Chris Isaak Book

rantonic

show

h o w

the

"A few laughs ,

a song or two

and a little

tasteful nudity."


Jody Chow

Morley Cruikshank

Richa

James

Kate

Charma

Brigitte P

Sheryl

Carol

Brad Va

Trevor W

Publisher

Richard Davis

Renata Antonic

Suzanne Jean

April 2002


April 29, 2002

To Everyone,

The Chris Isaak Show is two years old. I hope with all my heart it will

grow older - much older.

Whatever, it's been a lot of fun. Good times, good people p and good

memories. We can all be assured that t we have done our small bit to raise

the standard of North American cultural life and generally make the world

a btt better place. As I once described ibdthe show - "a few laughs, a song or two

and a little tasteful t nudity" - a legacy to be proud of.

As I consider life's rich tapestry and watch it unravel slowly, I remain

eternally grateful that t I could share this experience with you.

Richard Davis


Chris Isaak

Throughout his career, Chris has carved out a unique niche in

American popular culture. With a wall full of platinum albums,

he has written classics from moody ballads like "Wicked

Game" to rockers like "Baby Did A

Bad Bad Thing". Chris

started out solo, working the club circuit in San Francisco

but soon formed his band Silvertone. In 1989 he scored his

breakout single "Wicked Game", featured on the double

platinum album "Heart Shaped World". Chris has also

appeared ared in

many acclaimed films

and TV series such as

"Silence of the Lambs, "Twin Peaks" "Little Buddha", "That

Thing You Do" " Grace of My Heart" and "Friends". Chris has

recently released his new album, "Always Got Tonight",

featuring the single "LetMeDownEasy

Easy"

In April 2001, Entertainment Weekly singled Kristin out as a "New

Breakout Star". Her big break came following high school when

she was cast in the NBC series "Hull High." She went on to star

in such TV series as "Local Heroes," Hitz," "The Office," and

"Byrds of Paradise." She landed recurring roles on "The Tracey

Ullman Show," Relativity" and had notable spots on "Ally

McBeal," "Grapevine," and "Friends," just to name a few.

Kristin's film credits are also lengthy, "Mirror, Mirror," "Pyrates,"

"Some Girls," "Infinity'", "At First Sight," and the upcoming

comedy "Love and Support." During her brief hiatus from the

Chris Isaak Show, Kristin filmed a starring role in the

independent film, "Coronado," in Mexico.

Kristin Dattilo

Jed Rees

Jed studied music for two years in

college before transferring into

Business Administration under the

misconception that it would

teach him how to make money. In his final year in school, he

discovered acting and moved to New York City to study

theatre. Jed can be seen in "Galaxy Quest," "Dudley

DoRight

r" and

most rec

red in

award winning television movie "Little Criminals". Jed returned

to New York to star in the Off-Broadway production of "Two

Pianos, Four Hands," and in Vancouver has acting credits with

The Arts Club Theatre and Gastown Actors Theatre.

Roly got his start in music after a high school track coach threatened

to kick him off the team if he didn't get a hair cut. Rather than

heading to a barber, he picked up the bass. Roly has played

extensively as both a session musician and a performer r with

local musicians and singers including, Happy and Atrie Traum,

Maria Muldaur, David Wilcox, Joan Baez and Ian and Sylvia

Tyson to name a few. Roly has formed and toured with several

bands of his own and now makes San Francisco his home. He

was introduced to Chris Isaak in 1985 by a mutual friend and

has been bassist for Chris and Silvertone ever since. Roly also

loves to paint watercolor pictures in between his musical pursuits.

Rowland Salley

Hershel Yatovitz

Hershel is the most recent member of Chris Isaak and

duced

c

the North Beach café

where Mario

Puzo penned "The

Godfather." Over the years, Hershel has played guitar, bass

and drums in bands ranging from reggae and Motown to

African, funk and blues. He is an experienced music teacher,

producer and recording engineer. Hershel also has a wide

range of album credits. He owns and operates a recording

studio in Palo Alto, California.


Kenney has played in a number of bands and worked for years

as a session musician in Austin, Texas where he used to jam

and run around with Stevie Ray Vaughn. He joined Silvertone

in 1984, shortly before they signed their first record deal.

Kenney enjoys the band's rigorous schedule, which has taken

them around the world several times. He received ed his first

drum kit at 12 and is an avid vintage drum collector.

Kenney Dale Johns

son

Greg Winter

Greg spent most of his life moving

from place to place as his

father was a U.S. army officer. He

studied theater at

Western Michigan University and also the British American

Dramatic Academy in Oxford. Among his favorite roles

were Alan Strang in "Equus," and Lee Harvey Oswald in

"Assassins." Greg moved to Chicago where he trained with

the Second City and Improv Olympic Theater groups before

landing the role on The Chris Isaak Show, marking his

television debut. Greg presently resides in Los Angeles.

