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Trump vs Hillary Flip Book

TRUMP vs HILLARY: THE ULTIMATE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK Something to Offend Everyone and Make You Laugh! In the wake of the success of his laugh-a-minute 14-book collection of politically-incorrect and Bad Taste jokes – the most successful joke book collection of the 21st Century – joke book impresario Mike Callie has created nearly 300 of the funniest (often off-color & bad taste) jokes about the “jokes” who are running for President in 2016. “ TRUMP vs HILLARY – THE ULTIMATE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK lampoons not only Hillary, Bill and The Donald but it also takes on and pokes fun at Bernie, Obama, Ted Cruz and many of the other 2016 political season’s bit players who still refuse to remain on the sidelines. Available just in time to help you laugh your way through the boring party conventions, the campaigns and debates, this book gives you something to laugh about in a presidential campaign that pits two of the most unpopular candidates in a head-to-head joke-fest to see who is the most embarrassing and more disliked. You Really Need These Laffs!!

TRUMP vs HILLARY: THE ULTIMATE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK
Something to Offend Everyone
and Make You Laugh!

In the wake of the success of his laugh-a-minute 14-book collection of politically-incorrect and Bad Taste jokes – the most successful joke book collection of the 21st Century – joke book impresario Mike Callie has created nearly 300 of the funniest (often off-color & bad taste) jokes about the “jokes” who are running for President in 2016. “ TRUMP vs HILLARY – THE ULTIMATE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK lampoons not only Hillary, Bill and The Donald but it also takes on and pokes fun at Bernie, Obama, Ted Cruz and many of the other 2016 political season’s bit players who still refuse to remain on the sidelines.
Available just in time to help you laugh your way through the boring party conventions, the campaigns and debates, this book gives you something to laugh about in a presidential campaign that pits two of the most unpopular candidates in a head-to-head joke-fest to see who is the most embarrassing and more disliked.

You Really Need These Laffs!!

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2016 ELECTION EDITION<br />

MIKE CALLIE &<br />

HILARIOUS PRESS presents<br />

adults<br />

only<br />

The Ultimate Bad Taste<br />

Political Joke <strong>Book</strong><br />

THE JOKE BOOK THAT<br />

TAKES NO PRISONERS!<br />

compiled & written by<br />

Meai


America’s Funniest Bad Taste Joke <strong>Book</strong>s!!!<br />

Available in Paperback and Kindle E-<strong>Book</strong> Formats.<br />

THE HILARIOUS BAD TASTE JEWISH JOKES (#HP 1001)<br />

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OVER 220 HILARIOUS BAD TASTE<br />

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This is a work of comedy. All quotes, statements, and jokes in<br />

this book are based on humor and parody, and any resemblance<br />

to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.<br />

TRUMP VS HILLARY<br />

BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK<br />

by Mike Callie<br />

Published by<br />

HILARIOUS Press<br />

417 Fallwood Lane<br />

Las Vegas, Nevada 89107<br />

Copyright © 2016 Mike & Jack Callie<br />

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED<br />

ISBN/SKU:9780692742266<br />

All rights reserved. No Part of this publication may be reproduced or<br />

transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including<br />

photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system without<br />

permission in writing from the publisher, Hilarious Press,<br />

www.hilariouspress.com<br />

Requests for permission to make copies of any part of the<br />

work should be addressed to Hilarious Press at the address above.<br />

Cover/Interior Design by<br />

Caden Calvert<br />

ohcadenadvertising.wordpress.com<br />

Printed in the USA<br />

First printing - HILARIOUS Press edition - June, 2016<br />

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1<br />

Visit our web site at<br />

www.hilariouspress.com<br />

A Division of<br />

www.badtastebooks.com


2016 AND BEYOND POLITICAL EDITION<br />

By:<br />

Mike Callie<br />

©2016 Mike & Jack Callie<br />

All Rights Reserved


Meet The Author/Creator<br />

MIKE CALLIE, a television and motion picture Comedy Writer/<br />

Producer, has been making America Laugh for over 40 years. He<br />

has written several Joke <strong>Book</strong>s and has provided special Comedy<br />

material for top Comedians and TV Comedy shows and Specials as<br />

well as being the Creator, Writer and Producer of two of the Funniest<br />

“Dirty Joke Movies” in history: “If You Don’t Stop It… You’ll Go Blind!!!”<br />

and its sequel, “Can I Do It ‘Till I Need Glasses?” which collectively<br />

grossed over $50 million in the 1970s and 1980s in box office and<br />

video sales.<br />

Callie is one of the founders and movers & shakers of the Comedy<br />

Club boom of the 1970s and 1980s; his ‘Laff Stop’ Comedy Clubs had<br />

9 locations throughout the U.S.: Newport Beach, CA; Houston, TX;<br />

Palm Springs, CA; Encino, CA; Austin, TX; Palm Desert, CA; Santa<br />

Barbara, CA; Montclair, CA & Claremont, CA.<br />

Callie is a world renowned Joke Writer and Joke <strong>Book</strong> collector, along<br />

with being a recognized “Dirty Joke” authority and lifetime aficionado<br />

of all things Comedy. He has over 5,400 Joke <strong>Book</strong>s (and counting) in<br />

his personal collection; only the Library of Congress has more.<br />

Callie currently makes his home in “Sin City” (Las Vegas, Nevada)<br />

without the warm companionship of his four loving ex-wives, and<br />

is currently the “Head Insultant” and Chief Comedy Writer of his<br />

personalized Comedy Roast business, “Las Vegas VIP Rent-A-Roast”<br />

(www.comedyroasts.com), where its illustrious corporate motto says<br />

it all: “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say About Someone…Let’s<br />

Hear It.”<br />

His latest Comedy passion, “The Hilarious Bad Taste Joke <strong>Book</strong><br />

Series,” a 15-book collection that contain the Funniest, Classic,<br />

most Offensive Jokes and One-Liners of all time – Bad Taste Jokes<br />

that ‘take no prisoners’ and spares no ethnicity, life-style, or way of<br />

life. “Funny Jokes,” as Callie says, “that have something to offend<br />

everyone…And rightfully so!”<br />

The Hilarious Joke <strong>Book</strong>s represents Callie’s fulfillment of a life-time<br />

dream; his own special Bad Taste Joke <strong>Book</strong> Series which reflects<br />

his Comedy mantra:<br />

“If We Weren’t Laughing, We’d Be Crying.”<br />

WELCOME TO THE HILARIOUS<br />

WORLD OF MIKE CALLIE<br />

For more Bio and background info on Mike Callie go to<br />

www.badtastebooks.com


A Special Thank You...<br />

The Author would like to thank the following<br />

persons for their encouragement, inspiration<br />

and professional assistance in the publication<br />

of this book:<br />

Biff Manard; Jack Callie; Dr. Steven Winkler;<br />

Jorn Rossi; Dr. Dan Walsh; Hal Weinstein; Dr.<br />

Thomas Parisi; Ed Richmond; Dr. Sheldon<br />

Davis; Richard McSwain; Larry Berkley; Dr.<br />

Edward Sharpe; Chuck & Betty Gabriele; Rod<br />

Lewis; Wayne Lesser; Stanley Ralph Ross;<br />

Don MacKay; Edward Colarik; Jean Nix; Miriam<br />

Field; Mike Weiss; Rex Meredeth; Nicole<br />

Beauregard; Caden Calvert; Ned Barnett...<br />

And all those other wonderful people who have<br />

ever told me a Bad Taste Joke.<br />

From the Heart,<br />

Mike Callie


TRUMP VS HILLARY<br />

BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKE BOOK<br />

Table Of Contents<br />

QUICK GUIDE: Bad Taste, Gross,<br />

Offensive, Insulting, and Politically Incorrect<br />

Political Jokes… Page 1 to Page 293 inclusive<br />

Chapter 1 – OFFENSIVE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 1<br />

Chapter 2 – INDECENT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 29<br />

Chapter 3 – CONTEMPTIBLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 57<br />

Chapter 4 – APPALLING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 83<br />

Chapter 5 – TASTELESS BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 109<br />

Chapter 6 – UNWHOLESOME BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 135<br />

Chapter 7 – REVOLTING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 161<br />

Chapter 8 – UNCOUTH BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 187<br />

Chapter 9 – DESPICABLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 213<br />

Chapter 10 – REPUGNANT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 241<br />

Chapter 11 – ATROCIOUS BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES - 267<br />

PUNCHLINE INDEX……………................................................294


FAMOUS LAST WORDS:<br />

“AW C’MON, MONICA. WHO THE FUCK<br />

IS EVER GOING TO FIND OUT?”<br />

BILL CLINTON, 1998


CHAPTER<br />

ONE<br />

OFFENSIVE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

IF HILLARY CLINTON IS ELECTED, IT WILL MARK<br />

THE FIRST TIME IN AMERICAN HISTORY THAT A<br />

U.S.PRESIDENT PARDONS THEMSELF.<br />

1


Q: WHAT WAS THE MOST POPULAR<br />

GAME AT BILL CLINTON’S WHITE<br />

HOUSE HALLOWEEN PARTIES?<br />

A: Bobbing for Blow Jobs.<br />

2


NANCY PELOSI GOT INTO TROUBLE<br />

WITH THE IRS LAST YEAR.<br />

On her Tax Return, She forgot to<br />

list her occupation as “Cunt.”<br />

3


<strong>Hillary</strong> was getting pretty depressed<br />

as the FBI investigation into her<br />

E-Mail server was picking up steam.<br />

Bill tried to cheer her up<br />

by reminding her that Nelson<br />

Mandela spent 27 years in prison<br />

before being elected President.<br />

4


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY...<br />

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN<br />

GETTING A DIVORCE AND GETTING<br />

CIRCUMCISED?<br />

A: When you get a Divorce,<br />

You get rid of the Whole Prick.<br />

5


DONALD TRUMP, the multi-billionaire<br />

entrepreneur, is standing in an elevator<br />

at the <strong>Trump</strong> Towers on his way up to the<br />

penthouse. The only other person in there<br />

with him is an attractive WOMAN in a tight<br />

red dress. The woman moves over close to<br />

him and says:<br />

WOMAN (swooning): “Oh, Mr. <strong>Trump</strong>. You’re<br />

so amazing. You’re so fantastically rich and<br />

so unbelievably sexy. I would love to go<br />

down on you right here in the elevator and<br />

give you a great blow job for an hour and<br />

then we can go back to my room and I’ll<br />

fuck you all night. What do you say?”<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> looks over at her and says:<br />

TRUMP (thinking): “I don’t know.<br />

What’s in it for me?”<br />

6


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: WHY ARE ITALIAN GIRLS SO GOOD<br />

AT GIVING BLOW JOBS?<br />

A: Because they practice eating<br />

spaghetti with their<br />

hands tied behind their backs<br />

7


Q: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU<br />

CROSS A CROOKED POLITICIAN<br />

WITH A CROOKED LAWYER?<br />

A. Chelsea<br />

8


Even though Harry Reid is not known as<br />

a drinker, sometimes his secret drinking<br />

gets Harry in trouble. Like the last time<br />

he flew to Miami for a big Democratic<br />

Conference, he really embarrassed the<br />

nun sitting next to him.<br />

It was one of those flights that you<br />

sleep on --- and Harry likes to<br />

sleep in the nude.<br />

9


Q: WHEN DID HILLARY FIRST GET<br />

SUSPICIOUS THAT SOMETHING WAS<br />

GOING ON WITH BILL & MONICA?<br />

A: When he came home after a late<br />

night staff meeting at the White House<br />

with lipstick on his socks.<br />

10


Q: WHAT WAS OBAMA’S<br />

LATEST PLAN TO END BLACK<br />

UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE U.S.?<br />

A: He’s gonna expand the NBA to<br />

100,000 teams!<br />

11


On their 3rd liaison in the Oval<br />

Office, Bill told Monica that he<br />

wanted to go somewhere where<br />

he’s never been before.....<br />

So, she bought him a<br />

Penis Extender.<br />

12


In a CNN interview with Chris Christie,<br />

Chris was telling the Interviewer about<br />

the first time he and his wife, Mary-<br />

Pat decided to try birth control, but he<br />

forgot to bring any condoms…<br />

So, he went down to the kitchen and<br />

wrapped Saran Wrap around his dick.<br />

When he got back to the bedroom,<br />

Mary-Pat took one look and said, “Oh<br />

shit, Chris, not leftovers again.”<br />

13


Q: HOW DID PRESIDENT CLINTON<br />

MEET HILLARY?<br />

A: They were both fucking the<br />

same girl in College.<br />

14


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN HILLARY CLINTON AND<br />

MONICA LEWINSKY?<br />

A: <strong>Hillary</strong> only gives Snow Jobs.<br />

15


Donald is a philanthropic man and a<br />

concerned citizen. He has recently<br />

made plans to will his brain to<br />

Harvard Medical School.<br />

…But Harvard is contesting the will.<br />

16


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHAT DO MEN HAVE IN<br />

COMMON WITH TOILET BOWLS,<br />

ANNIVERSARIES AND CLITORISES?<br />

A: They miss them all.<br />

17


Q: WHY DID BILL CLINTON WEAR<br />

HEAVY COTTON BOXER SHORTS<br />

WHEN HE’S IN THE OVAL<br />

OFFICE?<br />

A: To keep his ankles warm<br />

when he’s working.<br />

18


In 1998, Bill’s daughter, Chelsea<br />

wasn’t helping her father’s image<br />

very much.<br />

She was running around Stanford<br />

wearing a Tee Shirt that said:<br />

“My Dad got a blowjob in the Oval<br />

Office and all I got was<br />

this lousy Tee-Shirt.”<br />

19


MONICA goes into a CLEANERS and tells<br />

the CLERK that she wants to have her<br />

sweater cleaned. The Clerk doesn’t hear<br />

her and says:<br />

CLERK: “Come again?”<br />

MONICA: “Oh, no. It’s just<br />

mustard this time.”<br />

20


BREAKING MEDICAL NEWS....<br />

DATELINE: MAYO CLINIC<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton has agreed to be the<br />

first Artificial Heart Donor.<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

