Women of Light Magazine: Issue 02

thislifeontheridge

A Season to Surrender

Issue 02

Spring 2017

Women of Light

A city on a hill cannot be hid. Matthew 5:14


Rescuing, Restoring, and Releasing

a Redeemed Army unto the Light!

Hill of Zion Founder:

Harold Morgan

Hill of Zion Co-Founder:

Sarah Terry

Chief Editor:

Sarah Terry

Proof Editor:

Carissa Meyer

Layout and Design:

Robert Gonzales

Photography:

Jessica Sowards

Instagram: @thehillofzion

Facebook: @thehillofzion

Women of Light:

Lisa Cortese

Kelli Goin

Mallory Jenkins

Carissa Meyer

Kaci Nicole

Heather Paul

Sally Peterson

Glenda Pyzer

Jessica Sowards

Amy Terry

Sarah Terry

Julianne Unger


Dear Reader,

I chose you...Those are the

words that God made very

clear to me on November 2,

2016, while reading Isaiah

44 underneath our pecan

tree. God chose me! He

chose me with a divine

purpose in mind. He chose

me to make His heart known

to women. Women that He

has called out to be a light in

this darkened world.

“Ye are the light of the world. A city

that is set on an hill cannot be hid.” Matthew 5:14 KJV






apostles in the New Testament is the same living God that

has spoken to me and is ready to speak to you as well. He

is ready to speak with power and authority to those that are

willing to be still and listen.

March 16, 2014

Lord, I so want your will to be done in my life! Show me the

things you have for me in your future. Your will not mine.

Amen.






and God answers.


know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the

Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings

which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts

knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh

intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:26-27 KJV








For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the

Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an

expected end.

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV





hardships. However, these struggles lead us back to the hope


And we know that all things work together for good to them

that love God, to them who are the called according to his

purpose.

Romans 8:28 KJV









Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto

me, and I will hearken unto you. Jeremiah 29:12 KJV








and release you.


me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 KJV


Pretending like nothing happened. How did that work out






choice. We can be held captive or we can seek God to set





For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me

in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and

that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not

hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously

wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did

see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book

all my members were written, which in continuance were

fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:13-16 KJV


This is what the Lord says...I’m

making a new way.

- Isaiah 43


Table Talk Contents

.................................................1

Lisa Cortese

...........................................................................................2

Kelli Aardal Goin

..............................................................................4

Mallory Jenkins

..............................................................................6

Carissa Meyer

When Hearts and Hands Hold Tightly ..................................................8

Kaci Nicole

..............................................................................10

Heather Paul

The Primal Heart ................................................................................11

Sally Peterson

Relentless Questioning .......................................................................13

Glenda Pyzer

.............................................................

Jessica Sowards

..............................................................17

Amy Terry

.........................................................................................20

Sarah Terry

.....................................................................................22

Julianne Unger

........................................................................................24

..........................................................30

............................................................................31


Hidden Gifts and a Heart to Go with It










has given me is that the enemy attacked me in this







becoming a listener rather than a talker to this con

stant message being spoken into me. The thing is,

this was a wound but I believed it as truth, there





I believed them! Do you hear me? What is it in

your past or present that has been spoken into you



The tongue has the power of life and death, and

those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21(NIV)


your mind. He loves whispering lies to you. He


the truth. However, you know not to listen to

anything he says, not even when he is telling the



as you have been alive. He knows your weak spots

and he knows what buttons to push.






heart, then now is a good time to ask Him into

your heart. He is the only one you can trust and

He is the only one who can make real changes in

your heart.




placed in you. There are many lost and broken

Let Him do what only He can

do. Let Him prepare you to do

what God created you to do.

people in the world. There are people that only





I challenge everyone reading this to look back on









1


Bring it On



tears and my heart shattered into a million pieces.


weeks or even months ahead. My husband had


and alone. He was my high school sweetheart,




it was all just a bad dream. How was I going



to let go. I remember in that moment telling


going to get me to turn my back on God and


with him instead.




again. It was my poetry that I so desperately

needed as my way to communicate with God,


me what I was dealing with in a completely







continue writing and sharing my poems as a way


I remember in that moment

telling Satan to “Bring It On”,

because this wasn’t going to get

me to turn my back on God

2


strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they

will run and not grow weary, they will walk and


What was running through your head?


I wish I could have made you see,

That you were still needed by me.




No more enemies to be slain.


Heavens pastures is where you now roam.




Through our kids and the things they say.


When at last we escape all our sin.



