L&R July 2017 Magazine

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Issue 11

July 2017






Provocative topic in the


We explore the opinions, conflicts in this

evocative topic.

Special guest writers with wonderful

insight to share.


Amazing articles and recipes by the

wonderful Sir Chef.


Poetry Corner

Shivers Down

my Spine

Thrown to the



Letter from the editor


Flame Jie

Sir Arithon


A. Sands

Chef Lew

Freelance Writers


Jon Mertz

Lady Payne

Blissful Telling

Thoughts on


Andrea Dworkin and

Susan Griffin, regard

BDSM as a form of

woman-hating violence,

while other feminists,

such as Gayle Rubin and

Patrick Califia, see BDSM

as a valid form of

expression of female


One common critique of women that engage in consensual

BDSM play is that they are acting out patriarchal fantasies,

rather than engaging in acts that legitimately bring them

pleasure. Another is that women engage in such play because they are coerced, or

because they are "taught" that such things are sexy because they or their partners

saw it in porn. How would you respond to that?

Human sexuality is a paradox on its own, when you sprinkle in BDSM and feminism

it causes the feminist view to be at odds with itself... BDSM is not one thing. It

encompasses many different acts, fetishes, and mentalities. I think trying to

mainstream it.... is confusing at best..... Misinformation at worst....and can lead to

thoughts that Submission is a disempowerment.

Mental and sexual health and wellness should be part of the foundation of any intersectional

feminist movement, if it is not....... then i personally believe that they are

crumbling the very foundation the feminist movement is built on.....We champion

choice, fairness and equality....if we try to quash or label BDSM negatively we move

very fast away from the core value that the definition portrays. I want the right to

choose how i manifest my sexuality, choose how i want to revel in my femininity.

Trying to box my ability to consent and being manipulated by an opinion makes this

fiesta submissive rile up a little. Knowledge is power and seeking your own truth in

the confines of safe, sane and consensual is an absolute must.

In this Issue….


Thrown to the floor

Articles, by Sir Arithon. The

refreshing no holds barred

viewpoint on all things D/s.


“A Submissive

Feminist’s Journey”

The struggles and

experience of a feminist

submissive, By S



Our Introduction to second life

fashion D/s photography.





Catherine Scott

Does Liking BDSM

Make Me a Bad


By Nora.S

Whats on in second life

Our VIP section. This section will

introduce you to some of the

wonderful places you can visit and

enjoy in second life. Also some of the

educational groups you can join for

quality lifestyle and community


Kinky Kitchen

Amazing recipe’s by Sir


BDSM and Feminism:

"Stop Telling Me What

I'm Supposed To Like,

D*mn It."By Megan


Ink spots and feelings!

Written by Blissful

Telling. An intimate

collection of journals

written to her Master.

In this Issue….



Information and advertisement for

venues and Shops online


Genies’s furry corner

New monthly section on

from the unique furry


Useful links

like the web? Follow these

crumbs for fun and


The Dominant Female

by Miss Payne


Erotic art, Editor’s picks.

In the spotlight…

Showcase of the talent

that is in abundance in


Simply Online

Specific content for those of the

lifestyle who only practice in Second

life or other online platforms and how

you might manage relationships in

these spaces.

Lyrical Passion

Our new poetry corner, with

submissions from a varied


Next month sees the introduction of the

L&R Podcast!

A quality educational podcast with guest speakers and

many topics.

Readers will be able to hear it in world at our venue,

or alternatively download it from our magazine.

By S.Mistwood

A Submissive Feminist's Journey

I was raised an ardent feminist, in an all female household, at the height of the

women’s movement. I had the flashlight, the mirror, and a copy of “Our Bodies,

Ourselves” to prove it. And I had the buttons, picked up at a street fair—the one that

said, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle”, and even the one that

said, “if we can send a man to the moon, why can’t we send them all?”

I don’t mean to trivialise feminism, nor to suggest that it was all about man-bashing

and sexual self-discovery. It was about the real and terrible limitations and

oppressions by which women were afflicted, by societies seemingly controlled and

designed by men who viewed our sexuality as theirs to exploit, our lives as theirs to

manipulate, and our accomplishments, talents, aspirations and autonomy as largely

irrelevant. Sadly, in too much of the world, those things continue to be true today.

So yes, we were angry, we were militant, we were fierce—because battling oppression

requires those things, and make no mistake—the oppression was real. I am grateful to

live in a time when my daughter and her peers have trouble understanding just how

different their lives are, how many options exist that were only dreams for my

generation. For them, the reasons for feminism and the genesis of the struggle have

grown vague and receded into history—though at the moment they’re getting perhaps

a bit of an education as to how recent, and how fragile some of their freedoms and

options really are. But those questions are beyond the scope of this article. For now,

the question is this: How does a fervent feminist make her peace with the discovery

that she is also submissive?

My mother was abandoned by her husband, as had been most of the women in my

family for generations, in one way or another. And so she had developed a mantra

that she taught us at her knee. “Never let yourself depend on a man.” She did not

mean just financially, though certainly that. She meant “Do not count on them to be

there for you in any way”—do not expect emotional support, empathy, fidelity, nurture,

concern, or even presence. From hard experience, she and her foremothers had

come to believe that men breeze in and men breeze out. They make you dependent,

with society’s blessing, and then they leave you. They have all the control, but they

can’t be trusted.

Therefore, if you must lean, lean on women. Better yet—don’t lean at all. Become selfsufficient.

So I did. I worked hard at it. I got my education, went to work, and found a

husband who would not stand in my way or expect me to take his name as if I were a

possession (a tradition that originates in property law). I bought a house, had children,

and always made my plans with one overarching question in mind—if I had to do this

alone, could I? Because I knew, or thought I knew, that any moment I would be on my

own, like my foremothers. Men, even my dutiful husband, could not be trusted. That

was a given, right?

At some point I figured out that I was kinky. That alone was a challenge—surrender to

a male, even in play? Sacrilege! But arousing. So I would read about it, fantasise

about it—but I would certainly never have done it! When I came into Second Life, I

discovered another layer—there were women who were not only kinky, but who

described themselves as “submissive”. Poor, weak, incomplete, misguided souls,

thought I. Women who would never be able to stand on their own. Tragic.

And then one day, a friend told me I was submissive, like her. I stood her down. I was

offended, though I wouldn’t have said so, given that she was afflicted in that way. But

the suggestion was repugnant—she seemed to be saying that I was none of the things

that I had aspired and striven to be, but rather was weak, needy, childlike and

undeveloped. I did not ask myself if I saw HER that way—I only knew her in the

context of her D/s relationship, and she seemed fine, but who could say what

dysfunction lay beneath the veneer? That was okay for her, but I was genuinely

horrified by the suggestion that it had anything to do with me.

Undaunted by my denial, she asked, “What do you say when you’re going to a movie

with a friend and they ask what movie you want to see?” I thought that was a

ridiculous question—it depended on what was playing, of course. It depended on what

I’d already seen, obviously. The answer was different every time, right? But then in a

flash I realised that that wasn’t true—that in fact my answer was always the same:

“What do YOU want to see?” With trepidation, I gave her my answer. “Right,” she

said. “And do you mean it?” “Yes,” I said, eyes undoubtedly widening in alarm. “I

always mean it.” “Why?” she asked. “Because I’ll enjoy the movie more if I know

they’re enjoying themselves, seeing the movie they really wanted to see. I can pretty

much enjoy any movie, even movies I’ve seen already, but I don’t really relax unless I

know that I’ve made the people around me happy too.” “Do you know what movie

you’d want to see if you were alone?” “Of course I do,” I said. “But it’s just not as

important to me as the knowledge that I’ve made my companions happy. So I’ll have

more fun, more actual FUN, at the movie they choose.”

“Yup,” she said. “You’re submissive.”

That was the moment that tilted my axis. Suddenly I got it (well maybe not suddenly

so much as slowly over the next several years). Submissiveness has nothing to do

with weakness, with immaturity, with neediness, with incompleteness as an adult. It

does not mean that you cannot lead, or that you’re indecisive. It does not mean that

you’re letting your fellow feminists down. And it does not—and this is critical—it does

not mean that you are forfeiting your own happiness for the sake of everyone else’s. It

is not martyrdom, or self-effacement. It is not disappearing into the shadows, or

making yourself and your needs irrelevant. Rather it springs from joy—joy derived

from the knowledge that you have made someone else’s need and desire paramount,

given them pleasure and happiness, because you can—because you have the

strength, and the wholeness, and the abundance of heart and sensitivity that attunes

you to another’s need and fills you with delight in meeting it. At its best, it offers a kind

of peace and serenity, even euphoria, that is most easily accessed when the

submissive doesn’t need to second-guess the desires of her companion, because the

companion has made them clear. Enter the Dominant.

I must interrupt this story to tell you a little paradoxical secret—which is that these

things are also basically true of a Dominant. They just get there really differently. To

grossly over-simplify, a Dominant leads his submissive to their mutual joy. A

submissive follows her dominant there. Some other time I’ll flesh that out. But for


So. I was submissive, apparently. Now all I had to do was forgive myself for that,

which took me a few more years. The things I say above are true, and seem clear to

me now. But at the time, every one of them seemed a break with everything I had

learned as a child, and as a young self-actualising adult who was going to make her

own way in the world. I felt, for a while, that I was betraying every ideal I’d held dear.

