Lanthanum metallicum

Lanthanum metallicumperhaps I should get up and write it down. But I don’t Ifall back to sleep and dream again. When I wake fromthat dream I remember that I dreamed before but cannotremember and feel disappointed like I have lostsomething important. Later I get a glimmer and then itleaves. Then I remember my teacher and the dreamcomes back to me – I am so relieved and happy. Imiss my teacher. Long for the connection. Also in thedream I remember the study of the stream of water beingimportant – the connections, recognitions from astream of water. (20)A dream that has a part I don’t remember except Iwrote down that “ wanting space back” and that I waswith two of my friends and a third person. Or beforethat scene there is a vision of a bridge with water goingover it and still I am able to cross by going to one sidewhere the water is not deep. Then there is the sceneArtwork by Hannah Albert during Provingwith my friends. After I am back at the bridge only this time thewater is going over the bridge faster and is deeper at the end of the bridge the water is curving and going backdown the bank of the river I suppose but at the end of the bridge is also the continuance of the road - it is acountry dirt or gravel road. I need to get across the bridge but this time I am afraid of the water current and thedepth - that I might fall or be swept in the current and be killed or hurt or in something I cannot get out of –drowning I suppose - mostly I feel the fear of being swept away and having no control. I decide to do as I haddone on the way which is to cut across to one side where the water seems less deep - the widest part of thecurve over the bridge and from there it is only a short way out of the water because of the road. As I start I getoff the bridge but because water has been going over the dirt it is mud. I realize that the road is full of mud I willget stuck in – and sure enough as soon as I step in it I am stuck – I think if I push off with my hands - so sort ofon all fours then I can help get my feet out – I must go slow but I will get there – but instead my hands get stucktoo and my energy starts to drain – like the dreams when you are in slow motion and no matter how hard you tryyou cant get anywhere. I get afraid that I will collapse there that instead of moving at all my energy will keepdraining. It seems not just slow but impossible to move my feet and hands as if I do not have the strength at all.It feels familiar – I remember the feeling also that I saw this happening as soon as I got off the bridge but I hadalready made the step. (20)Out in a boat; a develop disabled person on board; a gang trying to make us captive; the Disabled person foughtback; he was able to free all of us. Main Feeling; Relief that we were freed. (21)I had a homeopathic child client who developed thyroid cancer, I had kept telling the mother that everythingwould be fine as his symptoms were improving and then I got a call that he had terminal cancer…I felt awful likeI had dropped the ball and not been aware of the severity of his condition. I had my homeopathic instructor showup and approach me with concern for my non concern. The instructor lectured me on staying on top of thingsand to watch for subtle signs so that you keep your client vital. The feeling was of guilt of not being a betterhealer for this child and of sorrow for the grief that the mom and family was going thru. I felt like a failure. (118)