21


DONALD TRUMP and TED CRUZ are sitting<br />

in a bar in Washington D.C. A GUY walks<br />

in and asks the BARTENDER:<br />

GUY: “ Hey, Isn’t that <strong>Trump</strong> and Cruz<br />

sitting over there in the corner?”<br />

BARTENDER: “‘Yep, that’s them.”<br />

So the guy walks over to the pair<br />

and says:<br />

GUY: “Wow, this is a real honor!<br />

What are you guys doing in here?”<br />

22


(...cont.)<br />

CRUZ: “‘We’re planning World War<br />

III.”<br />

GUY: “Really? What’s going to<br />

happen?”<br />

TRUMP: “Well, we’re going to kill<br />

140 million Muslims and one blonde<br />

with big tits.”<br />

GUY: “A blonde with big tits? Why<br />

kill a blonde with big tits?”<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> turns to Cruz and says:<br />

TRUMP: ”See, I told you, Ted.<br />

No one gives a shit about<br />

140 million Muslims.”<br />

23


In the last Mid Terms, the GOP<br />

picked up about 60 seats. It’s the<br />

most new faces in Congress<br />

in over 50 years<br />

-- if you don’t count Nancy Pelosi’s<br />

Botox Treatments.<br />

24


HILLARY SPEAK #289:<br />

“The press has not been entirely<br />

accurate in its coverage of my<br />

campaign.”<br />

Translation:<br />

“They caught me lying...again.”<br />

25


Q: WHY WON’T BILL CLINTON<br />

LET HILLARY WEAR A MINI-SKIRT<br />

WHEN SHE APPEARS IN FRONT<br />

OF GRAND JURIES?<br />

A: Because her Balls show.<br />

26


Q: WHAT IS MONICA LEWINSKY’S<br />

LAST NAME IN POLISH?”<br />

A: BLEWCLINTSKY.<br />

27


CHAPTER<br />

TWO<br />

INDECENT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

A new survey from the American Political<br />

Institute shows that the more female you<br />

are physically, the harder it is to be taken<br />

seriously in politics.<br />

For example, women with very large breasts<br />

have a harder time being elected than<br />

women with penises.<br />

29


Q: IN 1976, WHAT WERE THE<br />

TWO SIGNS THAT THE CLINTON<br />

MARRIAGE WAS IN TROUBLE?<br />

A: 1. Bill’s favorite sexual position<br />

was “next door”<br />

2. <strong>Hillary</strong> goes to bed wearing<br />

a barbed wire negligee.<br />

30


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN HILLARY’S ADVISORS<br />

AND A HOOVER VACUUM CLEANER?<br />

A: The Hoover has only<br />

one Dirt Bag.<br />

31


32


Q: WHAT IS BILL CLINTON’S DEFINITION<br />

OF ‘SAFE SEX’?<br />

A: Whenever <strong>Hillary</strong> is out of town.<br />

33


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q. WHY DO WOMEN<br />

HAVE FOREHEADS?<br />

A. So a man will have someplace to<br />

kiss after getting a blow job.<br />

34


In his best selling book, “The Art of<br />

the Deal,” Donald said he was always<br />

his own man. Even in high school ‘The<br />

Donald’ was never one to follow<br />

the crowd.<br />

He said the guys in his High School<br />

class would fuck anything that moved or<br />

breathed, but Donald disagreed with that<br />

kind of thinking.<br />

He didn’t want to<br />

set any limits on himself.<br />

35


No matter what anybody says, Bill<br />

Clinton is a very loyal husband.<br />

He’s always there for <strong>Hillary</strong>...<br />

Unless of course, he<br />

happens to get lucky.<br />

36


Q: WHAT ARE THE TWO BASIC<br />

EXERCISES OF THE NEW HILLARY<br />

CLINTON PERSONAL WORK<br />

OUT PROGRAM?<br />

A: Running from the Truth and<br />

Dodging the Law.<br />

37


BREAKING NEWS...<br />

DATELINE GREENLAND:<br />

The Locisga Glacier split apart today in<br />

the Arctic Sea. Scientist’s say it was the<br />

largest chunk of ice to break off since<br />

Nancy Pelosi fell asleep in a Tanning<br />

Bed in Washington D.C.<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

38


THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR<br />

BILL CLINTON SAY #567:<br />

“Shame on you, young lady!<br />

I’m a married man.”<br />

39


In early 2016, three Washinton D.C.<br />

school boys were out hiking one winter<br />

day near the Potomac marsh, and heard<br />

cries for help coming from the river.<br />

Rushing to see what was the matter,<br />

they found Barack Obama who had<br />

fallen through some thin ice on the river<br />

and was about to drown. Quickly the<br />

boys formed a human chain and pulled<br />

him to safety.<br />

OBAMA: “I’d like to reward you boys<br />

with something special for saving me.<br />

Just name it, and it’s yours!”<br />

40


(...cont.)<br />

FIRST BOY: “I want a ride on Air Force<br />

One!”<br />

OBAMA: “You’ve got it!”<br />

SECOND BOY: “I want a medal that I<br />

can show the other kids at school.”<br />

OBAMA: “No problem, it’s yours!”<br />

The third boy thought for a moment,<br />

and said:<br />

THIRD BOY: “I want a wheelchair.”<br />

OBAMA (confused): “But why would<br />

you want that?”<br />

THIRD BOY: “ ‘Cause when I get home<br />

and tell my Dad that I saved YOU,<br />

he’s gonna break my fucking legs!”<br />

41


HILLARY and her Chief Aide,<br />

HUMA Abedin, are having lunch<br />

together, discussing the merits of<br />

Cosmetic Surgery.<br />

HUMA: “I need to be honest with<br />

you, <strong>Hillary</strong>. I’m getting a boob job.”<br />

HILLARY: “Oh, that’s nothing. I’m<br />

thinking of getting my asshole<br />

bleached.”<br />

HUMA: “Funny, I just can’t picture<br />

Bill as a blonde.”<br />

42


Q: ACCORDING TO A 1998 POLL,<br />

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE<br />

COULD CAUSE THE MOST DAMAGE<br />

TO THE CLINTON PRESIDENCY?<br />

1. An Arab Terroist....<br />

2. An Independent Prosecutor...<br />

3. A Drug Cartel Assassin ... or ...<br />

4. An Intern With A Chipped Tooth.<br />

43


Bernie Sanders is a very<br />

weird old man.<br />

His favorite hobby is sitting<br />

on the toilet waiting for his<br />

legs to fall asleep.<br />

44


Rience Priebus, the Chairman of<br />

the Republican party says this<br />

country needs another Clinton<br />

Presidency like Madonna<br />

needs a Twat Stretcher.<br />

45


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL ...<br />

Q: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF<br />

THE BELLY BUTTON?<br />

A: It’s a place for an intern to put her<br />

gum on the way down.<br />

46


Q: WHAT DOES DONALD TRUMP SAY<br />

TO A MISS AMERICA RUNNERUP AFTER<br />

SHE GIVES HIM A BLOW JOB?<br />

A: “There, NOW don’t you feel better?”<br />

47


Bill & Monica are working late in the<br />

Oval Office.<br />

MONICA: “Let’s play ‘Hide-n-Seek.’<br />

If you find me, I get to give you a<br />

blowjob.”<br />

BILL: “What if I can’t find you?”<br />

MONICA: “I’ll be behind the couch”<br />

48


In a 1998 interview, <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

said “My husband and I have a<br />

communication problem...<br />

He won’t tell me<br />

who he’s fucking.”<br />

49


Q: WHAT IS THE OPENING LINE<br />

OF BILL CLINTON’S FAVORITE<br />

AMERICAN POEM?<br />

A: “There once was a<br />

Man from Nantuckett...”<br />

50


Harry Reid is a very dour-looking<br />

man. Wherever he goes he’s<br />

always such a downer.<br />

One night the manager of the Las<br />

Vegas TGIF asked him to leave the bar.<br />

They wanted to start Happy Hour.<br />

51


In 1979 after <strong>Hillary</strong> announced her<br />

pregnancy, she and Bill had a frank<br />

discussion about their future.<br />

HILLARY: “Since I got pregnant, Bill,<br />

I worry that you won’t desire me<br />

anymore and that you’ll run off<br />

and leave me for someone younger<br />

and more attractive. What’s your<br />

biggest fear?”<br />

BILL: “Snakes.”<br />

52


Q: WHY DID BILL CLINTON HAVE A<br />

$100 BILL TATTOOED ON HIS DICK IN<br />

1994?<br />

A: So when any of his Interns wanted<br />

to blow big money, they could do it<br />

right there in the Oval Office<br />

53


After they started dating in College,<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> broke up with Bill because<br />

she caught him lying…<br />

Under another Girl.<br />

54


Q: ACCORDING TO MONICA<br />

LEWINSKY, WHAT IS THE<br />

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLIMP<br />

AND 365 BLOWJOBS?<br />

A: One is a GoodYear and<br />

the other is a Great Year.<br />

55


CHAPTER<br />

THREE<br />

CONTEMPTIBLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.<br />

A Report by the American Insurance Institute has<br />

determined the main reason why men pay more<br />

for car insurance than women is that women<br />

don’t get Blow Jobs while they’re driving.<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

57


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHY IS WIFE SWAPPING NOT SUCH<br />

A GOOD IDEA FOR MEN?<br />

A: Because it’s so fucking<br />

depressing when<br />

you get your own wife back.<br />

58


HILLARY CLlNTON FANTASY#321<br />

Bill Clinton passes on. <strong>Hillary</strong> has him<br />

cremated. After the undertaker hands<br />

her the ashes in a urn, she returns to<br />

her Manhattan Penthouse and goes on<br />

to the patio, where pours the ashes out<br />

on to the table. She then bends over the<br />

table and softly says:<br />

HILLARY (sentimental): “Well, Bill, all<br />

your life you’ve wanted me to give you a<br />

blowjob -- and I always refused you. But<br />

now darling, I’m going to give you what<br />

you always wanted.....”<br />

She then takes a big breath and<br />

blows the ashes all over the patio.<br />

59


OVERHEARD AT THE CLINTON<br />

FOUNDATION DINNER:<br />

FRENCH AMBASSADOR: “Mr<br />

President. I would like to say<br />

goodbye to Mrs. Clinton.”<br />

BILL: “Who the fuck wouldn’t?”<br />

60


WASHINGTON D.C. GIFT ADVICE:<br />

Harry Reid’s birthday is coming up<br />

soon. The Washington Post Etiquette<br />

column suggests that for Harry’s<br />

birthday, if you haven’t already gotten<br />

him a gift yet, you can’t go wrong with<br />

a set of facial expressions.<br />

61


Bill Clinton is a very charitable man.<br />

Every year he makes a substantial<br />

donation to the Washington D.C.<br />

Home for Unwed Mothers.<br />

But this year, <strong>Hillary</strong> is making him<br />

give cash.<br />

62


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: HOW DOES A GUY KNOW HE HAS A<br />