After all those years of self-development, I was going to allow myself to disappear into

a man’s control, because it felt good. I felt like a traitor with a terrible, shameful secret,

for a long time.

I’m grateful to the Dominant friend who, upon noting my internal struggle, said, “Forget

all that noise in your head—how do you feel when you submit?” Believe it or not, for

all my liberation, that question had not occurred to me. I knew what people expected

of me, what society expected, what feminism and my mother expected. I knew what

battles I was supposed to continue to wage, and what freedoms to fight for. But it

hadn’t occurred to me that what felt good, and natural, and peaceful and freeing might

also be relevant. Submission felt like a liberation. It quieted my endlessly noisy brain.

What sense could I make of that?

I will take a break here to tell you about a conversation I had today with my dominant

partner, because it will tell you something about the struggle, even after all these


“Would you read the draft of my article?” I ask.

He does, he likes it, but he asks, “So why is submission consistent…how well do

submission and feminism play together?”

“Ah. Harder questions to answer unequivocally,” I say with a smile.

“Unequivocally is a meaningless metric,” says he.

Damn. He’s right, of course. And up it wells, for a moment. The thing he calls “My

voices”. “Why did I ask him? Do I want to have to write more? Will anyone care about

my journey but him? Does anyone want to hear about the struggles that remain? Did I

really need his opinion? Was it insecurity that made me ask?”

It’s not insecurity. It’s trust. This is the heart of it, the almost incomprehensible core. I

trust him as much as I’ve ever trusted anyone, and then some. This springs only partly

from his actions, his nature. The rest springs from my trust in myself—in my ability to

discern the truth about him, to make a good choice for myself, to know when someone

else’s opinion enlightens and expands my own, to recognise someone in whom to

have that much confidence.

In every choice to submit there lies a significant element of self-assurance. I have

chosen wisely, picked a man, and invested in a relationship, that can take me where I

want to go. I have given informed consent with the mutual agreement that I can take it

back. Nothing about that is dis-empowering. It’s expansive. It’s not unlike what I do

when I turn my investments over to a fund manager, or my teeth over to a dentist. First

I pick an expert—I research, I vet, I choose. And then I surrender to the expertise I’ve

identified and evaluated, because I will get from that person the mastery I seek. I will

relax confidently into their care, and both of us will reap benefits from the affiliation.

The Dominant, possesses, and continues to refine, a special kind of expertise. His

specialty? His submissive. In addition to his (or her) other desirable qualities, like

decisiveness and intelligence and foresight and good judgment and respectfulness and

so forth, he relishes learning the depths of his submissive.

He wants to know the things she knows about herself, and the things she hasn’t yet

figured out. He wants things for her, as well as from her. He learns her the way a

musician learns an instrument—but a sentient instrument, with its own desires--so that

he can create, express, bring out the nuances, and so that they can, if you will, make

this extraordinary kind of music together. And she, in her desire to surrender and give

pleasure, finds fulfilment in his vision, delight in his satisfaction, and joy in what they

create together. In a moment like the one I described above, he may say, “expand on

that part of the concept and let me read it again.” (He didn’t this time, but he might

have.) In that moment, at his command, my “voices” will all go quiet—oh magical

power!--my focus will narrow and clarify, and I will do it because he wants it, because

he knows that I want it too, because I have such faith in his understanding of me, and

his judgment in general, and because I have chosen my expert well. I didn’t have to

forsake feminism to discover all of this—I just had to embrace its true intentions.

Feminism was and is about liberty, opportunity, and equality of rights, protections and

compensations. It was never meant to replace one set of limitations with another, to

release us all from the old box, only to entrap us in the new. It was meant to give us

choices, and the freedom and confidence to make them for ourselves. But for so many

women, it also created a new set of constraints. And in a way, that was inevitable. A

pendulum never rests in the centre until it has exhausted itself with swinging from

extreme to extreme. So we swung to a new set of ideals and potentials, and therefore,

ironically, to a new set of entrapping expectations.

I would like to think that people like me represent something even better than “coming

to rest in the centre.”

I am not dwelling in the compromise between autonomy and dependence. I am

reaping the benefits of the fight to give women the full range of choices. I can pepper

my autonomy with surrender when it suits me. I can deed my choices to a trusted

partner in full understanding that I am respected, loved, and safe—and that society

and its laws support my choice to submit or not, as I will. Central to D/s principles is

the idea of consent—and true consent only becomes possible when women are not

hobbled by a social structure that makes them dependent on the approval,

beneficence, support and protection of men. Consensual power exchange requires

that two people start out on an equal footing. In that sense, D/s is not antithetical to

feminism—in fact it could not have existed in its present form until the women’s

movement made it possible.

My foremothers’ options, and the options of women in so many other societies, were

and are defined by narrow rights, narrower protections, and rigid expectations of what

a woman’s life should mean. But I live in a world in which few would dare say that a

woman’s place is “in the home” or “in her husband’s bed” or “in the kitchen” or “on her

knees.” If I kneel, it’s because I find joy in choosing to kneel. I also find joy in running

my business, traveling alone, engaging in a good debate, and ordering carryout if I

don’t feel like cooking, paid for with my own income. I find joy in the wealth of choices

that were won for me by the struggles of the women before me. We still need to tear

down some new walls that we built with bricks from the old ones, but we’ve made

immeasurable progress. As for me, in the process of discovering myself I also

discovered that men too were harmed and diminished by the rigidities and

expectations of the past. I’m so grateful to finally understand that, to have shaken off

the wariness of generations and become capable of this depth of trust. I’m just finally

learning to relish the yin/yang otherness of the dominant male, rather than to fear or

resent it.

It turns out that generally, they didn’t deserve to be sent to the moon after all.

Thinking Kink

I want to lay some groundwork…



by Catherine Scott

Before I even get into the thorny issue of how the media represents female sexual

submissives, I want to lay some groundwork. Today, I'll consider the idea that women's

participation in BDSM, especially as a submissive, is inherently anti-feminist. Next

post: the other side (that the female submissive who consensually participates in

BDSM is empowered). Please remember: However much any of the views here piss

people off, I am airing them because I believe in engaging with and critiquing beliefs

that bug us.

cover of female sexual slavery, which is red and has the book title in white letters In the

'70s and '80s, feminists were bitterly opposed over BDSM, and the women who

volunteered to be dominated were the biggest source of contention. In her book

Female Sexual Slavery, Kathleen Barry described BDSM as "a disguise for the act of

sexually forcing a woman against her will." Lesbians who practiced BDSM didn't

escape condemnation either. As Jocelyn Borycszka puts it in her forthcoming book

Suspect Citizens, they were accused of simply replicating "the very masculine power

dynamics used to perpetuate women's oppression."

What of choice though, the concept simultaneously heralded and cursed by feminists?

For some, choice is meaningless if it occurs in a system of oppression. Diana Russell

dismissed the "consent defence" when she wrote about BDSM pornography: "Boiling

candle wax was dripped onto a bound woman's breasts. Had she consented

beforehand? Even if she had, this is a violent act." For anti-BDSM feminists, there can

be no true choice in "responding to a model of sexual interaction that has been

drummed into us throughout our lives." Furthermore, by agreeing to play a sexually

submissive role, a woman is actively damaging feminism by "reinforcing the legitimacy

of power imbalances outside the bedroom." (Nichols, Pagano & Rosoff as quoted by

Margot Weiss.)

Some modern critics are more measured, however. Women and Gender Studies

Professor Breanne Fahs, author of Performing Sex suggests that, "Pleasure does not

preclude a self-critical approach." Fahs encourages women who enjoy submission to

"direct a critical eye to why we do those things and what those behaviour’s say about

the bigger stories of gender and power." She goes on to say that "it makes sense that

women may internalise a need to distance themselves from their own desires by [for

example] having rape fantasies." This echoes Norma Ramos' words in a 1995 issue of

Ms. Magazine, where she states that "women are socialised into actually getting

sexual pleasure through their powerlessness."

Perhaps the resemblance of many play scenes to genuine depictions of violence

against women is why some feminists simply do not believe female submission in

BDSM can ever be consensual. A good example of this is the current debate around

the RMCP officer recently outed as enjoying BDSM pornography which depicted

submissive women. Canadian feminist Meghan Murphy writes that Cpl Jim Brown

"fetishised the abuse and degradation of women" by possessing photographs of

women in bondage, refusing to even entertain the possibility of consent or agency from

the women who participated in the pictures.

The BDSM community isn't immune to criticism from within, either—Margot Weiss

found that "many practitioners complained about sexism in the scene." Multiple women

reported to Weiss that they were presumed to be submissive by virtue of their gender,

regardless of their actual BDSM orientation. The automatic association of femaleness

with passivity is troubling: BDSM is at its most difficult for feminists to defend when it

reflects "normative gendered arrangements."