Born in Calgary, Alberta, BobbyJo was raised on a farm

outside Dawson Creek, B.C. An accomplished rider and

horse trainer, BobbyJo was introduced to the television ion

industry when she became a riding instructor to actors and

guest stars of the TV series "Neon Rider." She has

appeared in such feature films as "Scary Movie" and "Forty

Days and Forty Nights" and Showtime's television series

"Beggars and Choosers."

BobbyJo Moo

ore

Richard Davis

Richard has more than 30 years experience as a writer, producer

and director in

documentaries, television and film. Born in England

and raised in Australia, his work has taken him to over twenty

countries around the world, from Antarctica to Vanuatu. Since

immigrating to Canada in 1986, he has been involved in

numerous award winning feature films, TV series and pilots

inc

ce

"Co

Chair of the B.C. branch of the CFTPA and Chair of the B.C.

Industrial Relations Committee. He has served in various

capacities on the B.C. Executive since its inception.

ce

Diane and Andrew's television credits include executive producing

the hit series "Northern Exposure," for which they won two

Emmy Awards in 1992 - one for Best Drama Series and one for

Best Dramatic Teleplay. In addition, they were awarded d the

Golden Globe for best Drama Series in 1991 and 1992 and a

eam

ous

r on

Diane Frolov and

Andrew Schneider

ies.


SPECIAL

CABLE EDITION

TV

GUIDE

NEW IMPROVED TV GUIDE!

NOW BIGGER THAN EVER

Producer

Richard

Davis

May 12 - 18, 2002

CHRIS

ISAAK

MARATHON

Catch all your

favorite episodes

all day long!

BEHIND

THE SCENES

A glimpse into

what really goes

on at the set.

FONDA

BRIDGET?

Check out all

the fabulous

guest stars!


Friday

6:00 AM

10:00 PM

6:00 AM

SHO In the Name of Love

Chris's suspicions take a surprising turn

when a rock journalist with a dubious

reputation wants to interview him about his

friend Roy Orbison.

Guest Star: Bridget Fonda

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Milan Cheylov

7:00 AM

SHO The Devil Made Me Do It

Chris is sure he has finally found the love of

his dreams until he is confronted by feelings

of jealousy and suspicion.

Guest Stars: Bridget Fonda, Stephan Jenkins

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Max Tash

8:00 AM

SHO Chris Isaak Day

Chris must examine the way he feels about

fame when his hometown of Stockton,

California wants to name a street after him.

Guest Stars: Bridget Fonda, Dorothy Isaak,

Nick Isaak

Written by: Scott Kaufer

Directed by: Max Tash

9:00 AM

SHO Wrong Number

Chris and Steffie's relationship starts to

falter when they go house hunting together.

Guest Stars: Bridget Fonda, Green Day

Written by: Maryanne Melloan

Directed by: Kevin Inch

10:00 AM

SHO Duty Calls

When Chris is called for jury duty he

discovers he has a few things to learn

about the American justice system, human

nature and himself.

Guest Star: Art Alexakis of Everclear

Written by: Maryanne Melloan

Directed by: Milan Cheylov

11:00 AM

SHO Family Ties

Chris's love life takes a direct hit when his

record company adopts an ornery

chimpanzee at the San Francisco Zoo.

Guest Stars: Shelby Lynn, John Shanks

Written by: Scott Kaufer

Directed by: David Warry-Smith

1:00 PM

SHO Rat in the House

Chris is appalled to discover that rats, of

different shapes and sizes, have invaded his

life.

Guest Stars: The Goo Goo Dolls

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Steve DiMarco

2:00 PM

SHO Hell is Other People

Unbeknownst to him, Chris has a lot to lose

and little to gain when he squeals on the guy

next door.

Guest Star: Bret Michaels of Poison

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Milan Cheylov

3:00 PM

SHO Mysterious Hearts

The battle lines are drawn when Chris and

singer Sophie B. Hawkins discover they are

both attracted to the same woman.

Guest Star: Sophie B. Hawkins

Written by: Adam Braff

Directed by: Steve DiMarco

4:00 PM

SHO Gimme Shelter

While preparing to broadcast a live TV show

from his house Chris is accidentally locked in

a bomb shelter in his backyard.

Guest Star: Gavin Rossdale of Bush

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Milan Cheylov

5:00 PM

SHO Farm Boys

On the way to record a duet in Nashville, the

plane, carrying Chris and the gang, makes an

emergency landing in a Nebraska farm field.

Guest Stars: Allison Moorer, John Corbett

Written by: Teresa O'Neill

Directed by: Kevin Inch

6:00 PM

SHO Hidden Mommy

Chris's uncle moves in while Yola

discovers handmade isn't priceless.

