Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 316 – May 17, 2017

After my diagnosis, it took me a while to accept the fact that being HIV-positive is
not the end of the world: It’s just the beginning of a whole new way of life. The first
meds I was prescribed gave me some bad side effects. But I worked with my doctors
to find a new one that was better for me. Now I feel great and my viral count is
undetectable. That list of things you wanted to accomplish before you were
diagnosed? It’s still possible if you stay in care and work with your doctor to find
the treatment that’s best for you.

“I’m here.
I’ m living.
I’ m happy.
So take that, HIV.”
Cedric - Baltimore, MD
Living with HIV since 2012.
HIV
TREATMENT
WORKS
Get in care. Stay in care. Live well.
cdc.gov/HIVTreatmentWorks

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CONTRIBUTORS
CELEBRITY CORRESPONDENT
EILEEN SHAPIRO
IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
PHOTO CREDIT
WILSONMODELS
Cover Credit on Page 27
ISSUE 316 - MAY 17 2017
The publications of MJT/GOOTH Magazine, getoutmag.com or any related
print or Web publications or social media accounts, their images, quotations or
articles, should not be construed to be an indication of the sexual orientation
of anyone portrayed therein.
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Is it “Hello Dolly” or “Hello Bette”? Hmm, I’d
have to say the latter.
h
BY FRANKIE C
@FrankieC_
Bette Midler took to the stage at the Shubert
Theater like no other. From the moment
she walked on stage to her final curtain call,
she was on fire. Her comic flair changed the
texture of Dolly, and I loved it. Thank You,
Bette, for breathing new life into the old
character that we love.
Her voice was smooth, sultry and had the
power to bring the audience to their feet.
If they could’ve screamed out “encore,
encore,” they would have. As I say, you can
never get enough of Midler. She’s brilliant!
When she sang the signature song, you
could hear the taking of a deep breath in
the audience right before she sang, and with
that, they all
sang along, in
a low voice of
course…Midler
works alone.
Thank you very
much. People,
take note.
That’s how it’s
done!
Her castmates:
David Hyde
Pierce, “Horace
Vandergelder”;
Donna
Murphy (in
certain performances); Kate Baldwin, “Irene
Molloy”; Will Burton, “Ambrose Kemper”;
Gavin Creel, “Cornelius Hackl”; Beanie
Feldstein, “Minnie Fay”; Taylor Trensch,
“Barnaby Tucker”; and the ensemble cast,
including Giuseppe Bausilio, Cameron
Adams, Phillip Attmore, Justin Bowen,
Taeler Elyse Cyrus, Elizabeth Earley, Leslie
Donna Flesner, Jenifer Foote, Jessica Lee
Goldyn, Blake Hammond, Stephen Hanna,
Michael Hartung, Robert Hartwell, Amanda
LaMotte, Analisa Leaming, Jess LeProtto,
Ian Liberto, Kevin Ligon, Nathan Madden,
Hello Dolly
Bette Midler in ‘Hello Dolly’
Melanie Moore, Linda Mugleston, Hayley
Podschun, Jessica Sheridan, Jennifer
Simard, Michaeljon Slinger, Christian Dante
White, Branch Woodman, Ryan Worsing
and Richard Riaz Yoder. All of them were
stunningly amazing!
Midler turned eating into a delicious comic
challenge. She woofed down a turkey leg in
the most ultimate, humorous way possible,
as only she can do - she twisted, turned and
double talked. It was hysterical, just genius.
h
Her “Dolly” was vibrant, full of life, and
let’s hnot forget fabulous. Of course, there
was the anticipated moment of seeing her
in the glorious red plumes and sequins
as she strutted with finesse as a bevy of
singing waiters tagged along. It was a divine
moment for Miss M!
Pierce made
Horace
Vandergelder his
own. The character
had a funnier edge
and a grumpy old
man vibe. I’m sure
we all know one
or two people
just like that!
He did a lovely
job up against
Bette’s Dolly.
Congratulations;
nicely played and
presented. He and
Midler received several standing ovations,
which they rightfully deserved, for their work.
Midler joined the “Dolly Sisterhood” of
leading ladies, including Barbra Streisand,
Carol Channing, Lainie Kazan and Tovah
Feldshuh, just to name a few.
h
Her “Hello Dolly” was brilliant. It took a few
years, but she did it, and she did it Bette’s
way! Mazel Tov!
P.S. I smell a Tony!

