The Morning After… - Happy Hour Kickball

happyhourkickball.com

The Morning After… - Happy Hour Kickball

The Morning After… Page 1www.happyhourkickball.com


Volume 4, Issue 11On the Cover:Ronnie Ford, showing you how it‟sdone...HHKB Tip of the Week:When driving make sure to look both waysbefore running someone over, don‘t want thecops to catch you!The Morning After...Summer 2010 July 13, 2010Well here we go people!The 2nd half, the back end, the turn if you will.We‟re rolling down hill towards the playoffs,end of the season and end of season party,it‟s gonna be a rocking and rolling good time!As we get back into the mix, we have theusual stuff in here for your reading pleasure,recaps, witty commentary, a kick ass coverand maybe something different (if this is yourfirst newsletter).Also, fall registration is open and this seasonlooks to be amazing, „cause the fall is alreadykick ass, but I have a feeling this will be reallykick ass. Take cover, get a dry martini andenjoy Issue 11!CBIn this Issue:Cover Page 1Front Page Page 2Actual and Factual News Page 3Fall Season Advert Page 4Skeeball advert from USS Page 5This Week and Next Week’s Schedule Page 6Week 9 Recaps Page 7The Word from Bacchanaleon, God of Kickball Page 13Ain’t That A Kick in The Head?! Page 14Partying with Party Marty Page 15The Barking Dog Power Rankings Page 16Week NIne Awards Page 17Flip Cup Results, Week 9 Page 18Weekly Team Flip Cup Standings Page 19Survivor Flip Cup Standings Page 20HHKB Fantasy Baseball Advice Page 21HHKB Pie Chart of the Week Page 21The History of HHKB Invented Beer Games Page 22Happy Hour Horoscopes Page 23Back Preview of the next Morning After Page 24Conference 7N StandingsTeam W L TThere’s No ―I‖ in8 0 1ThreesomeHobo World Order 6 2 1Multiple Scoregasms6 2 1Goulletio 6 3 0B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!! 3 6 0The Grass Kickers 3 6 0Skid Markz 3 6 0Conference 7S StandingsW L TBootyism 7 0 2Blame it on theJuice!6 3 0Colonel Angus 4 4 1GOBOTS 3 6 099 Problems but aPitch Ain’t One2 7 0Sir Kicks a Lot 2 7 0Keg Kickers 1 8 0The Morning After… Page 2www.happyhourkickball.com


Actual and Factual News that We did NOT MakeWednesday, June 30—HHKB Fall Season Registration Opens! $49 for the season (cheapest in thearea), we play Sunday mornings at 10:30 and 11:15am before heading over to the Barking Dog for allthe NFL action, Team Flip Cup and Survivor. This will also mark the return of the Beer OH Lympics,which has gone on a short hiatus. We‘ll also have nights out to see the Caps, Wizards, and Nats, aswell as the first ever Fall metro crawl!Finally, we‘ll have our three parties, pre-season party, Kick Ass Homecoming Party and Kick Ass End ofthe Season Party.It‘s a laid back kind of scene that everyone enjoys. If you‘re interested in participating and need a teamor want to start a team, let us know!Or just sign up here!Saturday, July 24—CSL and HHKB Field Day! Details are still being worked for this, but what I cantell you is that we‘re playing all your favorite field day games, but with beer! There will be grilling, drinkingand taking it back like when you were in grade school! Check out the site to get registered and tosee what games we will be playing!Saturday, August 7—HHKB Summer Playoff Day and Kick Ass End of the Season Party! It‘s aday of playoff action followed by a night of some wild partying. The day starts at 10 am and continuesfor your team for as long as you‘re playing in our single elimination tournament. That evening we crownour 2010 Summer HHKB Champions, hand out superlative winners, trophies and MVP awards. Oh, anddid I mention that from 7pm—11pm we‘ve got an open bar on all drinks? Yeah, that might grab yourattention! Can ―There‘s No I in Threesome their kickball title? Can Blame it on The Juice and Blake Cdefend their respective flip cup titles? Come out Saturday the 7th to find out for yourself!Sunday, September 5—The Fall Season kicks off! We start it all off with a scrimmage and then wehead to the Barking Dog for some afternoon Memorial Day Weekend beers and Stokes. The regularseason starts the next week with a regular season kickoff party and game. The following week...I‘mthinking doubleheaders!Rainouts—In the case of a rainout, the website will be updated by 5:00 pm, the day of the game as willthe Twitter feed, the Facebook Page and the Weather line (202-415-2843). If the rainout occurs after4:30 pm, the division heads will contact captains, or the appointed contact persons, and it will be thecaptains‘ responsibility to inform their respective teams. Of course our specials at the Barking Dog willstill be honored.Referees—Each must provide a referee, either for the 6:30 pm game if you are playing at 7:15 pm or forthe 7:15 pm game if you are playing at 6:30 pm. Failure to provide a referee will count as a forfeit.Forfeit Policy— Only really occur if you have less than 4 people, this will be very difficult to accomplish,so we don‘t think this should be an issue…The Morning After… Page 3www.happyhourkickball.com