HIGH SPERM COUNT?<br />

A: After he gets a blow job, his<br />

girlfriend has to chew before<br />

she swallows.<br />

63


There’s no doubt about it, <strong>Trump</strong>’s<br />

got a massive ego. His Chief Aide<br />

says, “If he’s elected President, his<br />

greatest concern is whether there is<br />

room for one more head on<br />

Mount Rushmore.”<br />

64


<strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton always reminds voters<br />

that over the last 40 years she has<br />

been continually tested.<br />

Which makes sense...<br />

She never knows what Bill might<br />

have brought home.<br />

65


Q: WHAT IS NANCY PELOSI’S<br />

SURE FIRE, TIME-TESTED BIRTH<br />

CONTROL METHOD?<br />

A: She takes off her makeup and<br />

turns the lights on.<br />

66


Q: WHAT ARE THE FOUR RINGS<br />

OF THE CLINTON MARRIAGE?<br />

1. The Engagement Ring<br />

2. The Wedding Ring<br />

3. The Philander-Ring<br />

4. The Suffer-Ring<br />

67


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN BILL CLINTON AND<br />

THE TITANIC?<br />

A: Only 800 women went down<br />

on the Titanic.<br />

68


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY...<br />

Q: HOW DO WE KNOW THAT<br />

GOD IS A MAN?<br />

A: Because if God were a Woman,<br />

Sperm would taste like Chocolate.<br />

69


Q: WHY DID OBAMA CHANGE HIS<br />

NAME FROM BARRY TO BARACK?<br />

A: His Muslim Advisors thought<br />

Barry sounded too American.<br />

70


<strong>Hillary</strong> always knew that Bill was<br />

a serial adulterer. Whenever she<br />

leaves town, she puts a sign on their<br />

bedroom door. It says:<br />

“THANK YOU FOR NOT BLOWING<br />

MY HUSBAND.” ...<strong>Hillary</strong><br />

71


Q: WHAT IS BERNIE<br />

SANDER’S NEW FITNESS<br />

PROGRAM TO GET PEOPLE<br />

WALKING AGAIN?<br />

A: GAS at $8 a gallon<br />

72


In 1998, Monica Lewinsky was<br />

considering suing President Clinton.<br />

Her Lawyer says she wants $1 million<br />

dollars for Pain and Suffering, and<br />

$7.98 for Dry Cleaning.<br />

73


Joe Biden, Obama’s loyal Vice<br />

President, has been compared<br />

to Albert Einstein....<br />

Both of them are<br />

currently Brain Dead.<br />

74


Q: WHY DID GOD INVENT<br />

THE ORGASM?<br />

A: To let Bill Clinton know when<br />

it was time to get back to work...<br />

75


A lot of Bill’s and <strong>Hillary</strong>’s marital<br />

problems started because of<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong>’s superstitions when it<br />

comes to sex.<br />

She won’t fuck Bill during<br />

any week that has a Friday in it.<br />

76


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: ACCORDING TO RELIGIOUS<br />

SCHOLARS, WHAT’S THE WORST<br />

THING ABOUT BEING AN ATHEIST?<br />

A: You have no one to talk to<br />

when you’re getting a Blow Job.<br />

77


Q: WHAT HAS BEEN HILLARY<br />

CLINTON’S TOUGHEST<br />

CHALLENGE IN HER 40+ YEARS<br />

OF MARRIAGE WITH BILL?<br />

A: Trying to teach Bill that<br />

“HARRASS” is one word.<br />

78


Q: WHAT IS MONICA’S FAVORITE<br />

SOUP AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT?<br />

A: “CREAM OF SUM YUNG GUY.”<br />

79


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS PELOSI...<br />

Q: WHY DOES A BLIND AND DEAF<br />

WOMAN MASTURBATE WITH<br />

ONE HAND?<br />

A: So she can moan with the other<br />

80


In a recent interview, Ted Cruz says<br />

“A lot of Republicans think Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> is disgusting and obscene.<br />

But, to those of us who know him,<br />

it’s just the opposite ---<br />

he’s obscene and disgusting.”<br />

81


Q: WHEN DID HILLARY REALIZE<br />

THAT THE PUBLIC WAS LOSING<br />

SYMPATHY FOR HER?<br />

A: In early 2016, When she called up<br />

“Dial-A-Prayer” and they told her<br />

to go fuck herself!<br />

82


CHAPTER<br />

FOUR<br />

APPALLING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

WISDOM FROM THE DONALD TRUMP<br />

SCHOOL OF POLITICAL POLICY:<br />

SEX IS ONE OF THE FEW BUSINESSES IN<br />

WHICH A WOMAN DOESN’T MIND STARTING AT<br />

THE TOP AND WORKING HER WAY DOWN.<br />

83


The Answer Is:<br />

“LIPS, PUSSY, TITS.”<br />

The Question Is:<br />

What did Clinton say to the Grand<br />

Jury’s female interviewer when<br />

she told him that anything he<br />

says will be held against him?<br />

84


Monica’s MOTHER was trying to trying to<br />

tell her curious 7 year old DAUGHTER how<br />

she had recently become pregnant. She<br />

explained how a baby was growing in her<br />

tummy, and how it took an egg and a sperm<br />

to make the baby.<br />

LITTLE MONICA: “So, Daddy made the<br />

sperm and Mommy made the egg?”<br />

MOTHER (smiling): “That’s right, Darling.”<br />

LITTLE MONICA: “Mommy, if it takes a<br />

sperm and an egg to make a baby and the<br />

egg is already in your tummy, then how<br />

does the sperm get in there? Does Mommy<br />

swallow it?”<br />

MOTHER: “She does, if she wants jewelry.”<br />

85


Q: WHAT DOES A MAN<br />

WALKING ACROSS NIAGRA<br />

FALLS ON A TIGHTROPE AND<br />

A GUY GETTING A BLOW JOB<br />

BY NANCY PELOSI HAVE IN<br />

COMMON?<br />

A: Both of them are<br />

afraid to look down.<br />

86


STANDARD D.C. JOKE<br />

Circa 2011<br />

A Muslim, a Socialist, and a<br />

Communist walk into a<br />

Washington D.C. bar.<br />

The Bartender says:<br />

“Hello, Mr. President.”<br />

87


2016 BEST OF THE HILLARY<br />

BUMPER STICKERS –Part 1<br />

LIFE’S A BITCH...<br />

DON’T ELECT ONE<br />

LIAR! LIAR!<br />

PANTSUIT ON FIRE!<br />

WILL LIE<br />

FOR VOTES<br />

EVEN BILL DOESN’T<br />

WANT HILLARY!<br />

TRUMP THAT BITCH!


Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL EIGHT-DAYS<br />

OF BLOW JOBS?<br />

A: Hanukkah Lewinsky.<br />

89


According to his friends and associates,<br />

there is no doubt that Bill Clinton is one<br />

of the great bullshitters of our time. He<br />

can come home at 3:30 in the morning<br />

and convince <strong>Hillary</strong> that the reason his<br />

breath smelled that way was because he<br />

had a Tuna Fish sandwich for lunch ...<br />

He once made <strong>Hillary</strong> feel sorry for the<br />

girl who left her bra and panties in his<br />

car ...I tell you. This guy is good!<br />

90


AND THEN THE SHIT HIT THE FAN…<br />

Bill is talking with a few of his friends<br />

at the Chappaqua Country Club<br />

cocktail lounge.<br />

BILL: “<strong>Hillary</strong> is really pissed at me<br />

again. Last night she said her fantasy<br />

was to make a porno movie, and all I<br />

did was suggest, if we do, we should<br />

hold auditions for her part...<br />

Where did I go wrong?”<br />

91


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHY DID GOD CREATE MAN?<br />

A: Because He couldn’t teach a<br />

Vibrator to mow the lawn.<br />

92


Melania <strong>Trump</strong> says that she didn’t<br />

want to marry Donald for<br />

his money...<br />

But it was the only way she was<br />

going to get her hands on it.<br />

93


Many psychiatrists feel that Harry<br />

Reid’s Low Self-Esteem and Compulsive<br />

Negative Behavior goes directly back<br />

to his feelings of inadequacy and lack<br />

of love as a baby, when his Mother<br />

wouldn’t breast feed him…<br />

She said she only wanted<br />

to be Friends.<br />

94


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHAT DO A TORNADO AND<br />

MARRIAGE HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: In the beginning there’s a lot of<br />

Sucking and Blowing,<br />

then you lose your House and Car.<br />

95


The Answer Is:<br />

KNEEPADS<br />

The Question Is:<br />

WHAT ARE THE TWO MOST<br />

IMPORTANT ITEMS IN<br />

MONICA LEWINSKY’S WARDROBE?<br />

96


Chris Christie was very involved in<br />

Ethnic Studies when he was a Student<br />

at University of Delaware.<br />

In fact, the Dean of the school gave<br />

Chris the ethnic name of “Chipayonga”.<br />

Which is Native-American for<br />

“He who runs from<br />

the Student Loan people.”<br />

97


It was a very touching moment on<br />

the “Today Show” when Bill got on<br />

National Television to defend his wife<br />

in her latest E-Mail scandal.<br />

He told America that “<strong>Hillary</strong> was a<br />

great wife, a wonderful Presidential<br />

Candidate and, no matter what<br />

anybody says, she’s going to be<br />

a Model Prisoner”<br />

98


Q: WHAT ARE THE TWO MOST<br />

POPULAR VERSES OF THE CLINTON<br />

WHITE HOUSE INTERN’S PRAYER?<br />

A: “Now he lays me down to sleep” &<br />

“His rod and staff shall comfort me”<br />

99


Hear about the new<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> Golf Ball?<br />

It’s guaranteed to be<br />

a Perfect Lie every time.<br />

100


Q: WHY DID MONICA LEWINSKY<br />

LOSE HER JOB AT THE WASHINGTON<br />

D.C. SPERM BANK IN 1999?<br />

A: Embezzlement... They caught her<br />

drinking on the job.<br />

101


Q: WHAT WAS JULIUS<br />

CAESAR’S MOTTO?<br />

A: “I Came. I Saw. I Conquered”<br />

Q: WHAT WAS BILL<br />

CLINTON’S MOTTO?<br />

A: “I Saw. I Conquered. I Came”<br />

102


Q: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN<br />

YOU PUT BERNIE SANDERS IN A<br />

ROOM WITH 69 LESBIANS?<br />

A: 70 People who don’t do Dick.<br />

103


In a 1998 Playboy Magazine<br />

interview, at the beginning of the<br />

Clinton Senate Impeachment Trial,<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> was asked what her<br />

favorite position is?<br />

“These days it’s Bill on bottom –<br />

6 feet of dirt on top.”<br />

104


Q: WHEN OJ’S ‘DREAM TEAM’ ATTORNEY<br />

JOHNNY COCHRAN JOINED THE CLINTON<br />

LEGAL TEAM IN 1999, WHAT WERE HIS<br />

THREE MAIN DEFENSE STRATEGIES FOR<br />

THE CLINTON IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS?<br />

1. “IF SHE SPIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!”<br />

2. “IT AIN’T A SIN - IF DON’T GO IN.”<br />

3. “IT AIN’T IMMORAL, IF IT’S ONLY ORAL”<br />

105


LITTLE UNKNOWN FACTS<br />

You may not know this, but Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> and Pope Francis have a lot<br />

in common…<br />

They both have Hemorrhoids.<br />

106


MONICA OPINES...<br />

“The world is very unfair. A man<br />

sleeps around, no questions asked.<br />

But if a woman blows 19 - 20 guys on<br />

a weekend, she’s a Tramp!”<br />

107


Q: WHAT DID HILLARY SAY ON HER<br />

WEDDING NIGHT AND REPEATED TO<br />

BILL WHEN HE FIRST TOLD HER HIS<br />

SIDE OF THE LEWINSKY STORY?<br />

A: “You expect me to swallow this?”<br />

108


CHAPTER<br />

FIVE<br />

TASTELESS BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

HEADLINE: REPUBLICAN NATIONAL<br />

COMMITTEE NEWSPAPER:<br />

“DONALD TRUMP KILLED IN AIR CRASH<br />

ON WAY TO CONVENTION!”<br />

SUB HEADLINE:<br />

PRAYER WORKS!<br />

109


Q: WHAT WAS CLINTON’S<br />

LAST GIFT TO MONICA?<br />

A: Spot Remover.<br />

110


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE IS<br />

BETTER THAN A MAN?<br />

A: A Christmas tree doesn’t get<br />

mad if you break its balls.”<br />

111


ADVICE FROM MONICA #468:<br />

“Remember, Girls, never drink Diet<br />

Soda before Oral Sex.<br />

If you do, you’ll have two after<br />

tastes to get rid of.”<br />

112


HILLARY’S DILEMMA...<br />

In a interview on CNBC about the early<br />

years of The Clinton marriage, <strong>Hillary</strong> said:<br />

“Whenever I went out with Bill at night,<br />

I always thought about two things:<br />

1. IS THERE GOING TO BE ANY SEX<br />

TONIGHT? and<br />

2. AM I GOING TO BE INVOLVED<br />

WITH IT?<br />

113


At a N.O.W. Feminist convention, a<br />

lady reporter asked Donald <strong>Trump</strong><br />

what he thought was the smartest<br />

thing that ever came out of a<br />

woman’s mouth?<br />

Without hesitation, he replied,<br />

”My Dick.”<br />

114


Q: WHAT DOES BERNIE<br />

SANDERS’ CAT SAY?<br />

A: “Mao, Mao!”<br />

115


In a recent Las Vegas interview, Harry<br />

Reid said his first sexual experience<br />

with a woman was very painful.<br />

He was dating this Lady Clown from the<br />

Circus and each time after they finished<br />

having sex, she’d twist his<br />

dick into a poodle.<br />

116


Q: WITH HILLARY BEING OUT OF THE<br />

COUNTRY OR ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL<br />

OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS, WHAT IS<br />

THE LATEST SECURITY DEVICE THAT<br />

HILLARY HAD THE SECRET SERVICE<br />

INSTALL ON BILL’S ZIPPER?<br />

A: “BLO-JAC”<br />

117


Q: IN 1996, WHAT WAS THE<br />

OFFICIAL BILL CLINTON<br />

PRESIDENTIAL SONG?<br />

A: “Kneel To The Chief”<br />

118


Q: WHAT DO BARACK OBAMA AND<br />

PORN STARS HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: They are BOTH experts on switching<br />

positions in front of a camera.<br />

119


1998 CLINTON HUMOR...<br />

Q: WHAT WOULD YOU GET<br />

IF YOU CROSSED MONICA<br />

LEWINISKY WITH A PIRANHA?<br />

A: Bill Clinton’s last Blow Job.<br />

120


WE GET LETTERS -<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHAT ASTROLOGICAL SIGN<br />