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BY EILEEN SHAPIRO
CELEBRITY CORRESPONDENT
Billy Porter, a member of Broadway’s elite aristocracy and winner of both a
Tony and a Grammy, has just presented and released his brand new album,
“The Soul of Richard Rodgers,” via Bee & El/Sony Masterworks Broadway.
Available on all digital venues, the release features tracks including
“Edelweiss,” “My Funny Valentine” and “Oh What A Beautiful Morning.”
The artists featured on the album include Tony and Grammy winners
Cynthia Erivo, Leslie Odom and Renee Elise Goldsberry; Tony winner Patina
Miller; and Grammy winners Pentatonix and India Arie. Also included are
Brandon Victor Dixon, Joshua Henry, Christopher Jackson, Todrick Hall,
Ledisi and Deborah Cox.
One of the most respected artists in the community, Billy Porter is a singer,
actor, playwright and director. He originated the role of Lola in Broadway’s
smash hit Kinky Boots, for which he earned his Tony Award. Amongst the
other productions he has appeared in are Dreamgirls, Grease, Angels in
America, Miss Saigon and countless others.
Having the honor of speaking with Porter, I found him to be one of the
most upbeat, positive people I have ever had a conversation with.
Photo Credit Ron Cadiz © Sony Music Entertainment

INTERVIEW
You have a new album
that’s just come out.
How did you come up
with the idea or the
inspiration for “The Soul
of Richard Rodgers”?
It’s a series of things. My
whole life, I never fit into
anything. I grew up in the
Pentecostal Church. I sang
God’s music, I sang R&B, I
sang soul, and then I got this
theater bug. I wanted to be
on stage, and the two worlds
were so far apart. I was such a
specific artist: I opened up my
mouth to sing, and I felt like a
black person singing. I felt like
a soul singer. I felt like a gospel
singer. No matter what it is, I could
be trained, and I could take that
out, but that wasn’t me being authentic.
I spent a lot of my career bringing
those worlds together, my brand in
Broadway and soul, from the classic to
the contemporary. I am a believer in the
craft. I’m a believer in, yes, you have
natural talent, then you train it, you
learn the rules, so that you can spend
the rest of your life breaking them. But,
if you don’t know them, then everything
else is an accident, and I don’t want to
live my life as an accident. I wanted to
know. So, this is a culmination of that
energy. This is a culmination of that
life’s work. If you look at my work from
the time I started until now, it’s always
been this. I just have a Tony and a
Grammy now, so people are listening.
What was it like for you winning
either that Grammy or that Tony
award?
The Tony was the original dream. The
theater saved my life. The theater
got me out of a really challenging
childhood. It was that dream that
started at 11 that I was blessed and
focused with. I was blessed with a
passion early, so I could put all of my
energy into it. So that was the original
dream. To win that Tony was, THAT!
It was that, “Thank you, Lord! Thank
you, thank you, thank you.” Now
what can I do with it? How can I be of
service? How can I reach back and be
of a service to those who need it, like I
needed it?
Photo Credit Ron Cadiz © Sony Music Entertainment
Do you know the moment that
altered the entire trajectory of your
life?
Yeah. There have been several. First
of all, being bitten by the bug in
sixth grade in middle school, when
I did Babes in Arms by Rodgers and
Hart, incidentally, and seeing Jennifer
Holliday on the Tony Awards. That
was life-changing. But the second
moment which moved the energy of
my intention was Angels in America.
Before Angels in America, I just wanted
to be a star. That’s not about nothing.
After Angels in America, I needed to be
of service with these gifts that I’ve been
given. That was a significant change,
because with that intention everything
changes.
Do you have a particular song that
never fails to move you emotionally?
“Edelweiss.”
If you could have your ultimate stage
fantasy, what would it be?
I’ve already had it. It’s called Kinky
Boots. What gets better than that? I
don’t know what gets better than that.
Hopefully something will. You get to
create a role, and it gets to be passed
on to iconic theater roles. The show
also had a message. It doesn’t get any
better than that. So I’m on the lookout
for the next one, and I’m hoping. I’m
leaving myself open to the possibility of
what that could be.

