Bar/Bat Mitzvah Handbook - Temple Sinai

BAR/BAT MITZVAHPreparation Timetable1 Year Ahead: Purchase Religious Apparel (Tefillin and Tallit)Come to Shabbat morning services with your child; child called to bimah for simchaaliyah (with parents or another adult; introduced to congregation as he/she startsB/M preparation process.)Contact Executive Director, Ed Altman, to discuss celebration plans and options andreserve space for your event (ealtman@tsinai.com or 215-643-6510ext 105). If you intend to sponsor an extended kiddush luncheon or a Saturdaynight celebration, you must talk with Ed Altman in order to reserve theappropriate spaces.Begin preparations for the start of Bar/Bat Mitzvah project.Please note: If you are planning an affair at Temple Sinai, a Saturday evening partycannot begin before the end of Shabbat (approx. 1 hour after Friday nightcandle lighting).9 –10 Months Ahead: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator (Marjorie Schwartz) will contact family to schedule individuallessons (mschwartz@tsinai.com or (215) 643-6510 ext 107).You will receive a packet of information/forms from Rabbi Wohlberg. This packet willcontain a number of forms to be completed and returned to Rabbi’s Assistant,Suzanne Teleha.Contact Suzanne to schedule the first of 2 meetings with Rabbi Wohlberg.4 - 6 Months Ahead: Complete and return enclosed multi-colored 3-paged B/M Information Packet to EdyIsrael, regardless of whether or not your celebration will be held at Temple Sinai.Submit a picture and completed biographical information form for Temple Sinai News toEdy Israel in the synagogue office (eisrael@tsinai.com).Submit videography and photography forms to Suzanne Teleha.Confirm all B/M meal and celebration plans and party options with synagogueExecutive Director, Ed Altman.Confirm that all outstanding financial obligations to the synagogue have been paid in full.8 Weeks Ahead: Schedule 2nd meeting with Rabbi Wohlberg. Email completed d’var Torah to RabbiWohlberg (awohlberg@tsinai.com) and Suzanne Teleha (steleha@tsinai.com).3 - 4 Weeks ahead: Give final version of honors/aliyot list and donation list of contributions to Suzanne in thesynagogue office.First rehearsal with Cantor.Set up morning minyan participation with Cantor Freedman.Week of:Meet your photographer for pictures.Participate in morning minyan, if you have a morning service.3

INFORMATION FOR PARENTS and STUDENTSPREREQUISITESFamilies who wish to celebrate a child’s becoming abar/bat mitzvah at Temple Sinai must be members ingood standing.In order to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Sinai astudent must have completed at least five years ofReligious School or the equivalent at a Jewish DaySchool. The student must be enrolled in a ReligiousSchool, Day School or Hebrew High School at the time ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.The privilege of leading parts of the service will beextended to those students who attain satisfactoryclassroom and Shabbat attendance. Students whoenhance their Shabbat service attendance will be ableand better prepared to maximize their participation.Please refer to the Shabbat Attendance Policy.ATTENDANCEDuring the Vav year (6th grade), students will beintroduced to the practice of wearing tallit and tefillin.Families are strongly encouraged to purchase a set oftefillin for their son or daughter. Tefillin are available forpurchase in the Sisterhood Gift Shop.Students are responsible for recording their attendance atShabbat Services through the Religious School Shabbatservice attendance log.Periodically on Sunday mornings, parents of Vav (6thgrade) and Zayin (7th grade) students will be expected toattend Bar/Bat Mitzvah related educational programs withtheir children. These dates will be part of the ReligiousSchool calendar.It cannot be emphasized strongly enough how muchfamiliarity with our synagogue’s Shabbat services will aida student in feeling more relaxed and comfortable on theday of his/her celebration. Please plan to attend Shabbatservices (Friday night and especially Shabbat morning)regularly from now until the time of your family’s simcha.BAR/BAT MITZVAH TRAINING PROCESSBar and Bat Mitzvah lessons will be set up by a call fromthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah Studies Coordinator, MarjorieSchwartz. The first lesson will be about 30 minutes inlength and a parent should be present for the entire firstlesson.Subsequent lesson will be 20 minutes per week and willnot conflict with Religious School classes.It is important that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator beinformed as soon as possible of any family members whoare interested in chanting a Torah portion.MITZVAH PROJECTStudents are required to take part in a mitzvah projectduring the year