Parenting - Finneytown Local School District

Table 3
PHP Parenting Perfectionists
Types of Praise
Empty Praise
“You are a good dancer.”
“You are so smart.”
“Great job.”
“You beat the Cardinals.”
“You are so creative.”
Safe Environments
Parents can create safe and supportive environments
within their families to encourage healthy risk-taking.
By acknowledging your own mistakes, you can work
to create a place in which honesty, rather than perfection,
is valued. Recently, one of the authors forgot a
deadline at work. As she relayed the story at the dinner
table, her family was able to see not only that she made
a mistake but also how she coped with it by discussing
the issue with her boss. This opened up to a further
discussion over dessert about how she was frustrated
with herself for the mistake but how she could overcome
and continue and that it would not prevent her from
volunteering for other projects in the future. Her family
talked and shared about how they all felt when they are
disappointed in themselves and how they coped. Communication
is the key to creating a safe environment for
children within a family.
Concrete and Specific Praise
Another way to build a safe and secure environment
and raise a child’s confidence level is to provide concrete
and specific praise. Empty praise or continual praise that
is not linked to specific actions does little to help a child
develop a sense of accomplishment or pride in his or her
abilities. It is possible to provide your child unconditional
and continual love and support, while communicating
praise at specific actions. When parents consistently find
concrete actions and accomplishments to encourage in
their children, the children learn to find joy in their successes,
as well. For example, “I am so proud of how hard
you worked on that pirouette” is more meaningful to a
child than, “You are such a good dancer.” See Table 3 for
more examples of specific praise.
3 • 17 Parenting • Parenting for High for Potential High Potential
Concrete Praise
“I love how hard you worked on
getting that pirouette right.”
“You learned so much this week
about your history project.”
“Excellent job scoring that goal
during the game today! I can tell you
practiced so hard.”
“You made more baskets than you
did last week.”
“I love your idea for the art project—
it is so unique. You have great ideas.”
These types of praise help children appreciate their
individual successes and will help to fortify their selfconcepts
to withstand disappointments that come from
occasional failures.
Low-Risk Starting Points
For children who are extreme Risk Evaders, it can
be a struggle to entice participation in any new activity.
Thus, parents may need to start on small scales and
build on successes. A child who enjoys pick-up games of
ball in the neighborhood may be encouraged to join the
community t-ball league. A children’s church choir may
be less intimidating for a shy, but talented, singer than
a large school choir. Organizations such as Girl Scouts,
Boy Scouts, Boys and Girls Clubs, YMCA, and 4H also
provide opportunities for children to try a variety of
activities in a noncompetitive environment. As children
grow in skills and confidence, they can extend their
activities to include more competitive environments.
Suggestions for Parents
Although these guidelines provide a general sense of
direction, many parents wish for specific ideas for their
Risk Evaders. These suggestions are meant to be activities
that you could start as family traditions on a regular
basis, or even as one-time experiences, tomorrow.
Family Adventure Night
One simple way to encourage healthy risk-taking is to
institute “Family Adventure Night.” Family Adventure
Night is a chance for families to cooperate and try new
activities that are outside of their comfort zone. By modeling
healthy risk-taking, parents show children that having
fun is more important than avoiding mistakes. These
adventure nights provide a place to develop a safe and
secure environment for imperfections and also provide
low-risk starting points for risk-taking. Family Adventure
Nights might be athletic activities, such as miniature golf,
bowling, or roller skating. They could also be impromptu
activities at home, such as charades, karaoke, or learning
a new dance. With slightly more preparation, families
could work together on a new recipe, craft, or household
project. The idea is to pick an activity that no one has
a particular talent for but that everyone would consider
enjoyable. This provides an opportunity to laugh at your
own mistakes and enjoy participation rather than perfection
or high performance. These activities also provide
an opportunity for parents to be an example, sharing with
their children any uneasiness about trying something new,
excitement over improvements (rather than winning),
and mistakes made.
Family Game Nights
Lots of family resources recommend family game
nights to build community and facilitate communica-