How did you choose the songs to
go your new album?
They all picked themselves. The theme was
love. We had done a concert version of it back
in 2009 in LA. The deal came along, and when
we started working on it I wanted to remain
open. I didn’t just want to repeat what we had
done. I just thought the theme was love, and
we started asking people. As people said yes,
the songs matched with the people. I was
really curated to try to find which song would
match with the person. Sometimes the song
came first, and then the person matched it.
Sometimes the person came first and the
song then arose.
What music did you listen to while
you were growing up?
Gospel, soul and R&B, but mainly gospel. All
day and every day. Did you hear this album?
Did you hear the gospel influences in this
album?
To me the album sounds sexy.
Yeah. You know, when I say gospel, there’s a
contemporary gospel that I don’t think people
who don’t know gospel understand. It’s like,
gospel music sounds like Beyoncé now.
Historically, it’s always been that R&B
and soul have borrowed from gospel. Gospel
has borrowed from R&B and soul. It’s gone
back and forth forever. As the sounds progress,
they feed each other. My mama always says,
“You don’t like the church, but every time you
open up your mouth, it’s Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus all the way.”
If you could say anything to your fans and
followers, what would you say, and what
would you want them to know about you?
That’s an interesting question. The thing that
I struggle with sometimes is that my stage
persona has been known to be very gregarious
and over the top, flamboyant, and the reality is
I’m really an introvert. I’m really an introspective
person who is really thoughtful about the world
around us and things that shape us, and trying
to contribute something that’s positive. So I
think it’s surprising to people. I feel like I’m a
professional extrovert. I know how to do it; it’s
my job. When I was younger I would’ve called
myself an extrovert. As I get older, I’ve become
more introverted, more reflective. That’s not
what you see when you see me on stage.
Is there anything else that you want to
promote for yourself or talk about?
I want to stay focused on the album. I want to
stay focused on my concerts that are coming
up. I just came off the road for 12 days in the
Midwest and in Florida, and about 20 dates
between now and August, so it’s not too
shabby for an artist.

interview
/ GET OUT! MAGAZINE >> GETOUTMAG.COM
Manny Xtravaganza
AIDS WALK 2017
Once again it’s time for AIDS Walk
New York 2017 in Central Park on
May 21, and once again Manny
will be walking with The House
of Xtravaganza. We spoke with
Manny last year, and caught up
with him again at a Lisa Lisa (of
The Cult Jam) concert.
How much money
were you able to
collect last year at the
walk?
Last year we raised
$8,200 for the AIDS
Walk. This year I’m
expecting about that.
Last year was the
pinnacle of what we
wanted to raise.
So tell me once again
who you’re walking
for and why.
We’re walking for The
House of Xtravaganza,
and have been doing
it since 1986. This year
I’m the house leader.
It’s the first year that
I’m the house leader.
I’m very honored that
they asked me to be
the house leader. We’ve
had a lot of original
members die from the
disease, which is why
we are still walking,
which is why I want to
keep the dream and the
legacy going.
What does it mean to
be the house leader?
The house leader is
mainly the person
that gets the team
together and tries to
raise as much money as
possible. They organize
the team, and they
organize the walk. The
walk is in Central Park
on May 21.
How many people do
you usually have walk
with you?
We usually have 15 to
20 people, and anyone
is welcome. Just come
on down and join our
team.
What have you been
doing since we last
spoke?
Since we last spoke
I’ve been working,
and I’ve been trying to
get a team together.
I just finished school.
I graduated with my
master’s in nursing. I’m
a nurse practitioner, so
I am doing that. I want
to be a role model to
the community and to
the team. I remember
being 15, 16 years old,
and not knowing where
to go. I remember
looking up to specific
people, especially
people doing the AIDS
Walk, and that’s what
I want to do now, be a
role model. I want to
be a leader, because I
remember when I was
going through this, and
I just want to be able to
help now.
That must have been
really scary.
It was very, very scary.
That’s why I want to be
a person others can
come to if they feel
scared or come to our
House of Xtravaganza.
Manny, like many others, was
thrown out of his house at a
young age because he was gay.
He was homeless, confused and
alone until he discovered House
of Xtravaganza. He saw his friends
die from AIDS, drugs and despair,
and now he lives to give back
to the community. He became a
nurse, and since we last spoke, he
has gotten his master’s in nursing.
This year he is again walking in
Central Park in support of AIDS,
and inviting anyone who wishes to
walk to come along.

