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The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

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392 APPENDIX THREEnot that I haven't tried: I bought a whole suitcase full <strong>of</strong> pills. But Istopped that question quite a while ago. I guess the reason I did wasbecause it seemed it would be manipulating <strong>and</strong> interfering with theprocess that has started. This process is very cleansing for me. Iknow there is a lot <strong>of</strong> karma being burned up. It's cleansing perhapsfor my mother, because I <strong>of</strong>fer this for her. She suffers quite a bit.<strong>The</strong>n there are spiritual friends in this group whom I love like brothers<strong>and</strong> sisters; they suffer too. I have made this covenant withPadmasambhava: If I have to stay around <strong>and</strong> suffer so that some <strong>of</strong>it could help cleanse <strong>and</strong> purify you as well as me, what a blessingthat would be! This is my prayer. And I'm not a person who likes tosuffer, I can guarantee you that! But I feel that grace, that blessing,pushing me gently into that suffering.And at this point, from studying what I have studied <strong>of</strong> Rinpoche'steachings on the bardos, death is not an enemy. Just like our thoughtsare not to be seen as enemies And life is not an enemy. Life issomething glorious, because in this life we can awaken to who wetruly are.So I beg you—from the bottom <strong>of</strong> my heart—not to waste theopportunity you have, while you are still relatively healthy, to workwith what Rinpoche is <strong>of</strong>fering you... He knows how to get to thepoint in speaking <strong>and</strong> teaching about what Dzogchen is, <strong>and</strong> heknows how to take you there in the heart. That is so important: <strong>and</strong>especially when you are getting ready to die.So I'm here to say goodbye. At least for this time around ... Iwant to say goodbye to all those <strong>of</strong> you who have become mybrothers <strong>and</strong> sisters, those <strong>of</strong> you whom I know but have not hadthe privilege <strong>of</strong> getting to know better, those <strong>of</strong> you I have not evenmet... I have a feeling that within the next six months I may die. Itcould be within the next three months. So I hold you all in my heart,<strong>and</strong> I see you all bright <strong>and</strong> shining. <strong>The</strong>re is no darkness. It is justlight from Padmasambhava's heart, pervading all <strong>of</strong> us. Thanks to themaster's blessing.

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