leading up to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Whencompleted, the mitzvah project, will be presented toMarjorie Schwartz, Bar/Bat Mitzvah Coordinator, and RabbiWohlberg no later than 2 months before the Bar/BatMitzvah ceremony.D’VAR TORAH (sermonette)Each student will work with Rabbi Wohlberg to prepare aD’var Torah which will be shared with the congregation onthe day of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. The D’var Torahmust be completed no later than 8 weeks before theservice.RABBI’S APPROVAL NEEDED FOR:1. Invitation:Submit to Rabbi Wohlberg before printing.2. Parent’s Prayer Offered in front of Ark:Submit to Rabbi Wohlberg before or during yoursecond meeting.3. Brochure Insert (if you choose to create one):Submit at least 6 weeks before B/M date.MORNING MINYAN PARTICIPATIONBar/Bat Mitzvah students are strongly encouraged to comewith their families to the Monday and Thursday morningservices which occur during the week prior to the Bar/BatMitzvah ceremony. The family will receive an aliyah and thestudent will chant portions of his/her Torah reading andparticipate in the service.4

INFORMATION FOR FAMILIESDuring midweek services, young men and those youngwomen who have chosen this obligation are expected towear tefillin.Bar/Bat Mitzvah families are asked to sponsor thebreakfast which follows the morning minyan. If you wouldlike to sponsor breakfast, please contact the synagogueoffice 1 month in advance.Families whose Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony will takeplace on Saturday afternoon at a Mincha/Ma’ariv/Havdalah service have a different timetable formorning minyan participation; please consult withCantor Freedman.SHABBAT BROCHUREInformation for the Shabbat brochure should be submittedto the synagogue office 4 (four) weeks prior to the Bar/BatMitzvah date. A sample copy of the Shabbat brochure isavailable in the synagogue office upon request.Grandparents, family members, and friends areencouraged to make donations in celebration of thesimcha. All donations will be listed in the brochure. If youare sharing a date with another family, reciprocaldonations are common. Many parents wish to expresstheir appreciation to synagogue professional staff for workdone in preparing their child for his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Adonation to a synagogue fund is an appropriate way toexpress this appreciation.TORAH HONORSTorah honors will be given to you and those adult Jewishmen and women you designate. The person called to theTorah must be able to read or recite the Torah blessings.If any person to whom you wish to give a Torah honorneeds assistance, please call the office, and the blessings(in Hebrew and transliteration) will be sent to you. If thosecalled to the bimah have small children, please assurethem that children are welcome on the bimah as long asthey are orderly and well behaved. A maximum of 6 adultscan come up together for an aliyah.Specific honors information can be found on the honorssheets included in this handbook.If members of your family are not Jewish, please consultwith Rabbi Wohlberg as to how they might be honoredduring the service.TORAH READERSTemple Sinai encourages family members of the Bar/BatMitzvah who are comfortable doing so, to read a portion ofTorah at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. We will be glad tosupply a recording if needed. Those who wish to readTorah will be required to have their Torah portion readingsapproved by the Torah Reading Coordinator. Plans forTorah reading by family members should be initiated nolater than 6 (six) months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvahservice.TIME OF SERVICESOur Friday night service customarily begins promptly at6:00 P.M. and concludes at about 7:00 P.M. The serviceis followed by an Oneg Shabbat consisting of lightrefreshments to which the entire congregation is invited.All families celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah areexpected to attend Friday night services the weekendof the simcha. Extended family and friends are welcomeas well.Our Shabbat morning service begins promptly at 9:30A.M. and concludes at about noon. The Bar/Bat Mitzvahfamily is requested to arrive no later than 9:15 A.M. and totake their seats by 9:25 A.M. The service is followed by akiddush to which the entire congregation is invited andwhere the congregation may extend good wishes to theBar/Bat Mitzvah family. Families that choose to celebratein the synagogue with a kiddush luncheon are asked toinclude the congregation in their Se’udat Mitzvah (Meal ofCelebration).If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is being celebrated at a Minchaservice, the starting time is determined by the RabbiWohlberg based on the time of Friday night candle-lightingthat week. The service lasts about one and one-quarterhours.The Sunday morning Rosh Chodesh, Chol HaMoed orChanukah service begins at 10:30 A.M. and concludes atabout 12:00 P.M.5