Women's sexual choices carry political weight, and in a society where equality is still

lacking in so many fields, many feminists still feel that to surrender power in the

bedroom is to surrender it elsewhere. Left-wing writer Yasmin Alibhai-Brown echoed

30-year-old sentiments last week when she stated that the attraction of BDSM is

merely a modern ploy to disempower women as they get closer to equality: "They have

to be reminded of their place and must re-learn submission." So Professor Fahs may

be right to say that, “all sexual behaviours are at risk for distortion...by regressive

forces" when the popularity of one erotic book is interpreted as evidence that "tired of

the struggle for equality, women want to take refuge in being bossed around in the

bedroom by a man.”

But is the reactionary media's tendency to seize on any excuse to dismiss female

empowerment reason enough for women to avoid sexually submissive behaviour, or at

least fantasies of it? Norma Ramos thinks so: "I'm getting sexual pleasure from

[submission], so what do I do about this? You work to change that. You have to

challenge it," she says. For some feminists, the only answer to a pervasive culture of

sexual violence is for women who enjoy playing the sub to rewrite their fantasies.




Website: http://www.allthatchas.blogspot.com

I started blogging about feminism in the often-toxic cultural context of the UK in 2008,

and when Bitch gave me my Big Feminist Break by publishing one of my book reviews

in 2009, I decided that writing and feminism were what I wanted to do full time. Since

then I’ve been published by The Guardian, The Independent, Women’s Media Centre,

The Times Literary Supplement, The London Review of Books and the women’s

history magazine Herstoria. I also freelance regularly for The Telegraph and the BBC.

In 2012 I completed an internship for Ms. magazine where I regularly blogged for them

and helped put the magazine together. Media sexism and the politics of sexuality are

just some of the many issues I like to chew over in my writing.

Following the success of my 2012 ‘Thinking Kink’ blog series for Bitch, I have written a

full-length book “Thinking Kink: The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular

Culture”, which is being published by McFarland in Spring/Summer 2015.

Bad Feminist?

Does Liking BDSM Make Me a Bad Feminist?

We’ve all played that game in our heads where we imagine our own tragic but lavish

funeral where people throw themselves at our coffins whilst sobbing uncontrollably into

fancy hankies, and think up the various things they might say about us during drawnout,

emotional speeches. Or maybe that’s just me? (it isn’t – Ed.)

I’d like to think that people would describe me as a resolute, driven person. They might

say I was an independent, free-thinking lady. They might even throw in ‘she was the

perfect combination of beauty and brains and badassdom’ for good measure (a girl can

always dream, right?) So basically, in my funeral fantasy, they’d be likening me to a

goddess-like creature, while sobbing A LOT.

All of the above sound like great qualities for a feminist to have, but then here comes

the tricky part; not only am I a feminist, but a feminist who acts out her fantasies of

submission on a regular basis. When I say submission I mean choking, slapping,

biting, restraining, spanking, being called a dirty slut – the whole shebang. Some

people seem to think that it is impossible to call yourself a feminist and enjoy BDSM

play, but I beg to differ. Either I am the exception to the rule or we need new rules – or

- here’s a thought – no rules.

I discovered my slightly deviating urges at the tender age of fourteen. There was

nothing tender, however, about my dazed daydreams. I found myself inexplicably

fascinated and excited by the idea of being dominated.

Growing up, as my friends and I conquered new territories in relationships and sex, I

would listen to my girlfriends chatter excitedly about the thrill of having their hair pulled

by their boyfriends, and often wondered if I was somehow twisted for harbouring urges

that went far beyond a fistful of hair.

I cannot claim that identifying with both the feminist ideology and BDSM lifestyle has

been a completely easy process. I, much like several other fellow BDSM-friendly

feminists, feel the need to explain myself and my desires. It seems a given that as a

feminist you are not supposed to like being dominated by a man, not to mention have

them inflict pain on you, call you names and toss you around like a rag doll. Hence,

whenever talk turns to sex and feminism, people either call me out on what they see as

two conflicting things or politely try to hide their amazement. It seems that the following

ingenious mathematical equation buzzes through their brain whenever the topic comes

up: submissive in bed equals submissive in everything. No, no, NO! Or perhaps more

appropriately: red, red, RED goddamn it!

I wish I could blame this reasoning on Fifty Shades of Grey, where a virginal (no, sorry,

an actual virgin) wallflower of a girl discovers that, OMG, she’s into all sorts of kinky

shit, all of which perfectly complements her shy, submissive nature. Of course, I can’t

draw such hasty conclusions seen as Fifty Shades only happened a few years back,

and the prejudice against pro-BDSM feminists has been around for much longer than

that. Let’s return to my funeral for a moment. I am certain, 100% sure that no-one, not

a soul, would describe me as submissive or a shy wallflower (or virginal for that

matter). Why can’t I be just as independent, clever and driven even if I like being

spanked and tied up?

It is easy to pigeonhole a person based on practically anything they enjoy or don’t

enjoy; we don’t often spend a lot of time trying to understand things we find

unappealing. What people outside the BDSM lifestyle struggle to comprehend is how

different the in-the-bedroom me is from the person I am outside the bedroom. Even I

have been surprised by how dirty we can get between the covers without it filtering into

our everyday lives as a couple; we chat about normal stuff, we go to the cinema, we

exchange tender kisses – all the things you’d expect an average couple to do. My

partner respects me and I respect him. End of. The dominant/submissive play stays

within the confines of the bedroom, and I am just as fiercely goddess-like outside it as


I suppose what makes fellow-feminists wary is the violence and control wielded by a

man on a woman (naturally, this also occurs the other way around but in my situation I

am always the submissive one). What I’d like for people to realise is that this power

and dominance only exists in a single moment, in a role playing situation, and is not

‘real’. For me pain is an aphrodisiac and submitting my body under someone else’s will

a thrill. For someone who is not into such things, it can sound sinister and

condemnable. The perceived loss of power is an imagined one; we enter a fantasy

situation where I am free to envision myself completely helpless. However, in reality I

could stop the scene anytime I wished. You could even argue that I, the submissive,

hold the true power of the situation – imagined or not – in my hands. In my current

relationship I have been able to be completely honest about my desires, and have

never felt quite this liberated, accepted and EQUAL. That’s right, being able to ask for

what I specifically want (and there have been men who have been uncomfortable to

provide me with that), makes me feel like the power is in fact equally distributed.

Things aren’t being done to me, they are done for me.

I often also wonder if it all just boils down to the man vs. woman power struggle. With

me being bisexual and all, were I to kink out to this extent with another woman, would

it be seen as a similar issue? I can’t imagine anyone suggesting me being antithetical

to feminism then.

Ultimately, I don’t want anyone telling me what I am supposed to and not supposed to

enjoy as a feminist or as a woman. Those who condemn female subs from the get-go

offer a lopsided view on BDSM – how could they possibly appreciate the lifestyle if

they’re not in it themselves? I will never understand women who feel the need to

criticise other women based on their sexual preferences; I feel that it goes against the

very essence of feminism. I know that for me, looking from the inside out, I am no less

feminist or more submissive because of BDSM. So no, to answer my own question,

liking a good spanking every now and then does not make me a bad feminist. In fact, it

just means that I know what I like, am not afraid to ask for it and know where to get it.

And there is nothing sinister about that.

- Nora S

BDSM and Feminism

BDSM and Feminism: "Stop Telling Me What I'm Supposed To Like, D*mn It."

By Megan Carpentier

The first article by Jessica Wakeman that stuck in my head was about her reconciling

her feminism with being spanked. It didn't get the best reception, but I asked her to talk

more about reconciling feminism and BDSM.

You wrote a while back about coming to terms with being aroused by spanking and

being a feminist, and how you eventually reconciled the two. It was a piece that

garnered a lot of criticism... but also a lot of positive comments from women who

engage in that and other activities that fall loosely under the BDSM rubric and call

themselves feminists. Where do you think your critics misunderstood what you were

saying? How did you begin to view your place in the larger feminist community as a

result of that article and the responses.

Well, the background story is that around 2005 or so, I was engaging in a lot of light

BDSM play with my boyfriend at the time that had an extremely dominant personality.

I'd dabbled in spanking play with guys in the past, but this time, the relationship itself

had a dominant/ submissive aspect. I felt pretty ashamed and conflicted about that,

because I identify as a feminist and being dominated seemed like something I wasn't

supposed to like. So, I started Googling search terms like "dominant and submissive

relationships" and eventually found whole communities of women online who are in

what are called "domestic discipline" relationships (sometimes called "Christian

domestic discipline," too, but definitely not all of the people who practice DD are

Christians.) In DD relationships, there's a lot of spanking punishment in the

relationships, as well as spanking play during sex. A lot of women in DD relationships

write blogs and I found this so fascinating that I pitched an article about it for "Bitch"

magazine. I interviewed women in DD relationships who identified as feminists,

including women who were pursuing graduate degrees in women's studies, and their

self-assuredness and confidence really made me feel less insecure about my own

enjoyment of spanking. My article "Slap Happy" was published in Bitch in spring 2007,

I believe. About a year or two later, I felt comfortable writing about my own interest in

spanking play during sex for The Frisky.