DOES BILL RELATE TO BEST IN<br />

A WOMAN?<br />

A: Clitaurus.<br />

121


In 1998, <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton was having a<br />

heart-to-heart talk with her daughter,<br />

Chelsea, when she first came home<br />

on Spring Break from Stanford.<br />

HILLARY: “Have you had sex yet?”<br />

CHELSEA: “Not according to Dad.”<br />

122


Q: WHAT WAS DONALD TRUMP’S<br />

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT<br />

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL?<br />

A: At the South Carolina victory<br />

party, when two of <strong>Trump</strong>’s hair<br />

plugs fell into the Bean Dip.”<br />

123


Q: HOW MANY DEMOCRATS DOES IT<br />

TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?<br />

A: Just one...<br />

but it really gets screwed.<br />

124


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR # 431<br />

...THAT IN 1998, PRESIDENT CLINTON<br />

WAS GOING TO NAME MONICA<br />

LEWINSKY TO BE DIRECTOR OF THE<br />

HEAD START PROGRAM.<br />

125


NANCY PELOSI OPINES:<br />

“When I was younger, I remember<br />

my attitude on Sex was, “Look all<br />

you want, just don’t touch.”<br />

Fast-forward 50 years, my attitude<br />

now is “Touch all you want...<br />

just don’t look!”<br />

126


Q: WHAT DOES BILL SAY TO HILLARY<br />

AFTER GREAT SEX?<br />

A: “I’ll be home in 15 minutes, Honey”<br />

127


Mitch McConnell, the Senate Majority<br />

Leader, said at a recent Press Conference:<br />

“You can use many words to describe<br />

my collegue, Harry Reid:<br />

You could say humble...<br />

You could say talented...<br />

You could say caring…<br />

You could say them, but<br />

you’d be fucking lying.”<br />

128


Q: WHAT EVIDENCE DID KEN<br />

STARR’S INVESTIGATORS UNCOVER<br />

THAT PROVED CLINTON HAD ILLICIT<br />

SEX IN THE WHITE HOUSE?<br />

A: Before leaving office,<br />

Clinton donated the carpet<br />

in the Oval Office to the<br />

Washington D.C. Sperm Bank.<br />

129


When they first got married, <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

was very upset that Bill forced<br />

her to use the rhythm method for<br />

birth control. She said, it was very<br />

annoying that every time she and Bill<br />

got ready to have sex, he’d brings<br />

a female drummer into their bedroom.<br />

130


Q: WHAT DOES OBAMA STAND FOR?<br />

A: One Big Ass Mistake America.<br />

131


<strong>Trump</strong>’s ego is huge. He recently<br />

finished his new book:<br />

“Why I Believe In God...<br />

And Vice Versa.”<br />

132


Fox News reported that Nancy Pelosi<br />

had a rough day last week when<br />

she went shopping in a rough Gay<br />

neighborhood in San Francisco. She<br />

was attacked by 3 Gay men....<br />

Two held her down and the third<br />

one styled her hair.<br />

133


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: HOW DO YOU FUCK A FAT GIRL?<br />

A: It’s a Three Step Process.....<br />

1. Take Off All Her Clothes;<br />

2. Roll Her In Flour; then<br />

3. Go For The Wet Spot.<br />

134


CHAPTER<br />

SIX<br />

UNWHOLESOME BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

BREAKING NEWS: DATELINE NEW YORK CITY:<br />

It has been announced that The 2016 <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

Clinton Nomination Campaign will be<br />

sponsored by the Tampax Company.<br />

A spokesman for Tampax said, “To sponsor<br />

cunts going through a bad period is exactly<br />

what our company is all about.”<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!<br />

135


BREAKING NEWS: DATELINE<br />

NEW YORK CITY:<br />

The New York Times Reports<br />

that Monica Lewinsky is voting<br />

Republican in 2016.<br />

She says that Democrats have<br />

left a bad taste in her mouth.<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN<br />

136


The Answer Is:<br />

BLOW JOB<br />

The Question Is:<br />

WHAT’S THE ONE JOB THAT<br />

BILL CLINTON WANTS MOST?<br />

137


Bill’s theory is that <strong>Hillary</strong> has<br />

always been a frigid woman.<br />

To test this out, he said one<br />

night while she was sleeping<br />

in the White House, he put ice<br />

cubes on her snatch.....<br />

In the morning they still<br />

hadn’t begun to melt.<br />

138


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: IS A BLOWJOB CONSIDERED<br />

PREMARITAL SEX?<br />

A: Not if you have no intention<br />

of getting married<br />

139


Q: WHAT DOES ‘SIMBA’ AND<br />

OBAMA HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: One is an African Lion...<br />

and the other one is<br />

a Lyin’ African!<br />

140


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN A DEMOCRATIC<br />

POLITICIAN AND A TRAMPOLINE?<br />

A: You take off your shoes before<br />

you jump on a trampoline.<br />

141


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR #587:<br />

...That they use Nancy Pelosi’s<br />

picture in California Prisons to<br />

cure Sex Offenders<br />

142


Donald <strong>Trump</strong> is considered by<br />

many in the Republican Party to<br />

be a “Man of Substance”...<br />

Unfortunately, it’s a<br />

Controlled Substance.<br />

143


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE<br />

SCREEN DOORS?<br />

A: Because once they get banged<br />

a few times, they tend<br />

to loosen up.<br />

144


HILLARY OPINES:<br />

“BILL IS AN EARTH SIGN.<br />

I AM A WATER SIGN.<br />

TOGETHER WE MAKE MUD.”<br />

145


Q: WHAT DO MONICA LEWINSKY AND<br />

WAL-MART HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: They both like to have<br />

men’s underwear Half Off!<br />

146


NANCY Pelosi’s husband, PAUL<br />

didn’t want to make love to Nancy<br />

on their first date. When he turned<br />

her down, she asked him:<br />

NANCY (hurt): “Is the reason you<br />

don’t want to have sex with me<br />

is because you think you’ll hate<br />

yourself in the morning?”<br />

PAUL: “No, Nancy. I hate myself<br />

right now.”<br />

147


After 30 years of marriage Chris<br />

& his wife Mary-Pat are still going<br />

strong…Chris says, “One of the big<br />

reasons my marriage is so successful<br />

is because of my flexibility and my<br />

inherent skill to compromise…<br />

I’ll give you an example…<br />

Last week, Mary-Pat told me that she<br />

didn’t think that metal-cupped bras<br />

with tassels and black crotchless<br />

pantyhose was very sexy---<br />

so, I stopped wearing them.”<br />

148


DONALD TRUMP’S BEAUTY<br />

ADVICE TO NANCY PELOSI....<br />

“I don’t know much about plastic surgery,<br />

Nancy, but I think it’s time to stop<br />

getting facelifts when your face looks<br />

permanently frightened.”<br />

149


Q: WHAT WAS BILL CLINTON’S<br />

OTHER FAVORITE GAME IN<br />

THE WHITE HOUSE?<br />

A: “Swallow The Leader.”<br />

150


Today at the White House, President<br />

Obama pardoned the Turkey. This is<br />

done every year at Thanksgiving.<br />

The Turkey will live out the rest of its<br />

life at a Petting Zoo in Virginia. By<br />

coincidence, that’s the same place<br />

that Obama put Joe Biden at.”<br />

151


Q: WHY DOES HILARY PREFER<br />

DOGS TO BILL CLINTON?<br />

A: A dog chases his own tail.<br />

152


Even though he’s<br />

Presbyterian, Donald <strong>Trump</strong><br />

is into Jewish Bondage.<br />

Jewish Bondage....<br />

That’s where all your money<br />

is tied up in cash.<br />

153


In 1996, BILL CLINTON is working late<br />

in his office. His new INTERN is typing<br />

away at the computer- when suddenly<br />

Bill walks behind her and starts to fondle<br />

her breasts.<br />

The young Intern jumps up, slaps his<br />

face, kicks him in the crotch and pushes<br />

him to the floor as she screams at him:<br />

INTERN: “Don’t touch me, you creep!!”<br />

Lying there, Clinton looks up at the<br />

angry young lady and says;<br />

BILL: “So, I guess a blow job is out<br />

of the question?”<br />

154


Harry Reid is a mean guy. There’s a<br />

story going around Washington about<br />

just how mean he really is.<br />

For his ranch in Searchlight, he once<br />

bought a German Shepherd -- just to<br />

have him neutered...<br />

Not a dog–a REAL German Shepherd<br />

– from Munich.<br />

155


In a 1998 interview, Monica<br />

Lewinsky’s Mother, said the<br />

public should not feel sorry for<br />

her daughter.<br />

“Monica’s a strong, healthy<br />

young woman. She’ll be back on<br />

her knees in no time.”<br />

156


Recently, on the Campaign trail, <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

Clinton held a PMS conference for<br />

Women Democrats.<br />

Every Woman had the same name tag –<br />

“Hello, My Name Is – FUCK OFF!”<br />

157


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR #279<br />

...that these days Nancy Pelosi’s<br />

looks are so disturbing, that<br />

whenever she goes into a<br />

7-Eleven store, they turn the<br />

surveillance cameras off.<br />

158


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: HOW IS A BLOW JOB LIKE<br />

EGGS BENEDICT?<br />

A: They’re both something you<br />

usually never get at home.<br />

159


BILL CLINTON OPINES....<br />

“I blame my Marital Problems on<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong>’s mathematical mind....<br />

She put two and two together.”<br />

160


CHAPTER<br />

SEVEN<br />

REVOLTING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

POLITICAL PHILOSOPHIES<br />

Republicans believe that every day<br />

is the 4th of July<br />

Democrats believe that every day<br />

is April 15th<br />

161


Monica has always had low self<br />

esteem. She says that the feeling<br />

of negative self worth started in the<br />

delivery room at her birth.<br />

She knows why the Doctor had to<br />

spank her when she was born, but she<br />

doesn’t understand why he had to<br />

call her a “Whore” too.<br />

162


BILL CLINTON OPINES....<br />

“I have a terrible sex life with my<br />

wife. <strong>Hillary</strong> thinks Fucking and<br />

Sucking are two cities in China.<br />

163


A Republican voter in New<br />

York said about Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong>’s success at the polls:<br />

“ Is everyone else in the<br />

World an Asshole,<br />

or is it just him?”<br />

164


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR #685:<br />

...That if someone in the White<br />

House tells a lie,<br />

Obama get’s a residual<br />

165


On his Washington visit in 2015,<br />

Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu said<br />

that even though Harry Reid is not a<br />

big fan of Israel, he has done a lot<br />

for the Jews...<br />

Especially by not being one.<br />

166


Q: ACCORDING TO HILLARY, HOW<br />

MANY WOMEN DOES IT TAKE TO<br />

SATISFY BILL CLINTON?<br />

A: It takes a Village.<br />

167


House Speaker, Paul Ryan said he<br />

went to a birthday party at Harry Reid’s<br />

Searchlight home in 2015.<br />

Paul was a little taken aback by the<br />

guests. He said all of Harry’s friends<br />

seemed so old. Every time he set down<br />

his glass, someone was putting their<br />

teeth in it.<br />

168


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHAT CAN A GIRL<br />

PUT BEHIND HER EARS<br />

TO MAKE HER LOOK SEXY?<br />

A: Her knees.<br />

169


Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the<br />

House, says “Everyone in<br />

Washington says that Nancy Pelosi<br />

is a mean and selfish bitch. But<br />

I happen to know she’s a very<br />

generous woman. Every year she<br />

donates 30% of her Congressional<br />

salary to Piranha Research.”<br />

170


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN GEORGE<br />

WASHINGTON, RICHARD<br />

NIXON, AND HILLARY<br />

CLINTON?<br />

A: Washington couldn’t tell a<br />

lie; Nixon couldn’t tell the truth<br />

and <strong>Hillary</strong> doesn’t know<br />

the difference.<br />

171


According to the Washington Post,<br />

Donald <strong>Trump</strong> is limping today<br />

because he injured his foot.<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> said “If you think my foot<br />

