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THUGWISE CAT

TWO SATIRICAL ADS BY JON

TWO SATIRICAL ADS BY JON WESICK CRITICAL THINKING PROGRAM AT LESSER FALLS BIBLE COLLEGE Everybody’s enrolling in the critical thinking program at Lesser Falls Bible College. Shouldn’t you too? Business leaders say the number one qualification they look for in new hires is a degree in critical thinking, but don’t take their word for it. Take the word of one of our graduates, Julio Maldacena, who got a twenty-percent raise after graduating with a master’s degree in critical thinking. Lesser Falls Bible College has earned praise from movie stars like Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy. This isn’t your father’s critical thinking program. Our program is the newest in the tri-state area. The critical thinking program at Lesser Falls Bible College excels at academic rigor. Professor Gil Borodino designed our program using the knowledge he gained from completing his Ph.D. in critical thinking right here at Lesser Falls Bible College. With tuition costing $50,000 a year, you know it has to be good. Some people like the Better Business Bureau, college accreditation board, and attorney general think you shouldn’t be allowed to learn critical thinking at Lesser Falls Bible College, but who would believe a bunch of busybodies with halitosis, anyway? And besides, no one has proved that a master’s degree in critical thinking from Lesser Falls Bible College doesn’t lead to a fifty-percent salary increase. You have two choices. Either you get a critical thinking degree from Lesser Falls Bible College or you die broke, homeless, and alone. 14

NUKE BRIGHT TOOTHPASTE Unlike those other radioactive toothpastes, Nuke Bright contains only the freshest strontium-90 shipped directly from Fukushima, Japan. Strontium is chemically similar to calcium so once inside your body it concentrates in your tooth enamel giving you that glow-in-the-dark smile. That’s Nuke Bright Toothpaste in drugstores everywhere. Author bio: Author of the poetry collection Words of Power Dances of Freedom, host of the Gelato Poetry Series, and an editor of the San Diego Poetry Annual, Jon Wesick has published more almost a hundred short stories in journals such as The Berkeley Fiction Review, Clockwise Cat, Space and Time, Zahir, Tales of the Talisman. One was nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Jon has a Ph.D. in physics and is a longtime student of Buddhism and the martial arts. 15

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