Devin
Living with HIV
since 2010
UNDETECTABLE
+ CONFIDENT
= MY NEW GOAL
©2016 ViiV Healthcare group of companies. All rights reserved.
Printed in USA. 756023R0 August 2016
[+] +
An undetectable viral load is a
good start. Feeling more confident
about your HIV treatment
decisions is also key to the
equation. Together, they add up
to an important new goal.
Talk to your doctor and
set your new HIV goal.
NewHIVGoal.com

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week in pictures >> BY WILSONMODELS / wilsonmodels.blogspot.com
WHITE PARTY PALM SPRINGS WEEKEND

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Who will you fight for?
What are you made of?
aidswalk.net RESPOND. RESIST. REGISTER! 212.807.WALK
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WALK
NEW YORK
MAY 21, 2017
Presented by
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and ending in Central Park
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3 DAYS OF MUSIC, DANCING &
COMMUNITY.
FRIDAY, JUNE 23
Patti LaBelle
Deborah Cox
DJ Lina
SATURDAY, JUNE 24
Tegan and Sara
Years & Years · Róisín Murphy · Gallant
Dimitri From Paris · Occupy The Disco
SUNDAY, JUNE 25
Nelly Furtado
Chus & Ceballos
Cindel · Scott Martin
FOR MORE DETAILS, VISIT NYCPRIDE.ORG

BY EILEEN SHAPIRO
CELEBRITY CORRESPONDENT
Revenge of the
‘Maniacal Musto’
‘I’ve trashed a lot of people, I’ve stirred up some ill will in my day, and now is a chance
for people to vent back at me’—Michael Musto
On May 22 at The Actor’s Temple, Daniel DeMello, Nathaniel Nowak and Scruff will
present “Fork in the Left, Knife in the Back: Broadway Roasts Michael Musto.” All
proceeds will go the Callen-Lorde organization, a clinic dedicated to the needs and
issues of the LGBTQ community.
The panel includes artists such as Rosie O’Donnell, Bruce Vilanch, Bianca Del Rio,
Michael Urie, Orfeh, Michael Riedel, Johnny Skandros, Luann De Lesseps, Jinkx
Monsoon, Randy Rainbow, Lucy the Slut, Elizabeth Ann Berg and Crystal Demure,
all quite capable of dishing it out. But we truly feel that all of America should have a
chance as well.
It took me 10 years to gain the courage to walk up to Musto at Fire Island and ask him
for a picture with me, at which point he simply rolled his eyes so far in the back of his
head, I thought he’d go blind. He did stand up for
the picture without saying a word, and then sat
right back down, again without a word. I’ve
interviewed artists from Diana Ross to
Adam Ant to Annie Lennox, but my
scariest interview was by far Michael
Musto. After all these years I still
feel as if I don’t know him well
enough to roast him myself
- OK, I’m lying; pure fear
keeps me from roasting him.
However, I did notice he
still carries a flip phone!
I’ve never written anything
mean about anyone.
How fitting that my first
work of evil is dedicated
to Musto. And it is a
complete honor!
Get Out! cordially
invited some friends who
Michael Musto “forgot”
to summon to his charity
roast to exhibit their
“love,” or whatever it was
they wished to reveal. Here
is what they had to say.
Tickets available at
broadwayroast.com