I just assume spanking sex play will always be misunderstood by some people. I

especially think some feminists can be doctrinaire: "X is always bad for women,"

"women do this because of X," "men do this because of X." I read a lot of poohpoohing

online of sex acts depicted in movies or TV that are really arousing for me. For

example, when clips of Casey Affleck spanking Jessica Alba in "The Killer inside Me"

were released, some women were disgusted because his character is an abuser and a

murderer. I just thought, "This is only a movie and it's a really hot sex scene!"

When it comes to women and sexuality, there are a lot of nuances you can't ignore and

I think some feminists do so at their detriment. I wrote the spanking essay for The

Frisky partially to figure it out for myself, partially to let other women who felt the same

way know they were not alone, and partially to tell those other feminists, ‘Stop telling

me what I'm supposed to like, damn it.'

As for my place in the larger feminist community, I have been writing about feminist

issues for about eight years now: feminism and media criticism, feminism and sex,

feminism and politics, feminism and my personal life, and so on. The spanking essay

was just one piece of thousands I've written in my life (I've written over 2,200 posts for

The Frisky alone). I would never want to be pigeonholed as if writing about spanking or

BDSM is the only thing I have to contribute - it's not. It just happens to be the most

salacious. I would imagine Daphne Merkin, who wrote a piece for The New Yorker

about how she loves spanking sex play, probably feels the same way.

Why would you say that you had so much trouble reconciling your feminism with your

interest in being spanked? What about your early understanding of feminism made you

believe that seeking out something you found pleasurable was in so much conflict with


It was not necessarily the act of spanking that I found difficult to reconcile, it was

enjoying dominant relationships. I grew up seeing characters on TV and in movies

getting spanked in a playful and sexual way ("I Love Lucy," for example) and the act

itself didn't seem taboo so much as embarrassing. But wanted to be dominated by a

man? Now that was taboo for a feminist.

I knew intellectually that our feminist ancestors fought for us to be equals to our

partners. I felt embarrassed that my grandmothers or great-grandmothers did not have

the right to vote, keep a bank account in their own name, or own property, and may

have been literally forced to be a maid/chef/mommy for their men. Playing around with

domination and submission - being bossed around, being ordered to perform sex acts,

being spanking or restrained, being verbally talked down to - all seemed antithetical to

feminism by its basic definition. Around 2005, when I had my first dabbling’s in a

dominant/submissive relationship, I found myself always wondering, "Is it OK for me to

like this? How can I be a good feminist and still like a man taking charge outside the

bedroom? "

But again, it comes back to what happens in the bedroom and what happens in real

life. I can enjoy things in the context of sex or flirting that I don't want to happen in my

day-to-day life. Once I felt secure in that knowledge, several years later, I was able to

have a dominant/submissive relationship with a guy and it honestly resulted in some of

the most erotic, sexually satisfying experiences of my life. To quote from my piece on

The Frisky about it:

As part of our "play," I would ask him permission to do lots of things. I told him about all

the kinds of bras and panties in my drawers and each morning he'd tell me which ones

to wear, which I would send him in a photo. I would ask him how to dress each

morning. I would ask him if I could watch a movie or if I had to work on writing a

freelance article more. If I "disobeyed" him during this sexy-talk "play," he would tell me

over the phone or over IM how he would "punish" me.

But it was the sexual domination that was most amazing to me. Even though we

physically had not been intimate with each other yet because of his girlfriend, we had

phone sex with each other frequently where he'd verbally explain to me how he was

going to spank me. And much of our IM chats and emails were dirty talk about future

spanking "punishments" to come: He would promise I'd be spanked 10 times for this or

that infraction. He'd also tell me whether he was going to spank me with his hands or

with his paddle. And, of course, we would talk dirty at length about having intercourse.

Through all of this, he wanted me to call him "sir."

One common critique of women that engage in consensual BDSM play is that they are

acting out patriarchal fantasies, rather than engaging in acts that legitimately bring

them pleasure. Another is that women engage in such play because they are coerced,

or because they are "taught" that such things are sexy because they or their partners

saw it in porn. How would you respond to that?

Ugh, I hate this question.

Fact: Spanking play is a sexual fetish.

Fact: Fulfilling that fetish with men I trust legitimately gives me pleasure.

Fact: To that end, spanking play is no different from other fetishes like cross-dressing

or golden showers.

Yes, the fact spanking play involves being physically hit by your partner(s). I know as

well as anyone else about your culture's problem of violence against women. But I can

choose to put my trust in men and do things in the bedroom which would be

inappropriate in the outside world. The phrase people use in the BDSM world is "safe,

sane and consensual" and for me, spanking play is all of those things. The bedroom is

a special place to ask out fantasies, not to adhere to political correctness.

The argument that women who enjoy BDSM are "taught" they should be submissive in

bed is insulting to me as a feminist: I'm not a little girl who needs other people to tell

me what's best for me. I choose to trust the men I "play" with." I know what kind of

pornography and erotica turns me on. I know what kind of touch turns me on. I know

what kind of words and tone of voice turns me on. In fact, there's sort of a joke in

BDSM that submissives are actually the dominant ones because they have ultimate

control (like with a safe word). As far as spanking play goes, I've always been the ones

telling men to do this to me, to do it harder, to do it softer, and when to stop. I guess

you could argue that I've been brainwashed into being kinky, but that would be a


And this should be obvious but it's worth saying: a real physically or emotionally

abusive relationship is not "safe, sane and consensual."

You have said, on Twitter [and, I think in your writing, but please correct me] that you

have a long-term (male) partner. Would you characterise your relationship as pretty

equal, in and/or out of the bedroom? Do you feel that your interest in this play affects

the equality of your relationship outside (or inside) the bedroom?

Yes, I'm in a long term relationship with a male partner, who I hope will be my life

partner. Our relationship is really as egalitarian as we both know how to make it be in

every aspect of our lives. I don't know if this is because we don't have a dominant/

submissive relationship, but I'd like to think if I ever wanted to have that with him, we

would be still be equals. We split chores evenly, contribute evenly to the rent and

household expenses, etc. My sexual peccadilloes as far as spanking play are actually

a really small part of our relationship as a whole and I can't say they have any bearing

on our relationship.

Genies’s furry


Hello all and welcome!

I would like to talk to you about avatars other than humans in Second life. I am sure all

of you have run across avatars that are part Wolf, Fox, Rabbit, or any number of races.

First of all behind the avatar is a person just like you and myself. We all take a form in

Second life and for some its more of a choice of what you want and will end up as.

Now granted we are not all perfect examples of humanity or what you choose. But the

fun is that you can be that way. Just to point out many of us are here because we have

limitations in real life. For example my SL mate and husband can no longer walk. To

him it is where he can still walk and play out life that he can not do anymore.

Now what is a Furry? Well its more or less an avatar or a person in real life that

dresses up as an animal but its not full animal but a two legged kind. Thus you hear

the term “Arthro” Which means part human. Now people can consider the four legged

kind a furry but in most cases they are considered animals. So we will stick to the

Arthro kind for Furry’s. Now Furry people are again just like you and me. They come

to SL and become what they want. They play, explore and do all the things any human

does. More often than not you will run across a Neko (person with cat ears and tail)

They are also grouped into furry category. Granted they are much more human they

still have animal characteristics.

Now I believe everyone has some sort of animal they relate to. Much like Indian lore

we have what they call a totem or spirit animal. We all have some kind that we love or

have or even want to be like. Many love cats. Others its dogs, Each of us have one we

So lets assume you want to have a Furry avatar? Its not such a bad thing and Fury’s

are like everyone else. Consider each kind like a branch or race. Some do some do

not care. You have

decided on what kind you want to be Say you want to be a nice Cat. The choices can

surprise you at what is out there. The main avatar makers all have some kind of cat,

You can be a house cat to a cute lion or a neko and many in-between. If your

interested I can always point you to places where you can check out vendors and

make a choice.

Now Furry people are

also into BDSM!

Smiles and most gear

will work on them also.

From ropes to gags its

not hard to find what

you need. The SL

market place is a

wonderful thing. Say

your now a pet for

your master and he

wants you quiet? Yep

a muzzle can be had.

Vendors have plenty of

gear for furry avatars.

Trust me. Even a furry

can be covered in full

rubber gear if needed.

Remember if its just

being something

different or that cute

pet for your owner or

master. Furry avatars

are a nice change and

can be pretty and cute.

Genie is a former Kennel Mistress and Stable Mistress. Handling Pets and Pony girls

and boys.

Feminism or just

Humanism By Sir


Thrown to the floor

Feminism in BDSM is a

topic with as many view

points as the day is long and

I don’t think as a Male

Dominant I am best placed

to have too much of a say.

For me the notion of

freedom and equality in the

work place and with civil and

social rights without glass

ceilings and gender related

obstacles is a good thing

and certainly a cause I fully

support. For me personal

dynamics and sexual

preference are separate

things and have no bearing

on one another.

When I looked at this

subject it was clear the

controversy will continue

unabated so below I have

included a timeline history of

some of the tip of this

iceberg along with reference

material for you to delve

deeper should you desire.