An Invitation to Fall HHKBDear Friends,I came to you last week letting you know all about Fall HHKB, and now it‟s time to drop someserious bullet point knowledge on you, dig in, and you know, I look forward to seeing you onSundays at Meadowbrook!Cost: $49 a person, still the cheapest in the area!Game days: Sunday mornings at 10:30 and 11:15 am, plus some double headers so youget more bang for your buck!Nights out to the Nats, Caps, and Wizards.The Fall Beer OH Lympics!3 Parties, Pre-Season, Kick Ass Homecoming Party, and Kick Ass End of the SeasonParty.Registration opens June 30, 2010, with the first weeks open to returning HHKBers beforenewbies are asked to join our merry group of drathletes (athletes who drink).The First Annual Fall Metro Crawl, we‟ll be rocking t-shirts this time around!Fantasy Football for CharityWeekly Team Flip Cup, Pitcher Races and Survivor!The Happy Hour Kickball Bong of Champions, and a little Danger Flip!Theme weeks, including NFL jersey week, St. Patrick‟s Day and School Spirit week.Drink and food specials including Mimosas, Bloody Maries and WingsA Wing Eating ContestAnd of course the crowning of our King and Queen of KickballIf that‟s not enough, maybe the following newsletter covers will only serve to entice you! Ifyou‟re interested, hit us up via email to reserve your team‟s spot!The Morning After… Page 4www.happyhourkickball.com


Registration forSKEEBALLis NOWOPEN!!Come Join United Social Sports and the Barking Dog as we bringyou Bethesda’s one and only Skeeball League!DC’s has had it for months, now its Maryland’s turn. Check outour Washington Post Article or our Youtube video to get an ideaof how much fun Skeeball + Happy Hour + Friends can be.GAMESSTARTThursdaysJuly 29thJoin as a free agent, with friends,or create your own team.Players recieve drink discounts, team t-shirts, nightly drink giveaways and more.Join at UnitedSocialSports.comUSS is proudly associated with:


Field Week 10June 30, 20103 6:304 6:30Last Week‟s ResultsTime (PM) Home AwayMultiple Scoregasms (13) Sir Kicks A Lot (7)There’s No “I” in Threesome (11) Keg Kickers (0)5 6:30 99 Problems but a Pitch Ain’tOne (1) Skid Markz (3)1 7:153 7:154 7:155 7:15Bootyism (10) B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!! (5)Blame it on the Juice! (6) GOBOTS (10)Hobo World Order (3) Colonel Angus (3)The Grass Kickers (1) Goulletio (8)Field Week 11July 14, 20103 6:304 6:305 6:30This Week‟s ScheduleTime (PM) Home AwayB.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!Sir Kicks A LotThere’s No “I” in Threesome99 Problems but a Pitch Ain’t OneThe Grass KickersMultiple Scoregasms4 7:151 7:155 7:153 7:15GOBOTSSkid MarkzColonel AngusGoulletioThe Morning After… Page 5www.happyhourkickball.comBootyismKeg KickersBlame it on the Juice!Hobo World Order


