The Crocodile UF - April 2016 - Pollenpocalypse

POWERED BY 

UPDATE: 

STUDENT IS FROM 

MIAMI! 

ENGINEERING STUDENT 

3D PRINTS FIRST 

GIRLFRIEND 

COME ON, 

JUST READ IT 

ALREADY!

Every 

COUNTS 

being a gator means caring about the 

Gator Nation! if you OR a fellow gator 

is in distress, contact U Matter, WE Care. 

umatter@ufl.edu | umatter.ufl.edu 

352-294-CARE (2273) | @UMatterWeCare

THE MOST 

IMPORTANT 

PART OF 

ANY OUTFIT 

BE SAFE. 

WEAR A HELMET. 

MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY

CONTENTS 

5 Editor’s Letter 

8 Pollenpocalypse 

10 End of Semester Checklist 

11 UF Engineering Student 3D 

Prints First Girlfriend 

19 Dogs Reading the Crocodile 

21 Croc Tails 

22 Update: A UF Student is From 

Miami 

23 Postcard From Your Mom 

25 Experiment Gone Wrong Causes 

New Physics Building To 

Disappear 

12 Beaty Towers Elevators To Be 

Replaced With Rock Climbing 

Walls 

27 Op Eds 

28 Classifieds 

13 UF Alerts 

14 Finals Fashion 

17 Band With More Than 12 Fans to 

Perform at High Dive 

18 UF IT to Eject Sakai Floppy Disk 

This Spring 

29 Horoscopes 

32 Awesome Back Cover 

Advertisement 

4 | April 2016 Did you know an asteroid could kill us all at any moment?

EDITOR’S 

LETTER 

SUPERHEROES 

WANTED 

DEAR READERS, 

Thank you all so much for sticking with us 

during our first semester of printing magazines! It has 

certainly been a learning experience for me (who the 

heck thinks it’s a good idea to run a magazine at 21??) 

but I’m looking forward to refining our processes and 

bringing you more content each month. 

Hopefully you’ll all pass your finals so that you 

can be with us next semester. For those of you here over 

Summer A and B, we will also be printing each month just 

for you (and our advertisers)! We’d like to help alleviate 

some of that summer boredom for you. 

I’d also like to give a shout out to all of the 

writers that have contributed this semester to make the 

magazine awesome! You guys are the best, even if I don’t 

have time to get pepperoni rolls every meeting. 

See you on the other side (of finals), 

Poseidon 

OWNER/FOUNDER/JANITOR 

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CROCODILE CONTRIBUTORS 

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF 

PEYTON S. 

CONTENT EDITOR 

PEYTON S. 

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS 

PEYTON S. 

AMALIE B. 

MARK M. 

MACKENZIE P. 

RACHAEL T. 

MAX C. 

MICHAEL S. 

ERIC H. 

ELENA Y. 

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STAFF@THECROCODILE..ORG 

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SPECIAL THANKS TO 

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The Millennial Florida Crocodile April 2016 | 5 

004SH_3_8583x10_0394_4cMWr.indd 1 

7/9/15 12:42 PM

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6 | April 2016 

Is it finals already?

WHEN WILL THIS 

POLLEN NIGHTMARE 

END?

END OF THE SEMESTER 

CHECKLIST 

10 | April 2016 Oh man, don’t even get me started on the word “Millennial.”

UF ENGINEERING STUDENT 3D 

PRINTS FIRST GIRLFRIEND 

Senior engineering student Jordan Harris’ work 

propelled science to new heights today after 

he told some friends over coffee that they 

had successfully 3D printed a living, 

breathing person. 

Agrippa 

Crocodile Staff Writer 

staff@thecrocodile.org 

Harris said that he had been working on the 

project for “a little while now” after fruitlessly 

endeavoring to find someone who just so happened 

to share his passion for particles and racing 

drones. It was only after countless anonymous 

flowers left on a crush’s desk, awkward conversations 

and being flat out rejected by three girls from 

his statics lab that Harris chose to just make the 

right girl himself. 

Longtime friend and fellow engineering major 

Jaylon Crowthers told Crocodile sources that he 

had been able to meet the greatest scientific 

achievement in history, surpassing such renowned 

pieces such as the Hubble Telescope, the vaccine 

for polio, and lube. 

“It was incredible, as soon as I met 

her, I knew that he had a keeper on his 

hands,” 

Said Jaylon admiringly. He followed up 

that statement by wistfully uttering under his 

breath. “If only I was as smart, or lonely, of an 

engineering student as Jordan, maybe I could’ve 

thought of that.” 