In conclusion sitting across

from my submissive I am of

a mind to say that in this

century of opportunity and

resource the question of

gender capability, sexual

preference and culture

should long ago be as dead

as the burning underwear

that so ignited the question.

Ask not if feminism can exist

in BDSM but instead ask if

you want a world where

humanism is so fragmented

we are still asking the

question. My girl is a

feminist and she is my

slave. Live with it.

Here are some other views.


Feminist views on BDSM vary widely from rejection to acceptance. BDSM refers to

bondage and dominance, and Sado-Masochism. In order to evaluate its perception, two

polarising frameworks are compared. Some feminists, such as Andrea Dworkin and

Susan Griffin, have stated that they regard BDSM as a form of woman-hating violence,

while other feminists, such as Gayle Rubin and Patrick Califia, perceive BDSM as a valid

form of expression of female sexuality. Some lesbian feminists practice BDSM and

regard it as part of their sexual identity.

The historical relationship between feminists and BDSM practitioners has been

controversial. The two most extreme positions reflect those who believe that feminism

and BDSM are mutually exclusive beliefs, and those who believe that BDSM practices

are a fundamental expression of sexual freedom. Much of the controversy is left over

from the feminist sex wars (acrimonious debates over sex issues) and the battle between

the anti-pornography feminists and the pro-pornography feminists.



In the 1970s, many different divisions of the feminist movement emerged. As Andrew

McBride writes, "During the 1970s, much of the discourse in the feminist movement was

dominated by discussions of lesbian feminism. Toward the end of the decade, however,

the conversations within feminism began to focus on a new topic: sexuality. This included

sexuality of all types, not just lesbian sexuality. Included in the discussions and debates

were heterosexuality, pornography, sadomasochism, butch/femme roles, and sex work."

The Lavender Menace and their concept of the woman identified woman and the Women

Against Violence in Pornography and Media both came out strongly believing that

engaging in BDSM play was contradictory to being a feminist. Samois, a San Franciscobased

lesbian BDSM group, maintained that feminists could engage in BDSM without

being hypocritical.


During the 80s, this sex war continued and reached the attention of several academics

who attempted to dissect why such a division had occurred. Ardill and O'Sullivan

explained the history using the conflict in the London Lesbian and Gay Center as an

example.Similar conflicts were continuations of the issues in the 1970s. The Lesbian Sex

Mafia founded by Dorothy Allison appeared in New York advocating sex positive

feminism and promoting the idea that all women had the right to explore their sexuality in

whatever ways they saw fit.

The controversial 1982 Barnard Conference on Sexuality, which brought these issues to

the attention of academic feminists, is often regarded as officially launching the feminist

sex wars.


In the 1990s feminist scholars continued to research and apply different feminist

academic frameworks to the questions of sexuality and BDSM in an effort to find a way

to bridge the gap between the two groups. Hopkins, in 1994 applied critical analysis to

the feminist viewpoints against Sadomasochistic acts. She takes each argument put forth

against BDSM practice by women and answers it from within a feminist framework. In the

end, she points out that the issue is not as concrete as feminists may try and paint it and

that they may need to examine the concepts in more detail. In 1995, Teresa Hornsby

also applied feminist frameworks to the subject of BDSM and came down on the side

that the two were not contradictory. Hornsby went further to examine whether or not

violence itself was only a masculine activity.


After 2000, advances in technology were opening up the world to more people and

BDSM started coming out more and more in popular culture. Maneesha Deckha applied

a postcolonial feminist approach where she suggests treating BDSM as a cultural

practice as a means to put to rest the divide between feminists and BDSM practitioners.

She came to the conclusion as did those in the 90's that perhaps a more in depth look is

needed to determine if feminist viewpoints on BDSM hold up under closer scrutiny. In

addition, Deckha did some work on the concepts of consent and the legality of BDSM.

[11] Specifically addressing the question on whether or not women can give consent and

whether BDSM activities should be

egulated in the context of violence or the context of sexuality. One point she makes is if

legislation is made in the context of regulating it around sex then aren't we simply giving

the patriarchy further control over women's expression of sexual identity.

Current feminist viewpoints

Current feminist viewpoints on BDSM practices continue to be controversial and at odds

with one another. Some feminists view SM as an ideal feminist expression of sexual

freedom while other feminists say that BDSM, and more particularly SM, reinforce

patriarchy and that these practices are contradictory to feminism. Feminists who view

BDSM as contradictory to feminism also often believe that women who engage in BDSM

practices, and specifically those who play a submissive role in them, have been led by

sexist power structures to believe that they enjoy these acts. This feminist viewpoint

argues that the individuals who enjoy playing a submissive role in the bedroom only

enjoy it because they have been led to believe that it is what is expected of them and

that they should enjoy it. This viewpoint argues that if these individuals, particularly

women, were able to explore their sexual desires without the influence of a sexist power

structure that they would come to very different conclusions about what they enjoy.

Perspectives on lesbian BDSM

Lesbian SM (Sadism, Submission, Masochism) has been problematic in the analysis of

feminist viewpoints on BDSM, especially with regards to whether or not lesbians are

recreating patriarchal structures. Many academic critics do not even tackle the idea of

lesbian BDSM. Maneesha Deckha in her article, "Pain, pleasure, and consenting women:

Exploring feminist responses to S/M and its legal regulation in Canada through Jelinek's

The Piano Teacher admitted that covering lesbian BDSM made her theories too

convoluted to see. Such lesbian erasure has been fairly common in second and third

wave feminism as lesbian identity has frequently been subsumed in feminist identity. This

concept is explained by Calhoun in "The Gender Closet: Lesbian disappearance under

the sign 'woman'"Some, such as Deckha, believe that although lesbians do practice

BDSM, they are doing so in an effort to merely recreate the patriarchal power structure in

the rest of society.

Be it through domination and submission exchange of power, or the butch/femme

dynamic, lesbians who interact in this way are convincing themselves that they are

outside of patriarchy, when in reality they are reinforcing it because their sexuality is

trapped within the patriarchal structure, true consent cannot occur

Others, such as Hornsby, believe that lesbians can in fact practice BDSM without

recreating patriarchal systems because they have already declared themselves to be

outside of those systems

BDSM practitioners

Feminist writer Clarisse Thorn released a book in 2012 called The S&M Feminist, in

which she often discusses her own experiences. The high-profile feminist anthology

Yes Means Yes, published in 2008, also featured an essay about BDSM and feminism

by Stacey May Fowles.

Jessica Wakeman wrote of her own experience with SM activities in a follow-up

interview after her article First Time For Everything: Getting Spanked was published in

2009. At the time of the interview in October, 2010, Wakeman had been writing about

feminist issues, including feminism and media criticism, feminism and politics, and

feminism and sex for about eight years and considered herself to be a rather active


Wakeman discussed how she is able to enjoy spanking play and being dominated and

still be a feminist. She discussed how spanking play is a fetish and is no different from

other fetishes that individuals have, even though it does involve being hit by one's

partner. She also commented that it is important to remember that when an individual is

involved with BDSM play, such as spanking, if it is true BDSM play it has been

discussed by both partners and either of them can stop the play at any time with a safe

word. Furthermore, a real physically or emotionally abusive relationship is not safe and

consensual like BDSM play is. There is a difference between what happens in the

bedroom and what happens in real life. Wakeman wrote that she is able to enjoy things

in the context of sex or flirting that she wouldn't want to happen in her day-to-day life.

Like other feminist BDSM practitioners, Wakeman rejects the argument that women are

taught what they enjoy and led to be submissive by a dominant sexist power structure.

Within BDSM communities, it is often said that submissive practitioners are the real

dominants because they have the ultimate control over the situation with a safe word.


Griffen, Susan (1982). "Sadomasochism and the Erosion of Self:A Critical Reading of

Story of O" in Against Sadomasochism: A Radical Feminist Analysis. East Palo Alto.

Dworkin, Andrew (1974). Woman Hating. New York.

Friedman, Jaclyn (2008). Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World

without Rape. Seattle: Seal Press. ISBN 1-58005-257-6.

Sana Loue; Martha Sajatovic; Keith B. Armitage (2004). Encyclopedia of Women's

Health. p. 363.

McBride, Andrew. "Lesbian History: The Sex Wars". Retrieved 06/04/2012. Check date

values in: |access-date= (help)

Ardill, S; O'Sullivan, S (2005). "Upsetting an applecart: Difference, desire and lesbian

sadomasochism". Feminist Review. 80: 98126. doi:10.1057/palgrave.fr.9400223.

Wilson, Elizabeth (1983-01-01). "The Context of 'Between Pleasure and Danger': The

Barnard Conference on Sexuality". Feminist Review (13): 3541. doi:10.2307/1394680.

Hopkins, P.D. (1994). "Rethinking sadomasochism: Feminism, interpretation and

simulation". Hypatia. 9 (1): 116. doi:10.1111/j.1527-2001.1994.tb00112.x.

Hornsby, Teresa (1999). "Gender role reversal and the violated lesbian body: Toward a

feminist hermeneutic of lesbian sadomasochism". Journal of Lesbian Studies. 3 (3):

6172. doi:10.1300/j155v03n03_06.

