Ministering to the Young Single Adult - Elmer Towns

Martha is frantically searching for something she can’t explain. She acts like thehigh school girl she was five years ago. She hasn’t learned to accept her role as an adult,nor her role as a single person. Martha needs to answer the question, “Who am I?”The young single adult has a compound problem in searching for identity. First,he is searching for his identity as an adult. Second, he is searching for his identity as anunmarried person. The young single adult who finds a proper self-role and selfidentificationwill usually come to a healthy adjustment. Those who rebel at their role ofbeing unmarried may cause themselves severe personality problems. Some may live inthe future, hoping even though they are single, that out there in the future they willbecome married. Those who always live in the future and never face the present realitylive unsatisfied lives.Many times desperate frustration comes to the heart of the single girl. She maywant very much to be married and as a result comes to the place where she will acceptany man who will ask her. Clyde Narramore has stated:The girl who starts labeling herself “distress merchandise” is to bepicked up cheaply by anyone. She should realize it is far better not tomarry at all than to marry the wrong one. Being single never wrecked anygirl’s life; but being married to the wrong man has utterly destroyed manywomen. 1Other young single adults may react negatively to not getting married. Feelings ofinferiority can creep into the life and impair ego strength. They may attribute theirsingleness to what they think are personal lacks. One might think, “I am not marriedbecause I am not worth having.” An inferiority complex can damage the personality andcause the young single adult to become withdrawn and uncertain of himself.Self-pity also may grow in the life of those who feel neglected because they areunmarried. When people fail to attain what they want in life they may blame others, or,even worse, they may substitute self-pity. Self-pity can be like a cancer once the infectionhas set in. The young person who feels sorry for himself probably will not seek a cure butwill indulge himself in always complaining as an emotional release.The young single adult must honestly face the prospect, “I may not get married.”Perhaps this is God’s plan for his life. Each must readjust to his place in life and ask thequestion, “How can I find meaning in life as a single person?”The young single adult will find other problems with self-identity. Because he isat the bottom of the business ladder he may feel inferior and view himself as a secondratecitizen. Robert S. Clemmons has summarized the self-image of the young personwho is just starting out in his vocation:1. Feels that he is at the bottom of the economic ladder.2. Feels that he has more skill and ability than he is called upon to use.