Marti Gould Cummings
Michael Musto has been riding his bike
since before the wheel was invented. It
is an honor to have had him pedal to
my shows to show support! I love you
Michael.
Sherry Vine
When I first moved to New York City 25 years ago,
Michael called me “the Elizabeth Taylor of drag.” For a
new queen on the scene, that meant the world to me. Over the
last 25 years, Michael has been nothing but supportive, kind
and always willing to jump in and make a video cameo. In
lieu of “reading” Michael (I don’t care what anyone says,
I love his “fashion” choices), I want to salute him! Much
love darling!
Tym Moss
Roast Michael Musto? I’m Mr. Nice Guy.
I never talk bad about people. But I’ll
try.
What can I say about Michael Musto?
He’s a well-known, respected and
established journalist, entertainment
correspondent and author. “The Village
Voice” was basically built out of his
back. Speaking of Michael, on his back…
He was a club kid. Like a rat creeping
through the underbelly of the city,
he crawled through the underground
nightclubs of New York. Oh, the things
he has seen and done. To this day, no
matter how much they clean it, when
I walk in the basement of Studio 54, I
step on something sticky, [and] I know
that’s from Michael Musto.
Ariel Sinclair
Being honored and asked to perform “Crazy” at his
birthday party years ago was so much fun! I knew
then that this man was as crazy is I was.
Ike Avelli
Michael Musto is a living legend! His first
story was released on tablet, before Moses’
Ten Commandments. He has been around
so long, Bette Davis was his babysitter. He
is launching more faulty missiles than North
Korea. Michael’s Wikipedia says he’s gay - he is
so gay, Crisco put his picture on their product.
He makes Richard Simmons look like Clint
Eastwood. Congratulations Michael and all your
accomplishments! You are the reason New York
City still has wings!
Marti Balloveras aka Ari Kiki
Musto can be spotted cruising around the
city on his bike like the Wicked Witch of
the West, and his always-fashionable sock
and sandal combination on his hooves,
stalking the subject for his latest article.
Michael petals around writing commentary
on the current state of nightlife and pop
culture with an almost Alzheimer-y sense of
awareness. But [who] better than a legend
of his epicness to give us perspective on
the scene? I can’t think of any - I mean,
“The Village Voice” could, but I can’t!
Michael, you are over 50, gay and
single...or as the LGBT community puts
it, DEAD!
I love how Michael’s Grindr profile says
he’s a TOP. Obviously his dyslexia is
kicking in again.
The bathhouses used to have a plaque
in his name in the showers, because
he spent so much time there. How can
someone so clean be so filthy at the
same time is beyond me. Well, yes I can.
My plaque is next to his.
Seems as though I’m getting the hang
of this roasting thing! Michael, I love
and adore everything about you. Enjoy
being roasted by all of these incredible
artists. Only love, happiness and
success for you always.