Check out the latest recaps from this past very hot and very humid Wednesday.They are fandamntastic peoples.Game 10 RecapsThe Juice Gets De-Pulped by GOBOTSby Caprice H.GOBOTS vs. Blame it on the Juice!The GOBOTS have transformed, but we will not be mistaken for Transformers! This week, weshowed up for what we expected to be a thorough juicing by the Juice. However, we madelemonade while the lemons were ripe for the picking and won 10-6!Now, you may wonder, how did the GOBOTS win this game? Why the sudden change? I givecredit to the pre-game smore cupcakes provided by Chris H. from Multiple Scoregasms.Nothing like a little sugar high to make you run faster, kick harder, and cheer louder. Speakingof cupcakes, have you noticed that there are a lot more cupcakes going around kickball thesedays? Chris H. has taken it up as a hobby (a hobby that everyone around appreciates), cupcakesby the Nuffer and Judge, and then cupcakes for Lindsay W. from B.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.M.However, I was asked to be cupcake consultant via text message from Chris H. this week, so ifyou have any requests, bring ‗em. Back on topic, I guess we could have also gotten revved upby our GOBOT fans, a.k.a Andre‟s super supportive family on the sidelines and Jessica N. withher broken finger.As for the game, the Juicers started out with their usual pizzazz, getting off to a lead by the 3 rdinning, where we had what we like to call a ―SHInning.‖ Yup, that inning where at the end of it,the only word that you can utter is ―woops…‖ So, in the 3 rd Juice scored 3 runs on top of the 2that they already had. Yup, woops. But then, the Judge showed up and gave up 2 KBI‘s. KBI,acronym for ―Kicks Batted In‖ or ―Katie Being Incredible.‖ That was all that we needed to getthe momentum to blend the Juice to oblivion! Inning 6 provided us with 7 runs! Kudos to Drew“the Kittey”, Sam “I Am” C, Shaun “kicks for” Miles, Kathy C., Katie “the sentencer” Judge, PatJ., Ted “as great as the Senator” Kennedy, Matt, and Andre “the kicking Giant” for runs. However,we had a special moment in GOBOT history where we had a Grand Slam. Basesloaded, 2 outs sort of Grand Slam. The kind of Grand Slam that can only happen in the gameof POGS. That‘s right, POGS. Grab them out of storage and bring them to the next game,because we‘re already there.And no, you don‘t see my name among the numerous scorers of the game. The only thing Iwas good for in this game was the theatrical stunts pulled in the outfield. You didn‘t hear that Itried to catch a ball behind my back? Try it, it makes the game much more interesting, andhigh scoring!The Morning After… Page 6www.happyhourkickball.com


GOBOTS vs. Blame it on the Juice! cont...So, relishing in victory and beating the Juice to a pulp, yes a pun, we all headed to the bar.We compiled a dream team of Drew Kittey, Katie J., the Nuffer, Capricial, and Kathy C. toplace 2 nd . Unfortunately, we lost to the Juice. Sorry, guys, only so many wins in a day againstthe Purple People Eaters.But, to no avail, the Judge was Here AGAIN in Survivor on 6/30/10. Two weeks in a row ofnumbero uno. All around, it was a good night for GOBOTS. We are on fire, a fire almost asred hot as our shirts.Game 10Blame It On The Juice! vs. GOBOTSby the JuicersWeek 10 brought the Juice! up against the GOBOTS. The Juice! was very loose from pregamingwhile the GOBOTS wanted to kick some balls and a$$. The game was close until theGOBOTS blew it open in the top of the 6 th with 5 runs on good kicks and aggressive base running.At the bar, both teams dominated flip cup with the Juice! taking the championship inTeam Flip Cup over the GOBOTS and Katie taking 1 st Place in Survivor over Jason.Here are our highlights:What a wonderful night. It did not rain, we easily won thekickball game, we held the best theme week of the season,we had cake, we won Team Flip Cup, we gotr 3rd inSurvivor, and a bunch of us stayed out until All I have tosay is "Does he really have a peg leg?"7 of the 13 players pre-gamed at Comet; Julia toreherself away from beer and pizza to ref the early game -thanks!Louis started off the game with an awesome double playMarie had one of the most amazing catches in the outfield in Juice history, possibly HHKBhistory. And then she ran the ball in all like "what, who's gonna try to take a base on mywatch?"Mike had a sweet fingertip catch, running in from RFOur "aggressive base running" wasn't very aggressive and second guessing cost us a fewoutsRoss had a nice slide into homeplate but was called out; the out at 2nd base was not so goodJason dove for the ball somewhere between 2nd and 1st but missed and Seamus' crashon the way to 3rd base in the last inning was disappointingEven with his fancy new cleats, Juice couldn't manage to get traction and fell severaltimesThe Morning After… Page 7www.happyhourkickball.com