Even Dean of Engineering Cammy Abernathy, 

praised the “incredible devotion and work 

effort of Mr. Harris to 3D print himself a 

girlfriend.” Abernathy hailed the invention as 

proof of necessities’ power to motivate people to 

accomplish the unheard of, though she admitted 

she wasn’t quite sure how it was biologically 

possible. 

Jordan was able to do all of the work here at UF, 

using the various 3D printers located around 

campus to make each part of “Marie” at once and 

then hastily assemble her. However, he did admit 

he had to buy her clothes from Target. “He was so 

precise, you could tell that he had a ton of practice 

using the machines,” Lab tech Mark Hursh 

said. 

“Now that I know what he was building 

this whole time, I guess that makes a lot 

more sense.” 

While attempts were made to reach Harris, 

it appeared that he was busy analyzing the anatomical 

structure for any anomalies. 

We would NEVER lie to you. April 2016 | 11

BEATY TOWERS ELEVATORS 

TO BE REPLACED WITH ROCK 

CLIMBING WALLS 

The University of Florida Housing Department 

announced plans to replace the Beaty Towers 

elevators with rock climbing walls this Tuesday. 

Hoplite 



“We’ve just received so many complaints 

from residents about those elevators in Beaty,” 

Explained Lee Snyder, president of the UF Housing 

Floor Transportation committee. 

“It just made sense to get rid of them 

altogether.” 

Students seem excited about the potential 

change, as so many of them have been victims of the 

terrible elevator experiences that plague the dorm 

building. “One day, the elevator just never showed 

up when I pressed the button. I was stranded on 

my floor for hours,” Said Sally Wallas, a 

second-floor resident of the west tower of the 

dorm complex. 

“I missed all my classes. And then I 

eventually had to take the stairs, which was 

even worse.” 

Even when the elevators do work, residents 

of the hall claim that being inside them is worse 

than waiting the average 2.5 hours it takes for 

them to come. “I had to hang on to the side-rails 

as I made my way down,”According to Snyder, 

rock-wall construction will begin during June, 

with an expected completion date of May 2020. 

During this time the officials claim life in 

the dorms will resume as usual, except Beaty 

Towers residents will be asked to take the stairs to 

travel to their floor and are suggested to buy 

earplugs for the 24-hour construction that will be 

taking place. 

When asked about those who live on the 

top floors, particularly 10 through 14, Snyder 

replied: “Silly goose, we don’t have any floors 

above 10.” 

We sent reporters to investigate said claim, 

and discovered that upon traveling to the upper 

floors of the complex, you will be faced with a 

gray abyss. 

Scientists later confirmed that this abyss 

was actually just cannabis smoke. 

Julia Davidson, Snyder’s assistant, 

explained that rock-wall safety instructors are 

required at all times for students to climb. Therefore, 

they will be stationed by the wall entrances 

from 10 a.m to 2 p.m every Monday, Wednesday, 

and every other Friday. Any other times they 

suggest the students “find a friend” to help out. 

It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the 

stairs will be replaced with inflatable waterslides. 

12 | April 2016 Isn’t it sort of weird that we’re commercializing humor?

UF ALERTS 

My mom sent me a care package but all the chocolate was melted. April 2016 | 13

FINALS 

FASHION 

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$99.95 at NIKE.COM 

GRILLED CHEESE 

AND FRIES 

$4.99 at P.O.D. MARKET 

WRINKLED SWEATPANTS 

$69.99 at URBAN OUTFITTERS 

FLIP FLOPS 

$0.99 at TARGET

OFFICIALLY LICENSED 

GATORS(TM) HAT 

$49.99 at UF BOOKSTORE 

UF CAMPUS MAP 

PRICELESS 


GATORS(TM) SHIRT 



GATORS(TM) SHORTS 



GATORS(TM) SHOES 

$99.99 at FOOT LOCKER

QUESTION: 

Registration for fall classes is coming up. Every semester, I 

never end up in any of the classes I need to take. I’m forced to sign up for random classes, 

pushing graduation forward by yet another semester. I need your advice; how can I successfully 

register for all of my classes? 

ANSWER: 

Don’t you fret; as a 6th year exploratory major, I can tell you that 

course registration is easy as pie. Here’s how to successfully register for all of your classes in five 

easy steps. 