Anson sorts out the hidden mommy.

Guest Star: Trisha Yearwood

Written by: Scott Kaufer

Directed by: Jorge Montesi

7:00 PM

SHO Just Us Kids

Chris, Yola and Anson each confront a

childhood fear when Chris throws a party,

Yola dates a high school sweetheart and

Anson is invited to teach.

Guest Star: Paul Stanley of Kiss

Written by: Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider

Directed by: Jeremy Podeswa

8:00 PM

SHO Home of the Brave

Chris loses his voice after being invited to

sing the anthem for the San Francisco

Giants.

Written by: Maryanne Melloan

Directed by: Jorge Montesi

9:00 PM

SHO Isaakland

On a nostalgic whim Chris saves a small

amusement park from demolition and turns

it into Isaakland.

Guest Star: Robert Culp

Written by: Maryanne Melloan

Directed by: Brenton Spencer

10:00 PM

SHO Charity Begins at Home

Chris hosts a benefit concern at Bimbo's for

his mom.

Guest Stars: Kathy Griffin, Green Day, Goo

Goo Dolls, Art Alexakis, Trisha Yearwood,

Stephan Jenkins, Gavin Rossdale

Written by: Dennis Klein

Directed by: Steve DiMarco

F

R

I

D

A

Y

12:00 PM

SHO Driven

Chris is surprised by his reaction when

Yola replaces the dilapidated Nova with a

state-of-the-art automobile.

Guest Stars: Sheila E., Colin James

Written by: Maryanne Melloan

Directed by: Brenton Spencer

"Isaakland". Just part of the all-day Chris Isaak Show

marathon.

"Driven". Catch it at noon today.


Where the

9

8

7

6

3

1 2

13

4

11 12

5

10


heck are we?

14

17

On

The

15

Locationwith

Chris

16

Isaak

Show

From Buntzen Lake to White Rock, from

Stanley Park to Langley, the cast and

crew covered a lot of ground this

season.

1. The Studio

2. Pirate Dan's

(Ken's Auto Sales)

3. Ballpark Acupuncturist's

(Nat Bailey Stadium)

4. Go-Cart Track

(T.B.C. Indoor Racing)

5. Plane, Farm Field

(Boundary Bay Airport)

6. Chris's Backyard

(Kerrisdale)

7. Courtroom

(Vancouver Art Gallery)

8. Bachelor Party/Hotel Lobby

(Westin Bayshore Hotel)

9. Zoo

(Stanley Park)

10. Cow Barn

(Big Grey Barn, Delta)

11. Chris's House - Exterior

(Campbell Residence, White Rock)

12. Fire Hall

(White Rock Fire Hall)

13. Interior Farm House

(London Farm House, Richmond)

14. Isaakland

(PNE Playland)

15. Cabin/Woods/River

(Buntzen Lake Recreational Area)

16. Exterior Farmhouse

(Rowlatt Farm, Langley)

17. Greenbriar Daycare, Hospital

(Woodlands Hospital)


Just another day

at the office ...

Dale Miller

What real teamsters do at work.

Charmaine Lazaro

Maybe her phone is vibrating?!?

Kevin Brown

Green is very becoming.

Sheryl Rhodes

I want a tall, l non-fat, soy, decaf latte

with a double shot and a twist of lemon.

Oh and a wet pillow and ...

Mike Helms

You want how much

money to film in

your house?????

Brad Van Arragon

This is the guy I'm gonna

fire.

He's such a slacker.

Andrew Emde

Please knock ...

Diane Nachlik

I told you never to call me here!


... and on

the set

Bill Tennant

And never, ever, turn this switch off - it

controls the fan in the men's bathroom.

Scott Carroll

Just me and my boom.

Jill Winston (and Mac)

Mac's almost picture-ready ... just his

nails need to be worked on.

Sean Oxenbury

I got my start t on the keyboards

in high school.

Darryl Foulds

Wow! We get food when we work!

Helmut MacHoltz

My first job as a PA!

Boy, is this ever a piece of cake!

Saubrie Mohammed

She loves me, she loves me knot.

David Manske and

Brooke McDonald

I'm sure glad he used deodorant.


March 17, 2002 February 3, 2002

Bret Michaels

Pick

Your

Poison

From

Everclear

March 31, 2002

Sophie B.

Hawkins

anuary 13, 2002

Third Eye Blind's

Stephan Jenkins

Appearing this season at Bimbo's north

26 SW MARINE DRIVE, VANCOUVER, BC

March 3, 2002

drummer, vocalist,

percussionist,

songwriter,

arranger and producer

sheila e.

