The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

terryboxing
  • No tags were found...

The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

188 THE TIBETAN BOOK OF LIVING AND DYINGtelling him all she wanted to say. Maggie would not havethought of doing this, but she went ahead and spoke to herhusband of all the good times they had shared, of how shewould miss him, and of how much she loved him. At theend, once she had said her goodbyes, she told him, "It is hardfor me to be without you, but I don't want to see you sufferany more, so it is all right for you to let go." Once she hadfinished, her husband let out a long sigh and peacefully died.Not only the one who is dying, but his or her whole familyhas to learn how to let go. Each member of the family maybe at a different stage of acceptance, and this will have to betaken into account. One of the great achievements of the hospicemovement is to recognize how important it is to help thewhole family face their own grief and insecurity about thefuture. Some families resist letting their loved ones go, thinkingthat to do so is a betrayal, and a sign that they don't lovethem enough. Christine Longaker tells these families to imaginethat they are in the place of the one who is dying. "Imagineyou are standing on the deck of an ocean liner, about toset sail. You look back on the shore and see all your familyand friends waving goodbye. You have no choice about leaving,and the ship is already moving away. How would youwant the people you loved to be saying goodbye to you?What would help you most on your journey?"Even a simple exercise like this can help so much inenabling each member of the family in their own way to dealwith the sadness of saying goodbye.Sometimes people ask me, "What should I say to my childabout the death of her relative?" I say to them to be sensitivebut tell the truth. Don't let the child think that death is somethingstrange or terrifying. Let her take part as far as possiblein the life of the dying person, and answer honestly any questionsthe child might pose. A child's directness and innocencecan actually bring a sweetness, lightness, even sometimes ahumor into the pain of dying. Encourage the child to pray forthe dying person, and so feel that he or she is really doingsomething to help. And after the death has taken place, makesure that you give the child special attention and affection.TOWARD A PEACEFUL DEATHWhen I think back to Tibet and the deaths I witnessedthere, I am struck by what a calm and harmonious environmentmany of them occurred in. This kind of environment,

More magazines by this user
Similar magazines