He’s survived the ‘80s, AIDS and Michael
Alig! He’ll be around forever, like Cher and
roaches. But ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Musto, you are cherished and loved and
continue to inspire the community.
Geraldine Winifred Visco
Yes, I am Gerry Visco and I do adore
Michael Musto! But I’m ready to roast
him for his event. In fact, I will roast
them in the oven, and we can all eat
them for dinner! Should I use his meat
for my spaghetti and meatballs? I bet
you his meat will be tasty! And as for
roasting Michael Musto, we can say that
he is one of the oldest club kids in New
York City, but I’m the very oldest! He
wrote a fabulous article about me in the
“New York Times” stating I was the oldest
club kid in New York City, and it’s true,
I’m a year and a few months older than
he is, but of course we are similar in age!
Also, Michael is Italian, so let’s say to
him this roast, VAFFANCULO! Another
comment we can say is that he’s a club
kid party animal, but he doesn’t drink.
Michael, you must start drinking some
booze at the parties. Come on MICHAEL,
have a gin and tonic with me! Also, I
know that you’re gay, but why the fuck
can’t you marry me, motherfucker? I’m
a girl drag queen! I think we have fun
together, and I could gather up my twink
friends and have you give them blowjobs!
Also, Michael we are both writers and
actors! And Musto, you gotta start
dressing up as a drag queen more, and
then you gotta enter the “RuPaul’s
Drag Race”! You can do it, so put on
your makeup! Also, you ride your bike
all over town! Wear a helmet, Michael!
And find me a bike. I need a bicycle, so
steal me one! We both went to Columbia
University, so we are alumni and smart.
Michael Musto, you are a fabulous,
talented, smart bitch! Stick it up your
ass, baby, and let’s party down! Dance
with me in the disco heat! Get up and
boogie, get up and move your body! And
do yoga now, Michael!
Chip Duckett
Michael Musto has always been famous for
riding his bike to every event he attends, which
terrifies everyone in Manhattan. Those of us
who know him know he’s a WICKED OLD
WITCH!
Lady Clover Honey
We have to give Michael Musto a lot
of credit. He was always honest about
who he is, so he wasn’t able to make
a shocking (or no so shocking) coming
out announcement like Anderson, Clay,
Ricky, Rosie and so many others. Musto
is still able to turn out interesting columns,
which is not easy to do nowadays with the
city losing its edge and grit. Drag is now
mainstream and on network television,
there are no more club murders, horny
young gay man hook up on phone apps
instead of sleazy bars. I recently saw him
at Night of a Thousand Gowns, and he
managed to look downtown wearing a
white suit with original hand-painted urban
art. I thought, if he pees his pants he can
just say the paint was still wet!
Paige Turner
Michael’s achieved so many great things in
his career—not the least of which is being
the only sane person on Theatre Talk. I
often see Michael riding around the city on
his bike like Almira Gulch, except Almira
is a much better dresser! I’ve admired
Michael Musto from a distance for years,
and plan to keep it that way. Happy 100
years in show business, you have nothing
on Olivia De Havilland!

Aaron Paul
The most awkward moment in my
life: At a party in the Hamptons
I saw Michael Musto stationed
at a cocktail table. So excited to
meet a true celebrity, I walked
over to say hello and introduce
myself. I sat down next to him
and proceeded to say hello. At
that point, Michael huffed, puffed
and rolled his eyes and turned to
speak to the person next to him.
I didn’t know whether to crawl
under the table or slither into a
bush. Since that time he has been
quite friendly, thank God!
Gusty Winds
Thank you for asking me to contribute to the
roast of the amazing Dan Savage. Dan is truly one
of the greatest writers of our...what? A roast for
who? Michael Musto? Ugh! As a writer, Michael
has excellent grammar and punctuation. That’s
what he really excels at, and two other things:
stretching a dollar and stretching a career.
But on a serious note, I’m not sure if he knows
what he means to me. As a little gay Jehovah’s
Witness growing up on Long Island, I didn’t have
any gay influences. That is, until 14-year-old me
discovered “The Village Voice.” “The Voice” would
come out on Wednesdays, and the local library
would have a copy on the shelf on Thursday.
Like clockwork, I’d haul my ass down
right after school and immediately
go to page 12 of the “Voice” for
Michael’s column. Every week,
that old lady of prose gave this
young boy a glimpse into the
world he thought was just out of
his reach (and currently still is,
LOL), but one he wanted to be
so desperately a part of. Never
did I dream that with him as my
inspiration, I would rise to the level
of mediocrity I’m at today. Thank you,
Michael, for giving me hope when I
had none, laughter when I thought I
couldn’t and the introduction into my
favorite guilty pleasure, the blind item.
Love you!
Yvonne Lame’
Well, well, I must say, Michael Musto is the
Hedda Hopper of our time, so I can’t really
say anything bad about him. I must say, he
has been very supportive to me and Lips. He
makes me feel just like Joan Crawford in
“Feud.” That being said, life sucks without
Mamacita. But since you wanted a little dirt,
I asked my dear friend Lady Bunny, who is
the Bette Davis of our time. OK, who are we
kidding, Bunny is really Mamacita acting like
Bette Davis. Anyway, back to Michael, well,
Bunny whispered in my ear and told me that,
“Michael Musto wears ladies’ underwear,
and it’s not from Victoria’s Secret. It’s from
Target!”
Lovari
Do you know that he was supportive of me from the very
start, and you know, there are a lot of people who want his
support. So the fact that, #1, he even knows me and, #2,
actually talks to me and, #3, we talk about his family,
makes me so humble!
Eileen Shapiro
Michael, from the looks of this, your
bike is more famous than you!
Tickets available at
broadwayroast.com
Photo Credit: WilsonModels
From left to right:
Christian Freedom - Stylist
Kenden Helm - Silver Models/BMGNY
Frankie C, - Writer
Mickey Boardman - Paper Magazine
Michael Musto - Columnist
Kenden wearing Chulo Underwear
purchase at Chulounderwear.nyc

