boucher book oct28.pdf - Index of

18 Anthony Boucher
Wolf turned. “So there you are. Did I tell you about the time I went to her house
to check her term paper?”
“No. But I have a feeling you will.”
“Howja know? Well, this night—”
The little man drank slowly; but his glass was empty by the time Wolf had finished
the account of an evening of pointlessly tentative flirtation. Other customers
were drifting in, and the bar was now about a third full.
“—and ever since then—” Wolf broke off sharply. “That isn’t you,” he
objected.
“I think it is, colleague.”
“But you’re a bartender and you aren’t a bartender.”
“No. I’m a magician.”
“Oh. That explains it. Now, like I was telling you— Hey! Your bald is beard.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Your bald is beard. Just like your head. It’s all jussa fringe running around.”
“I like it that way.”
“And your glass is empty.”
“That’s all right too.”
“Oh, no, it isn’t. It isn’t every night you get to drink with a man that proposed
to Gloria Garton and got turned down. This is an occasion for celebration.” Wolf
thumped loudly on the bar and held up his first two fingers.
The little man regarded their equal length. “No,” he said softly. “I think I’d better
not. I know my capacity. If I have another—well, things might start happening.”
“Lettemappen!”
“No. Please, colleague. I’d rather—”
The bartender brought the drinks. “Go on, brother,” he whispered. “Keep him
quiet. I’ll do you a favor sometime.”
Reluctantly the little man sipped at his fresh gin-and-tonic.
The professor took a gulp of his nth zombie. “My name’s Woof-woof,” he proclaimed.
“Lots of people call me Wolfe Wolf. They think that’s funny. But it’s really
Woof-woof. Wazoors?”
The other paused a moment to decipher that Arabic-sounding word, then said,
“Mine’s Ozymandias the Great.”
“That’s a funny name.”
“I told you, I’m a magician. Only I haven’t worked for a long time. Theatrical
managers are peculiar, colleague. They don’t want a real magician. They won’t even
let me show ’em my best stuff. Why, I remember one night in Darjeeling—”
“Glad to meet you, Mr. … Mr.—”
“You can call me Ozzy. Most people do.”
“Glad to meet you, Ozzy. Now, about this girl. This Gloria. Yunnerstand,
donya?”
“Sure, colleague.”
“She thinks a professor of German is nothing. She wants something glamorous.
She says if I was an actor, now, or a G-man— Yunnerstand?”
Ozymandias the Great nodded.
“Awright, then! So yunnerstand. Fine. But whatddayou want to keep talking