The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

406 NOTES3. Dame Cicely Saunders, "Spiritual Pain," a paper presented at St.Christopher's Hospice Fourth International Conference, London 1987,published in Hospital Chaplain (March 1988).4. Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying, 36.5. I strongly recommend her detailed book on how to care for thedying, Facing Death and Finding Hope (Doubleday, 1997).12. COMPASSION: THE WISH-FULFILLING JEWEL1. Often people have asked me: "Does this mean that it is somehowwrong to look after ourselves, and care for our own needs?" Itcannot be said too often that the self-cherishing which is destroyedby compassion is the grasping and cherishing of a false self as we saw inChapter 8. To say that self-cherishing is the root of all harm shouldnever be misunderstood as meaning either that it is selfish, or wrong,to be kind to ourselves or that by simply thinking of others our problemswill dissolve of their own accord. As I have explained in Chapter5, being generous to ourselves, making friends with ourselves, anduncovering our own kindness and confidence, are central to, andimplicit in, the teachings. We uncover our own Good Heart, our fundamentalgoodness, and that is the aspect of ourselves that we identifywith and encourage. We shall see later in this chapter, in the"Tonglen" practice, how important it is to begin by working on ourselves,strengthening our love and compassion, before going on tohelp others. Otherwise our "help" could ultimately be motivated by asubtle selfishness; it could become just a burden to others; it couldeven make them dependent on us, so robbing them of the opportunityto take responsibility for themselves, and obstructing their development.Psychotherapists say too that one of the core tasks for their clientsis to develop self-respect and "positive self-regard," to heal their feelingsof lack and inner impoverishment, and to allow them the experienceof well-being that is an essential part of our development ashuman beings.2. Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life (Bodhicaryavatara),translated by Stephen Batchelor (Dharamsala: Library ofTibetan Works and Archives, 1979), 120-21.3. The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology of Writings byand about the Dalai Lama (Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, 1990), 53.4. Quoted in Acquainted with the Night: A Year on the Frontiers ofDeath, Allegra Taylor (London: Fontana, 1989), 145.5. Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life, 34.6. The teachings define these four "immeasurable qualities" withgreat precision: loving kindness is the wish to bring happiness tothose who lack happiness; compassion is the desire to free those whoare suffering from their suffering; joy is the wish that the happinesspeople have found will never desert them; and equanimity is to see