RELIGIOUS APPARELA Bar Mitzvah must wear a kippah and tallit. A BatMitzvah must wear a head covering. If a Ba6t Mitzvahwishes to wear a tallit, she may do so. However, thisdecision should not be taken lightly, as the wearing oftallit is a lifelong obligation.At Temple Sinai, all men wear head coverings. Allwomen who go to the bimah must wear head coveringsand should leave their handbags at their seats. We willgladly provide head coverings for those men and womenwho do not bring their own.At Temple Sinai, the tallit is worn at a morning service,but not at a Mincha (evening) service. However, at allservices, any man coming to the bimah for a Torahhonor must wear a tallit. At a service where tefillin areworn (Sunday or weekday) the Bar Mitzvah - and BatMitzvah if she has chosen this obligation - must weartefillin. Fathers and male siblings are also expected towear tefillin; other men receiving Torah honors areencouraged to wear tefillin.The Bar/Bat Mitzvah and family should dress in amanner which reflects the religious nature of thisceremony; short skirts, low-cut necklines, off-theshoulderand/or sleeveless dresses areinappropriate synagogue attire.It is important to remind women guests, especially thosewho will come to the bimah for an honor, that shortskirts, low-cut necklines, off-the-shoulder and/orsleeveless dresses are inappropriate synagogueattire.Religious apparel, including tallitot, tefillin, tallit andtefillin bags, head coverings for women and kippot(personalized), are available for purchase at TempleSinai’s Sisterhood Gift Shop, 215-643-7372.PARTICIPATION IN SERVICES1. Friday Nighta. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his or her parents willascend the bimah and read an English prayerbefore the congregation blesses the Shabbatcandles.b. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will recite Kiddush.2. Shabbat Morning/Shabbat Mincha/Sunday orWeekdaya. The parents of the Bar Mitzvah - and of the BatMitzvah if she has chosen to wear a tallit - willpresent the tallit prior to the beginning of theservice.b. At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service, the parents willbe honored with an Aliyah.c. As part of the service, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah willaddress the congregation. The parents of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah usually recite a prayer aloud in front ofthe ark. A meeting with the Rabbi to discuss theparents’ and child’s remarks will occurapproximately nine months prior to the Bar/BatMitzvah. Original prayers are encouraged, butplease remember that these are prayers to G-d infront of the Ark and the congregation.d. Siblings or other relatives of the Bar/Bat Mitzvahare welcome to call him/her to the Torah. Arecording may be obtained for young children. Ifyou prefer, the Cantor will call your child to theTorah.e. After the Rabbi’s charge, the parents and theimmediate family will be asked to stand and recitethe Shehecheyanu with the Rabbi.f. At the conclusion of a Shabbat morning service,the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and his/her immediate familywill exit the sanctuary first and stand alongside theRabbi and Cantor at the kiddush table in theauditorium.g. During most Shabbat morning services, adultsupervised babysitting is available. We encourageyou to make your guests aware of this service.h. The parents and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will beasked to come to the synagogue and serve as“greeters” at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service whichproceeds their simcha. Families celebrating onShabbat morning or on a Sunday/Weekdaymorning would greet at a Shabbat morning service.Families celebrating at a Shabbat Mincha servicewould greet at a Shabbat Mincha service.6

Bar/Bat MITZVAH CALENDARCHANGESThe assignment of B’nai Mitzvah dates occursapproximately three years in advance of the synagogueceremony. During the intervening period of time, it maybecome necessary for the synagogue to create a doubleBar/Bat Mitzvah on a Saturday morning that wasoriginally scheduled to be a single. The synagoguereserves the right to make such a change up until thepoint at which a student begins his or her Bar/Bat Mitzvahlessons.Bar/Bat MITZVAH CELEBRATIONThe Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration should focus on thereligious significance of the occasion. This is a time thatshould be marked by the gathering of family and friends.It is Temple Sinai’s philosophy that ostentatious partiesdeny the sanctity of the occasion and take away from thereligious significance