3


A Divine Encounter


Recently, I got rear ended while I was stopped at a


while driving and it all seemed totally surreal.




damage.


accident was only minor. I praised God even




vehicle.


inconvenient. I was shaken, especially because





My plan was to have my car repaired right away.



short holiday work week.








decision to have repairs done at this particular



church together.




and I have to know whatever happened to him.”







treat.




and a wheelchair and she needed to have room to







him.


money was tight with all the medical bills &



vehicles was nearly impossible as they were all





treatment she desperately needed.



I would pass out at any moment. I grabbed my



4


coming to rent cars. There was one trip he was

supposed to take but ended up canceling...and


out what happened to this man and his daughter.


renting cars because something happened to that




they might be?”


my ball cap. My hands shook uncontrollably and

my heart rate soared into overdrive.











hands over her mouth in shock and cried many


laughing, but mostly crying as our human minds


I could see her brain processing the entire





was the sick daughter. In complete shock that I was


worlds better than she had imagined me to be.

We hugged, multiple times.

We took a picture together.

We continued to cry and laugh and wipe our tears

away.


We talked about my dad and the lasting impact he



We talked about how this moment was so clearly



“That’s my dad...

I’m the sick daughter.”




prior week, we would not have met because she

was on vacation.


happened.


circumstance, however meaningless it may seem,






















5


He knows when, how and where to answer our

prayers. When you trust in that truth and surrender


you never imagined.

The Lord shall fight for you,

and ye shall hold your peace.

Exodus 14:4





or even just someone who works with children



not going to be easily swayed to do otherwise.










authority that is seen, learning to surrender to God,



resistance, submit to authority, to give up or hand

over. When what we want comes into direct


we all have a choice to make…surrender our













6


surrendering personal things that have been just



today, a light bulb went on in my head.

Surrender is not a one and done decision…it’s a

way of life for those who follow Christ.

When we choose to step over the line and give








Bottom line:

I wasn’t teachable. Therefore,

I wasn’t willing to surrender

what I wanted in order to

learn and grow into what

God’s BEST was for me.


passive aggressive showing my displeasure through




my core and literally changed the way I viewed

surrendering to Him and human authority moving


I was a senior in college, had already been married



teaching credential. I was student teaching and I



the students, and she kept asking me to do busy



apparently, by the way I responded, the tone in


language…big mistake!


advisor at the college letting them know I was

not teacher material. I was unable to do tasks







grade papers, tear out workbook pages, or work







they reported some similar attitudes in their own


I wasn’t teachable.




could choose to surrender my will to all authority,


what I was doing, being right in my own eyes, lose

the ability to complete the credential program to



surrendering, being teachable, was nonsense. I


my ways and corrected things immediately, but



My pride was wounded. I was embarrassed and

ashamed. I wanted to run…but deep down I knew,

7


would be impacted and success in any sphere

would be limited, at best.




choice that I have made every day, sometimes



my wants, my needs, my choices, my hopes, my




able to grow in ways I never could have imagined.




girls, the lessons I learned getting there are still

ingrained in me to this day.


wants you to grow through this situation, and then



teachable, with surrendering to authority…is that


make a course correction, and joy as you see God



When Hearts and Hands Hold Tightly



guy announcing their engagement, beaming on a













track and suddenly, their trains all sped ahead while







around the sun had brought nothing new, and all I






something so special than her.







8









Well, the college graduation thing did, but almost


Waiting, I’ve found, hurts—because it means you’re

without something you yearn for deeply.


that day three years ago, slowly, something else is




all the while, God is working to use those things to








can be trusted. Do we trust Him to provide? Do we

trust that He has our best in mind?












because I know many married people who are still

learning them in marriage, and many others who are

doing a better job at them than anyone else I know,

yet remain single. These are areas we learn and




that it is never wasted. God always has a purpose in

it.

There are a million ways God has used this season





God, why are You having

me wait so long? Have You

forgotten about me?





doubt and distrust, suggesting that the Tree banned





our highest good.

The waiting exposes lies of the heart, so God

can water them with the truth of His goodness,

faithfulness, and steadfast love. The watering and

waiting give life to beauty—a heart that holds the

peace and freedom of knowing God is good, and

that He can be trusted.

Time and time again, God has shown me His

character and His heart towards me, and those

streams continue to give shape to a heart that rests




know that His ways are higher than my ways and




It means knowing that He will always tend to my

heart’s deepest need, even when it isn’t the need I

perceive.







and loves us more than we know.