June 18, 2002

PAUL

STANLEY

of

kiss

March 10, 2002

March 3, 2002

radio

music

award

winners

the goo goo dolls

One of Canada's

premier blues guitarists


February 10, 2002

June 11, 2002 April 7, 2002

2002 ACM Nominated

Top Female Vocalist

Bush's

Gavin

Rossdale

trisha yearwood

January 27, 2002

June 4, 2002

Green Day

Allison Moorer

Your Bimbo

Hostesses ...

Tonjha and Farrell

January 6, 2002

Special Guest

Appearance BY


SAN FRANCISCO SUN

SA2

TODAY'S WEATHER

Morning should be clear with

lear evening.

C

ENTERTAINMENT

Thursday, January 24 - 2002

Know What's Going On In Town

Check with this weekends Feature Film Releases

By Christie Horseman

San Francisco Sun

Isaak the Chimpanzee will pretty much jump

anything in sight. But jumping things became a

little less exciting than throwing his crud at singer

Chris Isaak's girlfriend. "Adopt a Friend" - the latest

charitable function held at the Golden Gate Zoo

drew a crowd of only 50 - 80 onlookers, but what a

sight they saw.

Laughter poured from the crowd as "Isaak" picked

up his dung and with great aim winged it through

the bars on his cage and planted it on the left cheek

of singer Isaak's girlfriend. There was a stillness to

the crowd that you could cut with a knife as Ulmer -

Isaak's date - touched her cheek and began to

scream. The screaming did not stop for over 30

minutes as she made her way to their car.

There has been some question about the choice of

dates that Isaak has on his arm and this one was the

topper. Wearing an animal hide, Ulmer stood there

with almost disgust and the patience of a 2 year old

as she watched Chris adopt his new primate.

Chris Isaak, as you well know, is the remarkable

talent whose hits such as "Wicked Game" and

"Baby, Did a Bad, Bad Thing" have graced the

charts. One would assume that such an individual

would be more selective when choosing an escort

for an important and focal charity event.

A Tail Of Two Isaaks

Mating Habits.

Isaak the Chimpanzee: Jumps everything in sight.

Isaak the Crooner: Slightly more selective.

Photo courtesy of Golden Gate Zoo

Photo courtesy of Ikonn Management

As background, the escort chosen was Olivia

Ulmer, (28) a local waitress. Other than these small

facts little is known of her character or profession.

However, the events of Wednesday afternoon will

likely lead to her fifteen minutes of fame. Briefly at

least, this crude moment has shone some light on her

undoubtedly mundane life.

As for Isaak, well, unfortunately the intended

positive nature of "Adopt-A-Friend" has been

upstaged by these comical events.

Perhaps, Golden Gate Zoo should have offered

Isaak a "dating for society" seminar rather than the

gift of a chimp. Maybe then both parties would have

benefited. Sadly, the crud of Wednesday will be

remembered, not a great talent and terrific charity.

So one has to ask what will become of their

relationship. Not Chris Isaak and Ulmer - but future

charity work. Will Chris keep the chimp or girl? My

advice ... keep the chimp, he has a better arm.

You can bet that you will see Chris with another

girl on his arm at the next charity event. Let's just

hope that this one has a clean face.

For more San Francisco Society gossip and a

plethora of veritable who's-who's, be sure to read the

weekend edition of my column.

In Need of a Makeover?

Hockey Causes More Casualties

Employer Seeks ...

BEFORE

Your one stop shop

for all your plastic

surgery needs.

AFTER

Discover what the art

and science of plastic

surgery can do for you.

At Plastics R Us, we

employ the most

advanced technology,

techniques and services

to deliver exceptional

results and the highest

level of care. Exceeding

your expectations is our

goal. We believe the

results speak for

themselves.

Due to Canada's Olympic victory and the resulting termination of these three

individuals, Chris Isaak Productions is looking for a 1st AD, 2nd AD and

Transport Captain. Faxed resumes are accepted.


ACTRESS GIVES BIRTH ALONE ON TV SET

EXCLUSIVE: "I CALLED FOR FINAL TOUCHES, BUT NO ONE CAME."

N A T I O N A L

Scoop

U.S. $1.59

HOT!

Weekly

ALL THE WORLD'S HOTTEST NEWS STORIES!

MORE...

Page 23

STORIES

FROM THE

CASTING COUCH!

WAS SKIN

EXPOSED?

CHRIS ISAAK'S TORRID AFFAIR

WITH

MANAGER

REVEALED!

Chris Isaak

and Manager

Yola Gaylen

IT APPEARS

MS. GAYLEN

SERVICES CHRIS

IN ALL AREAS!

MORE PHOTOS INSIDE

Page 18

FASHION DISASTERS!

SOAP PLOTS REVEALED!


The EYES HAVE IT

Looked into the eyes of your fellow cast and crew

mates lately? If you have you should have no

problem identifying who's who here.