GOBOTS vs. Blame it on the Juice! cont...At the bar Louis made his debut on Team Juice! for flip cup. He got off to a shaky start butthen found his grooveWe won 1st place in team flip cup while Jason got 3rd in Survivor!Or a Juice favorite...MO-HEE-TOSWe had a pretty good showing toward the end of the night, with Tracey, Jason, Seamus, andBecky Murrrphy! being amongst the last there.I told myself before the game that I didn‘t want to drink much and I‘dleave right after Survivor was over… Right.Tracey is very good at skeeball. Jason is not very good at skeeball.Thanks to Biz, Luke and the unknown guy for reffing the game. Congratulationsto Katie for the huge win in SurvivorFinal Score: GOBOTS 10 – Blame it on the Juice! 6Good Lord could these two write ups have more stuff for me to comment on!? I supposethey could, but I am betting I don‟t really touch on them too much, why? „Cause Idon‟t really feel like it! I feel bad for the GOBOTS that got no nicknames. Was it thesame reason that George didn‟t get to be T-Bone, so it was either something like Cocoor nothing? In retrospect, Coco is a great nickname, since Conan rocks and Leeeeeno(as my mom calls him) sucks! Juice is digging on Mojitos? Does Vodka Cran knowthis? The Juice does not seem like the straying type, but sometimes you have to ditchthe eastern European and go straight to Central America for something a little sweeter.I don‟t know if this is actually true, but I believe someone may have said that in the1700s…Oh Yeah!by Nikki BKeg Kickers vs. There‟s No “I” in ThreesomeHow bout Keg Kickers played our best game this past week! Final Score: Keg Kickers 0 – There’s No ―I‖ in Threesome 11Short and too the point, I dig it. It‟s seeing the silver lining in the clouds people, that‟swhat gets you from the fields to the bar...that and an overwhelming desire to drink, playgames and maybe, just maybe meet that special someone...or someones if you‟re bangingout a Quatro!The Morning After… Page 8www.happyhourkickball.com


More Learning from the Scoregasms!by Scott MMultiple Scoregasms vs. Sir Kicks A LotIn Honor of Spain winning the World Cup, I have put together a list of Fun Facts for your readingpleasure:Spain produces 44% of all the earth‘s olive oil.The night life if jumping with 344.000 bars!There are many animals in Spain. However, bats are prevalent and the symbol of Valencia.Scientists found that one bat actually eats birds!If you drink hot chocolate in Spain you will find it very thick almost like drinking warm pudding!The tooth fairy is not recognized in Spain. Instead, they have a tooth mouse named RatoncitoPerez!Final Score: Multiple Scoregasms 13 – Sir Kicks A Lot 7I learned nothing from this! Scott, I require pretty pictures of landscapes that make meyearn to travel. Finding out that Spain has 344,000 bars while interesting and importantwill not give me what I need...that being pictures of people celebrating in said bars allnight long. As for Olive Oil, well that‟s just good stuff, you can put it on everything!And if you‟re in the mafia along with construction work, you can act as an importer of it,or so the Godfather has taught me. But then I would probably have an argument withmy girlfriend as to why I only focused on the importing and not exporting...oh the travailsof being Art Vandelay.The Big C ComethGoulletio vs. Grass Kickersby Chris BThis past week saw the return of The Big C to Goulletio, albeit it was a short viewing as hewas quickly whisked back to whence he came, the lovely retirement hamlet of Tampa.His presence while brief, impacted us all in different ways…ways I can‘t begin to explain or expoundupon as to do so would be akin to staring into the Arc of the Covenant for you, thereader.For if I did your face would surely melt and you would die a most painful and indescribably unpleasantdeath…you poor, poor surprised and crispy reader.The game itself was fine, nothing really exciting, we finally got a win after 3 weeks of futility andlate inning breakdowns. I still think there is some Angus on us that we can‘t shake off, perhapsa bath in Clomato juice will do the trick.The Morning After… Page 9www.happyhourkickball.com