Deckha, Maneesha (2011). "Pain as culture: A postcolonial feminist approach to S/M

and womens agency.". Sexualities. 14 (2). doi:10.1177/1363460711399032.

Deckha, Maneesha (2007). "Pain, pleasure, and consenting women: Exploring feminist

responses to S/m and its legal regulation in Canada through Jelinek's The Piano

Teacher.". Harvard Journal of Law & Gender. 30 (2): 425459.

Deckha, Maneesha (2011). "Pain as a Culture: A Postcolonial Feminist Approach to S/

M and Women's Agency". Sexualities. 14 (129). doi:10.1177/1363460711399032.

Deckha, M. (2007). "Pain, pleasure, and consenting women: Exploring feminist

responses to S/m and its legal regulation in Canada through Jelinek's the piano

teacher". Harvard Journal of Law & Gender. 2. 30: 425459. Check date values in: |

access-date= (help);

Calhoun, C (1995). "gender closet: Lesbian disappearance under the sign `women'".

Feminist Studies. 1. 21 (7).

Deckha, Maneesha (2011). "Pain as culture: A postcolonial feminist approach to S/M

and womens agency". Sexualities. 2. 14: 129150. doi:10.1177/1363460711399032.

Hornsby, Teresa (1999). "Gender role reversal and the violated lesbian body: Toward a

feminist hermeneutic of lesbian sadomasochism". Journal of Lesbian Studies. 3. 3:

6172. doi:10.1300/j155v03n03_06.

Clarisse Thorn. The S&M Feminist. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform,

2012. ISBN 978-1477472040. (Essays on BDSM, gender and culture)

Carpentier, Megan. "BDSM And Feminism: "Stop Telling Me What Im Supposed To

Like, D*mn It."". Jezebel. Retrieved 24 May 2012.


by A.Sands

Our Introduction to second life fashion

& D/s photography.




Everything started at the

last edition of the kinky

event. As I have already

told you, I like to visit fairs

to get a global idea of what

is going on in SL and to find

anything that could get my

attention with enough

strength as to bring it to

these pages. It is true the

last edition was more or

less the same than others

and I could not really feel its

visit was a must, but even

though that, I got to find

something really interesting

like this skirt from I

I had to wait sitting near his desk that he finished or decided what to do or not. In the

meantime, I could tell him I had gotten the new skirt. Sometimes at this point, he tests

me, speaking about what he could or not do, like exploring my aims for something or

another or if pushing me towards something could be a good or a bad idea. That day, as I

had been thought would happen; a sound I had listened other times reached my ears and

my skin. "Slap". The sharp echo of skin upon skin reverberated through the room.

*SK* Esmeralda WHITE SHEER Top Maitreya - Sweet Kajira




ED. Diego Shirt & Vest M


...Scars... Slim Fit Suit Bottom

[ hoorenbeek ] Mesh Allen Shoes

- Black - w/Foot

Kinky Kitchen

Monthly recipe section by

the talented Sir Cheflew,

with theme driven, topical

writing on health issues.

Continuing on about evolution of D/s in SL. Recently a close friend stated that D/s in SL

seems to be driven totally into just the sensual sexual side of it. On this part I had to

boldly disagree and say that if that was true then there would be no need for anything but

beds. It was a heated debate and to which I did win out for now.

One thing I have noticed at some sim's is the quiet and I mean the ever so quiet lurker in

corners or chairs viewing the going on around the sim. A lot can be learned from

watching the interactions and listening to the voices or reading the text. Descriptive

language appeals to the reader's five senses: taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing.

When used correctly, descriptive words can help the writer entertain, persuade, inform,

and educate. Hopefully my recipes do that.

In SL there are a few places that help with RP and provide the tools and in some cases

some coaching if you ask in RP.

Creamy's: the innovation.......Exclusive D/s, BDSM, Role

play and Education Island. Membership grants full

access to the island. Events are open to A/all. Well over

a dozen different areas to conduct really great RP and

uses of equipment there. Coming and exploring gets

your mind in a whirlwind of ideas that can cultivate into

several sessions. There is plenty of events for meeting in

the lounge and a few discussions that can hold your

interest. Questions is what is it you wish to do and I am

sure you can find it here if you explore.

Each of us hopefully take a great deal of pride in

protecting of Avi, its well being and how its viewed. Would

love to read your RP stories from sim's you visit. Please

send to magazine or even to me directly.

Recently I visited a restaurant that did something I had not expected with a beef burger.

Very tasty and I did inquire and the chef was more than happy to share the recipe. Its a

bit different than the traditional and will sure to please. As this is summer with outdoor

grilling and picnics this would be a nice surprise to everyones taste buds.

This recipe is for 4 - 5

1 1/4 pound of ground beef (I use lean as i can find or buffalo)

1/2 pound or 8 ounces of Bok Choy (trust me it makes a big difference) - Wash well and

then cut off root side and discard, The Thinly slice the Bok Choy across the leaves.

4 -5 gloves of Garlic - Minced (I like my garlic a bit larger than minced)

2- 3 Green onions (Scallions) Cut off root and discard then cut white part off and dice, set

aside and then chop green top and set aside.

1/2 ounce of Dried Shiitake Mushroom (I used fresh whenever i can find) - Soak Shiitake

in cup of hot water about 10 min then drain and pat dry with cloth then dice. set aside

2 Tablespoons Hoisin Sauce (If you want the recipe for that IM me) Normally in special

items part of store.

1 Tablespoon 1 teaspoon of Sweet White Miso sauce and mis with 1/4 cup and 1

Tablespoon Mayonnaise set aside

Olive oil

Your favourite type of buns

Looks over list, think that everything now time to get cooking.

In a large bowl mix the following together; mushrooms, ground meat, garlic, white part of

the scallions, hoisin sauce and salt and pepper to taste. Gently mix to combine all

ingredients using your hands. Form your into your 4 to 5 burgers which should end up

about 1/2 inch think. Cost the grill or pan with olive oil and cook the burgers to your

desired degree of doneness (2-4 minutes each side Once done set on plate to side.

Now add a bit more olive oil to pan/grill then place buns to toast till brown.

Different bowl place the Bok CHoy and Green part of onion (you can leave it out if you

think thats too much onion) then drizzle with olive oil and season with salt and pepper to

liking and mix lightly, Can be made ahead of time.

Ok so lets build our burger; spread the Miso mayonnaise on bun bottom then the

cooked burger, then the Bok Choy on top of burger and then crown with bun tops. Serve

with your favourite side dish and cold drink.

& Feelings

By Blissful Telling

Dear Readers,

This month sees a brand new section written by the amazing Blissful

Telling, she shares some intimate and telling journals that she has written

over the course of being owned.

If something in particular chimes with you or you would like to reply to

one of her writings,

Comment and have a reply or comment published,

Bliss responds back to all those that write to her,

drop a note card into the mailbox at the SL magazine office.

Bliss will always reply…..beware though!

Don’t ask if you don’t want honesty!

Flame x

My Dear Master,

Hurt is a difficult emotion for me to process, the easiest thing for me is to want to run,

to find a space to sort through the internal mess and chaos, to Start crying and

mumbling. This is what I usually FEEL like doing, when confronted with a situation I

can't immediately process.

Anger usually makes me feel very 'put upon' and having one more person ask me for

one more thing is more than likely going to push me

right over the edge. Usually, if it's not the dominant

causing the anger, I rarely feel the need to explode all

over a Dominant I usually retreat to avoid saying or

doing the wrong thing…I shut down and I can't


So, having said all that, what's truly healthy?

Talking. Communicating. It is not an easy path for me

when chaos reigns, trying to piece together the sense

of things, and it is rarely an issue with the

administration or the dynamic but a reflection of my

inability to speak without emotion In a measured

submissive way.

If i do not feel up to communicating in the manner in

which our relationship demands, then I should have

asked for a time out until i do feel ready, it was a

mistake on my part for not doing that and I apologise,

you have given me permission to ask, my loss of

control seemed to have other ideas.

Cleansing breaths and trying to explain myself without hysterics was beyond me,

coming off a post coital high even worse.

I should have given you the opportunity to understand and I am sorry I did not do that


D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust and I know that is

the basis of ours. If you can't trust your dominant enough to be able to share your

anger and frustration with him, maybe you're in the wrong relationship in the first place,

I knew that before, I know better now, I just need to adjust to the new administration.

Looking at the other side of this - when I am angry, and it's my dominant that I am

angry with. I am not sure I was angry with you, more at the impotency I feel around

that whole situation.

First of all, it's okay and I am learning that you allow my feelings all of them, good, bad

and ugly.

I should never be afraid to share my innermost, deepest feelings with you. I know I am

still learning how you manage me , these feelings are not always going to be gushing

with joy and causing sexual stirrings with each other. Sometimes, they're down in the

gutter of human emotions. Those need to come out, too. Having the freedom to

express myself sexually means i also have to take responsibility for the rest of my


I want to apologise and reassure that I heard your words and that I heard the direction

not to ignore you again, I feel bad that I did and ashamed that I could not find the

fortitude to ask for the space I needed in a more adult way, so I apologise for my


I love you, and hope my speaking freely in this medium is helpful, thank you for

allowing me the space to get it out on the pages.