First Row: Darryl Foulds, Paul Baker, Soda, Brad Van Arragon,

David Manske Second Row: Jason Hibbard, Kurtis Reeves, Diane

Nachlik's sweater, Kate Hatton Third Row: Janice Erlendson, Mike

Helms, Kenney Dale Johnson Fourth Row: Kenny Cheatwood,

Tonjha Richardson Fifth Row: Diane Nachlik Six Row: Lili Marr

Seventh Row: Sean Oxenbury Eighth Row: Morley Cruikshank

Ninth Row: Dave Dibdin, Mac the Chimp Tenth Row: Diane Frolov,

Chris McAdam, Andrew Schneider Eleventh Row: Julia Tanner,

Farrell Spence, Greg Fox, Kieu Nguyen Twelfth Row: John Spasoff,

Rowland Salley, Sheila E, Melissa Ruffle, Chris Isaak


NOVEMBER 26,2001

weekly

HOLLYWOOD COUPLE WINS

HOLLYWOOD COUPLE WINS

Andrew Schneider & Diane Frolov are the

Ballroom Champions in Blackpool, England

THE

SEXIEST

MAN

ALIVE

2001

DICK

DAVIS

Titus

Chris Isaak

www.people.com(AOL Keyword:People)

men we crave


1 2 3 4

Men with Hats ...

and Some

Women too!

StyleWatch

5

Having a bad hair day? Trying to hide the fact

you have no hair? No worries. The folks on

the set of the Chris Isaak Show know just

what to do. Grab a cap! Of course, some of

them like Trevor Westerhoff and Carrie

O'Bray wear them just to remember where

they work. Others don their headgear just

because it makes them look so darn good!

Late at night, try turning your cap inside

out, a sure-fire fashion craze started by

Morley Cruikshank. Then take a picture of

yourself.

8

6

So whether it's inside-out or outside-in,

frontside-back or backside-front, a

day cap or a night cap, grab yours

(your cap, that is) and wear it with pride.

7

All capped off ...

1. Mike Roberts 2. Dave Liboiron

3. Jason Hibbard 4. Lili Marr and Dave

Dibdin 5. Carrie O'Bray 6. Aaron Platt

7. Trevor Westerhoff 8. Andras Bagoly

9. Morley Cruikshank

9


Spot the Differences

Separated at Birth??

Fit to be

Dyed

Who would've thunk it? Tye-dye making a

comeback. Well if anyone can pull it off, it's

fashion trend-setter, Richard Davis.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Nothing ain't worth nothing, but it's free.

There are four very subtle differences in the

two pictures above. Can you spot them?

Just in case you

were wondering,

karaoke is a

Japanese

abbreviated

compound word:

"kara" comes from

"karappo"

meaning empty,

and "oke" is the

abbreviation of

"okesutura," or

orchestra. See ...

you did learn

something

reading this book.


I SPY WITH

MY LITTLE EYE ...

A CD that's new

And two dolls named Goo.

A prospector, how tall?

And a rat in the wall.

A trap for that rat

And a Chris Isaak hat.

A container of Tang

And a pretty big wang.

Two boxes of cheese

And a hot dog, please.

A machine for floss

And an alien boss.

An All-American City

And a mermaid that's pretty.

Some art made of metal

And Anson's foot to the pedal.

An Angel from the farm

And a snake that could charm.

A machine for some candy

And the land that's just dandy!


quotablequotes

You gotta call a spade a spade. You could pretty it up, but why bother? If we learn nothing else from Chris and the

gang, we got to call 'em as we see 'em. Here are some words of ... uh ... wisdom from throughout the season. See if

you can match the quote to the episode. Don't be fooled, though. There may be more than one matching quote.

1) "Absolutely. Your pieces are perfect totems of a

post-nuclear deconstructive animism, but with a

gender-bending twist"

2) "I'm not some sorry quitter, I'm not your

babysitter, not a bullshitter, or your pail for psychic

litter, I'm a … bitter girl. I'm just a … bitter girl."

3) "Cows don't like Sting or that Carlos Santana.

You're their favorite."

4) "Look, you got trapped in a bomb shelter. It

happens."

5) "I don't care that he's been to Lower Slobovia

or Timbuktu or studied the lute with a Greek goat

herder."

6) ''Normal people write down the address or the

phone number. They don't just head out like some

high school pothead on a scavenger hunt."

7) "Sometimes when you lose your strong points,

you find new ones."

8) "People will believe this. Because they want to

believe it. They love dish."

9) "It was like I was skiing down the advanced

liars hill. It started soft and easy, but in a second or

so, I was outta control. Lies were whipping by me

left and right."

10) "Chicks dig a uniform."

11) "We're a rainbow made of children, we're an

army singin' songs, there's no weapon that can

stop us, rainbow love is much too strong."