looks bad, you should see<br />

the Illegal Alien I was kicking.”<br />

172


MONICA LEWINSKY<br />

WORDS OF WISDOM #189:<br />

“Never accept employment advice<br />

from any Politician with<br />

a hard on.”<br />

173


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHAT QUALITIES DO MOST<br />

MEN LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN?<br />

A: Depends on whether<br />

it’s 2pm or 2am.<br />

174


After almost 5 months on the campaign trail,<br />

HILLARY CLINTON makes a surprise visit to her<br />

GYNECOLOGIST. In the middle of her Pelvic exam,<br />

the Doctor asks:<br />

DOCTOR: “What seems to be the problem?”<br />

HILLARY: “Something’s not right, Doctor. I keep<br />

finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my<br />

vagina.”<br />

The Doctor has a look, shakes his head and says:<br />

DOCTOR: “Those aren’t postage stamps, Mrs.<br />

Clinton, they’re the stickers off of the bananas.”<br />

175


Dr. Ben Carson...<br />

Take away his Class, his Dignity, his<br />

Charm and what have you got?<br />

Ted Cruz!<br />

176


BILL OPINES...<br />

“Sex with your wife is all right…<br />

But it’s not as good as<br />

the Real Thing.”<br />

177


Nancy Pelosi is one tough broad.<br />

Her Husband had to go to the<br />

ASPCA to get a divorce....<br />

He claimed his wife was a Bitch.<br />

178


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q. WHY ARE WEDDING<br />

DRESSES WHITE?<br />

A. Aren’t all kitchen<br />

appliances white?<br />

179


Q: AFTER 7 YEARS IN OFFICE, WHAT IS<br />

OBAMA’S NEW SLOGAN FOR THE U.S.<br />

IN 2016?<br />

A: “Spare Change You Can Believe In!”<br />

180


Late one night, Monica and Bill are alone<br />

in the Oval Office when Bill says to<br />

Monica:<br />

BILL: “Hey Monica. I’m really horny<br />

tonight. How about a Blow Job?”<br />

MONICA: “I’d love to give you some<br />

head, Bill, but I have a lot of reports to<br />

catch up on... (brainstorm) …Hey, I’ve<br />

got an idea!...Why don’t you jerk off<br />

into that water glass on your desk …<br />

and when I finish up this paperwork,<br />

I’ll drink it?”<br />

181


Q: WHY DOES BILL INSIST ON BEING<br />

ON TOP WHENEVER HE HAS SEX<br />

WITH HILLARY?<br />

A: Because <strong>Hillary</strong> only knows<br />

how to Fuck Up.<br />

182


BREAKING NEWS:<br />

DATELINE: NEW YORK:<br />

AT A RECENT MEDICAL NEWS<br />

CONFERENCE, BILL CLINTON SAID:<br />

“IT IS IMMORAL TO CLONE<br />

HUMAN BEINGS...<br />

UNLESS THEY ARE MAJOR<br />

CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTORS OR<br />

HAVE BIG TITS.”<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!<br />

183


Q: WHY DID IRAQI WOMEN<br />

IN BAGHDAD SHAVE THEIR<br />

PUSSIES IN 2009?<br />

A: To send the message out<br />

“No more Bush!”<br />

184


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN A DEMOCRAT AND<br />

A PROSTITUTE?<br />

A: The prostitute gives value<br />

for the money she takes.<br />

185


Q: WHEN BILL CLINTON WAS<br />

ATTENDING GEORGETOWN<br />

UNIVERSITY IN 1964, WHY DID<br />

THE WOMAN GYMNAST PUNCH<br />

HIM FOR KISSING HER?<br />

A: He kissed her in the<br />

middle of a cartwheel.<br />

186


CHAPTER<br />

EIGHT<br />

UNCOUTH BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

THE AMERICAN POLITICAL INSTITUTE IN<br />

WASHINGTON D.C. HAS COME OUT WITH A<br />

REPORT THAT DEFINITELY PROVES THAT<br />

FEMALE DEMOCRATS ARE BETTER LOVERS<br />

THAN REPUBLICANS. THAT MAKES SENSE....<br />

Whoever heard of a<br />

great piece of elephant?<br />

187


Donald <strong>Trump</strong> is known throughout the<br />

business world as a<br />

“Fierce Competitor.”<br />

But do you know the New York<br />

definition of a “Fierce Competitor?”<br />

That’s a man who enters a ‘Jack Off’<br />

contest and comes in 1st & 3rd!<br />

188


Q: WHY DID HILLARY CLINTON<br />

JOIN THE NAACP?<br />

A: Because she thought it meant<br />

“Not Admitting Any<br />

Credibility Problem”<br />

189


Harry Reid says “It’s not right to say<br />

that Ted Cruz is a Perfect Asshole...<br />

NO ONE IS PERFECT.”<br />

190


BILL OPINES...<br />

According to <strong>Hillary</strong>, “Breakfast<br />

is the most important meal of the<br />

day – If I’m not home by then,<br />

I’m in big fucking trouble.”<br />

191


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: DOES BLOWING IN YOUR<br />

LOVER’S EAR ENHANCE THE<br />

SEXUAL PROCESS?<br />

A: Yes, it does...And if you use a<br />

little Lemon Pledge while you’re<br />

blowing in his ear, you can also<br />

fight waxy build-up.<br />

192


After Harry Reid’s recent physical<br />

at Walter Reed Hospital (No<br />

Relation), his Doctor remarked<br />

that Harry isn’t looking good these<br />

days.<br />

He said, “He’s very pale. In fact, if<br />

it weren’t for his liver spots, he’d<br />

have no complexion at all.”<br />

193


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS PELOSI...<br />

Q: WHAT DO THEY CALL PANTY<br />

SHIELDS FOR UNMARRIED<br />

OLDER WOMEN?<br />

A: Dust Covers.<br />

194


Q: WHAT DOES MELANIA TRUMP<br />

SEE IN HER HUSBAND, DONALD?<br />

A: “Ten Billion Dollars<br />

and High Cholesterol!”<br />

195


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN<br />

YOUR WIFE WANTS YOU TO<br />

BE MORE AFFECTIONATE?<br />

A: Get a couple of Girlfriends.<br />

196


In a recent Vanity Fair interview,<br />

Monica says most of her sexual<br />

relationships after the White<br />

House were not very fulfilling....<br />

“Bill was a hard act to swallow,<br />

I mean follow...”<br />

197


In 2011, a MAN walks into the Executive<br />

Office at the State Department late<br />

at night and finds a Black SECURITY<br />

GUARD having sex in the hallway with a<br />

stand up poster of Beyoncé.<br />

MAN: “What the hell’s going on?” Do<br />

you know you’re fucking a poster?”<br />

SECURITY GUARD (putting finger to<br />

lips) : “SHUSSH... I have <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton<br />

underneath.”<br />

198


Good News for Democrats who<br />

are worried about losing the 2016<br />

Election...<br />

Apparently Depression is<br />

covered by ObamaCare.<br />

199


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHEN IS IT TIME<br />

TO STOP HAVING SEX<br />

DOGGIE STYLE?<br />

A: When your girlfriend<br />

starts chasing cars.<br />

200


DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW<br />

OBAMA DIET?<br />

You let Putin and the Iranians<br />

eat your lunch every day.<br />

201


1999 IMPEACHMENT TRIAL JOKE<br />

Q: WHY DOESN’T BILL<br />

CLINTON PRACTICE ON HIS<br />

SAXOPHONE ANYMORE?<br />

A: Because he would rather<br />

play with his Hor-Monica.<br />

202


DATELINE- NEW YORK:<br />

TRUMP CNBC INTERVIEW:<br />

No matter what you heard and despite all<br />

the criticism heaped on him, Donald <strong>Trump</strong><br />

is not anti-women. He’s always been very<br />

supportive of women and women’s rights.<br />

In a recent interview on CNBC, <strong>Trump</strong> said,<br />

“I’m a modern thinker. I don’t know what<br />

feminists are going on about these days<br />

when they say television never shows any<br />

positive, dynamic female role models. I<br />

mean, what was Lassie all about?”<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

203


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: HOW WOULD YOU TAKE REVENGE<br />

ON A GUY IF YOU CAUGHT HIM<br />

SCREWING HILLARY?<br />

A: “The first thing I would do is shoot<br />

his Guide Dog- then break his cane in<br />

two and throw him out of my house.”<br />

204


Q: WHAT DO REPUBLICANS<br />

CALL NANCY PELOSI<br />

AND HILLARY CLINTON<br />

TRAPPED IN A FREEZER?<br />

A: Cold Cunts<br />

205


Q: WHAT WAS SO SAD<br />

ABOUT JEB BUSH’S POLL<br />

NUMBERS IN FEBRUARY?<br />

A: Most people believed<br />

that Elvis is more alive<br />

than Jeb Bush<br />

206


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHY DO MOST MEN<br />

GET MARRIED?<br />

A: So they’ll have<br />

someone to Cheat on.<br />

207


Even though he’s in his mid-70’s,<br />

Harry Reid, despite his recent<br />

Nordic Track injury is still<br />

very athletic.<br />

He told the Washington Post<br />

that he plans to enter the 2016<br />

Olympics -- as soon as they make<br />

Hardening of the Arteries<br />

a sanctioned event.<br />

208


At the first full Republican Debate<br />

on CNN in July, Mitt Romney<br />

remarked that he was very<br />

disappointed with all the GOP<br />

Candidates....<br />

He said, “I’ve seen happier<br />

faces on lifeboats.”<br />

209


CLINTON NOSTALGIA<br />

Did you remember in 1998 seeing<br />

President Clinton on<br />

TV denying any sexual<br />

relations with Monica Lewinsky?<br />

Harrison Ford said, “I haven’t<br />

seen such bad acting since<br />

O.J. tried on the glove.<br />

210


Q: WHAT DOES OBAMA DO WHEN<br />

HE HAS AN ORGASM?<br />

A: Drops the Constitution and<br />

screams out his own name.<br />

211


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN<br />

A ELDERLY MAN IN FLORIDA<br />

RECENTLY HAD SEX?<br />

A: When he’s picking blue hair<br />

out of his teeth.<br />

212


CHAPTER<br />

NINE<br />

DESPICABLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

U.S. POLITICS IS CRAZY<br />

ONLY IN AMERICA CAN A CITIZEN VOTE<br />

FOR A POLITICIAN IN AN ELECTION ...<br />

AND THEN A FEW YEARS LATER, BE<br />

ABLE TO SIT ON THE JURY THAT<br />

SENDS HIM TO PRISON.<br />

213


HILLARY OPINES...<br />

“IF GOD WANTED WOMEN TO<br />

HAVE GROUP SEX,<br />

HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN US<br />

EXTRA VAGINAS”<br />

214


Despite the many complaints that<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> has about immagrants, Mitt<br />

Romney said that most of Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong>’s wives were Immigrants....<br />

Proving once again, that Immigrant<br />

women will do the distasteful jobs<br />

that most Americans won’t.<br />

215


During a “60 Minutes” TV interview,<br />

Bernie Sanders said that he doesn’t<br />

believe in having sex over 55...<br />

“But if you have too, it’s best to pull<br />

over to the side of the road.”<br />

216


Many people know that Joe Biden<br />

was a Caesarian Birth and he<br />

never got over it ...<br />

Now, every time he gets out of a car he<br />

goes through the sunroof.<br />

217


BILL CLINTON MARITAL<br />

ADVICE FOR MEN<br />

“Don’t ever tell your Wife that<br />

you’re unworthy of her –<br />

Let her find out for herself.”<br />

218


Q: WHAT DID MONICA LEWINSKY<br />

SAY WHEN SHE WAS HAVING<br />

SEX AT THE WHITE HOUSE?<br />

A: “Wow! Are all you guys really<br />

in the Secret Service?”<br />

219


Q: WHEN IS IT OKAY FOR A<br />

DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE TO<br />

ENGAGE IN GROUP SEX AND<br />

DRUG USE?<br />

A: After they decide to run for<br />

Governor of California.<br />

220


Harry Reid was never a goodlooking<br />

kid. As a young man,<br />

Harry’s first job was working in<br />

a pet shop in his hometown of<br />

Searchlight, Nevada.<br />

But he had to quit. People kept<br />

asking the Boss, “How big is he<br />

gonna get?”<br />

221


HILLARY CLINTON was out walking<br />

near her Chappaquiddick, NY home<br />

when she finds a strange looking bottle<br />

in some bushes in the Park. She rubs it<br />

and in a ‘puff of smoke’, a GENIE pops<br />

out and says:<br />

GENIE: “Because you have freed me<br />

from the curse of the bottle, I will grant<br />

you any one wish you desire.”<br />

Clinton thinks for a moment, then<br />

reaches into her purse and pulls out a<br />

map of the world. Pointing to the Middle<br />

East, she says:<br />

222


(...cont.)<br />

HILLARY: “I wish that there could be<br />

peace between Israel and her Arab<br />

neighbors.”<br />

The Genie shakes his head in<br />

disappointment and tells Clinton:<br />

GENIE: “That’s a tough one. I’m sorry,<br />

but as much as I would like to, there<br />

are things that even a Genie can’t do.<br />

Make another wish!”<br />

HILLARY: “Well what I’d really like is<br />

for my Husband, Bill to love only me<br />

and be faithful to our love.”<br />

The Genie thinks for a moment, and<br />

then says to Clinton:<br />

GENIE (frustrated): “Let me see that<br />

fucking map again!”<br />

223


Q: HOW DOES OBAMA SLEEP?<br />

A: First he lies on one side,<br />

then he lies on the other.<br />

224


A TEXAN walks into a Houston bar and<br />

slams his fist on the counter and<br />

yells out:<br />

TEXAN: “All Ted Cruz supporters are<br />

assholes!!”<br />

A PATRON at the end of the bar stands up<br />

and says:<br />

PATRON (angry): “Hey buddy, I resent that<br />

remark!”<br />

TEXAN: “Why, are you a Cruz supporter?”<br />

PATRON: “No, I’m an asshole!”<br />

225


The controversy about the size<br />

of <strong>Trump</strong>s manhood was brought<br />

up by Marco Rubio at the 5th<br />

Republican debate.<br />

Apparently, it’s no joke. <strong>Trump</strong> said<br />

that his Dick is so big...<br />

“That 3 months of winter<br />

there’s snow on the top of it.”<br />

226


BILL & HILLARY OPINES...<br />

“Whenever <strong>Hillary</strong> and I are<br />

faced with the choice of two evils,<br />

we always choose the one we<br />

haven’t done before.”<br />

227


BREAKING NEWS: RANDOM HOUSE<br />

PUBLISHING- NEW YORK:<br />

As <strong>Hillary</strong>’s Presidential Campaign<br />

gets into full swing, Random House<br />

Publishing announced today that<br />

Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones and<br />

Gennifer Flowers are collaborating on<br />

their memoirs of their relationships with<br />

Bill Clinton.<br />

It’ll be a children’s book called<br />

“Hump-Me – Dump-Me.”<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

228


Now that he’s retiring from the Senate in<br />

2017, Harry Reid has been looking into<br />

other sources of income for himself. But<br />

truth be told, he hasn’t been very smart<br />

with his Investment decisions.<br />

He recently backed this new invention, a<br />

machine that will enlarge the sex organ<br />

six to eight times its normal size.<br />

So far, it’s been a failure.<br />

No Woman would buy it.<br />

229


2016 BEST OF THE HILLARY<br />

BUMPER STICKERS –Part 2<br />

America Needs<br />

Another Clinton<br />

Like Monica Needs<br />

Another Cigar<br />

HILLARY CLINTON<br />

Outsourcing<br />

Blowjobs<br />

Since 1992<br />

If <strong>Hillary</strong> is the Answer<br />

How Stupid was the Question?<br />

Monica’s Ex Boyfriend’s<br />

Wife for President<br />

A Taxpayer voting for<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton is like a chicken<br />