Goulletio vs. Grass Kickers cont...In the end a victory tasted sweet, sweet like water drank from the chalice that Leon himself hadbled into, in fact we had chosen wisely, thank Leon!At the bar, we just couldn‘t get it done and had a terrible game against the GOBOTS, who literallyripped our Flip Cup Hearts from our still beating chests as we could only finish in thirdplace. Survivor my friends, was no better as nary a Goulletion could place in the top 4. Perhapsthe week off will do us some good, or could this be signs of things to come?Final Score: Goulletio 8 – Grass Kickers 1Only a guy could be referred to as "The Big C" and not take it as an insult. Assuming hedoesn't take it as an insult. Anyway, it's back to God's waiting room for him. A Caesar,isa cocktail popular mainly in Canada. It typically contains vodka, clamato, Worcestershiresauce and Tabasco sauce. The Caesar is Canada's most popular cocktail. Themore you know . . . Leon's blood tastes like burning. The Flip Cup stakes is high for theGoulletions. Have they already made their last crusade?Tosh.0 Should Have Disclaimers, and Other Storiesby Tim MB.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!! vs. Bootyism cont...I‘ll start out discussing something that I never really discuss in any detail: the game.Upon arriving at the field, Dave began flinging rubber bands in my direction. Apparently, hehad been trying to repair his cleats with rubber bands and super glue. You‘llhave to ask him whether it gave him that little extra snap in his step. Goodgrief that was punny.Owens was also conspicuously absent. We all surmised that he wasschmoozing with Twilight star Robert Pattinson. He will, in all likelihood, emphaticallydeny this but the camera doesn‘t lie.But now, let‘s return to the game. (See? There I go, getting off track again!)And to introduce the part of my writeup that actually deals with the game,let‘s have a quick review of a very specific part of the rules, shall we?The Playing Field―The kickball diamond is a square with equal sides of 60 feet played on a grass field. Thepitching mound is in the center of the diamond, 42 feet from home plate, and directly alignedwith the first base/third base diagonal.‖The Morning After… Page 10www.happyhourkickball.com


B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!! vs. Bootyism cont...Or is it?I‘m just going to assume that one of twothings happened during our gameagainst the Booty. One, whoever linedthe field made several large errors inmeasurements which resulted in themound being a good 10-15 feet closer tothe plate than it should have been. Ortwo, Annie just magically grew thatmuch…This was just the beginning. Obviously,it‘s never a good sign that you can popthe ball in the air, and be halfway to secondbase before it‘s caught. Or, in thecase of Chip‟s team, you can have a ballricochet off the guy running to first (Jeremy) into the face of your first base coach (Chip), andthe runner can be just about to third before the ball is even recovered.The smaller field seemed to be an advantage for both teams,leading both sides to rack up the runs. The Booty, however,decided that it was not the night to either get spanked or bespanked themselves, and saw fit to only score 10 runs or so toB.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!’s 5 or so.The bigger question is, why do I think that Tosh.0 needs a disclaimer?Ok, so Daniel Tosh isn‘t in the habit of engagingin Jackass-level stunts, at leastfrom what I‘ve seen. Granted, he appearsto like outhouse-snorkeling. And some ofthe other things that he does on the showwould seem to be completely harmless.All I‘m saying is, be sure to ask Owens how he hurt his ankle last week.Final Score: B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!! 5 – Bootyism 10I don't get the Robert Pattinson thing. He looks sleepy and dirty to me. And I wouldknow what it is to be sleepy and dirty. You'd have to agree that Annie looks like shewas due for a growth spurt. Field set-up can be a tricky process, what with the anglesand paint fumes and counting and whatnot. But, both teams play the same field but dothey play the field the same? [insert gong noise]The Morning After… Page 11www.happyhourkickball.com


The Word from Bacchanaleon, God of KickballLeon came to us in the summer of 2009 in volume 3, issue 4, to celebratethat event, we are going to give Leon the week off and publish his first columnfrom way back then to show our appreciation, take it away, old Leon!Allow myself to introduce myself; I am Bacchanaleon, god of Kickball, butmy friends call me Leon. I am also god of many lesser things. For example,I am also the god of drive-thru liquor stores and pornographic origami.Anyway, back to my proclamation:All of you will listen, because I have a booming voice and I am able to docheap parlor tricks which you construe as miracles of some sort or another.Many of you have questions. But since I am the God of Kickball, Ido not know the answers to any of the really good ones. Themeaning of life for ex-ample. No clue. Vishnu left a memo on thexerox machine one time, and it said something about an Omphaloshypothesis, Pirates, a stripper factory and a beer volcano, but Icouldn't make heads or tails of it.Why does it rain every Wednesday, you ask? Are we being punished?Yes, of course! Always assume when something doesn't goyour way, you are being pun-ished. Ask a Catholic person, theyknow what I am talking about. But the real ques-tion is: Why areyou being punished? Because your weekly homage to me, Leon, God ofKickball, is much too tame. Every Wednesay I look down from my houseboatin the sky upon your mid-week fesitval and I see a meek celebration.Sure, there is beer on a shirt here and there and I think I saw a nipple twoweeks ago. But this is not enough to tide me over until I get my illegal cablehook-up fixed. Therefore, I demand more debauchery, I demand morelasciviousness, and so help me . . . Me, if someone does not fall downthose stairs in the next couple of weeks, there will be a blight of llama flu.Look, I am not asking you to sacrifice a virgin, and god knows I am about14 years too late to ask you to sacrifice your virginity. Just liven it up a littlebit. Do it for me, your old buddy Leon. Or else, I'll make it rain.The Morning After… Page 12www.happyhourkickball.com