12) "Yeah, well, one man's pathetic … is another

man's … not pathetic."

13) "If it's the prize you're after … buy a box of

Cracker Jacks."

14) "I feel like I've lived my life on a shallow level,

and I don't want to do that anymore. I think the eye

patch has sensitized me."

15) "Well just remember: sperm is made fresh

every ninety days, but your eggs just keep getting

older. Tick, tick, tick."

16) "I'm going to learn to knit. And you know why?

Because I know who I am."

17) "Can't go wrong with melted cheese. The

Mayans knew that."

18) "Take a stool. I know you can."

19) "You're saying I'm not good enough ... I'm not

good enough to bang your girlfriend."

matchthemup

a) Hell is Other People

b) Mysterious Hearts

c) Driven

d) Isaakland

e) In the Name of Love

f) Duty Calls

g) Gimme Shelter

h) Farm Boys

i) The Wrong Number

j) Family Ties

k) Rat in the House

l) Just Us Kids

m) Home of the Brave

n) The Hidden Mommy

o) Charity Begins at Home

Answers: 1)b, 2) j, 3)h, 4)g, 5)k, 6)e, 7)m, 8)a, 9)e, 10)i, 11)f, 12)d, 13)b, 14)c, 15)j, 16)n, 17)l, 18)o, 19)a


When you need

a great dinner fast ...

Got someone coming over for a special dinner?

Want to try something a little different? This

recipe has been described as an enchilada without

the tortilla.

Chicken Chez Chris

Take one whole

raw chicken.

Fill the cavity

with Cheez

Whiz.

Bake until it

smells good.

More cooking tips

from the kitchen of C.I.

Heat stuff until it smells good.

Then cover it in butter.

Adults don't serve fish sticks

at a party.

And if you think that Cheez-Its aren't for dinner

... just add dip!

Dear Mona ...

oracle - person giving wise or

authoritative decisions or opinions

Dear Mona,

I feel so trapped! Life has so many

demands - everyone wants a piece

of me. What keeps running through my mind is to just walk away

from it all - it's scary. Help Me!

Buried Alive

Dear Buried,

You think you're between four walls - try swimming in my tank

for a while, buddy! Everyone thinks that life is better anywhere

but where they are. But when they get there, it's anywhere and are

they any happier? Be yourself.

Mona

Dear Mona

I think I'm being used. My boyfriend never pays for anything. He

always has some lame excuse for why he has no money. Also, he

watches me do all the housework and never lifts a finger to help.

He does have a lot of really good qualities but with him my life is

chaos! What should I do?

Cheesed Off

Dear Cheesed,

You're smarter than that rat! He can only take advantage of you if

you let him, so, call in the exterminator! But, remember, pest

control can be risky business. Be careful.

Mona

Dear Mona,

Ever gone out with a real dog?? He seems to have it all - success,

looks, personality, and he's wild about me. Smells great, too. You

know I lose my head when a guy just smells great! But there's

something weird about him, exotic tastes so to speak. I feel this

attraction/repulsion towards him. I am making a fool out of

myself and yet I can't seem to 'call it as it lies'. What should I do?

Been 'Round The Block

Dear 'Round the Block,

As far as I know, healthy relationships can't be built on lies. I'm

going to share with you some counter-conditioning techniques to

help get this guy to heel. You're probably giving him too much

lead on his leash and stress results in bizarre behaviors. You need

to come clean with how you feel, perhaps you could suggest he

get counseling. Whatever happens, don't feel bad, we all do things

we regret in the name of love.

Mona

Bobby Jo Moore's Larger Than Life Easter Egg

SUPPLIES

1 Modge Podge Plaid and Sparkle

1 Bag of Assorted Balloons

Colored Construction Paper

(or recycled paper;

I use old scripts)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Select a balloon and blow it up

2. Rip construction/recycled paper into pieces, various sizes.

3. Pour Modge Podge glue into a shallow tray, slightly thin with water (an economical

substitute for Modge Podge is easy and child friendly; simply mix 2 cups of flour with 4

cups of water)

4. Individually dip paper pieces into the glue/water mixture and smooth onto your balloon.

5. Repeat steps 2-4 until you have covered the balloon with 3-4 layers

6. Let dry (best to leave overnight)

7. After it has dried you can cut a small opening to fill with treats of your choice.


Smallest wheeled rideable bicycle has a front wheel

that measures a diameter of 0.40 in. and a rear wheel

of 0.49 in. On April 2, 1999 Michael rode it a

distance of 19 feet.

THE LONGEST PEANUT THROW INTO A JAR

The longest peanut throw was made on April 5th,

2001 by Andrew Emde when he threw his peanut

37.3 yards into a glass jar.