voting for Colonel Sanders


Q: WHAT IS THE BEACH BOYS<br />

SONG “KOKOMO” ABOUT?<br />

A: All the places where Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> has Secret Bank Accounts.<br />

231


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHY DID THE WOMAN<br />

CROSS THE ROAD?<br />

A: Who the fuck knows<br />

why they do anything.<br />

232


Q: WHAT ARE THE<br />

SIMILARITIES BETWEEN<br />

LINCOLN AND OBAMA?<br />

A: Neither one ever wrote a book.<br />

233


Bernie Sanders is no dummy.<br />

He’s Multilingual…<br />

That is, if you count<br />

Wheezing and Hacking<br />

as a second language.<br />

234


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: WHAT EVENT MARKED THE<br />

BEGINNING OF THE INDUSTRIAL<br />

REVOLUTION FOR WOMEN?<br />

A: The invention of the Vibrator.<br />

235


Donald <strong>Trump</strong>’s ego is always going<br />

at full speed. At a Fox News debate,<br />

Megyn Kelly asked him what would<br />

he like people to be saying about him<br />

a hundred years from now?<br />

He said, “That’s easy, Megyn,<br />

I’d like them to say,<br />

‘He looks good for his age.’”<br />

236


WARNING!!!<br />

IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED,<br />

“NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY<br />

CLINTON,” DON’T OPEN IT!!<br />

It contains a nude photo<br />

of <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton.<br />

237


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN HARRY REID AND<br />

A HOOKER?<br />

A: Hookers get paid to suck.<br />

238


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: IS IT TRUE THAT THERE ARE<br />

MANY MECHANICAL DEVICES<br />

AVAILABLE TO INCREASE<br />

SEXUAL AROUSAL?<br />

A: Yes, There are a number of<br />

mechanical devices on the market<br />

today which increase sexual arousal,<br />

particularly in women. Chief among<br />

these is the Mercedes – Benz 380 SL.<br />

239


CHAPTER<br />

TEN<br />

REPUGNANT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

WASHINGTON D.C. REALITY...<br />

Q: WHEN DOES A BLOW JOB<br />

BECOME ORAL SEX?<br />

A: When the Press finds out about it.<br />

241


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR #454:<br />

...THAT IN 1999, MONICA LEWINSKY<br />

SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH<br />

PARAMOUNT STUDIOS TO BE<br />

THE STUNT DOUBLE FOR<br />

“THE LINDA LOVELACE STORY.”<br />

242


Even though she loves Donald<br />

dearly, his wife, Melania says that<br />

their Sex Life isn’t the greatest. Last<br />

week she put a Strobe Light<br />

over their bed...<br />

She said “That way, it gives the<br />

impression that Donald is moving.”<br />

243


BILL & HILLARY OPINES...<br />

“Despite the criticism <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

and I have taken in our careers,<br />

we’ve done a lot of good for a<br />

lot of people. We’ve kept a flock<br />

of Detectives, FBI Investigators<br />

and IRS Agents working regularly<br />

over the last 40 years.”<br />

244


1998 CLINTON NOSTALGIA<br />

During the height of his Impeachment<br />

Trial, an agitated President CLINTON is<br />

sitting at his desk in the Oval Office when<br />

one of his female AIDES, looking very<br />

worried, approaches him.<br />

CLINTON: “What’s wrong now?”<br />

AIDE: “What do you want to do about<br />

the Abortion Bill?”<br />

CLINTON: “Just fucking pay it!<br />

I’ve got enough shit to worry about.”<br />

245


In a final move to help save his legacy,<br />

President Obama is slated to appear<br />

on one of Oprah’s last shows in 2016<br />

before he leaves Office.<br />

He’s hoping it’s the show where she<br />

gives away 17 trillion dollars.<br />

246


Q: WHY CAN’T BERNIE<br />

SANDERS DANCE?<br />

A: Because he has two leftist feet.<br />

247


John Kasich was talking on CNN about<br />

the first time he met Ted Cruz.<br />

He said it was in the Mens Room of the<br />

Cleveland Marriott Hotel. He walked<br />

into the room and Ted Cruz was<br />

standing at the urinal taking a piss. As<br />

soon as Cruz saw him, he said:<br />

CRUZ: “I’m sorry, Governor, but you’ll<br />

have to leave. I can’t have anybody<br />

watch me when I’m peeing.”<br />

KASICH: “Oh, is that one of those<br />

psychological things?”<br />

CRUZ: “No. It’s the terms of<br />

my Probation.”<br />

248


In 1998, <strong>Hillary</strong> said that Bill likes<br />

his sex loud, rough and frequent.<br />

Coincidentally,<br />

that’s how he also likes to eat.<br />

249


Q: WHAT FAMOUS SAN FRANCISCO<br />

FOOD PRODUCT DOES MONICA USE<br />

TO SUPPLEMENT HER MEALS?<br />

A: Semen Helper.<br />

250


Q: ACCORDING TO BILL<br />

CLINTON, WHAT DOES<br />

HILLARY AND A 2 INCH<br />

DICK HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: You don’t want to<br />

fuck with either of them.<br />

251


At a Republican rally in<br />

Washington, Senate Majority<br />

Leader, Mitch McConnell, was<br />

introducing Donald <strong>Trump</strong> to<br />

the party elite.... “Ladies and<br />

gentlemen, yes, we know that<br />

Donald <strong>Trump</strong> is not perfect.<br />

But who is? ...<br />

I mean, what about the good things<br />

that ISIS has done? You never<br />

hear about them...”<br />

252


WHY DID JIMMY CARTER<br />

CAMPAIGN AND VOTE FOR<br />

OBAMA’S SECOND TERM IN 2012?<br />

Jimmy didn’t want to be known as<br />

the worst president in U.S. history<br />

253


Harry Reid not known to be an<br />

astute politician in the Senate.<br />

Fellow Democrats in Washington<br />

say that getting Political advice from<br />

Harry Reid is like getting a Kidney<br />

Transplant from a Bed-Wetter.<br />

254


At an exclusive restaurant in<br />

Wisconsin, the MAITRE DE goes up<br />

to <strong>Trump</strong>’s table:<br />

MAITRE DE: “Sorry for the delay,<br />

Mr. <strong>Trump</strong>, but as I’m sure you<br />

understand that the meal always<br />

takes a little longer when all the<br />

Waiters want to spit in your food!”<br />

255


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: HOW CAN YOU HAVE SEX WITHOUT<br />

EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT?<br />

A: It’s simple...<br />

Don’t use the Attachment.<br />

256


BREAKING NEWS –<br />

CAMBRIDGE , MASS:<br />

Researchers at M.I.T. Science lab have<br />

proven that the Jellyfish has survived<br />

for 650 million years despite not having<br />

any brains is great news for<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> Supporters....<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