Ain’t that a Kick in the Head?!This week we asked, “It‟s the All Star Break in the MLB, what do you think?”Why can‟t this season just end already...just end it!!!!Katie J, GOBOTSI heard Strassy isn‟t pitching, so f it, also the Strassburger, that thing is asoverrated as the Italian soccer team!Chris H, Multiple ScoregasmsI demand that steroids be brought back into the game, for the childrenof course!Marty S, GoulletioGood Lord, the World Cup ends and the slow come down is the AllStar Game...would you give a coke addict in recovery a lolly pop? No,so how the hell is this even close to fair.Andrea G, 99 Problems but a Pitch Ain’t One!The Morning After… Page 13www.happyhourkickball.com


Partying with Party MartyBecause we all deserve a break every now and again, we’re givingMarty one as well.As such, we are going to reprint his very first column right here, rightnow.So, with what came forth in volume 2, issue 19 back in the Fall of2008. Take it way Marty of old:A man walks into a non-smoking bar cigarette in hand. Itslowly burns down and pumps its noxious fumes into the air.His greasy hair is being held down by a dirty bandana. Thefrightened bartender makes him aware of the non-smokingstatus and he roughly rubs the cigarette up and down his leftleg. Next to him is a 300 pound whale that might be his date.Either way he has his sights set on her and is working hischarms. It is quite an animated tale he has gotten into and forsome reason he keeps pointing to his right leg.Apparently there is something magical under his pants and hewants her to have a look. He bends over and grabs the cuff ofhis jeans. He struggles for a full minute to pull his pant legpast the knee.If I wasn't fascinated by this scene before now I'm hooked. It takes a special kind ofstupid to actually think you are going to pull jeans that high up your leg. But he continuesto fight on. You can see the years of hard drinking and smoking taking their toll ashe breaths harder and begins to sweat. But that son of bitch pant leg won't go past themiddle of his calf. Finally he surrenders to the fact that it is just not going to happen, ordoes he?Because apparently this man has realized there is more than one way to skin a cat andmore than one hole in your pants. You can see his slow motor slowly working as theepiphany strikes him. He stands at full attention and leans back a bit to get his stomachout of the way. He then proceeds to unbuckle his pants in the crowded bar. I leanback in horror not believing what I'm seeing, this idiot is not going to drop his pants?Then he does it, he just lets them drop. After five minutes of work he finally has full accessto the area he has been looking for. And what magic gift was waiting at the end ofall this work? A BRUISE this monster-tard dropped trough in the middle of the bar toshow off his dime-sized bruise to his whale-sized woman. I can't tell you why I didn'tlook away or what was going through my mind when his jalepeno pepper boxers madetheir first appearance. All I know is I was scarred for life!This was a true story. This is the kind of trouble you can run into when you leave townfor the weekend (Damn you Pittsburgh). Take it from me your reigning King of KickballMarty Schell. Don't ever leave town, stay here always. There is much more fun to behad flippingcups and drinking beer with the lovely subjects of HHKB. One final tip fellas, keep thepants on. Nobody wants to see that, NOBODY. I'm looking at you Stopher!The Morning After… Page 14www.happyhourkickball.com


Barking Dog Power Rankings presented by Bud LightWeek 10— June 30, 20101 99 Problems but a Pitch Ain’t One (2) – 10 deep at the end of the night, you know2 Goulletio (4) – If The Big C is in town, we’re making a strong appearance.3 Blame it on The Juice! (7) – Team FC Champs…big surprise right?!4 Multiple Scoregasms (10) – Scott our geography was kicking it late night.5 GOBOTS (6) – Look out for Katie J, the silent Survivor assassin.6 Skid Markz (14) – How do you spell huge jump? Just like this!7 Hobo World Order (5) – It’s a Hobo World People!8 B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!!! (11) – Euro Trippin’, does Marjy even know?9 Sir Kicks A Lot (3) – Another Ford will join us, Bizz Jr.!10 Colonel Angus (9) – No Aryan means a drop!11 Bootyism (8) – Rolling with the ladies…12 The Grass Kickers (12) – A nice showing, not too flashy…13 The Keg Kickers (1) – I’m just making this up now…14 There’s No I in Threesome (13) – Eh, not so good.The Morning After… Page 15www.happyhourkickball.com