Plan Ahead: Check your Major: Take Gen-Ed’s: Take a Break and Have Backups: Since 

Know exactly what classes Before registration arrives, If you can’t get into any 

Come Back Later: 

the majority of all the 

you want to take at least make sure you are actually major specific courses, just If registration is stressing classes you are required to 

one month in advance. in the major you are take some more gen-ed’s. you out, just relax. Take a take will be inaccessible for 

Since your degree audit studying. There is always You may be asking, but few days’ break, snuggle up one reason or another, 

will be too confusing to the chance you will receive what if I’ve already in your hammock, and have a backup list of 

understand, you will need an error message right completed my gen-ed come back to it refreshed classes. These courses 

to see an advisor to find underneath the box requirements? Don’t and reinvigorated. By this should be both enriching 

this out. However, make signifying your major saying worry, your degree audit time, all of the classes you and beneficial to your 

an appointment early, you are not part of your will add a new unmet wanted to take will be college career. Some of our 

since they will be on major, and, therefore, can’t gen-ed requirement each filled, so you won’t have to recommendations include 

vacation during 

sign up for the classes you semester, so those will add worry about the stress of Man’s Food and Age of 

registration week. want to take. Although it up. 

signing up for them. Dinosaurs. 

may be tempting to just 

drop out at this point, your 

dilemma can be resolved 

with a simple three hour 

wait at the advising office. 

If you follow these easy steps, you will be enrolled in all of your dream classes in no time. 

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16 | April 2016 These footer text things are pretty erratically punctuated,

BAND WITH MORE THAN 12 

FANS SAID TO PERFORM AT 

THE HIGH DIVE 

The High Dive announced late yesterday on 

its Facebook page that a band with more than 

12 fans will be performing at the High Dive 

next week. 

Apollo Tropical 



Known as the Table Toppers, the band started 

out playing in the basement’s of local Alachua 

County Resident’s homes and has since upgraded 

to performing in the loading dock areas behind 

shopping centers. 

The Table Toppers is said to bring in not 

only a huge fan group, but also a distinctly unique 

one. 

“This fan group isn’t like the rest. We’re 

diverse,” Said fan number 7, Joey Gloes. 

“I found out about the Table Toppers 

on SoundCloud, whereas fan number 8 

found out about them on Spotify.” 

The High Dive spokesperson said that 

while they are excited for such a highly regarded 

band to perform, they have slight concerns about 

the Table Topper’s double digit fan base and are 

contemplating adding an extra bar stool to accommodate 

for the band’s fans. 

“We just don’t know where we’re going to 

put all the fans estimated to come out,” High Dive 

Manager Kim Ranger said, 

“We’ve never had more than five 

people show up at a time.” 

The Table Toppers are said to always make 

for a unique and exciting performance. Rumors on 

the fan forums suggest that the setlist for this 

special event will consist of nothing but Green 

Day and Panic at the Disco covers. 

“How original!” Said professional Spotify-talent-hunter 

Ricky Duales. 

“I guess I’m going to have to get there 

early, to get a good seat.” 

Fans have already set up camp outside of 

the High Dive and have created a giant dome of 

smoke surrounding the facility. Though a fan 

confidently assured reporters that it was only 

water vapor. 

The band is set to perform Thursday at 8, 

and the show is estimated to last approximately 8 

minutes after the Table Toppers have played all of 

their 3 hit songs. 

Don’t you wish your paper was glossy like me? April 2016 | 17

UF IT TO EJECT SAKAI FLOPPY 

DISK THIS SPRING 

After recently learning that critical security 

updates for Windows 95 were halted in 2001, 

UF’s IT department finally announced that 

the 3.5’’ floppy disk containing the entire 

Sakai system would soon be ejected. 

Hades 



“The system is still running great. There’s no 

reason to assume any sensitive data was compromised,” 

Said Mike Glorn, a spokesperson for UF 

IT, before getting into more technical details about 

the decision. 

“Minesweeper, pinball, and spider solitaire 

all run fine which is a good indicator that there 

hasn’t been a security breach. I even ran a McAfee 

scan this morning and everything checked out.” 

The IT staff went on to explain that they 

are unsure of how to remove the floppy disk from 

the Windows 95 server. “There is this weird 

button on the front and Jim was afraid to push 

it,” Glorn said. 

“So we just tried to hold a magnet up 

to the computer to break it.” 

According to sources, the IT staff is still 

hard at work attempting to shut down the system 

and get the disk out and have announced a self-imposed 

deadline of May 9th. 

New job postings indicate that UF is 

looking to hire a “floppy removal specialist” to 

assist with the shutdown. 