9


Be Still and Know

Heather Paul


To truly surrender, you must learn to be still.

To truly surrender, you must learn to rest in the





the previous sentence, but it just sounds prettier

than plethora, abundance, or a number that I




a hard time being still.

Why you ask?


surrender control.





through and guide me and let God write His story

through me.



a glorious thing.

Growing up, I had a hard time understanding who






an investigator, seeking and searching, asking



really got still enough to listen to that still voice

10



longer I sat still... the louder He became... and I









Surrender may be hard...

but once you discover how

to unfold the mystery of

surrender... it truly is a

glorious thing.

Then the time came when I had to declare a












childhood, was a pediatrician. What in the world


my parents were counting on me to become a



change my mind and not go through with the goal


it poured down raining. The rain only meant one

thing... the park would be empty and I could really










or doubt to consume us... there is no calm... there

is no peace... there is no order.











to be still and know He is God in this moment










my husband to take a position as an independent













savor every memory made, encounter created and

mile crossed.

When we let go and let God map out His plans






had gotten out and I was devastated. This was at



electricity. My husband and I knew the day would

come when we would have to have our kitchen


without my kitchen or that it would happen while

my husband was deployed. I had to open the







missing.



discovered her, spent months trying to catch

11


around.

That incident happened a little over a year ago


are still not sure how or why she had gotten out,

but once she was out, she would not come back








pick her up and she went ballistic. I was wearing


I had to let her go or be shredded. I learned my

lesson and wore long sleeves, a denim jacket,


done and I spent weeks trying to lure her back in.


to investigate and discovered a dead cat in our

yard. I have no idea what happened to it. The


to get the deceased cat and lend me a live animal





to bring her inside, our other cats attacked her as





our adopted children with trauma are much like


call, a primal heart. Their brains are constantly


high and they can instantly go into primal survival

mode. In this state, their brains go on autopilot


no matter what you are doing or saying. This is







or in an attempt to control. They are surviving


learned over and over again that they cannot trust




that trust. These parents just cannot understand



my own journey as an adoptive parent. In recent

years, I have been learning a lot more about







It is wonderful what miracles God works

in wills that are utterly surrendered to Him.

Hannah Whitall Smith

12


work with this cat!” I believe God was telling me



cat. Gradually she accepted me more and more.



started letting me trim her nails when she was





I knew God was telling me

that I had to let go and

trust HIM with Jocelyn.

It has become clearer and clearer with each

passing day that God has called me to work with

these children with primal hearts. He is teaching









God is calling me to work with. I still have a lot


journey with God.








that cat. I knew God was telling me that I had






harder you hold onto the ones with primal hearts,



will trust you and come willingly.” It is all the

sweeter in those moments when they seek you out.

Relentless Questioning







close to Ryan. I desperately needed that closeness.

It was a time completely centered on honoring

Ryan the way he deserved. When the memorial



I could endure. The heartache, desperation and

despair were relentless. I had to surrender or my

soul would perish. I needed to trust and allow God

to guide me where I was meant to go, or I knew I





Blog Entry:

“Relentless Questioning”

Thursday, October 26, 2010

When you lose someone, anyone, you are

often left with questions of how you could

have changed things, prevented things, or done

things differently. When you lose a child, the

questions are relentless, cutting so sharply into

13


your heart. Whether it’s an accident, a suicide,


with questions. As a mother your job is to love,

nurture, and protect your child from harm.

When they die...somehow you have failed them.

Ryan died of acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis.

The medical examiner told me he could not have

eaten dinner if this had started before bed. In his

opinion, Ryan had a perfectly healthy pancreas,

and in a matter of several hours, it had failed

him. He assured me there was nothing I could


to the Dr, as I cried in fear,...was he hurting?

As his mom, I couldn’t handle the idea that my

little boy was hurting and I was not there to

help him and to hold him. No one can say for

sure, but it is assumed because his pancreas was

failing, his sugar levels went so high he probably

went into a coma and didn’t know what was

happening. As much as my head tells me this

is probably true, my heart still questions. Was

there something I could have done? Did he know

what was happening? Was he scared? Why didn’t

my motherly instincts tell me something was

wrong? Why didn’t they tell me my baby had


that very hard. In my head I know he wouldn’t

have chosen a different place. He loved his room,

his bed, and living with me. He had told me this

I just need my heart to

embrace what my head knows

already, but for whatever

reason, this is not easy to do.

many times. I just need my heart to embrace

what my head knows already, but for whatever

reason, this is not easy to do. The questions run

relentlessly through my heart. I know we all

wish we could have a peaceful death...to die in

our sleep sounds like a gift. But in my heart, a

mother’s heart, my baby was alone and I wish I

could have been holding him as he went from my

arms into my dad’s. Hold him in my love, as God

took him into His.


up with wondering what we could have done



in my mind at all. I had a great relationship with

my son. He knew how much I loved him and

we would talk about relationships, struggles and

anything else our hearts wanted to share with each



his health. I tried to recall every time he said his










what happened to Ryan was going to happen. It

was his time. There was nothing anyone could




let me know he would be there to meet my baby;









embark upon, a spiritual road I will share later in

my book.