257


NANCY PELOSI OPINES...<br />

“The thing about being an older<br />

woman is that when you go in for<br />

Mammogram, you realize it’s the<br />

only time someone was<br />

ever going to ask you to<br />

appear topless in a film.”<br />

258


Q: WHY DO DEMOCRATIC<br />

POLITICIANS NEVER CONDUCT<br />

BUSINESS ON THE SAME STREET<br />

WHERE THE HOOKERS<br />

ARE WORKING?<br />

A: Professional Courtesy!<br />

259


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN A COMPUTER AND<br />

A WOMAN?<br />

A: Some Computers will take a<br />

Three-Inch Floppy.<br />

260


The Polls in early March<br />

showed Jeb Bush’s popularity<br />

really plummeting.<br />

In fact, even Barbara Bush was<br />

heard to say at a Republican<br />

rally in Texas, “Look, I only just<br />

met the guy.”<br />

261


Many members of the U.S.<br />

Senate consider Harry Reid to<br />

be a great Political Laxative...<br />

He irritates the shit out<br />

of everybody.<br />

263


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: WHY DO MEN LIE<br />

TO THEIR WIVES?<br />

A: Because wives are always<br />

asking them fucking questions.<br />

264


BREAKING NEWS- DATELINE:<br />

LOUISVILLE, KY:<br />

In honor of the 2016 Presidential<br />

Campaign, the KFC Board of Directors<br />

announced today their<br />

Special 5 piece ‘HILLARY CLINTON MEAL’<br />

it consists of<br />

2 Large Thighs;<br />

2 Small Breasts and<br />

1 Cold Cunt<br />

FILM AT ELEVEN!!<br />

265


The Democratic Primary<br />

Campaign has been pretty<br />

tough on Senator Sanders.<br />

His team announced that after the<br />

Democratic Convention in July,<br />

he will be going in for special<br />

Elective Surgery.<br />

Or as his Doctors call it,<br />

a “Pre-Autopsy Check Up.”<br />

266


CHAPTER<br />

ELEVEN<br />

REPUGNANT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

Because of all the confusion in the 2016<br />

Presidential race, the Republican National<br />

Committee is putting out a special<br />

educational guide book for the<br />

American Electorate, it’s called:<br />

“KNOWING YOUR ASS FROM<br />

YOUR ELEPHANT”<br />

267


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MS. MONICA ...<br />

Q: WHAT IS THE NAME OF<br />

THE CHARITY THAT RAISES<br />

MONEY FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED<br />

WOMEN WHO CAN’T<br />

AFFORD VIBRATORS?<br />

A: “Toys For Twats.”<br />

268


Senator Cruz is a staunch<br />

and unforgiving Politician.<br />

When President Obama<br />

finally released his long-form<br />

birth certificate, it proved<br />

once and for all he was born<br />

in this country. Cruz and the<br />

Tea Party Conservatives were<br />

not satisfied...<br />

Now Republican leaders<br />

are demanding to see his<br />

mother’s placenta too.<br />

269


Harry Reid’s photos are terrible.<br />

It’s obvious that he’s not very<br />

photographic.<br />

Why is it that every time you see<br />

Harry Reid on television- it always<br />

looks like a hostage video?<br />

270


MONICA OPINES...<br />

“To me the only Perfect Man<br />

is the TV character, ‘Mr. Ed.’ ...<br />

He’s hung like a horse,<br />

and can hold a conversation.”<br />

271


After a meeting with the Pope, Bill<br />

and <strong>Hillary</strong> held a press conference at<br />

the Vatican, where they said they had<br />

a very successful meeting.<br />

Bill said that they and the Holy Father<br />

had agreed on about 60% of what<br />

they discussed.<br />

When asked what they discussed,<br />

<strong>Hillary</strong> replied,<br />

“THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.”<br />

272


Ivana <strong>Trump</strong>, Donald’s first wife, said,<br />

“He’s the most egotistical man you’ll<br />

ever meet.”<br />

He has a coffee mug on his table<br />

that says, “I’m the Greatest.” He has<br />

a plaque on the wall that says “I’m<br />

Number One.” And on his bed spread,<br />

it says in large embroidered letters,<br />

“I’m The Best.”<br />

She recalls one time, in the middle of<br />

making love, he told her: “Get out of<br />

bed, Ivana! You’re getting in my way!”<br />

273


SPECIAL PRESIDENTIAL<br />

AWARD<br />

In 2011, Obama received an Honorary<br />

Award from the NRA for selling more<br />

guns to Mexican Drug Cartels than<br />

all of the other Nobel Peace Prize<br />

winners put together.<br />

274


NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR #389<br />

...That since the beginning of<br />

Democratic Primary season in January<br />

of 2016, “Jeopardy” has put in<br />

a new Category:<br />

“THINGS THAT HILLARY CLINTON<br />

WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT.”<br />

275


MONICA OPINES...<br />

“I’ve always had cats. I know I would like<br />

to have a child someday, but I can’t help<br />

but wonder, could I love something that<br />

doesn’t shit in a box?”<br />

276


It’s obvious from the pictures of<br />

this year’s Reid family reunion in<br />

Nevada, that no one in his family<br />

ages well.<br />

After looking at the photos, Donald<br />

<strong>Trump</strong> says “I think somebody<br />

peed in their gene pool.”<br />

277


1998 CLINTON NOSTALGIA<br />

THE SURGEON GENERAL SAYS:<br />

“If you are not careful,<br />

you can get AIDS from Sex.”<br />

BILL CLINTON SAYS:<br />

“If you play your cards right,<br />

you can get sex from Aides.”<br />

278


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR MISS HILLARY…<br />

Q: WHEN DOES A WOMAN STOP<br />

MASTURBATING?<br />

A: Usually at the beginning<br />

of the Separation.<br />

279


On a TV interview, Mitt Romney said,<br />

“I want to clear something up right<br />

now. No matter what you’ve heard,<br />

John Kasich is not cheap! I personally<br />

know that John is a very generous,<br />

caring man. He’s got a heart of gold.<br />

Let me give you an example…<br />

A few days ago, John read in the<br />

paper that it takes ten dollars a month<br />

to support a child in India. So, next<br />

week, he’s planning to send his two<br />

nephews to Calcutta.”<br />

280


Despite being a radical “bleeding-heart”<br />

Democrat, Nancy Pelosi has a reputation<br />

for being a mean,<br />

uncaring congresswoman<br />

when it comes to helping the poor.<br />

Rumor has it that she was the<br />

inspiration for “The Exact<br />

Change Ambulance Service”<br />

in the D.C ghetto.<br />

281


MONICA FASHION TIP #268:<br />

Never let ‘Panty Lines’<br />

show around your ankles.<br />

282


WE GET LETTERS<br />

DEAR PRESIDENT BILL...<br />

Q: HOW DO YOU GET A FAT<br />

GIRL TO BLOW YOU?<br />

A: Piece of Cake.<br />

283


Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE<br />

BETWEEN NIXON’S<br />

“WATERGATE” AND<br />

CLINTON’S “SEMENGATE?”<br />

A: At least with “SemenGate”,<br />

there’s no doubt about the<br />

identity of “Deep Throat.”<br />

284


BILL OPINES...<br />

“In the early days with <strong>Hillary</strong> it was<br />

very sexually exciting for me. It was<br />

fist fucking at the drive-in, blow jobs<br />

in the bathroom, quickies in the choir<br />

loft, cornholing in the kitchen, eating<br />

out in the Park.<br />

But now, it seems that all the<br />

romance has gone out of<br />

our marriage.”<br />

285


Q: WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU<br />

OFFER A DEMOCRAT A PENNY<br />

FOR HIS THOUGHTS?<br />

A: Change.<br />

286


WE GET LETTERS<br />

ASK THE DONALD...<br />

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN<br />

YOUR MISS AMERICA PAGEANT AND<br />

THE SUPER BOWL?<br />

A: In the Super Bowl they kick a punt.<br />

287


Q: WHAT DOES BILL CLINTON<br />

CONSIDER THE IDEAL<br />

BREAKFAST FOR A MAN?<br />

A: Sitting at the table eating eggs<br />

Benedict, his Daughter on the<br />

cover of the box of Wheaties, his<br />

mistress on the cover of the new<br />

Penthouse, and <strong>Hillary</strong> is on<br />

the back of the milk carton.<br />

288


2000 FASHION NEWS<br />

Monica Lewinsky is planning to<br />

launch a new line of Handbags –<br />

I guess her collection of Designer<br />

Knee Pads never got<br />

off the ground<br />

289


Q: In 1998, while putting together<br />

the Impeachment case against<br />

Bill Clinton, what was Special<br />

Prosecutor Ken Starr’s biggest<br />

legal dilemma?<br />

A: How many White House Blow<br />

Jobs Constitute a Felony?<br />

290


Proposed Democratic<br />

Monday, July 25, 2016<br />

1:30 PM<br />

Group Voter Registration<br />

for Undocumented<br />

Immigrants.<br />

3:15 PM “Being the Real You”<br />

A Seminar by Rachel Dolezal, former<br />

Head of the Seattle NAACP and Caitlyn Jenner<br />

4:30 PM <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton<br />

“How to Bank $200 Million as a<br />

public Servant and claim to be broke”<br />

4:45 PM Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson<br />

How to have a successful career without ever having a job,<br />

and still avoid paying taxes!<br />

5:00 PM National Security Advisor Susan Rice<br />

Medals of Freedom presentation to<br />

Army deserter Bo Bergdahl<br />

for serving with Honor and Distinction<br />

6:30 PM Eric Holder, Former US Attny. Gen<br />

General vote on praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the<br />

terminology “Alternative Shoppers” instead of “Looters”<br />

7:30 PM Bill Clinton<br />

Breakout session for women on<br />

avoiding the upcoming draft


Convention Schedule**<br />

**Subject to Change in case of Criminal Indictment<br />

8:30 PM Obama<br />

“Semantics” Committee<br />

General vote on re-branding<br />

“Muslim Terrorism” as<br />

“Random Acts of Islamic<br />

Over-Exuberance”<br />

9:00 PM Guest Speaker, Brian Williams<br />

“Liberal Bias in Media” How we can make it work for<br />

you! Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN,<br />

PBS, the Washington Post and the New York Times<br />

9:15 PM Michael Moore<br />

Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters<br />

still incarcerated at GITMO<br />

9:45 PM <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton<br />

Personal Finance Seminar -”Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”<br />

11:00 PM Hosted by <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton<br />

Short film, “Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server<br />

While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend<br />

It’s No Big Deal”<br />

11:30 PM Bill Maher and Chris Matthews<br />

Official Coronation Nomination of <strong>Hillary</strong>


<strong>Trump</strong> <strong>vs</strong> <strong>Hillary</strong><br />

Punchline Index<br />

OFFENSIVE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

I. CHAPTER ONE U.S. President pardons herself – 1<br />

1. BILL ... Bobbing for Blow Jobs – 2<br />

2. NANCY PELOSI...List her occupation as “Cunt” – 3<br />

3. BILL & HILLARY....Before being elected President – 4<br />

4. DEAR MISS HILLARY....Get rid of the Whole Prick— 5<br />

5. TRUMP.... What’s in it for me? – 6<br />

6. DEAR MS. MONICA .... Hands tied behind their backs – 7<br />

7. BILL & HILLARY.... Chelsea – 8<br />

8. HARRY REID .... Harry likes to sleep in the nude – 9<br />

9. BILL & HILLARY.... Lipstick on his socks – 10<br />

10. OBAMA .... Expand the NBA to 100,000 teams – 11<br />

11. BILL & MONICA .... So, she bought him a Penis Extender<br />

– 12<br />

12. CHRIS CHRISTIE .... Not leftovers again? – 13<br />

13. BILL & HILLARY.... Fucking the same girl in College – 14<br />

14. HILLARY & MONICA .... <strong>Hillary</strong> only gives Snow Jobs<br />

– 15<br />

15. TRUMP .... Harvard is contesting the will – 16<br />

16. DEAR MISS HILLARY.... They miss them all – 17


Punchline Index - 2<br />

17. BILL .... Keep his ankles warm when he’s working – 18<br />

18. BILL & CHELSEA .... All I got was this lousy Tee-Shirt – 19<br />

19. MONICA .... It’s just mustard this time – 20<br />

20. HILLARY .... First Artificial Heart Donor – 21<br />

21. CRUZ & TRUMP .... 140 million Muslims -- 22 - 23<br />

22. PELOSI .... Botox Treatments – 24<br />

23. HILLARY .... They caught me lying...again – 25<br />

24. HILLARY&BILL .... Because her Balls show – 26<br />

25. MONICA .... BLEWCLINTSKY – 27<br />

INDECENT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

II. CHAPTER TWO.... Women with penises – 29<br />

26. BILL & HILLARY ... Next Door; Barbed wire negligee – 30<br />

27. HILLARY.... Only one Dirt Bag – 31<br />

28. HARRY REID .... I Couldn’t Figure It Out Either – 32<br />

29. BILL .... Whenever <strong>Hillary</strong> is out of town – 33<br />

30. MONICA .... Kiss after getting a blow job – 34<br />

31. TRUMP .... Set any limits on himself – 35<br />

32. BILL .... He happens to get lucky – 36<br />

33. HILLARY.... Dodging the Law – 37<br />

34. PELOSI .... In a Tanning Bed in Washington, D.C. – 38<br />

35. BILL .... I’m a married man – 39


Punchline Index - 3<br />

36. OBAMA .... He’s gonna break my fucking legs – 40 - 41<br />

37. HILLARY .... I just can’t picture Bill as a blonde – 42<br />

38. BILL .... An Intern With A Chipped Tooth – 43<br />

39. BERNIE SANDERS .... Waiting for his legs to fall asleep<br />

– 44<br />

40. REPUBLICAN PARTY....Madonna needs a Twat<br />

Stretcher— 45<br />

41. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... gum on the way down.– 46<br />

42. TRUMP .... NOW don’t you feel better? – 47<br />

43. BILL & MONICA .... I’ll be behind the couch – 48<br />

44. HILLARY .... He won’t tell me who he’s fucking – 49<br />

45. BILL .... Man from Nantuckett – 50<br />

46. HARRY REID .... They wanted to start Happy Hour – 51<br />

47. BILL & HILLARY.... Snakes – 52<br />

48. BILL .... Right there in the Oval Office – 53<br />

49. BILL & HILLARY.... Under another Girl – 54<br />

50. MONICA .... The other is a Great Year – 55<br />

CONTEMPTABLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

III. CHAPTER THREE .... Blow Jobs while they’re driving – 57<br />

51. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... You get your own wife back<br />

– 58<br />

52. HILLARY .... Blows the ashes all over the patio – 59


Punchline Index - 4<br />

53. BILL & HILLARY.... Who the fuck wouldn’t? 60<br />

54. HARRY REID .... A set of facial expressions – 61<br />

55. BILL .... <strong>Hillary</strong> is making him give cash – 62<br />

56. DEAR MS. MONICA .... Chew before she swallows – 63<br />

57. TRUMP .... One more head on Mount Rushmore – 64<br />

58. HIILLARY .... What Bill might have brought home – 65<br />

59. PELOSI .... Turns the lights on – 66<br />

60. BILL & HILLARY .... The Suffer-Ring – 67<br />

61. BILL .... Went down on the Titanic – 68<br />

62. DEAR MISS HILLARY .... Sperm would taste like<br />

Chocolate – 69<br />

63. OBAMA .... Barry sounded too American – 70<br />

64. HILLARY .... Thank you for not blowing my husband – 71<br />

65. BERNIE SANDERS .... GAS at $8 a gallon – 72<br />

66. MONICA .... $7.98 for Dry Cleaning – 73<br />

67. BIDEN .... Currently Brain Dead – 74<br />

68. BILL .... Time to get back to work – 75<br />

69. BILL & HILLARY .... Any week that has a Friday in it – 76<br />

70. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... When you’re getting a Blow<br />

Job – 77<br />

71. BILL & HILLARY .... HARRASS is one word – 78


Punchline Index - 5<br />

72. MONICA .... “CREAM OF SUM YUNG GUY” – 79<br />

73. PELOSI .... So she can moan with the other – 80<br />

74. CRUZ & TRUMP .... He’s obscene and disgusting – 81<br />

75. HILLARY .... Told her to go fuck herself – 82<br />

APPALLING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

IV. CHAPTER FOUR .... Working her way down – 83<br />

76. BILL .... Held against him – 84<br />

77. MONICA .... If she wants jewelry – 85<br />

78. PELOSI .... Afraid to look down – 86<br />

79. REPUBLICAN .... Hello, Mr. President – 87<br />

80. HILLARY .... <strong>Hillary</strong> Bumper Stickers –part 1 – 88<br />

81. MONICA .... Hanukkah Lewinsky – 89<br />

82. BILL .... This guy is good – 90<br />

83. BILL .... Where did I go wrong? – 91<br />

84. DEAR MISS HILLARY .... Mow the lawn – 92<br />

85. TRUMP .... Get her hands on it – 93<br />

86. HARRY REID .... Only wanted to be Friends – 94<br />

87. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... You lose your House and Car<br />