This This Season‟s Week‟s Weekly AwardsAwardsThe Billy Dee Williams Smooooth Play of the Week awardgoes to Chip and Jeremy for somehow bashing balls off eachother into each other‘s faces...so smooth.The BOOOM Goes the Dynamite Award goes to the GOBOTwho had the grand slam, they are so grand aren‘t they...The Sticky Icky Buds Hands of the Week for Great Fieldinggoes to Marie C for a tremendous catch that carried her all theway to the parking lot!The Chuck Norris Big Kick of the Week Award goes to DanH ‗cause all he does is kick the crap out of the ball!The Yellow Bed Pan for Kickball Ineptitude Award goes toJason Yang for failing to catch a ball while also falling down...The Fat Joe Make it Rain Award goes to 99 Problems for thebest bar attendance at the Back 9!The Morning After… Page 16www.happyhourkickball.com


Week 9 Flip Cup ResultsBlame it on theMultiple ScoregasmsTable 1Sir Kicks A LotTable 1Sir Kicks A LotBlame it on theJuice!There’s No I in Three-Table 1Blame it on theJuice!Table 2Keg KickersKeg KickersSkid Markz99 Problems but aTable 3Skid MarkzBootyismTable 2Skid MarkzWeek 9 ChampBlame it on theJuice!Table 1Table 1B.O.O.O.O.O.M!!!!!B.O.O.O.O.O.M!!!!!GOBOTSTable 4GOBOTSTable 2GOBOTSGOBOTSThe Grass KickersThe Hobo World Or-Table 3Colonel AngusColonel AngusTable 3GoullettioTable 2GoullettioThe Morning After… Page 17www.happyhourkickball.com


TeamWeekly Team Flip Cup StandingsWeekly ChampionshipsWonMatches WonSurvivorGames WonTotal PointsBlame it on theJuice!5 22 1 59Goulletio 3 20 6 58Sir Kicks A Lot 0 15 1 15GOBOTS 0 13 2 15Multiple Scoregasms99 Problems but aPitch Ain’t One1 9 1 130 11 0 4Colonel Angus 0 9 0 4B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!! 0 6 0 4Bootyism 0 6 0 0There’s No ―I‖ inThreesome0 5 0 0Skid Markz 0 4 0 0The Keg Kickers 0 3 0 0Hobo World Order 0 2 0 0The Grass Kickers 0 1 0 0Points are awarded on a weekly basis as such:8 points for a Weekly Championship6 points for 2nd place4 points for 3rd placeThe Morning After… Page 18www.happyhourkickball.com


Week 10 Survivor ResultsSurvivor Flip Cup StandingsPlace Player Team Points1 Katie J GOBOTS 82 Chris H Multiple Scoregasms 63 Jason Y Blame it on the Juice! 4Survivor Season StandingsPlace Player Team Points1 Chris B Goulletio 422 Katie J GOBOTS 203 Jayne F Goulletio 164 Chris H Multiple Scoregasms 145 Blake C Blame it on the Juice! 125 Jason Y Blame it on the Juice! 126 Alan R-C Blame it on the Juice! 107 Sabrina M Sir Kicks A Lot 87 Mike T Goulletio 88 Caprice H GOBOTS 68 Thomas L Hobo World Order 68 Annie L 99 Problems but a6Pitch Ain’t One8 Melanie M Sir Kicks A Lot 68 Sean M Blame it on the Juice! 68 Melissa R Goulletio 69 Jim C Sir Kicks A Lot 49 Latdavone I The Grass Kickers 49 Charlie M Goulletio 49 Jen S B.O.O.O.O.O.M.!!!!! 49 Marty S Goulletio 4The Morning After… Page 19www.happyhourkickball.com


HHKB Fantasy AdviceEveryone plays a fantasy sport of some kind nowadays, and since we are a part of“everyone” we will be giving you advice on who to start and who to sit this Summer.Because the WC is over, and MLB is on break, let‟s preview the NFL!Must StartMatt Leinart – Anyone that likes to party likewe do always gets a must start.The Redskins – I‘ve heard people say they‘regoing 10 – 6, I mean that has to be reasonableright?!Mike Oher – The Blindside movie was sodamn heart warming!Must SitBrett Favre – Huge Douche!Tim Teabow – ‗Cause he sucks.LeBron James – I know, not football, but still,screw him.Michael Crabtree – Hey, I like Subway too!Albert Haynesworth – I mean you have topractice to play…fatty.Pie Chart of the WeekThe Morning After… Page 20www.happyhourkickball.com