Experienced professors across campus have 

already voiced their concerns about the future 

shutdown, many of whom have been using the 

program since it was first introduced in 1942. 

“I have tiny scratches on my monitor that 

let me know where to click. If Sakai changes, I’ll 

have to get a new monitor and spend years getting 

the new scratches where I want them,” a prominent 

humanities lecturer exclaimed. 

UF IT has already pledged to install the 

new system on the same floppy disk once it is 

removed and erased. 

“The speed and reliability that the 

floppy disk provides cannot be matched,” 

said one UF technology spokesperson. 

“A committee has been formed and we hope 

to bring this unfortunate situation to a swift 

conclusion.” 

Some names for the new system have 

already been discussed, including “Tadakatsu” 

and “.” 

UPDATE: After multiple failed attempts of 

removing the disk, UF IT has announced that it 

will be hosting a bonfire to just burn the whole 

computer instead. 

18 | April 2016 Jokes you can write home about

Charlotte and her sister peruse the 

latest issue of the Crocodile and 

look to us for approval (we do 

indeed approve). 

I really wish the Crocodile van had air conditioning. April 2016 | 19

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20 | April 2016 If you liked this magazine, please rate us on Yelp!

CROCTAILS 

THE GRADUATING SENIOR 

INGREDIENTS: 

-Tequila 

-Capri Sun 

-A copy of your resume 

-Graduation cap 

Congratulations, you’re graduating! This means you get to leave your 

college years behind and move on into the big, big world to do real adult 

things—like get a job! This drink is the perfect way to forget about 

exactly that, because we all know you’ve been trying to pretend your 

student loans aren’t there for the past 4 years. 

INSTRUCTIONS: 

Get out the graduation cap that your mom will want to display but 

that you will probably never look at again, and get out the tequila you 

still have lying around from when you had time to party, and pour in 

2-3 shots depending on your major (for communications take 2, 

medical take 3, and arts use 3-5). Combine with Capri Sun to remind 

you of your sweet, debt-free childhood. Finally, take one of the 35 

copies you made of your resume to send to various employers and use 

that to mix it all up—just for good luck. Thoroughly mix, and enjoy 

with a side of your last bowl of Kraft mac n cheese. 

If you’re taking that statistics exam tomorrow, 

you’re probably going to want something to give 

you a slight reprieve from the past 3 and a half 

months of torture. Never mind thinking about INGREDIENTS: 

your potential grade, or the fact that a C in this -3 cans of Red Bull 

class is required for your major, for this 1 drink -Lavender tea 

there is a 100% confidence interval that it will 

-Hard lemonade 

make you feel like a pro. 

-Luck 

INSTRUCTIONS: 

You’re probably already anticipating pulling an 

all-nighter to cram the online lectures you didn’t watch into your 

brain, so take 3 Red Bulls and pour them into the largest saucepan 

you own. Next, you’ll probably want to soothe your mind after all the 

math you’ve been doing to try and calculate the lowest grade possible 

you can get to pass, so brew up some nice hot lavender tea. Finally, stir 

in some hard lemonade because if you’re going to be up all night you 

probably deserve it. Finally, cross your fingers while you chug and 

hope for a C+. 

APRIL FOOLS!1! 

STATISTICS CIDER 

April Fools day is everyone’s favorite time of year to “prank” all of their 

closest friends by hurting, scaring and lying to them—what could be better? 

Actually, a lot of things. This tasty concoction will help you to wash away 

all the pain by the multitude of jokes your “friends” surely pulled on you 

this year. 

INGREDIENTS: 

-Water 

-Milk 

INSTRUCTIONS: 

-Aspirin 

-6 pack of 

choice beer 

-Vodka 

Considering the fact that you are probably covered in chocolate syrup, 

shaving cream, or some other unspeakably substance from your roommate’s 

hilarious joke—use the water first to rinse yourself off. Next, add 

half a cup of milk into your drink to help soothe your tastebuds after your 

buddy put hot sauce in your coffee. Then, add a couple of ground up 

aspirins for the headache from the airhorn in your face this morning, and 

finally add two shots of vodka for each time someone tried to convince 

you that you had missed some kind of exam. Enjoy, and then drink the 6 

pack without any of the people mentioned above. Repeat annually. 

You’ve just been PUNK’D!!!!!! April 2016 | 21

UPDATE: A UF STUDENT IS 

FROM MIAMI 

In a shocking twist of events, the University 

of Florida has discovered one of their freshman 

students, Enrique Ramirez, is from the 

rare region of Miami. 