LONGEST BASKETBALL SHOT MADE WITH HEAD

On November 15, 2001 Steph Lentz shot a

basketball with his head while standing 50 ft.

from the backboard. He also scored a record

18 consecutive lay-ups (shooting and catching

the ball with his head). Steph has since been

hospitalized for a minor concussion.

ANDREW EMDE THROWING

HIS PEANUT.

MOST SKIPS ON A UNICYCLE IN ONE MINUTE

On September 28th, 2001 Charmaine Lazaro

(UK) who now resides in Vancouver, Canada

set the record for the most revolutions of a

jump rope made on a unicycle. She managed

171 revolutions in just one minute and 2

seconds. Charmaine can be seen on our web

site completing her record. See Item #2099891.

LORNE POOLE RECEIVING HIS 10,000 KISSES.

THE MOST KISSES EVER GIVEN TO ANY MAN IN A 1 HOUR TIME PERIOD

Lorne Poole sat down in a park like setting and awaited kisses from the

passing girls. The only stipulation with this record was that the kisses had to

be given - not asked for. Lorne received over 10,000 kisses in 1 hour from

women that had lined themselves up at the park starting 10 hours before the

record was to be attempted. Over 50,000 leaflets were handed out 1 week

before in hopes that several women would show up and assist Lorne.

Lorne was elated when he witnessed the flood of women that came rushing

at him. Only two women were allowed to kiss Lorne at one time, in order to

help the officials make a clear and concise count.

Lorne also received over 50 telephone numbers and 20 dates. Keep posted

to the web site to see if any of these gals were love at first kiss.

The smallest guitar carved from a block of

silicon and based on a Fender Stratocaster

measures just 9 micrometers long.


In Sept. 2000 an American bra manufacturer made a bra

with an under bust measurement of 79 feet, 6 inches.

They have yet to find a woman to fit it.

FASTEST SANDWICH EATEN WITH HUMAN FEET

On August 31st, 2001 Kate Hatton (UK) made a

peanut butter and banana sandwich and ate it

utilizing her feet as utensils. Kate broke the last

record by 30 seconds bringing Kate's record in at

1 minute and 2 seconds.

THE LARGEST GROUP PEEING SESSION

Three good friends, Greg Fox, Trevor Holbrook and Garth

Longmore made a world record for being the largest group to

stand at a urinal and urinate. The record was for 9 days, 2

hours,13 minutes and 3 seconds. The three of them went

through one hundred - five gallon bottles of water (almost

another world record). Afterwards all three men were seen

sitting in the closest pub drinking beer where they never left

their seats for over 4 four days. Trevor Holbrook also holds

the record for the longest "stream". The stream lasted for an

amazing 2 minutes!

TREVOR HOLBROOK, GREG FOX AND GARTH LONGMORE

BREAKING THE "GROUP/URINATE" CATEGORY

LOUDEST BURP TO COME OUT OF A DONKEY

The loudest burp to come out of a donkey was on

a farm in Ohio. Farmer Dan Hemkel owns this

donkey, named Merv, and found that if he fed him

onions, Merv would burp. After feeding him 25

onions, Merv let out the burp that broke all

records. Record was made on November 23rd,

2001.

HOT DOG EATING

The Hot Dog eating record was broken by Andras Bagoly on

November 25th, 2001. Andras gobbled down One Thousand Four

Hundred and Ninety Eight hot dogs in four hours. Hot dogs

consisted of a dog and a bun, no ketchup or condiments were

added.

Andras held both the 1999 and 2000 hot dog records. Several

attempts have been made to beat his record but no one has

succeeded.

You can see Andras on our web site - go to #109857.

Katie, a Jack Russell cross, became the

first record doggy diver when she dove with

her owner from 12,000 ft. on April 2nd 2000


Smallest crystal bowl measured 0.334 in wide and 0.16

in tall and was made with 210 cuts. It took 6 hours to

complete the bowl and took over a two week period to

put the finishing touches on it.

THE MOST ROASTED PIGS EATEN

On December 24th, 2001 on the island of

Khuasil, there were 991 pigs roasted and

990 eaten. Over 3000 people showed up

for the pig roast and all 3000 ate for 9

hours and 27 minutes.

THE MOST CANDY FLOSS EATEN IN ONE DAY

Brad Van Arragon was awarded the world record for

the most candy floss eaten in one day on November

2nd, 2001. Brad ate

an average of about

7lbs of sugar per

hour.

MOST CHERRY STEMS KNOTTED IN ONE

HOUR

On September 25th, 2001 Eric

Partridge knotted 1005 cherry stems

with his tongue in one hour - Eric

averaged 18 stems per minute. After

Eric completed his record he was

unable to talk due to the over use of

his tongue. Go to our web site where

you can see Eric make his record.