– 95<br />

88. MONICA .... Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe – 96<br />

89. CHRIS CHRISTIE .... The Student Loan People – 97


Punchline Index - 6<br />

90. HILLARY & BILL .... A Model Prisoner – 98<br />

91. BILL .... His rod & staff shall comfort me – 99<br />

92. HILLARY .... A Perfect Lie every time – 100<br />

93. MONICA .... Caught her drinking on the job – 101<br />

94. BILL .... I Came – 102<br />

95. BERNIE SANDERS .... 70 people who don’t do dick – 103<br />

96. HILLARY .... 6 feet of dirt on top – 104<br />

97. JOHNNY COCHRINE .... IF IT’S ONLY ORAL – 105<br />

98. TRUMP.... They both have Hemorrhoids – 106<br />

99. MONICA .... She’s a Tramp – 107<br />

100. BILL & HILLARY .... You expect me to swallow this?<br />

– 108<br />

TASTELESS BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

V. CHAPTER FIVE .... Prayer Works! – 109<br />

101. BILL MONICA .... Spot Remover – 110<br />

102. DEAR MISS HILLARY .... Break its balls – 111<br />

103. MONICA .... Two after tastes to get rid of – 112<br />

104. HILLARY .... Am I going to be involved with it? – 113<br />

105. TRUMP .... My Dick – 114<br />

106. BERNIE SANDERS .... Mao, Mao – 115<br />

107. HARRY REID .... Twist his dick into a poodle – 116


Punchline Index - 8<br />

108. HILLARY & BILL .... “BLO-JAC” – 117<br />

109. BILL .... “Kneel To The Chief” – 118<br />

110. OBAMA .... Switching Positions – 119<br />

111. BILL & MONICA .... Last Blow Job – 120<br />

112. DEAR MISS HILLARY .... Clitaurus – 121<br />

113. HILLARY & CHELSEA .... Not according to Dad – 122<br />

114. TRUMP .... Fell into the Bean Dip – 123<br />

115. DEMOCRATS .... Really gets screwed – 124<br />

116. MONICA & BILL .... Head Start Program – 125<br />

117. PELOSI .... Just don’t look – 126<br />

118. BILL & HILLARY .... I’ll be home in 15 minutes – 127<br />

119. HARRY REID .... you’d be fucking lying – 128<br />

120. BILL.... Washington D.C. Sperm Bank – 129<br />

121. BILL & HILLARY ....a female drummer into their bedroom.<br />

– 130<br />

122. OBAMA .... One Big Ass Mistake America – 131<br />

123. TRUMP .... And Vice Versa – 132<br />

124. PELOSI .... One styled her hair – 133<br />

125. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Go For The Wet Spot – 134


Punchline Index - 9<br />

UNWHOLESOME BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

VI. CHAPTER SIX .... What our Company is all about – 135<br />

126. MONICA .... Left a bad taste in her mouth – 136<br />

127. BILL .... Clinton wants most –137<br />

128. BILL & HILLARY .... Hadn’t begun to melt – 138<br />

129. DEAR MISS MONICA .... No intention of getting married<br />

– 139<br />

130. OBAMA .... A Lyin’ African – 140<br />

131. DEMOCRATS .... You take off your shoes before you<br />

jump on a trampoline.– 141<br />

132. NANCY PELOSI .... Cure Sex Offenders – 142<br />

133. TRUMP .... Controlled Substance – 143<br />

134. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL ... They tend to loosen up – 144<br />

135. HILLARY .... Together we make mud – 145<br />

136. MONICA ....Men’s underwear Half Off – 146<br />

137. NANCY PELOSI .... I hate myself right now – 147<br />

138. CHRIS CHRISTIE .... So, I stopped wearing them – 148<br />

139. TRUMP & PELOSI .... Permanently Frightened – 149<br />

140. BILL .... Swallow The Leader – 150<br />

141. OBAMA& BIDEN .... Same place that Joe Biden is at<br />

– 151<br />

142. HILLARY .... Chases his own tail – 152


Punchline Index - 10<br />

143. TRUMP .... Tied up in cash – 153<br />

144. BILL .... A blow job is out of the question – 154<br />

145. HARRY REID .... A REAL German Shepherd – 155<br />

146. MONICA .... Back on her knees in no time – 156<br />

147. HILLARY .... My Name Is – FUCK OFF! – 157<br />

148. NANCY PELOSI .... <strong>Trump</strong>’s School of Charm and<br />

Humility– 158<br />

149. DEAR MISS MONICA .... Two things you never get at<br />

home – 159<br />

150. BILL .... She put two and two together – 160<br />

REVOLTING BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

VII. CHAPTER SEVEN .... Every day is April 15th – 161<br />

151. MONICA .... Why he had to call her a whore – 162<br />

152. BILL .... Two cities in China – 163<br />

153. TRUMP .... or is it just him? – 164<br />

154. OBAMA .... Obama get’s a residual – 165<br />

155. HARRY REID & NETANYAHU .... By not being one – 166<br />

156. HILLARY & BILL .... It takes a village – 167<br />

157. HARRY REID & PAUL RYAN .... Putting their teeth in it<br />

– 168<br />

158. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Her knees – 169<br />

159. NANCY PELOSI .... Piranha Research – 170


Punchline Index - 11<br />

160. HILLARY .... <strong>Hillary</strong> doesn’t know the difference – 171<br />

161. TRUMP .... The Illegal Alien I was kicking – 172<br />

162. MONICA .... Politician with his pants down – 173<br />

163. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Whether it’s 2pm or 2am<br />

– 174<br />

164. HILLARY .... stickers off of the bananas. – 175<br />

165. TRUMP & CARSON .... Donald <strong>Trump</strong> – 176<br />

166. BILL .... Not as good as the Real Thing – 177<br />

167. NANCY PELOSI .... His wife was a Bitch – 178<br />

168. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Kitchen appliances white<br />

– 179<br />

169. OBAMA .... You Can Believe In – 180<br />

170. MONICA & BILL .... I’ll drink it – 181<br />

171. HILLARY & BILL .... Only knows how to Fuck Up – 182<br />

172. BILL .... HAVE BIG TITS – 183<br />

173. GEORGE W. BUSH .... No more Bush! – 184<br />

174. DEMOCRATS .... Value for the money she takes – 185<br />

175. BILL .... The middle of a cartwheel – 186<br />

UNCOUTH BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

VIII. CHAPTER EIGHT .... Great Piece of Elephant – 187<br />

176. TRUMP .... comes in 1st & 3rd! – 188<br />

177. HILLARY .... Not Admitting Any Credibility Problem – 189


Punchline Index - 12<br />

178. TED CRUZ & HARRY REID .... No one is perfect –190<br />

179. BILL .... I’m in big fucking trouble – 191<br />

180. DEAR MISS MONICA .... Fight waxy build-up – 192<br />

181. HARRY REID .... He’d have no complexion at all – 193<br />

182. DEAR MISS PELOSI .... Dust Covers – 194<br />

183. DONALD & MELANIA TRUMP .... High Cholesterol – 195<br />

184. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Get a couple of Girlfriends<br />

– 196<br />

185. MONICA .... A hard act to swallow – 197<br />

186. HILLARY .... I have <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton underneath – 198<br />

187. DEMOCRATS .... Depression is covered by ObamaCare<br />

– 199<br />

188. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Starts chasing cars – 200<br />

189. OBAMA .... Eat your lunch every day – 201<br />

190. CLINTON .... Play with his Hor-Monica – 202<br />

191. TRUMP .... what was Lassie all about?” – 203<br />

192. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Throw him out of my house<br />

– 204<br />

193. HILLARY AND NANCY .... Cold Cunts– 205<br />

194. JEB BUSH .... More alive than Jeb Bush – 206<br />

195. DEAR MISS HILLARY .... Someone to Cheat on – 207


Punchline Index - 13<br />

196. HARRY REID .... A sanctioned event – 208<br />

197. MITT ROMNEY .... Happier faces on lifeboats – 209<br />

198. BILL & MONICA .... O.J. tried on the glove – 210<br />

199. OBAMA .... Screams out his own name – 211<br />

200. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL ... picking blue hair out of his<br />

teeth. – 212<br />

DESPICABLE BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

IX. CHAPTER NINE .... Sends him to prison – 213<br />

201. HILLARY .... Extra Vaginas – 214<br />

202. TRUMP & ROMNEY .... Most Americans won’t – 215<br />

203. BERNIE SANDERS .... The side of the road – 216<br />

204. JOE BIDEN .... Goes through the sunroof – 217<br />

205. BILL .... Let her find out for herself – 218<br />

206. MONICA .... In the Secret Service – 219<br />

207. REPUBLICANS .... Run for Governor of California – 220<br />

208. HARRY REID .... How big is he gonna get? – 221<br />

209. HILLARY .... Let me see that fucking map again!<br />

– 222-223<br />

210. OBAMA .... Then he lies on the other – 224<br />

211. TED CRUZ .... No, I’m an asshole – 225<br />

212. TRUMP .... There’s snow on the top of it – 226<br />

213. BILL & HILLARY .... We haven’t done before – 227


Punchline Index - 14<br />

214. MONICA .... Hump-Me – Dump-Me – 228<br />

215. HARRY REID .... No Woman would buy it – 229<br />

216. HILLARY .... <strong>Hillary</strong> Bumper Stickers –part 2 – 230<br />

217. TRUMP .... Secret Bank Accounts – 231<br />

218. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Why they do anything – 232<br />

219. OBAMA & LINCOLN .... Ever wrote a book – 233<br />

220. BERNIE SANDERS .... As a second language – 234<br />

221. DEAR MS. MONICA .... Invention of the Vibrator – 235<br />

222. TRUMP .... He looks good for his age – 236<br />

223. HILLARY .... Nude photo of <strong>Hillary</strong> Clinton – 237<br />

224. HARRY REID .... Hookers get paid to suck – 238<br />

225. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Mercedes – Benz 380 SL<br />

– 239<br />

REPUGNANT BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

X. CHAPTER TEN .... Press finds out about it – 241<br />

226. MONICA .... The Linda Lovelace Story – 242<br />

227. TRUMP .... Donald is moving – 243<br />

228. BILL & HILLARY .... Over the last 40 years – 244<br />

229. CLINTON .... I’ve got enough shit to worry about – 245<br />

230. OBAMA & OPRAH .... Gives away 17 trillion dollars<br />

– 246


Punchline Index - 15<br />

231. BERNIE SANDERS .... He has two leftist feet – 247<br />

232. CRUZ & KASICH .... Terms of my Probation – 248<br />

233. HILLARY & BILL .... That’s how he also likes to eat – 249<br />

234. MONICA .... Semen Helper – 250<br />

235. HILLARY .... Fuck with either of them – 251<br />

236. TED CRUZ .... You never hear about them – 252<br />

237. OBAMA & CARTER .... Worst president in U.S. history<br />

– 253<br />

238. HARRY REID .... Kidney Transplant from a Bed-Wetter<br />

– 254<br />

239. TRUMP .... Waiters want to spit in your food – 255<br />

240. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Don’t use the Attachment<br />

–256<br />

241. TRUMP ... Great news for <strong>Trump</strong> Supporters – 257<br />

242. NANCY PELOSI .... Appear topless in a film – 258<br />

243. DEMOCRATS .... Professional Courtesy – 259<br />

244. DEAR MS. MONICA .... Three-Inch Floppy – 260<br />

245. JEB BUSH .... I only just met the guy – 261<br />

246. TED CRUZ .... Especially the Assholes – 262<br />

247. HARRY REID .... Irritates the shit out of everybody – 263<br />

248. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL .... Asking them fucking<br />

questions – 264


Punchline Index - 16<br />

249. HILLARY .... You’ve got it made – 265<br />

250. BERNIE SANDERS .... Pre-Autopsy Check Up – 266<br />

ATROCIOUS BAD TASTE POLITICAL JOKES<br />

XI. CHAPTER ELEVEN .... KNOWING YOUR ASS FROM<br />

YOUR ELEPHANT – 267<br />

251. DEAR MS. MONICA .... Toys For Twats – 268<br />

252. CRUZ & OBAMA .... Demanding to see the Placenta<br />

– 269<br />

253. HARRY REID .... Looks like a hostage video – 270<br />

254. MONICA .... Can hold a conversation – 271<br />

255. BILL, HILLARY & THE POPE .... THE 10<br />

COMMANDMENTS - 272<br />

256. TRUMP .... You’re getting in my way – 273<br />

257. OBAMA .... Nobel Peace Prize winners – 274<br />

258. HILLARY .... HILLARY CLINTON WOULD NOT LIE<br />

ABOUT – 275<br />

259. MONICA .... Doesn’t shit in a box – 276<br />

260. TRUMP & REID ... Somebody peed in their gene pool<br />

– 277<br />

261. BILL ... You can get sex from Aides – 278<br />

262. DEAR MISS HILLARY ... At the beginning of the<br />

Separation - 279<br />

263. KASICH & ROMNEY ... Send his two nephews to<br />

Calcutta – 280


Punchline Index - 17<br />

264. NANCY PELOSI ... In the D.C ghetto – 281<br />

265. MONICA ... Show around your ankles – 282<br />

266. DEAR PRESIDENT BILL... Piece of Cake – 283<br />

267. CLINTON & NIXON ... The identity of “Deep Throat” - 284<br />

268. BILL & HILLARY ... Romance has gone out of our<br />

marriage - 285<br />

269. DEMOCRATS ... Change – 286<br />

270. TRUMP ... They kick a punt – 287<br />

271. BILL .... The back of the milk carton – 288<br />

272. MONICA .... Never got off the ground – 289<br />

273. BILL ... Constitute a Felony – 290<br />

274. THE DEMOCRATS ... 2016 Democratic Convention<br />

Schedule – 291-292


Bad Taste Political Joke <strong>Book</strong><br />

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