Elagabalus 



This shocking development has caused an 

uproar on UF campus, causing to the student in 

question to turn into a sensational celebrity overnight. 

Most UF students come from Lakeland, 

Niceville, or Gainesville, so this stud from the 305 

has girls and boys alike drooling all over campus. 

“It’s like seeing Pitbull in person,” 

Said Ramirez’ classmate Whitney Grace, fanning her 

flushed face and holding out her selfie stick. 

“He’s like a magical unicorn I just want to pet.” 

Ramirez’ fame has become so out of control that 

students are skipping classes to watch him eat at Gator 

Dining, exercise at Student Rec, and call his Abuela back 

home. Students have reportedly thrown themselves into 

trash cash to salvage Ramirez’ crumpled napkins. 

“I’m from Miami,” said Ramirez when asked for 

a deep quote about this instant fame and homegrown 

roots. 

The University even announced that they 

would be hosting a fiesta during Gator Nights to 

celebrate the novelty of Ramirez’ orange and blue 

spirit, the playlist will only feature other superstars 

from Miami like Enrique Iglesias, Jason 

Derulo and Sean Kingston. 

According to the UF Department of 

Ridiculousness, 

a sizable portion of students have also learned to 

speak Spanish, in the hopes they may one day speak 

to the South Florida god. 

“Having a student from Miami really increases 

our diversity quota.” Said Megan West, director of 

cultural affairs. 

“And who knows? We might even get a student 

from Jacksonville.” 

ACTIVATE YOUR 

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22 | April 2016 April Fool’s

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Don’t eat this. April 2016 | 23

EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG 

CAUSES NEW PHYSICS 

BUILDING TO DISAPPEAR 

An unexplainable physical phenomena has 

caused the New Physics Building by the 

Commuter Lot to completely disappear, 

said everyone with eyes nearby. 

Agrippa 



Dr. Carl Nagas, a particle physicist on staff at 

the university, was reportedly working on a classified 

project dealing with the nuances of quarks 

and electromagnetic forces when a sudden instability 

in his experiment caused the whole operation 

to go haywire. 

“At first, beakers, pens, and other random 

objects started to be zapped up from around the 

lab, but as the anomaly continued, it got a hold of 

more and more until eventually the whole building 

had just disappeared!” Said Marcus Croonley, the 

sole surviving witness of the disaster. 

“It even got that stray tabby that lived in 

the basement, poor thing.” 

Nearby motorists stuck in the snarled traffic all up 

and down Gale Lemerand and Museum watched in 

awe as the entire building abruptly vanished from 

sight. 

Carrie Wortherby, one of the dozens of 

people who got out of their car to watch the scene 

unfold, hysterically told Crocodile reporters what 

she saw. 

“It’s like a giant demon just took the whole 

building and every soul with it, 

as if it was acting as a giant garbage man!” She 

said. 

“Makes sense that red-haired gal made it 

out though, about time it worked in a gingers 

favor to have no soul.” 

Amongst the rubble-strewn dirt field that 

remained after the power went out and the 

out-of-control experiment ended were bits of 

organic material, shards of building debris, and 

one perfectly intact Macbook Pro with a “Don’t 

Worry, Be Happy” sticker placed prominently on 

the lid. 

The world’s top scientists had no explanation 

for the occurrence. The leading hypothesis, 

put forth by scientific luminaries such as Neil 

Degrasse Tyson and Stephen Hawking is that a 

localized black hole swallowed up the building, yet 

nobody knows if the end of the experiment signified 

the end of unusual activity on site. 

“At least it ended my exam in that 

hellish lecture hall,” 

One nearby student remarked. 

“I’m glad it’s gone but I’m going to be sad 

those little whisper-across-the-room-disc-things 

are gone.” 

We have at least six teams of lawyers at any given time. April 2016 | 25

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26 | April 2016 Better copyright your comics! Otherwise people might make fun of them ;)

OP-EDS 

WHY I CHANGED MY MAJOR 

IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXAM 

Some people might think it’s kind of strange that I 

changed my major in the middle of my final exam (especially 

my adviser), but they just don’t get it. 

Imagine you’re sitting in the New Physics Building, working on one of the 88 

questions on your Physics exam, and all of a sudden you realize this isn’t your 

calling—dance is. Ok, maybe a bio-engineer switching to the finer arts seems 

a little uncommon, but as I sat there thinking about all the science classes and 

equations in my future, I realized I would much rather be working with plies 

than particles. What can I say, I guess I’m destined to be on the stage instead 

of in a lab. Also I was definitely going to fail that exam. I mean, can you blame 

me? Physics is hard. You definitely don’t have to take any kind of science for 

dance right? Because I was in way over my head, but don’t tell my adviser—she 

thinks I’m just passionate about becoming more cultured. 