Thank you, my Master x

Shivers down my spine…

Copyright © 2013 Flame Jie

This article may not be reprinted without the author's written permission.

~ Tied

She stands in the middle of the room a shiver running through her slender body, brown

eyes lowered not daring to look at him the soft tendrils of her red hair clinging to the

curves of her cheeks. She is dressed for him to his explicit instructions the white tube

dress barely clinging to the swell of her breasts the simple white bra and thong also his


"turn" he demands the strength of the man obvious in his tone.

She does as she is told raising her arms to cradle them behind her head she has

assumed this position for him many times, her mind fogs briefly with the bitter sweet

memories. As she turns she sees the horse built by his own hand to fit her perfectly the

leather straps hanging idle for now, she comes about facing him once more the rosy hue

of her nipples peeking from the tube dress, he approaches her his hands run

possessively over her body, she trembles at his touch, her nipples stiffen and strain, the

apex of her thighs already dampening.

“Remove your clothes” she slowly slides the dress from her body, reaches around and

unhooks the bra and removes the already damp panties, she stands naked before him,

he nods seemingly satisfied and motions to the horse, she moves to it her steps hesitant,

she has no choice she is a slave to him and the desires he elicits in her body. She leans

over the hard wood her naked belly pressed to its apex, she stretches down her hair

cascading forward to hide her face, she wriggles into position her ass high her body

almost painfully elongated across the horse, she hears him behind her, he traces the

swell of her ass running a calloused finger the length of her thigh before squatting to fix

her ankles into the leather straps, he moves to the front and fixes her wrists tightly she

cannot struggle much he likes her held tight, fixed in place the only movement allowed

the sweet bounce of her ass. He gathers her hair and ties it tightly in a band, she should

have known he would, she is not allowed any place to hide, every emotion his and her

body is his, she will cry she knows she will and he will want to see each tear as it runs

down her face.

He steps away the rustle of his movements heightening the experience, she cannot see

him, only guesses that his hands are at last reaching for the leather crop. He leans in

and whispers his desires in her ear the crop tracing a pattern over her ass, he lifts it, she

misses the touch of the leather almost bereft as it leaves her skin. without warning he

brings it down on her ass with a sharp crack, the first only the first sweet taste of the pain

her skin heats the slow burn giving way to the sting before she can catch her breath he

lands another, then another he starts the slow rhythm he loves, each globe of her ass

reddening with each slap of the crop he does not stop, the vibrations tremble across her

clit she moans softly, her body jerking hard against

the wood as he hits her, her ass trembling the pale

skin reddening with each slap of the crop, he

lowers his aim peppering the back of her thighs, his

hand heavier, tears spring to her eyes, breath

ragged her breasts bounce and slap against the

wood, she whispers his name as if a plea, but what

for? For harder, to stop?... she cries out as the next

slap hits her body jerking against the horse, he

moves higher the crop landing against her cunt she

cries out not able to catch her breath before the

next slap hits, the burn barely fading to the sting

before he hits her again. She starts to cry softly,

she hears him laugh, he is pleased with her tears

the ultimate gift for his practiced hand. Her body


her cunt



Submit your stories and earn L$.

Drop a NC in at the SL office to

show your interest.


arcs in

her body

the waves of pleasure bathed in the pain, she

struggles wildly on the wood unable to move.

He cracks the crop against her cunt and ass

until her vision fogs, eyes distant her only

conscious thoughts of him and the leather

against her skin, her wetness slides down her inner thighs her body coiled desire and

pain, her tears run freely the moans now soft whimpers as she bounces against the

horse. He stays his hand her skin a fire of pain, the sting of the crop sliding from ass to

cunt to thigh.

She hears his zip lower her reaction has bought him to the edge of his endurance, his

lust for her needs to be sated. His fingers roughly find her dripping centre her cups the

juice with his fingers, sliding them up he wets her ass, sliding her own lubricant over her

other hole, he presses a finger inside her checking how ready she is, she jerks forward

as he invades her ass, his hard cock soon follows he presses the head to the tight

crevice, his hips thrusting forward, with his slut still fixed firmly to the horse he fills her

ass his cock stretching her, demanding entry he fucks her hard with as little mercy as he

showed with the crop his cock pumping in and out, his hand smacks down as he rides

her, his balls slapping against her cunt, she screams her body rolling with desire the pain

sending her over, she cums hard her body boneless each wave traveling, her ass

twitches around his cock he slaps her again her orgasm peaks her body trembling

violently against his, he grunts and spills his seed into her ass, filling her, claiming her,

his head thrown back as he enjoys all she has to give her body twitching and trembling

around his. He slowly slides out the sweet ache in his balls a sign he filled her well, he

admires his handy work, the stripes testament to his skill her pale ass and thighs made

all the more beautiful for the marks, his marks. He tucks his cock back into his pants,

zips up and squats, he carefully releases her from the horse, she is limp, his strength

holds her, his hands keep her safe, she is not allowed to fall, he releases the final strap,

with easy strength he picks her up cradling her lovingly to his chest the soft breaths even

her whimpers quietening now he is close. He carries her to the bed and sets her down,

removing his own clothes her tucks her against the hard planes of his body, he kisses

her lovingly very pleased with his girl, she smiles at him and drifts one last whisper on

her lips as he holds her.

“thank you My Master, I love you” she slides into sleep his arms holding her close, the

pain ebbing.

Simply online….

The Dominant Female...

It is a difficult subject. What I can express with clarity is that in the scope of my life I have

met no man I could not solve and in most cases step around and beyond. I am not

certain what created this force within me, though I know that my husband tempered it. I

do believe that the potentials of the High End Dominant/submissive originate within the

DNA. Those that seem to carry the traits the strongest appear to descend from families

of historical dominance. I believe that most women are naturally 'commanders' of their

realm. Generally this is perceived to be their homes, children, families. They are the

organisers, propellers, shelterers, comforters. They are the creators of life. They are the

glue that holds the world together.

Within this, other things are also true. The majority of women carry a submissive strain

split that allows them to tolerate the 'dominant' man. And, most women emerge from

conditional training toward how to 'submit' to men. The result is a confusion of instinct,

social training, and angst. Emerging from this are a tiny number of women that stand up

to openly reveal themselves. They are the antithesis of the bitchy, arrogant, self-serving

female. This is the woman that comes to believe that the elements that are instinctively

natural to her, enhance, improve and stabilise the world around her. If I follow my natural

self it is to direct, inspire, control and insist on actions from those around me. Sometimes

this is a subtle thing, other times it is exceedingly overt.

When I was young I struggled greatly with this, for I felt there was a de-feminising quality

to it. Until I realised that the judgment or the critique was the viewpoint of others. To

equate strength in a woman to masculinity is the cruelest of all. For what emerges from

within me is the heart of my womanhood. This judgment is the final effort to control the

uncontrollable dominant female through words of shame. There came a moment when I

sundered the barriers and boundaries binding me. When I ceased viewing my own

strength as anything but the purity within me. At that moment my laughter returned, my

joy of life, my exuberance in the wonders surrounding me. In essence I gave myself

permission to be free.

The true dominant is the ultimate giver. Within me I know the power to elicit the deepest

glorious responses from another human. I give to them the total freedom to be

themselves. Giving this engages my whole essence. To find a mate whose natural

response is true, who has a clarity of self to desire and glory in being totally loved, taken,

cared for, chastened, prodded, held, is a priceless deeply sought honour. Even as the

women have been conditioned to respond against themselves, so too have the men

been conditioned that they must stand above a woman or not be a man.

It is possible that I could make a reasonable life with a non-submissive man, but only if I

withdrew core pieces of my soul. It is less possible that I could do even this much with a

man that diminished the female, it is likely that I would learn him then try to take him

apart. That would be devastation. The only possibility of true happiness is with a special

man that believes within his very soul that he could give himself wholly to the right


To me, I find my greatest contentment in showering those I love with attention. I am

tactile, visually and mentally triggered. With children this manifests as the mother

presence. With a man it manifests as total domination of his world. I love to play, taste,

touch, feel every part of a man. I love men. The way they look, smell, move. I love their

physical mass. I like to challenge their mind and body to perform in ways they have

never known and cannot achieve alone, for this is an intertwined inseparable bond. One

of total trust, ultimate love, and true freedom.

Written by Miss Payne

Is it real or fantasy?

Walking into the Sun it burning the morning haze from the misty air as vendors hustle

and bustle to get their fruits, vegetables meats and other items to sell set up in the


The cobble stone roads still wet from the morning mist as footsteps could be heard

echoing in the streets as the sleepy town slowly awakes. Strolling to a local favourite

espresso bar where one can smell the dampness fade into fresh flowers and coffee.

Rounding the corner of the Market. Stopping to pick up

a carnation and smell the sweet scent. Pausing before

and tossing a coin to girl running the shop noticing a

lightly tanned slender body, pure heat is caused inside

at its beauty. Eyes following slender legs to mini skirt

then slowly up noticing full blossoming breast. Forcing

gaze to look towards emerald green eyes that smile,

saying good morning without word.