stories
/ GET OUT! MAGAZINE >> GETOUTMAG.COM
BY IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
@ianmichaelinwonderland
PART THREE
Just Friends
One day, as I do every
couple of months (and all of
you should too), I went to
my doctor to get a full STD
test.
On the Friday before a
three-day weekend, I got
a call while I was at work,
and checked my voicemail
during my lunch break.
“Hey Ian-Michael, it’s Dr.
Kathy. So, listen, you tested
positive for chlamydia. I
normally wouldn’t leave a
voicemail for this, but it’s
really no big deal - just fill
this prescription, take it over
the weekend, and don’t
drink or have sex for the
next few weeks. I wanted to
tell you now so you can fill
the prescription now instead
of waiting until Tuesday. Call
my office if you have any
questions.”
Mortified, I filled the
prescription and took the
pill. I’d never had an STD
before, and I didn’t even
have symptoms.
Afterward, I walked
aimlessly through Chelsea,
thoughts running wild. Who
did I get this from? If I’m
honest, the list of suspects
wasn’t short. And what if
it had been something
else? I use condoms
most of the time, but
I’ve slipped up. What
if a single one-night
stand led to a
lifetime disease?
I started to panic,
reliving each of my
sexual encounters
from the past few
months in my head.
When I got on the A train, I
didn’t go home: I got off at
125th Street and walked to
A’s apartment. By then it was
dark. I had no idea if he was
home, or awake; I just knew
I needed him.
As I approached his
building, I looked into his
window, first floor facing the
street. There was his outline,
moving behind thin curtains.
He was home. I buzzed
apartment 1A, head still
spinning, soul still searching.
He answered the door, and
I fell into his arms, crying,
overwhelmed. When I
calmed down, we sat on his
bed, and I told him about
the STD and my subsequent
fear spiral. He listened
intently, and when I ran out
of things to say, he gently
rubbed my back.
“But you’re negative
on everything else,” he
reminded me. “You’re going
to be fine.”
He was there for me when
I needed him. He always
was, whether I needed to
meet him for drinks to bitch
about work, lay in his bed
and talk about boys or just
watch the newest episode of
“Downton Abbey” (may that
show rest in peace).
I thought about telling him
I loved him that night. Not
in the friendly way, but in
the real way, the I-can’tlive-without-you
way. But
the timing wasn’t right (“Hi,
I just found out I have an
STD, and also I’ve been in
love with you since we met,
wanna watch TV?”), and
by morning I pushed those
thoughts down again.
I didn’t want to risk losing
him as a friend.
PHOTO BY STEVE BRENNAN

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