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WHY I’M STAYING FOR 

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Recently, I’ve heard a lot of rumors about summer classes, 

how they’re just made for people to take harder classes 

with easier professors and avoid seeing your parents for 

an extra month or two, but I’m here to clear up any 

misconceptions about why a student like me would 

register for Summer A. 

...think about the possibilities 

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First of all, I’m a true Gator—I love spending time on our beautiful campus. 

Can you imagine how great it is during summer to lay in your hammock and 

just enjoy the sun shining through the trees in Plaza, or tanning by the Florida 

Pool? Secondly, just because I don’t necessarily want to get a job during 

summer doesn’t mean I don’t work—it’s called being a full-time student, 

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or text “Santa Fe” to 47464 for more info. 

dude. Third, my lease goes through July and there’s no way I’m leaving my 

room unguarded around my animalistic roommates, who knows what would 

happen? Plus I heard the parties during Summer A are sick, and with such 

easy classes I’m gonna be able to turn up every night! What, that’s Summer 

B? Not again. 

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The Single and Ready to Mingle Florida Crocodile April 2016 | 27 

TC-Crocodile Ad_March_01-2016-R15896-v1r0-FINAL.indd 1 2/26/16 9:

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Weird Reitz art $10,000 

This abstract piece of plastic art is one of a 

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you’re ignorant if you don’t understand this 

is what I’m trying to say. 

Pet turtle 

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I had this turtle since he was a little baby, but 

now I’m ready to send him off. He currently 

lives in the Reitz pond and definitely alligator-proof, 

at least so far. Loves tanning and 

cuddling. Might give you salmonella though. 

Power outlet in Marston 

$20/hour 

These babies are rare this time of year so I 

camped out at one and I’m renting it out for 

your convenience. I know your computer is 

going to die soon and you haven’t saved that 

Word Doc in like 20 minutes so you’d better 

hurry up before someone else claims it. 

STEPS FROM THE UF CAMPUS 

Studios, One & Two Bedroom Apartments in the Heart of Gainesville 

COMMUNITIES 




collegemanor.org | 352.372.7111 | 1216 SW 2nd Ave 

28 | April 2016 That milk has been bad for weeks, Anthony.

HOROSCOPES 

ARIES 

Don’t eat that lollipop from 

the floor even though it still 

has the wrapper on it. You’re 

better than that 

LEO 

Grades are just a number. 

So are your student loans. 

SAGITTARIUS 

Don’t buy into what they tell you 

on TV. There are hidden 

shipping and handling charges 

on that Magic Bullet! 

TAURUS 

Do not try to bend the 

spoon, that would be 

impossible. Instead, try to 

realize the truth; there is no 

spoon. 

VIRGO 

Hold on, I’m out of Tarot 

cards. Is that the same thing 

as horoscopes anyway? 

CAPRICORN 

Despite what your study 

abroad trip might make you 

think, you do not have a 

British accent after only 6 

weeks. 

LIBRA 

You will buy a brand new 

cell phone, but then drop it. 

It will get a tiny scratch that 

no one else will notice but 

will plague your thoughts 

for the next two years. 

GEMINI 

I mean you could walk all 

the way to Taco Bell on 

University for lunch but let’s 

be serious, you’re going to 

regret it in more ways than 

one. 

AQUARIUS 

Your mom definitely won’t 

mind that you spend a few 

hundred dollars on music 

festival tickets. It’s your 

actions that disappoint her, 

not your taste in music. 

CANCER 

Just because you’re lactose 

intolerant doesn’t mean you 

can’t have fun. 

SCORPIO 

Using words like “punitive 

action” and “don’t talk to me 

or my son ever again” just 

make you sound like a jerk. 

PISCES 

Today, you will read a 

Crocodile article. Ha, that one 

will definitely come true! 

We thought of this text like 2 hours before we printed! April 2016 | 29

AT CAMPUS CLUB! 

APRIL 23RD 

2-7PM 

BEVERAGES WILL BE PROVIDED! 


Gainesville, FL 32608

Reach hundreds of millions* of UF students by placing in ad in the Crocodile! 

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The Crocodile UF - April 2016 - Pollenpocalypse

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