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THUGWISE CAT

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# 3- d # 4- d # 5- d # 6- c # 7- c # 8- b # 9- g # 10- e GRADING YOUR ANSWERS & CAREER PLANNING 10/10 Find something to do so that someone can nominate you for a MacArthur “Genius Award.” 9/10 Great score, but forget about going to Harvard. Try one of those on-line colleges. 8/10 You’re way too smart for MacDonald’s or Burger King. Think- Olive Garden. 7/10 No local hardware store for you. Head over to Lowe’s or Home Depot. 6/10 Pick up and cash in deposit returnable cans and bottles. 5/10 Give plasma as often as you can and make sure you get paid. 4/10 Volunteer someplace that gives you a free meal and a place to sleep. 3/10 Find out if your old school will let you back into grade one. 2/10 Go to prison so you can learn to make something. 1/10 Commit yourself at your local psychiatric hospital. 0/10 See your doctor to make sure your brain is functioning. Author bio: After spending years in New York City, John Alexander has temporarily relocated to the hamlet of Getzville, New York. He lives and writes there in the company of his two favorite pets, “Bunny” and “Roma.” Most recently, John has appeared in Danse Macabre du Jour, Clockwise Cat (3), Straightjackets Literary Magazine, Hackwriters: The International Writers Magazine (U.K). He also co-authored the online novel, entitled, “A Vow of Silence.” It can be found at www.avowofsilence.net 10

Satan’s Diabolical 10-Step Plan for President Trump By Moira Lynch Hello Donald, I read with great interest your proposal to help me defeat America and destroy the world. I must say, I admire your drive. This, combined by your bullying self-aggrandizement and total moral decay have proven to me that you are, indeed, the right man for the job. Congratulations. That said, we have our work cut out for us. President Obama has chosen to ignore my bidding, bribes and threats. Despite all this (and the fact that he’s black!) he has proven to be a strong adversary. In fact, sources tell me he will be remembered as one of the most admired presidents in US history. But no matter, we will triumph in the end. Hope and Change are nothing compared to our hatred and divisiveness. For while the world may love and respect Barack Obama, they will come to fear and cower before us!—!and as you know, Donald, that is the measure true power. America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. -Abraham Lincoln Below, I have outlined a plan for our success which was inspired by good old “Honest Abe” himself. (If I can’t make that freedom-loving bullshit artist burn in hell, he’ll at least rue his words.) If deployed correctly, you shall soon see the evil fruits of our labor. The genius of my plan lies in its pure audacity and irony. For we will use the most American of institutions to turn 11

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