God, is where He meets you and guides you to





14


When Everything Looks Dead


Over a year ago,





house at 4 a.m.



Talents. Immediately, I knew this was what He meant







kingdom.




world and the walk I knew was suddenly viewed


every darkness I saw on the news just cried out the










work with what he had been given and double it.




ground and did not double or even collect interest



was scolded and cast away.






















You become stronger only when you become weaker. When you surrender

your will to God, you discover the resources to do what God requires.

Erwin Lutzer

15


master distributed the talents based on each


descriptively says the distribution was based on






already cried out to God its own repentance. It

takes a passion grown in the secret place to be

able to carry this weight. It takes a deeply rooted


a private strength only truly known by the Master.

He distributes accordingly.



servant will be multiplied. Those who are willing


Perhaps they will be distracted

by the demands of the world

and accidentally let their good

intentions expire.

to host His presence will see a great increase.


useless currency will get an opportunity to serve


intends to do, they will go at once to make the


These servants were not competing to be the

best servant or the most noticed. They did not do





revival because man cannot create revival. It is




while in our possession.

What we do with it is up to us. We can act on it

immediately, making His work our identity, pleasing




can bury it in the ground and sit on it.



when it is handed to them. Perhaps they will

be embittered that their brother received a

heavier measure than them. Perhaps they will







who He really is.



disabled by the idea that what they do might not

please their Master. They believe Him to be hard



by the small opportunities to spread revival, the

ones that come in grocery stores and the back


glamorous. They give up and think they will just


make a mistake.


His presence is a wasted opportunity to grow this






carry on.


you, but I want more than anything to hear those


Well done.

16


The Brave Steps in Surrender







neighborhood in a country setting. My husband

had a job in ministry and I was able to stay at

home with my kids and homeschool them. We

were living our dream. We were content and living




home that needed one. This had been a nudging











however, that the God who owns the cattle on a


bring our child home.




agency that had a partnership with an orphanage



the papers to start the process and wrote a check



trust that God had asked us to do this.







this? How are you going to homeschool three kids?


that God would provide and help us.


heart but sometimes, along the way, I doubted.


panic attack, scared about how this would, in


the child would like me, to being scared about


night.














them. Not to worry, because God promises to stop




in the water, and promises that as soon as they do,

17


will be able to cross over on dry ground.





adoption process.

We signed the papers.

We marked boy or girl.

We prayed.








knew our adoption was the place to give. We gave


the God who works through us to make miracles


used by God to make a way when there is no way.




Isn’t he just amazing?

He asks us to take one brave

step at a time, so that we can

experience him as Miracle

Worker, Mighty God: Yahweh.



I was driving my kids down the highway in my


whether taking our two biological children to a







was proper missionary wear – a long skirt and a

denim jacket. I clutched a verse on a bright pink












were.



a conversation with the girl because I just had the



trendy with her skinny jeans and cute shoes. I



night and I was shocked, to say the least, that the










day.

When we arrived, a teenage boy unlocked an iron

gate that enclosed the property. We went inside


18


over. That was it, I could not go back to sleep.


This was the long awaited day, the day when we

would meet the sweet child we had taken brave



orphanage director, and the aunties who had cared


down a dirt road so bumpy it could have been a


compound whose walls had broken glass atop

them to keep predators out who would try and


– the orphan.

The gatekeeper opened the iron green gate and we







get our daughter and be right back!


to happen. I was about to meet my daughter,





into her ear.





us as the orphanage director encouraged her.









love you.”






When I tell this story to groups in person, I always











the river.


courageous. Do not be discouraged or dismayed,



The trees are about to show us

how lovely it is to let dead things go.

Anonymous

19


I Chose You



my broken heart...



God, where are you? Those were the words my







enemy, and this lie still lies dormant in my soul

today.


old. I was picked on everyday by the same girl


boy shoes. I hated them. That is when the tiny seed

was planted.