The sounds of the market ringing in ears fading to

heated lust as the flower is paid for, touching soft warm

hands that send a warm heat. No words are spoke as the snap of the long stem is heard

and tossed to waste can and warm soft hands put in pocket with warm loving care.

Head dizzy, as looking for chair in espresso bar that the chairs are still missing. Walk

slowly to espresso bar scanning for a quiet spot stand and enjoy the morning nectar.

Looking towards the end of bar noticing a slim figure of the flower girl standing towards

corner sipping her cappuccino and walk close over standing near a wonderful full smell

of flowers and coffee.

Without asking the owner hands espresso with a smile and waits till I look up and nods

head to girl with half grin half smile. Placing a larger bill then needed and slide to owner

with a slight grin and wonder if owner lost mind over hear beauty or of the fragrance

taken in by the noise and fragrance turning facing towards the busy activities.

Feeling a heat inside with that matches the excitement that is all around as local people

start to wander in. Body leaned into mine, heating my side as the flower girl seems to

snuggle tight against. Controlling the shivers of heat tugging at my body pushing towards

that heat, wanting more than were met with Flower girl remaining. Noticing that both are

looking and feeling the same enjoyment, I let hand fall

to the well curved back of the flower girl. Watching

the eyes widen then smile with lips parting to show

the pleasure of feeling. Caressing the warmth of back

slowly to the bottom cheeks feeling a shiver under

fingers. Notice of birds flying happy in air racing

around the stands and poles massaging flower girl’s

cheeks soft but firm.

Still no words spoken as hand slips under skirt to feel the warmth of skin and bottom

cheeks seem to push into hand. Feeling lace panties sending shocks of excitement as

men women walk by not noticing not that it was cared at this point. Notice lips parted

and eyes shining begging for more as hand slips under the lace moving to the front

touching the patch of hair. Flower girl shifts allowing more space for access to the wet

sex as rubbing and tapping with finger ensures pleasure.

Feeling the tremble of flower girls body as finger press firmly to sex and the honey of

wetness coats hand. Holding hand till the tremble stops then slowly removing turning to

set espresso cup down. Taking card from pocket smelling the scent of flowers so close to


Handing the card with the address that had a time and place, handing it to flower girl that

takes it and simply plants a kiss on face cheek. Watching as Flower girl walks shaking

bake to flower display made earlier. Smiling walking the Market feeling eyes on me from

flower shop smelling carnation and flower girls sent on my hand.

Admiring how orchestrated the Market is and wonders that are hidden like gems in any

corner. Sun fully bright now as smile and heat is less but still ever present walking

through shops and streets.

Taking deep inhales of carnation to keep mind in a ever present fog of controlled heat.

Mind think of things that could be or would be thinking is it real or was it fantasy.

Is it real or fantasy?

Written by Sir Cheflew

Lyrical Passions….

A darker love

by Anthony Smith

Tie her down and strike her

once, twice, thrice.

The pain is not her own,

leave her defenceless.

She gave up her freedom

when she stepped through the door,

So quick she was to lie on the bed,

yet the situation, she misread.

She struggles and moans

through a washing of crimson tears,

Yet would her release be allowed,

she would not go, it is not her wish.

In life she had sinned

and sealed her fate,

For eternity she shall remain,

as for her, it is too late.

inside our hearts forever.

Sounds I make because of you

By Lisa Ann

How you enter me.

Making me let out only a gasp.

The way you pace into me.

Making me moan.

When you pause.

Making me whimper

for more.

VIP section!

This section will introduce

you to some of the

wonderful places you can

visit and enjoy in second

life. Also some of the

educational groups you can

join for quality lifestyle and

community information

Liberty & Restraint is one of the most iconic magazines in Second Life. This ultra-modern,

quality finished magazine has various space from which you can launch your product,

service or VIP venue.

You're doing the hard work - building your product. Let us help you get your product out


Liberty & Restraint Magazine prides itself on offering an 11k plus audience for you to

promote your business, sim or product too.

Grab the opportunity to reserve space, using our new digital magazine, advertising

boards, face book page, website, podcast or blog.

Not forgetting the hot hot hot monthly magazine!

What's most important, this is a not for profit project which has a great service, so you

can be sure you will receive the best VIP treatment.

Our marketing platform has free of charge packages (conditions apply).

Visit the office or contact Sir Arithon (Arithon68) or Flame Jie, for full details.





====== Welcome to R.I.S.K. ======



Snoodle or Ӎęţʐţɭį Ŗęђŋʠųįşţ (metztli.witherspoon)

RISK is a mature minded BDSM establishment open to all who may be curious or

involved in exploring D/s, M/s, Femdom, Dominant or Submissive singles seeking like

minded individuals. Offering informative BDSM discussions, music events, games and a

casual gathering locale. Our focus is to provide a safe engaging lifestyle environment in

acceptance of all styles or dynamics. General hangout for meet and greet so come over to

RISK and see where it takes you.

RISK is the acronym for Respectful, Intelligent, Sensual, kink.

Are you curious or involved in exploring D/s, M/s, Femdom, Kink and singles who seek

company with like minded individuals?. If yes, then this is the venue for you!

This venue has a strict "NO BS, NO DRAMA" policy. We welcome visitors who practice

and demonstrate common sense, courtesy and respect.

We offer informative intelligent discussions related to the BDSM lifestyle. Also offering DJ

Events with inside and outside club area's, erotic readings, several relaxed hangout

area's, plenty of games and a naughty box filled with all your favourite BDSM toys to

explore with whom ever you wish.

Treat everyone with respect and use common sense then you shall enjoy your time here

at RISK and become a valued member, guest or visitor!

We of R.I.S.K. Management hope you always enjoy your time here and hope you have a

great day.





Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/62265762@N03/


Email: msilverwolf@hotmail.com

In-World: mSilverwolf Resident or alexxianna resident

Imagine all the tales of old you grew up loving.

King Arthur, The Knights of the Round Table, Avalon, Sherwood Forest & Robin Hood.

Add to that the element of fantasy. The Sidhe, Elves, Demons, Angels, Mermaids,

Vampires, Werewolves, Dragons & More......

Oh what a land this is, Beautiful & Terrible. Blessed & Cursed. So many stories have

made it, so many more will shape what it will become.

The Highland Crescent Watch is looking for warm, compassionate people to join our

growing family.

Looking for a home?

Help learning Immortals?

Fun and high quality RP?

Visit the sim or the website for details


Personality more important than experience.


Refuge of Lost Wanderer's

Home to Highland Crescent



A showcase of retail

outlets across the grid

where you will find quality

pose makers, mesh

clothing and much much


Reach a potential

audience of 11k across our

magazine, facebook, blog

and website!

If you would like to

advertise in this high

quality section, please

drop a notecard at the in

world magazine office or


Flame Jie or Sir Arithon.



Let’s have some truth!!

Tell us what you Like!

Tell us what you don’t like!

If you disagree with comments or articles?

let us know your views!!!

Drop a NC into the office

or Contact Flame or Sir Arithon.

Useful Links

like the web? Follow these crumbs for fun and






ACES Group Joiner URL (copy & paste into local chat then click from chat history to




ACES Blog:



ACES Google calendar:



ACES in FetLife:



ACES Youtube channel:



D/s Discussions Group;

Link to the group: secondlife:///app/group/c938f093-2dcb-dfd5-26c9-44db5ea70985/


Have a link you want to share, drop a NC in at the

magazine office!


Editor’s Picks

Nothing is more

evocative or inspiring to

me than art. I often find

one of the most

satisfying parts of editing

this magazine is finding

the art that brings life to

the heartbeat of the


Join me as i present

some of the most

wonderful imagery

available, from the most

sensual of minds.

Amazing art by a myriad of talent.

Coming up…



August Magazine Topic!!

Nature vs Nurture.

Deeds or DNA?

Dynamic or Dramatics?

Lets discuss the paradox

that is equal inequality.

New Magazine Podcast.

Varied topics and guest

speakers. Unique way to

educate and learn. Visit

the venue to hear it

stream or download from

next month in our



Thrown to the floor

Articles by Sir Arithon,

delivered in his unique

Dominant style.


Another look into the D/s

world of fashion with



Editor’s Picks

A trip into the naughty

mind of flame and her

choice of erotic art.

VIP Venue’s

Information and

advertisement for venues

and Shops online

Simply Online

Specific content for those

of the lifestyle who only

practice in Second life or

other online platforms.

Produced by

Flame Jie, Editor in Chief

& Sir Arithon, Associate Editor

The content on the magazine and its website are made available on the terms

and condition that the publisher, editors, contributors and related parties:

• shall have no responsibility for any action or omission by any other

contributor, consultant, editor or related party

• disclaim any and all liability and responsibility to any person or party, be they a

purchaser, reader, advertiser or consumer of this publication or not in regards

to the consequences and outcomes of anything done or omitted being in

reliance whether partly or solely on the contents of this publication ands

related website and products.

• are not responsible in any way for the actions or results taken any person,

organisation or any party on basis of reading information, or contributions in

this publication, website or related product.

To contribute to the


Contact Flame


Sir Arithon.

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