of the event.In planning your celebration, we strongly urge you to keepin mind the pronouncement of the Conservative Rabbis ofour community regarding the manner of celebratingreligious occasions. They state that: “Two of the mosthallowed Jewish institutions which we deemindispensable for the survival of Judaism are Shabbatand kashrut (Jewish dietary laws). To violate either orboth of these sacred traditions in conjunction with thecelebration of a religious event, such as a wedding or Baror Bat Mitzvah, is to compromise seriously thesignificance of the occasion and to render a disservice tothe tradition which provides the motivation and theframework for that occasion. Accordingly, we call uponour people to enhance the spiritual character of thesacred moments in their lives by observing them in wayswhich honor the Shabbat and kashrut.”In order to enhance the celebration of a Bar/Bat Mitzvahin the Synagogue, the following policy has been approvedby the Board of Directors: “In accordance with an opinionwithin the Rabbinical Assembly’s Committee on Law andStandards, the Temple Sinai Religious Committeeapproves live background and Israeli folk music at asocial function celebrating a religious simcha held in thesynagogue on Shabbat. The type of music will bespecifically regulated, and only Israeli dancing will beallowed.”The use of cell phones, pagers and other electronicdevices is prohibited on Shabbat. Please makecertain that you and your guests turn off such devicesbefore entering the synagogue.Smoking is prohibited within the building as well as onthe grounds of Temple Sinai. Please ask your guests toabide by our policy. Chewing gum is also not permittedin the sanctuary.Please encourage your guests to remain in thesanctuary for the duration of the service. Constantentering and exiting during the service detracts from thesanctity of the occasion.It is expected that visitors and guests act appropriatelyat all times and treat our facility with respect.The Synagogue does permit professional videotapingand still photography of Shabbat luncheons undercertain conditions; flash photography and videolights are not permitted on Shabbat. No photography isallowed in the sanctuary. In all cases, only thoseprofessionals engaged by the family are permitted tophotograph or videotape. If you are makingarrangements to videotape the service and/or yourluncheon, you must contact the synagogue office.BAR/BAT MITZVAH FEESThe Bar/Bat Mitzvah family pays a fee to cover the costsof all instruction, including materials. The fee also helpsto defray the cost of the Oneg Shabbat. The use of thesynagogue immediately following services for theKiddush is also included.The synagogue enlists the services of security guards forall Bar/Bat Mitzvah evening parties and occasionally forother related events as well depending on the type ofevent and number of attendees.This security service is arranged by the synagogueoffice and is billed to the B/M family. The fee for thisservice must be paid to the synagogue one month prior tothe affair.The Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee and all other outstandingfinancial obligations to the Synagogue must be paid in fullno later than six weeks prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.7

PARENTAL EDUCATIONParents and their children preparing to become Bar/BatMitzvah are strongly urged to attend Shabbat servicesregularly during the year before their child’s simcha. Becomingfamiliar with the service will enormously enhancethe joy experienced throughout this simcha.Parents are encouraged to take advantage of the manyAdult Education classes and programs offered at the synagogue.SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCESThe experience of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah providesa wonderful opportunity to focus on what a child canaccomplish. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah highlights successes,not limitations. If a child has a special need, theEducational Staff and Clergy should be informed as soonas possible. With ample preparation provided by ourBar/Bat Mitzvah Studies Coordinator, the Bar/Bat Mitzvahceremony can and will be a meaningful event in ayoung person’s life. Every child has the right to participatein a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony which is both meaningfuland appropriate.Helpful Phone Numbers:Temple Sinai Office (215) 643-6510Sisterhood Gift Shop (215) 643-7372Bar/Bat Mitzvah Studies Coordinator, Marjorie Schwartz (215) 643-6510 x-107Executive Director, Ed Altman (215) 643-6510 x-105Bar/Bat Mitzvah Event Manager, Edy Israel (215) 643-6510 x-100Rabbi Wohlberg’s Assistant, Suzanne Teleha (215) 643-6510 x-103Accounting Office: Marcy Lyons Gohen (215) 643-6510 x-121Ellen McGrother (215) 643-6510 x-1228