The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

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The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

TWO STORIES 391You don't have to feel like you have the buddha nature. That's notthe point. The point is trust, which is faith. The point is devotion,which is surrender. That, for me, is the essence. If you can trust whatthe master is saying, and study and try to bring the teaching back toyourself in difficult times, and train your mind not to fall into itshabitual patterns, if you can just be with what is happening, withbare attention, after a while you notice that nothing stays aroundvery long. Not even negative thoughts. Especially not our bodies.Everything changes. If you leave it in its place, it will liberate itself.In a situation like mine, when fear becomes so obvious to you,and so predominant, and you feel like you are being swallowed bythe fear, you must take your mind in hand. I have realized that fearis not going to kill me. This is just something that is passing throughmy mind. This is a thought and I know that thoughts will liberatethemselves if I just keep my hands off. I also realize that's what happensin the bardos, when and if you see a vision coming at you thatmight be frightening; it's not coming anywhere other than from you!All those energies we have kept damped down into our bodies arebeing released.I also discovered, early on, when I was training my mind, there isa certain point, a certain line you must draw, and beyond that pointyou cannot let your mind go. If you do, you risk mental problems,you risk moroseness, you risk being a real downer for everybodyaround you: that would be the least. But you could flip out. Peopledo flip out, get unbalanced by believing what their minds are tellingthem about reality. We all do it, but there is a certain line beyondwhich you cannot go... I used to have panic attacks. I thought therewas a big black hole in the ground in front of me. Since I haveallowed myself the privilege, and the grace of being happy, all thetime, I don't see black holes any more.Some of you have been dearer to me than my family. Becauseyou allow Padmasambhava to come to me in just another way,through your care and your concern and your love. You don't seemto care that I have AIDS. No one has ever asked me: "Well, how didyou get it?" No one has ever intimated that this might be a curse onme; except one old friend of mine who called me a week or so agoand said, "Aren't you afraid that this is God's curse on you?" After Istopped laughing, I said, "You believe that God has cursed the earthand the human body is impure. I, on the other hand, believe thatblessing is the original starting point, not a curse." From beginninglesstime, everything has already been accomplished, pure and perfect.So what I do now is just rest in the radiance. It's everywhere. Youcan't get away from it. It is so intoxicating that sometimes I feel like Iam just floating in the radiance. I am letting Padmasambhava, as heflies through the sky of the mind, just let me tag along.Now if I were sitting out there listening to this, I would say,"Okay then, why aren't you healed?" People have asked me that. It's

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