s hope that the end results,however creative andprofitable, are a bit more aestheticallypleasing than theBrother, can you sparea dime?transition phase. In the meantime, hereis yet another opportunity to reflecton history and ourselves.Did you know that a study of theDNA of human head and body lice hasgiven us many clues about the biologic originsof facial hair and fashion? For moreinformation about this research, check

out Nicholas Wade’s book, Before theDawn: Recovering the Lost History ofOur Ancestors, 599.93 WADE 2006.There’s more interesting hair-relatedbiology to learn from a study of humanextremes. For instance,the so-called HairyFamily of Ava, in 19th-century Burma, had acondition that producedhypertrichosis, which inhibitsthe genetic offswitchthat limits thefacial hair length inmany primates, includingmost humans. Weall have small hair follicles that coverShwe Meong Family of Ava,much of our faces but, except for the jawand upper lip (and sometimes the eyebrows)in human males, these hairs havea set length that they reach before weshed them. The first recorded case of thecondition was that of a Canary Islander,Petrus Gonsalvus in 1648. He and his

hairy family’s portraitscan still be found at AmbrasCastle in Austria.Although there are manyvarieties of hypertrichosis,Ambras Syndrome becamethe common namefor this extremely uncommoncondition. Sadly,Antoinetta Gonsalvuspeople who bore the manifest form ofthis genetic trait were often exhibited asfreaks.For most guys, facial hair is achoice, be it a form of rebellion,personal expression or, we hope,evidence of good taste. When itcomes to choosing a style of facialhair, usually the first consideration iswhether people will think it’s cool. Certainfacial hairstyles are traditional to aparticular culture or line of work, while,in other societies, facial hair is consid-

ered to be anti-social and unacceptable.George Steinbrenner,the notorious, now-deceasedmanager of the New York Yankeesbaseball team, had a zerotolerancepolicy for facial hair,an extreme position that some pros continueto defy. And, of course, there are afew particular styles of facialhair that very few of uswould care to seerevived.George Steinbrennerrebukes Don MattinglyWHICH CAMEFIRST?It is still a point ofsome debate wheth- erAdolph Hitler grew his infamoustoothbrush moustache toemulate the silent film starCharlie Chaplin, or vice-versa.Chaplin used the resemblance to parodyHitler in his classic film, The GreatDictator. The strange relationship be-From Tramp to Dictator

tween politics,movies andmoustaches also appears inthe Marx Brothers’ 1933 anti-war comedy,Duck Soup.BURNSIDE’S SIDEBURNS:Too much attention to the wrongdetails.I never forget a face,but, in your case, I’llbe glad to make anexceptionThis December will markthe 150th anniversary ofthe horrific US Civil WarBattle of Fredericksburg.It was one of Robert E.Lee’s easier victories against Union forces,delivered by Major General Ambrose Burnside,famous for his almost-eponymous facialhair and the tragic lack of judgment thatsent thousands of soldiers across open fieldsin a series of hopeless frontal assaultsagainst Lee’s much smaller army,commanding the fortified hillsabove. The result was 12,000 Unioncasualties sent to slaughter whiletheir comrades looked on, waiting fortheir orders to march into the fire.I haven’t seen abarber in weeks.

LET’S GET PERSONAL:If Chaplin, Hitler and Grouchoare too silly, sinister or derivativefor WS men looking for facialinspiration, consider some otherfamous film and historical facialhair. Two early movie heartthrobs,Ronald Colemanand Clark Gable,High-Maintenance Moustacheseach sported acharacteristic pencil moustache,also seen on DouglasNothing to hide here!Fairbanks, William Powell and, at times,Errol Flynn and Tyrone Power, neither ofwhom needed such “embellishments.”This is a style that is rarely seen todayand is best kept in order by thedaily ministrations of a professionalbarber. Salvador Dali’sextreme version of the style isbetter remembered and, thankfully,even more rarely imitated.

Rasputin on abad hair day.NOT JUST A BAD TEENAGEMOUSTACHE:Stalin: Evolution of a TyrantFACIAL HAIR & POWERIt’s unfortunate that sometimesmore luxuriant facial hairstyles areassociated with vanity or villainy.The murderous charisma of CharlesManson and unparalleled indifferenceto human welfare demonstratedby JosephStalin are two of the worstexamples. Any correlationthat may seem to exist,Mass-murdererCharles Mansonhowever, comes from hindsight,and menwith widely differingpoints of view may sharethe same tastes when it comesto facial grooming. Many a noblespirit has made the occasionalfacial fashion faux pas.Like looking in the mirror:Suez rivals Nasser & EdenYou think this is bad?You should see mewithout the beard.