The History of HHKB Invented Beer GamesIn the past, HHKB has played and invented many drinking games, it‘s true, more than any otherleague in the entire Kickball World. Why you would be wondering or considering the outside kickballworld confuses me however.First off there was the Beer Relay, this is a Beer OH Lympics Staple and combines allthe skills one would need if they were to have a beer gaming interview. It includes FlipCup, You Got Served, Pong and Chugging a Pitcher and to top it off, the Beer Bong ofDoom. All skills a well rounded drinker needs.Then there was Drink Flip Run. Drink Flip Run requires fourtables, and a cup for each person running around said tablesat each table. You and three (or 7 if you‘re playingThe Beer Relay circa 2007team Drink, Flip, Run) start off at different table, once the bell rings you drinkyour cup, flip it and then head over to the next table and do this 4 times untila winner finishes first. The first version had four total cups around the insideof each table. This was then changed to 8 as the outside of the tables wereincluded. Finally, it was taken up another level with the inclusion of a relayrace where teammates drank a cup, and tagged a waiting partnerat each table, this included 4 cups per person.Drink-Flip-Run, circa Fall2007Then there was Flong. Flong was invented due to a lack of beer, and small cups. It combinesthe best of Flip Cup and Pong. You get to flip a cup and to throw a pong ball into apyramid as well, including rebuttals, picking and pointing. Eventually afull cup faceoff comes about and everyone smiles.FLONG!Circa 2008During the Summer of 2009, the Board of Champions came about. TheBoard was incorporated into our Weekly Survivor match, that pitted asmany people as we could around the tables. The Board requires skill and asteady hand, the steady hand is usually the tricky part.Danger Flip!Circa 2009The Survivor Board of ChampsCirca 2009Finally, in the Fall of 2009, after another long and mostly notbig drinking game of Danger Zone (thanks to Cory for bringingthis to us), Charlie came up with a great way to supplementan already great game. Danger Zone has all the playersstanding around a big table (or combo thereof) with three cups situated in frontof them. There are then 2 pong balls in play as each person takes turns throwingat people across from them. If you sink a cup, that cup is drank and the throwergets to go again and you rotate, like volleyball (sort of). Once you are standing infront of a single cup, you are in the danger zone (and Kenny Loggins plays in yourmind), if your cup is sank you, are out. Now, Danger Flip is a little different. Basicallyafter every third throw, everyone around the table grabs their Flipping Cupdrinks it and flips! The loser of the flip off has to drink one of their cups from theirDanger Zone Triangle. If it‘s your last, you are out!So there you have it, the newest HHKB invented drinking game. Are you interested in getting down?I know that you are!The Morning After… Page 21www.happyhourkickball.com


Happy Hour HoroscopesEvery week, we will give you a look into your future as we consult the stars...welcome to HappyHour Horoscopes!Aries— You will take a vacation from yourself this weekend, which can only mean good newsfor the marmottes of eastern France.Taurus—The stars predict that you will make it big in the next lifetime, but for the time being,broke and homeless will be your fate.Gemini—You will be asked to give the commencement address at a local university for thesummer session, but will be upstaged when Bob Ryan shows up totting free copies of his weatheralmanac.Cancer—BP will lay all the blame for the Gulf Oil Spill at the feet of that person most responsible,you because you just wouldn‟t stop touching that which should not be touched!Leo—As usual your sister got the last word in, but to be fair, your arguing skills leave somethingto be desired when you chose to mimic the style put forth by Henry Clay when clearly youshould be hoping to use the Daniel Webster route!Virgo—Be honest, I look good wearing this bow tie...it‟s ok to be excited by the former mayor,that‟s right Anthony Williams wants to take you out for chips and dip...or just intercourse.Libra—If you think people don‟t respect you now, just wait until you explain your theory ofglobal warming later!Scorpio—The Snowpocalypse of 2010 will exact revenge on you by depriving you of somemuch needed ice for your beverage. Take that bemoaner of weather!Sagittarius—They say the path to a man‟s heart is through his stomach and you‟ll prove themcorrect, when you stab a man through the stomach into his heart, thereby killing him.Capricorn—Jupiter predicts you‟ll shut the hell up during dinner and get your elbows off thetable young man!Aquarius—When the plot to Shallow Hal comes true for you, you will be most disappointedthat Tony Little is just that, so damn littlePisces—Your constant questioning of the stars will result in them screening their phone callsand will always have other plans when you call.The Morning After… Page 22www.happyhourkickball.com


The Morning After… Page 23www.happyhourkickball.com

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