THE INCREDIBLE FEET OF ARCHERY

Jody Chow (Vancouver, Canada) set

the record for completing the furthest

distance shot with a bow and arrow

using her feet. The record was made

on September 21st, 2001 when she hit

the target that was over 20 feet away.

Chow became interested in archery

when she was a young girl. She

spends three hours a day practicing

her aim and over 7 hours a day

working on her balance. Chow,

although slightly shy, is very confident

when doing her performance for

paying audiences. You can see Chow

break the record at out web site.


TERRY WEAVER BLOWING A MARSHMALLOW OUT HIS NOSE

LONGEST - DISTANCE MARSHMALLOW NOSEBLOW

The greatest distance that a marshmallow has been blown

from one person's nostril and caught in another person's

mouth is 19 feet and 3.5 inches. Terry Weaver broke this

record on December 5th, 2001 with the assistance of

Sheryl Rhodes who did the catching portion of the blow.

Terry attempted this feat four times before he had the right

angle. After the fourth attempt and the record had been

broken Terry Weaver was rushed to the hospital with a

nose that would not stop bleeding.

LONGEST FACIAL HAIR

Richard Davis has the longest beard at a record

length of 17 1/2 feet long! When he dies, he will

donate his beard to the Smithsonian Institute.

He only shaved once at age 15 and that was it. The

bloodbath, the resulting rashes and ingrowing hairs

were too much for him to handle!

HOTTEST METAL IN A HUMAN'S MOUTH

Sean Rooney held a dollar size piece of metal

that was heated to nine hundred and fifty five

degrees Fahrenheit in his mouth for 20 seconds.

In breaking this record Sean managed to burn a

round hole in his tongue. The record was broken

on September 15th, 2001.

LONGEST PASSING OF GAS FROM A HUMAN BEING

The longest fart to ever come out of a human being was made

on December 19th, 2001 by a goat farmer named Troy. Troy's

fart latest for 1 hour and 4 seconds. The first 40 seconds of

the fart forced the officials to leave the building but for the

remaining 59 minutes and 24 seconds the fart lost all odor and

tooted its way into the World Records book. Troy is looking

forward to breaking his own record this coming year.

THIS BOOK IS MADE IN THE MEMORY OF TOM

LONGEST TIME IN A BOX

Christa Zaganas managed to contort herself into

a 2 foot by 2 foot box where she stayed for 2

days. This had never been attempted before and

there were many concerns for her well being; but

Christa emerged in great spirits and proceeded

to get back into the box to try to break her own

recorded.

THE YOUNGEST SKY DIVER TO DIVE WITHOUT A CHUTE

Tom was the youngest person to dive without a chute.

He broke the record on August 29th, 2001.

No one else is attempting to break this record.

The biggest tea cup measures over 25

feet wide and stands 10 feet tall. It

holds over 100 gallons of tea.


SUSPECT SOUGHT

DETAILS

This composite drawing is of the man suspected

in the nighttime B&E which occurred at 26 S.W.

Marine Drive during the second week of

February 2002. Suspect is described as

Caucasian, in his late 40's, cropped sandy

colored hair, with receding hairline, and

approximately 6 feet tall and 200 lbs. He was

seen wearing jeans and a black sweatshirt with a

logo. Note his very distinctive ears.

Authorities were called to investigate the disappearance

of panties from the wardrobe lockup of 26 S.W.

Marine Drive. Further investigation led them to believe

the suspect was nearby but before they could apprehend

him, he fled the area. In a show of defiance, the

suspect left the stolen panties all over a work station in

the props area. The stolen articles included black

leather thongs, violet lace high cut panties, leopard skin

panties, periwinkle string bikini panties, rear gear mesh

thongs, classic cut cotton panties and assorted bras. He

taunted police, leaving his moniker of choice:

"PANTY RAIDER."

LET'S SOLVE THIS CRIME! ANYONE WITH ANY INFORMATION

REGARDING THIS PARTICULAR OFFENCE IS ASKED TO CALL

CRIMESTOPPERS AT 555-TIPS (8477).


Congratulations

on your

great success.

2685 GILMORE AVENUE

BURNABY, BC

V5C 4T7

604-668-7233

Best Wishes

from

Ben and the

Budget Gang.

www.greenngreen.com


Animals, Bimbo's, and Rock Stars.

A perfect mix.

Congratulations!

Congratulations on a hilarious second season!

From your friends at Post Modern

Granville Island Florist

Granville Island Public Market

1689 Johnston Street

Vancouver, BC

Phone: 604-669-1228

Fax: 604-669-1263


focus on food

604 983-9687

Congratulations on

the success of

focus on food

Congratulations

on a great

Second Season

focus on food

The

Chris

Isaak

Show

CONGRATULATIONS

TO THE 'CHRIS ISAAK SHOW'

ON A SUCCESSFUL RUN


the

show

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