The same girl continued to put me down all




I struggled academically, so now I was ugly and

dumb. The lie took root deep in my heart.





ever choose me? The lie continued to blossom.

In high school, I let my hair grow out, I got braces,









because I wanted to believe I was enough. That I





what I believed, so I began to highlight my hair,


clothes. I was desperately seeking outward

beauty. I was going to prove to the world that I



He proposed to me when I was 23 years old, and





later. I was completely in love with the idea that


is what I had wanted...right?

I was convinced then

I would never be enough.

Those girls were beautiful.

Who would ever choose me?







but I stayed. We were having a child.

20


It was seven years into our marriage when my


had our second child. I was devastated. The enemy


and no one else would ever want me...so I stayed



pretending like nothing happened. I was

determined to prove the enemy wrong all on





wholeheartedly.

My prayer I wrote on March 16, 2014:




I stayed once again, but this time I stepped out




God in His Word and in prayer. I would seek until





writings, my chickens, my garden, my children,


brokenness.

God is an on time God. He swung the doors wide

open. He told my neighbor to go across the street





providing.





and we moved across the street. Most would say I


was still holding onto my worth.

It was when we moved across the street the true



doing everything I could in my own power, but

nothing was working. Things were getting uglier





retreat I had no shame. I told the ladies it was hard



me. God was calling me to surrender.


still.” Exodus 14:14



he had hidden during our entire marriage...but





“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank

you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your

workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.”

Psalm 139:13-14


broken heart...I chose you in your mother’s womb.

All to Thee my blessed Saviour – I surrender all.

Judson W. Van DeVenter

21


Wake Up Call


When our three oldest kids were in high school,




occurred. It was an intense wake up call to our



Him more intensely.




His love….He aches to hold you in HIs everlasting


Things did not change overnight, but there was








change came.






can leave it out or use it improperly, resulting in a

tipsy house.

The earth may rumble, the attacks and storms may



loving, living, everlasting arms.

It frustrates me when people

say believers are hypocrites...

OF COURSE WE ARE!

We need help. We need Him!

22


“Remember not the former things, nor consider the

things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now

it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a

way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

23


Lisa Cortese




especially during those long dry days in the desert.




book about her testimony titled 180 Degrees



Kelli Goin










suicide and numerous other trials. However, I




things you never dreamed you could overcome.

24


pancreatitis, over 300 days without eating by mouth, total debilitation,



























25


Kaci Nicole





creatively communicating these things through the


others. I believe transparency cultivates connec




ily, working my corporate job in communications,

traveling, getting lost in the mountains, sticking

my nose in a good book, or diving deeper into the




Heather Paul

Heather Paul is an aspiring speaker and author.





her talks encourage others to discover their inner





Town.




we are in church a hundred times or never, He will


26


eally was, He was already at work pursuing her.

Her authentic speaking style includes a

















children.




Sally Peterson





school. Her husband is a secondary social studies

teacher and is also currently deployed with the




27


Glenda Pyzer

Glenda lives with her husband, Russ, in a small Northern





immediately loved and raised as her own. During this marriage





















www.thehodgepodgedarling.blogspot.com


28


whom she homeschools. They adopted their young





Sarah Terry







her through the good, the bad, and the ugly on her

blog.




29


1. Read a Psalm or Proverbs.

2. Take a closer look.

Scripture:



into the light.





Observe:


you read today.

Apply:

Write down what God wants you to

do in response to this verse.

Prayer:

Reword the verse into a conversation

with God.

3. Write it down and look back often.

God, You are:


Thank you for:


I need:


I say a special prayer for:

Who or what does God want you


I’m sorry for:

What do you need to ask God


Our outward expression of unity will reflect our inward unity of purpose.

Seeking God: 9/26/2016

Reflect:

God, you are ...

Able

I’m sorry for ...

My unbelief...you are able!

Thank you for ...

Love...the foundation

of my future.

I need ...

help with my unbelief!

I say a special prayer for ...

Women of Light

Magazine

Bless it....you are able!

Scripture

Eph. 3:11-21

Observe

Now to Him

who is able.

(vs. 20)

Apply

He can do

more than

we ask or

imagine.

Pray

God, you are

able...do it!

30


Seeking God:

God, you are...






I need...

Pray


31


Seeking God:

God, you are...






I need...

Pray


32


Seeking God:

God, you are...






I need...

Pray


33


Seeking God:

God, you are...






I need...

Pray


34

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